Saturday evening links of Spring

by | Mar 14, 2020 | Daily Links | 448 comments

Think I’ll bake some bread.

 

The last hard freeze is over. We’ll have a few cold days but the winter that wasn’t is rapidly coming into the rear view mirror. In the front window, however, are the links!

 

Hey, ghost of Marion Barry, hold my beer.

 

Have I mentioned that I’m tired of coronavirus?

What was that? Drugs just fell out of my ass?

 

Somebodies got some ‘splainin’ to do.

 

The kid probably stole his toilet paper supply to resell on the black market.

 

Can we get a SMOD over here?

 

A little Georgia Satellites tonight.

About The Author

Spudalicious

Spudalicious

Survey says I’m a Paleolibertarian bitches. That means I eat “L”ibertarians for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Soave tastes a little fruity. Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound quite right…

448 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    Bread fail. Oven too hot, bread now black.

    • Nephilium

      Sorry to hear that. Home bread baking is why I really don’t grasp why there’s a run at the grocery store for bread. As we move into spring, I’m thinking about starting up a new sourdough starter.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Where do you obtain your sourdough starter from?

      • Nephilium

        Make my own at home. If I really want to kickstart it, I’ve got a large amount of home brewed sour ales, and figure it’s alive in the air.

    • UnCivilServant

      Alfred the Great also burned bread. Actually it was pancakes.

    • DEG

      Sorry.

    • Old Man With Candy

      RACIST.

    • one true athena

      Bummer. That’s why I don’t even bother with this oven, until I can get the thermostat fixed. (yes I laughed typing that) It’s so random. If it were consistently fifty degrees hotter than the display thinks it is, I could work with that, but it’s not. Way down on the list of priorities right now though

      Or would be, if making bread wasn’t something I could do during the shut down. Maybe I’ll try and just keep a close eye on the thermometer inside.

    • westernsloper

      I have read about bread making in wood fired ovens. Bake after the fire dies off. Did you rush it?

    • Spudalicious

      No big deal. I had the oven at 450 but the radiant hit was still too much. I rotated at eight minutes but that was too late. Next batch, I’ll go cooler on the fire and rotate more often. I have the same problem with my pizzas. It’s a learning curve thing. The ends that weren’t burned were just right.

  2. Fatty Bolger

    Zimbabwe: Oops.

    • DEG

      Countdown until those farmers lose land again?

      • Fatty Bolger

        Yep. That’s why this won’t have the full effect they want, at least not quickly. Who’s going to put in the effort to rehabilitate the farms, when they could just be taken away again?

      • Tulip

        Am I the only one that wants to rub Bloomberg’s face in this?

  3. MikeS

    Hyperbole should be happy you didn’t play Keep Your Hands to Yourself. I won’t either.

    • invisible finger

      I was going to suggest Tom Petty “you’re gonna get it”

    • The Hyperbole

      Dan Baird is one of those very rare artists who’s music gets better as they get older. None of that he sucked after his first four albums shit.

  4. Hudson

    Just a bit north of spud we get 50 mph gusts, a 4 more inches of snow, and I’ve been without power for about 16 hours.

    *waves at slammer*

    Welcome to North Idaho.

    • Plinker762

      Sledding tomorrow is looking pretty good.

    • Plinker762

      Also, perfect timing for Slammer moving to CDA

      • Hudson

        Right, just in time for forest fire season!

  5. dbleagle

    It is only noon. I think the links are early.

    The Wuhan Flu is beginning to cause some panic among the tourist industry here. On a normal day, much least peak periods, there are ~15K Chinese tourists and about as many Japanese. (Not all of which are getting married, it only looks that way.) Waikiki and the outer islands have started laying workers off.

    Lots of open rooms can make for great deals. Just saying. I know the last old style Tiki bar and it is minutes from the airport.

    • Nephilium

      Frankie’s is no where near Hawaii!

      • dbleagle

        That doesn’t surprise me since Las Vegas is known as “The 9th Island” in these parts.

      • Nephilium

        I’ve got two of their mugs in my basement. The Bearded Clam and the Tiki Bandit.

        It took me several months before realizing the girl on the Bearded Clam glass had four arms…

    • one true athena

      We had to cancel our Maui trip with the kiddo sick. So we certainly didn’t help that.

      I saw LAX-HON flights at 159 oneway which I haven’t seen for… a really long time.

    • Tulip

      Hmm

  6. hayeksplosives

    That Dead Sea Scrolls article is interesting.

    There was a travelling exhibit that came through Minneapolis on the Dead Sea Scrolls. It was mostly history, secondary artifacts, reproductions, and then the tiniest fragment of an actual scroll. The docent explained that actual pieces are so rare and so valuable, it is rare to see the real thing on display.

    I wonder how many forgeries are floating around out there?

    I now doubt all “experts.”

    • Hyperion

      *dusts off Eric Von Danken books I purchased when 12*

      What, people fake stuff for attention? Or, you know, fortune or fame, or to prove they’re right about their beliefs? I don’t believe it!

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      My favorite quote from Name of the Rose: “I have seen many other fragments of the cross, in other churches. If all were genuine, our Lord’s torment could not have been on a couple of planks nailed together, but on an entire forest.”

  7. MikeS

    Spud; is the front page pic your yard? That willow(?) is gorgeous.

    • Spudalicious

      That’s the back corner of the yard. It will be bright green in a month.

  8. DEG

    The song is good.

    The man who overdosed on crystal meth in a Florida hotel room with Gillum, a Democrat who made an unsuccessful bid for Florida governor, was an openly gay male escort with a profile on the website RentMen.com, Florida’s Local10 reported Friday.

    You’re supposed to keep that on the down low.

    El Mundo reports Spain’s interior ministry will control all police forces, including local and regional ones, as part of the state of emergency.

    Even in Catalonia?

    But now, the Washington, D.C. museum has confirmed a bitter truth about the fragments’ authenticity. On Friday, independent researchers funded by the Museum of the Bible announced that all 16 of the museum’s Dead Sea Scroll fragments are modern forgeries that duped outside collectors, the museum’s founder, and some of the world’s leading biblical scholars. Officials unveiled the findings at an academic conference hosted by the museum.

    Whoops.

    The nephew of the late Nelson Mandela – who happens to be a South African king – was arrested after allegedly going on an ax rampage in the palace, reports claim.

    What’s the point of being a king if you can’t go on a little ax rampage every now and then?

    “We know now, just the fact of community spread, says that at least 1 percent, at the very least, 1 percent of our population is carrying this virus in Ohio today,” Acton said. “We have 11.7 million people. So the math is over 100,000. So that just gives you a sense of how this virus spreads and is spreading quickly.”

    However, the top Ohio health official now admits her claim was not based in science.

    “I am not saying there are absolutely for certain 100,000 people. I’m saying I’m guesstimating. If I’m guesstimating community spread, that’s my best number,” she said Friday, the Daily Caller News Foundation reported.

    And nothing else happened.

    • Nephilium

      Yeah. The Ohio thing was all based on the case of community spread that was announced from North Canton (Stark County).

  9. westernsloper

    As of Saturday morning, there are more than 2,000 confirmed cases of coronavirus in the U.S. with more than 40 deaths.

    Ya, so panic your asses off!

  10. Nephilium

    Alright Glibs. I’ve got a credit with Southwest, over a week of vacation that I need to use, and am hoping my European trip is going to happen. Anyone want to sell their local area as a place for me to travel to this fall?

    • robc

      The only thing Charleston has more of than churches is bars. And its been that way for 400 years.

      • robc

        As someone said, whether it is a religious city with a drinking problem or a drinking city with a religion problem is still up for debate.

      • Nephilium

        The girlfriend was supposed to go to Charleston in a couple weeks. The event she was going to was cancelled.

