Thursday Afternoon Lock-down Links

by | Apr 9, 2020 | Daily Links | 381 comments

Scene from this morning: Brett L grumpy with lack of sleep declares he is taking a walk. Whole family volunteers to go with him. The family makes it off the block and down the main street a bit, maybe 10 houses total, and Brett’s fingers are already making choking motions, Homer Simpson-like, at the kids arguing over who gets to go first. Mrs. L steps in and suggests that daddy walk a different way for a while. And this is how the mother of the species protects the young and allows them to achieve adulthood.

I don’t know what’s more Florida Man, the event or the writeup.

Religious zealots break government rules to celebrate high holiday. Turns out Americans aren’t the only ones practicing disobedience.

Fuck off, Karens!

What the fuck are people eating at home?

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

381 Comments

  1. Animal

    What are we eating at home? Bacon and eggs, this afternoon. Breakfast in the afternoon is great.

    • Endless Mike

      Greek Wontons – I buy a lamb every year.

      • bacon-magic

        Lamb and mizithra?

      • Not Adahn

        The last Easter I was able to spend in Austin we had a delicious dinner of lamb and rabbit.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Cold gruel and shoe leather

      • Animal

        No, what are you eating, not your orphans.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Oh…

        Then the correct answer is orphans.

      • Hyperion

        After all that cold gruel and shoe leather diet, they must not be very tasty.

      • Enough About Palin

        Not if it’s rich, Itallian leather.

      • Mad Scientist

        Orphans only get rich, Corinthian leather.

    • l0b0t

      We roasted a pork butt a few days ago. I made a bone broth with the detritus. Today, I used some of that broth to make ramen with some chopped fried chicken thigh, a scrambly egg, and some shrimp. Savagely delicious. Tomorrow, I’ll use more broth to cook up a dirty rice.

    • Tonio

      Dinner, which I’ll start soon: Baked chicken marinated in lemon, basil and garlic. Parmesan/Chablis Risotto (frozen product, cheating). Steamed broc. Cocktail franks in puff pastry appetizer.

      [plods into kitchen to turn on oven]

      • l0b0t

        OMG! I could easily eat my weight in those wee franks in puff pastry, particularly if there is a bit of horseradish or mustard involved.

    • Mad Scientist

      Mmmmm doughnuts

    • Not Adahn

      Ham and eggs tonight.

    • bacon-magic

      Bacon is the best.

      • Mad Scientist

        Put your sister to the test!

      • bacon-magic

        Give my sister a rest.

      • Not Adahn

        She’s tired?

      • bacon-magic

        That didn’t rhyme!
        *rips Not Adahn’s vest.

    • DEG

      I’m going to get a little takeout soon to support a local brewpub.

      • juris imprudent

        Planning on that with pizza tomorrow.

      • Tundra

        Mexican place for me.

      • leon

        Look. My analysis is just based off of those images. I’m taking in the data i have and making predictions. It’s called Data Driven Management. The point isn’t to be right or even remotely accurate. The point is to look like you know what you are doing.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

  2. juris imprudent

    Restaurants waste a lot of food?

    • Tonio

      They do! But there is a lot of food waste throughout the supply chain, like ten percent. And that’s with modern refrigeration and preservation.

    • Tonio

      So she has her own…whatever the Hair is?

      • leon

        That would make for a terrifying episode…

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        The ultimate Karen of all Karens, Lizzie Warren, with ambulatory hair would be the stuff of nightmares.

  3. Shpip

    The officers had stormed the wedding with guns and face masks after a concerned member of public alerted them to it.

    The 53 wedding guests who witnessed the ceremony were also arrested, along with the priest, and taken to the eMpangeni police station on Sunday, April 5.

    One guest said: “The police and soldiers were armed to the teeth and they stormed the tent where the wedding was taking place and arrested everyone.”

    I’m not usually one to wish harm on anyone, but “a concerned member of the public” could use a necklacing, pour encourager les autres.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Literal police state shit. Anybody who ever says “it couldn’t happen here” is worthy of scorn

  4. Tonio

    The WSJ article is paywalled for me, but curious as to why the cheese, yogurt and ice-cream plants can’t ramp up production. Cheese in particular because it can be aged long time at low cost.

    • Sensei

      Supply chain getting them the dairy.

    • bacon-magic

      ^This^
      I concur Tonio, who doesn’t want more cheese and ice cream?

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Well, one guy is trying:

      Some of you have seen dairies pouring out milk because the supply chain isn’t geared for 100% consumer sales.Same thing is happening for beef and getting worse.Congress should pass my PRIME Act to make it possible for beef to go from farmers to consumers w/o USDA stopping it.— Thomas Massie (@RepThomasMassie) April 6, 2020

      • kinnath

        Shutting down one channel to market is how you get shortages in retail stores while producers are dumping stock.

    • Chafed

      The article says the supplies that would be going to restaurants can’t be easily repackaged for consumer sales. There is a market for all this food. They don’t have a way of getting it to market.

      • Brawndo

        I work in the meat department of a grocery store and our March sales were up about 40% from the previous year and it’s staying that way. People are having to buy and cook more food with restaurants closed, so sales are gonna be up regardless of people hoarding or not. Our regular supply chain is fucked right now, most notably Cargill shutting their doors for now (massive beef kill, processing, distribution operation), but we’ve done a pretty decent job finding suppliers to fill the gaps, a lot of them being restaurant suppliers. The packaging is different and we’re definitely doing a lot more processing in store than we’re used to, but I’ll take the overtime.

      • l0b0t

        HUZZAH for the meat department! Our store got rid of most of the butchers and cutters several years ago. We only open larger packed cuts and break them down into smaller packaged cuts. Our deli was on strike last year because our Dutch overlords have automated the delis in their flagship A’dam stores – touch screen ordering, robotic slicing and packaging.

      • Count Potato

        Some stores also have limits now on how much you can buy.

      • l0b0t

        IDK… I’m a consumer, I currently work in retail grocery, and I’ve spent decades in the bar/restaurant industry. I’m hard pressed to think of anything apart from larger cuts of meat or whole, large fish; maybe institutional size canned/packaged goods (but that should keep, so build inventory, no) that couldn’t be easily shifted.

  5. Rebel Scum

    A man said his girlfriend was drunk and hit him “with a piece of a vacuum” because he wouldn’t let her keep drinking. He said the woman took his keys and drove off in his 2001 Pontiac.

    Sounds like their relationship sucks.

    • leon

      Nah… he needs to learn to appreciate her or some other guy will come and hoover her up.

      • Tres Cool

        And when hit him he yelled “Eureka!”

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        I wonder if her name is Regina.

      • Spudalicious

        She ended up with a nerd named Kirby.

      • Shirley Knott

        That guy sucked.

    • Shpip

      Someone needs to tell him, “You keep dating that girl and you’re going to Dyson.”

    • juris imprudent

      That relationship

      [dons glasses]

      has jumped the Shark.

    • bacon-magic

      He should get a new wet vac.

      • Q Continuum

        I always enjoy a good wet suck.

      • bacon-magic

        Sometimes you just gotta clean the canister.

    • Chipwooder

      Do what you will to me, but for God’s sake don’t harm my Grand Am!!!!

    • R C Dean

      2001 Pontiac

      *snickers*

      • Drake

        Sounds like a win win.

  6. Bill Door

    I’m so over these cower in place orders. Like screw them and people forcing them done people’s throats. That is all.

    • leon

      Whats it like in the Valley Bill? Technically Tooele is under cower orders, but i don’t know how much it’s being listened too.

      • Bill Door

        We haven’t been as impacted as some places, but the cities here have gone as far as caution taping all of the park equipment. Today was much more quiet in Logan than I’ve seen it. Grocery stores are pretty busy constantly, it seems. It could be worse, but the governor’s extension of the cower is bullshit considering that we have been consistently at 5% positive. That’s what has me in such a shitty mood today.

