IFLA: The “Almost There” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of April 26

by | Apr 26, 2020 | IFLA | 130 comments

The alignment responsible for the panic is breaking up.  However it adds the Earth for this week adding the meaning of “discord/destruction at home.”  So you’ve got that going for you.  That particular bit of celestial shit should break up by Cinqo de Drinko, which should make that celebration even better.

What’s sad about all this nonsense is that Jupiter in Capricorn is auspicious for court viziers and the like, so I can only assume that all officially recognized schmaht guise will be rewarded, or at least none of them beaten about the shins.  Mars and Saturn (being in Aquarius as they are) continue to warn of destruction by water.  The moon being together with Venus in Gemini is a sign of infidelity, and this is reinforced by Mercury being Aries.  It’s still good to be a bull though (a little Taurus humor there to lighten the mood.)

So yeah, the skies continue to rain crap-flavored starlight down.  Maybe the cards have a bit more sympathy?

Taurus:  3 of Coins – Trade, skilled labor, nobility, aristocracy, renown, glory

Gemini:  Knight of Wands reversed – Rupture, division, interruption, discord

Cancer:  King of Coins reversed – Vice, weakness, ugliness, perversity, corruption, peril

Leo:  Blank card – Choose your own prediction

Virgo:  5 of Cups reversed -News, alliances, affinity, consanguinity, ancestry, return, false projects.

Libra:  2 of Wands reversed –  Surprise, wonder, enchantment, emotion, trouble, fear.

Scorpio:  Ace of Wands – Creation, invention, enterprise, principle, beginning, source, birth, family, origin, virility, money, fortune.

Sagittarius:  King of Swords reversed – Cruelty, perversity, barbarity, perfidy, evil intention.

Capricorn:  Queen of Coins – Opulence, generosity, magnificence, security, liberty, whining about predictions made

Aquarius:  7 of Coins – Money, business, barter, altercation, quarrels, innocence, ingenuity, purgation, wise investment

Pisces:  10 of Cups reversed – Repose of the false heart, indignation, violence

Aries:  6 of Wands reversed – Apprehension, fear, treachery, disloyalty, indefinite delay.  Lol.  At least that last one is pretty much guaranteed.

 

 

 

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

130 Comments

  1. juris imprudent

    … indefinite delay. Lol. At least that last one is pretty much guaranteed.

    [shrugs] just another day at DoD.

  2. Gustave Lytton

    Cinqo de Drinko

    Every house arrest day ending in Y?

  3. AlmightyJB

    “false projects”

    So normal work week

  4. Bob Boberson

    “Surprise, wonder, enchantment, emotion, trouble, fear.”

    So you are saying current romantic prospect is going to follow the exact same sequence of events as all the preceding ones??

    /kicks rock

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      OT: Bob B., your avatar is just adorable. The slightly protruding tongue is what makes it.

      • Bob Boberson

        She sleeps with her tongue out all the time, it’s hilariously bizarre

      • Tulip

        My dog does that too.

      • Bob Boberson

        She still nurses in her sleep occasionally, and she’s nearly 5!

      • Tulip

        Is she a greyhound? Hard to tell from the picture.

      • Bob Boberson

        Heeler. I used a distorted looking picture because I’d instantly dox myself to anyone who knew me in meatspace if I posted a good head shot. She’s a pretty unique looking dog.

    • Suthenboy

      Pass

    • Mojeaux

      Blaire’s doing good work.

    • Hyperion

      “This woman has *millions* of fans”

      And they vote.

      • Count Potato

        Maybe not?

  5. DEG

    Leo: Blank card – Choose your own prediction

    My week will suck.

    • Sean

      That’s the spirit!

  6. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: King of Swords reversed – Cruelty, perversity, barbarity, perfidy, evil intention.

    Sweet.

  7. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Capricorn: Opulence, generosity, magnificence, security, liberty, whining about predictions made

    whining about predictions made

    Fuck, there go my stock picks for the week.

  8. westernsloper

    Looks up schmaht guise.

    *scratches head and looks puzzled*

    May the Schmaht’s be with you!

    • Not Adahn

      You know you’re official when you get the hat

  9. The Late P Brooks

    My last comment got lost in the aether, apparently.

    Speaking of Cinco de Drinko- we apparently “have earned” our bar/restaurant privileges back, as of the 4th. Provisionally, to be sure.

    I sure hope there is no inappropriate behavior or improper distancing. That would be horrible.