      • robc

        Beaches and history and booze and churches. That is charleston.

      • robc

        Oh, and on the fall we have hurricanes too.

    • LJW

      Come to KC have some BBQ, catch a Chiefs game… Likely won’t be any October baseball… Who am I kidding go somewhere warm.

      • Nephilium

        KC in October would be warm to me. I’m always willing to try BBQ in any location I visit (except Wisconsin now).

      • dontreadonme

        Wisonson BBQ is the….oh, never mind…

      • Nephilium

        It gave me a great story about a group of cub scouts trying to sell “BBQ” to a Texan in Wisconsin.

    • DEG

      Fall?

      Hmm… leaves are changing. Lots of people like going up to the mountains to see the scenery. I think of it as heavy traffic and I have to clean up my yard.

      Oktoberfest celebrations up here tend to suck.

      Oh… I’m supposed to be selling. I’m not very good at this.

      There are some good breweries.

      We have a small group of folks from the H&R days that meet up every now and then.

      Guns. We have a couple places you can rent guns and a couple of ranges we can use for a meet-up. We used this one for a meet-up once, though I’m not sure the guys want to go back.

      • Nephilium

        I think I’ve sold the girlfriend on a New England road trip in the next couple of years.

        For gun rentals, I live around the corner from here. Yet, I still haven’t shot a pistol in my life, and no rifles/shotguns since I was a teenager in the Boy Scouts.

      • Sean

        That’s a sharp looking range.

      • Nephilium

        I’ve heard nothing bad about it. I’ve been contemplating convincing the girlfriend that she should learn to shoot, and taking her there.

      • dontreadonme

        Pretty range, but whether there or somewhere else you need to get her comfortable with the GUN.

      • Nephilium

        You have… the girlfriend is not interested in vacations that involve that much exercise.

        If I didn’t have the airline credit to kill, I may just sign up for the GAP ride this year.

    • westernsloper

      Go see Dbleagle. That is what I would do. Hawaii is awesome!

    • dbleagle

      Hawaii is nice year round. But fall in the Rockies is special. Get up in the mountains to hear the elk bugle and see the aspen turn gold. After Labor Day Yellowstone and the Tetons are much less crowded. But I would get somebody to horse pack you deep into the Wind River Mountains.

      • Nephilium

        A while back I went to the Great American Beer Fest in Denver during October.

      • mindyourbusiness

        The Wind River range is one of the items on my bucket list.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      What do you like in a destination?

      • Nephilium

        Me, I love soaking in local culture (and breweries/distilleries). The girlfriend likes history. She prefers guided tours, I despise them. The girlfriend got annoyed when she realized that my homebody self had traveled to more US states then her (back in my consulting days).

      • dbleagle

        There are microbreweries in both Pinedale and Lander (south and north of the Wind Rivers). It has been awhile but the one in Pinedale had some very nice beers.

        Pinedale also has the Museum of the Mountain Man.

      • Nephilium

        The girlfriend and I have been to: Ohio (obviously), Pennsylvania, Illinois, Kentucky, Nevada, Tennessee, Indiana, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Michigan so far. We’ve been through West Virginia, but she doesn’t think we’ve been there (and tried to pitch Charleston, WV as a vacation spot). She wants to make it to all the states.

      • Ted S.

        October is hunting season in my neck of the woods, so I wouldn’t recommend it. That and I’d be recommending hiking in the Catskills which it sounds like your girlfriend doesn’t want to do.

      • Nephilium

        She would not be interested in hiking. Hell, I can’t even sell her on biking the GAP (~40 miles biking a day for a week).

        If I have too much PTO banked up, I may have to do it by myself.

      • Not Adahn

        Ommegang is near me. As are Schmaltz, Davidson Bros., and a number of lesser known but quite competent places.

      • Ted S.

        I’m not certain that schmaltz and beer go together.

      • Not Adahn

        Schmaltz on toast is delicious with beer.

      • Ted S.

        I was thinking more of schmaltz in the beer.

      • Mojeaux

        I was talking about cooking with Dragon Lady once and I said, “Well, you could use schmaltz.”

        She leaned close and said, “That’s too Jewish.”

        Wellallrightythen.

      • Nephilium

        I got to tell people they couldn’t guilt me this week, since I was raised Catholic. And Catholic built beats Jewish guilt based on my exposure to both.

      • Nephilium

        I’m very interested in visiting most of those places, and the girlfriend is interested in hitting up the cideries in upstate NY.

      • Not Adahn

        Sylboro is one of the few places that makes a decent brut cider.

      • Nephilium

        The girlfriend likes the sweet ciders.

      • Not Adahn

        Oh they do those too. And one that uses their own cherries.

    • Nephilium

      The girlfriend has been to Hawaii already (and wants to go back), she’s interested in both New England (she’s never been, I have), and North Carolina (I’ve only driven through while going to Kiawah Island with my family a long time ago).

      • Gustave Lytton

        NC is wonderful. Almost as good as New Orleans in late November/early December. Andy Griffith museum in Mt Airy, Miracle on the Hudson A320 at the Charlotte air museum, and Kitty Hawk. Particular enjoyed Kitty Hawk. Standing on top of the hill and seeing how short the Wright Flyer flew on its first successful flight. Gardens near UNC are nice, so is the NC state art museum. Food all over the place.

      • Nephilium

        New Orleans is a place I would love to go to.

        Going to Kitty Hawk would almost require me to point out that I’m from Ohio, where flight really started. 🙂

      • Rhywun

        Particular enjoyed Kitty Hawk.

        Now I want to watch Brainstorm again.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        I was gonna suggest Banff or Jasper in Alberta (the third week in September is usually glorious, the trees are turning and most of the tourists are gone), but it sounds like you’re trying to limit your travels to the U.S. of A.

      • Nephilium

        Not really. I’ve got an OVI in my past (well over 10 years ago), which may cause issues getting into Canada, If Southwest has flight there, that makes it even more interesting.

        In fairness, back in the day, me and my friends would wind up in Toronto at least once a year. There was several fun arguments in bars where we had to convince locals we were terrible Americans.

  11. KSuellington

    So the rain is finally breaking here, so it is time to get the kids out from in front of the tube. Last two days I went to the BevMo which was almost empty and replenished some of our booze supply, went to the fishmonger which was also empty and got a couple live dungeness and a half dozen oysters, and went to the local produce mart which was fairly busy. The wife just got back from Safeway and it was a madhouse, tons of people and bare shelves. The panic is going to be far worse than the ChinaVirus.

  12. Yusef drives a Kia

    I grabbed up GSon #1today and we played 27 holes, windy as Fuck, but we made some great shots, then Weinershcinzel Chili Cheese fries for Lunch. After, we practiced at my house, 12 putters at a time, he dug that. Then…. Simple Rockets 2, never played it before, it took a bit, but I became Mission Control and He was the Pilot and we reached orbit, and had a powered descent to landing, Pretty cool Day for Pops!

  13. Nephilium

    For those who are looking for a solution. I can provide recipes.

    • invisible finger

      You know who else had a solution?

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Ozzy?

      • Rebel Scum

        Mixologists?

    • Tulip

      I may try the five spice old fashion.

      • Nephilium

        The Masala Nights is the one that intrigues me the most.

      • Sean

        That does sound good.

    • MikeS

      The only one I have most of the ingredients for is Spill the Tea. I also have some Thieves oil, maybe I can make a variation of the Thick as Thieves

      • Nephilium

        I have a large amount of booze and liquor on hand. I may start diving into my Apothecary Cocktails book this weekend…

    • Rebel Scum

      Immune-Boosting Cocktails

      So the screwdrivers were the reason I was healthy in college.

  14. Hyperion

    “Hey, ghost of Marion Barry, hold my beer.”

    It’s not that democrats are corrupt, it’s just that everyone else are racist, sexist, homophobic Nazis.