        Also, where we border Idaho, there has been a big hit on people who live there and work here.

        Sorry for the delay in responding.

      • leon

        No worries. Didn’t realize you were in Cache. Yeah the Cower in Place is dumb -> especailly sense we are no where near “Overwhelming” the system and we are only expecting Maybe 200 deaths from this. Its all so dumb. I’d vote against Herbert, but he’s retiring (TBH i would have voted against him CV or no CV). Maybe punish Spencer Cox? I don’t know.

      • Bill Door

        Yeah, good ol’ Cache Valley.

        I don’t know either. I don’t know how to approach the election. Herbert has lost a lot of respect. I was going to go for Cox, but I don’t know anymore.

        That isn’t meant as a euphemism either.

  7. Ozymandias

    “13 people have died in the state… the alarming statistics prompted Governor Brad Little to issue the stay-at-home order for 21 days, stating that he was following the guidance of public health experts.”

    13 people in the whole fucking state have died from this. Thirteen. Of an illness. That’s all it takes to declare your Freedom/Liberty/Natural Rights void.

    • hayeksplosives

      Please check your emotions at the polling place door. You need to vote without any of that emotional shit here.

    • Hudson

      Bonner County Sheriff Darryl Wheeler recently posted an open letter urging people to continue with business as normal if they feel healthy enough.

      At least my sheriff has said fuck it, do what you want.

  8. leon

    You know who else arrested Black South Africans for gathering in large groups…

    • Shpip

      The “You know who else” game is kind of Boering in this context.

      • Tres Cool

        Winning? The cops said, “Zulus”

      • Not Adahn

        Their wedding would have b een legal if they had just registered it with DeKlerk.

  9. The Bearded Hobbit

    I missed something along the way. What is the origin of “Karen” as a descriptor/insult?*

    *First girlfriend was named Karen.

    • leon

      I think its a generic name for a middle aged white woman.

      Kinda like Becky.

      • hayeksplosives

        Karen is frequently the name that an exasperated pet calls his/her owner in a meme.

        Usage: Meme pic is of dog being forced to wear reindeer antlers. Dog looking into camera. Meme text: “Really, Karen?”

    • Mad Scientist

      Words most frequently used by Karens: I want to speak to your manager.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Thanks for the replies.

      • Fourscore

        Karen is a slurp? Sounds too good to be true…

    • Drake

      I wondered if it was a Goodfellas reference.

    • SandMan

      I was wondering that myself, my 4 year old granddaughter is named Karen, seems unfair to her.

      • westernsloper

        Don’t think of Karen as a name, but rather a rank one earns for ratting out others for non conformist behavior. One of my best friends is married to a Karen and she is only half Karen.

  10. Rebel Scum

    Another one: They say women age like fine wine. I take that to mean that they get more alcoholic.

    • C. Anacreon

      This is true in healthcare systems nationwide and another frustrating omission of the msm media’s daily lies that hospitals are overwhelmed across the country.
      With a few notable exceptions, most hospitals are at record low censuses right now, and reducing staffing.

      “But that peak should be hitting these hospitals any day now, right? Keep distancing, people!!!”
      /pick your pundit

      • Chafed

        I’m genuinely confused by this. I get NY is a media bubble and their hospitals are impacted. Outside of NYC, I haven’t seen any reports of hospitals that are actually overwhelmed. Am I missing something?

      • Raven Nation

        Generally, the explanation I’ve seen is kind of making sure the beds are available for the expected influx of Covid-19 patients. The idea here is that, if you keep normal operations going and then you start getting peak Covid-19 victims, you won’t have enough beds.

        Whether you accept that scenario or not is, of course, another matter.

    • Pine_Tree

      It also massively incentivizes admitting people with something, anything that they can claim is CV-19 related so they can bill Medicare for it, when they might otherwise decide to send them home.

  11. hayeksplosives

    I love how the FL argument article got the ol’ cut and paste treatment and gave historical tales of the vacuum cleaner as appliance.

  12. Rebel Scum

    A newlywed couple managed to get married and jailed on the same day after police stormed their wedding for flouting the coronavirus lockdown rules.

    Well…did they get to consummate the thing?

    • Q Continuum

      There is a whole genre of prison porn out there. Might as well make a few bucks while you’re at it.

    • Shpip

      Gives new meaning to the term, “the ol’ ball and chain.”

  13. Q Continuum

    “Fuck off, Karens!”

    Above all else, this depresses me most about the situation. It also sheds light on how East Germany was not exceptional in any way. We have met the enemy, and it is us.

    • l0b0t

      So very much this. Friends I’ve known since early childhood are gleefully cheering this on and calling for more of the same. I feel like Michael Donovan, with a dad making money but oblivious to the long-term cost, and a mom in thrall to the Visitors. Neither of whom will listen when I warn of masks and lizard people eating hamsters.

      • creech

        They’re not all proggies either. I know several lawnorder conservatives who express a desire to jail all those spring breakers frolicking on the beach.

      • Timeloose

        V references? Well it’s not far off from reality.

      • The Last American Hero

        I’m throwing you all under the bus if I get Laura Vandervoot from the V reboot.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        /useless fact

        Jane Badler and I were born on the same day. (Also James Remar.) So I loved “V”

        /useless fact mode off

    • bacon-magic

      It shows you how tough our forefathers were…they had to deal with a whole bunch of Karens.

      • creech

        “Going out to a Tea Party? Right. You’re having an affair with that Abigail Goodey slut aren’t you?”

  14. Rebel Scum

    ‘Stay at home’ orders are giving law enforcement officers new rules to enforce and to handle the extra workload, the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office has a dedicated team responding to the calls.

    In USSA…

    • hayeksplosives

      It’s just for this uncertain times. Right back to jiffy in a second. Just got to downsize the government real quick…

      • hayeksplosives

        Right back to normal in a jiffy.

        Silly brain!!

    • Gustave Lytton

      The people who would have dropped a dime on Anne Frank.

  15. Rebel Scum

    Florida woman.

    For several days, deputies in one Florida county were receiving phone calls complaining about Easter eggs filled with pornographic images being placed into residents’ mailboxes. Later, officials said they found the suspect.

    On Wednesday, Flagler County deputies said they received calls about a woman placing more of the plastic eggs into mailboxes on Hernandez Avenue and had identified the suspect’s vehicle, a 2004 silver Honda Civic. Officials said the eggs contained pornographic images, non-threatening references to nearby churches and county buildings, and other items.

    By 11:19 p.m., deputies located the vehicle heading north on Belle Terre Parkway, and made a traffic stop at the Whiteview Parkway intersection. Inside the Civic was 42-year-old Abril Cestoni.

    Detectives said Cestoni admitted to placing the items in the mailbox, saying she was “educating people.” A bag of pornographic material was found inside the vehicle, officials added.

    • Q Continuum

      “Detectives said Cestoni admitted to placing the items in the mailbox, saying she was ‘educating people.'”

      Hey, it’s ok when Teen Vogue does it.

      How else are the local teenagers going to learn proper sodomy technique?

      • Not Adahn

        State licenced and bonded sodomy coaches?

      • Homple

        I saw what I hope you did there.

      • Shirley Knott

        So do my teachers, so do my preachers, so do my friends.

    • leon

      Attorney Stephen Katz said the APD officer has legal liabilities, citing a ruling by the state Supreme Court.

      “If you spread a contagious disease, then, you’re going to be held liable. Of course, we have some issues of proof, but the officer is certainly liable,” Katz said.

      This makes me think of Ozzy’s article and Learned Hand. But i also see a bit of a disconnect here wit the “you spread disease that is contagious”, because we don’t hold people liable for spreading the flu, and its easier to control that CV. Its like you are throwing the liability for spreading it on someone for failing at doing something that is very hard: Not spreading a very contagious disease.

