Friday Afternoon Linsk

by | May 8, 2020 | Daily Links | 330 comments

I wish my life was half as interesting as the other afternoon links authors make it out to be. I am heading to the beach this weekend, my wife and kids left this morning. We will have both grandmothers there for Mother’s Day. When you’ve lost mom and grandma’s support for social distancing and shelter in place, its a dead letter.

This is a smart idea. I wonder whether the Hat or the Hair came up with it.

Gee, how DID this terrible unemployment situation come to be?

These whiners have clearly never been to Houston in the summer.

Florida Man did something good?

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

330 Comments

  1. mexican sharpshooter

    I wish my life was half as interesting as the other afternoon links authors make it out to be

    Sorry Maduro caught your goons.

    • bacon-magic

      It’s like they watched too many action movies.

  2. hayeksplosives

    Happy Mother’s Day! Festive masks for all.

    • wdalasio

      A few weeks ago, I saw an internet ad for a wolf-face mask and a number of dog-face masks. Since then, I’ve been hunting the internet for a sheep-face mask. I may have to settle for a plague doctor mask.

      That said, I dread saying this, but I can almost see being stopped by the cops for being insufficiently supportive of our new diktats.

      • Tonio

        The people who get the joke won’t wear them. But I’d contribute to a fund which distributed free sheep masks to hysterics for the lulz.

      • grrizzly

        Maybe in your land of the free some people may choose not wear a face mask. Here, it’s mandatory in all stores and even outdoors if you cannot stay away 6 ft. from others. In my town wearing a face mask is mandatory outdoors, always, no exceptions.

      • DEG

        Masks still aren’t required in NH. I went grocery shopping at Wal-Mart today. About 75% of people were wearing masks.

      • wdalasio

        In my town wearing a face mask is mandatory outdoors, always, no exceptions.

        That’s the part that I find genuinely absurd. Outdoors is the place you’re least likely to need a mask. It’s where you’re least likely to transmit anything if you have it.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        ‘genuinely absurd’ depends reason masks mandatory

      • Tonio

        I choose to wear a RWB bandana, doubled-over, while in the grocery store etc. I know it’s public health theatre.

        Would never harsh on anyone choosing not to wear a mask in those venues.

        Cheers!

      • Tonio

        “Maybe in your land of the free…”

        Wow, that’s disappointing. Had thought you better than that. Good to know…

    • Bill Door

      With that, I give you this.

  3. Bobarian LMD

    I wonder whether the Hat or the Hair came up with it?

    Are there strippers?

  4. The Late P Brooks

    Gee, how DID this terrible unemployment situation come to be?

    It’s a dadgum mystery.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Not really. Obviously Trump ruined the economy.

      • Enough About Palin

        I actually have read people making that very argument.

      • C. Anacreon

        The top trending Twitter hashtag yesterday was TrumpDepression. The talking points got out quickly. Every single death and lost job is Trump’s fault, so sayeth the DNC operatives with bylines.

  5. kinnath

    Gee, how DID this terrible unemployment situation come to be?

    One of the rare occasions where I posted a link earlier in the day.

    We are beyond Great Recession and into Great Depression II — Electric Boogaloo

  6. Ted S.

    Cool linsk, bro!

  7. Nephilium

    Beaches? It’s May 8th, and there’s snow falling from the sky here in Cleveland… at least it’s not sticking to the ground yet.

      • bacon-magic

        Wherever you are, there is plenty of salt.

    • Tonio

      Sorry, Neph.

      • Nephilium

        It was in the 60’s yesterday. The girlfriend and I walked up to a local frozen custard place as a treat.

        More a minor bitch then any real issues, looks like we may be in Spring weather by next weekend. That’s probably better, as we get patios opening up on the 15th for bars and restaurants.

    • Spudalicious

      To be fair, it is Cleveland.

      • Nephilium

        /tosses a match in the Cuyahoga to stay warm.

  8. kinnath

    So the CEO says WFH will run at least into next fall and probably into next year.

    So, I need to my shit off the dining room table and into some “permanent” location.

    • CPRM

      And as soon as you get it all set up, the plans will change again!

    • DEG

      My company announced that my office won’t reopen when the governor’s cower-in-place order expires. The company will make a decision afterwards as to when the office will reopen. When it reopens, we will be limited to how many people will be in the office and we must wear masks while in the office.

      Fuck it. I’ll just keep working at home.

      • kinnath

        Masks required until we hit CDC phase 3 (widely available vaccine).

        Work from home likely until we hit CDC phase 3.

        I wonder home much the company is saving on utility bills right now as the entire office staff (engineers and administrative offices) are at home spending their own dollars on utilities.

      • Nephilium

        My company is still WFH for the foreseeable future. Regardless of what the companies we support do for their offices (right now some are open, with masks and gloves mandatory).

      • DrOtto

        I think the biggest loser out of this mess is going to be commercial real estate as companies that were initially against WFH realize how much cheaper it is.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Yes

        They are screwed

      • DEG

        Whoa… you at least have an end. Well, except it is not really an end. “Widely available vaccine”?

      • Drake

        A widely available vaccine against a virus family for which there has never been a successful vaccine.

      • KibbledKristen

        I’m just thinking of all the viruses we haven’t yet discovered a vaccine for. Fuckin-a. I’m never getting back to the office at this rate.

      • mrfamous

        They’re all gonna make us get vaccines that don’t fucking work, aren’t they?

    • hayeksplosives

      That is insane. Does the CEO get a golden parachute for running the company into the ground??

      • Enough About Palin

        I work for a multibillion-dollar utility. With the exception for jobs such as running electric generation plants, where the staff is currently sequestered to keep them running and linemen out in the field, everyone is working from home. We were told it may be months before we stop working from home. For our business, it works very well. And I as others have, I think they must be saving a lot on water, TP electricity and the like. On the flip side, a lot of customers have stopped paying their bills in addition to idled meat processing plants and the like have reduced revenue, but the working from home thing has been a big plus regarding our ability to seamlessly provide electricity and gas to our customers, not a negative.

    • The Other Kevin

      It still amazes me that they let people ride in those germ tubes even during their peak. And only decided to clean them this week.

      • Sensei

        Essentially it’s the most efficient way to get around the city. You get used to it, but never enjoy it.

        Naturally during the de Blasio administration things gone significantly down hill.

        This “improved” cleaning, other than mopping the train floors and removing trash, is for show. It’s a way they can get the homeless off the trains without looking like they are kicking the homeless of the trains.

    • Tonio

      There is already a counter-narrative circulating that national COVID-19 case numbers (not explicitly defined) are only going down because NYC numbers are pulling the rest of the country down. It purports to show that cases in RoUS (Rest of US) are rising once you take away the DeBlasio effect.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      Thanks.

    • KibbledKristen

      Shithole. I was in and around JFK in December, too.

    • Incentives Matter

      Spread of COVID-19 from NYC outwards probably explains a fair amount of Central Canada’s elevated CCP-virus infections as well. I’m looking at you, Pearson International and Trudeau International.

