“I will keep you safe, Joe,” the mask whispered into Joe’s ear as they walked on perfectly manicured grass to the limousine together.
“I don’t like being outside,” Joe muttered to his mask. “I see gravestones everywhere.”
“You’re in a graveyard, Joe,” the mask said. “It’s Memorial Day.”
“It can’t be Memorial Day. That’s on a Monday. Today is Wednesday. Memorial Day is not on a Wednesday.”
“You are correct, Joe,” the mask said brightly. “Memorial Day is not on a Wednesday.”
“What are we doing here?” Joe asked. The inside of the mask was already wet from his moist breath and thin rivulets of saliva running out of each corner of his mouth. It was hot out and his suit was uncomfortable. Joe looked up at the sun and looked away when it hurt.
“Don’t look at the sun, Joe,” the mask said primly. “You can ruin your eyes.”
“I just laid a wreath!” Joe said excitedly.
“Yes, Joe, you did. You did just lay a wreath.”
“I got in a fight with a wreath once. It didn’t stand a chance!” Joe said excitedly. “It’s Memorial Day!”
“Did you say something, dear?” Jill asked through her mask. Her dumb old mask, Joe thought. Joe had never heard Jill’s mask speak. Only Joe’s mask was special like that.
“It’s a nice day!” he shouted through his mask.
“Be careful, honey,” Jill said, steering him between two stones.
“I know how to walk!” Joe said, pulling his arm out of her grasp. “I’m, I’m, I’m not enfeebled, dammit.”
“Joe,” the mask said in Jill’s voice, “The cameras.”
“I don’t make gaffes,” Joe told mommywifemask. “I suffocate.”
Joe Biden and his mask salute the unknown soldier.
“Are you black enough to vote for me?” he asked the Secret Service agent trailing them. “I had eggs for breakfast.”
“Yes, dear,” Jill whispered. She looked over her shoulder at the agent and gave a short nod.
“Rainbow Eagle is returning to his nest,” he said into his wrist. “Do you need me to repeat?”
“I don’t need to be managed,” Joe said to his mask. “I’m Joe Biden. Everyone loves me, man. It’s, it’s, it’s Donald Trump that’s the problem. He wants to put people in cages at Chili’s, you dig it?”
“Do you need me to repeat?” the agent asked his wrist again. “Do you need me to repeat?” He tapped his earbud speaker and it fell out.
“You need to calm down, Joe,” the mask whispered. He used his elastic to massage the delicate scars behind his ears.
“I don’t want to go back to the basement,” Joe said. “I don’t like it down there. It smells of applesauce and old man.”
“It’s safe down there, Joe,” the mask said. “Don’t you want to be safe?”
“Do you need me to repeat?!?” the Secret Service agent screamed into his sleeve.
“And the special chair that helps you stand up is down there,” the mask told him.
The reports and bloggers and tweeters clustered around his motorcade began taking photos. Joe started to wrestle the mask off his face.
“Joe! Stop that!” the mask and Jill said at the same time.
“How are they going to see me smile?” he asked.
“Smile with your eyes,” Jill hissed.
“What the fuck does that mean?” Joe asked. “My eyes don’t have lips!”
“Just get in the limo!” the mask said, this time in Joe’s own voice.
Joe Biden Looked Good in His Mask
On Monday, Joe Biden wore a mask, pictured above, to attend a Memorial Day event in Delaware. While a few right-wing contrarians suggested otherwise, even many of those who have been less than enthusiastic about the Biden campaign felt that the the [sic] accessory created a “look” that was not just safe and responsible but outright sharp and commanding. For Biden, putting on the mask turned out to be an “alpha” move.
How do you get such good access? Huzzah!
With his press pass. Ever since the end of Suburu Horror Theater he went mainstream. The HH Expanded Universe is non-fiction.
Ever since the end of Suburu Horror Theater he went mainstream.
I read his works before he was famous. Now he’s just a sellout.
He sold-out when he did a tweenage time-travel version of Warty Hugeman.
So fucking commercial.
Good work, SF
Do people know who Joe is, with the mask? Or without?
Well, we know Joe doesn’t know who he is, or anyone else for that matter.
The Slate blurb was more SugarFree than SugarFree
Slate is sucking Biden’s old cock so hard a scab came off.
