Wednesday Afternoon Cabin Fever Links

by | Apr 1, 2020 | Daily Links | 485 comments

Ten people charged after police in New Jersey shut down engagement party

Ten adults, including a 99-year-old man, were charged Tuesday after police in New Jersey shut down an engagement party that violated the state’s order against social gatherings, authorities said.

At approximately 4:30 p.m., police in Lakewood Township, near the Jersey Shore, were called to a residence on a report of a social gathering, Ocean County Prosecutor Bradley D. Billhimer and police Chief Gregory Meyer said in a joint statement.

Officers found a group of people, including children, on the front lawn and inside the home, the statement said.

The homeowners who hosted the gathering, an engagement party, Yaakov Kaufman, 47, and Eti Kaufman, 45, were charged with six counts of child endangerment for each of their children who was in attendance and with violating any rule or regulation adopted by the governor during a state of emergency.

Oh, yeah. Karen’s really touching herself right now. Just going to town on her musty nethers. Get it. Get it, girl.


Confusion among U.S. airlines as airplanes fly empty to get bailout funds

This shitty website doesn’t want anyone linking to their article, so no preview snippet.


They cut off the last hour of her recording, where she wanders around the woods screaming “JOSH!” over and over again and then the Blair Witch kills her.

Isn’t hysterical apoplexy be something we should have bred out of ICU nurses by now? What if she does this at work? During a procedure? I will definitely end up in the hospital with this shit if I catch it. I don’t want her on my ward. And the performative breakdown online? Aren’t we over this shit yet?


I pulled my traditional April Fool’s Day prank on my co-workers over Zoom this morning: I told them that I liked them all very much.


About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

485 Comments

  1. commodious spittoon

    Well that’s just embarrassing. To all of the above.

  2. Mad Scientist

    I pulled my traditional April Fool’s Day prank on my co-workers over Zoom this morning: I told them that I liked them all very much.

    But you like US, right?

    • SugarFree

      [hugs]

      • bacon-magic

        {shudder hugs}

    • Gojira

      He likes US but is not fond of UK.

      • Mad Scientist

        This is delightfully clever.

      • C. Anacreon

        You’re doing fine UK Homie,

        UK Homie, U! K!

      • Jarflax

        Go Cats!

      • JD is Unemployed

        As UK Ambassador to the Glorious Socialist Republic of Glibertaria, it is my duty to convey Her Majesty’s displeasure at your expression of distaste.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Sorry to hear of your passing JD.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Up until this moment I hadn’t even considered that the initials match. RIP Joe.

    • Tonio

      You trolling Preet?

      • commodious spittoon

        Nobody said anything about woodchippers. I certainly didn’t bring up woodchippers.

      • Jarflax

        No one said woodchippers. Someone may have said MOAB

    • Private Chipperbot

      Guess what app our company is supposed to switch to from Skype this week?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Setting up your coke deals over video conferencing?

      • JD is Unemployed

        With delivery via drone. Excellent.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Teams?

      • Private Chipperbot

        Ha. I actually use teams and have told anyone sending me meeting requests to switch to it instead of zoom. We use skype, zoom, and Teams. Why 3? Why not…

      • Gustave Lytton

        Same here. Except Zoom video conferencing is supposed to be limited. Dunno if it’s internal bandwidth, VPN, licenses or what.

    • Gender Traitor

      So I guess it’s ixnay on the oodchippersway talk during Friday evening’s happy hour Glibs chat?

  3. leon

    were called to a residence on a report of a social gathering,

    Please Mr. Tyrant, would you please go fuck over my Neighbors? This is why it is important to have good relationships with your neighbors, and Fences which they can’t see past.

    • C. Anacreon

      Like a good neighbor, Troll Farm is there.

    • leon

      FDR is the good Democrat that Modern Democrats idolize, although he belonged to the racist Democratic Party before the parties switched….

      • creech

        Don;t forget the happy face he put on the Depression in 1933 that still had 19% unemployment five years later.

    • mrfamous

      Did they edit the article? Because there’s a reference in it:

      “During WWII, US president Franklin Roosevelt established the War Relocation Authority, which sent at least 110,000 people of Japanese heritage, most of them American citizens, to internment camps. The “enemy,” in this case, was an entire race that posed no actual threat to national security.”

  4. Count Potato

    “Michael Zimmerman, 99”

    Sounds like it’s not his first time with nazis.

    • Tonio

      [golf clap]

    • The Last American Hero

      They went after white hispanics too?

      • Count Potato

        *golf claps in Spanish*

  5. The Late P Brooks

    I pulled my traditional April Fool’s Day prank on my co-workers over Zoom this morning: I told them that I liked them all very much.

    An April Fools joke is supposed to be believable, at least at first glance.

  6. Sensei

    Yes – Lakewood. That happy idyllic place in NJ.

    Raids in New Jersey town target ultra-Orthodox Jews accused of welfare fraud. ‘What is going on here?’

    The Jewish community has also done a variation of the Free State Project. They’ve decreased the budget to the public schools so that if you were not part of the Orthodox community there you’d be hard pressed to send your kids to the public schools there.

    The Orthodox community there, naturally, use private schools. As result the town becomes less and less attractive to gentiles and more and more attractive to members of the same community. Rinse and repeat.

    • leon

      All of those arrested — 13 men and 13 women — were ultra-Orthodox Jews. The charges have tapped into a well of festering hostility toward an insular and eccentric minority.

      Interesting how the LA times is couching this. These are just “Insular” and “Eccentric” minorites.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        They’re usually grade A assholes who game the welfare system while constricting any other tax expenditure that does not benefit them.

      • Jarflax

        I work with a (((Chabad))), he is a good guy and a hard worker.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m speaking of the communities that engage in less than moral behavior when it comes to welfare. It’s not uncommon with some other insular religious sects as well as some of my hillbilly cousins.

      • creech

        I thought we heard just the other day that it was the (((Reform))) who were doing the ends justify the means stuff?

      • Fatty Bolger

        “They’re targeting minorities! This is an outrage! What? It’s just Jews? Oh, that’s different. They probably had it coming.”

      • pan fried wylie

        They’re deplorables is what they are, worshipping and breeding, it’s disgusting and they don’t deserve the beneficence of The State.

        Do that shit in Flyover Country where it belongs.

    • leon

      Like the Amish, these strictly observant Jews are instantly recognizable by their modest dress — the women in long skirts and wigs that cover their hair, and the men with yarmulkes or black fedoras and tzitzit, the strings hanging out of their shirts that remind them of their religious obligations. Instead of buggies, though, they mostly drive SUVs or minivans to fit large broods of children.

      Now i have to ask, i’ve never heard of this before, so is this a thing? or is the writer getting it wrong?

      • Sensei

        Married women cover their hair. Either with a wig or scarf or something similar.

      • leon

        Huh. I could see a scarf, but a wig i’ve never heard of before. Interesting.

      • Sensei

        They are generally quite high quality and quite expensive. You’d be hard pressed to notice if you didn’t know what was being done.

      • l0b0t

        My Sil’s shteitels would put a drag queen to shame and start around $2000 per. They are gorgeous, very well constructed, and quite an item of competition amongst the community as to has the nicer ryg.

      • l0b0t

        Should read – who has the nicer rug.

      • PBRstreetgang

        I’ve got lots of Orthodox Jewish neighbors and its twue, its all twue.
        The wigs aren’t particularly modest, so I don’t really understand why they do that though. As a group I’d definitely call them ‘insular’, but not eccentric.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        The wigs aren’t particularly modest, so I don’t really understand why they do that though.

        You know how some Muslim women get shit for covering their hair when they go out in public in some places in Europe? That used to happen to Jews too, for like 1000 years. Plus, you know, pogroms. So it’s a way of following the religious standards of dress while also being about to go to market without getting harassed by some Cossacks.

      • PBRstreetgang

        Yeah that makes sense I guess. Very high quality and fashionable wigs, expensive and stylish clothes for many of the women also, though the color options seem pretty limited. Interesting group who largely keep to themselves and leave me alone, so excellent neighbors.

      • pan fried wylie

        I too hadn’t considered the need for (((stealth))). Just seemed like what Tonio points out ^^.

      • pan fried wylie

        sry

        /
        \/

      • pan fried wylie

        one more try.

      • Tonio

        You have to admire their creativity in adhering to the letter of the scriptures. “Look, *****, I’m com-ply-innggg!”

      • Gojira

        One of my favorite things about the religious history of Judaism is how they are the original Loophole Rules Lawyers.

      • Jarflax

        It complies with the rules and allows women to take pains with their appearance. Not really sure why this is something that people here in the land of “You do you” have such a problem with it.

      • Mojeaux

        There are Muslim makeup mavens on YouTube who are absolutely stunning. Their faces would stop you in your tracks just to stare at the art. IMO, that kind of defeats the purpose of the hijab (to not be seen), but I’m not going to argue with the results.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Modesty is a virtue in every major world religion, but women are still going to be women and men are still going to be men.

      • Mojeaux

        Correct, but it’s the women who always get blamed for the men being men.

      • Jarflax

        You shouldn’t have listened to that snake if you didn’t want to be blamed.

