Tuesday Afternoon Links

by | May 12, 2020 | Daily Links | 235 comments

So, I had the beach-towniest encounter today. Went looking for an open place to rent kayaks, and stopped at the local fresh seafood store because those are usually run by families who have boats. Picked up a six-pack of Oyster Bay Mill Pond Dirty Blonde, talked to the lady about fresh oysters (its been cold here, so I’m disregarding the “r” month rule), and asked if she knew anyone who was renting kayaks right now. She says, “hold on.” Turns around and says to one of her friends behind the counter, “hey, this gentleman [I was wearing close-toed shoes] wants to rent a kayak.” Five minutes later, I have a deal to rent a double kayak and a standup paddle board for the rest of the week, vests, paddles, to be delivered, $100 cash when the boats show up. Also, they’re gonna call me when the oysters come in fresh. If only meth was this easy to score.

Congratulations, you can now live openly with your brother-husbands! Polygamy is no longer a felony.

The House goes big with a $3T COVID relief bill, including removing SALT tax exemption caps.

Dr. Fauci, heartthrob, claims that coronavirus still more dangerous than not having money.

FAKE NEWS! Or maybe not. I’ve seen about half a dozen people on my beach today.

 

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

235 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    My name is Brochettaward, first of firsts: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

    • leon

      What should us Non Mighty folk do?

      • Below Sea Level Hell Centro

        Quarantine.

  2. Count Potato

    “But after a new law decriminalizing polygamy among consenting adults takes effect Tuesday, plural marriages are now considered an infraction — an offense less than some traffic tickets and a historic shift in how the state regards the practice.”

    How many times can they infract you per spouse? Could get expensive.

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      Big o’ you, too.

    • Bobarian LMD

      What does this do to divorce proceedings?

      How many halves of your shit can you produce?

      • BakedPenguin

        It could create a race to get the first one in. Second one gets a quarter, third gets an eighth, and so on and so on…

      • hayeksplosives

        I’ve wondered the same thing. Is next of kin the first wife, or the one with the highest performance rating for the prior year?

      • Jarflax

        I suggest a point system. Get ’em competing!

  3. Count Potato

    “This bill addresses the regulation of yurts.”

    That sounds important.

    • Pope Jimbo

      In this shutdown the economy is terrible and people are losing their houses and really yurting.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Yet another intented consequence.

      • one true athena

        Does that include the lack of TP?

  4. The Late P Brooks

    “The major message that I wish to convey to the Senate HLP committee tomorrow is the danger of trying to open the country prematurely,” Fauci wrote in an email to Times health policy reporter Sheryl Gay Stolberg.

    “If we skip over the checkpoints in the guidelines to: ‘Open America Again,’ then we risk the danger of multiple outbreaks throughout the country. This will not only result in needless suffering and death, but would actually set us back on our quest to return to normal,” Fauci wrote.

    Why doesn’t my boss do what I tell him?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Specificity is hard to come by in this age of WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE and YOU’RE KILLING GRANDMA

  5. Rebel Scum

    Oyster Bay Mill Pond Dirty Blonde

    I, too, like dirty blondes…

    If only meth was this easy to score.

    Try the Ozarks.

  6. Count Potato

    So now it’s up to $9B?

  7. Count Potato

    “Dr. Fauci, heartthrob, claims that coronavirus still more dangerous than not having money.”

    Fuck that guy. He still has his job.

    • R C Dean

      Unless you are in well known and pretty narrow risk groups, the ‘Rona isn’t dangerous.

      You fucking hack.

      • Nephilium

        I was entertained to find this:

        For most people, the virus causes mild or moderate symptoms that clear up in a couple of weeks. Older adults and people with existing health problems are at higher risk of more severe illness, including pneumonia, or death.

        in this article about what our state is also allowing to open on the 15th (massage and tattoo/piercing parlors). Still no word on day care facilities, bowling alleys, gyms, etc…

      • Bobarian LMD

        Rand Paul has been deliverin’ the smack down.

      • The Other Kevin

        I’m a little confused. I heard Fauci DESTROYED him.

      • BakedPenguin

        What’s the over/under on the number of sarcastic leftists who’ll exclaim that Paul isn’t a medical professional, and his opinion on this shouldn’t matter?

      • bacon-magic

        Just scroll through twitter, they hatin’ on Rand. Ha ha . Their fits speak volumes on his ass whoopin’ of Fauci.

      • Fourscore

        Predictions are just that. Fortune tellers may be right occasionally but I wouldn’t take their investment advice and at this point in the game the investment advice of anyone else, either.

        VA is always looking for drs, Doctor Fauci.

    • Gustave Lytton

      He’s indispensable. Didn’t you read about the statement from NIH that if he was needed at the White House, he’d take precautions (maybe even wear a facemask?) and show up, damn his supposed quarantine status. Same with the CDC head.

    • Drake

      Somebody should take all his money and see if he changes his mind.

  8. DEG

    But after a new law decriminalizing polygamy among consenting adults takes effect Tuesday, plural marriages are now considered an infraction — an offense less than some traffic tickets and a historic shift in how the state regards the practice.