Thank you…universe is realigned
Raises the question of where was the scab? Slates mouth or Biden’s cock?
Yes.
Like eating Wheaties in yogurt.
*Laughing dry heaves*
Slate is sucking Biden’s old cock so hard a scab came off.
The scab comes off easier when it’s constantly flaccid due to the ED.
They need to call in Rick Fox’s ex girlfriend.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZhRz6DZSrM
Hmm…I’m gonna need to watch that on loop.
It was hot out and his suit was uncomfortable. Joe looked up at the sun and looked away when it hurt.
You have captured the essence of Joe.
Excellent.
I lol’d.
I’ve figured it out.
This is a modern Shinto universe, with kami in control.
It all makes sense now.
Who are you calling a Commie!
/Biden/Bernie
with kami in control
This makes the hair sniffing rational. Well done.
Oh, Joe… Never change, buddy.
https://twitter.com/comfortablysmug/status/1265670073706045442?s=12
OMG
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ9qsXu34SM
No Tara in the basement. Got put his finger somewhere.
More like he removed his finger from somewhere.
SpaceX and NASA made sure their women personalities on screen for the launch are good looking. Good move.
Anybody heading to the cape? I have to make a drive/don’t Drive decision in the next 30 minutes. Leaning against…. but I was there for the last shuttle mission, so it would be nice to bookend it.
If I lived on that side of the country I would have made the trip. Though the live feed the weather gets darker but I know winds and downrange are the concern
The old astronaut giving color sounds like Jesse Ventura in the Running Man.
Both Discovery and NASA TV are doing an interesting job but then again I’m an easy sell on these things.
Yeah I am with you on that. It doesn’t take much for me to get space nerd.
Link?
Im watching it via PJMedia but I think its NASA YouTube
https://pjmedia.com/news-and-politics/stephen-green/2020/05/27/live-spacex-attempts-first-manned-mission-by-a-private-company-n433496
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjb9FdVdX5I&feature=emb_logo
Thanks!
Oh god…Kelly Clarkson singing the anthem…ugh
Nobody would eat a beef burrito with American cheese, pickles, mustard, and ketchup. But fold it instead of roll it, now it’s a Mexican hamburger.
commodius is Jack Handey
If you thought the mask “debate” could not get any more retarded, you were wrong.
Wearing a face mask with a valve? It might be time to find something else, some experts say
The masks protect no one. “They need to be banned,” said a prominent Brigham and Women’s Hospital doctor.
If the mask is there to protect others, then they’re correct. The valve just lets the virus escape.
Personally, I think we should just stuff our noses and mouths with cotton balls.
They contradict themselves in the first few paragraphs. The masks do protect the wearer. Hypothetically, if everyone wore masks with valves, it would be a moot issue.
Not entirely. It’s still venting and depositing droplets everywhere you go.
So what? Surface contact doesn’t appear to be a significant source of infection, and it’s easy to wash your hands before touching your face if you’re concerned. The cloth masks do not stop viruses, so those are the masks that actually protect no one.
I wouldn’t trust the CDC’s constant reversals and the caveats attached with that exactly. Yes, if you hand wash properly and don’t contact your nose and mouth either with either dirty hands or some intermediary, but those don’t always happen. Better to not create fomites in the first place.
Surgical masks protect mainly others.
N95s, some of which have valves, provide more protection to the wearer. If they have valves, they probably provide less (little?) protection to others.
Surgical masks protect mainly others.
Any studies showing that?
I’ve seen studies that show that surgical masks are of little use even during surgeries.
https://www.cochrane.org/cd002929/wounds_disposable-surgical-face-masks-preventing-surgical-wound-infection-clean-surgery
Any studies showing that?
No, not really. The closest are studies showing you put fewer droplets in the air. Studies showing actual reduced transmission are nonexistent, as far as I can tell.
I’ve seen that study before. I think surgical site infection and respiratory infection are apples and oranges, but it is suggestive that they don’t do much.
Probably should say “If they have any effect, they probably mainly protect others”. I do think there is a plausible case that they have some effect on reducing transmission, but it has not been proven.
They have spent the last 14 years taking their masks off and now they demand we wear one.
Fuck them.
