What We Realize, a prose

by | Apr 27, 2020 | Musings | 464 comments

So called oblong shapes that travel skies, aren’t what we realize ,

are shaped toward our leaning eyes, alone,

hovered, touching the Sky, We float into the blinding Sun,

that we can never return from,

 Horizons glimmer in a distance field,

in shapes not pondered,

til Grey and gloom, my witness there,

my gaze, and not my Wonder

 I have walked Dark and parched lands,

and gazed into the depths of Man,

and see only Myself within,

and who again is without sin,

 To see ones self, out of time,

and walk the darkest paths,

to trade your Soul, for a bit more time?

or cast it all away?

 If you have seen the Black,

the Abyss is a friendly place,

it beckons, familiar, safe and Cold,

the inky darkness, unseen, unfolds,

Ahem,

 We all have our troubles,

yours and mine,

But thats not the problem,,

it’s how our problems are defined

 We see the truth, but won’t admit it,

stuffed in to Deaths closet, we are all closed,

so live life as a Coat hanger, or live in your own clothes, What?

 I live in a carpet, of lines and phrases,

and do my best to get into other peoples spaces,

 How I long to be away from this place,

as a Cylon ship, traveling through space,

My mind is here, then it’s gone,

into deep space, where I belong,

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

464 Comments

  1. Francisco d'Anconia

    Second

    • Hyperion

      You’re now third for being first and trying to claim second.

      The rules is the rules.

      • UnCivilServant

        But that ain’t one of the rules.

      • Hyperion

        STFU Libertard!

  2. Aloysious

    We all take journies within our own minds, someone who I don’t remember once said.

    Nice job,Yusef.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thankee!

  3. Donation Not Taxation

    ‘oblong shapes that travel skies’

    ‘Published 2 hours ago
    UFO video? Pentagon releases footage of ‘unidentified aerial phenomena,’ but says it’s not out of the ordinary’

  4. juris imprudent

    Musings traced in couplets fusing,
    Spaced thought that would not be faced
    Wrought finely in fabric caught
    Divinely hung as stars supinely
    Sung flows in inaudible tongue
    Grows insane as foresight throws
    Explain shows flung blindly naught terraced cruising

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Exactly…….

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Evening skies are bright
      With resplendent Venus high
      Spring twilight has arrived.

      Remember haiku days at TOS?

  5. Suthenboy

    ” I have walked Dark and parched lands,

    and gazed into the depths of Man,

    and see only Myself within”

    Good line Yusef.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I felt something when I wrote it, i usually write on paper, then the computer, old school, but it helps gather my rambling thoughts..
      Thanks!

    • westernsloper

      That was my fave. Good stuff.

  6. Crusty Juggler

    Im going to start picking my nose in public so I can move through lines quickly.

  7. Tres Cool

    Exits to freeways twisted like knots on the fingers
    Jewels cleaving skin between breasts
    Your Cadillac breathes four hundred horses over blue lines
    You are going to Reseda to make love to a model from Ohio
    Whose real name you don’t know

    You spin like the Cadillac was overturning down a cliff on television
    And the radio is on and the radioman is speaking
    And the radioman says “Women were a curse.”
    So men built Paramount Studios
    And men built Columbia Studios
    And men built…Los Angeles

    HEY YUFUS!

    • Crusty Juggler

      There’s trouble on the street tonight
      I can feel it in my bones
      I had a premonition that
      He should not go alone

      I knew the gun was loaded
      But I didn’t think he’d kill
      Everything exploded
      And the blood began to spill

      So, baby
      Here’s your ticket
      Put the suitcase in your hand
      Here’s a little money now

      Do it just the way we planned
      You be cool for twenty hours
      And I’ll pay you twenty grand

      I’m sorry it went down like this
      Someone had to lose
      It’s the nature of the business
      It’s the smuggler’s blues
      Smuggler’s blues

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Lions in the street and roaming
        Dogs in heat, rabid, foaming
        A beast caged in the heart of a city

        The body of his mother
        Rotting in the summer ground
        He fled the town

        He went down South and crossed the border
        Left chaos and disorder
        Back there over his shoulder

        One morning he awoke in a green hotel
        With a strange creature groaning beside him
        Sweat oozed from its shiny skin

        Is everybody in?
        Is everybody in?
        Is everybody in?
        The ceremony is about to begin

        Wake up!
        You can’t remember where it was
        Had this dream stopped?

        The snake was pale gold
        Glazed and shrunken
        We were afraid to touch it
        The sheets were hot dead prisms
        And she was beside me
        Old, she’s no young
        Her dark white hair
        The white soft skin

        Now, run to the mirror in the bathroom
        Look! She is coming in here
        I can’t live through each slow century of her moving
        I let my cheek slide down the cool smooth tile
        Feel the good cold stinging blood
        The smooth hissing snakes of rain

        Once I had a little game
        I liked to crawl back in my brain
        I think you know the game I mean
        I mean the game called ‘Go Insane’

        You should try this little game
        Just close your eyes, forget your name
        Forget the world, forget the people
        And we’ll erect a different steeple

        This little game is fun to do
        Just close your eyes, no way to lose
        And I’m right here, I’m going too
        Release control, we’re breaking through, yeah

        Way back deep into the brain
        Way back past the realm of pain
        Back where there’s never any rain
        And in the labyrinth of streams beneath
        The quiet unearthly presence of gentle hill people
        In the gentle hills around
        Reptiles abounding, fossils, caves, cool air heights

        Each house repeats a mold
        Windows rolled
        Beast car locked in against morning
        Rugs silent, mirrors vacant
        Dust lying under the beds of lawful couples
        Wound in sheets
        And daughters, smug with semen
        Eyes in their nipples

        Wait!
        There’s been a slaughter here

        Don’t stop to speak or look around
        Your gloves and fan are on the ground
        You’re getting out of town
        You’re going on the run
        And you’re the one I want to come

        Not to touch the earth, not to see the sun
        Nothing left to do but run, run, run
        Let’s run, let’s run

        House upon the hill, moon is lying still
        Shadows of the trees witnessing the wild breeze
        C’mon baby run with me
        Let’s run

        Run with me
        Run with me
        Run with me
        Let’s run

        Not to touch the earth, not to see the sun
        Nothing left to do but run, run, run
        Let’s run, let’s run

        House upon the hill, moon is lying still
        Shadows of the trees witnessing the wild breeze
        C’mon baby run with me
        Let’s run

        Dead president’s corpse in the driver’s car
        The engine runs on glue and tar
        Come on along, we’re not going very far
        To the East to meet the Czar

        The mansion is warm at the top of the hill
        Rich are the rooms and the comforts there
        Red are the arms of luxuriant chairs
        You won’t know a thing till you get inside, yeah

        Run with me
        Run with me
        Run with me
        Let’s run

        Some outlaws lived by the side of a lake
        The minister’s daughter’s in love with a snake
        Who lives in a well by the side of the road
        Wake up, girl! We’re almost home, yeah come on

        We should see the gates by morning
        We should be inside by evening

        Let the carnival bells ring
        Let the serpent sing
        Let everything

        We came down the rivers and highways
        We came down from forest and falls
        We came down from Carson and Springfield
        We came down from Phoenix enthralled

        And I can tell you the names of the kingdom
        I can tell you the things that you know
        Listening for a fistful of silence
        Climbing valleys into the shade

        I am the Lizard King
        Retire now to your tents and to your dreams
        Tomorrow we enter the town of my birth
        I want to be ready

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Too much Copypasta, IMO

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Well I didn’t write the bloody thing.

      • Tres Cool

        Jesus H. Koresh that was long.

      • The Hyperbole

        any Dan Folgerberg lyrics

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Trumpbucks =TALL CANS!
      Sup Tres!

  8. kinnath

    I haven’t the talent to keep up with this stuff. I’m going to have to plagiarize someone else.