  15. Hyperion

    “The kid probably stole his toilet paper supply to resell on the black market.”

    You know, what I don’t get? Why is this dude wearing a boggin type hat? Isn’t it warm in Africa? Is that a fashion statement or what?

  16. mikey

    Four KungFlu cases in MT now. Three in three of the state’s actual cities and one in our little backwater county of 5k.

    Social disntancing? No adapation required.

  17. Mojeaux

    Two very demanding clients with complex problems and tight deadlines have converged upon me. Had to go out for about 3 hours today. Put a pot of potato and onion soup on to use up a bunch of spuds before they sprouted or went bad. It’s almost 6:00 p.m. and I’m tired and I’ve got a long night ahead of me.

    • Hyperion

      “Two very demanding clients with complex problems and tight deadlines have converged upon me. Had to go out for about 3 hours today. Put a pot of potato and onion soup on to use up a bunch of spuds before they sprouted or went bad.”

      That might be the most bizarre thing I have ever read on Glibs that I totally cannot figure out. Where’s HM or SF? We need help here, somebody do something!

      • Nephilium

        What parts of that don’t you understand? Even my pasty white midwestern self understands it all.

      • Hyperion

        Demanding clients, had to go out with them for 3 hours, so we made potato soup. Is that some sort of kink I don’t get?

      • Chafed

        The Hyperbole has taken over your account.

      • Jarflax

        I think they are twins.

        *ducks

      • Spudalicious

        For the record, I was not anywhere near Kansas City today.

      • westernsloper

        “Demanding clients”……..Moj is a hooker.

      • Hyperion

        3 hours… Potato soup… this is all starting to make sense now…

      • Shirley Knott

        Booker. booker!
        (Can I get get a French Mistake on Mo’s behave?)

      • Mojeaux

        Somebody doesn’t know how to insert his own bullet points.

        * Two very demanding clients with complex problems and tight deadlines have converged upon me.
        * Had to go out for about 3 hours today.
        * Put a pot of potato and onion soup on to use up a bunch of spuds before they sprouted or went bad.

        Also, I was too tired to tap the return button twice for each sentence.

    • commodious spittoon

      Had to go out for about 3 hours today.

      Mojeaux is dead from virus.

      • Hyperion

        The vaccine is POTATO SOUP!

      • commodious spittoon

        Only vichyssoise.

      • MikeS

        What a twist!

      • MikeS

        LOL. I had forgotten all about that. Thanks..?

    • Tulip

      I got my hair cut this morning.

      • Hyperion

        You monster!

      • Spudalicious

        What was his name?

      • commodious spittoon

        Tulip is dead from virus.

      • Nephilium

        I skipped shaving my head today, since I don’t need to go out into public for the next couple of weeks. Currently going with a Boulevardier with Rittenhouse Rye.

  18. Rhywun

    South Africa has kings? How long have I been self-isolating?!

    • Jarflax

      The tribal homelands have kings. They are independent (ish) nations within the RSA.

    • Hyperion

      They couldn’t stop the Dutch, Africans, and coloreds from fighting, so they had to go back to the Feudal system.

  19. JaimeRoberto Delecto

    Will Gillum’s escapades hurt or enhance his reputation with Florida Men?

    • KSuellington

      Needs more bath salts and a reptile of some sort.

  20. The Hyperbole

    They might have TDS but Popehat and Jonah Goldberg can still occasionally get a good jab in.

    • MikeS

      There’s some great replies.

      If it’s on the floor, you must ignore.

    • westernsloper

      ?

    • leon

      Talk about hitting a man when he’s down. Somone needs a pick me up.

    • commodious spittoon

      I can’t tell if Cenk is an idiot or earnest here.

      I mean, both, obviously, but intentionally.

  21. LJW

    Kids are watching Cars for the 500th time so out of boredom I downloaded Plague Inc on my phone while pretending to watch. So far I’ve killed everyone on Earth with a Bacterial and a Viral infection. Next up is fungus.

    • Sean

      You can do it!

    • MikeS

      The hero we need!

    • Hyperion

      In the near future, the only social interaction humans will have outside their own POD with their immediate family unit, will Be World of Warcraft. In the new world of first world problems, the worst possible thing that can happen to you will be a VAC Ban!

      • Hudson

        A valve anti-cheat ban on a blizzard game?!

        This truly is the end times.

      • Hyperion

        I meant, in general, a ban from MMOs because of cheating, but…

      • Hudson

        There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment.

      • Jarflax

        Damn Blizzard for a Pooh fellating whore.

  22. Gustave Lytton

    Reposting from last thread because it should go viral

    https://imgflip.com/i/3slxqz

    Thanks to Rebel Scum.

    • MikeS

      A great collaboration, indeed.

    • Nephilium

      /waits for Biden to announce Hillary as his VP, then committing suicide.

    • westernsloper

      Did you twit that because it is awesome.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’ll leave that to the professionals. I don’t want to end up an Arkancide.

      • westernsloper

        Well fuck I will do it. I am dead as soon as I get the Tom Wuhan Hanks Disease anyway.

  23. MikeS

    I got a 4 pack of Grolsch for my birthday. I’m not a big fan, but the bottles are cool. I’m trying to decide what I will hoard in the emptied bottles.

    • Nephilium

      Rinse in boiling water, then make different flavors of simple syrup in them.

    • Hudson

      Swing tops are great for homebrew.

      The tough part is making it through about 5 gallons of grolsch.

      /1000 yard stare

      • Nephilium

        That’s why you just move into kegging early.

      • robc

        I got my kegs before my homebrew equipment. Bottling sucks.

      • Nephilium

        I’ve bottle three batches of beer. A Framboise, an oaked stout (technically not barrel aged, but the oak chips soaked in bourbon before being dropped in the carboy), and a Dark Belgian Strong ale.

      • robc

        I started bottling after I was told I couldnt bring a keg of dark strong belgian to a new years party.

        I have maybe bottled two complete batches, but bottled a few here and there.

        Uerige swingtops are better than grolsch. Exact same bottle, but beer inside tastes better.

      • Nephilium

        A local brewery sells 22 oz bottles at ~$1 each.

      • Hudson

        I’m sure you know this, but that’s why god gave us growlers my dude.

      • Nephilium

        Hudson:

        Growlers don’t work for carbing up a beer, while swingtops can.

      • Hudson

        Neph:

        For sure. I guess it depends on if it is kegged already or not.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Used band aids?

      • MikeS

        Yes. That is a good description of what it tastes like.

  24. LCDR_Fish

    So…found a nice, likely Glibtopia home option I may finally start the buying cycle on this next week (still going to try looking at a few more on Monday just in case).

    However, I will most likely need to buy a washer and dryer. Are there any specific brands/models to watch out for right now or recommended models? Is it worth getting a long term warranty for this type of appliance? (Biggest thing I’ve bought before this was a microwave).

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      We bought a new Samsung pair seven months ago when we moved back to Edmonton — I’ve been really pleased with them so far. Got them (and everything else) at Home Despot. Tons of different models/options available.

      • Spudalicious

        ^^Very happy with the Samsung’s.^^

      • LCDR_Fish

        Sounds good.

    • Sean

      I’ve been told repeatedly that the Speed Queen stuff is the correct choice. When we recently had our existing washer repaired, my GF chatted with the repair guy. She told him that I was planning to replace our stuff eventually with Speed Queen stuff. He said that was a wise choice. *Shrug*

      • MikeS

        Same here, but from the price shopping we did a while back, you’re looking at quite an uptick in price. Is it worth it? Probably, but be ready for sticker shock if you go Speed Queen shopping.

        /phrasing

      • Ted S.

        Wise for you, or the repairman?