      • leon

        I was just curious, cause i didn’t know it was a thing. Learn something new every day. Or you try to at least.

        My brain is full. Can i go home?

      • Sensei

        I’m not sure if it is so much an issue, but something new to some people here.

        Recall this particular sub-thread all started from the way the LA Times decided to cover this. We now have a natural instinct to question what the hell is the press spin to everything now.

        It’s interesting because this article covers things more completely than many of the stories from the NJ papers or the NYT. Perhaps because they covered this as it unfolded in multiple stories.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        The ultra-Orthodox do the same in Israel too. It is a major political issue as they also have been released from many of the obligations of military conscription.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I certainly don’t care how they dress.

        The idiots with their pants around their knees bother me more.

      • leon

        Look Buddy, I tried walking around without Pants and got in trouble. What else do you want me to do?

      • C. Anacreon

        So it’s a way of following the religious standards of dress while also being about to go to market without getting harassed by some Cossacks.

        And saying ‘this little piggie went to market’ is not kosher.

      • Tundra

        Or halal.

      • Heroic Mulatto
      • Gustave Lytton

        Reminds me of pictures of the National Guard from the 70’s. Short hair wigs for drills with the long natural hair tucked up underneath.

      • leon

        To qualify, i have heard of head coverings, but i always thought it was with a Scarf, or such. never realized they would wear wigs.

      • leon

        I honestly am broken from those. My wife loves chick flicks, and i went for a long spat where i’d watch them with her. BUT THEY ARE ALL THE SAME DAMN MOVIE! and whats worse is that i cannot not pay attention. My wife will do other stuff and just have the movie on to listen to, but if i’m trying to do something else i have a hard time not focusing on the movie. I don’t know why. It’s like a bad train wreck. I don’t want to watch but then i’m yelling at how that bimbo just needs to fucking communicate with the guy and then she won’t assume he’s a cheater/liar/thief/murderer and the movie could be over.

      • Private Chipperbot

        BUT THEY ARE ALL THE SAME DAMN MOVIE!

        Hot successful chick goes to small town, has a black friend who gives advice, meets local guy who takes care of parents store, is a farmer, or town handyman, falls in love. has misunderstanding with 8-11 minutes left in movie that causes break-up, resolved with three minutes left in movie, has Hallmark approved kiss, roll credits.

        There. Every single Hallmark movie.

      • SugarFree

        Dude. Give a spoiler alert, plz.

      • Tulip

        I call it the harlequin channel.

      • The Last American Hero

        Have you tried hallmark movie bingo? You can download the cards from the internet.

      • Gender Traitor

        Make it a drinking game and I’m in.

      • creech

        BUT THEY ARE ALL THE SAME DAMN MOVIE!
        Can’t that be said of most war movies, super hero movies, Shakespeare comedies, Clancy et all “super secret off the books ex CIA SEALS against the Norks, Commies, militias, and A-rab nut job” novels, etc.?

      • leon

        For sure. I generally don’t watch movies.

      • Sensei

        See I was going with Melanie Griffith.

        A Stranger Among Us

    • RAHeinlein

      “I’m the child of Holocaust survivors; I don’t appreciate Jewish people dragged out in public early in the morning,” Herskowitz said.

    • Pope Jimbo

      So unwoke. Here’s how real progressives steal from the government.

      You have uncool white religious crazies stealing a bit of cash. Minnesoda has cool black religion of peace crazies stealing a shit ton. How much? So much that no one has yet to quantify exactly how much. That tells me that it is a ton of cash. And we get extra bonus points for sending that cash back to East Africa. Your Amish probably just spend it here or something.

      However, a state whistle-blower on Tuesday told lawmakers he believes that fraud is rampant.

      “I’ve had investigators tell me it’s closer to 80 percent fraud rate,” said Scott Stillman, a former state investigator. He was a key source for KMSP, drawing on his years of work at the state’s digital forensics lab. He examined the cellphones and computers of suspected fraudsters.

      But the department’s own inspector general was skeptical of that point by Stillman.

      “I don’t think it’s anywhere close,” Inspector General Carolyn Ham told state senators, who held a hearing on the issue Tuesday afternoon.

      I like how the IG doesn’t rebut the whistleblower by saying exactly how much it is. Just that it isn’t close to 80%. This is the same state department that overpaid tribes by $25M for opioid treatments. So they don’t have a stellar record of protecting tax payer money.

      Oh, and no one has been fired or charged for fraud for any of this.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    #NARKNATION

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’ll have the opportunity to call the cops on my neighbors, I guarantee it. They love a party.

      I don’t hate them that much yet though.

      But if they leave their barking dog out all night again that may change.

  8. Gojira

    Just received this email from my city government, emphasis mine:

    The City of Plano wants our residents to continue reaping the benefits of our 85 award-winning parks and nature preserves. But it’s going to take a little help and cooperation from you, our awesome community. Some North Texas cities are threatening to close their parks because people are not following the need to practice social distancing. Many of you have expressed your concerns about those among us who choose not to follow social distancing guidelines at our parks during the COVID-19 crisis.

    In an effort to keep every park open, the City will redeploy our Parks & Recreation and Library staff members to every major park in Plano. We will also send them out to our smaller neighborhood parks on a rotational basis. These “friendly monitors” will remind park patrons about the City’s emergency declaration, which recommends social distancing. The monitors will wear City of Plano shirts and will have City identification badges.

    We need a respite in these trying times. We need places like our beautiful parks where we can feel normal. We know how important it is to spend quality time outdoors when the circumstances necessitate we separate ourselves socially and physically.

    If we don’t follow the rules, we will need to restrict access. No one wants that. We are all in this together, Plano. We all need to do our part. Our hope is with your cooperation in following social distancing guidelines, we can flatten the curve of this horrific virus, while reaping the benefits of the great outdoors.

    • leon

      Oh great Hall Monitors. Fantastic.

      This is why public schools need to be burned. It implants this kind of feeling at a young age. I was Homeschooled for a big chunk of my youth, and when i did go to a public high school, the idea that i had to ask permission to go to the restroom or get a drink of water, especially during a “Work on an assignment” time, was so foreign to me. This is why we have kids who get shitfaced every night and skip classes and then drop out of college. They have never been able to be free.

      • DEG

        Oh great Hall Monitors. Fantastic.

        Yep. Overgrown children LARPing.

      • Gojira

        I’m more concerned at the blatant “see something say something” mentality that has taken hold. Used to be, snitching on your neighbors for non-violent offenses was something they only did in totalitarian societies.

      • leon

        I hate to break it to you…

      • Urthona

        I said the same in the morning thread. I hate the self-righteous “common good” reporting by neighbors. May be the worst aspect of all this.

      • WTF

        For my generation being a snitch meant you got your ass beat and became a social pariah.

      • creech

        About 90% of the Gestapos’ arrests came from tips from the public. Some researcher into Gestapo files found that family domestic disputes, or not liking a co-worker, was prime source of revenge. So much so, that occasionally it was so egregious that even the Gestapo got fed up and threw the complainer in jail instead.

      • Gojira

        So deep down inside, every human is just waiting on the chance to gain the power to destroy those they disagree with.

        Checks out.

        Dr. Doom isn’t a villain, he is just the most self-actualized human who ever lived.

      • The Last American Hero

        That and they’re 19

    • Urthona

      I live in Plano and Gleneagles golf course is behind my house. I swear it’s as busy as ever.

      • Gojira

        The Tollroad has quite a bit less traffic on it, but I noticed 75, while reduced, is not reduced nearly so much as the Tollroad is. I’m thinking maybe people who would normally avoid 75 because of the congestion now are using it to avoid paying tolls that they would normally tolerate?

      • Lady Zorg aka Babalu

        I’m one of those, on the days I still go into the office. Plus who has money to blow on tolls when our job could be gone tomorrow?

      • Urthona

        I also notice a lot of Collin County drivers currently believe that the easiest way to catch the virus is to drive the speed limit.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        That has always been the case, but the inevitable 3 crashes per commute on 75 kept them from going 15 over and swerving across all of the lanes

      • C. Anacreon

        Drive your car-o to the park-o, Plane-o!

        Next week we visit: Truckee

    • Enough About Palin

      “The City of Plano”

      You know how it got the name Plano? White folks moved there, saw it was located on a plain and inaccurately assumed that Plano was Spanish for plain.

      • Gojira

        I’ve heard that story before but have no idea if it’s true.

      • Lady Zorg aka Babalu

        Wow, this is actually true.

      • Jarflax

        Well plane is close.

  9. Tres Cool

    I saw “going to town on her musty nethers” and had to go to the top of the page.

    Yup….as I suspected. Brett L didnt do the linkx today.

    • SugarFree

      He likes them musty. He’s a real sicko.

      • Jarflax

        Unlike OMWC who likes them April January fresh.

      • Pope Jimbo

        So like peanut butter. One likes chunky, the other smooth.

    • Spudalicious

      Hell of a way to turn a phrase, eh? Close your eyes and you can see it vividly happening, in slow motion.

