ZARDOZ SPEAK TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. THE LINKS ARE TOO FULL OF DISAPPOINT FOR ZARDOZ. WHERE ARE THE BODIES OF THE BRUTALS, STACKED LIKE CORD WOOD? OVER-PROMISED, AND UNDER-DELIVERED.
BUT THAT IS OF NO MATTER TO THE CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ KNOWS THEY THIRST FOR THE KNOWLEDGE ZARDOZ PROVIDES! THIS CAN BE SEEN BY THE ADVICE ZARDOZ GIVES – BETTER THAN THAT OF ANY BRUTAL…
THEREFOR, RECEIVE THE GIFT OF ADVICE. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!
Q: I live in a densely populated luxury high-rise apartment building in a busy downtown neighborhood that has a diverse mix of residents. I have lived here for four years and have never really had many issues, until recently.
My next-door neighbor works in the medical field that at times has very late or early hours associated with it. I also work in a field that has odd hours, so I am empathetic. My issue is, she has a new boyfriend she is intimate with anywhere between 2 and 4 a.m. I am a light sleeper and get awakened by their sessions together. I can hear her voice and at times, jostling of furniture.
I have thought about telling the building management, but it would be obvious that the complaint would have come from me, and I don’t want that. I also don’t want to cause embarrassment to either of us. How can I address this delicately, without causing embarrassment, or must I suck it up and suffer?
A: ZARDOZ THINKS YOU ARE MISSING AN OPPORTUNITY HERE. HAVE YOU NOT SPREAD THE WORD THAT THE PENIS IS EVIL? YOU MUST PATIENTLY EXPLAIN THE WORDS OF ZARDOZ TO HER.
1. BAD 2. WORSE!
ONCE YOU HAVE EXPLAINED THIS ZARDOZ IS SURE YOU WILL HAVE PEACE AT NIGHT. IF NOT, LET ZARDOZ KNOW. YOU THEN HAVE TWO OPTIONS – RECORD THE ACTIVITY AND MONETIZE IT ON THE INTERNETS, OR ZED CAN COME AROUND AND HAVE A QUICK WORD WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR.
QUIET HOURS, DEAR NEIGHBOR!
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: I have been seriously ill for a couple of years, suffering from multiple health issues. I should be fine in several months, but the cure will require surgeries, and my strength must be built up before that can happen.
I do not want attention, and I do not like to talk about these very personal issues — nor can I imagine that acquaintances wish to hear the details. Yuck!
Until I am strong enough for the operations, though, life is not easy. I feel terrible and exhausted, and rarely go out. I am pale as a ghost. My eyes seem to have retreated back into my head. Makeup makes me look like a sick person who painted their face orange. My hair is dull and just hangs there, as I have not been able to get a haircut. I have lost a lot of weight, and my hands shake.
When I do venture away from home, I am often approached by people I do not know well. They walk up to me, poised for a hearty handshake and some small talk, and then recoil, pulling their hand back dramatically and declaring, “You’re sick! Stay away! You shouldn’t be here!” I assure them that I am not contagious, but they are never convinced.
Getting a bit of fresh air and a change of scenery helps me to cope. Feeling like a public spectacle does not. Talking about all the troubles life has sent my way, just so germaphobes and nosy people will believe that I really don’t have the flu? That makes me cry. Do I need to hide indoors until I am healthy again?
A: IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES, ZARDOZ SAYS YOU SHOULD MAKE A BIG SHOW OF COUGHING AT THOSE WHO OFFEND YOU. HOPEFULLY YOU WILL MAKE THEM FATALLY ILL – CLEANSING FTW! IF NOT, THEY WILL FLEE IN TERROR, AND YOU WILL RULE THE STREETS OF YOUR MISBEGOTTEN CITY.
TAKE CHARGE WITH A CLAMMY AND WEAK FIST!
*NOT ACTUAL DEPICTION OF THE QUESTION AUTHOR
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
The answer is to put a woofer up against the wall and crank up the stereo.
I liked the way it was done in Private Parts.
The answer is to loadly moan and scream your neighbor’s name, and cheer her on in time to the sounds from next door.
I still have association memories of waking up to Blue Monday and the neighbors in the apartment above having sex. For the record, both were coming from their apartment.
I like this cover. But not under the covers.
Good tune
A three way is in your future. Use the old Tony Orlando approach, knock three times on the wall and if you get a response, run, don’t walk , and don’t worry about how you look. At that point it won’t matter.
Once again ZARDOZ renders excellent advice. How the first writer didn’t think to monetize the early morning encounters is beyond me. As for the second writer, I’ll take things that never happened for $800.
THANK YOU, CHOSEN ONE. MAY YOU ALL HEED IT! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
OFFS. Just do what my neighbor does and bang your fist on the wall a few times.
Loud masturbation is different from loud sex, Rhywun.
THE FIRST IS FINE, CHOSEN ONE. THE SECOND…NEVER! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
*runs crying from room*
Meh, you still need a towel either way.
If you’re doing it right.
And you can’t be wasting the toilet paper on that right now.
The hotel manager gets a late-night call about a lodger shouting and banging on the walls.
Entering the room of the offender the manager sees an elderly man banging his fists on the wall.
Manager: Is there a problem, sir?
Old Man: Problem? Goddam right there’s a problem. First erection I’ve had in five years and my hands are asleep!
My issue is, she has a new boyfriend she is intimate with anywhere between 2 and 4 a.m. I am a light sleeper and get awakened by their sessions together.
Get an elliptical reflector.
?
1) Get yourself a boyfriend (or girlfriend) and outdo them.
2) You’ve been sick for *years*, yet you know you’ll be find in several months? What mystery disease is this that has some (apparently) known cure yet you remained sick for years?