      • Ozymandias

        It’s funny, but true. Carol Towing didn’t have to pay for the sinking of the Anna C. itself because of the bargee’s absence. The Atlanta cop’s lawyer could make the best statistical arguments in the world about how he is unlikely to infect another person, transmission rates, vulnerable population vs. cop on duty who pulled him over, but the thing that will doom him is his actions in doing 130 in an unmarked car. The court will never get past it because his facially illegal act is the immediate preceding cause of his contact with the trooper. Courts can’t get past that “but-for” causation issue when the thing you were doing immediately preceding the res of the litigation was an illegal act. It’s why the fact that he was doing 130 matters. If he had been doing the speed limit his defense that he was in his car, not in contact with anyone, statistics/transmission rates/etc., gets overridden by the fact that he was doing something that would absolutely attract the attention of the trooper and necessitate the interaction. I think Learned Hand would have probably viewed the facially illegal acts as tilting the B<PL against the officer, but just my guess.

    • Chafed

      No reckless driving charge?

  16. Certified Public Asshat

    The Wall Street Journal always “forgets” to mention that the ratings for the White House Press Briefings are “through the roof” (Monday Night Football, Bachelor Finale, according to @nytimes) & is only way for me to escape the Fake News & get my views across. WSJ is Fake News!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 9, 2020

    I’m not watching until there is a catchy White House Press Briefing Theme Song.

    • Urthona

      I’m rapidly losing interest.

      They need to orchestrate a “very special episode” in which someone tries to molest Pence at the bicycle shop.

      • hayeksplosives

        Or put an adolescent girl on stage, place bets, and see how long Uncle Joe can maintain social distance before he gives in to The Getms

      • hayeksplosives

        Germs

      • l0b0t

        The most cromulent John-o in quite a spell.

      • Ted S.

        Well, I think “Get ’ems” is appropriate, too.

      • Hyperion

        Lol, I was thinking exactly that!

      • Tonio

        Ima think fungus.

    • juris imprudent

      You would think someone’s smartphone would have the Imperial March queued up.

    • Chafed

      I hate to break it to the President but I don’t care what the ratings are.

  17. DEG

    A man said his girlfriend was drunk and hit him “with a piece of a vacuum” because he wouldn’t let her keep drinking. He said the woman took his keys and drove off in his 2001 Pontiac.

    Vacuum cleaners are a common tool used in house cleaning. Electric vacuum cleaners have been around more than a century, and involve a motor creating suction that draws dirt, dust and debris from rugs, carpets and floors and deposits it in a bag or container.

    The change from a description of what happened to a history lesson was fucking hilarious.

    The unnamed couple had just said their ‘I dos’ when armed police stormed the ceremony which was taking place in front of 53 guests.

    Such brave, brave officers. Brave like the Brave Sir Robin.

    Others are calling to report those not following the ‘stay at home’ order. Some have reported crowded public spaces and apartment complex pools.

    Others have called out businesses that should have closed, but didn’t.

    Nazi Collaborators got privileges…. until Liberation.

  18. Rebel Scum

    Iowa woman.

    Court documents said that Salmen drove to the Sioux City Police Department shortly after 1 p.m. Sunday. Officers said she was sweating profusely, behaving erratically, and admitting to recently consuming methamphetamine.

    Salmen also asked the officers to check her drugs for coronavirus, according to the court documents.

    Officers conducted a search of her and her vehicle and found 14.4 grams of substance which tested positive for methamphetamine, a substance which Salmen claimed was marijuana, and assorted drug paraphernalia.

    • Count Potato

      Wow.

    • Not Adahn

      Sliced bread?

      • Shirley Knott

        What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

      • Mad Scientist

        Bread.

    • DEG

      I like yoga pants.

      However, they are not proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy because if I wore them, you would not be happy.

    • Spudalicious

      34, 35 and the outright winner is 45.

  19. The Other Kevin

    Mrs TOK did some shopping today. Stores are limiting the number of people allowed, people are wearing masks, and the mood is decidedly more depressed. She said it’s a lot more upbeat hiding out at home.

    • Urthona

      I went to Costco today and it was awesome. Everything is back in stock, the crowd was at 1/4 the size of a week before, and they don’t bother to check your receipt any more on the way out. Best Costco experience ever.

  20. Rebel Scum

    It’s about having adequate leverage.

    “What about his delegates?” Trump asked. “He said he’s going to keep his delegates and he would like to get more of them … is he dropping out or not?”

    The president commented on Sanders’ exit from the Democrat presidential primary during the White House press briefing.

    Sanders told supporters on Wednesday that even though he was suspending his campaign, “I will stay on the ballot in all remaining states and continue to gather delegates.”

    “That’s a weird deal going on,” Trump said.

    • Urthona

      ““That’s a weird deal going on,”

      I’m growing to enjoy Trump’s eloquence.

    • Ed Wuncler

      I had an acquaintance on Facebook crying about Sanders leaving the race but made it clear that their main objective is to get Trump out of the White House because he represents an existential threat to this country or something like that. I always ask, “So how has your life changed since he’s taken office?” Never get a straight answer and if they do answer they say that Hispanics are more at risk for getting deported or put into camps.

      It’s hard to take them seriously because they claimed in 2012 that squish Romney was an existential threat and in 2008 when war monger statist lite McCain was an existential threat. Anyone who isn’t to the Left of Mao is a fucking existentialist threat and I would bet that if Jeb Bush won in 2016, the Left would call him an existential threat.

      • Suthenboy

        “Never get a straight answer”

        Same here. Why. are we at war in the ME? What exactly has Trump done to be a threat?
        Those and a hundred other questions I cant think of off of the top of my head.

        I have only had one person admit straight out that she makes all of her political decisions by her feelings instead of rational thought.

      • Hyperion

        “because he represents an existential threat to this country”

        This is your brain on CNN.

      • creech

        Has Trump equaled Obama’s number of deportations yet?

      • Hyperion

        That doesn’t matter. Obama did it because Republicans made him do it, he didn’t want to, and Trump is doing it because he’s a big racist meanie poopey head.

  21. Gustave Lytton

    Someone asked USAA about discounting premiums yesterday. Just got an email that they’re refunding 20% for two months premiums.

    • Sean

      Travelers is doing 15% for two months. Big whoop.

      • Count Potato

        So is GEICO.

  22. ruodberht

    Not a vacuum cleaner, but a vacuum?

    That IS a dangerous weapon.

    • Rebel Scum

      In a relationship devoid of substance.

  23. Unreconstructed

    OK, gun Glibs…just got my annual bonus, and I think it may be time to pull the trigger on a pistol purchase. Looking for recommendations for a smaller fella (watches ball on tee). This will be a home gun, not looking to CC yet.

      • Chipwooder

        I will again plug the EAA Witness, which is virtually identical to the CZ-75 for a good deal lower cost.

      • Timeloose

        Agreed as well.

      • Unreconstructed

        Wow…LGS has 3 versions of the EAA Witness, ranging from $2050 to $2395. Where’s the lower cost? j/k – these are “Extreme” versions, look massively blinged out to my novice eye.

      • Chipwooder

        Those are match grade competition pistols and yeah, they are very pricey. Any of the ones with “Elite”, “Match”, “Limited” in the name is not what you’re looking for. I’m talking about the ordinary steel framed Witness like this.

      • Timeloose

        Seconded

      • AlmightyJB

        Another one on my list except I want the one cut for an optic in case I ever want to add one.

    • Unreconstructed

      Also: is it worthwhile to hold off for a week or two to see if prices drop post-panic?

      • Sean

        I doubt you’ll find a better price on that Sig I linked above.

