Sunday Morning Virus Warning Links

by | Mar 15, 2020 | Daily Links | 312 comments

I have a vague feeling that we may finally be hitting Peak Panic. It may plateau for a while, may spike briefly if a beloved celebrity or politician snuffs it, but I think we’re starting to see a burgeoning sense of, “Jesus fucking christ, enough already.” I hope I’m right.

Birthdays can’t be stopped, though the parties can. Nonetheless, we celebrate a shitbag president (but I repeat myself); a delightful character actor; “why the fuck is she still even alive????”; the guy who made my favorite horror film; and a shitbag NFL coach.

News next.

 

At last, our long national nightmare is over. Big Daddy is safe.

 

Assuming both candidates are still alive by then.

 

The best thing that could happen to NY school inmates students.

 

“OK, first you give a speech in Hymietown…”

 

I hope the thief left behind his tithe.

 

We may need to organize something like the Berlin Airlift.

 

 

Old Guy Music is Roy Clark going fucking insane on a 12 string.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

312 Comments

  1. PieInTheSky

    At last, our long national nightmare is over. Big Daddy is safe. – WHY DID TRUMP GET TESTED WHEN SOME REGULAR CITIZENS CANNOT

    • CPRM

      HE’S DoiNG ToO MucH oR TWo LItitle WitheRa wAy HeDO iT ROng!!!!!!!1111!!!!!1

    • Tonio

      I bet people would riot if they found out how many test kits, etc, the federal government has reserved for president, cabinet members, congress, SCOTUS, etc.

      • Drake

        What’s a test kit?

      • Chafed

        As long as I’m the designated survivor it’s fine.

  2. CPRM

    I was able to find A roll of toilet paper! One single roll on the shelf at a truck stop.Now I can stop showering after every time I do my business.

    • Ted S.

      I just looked. We’ve got eight rolls in the back bathroom and probably a couple in the master bath. I’m not certain how much we’ve got downstairs, but I know we keep the paper towels down there.

      • Ted S.

        Just checked. 16 more rolls of TP and nine rolls of paper towels downstairs.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        This is getting weird.

        TP bragging

      • Ted S.

        We’ve bought both in bulk from Sam’s Club for years.

      • Rhywun

        I only have six ?

    • Lackadaisical

      If there’s one thing glibs hate, it’s showering.

      • Gender Traitor

        …whether you need to or not!

      • Grummun

        They correspond to semi-annual housecleaning. He just leaves the lid off the trash can during a rain storm.

        Less of a showering, more of a sluicing.

      • Francisco d'Anconia

        Agreed. I do it a couple times a month.

    • Aloysious

      I found two 24 pack of toilet rolls in a closet. They’ve been there a while. All dusty. I don’t remember buying them, and since I’m a dysfunctional bachelor, can’t imagine just what the hell I was thinking. Who needs that much paper?

  3. PieInTheSky

    We may need to organize something like the Berlin Airlift. – is this one of them unrestricted free market situations that you got going in America?

    • Lackadaisical

      Lol, yes, dastardly libertarians have cut all regulations.

    • Atanarjuat

      Sadly, that whole “land of the free” thing is mostly hype.

    • Sean

      This directly affects me!!!!!!!??

    • Tonio

      PA has some weird liquor laws. It sounds like those fine food and spirits stores are state run (monopoly on booze). Here in VA all liquor is sold in state stores, but the closest thing they carry to food items are like mixers and martini olives.

  4. RAHeinlein

    “I think we’re starting to see a burgeoning sense of, “Jesus fucking christ, enough already.” I hope I’m right.”

    I’m counting-on the French and Spanish to break this cycle – protests are already starting. The Italians won’t be far behind.

    • Old Man With Candy

      The French are torn between going on strike and surrendering.

      • Fourscore

        In either case they’ll have plenty of soap to spare.

    • PieInTheSky

      I doubt the italians will protest anytime soon.

    • Nephilium

      Here in Cleveland, the panic continues. There’s now a running list of places that are temporarily closing.

  5. Gender Traitor

    Georgians who have already cast their vote in person or by mail for the March 24 primary will be able to vote again in the May 19 primary for the elections already scheduled for that date. If Georgians who have already cast their vote for the March 24 primary do not vote again in the May 19 primary, their votes for the presidential preference primary will still count,” Williams said in the statement.

    What could possibly go wrong?

    • Tonio

      Wrong? I see things going wonderfully right for the poll workers who “find” boxes of ballots in their car trunks. I wonder what the going rate is for that? I’m thinking a hundred grand cash, or a lifetime sinecure.

      • The Last American Hero

        They do it for free. The reward is their guy gets in.

      • R C Dean

        They aren’t called useful idiots for nothing.

  6. PieInTheSky

    People here no longer go out at night. It is affecting the food supply.

    • Old Man With Candy

      What transpired in that location has registered.

    • JD is Unemployed

      I have understood that. Remain sanguine about it, Pie!

      • Lackadaisical

        it’s been a real pain in the neck.

      • Tejicano

        Well that bites!

    • Tonio

      Bloody hell!

    • straffinrun

      That’s the first time I’ve seen you make a vampire joke.

      • Atanarjuat

        He’s tired of the townsfolk coffin on him.

      • zwak

        Way to hang with it!

    • Agent Cooper

      There is a lot at stake.

  7. JD is Unemployed

    Some folks are going to feel awful silly when the supermarkets are stocked again in a few days. In before the “oh the humanity” tales from “traumatized” attention seekers who had their dogs lick their asterisks clean, or tried tapping a fire hydrant for the ol’ aquablast treatment.

    • PieInTheSky

      SOme folks who overbought like my cousin are the kind of people in the category “cannot feel shame or ridicule” and will not feel silly in any circumstance. In our day and age it is sort of a superpower.

    • Fourscore

      It’ll be time to seriously stock up, just in case. Now that the Military-Industrial-Retail lobby has gotten organized and almost just-in-time delivery can experience some ‘shortages’ we’re gonna need bigger shopping baskets.