    I note two women wrote this article.

    Speaker Nancy Pelosi and House Democrats are planning to move ahead with a Friday vote on a $3 trillion package to respond to the coronavirus crisis, despite protests from progressives that the bill doesn’t go far enough.

    Man, we’re talking real money now.

    The White House’s top U.S. infectious disease expert, Dr. Anthony Fauci, warned Congress on Tuesday that some states are prematurely reopening businesses, risking additional outbreaks of the deadly coronavirus cases, particularly among the most vulnerable populations.

    Go fuck yourself. Fire him.

    Naples councilman Gary Price pushed for the shutdown after a friend texted him a photo of sunbathers packing the beach on Saturday amid the coronavirus crisis, WFLA reported.

    “It was just packed,” Price told the station after driving over to take a look for himself. “I mean, there were clearly way too many people for the area.”

    Go fuck yourself.

    • Fourscore

      Hey, hey, hey, he’s a councilman, he knows too many when he sees it (them). My god, man, it was packed! That’s enough proof for me. Worse than Woodstock, I heard.

  9. Sean

    Republicans dismissed the bill even before the text was public, calling it a Democratic wishlist that would go nowhere in the GOP-controlled Senate.

    I fucking hope so. We can’t spend another $3T of money we don’t have. These people are psychos.

    • The Hyperbole

      At this point, what difference does it make?

      • bacon-magic

        Hillary?

    • Enough About Palin

      Throwing out the SALT cap will help the rich. In other words, the Dem’s primary constituency.

      • Chafed

        It’s important to tax the rich except when it hurts Democrats.

  10. Certified Public Asshat

    Update from this morning, CNN lied again:

    That @CNN tweet claiming "68% of Americans say a vaccine is needed before returning to normal life, new survey finds" misrepresents Gallup data.The survey doesn't ask that, and the closest question says just 9%.@robbysoave@NoahCRothman @varadmehtahttps://t.co/brPYhQ856z— Nicholas Grossman (@NGrossman81) May 12, 2020

    • leon

      Whats 59% between friends?

    • Sean

      No, no…that’s not a lie. It’s a mistake.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        They don’t get the benefit of the doubt.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      We still don’t have a vaccine for typhus.

      • leon

        Why do you think i’ve been a hermit for so long?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Getting rodded with silver nitrate to treat your case of the Clap will drive a man into hiding.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Shut the fuck up, Marytard.

        (did I do it right?)

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I would suggest bold text, next time.

      • Tundra

        All caps cool?

      • Bobarian LMD

        The coolest.

      • Spudalicious

        SHUT THE FUCK UP MINNESODATARD!

      • Certified Public Asshat

        At least 9% are still waiting for one.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Or at most, hard to tell.

  11. Count Potato

    “Total cases globally: 4,177,504
    Recovered: 1,456,209
    Deaths: 286,33O”

    whatever

    • Gustave Lytton

      Speaking of which, how about reporting active infections, rather than cumulative numbers, to gauge current scope?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Dude, the cumulative number of cases keeps going up. We can’t open until it goes down.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Huh, cumulative deaths keeps going up too. Better lockdown forever.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Apparently ~3M are waiting to die?

  12. Count Potato

    Rick and Morty started again?

    • Urthona

      2 episodes in.

      • Nephilium

        Only 3 more to go… until the next hiatus.

      • Count Potato

        Oh OK, thanks, I must have missed that.

    • Drake

      When are we getting new Archer?

  13. leon

    3T? Those are rookie numbers. They need to get Warren and gang in there to pump those numbers up.

  14. Rhywun

    including removing SALT tax exemption caps

    A provision aimed at the over $125K set. How progressive of them.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I don’t think unemployment benefits are that generous.

      • leon

        :golf clap:

      • Bobarian LMD

        Just wait.

    • Gustave Lytton

      How about lowering your local taxes, SALT states?

  15. leon

    Utah voters no longer have the option of ticking a single box to support all the candidates from a single party on their ballot — meaning they’ll now need to consider and cast each vote individually.

    I’m really surprised by that. Glad. But Surprised. I wonder if that was the work of Teal republicans and the Dems together?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Meanwhile Texas heads the other way…

      • Suthenboy

        Harris county started straight ticket voting and in the very first election every single republican lost.
        Idiots.

    • leon

      Checking the Co-Sponsors it would seem yes. It was an effort by the libertarian wing and the Dems in the Utah House.

    • Bill Door

      Definitely the right move.

  16. Count Potato

    “COVID-19 cases spike by 1,000% in a WEEK in Tennessee and Kansas counties, as infections rise across US, unreleased White House report reveals – despite Trump claiming they’re down

    Tennessee and Kansas, both states that have eased lockdown restrictions, are home to counties where coronavirus infections have spiked by 1,000 percent in a week, an unreleased White House COVID-19 taskforce report shows.

    The report indicates that cases are increasing in heartland pockets of the United States despite President Donald Trump’s claim on Monday that infections are ‘coming down rapidly’ across the country.