  9. CPRM

    Next town over has a drive-in theater. I doubt with even more than two people per car you could get more than 200 people in there.

    • SugarFree

      I grew up in a town with a drive-in. It was glorious. And they had some of the best fried chicken I’ve ever had.

      Go to the drive-in, sneak in some booze, get some chicken and a contact high from the cloud of weed smoke hanging over the entire lot, get laid when the second movie starts and all the families leave. And it was like maybe 10 bucks for the whole night. It was perfect as long as you remembered the bug spray.

      • Libertesian

        It was perfect as long as you remembered the bug spray

        and the rubber.

      • CPRM

        This drive-in is right next to the regular theater, same movie snacks from the same stand inside. I think I went there to see The A-Team, but had to sit through Prince of Persia first.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        What does a drive-in have over watching at home though?

      • Tonio

        I have a very Glib drive-in story which I’m going to tell you all some day.

      • bacon-magic

        My older brothers snuck me and my twin in. Yes, I have a twin but he refuses to be nicknamed Eggcellant.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Christ

        Now I miss the drive in theater

    • KibbledKristen

      I saw Towering Inferno at a drive in. I think that was my only drive in experience

      • Enough About Palin

        I saw Debbie Does Dallas at a drive-in. Good times.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Meanwhile, in California

    Though she’s getting in what work that she can, Poma doesn’t think the counties’ reopening will be long-term. “There’s no way we can go by the health regulations in this industry,” she said. “I don’t know how to do a six-foot-away haircut.” Like others, Poma is conflicted.

    “It’s rough,” she said. “Our country worships the money god so much that we will put our health on the back burner. But livelihoods, people are closing down. I can’t imagine if you don’t have any sort of anything to fall back on.”

    She knows too that by operating while the state’s order is still in effect, she risks the state taking away her license. Already this week, the state regulatory boards have begun flexing in the rural communities that reopened early. On Tuesday, state alcoholic beverage control officials were in Yuba and Sutter, asking licensed locations to shift to takeout dining, and to close in-house dining voluntarily. John Carr, a spokesman for the state agency, said while agents could discipline and file administrative action against businesses that do not comply with their requests, “we hope for voluntary compliance.”

    Newsom could choose to enforce the state order more stringently in the coming days. Previously, he’s leaned toward education rather than enforcement, but when photos of packed beaches in southern California made headlines around the country, he ordered all beaches in Orange county closed for a weekend. Even then, however, law enforcement aimed not to arrest people violating the order.

    Across the state, cases have continued to rise incrementally, but numbers have not reached the doomsday predictions initially projected by state experts. As of Thursday, only 3,334 patients with confirmed cases were hospitalized statewide, along with 1,347 with suspected cases. State health officials have repeatedly pleaded with Californians, however, not to become complacent with their efforts, and to recognize that it is because of their actions that the numbers are where they are.

    For some in communities like Yuba and Sutter, however, the state is taking it too far. “I feel like the state’s a little overdramatic,” said Steve Lewis, a tattoo artist at Artistic Temple Social Club in Marysville. After weeks of no work, Lewis is just happy he can pay his bills again.

    What we need is some good old-fashioned bureaucrat-on-bureaucrat warfare. They can shoot it out in Sacramento, right on the capitol steps.

    • CPRM

      Our country worships the money god so much that we will put our health on the back burner.

      I tried to come up with a funny reply, but all my brain is doing is showing me pictures of punching people. Weird.

      • hayeksplosives

        Is it too obvious to point out that people’s health is damaged by poor nutrition, losing a home, losing a job, etc.?

        They always tell us this stuff matters when it comes to making a show of “standing up for the little guy” when in reality, they could not care less about helping anyone but themselves.

    • Bill Door

      I wish we could get scare quotes thrown in any time someone say “experts.”

      Across the state, cases have continued to rise incrementally, but numbers have not reached the doomsday predictions initially projected by state experts. As of Thursday, only 3,334 patients with confirmed cases were hospitalized statewide, along with 1,347 with suspected cases. State health officials have repeatedly pleaded with Californians, however, not to become complacent with their efforts, and to recognize that it is because of their actions that the numbers are where they are.

      Like here. And duh cases have continued to rise. That’s the biggest BS part of this all, as if things are going to suddenly disappear. As soon as this virus infected patient X it became a part of human experience from here on out.

      On another note, I’m tired of being surly about all of this, but it is a PITA to try to put on a happy face.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        Re surliness, that’s where the mask comes in. ?

      • Bill Door

        True story, the first time I wore a mask through all of this shit-show was on Tuesday. I went to do a home health visit yesterday, wearing a mask for a second time, but took it off half way through because old people can’t hear clearly when the person talking to them is wearing and f’ing mask.

      • Tonio

        What?

      • Bill Door

        Exactly.

        These were old people that make Fourscore look like a spring chicken.

        (I kid. I kid.)

      • Fourscore

        I had a few seconds of joy, then the gut punch

        Thanks for that, BD, my memory is still good and I never forget

      • Bill Door

        **Pulls at collar** *Gulp*
        Many apologies…

        I’ll see myself out…

      • Not Adahn

        I am serious. And don’t call me surly.

      • Bill Door

        They want twelve bucks for a creepy smily face on a popsicle stick!?! Jiminy Cricket!

    • mrfamous

      Money is a symbol, she is correct about that. However it’s not a symbol of ‘God,’ it’s a symbol of a certain amount of production that somebody, somewhere produced. If it wasn’t, we literally could just crank up the printing press and send ourselves into the land of unfathomable wealth.

      So if you print twice as much money without increasing any production, that money is now worth half the production of what it was.

  11. Suthenboy

    Bigger liars: Gun control advocates or Global warming advocates?

    • Sensei

      Why not both?

      (I’ve been slammed with work so not much Glib time this week.)

      • Suthenboy

        The correct answer is ‘yes’.

        *shakes head sadly*

        I forgot to toss in coronatards

      • DEG

        The answer is still yes.

      • Tom Teriffic

        Still yes.

    • bacon-magic

      Going with Global. And it’s CLIMATE CHANGE you shitlord.

      • Fourscore

        I may have this whole thing mixed up. Why am I splitting wood if the climate is getting warmer?
        Always the last one to get the word. Damn it!

  12. The Late P Brooks

    We’re not looking at a few industries that have frozen up, but really a whole economy.

    It’s not exactly a shock that we’re facing mass unemployment at a moment when entire states and industries are effectively shut down. But the new jobless figures do suggest that the government’s coronavirus response has fallen short in at least one key way.

    *unintelligible shouting, sound of glass shattering*

    • Brett L

      Just ignore the fact that nobody I know who has gotten laid off or let go due to Coronavirus has actually received their unemployment check. You can’t go the grocery store with your release letter and get credit.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        We just got my wife’s first one today… It was backpay for the last 3 weeks.

