The Night Shift for May 16, 2020

by | May 16, 2020 | Fun, Night Shift | 60 comments

Man, last weekend was freakin’ awesome, weather-wise!  Took a trip down to Granbury (not a euphemism), and spent a few hours on the square.  I hope the rest of you are able to get out and do something to shake off the cower-in-place filth that our political betters seem to be reveling in.  There seems to be plenty of people tired of being told to shut up and suffer, and are getting bold about it.  Not sure it’s gonna translate into impeachments, or, legislative roll-backs, but, we’ll see soon enough.  Anyway, let’s see what’s going on out there:

 

How about some silliness?

This is how you admit when you’re wrong…when you’re a politician.  Hey, it’s better than many others, low bar that it is.

This is how you admit when you’re wrong…when you’re caught on video.  What the hell is it with people who brag as a form of argument?  Also, notice the convenient alcoholism, that wasn’t apparent until they made the news.

Remember, folks:  Living in PA is like joining the military.  Especially that service contract you signed.

::sad trombone::  File this under “Is it OK to hate everyone in this story?”.  On a side note, I cannot abide self-righteous politicians acting as if they are the sole voice of everyone within their jurisdiction.

Hey; it was safer than a DW cruise.  Maybe this is how you get back at them for what they did to Star Wars…

“So, how do we stop the spread of this awful respiratory disease?”  Americans are pikers, with their candy-ass, ‘sand in the skate parks’ schemes.

Keep reaching for the stHoly crap—that kid is five???  You know, maybe some kids do need an ass-whoopin’ or two.  And a treadmill….

OK, then.  Warning:  Be sure you’re ready to click that link, even though you already have some idea of what awaits.

***If you live in, or will be passing through, the North Texas area this Summer, let’s have a gliberati shindig, once things start livening up a bit.  TPTB have my permission to give out my contact email to whoever wants to get in on the excitement.***

 

So, humanity keeps right on trucking along, it would seem.  I guess the smarter segments are busy working on COVID cures, and sex robots, while the others make the news.  Present company excluded.  Maybe.  C’mon—you know I love many of you!  Most of you. Virtually every one of you, IYKWIMAITYD….  Alright, I’ll stop.  Talk amongst yourselves, link, and be merry, dammit.

About The Author

Sir Digby Classic

Sir Digby Classic

My goal is to make every social interaction awkward.

60 Comments

  1. LemonGrenade

    “Ok, then” lady has to be the grandmaster prank caller of the year. Way better than, “Is your refrigerator running?”
    Good evening, fellow Glibs! Crazy week full of crazy work. Hope everyone else’s week went well.

  2. LemonGrenade

    WOW. Everyone must have gotten drunk and headed off to bed. I should probably follow suit. Sweet dreams!

    • AlmightyJB

      Fire crotch is a definite pass.

      • AlmightyJB

        I don’t know how I keep replying when I try to comment.

      • LemonGrenade

        On the other hand, I feel like I have been validated with attention, so there’s that.

      • AlmightyJB

        ?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Sorry. Gave the dog a bath and moved the furniture from one bedroom to the other.

  3. KSuellington

    Ok then, I have a buddy whose brother is a doctor. When he was in medical school back in the late 90’s he had the chance to go to a rural clinic to work for a year in return for getting a large break on his school fees. During his apprenticeship there he had a backwoods lady come in with complaints of abdominal pain. When he examined the woman he asked her if anything was different with her health. She remarked that she had noticed. “weeds in her jojo.” He was slightly taken aback and asked her what she meant exactly. She offered to show him what she meant and upon examination, she did indeed have plant matter growing out of her vagina. He got in there further and found a sprouted potato that he removed. “Oh yeah, that was a couple months back that I put up there. I forgot that was when I couldn’t get anything else that month.”

    • LemonGrenade

      OMG. Reason #1 why I would never want to be a doctor.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        I would figure there would be many, many reasons before arriving at that one.

      • LemonGrenade

        Nope, “investigating weird stuff stuck up a woman’s coochie is definitely at the top of the list” above anything else I can think of, no matter how bloody.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Well, one man’s hobby…

      • KSuellington

        After I heard that story, “weeds in my jojo” became an ongoing multi-year joke with my buddy. “Dude, why you got weeds in your jojo”, you can imagine the fun we had with that phrase. It leads to endless iterations.

      • LemonGrenade

        I have a feeling it will get used at least once at work in the next 24 hours.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        ::crosses fingers::

      • KSuellington

        If you can rock a “weeds In your jojo” at work and get a positive response that’s a really good sign you work with some cool people.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        I believe this is true.