    • leon

      Full Size M&P: can get in 9mm or in .45.

      Though I’ll say that the M&P 2.0 Compact is a good all around gun for conceal and for home. If its the 2.0 Compact. Smith and Wesson fucked up their whole naming convention on that one.

      • Unreconstructed

        Something like this?

      • leon

        Yup.

      • kinnath

        I liked that model when I was renting guns.

    • juris imprudent

      Partial to revolvers myself for that it’s in the drawer for months at a time and ready to go when I need it.

      That said, comfort/fit to your hand is crucial far more than brand or caliber. Shoot before you buy. You will be much happier that way.

      • Unreconstructed

        Oh, I plan on that. I’m going to take suggestions here, then head down to the LGS/range and spend a few bucks testing out different models. Just wanted to get some quick input from knowledgeable sorts so I didn’t end up with something awful.

      • Not Adahn

        so I didn’t end up with something awful.

        Not this.

      • AlmightyJB

        Lol. So sad.

      • Not Adahn

        “this gun has many smart features, and yet it’s just awful”

      • Suthenboy

        Nice. I may have to end my moratorium on spending money on guns.

      • Sean

        I ended mine on adding new calibers. I ordered a case of 10mm today and haven’t even purchased the pistol yet.

      • juris imprudent

        Well, isn’t that a cute little thing.

      • zwak

        This. You don’t have to worry about knowing the manual of arms or if it is on safe, or even if the mag is loaded or properly inserted. Just point and shoot.

    • Tonio

      Be prepared to wait several weeks for product fulfillment at this time. My CZ pistol ordered 3/31 and showing as “available” still hasn’t shipped yet.

    • kinnath

      Shoot everything you can get your hands on. Then decide.

      My wife and I rented a dozen (or more) different pistols at the range. Towards the end, we rented the preferred pistols and shot them on multiple occasions.

      We both ended up with 1911 pistols, because they felt good and produced good results in our hands.

      Of the striker-fired pistols, I liked Sprinfield XD and XDS a lot. The Smith and Wesson M&P and M&P Shield were a close second. All those pistols are reasonably priced.

      I hate Glock.

    • l0b0t

      For inexpensive and reliable, I’ve been more than happy with the Firestar M43 in 9mm. I switched out the grips (I’m a sucker for the Hogue wraparound), and polished the feed ramp/thoroughly lapped the slide and it feeds both cheap hardball reloads and Federal Hydra Shoks without issue. It’s small but all steel, so comfortable in my sensitive hands. Looks like $165 – $400 on Gunbroker.

      • Sean

        And when you run out of ammo, you can beat someone with that lil chunk of steel, unlike those baby glocks. ?

      • l0b0t

        Admittedly, I wouldn’t want to carry the thing down the back of my pants all day (and I do did EDC, before moving to NYC and having a terrible night on Jamaica Bay, a Para Ordnance P12). But I can shoot it all day long; the weight really mitigates the felt recoil.
        Like others have said though, one should shoot as many firearms as one can and find one that’s comfortable and desirable to shoot.

      • Jarflax

        Ideally he should travel by some sort of vehicle that pumps out a ton of CO2 per mile. Maybe a steam boiler fired by an open burning vat of whale blubber?

      • Jarflax

        Meant as a reply to the comment about Fourscore going to the UN to yell at Greta. Not sure how I put it here.

      • Not Adahn

        Have you seen that Wilson Combat is going to produce a Sig?

      • Sean

        I have. It’s not for me.

    • Not Adahn

      Second CZ75, with an additional suggestion for the CZ P-10F.

      Specific guns I’ve seen people your size shoot really well:

      Sig X5 Legion
      Ruger SR1911
      CZ-SP01 (including Phantom model, which was quite a bit cheaper)

    • Not Adahn

      Oooh!

      Henry Mare’s Leg.

      Also potentially Henry Axe.

  24. AlmightyJB

    Chicken thighs with pizza toppings in oven:)

    • Sean

      I hope that includes pepperoni.

      • AlmightyJB

        Pizza sauce, pepperoni, mushroom, fresh mozz. Was delish.

    • pistoffnick

      So.. you mean chicken thighs with pineapple, corn, and mayonnaise?

  25. Rebel Scum

    Nazi Pelosi, Master of Puppets.

    Speaking to CNN’s Chris Cuomo, Biden said, “We have an opportunity, Chris, to do so many things now to change some of the structural things that are wrong, some of the structural things we couldn’t get anybody’s attention on. In a sense, no pun intended, the bandaid’s been ripped off here.”

    “Everybody now understands that we have a voting system that is not transparent and clear and available for everyone. Everyone understands that the environment has impacted on this coronavirus and mounting evidence of that. Everyone understands that we have to lead the world — we can’t just sit back because no one else will,” Biden claimed.

    The former vice president supported the $2 trillion stimulus bill President Donald Trump signed to help the economy, but he went further. He said America has to “deal with another significant increase in funding for people who need the money just to keep their home, just to keep their apartments, just to be able to keep things going.”

    Yet Biden also advocated a “reconstructive” bill, just like the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009. “There’s so many things we’ve learned here that I think the public’s going to be so much more ready to deal with some of the structural change that has to take place,” he concluded.

    • Ed Wuncler

      Fuck it, just give Congress a blank check and worry about the costs later.

    • Chipwooder

      Everyone understands that the environment has impacted on this coronavirus and mounting evidence of that.

      What in the hell is he babbling about??

      • leon

        I think: “Global Warming caused the CV to be so bad”.

        What we see with Biden, along with HRC and other senior democrats is that they know that they have to hit certain liberal talking points to whip up support. So they are just spouting them out, and then letting their sycophants cover for them.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Except warm weather would make transmission much more difficult. We should all be blaming Greta for halting all that glorious warm weather (it snowed here in Minnesoda today for fucks sake).

        I’d pay to see Fourscore go to the UN to holler at her for endangering his generation: “HOW DARE YOU!”

        *Fourscore is too nice to do this

      • Rhywun

        Green New Deal, I would guess.

      • B.P.

        It’s striking that he can’t even conjugate a sentence anymore.

    • Tonio

      “structural changes” used to be doctor euphemism for cancer, at least according to “The Crown.”

      • Pope Jimbo

        I was thinking that Trump is the first President to really “do something” about Social Security. He’s really fixing one of the structural problems that we’ve all agreed on for decades: that the SS fund doesn’t have enough money. Typical lib solution was to put more money into that hole, while Glorious Leader Trump approached it from the other end.

      • Tonio

        “Social Security is just like a lockbox.” /idjits

  26. Fourscore

    I caught myself going out today, for no apparent reason, other than to flaunt my person. I called 911 to report myself, as any good citizen would. The nice man suggested I go home and call an adult.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I wonder what the percentage of “tips” start with:

      “My wife, er I mean I just saw a real bitching looking woman walking around outside”

      “My asshole husband, I mean some guy is in my neighborhood not respecting the lockdown”

  27. Aloysious

    Gov. Brad Little can go pound sand.

    Karen’s are like an infestation of lice. Always in your hair.

    • Shirley Knott

      Governor Gretchen Whitmer likewise.
      I got a text “EMERGENCY WARNING!” notifying me she has extended the lockdown to April 30.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Whitmer is campaigning for VP on the livelihoods of her citizens.