Well, we know it’s not Lupus. /Dr. House
And if your acquaintances are worried about you being sick, tell them what you have.
ZARDOZ DIAGNOSES “BRUTALITIS”. THE ONLY KNOWN CURE….CLEANSING. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
I like her.
https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/total-insanity-las-vegas-mayor-slams-states-stay-at-home-order-and-business-closures
Would not.
What is it with women’s hair getting higher with age?
To compensate for hair loss and thinning hair.
It’s dead in here.
All hail Zardoz!!!
It’s Neph and his bullshit meetups. No thought at all to antisocial failures like us. Discrimination straight up.
It’s not antisocial for me, it’s that I can only do so many things at once. If my husband is home and we’re hanging out, we’re watching something together and he might not mind me commenting on a website while we’re doing up, pulling up a zoom meeting would be an entirely different animal. So I’m comments only tonight.
That should read ‘while we’re watching a movie’ because I was trying to avoid phrasing for once. Someone fixed me an extremely strong gin and tonic, though, and it looks like I’m failing.
Just tell him that Brochettaward is showing his penis.
Damn, I missed it.
You didn’t miss much.
I might have to make an appearance. I can regale one and all with my penis.
You didn’t get ZARDOZ’s memo about the penis?
I always just assumed that he was talking about all those other penises. Not *my* penis. It’s majestic. How can anyone not love? I’ve been told its pretty.
Lay off the booze, man, the hallucinations will go away
THE PENIS IS EVIL. IT SHOOTS SEEDS THAT CREATE NEW LIFE. AND POISONS THE EARTH WITH A PLAGUE OF MEN, AS ONCE IT WAS. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
ZARDOZ APPRECIATES THE SENTIMENT, CHOSEN ONE. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
My issue is, she has a new boyfriend she is intimate with anywhere between 2 and 4 a.m. I am a light sleeper and get awakened by their sessions together. I can hear her voice and at times, jostling of furniture.
Ask to join in.
WRONG! THE PENIS IS EVIL – NO SHARING OF ONE! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
So a lesbian orgy is OK?
It’s ok with me.
ZARDOZ SAYS, AS LONG AS YOU LEAVE OUT SHOOTING SEEDS, THAT CREATE NEW LIFE…GO AHEAD. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
ZARDOZ seems to have not taken notice that Zed’s costume was more of a hit with the male audience than the distaff. It’s okay – there is no creating new life in that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-ms3NPVMJg
Obligatory.
“Obligatory.”
Sean,
I wondered if you had posted <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T9rrptAMVs" this link.
Many of us seem to be aware of obscure references.
Kentucky driving protest earlier today.
1) Knock on the door and ask to join?
2) I don’t think the flu lasts that long.
pulling their hand back dramatically and declaring, “You’re sick! Stay away! You shouldn’t be here!”
Things that didn’t happen.
I dunno. In today’s climate who’s to say? A few days ago I went to the grocery store with no mask(haven’t worn one yet) and as I approached a late middle aged masked lady while walking down the aisle she recoiled in terror and jammed herself between the shelves and her shopping cart until I passed. I just gave her my biggest shit-eating grin and waved.
I haven’t been wearing one either and yeah, the freakouts are mildly amusing. I’m mildly asthmatic and my breathing gets pretty labored when I do wear one such as when I’m staining a door. Also, WHO says we shouldn’t be wearing them unless ill or healthcare workers. So I’ve got that up on my phone when I go out in the event of law enforcement interaction. So far it hasn’t been an issue.
I need to ease up on the retail therapy I’ve been doing this past week.
More guns?
I wish I could. I need to do some home improvement stuff though. More guns (to subsequently be lost in tragic aquatic accidents) possibly next bonus season. I did pick up one of these recently though, not that I have any use for it…Actually it, too, has fallen to dihydrogen monoxide.
Nice.
Love it.
Related- Wednesday was the 155th anniversary of Lincoln’s death.
Well…just the one this week. Plus 1,700 rounds for it. Body armor. $150 of liquor. Amazon stuff. Some extra face masks. Hot pepper plants. Yada yada yada.
I’m holding off on guns. I really need to get a safe or two for my collection first.
But then I go browse GunBroker, Rock Island Auction, or Amoskeag Auction…..
I admit I bought a corona gun with Trumpbucks. I love it. I’ll get to shoot it this weekend.
Hmm, this sounds like the prelude to something final. I wish you well.
Oh and tomorrow is grocery shopping. You just know I’m gonna buy some big honking steaks.
Those Donald Dollars aren’t gonna spend themselves!
I was gonna hire a builder buddy of mine to build a new deck. I told him this week that we’re putting it hold.
I feel like a fucking asshole, but my orders are falling and I want my cash.
I hate government.
I contracted with a roofer for a metal roof at the cabin. I did the last shingle job 33 years ago myself. My, how time flies when you’re having fun. I want to add a propane furnace there before fall too.
A couple projects at the house, a new patio, the old one has disintegrated, contractor was supposed to come by this week, can’t trust those guys to get an estimate.
Hope things turn around quickly, Tundra, and all the rest that are in the iffy mode right now.
I’m happy to come up and help, Fourscore.
Thanks, Tundra. I need to keep the locals working too. Everyone’s job is essential. If you need a respite though the cabin is open, the same goes for all the Glibs. Its a gun friendly area and fishing season is open for pan fish. Still a little cool though.
Well, except for most of the government-sector employees.
Yeah, I may take you up on that.
I would love to get the hell out of here and work on something productive!
Crappies down here are hammering. What going on up there?
I haven’t been out yet but a boat on Emily today. My bee partner is coming tomorrow, he just put his property on Mill Road on the market. No lakeshore but near the landing. A little bee prep tomorrow, we’re still a month away.