      • Sean

        Wise for us. Repair man came across as very honest. I think the repair was $100 ish and he explained it thoroughly. He could have tried to upsell her but did not.

      • Gustave Lytton

        But make sure it’s not the 2018 model Speed Queen fucked up. Replacement:

        https://youtu.be/dk2P5_7g_

        We’ve got an LG set that’s had only one or two warranty repairs. Must be 8 or more years now but ymmv.

      • Ted S.

        I got an error message.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If you want to go cheap I’ve always had good luck with Roper. They aren’t fancy but they last.

    • Spartacus

      We bought our Maytag washer in 1999. Had it repaired once. Still runs great. The Maytag dryer is not quite as old and it burns up the thermostat every few years but has never needed major work.

  25. Hyperion

    Bernie Bros to go rogue!

    I’m going to be serious about something for a moment. I thought about this today, while I was out shopping for wifey and I because she doesn’t want to go outside. They ARE going to do it, I mean the Bernie bros. They’re going to support a 3rd party candidate, possibly one of their own making. Really, they’re going to do it. The possibility of Biden getting their support, is practically zero. About the same as it is of him beating Trump. The ‘pandemic’ is not going to save them. Nothing is going to save them in 2020. But I will say that I will respect the Bernie Bros if they actually grow a fucking pair of ballz and support who the fuck ever than who the establishment tells them to.

    • westernsloper

      Bernie would have been smart to run third party. Like he didn’t know the DNC would fuck him again. He wouldn’t win, he can’t win but on a total political perspective he would have had a real movement. It is not a movement I support and to be serious, it scares the fuck out of me, but he would have made more ground for his movement that way. I guess we are lucky he is really just a money grubbing Pol than a real revolutionary. When Bernie loses, I do hope the “Bros” tear shit up and cause riots so the nation can see their true colors. These are not rational people and need to be shunned.

      • Mojeaux

        so the nation can see their true colors.

        Orange. Orange is the true color of bad and evil. Orangemanbad caused the riots.

      • Nephilium

        /twitches

        I still remember warning some parents back in the day that they really shouldn’t be sending their kids downtown in Cav’s orange on St. Patrick’s day.

      • Ted S.

        I make it a point not to wear green on March 17.

      • Nephilium

        One year some guy was trying to give me shit while I was wearing a Guinness Black and White rugby jersey on St. Patrick’s Day. His friend was telling him to stop trying to pinch me.

      • KSuellington

        ^ this man is not going to get lucky like that ?

        (Actually if the Irish were any luckier they’d be extinct)

      • Mojeaux

        I love orange.

        I do not love orange on me.

      • The Hyperbole

        You hope that the Bernie Bros live up to your worst expectations and possibly kill people? isn’t this a bit like hoping the economy tanks or that the Covfefe-19 kills thousands so Trump takes it on the chin? Shouldn’t you be hoping that you are wrong about them and that they will take their loss in stride like normal people?

      • westernsloper

        I am not sure how you got I hope they kill people from what I typed. I do not hope that at all. And they won’t take their loss in stride like normal people, hell Hillary supporters didn’t take their loss like normal people. These are not normal people. Normal people do not want to control everybody else.

      • The Hyperbole

        I do hope the “Bros” tear shit up and cause riots

        Okay I extrapolated a bit, but that was my point. People die in riots, I was told that leftist who support certain plans want people to die,because those plans have caused death in the past. I was told holding people to their own standards (or the standards of people who one can six degrees of Kevin Bacon associate them with) is fair play.

      • Hudson

        Of course you left off what WS was really hoping for – so the nation can see their true colors. Throwing the tantrum, or riots, being the means. I read it more as wishing the dems reaping what they sow with regards to fostering the more radical revolutionary elements rather than wishing for violence for its own sake.

        But I’ve been day drinking since about 10:00 this morning so my interpretation could be off.

      • westernsloper

        You probably got it because I have been day drinking since about 10 also. And as a Tulpa, you seem to be not as contrarian as the hyperbole.

      • Nephilium

        Day drinking since 10:00 is wrong?

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Day drinking since 10:00 is wrong?

        “You can’t drink all day unless you start in the morning”

        Quote by Jake my best friend and sometimes lurker.

      • westernsloper

        Jake gets it.

      • Hyperion

        “I am not sure how you got I hope they kill people from what I typed.”

        Consider the source, reading comprehension and all that.

      • The Last American Hero

        <>

        Since when?

      • The Last American Hero

        All normal people want to do is control others based on my experience.

      • Don Escaped ORD

        I suspect this is a blind spot with Glibs.

        Most people have an understandable amount of projection; that’s the first blinding element. Many Glibs have an admirably pluralistic approach to life; I care little what others do so long as they don’t touch me and don’t touch my stuff.

        The other challenge is to see that most people who agree with us on some principle are much more militant about it than we are. We’re so busy enjoying the sympatico that we often gloss over the consequences of others’ greater passions. For example, there are very, very few prolifers who don’t want a national prohibition (I think that’s a fair goal based on principle: protecting someone in imminent harm is different from punishing someone who merely disagrees philosophically). There are lots of things that I think are stupid and even harmful (drugs) that I don’t think there should be any laws about whatsoever; I don’t care how others kill themselves or waste their lives or blow their money.

        The other thing that is odd is how many people watching FoxNews all day don’t see both sides of that coin. The tut-tutting has usually had a prohibitionist undertone on all issues. The conservative isn’t satisfied to pray in his closet, to commune with his god in his heart; prayer only has any meaning when you force everyone at the football game to listen to your brand of Jesus for two minutes. Conversely, all they do is bemoan the liberal agenda (no argument there): what all those folk wish to force us to do. How can anyone not see the mammoth waves of coercion crashing in both directions?

        Of course I’ve got to get a dig in at Dear Old Texas. The Great Cowboy State has never known how to cowboy much; the pose is tiresome, the road goes on forever, and the hypocrisy never ends. Take all their gun laws: the more free they’ve become, the more versions of gun laws they’ve required. They got concealed carry but required property owners to post onerous signs to post against carry; then they got open carry, so they now require TWO onerous signs. How about delete your account, Texas: get rid of all your laws, enjoy constitutional carry, and fuck off telling property owners how they must warn others about terms and conditions? It would be so simple, but, no: thousands of words to boss others around where silence would work better. The desire for control is the best explanation for this outcome.

  26. Raven Nation

    The cancellation of sports has reached hitherto un-imagined heights. Cricket Australia has cancelled the final round of this year’s Sheffield Shield.

    • Nephilium

      I tried to explain to my coworker from Costa Rica how big of a deal the NCAA tournament being cancelled was. I compared it to the World Cup, would anyone here say I was wrong?

      • The Hyperbole

        What’s a ‘World Cup’?

      • Nephilium

        A sporting event that’s important to those outside the US.

      • The Hyperbole

        So a big nothing then, got it.

      • Q Continuum

        “would anyone here say I was wrong?”

        I’d say the World Cup is more like having multiple Super Bowls everyday for a month.

      • Rebel Scum

        ^

        Related: I just noticed that MLS postponed all games until further notice. Then I noticed that I failed to notice the start of the season.

      • Rhywun

        Yes, because the World Cup is important around the world and the other one isn’t.

      • grrizzly

        Some people would take a month-long vacation to watch the World Cup. It’s not considered completely crazy.

      • Nephilium

        One of my previous locations that I worked blocked all sports websites. That lasted until the next March.

    • Hyperion

      Sports were already, with the complete takeover by the SJWs, dying a slow death. So we just speeded that up to put them out of their misery.

      • Q Continuum

        +1 skin suit

    • MikeS

      And millions of TDS sufferers scream at the sky, yet again.

    • Nephilium

      So, we might all die?

      • Ted S.

        Only Ron Bailey is going to die.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Now, that would be ironic (in the “Alanis Morrisette” meaning of the term).