  28. C. Anacreon

    Last night I had some insomnia and tried to get sleepy by turning on the TV. The opposite happened. Here’s my report of seeing late-night PBS:

    In changing channels I happened upon PBS’ “Amanapour Hour”. So this is what millions of dollars of bailout money went to PBS for, this grizzled old biddy doing a show featuring nonstop hatred for Trump, with her point tonight being demanding that the President not be allowed to be televised for his daily virus briefings, because so much of what he says ‘are lies’, so he shouldn’t have an unfiltered means of communicating with the public — he should speak ‘and then TV journalists could quickly fact-check and present the public with their distilled impression of what he should have said’. To back up her point, she listed his three biggest lies to date, and her ‘fact check’. I was astonished that these are what she held up as his most egregious statements, so I’ve added my own fact check on Christine:

    1. Trump supports the use of chloroquinone.
    Amanapour fact check: False! Chloroquinone is not FDA-approved and is only in experimental testing, and may be very dangerous or lethal.
    C. Anacreon’s fact check: Amanapour is the liar! This med has been FDA approved for other uses for decades, and in the past week has become FDA approved for COVID-19 — and even if it hadn’t been, we docs prescribe meds off-label daily, the FDA would have to quadruple its budget to decide to approve every single possible use of each med, and there’s really no point, if you have evidence that it works from other studies or your own experience, or if you even make an educated guess that it might be a worthwhile treatment and your patient agrees to a trial, it’s perfectly legitimate to prescribe, you never have to wait for an FDA approval for a specific use if it’s already approved for another use. But again, it actually has been approved for use on the present virus, so how in the world does she get off saying it’s not?But back to chloroquine, it’s also a lie that it is dangerous, it has a relatively benign side-effect profile, when prescribed appropriately and taken at prescribed doses. And there have been a number of naturalistic studies to date showing its effectiveness in the chinese corona virus. Note that all the assholes out there saying ‘there’s only anecdotal evidence so far’ are typically journalists, not scientists (despite their constant cries of ‘science must rule the day!”) and that anecdotal evidence is when someone reports that they’ve had success with a treatment without any hard data. Yes, there’s not much in the way of large-scale double-blind randomized tests of this med yet, but there are naturalistic studies, which are results derived over a specific, defined and symptomatic patient population but without blinded reviewers and/or a control group — but it is still data, not anecdotes.

    2. Trump said “we have now done Covid tests on more people than any other country”.
    Amanapour fact check: False! Although the US has indeed done more total tests than any other country, it has not done more tests per capita than several other countries.
    C. Anacreon’s fact check: Really? You actually said what he said was true! He never claimed to have done more per capita. This is what you call one of his most egregious lies, telling the absolute truth?

    3. Trump said “No one expected a pandemic to hit the world the way this has”.
    Amanapour fact check: False! There indeed have been people who have predicted a pandemic might hit the world like this some day.
    C. Anacreon’s fact check: Again, really? He was speaking colloquially and rhetorically, the same way someone might say “no one thought it would rain like this today”. Indeed, who in their right mind four months ago could ever have imagined the entire world shutting down like it has with this? But I guess out of 7.5 billion people on the planet, some one of them must have expected this, so I guess she’s right, saying ‘no one expected this” must be technically untrue, but wow, it’s such a stretch to call this an egregious lie.

    But OMG. She listed these and her panel were all just nodding along, as if he had just said the worst lies anyone could possibly imagine. And yet, none of them were what any reasonable people could call lies, in fact two were absolutely true, and the third was just a figure of speech! For that last one, I guess if you said to your spouse “I love you more than anyone can” Christine would say “that’s a lie! there was a man recorded in 1874 who loved his wife even more than you do, you are a LIAR!”

    And, well, the follies didn’t end there. Next she was joined by two ‘press’ types (minor leaguers at best, though) to lament the fact that Fox News exists, that everything that network says is a lie and is endangering the country. And again, to prove it, they showed three clips of minor Fox commentators in the first week of March, over a month ago (some guy on Fox and Friends, Tomi Lahren, and Lou Dobbs) all saying that they thought that covid was not going to be any worse than a bad flu. Oh my god, saying what many others on their favorite networks were also saying at that time, as well as the now-thought-to-be-oh-so-dreamy governor of New York and the mayor of New York City! (They didn’t show anyone but the month-old Fox comments, though, as proof that only that network is filled with ‘daily propaganda and nonstop dangerous lies.’ Nothing more recent than over a month ago to prove any of this libel, though.)

    She then had some former field reporter, who Fox News had fired awhile back and I think is still unemployed, saying the big problem with Fox, Trump and anyone who watches either, is that everything these both say is the ‘opposite of science’ and now more than ever we need to be listening to science!

    To finish up my diatribe let me just add this about ‘science’: I do a lot of peer reviews for different medical journals on submissions relevant to my areas of expertise, I think by now I’ve done reviews for well over a dozen different high-ranking journals, and have reviewed scores of different proposed articles. In fact, I just did two this week, both of these studies had promise but unfortunately were really full of problems, and I was very blunt with my criticisms, but also instructed the authors on how they could fix their studies and resubmit their papers with a much higher likelihood of being accepted. Understand that the top journals often reject 90% or more of the papers that are submitted to them, even if they are by big-name researchers (which we don’t know — the peer review process is blind, I don’t know who the authors are, and they don’t know it’s me doing one of the multiple peer reviews their submission will receive as part of the review process).

    The point of all this being, there’s a lot of people doing good research out there, but very few of them are ever even that close to being ‘correct’ on a substantial issue, and published academically to support their hypothesis — and then tomorrow it’s very possible a better study will prove them incorrect. It’s one of the beauties of the scientific method, you’re always trying to break new ground and challenge old assumptions, and even when you try, there’s a zillion other reviewers out there to say, hey, wait a second, you fucked up. Meaning anyone who says ‘science’ is what we should listen to as gospel, actually doesn’t understand the first thing about science. Oh yeah, it’s journalists who keep smugly insisting this, and go figure, they actually don’t understand the first thing about science. Or truth, for that matter.

    And yet I could just imagine a lot of the imbeciles in my Facebook feed, or some of my wife’s work colleagues who gave her shit that she actually watches the daily White House briefings, nodding along with Christine Amanapour and tsk-tsking, oh my mying, isn’t that orange man bad and that one tv news channel bad, and aren’t we all so good and morally superior? Fuck. Them. All. Drooling morons.

    • Ed Wuncler

      “It’s one of the beauties of the scientific method, you’re always trying to break new ground and challenge old assumptions, and even when you try, there’s a zillion other reviewers out there to say, hey, wait a second, you fucked up. Meaning anyone who says ‘science’ is what we should listen to as gospel, actually doesn’t understand the first thing about science.”

      Beautifully said. When anyone says, “The science is settled,” I tend to disregard everything else they say.

    • The Other Kevin

      There was a conservative AM radio guy in Chicago who used to have her on occasionally. He used to piss her off royally. Used to call her Koala Lampur. Finally she quit coming on. He passed away a few years ago but he and his wife could be pretty funny.

    • leon

      Anacreon’s fact check: Really? You actually said what he said was true! He never claimed to have done more per capita. This is what you call one of his most egregious lies, telling the absolute truth?

      It’s egregious because they have to twist it to make it look false.

    • Atanarjuat

      Great write-up, would make an engaging series.

    • Rhywun

      Indeed, who in their right mind four months ago could ever have imagined the entire world shutting down like it has with this?

      Yeah, I think most of us expected the same more-or-less nothingburgers as the last few pandemics.

    • grrizzly

      What a rant! Loved it.

    • Sensei

      Are you a masochist? Why would you do that to yourself?

      And as you said, using medication off label isn’t exactly uncommon.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Thank you for lowering the hammer on that.

    • Raven Nation

      “There indeed have been people who have predicted a pandemic might hit the world like this some day”

      Well, this is sort of true in the sense that people have made general predictions (e.g. here’s Fauci from 2017: https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-next-plague-is-around-the-corner), no one predicted timing etc. It’s like people whoa warn “the big one is coming” to California. True, but not helpful.

    • Count Potato

      This what made the whole covid-19 situation much worse: the public cannot trust the media.

    • Not Adahn

      Why do you deny Science?