You aren’t an asshole. This year was off to a reasonably good start for my firm. Between April and June I expected to close a number of cases that would have put me in a good financial position for the second half of the year. I have collected about 5% of expected revenue. I wanted to replace my kid’s laptop. It’s on hold because of the everything being closed.
I also hate government.
Yeah, I know.
We came out of the chute so fucking strong this year. I think that’s what freaking me out.
Honestly, I am lucky as hell compared to a lot of people, but that means shit.
I feel ya, I’m 75% down in my biz over these two months. Once I get my hospital job completed I will at least bring that back, maybe to just 40 percent down. These shutdowns are a fucking killer.
I’ve spent six hours in the past five weeks taking off / quoting equipment.
I’ve sold exactly nothing from it so far, and no old quotations have hit in the meanwhile.
But I’ve watched over fifty old baseball games.
I hate government too, but it is the hand that feeds so I only nibble, a little.
I almost put money down on a Wilson Combat this week.
https://www.nj.com/coronavirus/2020/04/nj-students-might-have-to-wear-masks-when-school-reopens-murphy-says.html
It’s all masks, all the time now.
Except it is also masks dropping all the time now.
There is no law without a cop to enforce it. Good luck on kids with masks. I’m thinking there would be some class solidarity if one kid didn’t have a mask. Like Denmark in the ’40s.
This should be entertaining. I suspect the kids will be very creative with their masks. /fond memories of teenage stupidity.
I’m bored with the pandemic.
I’m feeling rudderless.
heh knew it
I really dig that one.
Tundra: “I’m bored with the pandemic.
I’m feeling rudderless.”
Rhywun: “heh knew it
I really dig that one.”
Not I, Rhywun. Tundra can still surprise me (as may many others here).
Was it not Tundra who introduced some of us to the band “Trampled by Turtles”, for an example?
Regardless, I have met quite a number of individuals, and Tundra at times reminds me of some of them who introduced me to music/bands that I would not otherwise have learned of.
Regarding The Lemonheads, I recall that the band was performing at a record store (think vinyl discs) sometime in the eighties I think, possibly in Georgia. If memory serves correctly, they were trying out a song and asking opinions regarding the fledgling song. I am clear on this next statement because I found a link to the song in question. Evidently the crowd enjoyed it sufficiently for the ban to finish the lyrics.
HI Charles.
For you, dude,
I hope you and al of your people are well.
This is my favorite by them, really just Evan on his own. He’s so fucked up in this but still plays it perfectly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFeKYCEGSUw
Yeah, many of my music peeps hate the Lemonheads.
I don’t get it at all.
I also don’t give a fuck.
For those of you who dig them.
That album has a LOT of good tracks. Never investigated further, but… damn that album is good.
I’m bored enough to be watching a banjo cover of Slayer and enjoying it.
https://youtu.be/nZ2ucr74YNk
Yeah, bro. My band opened for Lemonheads in… February ‘91? I was 21, and it was the first “other” Evan I met in my life. Nice dude.
This lockdown has me feeling Paralyzed https://youtu.be/-f_1zVtB8o4
I didn’t think it was possible.
https://bearingarms.com/cam-e/2020/04/17/fl-court-rules-man-stood-his-ground-when-he-shot-a-sheriffs-deputy/
It’s happened before. It’s very rare, but it has.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/public-safety/two-police-officers-shot-in-prince-georges-county-officials-said/2018/09/19/4ff9d2e0-bc84-11e8-b7d2-0773aa1e33da_story.html
I’m shocked. That chief of police is either a stand out police officer or he smelled a pile of shit and didn’t want to smear it around.
Holy shit.
That’s magnificent, man.
Best Bob Marley remix I’ve ever heard.
Lol
Sad that he didn’t beat the ride – he spent 5 years in jail waiting for trial.
I noticed that too. Let’s hope he has a good civil rights case for being locked up.
In TX we had one dismissed in, I think 2014, on a no-knock where the deputy got what he deserved. Then several months later, another deputy also got you get when you break in through a window pre-dawn in TX. That one was supposed to go to trial last month, but it’s been delayed yet again. The first one, that was acquitted, a small amount of marijuana was found. The 2nd one, no drugs were found. I hope he gets released.
This girl likes your rice rocket.
I told a woman shes’s what I go to bed thinking about. That’s not entirely truee. I think about her constantly, but it’s regretful. I regret to think about her constantly.
You should think about something else, like repointing brickwork, or salad forks.
Not sure if this has been mentioned, certainly the media hasn’t covered. In November it was revealed New York had a $6.1 billion budget gap. $4 billion of which was increases in Medicaid costs. Recently Cuomo requested unrestricted financial aid to help with the expenses from CV-19. Hmm I wonder why he wants unrestricted assistance? Also might explain the fuzzy math behind their CV death count.
NY just passed a cost-saving Medicaid reform. The CARES Act allocated Medicaid funding for the States (IIRC $5 Billion), but restricted any changes to the Medicaid system. This was intended to stop States from making changes to Medicaid expansion related to Affordable Care Act (e.g. primarily Repub States requesting waivers), but hit NY reforms.
So yeah, some math manipulation going-on.
This is definitely a play for money. Same thing with ny adding 3000+ to their death count.
Zardoz – not the advice we want, but the advice we need in these troubling times.
We are all in this grain slavery together.
ZARDOZ UNDERSTANDS. ZARDOZ WILL CONTINUE TO GUIDE THE CHOSEN ONES, IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES… ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Well done with the Grain Slavery For All pic! *Pledges fealty to Zardoz*
ZARDOZ IS PLEASED. YOUR FEALTY IS ACCEPTED, CHOSEN ONE! GO FORTH AND SNARK! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Fuck no.
Have we learned nothing?
NO CENTRAL AUTHORITY!
Sorry, Zardoz.