    • The Hyperbole

      Suddenly you’re trusting the government? He has it and the deep state is just telling him he doesn’t so he won’t get the medical treatment he needs.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Oooooh, I like that. Good starting idea for a novel.

  27. KSuellington

    It’s almost 5 here. Time to make an old fashioned and start my pickling. Doing one jar red onions, two jars cucumbers and one jar jalapeño, carrot, onion. Another hour and the pot goes on to boil up some crab ?.

    • Mojeaux

      Oh, heh. When you said “pickling,” I thought you meant pickling your liver.

      • KSuellington

        It is now past 5 pm here, so I will be pickling that as well in a solution of bourbon and Sierra Nevada.

  28. Nephilium

    Sweet zombie cheebus, I just got tapped to join a conference call at 20:00 Eastern on a Saturday to prep for the Kung Flu…

    • Heroic Mulatto

      You mean, Tom Hanks Disease.

      • Nephilium

        My apologies ‘eroic Mulatto. I have a feeling that the account manager is aware that I’ve been drinking all day, and still asked me to join this call…

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Just go with it and call it critical candor.

      • Nephilium

        I’m still shutting down speaking out sometimes when people are saying things that are completely wrong.

        Thankfully, I’ve got more booze to prevent me from calling them out.

      • Nephilium

        So I may get fired soon. I made a rule 34 reference to the AM where I support.

      • Spudalicious

        Nice work.

      • Nephilium

        Thanks Spud.

        I at least warned him not to Google it around his kids.

      • Nephilium

        Spud: I’ve learned he had never seen A Fish Called Wanda, but likes Monty Python.

        Work is going to be interesting for the next couple of months.

      • Rebel Scum

        Tom Hanks Disease.

        Lung Pow Sicken.

    • Ted S.

      Everybody was Kung Flu fighting
      Huh!
      Those cats were fast as lightning….

  29. westernsloper

    I felt a thrust of creativity.

  30. Crusty Juggler

    “Have I mentioned that I’m tired of coronavirus?”

    You and me both, sister.

  31. Not Adahn

    25 people signed up for the USPSA RO class at the “serious”club today. All of us showed up. The first nine hours were really one of the better classes I’ve taken. We will see how tomorrows session goes.

    The weekend before St. Paddy’s is fantastic at my diner (owned by Patrick Kelley) I had a wonderful Ashkenazi-Irish crossover breakfast of eggs, corned beef and latkes. More goodness here:

    https://www.glibertarians.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/IMG_20200314_064917-scaled.jpg

    Ofc, the Irish got corned beef from the Ashkenazim in the first place, so it makes sense.

    • KSuellington

      Corned beef is not something you typically find in Ireland, it is more of an American “Irish” thing that as you mentioned, came by way of the Jews. Ham, carrots, potatoes, and cabbage would be a much mor typical Irish meal.

      • Nephilium

        The Irish version is bacon and cabbage. I discussed it in pubs quite frequently when I was over there.

      • Not Adahn

        My veggie bag for next week has potatoes, cabbage, and carrots in it. A complete coincidence, I am sure.

      • UnCivilServant

        These damn hateful stereotypes.

        turn the cabbage into kraut.

      • Not Adahn

        No can do.

        Cabbage browned in butter is way too yummy to pass up.

      • westernsloper

        ?

      • UnCivilServant

        Corned beef was cheap, so the Irish, being poor, ate more of it than the posh people.

      • straffinrun

        I don’t rish that.

      • straffinrun

        I rish in Japan.

  32. The Bearded Hobbit

    Went to the local grocery for routine weekly items. Place looked like Venezuela! No TP, few other paper products. No fresh meat of any kind. No bread or tortillas. Produce aisle was nearly stripped bare. No milk.

    We’re long-term prepper types so we’re covered on non-perishables. But a lot of that stuff confuses me. Like milk. Dairy has a pretty strict use by date so these people who just bought 5 gallons of milk are going to be pouring 4 of them down the drain in a week or so.

    The more that I interface with people the more that I want to stay the hell away from them.

    • The Hyperbole

      I’m curious, where are you?, out west somewhere I think, I should know but I’ve misplaced my files.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Mountains of north-central NM. Nearest “large” town is Los Alamos (aka Bombville). I do shopping in the much smaller community of White Rock.

    • Crusty Juggler

      MY LOCAL HANNAFORD HAS NO VEGETABLES WITH THE EXCEPTION OF CELERY

      WHY DID EVERYONE BULK BUY VEGETABLES AND WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE CELERY

      • Tres Cool

        My store had no celery other that x-pensive pre-cut pieces. I eat celery and ranch dip almost on the daily.

      • Tres Cool

        I generally get store-brand (Kroger or Meijer cause Hidden Valley costs too much) and throw on a huge pile of garlic powder

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Not many calories for the money and its only acceptable uses are as a garnish for a bloody mary and as a cream cheese delivery vehicle.

      • AlmightyJB

        Also crunch factor in tuna or chicken salad. I also like them with peanut butter.

      • Tulip

        More time! I love celery. Try braised celery.

      • Tulip

        I hate autocorrect. More for me. I have no idea how that turned into more time.

      • Nephilium

        Braised celery sounds… strange to me.

        I’ve used celery as an aromatic in lots of stews and soups, but never considered braising it. Got a recipe you’re willing to share?

      • Rebel Scum

        HANNAFORD

        Is that even still a thing? I remember that store from the 90s but I though it died.

    • Plinker762

      Corona is a plot by big dairy.

    • westernsloper

      The more that I interface with people the more that I want to stay the hell away from them.

      Yep.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Just got back from my local grocery. A lot of things – beef, tortillas, bread, eggs – were picked clean apart from a handful of expensive /fancy/weird items. I picked up the last two one-pound packs of ground beef and two dozen organic cage-free brown eggs. Dairy section still had some organic milk. Oddly, they were almost out of sour cream, I guess to go with all the potatoes that people were buying.

      Chicken was pretty well stocked, but it looked like they had just gotten a shipment in. I would have bought some but I usually use chicken to make tacos, and they had no tortillas apart from some sort of green “wraps” somehow made with spinich.

      Pasta section was down to two packages of whole-wheat lasagna. Rice, beans, and canned vegetables were mostly, but not completely, empty.

      Produce section had no potatoes and no bananas (which someone mentioned in another post – did anyone figure out what’s going on here?). Running low on the pre-packaged vegetables (apart from plastic-wrapped cauliflower heads) but most things sitting out in the open germ-filled air were still there.

      They were out of frozen vegetables and frozen pizza.

      I briefly panicked when the craft beer section was full of wine, but turns out they just moved craft beer to the other side of the crap beer. Booze seemed generally well stocked.

      I didn’t check for TP or hand sanitizer.

      Checkout lines seemed pretty much normal for Saturday afternoon.

      • Rebel Scum

        Chicken was pretty well stocked

        I have mentioned a couple times today, this, along with tp and bottled water, was the only thing that was completely gone in my local Food Lion today. I cant discern why*. Beyond that, milk was low, bread was low and disappearing, but there was plenty of beef/pork/fish and the produce area was normal, although they were being restocked at the time. And thankfully the beer/wine aisle looked normal. But who knows how long that will last. I intend to venture out again tomorrow to get a bit more.

        *Of course, panic-buying should not even be happening.

    • Nephilium

      Welcome to the doom of Cuyahoga.

      • Tres Cool

        I’m going to go ahead and suppose that the “guards may be hired” would be any off-duty cop wanting that sweet OT.

  33. Trigger Hippie

    I refuse to talk about overpriced Mexican beer any further starting now.