    • Hyperion

      I can’t even think of a word that rhymes…

      • Crusty Juggler

        Yeah man it’s a sign of the times

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        This thing you did, I know, Alice….

  9. Hyperion

    Yusef is the new Agile Cyborg. But much more coherent.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Needs more tape measures.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Well, I am still agile, and I Prefer the Cylon experience, but coherent? wait til i get drunk,
      TrumpBucks!!!!!

    • Charles Easterly

      “Yusef is the new Agile Cyborg….”

      Hyp,

      I was also reminded of AG by Y’s post.

    • Mojeaux

      AC’s charm was that he WASN’T coherent unless you dismantled him word by word. That took a while.

  10. straffinrun

    The punctuation blew my mind.

    • Rhywun

      I didn’t expect any commas, either.

      • UnCivilServant

        I have some spares laying around.

        They’re yours if you want them.

        ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

    • Suthenboy

      They seem to hit it out o the park every damned time.

      Hilarious.

      • hayeksplosives

        That’s why Facebook is trying, rather in gracefully, to stop them.

  11. Yusef drives a Kia

    Crowds in, my mind room,
    I dance, reject, my swollen eyes,
    I scratch my skin,
    And I begin,
    In another way.,

    • straffinrun

      Morning, Yusef. Fun post.

      • westernsloper

        Agreed.

    • Hyperion

      “Also, what happens if you do it “too slowly”?”

      You completely destroy the economy and get rid of badorangeman? What’s not to like!

      • straffinrun

        See? Gotta love how easy it is to smuggle premises with the word “too”.

    • Fourscore

      Always with the caveats, “could lead” How big is a surge? Maybe if we stand 7 feet apart we could cut the epidemic by 14%. Its just crazy enough to work.

  12. kinnath

    Our names shouted in a certain dawn… a message … a summons… there must have been a moment, at the beginning, where we could have said-no. But somehow we missed it.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      And then Jesus returned….. looked around, and said, Fuck it, they aren’t ready…

    • Suthenboy

      Gulag Archipelago or you?

      It seems very familiar.

      • The Hyperbole

        Google says Tom Stoppard “R&G are dead.”

      • kinnath

        One of my favorite movies.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I remember, a tough time, glad I did recon at the time, I bailed out back to 23c,

  13. Fourscore

    I’m being force fed culture, I realize I need it but didn’t know it was so obvious. Something something always the last to know…

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Sir, I’ll have you know I am merely whisper of the great God Agile,and have no references to culture, it will not be tolerated!

    • Suthenboy

      I have often been the last one to find out about things I have done.

      • Hyperion

        I hate it when that happens.

      • westernsloper

        Indeed

      • Tres Cool

        “I dont know why people get mad at me about things I cant remember doing.”

  14. Yusef drives a Kia

    I want, your mind to, love me,
    Like I do,
    Injections of the way they used to fall out,

  15. straffinrun

    “Nancy Pelosi was dancing in the streets in China town. She wanted to go, “Let’s go out and party”.

    Tuned during the middle of a Trump presser and that’s the first line I heard. I’m just glad she wasn’t in New Orleans during Mardi Gras. *Clutches bead necklace*

  16. Rhywun

    Tucker going off on liquor stores AGAIN. GFY.

    • Hyperion

      Why?

      • Rhywun

        He doesn’t think they’re “essential”. Also he’s a teetotaler so that might be why he has a stick up his ass about it.

      • straffinrun

        I’ve seen conservative mocking the Michigan governor for designating weed as an essential business. Way to steer into liberty, Conservatives.

      • Hyperion

        this

      • Hyperion

        This is the problem I have with conservatives. They’re freedom lovers, except for freedoms they don’t care for. They’re not all that way, but many are. I konw too many of them that drink like fish out of water, but have no problem with throwing people in a rape cage for smoking a plant.

      • The Hyperbole

        Well, liquor isn’t essential and we should enforce bad laws stringently so that it pisses off the most people and thus brings about change faster.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Why do you even give the prick ad money through watching him?

      • Rhywun

        His take on the ‘vid is mostly reasonable. ?‍♂️

        Also, I’m bored out of my fucking mind.

    • Suthenboy

      I don’t think he is really going off on the stores, he is going off on the people that decided they are essential while other businesses are not. It is pretty outrageous that any businesses have been required to close up shop

      • Rhywun

        When he keeps targeting liquor stores specifically, it says to me something else is going on in his head.

      • Suthenboy

        He is highlighting the contrast between what is considered essential and what is not. There does seem to be a bit of a snark there when he mentions them and the wy he goes about it does seemingly imply they should have been closed but I don’t think they are the real target of his criticism.

      • Hyperion

        You cut off people’s alcohol and you will have riots on your hands in less than a week. They know this. They’re choosing carefully what they think they can get away with. Lock people up in their houses with no booze and they’re going to sit around with rage building like a volcano about to blow and nothing to distract them.

        I encourage some brave wokester governor to be the first to try it. That Karen Jong-un in MI should do it.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Alcohol and nicotine, you close down access to either of those and this country will burn.

      • Suthenboy

        ^This^

        Cut off alcohol, work, travel, eating out….there will be riots.

      • Rhywun

        PA did initially ban liquor but I think they relented after a few weeks.

      • Hyperion

        But you could still get beer and wine. Also, people were driving over the state line into MD, WV, and NJ.

      • Tejicano

        Hm, maybe that’s why – of all things – Vodka was cheap and plentiful in the USSR…

  17. westernsloper

    First day back to work today
    Should be a day of joy for all on the crew
    All should have said hooray
    But grumbling from more than a few
    All it it taught me was what I forgot
    During the month off being a slob
    Drinking too much and liver rot
    I remember now I hate my job
    Too many have lost them in this trying time and messings
    So I aint sai’n shit and only counting my blessings

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      So say We all…

    • RAHeinlein

      The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

      • Hyperion

        LOL, that pic of Pelosi. That reminds me of a former client I worked for a little over 10 years ago. When I’d meet with them, some of them kept referring to ‘Old Plastic Face’. So one day I asked one of them ‘Who’s Old Plastic Face?’. And she laughed and said ‘Oh, I see you haven’t met her, you’ll know when you do’. I forgot about it and one day when I was going to the parking lot after a meeting, I walked past a lady and I just glanced at her and she sort of glanced at me at the same time, and ‘GAH!’. I immediately said to myself ‘THAT HAS TO BE OLD PLASTIC FACE!’. Seriously, that person makes Pelosi look like she’s never had a plastic surgery.

      • westernsloper

        You got a tweet include from Malice on your first week on twitter? That makes you a twitter god.

    • tripacer

      All I know is, is that Rand Paul sings in the video.

      • Hyperion

        lol

    • Heroic Mulatto

      I see you’ve never loved a shack.

      • straffinrun

        Not helping.

      • Hyperion

        I’ve got me a Chrysler, it’s as big as a whale, and it’s about to set sail!

      • pistoffnick

        No, just no!

        I’m a “there is no bad music” kind of guy. I like all sorts of weird things.

        BUT I CANNOT ABIDE THAT SONG BY THE B-52’s

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I think you need to be a drunk middle-aged white woman to truly appreciate it.

      • pistoffnick

        Its an automatic change the station when that song comes on for me.

      • Rhywun

        It’s awful and I like the B-52’s.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        B-52’s are great but, yes, that particular song sucks.

      • Hyperion

        I always found that song funny. I think in part because when I was a kid, my aunt had this huge Chrysler. We called it ‘the boat’. It must have been about 30 ft long and when all us kids would pile in and she would drive to the stores, it would sway back and forth like a boat in waves. I used to get car sick in that car because of that. That wasn’t funny, then.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Huh, I tried to reply with a link to a good B-52’s song and it’s… gone. Is that a thing now?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Surprisingly, Boeing’s Stratofortress is still in service.

      • The Hyperbole

        Sleep on it, a deep, deep sleep, like dream level sleep.