THE VORTEX IS DISPLEASED….
So what?
You need to decentralize and let your grain slaves figure out how best to address the market, dude.
Your time is over.
ZARDOZ’S TIME HAS NOT YET COME…THE YEAR IS NOT YET 2293. BESIDES, ZARDOZ DOES NOT SEE YOU FEATURING A TOPLESS CHARLOTTE RAMPLING OR A DASHING SEAN CONNERY! ZARDOZ HAS (BURN!) SPOKEN.
TOPLESS CHARLOTTE RAMPLING
Go on….
Are we talking 27 year old or skeleton topless Charlotte Rampling?
ZARDOZ makes a good argument.
ZARDOZ does not appreciate the brutal temporal effects on topless Charlotte Rampling.
Only the celluloid doesn’t age.
It’s all about that
bassbush.NSFW
Meanwhile, a meme goes around FB. Math iz hard.
Define “affects”.
*headdesk*
My Walmart employee tax deduction bought out WM’s supply of leftover Peeps.
$70 worth.
I thought we were excellent role models of what NOT to do. Mr. Mojeaux is PISSED.
$70 worth is a lot of soylent green.
I thought you liked Peeps.
Not $70 worth.
But think of how much she saved with her employee discount!
LOL.
Even Zardoz is no match for the squirrelz!
Brooks is Zardoz?
Star Wars SC 38 Reimagined
ALL HAIL ZARDOZ!
That was most excellent advice. And the Biden graphic is… mwah!
Sorry I dropped unceremoniously off the Glib Zoom. Delivery at the door, dog went nuts, wife showed up with food, etc, all at the same time.
ZARDOZ HOPES YOU HAD THE CANINE CLEANSE THE DELIVERY BRUTAL. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Of course she’s on to you, you stupid dumb idiot.
Poor old Victor Davis Hanson. The hysteria witch hunt machine is powered by equal parts stupidity and malice. It’s some kind of stubborn refusal to actually engage with any real arguments, insisting instead on imposing a false, simplified, cynical narrative with the pretence of virtue; a convenient delusion for a mind unwilling and unable to engage in rational thought or any real effort to attempt a good faith understanding of someone’s ideas.
I wanted to link to various pieces throughout that but I’m on my phone in bed and it’s enough just to try typing this out. VDH summarises it all fairly well in his latest podcast, and from where you can find articles such as that ridiculous piece at Slate. This is heavy for a Friday night.
*waves at everyone*
Howdy JD! Zoom refugee here…
Hey Yusef of the Korean automobile!
I needed some Brits to shoot back last night on my rant-o-royalty.
’twas a good rant. Bunch of welfare queens; literally in Her Majesty’s case.
I think all of the social justice warriors in the world couldn’t manage to wipe VDH’s ass with an endless supply of TP (if the world only had such an abundant resource), so I doubt that he has much to worry about.
The Zoom meeting is a mess IMO, can’t get a word in edgewise, and it’s too Midwest for me, oh well, have fun,
At least this way China doesn’t get to hear you. I’m sure they have enough intercepts to comb through.
もしもし。聞こえまsくか?
“What is this gwibs they speak of?”
Over 10 people and it turns into a pain to participate. I wanted to do some reading and put some music on before bed.
I saw you, fine, but I think this more effective,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iX_TFkut1PM
like this…
Seen the live cameras in Tokyo lately?
https://youtu.be/kQFo1bVV81c
There are more people watching than crossing.
Right now it’s pouring too. I was supposed to chat with my friend tonight but we postponed for tomorrow night.
She’s stuck at home now too.
Even in heavy rain in winter, there’s usually been a sea of umbrellas. So strange to see.
Yup – if any one else cares it a live video of Shibuya Crossing.
Also I just added this word and kanji to my vocabulary – 在宅勤務. Now you can too! Zaitakukinmu – working at home, telecommuting.
Great! Always like adding stuff to my notes. This coronavirus thing has perversely been good for learning a large number of new vocab/concepts.
Misa of Japanese Ammo put out a vocab video last week that I’m still working through.
Pouring here, too. You guys might enjoy this: horu = to throw away and mono = things, right? Basically, “motsu”, right? Normally, you see “ホルモン” written in katakana, but yesterday I saw it written in English. Still makes me laugh.
https://imgur.com/a/3Dc8WD0
Midol & midori?
That’s great!
I haz disappoint. I’d hope somebody used an on-line dictionary and got “Whore moan”
TIL that in horumonyaki cuisine, rectum is a food, and that in this context it is called “rifle”.
Actually, I don’t give a shit about any of it, Glibs. of any of it, I’m dead,just walking and waiting,…
this is getting hard, my entire Life has been destroyed, as I watch my friends life savings go to Hell, almost like they wanted this…….
It does seem pointless, doesn’t it?
*weary sigh*
Beyond, to much chatter and noise, what’s up Mo?
Eh, just my current situation. You probably don’t know because you had more important things going on. My husband and I filed for bankruptcy and we are being foreclosed on. I HATE this house and I HATE that it broke us. I WANT to burn this fucker down.
What I also hate is that for us, this Kung Flu is going to be very financially beneficial but that’s fucked up. All the people here who have made GOOD decisions all their lives are now suffering and for what…?
Does it make any difference if people make good decisions when freak things like this can happen? Not the Kung Flu. Naw, the Spanish flu just killed people. This is the government. The constitution is in ashes. Millions and millions of people who did ALL THE RIGHT THINGS have lost everything over NOTHING.
So … what’s the point of making right decisions?
The CEO of my company sent out a callout to all our her employees to tell her how they’re coping during the lockdowns, since we’re all doing such a great job. I restrained myself at the last second from submitting this.