      • Enough About Palin

        I got my $1,200 check a few days ago. Used it to replace the entire powere steering system replaced in my 1994 Ford F150 4×4. Thanks federal government. Of course I pay multiples of that amount in taxes every year, but it’s still appreciated.

  13. Donation Not Taxation

    ‘Brett set out to find America, the real America’

    SugarFree, official? biographer of Brett L

      • Donation Not Taxation

        CNN?

      • Nephilium

        Even Duckman searched for America.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        ‘The title character is portrayed as a lazy, incompetent, self-serving, morally unscrupulous, sexual deviant. The fact that he is also remarkably clueless (as a parent and detective) is much comic fodder for the character.’ https://duckman.fandom.com/wiki/Eric_Duckman

        You know who else was ‘incompetent, self-serving, morally unscrupulous, sexual deviant’ ?

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Newsom often refers to California as a “nation-state” in his daily briefings, to give “a sense of the scale and scope” of a state with the world’s fifth-largest economy and a population of almost 40 million.

    “We recognize that one size does not fit all,” he said. “You can’t manage a state this large, this diverse in every way, shape or form ethnically, racially, religiously, on the basis of geography, without recognizing a bottom-up construct.”

    But he has repeatedly stressed that California must be united in its response against coronavirus.

    “In the final analysis, it’s my way or the jailhouse.”

    • CPRM

      “Our state is too diverse, a one size fits all solution will not work. So here is my one size fits all solution.”

      • DrOtto

        And it’s final.

    • l0b0t

      Lagos, Nigeria

      population – 21 million

      size – 452 sq.mi.

      California

      population – 40 million

      size – 163,696 sq.mi.

      l0b0t to Gov. Newsome – “OK, Boomer.”

    • Q Continuum

      Great Emperor Newsom. Now do gun rights.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Who wrote that shit?

  15. Donation Not Taxation

    ‘Imagine if you can the country and culture in which such words were not merely spoken, but followed by actions that led to the independence of the colonies and the establishment of this (once great) Nation. If the total number of dead were a justification for the cessation of rights, then there would be no United States at all. Imagine if every day the colonial papers had published a running toll of the dead in every battle against the British, if instead of public advocacy for Freedom, we had public advocacy for subservience… never mind, you don’t have to imagine: it’s what we have now.’ — Ozymandias

    ‘The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger–but recognize the opportunity.’ — John F. Kennedy

    ‘No, what is unprecedented about the current crisis has little to do with the novel coronavirus itself. What is unprecedented about this crisis is that the human race has changed. So much so that lessons drawn from past plagues are of little use in the current crisis.’ — Quentin du Plessis

    How restore culture?

    • Shirley Knott

      The same way it was built in the first place. Seriously. Culture does not come out of nowhere, it takes persons (not people) making values real and active. In one sense culture is continuous — we’re never without one (not that it is or ever has been unitary). Culture changes, and it changes through the acts of individual persons, who may or may not be acting in concert. Tipping points arise when a ‘sufficiently large’ number of persons enact and embrace values not previously held broadly within a culture. Sometimes cultures fracture and fragment, sometimes they don’t, but they always change over time. It began to congeal into those values we hold dear in fewer people than we are today. If we don’t do it, who will?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        ‘Culture changes, and it changes through the acts of individual persons, who may or may not be acting in concert. ‘

        But what acts can Glibs do to move the ‘Overton window’ of ‘the culture’ in desired direction?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Should be ‘acts’ with quotes

      • Shirley Knott

        We’re doing it, or at least some are. Based on reports here (I know, I know), some are being brought around to ‘our way of thinking’. Getting Ozy’s vaccine book printed and distributed. Supporting the IJ.
        The ‘Overton window’ is not nailed in place, and doomsayers to the contrary notwithstanding, it doesn’t only move in one direction.
        This is demonstrated by the flowering of a ‘culture of freedom’ starting with Bastiat and the ‘Scottish Enlightenment’ and proceeding through a goodly chunk of the 19th century.
        For all it’s many flaws, there has never been a better time to be alive. We each need to do what we each can to keep that arc rising. If we don’t, who will?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Not disagreeing. Hoped ‘what we each can’ > ‘Getting Ozy’s vaccine book printed and distributed. Supporting the IJ.’

      • Shirley Knott

        IMNSHO, there are no ‘big things’ that can be done. That’s not how cultural change happens, by and large. An avalanche starts with a bunch of small rocks, not one big boulder. So to speak 😉
        Not to say big things shouldn’t be tried when opportunity presents itself, but there are lots more small things, and they add up. Once a big thing can be identified, it gets done. The small things have to be nurtured, and, sadly, are easily overlooked in the search for the ‘world changing action that will bring about’ whatever it is that’s wanted.

      • Shirley Knott

        Or to quote Edgar Pangborn, from the short story “My Brother Leopold”:
        Yet there is a City of Light. I said to those who
        followed and heard me: There is a battle of
        Armageddon, where good and evil confront each
        other for a decision, not for all time but for the time
        that you know; and there is a City of Light on
        earth, built by your labor, not for all time but for
        the time that you know. Every day, every night the
        battle of Armageddon is to be fought, and won or
        lost; see that you find courage. Every night, every
        day something is given to the building of the City
        of Light or taken from it: see that your share is
        given, and with goodwill. The battle is within you;
        the city is for your kind, not for all time but for the
        time that you know.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Thanks.

      • dontreadonme

        Very nice. Thanks.

    • BakedPenguin

      ‘The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity.

      Crisitunity!

      • Sensei

        JFK and his speech writers didn’t do any better with Chinese than they did German jelly donuts.

        Chinese word for “crisis”

        The primary meaning of the second character in wēijī, pronounced jī, (机; 機) is not “opportunity”.[3][10] Sinologist Victor H. Mair of the University of Pennsylvania states the popular interpretation of wēijī as “danger” plus “opportunity” is a “widespread public misperception” in the English-speaking world.[9] While the first character wēi (危) does indeed mean “dangerous” or “precarious”, the second character is highly polysemous and does not, in isolation, translate as “opportunity”.[9] The confusion likely arises from the fact that the character for jī is a component of the Chinese word for “opportunity”, jīhuì (機會; 机会, literally “meeting a critical point”).

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Nice link.

    • Sensei

      JFK (and his speech writers) screwing up Chinese and German donuts with equal aplomb!

  16. DEG

    President Donald Trump is thirsting to hold campaign rallies again. And among his campaign and White House advisers, a possible solution has been discussed that could allow for such MAGA gatherings even in the midst of a global pandemic: the mostly defunct, rural tradition of the drive-in movie theater.

    That is not a bad idea.

    Thanks to the coronavirus crisis, the United States is now facing its highest unemployment rate since the Great Depression.

    Fuck. It’s due to the government’s overreach and stupidity.