      • straffinrun

        I know the song. Is it something about how the music stops suddenly?

      • Heroic Mulatto
      • westernsloper

        Only HM would remember that one tid bit from that song.

      • straffinrun

        Fucking hell. Sorry, think I just had the worlds first brain shart.

      • Fourscore

        Love Shaq? I like him and all, does funny commercials but sorry, not love

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Shaq vs STEVE SMITH. Who wins?

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Apart from his stint being a cop (may still be ongoing; not sure about that), the man’s smart and business-savvy. Has an Ed.D, multiple businesses, trained in MMA…the guy’s a Renaissance Man.

      • The Hyperbole

        I have no idea, I thought I did but then I realized that I was conflating two crappie 80’s bands.

    • westernsloper

      I have no idea. But going to the Twit again let me argue more with a fear monger.

      • straffinrun

        Knock yourself out. That is a throw away account I made. Thinking two weeks before I nuke it or it gets nuked from Twitter.

      • Hyperion

        I bet I can get banned from the Twatter in less than a day. Asking for a friend.

      • westernsloper

        Well fuck, I just followed you.

      • straffinrun

        I followed you first!

  18. Yusef drives a Kia

    Ahem,
    You just don’t know,
    Something cracked in the middle of the night,
    And they won’t let me out,
    But I was there’s to take away,

  19. Heroic Mulatto

    I want a Cuban sandwich.

    • straffinrun

      Castro brothers spit roast?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Go to your room.

        Now.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Castro brothers spit roast?

        No. Mark Cuban is into kink.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      Will get Cuban sandwich?

    • westernsloper

      I always want a Cuban sandwich. You driving? I know a great place in Miami. Probably out of business now.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        So infuriating. I have many friends and family in the hospitality and restaurant business. Lives ruined over a Boomer freakout.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        It’s for the greater good HM, people are dying you know.

      • Mojeaux

        QFT

      • westernsloper

        I have a hard time hiding my outrage to those above me who actually buy into this shit.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Best hot dogs I ever had was from a Cuban lady with a cart on a sidewalk in Miami. She put some sort of marinated onions on them. I didn’t shit my pants afterwards. I wish I had a recipe.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        I didn’t shit my pants afterwards. I wish I had a recipe.

        Very Thompson-esque. Also, considering that I don’t really drink, you’d be surprised how often your screen name comes to mind.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Being 55, anything I eat that tastes good and doesn’t make me shit my pants, is a culinary win.

    • pistoffnick

      I, too, like Cuban Sandwiches.

      Sadly, the wife sold the expensive pannini press for pennies on the dollar at a garage sale.

      I have the ingredients to make one now, but I no longer have a press.

      My horse for a pannini press!

  20. DEG

    Nice Yusef.

    • commodious spittoon

      The f…?

      • Hyperion

        I thinks he’s saying she’s a lying cunt. But you can have your own take on it.

      • commodious spittoon

        I mean, anything to claw her way back into the news, I guess, but this is just baffling.

      • Hyperion

        Maybe she’s auditioning for a job at CNN? I mean if you can just right out lie like that with no shame.

      • Rhywun

        The article is over two years old.

      • commodious spittoon

        I read good.

        *sigh*

      • Hyperion

        So, you’re saying that we’ve know she’s a lying cunt for 2 more than 2 years and CNN didn’t tell us?

  21. quincy

    I had a COVID-themed dream the other night. I was drinking with my father, some other people, and an astronaut, an Armstrong/ Aldrin/John Glenn composite, who told all of us young people need to chill. I excused myself to go to bathroom, which was an absolute mess. I needed to take a shower. I saw myself naked for the first time in weeks. I was emaciated, but worse, the blot I noticed weeks ago on my shoulder had spread across my arms in various elaborate filigrees and curlicues, I decided then and there I had to start a blog to transcribe and decipher the messages on my arms. Also, my left and right arms were each inscribed with different fonts. And then I woke up.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Those aren’t the symptoms at all, maybe yours should see a psychoanalyst.

      • westernsloper

        I’m thinking a bleach enema is in order. But I am not a doctor.

    • Fourscore

      Mushroom season?

      • Hyperion

        What do those things look like? I wonder if they grow around here. I typically don’t do stuff like that, but I’m tempted right now. I’m just curious what a Zoom work meeting while tripping on mushrooms would be like.

    • Mojeaux

      Legit LOL

      That’s awesome.

      • quincy

        thx

    • straffinrun

      Aquarium cleaner will knock that out in no time.

      • Hyperion

        I think now you’re supposed to inject it and first you have to shove a flashlight up your ass. That’s what Trump said anyway.

    • Digby something something Naked Intruder

      Next time, just go–you don’t have to excuse yourself.

      Also, avoid mirrors. It is known.

  22. Mojeaux

    You have to start from where you’re at—
    Take the highway; watch bugs splat
    On your windshield, rat-a-tat-tat
    like an ethereal welcome mat,
    that lies above the ozone hat
    About which environmentalists love to chat.
    Some days, you hit cats.
    Others, you’re not so lucky as that,
    But only if you start where you’re at.

    When you reach St. Joe
    (an urban dynamo)
    where strawberry sundaes don’t melt so slow,
    And poets you know
    read Richard Hugo,
    not Victor, who, I’ve heard, drives a green Yugo.
    Then, amigo,
    You’ll be aware of that emerald auto,
    and its pounding staccato.

    This city has an angst of its own,
    Above the clamour of fiendish traffic,
    Above the drone of wailing industry.
    For satanic cattle roam the fields,
    And quote ribald verses with the power they wield.
    Then they shit all over like they’re on deal-a-meal.
    Bubba, your uncle, and your sister, his wife,
    have invited you over for a fight with a knife.
    Though friendly it may be, you politely decline.

    “You’ll get used to it,” they say,
    As they all run away
    in frantic display
    of unseemly trepida-
    tion. For above your head,
    There glows bright red,
    A mushroom cloud, and now you’re dead.
    So much for St. Joe, the pundits said.
    They wheel you away, though minus your head.

  23. Donation Not Taxation

    Earlier in April, Worcester City Council (Massachusetts) voted April 27 ‘Take Out Day.’

  24. Mojeaux

    stuffed in to Deaths closet, we are all closed,

    so live life as a Coat hanger, or live in your own clothes,

    Excellent stuff, Yusef.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      It’s my style,

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      And coming from a real writer, that’s praise, I thank you Mo!

      • Mojeaux

        I’m no poet Yusef. You have a unique sensibility.

    • straffinrun

      That’s sad. That creepy news report way of speaking didn’t make it any easier to listen to.

      • Hyperion

        She probably got word of her furlough. Just saying, if she works in an emergency room, I’m sure she’s seen much worse than this. Or if not, it’s good thing she’s never visited John’s Hopkins emergency room on a weekend, she wouldn’t last 5 minutes when they haul in 10 gunshot wound victims with cops everywhere and 5 other guys ODing on something writhing around on the floor screaming.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        She probably got word of her furlough.

        She was in NYC. She was more likely working 72 hour shifts.

      • Bob Boberson

        Fuck NBC News with a claw hammer, sideways. The fact that they are exploiting the suicide of a woman who no doubt dealt with a litany of issues, that indubitably preceded COVID-19, just so they can say “Corona Virus is bad, m’kay” is beyond despicable.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Am I missing something about the Wu Flu and doctors? It seems unlikely that these doctors never dealt with death on the job, and, I get that some are burning the candle at both ends. However, it just seems odd that it’s COVID that is breaking them.

        It’s not child abuse, junkies, gangland wars, or fatal car wrecks that are getting to them; it’s a viral disease. Also, considering how many doctors agitate for government to DO SOMETHING!!! about all the other issues I’ve listed, what are they gonna be pushing for in the near future?

