Pushing Boundaries

by | Jun 8, 2020 | Fun, Musings | 433 comments

The wise FourScore observed:  I’m beginning to believe this once great country is too big and too diverse to try to manage. De-centralization sounds like a good idea. Can be on present state lines and agreements with adjacent states that will be free trade within that trade area plus free trade with any other adjacent trade areas. Freedom of movement as well. [Citation]

 

Well, he didn’t ask for smaller American unions, but here’s a batch of them, a weak and lazy attempt from a guy who knows a lot about a lot of the country and almost nothing of the rest:  both classes will be readily obvious.  Don’t get me wrong:  this won’t work and has a bunch of obvious problems we’ve hashed out before.

    1. City-states are needed to address the urban/rural conflict.
    2. Most jurisdictional splits are 60/40, so lots of people are always in the wrong place.

 

But maybe it’s still fun to try and see what is to be learned.  I made myself some rules; try to

    1. stay contiguous and regular (no jerrymandering!!!)
    2. try to keep it simple and big, no more than 20 states
    3. be willing to endure some gnat shit in the pepper if you’re still 70% right
    4. don’t worry if you really don’t know the difference between folk from Portland, Peoria, Portland, Poland, or Portland . . . down deep, people are people.
    5. keep a state in one time zone

Funny, gerrymandering all the way down:  at least I learned that much from this game.  But what to call these little unions?  Naming conventions are something like these

    1. no traditional, historical English
    2. new abbreviations so we can still use the old ones as well
    3. that’s it

 

So here’s your new map:  find yourself and figure out your new religion and tax rate!

 

A little confusing?  Sorry!  Here’s where you useta live.

 

 

Hope that clears things up.  Want to move the lines?  Well, okay, but you’re gonna piss off a bunch of folks ‘cause here’s how we vote.

 

 

So, if you are a Hindu caught in West Pakistan, you better get packing!  So here’s some new views to critique.

 

California (CF)

nickname           Disneyland

inclusions           the entire Left Coast (TM:  Rush Limbaugh)

exclusions          Skinhead holdouts east of the Cascades

capital                 Sacramento (it’s already a complete waste)

population         55M

industries           melons, diversity

chief ally             Hawaii

bond rating        FFF

 

Hawaii (HI)

inclusions           pretty obvious

exclusions          pretty obvious; no?  okay:  Guam

capital                 whatever, they’re really on their own at this point

population         you mean, awake and working?

minorities          wypipo

chief ally             California

governor            Jim Nabors (yeah, I know, but it’s still a pretty good idea)

state song          My Home is in Indiana

motto                  We’re not Samoa!

bond rating        F

Quick note:  AK and HI are throw-aways included for completeness.  There’s nothing fun or funny about either (sorry, 61), so just blow through them and pay no heed.

 

 

Rockies (RO)

nickname           Bavaria

inclusions           Linda Ronstadt and the former US above 5k feet

exclusions          Denver, El Paso, and NM

capital                 Elko

population         10M

minorities          monogamists

industries           backpacks and #1 guards for hair clippers

state drink         Kölsch

governor           Joe Walsh

bond rating      B

Quick note:  I managed to tear Colorado into three.  That was an accident, but the eastern sliver of CO was part of Tejas once and I was trying to extend simple, obvious, existing lines, and this is the one big mess that came of that good intention.  Good news:  no one lives in eastern CO.

 

Alaska (AK)

motto                 Seward Slept Here

inclusions           eyes the Yukon suggestively

exclusions          any cities that use the Celsius scale because it demeans everything “below zero”

capital                 who cares:  they’ll just move it in a couple of years anyway

population         that’s really their problem

industries           engine block heaters, rubbing noses

chief ally             Siberia

notable               Janine Turner ain’t coming for any amount of money

bond rating        A

 

 

Lakota (LK)

nickname           the Amber Wave

inclusions           anything that looks mostly like Saskatchewan

exclusions          the useful bits of MN

capital                 Pierre

population         10M

minorities          Lakota

industries           spare parts for John Deere

state flag            red shop rag soaked in 30W oil

governor            Bob Gibson

bond rating        A

 

New Mexico (NX)

nickname           mi casa

inclusions           Humble, Goliad, the Alamo, Austin, El Paso del Norte

exclusions          California, Fort Worth, and Rancho XIT

capital                San Angelo

population         25M

minorities          Anglos

industries           slag piles, dirty pickups, watermelons

don’t miss          worst Walmart in the world in Las Cruces just off I-10

bond rating        C

 

Texas (TJ)

inclusions           TCU, Baylor, A&M, part of Mizzou that I don’t konw what to do about, and bits-o-Colorado that are in the cool old maps measured in leagues

exclusions          PR of Austin, Houston, and El Paso del Norte

capital                 Oklatexarkana

population         28M

governor            Ross Perot Jr Jr

minorities          marksmen and people who take their 4x4s off-road

industries           strutting and big-jawed women

don’t miss          patio at Joe T Garcia’s in Fort Worth

pastimes            regretting time and money spent on SMU alumae

bond rating        A

 

Jabetcha (JA)

nickname           Ole Oofda

inclusions           Swedish and Norwegian zones of the Great Lakes

exclusions          Madison, Somalia, and Garrison Keillor

governor            Don Schneider

capital                 Green Bay

population         15M

minorities          atheists

industries           rubber over-boots, iron oxide

state bird           lutefisk

bond rating        B

 

Chicago (CH)

motto                 hey bub:  that’s a union job

inclusions           Gary, Madison, Detroit, Quad Cities, Saint Louis, Kansas City, and I know it doesn’t look like it but MSP, of course; couldn’t find a way to work in Cleveland, more corn than really belongs

exclusions          Carbondale, cities with weak mob scenes

capital                 Davenport or Rockford

population         30M

minorities          people with vowels in their last names

industries           broken fingers, ballot-finding

chief ally             NA:  universally hated

bond rating        F

Note:  Indiana is a redneck mecca, but in a perfect world it would be part of Chicago just to shut everyone up about where this gun or that came from.

 

Cuyahoga (CU)

motto                 At Least We’re Not Chicago™

inclusions           Pittsburg, Lebron, anything rusty

exclusions          thoughtful inductions to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

capital                 Cafe Roma on Lorain

population         5M

industries           creating football teams for Baltimore

chief ally             Chicago

bond rating        C-

Note:  I should have just gone ahead and put the entire Great Lakes rim around to Buffalo and maybe even Rochester in Chicago . . . would have saved a lot of typing.

 

Seneca (SE)

motto                 What to do with Buffalo?

inclusions           Erie, Finger Lakes, Love Canal

exclusions          Pittsburgh and Philly

capital                 Elmyra State Prison

population         unknown

minorities          ice-wine drinkers

industries           smuggling cigarettes from Canada

chief ally             Jabetcha

bond rating        D

 

Connecticut (CC)

inclusions           Philly, NJ, and parts north

exclusions          upstate

capital                 New Haven

population         50M

minorities          that’s a trick question

industries           reuben sandwiches, serious newspapers

chief ally             Fort Myers

sport                   driving 54MPH in the left-hand lane of I-85 in a flawless 1988 LeBaron convertible

bond rating        D

 

Tidewater (TW)

motto                 basketball >> football

inclusions           Charlotte, Duke, UNC, DC, the Coast Guard Academy, blue crabs

exclusions          SC, GA, Appalachia

capital                Richmond:  we’ve done this before !

population         28M

minorities          taxpayers

industries           tobacco, flintlocks, Georgian mansions, Edgar Allen Poe conventions

pastimes            making fun of Terps and Wolfpack alumni

bond rating        B-

 

Aluvius (AV)

state song          Deploria, Sweet Deploria

inclusions           Scots Irish, any state with a per capita tooth-to-tattoo ratio below five

exclusions          anything outside the drainage of the Ohio or the Tennessee

capital                 Cincinnati, but, like the airport, the actual building is in Kentucky

population         24M

minorities          houses without wheels

industries           things that have left Detroit but not yet made it to Mexico

state holiday     Carburetion Day

bond rating        C+

 

Bama (BM)

inclusions           various low country and the belts:  Cotton, Bible

exclusions          cities with indoor plumbing

capital                 Birmingham

population         19M

minorities          Republicans

industries           I’ll get back to you

pastimes             cooking with rice and making payments on things

bond rating        DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

 

