“Kayleigh,” Donald sighed.
“You haven’t had a press secretary you’ve liked since Sarah left,” the hat said. He was perched on Donald’s shoulder like a parrot and stank of rum.
“In these uncertain times,” the hair began.
“Who?” Donald asked, scratching his head up under the hair.
“Sarah. Your press secretary for a long time,” the hat said.
“I don’t know that person,” Donald sniffed.
“Sarah, Donald, Sarah. Big girl, meaty,” the hat said. “Had kind of a fucked up face.” The hat twisted his bill and front panels grotesquely, striving to replicate her disturbing asymmetry.
“In these troubled times,” the hair began.
“Pie. You always called her Pie because she was always eating pie,” the hat said.
“Where did you hear this?” Donald asked, narrowing his eyes. “This sounds like a hoax.”
“It’s not a hoax!” the hat said.
“In these concerning times,” the hair began.
“Fake news,” Donald mumbled. “It’s all fake news.”
The hat made a strangled cry of rage and dropped down onto the desk.
“Kayleigh,” Donald said again dreamily. “She’s a blonde, you know.”
“Yes, I know!” the hat growled, dragging himself across the desk.
“In these unsettled times,” the hair began.
“She worked on your campaign!” the hat said. He dropped to the floor and crawled under the desk.
“I wonder if she’s a real blonde,” Donald mused.
Under the desk, the hat barked out a laugh.
“In these trying times,” the hair began.
“OH MY GOD! STOP THAT!” the hat yelled.
“In these difficult times,” the hair said, dropping his voice an octave.
Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location
“FINGERBANG!” Joe screamed. “FINGERBANG!” he screamed again.
“How long has be been doing that?” the secret service supervisor asked, out of breath, holding his side.
“Two hours now,” said the secret service agent assigned to the former Vice President for the evening shift.
“FINGERBANG!” Joe hollered.
“He’s going to pop,” the supervisor said matter-of-factly. He looked through the small wire-mesh window into Joe’s sundowning room. “You can almost smell how high his blood pressure must be.”
“Maybe that would be for the best,” the agent muttered. The supervisor slapped him.
“FINGERBANG!” Joe howled.
“Never say that. Never even think it. You want to be assigned to the White House again?!? Do you?”
The agent looked away and down and shook his head.
“FINGERBANG-ANG-ANG-ANG-ANG!” Joe ululated.
“OK. He’s not going to stop until we give him what he wants,” the supervisor said grimly. “Remember the bubble tea incident?”
The agent closed his eyes and nodded.
“FINGERBANG?” Joe pleaded.
“Well, get in there,” the supervisor said.
“What?” the agent asked.
“Get in there, I said. You can wear gloves.”
“No,’ the agent said, backing into the rough concrete of the wall.
“I said you could wear gloves,” the supervisor said, pulling a pair of bright blue nitrile gloves in a sterile plastic pack.
“I don’t care if I could wear all the gloves in the goddamn world!” the agent said.
The supervisor’s hand shot out and took the gun from the stunned agent. “Get in there,” he said, motioning.
The agent fumbled out his keys and opened the sundowning room.
“In, in,” the supervisor said, poking the agent in the lower back.
“Fingerbang?” Joe asked, half his mouth curling into a smile.
The supervisor slammed the door behind the agent and locked it.
“FINGERBANG!” Joe screeched.
“Sir?” the agent asked, his frightened face filling the small window. “Sir? What if he, uh, wants to, uh, do it me?” He put the first two fingers of his right hand together and stabbed them again and again toward the ceiling and made a face both horrified and aroused.
“Then you have him wear the gloves,” the supervisor said and walked away.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLS_HARAYZQ
https://youtu.be/g6DI6XuvCwE?t=68
^That one has bonus China-bashing, to make it even more topical.
Exactly what I thought it was
Alrighty then.
No, I am no longer all right… I am pretty far from alright….
I am WAAAAY far from alright, now.
Stood too close to Joe one time?
The glamorous life of the Secret Service.
Not sure I get the fingerbang thing….
You never went to high school?
Third base?
The Love That Dare Not Wash Its Hands?
https://tinyurl.com/27jytgb
Stinkfinger?
The Shocker.
Stinkfinger can technically be any finger you get stinky. The Stinky Pinkie being the most famous.
2 in the pink… one in the stink?
Two in the goo, one in the poo.
LOL!
I know what the word means, but I don’t get the association with Biden.
Ah, the woman who accused Biden of sexual assault, the one that media is ignoring or calling a Russian agent, alleges that Biden forcefully digitally penetrated her 1993.
Gods what a conspiracy story to create – Trump calls Putin, Vlad, need some help, need a woman to make a totally credible sex assault story on Joe. Vlad says “not worry, have perfect dupe”.
That’s really close. The Dem media that will talk about her darkly hints that she is in love with Putin and she is accusing Biden to help Trump, Putin’s lapdog.
All the usual suspects, of course. You know, the ones that wanted to destroy Kavanaugh for maybe grabbing a boob in high school.
OK, thanks, I forgot that detail. Watch enough groping and hair-sniffing videos, it just becomes a big blur.
He has been credibly accused of forcibly fingerbanging a female friend, frankly without her consent.
It’s when you point your fingers like guns and say bang.
This is more prescient than you know…
…because it’s now a Biden vs. Trump election.
Yeah, I got the news too late to go into rewrites. Dump news late on a Friday afternoon like a normal person, Bernie.
I mean, you really do have your finger on the pulse. It’s kind of uncanny.
You never want SF to take your pulse.
It’s ok, just make sure he wears gloves.
Ahh, the pulsating prostate?
He’s doing it so hearless rethuglican meanies won’t force people to go out and vote, killing everyone.
Yup. And then he’ll wrap himself in his Soviet flag and retreat to his dacha to await Joe’s pre-convention demise.
Hillary will have murdered him before he gets that news.
Apparently Chafee dropped out of the LP race.
Senile Joe likes nothing more than a game of hide the hangnail.
“Where did you hear this?” Donald asked, narrowing his eyes. “This sounds like a hoax.”
It begins as a hoax. Eventually, it becomes a Myth.
Myth! Myth! https://youtu.be/3oND3q3tfsg
Bernie Sanders Drops Out Of Race To Spend More Time With His Many, Many Houses
It’s only 3 houses. He’s downright poor for a lifelong Senator.