      • UnCivilServant

        Are we talking science science, or the science of the scientists-priests who don’t use facts, falsifiable hypotheses, or experimentation?

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      A large part of the bazillion lies that WaPo lists are just like this. “We grew at 3.9 percent…” Well actually, it was 3.8, so he lied.

    • KSuellington

      Top notch rant, would read more.

  29. Rebel Scum

    Better late than never?

    Susan Crabtree✔
    @susancrabtree

    Breaking: Trump is firing 7 IGs in one fail swoop, sources confirm to @RealClearNews. Most likely will be the IGs that were appointed by Pres. Obama or beforehand. He wants his own people in those positions now. Trump during his briefing said he has “put in 7 names” for IGs.

    • leon

      Most likely will be the IGs that were appointed by Pres. Obama or beforehand. He wants his own people in those positions now.

      Unspoken but clear assumption in that is that Obama appointed his own IG’s. Why is it that was ok for Obama but bad for Trump.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Finally! Trump is learning how to play the Swamp Game.

        It is good to see that he is following in the footsteps of previous GOP Presidents . After all it is something of a tradition to get embroiled in a “scandal” for firing govt workers who “serve at the pleasure of the president”.

        A subsequent report by the Justice Department Inspector General in October 2008 found that the process used to fire the first seven attorneys and two others dismissed around the same time was “arbitrary”, “fundamentally flawed”, and “raised doubts about the integrity of Department prosecution decisions”. In July 2010, the Department of Justice prosecutors closed the two-year investigation without filing charges after determining that the firing was inappropriately political, but not criminal, saying “Evidence did not demonstrate that any prosecutable criminal offense was committed with regard to the removal of David Iglesias. The investigative team also determined that the evidence did not warrant expanding the scope of the investigation beyond the removal of Iglesias.”

        If we are lucky, this could turn into yet another Congressional investigation.

      • Hyperion

        “Why is it that was ok for Obama but bad for Trump.”

        Do you really have to ask?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Exactly

    • Unreconstructed

      “fail swoop”? Pretty sure I know who failed here.

  30. Hyperion

    I don’t know what’s more Florida Man, the event or the writeup.

    “Vacuum cleaners are a common tool used in house cleaning.”

    Well, we can clearly see the article was intended for Florida people.

  31. Hyperion

    “Fuck off, Karens!”

    I’ve had more than one person tell me I’m crazy when I say that most people are little tyrant wannabes. Well, am I?

    • leon

      Crazy? yes. But not for thinking that.

    • Tonio

      The world is a smaller and less-snarky place.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    “Vacuum cleaners are a common tool used in house cleaning.”

    Not at my house.

  33. Pope Jimbo

    Laughing about your family walk story Brett. My story is the opposite.

    Family went on a walk one day and we started down a green way walking path that starts about 25 yards from my house. After about 30 minutes we had gone about 100 yards from my house. Wife and daughter were mad about how long it had taken to go that far.

    Why? Because the two boys (maybe 4 and 7?) had found a couple sticks and invented a game where you got points for hitting a crack in the pavement on the walking path with your stick. Of course, there were soon additional rules, (“you get the other guys points if you can trap his stick on the ground over the crack”, “as soon as Mom passes a crack, you can hit it again for more points”, etc). Like I said, there was about 75 yards of two small boys wildly swinging sticks while coming up with rules that would give them a few quick points.

    Mom and Daughter finally gave up and walked off on their own. I stayed with the boys, not for any reason so mundane as protection, but because I had also learned all the rules and had become engrossed in the game too. If the youngest could get the next two or three cracks, he had a real chance to beat his older brother! I don’t care how old you get, a guy is always amused by anything that involves hitting things with sticks.

    • hayeksplosives

      This describes my entire staff:—> “ a guy is always amused by anything that involves hitting things”

      Did I mention I love my staff? Krazy kooks.

  34. KSuellington

    Heh, heh. Right on Brett, glad your kids survived the day. I always say that children are made cute by evolution, so we hesitate bit before killing them.

    I am on day 3 of homeschooling the boys. Wife got three weeks of PTO and then back on this week. My business is off by at least 50%. Luckily I have the second part of the hospital job coming up in a couple days. This was one of our lessons today:

    https://imgur.com/a/5AUfGCF

    • Rhywun

      ?

    • Pope Jimbo

      You will know you’ve succeeded in teaching them when one of them calls in a bomb threat to get out of a test.

      • KSuellington

        Heh, heh. “What is taxation kids?” “Theft, dad!”

        All right, who wants a gummy bear?

    • RAHeinlein

      Why come they don’t have their hands over their heart?

      Nice photo!

      • KSuellington

        Heh, heh. I’m thinking they’re going to be quoting Bastiat by themselves by the end of this. The oldest one already said, when I mentioned freedom, “yeah dad, we don’t have too much of that now with this Coronavirus thing.”

    • westernsloper

      ?

    • Tundra

      You win today. Well done.

      • topnotchtoledo

        Yay, I can internet!

      • Sean

        ?

      • Tres Cool

        + Tony Packo’s

      • KSuellington

        Easily one of the best characters of all time on a network television show. I’ve done a similar bit with the kids and money they got from chores. Here’s your dollar, oh but wait a second…

      • Tundra

        Never gets old.

        Thanks, dude.

        Your kid is adorable. It will be fun to have a competition with you and DOOM.

      • KSuellington

        Heh. I just hope that by the time they are teenagers they don’t try to rebel against this and become, ugh, socialists.
        *shudders*

      • Tundra

        Mine are both shitlords. Even with all the pressure.

      • KSuellington

        Excellent job T!

    • LemonGrenade

      Love it, KS. Because the state declared that any assignments prepared or given before April 14th would not be required or graded anyway, I decided to save myself the stress and have let the kids just do their own thing for the entire time they have been off. It’s been an extended spring break.
      After April 14th will be interesting; they’re supposed to engage in some form of remote learning to finish out the quarter. My husband has frequently had to take over homework help because I’ve gone on an extended rant about the assignment in the first place and the communist bullshit inherent in the system. I think I’ll save all of ourselves the headache and make him handle the rest of the year when ‘school’ starts back up. Work is still keeping me pulling 10 hour days at minimum, anyway.

  35. grrizzly

    A decent article about Sweden’s response. Plus, another good observation.

    Politicians on the right made a pragmatic political calculation: A media incapable of sophisticated thought would never forgive them if they made a reasonable bet in favor of policy modesty and it backfired.

    Conservatives aren’t wrong about the media’s general inability to process multiple variables, to judge from the way President Trump is scored for a national death toll primarily attributable to New York, whose Democratic governor somehow has managed to emerge from this situation as a hero. Hence the right has uncomfortably embraced draconian interventions, especially in Mr. Trump’s America and Boris Johnson’s U.K.

    • KSuellington

      When all this is over and Sweden didn’t see the carnage predicted by everyone else, it will be much harder for the doomsayers to make claims that the shutdowns saved lives. Not that it will stop them, they’ll just just look more idiotic to a few more people that notice.

      • grrizzly

        Right now Sweden is doing better than Belgium, Netherlands, Switzerland, but worse than Norway, Denmark, Finland, Austria. By “doing better” I mean having fewer deaths per million population.

      • Pope Jimbo

        One of the things to remember is it won’t be clear for some time now. Sweden may be doing worse than Norway now, but after Norway eases their lockdown they may see a big second wave of deaths that makes them comprable to Sweden.

        Sweden is seeing a big bump of deaths now, but may level off and drop quicker than Norway.

        Will be interesting to see.

      • DEG

        And the spice must flow.

      • Tres Cool
      • hayeksplosives

        I dread the inevitable justification of adopting national healthcare because Sweden didn’t lose its mind.

        Swedish healthcare is terrible when you need it.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Uffda. It will just mean tons of proggies shrieking about how this proves that socialism works.