Seminole (SM)

nickname           LA (Lower Alabama) and dfw (Destin – Fort Walton)

inclusions           various panhandles

exclusions          people who own shoes

capital                Tallahassee

population         5M if we count stray dogs

minorities          Democrats

industries           pulp mills, that salt life y’all

pastimes            putting up with Yankees

bond rating        B

 

Orlando (OL)

state song          Banana Boat Song

inclusions           Orlando, Tampa, whatever

exclusions          los otros lugares

capital                 Tampa Bay, since no such town exists

population         5M

minorities          Americans

industries           importing stuff through Panama

pastime              wishing they could vote, wiring money somewhere

bond rating        A-

 

Okeechobee (OC)

inclusions           Fort Myers, various Palm Beaches

exclusions          Miami

capital                del Boca Vista

population         5M

minorities          Floridians

industries           laying around, sipping, talking about how great New York is

pastime              bitching about how cold New York is

bond rating        A++++++++++++++++++

 

Miami (MM)

state bird           boa constrictor

inclusions           everything south of the various Palm Beaches

exclusions          Lebron, Fidel

capital                 Hemingway Home

population         5M

minorities          ugly people

industries           importing rum, empty stadia, bitching about Fidel

pastime              naming sons Marco NTTAWWI

bond rating        A

 

Well, it was funny in my head before I got started and then things just went sideways, so just like drafting the Constitution..

 

Get ready for Partition Day, January 1, 2022.  Whether you’re a Sooner, a Boat Person, Carpetbagger, or Scalawag:  get where you need to be, find your own people, stake your claim, and get to work!

 

 

 

 

About The Author

Don escaped Memphis

Don escaped Memphis

all my exes live in Texas

433 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    I’m the First of Firsters and I have my next first already posted and you guys can’t catch me.

    • Aloysious

      Every time I see your screen name, I read it as ‘bruschetta’.

      mmm… toast.

      • Hyperion

        Avocado toast? With Cilantro? Yummy.

      • blackjack

        26 bucks a slice, same as downtown.

      • Hyperion

        My wife can buy a $3 loaf of bread, FL avocados are 1 dollar each now, and Cilantro is pretty much free now, we have literally kilos of it dried.

        Business opportunity?

      • blackjack

        In DTLA, for certain.

      • Aloysious

        Peanut butter banana, with real maple syrup and a side of bacon.

      • Aloysious

        Wait, wait… make that cashew butter.

      • juris imprudent

        Bro Chet Award.

  2. db

    Hell no. You put Pittsburgh and a lot of northwestern PA in “Cuyahoga” with Youngstown, Akron, and Cleveland. There is a huge split between the urban and rural in these areas. That would never fly in real life. It would be a rapid disintegration. Completely unworkable.

    • db

      That blue bit in western PA northwest of Pittsburgh (Allegheny County)? That’s Beaver County and the only –I mean *only*– reason it’s blue is because of the blue collar union worker vote. There is no love for progressive politics here beyond the fetish for unionized manufacturing jobs.

      • Hyperion

        If you want to come up with something realistic.

        DC/ NOVA and the entire area of MD surrounding DC and a straight line up the western shore to just north of Baltimore. Almost all the rest of VA and MD are completely incompatible with DC, but it doesn’t matter because all of the population, so votes, are in those densely populated metro areas.

        I think someone posted it here a while back, it’s no longer so much a question of red states vs blue states, so much as it is metro areas vs suburban areas.

      • db

        Yeah, that has been clear to me for going on twenty years. It’s really about value systems, and in my mind you can split it along lines of who wants to live where. Do you want a few acres and are content to drive a couple of hours to see the occasional “cultural” activity? Or do you prefer to sleep in a box and live your life surrounded by other people in a city? These are extremes, but very illustrative ones.

      • db

        IMO, these kinds of people should be able to get along (lots of cities are surrounded by exurbs and rural areas from which people commute), but the trouble starts when either side starts to wield the power of government or social pressure to force the other to conform.

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        No doubt; that’s what I meant by Don’t get me wrong: this won’t work and has a bunch of obvious problems we’ve hashed out before. City-states are needed to address the urban/rural conflict.

    • DEG

      Yep.

      Same with putting Philly and Boston together. The cultures are radically different.

      • blackjack

        Wicked different, really.

      • Sean

        I have a lot of 7n6…

      • DEG

        Not bad. I had to look it up.

      • Agent Cooper

        Both racist. There.

  3. Hyperion

    Talk about pushing boundaries.

    Mars Rocket

    Damn, that thing must be fueled with testosterone based rocket fuel. I’m sure snowflakes faint at the site of it. I don’t care what you think about Musk, I have more respect for him every day. I can’t even think of anyone who is close today as an entrepreneur.

    • db

      It’s a great idea, and I really hope they can make it work, but it has had several spectacular failures, including at least three implosions due to cryogenic problems, and an amazing fireball explosion after an engine test just two days before the Crew Dragon successfully launched recently.

      • Hyperion

        I think they will get it done. And if you are lucky enough to get a ride, the way things are here now, why would you ever want to come back. I wouldn’t. When they do come back in 50 years, it will be like the Planet of the Apes thing, only with humans, and dumber.

      • db

        I think they’ll make it work too. But man they have really brought back the ’50s rocket engineering paradigm (blow ’em up until we throw ’em up).

      • Hyperion

        Elon has a 500 kiloton set of titanium ballz. That’s how you get it done.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        They’re not NASA , and if you judge them by NASA standards, they will look like failures. They’re not blowing up rockets that are being counted on to launch. They’re blowing up technology testbeds that have all sorts of experimental manufacturing processes and technologies being used in their construction. When one goes kablooey, it means they’ve learned something or many things that will be applied on the next prototype.

        This isn’t the equivalent of a ragtag race team stuffing their one and only car into the tires in the first turn. It’s the equivalent of a small car manufacturer doing a limited run of chassis on a new assembly line to shake out any issues.

      • cyto

        Yeah…

        Musk has famously described what they are doing thus: “we are not designing and building a rocket. We are designing and building a factory that builds rockets”.

        He also has said “if you are not blowing things up from time to time, you are not going fast enough”.

        They are building something that is bigger and more gamechanging that the SLS, for less than what SLS has spent on development in any one of the last 10 years. And I’m fairly certain that Starship will beat SLS into orbit. And even if they don’t, starship aims to have a cost per launch in the single digit millions, where SLS will struggle to have costs below 1 billion per launch.

        This isn’t just evolutionary…. With SLS, NASA is talking about having the capability of 1 launch per year, at a billion dollars per shot. Spacex is talking about taking more cargo up, doing it for just a few million… .and eventually flying multiple times per day. It is a change of scope that the industry has not fully come to grips with yet. When they finally do, everything about space technology will change.

        We were discussing one aspect of this in a space nerd group…. the engines for the SLS cost $135 million dollars….. each. Times four per rocket. The Raptor engines for the new SpaceX Starship are already coming in at around $500k or less, according to Gwynne Shotwell. And the target is even cheaper, somewhere in the quarter million to 300k range. So you can literally buy several hundred raptors for the cost of 1 RS-25. And the entire SLS is a single-use vehicle, thrown away after 1 use. SpaceX’s Starship is designed to be reusable a hundred times.

        Everything about Starship and SpaceX is different. They are using an iterative design technique to move fast… design, build, test… design, build, test.. over and over until you get it right. Last year they were looking to build with carbon fiber. It turned out to be too slow, so they threw away their equipment and moved on to stainless steel. After a couple of tries, they’ve figured out the steel they need and the welding techniques and they have a body and tanks for LOX and Methane. Soon enough they’ll have a thrust structure figured out.

        It looks messy, but in the time they’ve been working on this, the competition has not even test fired their rocket that was built from recycled shuttle parts in order to save time. (And the competition has burned through over $20 billion of our tax dollars so far).

  4. Sean

    I haven’t seen lines that fat in over ten years.

    • juris imprudent

      Looks like I’m in Tidewater. NFW, I’ll take my chances with Seneca.

      And absolutely NFW that Florida ends up with 8 Senators. Not even if you added in Cuba and PR, which you should because otherwise the weirdness will be too watered down.

      • Sean

        I was sorta making a drug reference…*looks around nervously*

      • blackjack

        Not “ten years,” it’s gotta be the early eighties. That was the era of fat lines. And ‘ludes.

      • Sean

        I’m not that old!

      • juris imprudent

        Marion Barry’s glory years.

      • zwak

        He rocked!