    The data in the report, which has not been released publicly but was obtained by NBC News, was included in a May 7 COVID-19 task force report compiled by its data and analytics team.

    The emergence of the report comes as Dr Anthony Fauci warned Congress on Tuesday that a premature lifting of lockdowns could lead to additional outbreaks of COVID-19, which has so far killed more than 81,000 Americans and infected 1.3 million.

    The huge increase is due to an outbreak at the privately run Trousdale Turner Correctional Center where nearly 1,300 inmates and 50 staffers recently tested positive.

    Tennessee currently has more than 15,500 cases and over 250 deaths.

    Leavenworth County in Kansas, which is just west of Kansas City, has also seen its infections increase by 1,000 percent over a week with 587 new cases reported.

    Health officials there have reported two clusters of cases – one at the Lansing Correctional Facility and another at the state-run Grossman Residential Reentry Center.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8311963/Tennessee-Kansas-home-counties-COVID-19-spikes.html

    So the prisons should be on lockdown?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The huge increase is due to an outbreak at the privately run Trousdale Turner Correctional Center

      Guess they won’t be waiting tables anytime soon.

      • Count Potato

        The whole article is bullshit.

    • Rhywun

      So the prisons should be on lockdown?

      LOL

      /Deblasio

    • whiz

      Very disingenuous, looking at the county level. That means next to nothing. And what does an outbreak in a prison have to do with whether we should reduce restrictions on ordinary citizens. And did the “outbreak” occur just because they decided to test everyone?

      • Count Potato

        Yes

  17. Tundra

    Hi Brett!

    I hope you and the family are having fun.

    From the polygamy article:

    SB102 is one of nearly 400 bills that take effect Tuesday, the default effective date for bills that passed during the 2020 legislative session.

    That’s depressing.

  18. Suthenboy

    Freedom of association is guaranteed by that old dusty first amendment. You know, the supreme law of the land that is routinely ignored. Polygamy is already legal.

    • leon

      Article III The following ordinance shall be irrevocable without the consent of the United States and the people of this State:

      First: — Perfect toleration of religious sentiment is guaranteed. No inhabitant of this State shall ever be molested in person or property on account of his or her mode of religious worship; but polygamous or plural marriages are forever prohibited.

      Utah Constituion

      • Tonio

        STEVE SMITH COVERED SINCE NOT POLYGAMOUS, SERIAL MONOAMORIST. AND BY MONOAMORY MEAN RAPE ONLY ONE HOLE AT A TIME…

      • Mojeaux

        ONLY ONE HOLE AT A TIME…

        Fake news.

      • Suthenboy

        The US constitution is the supreme law of the land. No other law can contravene the US constitution. What you quoted is not a law, it is the state violating people’s rights.

      • leon

        I’m not disagreeing. But those rights are being violated because the US government required it. Utah is in a wierd situation where they couldn’t legalize it if they wanted to. It requires the US Gov to make the change, because the US gov made them do it to get statehood.

    • Ozymandias

      Yeah, it was made a condition of acceptance into the union. Same as Arizona was required to get rid of its constitutional provision that allowed for the removal of judges. Taft didn’t like it, so the AZ territory was denied statehood until they “got it right.” They got rid of the offending language, and then shortly after becoming a state, added back in a Constitutional provision allowing for the removal of judges. Fuck Taft.

  19. Scruffy Nerfherder

    And the bear market rally appears to have broken today. Tomorrow will be the real test.

    • Count Potato

      The Dow has been 23 – 24K for a long time. I’ve been surprised it’s been this stable.

    • whiz

      It’s only down 2% today — it would have to drop another 3-4% to really break the recent upward trend.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Like I said, tomorrow will be the test.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Don’t contradict Church doctrine, or you might wind up tied to a stake with your feet on fire

    Amid a surge of misinformation triggered by the Covid-19 pandemic, Twitter has announced yet another update to its policies regarding conspiracy theories and fake news. Now, Covid-19 tweets that are considered misleading will get labels designed to offer more context about the information therein. Tweets making potentially harmful claims disputed by experts will now come with a more direct warning message.

    ——-

    Incorrect health information about the coronavirus threatens lives, which might explain why companies like Twitter and Facebook are now acting more aggressively. Still, questions about how fake news and conspiracy theories will continue to threaten the public well-being remain unresolved. Incremental policy updates are good, but they are no panacea.

    For the last time. The sun RISES. The Earth does not spin. If it did, everything would fly off into Heaven.

    • Rhywun

      I’m sure Twitter’s head epidemiologist is making these decisions.

    • Suthenboy

      “Incorrect health information about the coronavirus threatens lives, which might explain why companies like Twitter and Facebook are now acting more aggressively. ”

      Yep. Thats why they are doing it.

  21. Rebel Scum

    “If we skip over the checkpoints in the guidelines to: ‘Open America Again,’ then we risk the danger of multiple outbreaks throughout the country. This will not only result in needless suffering and death, but would actually set us back on our quest to return to normal,” Fauci wrote.