And one is a “summer camp”. I, for one, do not want to go to commie-camp.
But it’s got bread lines! Everybody loves bread lines!
No breadlines until after wheat harvest, comrade.
Also no breadlines. Wheat goes to Moscow.
There are breadlines, but there is no bread.
And they’re like small houses, anyway, like 2BR 1BA. He’s practically homeless, people!
OT: I just got a work assignment! That I will actually be able to complete! Billable hours, baby. No more sitting around trying to resemble productivity. At least until next Thursday.
And I have another assignment scheduled for May 4th.
Congrats, dude!
Thanks. How are you faring?
So far, so good. We supply essential industries, so we’ve been able to keep things going.
Packing all of us in the house, on the other hand…
We’re fucking lucky, though. So many friends in deep shit – it’s depressing. All of this in a few short weeks.
Funny how quickly everything falls apart
Good to hear. Stay safe and sane.
The current politicos and the panicky public seem Dead Set on Destruction https://youtu.be/_xUA5Wprc0c
It’s not funny anymore.
I love you both for those links. You’re easing my heart and helping me
(not sure how i stuffed that up)
(not sure how I stuffed that up)
See A Little Light
You lucky bastard!
Congrats!
Congratulations!
Billable hours, baby.
Murderer!
How’s it going over there in Ideeho, Spud? Clambering over dead bodies to get to the mailbox?
Did you ever get any black market TP?
There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t have to get out of the car and move a dead body off the road. Yes, I violate quarantine daily to go to the store.
I’ve got a couple dozen rolls of crappy tp but it’s better than nothing.
That’s very nice of you. I just hate the squelching noise your tires make when you drive over a weeks-old carcass. That’s really the worst. It used to be the smell that bothered me most, but since all the neighbors died in their homes I’ve become immune to it.
I just hate the squelching noise
This episode of Hat and Hair must have been very triggering for you.
FINGERBANG!
TBH they all are.
I’ll mail you a roll of Quilted Northern for $75
$1 for the TP, $74 shipping and handling (mostly handling).
Need to avoid any price gouging regs.
Oh, no, the TP is free.
It’s the mailing he’s asking recompense for.
Yeah, you’ve got to bribe every mail handler along the way not to “lose” it in transit.
The paper has already been used once, which cuts down on the malfeasance.
Ok, now I’m going to on on Amazon, search for “toilet paper”, and check “Used” just to see.
No price gouging regs in the great state of Montana.
Speaking of toilet paper:
https://www.kcci.com/article/man-pulls-gun-during-argument-over-toilet-paper-report-says/32046048
@darrenrovell Wimbledon reportedly paid $2 million a year for pandemic insurance for the last 17 years
For this year’s cancellation as a result of the Coronavirus, Wimbledon will reportedly receive $141 million from the policy.
Somebody just got a big fucking raise.
indeed
wonder what the actuary’s batting average is this year?
If I’m not mistaken, the penultimate “in these concerning times” should be attributed to hair, not hat.
Lovely work though.
Yes, thanks.
If I had known I would be doing this for nearly five years, I would have given them non-alliterative names, something dumb, like “Mark” and “Jeff.”
I miss Sarah Sanders though.
I can cheer myself up with Bad Lip Reading, Sarah Sanders edition.
https://youtu.be/8EsUNOIYyKg
Just think, you have the whole next term to look forward to. [Perhaps, just once, I’ve made SF shudder in mental horror.]
It’s still going OK. They come to me very easily. When they don’t or the quality really drops, I’ll stop. No last season of Scrubs for me, where the Hat and the Hair open a hair salon/haberdashery and add a grotesquely precocious orphan to the cast.
What do you mean? Season 8 was great.
The last season of Scrubs was more like AfterMASH. It almost had no connection to the previous seasons.
The last season of How I Met Your Mother, on the other hand, was just a flat out disaster.
What? Didn’t you want to be one of those kids, listening to your dad drone on about how he’s planning on drilling your aunt? The one he used to drill all the time and really only took a break to have a doomed romance with your mom?
I hoped they’d have a scene of Old Ted mounting Old Robin right there on the mom’s grave.
It was like they planned on another 4 seasons… Which was a ridiculous expectation.
Ha!
Good lord…
Anyway, WHO director hits back at Trump threat to defund agency
“If you don’t want many more body bags you refrain from politicizing it – please quarantine politicizing COVID,” WHO Director Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus told reporters when asked about Trump’s criticism.
Shorter WHOre: people will die.
Ok, I’ll say it. I don’t know who Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus is, but he’s got a stupid name and I hate it, and I hate him for it. I am the Ugly American. https://youtu.be/_eaMridRsBE
‘Merican
Yeah. Gonna put on some Dents and go for a run here soon. Beautiful day in Seattle.
It must be pretty cool to be you Tundra.
Thank you!
‘Merica…..home of the Statue of Liberty
That Frog is still here?
Statue of Liberty…Frog…“You know what happens to a Toad when it’s struck by lightning?”
It turns German?
That fucking piece of cheese was the minister of health for Ethiopia. In exactly the way China lied about the Flu Manchu he lied about epidemics in Ethiopia and a lot of people died because of that. Now he sucks Chinese dick for a living.
The next time he opens his fucking mouth I hope someone puts some lead in it.
Global organizations like the WHO hate when some simple elected officials get uppity about them being corrupt.
Would someone please shoot that piece of shit.
As a matter of fact, clean out the whole UN. Every goddamned one of the worthless slimy crooks.
But don’t shut it down entirely or withdraw. That will just allow those shitheals to use it entirely. Hollow it out and wear it as skin suit, demand respect, etc.
Apparently Chafee dropped out of the LP race.
Them who done what now?
It’s okay… Nick Sarwack says it’s okay. They’ll just keep finding purposeless, used up Republicans who they can puke into the mix. But Nick says it okay.
Hey Nick, if used up Republicans are what’s on the platter, why not vote for current Republicans, you fucking dumbass? Go ahead and send us more Bill Barrs if you want, we’re sick of them for the same reason we’re sick of you. Gary Johnson was a reasonable compromise in 2012, but it was obvious he wasn’t into it in 2016. The last actual Libertarian candidate was Harry Brown(e?) Put up MacAfee or STFU you sniveling douchebag.
Ummm….Baknarik?