    *goes back to KOTOR*

  34. one true athena

    Good news/bad news at Chez Athena: Kiddo’s illness was tested and he’s got the regular flu. Yay, no dreaded PLAGUE OF BATFLU! but otoh, I… kinda wish it was just to get it over with? So now while he’s got the flu, he’s not a huge risk for getting the Batflu but of course, afterward, when he’s still recovering I suspect he’ll be weakened to it.

    Fun times.

    • Nephilium

      I’ve got no symptoms (but I rarely get sick to begin with). But after traveling this week, I’m sure I’ve been exposed to THD. By early next week, I should be able to test if I have a fever.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        D00d. It’s STD, not THD.

        Savage.

      • Nephilium

        /tags in HM.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Don’t listen to that Chinese spy.

      • Nephilium

        Thanks, appreciate the back up.

        /goes to get another pour of whiskey

        /hopes he doesn’t get tagged in for another conference call

  35. hayeksplosives

    I have a craving for delicious lobster tail covered in butter.

    Time to look up a restaurant…

    • Tres Cool

      Jugsy has been addicted to maine lobster-stuffed ravioli from Sam’s. I make a ghetto alfredo with cream cheese, garlic, and mushrooms to slop on it.

    • Tulip

      Good time for it. The market price has cratered.

      • one true athena

        I read a month ago it’s because it was mostly Chinese demand. I had no idea they liked lobster so much.

      • AlmightyJB

        They probably just like clarified butter like we do.

      • Crusty Juggler

        They have a hanerkin’ for anything we thought was upper-class in the 60s, like Scotch and Buicks.

        Scotch is the drink of kings, so they are right there.

        I come from a Buick family (seriously the lamest sentence ever written and it’s true and boy am I glad I got an Acura even though it’s not roomy its hella betta than Buicks), and let me tell you the Chineses are going down a bad path.

      • AlmightyJB

        I almost bought a Buick for my last car. Smoothest ride I test drove. I would have bought it but the trunk wasn’t big enough.

      • Mad Scientist

        Maybe you should solicit slimmer hookers.

      • westernsloper

        HA!!!!

  36. PudPaisley

    Hey, does anyone have a link for me to Ozymandias’ blog site? I wanted to share his Anthrax series with some people, but prefer to link from his site. I want to keep my worlds separate. Any help would be appreciated.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I think this is it until he publishes,

    • The Hyperbole

      check his last few articles I know he’s linked to his blog a time or two, it’s either in the body of the text or the comments.

      • The Hyperbole

        But as Yusef says I don’t believe the entire Anthrax story is there.

      • PudPaisley

        He’s adding a new chapter each week, so it should all be up in about 1-1.5 months.

    • PudPaisley

      Thanks! I’m kicking myself for not bookmarking it the last time I was there.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Ozymandias’ blog site

      I was so sorry to hear of his suicide.

  37. Crusty Juggler

    Covid19 update!

    Someone in my office is dating someone who goes to a school where someone was a confirmed case.

    Therefore: at 2115 on a Saturday night I have been dealing with…THE OUTBREAK!

    Heavens to Betsy.

    • The Hyperbole

      IT’S TOM HANKS DISEASE, LIBTARD

      • UnCivilServant

        No, Wuhan.

        I know you have trouble, but it’s neither ‘Gesundheit’ nor ‘Tom Hanks’.

      • MikeS

        Kung Flu

      • Nephilium

        /points upthread

      • Crusty Juggler

        WHY CAN’T IT BE RITA WILSON DISEASE?!?!

        OH I KNOW WHY.

        YOU THINK WOMEN ARE YESTERDAY’S TOMATOES!

      • The Hyperbole

        Who’s Rita Winston?

      • Not Adahn

        Winston’s mom, duh.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Winston’s mom?

      • MikeS

        Crusty’s nom de plume

      • Crusty Juggler

        STAR OF STAGE AND SCREEN RITA WILSON?!!!!

        PRODUCER OF SUCH HITS AS MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING RITA WILSON??!?!?!?!??!

        MOST IMPORTANTLY MOTHER OF ESTEEMED LYRICIST CHET HAZE RITA WILSON?!?!?!?!?!?*

        *IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHO CHET HAZE IS AND YOU HATE YOURSELF LISTEN TO HIS MUSIC AND/OR HIS INTERVIEW WITH RUDE JUDE. WHO IS RUDE JUDE? IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO RUDE JUDE IS YOU WHITE AS CHET HAZE, BRAH.

  38. westernsloper

    Here, have a nut punch.

    • Ted S.

      He didn’t obey a legal order.

    • AlmightyJB

      He was dreaming about a gun

    • Bob Boberson

      I’ve been tracking this one pretty closely in real time. Evidently me and this person have some linkage through social media circles (/winces in preparation of incoming flash-bang grenades). This story will end with “and nothing else happened.”

      In a quasi-related news my cop brother was gleefully telling me about almost getting to shoot someone on a domestic dispute call and how ‘community policing’ is bullshit…..yeah the same brother who introduced me to Dr. Ron Paul.

    • straffinrun

      Guessing they ran out of lotion.

    • The Hyperbole

      Man likes Reubens, ain’t nothing wrong with that.

    • AlmightyJB

      Some good comments

    • CPRM

      He knows he’s going to have a lot of corned beef left over after St. Patrick’s day and just wants to make sure he has the ingredients for his Reubens.

      • Count Potato

        My corned beef shrunk. Usually doesn’t happen in a crock pot, but oh well. So probably no leftovers for me.

      • pistoffnick

        That happens when you get older…

    • J. Frank Parnell

      The answer’s right there, you mix it with corn flakes and nutella.

  39. Lord Digby's Shameless Self-Promotion

    Late nighters, and you curious other chumps pimps and pimpettes: get your chat on when the Night Shift goes up, and I’ll see y’all later on.

    • MikeS

      DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!

      • Crusty Juggler

        DIGBY IS AN AUTHORITARIAN SLAVER!

      • The Hyperbole

        Fine, Do whatever you want.

    • Nephilium

      I’m, supposed to drink and chat MORE?

      • AlmightyJB

        Don’t think of it as work.

      • straffinrun

        You’re dead. You can do anything you want.

    • AlmightyJB

      Curious? What did you hear!

    • CPRM

      I’m getting ready to head to work 🙁

    • Ayn Random Variation

      Kung Flu Philly update:
      Someone in my apartment building tested positive, per email from Building Management on Friday afternoon that I didn’t see until this afternoon.
      Per rumor from friend: 22 year old with asthma has it and CDC is at her house.

      Re: my building, all the email said was that the person is being hospitalized, they have been disinfecting building with staff every 4 hours since they found out, and the US Dept of Health has been notified.

      I wonder if building will be quarantined come Monday? As of now everything seems normal. I made another food run to play it safe.

      • Ayn Random Variation

        don’t know why this ended up here. must be the virus.

  40. mikey

    Spring?
    Lemme check.
    5 degrees, feels like -4 degrees, blowing snow.
    Nope.

    • AlmightyJB

      We had snow all afternoon. Not that cold though.

  41. straffinrun

    Rummaging around for things to wipe my butt with.

    • Crusty Juggler

      USED BAND AIDS?

    • The Hyperbole

      Did your shower break?

      • MikeS

        Good call.

        Use the shower curtain.

      • westernsloper

        I have a glass enclosure so no go for me but I have lots of old socks. Luckily laundry detergent was still in stock so I can wash my poopy socks.

      • straffinrun

        Eeew. Just use the laundry detergent.

      • straffinrun

        Yep. But my printer works. Do you have a blog I can print out?

      • MikeS

        ALOL

      • The Hyperbole

        Why yes, yes i do, but the post are like four or five years old, hell one even makes a ‘libertarian case for Bernie Sanders ‘joke’.

    • AlmightyJB

      Just hop in the shower.

      • Crusty Juggler

        YOU EVER HAVE TO POOP AFTER A SHOWER?