    A combination of heat and humidity so extreme that it’s unendurable isn’t just a problem for the future — those conditions are already here, a new study finds. Off-the-chart readings that were previously thought to be nearly nonexistent on the planet today have popped up around the globe, and unyielding temperatures are becoming more common.

    Snow predicted for northern New Hampshire and parts of Maine tomorrow.

    Despite recommendations from health officials, DeSantis did not implement a statewide shelter-in-place order until April 3. But recent data reveal that the state shut itself down anyway. Floridians began staying home en masse in mid-March, according to cellphone data obtained by the Wall Street Journal, and many businesses decided to close their doors voluntarily. By March 15, Floridians’ mobility had declined by more than 50% statewide, and in Miami-Dade and Broward counties, it had declined by more than 80%.

    Huh. What was it the South Dakota governor said? Something about she ” trusted South Dakotans to exercise personal responsibility to keep themselves and their loved-ones healthy.

    • wdalasio

      There’s a massive difference between voluntary action and coerced action, even if they’re the same behavior. I don’t understand why that’s so hard to figure out. Yes, people would have drastically curtailed their presence in public over this. But, they would have done so in a way that fits their particular circumstances, that minimizes the costs of their avoiding contact. That still would have resulted in some pretty rough economic consequences. But, nothing like what we’re about to face.

      • DEG

        I don’t understand why that’s so hard to figure out.

        People taking voluntary action might take the wrong action.

        Which raises the question of who decides?

    • Suthenboy

      “The state has recorded six deaths amid the pandemic”
      I see. In that same time period how many deaths were there from all causes combined?

      Of this explosion of new infections how many are asymptomatic, how many with mild symptoms, how many hospitalizations?
      The hysterical article doesn’t mention any of that.

      It is becoming pretty clear to me that this ‘crisis’ is manufactured. Really, after so many Trump scandals there were outright lies manufactured out of thin air how can anything the political class or media class say be believed? I just automatically assume it is all lies. Hell, even Stormy Daniels admitted her scandal never happened.

      Keep your powder dry boys and girls.

      • DEG

        In that same time period how many deaths were there from all causes combined?

        SSSSHHHHHH!!!!

  17. DrOtto

    I wonder if now that they’ve helped successfully crater the economy, those in the media are hanging “Mission Accomplished” banners?

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Yeah, amazing

    Amazingly enough, masks seem to be turning into one more emblem of our political polarization. Wear one and you are taking the virus and the social distancing prescription seriously. Refuse, and you signify something else that may be denial or even defiance.

    Refuseniks. There oughtta be a law.

    • The Other Kevin

      Oooh goody, another mind-reading article!

    • salted earth

      I’m okay with being defiant.

      • Drake

        I’m headed towards belligerence now.

      • Tonio

        Nice avatar, N00b.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      Anyone else getting people wearing masks while … teleconferencing?

      • Suthenboy

        I am not surprised.
        What I am getting are all the celebrities pleading for people to obey and stay home while they are not wearing a mask. They are portrayed as being home alone themselves yet there is a cameraman, a sound man, a lighting man and likely a makeup artist, director etc.
        This whole thing is theater.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Before goalposts shifted, justification ‘obey and stay home’ ‘flattening the curve’.

        US minus New York City past that point. See for example (H/T Drake) https://pjmedia.com/news-and-politics/tyler-o-neil/2020/05/07/heres-how-much-new-york-city-is-skewing-americas-coronavirus-numbers-n389007

        If ‘obey and stay home’ without value, then ‘obey and stay home’ is ‘theater’ in sense of ‘security theater’ for passenger commercial air travel.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        What?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        ‘What?’ = no or ‘What’ = not understand question?

  19. Tonio

    I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE NO MATH!!1!

    Did anyone else get an “add these two numbers to prove you’re not a bot” question? When logging in here?

    I suspect more WordPress treachery.

    • kinnath

      Did anyone else get an “add these two numbers to prove you’re not a bot” question? When logging in here?

      Yes. But since the answer was 42, I think the system is trolling us.

    • Nephilium

      No… but can you please point out all the pictures that contain a traffic sign?

    • Incentives Matter

      Yesterday. Not today. So far.

  20. Certified Public Asshat

    Specific data from a meatpacking plant that tested its 2700 employees: 1200 had #SARSCoV2, 90% asymptomatic, 12 hospitalized (1% of positive cases), zero deaths: pic.twitter.com/gXZ3xzqL6D— Alex Berenson (@AlexBerenson) May 8, 2020

    Needs even more testing.

    • RAHeinlein

      AFL-CIO President Trumka is on CNBC right now railing-on about worker safety, OSHA on a “starvation diet” and no enforceable guidelines.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      Why ‘more testing’? Testing = leading cause cases Chinese flu

  21. Toxteth O’Grady

    Re the Dems’ $2k/month proposal: Insert JPG of power strip plugged into itself here. (I would if I could find it.)

    If Trump had reined in his sharp tongue he might not have lost the House.

    • Shirley Knott

      “We’re out of fax paper, can you fax us more so we can receive your message?”

    • BakedPenguin

      Electronic ouroboros,

    • Spartacus

      Don’t forget this one

  22. Donation Not Taxation

    With children like these, maybe Mister Granger was right: ‘Children should be seen and not heard and preferably not seen.’

    ‘Fourteen years ago this month, during the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair in Indianapolis, Laura Glass, a 15-year-old Albuquerque High sophomore, laid out her plan for slowing the spread of pandemics.’

    ‘Her project, based on computer simulations of human interaction, impressed the judges enough to win her third place in the medicine and health category at the Intel fair that year.’

    — By Ollie Reed Jr. / Journal Staff Writer
    Updated: Sunday, May 3rd, 2020 at 12:05am

    https://www.abqjournal.com/1450579/social-distancing-born-in-abq-teens-science-project.html

    How a 9-Year-Old Boy’s Statistic Shaped a Debate on Straws

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/19/business/plastic-straws-ban-fact-check-nyt.html

    • hayeksplosives

      “Why don’t you put her in charge?!?”

      —Hudson

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Odds these kids, unlike Ripley, anti-firearm?

    • DEG

      BEST CHIVE GALLERY EVER!

    • dontreadonme

      Smells fishy to me.

  23. KibbledKristen

    Are we drinking on the interwebs tonight?

  24. KibbledKristen

    Seems like everything is opening up just in time for me to escape Virginia.

    S’okay – the Feds won’t be opening offices anytime soon. I’m just hoping my favorite BBQ joint in NC is open in the next couple weeks (it’s 100% outdoors, except the kitchen, so don’t see why it wouldn’t be)

    • Ted S.

      Can they close all the offices permanently? Please?

    • Trials and Trippelations

      What BBQ place is that (I live in NC)?

      • KibbledKristen

        Hubba Hubba in Flat Rock

  25. Q Continuum

    Can we begin including butthole bleaching as well as waxing in the Real America?

    • Mad Scientist

      And chugging.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Butt chuging after an anal bleach?