      • CPRM

        So you’re saying to stop waiting and buy that 50 gallon barrel of lube already?

      • RAHeinlein

        Exactly, posted on the overnight links, even Rep. Gov Asa Hutchinson is going De Blasio related to medical/testing equipment. Any major area has a true outbreak and supply chains will be prioritized, and the government’s priorities won’t align with mine.

    • Tonio

      I saw a headline about a guy who made $100K selling TP out of the back of his pickup. Good on him for entrepreneurialism, but he’s a dumbass for bragging about it because now the IRS going to be all over his ass. That’s not how you black market, bro.

      • Mojeaux

        +1 black markets

  8. Scruffy Nerfherder

    First local death in our locality, out of 8 confirmed cases. 70 year old man.

    They don’t know where he got it.

    I expect they’ll implement further quarantine measures by tomorrow.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Nice redundancy in the opening line

      Need coffee

      • CPRM

        To Digby’s delight, I will say this here, “I have a terrible thirst for liquids.”

    • RAHeinlein

      Where are you located?

      • CPRM

        Locally, duh!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        CPRM gets it

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Williamsburg, VA

        Probably the highest concentration of old fuckers in the state. We’ve got retirement communities and assisted living facilities everywhere for retirees from Jersey and New York.

      • Tonio

        And boy are those people obnoxious on the roads, at the supermarket, and particularly at the ballot box.

        But I bet you have some great Pickleball courts.

      • Fourscore

        If it wasn’t for the old people, some of those retirement communities look pretty nice.

  9. Tonio

    RE: NYC’s Government Schools: At least they are admitting, albeit implicitly, the mission creep from education to daycare plus foodservice. But if the concern is for the homeless kids, then why don’t they just have the principals and admins come in, open the building, and hand out rations?

    Here in RVA, Richmond City (Government) Schools have cancelled classes, but they are handing out free food to all children aged 18 and under, whether RPS students or not.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      How long before a parent asks for vegan options?

      • Tonio

        Good question, Rufus. I just checked their website but didn’t see anything about the food being distributed, only locations and hours.

    • invisible finger

      So public gatherings are dangerous and bad except when government hands out food.

      With the schools closing I’m assuming literacy will increase.

      • straffinrun

        At a minimum illiteracy won’t decrease.

  10. Scruffy Nerfherder

    ConExpo, the world’s largest construction-agg convention in Las Vegas, closed a day early this week.

    Only several hundred thousand people from around the world swapping germs for several days. Not a big deal.

    • Don Escaped ORD

      I hate Vegas.

      The con/ag show in Moultrie has all the same stuff without all the disgusting sideshows.

    • Atanarjuat

      I work at the convention center in Orlando, which is somewhere in the top 3 with Vegas and Chicago. The last show (HIMSS) pulled out after almost completing setup. Now everything is cancelled though at least the first week of April.

      • Don Escaped ORD

        I don’t hate your convention center.

        I hate all the idiots on the plane I’ve got to take to MCO to get to your convention center.

      • Atanarjuat

        Yeah. The only good thing is if you want to visit a Latin American country, you can often find a direct flight out of MCO.

        I feel kind of bad for conventiongoers. It seems like a lot of walking, a lot of sensory overload, a lot of being annoyed by sales people.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I generally go to one a year. It’s a necessary part of the job when you’re providing equipment services. Got to see what’s new.

      • Don Escaped ORD

        MIA is also on my list of avoid if at all possible. Who takes their chickens on an international flight!?!?

        My list is steady at 62 airports. Might add SAT some day, but I wonder if I’ll ever again add any other.

      • Spartacus

        MIA gives you the experience of a third world airport without ever having to leave the U.S.

  11. Ted S.

    and a shitbag NFL coach.

    It’s Tony Dungy’s birthday?

  12. Rufus the Monocled

    Do explain Tomlin to me. In the sense he doesn’t discipline his players?

    • Ted S.

      There’s also this.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Ah yes. I remember that. That was a shithead move.

    • Agent Cooper

      OMWC is a Ravens fan.

  13. Rufus the Monocled

    Sanders has no personal dignity.

    If someone said that about my (((tribe))) (am I doing it right?), I wouldn’t care but I wouldn’t hire them either.

    Grow a friggin pair you mushy gutless socialist.

    • PieInTheSky

      Sanders has no personal dignity. – personal dignity stands in the way of acquiring a fortune while doing nothing of use at any time in life

    • Tonio

      To be a socialist is to have no dignity, no sense of self-worth.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Touche to both.

  14. Rufus the Monocled

    Peak Retard is a myth.

    But Peak panic I can get behind. I’m just avoiding a good friend of mine. He’s taking all the figures at face value and going full throttle with the ‘better safe then sorry’ hyper-precautionary principle.

    I want to keep this friendship and don’t want to set him off with what I really think. I told him I’d tell him once all is settled. Even there he was all like, ‘what? You think this isn’t serious!?!’

    • Fourscore

      And yet, somehow, there are fishing limits.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Just tell him to wash his hands more often, reasonably restrict social gatherings, and don’t lick any doorknobs. Other than that there’s not much that can be done and he’ll probably be fine if he gets it anyway. He, and most everybody else, will calm down once this is normalized a bit.

  15. Atanarjuat

    Day 2 of being sick: if this is coronavirus, it’s nothing for the healthy (I’m 36 with no health problems) to worry about. Just a runny nose, sore throat, mild aches and lethargy. I haven’t felt the need to take a painkiller besides Yuengling yet.

    • PieInTheSky

      it’s nothing for the healthy (I’m 36 with no health problems) to worry about. – it never was

      • Tonio

        Sixties, ex-smoker.

      • Tonio

        The link, you SF’d it…

      • Ted S.

        The virus can’t get in that way, now, can it?

      • CPRM

        But tha beetus makes ya suseptibal ta tha kuronas!

