Monday Afternoon Panicdemic Links

by | Mar 16, 2020 | Daily Links | 483 comments

We are now in the midst of a panic-demic. I’m still playing with the hyphen/not-hyphen, but I’ve settled on my new term. Whatever the actual loss of life from acute COVID-19 infection is, the increase in stress-related deaths, outright suicides, and damage to the economy will far outweigh it.

I’m gonna give my local school district credit for doing their best to help kids despite the moronic closing of schools.

And people here say the current crop of college students don’t have the right attitude.

I give the current Pope a lot of shit, but this is what a figurehead is supposed to do. Also, he probably enjoyed the walk, he probably doesn’t get to do that much.

I think this happened in the US a lot as we were developing modern sanitary practices. Eventually, they’ll evolve the local dog-catcher, too.

Mittens wants to send everyone in the US $1000, and an extra $500 per citizen (or taxpayer) kid. My counter-proposal is to suspend all of the tax-brackets below the 24% threshold ($168k for individuals, $326k for couples filing jointly) for 2020.

In lieu of music, I’ll submit this video of a good doge having fun while failing the agility course.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

483 Comments

  1. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    My counter-proposal is to suspend all of the tax-brackets below the 24% threshold ($168k for individuals, $326k for couples filing jointly) for 2020.

    I’d go for that.

    • The Other Kevin

      Pardon me, have to change my pants after reading that.

    • RAHeinlein

      Nope – goodies are only for the “least among us”

    • Aus

      Simple, effective, and persuasive.

      My favorite economics professor would often say “It takes a plan to beat a plan”. I actually use it with my assistant managers and it’s quite effective when they come to me with problems.

      He also had a say “HOT DOG!” that he would shout out when he was excited about a student’s response or such.

    • C. Anacreon

      I’d go for that.

      I’d go for that too.

      Unfortunately, Hall and Oates can’t go for that, no can do.

    • Animal

      Yes please.

  2. Count Potato

    “Officers arrived on the scene to find “a very large crowd, blocking the street, congregating on rooftops, consuming alcohol, and creating a very large disturbance in the neighborhood,” MPD reported. As officers went door to door directing students to disperse, “suspects began throwing beer bottles, beer cans and other debris at the officers.””

    That almost never works.

    • Suthenboy

      As I mentioned yesterday the only thing more contagious than the coronacooties is the stupid.

  3. Q Continuum

    “Mittens wants to send everyone in the US $1000”

    …oooooof course he does.

    • Nephilium

      Well he can just get the money from Bloomberg, right?

    • leon

      Fucking Mittens. I want our second senate seat back.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’d say the same here but it would be filled by another blue idiot.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Severely conservative…

      • leon

        He certainly seems to want to put us in chains.

    • The Hyperbole

      It’s all pretend money anyway at this point so why not?

      • Jarflax

        So, our plan for the current situation is to disrupt the supply chain as badly as possible and simultaneously pump massive ‘liquidity’ into the consumer markets? I’m not all that smart but that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

      • Suthenboy

        all money is pretend.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        If I can bury my face in it and make motorboat sounds in it, its real.

      • Chafed

        Finally an economic analysis I understand.

      • C. Anacreon

        Top offering next to that link is Dire Straits playing it at Live Aid.

        Everyone made such a big deal about U2 and Queen at Live Aid, but I remember being blown away by Dire Straits watching Live Aid on TV that day. “Money for Nothing” hadn’t really gotten out there yet, at best was still nowhere near the huge hit it became, so I think the average fan who only likes the songs they are already familiar with didn’t give their performance the recognition it deserved.

        Dire Straits’ album Making Movies, still one of my favorite albums of all time, which came out just a few years before Live Aid, was super-popular among those who listened to those AOR FM radio stations who’d play lengthy album cuts, but there was really no “Top 40”-length song on that album, so no hits reached the average pop listener. (Maybe “Romeo and Juliet,” which did well on UK radio, but even that was too long for the US). Nowhere was this better exemplified than by Dick Clark doing the TV voice-over on the Live Aid broadcast that day. Despite several amazing albums over the years such as Making Movies and Communiqué (which spawned FM fave “Lady Writer on the TV”), Clark announced Dire Straits by saying “Here’s a band we really haven’t heard from since their hit “Sultans of Swing” in 1978.” No, Dick, we had heard from them, it’s just YOU and your American Bandstand mentality that hadn’t.

      • The Hyperbole

        Maybe “Romeo and Juliet,” which did well on UK radio

        “Skateaway” and “Solid Rock” were in the regular rotation around here on the “Classic Rock” stations back then. Of course we had some of the best Rock and Roll radio stations at the time coming out of Cleveland, the Rock and Roll capital of the world.

      • Gender Traitor

        For my money, their best.

    • mrfamous

      His own Money? I didn’t know he had that much. But hell, have at it. Oh he means he wants to give other people’s money away? I wish I could do that.

  4. cyto

    My response to pandemic isolation was to take the family to the beach today.

    Miami Beach in Fort Lauderdale Beach or closed for the pandemic. So we went to one of my favorite out-of-the-way spot.

    They’re easily 10 times as many Portuguese man-of-war as I’ve ever seen in my life. They were every 6 inch all the way down the beach.

    Mother nature is angry with me for some reason.

    • Drake

      Save that paper in case you run out of regular bum-wipes.

  5. AlmightyJB

    Dempanic

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      +1

  6. Swiss Servator

    “Meet and Cheese sandwiches on Tuesdays and Thursday)”

    Social non-distancing food?

    • Nephilium

      On March 14, CNN revised the US death count, taking it down by one after discovering a double count of one death. This article has been updated to correct the count going forward.

      So… they’ve got an indexed list of personal information for these deaths?

    • ChipsnSalsa

      Always a good response.

    • Suthenboy

      Bullshit. Every bit of it. As RC said in the last thread a lot of people probably have had it already and did not know it. They thought it was a cold.

      I think the media and TDS people are deliberately trying to tank the economy.

      • banginglc1

        I had two pretty wicked colds in December and January . . . I remember one of those feeling different than a normal cold or flu, looking back it makes me wonder if I had corona virus. Probably not, but it’s a distinct possibility.

      • Suthenboy

        What the hell? And you are here spreading it to all of us?
        Goddammit

      • banginglc1

        *blushes*

        I’m just a nice guy like that.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        Suthen, I really hope you are posting from the ER waiting room, or at least the urgent care.

      • Suthenboy

        Double vision cleared up this morning and the headache is subsiding. Vodka is being consumed.

        The last time I saw a doctor it was my second visit to that office and it was several months since my first. I walked up to the desk and the girl looked up at me and said “Oh, Mr. Suthenboy. We were just talking about you. ”

        “Oh? Why is that? I am surprised you would remember me.”

        She said “You’re that guy that hates going to the doctor. We remember you.”

      • banginglc1

        The worst part of the doctor is the “let’s wait and see” shit.

        Me: I’m bleeding out my back end.
        Doc: I don’t see anything, let’s wait a few weeks and see if it clears up on its own
        Me: I’ve already waited a couple weeks, that’ why I’m here.
        Doc: But we should just wait and see
        Me: I’m not paying $150 fucking dollars for this visit for you to tell me to come back in two weeks and pay another $150. Do something!

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        My personal, totally unsupported, theory is that a lot of people have had it and just think its a regular cold, and then promptly got better and nothing happened. While every death is tragic, etc, etc, the fatality numbers are so low the effects are imperceptible for any individual in the general population. Which is a common pattern in statistics. I can’t think of anyone I know who’s died of the flu, but many people do every year.

      • Brochettaward

        The average age of the people who have died here from this thing is like 80.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        I believe that is true of many seasonal diseases like strep and the flu.

      • Fourscore

        See, here’s the problem with that kind of thinking. You’re suggesting, if I’m understanding, that a few, some, a lot of those flu blamed deaths may actually have been “THE VIRUS”? Now that totally screws up the count, all this time we’ve been counting some CV deaths as flu deaths.

        See where I’m going? This thing could be much worse than we thought. Those 18K flu deaths may have actually been CV deaths and we didn’t know it.

        Now I’m really scared. PANDEMIC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Fourscore

        Heads back to the local store to stare at the empty shelves, wondering why I’m always the last to get the word.

      • I. B. McGinty

        Same happened to me. A couple of weeks ago I got a bad sore throat for a day. No fever and just some mild sinus congestion. I still have a lingering cough though. If that’s all it does I’m touching my face again.