  10. DEG

    The homeowners who hosted the gathering, an engagement party, Yaakov Kaufman, 47, and Eti Kaufman, 45, were charged with six counts of child endangerment for each of their children who was in attendance and with violating any rule or regulation adopted by the governor during a state of emergency.

    Gov. Phil Murphy issued a stay-at-home order on March 21 that includes a ban on social gatherings, such as weddings and parties.

    Child endangerment? Go fuck yourselves.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I swear if they shot up every cop who showed up and then rounded up the shit head neighbors and executed them live on streaming video and I was on the jury, they’d walk free.

  11. DEG

    NH Tenants and landlords worried about payments

    The governor’s office told WMUR that it is currently exploring all options as to how the state can help landlords, and it expects there will be further action down the line while still helping to ensure that no one loses their home or place of business.

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that one of those options isn’t rescinding the “fuck over the economy” order.

    • Ted S.

      I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Now, do the same thing with property taxes.

    • Tonio

      Good luck with that when those properties start being repossessed by the mortgage banks, Governor.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Here comes the Trump Recession!

    The global coronavirus pandemic has put our economy in free-fall.

    Even through Donald Trump’s reckless economic policies, like his pointless trade war with China or his deficit-busting tax cuts for his billionaire donors, the economy has somehow managed to keep chugging along — until now.

    ——-

    Worse than a plummeting stock market, businesses and major industries have been forced to shutter their windows to help combat the rapid spread of the virus, putting hundreds of thousands of workers’ paychecks at risk.

    Forced? Forced by whom? Oh, that’s right. Public Enemy Number One brewed up this plague in his secret laboratory (formerly Richard Nixon’s Presidential Bowling Alley), specifically because too many people were giving Saint Obama credit for the strong economy. Then he used his executive office superpowers to decree himself sole proprietor of America, Inc. Then he fired everybody. Because that’s what Hitler would have done.

    • leon

      Even through Donald Trump’s reckless economic policies, like his pointless trade war with China or his deficit-busting tax cuts for his billionaire donors, the economy has somehow managed to keep chugging along — until now.

      It was Obama working behind the scences to keep it going. Why has he forsaken us in this dark time?

    • Urthona

      Every time I see the claim that the coronavirus caused this recession, I feel compelled to point out that in fact the government caused it voluntarily.

    • AlmightyJB

      If only he wouldn’t have over reacted to a common virus! ~ CNN in a month

  13. Ownbestenemy

    “Murphy tweeted Saturday: “Can’t believe I have to say this at all, let alone for the second time. But here we are. NO CORONA PARTIES. They’re illegal, dangerous, and stupid. We will crash your party. You will pay a big fine. And we will name & shame you until EVERYONE gets this message into their heads.”

    Might wanna dust off those Juden signs and fire up the tattoo guns

  14. AlmightyJB

    Who’s Karen?

      • AlmightyJB

        Thanks. So Betty’s sister basically.

      • AlmightyJB

        She’s the one calling the cops on people for not social distancing.

      • Agent Cooper

        Karen is also Plankton’s robot-wife on Spongebob, who is quite the nag.

    • bacon-magic

      She would like to speak to your manager.

    • Mad Scientist

      Just think “Gladys Kravitz.” She’s a Karen.

      • AlmightyJB

        That chick had some serious facial expressions

      • C. Anacreon

        chick(s)

        Played by both Sandra Gould and Alice Pearce

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      I feel bad for real Karens. A nice Scandi name.

  15. WTF

    If that woman is really an ICU nurse she has just demonstrated that she is unfit for her job.

    • JD is Unemployed

      My experience of nurses is that they are often absolutely f$#¿ing cuckoo, sometimes harmlessly so, but sometimes scarily abusive away from the job, but this is NHS nurses I’m referring to, and that’s a notoriously stressful job.

      • commodious spittoon

        My sister is a nurse. Can confirm she’s half a lunatic.

    • Count Potato

      Anyone can have a bad day at work.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        SHUT THE FUCK UP, EMPATHYTARD!

      • WTF

        But to the video it and put it on social media?

      • leon

        Isn’t that how 80% of Youtube stars got started?

      • Count Potato

        IKR? But It seems like everyone of a certain age does that now.

    • Tres Cool

      After my divorce, one of my 1st forays into the dating world was “Nurse Jessica”. She even had vanity tags to the effect.

      God, she was fun to party with, but that broad was insane.

      /can confirm

  16. Gustave Lytton

    Amazon is limiting buyers of masks and gloves. Maybe more.

    Available only for hospitals and government agencies directly responding to COVID-19

    • SugarFree

      I couldn’t order any Lysol toilet bowl cleaner today. All out of stock. I hope the panicky idiots are drinking it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Clorox Colorsafe bleach was almost gone at the store last week.

      • Gender Traitor

        Trump said it was the cure for COVID-19!
        /CNN

      • creech

        I thought he said “anti-freeze.” Damn, I thought I was being so clever when I traded my aquarium cleaner stockpile for ten gallons of anti-freeze.

      • Mojeaux

        Lysol aplenty at HyVee today, although fruit Tootsie Rolls were not. I’m literally shaking rn.

      • Jarflax

        Amazon FTW

      • SugarFree

        Mo FTW! Never found anyone else that loves the fruit Tootsie Roll like I do.

        Cabella’s often has them, if you’ve got one of them near you.

      • Mojeaux

        Well, in FACT, I am trying to avoid them and let me tell you–that is difficult.

        My jeans are telling me I can no longer imbibe with impunity.

      • SugarFree

        Ah, the junkie shivers. I know those. Mine is worse for donuts. I could eat those until I foundered.

      • pan fried wylie

        Fruit tootsie rolls are just rejected starburst pieces.

      • pan fried wylie

        DAMMIT, REFRESH

      • commodious spittoon

        Fruit Tootsie Rolls? Isn’t that Starburst?

      • Mojeaux

        NO! Not at all.

        I would classify Starburst as a softer version of Now’n’Laters.

        Tootsie rolls are more like taffy.

      • commodious spittoon

        It’s been ages since I’ve had a Tootsie roll. It doesn’t help that usually they’re the last offering in whatever receptacle you’re likely to find candy, and they’ve been sitting there getting stale for awhile… so I can’t really remember the consistency.

      • Tres Cool

        Sour Skittles are superior to any other form of fruity candy.

        Change my mind.

      • Mojeaux

        Weirdly enough, we will be debating this on Friday afternoon.

      • Shirley Knott

        Try Creme de Cacao and Orange Juice. It’s a surprisingly good match for Tootsie Roll flavor.

      • Rhywun

        Haribo Tropifrutti. Fight me.

        And it can be mine in 28 days!

      • Shirley Knott

        Whacks Haribo’s alcohol content?

      • Shirley Knott

        Dammit, what’s although I guess whacks works. Uh oh, homonyms, NTTIAWWT.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Look when you have a garage full of TP, you gotta use it before it goes bad. Figures that pretty soon toilet bowl cleaner would also be in short supply.

      • pan fried wylie

        Eating toilet paper gives you THE WORST splats.

  17. AlmightyJB

    And now your co-workers have your username and password.

    • leon

      Hahaha

    • SugarFree

      Why is it still an obstructed view, tho?

      • Mad Scientist

        Wives.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Looks like TicketMaster added a $10.80 service fee. Yup, it is legit!

    • Grumbletarian

      “General admission”? Not on my watch!!

      /Gov Murphy

  18. Gojira

    On the upside, Smoke Cartel, a good website that I’ve had very positive customer experiences with (including a hand-written note in a shipping package thanking me for the comment I left in the “comments” area of the checkout) sent out an email saying that temporarily, people could make purchases with toilet paper. Just select the “TP” option at checkout.

    So I found this lovely piece and went through the checkout process, and selected TP as the payment option. That opened a pop-up that said this:

    Pay with Toilet Paper

    It’s now easier than ever to pay with the official currency of 2020. To pay your Smoke Cartel order with toilet paper:

    Stand in front of a mirror.
    Hold your offerings of at least 2 Rolls of Toilet Paper.
    * (Single Ply Not Accepted)
    Say “Smoke Cartel” three times.
    Spin around counter-clockwise two and a half times.
    Wait for the mirror portal to open.
    Realize you are too high.
    Share Smoke Cartel with your friends.

    Go Back and Complete Your Order

    Happy April Fools!

    • Ozymandias

      Okay, I’m going to check them out now, just for that.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    The governor’s office told WMUR that it is currently exploring all options as to how the state can help landlords, and it expects there will be further action down the line while still helping to ensure that no one loses their home or place of business.

    “Landlords? Fuck those parasites. What have they ever done to make the world a better place?”

    • WTF

      Daddy government will just decree that landlords are not allowed to collect rents during the “emergency”.

      • SugarFree

        Seattle already has a bill in the works. All rent too, down to the poor guy with a single rental property or just renting a room in his house.

        Property is, like, theft, man.

      • WTF

        Seems like that would be a “taking”. Of course, all of the constitution is nullified if the government declares an emergency. It’s in the FYTW clause.

      • Tres Cool

        Ohio is moving that direction.

  20. DEG

    NH mall owner seeking delay in tax payments

    The owner of the Mall of New Hampshire and the Merrimack Premium Outlets is asking municipal officials to defer for a year more than $3.7 million in property taxes due in July and to cut property assessments, according to letters sent.