      • Mad Scientist

        I think that’s how teenagers are avoiding the virus. Instead of vodka, they’re butt chugging bleach. Because Trump told them to. Or something. I don’t understand it, but it’s the only thing that makes any sense.

      • Ownbestenemy

        It checks out. I cannot think of anyone that was (for my age group) that was on TV that could make me go agaisnt common sense…maybe CKY2K or Jackass like kids these days and their “influencers”.

        I bet if a bigtime instagram thot bleached her anus and then did a beer chug….even if fake…..kids today would do it.

        Now get off my lawn!

      • Enough About Palin

        I think you’re supposed to wait an hour before the chugging.

  26. Nephilium

    Due to the popular demand, I’ve set up the Virtual Happy Hour for tonight starting at 19:00 Eastern.

    • KibbledKristen

      YAS

    • KibbledKristen

      (next week, I’m-a rope my dad into joining when I’m down in the Free Land of South Carolina)

    • DEG

      YES!

    • Tonio

      I refuse to futher participate in these because of the vicious calumnies leveled against me thereon.

      “Cabela’s ad” was most particularly stingy.

      Srsly? I’m totes the LL Bean, East Coast preppie type.

      • Tulip

        We don’t call you Cabela’s Ad, we call Tundra Cabela’s Ad

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        +2 Duck Boots

      • Ownbestenemy

        Strap a kayak on your back and a floppy hat with lures hanging off it…oh we are trying to get Tonio to come back. Nevermind.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Oooooh yeahs! Thanks Neph!

    • Tres Cool

      I promised to watch Tropic Thunder, so I may drop in after

  27. Shpip

    There seems to be much wailing and gnashing of teeth among my proggie pals when they found out that among the businesses that applied for (and received) loans through the Paycheck Protection Program were … churches.

    I can’t see why the full-time employees at Li’l Tots daycare over at the local synagogue who was just thrown out of work by government diktat shouldn’t get the same benefits as any other employee of a non- or for-profit enterprise. But I keep hearing “that’s different because reasons.”

    • leon

      If the government recognizes that churches exist, it’s an establishment of religion.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      ‘ ‘The government cannot directly fund inherently religious activities,’ argues Alison Gill, legal and policy vice president of American Atheists. ‘It can’t spend government tax dollars on prayer, on promoting religion [or] proselytization. That directly contradicts the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment. This is the most drastic attack on church-state separation we have ever seen.’ ‘

      However …

      ‘The SBA statement on the participation of faith-based organizations in the new loan program declares that some agency regulations ‘impermissibly exclude some religious entities. Because those regulations bar the participation of a class of potential recipients based solely on their religious status, SBA will decline to enforce these subsections and will propose amendments to conform those regulations to the Constitution.’ ‘

      https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/04/06/828462517/another-break-from-the-past-government-will-help-churches-pay-pastor-salaries

    • Donation Not Taxation

      ‘I can’t see why the full-time employees at Li’l Tots daycare over at the local synagogue who was just thrown out of work by government diktat shouldn’t get the same benefits as any other employee of a non- or for-profit enterprise.’

      What about none of them should get the ‘benefits’ because the money is not coming from voluntary donations? Politicians legislated program with a ‘but we still have checks left’ mentality?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Problem not whether or not churches should be eligible, but program exists for anyone to be eligible.

  28. DEG

    Sununu deigns to allow dentists to reopen

    Dental offices in New Hampshire will be able to reopen as early as Monday under new guidance from the state, the governor said Friday.

    Gov. Chris Sununu said dentists were never ordered to shut down, but many did so voluntarily because of the risk of COVID-19. He said state health officials have worked with dentists and hygienists and looked at American Dental Association guidance to develop the state guidelines.

    Sununu said it’s up to individual dental offices to determine when they will reopen. He said residents should call their dentists to determine when and how their procedures will be scheduled.

    Huh. If King Sununu never ordered them to close, why does he need to issue “guidance” and why can’t dentists open before May 11th?

    Sounds to me like there is a little more push back against King Sununu based on this article about public comments at the reopening task force meeting.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Sununu is no king. He is a clown prince.

      • DEG

        I like that. I’ll switch to that. Thanks!

    • Suthenboy

      California tried blatant first amendment violations ten or so years ago. Whatchawanna bet those fucksticks are California immigrants bringing their banana republic monkey shit to Texas?

      • Mad Scientist

        This one time, I got a speeding ticket in Texas, and wouldn’t you know it? When you mailed in your fine they get processed in California!

    • The Other Kevin

      On the one hand, this is upsetting the teachers unions. On the other hand, it’s Bill Gates. Hmm.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      That son of a bitch.

      That cocksucking son of a bitch.

      Well, look. If New Yorkers voted him and won’t kick him out then they deserve whatever they get.

      I don’t get this fetish for Bill Gates. He’s and asshole. Is he going to teach New York how to be assholes?

    • hayeksplosives

      Central planners coming out of the woodwork

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Schmidt is a Hillary cocksucker.

    • Tom Teriffic

      If I bumped into Billy G on the street I’d Arkancide him (two to the back of the head) on the spot and go quietly to the calaboose, knowing I had done the world a great favor.

      • pistoffnick

        Seriously I spent at least 3 hours this week dealing with Windows 10 updates.

        Doesn’t Bill realize I have real work to do and don’t really care if the newest version of Teams is installed on the 4 computers in my lab

  29. Enough About Palin

    “Exclusive: 1996 court document confirms Tara Reade told of harassment in Biden’s office”

    sanluisobispo.com/news/politics-government/article242527331.html?mod=article_inline

    • BakedPenguin

      Holy crap. Someone at the SLO Tribune committed an act of journalism!

    • Suthenboy

      But what did she claim happened then? Is it the same as what she claims now?

      • The Hyperbole

        The declaration — exclusively obtained by The Tribune in San Luis Obispo, California — does not say Biden committed the harassment nor does it mention Reade’s more recent allegations of sexual assault.

    • KibbledKristen

      Nope. Girth, not length.

      • leon

        There’s more than one way to stretch a cat.

      • DrOtto

        It might not be long, but at least it’s skinny.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Short to tease, thick to please?

    • KibbledKristen

      I’d pick chode over pencil any day.

      • Suthenboy

        I miss that show.

  30. KibbledKristen

    So Facederp only lets you deactivate your account for 7 days. When I logged in earlier this week, it was the same shithole crapfest. Deactivated for another 7 days.

    • Rhywun

      You could delete your account.

    • BakedPenguin
    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      If he asks you to peg him, then you’ll know.

    • Rhywun

      Sounds more like he’s a whore.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah, if she already has a problem with his adventures, she owes it to him to be honest.

  31. hayeksplosives

    This shooting of Ahmaud Arbery on foot running AWAY by the retired cop and cops brother Pursuing in a truck gets worse all the time.

    When it happened in February, the cops told Ahmaud’s family that he’d been killed by a homeowner while breaking into a house. (He was shot on the street with three shotgun blasts and wasn’t in anyone’s home).