“I’m not coping. Any day I go without crying at least once, I call a resounding success. All I do is rail against the insanity of the state governors’ response, how many lives and careers have been destroyed, drink, and smoke pot.”
I’m with you LG. I’m an optimist by nature, but this shit is wearing me down. I’m a strong person with an even keel, and this is just hard to take. I can’t believe what is happening. Coping by drinking and smoking far more than usual, but I know that is just dulling it. It’s still there when I wake up at 3am and can’t get back to sleep.
I think we’re all experiencing the effects of stress related to involuntary solitary confinement. I’m grateful that my job is stable, but seeing how many of my friends have had salaries cut, hours cut, or lost their jobs entirely distresses me. Watching a large percentage of the populace applaud it, drives me insane. I might have started too late, but consider me a prepper now.
I prepped well, but not well enough, but at least I own a Mankiller when shit goes South,
Good man Ozy getting you some protection Yu.
Yup, we all have to stay prepped LG. I’m in a better situation than the three businesses I helped close down, I don’t think they will ever open their doors again. My anger level has remained at 8 for five weeks now.
Have a travel trailer, generator, black water tote, and soon to arrive – water storage. I’m an experienced, and excellent campfire cook, and will start stocking the trailer so that whatever else happens, the family can survive for extended periods off grid, even if the torch-bearing villagers burn the house down. I’m set to escape to freedom, which, given that I live in VA, is the most appropriate possible thing to do.
Me too. I thought we were ok if something happened, but this has refocused me and illustrated how fragile the retail supply chain is when its interrupted or there’s a surge in demand. We live a little out of town to where we would stock up on things like paper towels and other stuff so we didn’t didn’t have to make unnecessary trips but we’d also let things run out before restocking. I don’t feel comfortable with that right now. Maybe anymore.
After this, our chief disaster threats are wildfire, earthquake, and winter storm. Earthquake is once in a blue moon and latest guidance is be prepared to survive for 2-3 weeks without assistance. That’s right at what we’re planning if we got quarantined/self isolated now.
I could feed the family with what we have in the house for two or three weeks, although they’d bitch and I’d run out of beer (if not coffee! I stocked up on that shit, man). I want to be able to run away. I still feel stupid for not ditching VA as soon as the schools closed. I can work anywhere I have internet access, so being trapped now, with cower in place orders and a fucking curfew, is not appreciated.
Let a little of the real me out at work today. One of the editors in my newsroom started another round of bashing Trump and I broke cover long enough to reply “i don’t care you what you say. he called out liberating virginia, and specifically, the sneaky way northam shoved through gun control while we were all cowering in our houses. he gets a point from me for that.”
Bets on how long until I’m fired?
I’m curious. Why didn’t you go anyway? What do you have to lose? Are there checkpoints all the way out of VA?
/not snark, really curious
Because all the campgrounds that we would have hit have been closed, and I’d rather not park in my mother in law’s driveway unless I absolutely have to. I tolerate her out of a sense of fairness, which is more than her other daughter in law does, but it’s well established that she’s neither a pleasant host nor guest. Plus, I was dumb, and didn’t think the lockdowns would get this bad. I assumed people would be rational, and after a brief school closure, we’d be back in business. I gave birth during the H1N1 flu panic, after all, and the worst that happened were a few school closures in clustered areas and a ban on visitors at hospitals, so my second birth was attended by no family except my husband.
I never thought I’d see America just generally shut down, and I certainly never thought so many people would go along with it and yell at the people who disagreed. So I’m getting myself prepared for escape, and next time, I’ll be able to camp offgrid for extended periods of time if necessary. 30 gallon water bladder is out for delivery.
Pretty soon the US (or rather individual states) will have been locked down longer than China. Even Europe is relaxing their fist first.
I give myself permission from time to time to take a break and pull a little drunk, but I set some goal first, something that must be done by some time once I wake up, sober, up, and start over. Tomorrow I’m painting the dining room, but I’m Not Gonna Let It Bother Me Tonight.
My son’s a huge Townes vanZandt fan (#MeToo), but I warn him not to get lost in it. His dad feeds off music moods, and I lost years when I was younger drinking and playing and just not doing anything else (certainly not going to class) but being in a mood. Now, I’ve got some chops left over from those diversions, so there’s that, and I learned that there are some dudes out there who do the dark much much better than I ever will. Leon Russell is one of my heroes, and this is the very best chord progression that can be crammed into three minutes ever (and that’s saying a lot; I put him up with Hoagie Carmichael, Johnny Mercer, George Gershwin, you name it).
Listen and enjoy and then go paint something tomorrow.
Thx, Don
Hoagie Carmicheal indee.
From the past
https://babylonbee.com/news/hell-introduces-13-new-varieties-pineapple-pizza
Deluxe lutefisk pineapple? The Bee is clearly sourced from a Glib.
I’m getting increasingly pissed off that the IRS continues giving me the “We cannot determine your eligibility” error on looking for my stimulus payment (which I don’t have yet) even though I meet the income requirement and I’ve filed for 2018 and 2019.
#metoo
#Me Too
Same, except haven’t filed for 2019.
OT – for slice of life this season can recommend – Diary of Our Days at the Breakwater.
Naturally it’s going in hiatus after episode 3 due to China Virus…
I believe it takes place in Kyushu, but as always happens only one of the characters speaks in dialect the rest in standard Japanese. I’ve never understood how Japanese people deal with the disconnect.
For Mo,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM
Hell, for all of us!
Play Loud,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2AC41dglnM
Thunderstruck
I’m smoking my PA, Fuck Stay in pace!
“Play Loud,…
Thunderstruck”
I hope that you and others will not take offence regarding a cover, YDAK, and I have posted this link here and elsewhere previously.
May I suggest that you consider this a tribute? A different version of AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” .
Charles,
That was most excellent!