    It couldn’t be confirmed whether Simon Property Group made similar requests regarding the Pheasant Lane Mall in Nashua and The Mall at Rockingham Park in Salem — all temporarily shuttered by the coronavirus pandemic. But Simon is already suing the city of Nashua to reduce the assessed value of the Pheasant Lane Mall.

    In Manchester, “They have requested their July 2020 tax bill be deferred until July 2021, and they’ve asked us to reduce their value 40 percent,” said Robert Gagne, chairman of the city board of assessors.

    Simon won’t get any immediate relief.

    “There’s no legal authority to defer a tax bill,” Gagne said Tuesday.

    Fuck you, pay me.

    • leon

      There’s no legal authority to defer a tax bill,

      What the everloving fuck?

      “Sorry man, Taxes, i can’t stop them, it just happens and there’s no one who can stop it”

      • Grumbletarian

        “Meanwhile, we hereby decree that nobody has to pay you rent.”

    • WTF

      Never mind we’re the ones who shut down your business and cratered your revenue.

    • Jarflax

      Now show me the legal authority for shutting down the world.

      • leon

        Well if you frame it as a Tax…. Roberts is all on board.

  21. DEG

    Dartmouth-Hitchcock launching clinical trial for potential COVID-19 treatment

    Officials at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center say a team of researchers are ready to launch two Phase 3 therapeutic studies of a potential treatment for COVID-19.

    In a news release, officials said Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center is now one of approximately 97 clinical sites worldwide actively participating in trials of Remdesivir — an anti-viral medicine identified by the World Health Organization as being a “promising agent” in the fight against COVID-19 — evaluating the effectiveness in patients with moderate and severe coronavirus disease.

    There are two trials occurring at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center (DHMC). The first is for patients with moderate symptoms of COVID-19, while the second trial is for those with severe advanced symptoms. Both trials are intended to prevent progression of the disease, DHMC officials said in a news release.

    • leon

      Please don’t tell Trump, because if he says something good about it, it will doom this to being another death trap.

    • AlmightyJB

      He’s an important man. I’m sure she was just some trailer park rube. ~ DNC Feminists.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      Let’s not assume that she, er, xe identifies as a woman.

      • Count Potato

        Typical?

  22. DEG

    The commissars are concerned

    While commenting on the importance of social distancing, county officials revealed they had concerns that social distancing measures “may not be occurring” at a worksite at the Limerick Generating Station operated by Exelon Generation near Pottstown.

    Arkoosh said county officials first learned about “a long scheduled maintenance operation” at the Limerick Generating Station during a call with Exelon executives on March 16.

    “We learned of plans to bring approximately 1,800 workers into our region from around the United States and southeastern Pennsylvania who would stay in local hotels and eat from local restaurants and travel to and from Limerick Generating Station each day,” Arkoosh explained.

    • PBRstreetgang

      Hey that’s my county!

      • DEG

        I grew up in that area.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’d like to learn more about this Limerick Generating Station. Is it owned by a man from Nantucket?

      • leon

        :Opera Applause:

      • westernsloper

        *snicker*

      • Gustave Lytton

        There once was a man from Nantucket
        Who told the non-distancers to suck it
        But when told it wouldn’t work
        He said with a smirk
        No power? Well fuck it.

  23. Certified Public Asshat

    This is the @IMHE_UW model for #Covid_19, the new US standard. It was put out SIX days ago (post lockdown). It projects New York State will have 50,000 hospitalizations TODAY. Instead NYS has 12,000. Wrong by 4x in under a week. What on earth are we doing? https://t.co/zdRwaS4UJr — Alex Berenson (@AlexBerenson) April 1, 2020

    Look at the science denier who probably wants everyone to die.

    • leon

      How does he know there aren’t 50,000? That’s a big number. Do you know anyone who has ever counted that high? No. You don’t. You’re a Lying dog faced pony surgeon. It’s impossible to count that high.

    • AlmightyJB

      Any. Day. Now.

      • DEG

        Should I or should I not hold my breath?

      • AlmightyJB

        It doesn’t matter because we’re all going to be dead by September.

      • Tres Cool

        Horrific Collapse
        ‏ @equipguycle
        2h2 hours ago
        Replying to @AlexBerenson

        Model says Ohio should be at 1260 hospitalized. Actual # is 679.
        Math.
        1 reply 1 retweet 29 likes
        His Bardness

        @his_bardness
        2h2 hours ago

        2160. I think you transposed the numbers, which probably works in your point’s favor

        I didnt even bother to listen to Reichsführer DeWine’s address today.

    • grrizzly

      The model underestimated Mass. deaths. The actual numbers are 33 both today and yesterday.

    • Plinker762

      So the police need to put more people in the hospital.

    • Spartacus

      One of my co-workers forwarded me a link to this earlier today. I wasn’t able to access the actual article: article appears paywalled, and the abstract says nothing useful. It looks a lot like they did a simple logistic regression using the data to date. Since the data available so far is way at the tail end to the left, there would be a huge amount of uncertainty, not to mention questions about the validity of the entire model.

      If you want to fit a logistic curve to data, you really need some from around and past the inflection point.

  24. leon

    Apparently my County was shutdown yesterday.

    Nobody told me that.

    • Gender Traitor

      Do you need to be bailed out?

      • leon

        I mean as long as the government is handing out the monies….

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Wrong by 4x in under a week. What on earth are we doing?

    HERETIC!

    Burn him!

  26. LemonGrenade

    For every day that this shit goes on, my rage that I’m being confined, and that so many other people are applauding it grows. Yes, NY has a terrible problem right now, but some sensible recommendations like covering your mouth and nose in public, and staying home if you’re in a vulnerable group could have been implemented without deliberately putting massive swaths of the country out of work. The CDC and the FDA have been terrible throughout this and I’m at the point where I pretty much hate everyone that suggests this makes them feel ‘safe’.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Any liars. CDC was recommending masks for this very sort of situation, back in 2007.

  27. Pope Jimbo

    I can hardly wait until NJ institutes a policy of giving preference to financial aid to people hit hard by the CV panic to people that have ratted out at least one neighbor for not obeying all edicts issued by the Governor.

    Sorry Bill, we’d like to help you out with your mortgage payments, but that fund has already been tapped out. Your claim would have been processed earlier, but you simply didn’t turn in anyone for breaking social distancing laws.

  28. DEG

    Farmers dumping milk

    Berks County dairy farmers dumped thousands of pounds of milk on Tuesday, in the latest loss blamed on the coronavirus COVID-19.

    Producers who send their milk to Clover Farms Dairy for processing were told to dump two-days’ worth of milk, said dairy farmers Dave Wolfskill and Paul Hartman.

    Wolfskill of Mar-Anne Farms, in Lower Heidelberg Township, said he dumped 5,500 gallons of milk on Tuesday.

    • bacon-magic

      Ted hardest hit.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So normal then right? There are plenty of stories of dairy farmers dumping milk because of economic conditions..specifically when the Gov intervenes.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Really are trying to larp the Great Depression.

  29. Tundra

    What about funerals?

    Are we still allowed to have those?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Just by Zoom

      • AlmightyJB

        Thank you. I would have been disappointed if it didn’t end that way.

      • Tundra

        Lol.

        Whoops!

      • Gustave Lytton

        The moves are nice, but I still want a jazz funeral if i had one at all.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      How long before they stick webcams in coffins?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        That’s already in my will.

      • Spudalicious

        With a monitor mounted in the headstone.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Accept that there will be consequences as a result of your actions? That’s crazy.

    On Monday, Amazon fired a warehouse worker who had been protesting about conditions at a New York City facility during the coronavirus outbreak. Chris Smalls, an assistant manager and organizer, had led a walkout demanding Amazon temporarily shut the facility for cleaning after multiple workers tested positive for Covid-19.

    It was a move that spoke to the inherent inhumanity of the trillion-dollar corporation, one that will need to be brought to heel by a future presidential administration. The workers were seeking hazard pay and more protective gear as they labored during the pandemic. This, along with Smalls’ willingness to challenge the company, was apparently too much to take.

    ——-

    There is no greater illustration of the moral decay of 21st-century corporate America than Amazon. Past behemoths trafficked in noblesse oblige, tolerating unions and even investing in their workforce. Automobile plants and steel mills accepted that the price of doing business was guaranteeing their workers more than a subsistence wage.

    Amazon, which employs a well-compensated white-collar workforce and a vast range of warehouse workers who labor in punishing conditions to get products shipped all across the world, is not interested in the social contract. Rather than collaborate with their New York warehouse workers to safeguard their health amid the worst pandemic in a century – more American lives have been lost than on 9/11 and hundreds of thousands more could die – Amazon would rather leave an employee without a job at the worst possible moment.

    The firing sends a clear message: come against us and you will be crushed. It’s raw authoritarian logic, instilling fear to smother all dissent. If Amazon merely eviscerated brick-and-mortar stores across America, triggering massive job losses, it would be an unfortunate company. But kneecapping the competition was never enough for Bezos. He needs to pit the nation’s cities against each other in a race to the bottom for extraordinary tax breaks, depriving them of revenue they could use to fund schools and public infrastructure. He needs to erect draconian warehouses where workers are forced to pee in bottles and pop pain medication to cope with prison-like conditions.