      • The Other Kevin

        My whole family had something in November or December. It was a lingering cough that lasted 4-6 weeks, much longer than a cold. We were told it was a virus and it would just go away in its own. I swear that was it but there’s no way of knowing is there?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Not yet. When/if there is a serology test available, there would be.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yes, the Media/DNA/Top Men + TDS types absolutely are trying to tank the economy.

        After my sojourn in the hospital a few weeks ago, I wonder about whether I had it too.

      • Cy

        It’s tanked… fini… adios…

    • Aus

      The best response.

  7. Nephilium

    So… thinking about the coming doom! How long before one of the ordered closings shuts down production on something that’s needed somewhere upstream in the “necessary” companies?

    • Sean

      One day.

      • Nephilium

        So who wants to start writing “I, Facemask”?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        I, Facemask
        That was short and easy. Who wants to go next?

      • C. Anacreon

        After my regular biweekly chemotherapy infusion this morning, as I was walking out of the office a crabby old dude with a paper facemask on grumbled at the nurse “how come I’m the only one here wearing a facemask?”

        I continued walking out, but I was so tempted to say “because you’re the only one here who thinks it will keep you from getting the virus!” It’s more important for someone who has the virus to wear a facemask to keep from spreading their oral and nasal fluids, not the otherwise healthy person who is thinking it will make them safe. The consensus now is that the virus spreads via droplets — so a bit from a cough gets on a countertop, where your hand brushes it right before you scratch your nose, to give one example of a transmission scenario. The mask wouldn’t have done a damn thing to help with that unless you only scratched your face through your mask. Only letting through a percentage of larger airborne molecules through your paper mask, which is all it’s actually doing for you on the receiving end, is not going to stop very many of these infections, sorry.

  8. PieInTheSky

    Ur is suspending travel at EU border. Does the UK still count? Maybe ill get some of my plane ticket money back from ryanair if they don’t go bankrupt.

    • leon

      I didn’t realize the Chaldees had a border with the EU.

      • Mojeaux

        Right?!

        Where’s Abraham?

      • Swiss Servator

        Darn your speedy typing!

    • Swiss Servator

      “Ur is suspending travel at EU border.”

      Is the Ziggurat a Europhobe?

    • Rhywun

      What did Um have to say about this?

  9. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    I got my first dose of the social stigma associated with not thinking this is the worst cataclysm in human history.

    It’s the same exact elitist condescension that gets all huffy when discussing Orange Bad Man.

    I made the mistake of saying “I don’t know what to believe, because I’m hearing all sorts of conflicting info” to which the panicked person responded “well, you should stop listening to fox news”. He and I hardly ever talk, he has no idea what my political leanings are, but not going full branch covidian means you’re an idiot right-wing yokel.

    • Nephilium

      branch covidian

      Very nice.

      • Tonio

        Missed that. Yes.

    • Tonio

      You’re a bitter clinger, Trashy.

      • TARDIS

        That’s mean. Whack him with a Bible, Trashy!

    • Heroic Mulatto

      full branch covidian

      You know how this ends, right?

      • banginglc1

        Yes, with Janet Reno taking no responsibility.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        With a bunch of NeoGlibs in the year 2038 watching thermal video of a bearcat knocking over what the government calls “a number of irresponsibly ignited bottles of alcohol-based hand sanitizer.”

      • Not Adahn

        SWAT teams shooting you and your girlfriend while you’re asleep?

      • banginglc1

        Look, if we don’t raid the compound, how will all those innocent children burn to death?

      • TARDIS

        I wonder what it’s like to have no conscience.

      • banginglc1

        If you join a police force you can find out.

        I watched a cop pull over someone yesterday morning. They were doing about 65 in a 55 on 465 in Indy. At 8 am, the road was virtually empty. I was doing about 70 coming up on them. I just wonder how someone can not feel like complete shit for ruining someone’s day for no reason.

      • Mad Scientist

        I just wonder how someone can not feel like complete shit for ruining someone’s day for no reason.

        Because that’s exactly why they got into that line of work?

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Especially since the actual flow of traffic on 465 is at 65-70. I remember constantly being afraid of getting dinged for reckless driving for driving 70 on 465.

      • Bobarian LMD

        A little ashy?

      • banginglc1

        In a blaze of glory?

  10. Mojeaux

    Mittens wants to send everyone in the US $1000, and an extra $500 per citizen (or taxpayer) kid.

    Lest my shitlady status be forever forfeit, in the short term, i.e., right this very moment, I’m okay with that.

    • invisible finger

      We’ll see which one kicks the other’s ass.

      • Tonio

        [golf clap]

  11. A Leap at the Wheel

    NATION FINALLY CATCHES UP ON DIRTY DISHES

    Oil City, PA – Amidst concerns about COVID-19, the nation as a whole finally caught up on all the dirty dishes that have been piling up in the sink. While managing new infection-prevention techniques such as social distancing and increased hand-washing, America has finally cleaned all dirty dishes in homes. “Ever since we were instructed to work from home, I’ve been really diligent about keeping up my efficiency” said local smut-peddler Q Continuum as he reached deep in the soapy water to pull out the last butter knife. “It’s really important that I don’t let this disrupt my normal routine.”

    • leon

      Stop spying on my house.

    • ChipsnSalsa

      I like it.

    • Q Continuum

      “It’s really important that I don’t let this disrupt my normal routine.”

      I did say that.

    • pan fried wylie

      You misspelled ‘laundry’.

    • leon

      gatherings over 10 people

      It only takes 4 to riot.

    • Brochettaward

      Fuck Fauci.

    • The Hyperbole

      Why is Trump trying to fear-monger the economy into ruins to hurt Trump?

      • Brochettaward

        Probably because he’s been attacked endlessly the last few weeks for not fear-mongering the economy into ruins.

      • The Hyperbole

        Yeah, I forgot Trump’s well known for letting The Media™ browbeat him into changing his tune.

      • Brochettaward

        Trump is incredibly thin skinned and hyper attentive to what’s being said about him. His strategy has shifted to playing presidential which is about all he can do at this stage. Urging no panic obviously didn’t work.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Sometimes you gotta ride the wave, or drown in it

    • Fourscore

      “saying old must stay home”

      Why is it always me? I should be the one out and about since I don’t have much left to lose.

      “Freedom just another word”….

  12. Rebel Scum

    We are now in the midst of a panic-demic.

    More like a panic-DEMic, amirite?

    • Count Potato

      I’m also worried that he tested positive with no symptoms.

    • invisible finger

      He’s just stringing us along.

      • kinnath

        oof

    • Brochettaward

      At least if he dies people can finally shut up about making him James Bond.

      • Rhywun

        *snort*

    • Drake

      He’s 47? I would have guessed a decade higher.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      Putting on my tinfoil hat for a second, maybe the celebrities are announcing that they have the virus because they’ve been tasked to play a part, not because they actually have the virus.

      • pan fried wylie

        Are you suggesting anyone would be capable of remaining in character through the end of the world? While their children gurgle their last breath in their arms amidst the smoke and ruin that we once called home. You sir, are beyond ….what The Academy isn’t making nominations right now, fuck it, nevermind.

  13. Drake

    I’m on my way to the gym one last time until Governor Murphy decides to grant me freedom-to-associate again.

    • pan fried wylie

      You’re just adorable.

  14. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Sore throat, tired, dry mouth…. Probably a regular cold, but great timing.

    • TARDIS

      It’s pollen down my way.

      “I’m not dead, yet!”

  15. A Leap at the Wheel

    Small observation: People who work in computer security, who have a lot of experience with 1) crisis management, 2) geometric-growth infections and 3) the ability to work from home are A) the least panicked and B) the most likely to make the more extreme self-quarantining changes this week.

    “I’m not panicking, I’m just not leaving the house” was heard today.

    • Mojeaux

      Today?

      Isn’t that every day?

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        No. Computer security people will sometimes lose their (ok, our) shit over stuff normies never know about or see come to pass. For example, the almost-adoption of SIMON and SPECK, and the magic number for Dual_EC_DRBG were huge, existential crisis moments in the crypto world. And noone knows or should care about it. But I know people were where ready to burn all their electronics and move into a primative shed in the pacific northwest.

      • Mojeaux

        Well, I kinda meant… IT people don’t want to go outside or interact with others on any day.

      • pan fried wylie

        I’m working on getting outside more. EOM

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Sounds about right

    • banginglc1

      The exception that proves the rule or something . . . I don’t know anything about computer security and I’m the least panicked person I know. Then again, I’m also just a contrarian. I’m tempted to stop washing my hand after shitting, just to prove a point.

      • Brochettaward

        I’m tempted to stop washing my hand after shitting, just to prove a point.

