Friday Afternoon Links – No Mention of Virsuseses

by | Mar 20, 2020 | Daily Links | 397 comments

I bring the news!

I am bored. I am filled with boredom. I am a mote of boredom in a whirling cosmos of dull. Also, I am tired of the news being 100% AAAAH, WE ALL GONNA DIE!!! So, these links are a small attempt to find some news out in the world that is not plaguedeathbiodoom.

So, here we are:

  • Celebrity domestic violence!!! Amidst a case that might earn the lawyers involved the GDP of a small nation…
  • Iran-France prisoner exchange. Looks like the Iranians can still push the French around. [Insert your own “surrendering French” joke here].
  • Something right out of a SugarFree inspired nightmare.

There. See, there are things not related to DOOMVIRUSFROMHELL.

Huh, I’ve got a note to go to TPTB boardroom. Man, that never turns out good for me. You all go rampage in the comments, I’ve got to go down the hall and see what is up.

About The Author

Swiss Servator

Swiss Servator

Currently serving at the pleasure of a Swiss multinational. Previously a Soldier, rugby player, lawyer, bouncer, bartender, substitute teacher, risk manager, and cubicle mushroom. Will work for raclette.

397 Comments

  1. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Amber Heard: wouldn’t…I never thought I’d feel bad for Johnny Depp.

    • Drake

      That is some kind of crazy he stuck it in.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Well, she is cute and she probably didn’t let her psycho flag fly until after they tied the knot.

      • hayeksplosives

        She sure didn’t give it long afterward though. I guess he was too high and into himself to notice what A wreck she is.

      • Jarflax

        Stick it in, pull it out, don’t put a ring on it.

    • tarran

      She’s getting close to her sell-by date. Over the next ten years, she’s going to experience a huge drop in her living standards. And her behavior is going to get more ugly and nasty, not less.

      • C. Anacreon

        He was with Kate Moss until she past her expiration date as well.

      • Mojeaux

        Johnny Depp → wants committed relationship and family with non-crazy chick

  2. kinnath

    Cat/Bat. Another misfire from Marvel?

    • Tres Cool

      + CatBatSnowflakeSafeSpace

      • Slammer

        The best was people calling the fat chick Trailblazer Dora the Diabetic

    • Slammer

      Check out that trailer for Marvel’s New Warriors, it’s so woke it’s gotta be bait, but it’s not. Characters named Snowflake and Safespace. The writer discussing it is some of the cringiest shit I’ve seen

      • Not Adahn

        Don’t forget the guy who can google anything with his mind because he inhaled internet gas.

      • tarran

        How dare you diss Trailblazer, you.. you.. othering cisgender Nazi white-supremicist, patriarhial shitlord!

      • Not Adahn

        Slammer already mentioned Dora-that-OMWC-doesn’t-want-to-assfuck.

      • Nephilium

        “Who am I, Cypher? The gayest X-Man ever!?”

        -Pam Poovey

      • Enough About Palin

        OMWC is a motherfucking fool.

      • Jarflax

        I think with OMWCs proclivities motherfucking is an inapt epithet

      • C. Anacreon

        guy who can google anything with his mind because he inhaled internet gas

        I guess once you’ve used up radioactive spiders and being belted by gamma rays, there’s not many feasible ways left to turn someone into a superhero. So I guess you have to make up the most improbable ridiculous shit you can just to avoid being called a copycat.

      • R C Dean

        As I noted this morning, Snowflake’s got a bigger package than Safespace.

        Prolly setting up some kind of big reveal.

        Just before this gets cancelled for a total, resounding, lack of sales.

      • C. Anacreon

        Wasn’t Snowflake supposed to be gender-nonconforming who demands pronouns they/them?

        You’d think such a person would be like a Ken doll in the crotch, but certainly could be hung like Milton Berle.

      • Slammer

        Schrödinger’s spandex

      • Mojeaux

        hung like Milton Berle

        ?????

      • JD is Unemployed

        I am so confused by this entire thread. Hasn’t New Warriors been shelved for like 3 years since they filmed just the pilot? Haven’t the actors therefore all been through puberty since or were they on the hormone blockers? I suppose everything is greenlit now Disney+ is launched and in need of filler. One more question: will I have to get Disney+ to see the final season of Agents of SHIELD?

      • JD is Unemployed

        Oh nm dead thread. Wooooo spooky ghost post.

  3. Dr. Fronkensteen

    Gov Pritzker of IL tweeted. We have to flatten the curve.

    Are they flattening the curve or delaying it with the shelter in place order?

    • kinnath

      They are turning an 8-week health crises into and 8-month economic meltdown.

      My parent company’s stock fell 21% in one day earlier this week. This is going to be worse than 9/11.

      • Hyperion

        There’s all sorts of crazy shit going on. Earlier today I read an article spreading gossip that our government leaked some stuff to the NYT that the ‘pandemic’ would last 18 months.

        If this lasts 18 months, it will be like a real life episode of The Stand, only without people being sick and with no toilet paper or water.

        I don’t even think we could last 18 weeks without being back at the same state we were in as hunter gatherers during the Younger Dryas.

      • Chipwooder

        They can leak all they want – people aren’t going to put up with this bullshit for 8 months, let alone 18 months.

      • Hyperion

        I agree. No way people are going to just ‘shelter in place’. There wasn’t a fucking nuclear war. They are overplaying this thing to the extreme.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        I removed the stock applet from my Mac’s sidebar yesterday. Too depressing.

      • Mojeaux

        I’m tied up in currency at the moment.

        *peeks inside mattress*

      • B.P.

        Down 10K points in a month. Over 900 today. I’m going to have to work forever.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Same. Retirement at 85, here I come.

      • kinnath

        My employer laid off 25% of engineering in the aftermath of 9/11.

        I can see layoffs looming on the horizon.

        And I can see old geezers (like me) being pushed into retirement before the market hits the bottom. Try living off that 401k now boys.

      • Nephilium

        /looks at investments… sees a greater then 25% drop for the YTD

        /waves tiny dollar bill flag

        /gets ready to make more beer

      • grrizzly

        I have investment accounts with Merrill Lynch. I also have credit cards with the Bank of America that I use and need to check the online account from time to time. Since Merrill is BofA’s subsidiary, I automatically see the balances of my Merrill accounts at the bottom of the page whenever I log in to check my credit cards, so I shrink the height of the browser window before I log in to BofA to avoid seeing the devastation.

    • leon

      Citizen, your questioning of the governments methods, threaten the flattening of the curve! Termination is the only option to ensure the curve remains flattened.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        -1 flatline

      • Plinker762

        They are doing a good job of flattening the curve of my companies sales. Just had a $136K order get cancelled and I don’t see any of the capital project I quoted on this winter happening either.

      • Fourscore

        Murph and NY, CT and a couple more up that way need a 100 B of fed money immediately, Murph says.