    The coronavirus outbreak has laid bare the absurdity of predatory capitalism. An America without guaranteed sick leave and universal healthcare is particularly ill-equipped to protect its inhabitants during a pandemic. Into this void steps Amazon, a corporation that cares even less about the fates of those who serve it. It is, ultimately, an all-American company.

    Amazon is the Devil incarnate, ruling over a Hell they have created here on Earth. Jeff Bezos does not denominate his wealth in dollars, but in souls stolen from working men and women.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      And what happened to those auto manufacturers that indulged their unions?

      • DEG

        Some got bail-outs.

    • Naptown Bill

      Italy has universal healthcare. So does China.

    • Tulip

      Not mentioned, according to Amazon, he was sent home to self isolate for 14 days with pay after being exposed. His beef is that he wanted it shutdown and deep cleaned. But, he came to work to organize the protest.

    • Tulip

      Also, Fuck Amazon for asking for donations for workers with coronavirus. Amazon is making bank like never before

      • Mojeaux

        Mr. Mojeaux’s employer just sent out an email saying people who make less than $X/year will be receiving $1,000. Just because Kung Flu.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    Berks County dairy farmers dumped thousands of pounds of milk on Tuesday, in the latest loss blamed on the coronavirus COVID-19.

    Food riots, coming soon.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Its nothing new…

  32. JaimeRoberto Delecto

    I think I hooked up with Musty Nethers once in college.

    • Agent Cooper

      Avatar checks out.

  33. DEG

    Wrongfully convicted man one step closer to being free

    A California man who the Centre County district attorney’s office said is wrongfully serving time in state prison for a firearms conviction is one step closer to being released.

    The state Superior Court vacated Andre Aina’s conviction Tuesday, clearing the path for the county district attorney’s office to request an emergency hearing so he can be released.

    “We have a moral and legal duty to (ensure) that people who have been wrongfully convicted and imprisoned are exonerated,” Centre County District Attorney Bernie Cantorna said Tuesday in a statement. “A prosecutor’s role is to seek justice — not convictions — and the only just result in Mr. Aina’s case is to vacate the conviction and send him home.”

    • pan fried wylie

      How is the event that vacated his conviction not also the trigger that sends a cop to get him out of his cell, now.

      “We’d love to release him but we just don’t have the power. Yes, we put him in there, huh? I don’t follow your question, sorry…”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Asses have to be covered

  34. Tundra

    This morning Banjos recommended Dave Smith’s interview with Thomas Massie. I just listened to it while I was out walking and it was terrific. He just got shivved by his own party.

    • SugarFree

      Massie is not of the body.

    • DEG

      I’m certain if he joined the Libertarian Party Sarwark would find an excuse to shiv him too.

      • leon

        Sarwak is quitting, in large part probably because of the interview he did with Dave Smith.

      • DEG

        Are you serious?

      • DEG

        Whoa

        That is good news.

      • Agent Cooper

        Replaced by a guy named … Henchman? Oh, this is too good.

      • Shirley Knott

        Yes, *please*! :fist pump:

    • leon

      It was a really good Interview. Massie got a short shrift for making congress do it’s constitutional job (ie have a quorum actually present to conduct biz), and then requesting that people be put on record for the vote.

      • Tundra

        I dare anyone to listen to that and then tell me he did anything remotely wrong. The fact that there is only 1 out of 435 with the stones to suggest that they do their jobs is astonishing.

        Kids, we may be fucked.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Amash was apparently behind Massie, but he definitely used him as a shield.

      • westernsloper

        May be?

      • DEG

        We’re fucked.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      MASSIE IS AN ASSWHOLE! LIBARTARIANS NEED TO GET OUTTA THE GOP! THANK GOD FOR TRUMP THE BEST PRESEDENT! CAN I GET AN AMEN?!? LOL! #KEG #WWF1WWE

    • RAHeinlein

      Cavuto interviewed Massie last Saturday – short piece, but Massie made his points and also indicated he had spoken with the President.

      • leon

        Massie told Dave that he had talked with Trump and that… it did not go well…

      • leon

        Also, i guess during the signing, Trump asked what the vote breakdown was at the House and the house creeps were like… Um.. yeah about that…

      • Tundra

        That was actually kind of funny. No one wants to break bad news to the boss, but come on, you pussy, tell the truth.

      • RAHeinlein

        Yes, Massie indicated the Trump conversation didn’t go well – he also indicated (in a non-judgemental way) that Trump didn’t understand what he was trying to do from a procedural perspective.

  35. Private Chipperbot

    Just saw the first anti Trump ad based on corona I’m Michigan.

    • Drake

      But no criticism of your retarded Governor I assume?

      • creech

        You mean Il Douche’s running mate?

  36. Drake

    Another hydroxychloroquine is going on in Minnesota. Testing it on uninfected people as a preventative and people with early symptoms.

    Dr. Boulware explained, “The vast majority of people are not hospitalized. Besides social distancing and quarantine, if we can break that chain of infection by identifying somebody and then prophylaxis everyone around them that’s been in contact with them to prevent infection, you can stamp out stuff much quicker.”

    Exactly This – find out what short-cuts all this bullshit.

    • Tundra

      This is what we should be throwing money at.

      • Drake

        2 months ago. Crazy to me how slow this kind of work has been.

      • Drake

        I meant – we should have been doing this 2 months ago. What the fuck good is the CDC or FDA is they aren’t trying to get ahead of this stuff? Instead we have cobbled up trials from U. Minn, New York, and Dartmouth.

        I bet our idiot overlords learn the wrong lessons and not only let the FDA and CDC continue to exist, but give them more money and authority – so they can do a better job of getting in the way next time.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The TLAs only exist to perpetuate themselves.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Ummmm…

        *looks at calendar*
        *looks at wife with a spoonful of aquarium cleaner*

        C’mon you guys are trying to April Fools me! Everyone knows if there was something that worked it would be on TV 24/7

      • Drake

        Top Men are working on it. You wait at home and don’t worry.

  37. DEG

    And one last link.. Philly Catholics still receiving Communion on the tongue

    Social distancing guidelines are being adopted across much of the globe, but some religious organizations are drawing criticism for not doing their part to slow the spread of the coronavirus.

    That includes the Archdiocese of Philadelphia.

    While the archdiocese two weeks ago suspended public Masses indefinitely at its more than 250 parishes, and encouraged Catholics to worship online instead, dozens of people lined up to receive Holy Communion in person during Sunday’s livestreamed service from the Cathedral Basilica of SS. Peter and Paul. They waited side by side in a tight line for a priest to place the Communion wafer in their hands or directly on their tongue.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      My wife’s cousin’s family is in that line, I guarantee it.

    • Agent Cooper

      Where else are they going to receive it?

  38. The Late P Brooks

    if we can break that chain of infection by identifying somebody and then prophylaxis everyone around them that’s been in contact with them to prevent infection, you can stamp out stuff much quicker.”

    But that’s not what the model says!

  39. Ownbestenemy

    In between jobs today I discussed with my wife about the stay-at-home order…her response was: so what? This is my family’s income and as long as people keep booking, I will keep operating.

    I love that woman. Oh and she thinks voting is stupid and gets berated from her female friends all the time…women died for your right!

    • Mojeaux

      She is officially invited to the Glibbroads wine Zen retreat.

      • Ownbestenemy

        She is suspicious of this site..thinks im picking up girls or something

      • Mojeaux

        Okay, well, we won’t tell her, then.

      • Jarflax

        She thinks you come to a site with a 90+:10- Male:Female ratio to pick up girls?

      • Ownbestenemy

        There was…..an incident.

      • Mojeaux

        OH?!?!?!?!

        DISH DISH DISH

      • Trigger Hippie

        I’m picturing his wife on the phone yelling: What are you wearing, “Jake from State Farm?!”.

      • Rhywun

        Anyone else notice they ret-conned a new “Jake” into that commercial?

      • Tulip

        On the site? That was me trying to pick up P Brooks. It didn’t work.

        *contemplates failure on a site with a 90:10 male:female ratio*

        FML

      • Gender Traitor

        Yup! Diverse Jake! Sits in the cube right next to Original Jake.

      • MikeS

        Anyone else notice they ret-conned a new “Jake” into that commercial?

        Yes. Wasn’t it due to a new joke? Can’t remember what, but I thought there was also a small change to the dialog for some reason.

        I think it first aired during the SB? It must have because that’s the only time I’ve seen commercials in months.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Just playing the part

      • Lady Zorg aka Babalu

        90+:10- Male:Female ratio

        Unacceptable. I demand equal representation.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Got to be sporting about it.

        Jarsy’s good looks make picking up gals on normal boards like shooting fish in a barrel. As a challenge he comes here to pickup mythological creatures.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Sorry, It was OBE who is the ultimate lady killer, but I bet JarFlax is also very good looking.

      • Jarflax

        Don’t bet more than you can afford to lose on this.

      • DEG

        It happens.

      • Lady Zorg aka Babalu

        Give her time my friend.