    • Nephilium

      Lucky bastard. We’re still waiting on the details of DeWine’s plan (which was supposed to be released Friday, but got pushed to Monday because “it’s complicated). But the parts that have been announced are still no restaurants, bars, barber shops, nail salons, or hairdressers for a while.

      • AlmightyJB

        That’s bullshit. At least allow 50% capacity. Christ, what an asshole.

      • AlmightyJB

        You could do bottles or plastic cups as well.

      • Bob Boberson

        Someone was telling me they are talking about a phased plan for reopening restaurants but with the building occupancy limited to 40.

        It had never occurred to whoever was telling me that that would mean most restaurants would be operating at a loss under those parameters.

      • DEG

        I’ll bet that person wasn’t the head of the restaurant and lodging association.

      • Hyperion

        “because “it’s complicated”

        I’m sure it is, it always is. Which is why it won’t work, but will cause untold problems and further pain for the sheeples.

      • Hyperion

        Or I could offer my services to your esteemed guv and make it easy so that all the unwashed masses can understand.

        Just trot out your talking head and have them say:

        Bend over, this is going to hurt.

    • Q Continuum

      Now behave yourself young man or you’ll go right back to being grounded!

  10. Grosspatzer

    Gemini: Knight of Wands reversed – Rupture, division, interruption, discord

    Enough already, this sounds like last week. Which was pretty much on point.

    * Curls up in fetal position and commences whimpering *

  11. Mojeaux

    Taurus:  3 of Coins – Trade, skilled labor, nobility, aristocracy, renown, glory

    *witchy cackle*

  12. Rebel Scum

    Money, business, barter, altercation, quarrels, innocence, ingenuity, purgation, wise investment

    Well, I don’t have to pay student loans (payments are more than half-again what my monthly mortgage payment is…) again until October while, at least for now, maintaining the same cash flow. I want to save a lot of it, but I also want to do some home improvement ‘n such.

  13. Not Adahn

    I finished season 2 of Deadwood. That has got to be the happiest season finale of any HBO series I’ve seen.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Wu

      Swidgon

      Cocksucka

  14. Not Adahn

    The missing link connecting the covered wagon and the singlewide

    • JD is Unemployed

      Fried spam?

    • egould310

      That was entertaining and informative. Thanks for the link. I’m hungry.

    • westernsloper

      I am going to make those spam balls one of these days. ? Thanks!

      • egould310

        Yep. Those Spam meatballs sound really good.

    • westernsloper

      As far as redneck cooking goes, I have made sausage gravy who knows how many times, then I made these guys gravy. Dood, is good stuff.

      • Tres Cool

        Having made sausage gravy (with carbquik) just this morning, I was apprehensive when I saw the onions. Then he said it was going on chicken fried steak.

        Now Im hungry, damn it.

      • Tres Cool

        Just ’cause this has been stuck in my headall day.

      • Grosspatzer

        Nice! Infinitely superior to their big hit which I hope nobody links.

  15. Rebel Scum

    I just remembered that a new season of The Last Kingdom just dropped on Netflix. (also I recently started watching The Witcher which is pretty good.) *looks outside* The lawn needs to be cut, but. . .

  16. JD is Unemployed

    Surprise, wonder, enchantment, emotion, trouble, fear

    I’m hoping to go through the stages fairly quickly, but in reverse order if possible.

  17. Raven Nation

    “Gemini: …interruption…”

    Hmm, maybe Tulsi Gabbard Apologist is a Gemini?

  18. Hyperion

    Should I even bother reading the monthly ‘Doom Report’. It practically writes itself if you’re a Capricorn.

    #CapricornsRpeople2

    The resistance shall continue.

  19. Hyperion

    You just have to start wondering, at least I have, just how many people have they converted to ‘fuck the government’ types? There could be many new closet libertarians among us before this is over. And I’m betting it’s going to by far outnumber the Karens. The Karens were always there, it just made them more emboldened for now. The new libertarians among us needed a little nudging. Nice job, thanks guv (whatever state) numbnuts.

  20. Tundra

    Leo: Blank card – Choose your own prediction

    Sweet! I choose a threesome withher andher.

    Thanks, lucky stars!

    • AlmightyJB

      Excellant choices.

    • egould310

      You’re taste in music is second to your taste in women.

      Say, if one were to attend the honey harvest, what city would one look to book a hotel in?

      • Tundra

        The destination is Emily, but there are some nice places nearby in Brainerd and Nisswa.

        I’ll add you to the list!

      • egould310

        Thanks! Me and the Mrs.

      • Fourscore

        …and Crosslake, only 8 miles away

    • Mojeaux

      I wanted to come to Honey Harvest, but someone else mentioned his wife is allergic to bees, and then I remembered that so is my husband, so…probably not.