        We already have one of your kind around here. There’s no room for a second.

      • banginglc1

        Sounds good. Let’s shake on it.

    • Nephilium

      Hah! I’m not in security.

  16. Fatty Bolger

    Shit. I know shit’s bad right now, with all that no TP bullshit, and the Kung Flu, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.

    • Swiss Servator

      Invite STEVE SMITH over?

      • Not Adahn

        I’m Not Sure…

      • AlexinCT

        Wait, I thought it was NOT SURE…..

    • Cy

      Koolaid?

    • Rebel Scum

      Vaseline?

  17. Hyperion

    “Mittens wants to send everyone in the US $1000”

    Yeah, fuck Mittens. I’ll take the tax break instead.

    • cyto

      He can cut me a check if he’d like. I ain’t turning down a grand if he really wants to send it to me.

      He was referring to his own money, wasn’t he?

      • Hyperion

        Of course he was. He’d never offer people your money.

      • R C Dean

        That was my thought

        “Go right ahead, Mitt. I had no idea your vulture capital days paid that well, but good on ya.”

        Somebody should ask him if he thinks illegals should also get a welfare check.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        He hasn’t told you what you need to do for it first.

  18. banginglc1

    Hmm . . .I seem to be struggling with how to not come across as an ass when talking about the pandemic. Apparently, from multiple sources, I’m unsympathetic and not taking it serious enough. After I realized that people were actually freaked out, I tried to tone down my responses and sound like I was empathic to their concerns, but I think I’ve failed.

    • Nephilium

      Nope, I’m more concerned about the population panicking then catching this.

      • Fatty Bolger

        I’m 1% concerned about the virus, and 99% concerned about the panic over the virus at this point.

      • cyto

        Absolutely.

        If they had done an economic calculation, they would have not taken this route.

        The logic behind this response is the logic of banning cars to save 37,000 lives. We don’t do that. Because it costs too much. So people are OK with 37,000 deaths to save time and money.

        We were OK with 20k deaths from this flu season so far…. and with 80k deaths in 2016-17 from flu.

        But this virus? Nope. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead with blocking all economic activity!

      • Fourscore

        Ban Chicago!

      • Cy

        You’re not accounting for old people. The vast majority of our decision making, law implementing, asshats are old people. They’d rather destroy our economy than play Russian roulette with a long death.

      • cyto

        Yeah, that’s the conversation that cannot be had. Since most of the deaths are in the elderly, what is the man-years lost to society? If you are 83 and had a 10% chance of not making it to 83, what does it mean that COVID got you? 16% chance of death at 83 from covid, but 10% chance anyway… so how many excess deaths are we talking about?

        And worse, at what real cost? That’s a cost benefit analysis that nobody wants to do.

      • banginglc1

        Yeah, but people don’t like when I say “your concerns are not valid. you sound like an imbecile. Here’s facts and logic. Why can’t you stop emoting and think for five seconds. No, I will not respect your opinion, because its is emotional and ignorant”

        I may not say it exactly like that, but I’m pretty sure that comes across in my response, because that’s how I usually think.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Ah yes, the old “I’m factually correct and a dick bag, why don’t people respond well to that?” question that is at the heart of the libertarian movement.

        That’s a thinker.

      • leon

        we get it, we get it….

        :Under his breath to the other glibs:

        why does He have to be such a know it all asshole.

      • Nephilium

        So you’re saying we can figure out a solution to this problem if we think through it logically, right?

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Yes, and then communicate it in the form of an 84 page monologue!

      • banginglc1

        Look, I can’t help it that I’m always right.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Is that it in this situation though? I wouldn’t consider myself a “dick bag” because I don’t sympathize with my dog when he loses his shit at seeing another dog across the street. Something or someone acting like an frothing at the mouth, panicky animal should be treated like a frothing at the mouth, panicky animal.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        That’s certainly an option, but you shouldn’t sit in wonder when the other person doesn’t thank you for treating them like an animal instead of a human. I think that holding it against people for being emotional in unfamiliar and potentially-dangerous circumstances is a really high bar, and you’ are just going to go around being disappointing in everyone and generally a pretty miserable person. And if you respond to that disappointment with “Why can’t you stop emoting and think for five seconds.” you are a dickbag in need of empathy supplementation.

        Forgiving people for their human weaknesses, without accepting their advice or agreeing with them, is likely a better way to go. Love the sinner, hate the sin, and all that.

      • banginglc1

        Since I brought it up, I can say I agree with Leap here. Once I realized how freaked out the people I was referring to were, I apologized and toned down my rhetoric. I didn’t change my opinions, but I tried to present them more softfully and and be respectful of their concerns.

        Unfortunately, these people know me, and could see through that. I’ve apologized that I offended them and have kept my mouth shut since.

      • Jarflax

        Forgiveness doesn’t require ignoring the weakness or not attempting to correct the errors. People panicking is natural, it is also very dangerous and destructive.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I think that holding it against people for being emotional in unfamiliar and potentially-dangerous circumstances is a really high bar, and you’ are just going to go around being disappointing in everyone and generally a pretty miserable person.

        That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that if someone’s irrational behavior is putting me in danger, I’m not going to stop and place myself in their shoes first.

      • Mojeaux

        You don’t persuade people by telling them (by word, deed, or body language) they’re frothing at the mouth panicky animals.

      • R C Dean

        They are not persuadable in any event. Someone panicking is, by definition, irrational. While you can’t make it better by scoffing at their panic, you can make it worse by facilitating their panic.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I agree with Dean. I remember when my kid was young and in the temper tantrum stage (which thankfully was pretty short compared to some). There are times when you can kneel down, look them in the eye and persuade them, and there are times when you just have to pick them up, kicking and screaming, and plop them in the playpen.

      • Mojeaux

        you can make it worse by facilitating their panic.

        Listening and saying factual things in a calm, soothing manner is neither scoffing nor facilitating.

        It is POSSIBLE you could persuade someone to calm down and think about it.

        That is my point.

      • Mojeaux

        There are times when you can kneel down, look them in the eye and persuade them

        My son is not amenable to persuasion since he believes he is always right, so I just start off with plopping him in the metaphorical playpen, and trust me, lately, I have said some pretty mean things.

        However, equating panicking people with children and animals comes through in tone and body language, which is not helpful to you, to them, to society, or the situation at large.

        It’s not like it would kill someone to show a little kindness.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        However, equating panicking people with children and animals comes through in tone and body language, which is not helpful to you, to them, to society, or the situation at large.

        It’s not like it would kill someone to show a little kindness.

        No one disagrees that kindness should be shown. However, the other person has moral agency; giving in to panic is a choice. I don’t know why the burden should be completely on the rational person to tolerate the other person’s lack of self-restraint. If that person has the right to experience panic at the unknown, then I have an equal right to experience irritation at the other person’s behavior. Particularly, when that person could endanger me.

      • R C Dean

        It’s not like it would kill someone to show a little kindness.

        If you can do so without validating and facilitating their panic, I would agree.

      • Gadfly

        I wouldn’t consider myself a “dick bag” because I don’t sympathize with my dog when he loses his shit at seeing another dog across the street.

        Not at all, but how do you think your dog sees it?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Like an asshole. Because my dog is a raging asshole.

      • Tulip

        Hmm, “an frothing”, must be one of those linguist things.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Don’t tell me you’re not drinking?

      • Tulip

        I work Rufus

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Me too, but there are no laws when you’re drinking White Claws* while working from home!

        *I’m actually drinking a red wine while grading term papers. Still counts.

      • Tundra

        And I’m sure he appreciates it.

      • banginglc1

        I’m actually drinking a red wine while grading term papers.

        I’m guessing the students that get graded later in the night tend to have more extreme grades.

        “This paper sucks, F”

        and

        “This paper fucking rocks A”
        But not a lot of C’s.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I’m actually more of a sleepy drunk. So I would guess the papers towards the end get a “Yeah, ok. Words.”

      • Suthenboy

        Why are you concerned about what people think. Hint: They think it anyway regardless of what you do.

        I come across as insensitive. I dont care. They are mostly imbeciles.

      • banginglc1

        Because one person is my mother and I love her and the other person I’m trying to sleep with tonight.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        But you don’t love the other person.

        Pimp as hell.

      • Brochettaward

        You give your wife a voice in whether she fulfills her wifely duties or not? What kind of shitlord are you?

      • banginglc1

        Not my wife . . . not even my girlfriend.

      • MikeS

        Sister?