    This ain’t exactly the bubonic plague. Fuck off, doc.

    • Drake

      Seriously. I don’t remember this fucker appearing on a ballot.

  22. Tonio

    Congrats on the kayak rental. That’s a super good deal, at least in normal times. Here a kayak is like $50 for half-day.

  23. Rebel Scum

    Hail Whitmer! *Romans salute*

    Whitmer was asked about business owners and residents “doubting” her authority to enforce executive orders.

    She claimed to know how “frustrating” the situation is, before cautioning “I expect people to follow the law.

    “These executive orders are not a suggestion. They’re not optional. They’re not helpful hints.”

    OBEY

    • whiz

      I thought she could only invoke emergency status for a month unless the state legislature went along with it. Is that right, and, if so, have they?

      • The Other Kevin

        They have not, so they are attempting to sue here. So maybe she’s claiming that the procedures in place for an emergency shouldn’t be followed because it’s an emergency.

      • DEG

        News coverage.

        Click through to the linked stories which give some back and other information.

    • Ted S.

      It’s not a law. Did the legislature pass it and the governor have a signing ceremony?

      • Pope Jimbo

        I bet Pelosi made sure that companies that produce and sell ceremonial signing pens were declared an essential business.

    • Fourscore

      “They won’t do what I tell them”

      Words spoken be every new corporal

      • Ozymandias

        4×20 off the top rope! Droppin’ serious military wisdom.
        One of my favorite acquittals as a judge advocate involved a fight between a Lance Corporal and his newly promoted Corporal fire team leader. The newly promoted E4 didn’t think his lance coolie friend was properly “respecting his authoritah!” The Corporal thought his “authoritah” including the laying of hands on the LCpl during a hump; the LCpl disagreed and responded in kind. I wound up defending the LCpl in a contested court-martial and he walked. God, I still love that case.
        I want to see Whitmer get her version of that.

      • Fourscore

        Every 2Lt needs a good platoon sgt.

        “Sir, let me handle this”

      • Ozymandias

        The good LT’s quickly figure out that they also probably shouldn’t be there while the Plt Sgt takes care of these matters. Best for everyone if they just go back to the head shed and get some of that important LT paperwork done.

      • Fourscore

        “Happy hour at 1700, Lt, be there”

        Bn Cmdr

        Are those days over? Serious camaraderie at the club(s)? NCO/OFF?

      • Ozymandias

        They were still a thing, in a variety of forms, when I was on active duty, Mr. Fourscore, but that was a lot of years ago. I got out (finally) in 2018, but I haven’t been a part of the mainstream Big Green Machine in almost a decade or so – and there were a LOT of changes that I saw from the Reserve side of the house that made me cringe. We used to have “officer calls” when I was in the Fleet, as well as the occasional “Boss’ Night” where the company grade officers, some field grade, and the NCOs and Staff NCOs would get together, but they were headed the way of the dodo with the crackdown on the evils of alcohol. (It leads to “unprofessional behavior,” donchaknow, and the Karens in Congress helped kill that.)

      • Fourscore

        In 1971 I was on an advisory team to a VN division, mostly officers, a few senior NCOs, a couple young clerks. The club was about a block from our little area/ One night while we were playing volleyball one captain was hauling another captain back from the club on a 2 wheel dolly. We stopped the game to watch and I don’t think anything ever came of it. The deputy commander (an LTC) was a lush, the team commander lived remotely away from the team so we never saw him off duty.

        A year or two later at Ft Hood we had parties at the main club on occasion. The club annex was the place where the more junior officers hung out, could drink in duty uniform. Had daily dancers and on rare occasions a little titty was seen but unauthorized. It was across the street from Post HQs but if any senior offs came in they just had a drink and kept moving.

        DWIs began to be very serious offenses, both on and off post.

      • Gustave Lytton

        We had a newly reclassified E5 from god knows what MOS. Maybe ADA? Anyways, he’s in an NG infantry company and assigned to a squad led by an E-4. This E-4 was squared away and had the time, but was waiting on either rank or a PLDC slot but he knew his shit solid. Anyways, nice guy but out of league E5 had a blank negligent discharge during a brief on a FTX. E4 squad leader just gestured to the ground and E5 started pushing. There were senior NCOs present and no one, not even the E5, batted an eye.

        That to me is the classic case of the difference between authority and rank.

      • Pope Jimbo

        In Okinawa, we had a salty E5 join us from the infantry. He was always running his mouth about how our discipline wasn’t up to snuff and none of us would ever make it in the infantry.

        We all mostly ignored him. One Friday evening I had the duty and was talking to another E4 in the entrance to the barracks. The other E4 had had a few drinks and was half in civies and half in his cammies. Up comes E5 guy and he starts in on my buddy for being a shit bird and he should either go get in civies or back in uniform. (By the way Smitty by buddy was a giant 6’5 and muscles everywhere, E5 was maybe 150 and 5’8).