      • Tres Cool

        I need to see if GT is up for a SW Ohio Glibs Roadtrip.

      • Crusty Juggler

        I was allergic to bees until I punched one in the face.

      • Fourscore

        Mojeaux, we’ll move the bees a week before HH, to about a mile away. This will be the first time they’ll be that close so we may see a few stragglers. I doubt if it will be many though.

        The last 3-4 years we moved them about 5 miles and there was no bees at all, although there will be some yellow jackets, which are not really aggressive but the sting is more painful.

      • Mojeaux

        LOL The last yellow jacket that stung me died a horrible death when I splatted him on my arm.

        I’ll talk to Mr. Mojeaux. With things so up in the air, I’m not sure what can happen.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      I’ve consulted with experts, and your picks for a threesome are impeccable.

      #IFLS

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Gemini: Knight of Wands reversed – Rupture, division, interruption, discord

      Are you sure you’re not accidentally confusing “Gemini” with “everyone”?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Supposed to be a new post, not a reply. **HEAVY SIGH**

        I’ve got this sinking feeling that it’s gonna be a looooooong time before SP can hunt down all the Heisenbugs we keep unearthing in this instantiation of WordPress.

  21. AlmightyJB

    Local Pub selling cocktail kits to go which include the booze. I went ahead and picked up a Bloody Mary kit last night while picking up food and growler refills. Gotta say, they’re pretty good Bloody Marys.

    • Hyperion

      “they’re pretty good Bloody Marys”

      Damn. That sounds good right now.

      I swear if this lockdown shit doesn’t end soon, I’m going to die of a hangover one morning.

      • AlmightyJB

        Nice. I usually make my own concoction. I already have everything to do so, but figured I’d just give them the extra business. They need it. It’s nice and spicy.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Check out this punk supporting small businesses.

  22. Hyperion

    LISTEN TO US, WE EXPERT!

    Well, I totally believe everything they say now, so I’m going to start panicking, again, real soon.

    • westernsloper

      This has never made any sense to me. So this virus acts differently in the human body than all other virus’s? If you have the anti-bodies that fought off the virus once, why would they not do it again?

      • Gustave Lytton

        It doesn’t make sense. The little glimmer of truth in that assertion is that it’s not known how long immunity lasts or if recovering from a low level exposure (say, casual dilute amounts in a store) confers full protection against a high viral load (like a covid icu).

        I’m of the opinion that whatever the WHO says is just coming from the CCP. Face masks/face coverings that allows things to move back to normalcy? Nope. Recovered people aren’t at risk (or as high of at risk)? Nope. What country, other than small isolated islands that have instituted full quarantines/cut themselves off, is most at risk of follow on waves and from the rest of the world not continuing to crater their economies? Hint: it’s the one which has instituted such drastic lock downs that they are probably furthest away from herd immunity.

    • Suthenboy

      Also no evidence that it doesn’t.

      The fuckin’ WHO? Really? They had zero credibility before they got caught lying their asses off about the commie cooties.

    • Rebel Scum

      “At this point in the pandemic, there is not enough evidence about the effectiveness of antibody-mediated immunity to guarantee the accuracy of an ‘immunity passport’ or ‘risk-free certificate,’ ” WHO said.

      It seems like the WHO has an ulterior motive that does not involve the best interests of the US.

  23. Sean

    Take out bbq consumed. I ate too much.

      • AlmightyJB

        Not supposed to be a reply.

      • Bob Boberson

        Google manipulating things in favor of the donkeys??!?

        Say it ain’t so

      • Q Continuum

        Devs was a pretty savage takedown of the Silicon Valley tech Messiah complex. It also made a great point: we’re dependent on them, we use them, but, by and large, we don’t like them.

      • Bob Boberson

        What scares me is you can seethe writing on the wall with the corporate media. The market is undermining they’re near monopoly. People are getting their information in new ways they can’t control and they are losing their minds and doubling down on everything that eroded the public trust to begin with.

        The tech industry is objectively worse and I can’t see a way around them as I type this out using Chrome as a browser, on a google device, with everything synched to my google account. I’m waiting for a libertarian-leaning company to provide something better and more convenient but so far I’ve not found the alternative.

      • Q Continuum

        It’s nearly impossible to completely decouple yourself without withdrawing from society, but here are the things I do.

        – Brave for browser
        – No smartphone at all
        – Duck Duck Go for searching
        – Protonmail

        I feel pretty good about those changes.