      • LemonGrenade

        Oh yeah, I can totally get away with that at work. The challenge is setting up the conversation in such a way that it flows naturally, rather than being randomly inserted. I have a one on one with my boss at 9am. And he’s big into gardening!! I think I’ve got this.

      • KSuellington

        Please report back on how that transpires. ?

    • AlmightyJB

      I’m going to be laughing about that for days.

    • commodious spittoon

      I couldn’t get anything else that month

      *blinks slowly*

    • Derpetologist

      I was really hoping this story would end with drugs falling out of her ass. That would complete the circle.

      Potatoes are like crack for Irish people, so in a way drugs *did* fall out of her ass.

      “I got weeds in my jojo” could be the beginning of a blues song.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNj2BXW852g

      “I got weeds in my jojo…”

      [plays harmonica]

      “My woman done left me…”

      [plays harmonica]

      “I got the potato-in-my-hoohaa blues.”

    • Chafed

      At least she didn’t make up a ridiculous story to explain how the potato got in there.

      • commodious spittoon

        I’m still unclear why it got where it’s said to be where it was.

      • Chafed

        I took it to mean she couldn’t get laid so she used the potato and left it in.

      • Chafed

        I’m assuming meth was involved.

      • KSuellington

        She used a potato as a tampon and forgot about it. I Imagine that meth was involved.

      • KSuellington

        We are talking fingerling and not Russett.

      • commodious spittoon

        What is it that meth does that is so incredibly depersonalizing that you’d think that horseshit reasoning seems sensible.

      • commodious spittoon

        Always found it funny that every one of the girlfriends I’ve had were weirdly afraid of moths, but now that I’ve lived alone for a bit, they do kinda creep up on you. And they’re huge, vermin-sized pests. Not louses or mites, they’re out for blood or whatever they’re all about. And they’re making it known they’re about.

      • KSuellington

        Staying up for days at a time is very very bad for the human brain. We need sleep.

      • Tejicano

        The Soviets ran an experiment on some people, giving them a drug which made it impossible to sleep. The effects were a horror show of self-mutilation and total loss of control over their behavior.

  4. Q Continuum

    Dammit. I didn’t see the new post.

    Titposts at the end of the previous post.

  5. commodious spittoon

    “While we’ve had difficulties with this neighbor, this particular confrontation got out of hand,” said Ford, a professor in the Sac State economics department. “My wife used some language that was unacceptable, and does not represent my way of thinking.”

    Way to sell your wife down the river, simp.

    • Chafed

      I’m guessing the problem isn’t with the neighbors. His wife has been out of control and he is a douche bag. He ought to start by looking in the mirror.

    • Chafed

      She’s pretty but not $200k/month pretty. C’mon.

  6. KSuellington

    I’m watching Meatballs with my wife. They made comedies like this for a short time, maybe a decade or so. You can’t watch this shit without getting high. I like to smoke weed with really good tobacco, properly cut shag, nothing dry or harsh. It’s hard to find. I tried to cut up my own tobacco leaf but I couldn’t find anything close to good British or Dutch shag. All the Drum here is now a crappy domestic version and not what you get in Dutchieland. I was very pleased today to see a smoke shop near me say fuck it and opened up. The guy behind the counter was chewing sunflower seeds and casually spitting them into a bin as he sold me a pouch. How long you been open. “oh, we opened up last week.” Fuck yeah. Love it.

  7. straffinrun

    Thx for the links, Dig. Wish I had time to fart around, but alas…

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      Uhh…see below

    • KSuellington

      Dig the new avatar.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Eat more cruciferous vegetables and it’ll make time for you.

  8. Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

    Dang. And, thankee.

    • commodious spittoon

      Thankee sai?

  9. Chafed

    Those birds are funny. I wonder what we look like to them.

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      Probably quite boring.

      • Chafed

        You haven’t seen my mating dance.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        I…………you’re right!

  10. Gustave Lytton

    I’d like to think that picture of Wolf with his hands up is because he’s being arrested.

    • Sean

      *fap fap fap*

  11. Festus

    Just woke myself up by bashing my forehead on the desk. Time to go sleepers…

    • JD is in the United Karendom

      *holds phone up to your face and presses play*

  12. JD is in the United Karendom

    Morning, Glibs. Well, about ten minutes of it anyway.

    • Sean

      Good morning. ?

    • Suthenboy

      I am wondering who came up with the talking point that Trump has bungled the pandemic. Since when is it the president’s job to do that? It is being handled in 50 different states at the state level.

  13. prolefeed

    What do you mean by North Texas re: Glib shindig? Dallas / Fort Worth? I live in Austin.