      • Gender Traitor

        Glibbroads wine Zen retreat.

        No wine???? : (

      • Mojeaux

        Shhhhh. *looks around*

        Can’t have everybody thinking we’re going to run wild and be hedonists or they’ll want to join in.

      • Gender Traitor

        True story: I’m seriously considering buying several bottles of wine (maybe buy a case and stock up the “cellar”) from my favorite local winery Friday afternoon – it’ll be payday, and so far it’s been a hell of a week at the office – just in time for the Glib Zoom chat. (I may ask if they have a bottle of my favorite already chilled.)

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Just a case? Have you learned nothing from your time here?

      • UnCivilServant

        Hey, you don’t know if the winery has a limit of one case per customer.

      • Tulip

        How come I’m not invited? Or did it ‘get lost in the mail’ again?

      • Mojeaux

        You did. By virtue of the fact that you are a normal, regular Tulpette, you are invited.

    • Mojeaux

      But hey, do that dog food thing as someone else suggested.

      If you have an FEIN and/or state tax exempt number, aren’t you able to sell retail by default?

      • Jarflax

        That will vary State by State

      • Ownbestenemy

        We didnt apply since we provide service only

      • Mojeaux

        Right! I forgot, I got mine because I was selling products. Never mind.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    Let’s not lose sight of our pre-existing hobgoblins

    For decades, Americans have been sorting their trash believing that most plastic could be recycled. But the truth is, the vast majority of all plastic produced can’t be or won’t be recycled. In 40 years, less than 10% of plastic has ever been recycled.

    In a joint investigation, NPR and the PBS series Frontline found that oil and gas companies — the makers of plastic — have known that all along, even as they spent millions of dollars telling the American public the opposite.

    ——-

    …three former top officials, who have never spoken publicly before, said the industry promoted recycling as a way to beat back a growing tide of antipathy toward plastic in the 1980s and ’90s. The industry was facing initiatives to ban or curb the use of plastic. Recycling, the former officials told NPR and Frontline, became a way to preempt the bans and sell more plastic.

    “There was never an enthusiastic belief that recycling was ultimately going to work in a significant way,” says Lew Freeman, former vice president of government affairs for the industry’s lobbying group, then called the Society of the Plastics Industry, or SPI.

    Another top official, Larry Thomas, who led SPI for more than a decade until 2000, says the strategy to push recycling was simple:

    “The feeling was the plastics industry was under fire, we got to do what it takes to take the heat off, because we want to continue to make plastic products,” Thomas says. “If the public thinks the recycling is working, then they’re not going to be as concerned about the environment.”

    Petroleum bad. Plastic bad. Capitalism bad. We hates ’em.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So did that author carve that piece on a stone tablet with an I-rock?

      • Tundra

        My favorite was footage of an OMG OIL BAD! protest where the dirty hippies were floating around in their plastic kayaks.

        You can’t make it up.

      • MikeS

        At the gas station I frequent, one of the employees has a “Stop The Frickin’ Frackin’!” bumper sticker on her car. I pay at the pump to make sure I don’t tell her how stupid she is.

      • Jarflax

        Why can’t frackers just buy their gas and oil at the station just like normal people do!

    • Rhywun

      oil and gas companies — the makers of plastic — have known that all along, even as they spent millions of dollars telling the American public the opposite

      How many billions of dollars have governments at all levels spent forcing the American public to recycle? And not one of the selfless public servants thought to question the evil oil magnates about their lies…?

      • Drake

        They should just figure out how to burn the stuff somewhat cleanly.

      • Plinker762

        We have waste to energy here. I always thought it made more sense than recycling.

        My test on determining if something is worth recycling: If you leave it out and a hobo takes it, it has value.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Or the recycling pushed by the green nutjobs?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Their real problem is that China’s isn’t buying anymore and they’re running out of space to store it.

  41. Mojeaux

    Oh, lookie! My husband finished his shift for the day and suddenly my internet is faster. I wonder if that’s related.

    • Drake

      Porn reviewer?

  42. The Late P Brooks

    Plastic is now more prevalent than it’s ever been and harder to recycle. Gas prices remain at historic lows, making new plastic cheaper than recycled plastic. And the industry now produces many more different — and more complex — kinds of plastics that are more costly to sort and in many cases can’t be recycled at all. Efforts to reduce plastic consumption are mounting nationwide, but any plan to slow the growth of plastic will face an industry with billions of dollars of future profits at stake.

    Profits bad.

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘…but any plan to slow the growth of plastic will face…’

      The cold, stark reality that it’s one the most useful, cheap, important, amazing, wonderful inventions in history and our world would be a far less happy, healthy, and functional place without it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And sanitary

        (Although healthy covers that)

      • Trigger Hippie

        What the world truly needs now is less plastic and more botulism.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Sing it Burt!

      • Trigger Hippie

        *gives it a shot*

        Dosen’t really roll off the tongue as well as love sweet love.

    • Tres Cool

      New plastic was always cheaper. Virgin material is way easier to produce than to recycle it.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Not in my experience. Oh, were you still talking about plastic?

      • dbleagle

        Aluminum would like t have a word with you.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    her response was: so what? This is my family’s income and as long as people keep booking, I will keep operating.

    My stars!

    *fans self*

  44. The Late P Brooks

    So did that author carve that piece on a stone tablet with an I-rock?

    He wrote it with a piece of charcoal, on the back of a shovel.

  45. Ownbestenemy

    So my oldest, 18, loves with my parents. Long story but is very mindful of their age and my dad having diabetes. My brother shoots a text nearly chastising me that I better be telling him the dangers of the VID and he shouldnt be near them.

    My son has forgone his girlfriend for 3-weeks now since her parents were in quarentine due to a possible VID incident. He is smart you dolt and be happy our parents arent alone and have someone watching them!

    • Ted S.

      So my oldest, 18, loves with my parents.

      I won’t kink shame them. At least not the GILFs.

      • Ted S.

        Ack, I forgot got to turn off the italics….

    • Ted S.

      How did auto-correct get Dunbar out of scumbag?

      • Old Man With Candy

        You’re on a roll.

    • Rhywun

      Massive cutbacks are coming. Cuomo has been using every dirty trick in the book to “balance” the budget every year but even Nipples can’t conjure billions of dollars out of thin air to block the looming shortfall.

      • Sean

        Nipples…

        ??

    • commodious spittoon

      The purpose of private industry is paying taxes to keep public servants employed.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s actually collecting taxes and implementing laws that limit choice, because if the laws were directly on the consumer there would be riots.

  46. The Late P Brooks

    Dow down almost 1000. Maybe I’ll get another shot at picking up some shares on the dip. I was a little too greedy last time. My target actually hit my lowball bid, but my order didn’t get picked up. I guess I shouldn’t try to save that last nickel, next time.

  47. The Late P Brooks

    The cold, stark reality that it’s one the most useful, cheap, important, amazing, wonderful inventions in history and our world would be a far less happy, healthy, and functional place without it.

    That’s just, like, your opinion, man.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Better living through chemistry, I always say.

  48. The Late P Brooks

    Nonessential

    Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost said his office sent a cease-and-desist letter to Hobby Lobby after reports that the craft supplies chain had re-opened its stores across the U.S., including Ohio.

    Yost tweeted Wednesday afternoon about his office’s action and referenced the stay-at- home order Ohio Health Department Director Dr. Amy Action issued last week that required businesses not deemed essential to close for the time being because of the coronavirus pandemic.

    ——-

    The letter, written by Assistant Attorney General Jonathan Fulkerson to Hobby Lobby General Counsel Peter Dobelbower, notes that the health department director’s order provides guidance on what businesses are “essential” and can remain open. Those include grocery stores, gas stations and pharmacies, among others.

    “It does not appear that Hobby Lobby meets the criteria outlined in the Director’s order,” Fulkerson wrote. “On behalf of the Department of Health, you are ordered to immediately cease and desist operations.”

    The letter states that the attorney general’s office may take measures if the company does not comply, which could include a second-degree misdemeanor or seeking a civil injunction. It also asks the company, if it feels that the business is “essential” under Acton’s order, to outline why it thinks that is the case.

    The company has 900 stores nationwide and has tried to remain open in other states. Police and authorities have intervened.

    Durr hurr stoopid Jesus freaks.

    • Gender Traitor

      “But…but…we sell fabric you can use to make masks!”

      (I would seriously use that excuse. Craft stores are critical to some of us for maintaining some semblance of mental health.)

      • Rhywun

        They seriously expect people to live on bread and water and Netflix movies for months on end & do nothing else.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Joanne’s has been doing just that. Though you have to place your order online and they bring it to your car.

      • Mojeaux

        I went to JoAnn’s last week. I waltzed right on in.

        Saturday, I went to take something back to Best Buy that I’d had for a year, but was plumb fed up with. They met me at the curb. Nope, not going in, don’t care how complex your transaction is, lady. Not only did they not give me a hassle about needing to exchange it (I was prepared for that), they just gave me my money back, no questions asked.

    • AlmightyJB

      Yost is a fuckwit, just like our former AG DeWine.