    • Tres Cool

      I made it 40 seconds…..yo bitch had problems, yo

  25. Yusef drives a Kia

    Well, the Copypasta quality is high,
    My new plan is getting up around 4 AM walking Bella, playing 18 holes, go home and ea then nap.Wake up in the afternoon, have lunch, then start drinking, take Bella home, then play more Golf, at night..

  26. Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

    I have never understood the appeal of poetry. If it isn’t a limerick, especially one that starts “There once was a hermit named Dave”, I just get a blank stare. I’m sure Yusef is a swell fella, and I’m just a moron. Someone enlighten me.

    • Mojeaux

      The biggest thing about poetry is that you have to take your time while reading it, and read carefully.

      Agile Cyborg turned my head to mush more than a few times, but I’m glad I paid attention.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        I actually dig AC, ’cause it’s so “out there”. But, anything “serious”, and I become a brook trout.

    • Hyperion

      You’re a Normie. You know, and a square.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        If I were a Normie, I’d probably have more than zero friends. I’ve been cool since the 70s. Methinks I’m just dense.

    • straffinrun

      Every thief is a poet and they know it.

    • pistoffnick

      There once was a hermit named Dave
      Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
      “I know it’s a sin,”
      He said with a grin,
      “But think of the money I save!”

      There once was a man from Kent…

      • pistoffnick

        Fine.

        There once was a man from Kent..
        whose dick was so long it was bent
        To stay out of trouble
        He put it in doubled
        And instead of coming he went.

      • pistoffnick

        There once was a man from Bel Air
        Who was doing his wife on the stair
        But the banister broke
        So he doubled his stroke
        And finished her off in mid-air

      • pistoffnick

        There was a young sailor named Bates
        Who danced the fandango on skates.
        But a fall on his cutlass
        Has rendered him nutless,
        And practically useless on dates.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Nick,

        You bring to mind a story I recall from long ago about a limerick contest. According to the judge, “We just threw out all of the bawdy ones and the one that was left was declared the winner.”

      • pistoffnick

        But I LIKE the bawdy ones.

      • Lady Z

        I thought bawdiness was kind of the point…

      • pistoffnick

        There once was a man from Nantucket
        Whose dick was so long he could suck it
        He said with a grin
        As he wiped off his chin
        “If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it”

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Ah, I see that you, too, are a student of the classics.

      • pistoffnick

        An insomniac young fellow named Hatches
        Took a room in a whorehouse in Natchez
        He still tossed and turned
        half the night, but he learned
        How to manage by sleeping in snatches.

      • pistoffnick

        There once was a rabbi named Keith
        Who circumcised men with his teeth
        It was not for the leisure
        Or the sexual pleasure
        But to get at the cheese underneath…

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        pistoffnick, you warm my juvenile heart with your prose. I salute you, sir.

    • Brochettaward

      Poetry is for fags. In fact, so is reading.

      • pistoffnick

        I made money in high school writing poetry for jocks and knuckleheads

        *waves rainbow flag?*

      • pistoffnick

        *not much, but it was worth a liter of vodka

      • straffinrun

        Showing your cock to a zoom full of middle aged white guys is totes straight.

      • Brochettaward

        This is like saying Michelangelo was gay because he shared the beauty of his art with the world. The natural splendor of my penis is too great, too magnificent to be kept hidden underneath oppressive pants.

      • straffinrun

        Greek and Roman statues had tiny cocks because they thought big dicks were for savages.

      • Mojeaux

        I don’t see the problem woth savages.

      • Hyperion

        Wait… this actually nappened?

      • Hyperion

        lol, happened…

      • Hyperion

        So now, we’ve learned that gardening, poetry, and reading are for fags. I can’t wait to learn more about what fags do.

      • Brochettaward

        I don’t make the rules. I’m sorry you didn’t know how much you liked dick.

    • UnCivilServant

      I don’t find any appeal in poetry. Verse without music pushes me towards violence.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, I think I once killed a guy for trying to make words rhyme. Way back when, I buried him in the hog pen. No one saw me, not even a hen, was that a sin?

      • Hyperion

        I’ve got better material!

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Let me try.

      Language can be an art. It evolved from “Og go right Trog go left kill mammoth” to “Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounc’d it to you,
      trippingly on the tongue; but if you mouth it, as many of our players do, I had as lief the town-crier spoke my lines.”

      Puns are disparaged but they are the best example of our language in action. Poetry is simply another expression of art in our language. Prose can spin a tale in 1000 words. Poetry can spin a tale in 30 words. Or 17 syllables. I posted my modest attempt in the last thread:

      Evening skies are bright
      With resplendent Venus high
      Spring twilight has arrived.

      Haiku restricts form to 5-7-5 syllables with the last line supposed to refer to the seasons.

      Art separates us from the other primates.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        So, I suck?

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I’m not sure, but I think that I just argued the exact opposite.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        I never said that, Korean car guy.

      • pistoffnick

        *flings poo at Bearded Hobbit*

        but only to deflect that I also like haiku

      • The Hyperbole

        Some people put words on paper so they can tell a story others tell a story so they can put words on paper, most are somewhere in between. Good writers (IMO) mix the two fairly evenly, if not you get either an acid trip or an instruction manual.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        I understand the structure. I get why people write poetry. I don’t understand the appeal of reading or reciting poetry. I know words have power and meaning, like in a speech or the lyrics of a song. I just don’t get why anyone would want to read some long ass poem. It just seems like a waste of time. I guess I’m just a lower form of primate.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        It’s ok not to like something.

        I haven’t the foggiest idea as to why some people love running, but plenty of people do.

      • Ozymandias

        The Iliad and the Odyssey were both epic poems. The Upanishads were also.
        The most ancient form of communicating stories was almost assuredly poems, sung or chanted.
        DGWF, you may be thinking of a particular form of it and you hate *that* but Dryden and Spenser and Milton are all worth the read, as is Kipling, Shakespeare’s sonnets, Wordsworth, Coleridge, Tennyson, and a whole slew more. Tennyson’s “Charge of the Light Brigade” is worth knowing, as is, ahem, “Ozymandias,” if I do say so myself.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Maybe when I retire in a few years, I’ll delve in to it more. At this point, I just don’t see any value in it. We are on;y here for a limited time. I just can’t find a justification to spend my very limited time on mental masturbation, when I can focus on something more useful, like REAL masturbation. Que video of Lynyrd Skynrd”s Simple Man.

      • egould310

        Junkyard’s “Simple Man” https://youtu.be/DdWyIrCbyxQ

        Identify the punk rockers playing southern fried hard rock for bonus points!

  27. topnotchtoledo

    So I’m going to be a complete dick here but this is just rambling horseshit. We all know it. Yusef has contributed a lot of quality articles. This is not. Why do we have to act like it is? Agile Cyborg was fucking shit too. I could write about essentially anything and it would be a better article than this attempt at I dont know what. I hate this poetical jerking off. We are all better than this. Let the hate begin. I love Yusefs articles about actual content. I’m not a fucking 19 year old psych major. This is shit content.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      You should ask for a refund.

      • Bob Boberson

        Maybe he wants to speak to the manager?

    • straffinrun

      *Popcorn time*

      • Hyperion
      • Hyperion

        I hope your popcorn didn’t get cold, looks like time to enjoy it now.

    • kinnath

      I could write about essentially anything . . .

      I’ll believe it when I see it.

    • egould310

      Free-form content. Feel free to contribute an article, yourself.

      • topnotchtoledo

        Will do

      • Heroic Mulatto

        We look forward to your contribution.

      • Hyperion

        Listen up, Tulpa! You done broke the rulez! Thou shalt comply with the groupthink goodness! You have expressed views which are not approved. This is a libertarian site!

    • Mojeaux

      Dude.

      Some people liked it.

      I did. I’m glad it was posted.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Unpossible – people’s tastes are uniform.

      • Hyperion

        He expressed an unfavored view. He failed to see those invisible upvotes on the favored opinions. He must be cast out and deemed unworthy.