      • Suthenboy

        Ah.
        Yesterday my mother was on the phone with me panicking and frothing at the mouth. I said “Mother. You raised me on a farm. I know what it looks like when people are shoveling horseshit. Everything The WHO says should preluded with “This is complete horseshit”.

        After a few minutes she did calm down some.

    • Mojeaux

      I’ve never gotten in trouble for keeping my mouth shut.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        I’ve never gotten in trouble for keeping my mouth shut.

        Well, that makes one of us.

      • cyto

        You’ll have to forgive her. She’s not married to a woman. She doesn’t have to take the Kobyashi-Maru on a daily basis.

      • Mojeaux

        Shall We Play A Game?

      • UnCivilServant

        Global Thermonuclear War?

      • Mojeaux

        The only winning move is not to play.

      • pan fried wylie

        It’ll happen one day. *ducks*

    • leon

      My wife was really upset because her dad talked her ear off about how bad this was going to be and kinda put her in a foul mood, so while i could be more empathetic on the flip side the “Panic!!!” people can stand be a little more rational.

      • cyto

        We need to get one of those CDC folks to explain that giving your husband a hummer prevents Covid-19.

        But you gotta do it once a day….

      • dontreadonme

        At LEAST, once a day…at LEAST…

    • Drake

      I laughed when I heard it called the “Boomer Remover”.

    • Brochettaward

      I’m in the camp that hopes they get the disease so I get a vacation.

      • Brochettaward

        *virus. But a disease of some kind would do, as well.

      • leon

        well right now it seems like most states are exercising a “lets see if we can do a two week unpaid vacation for everyone” plan. The Economy already handles this once a year around Christmas, so we’ll see.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        I was about to say that this comes on the heals of three weeks of increased consumption, but having been to the hardware store and the grocery store over the weekend, seems like a lot of people were trying to get that done in 2 days.

    • R C Dean

      Apparently, from multiple sources, I’m unsympathetic and not taking it serious enough.

      Let’s just say, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard that said about me.

  19. Hyperion

    Nice

    Well, we could same the same sort of bullshit when you’re dying from Ebola, but not only would it be wrong, it wouldn’t be a very nice thing to say.

    • Hyperion

      ‘Say the same thing’

      Geez, my typing is bad today.

    • Suthenboy

      Ugh. In 2016 someone asked me “Oh my god, if we elect Trump what will the rest of the world think of us?”

      I bet y’all can guess my response. That really pissed me off. What that fuckknuckle said is a very common sentiment around the world. They hate our guts. Fuck them.

      • Hyperion

        It’s just a prime example of why their country is a shithole and why it’s going to stay that way.

    • dontreadonme

      Zimbi is an authoritarian shithole. Was there a couple years ago and saw amazing kind and friendly people….living on less than a dollar a day. People begging to be paid in USD’s (one of their official currencies, BTW) so they can send the money under threat of violence every evening to the government to pay off their international debt. ATM’s that can accept but not dispense money, LOL. They got this ‘gift’ by tanking one of the best agricultural economies in Africa by appropriating land and businesses of ‘white oppressors ” and sending all lenders running. I feel for the people, but fuck their leaders for lying to them. You want to see what socialism does….there is another case study.

  20. DEG

    What’s happening: On Monday, Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) joined a growing chorus of liberal and conservative economists are lining up behind a proposal published in the Wall Street Journal by Harvard professor Jason Furman, who chaired the Council of Economic Advisers (CEA) under President Obama, that calls for direct government payments of $1,000 to every American adult.

    Fuck you. In addition to Brett’s suggestion, cut spending too.

    • banginglc1

      i think Mittens needs to realize that the country doesn’t want him anymore. We’ve moved on to gloves. They’re better for 95% of circumstances.

    • Raven Nation

      I heard someone say today that this idea – and cutting taxes right now – is not the best solution. You want people staying home, not running around spending money. While that excludes online purchases, I thought the general idea was good. Oh, and this was someone who said, in general, temporary tax cuts are good but permanent tax cuts are better.

    • leon

      Now you’re just talking fantasy land.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        On a website with a target audience of US citizens (“target audience” does NOT mean everyone who is in actuality on the site) who reject being a part of the cultural/political/whatever tribes of Democrat, Green, Libertarian, Reform, and Republican Parties.

        Odds of getting some sort of Conscience of a Conservative government in the US?

        Odds of Trump’s successor at least making a good faith effort to adhere to the “law of the land” founding document?

        Seems like this is an appropriate cyber-place to be “talking fantasy land”.

      • leon

        Chill buddy. It was a joke, because things like UBI are being seriously considered, but when you propose just letting people keep their money, people laugh and say its fantastical.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Did not mean to imply being upset. We’re cool.

        If you like your NASA, you can keep your NASA as long as you can get people to voluntarily pay for it.

        If you want your EPA, TSA, and so on, get people to choose whether or not they want to be certified as compliant. How about a choice between booking your flight with airline A which has TSA being TSA and airline B that is TSA-free?

    • DEG

      I don’t like #6’s bikini bottoms but she is otherwise lovely.

      #21 has big traps.

      #30 is alluring.

    • dontreadonme

      24 looks disturbingly like my ex.

  21. DEG

    Fuck

    Gov. Chris Sununu ordered gatherings in New Hampshire to be capped at 50 people and joined other states in limiting bars and restaurants to take-out and offsite eating, effective at the close of business Monday night.

    • DEG

      Three week closure because of St. Patrick’s Day?

      A spokesman for the governor said there was growing concern that St. Patrick’s Day revelers who couldn’t go out in Massachusetts would head north to New Hampshire, potentially hastening the spread of the coronavirus in the Granite State.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Sununu: Making the most progress against Masshole migration since 1638.

  22. Rebel Scum

    Remember the H1N1 Pandemic? I Don’t Either

    America is in the grips of a panic the likes of which we haven’t seen before. What exactly is a pandemic, other than a scary sounding word from science fiction movies? According to WHO, “Pandemic refers to an epidemic that has spread over several countries or continents, usually affecting a large number of people.”

    Per the Johns Hopkins dashboard, at the time of this writing, there are 147,000 confirmed cases of coronavirus spanning the globe, with 5500 deaths and 72.000 recoveries. Cases in China have leveled off over the past several weeks, suggesting that we in the U.S. may see the same over the upcoming weeks to months.

    Wuhan virus is not the first viral pandemic America has had to contend with. The last one was the H1N1 virus from 2009. How did America react to that last pandemic 10 years ago? Does anyone have more than a vague recollection of H1N1, also known as swine flu? No one will forget this current panic, but most have forgotten H1N1.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      That having been said, perhaps we should take influenza more seriously.

      What’s the difference? The occupant of the White House and an upcoming election. And ponder this timing. The WHO declared coronavirus a global health emergency within a week of President Trump’s impeachment acquittal in the Senate. Do you believe in coincidences?

      You’d think a physician would know better than to overdose on red pills.

      • Rebel Scum

        Shut the fuck up libtard. ///didIdothatright?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Yes, my son. You have begun your journey to enlightmentardness.

      • The Hyperbole

        Well akshully, there should be a comma between up and libtard.

      • leon

        You’ll never get you’re own Padwon if you are going to always be so critical.

      • leon

        :claps:

    • pan fried wylie

      72 point zero zero zero recoveries.

      Whew. I’m assuming any fractions would be zombies, right?

  23. The Late P Brooks

    I’m 1% concerned about the virus, and 99% concerned about the panic over the virus at this point.

    #METOO

    • Hyperion

      Yeah, I’m feeling exactly the same. The other thing we have to be very concerned about is the ‘never let a good crisis go to waste’ politicians seizing the moment to push all sorts of totalitarian bullshit.

      • Suthenboy

        That is my concern. The panic is overblown but the disease isn’t something to just dismiss. The real damage is going to be to the economy and it. is definitely being used as an excuse to take shots at Trump. I also think it is being used to deliberately damage the economy to that same end.
        Still…the flu of various strains are something to take seriously.

        Adding in panic and emotion never makes a bad situation better.

  24. Brochettaward

    To sum up the corona panic succinctly, we’ve become a nation of pussies. *glares at people telling Suthen to go to the hospital because of a little brain bleeding*

    • Gender Traitor

      “Rub some dirt on it!”

      • Jarflax

        Is that how you ended up with such a dirty mind?

    • R C Dean

      Hey, hospitals gotta eat, too.

  25. The Hyperbole

    Question for the investor class of Glibs. I may be coming into an extra grand soon and with the market tanking it seems like a good time to jump in since it’s bound to recover, so what should I buy/invest in? I don’t know much about high end financin’ can I buy $1,000 of “the stock market”?