      • Atanarjuat
    • Tonio

      According to CDC, the three symptoms of COVID-19 infection are: Fever, Cough, and Shortness of Breath. The UN’s WHO has a more extensive list of symptoms which includes runny nose.

      • straffinrun

        I’m guessing he has a cold.

      • Atanarjuat

        Probably, but you just assumed my gender, shitlord.

      • straffinrun

        Sorry. Turn you head and cough. *Puts on rubber gloves*

      • R C Dean

        Well, the corona virus is a cold virus, so everyone who has the Kung Flu has a cold.

    • Fourscore

      I’ve had worse hangovers than that

  16. Atanarjuat

    Very evocative song. These guys have a similar, probably influenced by Clark and HeeHaw, presong banter.

    • Charles Easterly

      Quick and clever, they are.

    • cyto

      Roy Clark is an interesting case. I wonder if we will see his kind again. He was never a hit machine, but he was a fantastic live entertainer. I saw him several times as a kid, and he always brought his A game.

      He had a bit that he would do with a plastic toy guitar that was really great. He’d play the crap out of this tiny toy guitar, and then turn the little music box crank on the bottom at the end to play the tinkly little music box song. As a kid it just killed, because it screamed “this guy is a great guitar player and he can make music with anything”.

      I don’t know if the “all around entertainer guy” has a slot in our world any more.

      • Don works from Home

        plastic toy guitar

        his set-up guy was probably a genius

  17. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Beat the quarantine with new Forgotten Weapons playlists:

    https://youtu.be/UvFZlVYnJZU

    Will do Gun Jesus.

  18. Trials and Trippelations

    I don’t think we have reached peak panic in my neck of the woods. The southern part of the county/city is full of pearl clutching, snobby, helicopter types.

    Most of my wife’s mom group refuses to do play dates or leave the house

    • Cy

      It’s going to be interesting to see what a cooped up civilization looks like in 3 months.

      • Trials and Trippelations

        Some of those moms won’t break.

        Fortunately, the families on our street aren’t so nuts

    • Sean

      I’m going to the range today. It’s supposed to be nice out.

      Also, I’ve got some filets and strips to grill. We’re riding out the end of the world in style.

      • Rebel Scum

        I, too, have a lot of steak since, for some reason, people bought out all the chicken at the local grocery store. Beef-week, it is.

    • Ted S.

      I have no idea how bad the panic is here, since I’m not much of a social animal.

      I’m just glad I’ve got PTO at the end of this week?

      • Ted S.

        The question mark should have been a period, of course.

        I’m more worried about government declaring a state of emergency that gets work shut down than anything else.

      • Nephilium

        I cancelled my PTO for this week and April, as things are getting cancelled. Work is going to be crazy this week as well so going in helps the client, and makes us look like the heroes. Looking at flights in May now to burn through some vacation and flight credits.

  19. Tonio

    Don’t know if covered already. Senator and general POS Tim Kaine introduces mandatory paid sick leave bill.

    “The bill we introduced would allow employees to earn up to seven days of paid sick leave a year, but would also say, after the declaration of a public health emergency, every employee would be entitled to 14 sick days of sick leave.” Kaine said.

    The bill does not provide any kind of government subsidy to employers. Businesses would be the ones to pay. He feels it is in their best interest, saying no employer wants a potentially sick employee to come to work and infect others.

    • Gender Traitor

      “Businesses don’t know what’s in their best interest unless we tell them and force them to do it.”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Why yes, of course I can afford that with declining revenues.

      • Rebel Scum

        My first thought. I have a little more than 3 weeks pto available. That is all I am “entitled” to, having earned it per the terms of my employment. The company has not said what they may do beyond that considering the situation or any possible similar situation, but it, like Jeffery Epstein, is not going to commit suicide.

    • Sean

      Let’s kill off businesses! It’s the only way to save Americans.
      Fuck that guy.

    • Gender Traitor

      every employee would be entitled to 14 sick days of sick leave

      My employer has a very generous paid-time-off policy – vacation hours accrued per pay period (at a rate that increases with more years of service), 60 hours of PTO (sick leave)/yr., and 8 hours of Floating Holiday time – and still people game the system. But of course no one would abuse that extra 112 hours.

      • R C Dean

        We have a newish mandatory sick leave law.

        It is massively abused.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Never let a crisis etc. Rinse and repeat as opportunities arise.

  20. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Just read the riot act to the tweener. She refused to eat a tortilla because it was torn and was going to hold out for an intact one.

    It’s going to be a long couple of weeks.

    • Sean

      Fix it with duct tape.

    • Spartacus

      What’s the problem? I’m sure the dog would eat the torn one. Tweener can eat…later. Maybe.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I may have overreacted and invoked some good old fashioned existential fear to make my point that wasting food was especially selfish during a quarantine when people are dying…..

        But I’m an asshole that way.

    • straffinrun

      Sounds like a Mexican standoff.

      • Atanarjuat

        Tee hee!

  21. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Slate comes in from the top ropes with uber-derp

    Starts off OK

    Maybe it will be the hand sanitizer that finally exposes the sham.

    The Transportation Security Administration announced Friday that due to the coronavirus outbreak, they’re waiving the familiar four-ounce limit for liquids and gels—for hand sanitizer only. You may now bring a bottle of Purell as large as 12 ounces onto the plane to assist in your constant sanitizing of yourself, your family, your seat, your bag of peanuts, and everything else. All other liquids and gels, however, are still restricted to four ounces.

    The TSA can declare this rule change because the limit was always arbitrary, just one of the countless rituals of security theater to which air passengers are subjected every day. Flights are no more dangerous today, with the hand sanitizer, than yesterday, and if the TSA allowed you to bring 12 ounces of shampoo on a flight tomorrow, flights would be no more dangerous then. The limit was bullshit. The ease with which the TSA can toss it aside makes that clear.

    Then goes full retard.