    Only when the video and audio were leaked this week did we find what a pack of lies the burglary story was.

    And then today we find out the DA didn’t press charges because she was friends with one of the shooters!!

    Terrible. I’m sure the city taxpayers will foot the bill and learn their lesson. Wait…

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Prison time for all, including the DA.

      I’d want her flayed.

      • leon

        I say hang the DA and the two men. Publicly.

    • Naptown Bill

      It’s the stereotypical small-town good ol’ boy network. I hear things like that and think, “This is why 2A.” I don’t think that’s what you’d call a universal reaction, though, and I suspect usual suspects will fall all over themselves to make this about keeping guns out of the hands of racist white rednecks rather than considering that maybe there’s a flaw in a system where the authorities choose whether to enforce law based on whether they’ve been to a cookout at the suspect’s home.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Yes

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah, I wish they wouldn’t linger on the race angle. This is more the “do we want a license to kill in the hands of thousands of bubbas who will never face a consequence for a bad shoot?” Kind if question.

        But with so many worshipfully following Govt advice on covid, I don’t know if they can relate that kind of unchecked power to the power wielded by the gunmen.

    • Tom Teriffic

      I come from a multi-multi racial family. The whole thing had passed me by until a couple of my sisters started raisin hell about it. Then I started looking into it. As Scruffy noted, prison time for all, including the DA and the Sheriff.

  32. Shpip

    Sometimes Florida Man makes you shake your head in disbelief.

    Other times, Florida Man is an inspiration for us all.

    • hayeksplosives

      Lol.

    • Bill Door

      That’s funny. Took the edge off of my surliness… er… surlitude… Whatever.

  33. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I am giving a hearty recommendation for Trader Joe’s Pepitas Salsa.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Fuck Trader Joe’s. Never, never, never will I ever spend another cent there.

  34. BakedPenguin

    Apropos of nothing, I generally don’t like small dogs. Corgis are an exception.

    • hayeksplosives

      I like some wiener dogs, but I wouldn’t get one due to their hip and back issues.

      • Chipwooder

        Haven’t had any hip issues with ours, but she has had a spinal condition from time to time.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *looks at our small dog-like creature*

      Yeah, well, whatever… That’s just like your opinion man…

      • l0b0t

        My mom had an Italian Greyhound for many years. She was tiny but stupendously fast.

    • one true athena

      Corgis and corgi mixes are adorable. The mix always looks like the other dog in the coat/markings but with the corgi body so it looks like the corgi is wearing, say, a German Shepherd costume. I want one so bad, but until my allergic son goes to college we shouldn’t get a dog.

    • Shpip

      The federal mental health czar is calling for more money to expand services

      Never let a crisitunity go to waste, I suppose.

      a new study estimates related deaths from alcohol, drug overdose and suicide could reach 150,000.

      Well, it could, but that doesn’t mean it will.

      • C. Anacreon

        I’ve worked with Czar Dr. McCance-Katz a few times over the past few years. She’s actually pretty cool and level-headed for someone in her position. I don’t think she’s doing anything more than recognizing there’s going to be enormous mental health challenges as the lockdown continues, rather than just seeking unnecessary funding.

    • Gustave Lytton

      *looks at empties in bin*

      I’m doing my part!

    • CPRM

      And if that wasn’t salacious enough, the role-playing game’s pornographic portrayals depict “partially nude characters moaning suggestively while moving through various positions,” per the site. Some of the risqué scenes even “contain brief depictions of thrusting motions” or “a character’s head moving towards a partner’s crotch.”

      Like the same developers did in the Witcher 3? Shocking!

      • Ownbestenemy

        All the Witchers…but yeah…who cares?

      • CPRM

        I remember sex scenes in the first two, but my recollection was the third being more…salacious.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Mmmm videogame porn

    • Suthenboy

      As if porn featuring real people wasn’t fake enough….geez…

  35. Urthona

    Day 7 of Texas’s reopening. No increase in hospitalizations or deaths yet.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Thats because hospitals are covering for the governor /Karen

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Not likely when the hospitals get a higher reimbursement rate for COVID patients.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I was assured that no medical professional would ever choose a coding that’s more lucrative. And there’s a paper trail so the FBI can suss out any fraud.

      • Ownbestenemy

        When my wife worked dental she told me all the tricks…code regular cleanings as deep cleanings, bill other customer’s insurance that paid well and never ask questions….it was fraud city and she refused and was sidelined for it.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Steal my Karen thunder why don’t cha

    • Gustave Lytton

      A week is a bit early to progress from exposure to hospitalization.

      • mikey

        Not if the numbers go up. In that case one day is plenty.

  36. Gustave Lytton

    Burning brush this afternoon before the end of the season. Or an excuse to sit out on a log and drink beer and eat campfire cooked hotdogs…

    Went grocery shopping this morning. Less people wearing masks and they’re bringing their germbreeders in tow again. Also teenagers because they apparently have nothing better to do with their time. Traffic is almost back to normal. Home Depot parking lot was fuller than most Saturdays. Huge lot and at least half full. No line out the door but there was a serpentine set up for it. And once again, expediency wins out. To maximize line space they doubled it back so people are facing each other. Just like leaving those climate curtains on at doorways that blow air at high speed as people walk through….

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      My wife is so sick of being cooped up with our germbreeder that she kicked the two of us out and told us to go to the Home Despot. Traffic was worse than a normal Friday afternoon.

      I take it the teenage girl cashiers havent been seeing many kids, because they went all googly eyes over trashtoddler and wouldn’t stop crowding around us.

  37. Ownbestenemy

    Backyard garden update. The fig tree that was here when we bought the place is finally fruiting. I thought it was a baren tree for a bit but alas, figgy puddin for christmas!

    Have a sizable bulb of garlic and the other is anemic. I think they are too close together. The scallions have rooted (thanks suthen for that suggestion) and the potato is starting to grow tubers.

    Lime tree in the front never was happy where it was but this year it started to grow and develop. May be hope for it yet.

    Gonna start planning out the next section with more tomato, broccoli, and peppers.

    • Gustave Lytton

      What was the scallion suggestion? I love green onions.

      • Ownbestenemy

        He mentioned that store bought are clipped 2″ from the rootball so just take one and replant.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ah! I saw that elsewhere and decided to try it out. Good to hear from two sources that it works.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Potato is a bit harder because they might have been sprayed with an inhibitor…otherwise find one that is sprouting some tubers and plant. I think…time will tell on that one I think. Interwebs says to only plant the portion where its growing and cut off the rest.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Sorry on my phone…cut off where the potato is sprouting and bury that to start a new plant to start growing more tubers…I need a beer

      • Suthenboy

        Yeah, but. if you have potatoes that are starting to get soft/sprout what have you got to lose? I put a dozen in a couple of months ago and more than half sprouted. I harvest early and get marble to golf ball size. Those are great as additions to a salad or butter and pop in your mouth whole between bites of steak. They aren’t so good for potato soup as the skin to starch ratio is too high. I harvest on time and I will get the equivalent of the bag of full size potatoes I bought ini the first place.