Dig up Harry Browne’s corpse?
Harry Browne’s body lies a-mouldering in the grave.
Harry Browne’s body lies a-mouldering in the grave.
Harry Browne’s body lies a-mouldering in the grave.
His soul’s marching on!
Glory, glory, hallelujah! Glory, glory, hallelujah!
How I found half life in an undead world
Living free!
News is claiming “deadliest day in US history” re: coronavirus. Apparently never heard of Antietam. Or 9/11.
Pshh 10,000 of the people killed at Antietnam were ZOMG CONFEDERATES, they don’t count.
Sharpsburg dead
CSA: 1,600 (fewer than at Shiloh FWIW)
USA: 2,100
So add another 3460 to the dead count.
and then multiply everything by two to prorate in disease
Shiloh was a two day battle, though.
Overlooked bloody Civil War battle – Chickamauga. 34K+ casualties over three days of battle. Second highest casualty count behind Gettysburg.
+1 Gen Thomas and 19th US Infantry
Yeah I went to wiki and my brain used the total casualties number.
The wiki is wrong. In the heading it says that 22,000 were killed.
So it’s not your fault for reading it wrong. I did the same thing.
that’s normal
I went to church near Shiloh amidst a culture that still respected knowing Civil War detail, so I got a 30 year headstart on normal people’s grasp of the scale of these things just from reading the markers and watching the same NP film over and over to say nothing of walking the cemetery (almost exactly the same size as my family’s church yard) and trench graves (you couldn’t possibly bury half of the casualties in the total of those places).
First thing I noticed was that, before Korea, KIA on any given day were usually a fourth to a third of WIA. Later I noticed disease killed twice as many as bullets. I’m no military historian, but ratios that don’t line up like that would jump out at me and I’d want to know why; similarly, I carry Shiloh as a yardstick the same way a civil engineer knows what a ditch will carry without running the numbers. So, other side of the coin: 10k dead would indicate a minimum of 30k wounded . . . unspeakable.
The big takeaway from Shiloh was: hey, this is different. Ten thousand casualties?! Thousands dead? Wow: rifling sure is handy. Few Americans knew what was coming even after the first year of war closed; April would make everyone an expert in the new math.
The other thing that’s a headscratcher is Americans’ general lack of understanding of scale through history. DDay and Shiloh weren’t that different. I got in the habit of saying early that no one kills Americans better than other Americans.
We drive through there on the way to go camping a lot, or at least right close. I always think about stopping but by then I’m either towing a pop-up or I’m in an SUV with two dogs, a kid, and a wife who got sick of being stuck in a car about two hours prior.
Well, they were trying leave the United States.
History started in 2016, dontchaknow
The tracker I see says 2000 died of CV yesterday. So… No. ~7500 Die on a normal day, so even if that was above and beyond the average, it would be less than the deadliest day.
Au contraire! I have heard many reports that Trumplague has killed more New Yorkers than 9/11.
On the same day as IHME lowered its latest projection–from only three days ago!–from 81k deaths to 60k deaths in the entire USA.
We still won’t make it to 20K total. I think my prediction will hold despite their best efforts to lie their asses off and inflate the numbers. California – the state that has the closest contacts with Chinese – is at 451deaths as of today. Either the disease isn’t as contagious and/or deadly as they claim, and/or Californians already had it last fall and no one noticed. It got lost in the normal flu deaths as noise.
I made this point on derpbook yesterday and (of course) the “social distancing” shriekers were out in force to claim that (a) Californians are waaaayyyy healthier than everyone else; (b) “social distancing” was implemented there first and that’s why they’re an order of magnitude+ lower in deaths than NYC; (c) NYC people are “all over each other” unlike CA. When I pointed out that LA and its environs has most of the amusement parks and that they are regularly swarmed by Chinese tourists, the responses were just repetitions of (a)-(c) with no response to the 7,000 Chinese tourists per DAY that visited LA well before the lockdown. Or the 2.85 million Chinese who visited the US in 2019, the vast majority of which came in through either LAX or SFO.
It’s the magical “social distancing” what done saved California! There is no amount of evidence that will ever change the minds of true believers. They hold non-falsifiable opinions about government’s role in our lives.
We still won’t make it to 20K total.
I think we have 13k bagged up and doing 2k a day, so we’re only four or five days away?
Is that what you meant?
I think estamates betwen 40k to 60k are reasonable, based off counts as they are right now.
Coronavirus can’t infect steel beams!
Don’t google “Dancing Chinese Buffet Waitresses”!
#FilmPornInYourHospital #QAspergers #WWF1WWE
Actually, you should totally google that.
but not at actual work or through your companies VPN.
No laws when drinking White Claws.
Nothing is NSFW when you WFH.
I think we’re going to need to have a frank discussion before I can invite you into my home.
Just like straff’s pics of Hooters Nippon, actually attractive waitresses in a Hooters. Do better USA!
Don, I saw we just cracked 13K, but I haven’t seen 2K per day, unless that just happened. I wasn’t taking screenshots, but we were at 11K over the weekend, and we’re at Wednesday, so…. I don’t see how that could be 2K per day. May depend upon which site you’re using.
I know that NYC started claiming that their death rates aren’t capturing the “thousands” who are dying of COVID in their homes and someone here linked the CDC’s guidance to “presumptively” characterize people as having died from COVID if they had symptoms “consistent” with COVID.
Someone also linked to the revised death estimates in the US downward to 60K, so I’m going to stick with my prediction; in the end, it will wind up being estimated as a range and 20K might well be on the low side of that range – and the numbers will be massaged to make it look as bad as possible – but this isn’t going to be worse than a bad flu season. Especially, as people have said here, if we used “excess” numbers of what we’re looking at vs. an “average” of expected deaths for this season.
Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who
You can pretty much eyeball the doubling rate here.
Thank you, HM. I hadn’t seen that site.
You’re welcome!
Those guys can’t even get the number states right, it’s 57!
Also, the hypothesis that Californians already have herd immunity should be proven or disproven (hopefully) with this Stanford antibody testing. Link also pasted below, just in case.
https://www.stanforddaily.com/2020/04/04/stanford-researchers-test-3200-people-for-covid-19-antibodies/?fbclid=IwAR04zCOslRJMsD3alkMfdGtjiMvbqK5Jl5tNEQO6WYyRtV1Nv6U1NZ4ZiQI
It won’t change the mind of true believers, but large random antibody samples to see how many people have actually been infected should do it.