        ISN’T THAT THE BEST WAY TO RUIN A DAY?

    • Old Man With Candy

      Ask Playa Manhattan.

  42. dorvinion

    Well darn. Canada just banned cruise ships docking until July 1st. So much for the anniversary cruise.

    Now, what to do with a supposedly non-refundable flight to Anchorage.

    • Plinker762

      Alaska state ferry?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Which airline? If you booked directly with them, call them in a week (they’re all overloaded right now) and ask if they’ll waive the cancellation fee. Or hold onto it until close to flight and either hope for a schedule change or (more likely) travel waivers get extended to cover your period.

      • dorvinion

        Its with AA and I did book with them directly.

        I’m really not in a big hurry to go and cancel everything just yet cause who knows, a miracle may happen and this all blows over in 5 weeks.

        They actually changed the flight schedule on me already about 3 weeks ago.

        Honestly, as long as things chill out a bit I’d be up for flying up to AK anyway even if we can’t go on a cruise just to travel about a bit since we didn’t plan any time at the mainland. Save the cruise for next year or something.

      • grrizzly

        A change in schedule by more than 60 minutes (any segment) gives you a right to a full refund without any current crisis waivers. That was always the AA policy. Frankly speaking, once I got a refund when the schedule changed only by 15 minutes. Though, it was all before “basic economy” fares were introduced.

      • dorvinion

        Thanks for the info.

        The change was for 3.5 hours earlier so maybe we can hold off on visiting AK.

        I really have little experience dealing with airlines so what to do when situations change is all a mystery to me.

      • dorvinion

        There was no language about accepting or rejecting the change just ‘hey your flight changed’

        Still, no harm in trying to get the refund if we cancel.

        Thank you for the information.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Even Basic Economy qualifies for a refund under those conditions. Rebooking options are a little more limited.

      • AlmightyJB

        Wow. Lol.

      • Spudalicious

        Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who thought that was a good idea for an ad?

      • The Hyperbole

        “Ribbed for Xtra Pleasure!” I’m dying here.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Sorry, parody ad from Devil Chef.

    • Tulip

      Weirdo. Celery is awesome.

      • straffinrun

        That was odd. He’s supposed to take a bite of it before they cut away.

      • Crusty Juggler

        “Weirdo. Celery is awesome.”

        I’m the weirdo?

        Jiminy Pete’s.

      • Mad Scientist

        My wife also can’t stand celery. There’s just no accounting for some people’s poor taste.

      • Old Man With Candy

        It’s great in mirepoix. Raw…. meh.

  43. Yusef drives a Kia

    The PDGA suspended tournaments after Today’s Invitational,
    Now the World is coming to an end…….

      • commodious spittoon

        Who is this, The Bird and the Bee? They’re spot on

    • straffinrun

      Not what I was expecting. Thumbs up.

  44. Crusty Juggler

    When will someone write an oral history on the El Camino?

    • MikeS

      Probably about the same time you get an avatar.

    • AlmightyJB

      That was great

    • The Hyperbole

      Jeff Healey can see that that’s Stevie Wonder. There’s no such person as Stevie Vaughn.

      • Crusty Juggler

        “The name is Dalton.”

    • westernsloper

      Tom Wuhan Hanks Disease.

    • Mad Scientist

      Why does Tom Hanks hate the Chinese?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        For what they did to Hollywood.

      • commodious spittoon

        They’re Jewish, too??

    • MikeS

      It’ll make you healthy, but you’ll be sick again 30 minutes later.

      • AlmightyJB

        Swiss to aisle 3

    • Gustave Lytton

      I think it was one of the AdvChina guys that pointed out that the WHO’s guidelines in every language say not to use traditional medicine cures, except the Chinese one.

      • Rhywun

        During my mostly-guided tour around China ~20 years ago, one of the stops was a big push for traditional medicine. Fine waste of several hours.

      • Tejicano

        Yeah, there’s a few reasons why we didn’t take the guided tour options when I first went to China 30+ years ago. Even if it was something particularly historic the story they would tell you would not likely be anything resembling the truth. More often than not it would include a sales pitch.

        I also got the worst illness I’ve ever experienced – in retrospect it seems less of a coincidence that I picked it up in Wuhan.

    • Rebel Scum

      Every morning and evening, the 38-year-old was handed a bag of brown soup — a traditional Chinese remedy blended from over 20 herbs, including ephedra, cinnamon twigs and licorice root.

      I understand those herbs are better smoked.

  45. J. Frank Parnell

    Why There Is Suddenly A Thriving Market For Bigfoot Erotica

    it’s easy to argue that this is better than fetishizing a Fifty Shades-style abusive rich guy because, well, at least there’s no risk of actually running into a Bigfoot.

    THAT JUST WHAT STEVE SMITH WANT YOU TO THINK

    • Tulip

      WTF did I just watch?

      • AlmightyJB

        The Quentin Tarentino of commercials.

    • Tres Cool

      There was no chicken broth in my store today.

      /math checks out

      • Rhywun

        OK, that’s the final straw.

    • Crusty Juggler

      I mean the garlic…

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      garlic is scary??

  46. Crusty Juggler

    The Rich Are Preparing for Coronavirus Differently

    The new coronavirus knows no national borders or social boundaries. That doesn’t mean that social boundaries don’t exist.

    “En route to Paris,” Gwyneth Paltrow wrote on Instagram last week, beneath a shot of herself on an airplane heading to Paris Fashion Week and wearing a black face mask. “I’ve already been in this movie,” she added, referring to her role in the 2011 disease thriller “Contagion.” “Stay safe.”

    Ms. Paltrow did not pose with just any mask, unlike, say, Kate Hudson and Bella Hadid, who also recently posted selfies wearing cheaper, disposable masks. The Goop founder and influencer of influencers instead opted for a sleek “urban air mask” by a Swedish company, Airinum, which features five layers of filtration and an “ultrasmooth and skin-friendly finish.”

    • straffinrun

      Makes me wish Seven was a documentary.

      • AlmightyJB

        The first time I saw that movie, I hated the ending. The last time, not so much.

      • Ayn Random Variation

        Contagion was better; she died earlier.

    • Gustave Lytton

      What a fucking idiot. How are communicable person to person diseases spread worldwide again?

      • The Hyperbole

        Someone sneezes on a monkey in Africa then that monkey gets trapped in the cargo hold of a plane and upon landing in Oregon bites Dustin Hoffman, or maybe not Dustin Hoffman but it bites someone and then Dustin Hoffman gets involved.

      • Tres Cool

        +6 degrees of Dustin

      • AlmightyJB

        CIA?

      • KSuellington

        Monkey sex, it always comes down to either that or bat soup.

      • pistoffnick

        Hawt! Would watch!

  47. Rebel Scum

    Coronavirus: Spanish government imposes lockdown of entire country amid spread of virus

    Denizens of Catalonia, this is your chance.

  48. Rebel Scum

    The kid probably stole his toilet paper supply to resell on the black market.

    The white-market is currently being disenfranchised.

  49. kinnath

    Made it halfway to Mississippi before finding out the big public gathering that we were attending was cancelled.

    So 16 hours on the road for nothing.

  50. Rebel Scum

    What was that? Drugs just fell out of my ass?

    If you are Andrew Gillum, yes. And they are now saltier. To each his own.

  51. Rebel Scum

    Top official who claimed more than 100,000 coronavirus cases in Ohio now admits she was just ‘guesstimating’

    So you are saying that drugs numbers fell out of your ass.

    • RAHeinlein

      I saw that moron on Tucker last night – neither she nor the Governor could answer any questions and when Tucker pushed, claimed she was “tired”

    • Ayn Random Variation

      Science

    • The Hyperbole

      Wasn’t her initial ‘claim’ pretty clearly put forth as an estimate?