      • Bob Boberson

        The ‘no-smartphone’ one would be the real hurdle for me. There are several apps I rely heavily on (banking/navigating/messaging apps) for both work and personal life. Not impossible but hugely inconvenient. I say that fully recognizing that a smartphone is 100% a tracking and listening device logs all of your browsing activity, that you are voluntarily walking around with. It frightening the amont of liberty I am able to trade-off for convenience when I put it that way.

      • Suthenboy

        Gone missing? FOX played the clip on the Tucker show. Their copy went missing too?

        Horse-fuckin-shit

      • cyto

        Gone missing as in the CNN archive on Google Play. The episode before is still there. And the episode after is still there. But the episode that suddenly became “controversial” was taken down, for whatever reason.

    • AlmightyJB

      How many guns were in it?

    • Bob Boberson

      OT for you Sean:

      I can bitch to you, since you are a former skydiver, you feel my pain. Perfect, cloudless, spring days here and the local DZ is still grounded until further notice by the state. I just got a brand new vertical suit that I’m dying to put to use. This may be the most irksome thing yet for me personally in regard to the plandemic.

      • Sean

        That sucks. I have many fond memories of those days, despite all the drinking and other stuff.

      • Bob Boberson

        Thats part of what’s killing me. I know these days won’t last and most people walk away from the sport after a while. I was very much hoping to establish myself as a videographer at the new DZ and hopefully at least keep up with the costs associated. COVID has f’ed that for the foreseeable future.

      • Sean

        I miss the smell of jet fuel and the sounds of turbine engines on a warm summer day.

      • Bob Boberson

        Yep. There is an atmospheric smell (of which jet fuel is a part of but there are other components in there I can’t name) that is strongly associated with skydiving. Every once in a while I catch it on the breeze and instantly my mind goes to the “DOOR!” call and in my mind I’m looking down at the earth from 13K.

      • cyto

        Absolutely.. That cold dry air at 15k is unique.

        Also, I miss the jumpers who got us an extra thousand feet by incentivizing the pilot.

      • cyto

        Most drop zones are on the edge as it is. This absolutely has the chance of killing some of those businesses. Luckily, it is still early in the season in most places, so they probably are not leaving that much on the table. But go another month? Two? That’s a lot of revenue that will never be replaced. I don’t know how their leases on the planes and hangar space usually run… but if they are on the hook for a lease on a jump plane and rent on the property… it would be tough to have that kind of cash reserve.

      • cyto

        Blue Skies!

    • DEG

      I kinda like #3.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Glock leg or Serpa holster?

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Cuomo says he wants to reimagine rather than just reopen the state.

    “I don’t want to just reopen,” Cuomo says. “We learned a lot of lessons here. Painfully, but we learned a lot of lessons. And that’s what reimagine means to me. How do we take the lessons we learned, take this pause in life and say, ‘When we reopen we’re going to be better for it, and we’re going to reimagine what our life is, and we’re going to improve for this pause.’ Even on an individual level. You had time to decompress a little bit. I think everybody when through a period where they analyzed their life and when somebody all of sudden pulls the rug out from under you and you wind up in a different place, you just see life differently. And I think that’s true for most people.

    “After that reflection … what have we learned, how do we improve and how do we build back better? Because it’s not about return to yesterday. There is no return to yesterday in life. It’s about moving forward. It’s about taking your experience and what you learned and bringing it to a positive effect.”

    What the world needs now is more vacuous platitudes. Presidential, he is.

    No link- from a Guardian collection of “dispatches” or something.

    • Bob Boberson

      Its pretty obvious what ‘reimagining’ is for most of these shitheels; UBI, corporate welfare, suspension of constitutional rights on the flimsiest pretext, more rigorous and brazen central planning.

      Shorter version; we’re fucked.

      • Crusty Juggler

        The economic disaster hasn’t even really begun.

        For instance, in New York take Saratoga and Lake George. There is no way they will be allowed to function as normal. It will be awful.

      • Bob Boberson

        Small businesses and local economies based on tourism are D-O-N-E if they push this crap into the summer.

      • Bob Boberson

        Which ironically will open up bunch of real estate to the people who are less affected by the plandemic; gov’t employees, doctors, CEO’s, etc.

      • R C Dean

        “Ironically”?

        Foreseeable consequences are not unintended.

      • Bob Boberson

        should have used italics……that was not lost on me

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Ladies and Gentlemen, the next President of the United States!

    On March 1st, New York reported its first confirmed case of COVID-19, after a Manhattan health care worker in her late thirties, who had visited Iran, tested positive at a hospital in the city. Six days later, that number had jumped to 89, and Gov. Andrew Cuomo declared a state of emergency.