The thing I never see mentioned is CA weather compared to NY. If, and that’s a good sized if, the virus is suppressed by warm weather, shouldn’t we expect lower impact in warmer states, like, say, CA?
Genuinely curious, not snarking.
Also, I do think you should consider adding the word ‘confirmed’ to your prediction. Fewer than 20k confirmed CCPVirus deaths. Particularly given the nonsense we’re seeing out of NY, et. al.
“Californians are waaaayyyy healthier than everyone else”
Says someone who’s never lived in California.
Typhus and Hepatitis is healthy!
/snark
perhaps all the fecal transmitted viruses toughened up their immune systems?
I just spoke with a buddy in England who got the dreaded corona virus, along with his wife and daughter. He spent a few days in bed being miserable. He said it was much like having the flu. They’re all fine now. I’m just so delighted that we’re killing the world economy for this.
posted on dead thread, moved to here:
That cov19.heathdata.org site doesn’t look like they have been updating their shaded range curves since April 1 or so. Because it is showing today as peak day in NY, with 20000 beds needed, which is abour right, but still showing range for today being up to 40k. Ummm…as you move into reality, the projected curves need to adjust.
They dont want to adjust, I think, because it would show just how bad their original model was.
Proving how important climate change models are!!! /clueless-proggie
GA finally adjusted this morning. Previous version had peak-shaved the DPH numbers by bumping 3 from last Wednesday to 2, and also piled Sat+Sun+Mon all on Saturday to drive the projections into a big spike. Adjusted their actuals this am (still peak-shaved) to match DPH, but DPH did something on input methodology to goose Monday’s number up dramatically (a 43.7% increase in one day). So that’s in there, too. The ranges are still very wide – just 3 days out from now is ranging (22-142).
AL and CT both have bizarre spikes on 7-April, too, but I don’t know whether their forecasts have changed.
Looks like deaths are up-to-date, but beds and icus and total resources are as I said.
I’ve only been watching the death one, yes.
Hey look over there!
TRUMP: Because I’m allowed to. Well that’s called out of state — you know why I voted? Because I happened to be in the White House and I won’t be able to go to Florida and vote.
Uh huh.
Let’s deal with the obvious hypocrisy first. Florida, where Trump voted earlier this year, is a no-excuse absentee vote state — meaning that a voter can request an absentee ballot (aka one you fill out at home and mail back to the election authority) without offering any excuse for why they want to do so. (As of 2018, there were 27 no-excuse absentee states.) So, convenience is, under Florida law, a perfectly acceptable reason to vote absentee.
Which is what Trump did. Being president is a more than full-time job, and he couldn’t make time to travel to Florida to cast a vote in person. So he voted absentee. Perfect! This is an example of the system working as it was designed to!
The problem is that Trump thinks absentee voting is good for him but not for other people. Because of, er, fraud.
Yeah, what a hypocrite.
Those fuckers are utterly without shame. Has a single one of them ever made any pretense of strengthening security or verification of these millions and millions of mail-in ballots?
There’s no data showing that fraud exists. And if you show me data i’ll just ignore it and tell you that it doesn’t exist so it’s not something worthwhile to look into.
And the last person convicted of voter fraud was a Republican!
Speaking of security. How do they know a voter has returned his absentee ballot or not? Can I vote absentee and then show up and vote again? If they know who voted, isn’t it a fairly simple task to look up one’s party registration and, if a vote fraud scheme is in place, just discard the ballot? In person, I.D. in hand, makes it much harder to manipulate the results.
When received they mark it in the book.
Multiple times, when I was in college, I voted absentee and my Father got marked instead, so he had to commit fraud and vote as me.
There’s a difference between absentee ballots (not there to vote in person) and mail-in ballots (too lazy to vote in person). I don’t recall Trump attacking the former.
Look, those bases aren’t just going to steal themselves.
Ahem. Some states are mail only. No alternative.
Well, your state is stupid.
I won’t disagree.
I recorded the last season of American Horror Story whenever it ran last. I decided to start watching it since we’re all under house arrest.
It starts out by acknowledging their special sponsor — Subaru — and then leads into a Subaru ad. The horror.
Second episode, the featured Subaru ad has the run-away dog. I can’t get more than a few seconds into the ad before I have to pause it, because SugarFree’s version has taken over my brain.
I am going to have lasting scars from this place.
That was probably my favorite of all the things he’s written. For some reason it kept calling to mind “The Man Who Loved Flowers,” even though it’s nothing like it.
The fact that Subaru Horror Theatre and The Hat and The Hair havent been published (yet) is an indictment of the entire publishing industry. Especially the latter. I realize there are problems with publishing the former, primarily format. I think it would have to be web published, with embedded youtube videos. But still, the point stands.
I don’t know how TH&TH wouldnt be a smash bestseller in an election year.
In a just world it would be a best-seller and a smash hit cartoon show and the Hat and Hair would make an appearance on
Lettermana current late night show.War wounds! Wear them with pride because women think scars are hawt.
I have probably posted this before but what the hell, I am once again half drunk before noon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHjCJ7SOX_Q
I will say this again….with 100% attention focused on the Kung Flu I have to wonder what the hell else is going on we aren’t seeing.
Maybe this time it IS aliens……..
Mexican aliens or Chinese aliens?
Alien aliens of course!
you refrain from politicizing it – please quarantine politicizing COVID
Stop politicizing everything, YOU RETHUGLITARDS.
It’s not politicization when we accuse you of every crime and deficiency imgineable.
Hey Brooksie!
That Lambo we ogled the other day actually sold.
I was sure it was gonna crack $300K.
Speaking of security. How do they know a voter has returned his absentee ballot or not? Can I vote absentee and then show up and vote again?
I keep asking myself how many political-activist college kids vote at school and also send in an absentee ballot for mom and dad’s home address.
Bernie Tests Negative For President
“The test results came back, and thankfully, they were negative,” Sanders said to his supporters. “There wasn’t even 1/1024th of a trace of presidential material in me. I have been cleared to return to my usual schtick of ranting about billionaires. Although, if I become a billionaire, I will switch to complaining about trillionaires.”
“Curse you, billionaihs!” he added.
Heh…
How do they keep up with the news like that?