      • Mojeaux

        AND he stole Hyperbole’s schtick, too.

      • Hyperion

        He’s going to hell!

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        That captures my feelings on the matter.

        I don’t love every post here, I don’t feel the need to advertise that fact. You can just skip it, or skip to the comments (like most people do anyway).

    • Digby something something Naked Intruder

      Are ‘we’ calling people out in public, as it were? No asides to discuss issues that are targeted at fellow members?

      /I said ‘members’

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        It did strike me as a trifle churlish. On the gripping hand, ISTR there’s a newborn (thus, the avatar), so I’ll chalk it up to sleep deprivation.

      • topnotchtoledo

        I apologize, I certainly was too harsh. I just hate writing that needs to be “examined and analysed”. Fuck your stupid tangential and subliminal text.

      • Brochettaward

        Never apologize.

      • topnotchtoledo

        If Mark Twain can write books that make us laugh out loud today then I would try to copy his writing instead of trying to be the next Pink Floyd, who sucks.

    • straffinrun

      BTW, can I say “cunt” on twitter? Wanted to go with “cuntformation act”.

      • straffinrun

        Oops. Guess we’ll find out.

      • Hyperion

        You trying to beat my banned record… I mean asking for a friend.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Baruka Ando
        @AndoBaruka
        Replying to
        @AP4Liberty
        Freedom of Cuntformation Act FTW.

        Whatever their rules, they let me see it. So, that’s a win.

    • Hyperion

      Freckled Liberty ?
      @FreckledLiberty
      ·
      34m
      Replying to
      @AP4Liberty
      Coincidentally, they’re all named Karen for some reason.”

      LOL

  28. Yusef drives a Kia

    I slip into, the never beyond,
    as I find my place in outer space,
    something compelling, ya, no,
    this is all Fucked up, good is bad, down is up,
    I fear for the Kids I have, and my Culture,

    • The Hyperbole

      Got a nickel in my pocket
      There’s a dime down by my shoe
      If fifteen cents is all I got
      Then fifteen cents will do.

    • pistoffnick

      An anchor to pull firm
      A strong hand to pull sperm
      A tongue to make me squirm
      What more is to learn?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Space Chantys=Sea Chantys?

      • Hyperion

        SPACE AND SEA SMITH TAKE TURNS IN YOUR CHANTYS!

      • pistoffnick

        Down with the panties!

  29. straffinrun

    N.J. teacher erupts at students playing football: ‘I hope you both die a long, painful death!’

    “Parks closed!” the teacher shouted at the teens in the video. “Get it through your thick head! You are the reason we are in this situation. You are the problem, not the solution. Go ahead keep recording! Who are you going to show it to? Post me on social media! You’re the idiot doing the wrong thing. I’m just trying to save your ass and save your life. But die, OK?”

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Well, Bye…

      • hayeksplosives

        Power Booth seconds you’re response.

      • hayeksplosives

        I hate autocorrect.

        Powers Boothe seconds your response.

    • Grosspatzer

      She seems nice.

      • Hyperion

        Reason number 53,245,678,312 to NOT send your kids to public school.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        public school

        Government school. Let’s be more precise with our language, Hype.

    • The Hyperbole

      Can anyone see the video, all I get is screen shot and a never ending load spinner thing. I’m going with things that didn’t happen for 500 until I see the actual footage.

    • Rhywun

      She seems nice.

      • Rhywun

        Dammit.

    • Digby something something Naked Intruder

      NJ? She may end up with a nice, thorough ass-kicking for her trouble.

      ::crosses fingers::

  30. whiz

    OK, the YouTube video of those two doctors with their take on the COVID thing, posted in the morning links and reposted by C. Anacreon in the afternoon comments, has been removed, cited for “violating community standards”. Bastards, I was waiting until this evening to read it. Does anybody know where another copy might be?

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      I saw that too – no doubt ran afoul of YouTube’s new “anything that conflicts with the WHO will be removed”.

      “Orwellian” is overused but when it fits…

      • Hyperion

        Youtube is ran by the CCP?

        These people, I’m talking the left in particular, are pissing off a lot of people. There is going to be serious blowback this time.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki:

        She continued: “Anything that goes against WHO recommendations would be a violation of our policy and so remove is another really important part of our policy.”

        (from Business Insider, but easily found – my comments with links are going to /dev/null)

      • Hyperion

        That’s pretty self damning.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        They never had a chance in this election, anyway, even before the Chinese Bat Soup KungFlu. They’re just throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks.

      • hayeksplosives

        The doc I called this morning commented, when sending me to the ER, “You won’t wait long. It’s almost empty. People are afraid.”

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Just took wife to MGH for testing a few hours ago – got an appointment within a couple hours and the whole thing took less than an hour – x-rays + covid testing.

        (she’s a bit of a hypochondriac – some aches in her chest. a) I’m pretty certain it’s allergies + asthma [no fever, no cough] and b) even if she tests positive for the Wu Flu, they’re not going to do anything, as she isn’t having difficulty breathing).

      • Urthona

        Summary?

      • straffinrun

        I didn’t watch most of it. Part I saw: The sheltering at home policy is weakening immune systems and will cause bigger problems once they reopen society.

    • whiz

      Thanks all. Straff’s is gone already, but Stinky’s is still good at 10:13 CDT.

    • l0b0t

      The coordinated response to that video from all the usual suspects on DerpBook is that those two are trauma/ER docs NOT epidemiologists/virologists, so they have no clue about the subject. Also, those two own a chain of urgent-care clinics/walk-up ER type places and they are only making these claims because their pill-mills are currently shut-down.

    • LemonGrenade

      That’s as nutty as the way Youtube/Vimeo/Twitter treated those healight guys. The CEO even posted an oped in the WSJ about it.

      My team and I knew the president’s comments could trigger a backlash against the idea of UV light as a treatment, which might hinder our ability to get the word out. We decided to create a YouTube account, upload a video animation we had created, and tweet it out. It received some 50,000 views in 24 hours.

      Then YouTube took it down. So did Vimeo. Twitter suspended our account. The narrative changed from whether UV light can be used to treat Covid-19 to “Aytu is being censored.”

      These days, politics seems to dictate that if one party says, “The sky is blue,” the other party is obligated to reply, “No, it’s not, and you’re a terrible human being for thinking that.” That leaves no room for science, in which the data speak for themselves, regardless of ideology, and only when they’re ready. Unfortunately, the visceral excitement of political conflict draws far more clicks and better ratings than the methodical world of science.

      Technologies like Healight, which if borne out through clinical studies may represent a viable way to kill coronaviruses, aren’t provided the clear-headed consideration they deserve but are instead flushed into the political mosh-pit of “us vs. them.”

      • straffinrun

        YouTube has a new policy against doing or encouraging dangerous stunts. “This might work. What do you think?” is a dangerous stunt, evidently.

      • LemonGrenade

        Especially if it’s something that Trump supporters are sharing as evidence that he isn’t as big a blithering idiot as the press makes him out to be.

    • grrizzly

      The link posted by C. Anacreon was still working around 6-7 PM EDT, when I watched the video. Now it’s gone.

  31. Tres Cool

    Oh, why not- since Hizzoner DeWine said they’d “consider” using tracking apps to follow CoVID+ patients: AC was prescient:

    Agile Cyborg
    February.23.2017 at 8:25 am

    Mass surveillance and data collection at its core exists as absolutist state-sanctioned violence against citizens.

    To deny that inestimable power exists under a supreme cloak accumulating all-encompassing properties that form the realities of a populace is to deny your own destiny within such a system.

    The final monument to the journey of man will not likely be sky-reaching silvery edifices home to bright and satisfied creatures but a chisel’s trail parting quantum particles on a charred stone sign weary with time.

    • Mojeaux

      Thank you, Tres. I can always count on you to dig up the really good AC.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        See what I mean, Mo? That’s pure fucking gold.