        You can do this with sweet potatoes also. You have to get them on time. On the farm where I grew up we would occasionally miss sweet potatoes and they would stay in the ground sometimes for years. I remember one about two feet long and 18 inches in diameter we figured had been there for four years. We had to use an axe to cut it open because it was so woody.

    • Suthenboy

      When you harvest your scallions cut them off a couple/few inches from the ground and leave the bulb in the ground. In no time at all. you will have new leaves sprouting and a whole new crop. Mine produce year round and I sometimes have to trim them because they grow so fast they get tough before I need them. I chop those up and make stock with them then toss the leaves.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Thanks! I was going to pull the whole thing out and replant if not used. Cutting and leaving the root in place sounds like a better plan.

      • Ownbestenemy

        They should grow like chives…clip what you need and they will come back. The garlic scapes are good also for this.

  38. Mojeaux

    @Hayeksplosives from dead thread:

    I am nervously eyeing my 401k. Will it be there when I retire, or will the government confiscate it and redistribute it more equitably?

    We’ve got as much of ours leveraged as possible. We did that on purpose after the Cyprus thing. Scared the shit out of us.

    Now they don’t let us borrow any more and we’re nervous too.

    • Mojeaux

      borrow any more

      …borrow any more of our assets from our 401(k)… They capped the borrow limit after that.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I have the TSP and I loaned against it right at the beginning because we had credit debt that needed to go away. Our math was…pay 400/month on interest for the CC or take a loan against the TSP and pay 75/month.

      We can do that if one or the other gets canned. 400 a month not so much.

      • Mojeaux

        Exactly!

        The tax hit we’d take if we pulled it all out though– OMG. I don’t know if it’s worth it but we’re scared.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Isnt the tax penalty waived right now? I’d be more afraid of the hit of selling low, but if you need it, you need it.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Think thats why she is borrowing against it not pulling it out.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Oh. I took her prior comment as saying that they had already hit the cap on the loan.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Nope rereading I think it was a borrow and capped. So you sir, are right

      • Mojeaux

        It was a borrow, and then some time after that (not long), they capped loans at X% of the account balance. Previous to that, there was no cap.

        I would not take it out right now, no, not with the dip like this.

      • Mojeaux

        I didn’t know that the tax penalty was waived right now, but we don’t need it. Since we don’t, I’m not willing to pull it out in a dip.

      • Tom Teriffic

        The tax hit can be brutal, not just the 20% in front, but at tax time, it can be worse. I’m almost completely out of the equity market game and even the tiny bit I have in there has lost 25% of its value at last check. Terrible time to cash out unless you absolutely have to. And I have every confidence that situations like the one we’re in right now can breed a “now you see it, now you don’t” in IRA’s, 401K’s etc. practically overnight. The only saving grace is that the Beltway Bullies seem fine with printing fiat paper into oblivion. For now.

      • Mojeaux

        No, we’re not taking it out. We don’t need it AND it lost almost half its value overnight. Lastly, I’m not willing to sell in a dip, particularly with that tax bite.

    • hayeksplosives

      I borrowed against the 401k too. Good deal.

      I just have the uneasy feeling that my 401k will be seized by government and handed out for the greater good.

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, it will be. You can bet on that.

        And as soon as the hints start becoming more than hints, you can bet that all assets will be frozen immediately lest there be a run. Because there would be.

      • Tom Teriffic

        All the more reason to get your assets (heh-heh, he said….nevermind) out of the system before they get frozen or inflated away.

      • DEG

        I think they’ll force us all into Treasuries instead of a flat-out confiscation.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        This

      • Hyperion

        I keep thinking I should have done the same thing. The only bad thing is that you have to pay it back. I guess it all depends on how much of a loss you took vs paying it back. I haven’t been hit too bad because most of mine is in low risk, since I’m old. So I’m just waiting for retirement to roll around and find out that they’ve emptied the funds completely.

  39. Tres Cool

    A light finally went off in my head. Anytime I hear/read about some elected official (or an appointed health commissioner like in Ohio) say, “out of an abundance of caution, we’re implementing (x).” Or, “it’s we’re looking out for the safety of all our citizens….”

    It’s really just this.

    • JD is Unemployed

      RIP in piece, sweet Bertram Crispin Reynolds III.

  40. Suthenboy

    Just finished eating my pizza. I dont think I baked the crust long enough pre-dressing. I was going to use a half flour / half semolina recipe. I know I bought semolina sometime in the last year but it seems to hav disappeared so I just went with all purpose flour. Also, I got distracted and ini the pre-bake I didn’t get a chance to turn the broiler on for half of the time. I dont think the top side of the crust cooked enough and it ended up a bit doughy tasting.
    For some reason I have been grouchy as hell today and very distracted.

    Where is my vodka? *looks around*

  41. Mojeaux

    Got a storage unit today, 10×25. Almost half price because it gets a little soggy on the floor, but she had pallets we were free to use, so XY and I put those down. Score. Now we gotta fill it. *looks in garage apprehensively*

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Be careful with mold and mildew if there’s moisture in the unit.

      • Mojeaux

        Will do, thanks. I hadn’t thought about it, but that makes sense. I don’t think our stuff will be in there that long, but I’ll keep an eye on it.

      • Tom Teriffic

        That’s what we said, thinking it would be a temporary thing. 20 or so yeas later we finally emptied it out. And kept almost nothing.

      • Mojeaux

        Ours is stuff we use often enough that we would miss having it handy AND we are going to sell a lot of our stuff (mostly because we don’t like it). We considered another couple of options, but because reasons, we chose this route. It’ll do for now. I don’t expect we’ll be there more than a year or so.

    • Hyperion

      “it gets a little soggy on the floor”

      What’s leaking? Water damage will quickly escalate and destroy stuff. Can you fix it?

  42. commodious spittoon

    We’ve ensured that if a truly existential pandemic hits, we’ll be too poorly disposed toward public health measures to do anything about it. At least, I hope so.

  43. Hyperion

    First time out of the house for us today, for 2-3 weeks. We took a daring expedition to the upscale marketplace. Almost everyone wearing masks. I saw only 2 people not wearing them. Besides that, things looked about the same as 2 weeks ago as far as traffic. But it’s raining a lot, so hard to tell if more people would actually be out now, or not. I think we’re going out again tomorrow to hit the local normal budget rate supermarket, getting a little low on a few things.

    • Count Potato

      There are still plenty of things I can’t buy at the supermarket.

      I’m still looking for an online source of non-food household supplies.

      • Hyperion

        We didn’t find anything we wanted today out of stock. I got some really nice looking sweet corn. Nothing looked low to me. But we’ll see how the regular supermarket looks tomorrow.

      • Count Potato

        Bleach, disinfectants, paper goods have all been out of stock since the announcement in March.