    Broadband data caps and throttled internet? Those have been eliminated by AT&T and other ISPs, because of the coronavirus. But data caps and throttling were really just veiled price hikes that served no real technical purpose. Why did we put up with them?

    Police helping landlords evict tenants in times of financial trouble? Due to the coronavirus, not anymore in New York, Miami, and New Orleans. But—and you see where this is going—why do the police aid evictions when tenants are stricken with other, non-coronavirus illnesses?

    The city shutting off your water, or your power, as punishment for hardship? During this public health emergency, plenty of cities and companies have suddenly found a way to keep service turned on. “As long as COVID-19 remains a health concern,” said Detroit mayor Mike Duggan, “no Detroit resident should have concerns about whether their water service will be interrupted.” Why in the hell should any Detroit resident have concerns about their water service being interrupted, ever? Shouldn’t clean water be the absolute base level of service delivered by a city to its residents?

    • CPRM

      But data caps and throttling were really just veiled price hikes that served no real technical purpose.

      It is scientific consensus after all that bandwidth is a myth perpetuated by big oil.

      • Fourscore

        Your car could easily get 40-50-60 MPG, were it not for BIG OIL. One easy trick…

      • The Last American Hero

        It was that special carburetor that gave cars 3-4x better mileage. But the Big 3 refused to use it, even to the point of letting Japanese companies enter the market, eat their lunch with more fuel efficient vehicles, and put Chrysler out of business.

    • Don Escaped ORD

      ORD goes full retard

      I’ve said from day one (typical industrialist rant): if they wanted passenger screening to be effective, it would not remotely look like what we’ve got. Ergo, I infer other goals from the monstrosity in front of me. Last week I saw the latest: accumulating conveyors in the queue. They have their place in industry, but this bare-bones, half-hearted effort made start giggling so seriously in line that I surely annoyed fellow passengers (to say nothing of almost earning me a probing). Anyway, instead of the normal belt-top conveyor and the file of folk putting laptops in bins, these bins deliver underneath to five spots where you do the usual dance. If you get Spot One up by the Xray, you get this trade-off: first dibs on bins coming back on the downstairs belt; but, once you fill a bin, you get no slot on the outbound top conveyor because you’re being freight-trained by the four positions further up the track. They skimped on controls, so there’s no randomizing of access.

      As with all government programs: someone’s brother in law made a mint to put together a mediocre system that doesn’t work appreciably better than just hordes of citizens thrusting about with zero infrastructure doing the best they can.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Why can’t everything be free? Why should I have to pay for anything?

      I wonder how Dan Kois would feel if strangers just started living rent-free in his house. And if his neighbors ran a hose to use his water to water the lawn, ran a power cord to his outdoor outlet, and borrowed his grill whenever they felt like it without asking. Maybe they could keep their dogs in his back yard, because it has a nicer fence. After all, isn’t that the absolute base level of neighborliness one should expect?

    • Rebel Scum

      Shouldn’t clean water be the absolute base level of service delivered by a city to its residents?

      *insert product/service* is a human right.

  22. Scruffy Nerfherder

    In every single one of these cases, it’s not just that most of these practices are accepted as “standard.” It’s that they are a way to punish people, to make lives more difficult, or to make sure that money keeps flowing upward.

    • CPRM

      Upward, to the people that already spent money on that thing you owe them money for. It’s pyrotechnics scam man…

  23. straffinrun

    Half my gigs are cancelled, but the remaining half have doubled. Taking care of the kid so now she hates me, but the wife likes me again. Made hamburgers tonight and didn’t have any ketchup, but I had extra mayo. This pandemic is turning my world upside down.

    • CPRM

      No Thousand Island?

    • Don Escaped ORD

      wife likes me again

      but does she call you <a href="

      Help – my roommate wants to be a quarantine Daddy pic.twitter.com/QpTqQbJAMP— relationships.txt (@redditships) March 15, 2020

      ” title=”TW: Reddit” target=”_blank”>Daddy?

      • Don Escaped ORD

        sorry: I hate the improved twitter link-embedding thingy

        h/t: Jen the Libertarian (worst podcast ever: she’s more monotone than me; take a tip from Fifth Column: lots of friends, a guest, whiskey)

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        My wife calls me a href (half retarded embarrassment of a father) all the time.

    • RAHeinlein

      All of our clients are on lock-down – WFH, no visitors, no travel, etc. A lot of $$ just evaporated.

      • straffinrun

        People want to continue business and the ones that can are extremely happy that I’m willing to work. It’s similar to the Tohoku earthquake. All the foreigners that could do my job fled because of Fukushima. But, yeah, I lost some good coin a couple weeks ago, too. It’s been good since then.

      • Nephilium

        Company I work for went full WFH, several of our clients are doing the same, and from some of the news headlines I’ve been seeing work is going to be damned busy for the next couple of weeks.

  24. Atanarjuat

    Several people I follow on Twitter, Scott Adams, Michael Tracy, Glenn Greenwald, were voices of reason on the Russia collusion conspiracy theories, but are freaking the fuck out about Tom Hanks’ Disease. Ok, boomers.

    • Fourscore

      ” Who is Tom Hanks for a $100, Mr Trebek”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      To be fair, the chances of contracting Russian collusion were pretty low.

  25. RAHeinlein

    No, MSM, the House Coronavirus Relief Bill doesn’t do anything to “fight” the virus.

    • Fourscore

      “We had to do something so people wouldn’t figure out the scam we’re doing with their money. It’ll buy votes too”

      • RAHeinlein

        Speaking of buying votes, we saw some Biden commercials last night (Illinois votes next week) – “I’ll increase social security” – “I’ll make filing for bankruptcy easier” – “I’ll embrace Elizabeth Warren’s plan to allow bankruptcy for student loan debt”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “I’ll embrace Elizabeth Warren’s plan to allow bankruptcy for student loan debt”

        I would support that one.