      • MikeS

        “We know now, just the fact of community spread, says that at least 1 percent, at the very least, 1 percent of our population is carrying this virus in Ohio today,” Acton said. “We have 11.7 million people. So the math is over 100,000. So that just gives you a sense of how this virus spreads and is spreading quickly.”

      • The Hyperbole

        Sounds like estimation to me.

      • MikeS

        at the very least, 1 percent of our population is carrying this virus in Ohio today

        Yeah, a low-ball estimation. Find a different topic to be contrarian on, she done fucked up.

      • Frosty

        It depends on what your definition of “is” is.

        So we’re plumbing those depths now.

      • MikeS

        I’m sorry. I guess the meaning of “at the very least” changed recently and I wasn’t aware.

      • Frosty

        I’m in agreement with you, I can see how that didn’t come across though.
        If someone states that “at least” a certain number, or percentage, of people are in a certain condition, then I don’t really see any other way to interpret that.

      • MikeS

        Oh, yeah I misread your comment. Thanks for the back-up here. I was wondering if I didn’t know what “at least” meant anymore.

      • Rhywun

        I think it was pretty obviously estimate even though she didn’t obviously say so.

        IOW I don’t see the “gotcha” here.

        But such are the times I guess.

      • MikeS

        at the very least, 1 percent of our population is carrying this virus in Ohio today

      • Rhywun

        Looks, she’s a fruitcake. But those words don’t say to me what you’re claiming. ?‍♂️

      • AlmightyJB

        I do think think that if the best she had was pulling a number out of her ass, then she should have just said she didn’t know. That’s a big number to throw out to the public.

      • Jarflax

        It was stated as an estimate, but I would call it more of a wild ass guess with a bit of panic mongering. The assumption that “community spread” means a 1% infection is over stated. Is the first case of unknown transmission proof of saturation or does it simply mean 1 person got the disease from an unknown source? On the other hand, every one says stupid things sometimes, especially when trying to make a point to people who are ignorant and frightened. It’s a big part of why I distrust government experts. I know how often I say stupid things, even in area I know very well, when I am trying to drive a point home.

      • straffinrun

        That she walked it back with the silly word “guesstimate” is annoying.

    • straffinrun

      If the ladies would get over their fear of peeing standing up we could halve the shortage.

    • pistoffnick

      Fruit Sushi with the snark

      “Robby Soave
      @robbysoave
      Perhaps we can admit that there was no good reason to restrict smaller liquids in the first place, and that the TSA is security theater?”
      “”Cynthia Fodor
      @CFodorKCCI
      TSA now allowing 12 ounce bottles of hand sanitizer in your carry-on. ⁦@KCCINews

      • KSuellington

        Libertarian moment?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Fruit Sushi has a point.

        I worked for AA, at Logan, less than a year after 9/11, and worked the Twin Tower Gates a dozen times or so.

        After two plus years I decided to move away from Boston due to the cost of living and used one of those gates to basically smuggle all of my oversized belongings back to the Midwest on a flight I wasn’t flying on with the help of a few sympathetic coworkers.

        Had I been a more nefarious type, I could have blown a 747 out of the sky with a decent chance of the Feds being none the wiser. And it would have only taken a few years of trust within an airline company’s employment system to pull that off.

        Instead, my broke early twenties at the time ass just saved a few hundred dollars on luggage/shipping fees and parted ways with the whole industry.

  52. straffinrun

    Great lynx, Spud. When is Digby’s going up?

    • Tres Cool

      oh sic burn

      /GET SOME ALOE

      • straffinrun

        It wasn’t supposed to be a backhanded insult.

  53. l0b0t

    About to head to work to see if we received any trucks tonight. Will there be groceries to put on the shelves? I don’t really care, because it’s Saturday and I get time-and-a-half for this shift regardless; thanks UFCW.

    • Rhywun

      Can you explain to me why every market around me stocks during the day?? It’s… a tad annoying – and this isn’t once in a while, it’s every single time I shop. There are times I can’t even reach something I want on the shelf.

      • AlmightyJB

        They have to pay night shift differential pay.

      • Rhywun

        I don’t know if these places are anti-customer… er, unionized.

      • Jarflax

        ^ same reason Grocery stores here are no longer open 24 hours a day. They all (or at least every one I shopped at in my 20s) used to be open 24 hours in Cincinnati and in Lexington. I used to do my shopping at 3 am when I was in the bar business.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, the only 24-hour store around me is Rite-Aid and yep, they don’t stock during the day.

        Grocery stores are asshole.

      • Jarflax

        Even in New York? What happened to the City that never sleeps?

      • Rhywun

        I’m not in Manhattan or the suburbs.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That too. I’m convinced many stores and businesses are ran like it’s there for the convenience of the employees.

  54. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    Dad in town means shitload of working on the house. Gutted the area in the basement that was ruined by the leaky plumbing. ended up putting a screw into a pipe, which caused a 3 hour detour while we tried to figure out why the pipe wouldn’t stop dripping, and then unclogging the whole house iron filter after angering the well tank. Found some really sketchy things behind the walls and ceiling. Made a pact to never mention the details of what we saw ever again. Gutted the kitchen cabinet where the plumbing ruined it, built the frame for a new base to the cabinet. Replaced some HVAC ceiling vents, put an access door over a hole in the ceiling, oh and we went to the park to fly my daughter’s new Elsa kite.

    Need sleep! Tomorrow is shaping up to be just as busy

    • Don Escaped ORD

      angering the well tank

      just take it out to dinner; it’ll blow over in a few hours

    • westernsloper

      That sounds exhausting and wtf is a well tank?

    • Charles Easterly

      “Dad in town means [a considerable amount] of working on the house.”

      Consider yourself lucky to have a house and also a father who is willing to help.

      • westernsloper

        Nice! Haven’t seen that.

  55. Trigger Hippie

    *burp*

    To expand further upon a frivolous topic causally mentioned days ago that very few people here have any real interest in…

    Sloopy brought up his birthday, and I responded by saying Will Clark had the prettiest swing I’ve ever seen. He retorted that KGJR had the prettiest swing.

    I disagree. As did a few others. Some who agreed with me, some who named other players. I do agree that many of those players, including Griffey and Bonds in particular, had cleaner, more efficient swings…and were far better overall ball players…but…from my point of view, Clark’s swing was just more beautiful. It’s like a masterpiece painting, not technically perfect, but all the more beautiful because of the fact. Technically perfect can often detract from the artistry:

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PPgtMkDZi7Y

    Fight me, UCS.

    Nobody else, just him. Even though he couldn’t give less of a shit.

    He gets it.

    • Don Escaped ORD

      I’m a form-follows-function guy.

      Ted Williams has a form that, if it connects, delivers amazing power. Ted Williams was the best technician of the game, so, when he got his pitch, he delivered. Williams is perfect in that Hogan way, another guy who always got his pitch (he was hitting a static ball, of course). Williams is all over the place: flexing his pelvis, first one foot out of contact with the ground, then the other (don’t get me wrong: he’s more stable than most; most MLB batters are all over the place).

      Stan Musial’s swing was more accommodating: low slung and flexible. Musial didn’t need to get his pitch: when a single was needed, he delivered regardless of what junk was coming his way. Unlike Williams, his spike are more stable: he’s tied to the ground so he can adjust. He’s bringing his momentum forward and then dropping the bat into whatever groove is required, making contact, and hitting the gaps, so: third all-time in doubles.

      Clark’s swing was just more beautiful.

      What’s more beautiful than a being tied, man on second, and knowing Musial will get a piece of something no matter what, that the game is as good as won?

  56. Private Chipperbot

    Not happy with runs on tp and meat, PA goes full retard

    ‘Somber Time,’ and Sober for Some: Pa. Liquor Stores to Close in Philly Suburbs