        “See, glorious socialist Sweden didn’t even need to shut down and they didn’t have to ration health care with lock downs!!!!”

      • AlmightyJB

        Any facts that do not fit the narrative will not be seen by the masses.

    • Mad Scientist

      Politicians on the right made a pragmatic political calculation: A media incapable of sophisticated thought would never forgive them…

      …no matter what they do.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        1) you’re absolutely right
        2) one man’s pragmatism is another man’s cowardice

  36. Hyperion

    OK, wokesters. In these dark days, I bring you light! I bring you hope! We may yet rise from this crisis in a new, better world!

    Miracle Drug?

  37. Tundra

    Hi Brett!

    I don’t mean to laugh, but your recounting of the walk this morning was hilarious. I wish I could tell you that it goes away when they are older, but…

    What the fuck are people eating at home?

    Pop Tarts?

    • dbleagle

      In NC and GA it would be RC Cola and Moonpies.

  38. Count Potato

    I bought this nine-grain bread a couple weeks ago because the store was out of everything else. There are these things the shape of an almond, but much smaller. Yellow like macadamia nuts. Does anyone know what kind of birdseed that is?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s the seven of nine grain

      • Count Potato

        HAWT

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Your bread doesn’t list all the ingredients on the bag?

      • Sean

        He can’t read. Duh.

      • Count Potato

        I threw out the bag.

      • UnCivilServant

        Before you finished the bread?

      • Count Potato

        Yes.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Website check.

      • Count Potato

        wtfisinmybread.com?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Sure. Or, you know, just to completely spitball this, you might wanna try the actual bakery’s website, where they probably list their breads and the ingredients therein.
        Just sayin’.

      • Count Potato

        OK, what’s the name of the bakery?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Yer kiddin’ me, rite?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        {shrug}  As good a guess as any.

      • Count Potato

        I’m trying to find a picture for size comparison, but so far it looks like it could be golden flaxseed.

      • Rhywun
      • Count Potato

        That’s probably it. I thought flax seeds were smaller.

      • The Hyperbole

        That’s what it is, trust me I’m an grainologist.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        “Grainologist?”
        Well, you can get a Ph.D. in over 25,000 different specialties somewhere on this Earth now, so, sure, why not?

      • Jarflax

        Sorry, but that is only available to women.

    • Spudalicious

      Sunflower seeds?

      • Not Adahn

        Surprisingly well. I need to apply some anti-fog coating to the lenses though.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m going to guess there’s not much room for glasses inside there.

      • Not Adahn

        Just checked. Nope.

        Although it didn’t contact the bridge, just the temples, so maybe if you had some close fitting wraparounds it could work.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Huh. I’m guessing it’d be a bit hot/humid to wear for any length of time.

    • Count Potato

      Wow.

    • Sean

      Nice

    • Shirley Knott

      Sweet!

  39. DEG

    Maryland court rules bans on topless women constitutional

    Back in 2017, Ocean City, Maryland passed an ordinance prohibiting women from going topless on the city’s beaches. The following year, five women went to court, challenging the constitutionality of the ban and declared that they planned to go topless on the beaches in protest. Several of them were arrested.

    The court case has dragged on since then, but this week a federal judge ruled that the ban was constitutional. Boy oh boy… I can’t wait for John Roberts to sink his teeth into this titillating case. (Sorry. Not sorry.) But at least for now, any women who choose to defy the stay at home orders and go to the beach will need to cover up or face paying a fine. But as I’ll discuss below, the rationale offered by the judge raises more questions than it answers in the current national climate. (Baltimore Sun)

    • Not Adahn

      Well, we all know how Kavanaugh will rule.

      I just hope three justices in particular don’t decide to show solidarity *shudders*

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        +2 tennis balls in tube socks

      • Mad Scientist

        He’ll ask for their numbers and invite them over for a kegger?

  40. Pope Jimbo

    What are people eating these days?

    Vegetables. Lots and lots of vegetables.

    – Michael Schiavo

    • Spudalicious

      Too soon?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Meh, the suck market ain’t done yet.

      We’re headed for some serious creative destruction.

  41. Ownbestenemy

    Whatcha think…I know it will fall upon deaf ears…but is it too “Freeman” or whatever that movement is?

    I am writing you today to ascertain the efforts of you and your peers in the People’s Branch of Government and their actions (or inaction) towards the continued Executive Orders from Governor Sisolack.  I can fully understand the immediate initial action and order to declare an emergency as the governor did, however, I fear that our representatives have been too silent and non-existent in the State of Nevada Legislature.

    As a father of three young men and a husband to a small business owner, our lives are being dictated by not our representatives, but by a single person in the Executive.  Most of his orders have been received and do present a common sense approach.  We will distance to protect ourselves, however, encroachments upon sacred Rights become questionable and in my opinion, unconstitutional.  I invoke my Rights enshrined in the Nevada State Constitution, Article I, Section 10 to petition and redress my Government. 

    I request your insight and thoughts of how the governor’s actions do (or do not) violate every Nevadan’s Rights to freely assemble and to exercise and enjoy our religion as we see fit?  I also request your response in how we are to address this statement in our State’s Constitution, “All men are by Naturefree and equal and have certain inalienable rights among which are those ofenjoying and defending life and liberty; Acquiring, Possessing and Protectingproperty and pursuing and obtaining safety and happiness” to the current orders of business closures and denial of economic freedom?

    Finally, I want to know why the legislature has not petitioned to convene in an emergency session to begin debating our current state of emergency and when and how we will return?

    Respectfully,
    XXXX

    • DEG

      It’s not bad. It will sadly go nowhere.

    • creech

      That word “safety” is the loophole all these governors are leaping through. For decades, the state has exercised its power to quarantine a whole family if a communicable disease, say Scarlett Fever, is present in order to protect those not infected. Now , however, we are all quarantined to protect us from the one with the disease.

  42. DEG

    Judge strikes down NH election law

    A trial court judge has struck down Senate Bill 3, the 2017 law that required proof of residence for newly registered voters.

    The judge ruled the law unconstitutional for placing an unreasonable burden on the right to vote and for violating equal protection rights under the state constitution.

    Hillsborough County Superior Court Judge David Anderson, an appointee of former Democratic Gov. Maggie Hassan, signed a 54-page order on Wednesday. It represents a verdict in an 8-day bench trial that he oversaw in December. The New Hampshire court system released the order on Thursday.

    Gov. Chris Sununu signed the Republican-backed bill into law in 2017. It was almost immediately challenged by the New Hampshire Democratic Party and the New Hampshire League of Women Voters.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So who we voting for in NH?

      • Drake

        Random Masshole libs is my guess.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Deez Nuts.

      • DEG

        Nobody or Darryl W. Perry. Gotta get Sununu out of office, but also gotta keep the Dems (especially Volinksy) out of office.

      • Not Adahn

        After we all vote, we’re going to visit HM at his office, right?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Just a heads-up, we Donald Duck at my office. Shirts required, pants optional.

      • leon

        Wait… Is that not standard across the professional world?

      • Not Adahn

        So, your TAs are hot?

      • Tres Cool

        They’re all ladyboys. YMMV.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      How in the hell is wanting proof of residency for the state in which you’re voting for the first time an undue burden?

      • Rhywun

        SHUT UP RETHUGLITARD!

    • Rhywun

      Never heard of it.

      • Sean

        I think you’d like it.

      • Tres Cool

        Once you get used to Tony Shaloub as a main….oh, never mind. That was “Monk”.

    • leon

      I have almost every episode memorized. My favorite show of all time.