      • Fatty Bolger

        For new debt, yes. For old debt, no.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’d argue that it should all be dischargeable in bankruptcy, just like any other debt.

        And end federal guarantees going forward. The banks would probably make the universities absorb part of the cost of any losses.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        It’s the only reasonable way to approach it really, along with some kind of concerted effort to dissuade those who have no business going to college from going.

      • RAHeinlein

        Any bankruptcy for student loan debts needs to be handled very delicately. It’s far too easy to pre-cog that option, with little to no repercussions.

      • Q Continuum

        It’s definitely better than MUH DET FORGIVNUSS, but I still think it’s a crock. These “kids” (nominal adults, though we don’t treat them that way) knew what they were getting into. Make them feel the pain so they’ll teach their own kids not to spend $100K/year on an SJW degree.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Bankruptcy brings its own pain.

        But the universities need to feel some of the pain too. They’re the ones that I’m afraid will get off scot-free.

      • Don Escaped ORD

        racist!

        /adjusts kilt

        seriously: the proper phrasing is the kids will welsh on their debts; this is known

        which is proper: the banks should get gypped off

      • The Hyperbole

        I have no idea how any of this works, are the schools the ones giving the loan like a buy here pay here used car lot or did the schools get their money and some bank or the government is the one holding the note?

      • Q Continuum

        I think the government is the one actually holding the note. It’s why uni costs have skyrocketed so much because there’s no incentive for the schools to control costs. They know they’ll get money from Big Daddy no matter what. The Federal guarantee is also what makes it non-dischargeable debt. I agree that it sucks for someone stuck with a Medieval Black Transgender Literature degree and $250K of debt, but if an 18 year old is old enough to vote and get drafted, he’s old enough to read and comprehend a loan contract.

      • Raven Nation

        One thing that does happen, from what I understand, is that a lot of schools just throw forms at kids and parents and don’t distinguish between grants and loans. Yes, people should read contracts, but the schools are abetting the sloppiness.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Even sensible people can make stupid financial decisions and that’s without colleges whispering fairy tales of college life and good jobs in their ears. They should be able to discharge their debt just like they would be able to in most other areas.

      • CPRM

        20 years ago when I was planning for college I was smart enough to see this coming, thus I made sure all my loans were subsidized, why you hate me for planning for the future?

      • R C Dean

        Since it’s government guaranteed, that just means the government pays your loan for you.

        There’s a reason student loans aren’t dischargable. You can have a government guarantee, or you can have dischargable, but if you have both you have government paying for your college pretty much directly.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Good point, allow bankruptcy and end govt guarantees which would also serve the purpose of keeping away students who have no business being there.

    • leon

      MSNBC had a headline on YouTube, akin to “Nancy Pelosi organizes relief in void left by Trump”.

  26. Scruffy Nerfherder

    And Now For Something Completely Different

    The physical universe that we live in is only our perception and once our physical bodies die, there is an infinite beyond. Some believe that consciousness travels to parallel universes after death. “The beyond is an infinite reality that is much bigger… which this world is rooted in. In this way, our lives in this plane of existence are encompassed, surrounded, by the afterworld already… The body dies but the spiritual quantum field continues. In this way, I am immortal,” suggest researchers from the Max Planck Institute for Physics in Munich

    The Max Planck physicists are in agreement with British Physicist Sir Roger Penrose who argues that if a person temporarily dies, this quantum information is released from the microtubules and into the universe. However, if they are resuscitated the quantum information is channeled back into the microtubules and that is what sparks a near death experience. “If they’re not revived, and the patient dies, it’s possible that this quantum information can exist outside the body, perhaps indefinitely, as a soul.”

    • RAHeinlein

      Cool – thanks for the link.

    • Fatty Bolger

      The quantumnet is a series of interconnected microtubules?

      • Q Continuum

        You need a PhD to get this euphemism.

    • Q Continuum

      Sounds kinda like this guy:

      http://www.franktipler.com

      I encountered him once during grad school. Super smart guy with controversial (to say the least) theories. The scientific community’s distaste for tackling Big Questions of any sort, IMO, alienates them from the genpop.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “Physicist and mathematician Prof. Frank J. Tipler is not only a credible physicist, but indeed the most credible physicist to date.”

        Well I’m convinced.

  27. Don Escaped ORD

    Tweener can eat…later

    I have zero opinions about others’ parenting; I got lucky with one perfect kid, so I have basically no experience worth sharing other than to advise: have a perfect kid if you can. I’m sure you’re doing fine at your house: carry on.

    But this vignette clarified something for me suddenly: we are something akin to Tweener Nation now. I guess that’s what all you normies meant by “drama” these last few years. We needlessly spend a lot of energy in media, family, government, and business quibbling and accommodating and dancing around busy-stuff; it’s the life-blood of the nation anymore. The answer, as the great Steven Fromholz wrote: “just wait and you’ll find out.” All the rest is wasted breath.

    My parents were practical: I was taught to skin a fish and sew a seam, but there wasn’t much negotiating at the dinner table. My opinions about less-favorite dishes were answered something like: “you’ll be ready to eat come breakfast.” The children of horse-traders and share-croppers, they bequeathed me with the primary notions of each industry: a/ don’t start discussions about things that might remotely lead to questions you don’t want to answer honestly; 2) it might rain, but if we make a really good crop so will everyone else and it won’t be worth much.

    Folks who keep their own counsel and just get stuff done without a bunch of soap opera are getting scarce as hens’ teeth.

    • Fourscore

      Strange that we want drought/floods for our friend farmers but rain exactly right for our selves. I’ve used that parable many times. Now I want it perfect rain for every one, my garden will provide a little extra for my neighbors as will their extra zucchini provide enough for us. We always graciously accept it and hope the deer will eat any extra.

  28. Q Continuum

    OK. It’s about time somebody said it: there is no such thing as a good cup of coffee, there are less bad cups of coffee. I’ve tried. Really I have. But coffee in general is just disgusting. I’m returning to Coke Zero permanently for my morning caffeine fix.