Similar:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4Ao-iNPPUc
Hello pistoffinick,
There are certainly many stringed instruments in both versions.
I do not remember thinking that wrenches and anvils would be purposely used as musical instruments. Interesting link.
I’m a sucker for shtick music. Here’s Hurrah Torpedo “Total Eclipse of the Heart”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K64ipl_xwqY
“Here’s Hurrah Torpedo ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart'”.
There may be occasions in the future, when reading comments from our fellow posters, where I may be reminded of the band for which you offered a link.
“ I’m a sucker for shtick music.“
Ever listen to Shittyflute on YouTube? https://youtu.be/nF7lv1gfP1Q
Or, if you’re not familiar with Amanda here is an introduction. This is her classic “Lightning Set My Butt on Fire” https://youtu.be/HQCXfBhsN-8
Neat car.
I absolutely drill this….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGytDsqkQY8
Just checked, my bank, oh shit….
This doesn’t sound good.
I can’t do this, Peace out, God bless you, I’m out
Good night Yusef. Pray you feel better tomorrow.
Take care, Yusef.
Good night Yusef!
Night Yusef, nice to see you.
Wanted to hop on the zoom train tonight, but watching blazing saddles with the kids. Maybe tomorrow in my hockey helmet. Anyway I think I’ve already been
https://youtu.be/9YWQvMKjeMY
A client called me yesterday to see if I might have some spare parts on hand. We had a little discussion during which I found out that a few of the contracts I had thought were still on hold had been bid out and given to a competitor (not by the client but the contractor who usually sub-contracts to my company). This gig was just getting into the black last December and now I’m not sure what is will look like when this “corona panic” is over. Bleah…
spare parts
I’ve started bone picking already. No money has changed hands, but I’ve written a couple of people to coyly ask if they have something that I damnedwell know they posted to sell two months ago and hasn’t moved. In the next month or so they’ll call me, and then I’ll know they’re truly ready to deal.
As I wrote last month: I’m bargain hunting.
Yeah, this client didn’t know that I don’t stock any parts – they all get shipped from the vendors. A couple times I’ve had to procure stuff to get a project done so I guess he figured I would have something to help him out.
I got to use my college Spanish today to help some Mexican figure out how to pay at the gas pump. It didn’t work out so well because he didn’t understand zippo codo, but I’m pretty sure I made a generous offer for his child.
Ha! It’s “codo zippo”
” I’m pretty sure I made a generous offer for his child.”
So it wasn’t until you got home when you noticed the passenger in your back seat.
How much for the little girl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDXYzUlv0S8
I have recently discovered a couple who play flamenco guitar together, he does the lead running through scales at incredible speed, while she plays awesome rhythm, and also percussion by thumping the sound box as she strums. This song is called “Diablo Roja” (Red Devil).
I have several CDs from Rodrigo y Gabriela. They are awesome.
This is my favorite R y G song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENBX_v1Po1Y&list=RDZJxKf34B-7E&index=6
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyOSXRCJlIg
I knew a guy when I was in undergrad – he was getting his masters in guitar. I was invited to his recital for his degree where he played classical guitar on a 12 string. A number of the pieces he played I had always assumed were played by two or three artists.
#1 wants a three way. Number 2 is bullshit that never happened.
http://archive.li/o26sN/bc12cc2326e9828118999a9aa2a20d38f44bfcf2.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/u0lsB/a5bba6c97f80a07a0d55ac3104dc0daeacff263b.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/XLET2/de4b5340bac1b4baa18e14ebbbea13e67df30516.jpg
NSFW.
I declare her corona virus free.
https://youtu.be/6Qan0FNJjow
Winner
https://www.oregonlive.com/coronavirus/2020/04/oregon-gov-kate-brown-issues-order-to-stop-debt-collectors-from-going-after-stimulus-checks.html
Fucking A. But doesn’t stop government from grabbing their owed money. Need moar lampposts.
interesting: why do bats carry so many diseases?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJ2jDPgvbTY
Gist: bats have immune systems finely tuned to fight viruses, but are vulnerable to fungi, like the one that causes white nose syndrome. The have a very high metabolic rate because they fly, and so they must suppress the inflammation reaction to oxidative products. Viruses that are adapted to lie low in bats cause catastrophic immune reactions in other mammals.
German Super Hornet | The Luftwaffe’s Newest Fighter
I thought they couldn’t even field a single fighter wing. Now we have to arm their impotence?
I’ll start worrying when they start equiping them with Jericho Trumpets.
Zoom still going, join us!
wow
I just got asked how much time I spend on that site
Huh? What site?
*hides
I’m not worried about getting infected. I got vaccinated for a bunch of weird diseases for the Peace Corps (fighting fire with marshmallows since 1961) and the Army also turned me into a pin cushion.
Derpy’s immune system, artist’s depiction
My sister lives in California and got it. She had to go into old folks homes a lot, so that’s how it happened. She said it was awful. All better now, fortunately.
Did you see the study out of Stanford that got released today that said that 50x the number previously thought has had it? I’ve been saying for over a couple months that this came through California in late December/ early January.
Yes, much larger than confirmed or even suspected cases, but less than 5% of the total population at the high end. That’s nowhere near enough for herd immunity and would still suggest that hospitals could be overwhelmed quite easily.
GL I haven’t seen the study. What percent of those infected require hospitalization?
It does say, or at least in the news reports of the study
https://www.mercurynews.com/2020/04/17/coronavirus-2-5-to-4-2-of-santa-clara-county-residents-infected-stanford-estimates/
Currently there are 187 Covid hospitalizations in Santa Clara County & ~1000 total hospitalizations, which is half the normal capacity and around a 1/3 of the surge capacity. ICU beds are a bit tighter 71 Covid/139 other/92 free.
https://www.sccgov.org/sites/covid19/Pages/dashboard.aspx#hospital
*doesn’t
If this is close to right then we should double the infection rate. It would make better use of hospital capacity without overloading the system and would quicken the pace toward herd immunity.