I am wondering how governor Klansman’s order that goes into effect this Friday will go. I hope most people just ignore it.
I think everyone should wear a Klan hood and have “I’m with Northam” printed on it.
Ok, sorry to vent this early in a thread, but I gotta yell about this somewhere:
One of the things that pisses me off most about a police abuse scandal like the Floyd homicide (aside from the police abuse of course) are the hordes of “concerned” white liberals that come out on facebook to virtue signaling.
But I’m not mad about the virtue signaling. That’s just eye-roll territory now; I’m used to it.
I’m mad because the signalers act like they’re safe. They believe deeply that they and worse, their children, are immune because of their skin color. NO you dolts! If you leave the tap open on lawmaking this will keep happening, and it will eventually drown you and yours too.
But they still beg for the boot.
If I pointed this out, I can predict many’ll say you don’t care about racism or something along those lines. I don’t like racism – they do. Deep down, the clutch at racism, happy and hoping that it exists because that means they can have their cake and eat it too – an all encompassing, authoritarian state ordered to their liking with only that one little flaw that can be stamped out.
But they’ll just close their ears and minds if I go for the throat like that, so there’s no point.
Well, you can’t stamp out the tyrannical impulse Karen. It’s always there, and it’s always going to be there. Just because racism might inform the choices of who the bully is going to kneel on today doesn’t mean that they won’t be on you or your children’s neck tomorrow, and as long as you keep giving authority more power with less consequences, it’s not a prediction, it’s a guarantee.
I always like to link the picture of the cops who murdered Freddy Gray
https://images.app.goo.gl/PkoLjRZJqMwSgjxE8
Like I said in the last thread, the lines were drawn a long time ago. We’re not arguing over whether the power should exist, we’re arguing over who gets to have it.
Sorry I didn’t read it. I was mad and I thought the existential horror of Sugarfree would calm me down, but it came back because the facebook tab was still open.
Using anger at racism as a means to an ends. Commie 101.
I’m mad because the signalers act like they’re safe. They believe deeply that they and worse, their children, are immune because of their skin color. NO you dolts! If you leave the tap open on lawmaking this will keep happening, and it will eventually drown you and yours too.
“Stupid laws apply to everyone, even rich white people.”
I’m fairly certain I stole that line from this book. I haven’t read the book in a while, I’ll have to do that again.
I don’t care that the pigs get called racists, i just get annoyed that the solutions are not going to fix anything.
That’s close to my position – they might be racist, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not the root cause of the abuse of authority. It’s just seasoning.
What if all this time, Winston was Mike Pompeo?
Again, technology has changed the economy in lots of important ways. Thinking that culture can change that fast is foolish. Culture always lags behind technology.
Giving China prosperity, or enabling it, was really dumb. Now we just have an aggressive nation ruled by savages with bigger guns and bigger ambitions.
Idiots.
Are you saying Mike Pompeo is the son of a whore?
Pompeo
Impossible: after Tom Cotton, Harvard Law drew a line and will never go any lower
I always figured Winston was Max Boot.
Winston at his worst isn’t near that bad.
“For Biden, putting on the mask turned out to be an “alpha” move.”
Oh shit that was a real article from Slate. Great lunch time laugh.
Alphalfa move.
What does one call an “alpha move” in a group of betas (i.e., those who are probably “in the bag” for Biden)?
How many more clothing apparels are out there? Are they taking over? *digs bunker naked
“Are You There, Bacon? It’s Me, Your Filthy Underwear.”
I’m NEKKED! You’re not real!!!
*turns on burner and jumps into skillet
I think Biden only thinks he’s hearing the mask speak, when it’s actually his wife. Unlike Trump, who really… does… hear… oh, no. Oh no.
SF, you have a real gift for stringing words together in creative ways. You are vivid and I admire that greatly.
I’m really just here to drive Bacon-Magic into a dark tunnel of madness where he will wander forever.
You are doing a very good job of making me feel inadequate as a writer. 😉
I’m a sprinter; you’re a distance runner. Different disciplines.
Very diplomatic.
Can we call it the love tunnel. “Head towards the light Bacon-Magic, and flick the bean on the way.”