      • leon

        Question is do you have the stomach for the cure for your tyrant infestation?

      • Hyperion

        “The statists are just fucking with us now.”

        Like I said, this is thy there is no toilet paper, the politicians are in an unprecedented orgy of circle jerk crisis fapping.

      • Sensei

        You’re killing me Drake.

      • Drake

        I said LOCKDOWN!

    • Slammer

      That fat fuck is stockpiling hot dogs for sure

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Portillo’s will never recover.

    • invisible finger

      Doing anything they can to make it so bad they have to get bailed out.

    • RAHeinlein

      Pritzker talking about flattening curves – where’s Johnny Carson when we need him?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Here’s Johnny: Johnny Carson (October 23, 1925 – January 23, 2005)

    • Rasilio

      Not that I necessarily agree with the governments actions here but delaying is the very definition of flattening the curve. The same number of people are going to get sick and need medical assistance either way but it matter a whole lot whether than number of people get sick in a 6 weeks period or a 6 month period

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        My point is if you overdo it, then yes you do reduce the numbers getting infected. When the politicians rescind the orders people will go out as normal. You will have a huge sudden spike just as if you didn’t issue these orders only a month later.

  4. ron73440

    Celebrity domestic violence!!!

    Hasn’t her being crazy been well known for a while?

    • ron73440

      Maybe she’s why Depp is such a weirdo?

      Or he’s always been that way?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        He’s just weird. The guy has a rep for blowing thru money in a way that would make MC Hammer say “whoa”.

  5. Hyperion

    No mention of germs? No hoarding? What are we supposed to do?

  6. Tres Cool

    I got a decent brisket from Kroger today. Im trying to decide how Im gonna prepare it.

    • Rebel Scum
      • Tres Cool

        …aint got a smoker

        /kicks pebbles

    • Enough About Palin

      He’s on the Antenna TV channel on weekdays at 9:00 CDT. At least on Infinity.

      • Enough About Palin

        that’s 9:00 pm

    • Enough About Palin

      Making Basque pork cops tonight, all from scratch. Yum!

    • Nephilium

      I’m still working. And probably have to work tomorrow too…

      /at least I can get beer delivered to me in Ohio now.

  7. Dr. Fronkensteen

    Of course the French citizen released will be infected with the Wuhan/CCP flu. Not quite catapulting the bodies over the ramparts but getting there.

  8. Not Adahn

    Odds that those Frenchies being repatriated out of Iranian jails will be bringing a present with them?

  9. Scruffy Nerfherder

    So word thru the grapevine beginning at FEMA is that they are getting ready to mobilize the National Guard under the DHS.

    Grab your ass and hold on.

    • Brett L

      Someone is gonna have to put down the food riots.

    • Not Adahn

      Those igloos seem to be getting larger in size.

    • The Other Kevin

      Heard from a reputable source there has been a large increase in military vehicles transported via rail. Largest increase since 9/11.

    • Tonio

      Great tentacly gods. So they can wave their magic FYTW government powers wand and turn National Guard from Military to Civilian? I’m sure the courts are as we speak working on some emanations and penumbras bullshit so they can rule that power is “implied” in the Inland Waterways Navigation Act or somesuch.

      • Tres Cool

        Commerce Clause. Always the commerce clause.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Title 32, Section 502(f) as amended post-9/11

    • tarran

      I live in a town in MA that has a huge retired veteran population. Several have told me that they have been in contact with friends that are in either the national guard, the federal or state civil service or the military.

      The word on the street is that a national shelter-in-place order is in the offing, enforced by national guard units (the descendants of state militia and excluded from the posse comitatus restriction of the national military performing law enforcement functions).

      I’m hoping that Trump is playing some plots-within-plots game worthy of Dune in allowing this shit to continue. If they enact it, it’s going to be a disaster that will take years to recover from.

      • Tonio

        posse comitatus,
        posse comitatus,
        posse comitatus is the clause that kills the fun.

        but there’s a loophole,
        yes, such a loophole,
        that let’s us roughshod run…

    • Swiss Servator

      The National Guard either belongs to the State, or when federalized, the DoD…not DHS.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Like I said, grapevine. Expect some distortion in the message.

      • Tonio

        You know who else heard it through the grapevine?

        I think the distortion was the tube amps.

      • dbleagle

        Plus if the NG is Federalized by national mobilization it becomes part of the active duty under Title 10 and prohibited from police functions unless a state is invaded or in rebellion. A governor can mobilize his NG (at his cost) and they remain Title 32 and retain the ability to police.

        As far as the train movements go. The Army just cancelled the national training center rotations so that is around four brigade sets, plus the ships should be unloading multiple additional brigade sets from east and gulf coast ports to return to home forts. (The US cancelled a major exercise in Eastern Europe and turned the ships around in the Atlantic.) These rail movements are no big deal and are to be expected from the other actions. Abrams and Bradleys are not good for policing.

      • The Other Kevin

        That’s good to know. This was Chicago so everything on rails passes through.

      • Tonio

        ” Abrams and Bradleys are not good for policing.”

        But they certainly make good photo ops for Podunk mayors.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And MA governors!

    • invisible finger

      You know they’re just itching for government stooges to get shot at so they can enact gun control.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Don’t have a cow just yet, let’s hope they aren’t that stupid.

  10. Gdragon

    I saw a link to a NY Times story professing to give “the best-case outcome… and the worst”.

    I assumed the latter was “Orange Man Re-Elected”.

  11. AlmightyJB

    Columbus Giant Eagle update: out of TP, Paper Towels, Nitrile/Latex gloves, hand soap/sanitizer, Sudafed. Had some bread but going fast. Deli, meat Dept closed, bakery out of fresh bagels and donuts. Plenty of booze and pantry items though.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      I was at a local Star Market in Cambridge earlier – paper products were the only thing totally bare. Frozen pizza supplies were low, but could still be had. Plenty of meat, deli had plenty of everything, plenty of produce, plenty of eggs.

    • Slammer

      CdA Idaho update: plenty of tp if you check around, groceries no problems, the gun counter and ammo aisles were swarmed, tho I don’t know if it’s always like that because I just moved here. I got a nice Buck Knives bowie knife for the car until I get a firearm

      • Plinker762

        An AR with mags and ammo could fall out of my truck as I pass through CDA to go snowmobiling.

      • AlmightyJB

        Buddy of mine went to Vance’s this morning, which is a huge gun store. Line out the door and they were not doing any gun sales today.

    • Tonio

      Bakeries are closing salad bars, self-service bakery cases, etc.

    • Hyperion

      And no one even needs any Goddamn hand sanitizer, apparently plain old soap kills the yellow flu germ. People also are not going to die from lack of toilet paper.

      I went on a shopping spree at 11am. The only thing there wasn’t much of was bottled water. I bought the expensive uppity water at Fresh Market. Tons of alcohol in the stores, all you can drink and more.