    • leon

      LEON LTD.

    • Jarflax

      Index funds exist. Basically a share of the ‘market’

      • cyto

        But don’t go “fund” because you can’t get out quickly in this scenario (trust me, I know)

        Go with exchange traded funds…. https://www.investopedia.com/etfs/etfs-track-dow/

        In a volatile market, having 1 chance per day to sell, and having to make that choice by 2pm…. yeah, no.

        too late for me. I didn’t hit “sell” when I had it loaded up 3 days before the crap hit the fan. Because the tax bill would have been a year’s pay. So I chickened out, even though I knew it was the right thing to do. Dumbass.

    • banginglc1

      The Human Fund

      • Q Continuum

        Money for people.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Yes, you can just buy an S&P 500 index fund.

    • Nephilium

      Yes, in the form of an Index fund.

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      What is your return horizon? If over 20 years, your investment heuristics should not include the current market state as an input.

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      Cash? Silver?

    • Aus

      My investment record is not great at the moment so don’t take my advice. I am waiting for things to calm down, try to identify what I think the bottom will be, then buy index fund. Maybe overweight in the oil sector because I think that will rebound. Dont take my advice Im bad at this

      • Tulip

        “My investment track record is not great….try to identify what I think the bottom will be…”

        I see the problem. Don’t try to time the market. /economist mode off

      • banginglc1

        I know how to invest. You buy high and sell low!

        I’m still kicking myself for not buying more BP stock during the oil spill. I had extra money at the time too . . .doh!

    • Suthenboy

      Now that you mention it….I would direct you to my son. He is something of a financial genius. I am gonna ask him and I will relay what he says.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Two Girls At The Same Time Inc.

      • banginglc1

        They used to just call it the Bunny Ranch, but that might cost more than a $1000

      • Pope Jimbo

        Look, I’m not gonna lie. For $1K, you will probably have to make concessions in quality to get the quantity you are looking for. But remember, “Quantity has its own quality” as some great general once said.

      • cyto

        For $1k you could make a few good runs at it at the club. You might get lucky….

    • Animal

      Buy 80% lowers.

    • DrOtto

      I’m buying oil and gas due to the double whammy that sector has seen. I’m partial to Valero VLO. Another stock I like that has done a fantastic job of streamlining management during carmaggeddon is Cliff’s Natural Resources CLF. CLF could turn disastrous if this gets real though. I think Valero will be fine regardless and good for probably a 2 to 3 bagger in the next 18 mos, with good dividends while you wait.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    I saw a pair of headlines earlier. One was from CNN, saying something about how that bungler Trump isn’t taking the plague seriously enough. The other was from FOX, saying Trump is attempting to calm people down and tone down the rhetoric about it.

    Whom should I believe?

    • Brochettaward

      CNN’s current headline is “stocks crash as Trump says new normal could last months.”

    • leon

      I don’t watch either, but the “conventional wisdom” that i heard is that FOX is totally working on downplaying this to a dangerous level, saying it is all fake news.

      So you can take that for what it is worth.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Whom should I believe?

      NEWSMAX! DID YOU KNOW THAT DESPITE MAKING UP ONLY 13% OF THE VIRUS POPULATION, CORONAVIRUSES ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR 52% OF VIRAL INFECTIONS? #QANUS #WWF1WWE #LIGMA

      • Q Continuum

        I’m not virophobic, I’m just giving you the stats.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Good to see you’re fighting against the Cultural Hippocratic “medical correctness”.

      • Banjos

        Some of my good friends have the coronavirus.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I think you mean Black James Bond disease.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        It’s STD, you little *bitch*.

      • Warty

        IT’S CALLED WUHAN FLU, LIBTARD!!!

      • Tundra

        I thought it was the Tom Hanks Flu?

      • leon

        MAO’S REVENGE DAMNIT!

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        “Mao’s Revenge.”

        I like the way it rolls around on my tongue.

      • R C Dean

        We don’t want to be racist, so we call it the Kung Flu.

        That is going to pop out of my mouth at a meeting, I just know it. Then we’ll find out if my file folder o’ dirt works as intended.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Why are all of you trying to hide that this disease came from Hollywood?

      • Q Continuum

        You misspelled CIA.

      • Tundra

        Jimbo coined ‘Slant Sicks’.

        Still my favorite.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Why halfway racist?

        Also fun would be the reaction of the press trying to cover the story. Trying to explain why everyone needs to be outraged without being able to use the phrase. And because my genius hasn’t had time to become commonplace they couldn’t say “the double S word”.

      • Not Adahn

        So you’re saying…

        Tom Hanks… and Sophie Trudeau… are the same person?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        The math checks out.

  27. Count Potato

    It’s difficult to believe how so much is different since last Monday.

    • MikeS

      Just wait until next Monday…

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Question for the investor class of Glibs. I may be coming into an extra grand soon and with the market tanking it seems like a good time to jump in since it’s bound to recover, so what should I buy/invest in?

    Carnival Cruise Lines is a smoking buy.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I see what you did there.

  29. Rebel Scum

    Oh, you weren’t talking about the government.

    “The time has come for extraordinary measures to combat the Chinese coronavirus. What seems extreme today will seem obvious tomorrow,” Cotton, an outspoken skeptic of the House’s relief package, said on Monday. …

    “Call it what you want—a shutdown, quarantine, curfew, whatever. But only absolutely essential work should continue: groceries, pharmacies, supply transport, health care, electricity, water, sanitation, etc. Everyone else should stay home,” Cotton contends.

    “Shut down all but essential government agencies & services. At federal, state, and local levels, officials working to arrest the virus’s spread and mitigate its economic harm (and other essential services like food aid and VA care) must continue working,” he continues. “No one else should.”

    Close it up. Lights out.

    • Brochettaward

      Retail workers are officially more essential than the vast array of government employees.

    • R C Dean

      Shut down all but essential government agencies & services.

      Interesting that you hear lots of enthusiasm for shutting down the private sector, but very little about shutting down the public sector. Weird, huh?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        A lot of the public sector here has already gone home for the duration.

  30. Ozymandias

    I’m reporting this from the dead-thread – I didn’t see the new one was up. Given that many people here are considering whether they’ve already had it, I wonder if all of the pant-shitting might not work in Liberty’s favor?

    Hey, let me inject some sunshine into your doom and gloom, Judge Nap style.

    What if people don’t obey all of these insane orders and… just keep living their lives? And… what if nothing horrible happens?

    In the rapid news-cycle of our lifetime, we have watched the complete implosion of the credibility of all of the major media outlets, print and television. Just think about that for a minute. Radio is largely satellite now; terrestrial radio that matters (if at all ) is pop music and AM talk.

    I wonder what happens if all of this screeching at all quarters is still going on and in a few months there’s really no noticeable impact. What happens then? Just a thought.

    The narrative afterwards is what will matter.

    • banginglc1

      I don’t think so . . . if it doesn’t get that bad, people will say things like “the social distancing and quarantining worked!” If it gets bad people will think we didn’t go far enough , , , but I love the optimism!

    • Nephilium

      Nope. The restaurants and bars are closing, the number of unemployment applications (referenced below) jumped up by huge numbers here in Ohio. Businesses are going to wind up closed because of this.

      • leon

        Look at some point the money is going to have to come from somewhere, and who better than those greedy capitalists?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      No matter which way this goes except in the case of total disaster, it will be spun six ways from Sunday, all confirming our own biases.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s just what the Chinese would have you believe.

      • pan fried wylie

        Good thing we’re all gonna die.

  31. Ozymandias

    Reposting, not reporting (close enough, nowadays, I guess)

  32. The Late P Brooks

    The other thing we have to be very concerned about is the ‘never let a good crisis go to waste’ politicians seizing the moment to push all sorts of totalitarian bullshit.

    No kidding. There was a thing in the Guardian from some global warning nitwit whining about how the coronaplague has pushed his/her favorite hobbyhorse out of the headlines. We just need to direct all the stimulus toward “green power” and the world will be saved.

    • leon

      One thing that AOC has going for her is that she is Always. On. Message. She doesn’t care what the panic is, she can and will use it to justify her pet plans.

      Which of course should tell you how seriously the politicians actually think this is.

  33. Nephilium

    So who could have foreseen that enacting a sweeping change of employment laws late on a Sunday night with no prep work would lead to a busy Monday?

    • Drake

      Inconceivable!

    • R C Dean

      Next up:

      “Application denied. Terminations due to force majeure are not covered.”

    • Heroic Mulatto

      But what if she’s postmenopausal?

      • Q Continuum

        Then she don’t swell, won’t tell and will be grateful as hell.