  49. Gender Traitor

    ^(^
    (*)

    • AlmightyJB

      🙂

  50. The Late P Brooks

    How many billions of dollars have governments at all levels spent forcing the American public to recycle? And not one of the selfless public servants thought to question the evil oil magnates about their lies…?

    You can bet none of those public servants gave two shits about whether it made economic sense on any level, and especially not at the taxpayer’s end.

  51. Lady Zorg aka Babalu

    So the husband was partially paid for a job this week with some wild boar meat. We’re having the bratwurst for dinner tonight alongside some cabbage sauteed with onions and bacon fat. Not really in the mood to hassle with the grill, any tips for cooking these on the stove? I’m assuming wild boar is lower in fat than your normal grocery store pork. I don’t want to dry it out.

    • Tres Cool

      I think its designed to be dry.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Not low and slow on those, too lean and they’ll most likely get mealy. You might try baking at 400 and then pan searing to finish them off. Internal temp should hit 165 to 170.

    • hayeksplosives

      True wild boar is leaner, but many animals in the us called “wild boar” are really just “feral pigs” which cook up wonderfully, just like any piggie.

      Also, fuck off Tulpa!

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      We’ve been living off the wild pig I shot just before the lockdown. Lots of stew. Mostly we cook the stuff in the slow cooker, but last night we had ribs.

  52. Trigger Hippie

    Look, it says Hobby right there in the name. Hobbies aren’t essential. Especially when you’re forced to be at home for weeks on end. Who needs hobbies when you have nothing to do or nowhere to go?

    No, it’s best to sit and stare blank faced at a wall while your kids scream in the background for days and days until you finally snap and you make national news as the first person to go stir crazy enough while dealing with this nonsense to actually kill your family then run outside and scream into the void in the middle of the street.

    • westernsloper

      I milled my first 80% lower today. How is that for an essential hobby?

      • Sean

        Nice!

      • Trigger Hippie

        I’m going to binge watch season three of Ozark this weekend. I’m not sure I’ll have work after Friday. People don’t want strangers in their homes and another job is being held up by permit issues. I may need to stock up on beer and weed. Those are hobbies, yes?

      • westernsloper

        ?

  53. The Late P Brooks

    See something, say something

    District Attorney Jeff Reisig said price gouging is a crime that no one is taking lightly during this time of crisis.

    If the price doesn’t seem right, officials advise taking a picture of the item and contacting your local police department or the Attorney General’s office.

    Officials vow to aggressively go after individuals and retailers breaking the law.

    Reisig said every report that comes into his office will be investigated. He said he wants people to know that during a time of crisis, prices on essential items can’t go up more than 10%.

    “The law applies to any seller, regardless of who it is,” Reisig said. “You can’t price gouge, so you can’t go ahead, if you score a loot at Costco with toilet paper, you can’t turn around and sell it online to your friends for more than 10% what you paid for it. The message to people out there in the community who are doing this is: It’s a crime. We are going to come after you.”

    Profiteers will be shot.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Ten percent?

      Ten percent ain’t worth the time, money, or risk.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Only a government apparatchik could think ten percent is a reasonable profit margin.

    • Plinker762

      Truly compassionate businesses sell at a loss.

    • Gustave Lytton

      And guaranteeing that shelves will stay empty.

    • Ownbestenemy

      There are people claiming selling a 24 pack of water for $5 is gouging. The same people who stroll into a convience store while they are getting gas and buying a $2 bottle of water….they can’t do math.

  54. MikeS

    So, get this shit: Today, different employees started hearing from different vendors that we were shutting our doors for a month. I called a buddy who is a vendor, and yep; Tuesday he got an email explaining we’d be closed for April. End of business at headquarters is 10 minutes from now (It was 50 minutes ago at my location) and still no word from management to the employees about this shutdown. What in the actual fuck is that?

    • Gender Traitor

      If true, that’s some Grade A Douchebaggery right there!

    • DEG

      Sorry.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Oh, sounds like my company and how they’re communicating about infected/possible infect employees. Almost nothing. Everything is by rumor mill.

    • Sean

      Wow.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Damn. I’ve had the Friday end of shift days where management has said oh by the way, you’re working all weekend, but that’s next level bullshit.

    • Tundra

      So no word, yet?

    • commodious spittoon

      Yikes.

    • westernsloper

      Holy crap, that is monumental assholyness.

    • MikeS

      My supervisor just called. Apparently the VP of Supply Chain sent out hat email without coordinating with production first. There are some extremely pissed people at the top levels. Not only did he jump the gun, but apparently he didn’t even have completely accurate info in it.

      The good news is that my boss has fought for me to be included on the small team that will not be getting furloughed. He’s a good boss.

      • Tundra

        I wondered if it wasn’t something like that.

        I’m happy for you.

      • westernsloper

        ?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Glad to hear it, man.

      • Fourscore

        Sorry to hear your beer time is being cut due to this job infringement thing, MikeS, but you’ll have to tough it out.

      • MikeS

        sacrifices…

      • DEG

        MikeS, this is good news.

      • MikeS

        Thanks guys. I appreciate all the well-wishes. And I send out best wishes for those that aren’t as lucky as I.

      • Spudalicious

        Woohoo!

    • Tulip

      Oh, wow.

  55. hayeksplosives

    If Bensen and Hedges succeed with their vaccine, it will be interesting to see how they get demonized for being an evil tobacco company.

    • commodious spittoon

      At least they don’t quote god and sell pillows, amiright

    • hayeksplosives

      And Julie…

    • C. Anacreon

      Saw that band years ago warming up for Squeeze. They were pretty good. Sad to hear, that’s pretty young.

      • Rhywun

        Nice show. I love Squeeze.

  56. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Massachusetts trade unions just voted to recommend during down all construction in the state except for priority projects for the rest of the month.

    I assume they’ll insist on being paid thru that period.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “shutting down”

    • Sean

      Fucking Massholes.

    • Rhywun

      I wonder who determines the “priority” projects.

      • Ownbestenemy

        In Nevada its a guy named Mr. Bridges…irony and all.

        Fun guy and bought my wife and I drinks at McMullins after a whiskey dinner but he has the roads on lockdown with his company

    • Ownbestenemy

      Its getting precariously interesting out there.

    • DEG

      Jackbooted thugs.

    • Rhywun

      And in just one night they found 200 people too stupid to tell a nosy cop they’re going “shopping”. SMDH.

  57. Tundra
    • Ownbestenemy

      This is no laughing matter!

      • Trigger Hippie

        He was smiling through his own personal Hell

        Spent his last dime at the wishing well

        But he was hoping too close, and then he fell

        Now he’s Tundra the Friendly Ghost

  58. Slammer

    I finally got my handgun today. Feels good, man

    • AlmightyJB

      What you get?

      • Slammer

        I went and tried about 15 pistols. They all felt awkward and made of weird plastic.
        I bought a Springfield 1911 .45
        It was the only one in my range that felt super comfy as soon as I picked it up.
        On one of y’all’s recommendation I got snap caps so I can practice over and over until the range opens

      • Sean

      • Tundra

        Awesome. Good job, boyo!

      • westernsloper

        Nice. I want a 1911

      • Tundra

        My brother recently got a SIG 1911. It’s a big ‘ol hunk of metal, but it is pretty sweet!

      • Slammer

        The salesmen said they broke all the store sales records in the last 2 weeks, and they’ve been around since 1975.
        I got the gun, a soft case, and a box of ammo for like 5 and change

      • AlmightyJB

        Excellent choice. That was actually my last toy purchase:) I got the MC Operator. I do need to order thinner grips though. Came with Pachmayr wraparound grips that are nice but thicker than I like. That gun shoots like a dream though. Accurate and trigger breaks like glass. Bought some extra Springfield mags and a Chip McKormick 10 round for it.

      • Sean

        What kind of steaks did you get?

      • AlmightyJB

        Sharp. Classic. Great price!

      • Gustave Lytton

        1911 feels right for me too, but never bought one other than the POS Kimber ultra carry that I sold. Kicking myself for not buying the surplus on twenty years ago at a not bad price.

      • Don escaped Oklahoma

        no arguing with the ergonomics of a 1911

        like I was saying: fit comes first

        enjoy !

    • Tundra

      Congrats!

      Which one did you get?

  59. Count Potato

    “Common sense tells us that we are less likely to catch/spread the virus if we wear masks. If masks were not protective, they would not be the most important personal protection tools for doctors & nurses. Unfortunately our leaders don’t have common sense—or are being dishonest.”

    https://twitter.com/TulsiGabbard/status/1245375156970651648

      • Count Potato

        I wish I bought the good ones months ago.

      • Rhywun

        I wish I knew where to buy any.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Me too. After this is over and things settle down, I’m buying a case of N95 and a case or two of surgical masks for the next time.

      • Slammer

        Amazon has them but you have to be a hospital to buy them.
        Maybe we can start a Glib clinic or something

      • Tundra

        Y’all didn’t clink the link, didja? ?

      • Rhywun

        The link isn’t visible with the current glitchy design.

    • Sean

      Buried in there:

      “LIQUOR SALES RESUME

      Pennsylvania’s system of state-owned liquor stores, closed because of the COVID-19 outbreak, resumed limited online sales Wednesday.