      • Tres Cool

        AC, when he wasn’t talking about sky-penises fuckin nebula vaginas and erupting into supernovas that were blasted on everyone’s faces….he was our SW Ohio HM ( I think he was in Yellow Springs or so)

      • Hyperion

        I remember the night when he was battling giant electric catfish in a bend on the Ohio somewhere Southeast of Cincy.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Everyone speaks of AC as though he is no longer with us. Did I miss something? I was away for a year or two due to personal shit and health issues. I haven’t been around for a while. Please, excuse my ignorance.

      • The Hyperbole

        I don’t believe AC ever made the jump to Glibs, and if I’m not mistaken he’d been pretty scarce over at Hit & Run even before the exodus. I like to think he was called home and is off spraying his cosmic seed across the galactic ass checks of the eternal something or others in the make up some words and repeat nonsense Cadilac has two ll’s lama ram a ding dong.

      • Mojeaux

        spraying his cosmic seed across the galactic ass cheeks

        Nice.

        *discreet applause*

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        I thought he joined us in the Great Migration, but I wasn’t sure, since I drink a lot and my memory is highly unreliable. If there’s no earthly confirmation of his demise, then I feel better, knowing he is probably tripping on shrooms, or whatever the hell it was that inspired his eloquent, if not surreal postings.

        *chugs tall boy in honor of AC*

      • Mojeaux

        Don’t know.

        I think I possibly remember someone saying he dropped by here a couple of times when it was first started up, but didn’t hang around for some reason. I don’t even know if that’s true.

        Otherwise, occasionally I will go to ToS to search, but I don’t seem to find anything recent.

      • Tres Cool

        AC is with us- he’s made his mark.

      • Mojeaux

        If I ever win the lottery I’m going to devote six months to collecting all his writings from ToS into one place.

      • Gender Traitor

        AC was a YSer? I didn’t know that, but it explains a lot.

        DGWF, I don’t know that AC ever joined the migration to Glibs from TOS.

        I have to stop now. I’m out of acronyms.

      • mikey

        I think he showed up one evening shortly after the Glibbeninig. Different handle, but it sounded just like him when he wasn’t so stoned – he was very precise and well-spoken before the ‘shrooms or whatever kicked in.
        He said he wouldn’t be commenting here as he felt too exposed in this more intimate setting (paraphrasing here).
        Obviously someone the before times and no one else could come close to him even when he wasn’t (so) stoned.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        The Glibbening. Nice

      • topnotchtoledo

        I can’t respect anyone who thinks that fucking retard is worth mentioning. Are you all meth addicts? I thought libertarians were slightly logical and not moved by the retarded musings of a star trek lsd addict. WTF is wrong with you all? I did too many drugs and I think he’s a retard. Where is your logic?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Oh, blow it out your ass, you hateful fucking twat.

      • Trigger Hippie

        WHY COME GLIBTARDS LIKE STUFF ME NOT LIKE?!! ME MAD!!!

    • Hyperion

      I commented on this subject earlier today. Mass testing is impossible without police state like conditions and more massive expansion of government. What are they going to do? Set up road checks everywhere and pull people out of their cars to take blood? And then what, put tracking devices on people and if anyone tests positive, haul them off to Leper style Fema Camps? Or what? What the fuck are they going to do? Because short of all that, it’s a bunch of bullshit they’ve pulled out of their asses.

      Trump has done very well to this point. To his credit, I don’t see him calling for the forming of massive new bureaucracies to handle the new crisis. Think DHS, NSA, etc, only far worse.

      The rent seekers are out there with their tongues wagging for millions of new jobs by fiat of new unconstitutional agencies, while decent people go on unemployed. But so far, we’ve at least avoided that. But it’s what they want, and it’s the entire reason for the calls for this massive new ‘testing’.

  32. pistoffnick

    Anybody want a peanut?

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      No more rhymes now, I mean it!

  33. slumbrew - double secret satan

    Total change of subject:

    Not (previously) a Formula 1 fan, but goddamn am I enjoying Formula 1: Drive to Survive. The episodes are a perfect length for a session on the rowing machine, the cinematography is top-notch and the driving gets you pumped. Plus the stories are compelling.

    The only problem is trying to save them for rowing sessions instead of just tearing through them. That, and not googling the various drivers and teams to see what happened (season 2 is the 2019 season).

  34. whiz

    The Hyperbole’s comment above, “Got a nickel in my pocket, …”, led me to write this:

    I’m home but I’m working
    I’m losing my mind
    I’m still very healthy, yeah
    I’m stuck due to COVID
    I’m fine but I’m quarantined
    I’m pissed but I’m hopeful, baby

    And what it all comes down to
    Is that everything’s gonna be locked down tight
    So I’ve got one hand in my pocket
    And the other one is giving the fin-ger.

    • pistoffnick

      Nice!

    • hayeksplosives

      Nice. I have that album.

      Perfect lyrical update.

    • tripacer

      You should keep running with it. I feel like there’s plenty of options at “Swallooooow it down”

      • whiz

        Hah, I have limited creative juices, that drained me for a while.

  35. Brochettaward

    I demand an edit button. For edits! And pictures! I want to post pictures!

    My demand list will grow each day until my demands are met!

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      And blackjack! And hookers!

    • Hyperion

      “I demand an edit button.”

      That ship sailed long ago.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      When you get older, TPTB give you a great big button, use it wisely,,,

    • Hyperion

      It’s getting close to time for massive civil disobedience.

    • Tres Cool

      I stopped at “as we change our behavior, we change our data…”

      Fuck that evil prick

      • hayeksplosives

        His creepy insistence of “we” this and “we” that reminds me of a veterinarian who’s explaining to a pet owner what they are about to do to the pet. “So we’re gonna put this around our snout and then we are going to take a little nap.”

      • Hyperion

        Government is just what we all do together. /Barack Obama

      • hayeksplosives

        So, a gang rape?

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Hey, we voted on it! 11 for and only one against. Democracy!

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      Unless more go to the side of civil disobedience, his argument of locking down further will hold. Him like whats-her-face from MI have pinned the extension onto those who are done being told to stay home.

      • Hyperion

        Wait until it warms up a little more around the country.

      • OBE #Learn2Essential

        It keeps being said here on the site….but I fear it will not happen. A reinvented boogieman will emerge and the Karens will (like MADD) drive the policy

    • KSuellington

      Our guv is a first rate scumbag of the highest order with a god complex. This is playing right into it. I refuse to believe the polls thrown out about his popularity right now. The asshole thinks he actually has a shot at becoming President in 2024. He was a terrible mayor and is now a terrible governor.

    • Digby something something Naked Intruder

      Gavin Newsom–elected Asshole of California, 2018.

      The man looks like the shittiest of used care salesmen, as well as looking oily that whale shit in an ice floe.

      • hayeksplosives

        That’s the shame about districts or states that are true blue or true red. All kinds of scum can rise to top and keep getting elected if they pick the winning team.

        Was Reagan really so long ago?

      • KSuellington

        Reagan was a lifetime ago, it really heavily changed here with the first dot com boom, California was a different place before the first tech boom. I’m not saying it was all bad, but it changed the place politically, as well as mucho immigration. Just a few years (damn, guess it is 7) I could shoot skeet in the city limits here at an old club on the side of a lake. That old piece of the city, which was here for 100 years was wiped out by progressivism that has taken total control.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Long enough for the Millennials to not know anything about him, other than that he hated the Black community. At least, that’s the trope I still see played out in pop culture.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Well he and the legislature did pass gun control laws after seeing armed black men standing on the steps of the capitol…oh wait, we’re not going to mention that…

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Bearing that in mind, it’s rather interesting that it was Brady who went full-on anti-gunner after getting shot.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Like Gabby Giffords, I’m not sure how in full possession of his pre-shot mental faculties he was. And how much was manipulation by the spouse.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Oh, yeah….I do seem to recall her presence in that. Not that I was very cognizant at the time.