      • AlmightyJB

        And she can fuck us without getting preggers.

    • leon

      Russell Drew
      @RussOnPolitics
      ·
      19h
      Replying to
      @JRubinBlogger
      It’s not enough for Joe Biden to just pick any woman for his vice president. It must be an African-American woman.

      Black women have come to Democrats’ rescue again and again over the past few decades.

      They have earned this prize and more.

      #DemDebate

      (Followed by a gif of Kamala Harris).

      I think i hate this person the most right now.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        “Prize”.

        Yes, being the hired help of the nation is a “prize”.

      • Q Continuum

        Shut up peasant.

  34. Tundra

    Thanks, Brett.

    I needed that doggy video today.

    • Tulip

      Didn’t he come out the end of the tunnel he went in? That’s impressive for such a large dog.

      • Tundra

        Geez, Tulip.

        You want to serve one up like that for this group?

      • Tres Cool

        “been trying to get back in ever since I was born!”

      • Tulip

        My mistake. Oh well.

        I was just impressed that he seems to have turned around in the tunnel at one point.

    • R C Dean

      Well, except the homeless, of course.

      • Q Continuum

        something something meek inheriting the earth something

  35. Tundra

    Osterholm is on the radio again scaring the shit out of everyone.

    Is this fucking virus transmittable through the air, or not?!?

    • R C Dean

      Yes, it is, but there is a difference between “droplet” and “airborne” transmission. In both cases the bug travels through the air to your tender, throbbing membranes.

      We are on droplet precaution protocols.

      • Tundra

        Osterholm keeps talking about how all one needs to do is breathe the same air as the infected person. What the fuck.

      • R C Dean

        Sure, within a very short time frame and within a pretty short distance.

        That is true of nearly everything. Essentially, airborne has a longer range and timeframe than droplet.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Osterholm has been beating the pandemic drum for a long time. I swear I first heard him going on and on about this twenty years ago when he was saying the Y2K could cause things to go pear shaped and make us ripe for a pandemic.

      He must be torn between going on more shows to crow about pandemics or to just sit in his office beating off at the idea of lots of deaths.

      If this thing doesn’t pan out, he’s going to be soooooo disappointed.

  36. hayeksplosives

    I sent this to my team today. It’s apparently now being forwarded around.

    All,

    We are having to get used to a new protocol around here with the COVID19 bug. There are many reactions, so let’s keep our heads and consider the difference in Fear vs Caution

    FEAR CAUTION
    • Instinctive • Intentional
    • Fueled by imagination • Fueled by information
    • Causes retreat or paralysis • Enables progress & empowers

    So if you are locked in a bathroom rocking yourself back and forth, you might be experiencing fear. If you keep a close eye on temperature, wash hands, maintain social distance, you’re just being cautious and taking intentional steps to avoid getting sick if you can.

    No one has ever extended his life by worrying. However, using caution routinely does help.

    Be cautious, but not robbed of calm.

    • hayeksplosives

      My “FEAR” vs “CAUTION” columns lost formatting.

      anyway, you get the idea.

      • banginglc1

        Yeah . . . you’re one of those people freaking out and panicking.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Two thumbs up.

    • DEG

      I want to say something humorous about the lack of pantshitting, but I can’t.

      Instead, I’ll just say that’s good advice.

    • Shirley Knott

      This is very good. Nicely said! Permission to share off this site? Preferred attribution if ‘yes’ and you would rather something other than ‘a friend’. 😉
      Thx!

    • R C Dean

      Known as the “Eiffel Tower”.

    • Drake

      NJ did the same. Are they still required to pay their loans, taxes, utilities? Or just go out of business?

      • Nephilium

        Of course they are. One of the local restaurant associations sent an e-mail with a list of members who were staying open for delivery and take out orders.

      • Hyperion

        Yes.

    • Nephilium

      Fuck DeWine. I’m just hoping the state mailed me my rebate check before call the panicking.

      • AlmightyJB

        I got mine. Better cash it soon.

    • Hyperion

      “We should all just go hang out in his yard and drink beer.”

      Now there’s an idea to get behind.

      • Tres Cool

        I would drive over there just for that.

  37. The Late P Brooks

    I think I’ll go to town for a beer. I consider it my duty as an American.

  38. Drake

    People asking my gym owner if he’s freezing accounts or refunding members while shut down by the goverment. His honest answer: “If I do, there won’t be a gym here when this is over.”

  39. Q Continuum

    Question for HM.

    What’s the most likely thing to happen when you own a lib so hard that she:

    A) Spontaneously orgasms
    B) Has a stroke
    C) Develops incurable fecal incontinence

    • Heroic Mulatto

      You’re talking about how Ruth Bader Ginsburg is going to die, right?

      • banginglc1

        I think she already has C.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Now that’s when the Dems will panic.

      • Cy

        It’s going to be quite a list.

      • Gdragon

        I wasn’t ready for that HM, that will be my biggest laugh this week I’m sure.

  40. Hyperion

    What the fuck day is this? There had better be some beer left in the stores.

  41. Pope Jimbo

    Will no one think of the poor IT wretches who have to telecommute? Everyone else gets to sit at home drinking and playing video games*, while we still have to work. It isn’t fair. Where is our bailout?

    *complete and total euphemism for masturbating to pr0n.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It’s hard to masturbate to porn when your entire family is in the house.

      Hard… But not impossible.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Any teenaged male has learned the art.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The advantage of being a teenaged male is that in general, the rest of the family doesn’t want to know where you are or what you’re doing.

      • R C Dean

        Any teenaged male has learned the art.

        Well, its pretty easy when it only takes a few seconds.

      • Pope Jimbo

        It’s hard to masturbate to porn when your entire family is in the house.

        And you call yourself a Glibertarian. You disgust me with your personal hangups!

  42. Not Adahn

    You know how every business has decided they should send you an email telling you about their COVID-19 plans?

    Today I received one from Swagelok.

    I guess they wanted to reassure me that they weren’t licking the stainless before they turned it into fittings or something.

    • Tres Cool

      Swagelok is my jam!

  43. Nephilium

    My battery order showed up. Based on cheap digital thermometer, no fever. So, assuming the same by next week, I’ve either already had it, wasn’t exposed (unlikely), or was exposed and didn’t get it.

  44. LCDR_Fish

    Well, the house I really wanted (from Friday) apparently went on contract yesterday. Looked at a few more good ones today and I think I’m ready to bite the bullet tomorrow. (sleep on it). Not perfect by *my* [weird layout, space, etc] standards, but excellent on the whole.

    Stopped by my buddy’s restaurant a couple times for lunch and then take-out en route both ways. He’s already hurting in terms of business – more concerned about employees hours, etc. Hoping he can get his landlord to let him slide on the rent for a month or so – since it sure won’t do his landlord any good if he has to try and find another business to fill the slot in the short/mid-term and his normal business is so solid.

    • Don works from Home

      I’ve got some questions on just this topic. Article drops tomorrow.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        YAY! new article from Don!

    • Drake

      Just left the gym. Owner going through the same stuff. His stress is having no idea how long he’ll be closed. 2 or 3 weeks not a problem. More than 2 months and he’s bankrupt and put of business.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Thankfully my gym is still open with additional precautions, warnings, etc. (Cville)

    • pan fried wylie

      How many lunches do you normally eat?

      • LCDR_Fish

        I got lunch on the way to check houses and picked up wings on the way home for dinner tonight and tomorrow.

        My buddy is pretty solid financially for himself (he also contracts with me 30+ hours a week while his wife and MIL run the restaurant most days) but he can’t cover salaries for 10+ employees indefinitely.

  45. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Apparently we just had death number two locally. Another 70 year old man.

  46. Suthenboy

    The Hyperbole:
    I called son and we talked a bit. He thinks like I do…as little risk as possible. Some here advised index funds. Son says right now….put your money in your mattress until this panic is over. Interest rates are at zero now and annuities are paying chickenshit. Plus you may need to have some cash on hand until the panic is gone. Two months tops and then the index funds are a good idea. They pay about 6% right now and they minimize risk.
    He doesn’t like annuities because you cant access the money readily. That is exactly why I like them.

    Ben Franklin: “If you save a little money every day after a year you will be surprised at how little money you have.”
    Meh, Ben, I am a big fan of saving, even if it’s just a little. Better to have a little money than none.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Nobody should attempt to catch a falling knife.

      7 to 10 year T-Bonds are also an option (referring to the funds based on them)

    • Suthenboy

      “They pay about 6% right now and they minimize risk.”