      • juris imprudent

        A line that fat isn’t shit you want up your nose.

      • westernsloper

        I caught it. ?

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        I had you pegged for PA?

    • Tres Cool

      can I send you some nudes of Jugsy ?

      • Sean

        Sure.

      • Tres Cool

        She has saggy thighs, but I dont mind- her belly covers them up

        /Hey-Ohhhh

  5. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Damnit, I don’t want to be in the same district as DC.

    *signs up for Hunger Games*

    • Sean

      I got lumped in with fucking CT and NJ. *spots on ground*

      It’s like he doesn’t even know how many gun stores we have in Bucks county. Hint, it’s a lot.

      • Sean

        Sigh…*spits

      • db

        Yeah that’s where sane people who want to pack heat but have to work in NJ live.

      • DEG

        I will admit I chuckled at the state sport.

      • Sean

        My roadrage is off the charts the past couple weeks.

        It was glorious out there for a short amount of time. /sigh

    • Hyperion

      Well, if you’re in MD or VA, you already are part of Panem on the Potomac.

      • juris imprudent

        North of Mason-Dixon does not belong, and Seneca is largely free of large urban centers. Harrisburg vs. Rochester and Syracuse is worth the price of admission.

      • Hyperion

        MD is all south of the MDL. I have to keep telling people back west that, they think it’s near Boston, lol.

      • Hyperion

        Seriously I remember when I first moved here and my x GF got all mad about my new GF who lived in Boston, Maine, lol. Geography is fucking hard.

  6. blackjack

    I’ll be the first to take exception to the Cali map. It’s based on voting and that’s some crooked assed shit out here. We’re prolly 50/50 if you mean people, 60/40 if you count us by election results. 50th ( maybe 48-49th) place if you count us by remaining freedoms.

    • westernsloper

      Ya, the Rockies state should snatch up half of California and gerry mander down through orange county into San Diego, but then Don would have broken his rules on the line drawing. He could change that by putting us all on Gods time which is MST.

    • Hyperion

      Yeah keepin that totally intact, someone must hate people north of Sacramento.

      • blackjack

        You know who’s gonna be pissed? Yusef! He got stuck in Blufornia after all that moving!

      • Hyperion

        Damn, I thought he was in Arizona?

      • blackjack

        He is, but the line sneaks behind him Bullhead, right on the river.

      • juris imprudent

        Now that’s just mean.

      • Hyperion

        Ohh, damn, that is really shitty.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      The beauty of this little project was it only took me two hours to piss off everyone

      • blackjack

        By design, too!

      • R C Dean

        Great stuff, Don. I loled.

  7. Hyperion

    I’m goan down to bammie… I mean Bama.

  8. Florida Man

    I’m moving to okeechobee. That bond rating…drool.

    • Hyperion

      Not sure if in that zone, but wife and I have seriously been looking at the Ocala area. The beautiful homes that we can afford there, wow. I know someone there, and doesn’t appear to be a lot of progtards.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Hey, Ocala is like the last refuge of the KKK

      • blackjack

        I love Daytona, but I’m both kinda white trash and a gearhead. Money and the weather is what keeps me from moving there.

      • Hyperion

        My wife doesn’t even like the idea of the central/north area because they don’t have any winter. I’m OK with that though, I hate cold weather.

      • blackjack

        They have winter. I call it “the livable” season.

      • Hyperion

        By no winter, she means no snow. I haven’t seen snow in almost 2 years now and we’re in Maryland.

      • blackjack

        Right after a rain storm, if it’s the cold season, I can drive a half an hour and go sledding. An hour and I can actually ski, as long as the storm was big enough. Then, I can drive the hour again and surf in the afternoon on the same day. Although, you really ought to do your surfing in the morning, generally.

      • Hyperion

        Hmm, my brother didn’t tell me about that. He’s always just going on about how sandy the soil is and how his cherry peppers don’t produce. I told him that potting soil is an actual thing and he said it’s expensive. You know, there ain’t no jobs there, which is why housing is so cheap. Unless you can work remotely. *wheels churning*

      • Florida Man

        It’s a really pretty town, but if you are used to big cities it’s going to be an adjustment. One think I know is people there mind their own business.

      • Hyperion

        I’m used to big cities and totally rural areas where you are not less than 30 miles from a grocery store or even a gas station. And everything in between. I can typically get along with everyone, but I have to tell you, I much prefer the rednecks to the alternative. And I also prefer more rural areas. The problem is my wife, she’s a city girl. But you know, Orlando is only an hour away if she has to shop onsite and see people (totally overrated).

    • westernsloper

      I lived in Bonita Springs back in a former life early/mid 90’s when we bought our 3 bed 2 bath house for $70,000. Loved it over there. Great beaches, great fishing inland and offshore. I had a decent job at a marina in Naples and was offered going to Honda outboard school sponsored by my employer, turned it down and left. Whats her face number one of that former life talked me into moving to Oklafuckinghoma because she was offered a job. Ya, I am the dumbest Glib. Looking back I should have divorced her and kept the kid.

      • Lackadaisical

        Yeah, that hurts.

  9. westernsloper

    state flag red shop rag soaked in 30W oil

    HA! That, as well as other regional descriptors got a hearty LOL. Good work Don! I am one who likes non serious thought exercises but I am not a very serious person. As to picking my spot to get ready, I am still leaning toward sailboat and heading to the Caribbean and seas beyond.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      He gets it !

    • pistoffnick

      HE’S ONE OF THOSE CRAZY SEASTEADERS!

      Actually a well stocked sailboat is my dream as well

      • Jarflax

        I want Cheyenne Mountain

      • westernsloper

        ?

  10. Jarflax

    You just put yourself back in Texas.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      I think I’m in Deplorolopolis

      • Jarflax

        Thought you were in Memphis? Looks like you chopped that bit off the land of the Belles and into the land of the Yellow Rose

      • Jarflax

        Oh, I see not Aluvia, Bama.

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        Guilty

        Some of the lines I drew at 50000 feet run, upon closer inspection, through bathrooms and broom closets

      • dbleagle

        Mo should be used to that seeing she is from the KC area.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Tighten that up Don. That how we ended up with Point Roberts last time.

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        I was going to touch up a few things, but Trump had my magic marker.

  11. The Other Kevin

    Chicago can have Lake County and maybe Indianapolis but not the rest of us in Indiana. There’s a reason my wife calls us the “guns and Bible Belt”.

  12. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Dammit, first tick of the year.

    That’s a species I would happily eliminate from the world.

  13. Lackadaisical

    heh, concur that you should have just thrown us in with Chicago.

  14. pistoffnick

    I don’t wanna be lumped in with those dirty Sconnies.

    Let 7.8 billion* nations bloom!

    *https://www.worldometers.info/world-population/

  15. Sean

    Can’t we just have burbclaves?

  16. AlmightyJB

    Aluvius boundary basically matches my boundry for retirement. Mainly SE Ohio to Eastern Tennessee. So I’m cool with that.

    • Jarflax

      I like it. Even if I will be paying for various meth lands in the hills.

    • Hyperion

      I seriously hate the midwest climate, so it’s a no go for me.

      • AlmightyJB

        I’m hoping it’s a no go for most people:)

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, I get it. Just build your home in an underground bunker and buy a lot of grow lights, you’ll be good. I like going outside more than 3 months of the year, but I guess I could get used to it, again.

      • Hyperion

        Actually, may have changed my mind about that. I see Greenville in in that, somewhere I’ve had my eye on, which I thought was in Bama.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      Right through the guest room bath!

      I’ve never been north of New Haven, so I know doodly squat about it. I know there are some serious Sunni/Shia issues in them parts, but, since you don’t have proper football wars to document who’s the boss and who’s the bitch, I’m never gonna remember.

      • slumbrew

        The “driving 54MPH…” was a tip-off. You’ve clearly never been on the Mass Pike.

    • Jarflax

      #10, something about heterochromia…

      • Q Continuum

        …and flat stomachs with big tits.

    • westernsloper

      66……… Holy moly that girls tops straps are under such strain she might lose an eye when one lets go. A line under strain is nothing to mess with.

    • AlmightyJB

      Nice list

    • Naptown Bill

      1, 19, 20, 31, 48, 59, 83, 97…I mean, basically this is my harem in another, richer, more decadent life.

    • DEG

      #1 is a great opener.

      #2 is a RealDoll.

      #7 is cute.

      #10 is also a RealDoll.