      Politicians are over-reacting and spreading mass hysteria. They need to stop it, but it’s what they do best. If they can’t keep the sheeple in a constant state of panic, how can we become just like the CCP?

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        What’s with the bottled water madness people have? This isn’t some storm where salt water will contaminate supplies or something.

      • Hyperion

        Apparently, you can still drink the tap water. I don’t like it, but you can survive doing it. Some people apparently do it all the time and haven’t died from it.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Wait, I just checked – apparently I’m dead. Better not risk it.

      • Chipwooder

        eh, the hand sanitizer is useful when you’re out and about without immediate access to a sink and soap.

      • B.P.

        Soon, no one will be out and about.

      • Rhywun

        Hand sanitizer is recommended when you can’t wash your hands. Which is why the average American now has a case of them in the linen closet next to the bathroom.

      • Hyperion

        They’ll find them a decade from now and you can buy them all for 25 cents at their garage sale.

    • Tulip

      Plenty of everything except sanitizer and rice and dry beans. Canned beans available. I got what I wanted, even paper towels.

  12. Not Adahn

    Dammit, I was planning on getting a pork loin on Sunday, but I guess I should go do it now before there’s nothing left in the grocery other than discarded shit-stained trousers.

    • AlmightyJB

      I got a nice big pork butt.

      • Enough About Palin

        That you, John?

  13. Rebel Scum

    No Mention of Virsuseses

    There is really only the one to which people are dangerously overreacting.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Huh, I’ve got a note to go to TPTB boardroom.

    Did they tell you to bring your playbook?

  15. slumbrew - double secret satan

    Who’s The Turk in TPTB?

    • PieInTheSky

      None of them plays chess

      • PieInTheSky

        Nfl is canceled

  16. Tres Cool

    Have the Flathead Valley, Montana crime update.

    • PieInTheSky

      grocery store employee called 911 to report that a woman had been in the store’s bathroom for an extended period of time. The employee thought that the woman was either doing drugs or eating donuts. – or fucking a dead guy

      • R C Dean

        + 1 Clerk

    • Slammer

      Lol breaking into the coffee shop at 7:48 am

  17. RAHeinlein

    My Governor – coming through:

    Extends expiration deadline for a permit to carry and a permit to acquire a firearm and additional measures.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Heard from a reputable source there has been a large increase in military vehicles transported via rail. Largest increase since 9/11.

    *grabs binoculars, goes to window overlooking major east-west rail line*

  19. The Late P Brooks

    That reminds me of living in Colorado Springs, in the run-up to Gulf War I. There were tanks and other equipt going north on the railroad every day for weeks.

  20. Ted S.

    I had to update to the latest version of Chrome on my tablet, and it looks like there’s no setting to turn off autoplay of Youtube videos. Fuck that shit.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      Brave works just fine on both my iPad & Android tablets.

    • Slammer

      “I’m Bernie Sanders and I’m once again asking for your help”

  21. The Late P Brooks

    The National Guard either belongs to the State, or when federalized, the DoD…not DHS.

    Somebody is behind on his updates to the Living Dead Constitution.

  22. PieInTheSky

    So i am thinking if the end of times are /is upon us i will never get the chance to age the wine i set aside to keep at least 10 years from now. Sad

  23. DEG

    So, these links are a small attempt to find some news out in the world that is not plaguedeathbiodoom.

    Thank you.

    Lucy, a 1-year-old Sphynx cat in Israel, might belong in the bat family.

    That cat does look kinda freaky.

      • DEG

        See, clicking on HM’s links have made me stronger.

      • Mad Scientist

        Endeavor to persevere.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Getting priorities right

    The coronavirus pandemic has led to a rush to purchase firearms and ammunition in the Philadelphia region and across Pennsylvania, leading to long lines at some gun shops.

    But the Philadelphia Police Department has shut down its gun-permits unit. Firearm owners without a license-to-carry permit will, in almost all circumstances, not be able to carry the weapons on them without risking arrest.

    Sheriffs offices in Montgomery County, Allegheny County and at least five Pennsylvania other counties have done the same, according to gun-rights groups who have been tracking the shutdowns.

    Inspector Sekou Kinebrew, a Philadelphia police spokesperson, said the city stopped processing permits on Tuesday

    ——-

    As a result of the pandemic, police in Philadelphia are delaying arrests for some crimes – including narcotics offenses, thefts, burglary and prostitution – but Kinebrew said Friday that officers would continue to arrest people carrying a firearm without a permit.

    What about looters? Will they be released with a stern scolding?

    • Not Adahn

      Considering theft and burglary are non-arrestable now… they won’t even be held for the scolding.

  25. Mojeaux

    If my inbox is anything to go by, everybody who’s housebound has decided it’s time to write the Great American Novel. While this whole thing may be very good for us, especially in the short-term, I’m terrified of the longer-term effects on the economy.

    In related news:

    @RCDean

    What if they decide they don’t need him?

    FMLA is your friend. It makes it really hard for them to eliminate his position while he’s out “sick”. And if they sent him home, I think he can claim FMLA leave (not sure, not an expert). He should call HR and request that this be treated as FMLA leave.

    His entire team was sent home with pay and instructions to check in on March 30, although not to COME in. This is NOT work from home. It’s a manager (company?) decision to just send people home, especially people at risk. There was no question he should be home.

    Now, here’s the thing I am wondering. It’s not really about FMLA, necessarily. But I suspect, with the way things are going, that the gummint is going to say, “You can’t lay off workers under X circumstances of Kung Flu.” Either that, or there will be lawsuits across the country for wrongful termination.

    • PieInTheSky

      Does one need be American to write the Great American Novel?

      • Not Adahn

        Not even vaguely.

      • Suthenboy

        See: Alexis De Tocqueville – a frenchman no less.

        Not a novel but considered one of the great American works.

    • R C Dean

      It’s not really about FMLA, necessarily.

      Not at this point, it doesn’t sound like. I got the impression he was sent home because he was “at-risk”, which would open the door to FMLA, I think.

      the gummint is going to say, “You can’t lay off workers under X circumstances of Kung Flu.”

      This would be a catastrophe for businesses, so I would bet on it. To be remedied with another gargantuan bailout that mostly evaporates, mysteriously, before it actually shows up in the checking accounts of actual businesses.

      • Brett L

        I would assume cash poor businesses will push everyone they can to FMLA as that has already been bailed out, and allows them to restaff their current workforce as soon as they have work. Only downside is the unpaid part of the leave. But at least you still have health insurance.

  26. Ownbestenemy

    There goes Nevada….oh well my wife is gonna stealth groom still. Fuckers.