      What I should have said is that they normally pay about that. They generally keep up with inflation but lately they have been doing better. When the panic is over they will return to normal.

    • Cy

      Good advice.

  47. Yusef drives a Kia

    45 holes today, After Bella’s walk, i played with 2 different pros for 18 each and learned a lot of new things, Great Golf day!
    /20+ Mph winds

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Thanks Yusef for bringing a good experience to the thread today

      • Tres Cool

        He’s gonna get simultaneous COVID and Net Neutrality.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Dead and Sick at the same time? Birdie try!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I threw so fast I slipped, ripped out a good shot and fell forward on my elbow, making a bloody mess, but what a shot…..

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Thanks! us Golfers are not around a ton of people, and we still shake hands after a round, Self Quarantine works well around the park,
        We all had very close to Aces today, that’s always fun to see, especially in High winds…

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Bonus fact, I left a note to self to check Kia Fluids, Perfect, and clean, I love my Sewing Machine!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Which one did you get? I forget.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Nice! Love the English as a a second language/translation in the product information.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It is a nice little machine..

  48. one true athena

    I was on the phone with Travelocity earlier to put off our Hawaii trip that was supposed to be Sun. The person who helped me was so great, and he was so grateful to me for not being a jerk, I just felt bad for him. How hard is it not to be an asshole to someone who’s trying to help in really difficult circumstances? c’mon, America. But I hope this blows over by August so we get to go.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      If this goes til August, We are in deep Shit, however warm weather usually kill/mutates Virii, so Summer will help, or Cpt.Trips time……

    • Nephilium

      Yeah, the person I spoke to at the Orleans to postpone the trip for April was pleasant as could be. That’s some damn good training, and I used my Eastern Time Zone privilege to call in early in the morning for Vegas.

  49. Unreconstructed

    Just heard that Harris County (home to Houston, and just north of me) has ordered all bars & restaurants to close for 15 days.

    • Nephilium

      Welcome to Ohio! Except you’ve actually got an end date there.

    • Not Adahn

      Remember when the right to peaceably assemble was a thing?

  50. Suthenboy

    “Is this fucking virus transmittable through the air, or not?!?”

    We dont know.

    I keep hearing, as Leap said earlier, conflicting information which tells me that the people saying it have no idea.
    I can tell you this – in spite of our best efforts we are all going to be exposed. You may not be exposed until after it mutates to something harmless, but eventually we are all going to get it.
    It will burn itself out in a few months at most.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      We shake hands on the Golf Course, fuck it.

    • Hyperion

      I read an article a few days ago where one virologist, I think that’s what he was, said this will probably be the last pandemic we ever see because of advances in technology. Hope he’s right. Then politicians can go back to the usual bad orange man doom mongering.

      • pan fried wylie

        the last pandemic we ever see because of advances in technology

        The Grave Digger 9000Z, capable of simultaneously inverting the entire surface of the earth into one mass grave.

        The last gadget anyone will ever need! Now accepting pre-orders.

    • R C Dean

      “Is this fucking virus transmittable through the air, or not?!?”

      We dont know.

      Yeah, we do.

      It is via “droplet” transmission (like the flu). Likely not via “airborne” transmission (like TB). Both can be caught from breathing it in.

      However, CDC et al are still recommending some airborne precautions.

      • LCDR_Fish

        at the same time (not in the CDC symptoms notes but via ADVChina so I don’t have a link) – apparently if you’re hacking up phleghm, etc it’s not coronavirus, but if you’re really short of breath with a dry cough, it’s likely to be COVID.

  51. Yusef drives a Kia

    2 square mile Gold Monument,
    Not the Flu, ran out of TP.
    /Steven King warp

  52. Trigger Hippie

    I’m unplugging completely for a few days. The First World has lost its goddamn mind and I can no longer be bothered to observe.

    Have fun, all!

    P.S. Sorry about your cat, Rhy.

    • Suthenboy

      The fear mongers are all having orgasm thinking this is their dream come true…we are all going to die.
      A year from now we will barely remember this and the world will still be spinning.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Humanity has nothing to do with our Sweet planets rotation, we just got lucky, for now….

      • Hyperion

        We’ll just move on the next crisis. Something something Trump!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Wait! you can’t catch it here! Don’t Leave us!
      /Good Luck

    • Hyperion

      First World Problems + internets. This is what you get.

  53. Stillhunter

    Governor shut down schools here starting Wednesday through March 30 so teachers and administrators can come up with a “plan for future learning”. I’m essentially unemployed at the moment. No contract work right now and the wife works for the fedgov, so she will probably be WFH anyway. Gas is cheap. ROAD TRIP!! We decided to drive down to south Texas and visit my dad. We’d likely never make a trip down there since the kids would usually be in school. Lemons from lemonade!

  54. Hyperion

    Still plenty of beer in the stores. But the groceries, even Fresh Market, look like they’ve been raped. Fresh market doesn’t have any tomatoes, potatoes or carrots. But plenty of blueberries, I have blueberries now. And beer, it’s all good.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      WalMart, really, fresh food in abundance…….

      • Hyperion

        I’m going to have to do an early morning, late evening run to Walmart soon. We have an abundance of everything, but wife is freaking out, so we have to horde up some more stuff. I’ll try to get her to buy just canned stuff along with the potatoes and carrots she’s obsessing about. I really hate throwing out food, and I keep telling her that 2 people cannot eat all of this stuff. I just threw away almost an entire loaf of wheat bread because she bought 3 loaves last time and one molded before we could eat it.

      • Nephilium

        For next time, bread can be frozen. I’ve started up a sourdough starter as a backup. I may also try my hand at making some spent grain flour from the beer I’m making this weekend (make beer, take grain spread out in single layers on baking sheets, dry, and grind).

      • Hyperion

        “For next time, bread can be frozen.”

        How do you keep it from being wet when it’s thawed out?

      • Nephilium

        Toast it. It won’t be as good as fresh bread, but it won’t spoil.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Use freezer ziploc bags to keep as much air out so that ice crystals don’t form in the first place and thaw in the fridge.

      • pan fried wylie

        The ice in most freezer burned food originates within the food I think. Driven out by the auto-defrost cycle.

        Fight me.

    • Don works from Home

      I’m not hearing this story, but to some extent it should work if you have the time.

      Most businesses have efficient radii; for grocery, that means there’s a warehouse that services an area. For DFW, for example, the Kroger distribution function is handled by a 3P in Keller. So you set up across the street at the service station for five minutes until a semi rolls out and follow it. It backs in at some store, and you head in front door and figure out where your critical items are. My guess is that the hot stuff comes out fairly promptly: hour wait for toilet paper at most.

      Top off your basket with other items as needed, pay, and head out.

  55. Nephilium

    Well, since everything’s closed in Ohio now. I’ve ordered the supplies to brew up a batch of a DIPA.

    /waits for DeWine to ban all out of state shipping.

    • Tres Cool

      He’s really trying hard to see how far he can push this thing, IMO.

      • Nephilium

        Yeah. Just read an article about the restaurant closures in Cleveland, one of the owners interviewed (probably the one that gave the biggest number) said that he would be fine, but he was predicting 50% of the other restaurants in the area won’t make it through this closure. So when they close all the shit down, Columbus, OH Glibs meet up at his mansion?

      • Tres Cool

        We’d have to arrive en masse…when OSP sees a couple of us hanging around, they’ll know whats up

  56. UnCivilServant

    Well, Andy formally told me not to go into the office for two weeks, Just because I can do my job from anywhere with an internet connection.

    • Not Adahn

      Excellent. No trainees to give you more coronavirus.

      Oh, and the Official Steel Challenge “match” dates (where they send your score in as opposed to the practices we’ve been doing) have been announced.

      They are May 17, June 14, July 19, August 19 and October 18.

      • UnCivilServant

        So those are the days where I start with the red plate?

      • Not Adahn

        Turns out, all the plates are supposed to be the same color. You’re supposed to paint the stand red.

      • UnCivilServant

        Wait, how are you supposed to see that?

      • Not Adahn

        The vertical wood part of the stand.

      • UnCivilServant

        Like I said, how are you supposed to see that?

  57. KSuellington

    Fuck this shit. I’m somewhat thinking I had Wuhan Lung AIDS six weeks back. There is no way that it took three or four months to appear in SF. I practically live in China here. It was the worst respiratory flu type thing I’ve ever had. Kids all got it and were fine in 3 days. It took me 10 and the wife almost two weeks to get over. Much lung butter and fever on and off for days.

    If anything good comes out of this I would love to see a very different attitude towards the CCP. Fuck Those Cunts.