        Smitty tells him to fuck off and I laughed. Then E5 gets on my ass and I tell him to move on. During his rant he tells us that if we were back in the infantry right now he’d have his stripes off and would be beating our asses for being such shit birds. Smitty tells him there is no way he’d dare take off his stripes. So the E5 does, gets into a dorky fighting pose only to have Smitty grab him and literally throw him through the door, then walk outside and throw him into a benjo ditch (basically raw sewage ditch). At that point, I got Smitty to leave him alone and go back to his room.

        I had about 5 minutes of respect for the E5 guy for walking the walk. Then he fucked it all up by demanding I call the Provost Marshalls to come arrest Smitty. I told him to get into the shower and into his rack and no one was getting arrested. That Monday E5 went to our Sgt Maj and tried to press charges against both of us. The Sgt Maj asked all of us if E5 legit took off his stripes and when all three of us agreed, he send Smitty and I on our way (with a small admonshment for being dumbasses) and kept E5 in his office for further “discussion”.

        I still laugh thinking of that poor bastards face as he was hurled through the air through the door of the barracks.

      • Ozymandias

        That. Is. Awesome.
        You know how you can always tell the guy’s who were “from the grunts” where things were “different” (and by “different” they mean “better in every way”) than where they are now? Because they won’t shut the fuck up about it and can’t stop telling you – like a vegan… or a CrossFitter. 😉
        They also can’t seem to explain why they’re no longer in those units, either… coincidentally.

      • Drake

        What Ozy describes is really close to the only fight I ever has while on duty. Was in a mood on a long hump and in no mood for assholery.

    • BakedPenguin

      They’re not helpful hints

      Well, the first 3 words are true.

  24. The Other Kevin

    What most people keep forgetting is that nobody can predict the future. The best Fauci can do is give his best guess of what’s going to happen. Yet somehow he’s the next Nostradamus.

    • Bobarian LMD

      He’s been pretty consistently wrong on the same side as climate models, though.

  25. grrizzly

    I have a haircut appointment for next Monday. Take that.

    • The Other Kevin

      We had someone come to our house and cut our hair last week. We all look great and nobody has a fever so far.

    • Nephilium

      The girlfriend is very happy to have a salon appointment today. Additionally, per her the mall and her shop were busy today.

      • Gender Traitor

        I got an appointment with my usual stylist a week from Thursday. (Her salon isn’t opening until Monday, I believe.) Fortunately, I’m on vacation now, so I can cower-in-place to hide my shame until then.

      • Nephilium

        The girlfriend has a cosmetology license. I floated the idea of her doing black market haircuts/colors during the lockdown, but she balked at the idea of breaking the rules. She was very happy when her salon started selling packages of premixed dye for people to color their own hair at home though.

        There’s just a couple of stains in the sink now…

      • Ted S.

        Carpet matches the drapes?

      • Tres Cool

        Yes, but not the upholstery

      • Bobarian LMD

        Your girlfriend is a russian astronaut?

        That’s cool.

      • Ted S.

        Wear a hat, like I do.

    • whiz

      I think our barbershops and salons are set to open Friday — at least one barbershop had a sign up to that effect. I just missed getting a haircut before they shut down, and to complement the shaggy look I stopped shaving, too. It will be nice to be (or at least look) civilized again.

    • BakedPenguin

      I have a trimmer, which I replace when it breaks down. I spend $15-30 every three years on haircuts. Take that!

    • Tonio

      Totes jealous, brother bear. Even if we do reopen soon, my barber just had joint replacement and is out for weeks.

    • Mojeaux

      Mine’s Saturday.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Prissy douchebag is prissy

    Fauci’s appearance was the first chance in two months for lawmakers to hear directly from him and other key officials leading the coronavirus response—and the first chance for GOP lawmakers critical of the measures they’ve recommended to pounce on them.

    One of them, Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY), told Fauci that he shouldn’t be the “end-all” and key decision-maker in the virus response, while urging “humility” on the part of doctors regarding what they don’t know about the virus.

    Calmly, Fauci fired back, “I don’t give advice about anything other than public health. We should be humble about what we don’t know and that falls under the fact that we don’t know everything about this virus and we have to be careful, particularly when it comes to children.”

    If there’s anything we do know, it seems to be that children are not highly susceptible to this thing. But don’t let that stop you.

    Foochy is the smartest guy in the room on the planet. Anybody who doesn’t agree with him is an ignorant hick, or a libertarian granny-murderer.

  27. Rhywun

    “You want me to cut hospitals?”

    To the bone.

    • BakedPenguin

      ‘Ha! Who’s the Fredo now, brother? (coughs)’ – Chris Cuomo.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    What most people keep forgetting is that nobody can predict the future.

    Yogi Berra, you’re wanted on the white courtesy phone.

  29. Rebel Scum

    Rand wants you all to die.

    Paul argued that state governments and localities should decide when to reopen compared to a national reopening strategy, contending that many models have overstated the number of coronavirus deaths that would come from the pandemic.

    “I think that … we’re going to have a national one-size-fits-all approach — nobody’s going to go to school, is kind of ridiculous. We really ought to be doing it school district by school district, and the power needs to be dispersed because people make wrong predictions,” Paul said.