      #11 and #12 are pretty.

      #19 nice view

      #21, Hello!

      #27 is too young to be in this gallery.

      I think #31 is the winner, but let me keep going just in case.

      OK. #58. Threesome with #58 and #31.

      I’ll keep going anyways.

      #61 is intriguing.

      Hello #92.

    • Bobarian LMD

      #21 is a lie.

      There is no way her arms are that strong.

      • DEG

        It’s a still from a video.

        I remember seeing the video but can’t find it.

        It’s real.

    • slumbrew

      1 looks like an ex.

      *sighs, kicks rock*

  17. Q Continuum

    Capital: del Boca Vista

    LOL

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Its too MUCH capital.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      I steal from the best, usually Twain, Berra, or Rogers.

  18. Count Potato

    Wow, that must have taken much time and effort.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      That’s a thoughtful observation, but the truth is it’s easy for me. As a sales engineer, I do all these reindeer games to explain things to design, operations, clients; for you assholes, though, I only put in two hours on the side while I was carding out the 2001 MLB AllStar game. Every mistake I made probably came while I was trying to record a double play or something.

      What I was quite happy with was that is looks okay on my cellphone. The WordPress editor has this sidebar in it, so you never really know what you’re going to get even after all the formatting and back and forth. Thanks for your patience and flexibility.

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        also, I pulled the populations out of my arse: they’re just estimates to give relative orders of magnitude

    • Q Continuum

      That’s like watching RBG chest press her 8 oz dumbbells.

    • Hyperion

      Good grief, that is pathetic.

    • Jarflax

      She’s 80. Much as I hate everything she stands for I am not sure what her awkward laughing at embarassment over her aging body failing her is supposed to show.

      • Hyperion

        At 80, if you haven’t gained enough self respect to not bow to anyone, you’ve failed.

      • Q Continuum

        She wants to enslave us. I’ll take as many cheap shots as possible.

    • CPRM

      Her mask was down!! Is it a suicide attempt?!?! We should put her on suicide watch, like Epstein…

    • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

      jim steinlager
      @steinlagerr
      She’s eighty. Benny Johnson let’s see you do it when you’re that age.

      Awww, poor Jim–No need to white-knight for her; she’s (probably) not gonna fuck you.

  19. CPRM

    This all sounds very racist.

    • CPRM

      How come any time after noon ‘hi’ or ‘hey’ is an acceptable greeting, but before noon everyone has to greet with ‘good morning’? I think my new morning greeting is going to be ‘racist’.

      • Jarflax

        You live in dairy country and we all know Got milk? is a dog whistle for white supremacy.

      • Gustave Lytton

        You can strip the good off that, you know.

      • CPRM

        Then it’s just a factual statement, not a greeting.

    • dbleagle

      You can drive on paved roads from Florida’s Atlantic coast to Washington’s Pacific coast and never leave a county that voted for Trump. HRC captured votes in several widespread urban archipelagos but less parts of the east and west coast her support is scattered. But somehow he is a pretender to the office because she managed to score big in NYC (less Staten) and DC and so had more individual votes. That is how you are supposed to bring together a continental landmass sized country?

      The Electoral College once again demonstrates the Founding Fathers wisdom.

      • Hyperion

        But Biden is up by like 20 points now! Did this happen before… I’m confused…

  20. Q Continuum

    “worst Walmart in the world in Las Cruces just off I-10”

    I dunno man, it’s got some pretty stiff competition from the one in Gallup.

    • Tres Cool

      I drove some testing supplies from 1 project in SLC to Gallup once. Arrive at a FINAST station just outside of town around 1 am to take a piss. I was approached by a lovely native woman wanting a ride home. About 40 yds away was a pick-up full of natives watching. Yeah….”sorry, no. Here’s a quarter so you can call someone.”

      Got the fuck outta there.

      • blackjack

        Some friends of mine went riding in northeast AZ once. They had a belt break on one of the bikes, a towing offense. As they waited for their friend to ride out to cell range and call for a tow, a tribal cop rolled up. He said they need to get the hell out of there before sundown. There’s bands of roving bandits and there’s no radio service out there. My friends were all armed and not too worried about it. The cop basically said there’s no way to call us and no way for him to get backup, so go hide. Defunded, if you will.

      • Tres Cool

        I drove across the Navajo rez on my way to Gallup, and stopped around 10:30 to get a cup of coffee in a convenience store on the rez.
        I walked in and there were some natives talking, and the moment they say some white guy from Ohio, they shut-up. It was like the scene in Animal House when the guys walk into the black bar to see Otis Day and someone yanks the needle off the record. That was also before they renamed US 666.

        teh awkward.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        For contrast I’ll mention my experience.

        There is a great restaurant in Cuba NM. NM prides itself on its “Tri-culture”, Anglo, Hispanic, and Indian. One day Erik and I went for a ride to Cuba for lunch. We were one of three tables occupied. We (pretty white) had one, an extended family of Hispanics were at another (speaking Spanish). At the third table were a couple of young men from the Jicarilla nearby, speaking in their tongue. I thought at the time that we were truly cosmopolitan in a backwoods town of 500 people.

      • Tejicano

        Back when I used to hunt, hike, camp all over AZ I’d run into that situation a bit. Just as a linguistic challenge I asked a co-worker who grew up on the Rez to teach me how to say – “It’s OK, I don’t understand Dene.” (“Dene” is their word for Navajo – and yeah, I double checked it with another guy from the Rez before I tried it IRL)

      • mexican sharpshooter

        That sounds about right.

    • westernsloper

      My experience has been every Walmart I have been to in NM was the worst. It was other world stuff. Gangbanger tatted up looking guys in wife beaters saggy pants and girls in skin tight night club mini skirts. Very weird. Perhaps they were all awesome individuals but I didn’t stick around and make conversation to find that out. I am sure I have been to both you mentioned.

      • Hyperion

        “Gangbanger tatted up looking guys in wife beaters saggy pants and girls in skin tight night club mini skirts”

        So, the immigrants up from Tijuana? I see.

      • Tejicano

        Sounds like the neighborhood where I grew up. Ever wonder why I live on the other side of the globe from there?

      • Bobarian LMD

        The WalMart in Salinas CA is nothing to sneeze at.

        It sounds much like the same place.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Perhaps Don has yet to escape the Wal Mart in Big Spring, TX?

      • Hyperion

        I just want someone to tell me where the good ones are. Are those the ones that aren’t filled with morbidly obese couples wearing cartoon jammies, three sizes too small, and furry animal slippers, riding the huvarounds, at 5PM in the evening?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Yes, Rapid City, SD. Its full of bikers.

      • Hyperion

        I like Rapid City. One thing I noticed last time I was there, was how much I liked their local rock radio station.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        It seemed nice. I was visiting the Black Hills so I wasn’t there too long.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, I enjoyed the entire area, especially Deadwood.

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        I know the place: my dad’s stepbrothers’ father slipped out there in 1948 or so when he skedaddled.

        Coahoma caught my eye first, though. It’s a Chickasaw name way off the Trail of Tears (as is Waxahatchie) that a guy like me can’t miss. It literally breaks down as “panther red.” The Civilized tongues of my native South have always fascinated me.

    • RAHeinlein

      Chicago Walmart on Diversey – filthy, with wretched staff and patrons.

      • Hyperion

        Heh. There’s the one in Ellicott City, which is overall a very good area and about as expensive as you can get in MD. Now, you’ll be the only one in the store who can actually speak a word of English, including all of the employees. If you speak one of the 800 versions of Hindi, you’re OK. I guess the Koreans do not shop at Walmart, but they also all speak English.

        Then there’s the one in Catonsville. Absolutely filthy, all the tiles on the floor broken, ceiling leaking, all of the shelves all fucked up, I only ever went in their once. That was enough.

        The best ones are in Carrol and Frederick Counties, you know, in deplorable land, how shocking.

      • dbleagle

        Yakima, Washington Walmart. It shuts before 10pm (along with the rest of the city) so all the employees and customers can get home before the Methheads rule the streets. I thought the locals were bullshitting. But at 9:30 every business emptied and there was a short lived rush hour. About 10:20 I head the first automobile crash followed be several gunshots.

  21. LemonGrenade

    Deploria, sweet deploria. I snarfed.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      * curtsies *

  22. The Bearded Hobbit

    OMG, we’re not only still stuck with Santa Fe but we pick up Tucson, San Antonio, Houston, and (shudder) Austin? Glad that we Hobbits plan to move to Rockies in a few years.