    • Mojeaux

      Black market #FTW

  27. LJW

    Not sure if this is good or bad timing, our Suburban crapped out on us today. Needs a new catalytic converter, AC condenser went too. I swore off buying Chevy after our Equinox crapped out after 60k miles. Looks like the suburban is heading the same direction. Now I must convince my wife to not buy a minivan. Anyone recommend a vehicle that would be a good compromise between SUV and minivan? I like the look of the Hyundai Palisade and Volkswagen Atlas. Anyways should be some good Coronavirus deals out there.

    • PieInTheSky

      Get a hot hatch insteas

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      What year?

      • LJW

        2015

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Probably fix it and sell it. You should get decent value for it.

        If it were 96 to 02 I’d say fix it and keep it.

      • Fatty Bolger

        That’s pathetic, even for Chevy.

    • C. Anacreon

      Catalytic converters are apparently the number one car part stolen in the parking lots of the Bay Area BART trains.

      • Mad Scientist

        Public transit has always been efficient at moving money to crooks.

      • B.P.

        I had a cat converter stolen from a vehicle parked right in front of my house. They have trace amounts of precious metals in them.

    • Trials and Trippelations

      We will be in the market for an atlas next summer. 3 rows, can tow, and both second rows tilt with a car seat in place for third row access

      I’d perfer the Telluride, but there won’t be any in the used market next summer

      • C. Anacreon

        I can’t hear the word “Telluride” without thinking “Telluride to pick you up at eleven”.

    • DEG

      I like #6.

    • C. Anacreon

      #41 quoted Almighty JB and said “I got a nice big pork butt.”

  28. Unreconstructed

    About to venture out to see if the TP wipeout is still in effect here south of Houston. I’m down to a roll and a half. Will probably buy booze too, just because.

    • Mojeaux

      I got the last box of commercial giant-roll TP at Sam’s Club today.

      At Price Chopper, I got the last loaf of bread, which happened to be rye, which was what I wanted; the last 2 bottles of teriyaki sauce; and the last 2 bottles of honey mustard.

      People sure do like their honey mustard.

    • Not Adahn

      HEB isn’t full? WTF?

      Is Matress Mac donating corona-proof furniture covers?

    • Enough About Palin

      Corncobs was good enough for my pappy. And corncobs was good enough for my grand-pappy. And corncobs is good enough for me!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I thought you might be joking.

      Fuck

      • Drake

        Just one 90-year-old with emphysema and heart-disease…

    • Hyperion

      I’m going to one up the mafioso fuck. Just permanently lay off ALL unnecessary government employees in NY.

      • UnCivilServant

        That’s all of us.

        If we can burn down the Regs and the offices on the way out, I’m a-okay with that.

    • leon

      “This is not life as usual. Accept it. Realize it. And deal with it,” Cuomo said.

      Fuck that bitch

      • Tres Cool

        I was about to paste that with the same sentiment.

        Power-grabbing by the politicos state-to-state is even more infectious than the virus, it seems.

  29. Q Continuum

    Christ Almighty Amber Heard is gorgeous.

    Spending the night with her would be worth getting beaten up.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      She definitely tests the HOT/CRAZY matrix.

    • Mad Scientist

      She isn’t anywhere near good looking enough to tolerate that much crazy.

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      ISTR she did well on Top Gear.

  30. Suthenboy

    Amber Heard (who?) and Johnny Depp. That is a double dose of crazy right there.

    • C. Anacreon

      Amber Heard a Who?

  31. The Late P Brooks

    Nail sticks up, gets pounded down

    As more states and cities are ordering restaurants to close their dining rooms and provide only delivery or takeout services, many establishments are adjusting their policies. One pizza place in Illinois reportedly took a different approach.

    Rosati’s of Taylorville shared a simple message for Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker, Herald & Review reports. Spray-painted on a 12-by-3-foot banner was the message, “Governor Pritzker – screw you.”

    Rosati’s is a chain of pizza places with over 200 locations across the country that originated in Chicago.

    Peggy Brandon, owner of the Rosati’s franchise in Taylorville, told the Herald & Review, “I did it myself because he had no business shutting my business down.”

    ——-

    When asked about her restaurant’s future, Brandon said, “I just don’t know, I couldn’t tell you if we’ll make it. But I doubt it.”

    Unfortunately, Brandon’s message caught the attention of Rosati’s, which terminated its franchise agreement with her, Eater Chicago reports. In a statement obtained by the news outlet, a spokesperson for Rosati’s said, “We stand with the Illinois Restaurant Association and the Governor in this difficult decision; we must work together and take extraordinary measures to halt the spread of COVID-19.”

    Stand up for yourself, and your rights?
    How dare you?

    • Drake

      Fuck Rosati’s – Change the name and stop paying the obviously worthless franchise fee. I’d make a point of going there regularly.

      • R C Dean

        We have a Rosati’s that I very occasionally patronize. I’d stop altogether, but it sounds like the franchisee would be taking the hit.

        They have pickup, and may even deliver. Why close them down, you steaming pile of corrupto-fascist shit?

    • Not Adahn

      Meh. Everyone but the government did the right thing.

      The Franchise holder needed to protect itself from being made the example pour encourager les autres.

  32. Enough About Palin

    “No Mention of Virsuseses”

    This post isn’t about viruses, it’s about people being labeled as racist for calling it the CHINESE COVID-19 Virus. Well I agree with that criticism. I believe it is racist to call it that because one can’t blame an entire race of people for the actions of individuals. From a libertarian standpoint, it is fundamentally wrong to do so.

    Therefore, I propose it be called the XI JINPING VIRUS.

    • kinnath

      Li Ping Virus?

    • peachy rex

      I liked Pooh Flu.

    • Slammer

      wu ping cough

    • Rhywun

      Has anyone pointed out that China is not a race?

      • Enough About Palin

        Well sure, but that doesn’t sink in with most.

      • Suthenboy

        You would be wasting your breath. They aren’t saying it is racist. They really don’t care about that. What they are saying is “SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP!!!!!!”

      • Gustave Lytton

        So WHO Han virus is out?

    • R C Dean

      CCP Virus.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Unnecessary.

      Lou Gehrig wasn’t responsible for ALS, and Tom Hanks wasn’t responsible for Tom Hanks Disease.

      He was responsible for Charlie Wilson’s War, however.

      • Chipwooder

        And, worse, the film adaptation of The Bonfire of the Vanities

      • Sensei

        So much this. I quite enjoyed the book.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Yeah. Though I’m thinking the film was peak Melanie Griffith.

  33. Drake

    Wow – What I need is a good workout at the gym, a shower, and a couple of beers down at the brewery…

    FUCK

    • Nephilium

      I just ordered beer from one of my local breweries to be delivered tomorrow. I’m still on a fucking call, and will be for probably another 3-4 hours tonight. Depending on how much I spend at the grocery store (if I can go), and getting some food delivered, I may order a case from another local brewery, that will be delivered on Tuesday.

      (These breweries are delivering for free).