    Paul then said that Fauci is not the “end all” source for the coronavirus outbreak and that many authorities have shown that many parts of the country are ready to reopen.

    We ought to have a little bit of humility in our belief that we know what’s best for the economy. And, as much as I respect you, Dr. Fauci, I don’t think you’re the end-all. I don’t think you’re the one person that gets to make the decision. We can listen to your advice, but there are people on the other sides saying that there’s not going to be a surge, and we can safely open the economy and the facts will bear this out.

  30. Gustave Lytton

    Any experience with Prvi Partizan 5.56 battle packs? The sealed packaging is appealing to me.

    • Bobarian LMD

      I had some 7.62X51 that I was pretty happy with. No issues to report and cheap.

    • EvilSheldon

      They’re pretty good. PPU won’t win any accuracy awards, but the 556 battle packs are on par with other ‘inexpensive’ surplus ammo.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Thanks gents! Not looking for match grade, just want something to fill magazines as needed and not corrode in the, er, closet in the meantime.

  31. LJW

    Is Fauci speaking on behalf of a panel of experts? Or is he going off of his personal opinion? If it’s a panel it would be nice to hear from all of them. Right now it feels as though our economic future is being controlled by a single dictator.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Very disingenuous, looking at the county level. That means next to nothing. And what does an outbreak in a prison have to do with whether we should reduce restrictions on ordinary citizens. And did the “outbreak” occur just because they decided to test everyone?

    *flags comment, sets redirect to CDC*

    • Tonio

      And did the “outbreak” occur just because they decided to test everyone?

      This is the soft jiggery-pokery with the numbers. Want a spike in “cases?” Test a large, high-risk population such as a nursing home, jail, or other institutional facility where inmates (in the Dickensian sense) are there 24×7. Need a spike in deaths? Arrange for a nursing home to cough up several weeks of death stats and post those all at once like they occurred the same day.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    I like that Bee headline about Texas. I laughed heartily.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Me too.

  34. grrizzly

    The mystery of the very high number of CV deaths in MA yesterday has been solved.

    The state reported Tuesday that the death toll from the coronavirus outbreak in Massachusetts had risen by 33 cases to 5,141. Although that was the lowest daily number reported in more than a month, the state noted that due to a later reporting deadline on Monday, some deaths that might have been included in Tuesday’s report were instead in Monday’s report. The two-day average of deaths was 81, still a decline from the highest tally, 252, in late April.

    • Tonio

      Moving deadlines, processing and posting delays, the opportunities for tinkering around the edges are limitless.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    Deflation is coming. No really.

    Prices Americans paid for eggs, meat, cereal and milk shot higher in April as people flocked to grocery stores to stock up on food amid government lockdowns designed to slow the spread of Covid-19.

    The Labor Department reported Tuesday that prices U.S. consumers paid for groceries jumped 2.6% in April, the largest one-month pop since February 1974. The spike in supermarket prices was broad based and impacted items from broccoli and ham to oatmeal and tuna.

    ——-

    Excluding the volatile food and energy components, so-called core CPI dropped 0.4%, its largest slump ever through records kept since 1957.

    “In areas where demand has hung in, like ‘food at home’ we have inflation because the supply side has been damaged, whether directly via infected facilities or because of the higher costs of finding freight capacity,” Boockvar added.

    Those food prices are totally anomalous in the context of the new normal.

  36. Pope Jimbo

    Insanely infuriating story about Minnesoda’s new hobby horse: Contact Tracing.

    There is a glimmer of a silver lining. The GOP may be getting their nerve up to push back on this bullshit. They are at least starting to fight back. I’m not holding my breath though. As soon as the Dem Media starts squealing about how they are evil monsters trying to kill people, I expect them to roll over and play dead. But at least they are yipping a bit.

    There are so many things in this story that make my blood boil. Dems claiming that they have SCIENCE on their side, while at the same time fear mongering with “COVID-19 has mysterious and not-yet-understood complications”.

    But the worst for me was

    In Minnesota, even if the plan to expand tracing gets hung up in the final week of the 2020 session of the Legislature, Walz may already have the legal authority both to create the program and devote money from the federal CARES Act to pay for it.

    But it could remain a political issue once the session ends and election season begins.

    That Walz can do it without legislative help is one tool legislative DFLers are using to convince Republicans to go along. A bill currently being considered at least gives the Legislature a chance to suggest how the money is spent, though the measure hadn’t convinced any GOPers as of Monday, when the House Ways and Means Committee passed the bill, House File 4579, on a straight party-line vote.

    The fact that the GOP legislature isn’t in court suing over the fact that the Executive is usurping the power of the purse is insane. And even if they don’t sue, they should be smart enough to not sign on and run on the campaign of “Look at Gov Tyrant”

    • Pope Jimbo

      And for you cynics who think that all this money will just be wasted….