    Great fun, Don, thanks. Too bad no one else will ever see or consider options like this.

    Which brings up a question for TPTB: How many accounts are we up to? I see a large number of regular posters along with people who rotate in and out (like me). I’m certain that there are a large number of lurkers (hi Jake!), perhaps 50% of our accounts. I still feel that the number of people who truly believe in liberty in the US could comfortably fit in a high school gymnasium.

    • westernsloper

      Naaaa, it is a lot more than a gymnasium. They are out there. If it was possible I bet we could fill the largest stadium in the country. (but that group consists of people who don’t do that sort of thing) And it would mean shit even if it happened. The others would fill every other stadium in protest. And then we would all die from Covid anyway. Right? Right? We are all still going to die from Covid right?

    • Tejicano

      “we’re not only still stuck with Santa Fe but we pick up Tucson, San Antonio, Houston, and (shudder) Austin?”

      But you’re OK with having El Paso???!??

      I know you’re going to ask what else you can do with it – I say give it back to Mexico, just don’t tell them. Nobody would notice anyway.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      Great fun, Don, thanks.

      you’re most welcome; I love these intellectual challenges; the engineer in me lives in the tradeoff/compromise world, and I knew I would “enjoy” the dilemmas of playing the game

  23. CPRM

    I tink ‘Yah Dare Guy’ is more a more used saying than ‘(J)Youbetcha’ in said state.

  24. Brochettaward

    I’m half way through watching Magnolia for the first time and…and…I don’t get it. Something where Tom Cruise plays a character whose catchphrase is respect the cock should be more entertaining than this.

    • Hyperion

      Magnolia. Dude, it’s a chick flick. You ain’t supposed to get it. Just pretend you like it.

      • CPRM

        Steal Magnolias is a chick flick. Magnolia is a film snob flick.

      • Hyperion

        Nothing should have a name like Magnolia if it’s not a chick flick. Also Tom Cruise, chick flick guarantee. Except maybe Vanilla Sky, that was pretty cool.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s just because of Penelope Cruz. Sweet sweet Penelope Cruz.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Sweet, horsey, Penelope Cruz?

        Because, damn.

      • CPRM

        Did Sarah Jessica Parker change her name or has Family Guy always had terrible writing? You decide at 11!

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Are you Cauc’ing up a brown Latinx, broh?

      • Gadfly

        Also Tom Cruise, chick flick guarantee.

        ?

        I don’t think most people would classify M:I1-6, The Last Samurai, Minority Report, Oblivion, or Edge of Tomorrow as “chick flicks”.

  25. zwak

    I would change the capitol of Rockies to SLC and change the name to Saintopia. The whole place is filthy with Mormons (noMojo)

    But, I am no Mormon and live in what is now Upper Califonia.

    • westernsloper

      The capitol of the Rockies should be Grand Junction CO after the mountain bike race to decide where the capitol will be.

      • Raven Nation

        Grand Junction: hot, dry, boring.

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        See, this is the cool answer I was looking for but just don’t know anything about.

        I’ve spent two nights sleeping in a repair hanger at Carson AFB; that’s what I know about CO . . . oh, and I know the correct way to mispronounce LeMesa

  26. Count Potato

    “While Chicago was roiled by another day of protests and looting in the wake of George Floyd’s murder, 18 people were killed Sunday, May 31, making it the single most violent day in Chicago in six decades, according to the University of Chicago Crime Lab. The lab’s data doesn’t go back further than 1961.

    From 7 p.m. Friday, May 29, through 11 p.m. Sunday, May 31, 25 people were killed in the city, with another 85 wounded by gunfire, according to data maintained by the Chicago Sun-Times.”

    https://chicago.suntimes.com/crime/2020/6/8/21281998/chicago-violence-murder-history-homicide-police-crime

    https://heyjackass.com/

    #BlackLivesMatter

  27. mexican sharpshooter

    Rockies (RO) Population: 10M

    You made Phoenix half the population. I already know what its like to be from that place that dominates the rest of the state into irrelevancy.

    exclusions Denver, El Paso, and NM

    …and most importantly Tucson. (Sorry RC Dean)

    minorities monogamists

    Heh

    industries backpacks and #1 guards for hair clippers

    I don’t get it.

    Quick note: I managed to tear Colorado into three. That was an accident—

    —but otherwise appropriate.

    • CPRM

      I don’t get it.

      It was the mormons, mormons was the correct answer.

      • zwak

        Mormon, Mormons everywhere, but not a drop to drink.

      • cyto

        One of the great moments in cinema and theology, rolled into one.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      You made Phoenix half the population. I already know what its like to be from that place that dominates the rest of the state into irrelevancy. exclusions Denver, El Paso, and NM …and most importantly Tucson. (Sorry RC Dean)

      Yeah, I have no idea. I’ve hiked a lot of NM and done time in ABQ and TUS and even dated a NM State chick, but that whole area is a mystery to me. Apparently there’s some conservative holdouts in the SW, and I tried to honor them.

      #1 guards for hair clippers I don’t get it.

      My bad: for skinheads. Not your fault it wasn’t funny. I had a whole country to make fun of and only budgeted two hours, so I cut some corners.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I’m yanking your chain. Those guys are more in the northwest part of the state.

  28. Crusty Juggler

    Pelosi’s breasts

    Bitch be a butter face like whoa

    • Hyperion

      You are one sick puppy.

      • Hyperion

        Ya’ll be gross.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Cans for days, bro.

  29. CPRM

    Our marketing department was videoing a reopening video, so hopefully it is close to happening. No date yet though. I get laid off again on Sunday.

    Watching them film that I just was thinking of all the ways I could shoot it better, but there were no jobs for that open when I applied for my job. I’ll have to look into whether they get paid more than me…

    • LemonGrenade

      Fingers crossed that you reopen soon!

    • AlmightyJB

      Word

      • Crusty Juggler

        Thank you

    • Chafed

      He must be the sensible one.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Isn’t None of the Above an option?

  30. kinnath

    You will not lump me with with fucking Chicago.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Whatever you say, Chicago.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      I definitely need some help there. Twenty years in automotive and three offices in DTW and I still can’t tell Swedish from Polish when I hear them.

      Again, I think the biggest mistake was Ohio and Buffalo: I should have found the right way to make all of those coastal urban zones Chicago and skipped the Cuyahoga idea.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        They’re both blonde with big boobs, does it matter?

        /Q

      • DEG

        Some Poles and Swedes are brunettes.

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        brunettes

        Norway. The answer is Norway

        unless you have a problem with six foot chicks with their own opinions and stuff

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        what happened to my cool link!?

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        oh, I get it now: I’m a dumbass

      • DEG

        Nice.

      • Jarflax

        According to my father they also dig older guys.

      • Hyperion

        All chicks dig older guys if they have money.

    • Hyperion

      OK, your new posting name is Cicero.

  31. Tejicano

    You definitely nailed New Mexico. It wouldn’t surprise me if this leaked and they all ran with it – oh, that’s right… they’ll get right on that mañana.

    • Hyperion

      Jebus fucking Crikey on a stick. The Raiders finally escape the hellhole of Cali and …. they’re still in Cali? Fuck nooooooo!!!!!!!!

      • blackjack

        Raiders gear is evidence of gang membership in court. Still. Experts say…

      • Hyperion

        Marc Davis is going to throw away the bowl and shave his head in protest, Chucky is going to burn some Chucky dolls! Mayock is going to fuck up another draft by picking the fastest 6 wide receivers in the draft with their first 6 picks. It’s like Al Davis never really died.

        Gawd, I hate the foozball!

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      Easy for me as Scots Irish, but a lot of us who have lived in Tejas started dropping the H in Humble years ago. The little ladies on the shop floor were telling me in the nineties that they’re taking it back one bambino at a time. The RGV is a fascinating place and really steering the Texas political future: will Hispanix identify as pro-life, pro-family, social programs, or what in the coming years. I laughed at deLay in his day and his gerrymandering: enjoy it while you can, Tom: Brown will decide all this sooner or later NTTAWWI.

      • Tejicano

        Tejas Hispanics skew to the (D) side of the aisle not because they follow all that socialist crap but because they need to count on the government to help out cousin Raul and his two baby mamas, (and the sister’s kid Chuy who needs to finish his Associates degree and get a job, and Manuel when he gets out of prison, and…) because they’re too busy and stretched raising their own 5 kids, making sure mom and pop are comfortable, helping little sister get new tires so she can keep her job at Safeway, oh – and Patricia’s Quinceanera is next month, have to help pay for that!