    • Don Escaped ORD

      you’re here to deliver pix of nekkid chix; stay in yo lane!

      I ground two tablespoons of these beans with one tablespoon of those to get my pot this morning; I think I’m happy.

      But the true point of coffee is it provides another opportunity to buy little ceramic billboards so you can walk around the office foisting your opinions on the innocent from behind the safe veil Dilbert cartoons and cat pictures

      What do you have against cat pictures!!?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        So what does it say about me that this is my office mug?

    • Fourscore

      Some coffee may be better’n others but as Ol’ Andy Jackson said at 83, “Don’t try to take my coffee or tobacco” I gave up the tobacco a long time ago but I’ll be drinking coffee on the ride to the crematorium.

    • Mojeaux

      You are absolutely correct.

      But Coke Zero? Really? ?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I bought some Dr. Pepper w/ Cream Soda Zero, Delicious…….

      • Gender Traitor

        Dr. Pepper w/ Cream Soda

        WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED OF THIS???

        BTW, what are the “Zero” soft drinks usually sweetened with? I don’t usually like diet varieties, though Diet Dr. Pepper is, indeed closest to regular in my (limited) experience.

      • Rhywun

        As far as I have been able to tell, same things as “Diet”. Usually Nutrasweet.

        I am seeing both “Diet” and “Zero” varieties from the same brands and nobody can explain to me what the difference is supposed to be.

      • kbolino

        Diet Coke does not taste like regular Coke. Coke Zero does.

      • RAHeinlein

        Which is why I drink Diet Coke…just for the taste of it…

      • Gender Traitor

        Mr. GT prefers Diet Coke to regular Coke, which is just as well since he’s been warned he’s “pre-diabetic.”

        I didn’t like anything carbonated until I started drinking Mello Yello in college to pull all-nighters. Never got a taste for colas. (My whole family drank Pepsi except me. Mom made me drink it when I had an upset stomach. : P )

      • Agent Cooper

        “Coke Zero does.”

        Ehhhhh … kind of tastes like it.

      • kbolino

        I had a Diet Dr. Pepper once that tasted almost exactly like the real thing. Then I had another that reminded me too much of Diet Coke. Both were bottled. I don’t know if it’s poor QC or I just overlooked the bad taste the first time or what…

      • Q Continuum

        There are noticeable differences between fountain and bottled for all diet drinks in my experience.

      • cyto

        I’ve also noted the “old” diet drinks tend to get nasty. Or diet drinks left in the heat. I think the nutra-sweet breaks down under those conditions.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        The green Coke is pretty good, though it does have some sugar / calories.

      • cyto

        Coke is a fantastic product.

        But I prefer Mountain Dew. Diet.

        Yup. Nerd. And getting older and fatter… so no more sugar soda for me.

        And Yusef is right… cream soda with a little slice of bitter chocolate is a fantastic desert. I know people like to cast aspersions on Mnt. Dew and Cream soda, but they are wonderful items to have in your beverage toolkit.

    • Rebel Scum

      I take my coffee like my women, black and bitter.

      • kbolino
      • Charles Easterly

        Nicely done, kbolino.

      • Charles Easterly

        Nicely done, kbolino.

      • Tejicano

        (You didn’t mention “hot” – but you do you, OK?)

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Ah, Amarosa brand coffee. You could certainly do worse.

      • westernsloper

        Do you just ask for the Maxine at Starbucks?

      • Tres Cool

        The line I generally use is “black, cold, and half full of booze”

    • Nephilium

      More for me.

      I’ve got a nice medium roast Indonesia Sulawesi I’m sipping right now.

    • straffinrun

      I’ll take 28 just for the expression alone.

    • AlmightyJB

      Some fine looking foxes in that group.

  29. Rhywun

    Have some hilariously clichéd identity politics drivel:

    When Meghan Markle visited Fiji as a duchess in 2018, people there got to see a royal who looked more like them for the first time ever.

    • Q Continuum

      i CaN’t ReSpEcT aNyOnE tHaT hAs A dIfFeReNt SkIn CoLoR tHaN mE!!!!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Looked more like them because of a slightly higher melanin count than white folks and that’s it, not Melanesian or Indian and certainly no shared experience.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It’s as if an entire generation grew up with no knowledge of History at all..

      • Q Continuum

        *K-12 social engineers smile*

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Exactly.

      • leon

        But skin color is all that matters. And the fact that she’s also half? white doesn’t matter. I guess we still have the one drop rule.

      • Rhywun

        No, the article is all about biracial. Because the author is biracial. And she looks like him or something.

    • Tejicano

      “…a princess-of-color embracing her subjects-of-color….”

      Excuse the Ef outta me but Fiji hasn’t been a colony for 50 years. Half an effing century. And, from my experience working with a team of them last year, they don’t have any of this “poor oppressed me” attitude.

      • Q Continuum

        “they don’t have any of this ‘poor oppressed me’ attitude”

        Aside from Native Hawaiian grievance pimps, it seems most Pacific Islanders refuse to be cast in the victim role. They see themselves as badasses and want to be viewed as such.

      • Tejicano

        In Army NCO school the Samoan infantry sergeant seated next to me was 6′ 10″, 310 lbs – no fat. It didn’t matter if he “wanted” it or not anybody with eyesight and an ounce of self-preservation viewed him as a badass.

      • Rebel Scum

        a princess-of-color

        Barely. But I would like to see her bare.

      • Homple

        Be careful what you wish for.Prince What’s-His-Face has seen her bare and he went nuts enough to give up a gig as a duke.

      • Mojeaux

        It was the Magic Hoo-Ha.