      • The Hyperbole

        Leon, Leon , Leon, it’s a good show but all-time favorite? Is your favorite band The Eagles or Dave Mathews Band?.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      Have you seen Psych enough to spot pineapple (whole or otherwise) in every episode ?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That article is full of wishful thinking so don’t get your hopes up too high. The media is already covering for the CCP as well as the clods who decided to shut down the nation and the “experts” never ever pay for their fuckups.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        If there was ever going to be a reckoning, it would’ve begun already.

        They literally torpedoed the economy and locked us down in a police state based on hyped up models that turned out to be laughably overinflated. If there was ever going to be a popular revolt, now’s the time for it.

        Instead, what do we hear? Crickets.

      • Lackadaisical

        I hear my neighbors calls to the police to stop people from going on the slides at the park.

      • The Hyperbole

        Perhaps it’s different in the big cities but from my standpoint here in north-central Ohio there won’t be a reckoning because “they” haven’t “shut down the entire economy” or “made going outside a crime” Sure the bars are closed and restaurant s are carry out/delivery only, some retail stores are closed and the ones that are open have put stickers on the floor and changed their hours but it’s hardly a sea change in the way the world works. Most people have simply adjusted their behavior slightly and carried on with their daily lives. The Dairy Queen across the corner from me is as busy as ever, they’ve just returned to the 50’s carhop system. Life finds a way.

      • AlmightyJB

        I’ll give it to the end of the month. There is zero reason to extend this shit beyond that in Ohio. The numbers just aren’t there. We should not be closed. If it wasn’t for everyone in NY/NJ eating each other’s ass, they wouldn’t have anything to point to as justification to have these closed now.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        It’s a very targeted damage radius. A lot of people are continuing like normal(ish), but for every contractor ignoring the lockdown, theres a retail business or a fitness center or a restaurant that is just gone.

        My job hasn’t changed much. Wife doesn’t know if/when she’ll work again. Next door neighbor has the same, but in reverse.

        People obviously make due, and are generally doing sane things and ignoring the insane things. However, I haven’t been in toward the city since this all started, so I can’t tell you whether it’s different in urban areas.

      • AlmightyJB

        Columbus is shutdown. Franklin County and the 6 counties surrounding it have about 2 million pops. We’ve had 18 deaths total with none reported in several days. That’s less than 1 death per 100K people.

      • AlmightyJB

        I’m hoping that by 4/20 it’s going to start becoming obvious to even the blindest of sheep, but we’ll see.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        The reckoning has already happened to the generations of voters who allowed government to accumulate so much power over its citizenry. Particularly in the name of “winning” the last Cold War.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Particularly in the name of “winning” the last Cold War.

        I can hear the splooge impacting the ceiling when the neocons get going on their new cold war with China.

      • KSuellington

        Much of the legacy media is already partly controlled by the CCP. This virus panic has made that extremely friggin obvious. I’d love to see a reckoning for China (as well as the assfuck politicians that ordered these shutdowns). In an ideal situation they would be made a pariah for what they have done and manufacturing would start moving out of there for different, less hostile countries.

      • Hyperion

        It isn’t going to work this time, not as far as the CCP goes. They’ve been badly damaged for a very long time. Just how badly remains to be seen. But the US and I suspect a lot of other countries’ dependence on China for medical supplies and other things is going to end and very quickly. Any trust in China as an honest player on the world stage is mostly destroyed over night.

        Domestically, we’ll see how this plays out, there should be some political consequence for some parties, depending. But I doubt that a lot more. As soon as this crisis eases up, we’ll be right back to a divided nation at each other’s throats like there was never a break, and the politicos as usual will manage to continue on with no more than superficial wounds.

        But China are going to pay a very heavy toll, you can count on that.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    Duh

    Federal Reserve Chair Jerome H. Powell said Thursday the U.S. economy is in an emergency and is deteriorating “with alarming speed.” His remarks came shortly after the central bank unveiled over $2 trillion in new loans to keep the economy afloat as much of the nation goes into a lockdown to fight the spread of the deadly coronavirus.

    “People have been asked to put their lives and livelihoods on hold, at significant economic and personal cost,” Powell said in a Brookings Institution webcast. “We are moving with alarming speed from 50-year lows in unemployment to what will likely be very high, although temporary, levels.”

    Powell called for a national discussion about what it will take to reopen the economy, but he urged caution about moving too quickly and triggering another spike in coronavirus cases and deaths. Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin has said it’s possible businesses can reopen in May. Powell said sometime after July is more likely.

    Top Men? We gots ’em.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      So August according to Powell then. Fuck that.

      • AlmightyJB

        If eliminating top men is what it takes to get back to normal, that’s a pretty small price to pay.

      • juris imprudent

        Damn this was even better.

  44. The Late P Brooks

    There’s widespread worry that some companies and households will go bankrupt during the pandemic because they will not be able to borrow money in time, but the Fed has taken large and unprecedented steps to keep as much credit flowing as possible.

    Yet Powell and many top economic leaders are trying to answer two key questions: How deep, and how long, will the economic downturn be? Among Fed leaders, the growing consensus is the economic pain will be substantial, and the recovery will be slow.

    There’s widespread agreement people must feel safe to go out again, and the worst possible outcome would be opening the economy too early, triggering another spike in coronavirus cases and deaths.

    “We need to have a plan nationally for reopening the economy. We all want it to happen as quickly as possible,” Powell said. “We all want to avoid a false start where we partially reopen and that results in a spike in coronavirus cases.”

    Don’t worry, dude. It’s not like you’re going to miss a paycheck or go hungry.

    • Sean

      Pass out the face masks and get people back to fucking work.

      • Plinker762

        MOPP4 suits for everyone

    • Jarflax

      some companies and households will go bankrupt during the pandemic because they will not be able to borrow money in time

      Ah yes, the old borrow to stave off bankruptcy plan. That always works.

  45. Lackadaisical

    “Fuck off, Karens!”

    sickos, but that’s probably about 25% of your neighbors right there.

    • westernsloper

      If it is you live in the wrong neighborhood.

  46. Mojeaux

    Reuben sandwiches.

    • AlmightyJB

      Never been a fan.

      • Tres Cool

        I like neither rye nor 1,000 island dressing

        Corned beef stands on it own. Ideally for breakfast with AIGS.

      • AlmightyJB

        I love 1000 island on salads and I like rye bread. Don’t like standard Swiss cheese, I do like Gruyere and Gouda. Not the biggest fan of corned beef but just that on rye with some mustard is fine. I’m pretty picky when it comes to sauerkraut. The combo of all of those things just not my bag.

      • Mojeaux

        Worst Reuben I ever had was in NYC. I thought Reubens were standard with Russian dressing and if not that, Thousand Island. It didn’t occur to me to specify that, so I was more than a little shocked when I bit in and found out there was MUSTARD on my fucking Reuben! And I LIKE mustard!

        Philistines.

      • UnCivilServant

        My worst rueben was in NYC.

        It was dry. As in almost too dessicated to eat.

    • KSuellington

      Hot pastrami sandwiches.

    • Not Adahn

      Magical.

      The harmony of strong flavors working together.

      See also: cheese sandwich made with sharp cheddar and Branston pickle.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      It’s hard to beat a well made Reuben. Hell, it’s hard to beat a poorly made one.

    • juris imprudent

      Sandwiches here were last night, BLAT – bacon, lettuce, avocado & tomato; with home-made chicken soup. Tonight, finished off some crab meat with a crab/avocado salad over green salad. I like to cook and usually make more than we can polish in one setting, so a lot of this week was taking care of leftovers. Should be cooking more on the weekend.

  47. westernsloper

    I just talked to my sister who made the mistake of marrying a Canadian and lives in BC. They are on full lock down too. Economy headed down. Anyone looked at the stats for Canada? Jfc the whole continent has lost its fucking mind.

    • AlmightyJB

      The northern provinces clearly need to be on lockdown.

    • Gdragon

      I just realized there is a virtual assistant on that site. Could be fun.