  34. The Late P Brooks

    Always on message

    Senate Democrats are proposing that the federal government cancel student loan payments throughout the coronavirus outbreak and forgive at least $10,000 of the debt for each borrower.

    The plan unveiled on Thursday by Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., among other Democrats, goes much further than the Trump administration’s approach of waiving interest on federal student loans during the national emergency.

    “Families and student loan borrowers desperately need our help right now and we’re only just at the beginning of the devastating economic impact of this crisis,” said Sen. Patty Murray, D-Wash., in a statement.

    In addition to the suspension of student loan payments and $10,000 in student debt forgiveness, the proposal calls for halting the garnishment of wages, tax refunds and Social Security benefits for past-due borrowers.

    Attack attack attack!

    • The Other Kevin

      “People who Vote for me Hardest Hit”

    • Mad Scientist

      I am so tired of these assholes throwing me under the bus so they can pander to drooling morons.

    • RAHeinlein

      Now suspend wage garnishments for child support – didn’t think so.

  35. leon

    With all that is going on it seems like God is furiously hitting Ctrl-C on the simulation.

    • Rhywun

      I’m about ready for Ctrl-Alt-Del at this point.

  36. The Other Kevin

    A third person Indiana has died. “Virus Deaths Increase by 50% in Single Day”. Did I do that right?

    • R C Dean

      The Kool Kids are all about “exponential”. Try “Virus Death Increase Exponentially, City Sanitation Urges Residents Not To Pile Dead Bodies For Curbside Pickup”.

  37. hayeksplosives

    News dispatch from the field of California, where I ventured out to the grocery store a while ago, despite Newsom’s “stay at home” order/directive/SimonSays:

    Walked in, place looked good. Lots of produce; got my onions and portobello shrooms. Then to the meat area. A little bare, but the butchers were on hand to customize orders. I took some top sirloin for stroganoff tonight, then ground beef to freeze. I thought life was pretty functional.

    Then down the paper aisle. No TP, no PT. Further over aisles: no soup of any kind, only rice left is slightly less familiar blends that newbs are scared of.

    I asked the clerk how her day was. She said fine, especially if the governor can keep from “issuing further panic-inducing” speeches. I was surprised and pleased that Betty blue collar saw the misguided BS for what it is. She said Newsom’s statement triggered a 3 hour shopping run last night.

    • UnCivilServant

      I went to the local game store to buy plastic crack.

      The guy in front of me in line has apparently swallowed the panic hook line and sinker, as he had on a cloth handkferchief or bandanna for a mask, and declared his intent to spritz down the board games he was buying with alcohol.

      When he left I answered the clerks” how are you” with “I’m fine, but everyone else appears to have gone crazy.” Which prompted the clerk to vent their concerns about not being able to work during governer asshole’s “close unessential businesses” commandment. I didn’t get any indication that he was worried about the virus at all. All the while I was hearing half of the owner’s phone conversation about the fact that deliveries would still be coming in. (in fact, I was arriving just as the FedEx guy was leaving)

      • Rhywun

        I wonder what happens with the deliveries to all the businesses that are going to be closed in a couple days.

      • UnCivilServant

        That concern was pretty much the gist of the owner’s phone call. I think he’s going to keep showing up to his shop to accept the deliveries, even if he closes for the duration. (After all, a delivery from Games Workshop is thousands of dollars of merchandise. No way he can afford to risk that going missing. Box of Marvel comics… probably a loss either way.)

        As for other places, no idea.

      • peachy rex

        Battlefront is doing free shipping in the US for all orders. I think their distribution center is in St Louis, which seems to still be running.

      • Mojeaux

        Missouri’s governor has said he’s not going to tell Missourians what to do/mandate any closures, shelter-in-place* orders. Cities and municipalities will do what they will.

        “Shelter in place” sounds suspiciously like, “Stay there until we can come get you and take you away.”

    • Brawndo

      Grocery worker in MA here. A lot of my coworkers see this as the ridiculousness it is. I’m thankful to be working in a grocery store to be honest. All the overtime I want right now and one of the only retail industries in the country where I’m able to work. Some of my friends were laid off recently. I only hope they see that the state did this to them.

      • l0b0t

        Cheers and well met, from a fellow grocer in NYC. Sipping on some Old Granddad about to take a nap before my overnight shift.

      • mrfamous

        I’m gonna start correcting people on this. When someone says “such and such was closed down due to coronavirus,” I’ll respond that the neither virus nor even the CDC had anything to do with the shutting down. The government did that. If they’re so damned proud of what they’re doing, they should at least own it.

    • Juan-Baptiste Emmanuel Seguin
  38. The Late P Brooks

    A third person Indiana has died. “Virus Deaths Increase by 50% in Single Day”. Did I do that right?

    Not really. Needs moar “Spike”.

  39. Q Continuum

    As a consolation prize for the trip to Ireland that got fucked up, the La-Z-Boy I ordered 2 months ago finally got delivered today. I will officially not be getting out of this chair except to use the john until tomorrow morning.

    • C. Anacreon

      Our African safari in May was formally cancelled today. Really depressing. Perhaps you’ve got a good solution in obtaining a La-Z-Boy and staying in it.

      • Nephilium

        So far my trip to Europe in June/July is still on… but I’m not getting hopeful for it.

      • Brett L

        Huh. We’re you going with a group? May parents were off to do that in… wherever the big waterfall is… Lesotho? South Africa? Early May. They hadn’t been officially cancelled as of Tuesday, but assumed that it would since S. Africa had started canceling visas.

      • C. Anacreon

        We were going to Botswana. Perhaps you’re thinking of Victoria Falls?

        We were some docs who were invited to speak in a medical conference in Johannesburg, and we booked a trip just for us afterwards that would join other individuals at safari camps, so not a group tour, but not exactly by ourselves either. Today both the conference was ‘postponed’ and we got an email from the safari company basically saying they knew no one would be allowed to fly there for the next 60 days, and giving options on what to do on rescheduling vs outright cancellation. Still hoping they reschedule the medical conference and we can pull it off then, though it likely won’t be rescheduled until next year.

        Was really, really looking forward to it, probably more than any travel in my life. Oh well. Fucking virus. Other people are facing much worse so I can’t really complain.

      • KSuellington

        Fuck that sucks C. I hope you’re able to reschedule and do both in the near future. I was utterly pissed off at just our family ski trip getting cancelled because of this shit.

    • RAHeinlein

      What happens if businesses are found in violation of the order?

      “That will be up to state and local governments,” Sisolak said. If acts become criminal, the judicial system will take over, the governor said.

      What would you say to businesses that decide to remain open?

      “I am not asking them anymore,” Sisolak said. “I am telling them that if they do not close their doors, they will face the consequences.”

      How can people report nonessential businesses staying open?

      “I hope it doesn’t come to that,” Sisolak said. However, DO NOT contact police.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Its all bullshit. But everyone in every state is gonna get their daddy government figure they want.