      The state’s website is accepting a “controlled number” of daily orders but plans to expand as it develops more capacity. Buyers will be limited to six bottles per order from a list of about 1,000 wine and spirits products, the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board announced. “

      • Rhywun

        limited online sales

        ?

        I can walk across the street right now and buy what I want. Here in Virus Central.

      • Sean

        I found a local distillery that does curbside pick ups and deliveries.

        https://www.fabereasydrinking.com

        Good to know in a pinch, but I have a resupply coming tomorrow anyway.

      • Gustave Lytton

        How about just selling through grocery stores for the duration of the “emergency”?

  60. Stillhunter

    Just found out a group of people in my town are working out how to turn the town into a “green zone”. Basically a town quarantine where any traffic in or out is tested a la Telluride, CO. My wife saw it on Facebook. She was invited to the private group or whatever (I don’t do FB), but never responded. She did get to read the discussion and I can tell you it’s fucking chilling. The main woman who started it is a tyrant wannabe control freak. Claims she wants to stop the virus before it gets here. The level of ignorance is astounding.

    • Tundra

      Tell the silly bitch that the fucking virus has likely been in the fucking country since November (or earlier).

      I tell you what, man. A lot of people are stepping up and doing cool things during this cluster-fuck. The number of narcs and wanna-be prison camp commandants actually freak me out a little.

      • Gustave Lytton

        *opens browser and starts looking at plate carriers and more mags*

      • Stillhunter

        That’s what I told my wife. No way it’s not already here. I’m guessing there has been very little testing here to know how many had it.

        I’m curious what you mean by cool things. Like the companies retooling, etc? Or individuals?

        I’m actually liking the kids and wife being home all day. I know it’s early but I think the kids will learn more at home than the government school. Considering going to homeschooling. Frankly all this shit has made me want to become more self sufficient and retract from society even more. Shit has gone haywire.

      • Tundra

        The companies retooling so quickly is a reminder that most, if not all, of our current standard of living was made possible by entrepreneurial drive. The lesson from all this should be: get the government out of the way and let the pros solve it.

        Of course, for most people it will be: we need moar Top. Men.

        And yes, watching people try their damndest to support the local restaurants, etc. that were allowed to stay open is cool, too.

        Important to remember that good never dies out completely!

      • Heroic Mulatto

        most, if not all, of our current standard of living was made possible by entrepreneurial drive.

        This cannot be said enough.

      • Jarflax

        As a eulogy for the recently deceased entrepreneurial spirit? Murdered in the name of safety.

      • Stillhunter

        I bought a couple My Pillows today! (We did need them, but I wanted to support that guy for all the stupid shit he took.)

      • Tundra

        Nice. Let us know how you like them!

      • Slammer

        That’s what’s bugging the crap out of me…all these mini Gestapo wannabes.
        You see these people all over who seem perfectly normal and sensible, they say things like, “I just don’t understand how people could vote for Hitler or be a Nazi…not ME..I never would go along with it.
        All it takes is convincing people they need themselves, their families, the neighborhood, or their society SAFE and they’ll go along with anything. I read these Facebook neighborhood group pages and I replace corona with Jews…fucking scary…theyre begging the cops to come and enforce whatever their rules are. And they’re all narcing on the other blocks in the neighborhood

      • Stillhunter

        Yup. I know we’re on the outer spectrum of wanting to live and let live, but the numbers of people ripping off their mask of tyranny is frightening.

    • CPRM

      You have that Elysium machine in there and just want to keep the poor people out!

    • westernsloper

      I did not know Telluride was testing people coming in. They are doing a county (San Miguel) wide test for antibodies. Hard to find info on it though.

      • Stillhunter

        Yeah, I don’t know the details. Just going off what they were talking about.

  61. The Late P Brooks

    I bought a Springfield 1911 .45

    SWEET

  62. R C Dean

    Re: the ICU nurse.

    She had two (2) patients. So her hospital isn’t so overwhelmed that they can’t maintain 2:1 rations on their ICU. IOW, not very overwhelmed. She did pull a 13 hour shift, which is a little unusual – some nursing shifts are 12 hours, some 10, it varies. Likely, her replacement was late.

    Plus, her patients had ventilators, so they haven’t run out of those. Not sure what kind limited supplies they might have had, but as a nurse working exclusively with COVID patients on a COVID unit, she needs one (1) set of PPE for the shift. I haven’t heard of any shortages other than very spotty PPE shortages, and projected ventilator shortages.

    If I saw one of our ICU nurses post that, I would be in the CNO’s office in a heartbeat asking if that nurse should be working a unit at all.

    My guess is her mental breakdown had very little to do with her actual work that day, but had everything to do with her working herself into hysterics over the Killer Bug that burrows into you through all your PPE and has a 100% kill ratio, including your pets, or somesuch. God knows we hear our staff saying all kinds of stupid shit about this jumped-up cold virus.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I just watched it. I wouldn’t want her tending to me or anyone I cared about.

    • westernsloper

      Look at the bottom graph on the right that Mad Scientist linked the other day. That is why this is “jumped-up”

  63. Count Potato

    Another very upset nurse video

    “This is chilling. A nurse on the front lines in Chicago tried to wear her own N95 to work while caring for COVID pts (when it wasn’t supplied for her) & she was told by management she would not be allowed to. She quit her job. ”

    https://twitter.com/DBelardoMD/status/1245031918493630464

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Sentara here tried to tell staff not to wear masks because they were afraid of running out.

      That lasted until the first doctor got sick

    • DEG

      Why do I smell horseshit?

  64. The Late P Brooks

    Local teevee is blaring some bullshit projections. Say “This is what is being used by the White House!”

    Something tells me it’s what that self-promoting dolt Fauci is pushing.

  65. The Hyperbole

    Durr hurr stoopid Jesus freaks.

    I read the entire linked article not once was Jesus or Hobby Lobby’s religiousnessity mentioned.

  66. The Late P Brooks

    I read the entire linked article not once was Jesus or Hobby Lobby’s religiousnessity mentioned.

    Good for you. Pat yourself on the back.

  67. The Late P Brooks

    Jesus Fucking Christ. Now they’re running a story about people in Butte having people over “to party”.

    Sheriff: “This is not about personal choice.”

    IT’S ABOUT DOING WHAT YOU’RE TOLD, YOU LOATHESOME VERMIN!!!

  68. The Hyperbole

    Good for you. Pat yourself on the back.

    You got me, You are really good at seeing through what people actually write and getting to what they really meant.

    • Ownbestenemy

      What’s the difference between hobby-lobby and walmart then? Why is walmart still operating? They dont block off their grocery section from the rest…

      So why Hobby Lobby and not other general stores?

      • The Hyperbole

        Hobby Lobby is not a general store, of you want to make a comparison find another chain specialty store that is open and not getting harassed. Look I’m against the shutdown, hobby lobby should not be forced to close but I see no evidence that Ohio is singling them out or that it’s fueled by some anti-christian agenda. Fuck sakes every person in the Ohio statehouse makes a point of thanking god after every speech, atheist have less political sway that libertarians, they are less trusted than used car salesmen but somehow they run statewide policy? It’s ludicrous on its face.

      • Fourscore

        Walmart-My cod dead hands-

        Shopped Walmart today, only a couple masks, lots of employees filling the shop by phone baskets though. First time ever have I seen the parking lot so empty at Walmart and Fleet. Cub was slow. Paper products not up to snuff but some smaller units available. We didn’t need any so we let some other person have a chance.

        Shelves were mostly full at W-mart, Cub had a lot of stuff marked down. Every thing calm. Was able to talk to the woman check out at Walmart, about 55 YO, asked if I was scared/concerned. I had to tell her that not only wasn’t I not concerned, that the numbers are quite inconsequential. A lot of old and elderly but mostly at W-mart

        OTOH, today is the 1st, SS checks arrived today for a lot of people.

  69. The Late P Brooks

    You are really good at seeing through what people actually write and getting to what they really meant.

    Like your comment about my friend the bar owner. Those places fail all the time. Especially people who have been in the business for decades, who run small established businesses with loyal customers. But don’t worry. You really add something to the discussion.

  70. The Late P Brooks

    That’s what’s bugging the crap out of me…all these mini Gestapo wannabes.

    The girlfriend and I had a couple of friends over for drinks, the other night. The female friend told us her sister said she got screamed at in Costco (by a customer) because she wasn’t maintaining a safe following distance in the checkout line. Too many people are just itching for a chance to tell yopu what to do.

    *I have found that most people, if anything, seem to be more polite than usual, lately.

  71. The Late P Brooks

    It’s just a simple failure to communicate.

    “You got to git yore mind right.”

  72. Rhywun

    Spooky – I usually see 8 or 9 planes out my window approaching from the south. None now. Just several stars and planets.

  73. The Hyperbole

    Like your comment about my friend the bar owner.

    If you are referring to the statement that I think you are, it was a poke at the idea that only old or sick people are dying and they were going to die soon anyway so why should we be concerned about them, I may have used your post about your friends business as springboard but It wasn’t intended as an attack on your buddy. Sorry if you took it personally.