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        dropping the H in Humble years ago

        Yeah, I suppose they’re looking for umility, too. ?

  32. Crusty Juggler

    if they fuck with the Rocky statue I am going to war

    • Drake

      I always thought it funny that they erected a statue to a fictional white boxer – instead of the black boxer the character was based on – Joe Frazier.

      • Crusty Juggler

        WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!??!

        IM NOT A RACIST!!SDJDJSJ!JDSJJ!!!

        TAKE THE STATUE DOWN!dsjfkajsdklfjasdklfjdslkdjsfjjd

      • Drake

        Smokin Joe was pretty good. You really should put ine up for him. Watching him hit Ali with that hook was great.

      • Crusty Juggler

        HE WAS NOT CHARISMATIC AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

      • Jarflax

        Frazier and Foreman impede the narrative of Ali the symbol of woke blackness for all the white liberal fans.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Hagler > Leonard > Hearns > Duran

      • Hyperion

        Duran was the best of them.

      • Crusty Juggler

        My God.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Hearns > Leonard

      • Jarflax

        No mas

      • Jarflax

        And the white liberal sportswriters worshipped Leonard and downplayed Hagler.

      • Drake

        Ken Norton kind of impeded Ali too – and actually got him to shut up, by breaking his jaw.
        https://youtu.be/r9r-rpaVlEY

      • CPRM

        It’s a shame Jim Norton never got to take him on…

      • whahappan

        Nuh-uh, Rocky was based on Chuck Wepner.

  33. mikey

    Hey, Don. That’s fun. The Lakota/Rockies border in South Central MT needs to be a few miles to the west to keep me out of the Rockies which are turning into California.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      That’s fun.

      Good: that was the plan. I hated splitting MT, but I was guessing it shared the TN dilemma of not being as monolithic as its straight lines implied. This is what surgery must have been life before anatomy classes were invented. I have no idea what I’m doing; in other words: I should be in Congress.

      • mikey

        Your line is pretty good and right through my front yard. To the East farming and ranching and the mountains are for logging and hunting. The boots are worn and dirty. To the West tourists and the mountains are for skiing and hiking and sipping wine in the mountain “cabin”. The boots are immaculate and of fancy leathters.

    • Florida Man

      Reverse Holocaust-

      They’re turning ashes into people?

      • Q Continuum

        Putting gold fillings back in teeth.

      • Florida Man

        *little german girl*

        HELLO JEWS! HELLO JEWS!

      • LJW

        And they say nothing but nice things about the Jews?

    • Hyperion

      Bwahhahhahaaa! LOLOLOL! That HAS to be parody. If not, I’m going to rewatch that all night!

    • Hyperion

      Wait, I didn’t get my email…

      • AlmightyJB

        I think she has a lot bigger things to worry about than Trump. Like maybe a Jack in the Box might enslave her to do its bidding.

    • CPRM

      Words are LITERALLY VIOLENCE!

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        That’s easy for you to say–you already got a free hat!

        Wait….

    • Count Potato

      She’s not entirely alone.

      “Dexter Filkens of the @NewYorker
      says President Trump’s idea to deploy the military to control riots was a “dry run” in case he doesn’t win the 2020 election.”

      https://twitter.com/bennyjohnson/status/1270166220726308865

    • Rhywun

      Twitter links don’t work today. What a shame.

      • Count Potato

        They don’t?

      • Rhywun

        Not for me. Just hangs. Maybe if I quit my browser and reopen but… meh.

        Twitter has always been janky. Wonder what they’re doing in the background.

  34. kinnath

    My proposal back at TOS was that the states comprising the Louisiana Purchase should secede from the union.

    The desert southwest can form their own union as can the Pacific northwest. The Rocky Mountains should keep the great plains safe.

    The real problems is the Mississippi is that much of a boundary to keep the rust belt and the deep south over there.

  35. DEG

    OT: Psycopathic traits linked to non compliance with Lil Rona Panic measures?

    New research provides some initial evidence that certain antagonistic personality traits are associated with ignoring preventative measures meant to halt the spread of the novel coronavirus SARS-CoV-2.

    The study has been peer reviewed and accepted for publication in the journal Social Psychology and Personality Science. It is currently available on the PsyArXiv preprint website.

    “On March 31, 2020, Dr. Deborah Birx, the coordinator of the U.S. government’s Coronavirus Task Force, said, ‘There’s no magic bullet. There’s no magic vaccine or therapy. It’s just behaviors. Each of our behaviors, translating into something that changes the course of this viral pandemic over the next 30 days.’ My experience as a psychological scientist as well as a practicing psychologist has convinced me that the importance of psychology and behavior in the prevention and management of a wide range of health problems is enormous,” said study author Pavel S. Blagov, an associate professor and director of the Personality Laboratory at Whitman College.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      This just in:Psychology is permeated with horseshit, doubly so for social psych.

    • EvilSheldon

      I’m strangely comfortable with this.

    • Gadfly

      OT: Psycopathic traits linked to non compliance with Lil Rona Panic measures?

      Did they just call the protesters psychopaths? I’m guessing someone will need to get down on their knees for this.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Now do the psychopathic & sociopathic tendencies of those who want to control their fellow man and force them to bend to their will.

    • Chafed

      Nothing says hard science like social psychology.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        So, you’re saying that SocPsyc makes one….soft?

  36. Hyperion

    Everything is all fucked up. I’ll take a ride in the cargo hold of Musk’s Mars mission. Selling everything I can right now to buy that…

    • Count Potato

      Well, if Starlink works, you can just live in a shack in Montana.

  37. Crusty Juggler

    Three Amigos or Spies Like Us?

    Who ya got?

    • AlmightyJB

      Spies Like Us vastly superior.

    • Q Continuum

      Wrong. Blazing Saddles.

      • Florida Man

        This is my favorite film.^^^

      • Crusty Juggler

        IT WASNT A CHOICE

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Spies. Hands down (my pants).

      • slumbrew

        It’s not even close.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Once again, Slum schools us all. Except, a few of us were already kinda educated. But, I digress…

      • LemonGrenade

        Blazing Saddles is always a right answer.

      • Hyperion

        The funniest film I have ever seen is a Million Ways to Die in the West.

      • Crusty Juggler

        My God

      • Hyperion

        Crusty is still being chased by giant killer coyotes, lol.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        He’s just in it for the NPH chili-shitting scene.

        I mean, who isn’t, ya know? Still….

      • Jarflax

        I’m still holding out for Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

      • Crusty Juggler

        This is the best movie of all of them. It’s endearing!

        But also NOT A CHOICE SHUT UP

      • Tejicano

        +1 Kansas City faggot

      • Hyperion

        They’ve went about as fur as they can go in Kansas City.

      • pistoffnick

        Blazing Saddles is good. But It is no Young Frankenstein

      • blackjack

        Fronkinsteen, you mean.

      • slumbrew

        Blazing Saddles came out in February, 1974.

        Young Frankenstein came out in December of that year.

        Has there ever been a more impressive 12 months by a director?

    • Florida Man

      3 amigos, just for the bar room sing-a-long.

      • Tres Cool

        Ghey.

      • CPRM

        Your little Buttercup has the sweetest…….smile!?

    • EvilSheldon

      Spies Like Us, by a landslide.

    • pistoffnick

      I can nearly recite word-for-word The Three Amigos.

    • one true athena

      Three Amigos was one of my graduation night movies, I remember it being pretty funny at 2 am, possibly there had been drinking involved, too.

    • Chafed

      Proof if it isn’t Fletch or Caddyshack, Chevy Chase blows.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Yes, Fletch is eminently quotable. Even Fletch Lives.

  38. Q Continuum

    100% chance of snow here tonight according to Weather Underground.

    • Hyperion

      Wut? Where the fuck are you? Antarctica?

      • Jarflax

        Bill Ayer’s house, doing an 8 ball.

      • Q Continuum

        7500 feet. Snow in June is pretty rare, but not unheard of.

    • Hyperion

      Huh, that’s right after they said they made it up about Romney endorsing Biden.

    • Hyperion

      I don’t get it. If Biden is up by 8 pts right now and climbing, why would they need to make shit up?

    • straffinrun

      That’s too bad. That actually made me like Trump a little more.