  36. OBE #Learn2Essential

    NV governor has decided he is not the executive of Nevada but rather the lackey of the “coalition” of western states.

    I fear Vegas…not the casinos and nudie booties, but the valley will die in the desert after this because of his inaction.

    • Hyperion

      But Al Davis came back to life just so the raiders could get 5 wide receivers in the first 5 rounds of the draft! We gotta playz da foozball!

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Not very principled of me, but if it helps screw over the Raiders, keep Vegas locked down.

      • Mojeaux

        Will they even BE the Raiders if they’re not in NoCal?

      • KSuellington

        They were in SoCal for a couple decades. I also wish them all the worst in their new home. Al was a football force for a while, and I respect what he accomplished but fuck duh Raiduhs.

      • Mojeaux

        Here, the “rivalry” has kind of fizzled out into a point-and-snicker-alry.

      • KSuellington

        I was actually a Raiders fan as a kid before they moved to LA. Then I went to the Niners. I was enjoying watching Derek Carr develop as a QB, but then he had the broken back and leg and he got the Fear. He hasn’t been the same player since. Yeah, the Raiders/Chiefs have been a great rivalry, but the last couple decades since Al started declining and Jr took over they’ve mostly sucked real bad.

    • hayeksplosives

      What the deuce? Do the other governors have dirt on him? Does he need what happened in Vegas to stay in Vegas?

      • straffinrun

        Nice.

      • OBE #Learn2Essential

        Ha! Like the two-fer pop-culture references….

        He is waiting till almost the last day to decide how to extend this shutdown…

  37. straffinrun

    I hope Andrew Yang succeeds Kim Jong Un. Universal Basic Tree Bark is a policy that needs testing.

    • LemonGrenade

      I snickered.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ditto.

  38. Yusef drives a Kia

    “the the light that burns brightest, burns half as bright, and you have burned so very bright”
    /Peace out…

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      or half as long, Goodbye,

    • KSuellington

      Peace out. Enjoyed your words. Thanks!

    • hayeksplosives

      G’night Yusef. Thanks for sharing your minds outpouring.

  39. mexican sharpshooter

    So Yusef is more than tall cans and reminders to change my filter (which I did)?

    Nicely done,

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      Also, did you check the thermostat?

  40. KSuellington

    I know, I know, I live in SF so I should expect this, but it was not always even close to this bad. We have always had a significant street people population (well at least since the 80’s when I can remember it). This panic has kicked it into overdrive, the drugged out bums, dealers, insane and criminal have taken over. I know all cities in the US (and elsewhere) have a “homeless” problem, but this is an order of magnitude different. I was working in the Loin today and it was Mad Maxesque, the insanity level ramped up to 11. I often have jobs there, but haven’t for the past month or so. It is shockingly bad, I just don’t think this goes on in many places in this country to this degree. Every boarded up storefront had an encampment with tarps and tents and all kinds of flotsam and jetsam. Air of utter chaos.

    • hayeksplosives

      One reason is nicer weather. Not many homeless in Duluth.

      But beyond that, the maxim that you get more of what you reward has been in full force for a long time in San Francisco homelessness.

      Who encouraged the settlement of homeless, mentally ill etc? And WHY?!!

      • KSuellington

        Here it is all crack carrots all the time and no stick. It wasn’t always like that, but for sure Newsom didn’t help during his two terms here, it definitely worsened then. There used to be a few moderating influences at City Hall with the Supes, but those are all long gone. It is full bore prog, and with the money connection with the homeless service non profits it has just become a magnet for every addict, alcoholic, mental case, or derelict. You can legally do any drug you want on the streets, there are plenty of meal and other handouts, begging is decent, plenty to steal, and a political culture that allows you to do any kind of antisocial behavior with little consequences. The City is an enabler, writ large, of degeneracy.

      • hayeksplosives

        So a few votes (maybe) and aid agency bucks are enough political incentive to feed the infestation?

        That seems so hard to believe. But maybe there are more aid bucks than I realize.

        Nancy should have to live with them.

      • KSuellington

        250 million aid bucks per year. It adds up to a house in the Midwest per homeless.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s gotten worse here in Baja Washington, starting from when OWS brought public camping. Before then, the homeless really tried to stay out of sight. Now they don’t care and don’t have to. They’ve lost their fear.

    • Chafed

      I hope you had a gun.

  41. hayeksplosives

    More Newsom:

    “I don’t want to be punitive,” he said. “They just want to take a rest on the beach and all of a sudden they get a citation – I don’t want to see that. But if there are people thumbing their nose and taking a risk… I think we may have to do a little bit more.”

    Whatadouche.

    Isn’t that pretty much like the abusive husband asking the wife “Why do you make me hit you?”

    • Digby something something Naked Intruder

      Ah! The “It’s for your own good” tactic. Sorry that you and the other CA glibs have to put up with that turd in a dress suit.

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      It worked for other guvs so why not?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Just like seatbelts or motorcycle helmets.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        B…b…but–how can you enjoy your freedom if you’re DEAD?!?

        Like that twat over in HK talking to protesters last year, about how they valued freedom over safety, and she fundamentally disagreed with them.

        Stay in China, bitch.

      • CPRM

        Just like seatbelts or motorcycle helmets.

        It gives you AIDS? Or maybe I’m behind on the research.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Well if a bus can get you pregnant…

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Bus? I figured it would be a train that accomplished that…

      • Gustave Lytton

        It was Tony, after all.

      • CPRM

        The Train is how you get fraternal twins, duh.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Ah…the more you know. And, a train helps accomplish that.

    • Ted S.

      “I don’t want to be punitive,” he said.

      Yes, he does want to be punitive.

    • hayeksplosives

      Oh man. Am I brave enough to put that on Facebook??

      • Mojeaux

        DON’T DO IT!!!

      • straffinrun

        Made it for twitter. Give it a shot and we can compare war stories.

      • Lady Z

        I’m not prepared to die on that particular hill.

    • Digby something something Naked Intruder

      I admit that I love that. Put it on some items, and market that shizz.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Aces, my friend.

    • KSuellington

      Heh, heh. That uncannily looks like a buddy of mine, who funny enough is a fireman here and also thought the whole shutdown thing was a bad idea from the get go. He’s getting that for sure.

  42. Yusef drives a Kia

    My next piece is Basin and Range, which means travelin to said B and R, it needs to be seen,

    • dbleagle

      You are in the edge of the B&R. Beautiful country.

  43. Digby something something Naked Intruder

    Fifteen cops, from four agencies???

    Holy shit, call the SWAT team for these troublemakers!

    • hayeksplosives

      That’s a real shame. Port Deposit is one of my favorite parts of Maryland. Dates way back to early colonial history and has the oldest hotel (now a restaurant, the Okd Union Hotel.

      White town is built into a sheer slate cliff. Named Port Deposit because it was where they unloaded and loaded boats, making their “deposits.”

      Never would have guessed that would be a hotbed if over-reacting cops.

  44. slumbrew - double secret satan

    Aaaand, large internet outage in my area (on my phone hotspot).

    I view that as a sign.

    Good night, party people.

    • straffinrun

      Seeya.

    • UnCivilServant

      Good night, party people.

      What about the rest of us?

    • Brochettaward

      Fine. We don’t need you, anyway.

    • Digby something something Naked Intruder
      • CPRM

        3 days off, then two days on, then two weeks (laid)off. My unemployment from last time still hasn’t been processed, and I can’t get an answer about if I’m getting Trump Bux (TM); but at least no one killed my dead grandma’s with the COVID!, so this must be the only way.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        I don’t get why there would be a wait for you to get the T$. Anyway, here’s hoping it gets resolved quickly, along with your ue claim.

      • CPRM

        I’m that guy that always has that ‘this has never happened before’, ‘this has never come up before’ always happens to.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        I got no idea what I’m watching there.