Well good thing this is a rugged laptop with all the coffee that is on it now
You should always be prepared when reading a SugarFree post. That’s why I have tissues, grease, blindfold, puke bucket, double-barrelled shotty, duct-tape, drugs, alcohol, wet wipes, cool ass sharp knife, dictionary, bible, and a few other items nearby.
Forceps, nitrile gloves, Tide bleach pen, VHS copy of Beetlejuice with German subtitles and a 6ft HDMI cable are also recommended.
Well now I am off to Lowes. Wife is looking at the shopping list and wondering if I am starting a porn site or going to kill someone
I’m out of gloves so just gonna dip my hands in rubber cement. Nein on the Beetlejuice too.
The love tunnel.
old joke punchline…
Help me find the keys to my jeep and we’ll drive out of here.
mommywifemask
Heh.
The best reason to vote Trump: Four more years of the Hat and the Hair.
Agreed cause hair-plug and teeth just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Each plug could have its own personality, a choir of voices to explore.
It would account for his apparent dementia…
Like some sort of demented greek play where the choir chimes in for exposition?
Would they be the Great Norn or the Fates?
It’s the Weave of the future.
It could be replaced by The Hands and the Nose.
No. No no no. Joe Bidens nose being sentient is beyond grotesque.
If it is, that means that whenever Gropey Joe is using his nostrils it is to seed his victims hair with spores.
Someone needs to do some research. In all the photos available of Donny, Hilldog and Quid Pro Joe with thei hanges on there has to be just one person who shows up with all three – SugarFree.
Similar article, but I like SF’s better. BB isn’t the only place that lurks here for content.
https://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2020/05/memorial_day_highlights_trumps_vitality_and_bidens_lifelessness.html
The instant someone tries to sell me on something I turn them off in my head. Things have to sell themselves for me to buy.
I don’t want to hear anyone crow about Trump anymore than I want to see photos of Obama with a halo around his head.
I was raised on a farm so I know what it looks like when someone is shoveling horseshit and I got my fill of that when I was a kid.
And by the way, I keep seeing stories about Trump playing golf juxtaposed with stories about alpha Joe going to a cemetery.
Very few mentions that Trump/Pence went and spoke at a Memorial Day celebration in Baltimore. He didnt play golf all day long FFS.
More horseshit.
Sugarfree is Epstein?
I just get so choked up sometimes.
Well don’t leave us hanging
That’s knot funny.
Well you tied me up and I lost focus
He’s not Epstein, I’ve seen Epstein, I watch the noose.
This is noose to me.
Missed it by that much…
3 minutes too late. Oh well, time to rope in the doggies and head to camp.
This sheet has got to stop.
He does care about the little people.
Nation That Revolted Over Three-Pence Tax On Tea Now ‘Pretty Cool’ With Government Locking Everyone In Their Homes
Algorithm Error Causes YouTube To Accidentally Execute People Who Criticize China
First one sad
Second one funny
Even worse, a good many aren’t just “pretty cool” about it, they’re aggressively pining for more.
we had them too during the revolution.
They just wanted to perpetuate slavery according to that 1619 project
Benedict Arnolds
Tarleton’s quarter it is.
Sitting at the bar:) Starting off with a Rhinegeist Whiffle Witbier. I’m not really a huge fan of Rhinegeist but I really like this beer. Light, crisp. Nice summer beer.
I like their IPA pretty well.
I’d like to be able to sit at my local (*) bars.
We’ll see when the Clown Prince magnanimously and graciously deigns to allow that.
(*) I could, and have, drive to Sunday River Brewing.
I know I will never see space and my kids probably won’t, but hopefully my grand and greats will see it regularly.
OT: The Clown Prince speaks
During a press conference Tuesday, Sununu said the number of entities violating his orders remains “few and far between.”
He also suggested that he didn’t want the public to notify law enforcement if they suspect someone may be violating his own guidelines.
“Look, we are not asking consumers to pick up the phone and we don’t have snitch lines and all that, I don’t believe in all that,” said Sununu. “If there are businesses that are kind of thwarting the guidance, we usually hear about it one way or the other, I’ll say that. And we respond to it appropriately.”
So he has established his private Karen army then?
You know who else established a private Karen army?
The emperors of Ayutthaya?
Gaddafi?
The CIA?
Tibet? I am reaching here….