      • Gadfly

        Considering that Trump’s go-to put-down for Powell was to bring up his UN WMD speech, I’d wager that Trump and members of the Bush administration are not on the friendliest of terms.

    • CPRM

      “people familiar with their thinking” Whenever this is said about a Trump source, I get curious why SF and myself never get asked these questions. I think we’ve been more on point with his thinking than any news report in the last 4 years.

      • Chafed

        I see a consulting gig in your future.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Are you kidding?? They’ve skewered the sacred cows (::snickers::) of the Leftists waaaay too much. Plus, that group isn’t the brightest, or, the best of critical thinkers, and wouldn’t get much of the humor. It would just be coddling OrangeBadHitler.

  39. Crusty Juggler

    Which do you prefer, bananas or carrots?

    I like bagels.

    • Q Continuum

      Wrong. Blazing Saddles.

      • Crusty Juggler

        NOT A CHOICE

    • AlmightyJB

      Bananas. Duh. You can’t put carrots on ice cream or on peanut butter sandwiches.

    • straffinrun

      Depends on where you’re putting them.

      • Q Continuum

        Bananas for the front door, carrots for the back?

    • Bobarian LMD

      Where are you sticking them? Carrots hold up better, but the edges can be a bit rough.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        #IfYoureBraveEnough

      • Chafed

        That’s why peelers were invented.

    • mikey

      Nice. In MA the scam was for the abutters of the old family farm that was getting sold so the owners could retire to FL to get the city and state to buy the land as “conservation land”. IOW get everyone else to upgrade their properties.
      Of course, everyone would then complain of the lack of “affordable ” housing in town.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Donating the remainder to a non-profit. As long as they still pay the full property tax like any other owner.

  40. LemonGrenade

    Today, on a hunch, since I hadn’t checked in a few weeks, I decided to see what the word was for the 4th of July fireworks at Mt Rushmore, since we’re camping in the area that week. Good thing I did, since it turns out they’re only allowing 7500 attendees, it’s being done on a lottery system, and the last day to enter the lottery was today. After the shitty year it’s been (even pre pandemic panic) I could really, really use some rockets red glare over a National Monument. Desperately hoping I’m one of the lucky few to score tickets. Hoping that the rumor that Trump might appear depresses entries somewhat. Wish me luck.

    • Tres Cool

      Knock one out nooner at the KOA and have some Afternoon Delight

      • LemonGrenade

        KOAs are for overnight stays when you’re traveling and want last minute reservations. Any KOA near a major attraction is going to be significantly more expensive than the regular state or private campgrounds. But we use the hell out of them on our way to destinations; just figure out where the next one on the highway is when you’re getting ready to stop, book a site online before 4pm, pull in and make dinner. Repeat til you arrive at real destination.

    • DEG

      Good luck.

      Many of the July 4th fireworks shows in New Hampshire and Massachusetts have been cancelled. It might be all of them at this point.

      I expect lots of private displays and New Hampshire fireworks stores to have record sales this year.

      • LemonGrenade

        Thanks! The few years we’ve been home (in VA, which only likes snakes and sparklers) we’ve driven over the border in to WVa to get our proper bang making materials and brought them home. And then there are so many people in the neighborhood all breaking the law at once, the fire marshalls don’t do anything about it. A small bit of annual lawbreaking that gives me hope for the county.

      • DEG

        You’re welcome!

        Let us know how the lotto goes.

    • blackjack

      Only slightly worse odds than being affected by the coronavirus. Good luck!

      • LemonGrenade

        I haven’t caught the commie cough yet, maybe I’ll get lucky this one time and score this.

    • straffinrun

      If Rushmore is still there next month.

      • LemonGrenade

        Don’t harsh my buzz, man. If it’s not, I’ve got a generator, and we can chill out and check out the ruins of america.

      • straffinrun

        I fully expect the Black Hills to be looted.

      • CPRM

        but yet Black Hills gold will continue to be a thing.

      • Jarflax

        And it is special gold that you can buy in little drug phials on chains for approximately $99,999,000 an ounce in every gas station in western S. Dakota

    • KSuellington

      Nice! Good luck, hope you get in. Spent the last couple weekends in the State of Jefferson. It’s good to get out to the great outdoors. It was also nice to eat in a restaurant, the first time in three months.

      • LemonGrenade

        I haven’t been inside a restaurant since March 13. I’m jealous. Looking forward to getting as far away from the madness as possible for a while. I may even step out the dining out budget if there are dining rooms open wherever we stop.

      • CPRM

        I ate at a Chili’s last week. They were only seating every other table; staff wearing PPE, only disposable condiment packets…But it was open.

      • LemonGrenade

        I’m desperately hoping that mask prevalence will be less common the further I get away from large cities. I started out thinking it’d be a good idea, if only to stave off lockdown madness, but people have taken it way too fucking far.

      • CPRM

        Stupid thing is, I’m seeing more masks while this whole narrative is falling apart than when there was uncertainty. I guess sunk value and all that.

      • LemonGrenade

        We have some old scouting bandanas around the house, and the hubby bought an American flag bandana from our favorite bodega simply because they *weren’t* enforcing the mask order. I’ll have to wear one of them tomorrow when I go to the dentist, of all things, never mind that they’ll be up close and personal with my unmasked mouth for 30 minutes or more. That will be the first time I’ve actually donned one since this madness began.

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        I was eating catfish down the island as this dropped: hushpuppies, slaw, fries

        washed it all down with three Memphis Made Firesides

      • grrizzly

        It was March 15 for me. In-n-out in LA. Way fewer patrons on a Sunday afternoon but it was impossible to imagine how bad it would turn out. Sure, I had two dinners outdoors already in NH, but not inside.

  41. straffinrun

    Started out and I thought this would be silly navel gazing. And it was, but fun navel gazing.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Yeahhhhhhhhhh

  42. Mojeaux

    Ellen Barkin was funny once upon a time.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Yeah but did you see her in “Oceans 13?”

      • Mojeaux

        Nope. Waiting for a propitious moment for me and Mr. Mojeaux to watch The Big Easy.

  43. Gadfly

    Well, it was funny in my head before I got started and then things just went sideways, so just like drafting the Constitution..

    Well I got a few chuckles, so take that for what it’s worth…

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      as always, I’ll take a gentleman’s C if it frees me up to start drinking earlier

  44. straffinrun

    Defund the police seems a bit risky to do all at once. Let’s do a test run: defund and disarm all public and private security for our congress critters.

    • Chafed

      In fairness, sort of, Congress isn’t calling for it. The Dems are notably silent.

      I hope Minneapolis goes through with it. We will either learn a great lesson or it will be an abject failure we can all point to and laugh.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        So f’n much THIS!

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Of course, I would love to see who is going to be doing actual investigations, and submitting cases to the DA. Not that nobody could possibly ever do this stuff, since we obviously grow police officers in the same orchard where we grow the military (and, I get that this will probably fall into county territory).

        The upside, I would think, is that there will be far less people to screw with others owning guns. Maybe people can start being responsible for their own safety. Who knows?

  45. grrizzly

    This is already one of my favorite articles on this site. Is it because I was looking on a map of the East Coast today and got a feeling that I should move to Wilmington, NC? And it’s one of the very few places on the East Coast that are not blue in this proposal.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      NC is in play these day. j

      If there weren’t so much military spending there, I’d guess it’s politics would shift.

    • CPRM

      You’re not fooling me with your Rushun botness! Wilmington is in Delaware!

    • LemonGrenade

      I’ve been reading up and making lists, with a general eye to state level power, since my experience in VA shows that a fucked up state legislature can ruin a great county fast. Trying to find the best balance between gun rights, schools, taxes, regulation, and weather. So far, TN and FL are looking like my best bets. Anyone have suggestions otherwise?

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        This site has some interesting views.

        As was written about the change of winds in VA: any state can be screwed up pretty quickly.

        FL eludes me; I can’t even dream up a lifestyle there that makes any sense. It’s the only state where the further north you go, the further south you get, so maybe something outside JAX?

        TN is an excellent choice: come on down, but pick a sane county to commute to work from.

        Money matters a lot to me, so I like TX and the ideas of NV and CO. The guys have decided we’re all moving to WY; I’ll starve, but it will be nice to have friends.

      • LemonGrenade

        I’m lucky in that as long as they don’t drive the company completely into the ground through wokeness and virtue signaling, I can work remotely. Strong internet connection is important to me where commute time is not, as much. I’ll have to research WY but cold weather has always been a huge downside for me. I was reluctant about CO for the same reason, before everyone drove up real estate prices to get their hands on legal pot.