That sweet Lambo. I wonder how that price compares to a Daytona. I could look, but….
Way cheaper.
Both are gorgeous, though.
This week’s winner:
“Sarah, Donald, Sarah. Big girl, meaty,” the hat said. “Had kind of a fucked up face.” The hat twisted his bill and front panels grotesquely, striving to replicate her disturbing asymmetry.
A first generation GTI would be fun
I bet there’s a flurry of bidding in the last few minutes. $4500 is awful cheap.
It will go past 6K.
Those are great cars. My sister had one back in the day. It always annoyed me that she wouldn’t drive it like a maniac.
I cross shop it seemingly every time I buy a car. The trouble is I almost always need more car.
I will probably buy one someday. I need more garage space and fewer kids in college!
I had a MkV GTI when I lived in Germany. Loved that car – it felt the same driving at 40 as it did driving at 140. Not a single shudder or wiggle…
Ya don’t see many of them anymore. I still see the occasional Beetle.
Sold for $7600!
Fun auction.
Something something couldn’t happen here
Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti has ordered all city residents to wear face coverings while shopping at essential businesses, one of the nation’s most aggressive mask-related actions.
Starting at midnight Friday morning, customers entering locations like grocery stores, pharmacies, hotels, taxis and ride-hailing vehicles will be required to wear a cloth mask. Businesses can refuse service to any resident who doesn’t comply with the mandate.
“Drunk with power? Me? I’ll have you flogged.”
Businesses should be able to refuse service to anyone anyway.
SHUT THE FUCK UP, LIBERTARD!
NO SOUP FOR YOU
I’ve never seen Nassim Taleb and the Soup Nazi in the same room together.
Just saying.
Did the soup Nazi have free weights behind the counter?
Yev Kassem…..Nassim Taleb
Kassem….Nassim……close enough for me.
^This guy knows what’s up^
I wanted to visit my brother but it seems the Texas State Police have roadblocks at all entry points to the state. From Louisiana? House arrest for you.
Are you shitting me?
No, he’s not. I read about that yesterday.
You left the house?
That is the more shocking thing.
Well, I can believe he went out to visit the trees, but to get all the way to the texas border?
Fake news, Suthen.
Just from Louisiana. I cross state lines to Oklahoma about 3 times a week.
Holy shit.
Vermont is trying to do that. I can see Vermont from my street, so far no cops.
Florida has the same thing on I-10, targeting people from Louisiana. Similar setup on I-95 trying to catch people from NY.
Well, yeah but you have to keep those people out. I mean, jesus – you might as well let in people from Burkina Faso or New Jersey of some other 3rd world shithole.
Mayor Eric Garcetti has ordered
A petty, tyrannical sphincter says “what”?
What?
Businesses should be able to refuse service to anyone anyway.
As long as the opposite is true.
The company that I buy belt conveyors from wants me to know that they’re COVID safe too.
So you don’t have to wear a condom when replacing a belt? That’s nice.
Fingerbang?
*shudders*
The debates at least will finally be entertaining.
I bet ol’ Joe has been fingerbanging Alyssa #metoo Milano.
Clean-up in aisle Imagination.
FAKE. NEWS. Secret Service agents don’t get out of breath. They’ve got breath for days. A SS agent could have full-blown SARS 1, and 2, and tuberculosis in both lungs, and they’d still be fitter than a butcher’s hyena.
So far they are 0-2 on protecting Presidents from bullets though so not very fast.
Evidently it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
it seems the Texas State Police have roadblocks at all entry points to the state.
It’s a little late for that. They should probably ringfence Austin, while they’re at it.
David Burge hardest hit.
Drugs ex asinus, but the double standards herein are incredible (WARNING: Medium.com)
Not one bit of the same skepticism shown toward any of the would-be Kavanaugh borkers.
WTF site is that…it has clapping hands emoji ffs.
To applaud the stunningness, and the braveness, but they can’t be that woke, because clapping is a microagression. Silent jazz hands applause it’s where it’s at.
Used to be these were respectable institutions of learning.
Burn out the infection, bury the carcass.
Academia finally accommodates the anxiety of you socially crippled Aspies and you’re still not happy!
Assholes.
It’s asshoes to you buddy.
Don’t trust HM! HM is asshole!
Medium article on Kavanaugh:
Although, I do think Medium’s schtick is they will publish pretty much anyone.
Aaah I see. Like long-form twitter, so, a blog site? I’m slow on the uptake.
There are times that a slow uptake is useful – like when reading heavy derp.
Although, I do think Medium’s schtick is they will publish pretty much anyone.
Yes. And it’s awful on pretty much any front. From a programming standpoint pretty much 90% of what i’ve read from Medium Articles talking about “new” programming ideas are awful, unsecure, or just flat out wrong. I like to say “As many bad ideas as a Medium Article”.
Medium’s schtick is they will publish pretty much anyone.
Except that article about how coronavirus panic was overblown. That had to go.
Granted, not everything in it was entirely accurate (contra the author, data cannot just “stand on its own” and does require knowledge and experience to interpret, but hey the media is playing the same game just with a different desired outcome).
BELIEVE HER!! BELIEVE HER!!! Oh wait, she’s accusing a Democrat, never mind… she must be a nutcase.
Does she float?
Medium has accumulated a record of posting COVID-skeptical articles, and then deleting them.
Naturally, they claim (when they say anything) that the articles are deleted because they are inaccurate or fake news or whatever. The punchline, of course, is that the ones I’ve seen have turned out to be more accurate than the ones they let stand.
In short, Medium is run by tools, doing someone’s bidding.
This is how secret service loses all recruitment
Early retirement for PTSD is a plus, though.
Every day at lunchtime, I gather my research group together for a discussion of a scientific topic that’s not related to what we actually do. My rationale is that I’ll have better-rounded scientists with more general knowledge and more familiarity with literature sources outside our narrow little niche. The topic changes daily, and we rotate who’s responsible for picking the topic and gathering some general background on it.
Today’s topic: Can coronavirus spread from farts?
I fucking love science.
Well?
Can it?
I’m going to guess improbable under normal conditions.
You, however, are at high risk because of the lack of pants and proximity of the face.
I’m glad you calculated the priors of my context accurately.
We’re all Bayesians now.
The amount of foreign materials in the fart has some sway on the calculations, as well.
I’m guessing the moisture content of the fart plays an important part.