Governor Inslee?
Walter Ulbricht?
How long is he going to keep that charade going? Is there any other Republican Governor not opening up at this point?
Mass. has a Republican governor, too.
Oh yeah – I forgot he still pretends to be a Republican.
Vermont too.
I have a hard time reading this as anything other than “We have a network of informers. There is no need for the general public to involve themselves in our pursuit and destruction of businesses that won’t bend the knee.”
Thisssssss
Yep. His infrastructure of a state private army of snitches is in place. Do not worry yourselves plebes, we will keep you safe.
We’ll call them informal monitors or IMs for short.
Vichy?
Now I have a hard time wondering exactly how any Russian meddling would be worse for the country.
*restrained profanity*
I’ve ended up setting the portable AC into a cooler to catch all the water just pouring from the inner workings. It still cools the air, so I don’t know if it’s just so humid here it can’t handle it, but I can’t afford all that to keep falling on the floor.
Who designed this piece of shit, and when do I get my turn to budgeon them with a bat?
We had to use one of those once. I went to the hardware store and bought a water pan for a washing machine. Plastic, flat, plenty of room and relatively cheap.
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Oatey-28-in-x-30-in-Plastic-Washing-Machine-Pan-with-1-in-Furnished-Drain-Adapter-34067/100080446
You have to keep an eye on it and dip it out now and then.
Oh…set the AC up on a few bricks or something so the machine isn’t sitting in water.
It has wheels, but a little more elevation over that wouldn’t hurt.
I know how I’m going to stack this up.
I’ve got a short wire shelf on the way (tallest it can get is 15 inches off the floor). It should hold the unit’s weight. I’ll put the drain pan on the shelf, put the AC in the drain pan, and punch a drain in the pan to pour into the same bucket as the main condensation hose. That way I can swap the bucket and get the majority of the water.
In the interim I have an oversized baking sheet I can place on top of the cooler as a proof of concept (the ac didn’t fit fully inside the cooler and turned out it was still dribbling on the floor.
I still have to mop up the water from the pan, but it’s stainless steel, so it won’t warp because of a little dribble.
I’m embarassed it took me so long to remember I had the pan. I mean it’s too big to fit in my oven, so it just sits in the kitchen between the table and shelves.
And people say the “It could be useful someday” mentality doesn’t have its upsides…
Sounds ideal.
Between now and when I can get my hands on one, I’m still stuck with the AC in the cooler.
Why no central AC? Didnt you buy a house recently?
Because I can’t afford that much house.
This house was $82k.
82k? What is that in flyover bucks?
In terms of the house it bought or the purchasing parity of the cash for other goods?
He can’t afford it after all of the glove purchases.
I lived in an old house with no central air for years. In southern Wisconsin, so you wouldn’t think central air would be that big a deal.
It was. When we did the total gut job on the house, we put in central air.
Hey, looky there. It sold again and the listing is still up. An old one room school house. Its pretty much exactly the way we left it, except somebody took out the most excellent Dacor range and replaced it with something . . . inferior. I think the tile in the kitchen area is also new, because I don’t think Mrs. Dean would put something that ugly on the floor. All the woodwork is completely original, though.
Still bigger than my house.
It looks like a KFC.
portable AC into a cooler
where does the condenser go?
The way portables work is that you have vent tubes that run to a window which won’t fit a window AC unit in them. The condenser is in the main box but uses the tubes to pump heat out of the building.
What’s the make and model? I have some experience with those things.
This lovely guy.
That is supposed to have a self-evaporator that expels the moisture into the exhaust unless your indoor humidity exceeds about 70%.
The overage goes into your reservoir pan and should turn the unit off when it gets too high.
In other words, it shouldn’t be dripping unless it’s steamy in your house.
“Supposed to” doesn’t mean the damn thing works.
No, I don’t know the humidity in the house, but I live in spitting distance of two rivers, so it’s probably high.
Your other option is to hook up to the drain plug and feed it outside by gravity or using a condensate pump.
If it’s leaking anywhere else with the drain plug removed, something is wrong with the unit.
The drain plug has been removed. That’s where the hose I was complaining about in the morning links is attached.
It still puts out cold air, I just have the manage the runoff from all the places it’s getting out of the unit.