      • hayeksplosives

        They spout mere garbage. Green Bay Packers. No thanks!

      • CPRM

        a clip from the Pat McAfee show, discussing that Thursday night, in the first round of the NFL Draft, the Packers traded a 4th round pick to move up to draft a QB (Jordon Love) instead of getting a player to help them win, and it’s the Brett Favre drama all over again.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        I understood a couple of those words.

        #WINNING

      • CPRM

        Forgot you weren’t a sports guy. Long short: Packer be big for Sconsin. Aaron Rogers Big Chief Packer. Packers Pick New Big Chief Packer, make everyone mad.

  45. hayeksplosives

    I am sorry for the family of the New York doctor who’d been stressed about COVID19 and committed suicide.

    But as the tabloids pose her corpse so they can say she epitomizes the strain on the doctors and that “the COVID19 killed her”, I want to suggest that a doctor without pre-existing mental health issues would be highly unlikely to snuff herself out over this.

    • CPRM

      Well, even if it is the result of domestic violence, that is the fault of the virus, so it stands to reason (yes I drank)…

    • Digby something something Naked Intruder

      a doctor without pre-existing mental health issues would be highly unlikely to snuff herself out over this.

      So much this. It’s not easy to watch people suffer all the way to death. But, it seems to me that:

      A) not every patient they treat for COVID is dying (unless this is a special unit/location)
      2) working in a hospital means seeing patients die quite often, and many in agony.

      • CPRM

        NO ONE EVER DIED BEFORE COVID!

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Especially with all that snot.

      • CPRM

        Well, there was that one kid on Double Dare…but except for that we were all immortal until…COVID!

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Man, that is one fricked up game show, if they were messing around with snot.

        Who’s snot? How’d they get enough for a game show? Were there special waiver that had to be signed? These are the questions!

    • Not an Economist

      There may be two additional stressors for medical professionals due to COVID19.

      One is more doctors and nurses getting sick due to treating sick people without proper gear.

      The other is seeing people die without family and/or friends. There is a higher percentage of that happening because the powers that be won’t let them near the dying person.

  46. DenverJ

    Hello. Goodnight.

    • Digby something something Naked Intruder

      Alrighty, there, Mr. Quickie.

  47. CPRM

    I will have you late nighters know, after the I got back from work Friday night, some lesser drunk had already fucked up the Zoom chat. It was still going when I got back from work Saturday night, and was then promptly put in charge. Like I said, I’m an essential drunk. Those Zoom participants got to help me workshop the next cartoon. This is what you miss out on.

    • Digby something something Naked Intruder

      some lesser drunk had already fucked up the Zoom chat.

      Do tell! Also, what did you come up with vis-a-vis the next installment?

      C’mon–you can tell Digby…

      • CPRM

        vis-a-vis

        You mean Vice Versa, I’m guessing. No Going with the Trump injecting bleach, and now a Kim Jong Un kicker to be written.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        Vice Versa

        Dude, stop teasing with that, and make it happen!

      • CPRM

        It’s so good, I’ve got to tease it out until I’m good enough to actually pull it off. Anyway, Time for trying to sleep.

      • Digby something something Naked Intruder

        I hear ya. Peace.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Morning, ye civilian bureacrat.

      • JD is Unemployed

        *bureaucrat

    • Trigger Hippie

      Morning. My severely inflamed hemorrhoids woke me up a quarter till four. How’s your day starting out?

      Ha!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, UCS, JD, & TH.

      • Trigger Hippie

        *feebly waves at GT*

      • UnCivilServant

        A few days ago I had to open up my windows because it was too warm. Then I closed them again. Now I’m thinking of turning on the furnace because it’s too cold.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Springtime for Civil in Albany

      • Gender Traitor

        My favorite weekend pastime is hanging out on our back porch all morning. I was able to do so Saturday morning, then ended up staying there almost all afternoon because I couldn’t do the “weed whacking” (string trimmer out of line) and I waited all afternoon for Home Depot to complete my Online Order for Curbside Pickup for the replacement spools. (Order wasn’t ready until Sunday morning.) I’m glad I did stay out, even if it felt like a wasted day, because Sunday morning it was too dag-gone cold & windy to be outside.

        It’s late April, dammit! It’s supposed to we warmer than that in SW OH by now!

      • UnCivilServant

        I tell yas, locking people inside is causing global cooling.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Hey there, GT!

        If I seem exuberant it’s because it’s midday and I’m on my thi- fourth? Oh well I lost count but covfefe!11

      • Gender Traitor

        Hoo boy! If I’d had that many I’d be bouncing off the ceiling. I have to be careful about ingesting caffeine past noon if I want to sleep that night.

        Hey, wait! I thought you Brits were required by law to drink only tea! ::narrows gaze:: You’re not really British, are you?

      • UnCivilServant

        He’s actually drinking Gin.

      • JD is Unemployed

        I’m sure Her Majesty’s Beverage Enforcement National Team Coordinated Operations Patrol Squad will be over shortly to confiscate my grounds and coffee “peraphernalia”.

    • Sean

      Good morning all.

    • Gender Traitor

      I’m a bit irritated to hear that apparently, as of May 12th (a Tuesday? WTF?) I’ll have to wear a mask to the grocery, even though I haven’t had to do so since the Panic-demic began. Note to self: stock up on groceries like crazy on or before May 11th.

      If I have to start wearing a mask to the office, I think I’ll request two weeks of vacation, even if I can’t go anywhere. I’ll have more than 200 hours accrued, and we max out at 240.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m thinking of driving out of state to shop.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Which direction?

        When my uncle lived in Holl-uh, The Netherlands, he used to drive across the border to Germany to get groceries because it was cheaper/better.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m close to both Vermont and Massataxes, I’d have to check which one is less tyrannical right now.

      • Gender Traitor

        Hmmmm….that’s not a bad idea. We’re within pretty easy reach of Richmond, IN. I’ll have to keep an eye on what they’re doing – and hope their governor isn’t playing monkey-see-monkey-do with DeWine.

      • UnCivilServant

        Shit, I’d have to drive all the way to New Hampshire.

    • Rhywun

      Mornin’.

  48. JD is Unemployed

    That was beautiful, man. I enjoyed it very much. I’m not a BG fan so I had to ask the interweb what a Cylon ship is.

    • UnCivilServant

      The aquarium’s newest chick — the first hatchling of parents Kirra and Spud — is still unnamed, but fans will get to make suggestions.

      It’ll be Penguin McPenguinface

      • Rhywun

        When will they learn?

  49. Sean

    Wow, the local news just admitted half of PA’s kung flu deaths were nursing home residents.

    • Gender Traitor

      None of them would EVER have died if YOU hadn’t gone to that liquor store!!!

      • Sean

        I’m doing my part to keep SS solvent.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Alcohol; it’s not a problem, it’s a solution!

      • JD is Unemployed

        I believe that was the joke, yes. Solvency, solution, alcohol. The ingredients for a pun were there but I’m not a qualified joke mixologist. Eh. You get what you pay for in this dive.

      • UnCivilServant

        I usually don’t find the solution and end up part of the precipitate.

      • JD is Unemployed

        What’s that? Sorry, I filtered you out there.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Simples. That’s BOM’s fault. Plain and simple! Also SS becoming insolvent, etc, so you see, he wants to kill old people. It’s all part of his diabolic plan.

  50. Sean

    *sigh*

    Time to get ready for work.

  51. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    We accepted an offer on the house last night. If all goes well, we’ll be rolling into Dallas in about 3 weeks! We have only the vaguest of plans once we get there, but we’ll figure it out.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Good luck! My very limited experience of Dallas is that it is big and crazy but that’s my experience of any big city. In particular there was a very loud and ridiculous woman screaming at some guy in Dealey Plaza. Definitely nowhere near London in the crazy stakes, though, everything being relative.

    • RAHeinlein

      Fantastic news – congratulations!