    • one true athena

      My dad’s pneumonia in January was not proven flu-related. My mom had presumably the same shit he had later in January and coughed so hard she tore her retina, but didn’t need hospitalization thank goodness. I had something that tested neg for flu but when I went to see the doc with light symptoms, he put me on tamiflu and I was okay. And I’m asthmatic, so likely more at risk for corona.

      So… either this was covid, or there’s another not-exactly-flu thing wandering around that hits older people hard. I don’t know, but like you, I’m dubious SF and LA don’t have earlier cases coming straight from China.

      Antibody tests when those get going should be interesting.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Even before serology testing, there’s genetic analysis of current samples compared to others for an estimate of how long it’s been present and where it’s related to.

      • Tres Cool

        It was around 6 weeks ago SW Ohio (from my basic survey, N= me, Jugsy, and questions I asked her doc) was subjected to an upper respiratory thing, too. Either faded away and came back, or just stuck with you for 10 days or so. I was wondering the same thing.

    • hayeksplosives

      Yep, I reckon you’re right on all counts.

    • KSuellington

      I just have a very very hard time believing that something contagious from China took months to appear here in SF. Over ten thousand people per day get off at SFO from China.

      • UnCivilServant

        Of course the disease was there.

        There were no confirmed cases because no one was being tested.

    • pan fried wylie

      Wuhan Lung AIDS

      Hubei Respiratory Herpes.

    • Tejicano

      I saw a Joe Rogan podcast last week with Epidemiologist Michael Osterholm in which Osterholm stated that they know this virus made the jump from pangolin to human last November. Seeing as how fast it spreads I can’t imagine it just stayed in China from November to January.

      And I was in Shanghai for a week in the middle of December. I came home with a bit of a sore throat & sinus infection – but that’s pretty common when I fly anywhere.

  58. Sean

    I still have work tomorrow, but I think we’re closing after that.

    I firmly believe this is all bullshit and it angers me greatly.

    • UnCivilServant

      It is bullshit, but it is something and people in certain roles must be seen to be doing something, so they must do this.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, unless this is some sort of sophisticated bioweapon engineered by the Chinese to mutate and become increasing more dangerous, it will all be over in a month or two.

        I hear that Johns Hopkins are already testing a vaccine. Not sure if true, or not, but it won’t be long anyway.

      • hayeksplosives

        It would be nifty if there was a world networked set of “protein printers” that would allow a recipe to be sent out for replication of a vaccine.

        But there’d need to be a ton of security protocols to prevent a flub or intentional harm.

      • Gustave Lytton

        There’s vaccine testing starting at Keizer. Very very first stages. At least 1-2 years away. If things go well.

      • Drake

        I bet it goes much faster than that. No way will FDA roadblocks be tolerated.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That would be with the roadblocks removed, unless it goes Chicom safety be damned route.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Those particular roadblocks are there for a reason.

        I’m not a fan of the FDA, but the SARs vaccine trials went poorly and set people up for cytokine overreactions when they were actually exposed to the virus.

    • Hyperion

      What’s going to happen if they keep up the overreaction and one upmanship, is people will just start ignoring them. So if anything really, really serious comes about, we won’t be prepared for it.

      • pan fried wylie

        The old parable about The Boy Who Cried That Some Animals Are More Equal Than Others, right?

    • Jarflax

      Overblown? Almost certainly. But it is a serious disease and it will kill a significant number of people.

      • robc

        Same can be said of the flu.

      • Tres Cool

        And driving a car.

      • mrfamous

        That goes for large economic losses as well.

  59. Sean

    I did not panic buy any ammo today. I did manage to purchase a case of 5.45×39 though. ?

    • Hyperion

      See how you aren’t helping the economy any? Now get to panicking and hording like a true patriot does!

      • Sean

        I had my gf pick up 3 more bottles of vodka and two more bourbon today. That counts.

      • Hyperion

        OK, you’re off the hook this time.

    • Not Adahn

      I got a code for a 15% discount for buying ammo directly from Federal as part of the USPSA course I took.

      Even with the discount, it’s cheaper to buy the stuff from Target Sports USA

    • Gustave Lytton

      I bought a couple boxes of carry ammo to replace what I had. Never hurts to have a little more on hand.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      1000 rounds of 9mm FMJ for $200.

      Simple, cheap, and plentiful

      • Not Adahn

        Eh. I feel ripped off if I pay more than $0.14/round. Preferably < $0.13.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        With all the current activity, I was surprised I got it for that.

      • Not Adahn

        You’re right about that.

        I’m hoping my current supply lasts until production outstrips buying. Unfortunately, I’ve got less than 3500 round in 9mm at the moment, and since I am working from home now, that’s only a month’s supply.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Good Lord man. You must have a hell of a callous on your index finger.

      • Not Adahn

        100 rounds/day is pretty easy to do when you live across the street from a range. And since the organized shooting events that take several hours time for a very low round count (I’m looking at you, bullseye!) have been cancelled due to the plague I’ll actually be shooting more.

  60. hayeksplosives

    I know vox is behind it but I will still recommend Netflix “explained” episode on “Pandemic.” Shows how diseases, viral and bacterial, have manifest and changed over time, why we keep getting crossover viruses, why it’s perfectly natural that this will happen more and more often and WHY ITS NO FREAKING BIG DEAL.

    So if people don’t learn from this pendulum swing, brace yourself for the next go.

    • C. Anacreon

      This will never be a problem with a D President, as the media will do all they can to prevent the public from panicking and blaming the administration, IOW exactly the opposite of what they’re doing now.

      Some twitter thread up-post linked to another twitter thread, who blamed most of the coronavirus deaths on old people too stupid not to watch FOX News for their information. Yes, because the mainstream media with their DNC talking points have been so constantly correct and reassuring. And the usual twitterettes are also on there, cheering how this will bring down Trump. Imagine having so much hatred for a politician (and no national politician truly affects your life directly all that much) that you want people to die, people’s life savings to be wiped out, businesses to fail and people to lose their jobs just so you can have a different politician in the position. It’s really disgusting when you think about it.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Yes, it is.

      • AlmightyJB

        “From April 12, 2009 to April 10, 2010, CDC estimated there were 60.8 million cases (range: 43.3-89.3 million), 274,304 hospitalizations (range: 195,086-402,719), and 12,469 deaths (range: 8868-18,306) in the United States due to the (H1N1)pdm09 virus.”

      • invisible finger

        I was expecting a link to Dead Kennedy’s “Government Flu”

  61. Mojeaux

    My school district is out till April 3.

  62. Scruffy Nerfherder

    So the Kung Flu is loose in a local retirement community (55 and better as they say).

    It’s killed two and sickened at least another 8. I’m certain there’s more out there waiting on testing.

    They seem to all stem from two people who came back from international travel and promptly socialized with all their elderly buddies.

    • Tres Cool

      “come look at our vacation slides!”

  63. straffinrun

    Dammit. Slept through all the good pumping again.

    • Tres Cool

      Stormy Daniels is always available on pr0nhub.

      /premium free if you can fake a .it IP address

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      We need more explanation

      • straffinrun

        I need more liquidity.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        So either you’re talking about stocks or your wife’s breast milk production.

      • Tres Cool

        Contact Jesse. He has the link.

      • straffinrun

        You saying it’s officially a bear market?

      • AlmightyJB

        Swiss to aisle 3

      • pistoffnick

        “I need more liquidity.”

        Dude, at least give it 20 minutes to recharge before you start slapping it again. Eventually you’ll be spittin’ sawdust.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Thanks for that. I love that kind of history.

      My father still talks about using the Sears Roebuck catalog and how it sucked when there were only glossy pages left.

    • Suthenboy

      Are corn cobs making a comeback?

  64. Yusef drives a Kia

    OK, now YOU guys are freaking me out, I’m staying inside,
    /Except for Golf

  65. Brochettaward

    So as politicians race to see who can impose the most draconian restrictions on the public, when/are we going to get any legal challenges?

  66. straffinrun

    It’s gone from no crowds bigger than 500 to 250 to 100 to 10. Does this count socks?

  67. JD is Unemployed

    George Hotz is so off the wall and eccentric. I can’t pretend I fully understand all his hyper-nerdery because I’m just a yokeltarian hayseed, but I like him. Some kind of evening post is on the way perhaps and I should stay on topic and talk about the Chinese flu or the toilet paper and such.

  68. CPRM

    I drank a bunch of beer before I went to sleep, and when I woke up I had a slight headache and felt a little nauseous. I must have the virus!

    • Tejicano

      That’s what you get for drinking that brand of Mexican beer