Also, I get condensate on the cold air vent, which tells me this place is pretty humid today.
Huh. Mine which doesn’t leak is also a Whynter and only 11K BTU. The major difference seems to be that mine has 2 window tubes, one for in and one for out.
From the temperature of the vent tube, it’s the out direction, which should mean less cooling, but not impact the condensation.
Yeah, with one tube it cycles between in and out and is supposed to be less effective than two tubes. No idea if it would solve your moisture problem or if you just got a lemon.
NSFW but I can’t not share.
Love his avatar.
Well I’m going to go puke in a trash can now.
Thank you so much.
*scratches Mojeaux off of Xmas list*
Can I have whatever firearm was going to fall out of your boat and land under her tree?
“Dear women, what is keeping you from looking like this?”
The grace of God, a lick of common sense, and good taste?
Definitely not the ketogenic diet…
A sense of shame.
I guess one out of three ain’t bad.
Another good entry. I found the SS agent to be the most amusing.
He tapped his earbud speaker and it fell out.
Sometimes, the extras steal their scenes.
Man this launch looks less likely…I hope the weather works with us here. Greta? Greta? Can you please pray to the Mother Gaia?
I am a bit Leary of watching.
Damned now I can’t find the live launch
now I have it
Still some time before launch but I am a giddy little fool right now. If its a go, all I can offer is Godspeed.
There is some movie about a guy who builds his own rocket. He dreamed all of his life of going into space and the movie is about his struggles to get to do it. In the end he is triumphant. He launches….goes into orbit then opens the window shade to see out and sees…..junk. Space garbage. Low earth orbit looks like a trash dump.
Yeah and hope that all these technological advancements that SpaceX is pushing will help eventually clean all that up.
Low earth orbit has a large number of individual objects.
It also has a MASSIVE amount of volume over which those objects are distributed.
It just looks cluttered on the not to scale charts that try to fit the sheer enormity into a human readable scale.
It was a movie…a comedy.
No different to our commercial airspace. On a computer screen, it looks congested but the volume of space those aircraft occupy is massive.
Giant butterfly nets? Little rockets with suction cup noses to push it down into the atmosphere to burn up?
I think if Elon has his way, miniature nukes is the only way to go.
^^ It’s the only way to be sure.
Nuke them in orbit.
I like it.
Your electronics won’t.
/EMP
It’s the speed at which that crap is traveling that poses a problem. Doesn’t take much to punch a hole in your average spacecraft.
Back when I was working at the Applied Physics Lab they had a Star Wars satellite in build that was designed to track thousands of ball bearings blown into space from another satellite using synthetic aperture radar. I don’t know if the thing was ever fully tested. I left before it was launched.
Astronaut Farmer?
Astronauts are a notoriously difficult livestock to raise.
Fox News is carrying the launch.
Car Glibs:
Does anyone have ergonomic car seat cushion/cover recommendations for Subaru Outback?
Do you mind if they’re horrifying?
HM Approved
The reason there aren’t many options any more is the liability risk of interfering with the side impact bags.
I was on such a mission ten years ago and couldn’t even score a solution at the dealership.
My guy does a fair amount of speed shop/customization work (they put the supercharger on Mrs. Dean’s FJ). They were unconcerned with the fact that they are removing side impact bags. Its probably the least risky modification they will do this week.
I’m getting these installed today. Really. They finally showed yesterday. I ordered them in the before times and they got delayed.
Might be overkill, but holy crap the stock seats in an FJ Cruiser are crap.
LOL!
The Shat!
It cracks me up when they keep talking about Bob and Doug.
Heh! Nice.
All systems go, just waiting on pesky weather now.
Still makes me laugh
Ugh…man I hope this is a go. Its a nice departure from some asshole locking me down and telling me when and where I can go.
They just stood down the launch. Backup’s May 30th.
Noooooooooooooooooooooo! It says 20 minutes to launch on my feed.
17 minutes and counting still. You IM are fake news. Not classy or bigly at all.
Aaaaaand they scrubbed the launch. I blame IM.
Yep he caused the scrub!!!! OFF WITH THE HEAD!!!!!
Where did you get your information? It was 10 minutes before what was on TV.
Live feeds…
NASA’s own feed.
Feed your own NASA.