That’s conjunctivitis. The other c-virus.
COVID #2, as it were.
Better light them on fire, just to be safe.
More research is needed.
My understanding is, no.* Its a jumped-up cold virus. It spreads by droplets (possibly also particles) from your respiratory tract. It cannot survive in the stomach or intestinal tract.
*Disclosure: not a virologist.
Do you have a Twitter account? That comes with an honorary virology degree.
I do. I used to love Twitter. Now I don’t.
I’m gonna guess no, unless you’re into some crazy fetish wear you enjoy getting blasted in the face point blank.
Where* I swear it was my phone that autocorrected that I’m not that dumb
If it fits like a glove, maybe you are wearing it?
All you scientists do is sit around smelling your farts.
And like that…
….the Old Man’s entire team got pink eye.
It turns out my Sister Did have CV, and is recovering nicely, but she looks terrible
How did she look before CV?
Lol.
Glad I refreshed.
I am also glad Rufus’s sis is getting better.
Yusef.
Not Rufus.
Yufus.
There you go.
Perfect.
Thanks Tres……….
51, fat, Great friend to have though,
Glad she’s recovering.
Jeez. Ditto.
Good that she’s recovering.
I can’t tell if this is ironic or not.
a) I think it’s approving.
b) Exactly what kind of boomer makes “Laverne & Shirley” references?
Hello !
Squiggy!
couldn’t resist
/ not a Boomer according to the census or Remington Rand or or AARP but born in a state that’s 10 years behind, so
And you wonder why liquor stores are essential here in Ohio.
My sensors indicate, no. That is not done ironically.
Clever, funny, but my sarc meter is way off at this point.
It’s not ironic. Sadly. Goddamn fucking Douchewine piece of shit.
Comments are turned off. I wonder why?
That depends. Is it like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife?
Today was the Hat’s day to tweet, I see.
Indeed:
The trash in the replies, reminds me why I hate Twitter.
Where is “Dr.” Gu’s response?
Undoubtedly first.
Me too, but I needed a new place to mine for derp when Splinter shut down.
Who are the republicans trading for Bernie bros? Bulwark writers?
Every Ohio Republican?
Libertarians.
f not for her, Bernie would have won almost every state on Super Tuesday!
I’m excited for all the fact checking of this.
The cat once again chases the laser pointer.
Since the race is no officially between Biden and Trump, I’ve been playing around with 270’s electoral Map: and it is very interesting to say the least. California and New York are huge boons to the Democrats as they propel them to having an early lead in every election. A good long game would be for Republicans to try to flip California, or make it more decisive. But politicians are more short sighted than a Corporations Management.
I’m surprised they have AZ as toss-up, but havn’t looked at the poling out of AZ. FL seem paramount , as usual, for the GOP to win. If they can they block a lot of paths to success for Biden.
I’m surprised they have AZ as toss-up
We have a Dem Senator and a Repub Senator. Dems can absolutely win statewide races here. They really have their ballot harvesting machine tuned up in Phoenix.
I did pull up the polls they have, and it does look like Biden is ahead in the polls there. I always knew there was something off ya’ll AZ folk…
Of course… Those living in states that vote for Breakfast sandwiches shouldn’t cast stones…
it does look like Biden is ahead in the polls there
I vaguely recall Hillary leading in the polls here, too, at some point. Guess how the vote went.
That was, however, before the Phoenix ballot-harvesting operation really got its legs under it, though. Of course, polling (under either meaning) has nothing to do with fraudulent voting, so there’s that.
Why Bernie Lost
I was told Trump would win in a landslide, but I don’t know anyone who thinks Biden won’t get 200 easy * scratches head *
Biden won’t get 200 if he isn’t on the ballot.
eh ?
good points, though i’d say the biggest part of why Bernie lost is that he never mustered a coalition of voters greater than 30% when it came to actual ballot box results. You can’t win like that without their being several other people splitting up the other 70% of the vote.
He has the youth vote. But the youth don’t vote.
I’m worried what happens when those youth do start voting, though. Will they wise up, or are we headed into a very long stretch of “bad luck?”
A big chunk become dissaffected, Another chunk become cynical. I think it will diffuse some of the more radical elements. But I could be wrong.
So Gen-X paved the way? I hope you’re right.
I have a feeling nobody’s voting “for Biden”.
Yep, it’s all “but Trump is so much worse.”
Oh… I thought it was “I really want Kamala to become president when he kicks the bucket”
On a staff-wide conference call listening to our CEO describe the company’s financial situation, and I’m getting angrier and angrier at this absurd situation.
Power Lunch just showed a piece about California farmers, CV, labor needs, etc.
At the end, the reporter (Jane Wells) said all the farmers she spoke with reported that not a farm worker had reported ANY illness. Yes, Jane’s tone, head-tilt, and eye-rolling suggested the obvious.
So when does Bernie close on his 4th lake house?
After he writes his next book: “Joe Biden is my friend, and i think he can beat Trump”
HE EARNED EVERY ONE IN PUBLIC SERVICE
England.
Somewhat related, I get the spoonerism critique of the Constitution, but then i look at england, and see how bad their free speech is compared to what we have and have to conclude that a written constitution definitely serves to slow down the progress of tyranny.
Needz moar past tense.
Wanton Wednesday has officially declared as an independent candidate.
http://archive.li/OgRKg
#14 is Carriejune Anne Bowlby.
14 plus 24 & 33 for the socks. Love those long socks for some reason.
My company is going nationwide furlough in a week or so. All of us will be off for two weeks sans a few people to answer phones and emails. I have a hard time believing this is truly because of the virus. We have been soft on work for a couple months now and I think this is viewed as good cover for putting a paycheck session off the books. Possibly get some sweet Fed dollars or who knows what.
Either way I get two weeks off and my insurance paid for during that time. Looking forward to it. I have everything but the house paid off and plenty of cash reserves so things at Casa de Salsa will be good.
What the Hell are these thing flying over the Moon’s surface? Fucking huge.
https://youtu.be/uJOIIEQF_xs
CGI
Nice work, though. I’d love to see the 4chan analysis showing the flaws.
pretty well done id say, excpet the shadow casting.
I love the shadows, and the third one lagging behind,
I Want To Believe!!!!!
It’s the size of the shadow relative to the height of the objects and their size. If they were big enough to cast a shadow like that, that would be visible from here… It just seems off.