  30. Trigger Hippie

    Found a pack of Nathan’s hotdogs in the freezer! And yogurt in the fridge! Woo whoo! I can now avoid the grocery store for at least one more day!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      It should be much better during a weekday. Make sure to buy a dozen or so packs of TP if they have it, for whatever the reason that seems to be all the rage right now.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Early morning at WalMart seems to work well, like 6-10 am,

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yeah, getting to the store before the other panickers get going is key.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’ve always done major shopping on Saturdays at around 7 am, fewer scooter people, more people like me who get in and out fast,
        Now, there is no reason to shop for much……

      • CPRM

        TP is the new onion on the belt.

      • Trigger Hippie

        But I want to make hanging your ass over the sink after every major bathroom visit followed by disinfecting the entire area a “thing”.

        *kicks pebble*

    • Drake

      I was thinking of going either tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday. Give them a chance to restock after this madness.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Stocking is pretty much a 7 day thing, just depends on what’s needed and when, i think they have the Logistics down as long as inventories last at the Warehouses

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      So, honest question: most of the national hot-dog brands in the States don’t exist in Canada (and vice versa, I assume), but we can get Kirkland hot-dogs here (the ones they serve in their own food courts), and I think they’re pretty damn good as hot-dogs go. Have you had both the Kirkland and Nathan’s? Which brand is better in your opinion(s)?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Have had and can easily buy both. Nathan’s, hands down. But they are far more expensive in my area. Kirkland is perfectly fine for buying in mass for a cookout. Better than most for that occasion.

  31. Yusef drives a Kia

    We finally got invaded! 1 old Man in BhC has the DEATH!VIRUS! the Park will empty of dog walkers, I I won’t hoarse from Yelling Fore! all day,
    Glorious Corona Virus!

  32. westernsloper

    “his stomach would be in a pit,”

  33. leon

    I’m saddened that HM has fallen for CBC propoganda in regards to Sarah Trudeau Disease.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Inorite? It’s almost like he’s not shit-lording anymore!

      (And it’s “Sophie,” but who’s counting?)

  34. westernsloper

    Are there non state ran liquor stores in PA? Closing liquor stores is a bridge too far.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      What, really? That’s pretty low, people need a means of drinking away their worry if that’s their thing.

    • Sean

      Not that I know of.

      This has me really pissed off. Wolf is an asshat. I’ve typed and erased several edgier comments this morning.

      I am really close to Lehigh county, which is not affected by the shut down. However, my in town store and the rest in several counties are closed indefinitely as of Tuesday.

      • westernsloper

        Ya, that is genius. Make people drive to the next county to shop for booze when we are supposed to be self isolating. What is the reasoning behind keeping some counties open? Other than Government is dumb. The fact a store has to be State owned is already dumb.

    • Rhywun

      “Hoboken residents breathe sigh of relief, enjoy first night of quiet in decades”

  35. PieInTheSky

    And if anyone knows about getting shit together, it’s the governor who removes toilets from his mansion to secure a lower property tax assessment

    https://twitter.com/CityBureaucrat/status/1239038028796104704

    So this is satire right? Or is there somewhere in the US where the number of toilets can influence property tax?

    • Q Continuum

      “is there somewhere in the US where the number of toilets can influence property tax?”

      I don’t know for sure but it wouldn’t surprise me in the least in some cobalt blue cities.

    • RAHeinlein

      Total beds and baths are often key metrics for property assessment.

    • The Hyperbole

      They figure PT on the ‘value’ of your home, that’s a subjective number so one way to come to a ‘fair’ PT is to look at comparables (similar houses that sold recently) Larger houses have more toilets and generaly are worth more so if you can turn a 5 bedroom 4.5 bath house into a 4 bedroom 2.5 bath house (on paper at least) those comparables are now smaller/cheaper house thus your PT is lower than it should be.

      • The Hyperbole

        Or what RAH said in one sentence.

    • Cy

      In Texas, yes. We have no income tax but our property taxes are anywhere from 1.8 – 2.8% annually. Installing new plumbing through giant concrete slabs can be a pain in the ass and is also a bit expensive. So, the amount of bathrooms you have does have an effect on your property value that does effect your property taxes that are re-assessed annually.

      Every $100 in assessment is roughly $2.50 to the local government. Assuming your extra bathroom cost you an extra $6k on your house price, you’re paying $150 a year for your extra luxury bathroom in taxes.

    • Cy

      Never change Q.

  36. Nephilium

    Well, the pants shitting continues in Ohio.

    Ohio governor says it’s ‘absolutely’ possible that schools stay closed for rest of year

    • Rhywun

      “at the very least”

      ?

      • MikeS

        ?

      • Rhywun

        ?

      • MikeS

        ?

    • Tres Cool

      Ive mentioned it before- DeWine is a statist POS, likely unable to move comfortably around Columbus with his new power-boner.

      And fuck that horse-faced daughter of his that’s running for prosecutor, too.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Lord, that’s pathetic.
      “I dislike it so it’s got to be bad and people who like it are bad too.”
      Fucking busybodies are the worst.

      • Homple

        Watching that female interrogator reminds me that the etymology of “hysteria” is what it is for good reason.

        She’s got the female trouble.

    • Tejicano

      I love how the female au.gov person automatically assumes that the anime figures are female when the dude who festoons his desk with these might just as well be gay and be displaying the usual male warrior figures.

      No reason to question – assume and fire away!

    • CPRM

      “That picture that someone drew and coloured, that’s not ahrt! It’s an ittack agaainst wymen! Now, a crucifix in a jahr of piss, that’s ahrt!”

  37. Atanarjuat

    I don’t hate your convention center.

    By the way, if you were an exhibitor there, you’d love us. Because we’re not unionized. I often go to a booth, as I’m finishing up, say, 45 minutes of work, they ask, incredulous, “Wait, that’s it? That took them 8 hours in Chicago.”

    • Mojeaux

      I’m going to take a wild thrust in the dark and assume Bowie’s appetite was a bit more than Angie could stomach.

      • Tejicano

        Probably a lot of “wild thrustings” in various light settings, dark or otherwise…

    • Tres Cool

      Bowie, Jagger, and Iggy Pop all rooming in Berlin.