Yes, but the difficulty would be fine tuning it so don’t go over if that was the goal.
I’m not sure what the answer is, but I don’t think the current regime or anything close to it is sustainable either, in what’s left of rights, the economy, and healthcare in the long term.
Is this the study you referenced?
https://twitchy.com/samj-3930/2020/04/17/hold-onto-your-hats-brit-hume-shares-fact-filled-thread-on-study-showing-covid-fatality-rate-just-bottomed-out-to-influenza-levels/
GL are the calculations of infection rates correct? I’m going to be apoplectic if they are.
Yeah, that’s the same one I think. Same numbers in the Mercury News article. Similar or slightly above normal flu. Age, obesity, or other preexisting conditions appear to correlate with increased risk of complications. Not sure if it’s mortality or also hospitalization. My off the cuff guess is Santa Clara County is probably a better demographic position for that.
The other part is what is the upper bound of infections to reach herd immunity? 40% at .10% would be 132k deaths. 60% at .20% would be 396k. Both are a bit to well above normal flu deaths, possibly an increase over normal all cause death rates too.
My wife and I did alot work in the East Bay/Sacto in December and January. I’m pretty sure she had the coronas in early December. I’m fairly certain I got it after Valentines Day.
I got a fucking wicked case of bronchitis/laryngitis back in November that lasted 7 weeks. It was so bad that my ribs were bruised from coughing so hard. There’s no way to know for sure unless I did the antibody test, but it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if that was the ‘Rona.
Eh, I saw a critique of the study pointing out that it wasn’t a random sample of people to test, they signed up to be tested via facebook.
How to tell female ants from male ants – put the ant in water. If it sinks, it’s a girl ant. If it floats it’s a buoyant.
Can I steal this? I could use a good “Dad joke” for another place on the ‘net.
Stay at Home Dads https://youtu.be/HdlV3eONv1I
As far as I can tell, all jokes are stolen. Why, the fax machine is nothing more than a telephone with a waffle iron attached!
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About halfway.
What is the difference between lutefisk and boogers?
People actually eat boogers.
Why does no one hear the pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because the p is silent.
Poop jokes aren’t my absolute favorite, but they are a solid number 2.
Oh, brother. *rolls eyes*
Same response my kids had.
There’s a movie called Constipation, but it hasn’t come out yet.
Have you heard the one about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil and paper.
A guy went from being a therapist to owning a septic tank business. He was tired of putting up with other people’s shit.
A man went to the zoo.
All they had to exhibit was a single dog.
It was a shih tzu.
What’s the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? Mick Jagger says hey you- get offa my cloud! The Scotsman says hey Mcleod- get offa my ewe!
That’s good. Ima steal
What’s the best time to see a dentist?
tooth-hurty
Stolen. More g-rated Dad jokes.
Daddy’s Highway https://youtu.be/SC2csXDlUbI
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
No, those are Hovercows, they’re just resting.
pining for the fjords?
But can you build a bridge out of it?
+1
A good farmer is a man out standing in his field.
A few years ago, some monks went to the Playboy Mansion to sell flowers. They got chased away by security. It just goes to show that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
OMG. That may be the worst pun I’ve ever heard. I love it.
worst pun ever?
[duel of the fates plays]
Did hear about the trapped Chilean miners?
They had to be rescued Juan by Juan.
My pun fu is strong.
Have you ever had country fried steak?
Did they tell you what country it was fried in?
Greece…
That guy is sure in a hurry. He must be Russian.
Naw, he just wants to Finnish quickly.
I think it’s because he’s so Hungary
So why don’t you ask him and Czech?
Or maybe we should ask the whole group, you know? – like take a Pole?
Enough punishment for you?
Time for a sound system test. Czech, Czech, Pole, Slav.
3 Illegals come to the border. They see a sign that says no trespassing. So they cross one at a time.
A Mexican guy goes to a US store to buy socks. He doesn’t speak English well, so he gestures at a clerk. When the clerks brings socks, he says eso si que ese. The clerk says well if you can spell it, why didn’t you say it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfR_IhvUzW4
Lee Trevino’s friends tried to make him stop golfing when they heard he made a hole in Juan.
An American goes on a business trip to southeast Asia. He has some fun with a local girl. She screams “dong lai” in bed. He thinks it means “yes!” The next day, he goes to play golf with some local businessmen. He hits a hole in one and shouts dong lai! The businessmen say what do you mean wrong hole?
Tiger Woods is on vacation at a posh resort and he overhears about an event that evening he assumes is in his honor. He shows up but is told he is mistaken – it wasn’t that kind of black Thai affair.
A Korean and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on an airplane. The rabbi says: I’ll never forgive you Chinese for what you did at Pearl Harbor. The Korean says: first of all, it was the Japanese who bombed Pearl Harbor, not the Chinese, and besides, I’m not Japanese or Chinese. I’m Korean. The rabbi says: Chinese, Japanese, Korean, what’s the difference? The Korean thinks a minute and says: I’ll never forgive you Jews for what you did to the Titanic. The rabbi says: what?! We had nothing to do with that. It hit an iceberg! The Korean says: iceberg, Greenberg, Goldberg, what’s the difference?
It doesn’t work, not enough Vietnamese were on the Titanic.
Progjection
https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/493404-inslee-accuses-trump-of-fomenting-domestic-rebellion
Behold Bumbling Biden – featuring Krystal Ball, the gal too dumb for MSNBC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTxqnvsSYSI
Wow, that was a hard watch. That lady’s head is very square and the way she is lit, the shadow of her hair makes it looks like she has a tumor on her neck. I cant tell if the fellow is uncomfortably built or if it’s just that ill-fitting, oddly thick suit. Oh, and I hate Biden, but I’m almost starting to feel sorry for him. The people handling him and not telling him no are just absolute garbage.