        Very little beef, bakery bread, dried beans, or frozen vegetables. I got the last bag of frozen peas. No buttermilk.

      • Hyperion

        I can buy tons of beef, beans, frozen veggies right now. But I already have a lot.

        Nothing there that we’re low on.

        My wife is very vigilant about this stuff and because she has nothing else to do, she doesn’t work, she’ll just hit sites several times daily until she sees something back in stock and she’ll just order it. I’m lucky she’s in charge of household goods, because someone has to work around here.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        sextoys.com

      • Hyperion

        “I’m still looking for an online source of non-food household supplies.”

        Amazon? They still low on stuff? I just went to Walmart, Home Depot, and the local supermarket and found everything I need.

        The only thing I’ve had trouble finding is name brand toilet paper, but my wife found it on Amazon Pantry one day and she bought enough that I’d say we’re easy good for 6 months now. We have the cheap stuff too, but I’ve been using that for my petri-dish seed germination.

      • Count Potato

        Ever try jiffy pellets? (As far as I remember they used to be called jiffy pots.)

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, I have a lot of them and I use them. After the seeds germinate. I don’t like to waste pellets on seeds that may or may not germinate.

        I use a folded up square of toilet paper in those little condiment cups with the lids to put seeds in and wait to see if they germinate. The ones that do, I move them into a jiffy pellet, or pete plug, or right into a pot or the soil, depending on what it is. I’ve been doing this for 30 years and that’s the best method I’ve found.

      • Count Potato

        Amazon looks like they are still out of stuff, but they have bleach.

      • Hyperion

        I’m telling you, you have to have nothing else to do, like my wife, and just keep cycling sites until you see ‘In Stock’ and pounce. It works.

      • Count Potato

        Maybe your wife knows a good list of sites? Because everyone thinks Amazon.

      • Hyperion

        For household supplies like you’re talking about, I think she mostly checks Amazon, Amazon Pantry, and Walmart. and Home Depot. Walmart delivers too you know.

        She’s just almost OCD about checking it if she wants something.

      • Count Potato

        OK, so does Home Depot.

    • Suthenboy

      I snagged 4 – 1lb packs of 80% lean ground beef this morning. They were on sale 3 bucks each because they were two days away from expiration. We have beef on the shelf up to expiration.

      Yet the sugar was wiped out. What the hell are people doing with all of that sugar?

      • Viking1865

        I know what my grandaddy would do with a shitload of sugar in tough times.

      • Suthenboy

        Well….now that you mention it….

      • Hyperion

        My wife has a ton of sugar of all different types, as well as honey, Karo syrup, agave syrup, all that stuff.

        I like Stevia, my wife hates it. I probably have a 10 year supply of it.

      • Suthenboy

        I go through about 50 lbs of sugar per year…bees and hummingbirds eat a lot. I dont touch the stuff myself.

        I am puzzled as to what everyone else is doing now that they did not do before.

        Hoarding?

      • Hyperion

        Hoarding is always the best guess. Like TP, it’s not perishable, may as well hoard it.

      • Count Potato

        I noticed a baking craze on twitter. It’s very difficult to find yeast.

      • Mojeaux

        Yeup.

        Fortunately, I already had some in the freezer. Not enough to last for a while, but if I’m forced to bake yeasty things, I’ll have some at least.

      • Suthenboy

        That was the first thing that came to mind but it only takes a tablespoon or two to make a loaf of bread.

      • Incentives Matter

        I use a teaspoon and a little bit of diastatic malt. Takes a little longer to rise, is all.

  44. JaimeRoberto Delecto

    We had a Webex Happy Hour for my group at work yesterday. I nearly climbed through the internet to choke the idiot who thinks we all need to stay inside until there’s a vaccine. He then proceeded to show us the fancy dinner he was cooking with ingredients that must have fallen from the sky, because there’s no way he could have left the house.

    • Hyperion

      They were having one of those today when I got done with a Skype call with my project manager. She said ‘It’s Happy Hour! You want to join?’. I said ‘Are you nuts? Have a good weekend.’. I should have joined with a N95 mask on, holding up this can of Corona.

    • Suthenboy

      There isn’t going to be any vaccine. If we can’t make one for the other corona viruses that cause colds then we cant make one for this one either.

      • Hyperion

        Then we have to stay inside! Until we get one! badorangeman is gone!

      • Suthenboy

        You can safely ignore anyone who talks about a vaccine. They have no idea what they are talking about. Ask them to explain in detail what ‘the corona virus’ is.
        My bet is that they have no idea that corona is a whole group of viruses, a few of which cause the common cold – another generalization that is inaccurate.

      • Hyperion

        There is also the fact that it is, as you are saying, not a flu. It’s a cold like virus. And maybe the reason it’s so lethal (which is being greatly exaggerated) is because there’s no herd immunity to it, yet. How many people are the other cold type viruses killing? None, we all have antibodies for them.

        This will all change when badorangeman is gone and you will hear no more of it, end of story.

      • Suthenboy

        “There is also the fact that it is, as you are saying, not a flu.”

        I know, but it is too much fun to say ‘Flu Manchu’, plus it is the most apt name socially.

        “This will all change when badorangeman is gone and you will hear no more of it, end of story.”

        Truth.
        At that time I will berate everyone that had TDS mercilessly. So many lives ruined, fortunes, businesses and careers destroyed over this nonsense. I will never let it go not until the day I die.

      • Incentives Matter

        Yeah, a buddy of mine knew that, but was debating me on FB saying that monoclonal antibodies (MAs) will do the job. I didn’t want to rain on his parade or hurt his feelings by pointing out that creating a monoclonal antibody for COVID wouldn’t be any better than a vaccine, ’cause coronavirii actually attack epithelial cells in the respiratory tract first, which, for immune system active response purposes, are considered to be “outside” the body and therefore do not trigger an immune system response until it’s far too late. Not to mention the fact that neither MAs nor vaccines are considered to be 100% effective at the best of times. Thus, anyone who has their hopes pinned on either of these solutions has to say “we’ll end the lockdown if only (say) 10% of people would be unprotected by MAs/vaccines.” That makes no sense, since far less than 10% of the population would experience adverse/dangerous reactions if we simply let the coronavirus rampage through the population unchecked. If your vaccine/MA won’t protect 100% of the population, what are you waiting for?

      • Suthenboy

        “That makes no sense…”

        Neither does anything else they are saying or doing, at least not in the context of public health.

  45. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    Grrr. Took a toddler skull to the chin and ended up spitting out a chip of a tooth… The dentist is gonna love the payday when he fixes that one.

  46. Hyperion

    My wife’s kids bought her one of those robovacs for Mother’s Day. She’s so excited over that thing, she’s like a little kid.

    • Old Man With Candy

      We have one and love love love it.

    • Hyperion

      “At the start female players get more money than guys—$1,900 versus $1,500—and collect $240 for passing go, rather than the usual $200.”

      Equality!