      That should say it all.

      • egould310

        And lots and lots of drugs. Don’t forget the drugs.

      • Rhywun

        Love your avatar.

      • egould310

        Thanks, Rhy. It’s hard to tell sometimes because your avatar always looks aghast. ?

    • Drake

      I assume there is a spectrum of secerity.

  38. RAHeinlein

    In personal non-corona virus news, we purchased some very nice pieces at a private art collector sale near University of Chicago. One piece we loved was above our budget target, sellers wouldn’t negotiate – turns out the artist was Nella Fermi (Enrico Fermi’s daughter).

    • CPRM

      What a paradox.

    • westernsloper

      If it’s not on black velvet I’m not interested.

      • RAHeinlein

        Oh, it glows in the dark all right.

      • invisible finger

        I have a piece of graphite from CP-1 in my den.

  39. Spudalicious

    TP hoarding is one thing, but if they start closing the liquor stores, there’s gonna be some hell to pay.

    • Don Escaped ORD

      Thank God for Trump™

      If it weren’t for his stupid tariffs on scotch, I wouldn’t have bought a few gallons forward recently. Thank you for your mindless urges, Donnie.

  40. Grummun

    Useless data point: Wuhan Fluhan has not stopped people from hitting the Jolly Pirate (donuts) on Sunday morning.

    • westernsloper

      You have a doughnut shop called the Jolly Pirate? That’s what I call my…..uh, never mind.

      • Spudalicious

        I thought you would call him “peg leg”.

      • Cy

        “Long John”

      • Cy

        “Long John Swinger”

      • westernsloper

        He has one eye, not one leg.

  41. Don Escaped ORD

    a majority, if he can keep it

    Netanyahu offers Gantz emergency unity government over coronavirus crisis on Twitter

    I bet he did

    • AlmightyJB

      What happens if he shuts down Popeyes?

      • egould310

        He’s rayciss!!

  42. MikeS

    A man has been charged after using a lock pick set from Amazon to steal items from lockers at the Gilbert Temple.

    Ermagerd! Whycome Amazon does this?! There ought to be a law!!11!!!

    /incoming letter to the editor

    • Mojeaux

      I am completely flabbergasted that “possession of burglary tools” is a crime.

      Come ON, people!

      • Don works from Home

        support your local conservatives: we know how to do government

  43. Rhywun

    Live soccer – in Turkey!

    • MikeS

      They’re not chicken!

    • westernsloper

      If they played with a live turkey I might watch. Otherwise…..meeeh

  44. Mojeaux

    I have googled. Mr. Mojeaux has searched. We cannot find and thus, I am turning to you, Glib Hive.

    Instagram is blocked from my son’s phone by a net-nanny-type program we have. I, being a resourceful parent and also in possession of a son who has zero sense of cyberescurity, am in his Instagram account and can read his DMs. Things are…not good.

    He does not know I can do this and I don’t want to say/do anything to tip him off that I can. I need to know where his head is (and is so where it’s not supposed to be).

    ANYWAY. Last night, after a dry spell, he was on Instagram. Our net nanny wasn’t blocking him and I turned on the restricted hours to block him. We thought he had another device. We went through our router to see if he had another device. No luck. Meantime, turning on the time restrictions didn’t work (which is why we thought he had another device).

    In his DMs, he told his friend that he couldn’t see a video because he didn’t have the Instagram app (?).

    So we thought maybe he got into our net nanny to turn things back on, but all our restrictions were still in place.

    We just confiscated his phone with the excuse of “bedtime” (because I don’t want him to know I have access to his Instagram) and things went on as normal.

    We have scoured his phone and cannot figure out how he’s on Instagram without the app and with the net nanny blocking him.

    Any ideas?

    • MikeS

      It’s not something so easy as he’s going through a web browser (and maybe a VPN?) and not the app, is it?

      /computer semi-literate

      • Mojeaux

        No, not the browser. He can’t install apps himself, and instagram.com is blocked, but even if it were, you can’t post anything to Instagram outside the app.

        We did not look for a VPN.

      • MikeS

        I’ve posted to Instagram and have never had the app installed.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        It certainly is possible to get on Instagram through a normal web browser (I do it when I need to do some really squidgy admin stuff for my account).

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        But if there’s also NetNanny and it hasn’t been bypassed . . .  ???

        There are third-party “mirror” sites that seem to replicate Instagram to an extent. I know almost nothing about them.

    • Don works from Home

      to catch a thief, think like a thief

      I googled how to get around parental blocker and found a thousand videos and articles

      • MikeS

        I just noticed the subtle avatar change. Very nice.

      • Don works from Home

        * curtsies *

        I’m just silly and bored

      • Mojeaux

        Sadly, I don’t think like a thief. I mean, I COULD, were I inclined toward thievery, but I am soooooo not.

      • Don works from Home

        me either

        But I do consciously collect problem-solvers of the sort that aren’t instinctual to my linear inclinations. If the world ran like I think, there’d be nothing to do: all problems solved, all tools clean, oiled, and hung up . . . but there would be much less art. So much isn’t linear, and there are so many more ways of seeing and feeling things than I could ever imagine.

        So I collect them, but it’s hard to remember them. If you think linearly, it’s nigh impossible to remember non-linear things.

      • Mojeaux

        I think linearly when I need to. I’m either in accountant mode or artist mode, but never both at the same time. I am currently in accountant mode because circumstances demand it.

        However, though I can solve a problem almost instantly and in the simplest way possible with about 4 backup plans at the ready (with increasing inefficiencies, however), my kid can’t. I clearly underestimated him when it is important to him.

        Also, I’m not in need of getting around the net nanny.

        Also, I thought we’d solved the problem.

        We tried getting a flip phone. They all come with data and app capability now, so there was no advantage.

    • Cy

      Can he change the clock on the phone and effect the restriction?

    • westernsloper

      Get the kid into a coding course asap.

      • commodious spittoon

        Not J-school?