      The bill directs up to $228 million to be spent to contract with a private vendor to hire, train, and support temporary employees to contact those who test positive and follow the trail of possible infection. Also included is $30 million for an information technology system; $30 million for local health departments and community health boards to support tracing, case investigation, and follow-up efforts; $5 million for a public relations campaign called “Answer The Call”; $4 million for Minnesota’s 11 treaty tribal nations; and $3 million for a short-term expansion of the current tracing effort within the department.

      At worst, the $5M for a PR campaign (which based on past anti-smoking PSA’s is sure to be off the charts insulting) could be better used simply paying unemployment insurance. And why the tribes are getting their own carve out is beyond me (especially the ones with lucrative casinos).

      • Fourscore

        Let the DMV handle the tracing contracts. That will work as well as other DMV programs. More jobs in the pubic (sic) sector, trickle… down

      • Tonio

        “What’s a trail of possible infection?”

      • Shirley Knott

        The route to the trail of tears.

      • Count Potato

        Complete horseshit?

    • Pope Jimbo

      If the number of COVID tests ever reaches 20,000 to 30,000 a day — and if 25 percent of those tests are positive — the state estimates it would need up to 4,200 tracers contacting those residents. Because test results can lag, the state would also like to contract people in vulnerable populations, the elderly and those with underlying health problems, for example, as soon as they are tested to be prepared should the test come back positive.

      The same news site ran an article yesterday lamenting the fact that even though Minnesoda is capable of giving 5k tests/day, they don’t have enough people showing up to get tested. So how the heck do they think they are going to ramp up to 20-30K/day.

      C’mon reporter guy! The logic behind this isn’t that hard. All you have to do is think about the lies the pols are feeding you and not slurp it all down so you can regurgitate it verbatim.

    • Pope Jimbo

      It isn’t all bad news:

      Kris Ehresmann, the director of the department’s infectious disease, epidemiology, prevention and control division, said tracing might help identify vulnerable people or healthcare workers who were exposed to an infected person. But she said the department is starting to have problems with a lack of cooperation by residents. “We really need Minnesotans to participate in these interviews,” she said. “In order for our work to be effective, we do need people to respond when we reach out to them.”

      I wonder if the bureaucrats realize how close to the tiger cage they are wandering. For a couple weeks people were willing to cut them some slack. Lately though it sure seems like people are getting more than a little miffed about the bureaucrats’ high handedness.

      • Fourscore

        Now try the census

  37. The Late P Brooks

    Dems claiming that they have SCIENCE on their side, while at the same time fear mongering with “COVID-19 has mysterious and not-yet-understood complications”.

    Like not making 85-90% of the people it “infects” sick. Verrry sneaky.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Like not making 85-90% of the people it “infects” sick.

      That’s why it’s so dangerous!

    • Pope Jimbo

      Oh they are sick. I’m sure over time we will discover that each and every one of those asymptomatic cases ends up dying of something. Sure it may take another 80 years or so, but mark my words, this has looooooooooong term complications.

      • Breet Pharara

        Considering I’m still banned from giving blood because I might be a Mad Cow, you just might be on to something.

      • one true athena

        Me too!

        *mad cow fistbump*

    • Count Potato

      LOL

    • Pope Jimbo

      White supremacists with swastikas!!!!!!!

      I’m sure that is how that is going to be reported.

  38. leon

    https://xkcd.com/2305/

    We “all” agree, so you’re being a little bitch about your “rights”

    • mrfamous

      xkcd have acted like smug know-it-alls forever. This is hardly shocking.

      • kbolino

        It is fun to contrast the one about the dangers of extrapolation with the totally serious not at all hyperbolic graph of global temperature since the dawn of time which just happens to look like a very long hockey stick.

    • Count Potato

      compiled by HuffPo polling editor

    • Grummun

      I was annoyed when xkcd went all-in on global warming. I dropped it the day that the strip was literally a Hillary ad.

  39. CPRM

    Polygamy is no longer a felony.

    Too late to save Bill Paxton Henrickson

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Is that even after they recover or just while they’re showing symptoms?

      • Sean

        I hate them all the time.

      • Nephilium

        Motherfucker:

        Two of the four patients treated at SUNY Downstate hospital for Kawasaki or pediatric multi-system inflammatory syndrome also had diabetes, said Dr. Stephen Wadowksi, a pulmonologist who is chairman of the pediatric department.

        Emphasis added. Of course, there couldn’t be any other explanation for this when we’re talking about two kids.

    • Nephilium

      Hah! Finally my childhood illness lets me fight back. I had Kawasaki Syndrome (as it was known back then) when I was a kid (back in the mid-80’s, rare case). No one knows what the fuck causes it, or what the hell it is.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I heard something about this on NPR last week and even those statist fucks were saying that this is “extremely rare”. If NPR can’t even get their panties in a bunch about something you know there isn’t much there.

      Although, I’m sure this will be the new chic thing for all the hip mothers in NYC to be into. Autistic kids are so yesterday.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Fauci mentioned it as a response to Paul’s asking him if he was really in favor of canceling next year’s school year as well (supposedly he said he was) so they now have their science approved talking point.