Mornin’ Glibs. I fell asleep after work and only recently woke up.
Is the apocalypse over?
Yes.
Just don’t go outside.
tv show pitch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXTn2gSG7es
♫ Ooh, watcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do when they come for you? You’re bad, you’re bad!
K*A*R*E*N*S
Karens is filmed on location with the men and women of busy-bodying, all suspects are innocent until proven guilty on social media.
CV did what the VC couldn’t
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bennie_G._Adkins
RIP
anybody got a funny headline idea?
things I’ve been mulling:
CIA Determines that Putin Contains Other, Smaller Putins
Trump Practices for Debates by Interviewing Dementia Patients
DNC Prepares Giant Hook to Yank Biden Off-Stage
Land O Lakes Apologizes for Depicting Native Americans as Attractive
CIA Finds That Most People Don’t Speak English
Biden Forgets Speech And Hambones for 10 Minutes
Biden Declared Mentally Competent. Doctors Stunned.
I can work with this: Biden Declared Mentally Competent; Thousands of Doctors Burn Their Diplomas
Works for me.
“Land of Lakes replaces “butter maiden” with Elizabeth Warren, to more accurately portray Native Americans”
…revises definition for “butter face”
Elizabeth Warren Demands Land O Lakes Portray Real Native American Like Her
Best Warren Indian names: Spreading Bull, Fauxcahontas, Dances With Votes, Liawatha, Crazy Purse
side note: I’m about 102% Irish with a 2% margin of error, and I don’t get mad about Lucky Charms, Irish Spring, The Fighting Irish, or beer dyed green.
[does wrist jig with beer bottle]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5W_WBMfj8DU
After NYT Pulls China’s Finger Again, Still Unsure of Proper Spelling for Response
NYT Writers Stymied By Chinese Finger Exercise Device
DNC Stymied with “Real or Memorex” Moment After Biden Replacement Cyborg’s OS Crashes, 80% of Subroutines Erased
Joe Biden Revealed as Tired Agent Smith; Matrix Crashes
Biden Campaign Announces New Campaign Slogan: Help, I’ve Fallen and Can’t Get Up
legit LOL. 10/10
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myfGdhZtKa4
Buy BidenAlert brand bracelets to protect your senior loved ones!
I know there are people over 70 who are not helpless. Joe Biden is not one of them. Hey all you coherent old people: can you please tell Biden to sit on a couch, eat a fruit cup, and watch Matlock?
It is interesting to hear him speak.
To Combat Coronavirus, Governors Declare Breathing Nonessential
I love you all. Goodnight and good fortune.
Well, I treated half of the level surface syndrome of the couch. I was able to sit back and write some. It was just more of the vampire story, but it’s the first I got on the page in a while.
Not sure how to ask the question and maybe you have talked about it before…Have you considered writing or turning your series into a graphic novel?
I would need an artist who is willing to draw other people’s work. Do you know any?
no. i know very few people.
Yeah, that’s pretty much the reason it’s all prose. My cover artist doesn’t want to draw the same characters over and over again, so he doesn’t do sequential art. And I don’t know any other artists who are reliable. (I know plenty who fail to deliver, but that just means I don’t commission them anymore)
I wish I had some ideas for you. gbob is a comic book guy he may be able to offer suggestions or know some people.
I bought some tocino flavored spam. It was underwhelming. Maybe you can work that into one of your stories?
“The Philippines love the SPAM® brand! And the makers of the SPAM® brand loves the Philippines! As a token of our love for this country, we have created a Filipino Flavor — SPAM® Tocino! It has just the right mixture of sweet and meaty to satisfy your craving for Filipino cuisine.”
Festus committed a verbal faux pas. She’s really pissed off. When do I open the door? I can’t even.
Drunk Wifey out -weighs me. Haaalp!
Let us now share our fond memories of our good friend Festus…
I thought you went to bed hours ago. Zoom wrapped up around 3am EST, it was just me and CPRM and he was super sleepy.
Good morning, l0 (and Festus, if you’re not dead yet.) 3 am, eh? When I left a little after 1, Tulip had been so quiet I wondered if she’d fallen asleep.
She was still logged in when I shut it down at 3 (CPRM made a grumbly noise, handed me the reins, and fell asleep), but she hadn’t spoken in over an hour.
(Possibly) Saved by lack of a camera. : )
I signed off after an hour
but NewWife asked how much time do I think I spend on that site
I keep trying to get Mr. GT to come over to the Glib side – I think he’d fit right in. He’s still trying to subtly convert his Facebook friends. I just nod and smile and say, “Good luck, honey!”
I don’t think I’d be comfortable on camera, or audio. Maybe next week if I’m not early to bed I’ll sink a couple of beers before hand and get on it, if I can find webcam and mic.
Over about 8 or 10 people, and it’s hard to have a decent conversation. The audio lags so much it’s hard to get a word in edgewise.
ZOOM
I loved that show. It started my youthful love of rugby shirts which led to my lifelong patronage of Land’s End.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/hong-kong-police-arrest-democracy-activists-media-tycoon/2020/04/18/09e545f8-8147-11ea-84c2-0792d8591911_story.html
China is asshole.
Hmmm….do you suppose they waited until now on the assumption that everyone who cares is distracted by The Virus?
Yes
The worst part about rape is the awkward silence afterwards.
That’s why I always like to sing the Mr. Rogers theme song right after. Lighten things up a bit.
That’s why I always like to sing the Mr. Rogers theme song right after. Lighten things up a bit.