      • B.P.

        In those jurisdictions where leaders have declared that certain crimes (up to and including burglary!) will not arresting offenses but productive enterprises are at threat of prosecution, the optics for many of the tax cattle are going to be pretty stark.

    • Suthenboy

      What are the standards used to determine ‘essential’?

      • Mad Scientist

        How much your industry given the gov.

      • R C Dean

        Donations to Sisolak’s campaign. Duh.

      • Suthenboy

        I was going to argue that that pizza joint story linked provides food. Food is essential.

        Or restaurants in general.

      • Rhywun

        I assume they will allow takeout or delivery like the other lockdowns I’ve read of.

    • Q Continuum

      I love the subtext that EEEEEVUL LIBURRTARYUNZ questioning the constitutionality of these orders are joyfully letting the Kung Flu run rampant and celebrating each death.

      • Suthenboy

        The same principle driving that as this: “Socialism, like the ancient ideas from which it springs, confuses the distinction between government and society. As a result of this, every time we object to a thing being done by government, the socialists conclude that we object to its being done at all. We disapprove of state education. Then the socialists say that we are opposed to any education. We object to a state religion. Then the socialists say that we want no religion at all. We object to a state-enforced equality. Then they say that we are against equality. And so on, and so on. It is as if the socialists were to accuse us of not wanting persons to eat because we do not want the state to raise grain.”

        Mendacity is the collectivist’s disease.

      • Tres Cool

        Its weird that the article has a link for comments, but it seems they’re disabled.
        Imagine that.

    • westernsloper

      I like it.

    • Juan-Baptiste Emmanuel Seguin

      Man that guys wants that hot government force meat HARD.

  40. l0b0t

    TOS has an article about Rat-Faced Andy (The Mobbed Up Lawyer) and his quick reversal on making NY residents stay at home. I still get updates from TOS on DerpBook. The majority of the comments are praising Cuomo . G/d bless and keep TPTB/Founders/every commenter here for providing and maintaining this place.

    • UnCivilServant

      What did he say now? Or is this just the “nonessential businesses” illegal order?

      • Rhywun

        He was saying a few days ago that there were no plans for a lockdown.

      • UnCivilServant

        Yeah, but it’s Andy, he’s a liar.

      • Rhywun

        This checks out.

      • l0b0t

        Same old, same old I assume. To be honest, I haven’t been to TOS for a long time. I just throw an occasional “Fuck off, slaver!”, “Fuck you,cut spending!”, or abuse at Fruit Sushi/Shika on their DerpBook posts.

      • Suthenboy

        After every single writer there eventually said something ridiculously statist, leftist or caved to the marxist bullshit I just said “I am done with you” and walked away. I don’t remember what those things were because I never think about them anymore.

        Thank you TPTB for this place.

      • Raven Nation

        Meh, I still get the mag and there are always some good pieces in there. And the podcast downloads are generally good.

      • Suthenboy

        I said all of them….that’s not true. Stossel is still good.

      • DEG

        Don’t forget Remy.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Indeed, Remy is in the Pantheon of U.S. national treasures, along with Iowahawk.

    • Rhywun

      *looks*

      LOL, that’s great

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        I overuse ‘apparently’, evidently. ?

      • Rhywun

        I’ve had days like Sylvester is having there. And probably more than a few are coming up.

  41. AlmightyJB

    Ribeyes resting:)

    • Sean

      ??

    • UnCivilServant

      [Insert ‘just resting eyes’ joke here]

  42. DenverJ

    To be fair, haven’t we all wanted to clock Johnny Depp in the face?

    • UnCivilServant

      Those charges were dropped!

    • westernsloper

      Fair point.

    • Suthenboy

      More than once. He is as nuts as she is.

  43. DEG

    Not surprising

    A Superior Court judge on Friday dismissed a lawsuit challenging the governor’s authority to ban public gatherings of more than 50 people because of the risk posed by COVID-19.

    After a one-hour hearing, Judge John Kissinger said a 2002 state law gave the governor broad powers to declare an emergency to protect the public.

    “The bottom line here is that the court finds there is overwhelming factual and legal support in the governor’s action in declaring a state of emergency,” Kissinger said from the bench after the hearing in Merrimack County Superior Court.

    • Suthenboy

      To add to what Leon said yesterday – I am taking the virus seriously but I went through Katrina, Gustave and….uh…I forgot the name of the other one…and the aftermath of them. I absolutely expect the govt to make things worse and the problem will be solved by private entities in spite of the government’s best efforts.

    • Tres Cool

      His other listed achievements were crossing guard, attendance secretary, and hall monitor

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      Note to self: Don’t hire that guy when smuggling drugs into New Zealand.

    • mrfamous

      I wonder how many times that guy referred to someone else as a “fascist.” Cuz um…

  44. Don Escaped Texas

    The theory was well credentialed. Now cited in academic journals over 350 times, it was first put forth in a 2005 paper by Barbara Fredrickson, a luminary of the positive psychology movement, and Marcial Losada, a Chilean management consultant, and published in the American Psychologist, the flagship peer-reviewed journal of the largest organization of psychologists in the U.S. But Brown smelled bullshit. A universal constant predicting success and fulfillment, failure and discontent? “In what world could this be true?” he wondered.

    “For me, the real question is not about Fredrickson or Losada or Seligman,” Sokal says. “It’s about the whole (psychology research) community. Why is it that no one before Nick—and I mean Nick was a first semester part-time Master’s student, at, let’s be honest, a fairly obscure university in London who has no particular training in mathematics—why is it that no one realized this stuff was bullshit? Where were all the supposed experts?

    • Suthenboy

      Those were the experts, dummy. This is what credentialism and Top. Men. gets you.

      On the flip side I am not sure I completely disagree with their premise. It does seem that there are common ingredients in the recipes for what works.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I don’t even know what a ratio of 2.9 positive emotions to 1 negative emotion means.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ass to mouth ratio.

      • Suthenboy

        Ok, that is bullshit. Those common ingredients have nothing to do with math and trying to quantify them like that is nonsense.

        I am also guessing that what I think the end result looks like is quite different from they do.

    • Fatty Bolger

      But in attempting to draw an equivalence between the physical flow of liquids and the emotional “flow” of human beings, Losada had simply lifted the numbers that Lorenz used in 1963 to explain his method in the abstract, numbers used merely for illustrative purposes.

      Damn that’s stoooooopid. And people bought it.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Damn.

      That article is worth the read.

    • commodious spittoon

      After nearly twenty years in the position, stretched thin between technical duties and managerial headaches, he was looking for something new. So he jumped at the chance to transfer into human resources when it presented itself. The move didn’t deliver the change he was expecting, however. Still operating in a large bureaucracy—the same organization, in fact—Brown was now tasked with promoting staff welfare. But he had “little leeway to make decisions,” and was constantly signing off on stuff he “thought was just plain wrong.”