Why do they cast two shadows?
I thought the shadows were a little too crisp around the edges. There should be more of a penumbra from something that high above the surface.
I thought the shadows were a little too crisp around the edges.
Yep, that was the first tell for me.
Um, they are visible from here, and lack of atmosphere accounts for the crisp shadows, all three of them,
http://www.hackerfactor.com/blog/index.php?/archives/378-National-Geographic-and-Fauxtography.html
There’s a fun analysis of a picture from back in the day.
Iraq would run the same sorts of pictures: three perfect fighters behind the dais during a speech or troop review.
My point is, the size of shaddows are too big, in relation to the objects themsleves and the height we can see them at above the moon, and the actual size of the moon.
Speaking of… I’ve been hooked on watching videos on YouTube where creative professionals hire freelancers on Fiver and analyze the results.
Often, the best results come from some of the cheaper offers.
5G Aliens
Anybody here collect coins? Sloopy is helping me find someone to broker some coins I have, but I’m not sure it’s even worth the effort. I don’t want to sell them for metal value if I don’t have to, but I do want to unload them because they piss me off every time I look at them and I’m having to look at them a lot lately.
What kind of coins are they?
Like Collectible pennies/foreign currency, or are they bullion?
Round and flat?
Rectangular, octagonal, tortoise-shaped… coinage comes in a lot of forms
Pre-1939 silver dimes, going back to 1919. I don’t expect they’re worth a lot, but geez, I want them out of my sight/house.
Silver is about $15 per troy oz today.
Why do they irritate you?
They remind me of the Great Mojo Prepper Panic of 2008. And other things.
pic
Well, that makes cents.
about $1.10 (?) each, I’m seeing.
I believe dbleagle (?) does.
Well, “dbleagle” would make total sense, then.
Yes, he does. I have a vague memory of him posting an article on it. Or maybe I’m thinking of another of his hobbies?
I used to collect, but my coins are in a box and I haven’t looked at them in probably a decade or more. Last time I checked it was barely worth trying to sell them, like you suspect. Maybe things have changed, but I doubt it.
Oh, to be a cat…
I’m enjoying the nice weather, but not that much!
At least he didn’t say “the new normal”
A hearty shout out to gbob! Your care package just arrived at my door. Thank you for the very generous gift of the flavors of upstate NY.
I’m going to cook something now and try some of these out.
for everyone scratching his head when I write ” the data hasn’t fully bloomed yet”
this is part of what I meant
Why isn’t there a covid DIP, THEN?
I can’t vouch for the CV data; this is just a great example of a phenomenon.
DON IS PART OF A CONSPIRACY TO COVER UP THE CORONOHOAX!
Great example. I’m familiar with how curves emerge for insurance claims.
I got into this from warranty: very similar data flow
Working in the small lab today. It’s 26,784 cubic feet of ULPA-filtered, brightly-lit, card-reader-controlled-access goodness. It’s also got huge honkin’ observation windows in the walls which means even though I’m working alone I’ve got to keep this @#!!$!&&#! mask on, lest someone narc on me.
“He’s breathing on our lab equipment!”
“UNCLEAN!”
MY lab equipment.
Some of it isn’t even on the company books, since I built it from scrap.
*hovers protectively over HPLC*
Trufax:
Names for equipment are a four-to-six digit number that begins with a number representing the location and a three letter code for the funcitonal group/organization that owns it.
My IC’s name is “Bob.”
The HPLC’s name is “Frieda.”
It drives the auditors nuts.
Why do you flout the naming conventions?
Because they are literally not on the books. They were never bought. I would never be able to justify buying them, so they could never be put on the “Approved Tool List” which is where they get their names.
So I named them whatever I damn well pleased. It also means they won’t be officially supported by the company and I can’t use them for manufacturing data. They are purely Engineering Work tools.
And I love them.
If they’re not on the books, why do the auditors know about them?
They walk into the the lab with an ipad and check everything on the benchtops. They initially start to ding me for the equipment not having the official 5S nameplate. Hilarity ensues.
But what do you name your guns?
The AR which has been made NY-complaint is named “Gelding.” But that’s the only one named.
Nice. I have a hard time coming up with good names.
The GC-FID is “Flame”
The FTIR is “Freddie”
Unfortunately, they both have official names.
So since it’s the “small” lab it’s 10×10 with 268 foot ceiling?
Nono, that’s the “tall” lab.
Also known as the “stacking lab”
So Not Adahn replaces his bunny suit with a pressure suit, pulls a vacuum and they experiment with Newton’s Second Law there?
I deeply regret I don’t own a diving helmet I could wear during the coronapanic.
I also wonder if we took enough FFUs and put them updise down in the floor if I could fly with a wingsuit.
BRB, checking spec sheets.
Answer: Nope. Not even with an opened parachute.
Laden or unladen?
Obligatory.
Anyone see this? “Feds eye loosening rules to allow some to return to work“
The proposed new guidelines are in the works even as the nation mourns some 13,000 deaths from the virus and grapples with a devastated economy and medical crises from coast to coast.
How dare he! We’re in mOurNInG!
even as the nation mourns some 13,000 deaths from the virus
Umm, I’m not mourning anybody, because nobody I know has died.
and grapples with a devastated economy
I love how we are looking at looking at loosening the lockdown “even as” the economy is devastated. Journalists really are morons.
and medical crises from coast to coast
There is precisely one city with a medical crisis. Hard to imagine, but NY is not America “coast to coast”.
Trump’s predecessor, Barack Obama, chimed in with a cautionary tweet from the sidelines, writing: “Social distancing bends the curve and relieves some pressure on our heroic medical professionals. But in order to shift off current policies, the key will be a robust system of testing and monitoring – something we have yet to put in place nationwide.”
Fuck off, you fucking fuck.
There is precisely one city with a medical crisis. Hard to imagine, but NY is not America “coast to coast”.
But it’s like the greatest city in the world, and it totally has people from all over. So its just like everyone else.
Hard to imagine, but NY is not America “coast to coast”.
Clearly, you’ve never looked at the map.
Oh sweet you can see my cave dwelling on that map.
I like that Las Vegas is North of Utah.
I noticed that,, Morons…..
I knew it
Other than the headline I couldn’t find any news about it in the article. 98% of the article consists of doom-mongering if any restrictions are lifted.