    Two days later, Donald Trump tweeted, “So last year 37,000 Americans died from the common Flu. It averages between 27,000 and 70,000 per year. Nothing is shut down, life & the economy go on. At this moment there are 546 confirmed cases of CoronaVirus, with 22 deaths. Think about that!” As the country faces a national emergency that is graver, for most of us, than any in living memory, a surreal split-screen response has been unfolding in Washington and Albany, via Queens. The daily public briefings held by Cuomo, 62, the governor of the hardest-hit state, have become appointment viewing, not just for New Yorkers, but for all Americans feeling terrified, unmoored, and hungry for something resembling competent national leadership. For a politician never especially renowned for his bedside manner, Cuomo has emerged as an unlikely source of comfort in these supremely unsettling times, the blunt-talking adult in the room.

    TW: Rolling Stone, shameless boot butt licking

    • Rebel Scum

      Clearly, what we need is another Banal Platitude in Chief.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Banal Platitude Spewer in Chief.

        FTFY.

    • Rebel Scum

      We could just export the sjw’s.

  26. westernsloper

    I got nuthin.

    • Bob Boberson

      “Follow me for more recipes!”

      -Winner, winner, toilet wiener dinner

    • Q Continuum

      This is what happens when you outlaw abortion!

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Someone was telling me they are talking about a phased plan for reopening restaurants but with the building occupancy limited to 40.

    It had never occurred to whoever was telling me that that would mean most restaurants would be operating at a loss under those parameters.

    If they can’t make money running their restaurant at 25% capacity, they don’t deserve to be in business.

    *folds arms, smirks smugly*

    • Grosspatzer

      *Counts servers, buspersons, greeters, kitchen staff…*

      So two tables at a time. Sounds legit.

    • Rebel Scum

      running their restaurant at 25% capacity

      And paying a “living wage” that provides food, shelter and healthcare for a family of 4. If they can’t do that then they clearly don’t deserve to be in business anyway.

  28. Rebel Scum

    Put a rug down in the hallway and the cats treat it like their newest toy, wrestling on it and crawling under it. This is why I can’t have nice things.

    • Bob Boberson

      Cats are in league with the devil. This is known.

      • Grosspatzer

        Cats are in league with the devil. FTFY.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Sounds legit

    Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Sunday that he has put First Lady Chirlane McCray in charge of a special coronavirus task force — insisting her work with her embattled ThriveNYC initiative made her perfect for the new job.

    McCray will work with Deputy Mayor Phil Thompson in leading a task force on racial inclusion and equity to make sure the Big Apple rebounds as a “better and more just society than the one we left behind,” Hizzoner said.

    ——-

    The racial inequality task force, meanwhile, was one of a series of working groups being set up to help prepare the Big Apple to reopen after the lockdown, the Mayor announced, saying they will start meeting “in a matter of days.”

    The crisis has highlighted the “many things that are broken in our city and in our country,” Hizzoner insisted at Sunday’s press briefing, calling it a “clarion call” for change.

    “We don’t just need a recovery, we need a transformation,” he said.

    It was not immediately clear whether the task force would be given a budget — or whether McCray would draw a salary.

    So, about this “need for transformation” business. Did you just find out? Or were you merely waiting for the right moment?

    • Rebel Scum

      “better and more just society than the one we left behind,”

      You mean one that acknowledges and protects individual rights, especially from a tyrannical government? Jk. I crack myself up.

      • Bob Boberson

        Easy. The grifters are the ones in-charge.

      • Grosspatzer

        Pretty soon they will be in charge of something resembling Detroit, only bigger. NYC is wholly dependent on a public transportation system which is broke, has deteriorated from decades of neglect and mismanagement, and was severely damaged by Sandy (and still has not fully recovered from that). And when they “reopen” who will want to get on a subway now that our fearless leaders have convinced the sheeple that crowding = death? Anyone who can avoid that, will, and this includes most white-collar workers in industries like financial services who have discovered that remote working can be just as productive as sitting in the office. Gee, I wonder if any execs are considering whether the cost of renting space in NY is worth it.

  30. Rebel Scum

    Dale W. Zorn✔
    @DaleZornSenate
    1/2:

    I’m sorry for my choice of pattern on the face mask I wore yesterday on the Senate floor. I did not intend to offend anyone; however, I realize that I did, and for that I am sorry. Those who know me best know that I do not support the things this pattern represents.

    So the Scottish flag is now racist?