      Human resources… promoting welfare.

      I don’t understand.

  45. Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

    Shit.

    Saskatchewan just issued a mandatory lock-down order, with punitive measures up to and including arrest in specific circumstances. Goddamnit. That pretty much guarantees Alberta will follow suit, which I was hoping would not happen. There goes Alberta’s “Last Officially Sane Province in Confederation” status.

    • Tundra

      Good luck BEAM. We’re not far behind.

  46. Suthenboy

    Line on a TV show wife is watching: Character one approaches character two and says “I need some advice”. character two waves his hand and responds “Add bacon”

    • Raven Nation

      “add bacon”

      Generally, this is always good advice.

      • Suthenboy

        I am laughing.
        I don’t know cuz I am not watching. I don’t even know what show it is. She just came and told me.

      • C. Anacreon

        I can’t believe that commercial is from over 30 years ago. I would have guessed five.

  47. creech

    As I type, Lester Holt is screaming armaggedon on NBC. “Health care workers will die” etc. etc. Dow will hit 15,000 by end of the month.

    • B.P.

      “Dow will hit 15,000 by end of the month.”

      Not without your help, Lester.

      • Suthenboy

        Oh, he’s on it. That is exactly what he is doing right now.

    • Suthenboy

      I said to the young woman who works the checkout at the local grocery this morning after she expressed some fear about Flu Manchu.

      “Look. I have lived through the apocalypse at least a dozen times. Relax. Some people like to play tea party. Some people like to play dress up. Some people like to play Chicken Little, but setting your hair on fire and running around in little circles gets tiresome. You are going to be fine. ”

      She laughed and that plus my very obvious calmness seemed to relax her a bit.

      • Sean

        I’m not worried about the flu, but I’m freaking the fuck out because the governor just shut down my job of 21 years with no end date to this insanity. My anxiety is off the charts. I’ve worked very hard to curate a very stable boring life. ?

      • Suthenboy

        That is understandable.
        Crisis fatigue will set in before long and people will start ignoring these jackboot edicts. We will recover. If. you have anything socked away this might be an ideal time to buy index stocks. A chance of a lifetime really.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        Oof.

        So sorry to hear that.

    • Suthenboy

      Hitler is out?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        It’s the other side of the coin. The side that says stupid shit like “In short, our atrocious open trade policies have led to a sort of “political and cultural seppuku” here in the United States”.

      • Tundra

        I thought seppuku was Japanese.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        The irony is that he was probably thinking of “bukkake” as he typed it.

      • Fatty Bolger

        “Seppuku”, eh? Must be doing a find & replace on articles about Japan from the 80’s.

    • AlmightyJB

      There’s a reason that Trump keeps emphasizing that it’s the Chinese virus.

      • Hyperion

        There’s also a reason why the left media are all sucking CCP cock. Because they’re of the same ilk, they share the same ideology. You can call it Communism, Socialism, Progressivism, it’s all the same totalitarian bullshit.

      • R C Dean

        More importantly, because they are paid to.

    • robc

      Quick, rank Peter Sellers movies.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Did he have to star or does supporting role also count?

      • Tundra

        Who cares?

        Being There sucked.

        I rank al the PP movies as #1.

        Wanna go?

      • Ted S.

        I’m glad I’m not the only person who hates Being There.

      • Tundra

        I wanted to like it. Everyone did.

        I thought it was weak as hell.

      • Suthenboy

        ^This^

      • C. Anacreon

        Even with Shirley MacLaine diddling herself while Sellers watches TV?

      • Ted S.

        I’m Alright Jack and Two-Way Stretch are near the top.

        The minute he appears on screen as Dr. Strangelove with all the tics is when his career stars becoming bloated and self-indulgent. Being There is terrible.

      • Fatty Bolger

        The Pink Panther, that other Pink Panther movie, and that other other Pink Panther movie.

    • Tundra

      I love those books.

    • Not Adahn

      You know what? I’m going to have a drink and watch Charlie Chan movies.

  48. DenverJ

    We’ve got tickets for July 2nd to see Carlos Santana and Earth, Wind, and Fire. Would suck if it’s canceled.

    • robc

      What does 50 years in a time machine cost these days?

      • DenverJ

        $150 for 2 tickets and parking.

    • AlmightyJB

      That would totally suck. I think it will be over long before then.

      • R C Dean

        The clinical crisis will be.

        Whether the manufactured panic and economic crisis is, well, I seriously doubt it.

    • Ted S.

      It’s not real Earth, Wind, or Fire anyway since Maurice White died.

      • DenverJ

        Yeah, well none of them are spring chickens- they may not have to cancel, all of them could just be dead by July.

      • C. Anacreon

        Then they’ll just be called “Earth”.

      • Shirley Knott

        Stay tuned for Dirt, Flatulence, and Heartburn!

  49. AlmightyJB

    Hello police, I need you to come arrest some guys for saying conservative things.

    https://youtu.be/SdrtyVMcH9o

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      **HEAVY SIGH**
      That student’s a frakkin’ genius, man!

    • Heroic Mulatto

      That was the strangest porn intro ever.

      • mrfamous

        No it wasn’t

      • Heroic Mulatto

        You have to provide a link, man!

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Some cultural artifacts are pre-digital, mang.

      • DEG

        🙂

      • AlmightyJB

        I knew that was coming:) it’s not strange though, it’s hawt.

      • Suthenboy

        Someone somewhere says that about every porn intro. Rule 34.

    • Chafed

      Jeebus. That guy is the living embodiment of a snowflake.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Watching a cop having to explain freedom of speech to a college student. Damn, that’s depressing.

    • DenverJ

      The cops should have arrested him and charged him with filing a false police report- then called him a snowflake and laughed at him.

      • AlmightyJB

        Would have been a better ending for sure. They’re probably used to it. 911 my pizza didn’t come with enough cheese and they won’t fix it. So sad.

  50. Tundra

    Hiya Swissy!

    I ended up being pretty damn busy today. Getting stuff ready for a production run in a couple weeks that I kind of doubt will happen.

    What did I miss?

  51. Gustave Lytton

    Rage building

    https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2020/03/portland-woman-went-to-jail-with-3097-in-cash-shes-suing-after-getting-debit-card-in-return-loaded-with-service-fees.html

    Multnomah County used to return cash to inmates released from jail if they arrived with less than $60. The county would provide a check if the total was greater than $60.

    But handling the cash proved expensive and time-consuming, with the county estimating it spent about $275,000 in labor costs annually on the process, according to court documents.

    The county first subcontracted with Carlsbad, Calif.-based Numi Financial in 2014. Multnomah County doesn’t pay anything to Numi. Instead, Numi contracts with the Oklahoma-based Central National Bank &Trust Co. to issue the cards and hold the money in a master account.