Great. And these are the people that claim they are our keepers…
Is there an “infectious disease expert” competition that goes on?
How do they know who he is until he takes off the mask??
It’s more like a game where the rules are made up and the points don’t matter.
It’s hosted by a flamboyant Japanese researcher wearing a patchwork silk lab coat.
Where still at less than 1 per 100,000 deaths in the 7 counties that make up Central Ohio. Why are we still on lockdown.
“Anyone see this? “Feds eye loosening rules to allow some to return to work“
Doesn’t matter.
If we let people go back to work and there are 100,000 deaths from Cov19, it’s because bad orange man personally killed each and every one of those poor victims.
If we make people stay at home and there are 100,000 deaths from Cov19, it’s because bad orange man personally killed each and every one of those poor victims.
See how it works?
It’s like the financial crisis. If unemployement had stopped after stimulus it would have been “Look how much that helped”. Since it topped 10% after the stimulus it became: “Look how much we underestimated it, we should have done more”.
Excellent.
to be a cat
Awesome.
The proposed new guidelines are in the works even as the nation mourns some 13,000 deaths from the virus and grapples with a devastated economy and medical crises from coast to coast.
A devastated economy, you say?
How did that come to pas? It’s a mystery.
I’m imagining the Who Killed Hannibal meme.
I was thinking Clue.
The members of Congress…
While pretending to legislate,,,
With a pen.
Fuck off, you fucking fuck.
Seconded.
The experiment here has begun. In two weeks, Science will speak.
I have a couple of REALLY pissed off chemists here.
Will it tell the IFLS crowd it’s just not that into them?
I have a couple of REALLY pissed off chemists here.
Does it involve soaking said chemists in an ammonia solution
You farted on them, didn’t you?
So the USPS messed up delivery of a medication for me, and I had to make an in-person trip to my VA.
It was eerily empty. Checkpoint on the way in, where you got a brief health questionnaire from a VA cop. Naturally, there was about a dozen standing around, and 1 was holding a sign “NOT ALL HEROS WEAR BLUE”
Thats some good ass-kissin there, Lou.
Wait… Which heros wear blue?
Its like you don’t even know how to FOP.
I was a teenage boy….
Oh FOP.
I would say P-I-G, but they at least turn vegetables into bacon…
Yes, pigs perform a valuable service. Cops, not so much.
Speaking of the ‘crisis’, I just wonder if anyone else has thought of this.
Instead of ruining the economy, why didn’t the government just set up an emergency operation and manufacture millions of masks and send out a free month by month supply to everyone?
I wonder how much cheaper that would be than trashing the economy and spending 6 trillion dollars on top of it?
Sometimes I wonder if the government does the stupid shit they do on purpose? I also have to wonder if a democrat was in the WH right now if any of this shutdown shit would have happened and if the media would even be talking about it besides an occasional side mention?
I also have to wonder if a democrat was in the WH right now if any of this shutdown shit would have happened and if the media would even be talking about it besides an occasional side mention?
It would have happened MOAR HARDER!
Why didn’t they just quarantine nursing homes and assisted care facilities?
Why didn’t they order a couple billion doses of cloriquine and similar medications and just have every healthy adult take one weekly for a couple of months?
I’ve thought the same thing, but with all the “cool countries” shutting down I expect an Obama 3rd term would be doing the same thing.
The big difference would be the media would be fawning all over him and putting out stories worthy of the stuff the US called “news” during WW2.
I don’t.
With a democrat in the White House the governors would still have copied the lockdowns in Italy, Spain, France, etc. The difference is that the media wouldn’t have blamed the President for anything. The panic is global, not just in the US.
Re: Mojeaux’s coins
My grandfather saved silver quarters and dimes for decades to give to my brother and myself. He literally had a five gallon bucket full of them. When my grandmother became ill near the end of her life my grandfather hired an in-home caretaker.
Guess what happened to that five gallon bucket.
My father has worked all over the world since the late 1950’s. He saved foreign currency from everywhere he has been, some coins from before 1900. Many were silver, many are collector’s items. I had them in a box in my bedroom and I haven’t looked at them for years. I know where they were so a few weeks ago I went to get them to give them to my brother. Yep, you guessed it…they are missing. I cant think of who has been here who might be responsible for that.
Sell the coins. If it is a substantial amount put the money somewhere that it earns something and no one can steal it.
Man, I hate to bring this up in a crisis, but it’s really bothering me.
We either live in a computer simulation of some type of metaphysical world really exists side by side with this one we perceive to be real and physical. And I’m a huge skeptic about everything.
It’s not the first time I’ve seen shit like this, but it’s very disturbing.
Go ahead and laugh and say I’m drunk, I’m not. But it’s what I would do if anyone told me this, even when I believe it could be true.
About 30 minutes ago, wife asked me if I can go to the store after I finish work. I said, sure, I’ll venture out. So I decided to check and see if I need any beer while she was looking in the fridge to see what else we need right now.
I had one cold beer sitting on a shelf. I looked in my beer cabinet where I keep warm beer and there were 6 cans of beer in there. I took them out and put them on the counter by the fridge and put them in the fridge with the cold one. So 7 beers.
So then my wife said, can you move those down to the other shelf there, I want to put something up there. So I took them all out again and put them back on the other shelf. That’s when I noticed there were not 7 beers but six. So I took them all out again and none of them were cold. So I’m like where’d that cold beer go? So I looked everywhere for the cold one, but it’s gone. My wife looked for it, no luck.
So, I’m not drunk or crazy and my wife saw this too, the one cold beer more than one time while cooking dinner and right before I put the other 6 in. The cold beer disappeared right out of existence *poof*. I mean no one saw it actually disappear, but it was there one moment and the next it was gone.
We both looked for it. We were both standing right there near the fridge. We both know it was there, and then it wasn’t. It’s like Shroedinger’s fucking beer!
That sort of shit is disturbing. I’m not joking. No explanation is possible. I look forward to all the jokes, so at least there’s that to make me feel better.
did the bellhop get it ?
Shorter Hyperion: “Hold my beer”
Our groundhog of a governor saw his shadow and scurried back to his hole.
3-1/2 more weeks of cowering in place.
Fuck me.
https://www.startribune.com/minnesota-hospital-grants-awarded-as-covid-19-spreads/569473642/