      • Nephilium

        Kawaski? It’s not contagious.

      • Plinker762

        What about KTM?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Authoritarian restrictions for thee but not for me.

      • Gustave Lytton

        No wonder he thinks they’re important. Look at his family of fat fucks and consider their risk level.

      • Pope Jimbo

        The daughter looks pretty good (now) but the rest all aren’t too pretty. His son looks like a kid who probably needs an extra 3 body guards to manage all the bullies who haze him. Fuck, the body guards probably bully him because they can’t help themselves.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Also, for $12M, I would expect to not be able to see or hear my neighbors. What a turd of a property for that chunk of coin.

    • leon

      But what if I identify as a woman?

    • Hyperion

      Someone needs to drink bleach, but it ain’t you.

  40. Hyperion

    “The House goes big with a $3T COVID relief bill”

    Fuck you, cut taxes.

    • Breet Pharara

      They did…if you make a ton of money in a blue state.

      Oh you aren’t filthy rich and donate to the correct causes…fuck you then.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Fauci needs to be benched and quick.

      • Sean

        I hear he has some dirt on Hillary…

    • DEG

      Hmm… that Rally List site has a mix of lefty stuff plus protests to reopen the states.

      • The Hyperbole

        Good on ’em for being non ideological. Nothing wrong with listing any and all rallies that people submit. The answer to bad speech is more speech etc…

      • BakedPenguin

        Second. They follow the 1A so much better than the government.

        I just hope the Karinas (Antifa Karens) won’t be able to bully them into ‘right think’.

  41. B.P.

    Amongst all of the toxic debris littering The Atlantic website is an article that actually raises the trade-off question in the great house arrest/open the economy debate. That is, is it really worth it to keep shutdowns in place?

    https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/05/take-shutdown-skeptics-seriously/611419/

    “The general point is that minimizing the number of COVID-19 deaths today or a month from now or six months from now may or may not minimize the human costs of the pandemic when the full spectrum of human consequences is considered.”

    It’s Connor Friedersdorf, so there’s some to-be-sures included. Don’t worry, The Atlantic reverts to form quickly, with an article by Adam Serwer about how racist meany Trump decided the coronavirus is not an emergency once he found out it is disproportionately affecting minorities.

    • Count Potato

      That’s ridiculous.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      When beaches reopen this week, how people can use the sand will look different. Face coverings will be required when not in the water, and sunbathing won’t be allowed. Only active recreation — surfing, running, walking and swimming — will be permitted. Coolers, chairs, umbrellas and any of the other accessories that typically dot the shoreline should be left at home.

      Remember everyone, keep moving and the virus can’t get you. Stand still and you’re dead.

      • B.P.

        Yeah, this is all do-something bullshit without a bit of logic to back it up.

    • Count Potato

      LOL

  42. DEG

    Rally to reopen PA planned for Friday

    According to a Facebook event created by the group Pennsylvanians Against Excessive Quarantine, the “Rally: ReOpen Pennsylvania for Business!” will be held from noon to 4 p.m. Friday at the state capitol in Harrisburg.

    As of Tuesday at noon, the group had nearly 92,000 members.

    An infographic created for the group’s Facebook event includes the web address for the Pennsylvania Firearms Assocation, which bills itself as “Pennsylvania’s only no compromise gun rights group.”

    I looked at the linked facebook page. It’s private.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Lately any Styx or Sargon video I watch is followed by Fox News, The Hoover Institution, or Joe Rogan (who I actually like) and they’ll even replay videos I’ve thumbed down. I’m glad I’m not the only one that’s fucking sick of it.

      • BakedPenguin

        Second.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Third. If I click not interested, why would I want to see them again?

      • The Last American Hero

        Dude, Mr. Roboto was like 40 years ago. Find a nw band.

    • Mojeaux

      What is CWAA? I’ve googled but I don’t think what is coming up is consistent with context, but I’m not sure what the context is.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Heh, I watched a vid on that this morning:

      https://youtu.be/efzW4i5OCZI

      Reddit has been ruined.

      • Count Potato

        All this censorship is going to have a bad effect on society.

      • Incentives Matter

        All this censorship is going to have having a bad effect on society.

        FTFY.

      • Count Potato

        True.

      • Winston

        But I thought that…..

  43. mrfamous

    Arizona gyms can open tomorrow and the general stay at home order for AZ ends on Friday.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Now if Nevada would follow suit…

      • Incentives Matter

        It may not have a choice.

  44. Sean

    Anyone hear anything about dentists getting screwed over by OSHA in regards to CV19?

    Specifically that they can be sued it you get the Kung Flu from them?

    • The Hyperbole

      Meh, serves ’em right for conning everyone into the 6 month checkup bullshit.

      • Mojeaux

        LOL

    • Shirley Knott

      Wouldn’t surprise me. My visit with an oral surgeon for a tooth extraction was … interesting. Betadine wash in both nostrils, followed by gargling betadine. Not pleasant. The staff were behind face shields and face masks.

      • Incentives Matter

        Listerine would’ve probably been more than sufficient.