    Fuck. You. you fucking thieves. You take someone into custody, you are responsible for returning their property in the same or better state that you took it in. If they brought in $2M in pennies with them, that’s what you return. None of this, oh it’s too expense for us to do our jobs cry baby bullshit. You don’t get to return it to them in a card, check, or anything other than what you took in. You shouldn’t even be depositing the money. Inventory, secure, and return on release or transfer. Everyone one of these thieves should be horsewhipped down the street.

    • DenverJ

      Now someone needs to sue about the fees that private companies charge inmates/their families for phone calls.

    • Chafed

      That’s pretty extraordinary. I can’t figure out why the county wasn’t sued too.

      I don’t agree the county has to literally return what you brought in assuming it is fungible. If they issue a check because they want to prevent the cops sticky fingers from stealing from an inmate that’s fine. The idea they can shunt you into a product or service you don’t want and for which you have to pay fees seems like a clear taking to me.

      • Tulip

        Its pretty clearly a government expense the gov incurs because they want a justice system

      • Gustave Lytton

        Sticky finger employees are the government’s problem, not those who were taken into custody. Just because you or I or the government sees the inmates’ property as fungible doesn’t make it so. It’s their property, and unless there’s some compelling reason such as it’s molding or diseased, it should be returned as is.

      • Rhywun

        Yeap. Just stick it in a safe deposit box and return it to them on the way out. You’re welcome, Multnomah County.

    • R C Dean

      handling the cash proved expensive and time-consuming, with the county estimating it spent about $275,000 in labor costs annually on the process

      Give me an hour, and I can cut that cost to a few thousand a year. Tops.

      • Ted S.

        Until the union contracts kick in.

      • C. Anacreon

        Did they have to hire additional people to take care of the cash? Did changing the process allow them to reduce personnel?

        Otherwise, it cost them ZERO. Those same employees would be getting pay anyway. Now they just have less to do for their pay.

      • Jarflax

        Doubt it. I suspect ou are greatly underestimating the difficulty of keeping corrections workers form stealing anything not nailed down.

  52. DEG

    Jolly Roger instead of Yuengling for tonight.

  53. Hyperion

    STFU owls! If you wake me up at 6am in the morning again, I swear I’ll put a bullet in your fucking head, I’m not kidding!

    • Ted S.

      As opposed to waking you up at 6AM in the evening?

      And just think, if it weren’t for DST they would have woken you up at 5AM.

      • Tres Cool

        /invests in peacocks
        /and geese

      • Hyperion

        I need proof that saying ‘6am in the morning is NOT a typical thing to say in American’. Fuck you owls, fuck you Ted S.

      • Hyperion

        You’re some sort of Limey fuck, learn to speak real American!

      • Ted S.

        They’re Canadian, not limeys.

      • Tres Cool

        Alternative 3 AM by…..THE KLF!!!!!

      • Ted S.

        I was going to post that, so you get this instead.

      • Tres Cool

        You deranged monster!

      • Ted S.

        This is what you get for beating me to posting the KLF song.

        Of course, as we all know, it’s really a five o’clock world

      • DenverJ

        Huey Lewis “5 o’clock this morning, came without a warning, there was no place I had to be”
        Not “5am this morning” like some illiterate.

      • Tres Cool

        Likely the only Huey song I dont mind.

      • DenverJ

        Yeah, one of my favs back in the days. I like the line about “but one dollars worth is all that I could stand”

    • Suthenboy

      It is ‘make baby owls’ season. They are doing the same here.

  54. Chafed

    Thanks for corona virus free links Swissy. It’s nice to not discuss for 10 minutes.

    • Hyperion

      Sad, especially since spending that much would still not make him over 4 feet tall.

    • Chafed

      That brings a little sunshine to my day.

    • AlmightyJB

      He said he was going to throw a ton of resources behind Biden, but I’m seeing considerably less ads for Joe than I was for Mike.

      • R C Dean

        He has some pretty serious campaign finance issues before he spends much to support Biden.

        Stop laughing! I’m serious!

      • Rhywun

        I bet he’s throwing money at AOC-style candidates around the country. Nobody’s talking about it & it will be more “effective” than his stupid presidential campaign.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Could be, but I think he’ll become a spendthrift, now that it’s not about him. Just a feeling I have.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Arg. I mean a skinflint.

      • DenverJ

        You meant a (((cheapskate)))

    • Suthenboy

      Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Maybe we can talk him into doing it again.

  55. Yusef drives a Kia

    Well the Homeless Feast went off well, a sunny day, low winds and a group of Drunk losers having Tuna steaks and Macaroni salad, nice guys, a little touched, but who isn’t

    • DEG

      Excellent.

    • R C Dean

      Good on ya, Yusef.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Pay it forward, and BTW all these guys have some sort of job, even volunteer work, but most have drug and authority issues, which makes life tougher I suppose,

    • Ted S.

      How did they taste?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        like Pork loin, damn good on a grille, no Beef available

      • Ted S.

        I would have guessed the homeless taste gamey and stringy.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I knew you were going there, but I read what I wrote and it’s written properly Ted…………

  56. Tulip

    I’m going to watch Robocop. I’m getting the free trial for hbo and maybe for the month. Chernobyl, game of thrones, all that stuff.

    • DenverJ

      Chernobyl was apparently on PBS and their website last year, but I didn’t get to it in time and it’s no longer available.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        library?

      • DenverJ

        Meh, if I really wanted, I could probably “liberate” it from some corner of the web.

    • gbob

      I’d buy that for a dollar!

  57. DenverJ

    This cold sucks. The worst part is that I can’t go make extra money on the side while the school is closed.

    • Hyperion

      80F here today. Tomorrow, only in the 50s.

      • Trials and Trippelations

        Yea it was really nice here. I put out the inflatable pool for the kids

    • DenverJ

      No, I have a cold.

  58. Yusef drives a Kia

    42 months, something about that seems familiar, I think I read it in a book,

    • DenverJ

      “And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months.”

  59. Trials and Trippelations

    Word on the street is that Cooper the governor of NC wants to put the state on lockdown on Monday.

    Why wait 2 days if it will save one life?
    I assume he will break the law again and not get executive council approval to do this just as he ignored that requirement to shut down the restaurant industry.

    No substantive reason for this move except to keep up with NY and CA. The second “community acquired” case was reported today. Still only four Wuhan virus patients that are hospitalized in the whole state and zero deaths, but by all means panic.

    I can’t wait for this sack of shit to lose reelection. His predecessor, McCrory, barely lost as every leftists PAC and reporter laid the blame for the trans bathroom bill at McCrory’s feet. The legislature stayed Republican and relatively conservative as did most cabinet positions, so I am certain Cooper will pay for this shit.

    On the local news website their was note of a case at a university student “presumed positive”. I assume it will count in the fearmongering stats because there are no other illnesses with similar symptoms

  60. Trigger Hippie

    Thank you for the links, Swissy.

    I mean that.