      • commodious spittoon

        We’re #1! We’re #1!

        Unfortunately we’re still #41 by their overall measure.

      • Gadfly

        TX did amend it’s constitution to make it even harder to implement and income tax, effectively putting such an act out of reach of a change in the partisanship of the legislature, but those other areas of your interest are not guaranteed in the near future. Although the fact that the legislature is only part time is a plus, in my view.

      • Gustave Lytton

        If it switched, they’d start beating the drum for a year round legislature because this isn’t the old west and we have needs that need to be met now.

        /what happened here

      • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

        year round? they don’t even sit every year yet

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s what it was until they convinced voters that yearly sessions are needed. Year round is a bit hyperbole on my part. It’s still
        Iimited sessions (with special sessions on top if the gov wants). For now.

      • LemonGrenade

        That is a huge plus in TX’s favor, but my brother in law and family are in TX which would mean I’d be obliged to visit… which is a down. Maybe they’ll flee back to CA; it seems to suit them better.

      • dbleagle

        Wyoming is still where I want to get back to when I “retire retire.” The weather is the only downside.

  46. Broswater

    I say we need to go back to calling half of it ”New France”. We have good weed, 18 years old is just a suggestion for the drinking age, and well… Ste-Catherine, enuff said. But hum… don’t let us vote… effin Shiny Pony.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      you’re up, mon frere: looking forward to the Great White North edition

      while you’re at it, how would you kludge the provinces and states together?

      • Broswater

        BC definitively goes with California. The Prairies should go with Lakota. Ontario is Chicago (And I’ll add Hull/Gatineau to that too, boring corrupt civil servants should be lumped together). Now Quebec is the interesting question. Out of Montreal that is now basically a French DOM-TOM, the rest of the province is a bit hillbillish. So Seneca maybe? And of course the Atlantic provinces should go wherever Maine goes, because just like Maine, we know where it is but nobody cares.

    • slumbrew

      I still have fond memories of Club Super Sexe.

      Requiescat in pace

      • Broswater

        It closed!? My unit was on the street behind, the joke was that there was a footbridge between the NCO’s mess and the SS. Fond memories indeed.

  47. commodious spittoon

    My bar is reopening tomorrow 😀 They closed up shop during the ‘vid to remodel. And they’re opening with their traditional half-price beer Tuesday. It’s like nothing’s changed besides all the social disintegration.

    • straffinrun

      Cheers.??

    • CPRM

      Make sure to scrape the knee if anyone of a darker hue comes in, otherwise you’re literally Hitler. (Damn, Hitler has a lot of literal descendants for a guy with one ball)

      • LemonGrenade

        I’m sticking with “I am a free American citizen and I bend the knee to no man. I’m not trying to get a fucking knighthood here.”

      • LemonGrenade

        I was quite a fan of Pitch Black but had never gotten around to watching the sequel. Maybe I should change that.

      • CPRM

        I like both sequels, but be fore-warned, they do change the universe it is set in quite a bit. It goes from being Space Truckers to Star Wars.

      • commodious spittoon

        The second has a few strong scenes but it’s mostly forgettable pap and bad scifi. The third is a worthy successor of the first.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Uh-oh…someone has a whore mouth they should shut! ?

  48. Donation Not Taxation

    Chicago (CH)
    chief ally NA: universally hated

    Cuyahoga (CU)
    chief ally Chicago

    Does. Not. Compute.

    • Don Escaped the Virus . . . remember the virus?

      and the populations probably add up to 700 million

      just sayin

      • Jarflax

        You have to account for a reasonable population of dead voters, particularly in Chicago.

  49. Donation Not Taxation

    “Miami (MM)

    state bird boa constrictor”

    According to the Department of Wildlife Ecology & Conservation @ University of Florida – IFAS,

    the Red-tailed Boa, Burmese Python, and Brahminy Blindsnake are invasive species that the eco-nuts want to EX-TER-MIN_ATE!!

    “Of Florida’s 46 native species of snakes, 34 are found in the South Florida region shown in dark green on this map, including four of the six venomous species”

    • Jarflax

      Yeah, it isn’t a bird either. It is what people refer to as a joke.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        See DNT comment @ #59.

    • CPRM

      But they can have boa’s as their state animal as long as it is done through voluntary donations and not taxes, right?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Would you prefer a legislature debate state animal or common sense gun control?

      • CPRM

        Depends on if it’s paid for through donation or taxation!

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Point, CPRM.

  50. Donation Not Taxation

    Don, funniest read at least past 24 hours or so. Thanks.

    • Don Escaped both Landslides

      that’s kind

  51. dbleagle

    As far as Hawaii is concerned Cali is not a big deal. The “ninth island” is Las Vegas. Our closest partner is whatever state gets that city.

    • CPRM

      True dat. I met more people born in Hawaii than people born in Las Vegas the 3 years I lived there.

  52. Gadfly

    So some of the communists infiltrating the protests are not being as circumspect about their intentions as would be advisable. How anyone could think that’s a good sign to carry at a rally for justice is beyond me.

  53. whiz

    Interesting take, Don. But please tell me the Lakota/Chicago line in the north half of Iowa is along I-35 so we here in Ames get to be in Lakota. (I’m willing to throw the eastern half of Story county under the bus.)

  54. mikey

    What about Nebraska? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone on this site ever write the name “Nebraska “.

    • slumbrew

      Easy there, Bruce Springsteen.

    • slumbrew

      “site:glibertarians.com nebraska”

      “About 43 results”

      Dang. Not quite never, but that’s pretty low. None in the past year.

      You may be on to something.

      Is this like Fight Club? Are we not supposed to talk about Nebraska?

      • slumbrew

        “None in the past year.”

        I retract that – Google’s “in the past year” selection is clearly full of lies.

      • mikey

        Look at the google scientist here.
        Actually, I’m surprised there were so many. I don’t think any glib has admitted to living there.
        Half my family was from there,but they all left.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Why talk about Nebraska, when the Slave 1 is so much cooler?

    • Chafed

      It’s good to know where they stand. Now I can safely ignore their coverage.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Just add ’em to the pile.

    • cyto

      For those who want something Potter that is actually real and makes for a fun read…

      http://www.hpmor.com/

      Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

      alternate version of Potter where he’s raised by a pair of college professors instead of the sadistic and boorish Dursley family.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Depending on the college professors, that might be even worse than the family members.

      • Plinker762

        A self hating white wizard?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Anti-rationality propaganda? Results HP-rational vis-a-vis goals worse than HP-original.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Edward’s wife more successful Twilight Rational fic.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Sorry, but, I have no idea what you’re talking about.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        ‘Luminosity is an AU reworking of the Twilight story where Bella is a rational self-knowledge junkie. Inspired by “Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality”. Requires no knowledge of or affection for Twilight canon.’

        https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6137139/1/Luminosity

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Hmmm….pass.

      • commodious spittoon

        There were goggles that would turn anything you looked at green

        That got a good chuckle out of me.

  55. Akira

    Anyone else having trouble opening the site on their phone? I’m getting a “Site can’t be reached – Glibertarians.com took too long to respond” error. Every other site works fine on my phone, and Glibertarians loads up with no issues on the computer.

    I mean, what am I supposed to do at work, my job??

    • Chafed

      I’m on my phone and not having any problems.

    • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

      Maybe not soon enough. I mean….they aren’t exactly wrong.

      • Naptown Bill

        It still blows my mind how fundamentally, unequivocally racist someone can be in the name of advancing the cause of “equality” and, provided that person isn’t white, they will not only never be called out for it in the media at large but anyone who dares point out how shitty that attitude is will be pounced on by the mob. If Terry Crews and Orlando Jones were white, Jones would rightly be lambasted for essentially calling Crews a “race traitor” and he’d be ridden out of town on a rail as a vile white supremacist, a thing that seems to be about the worst thing you can be these days, beating out serial rapist and child murderer.

      • Gender Traitor

        Crews tweeted again Monday and said that “it is important we not suffer from groupthink, and we keep minds of our own, and be allowed to ask difficult questions to each other.”

        “Blasphemy!”/mob mentality

      • Naptown Bill

        It’s the scarlet letter. It’s really, really weird if you stop and think about it. It’s like “racist” is a magic curse. My favorite definition thus far is from Michael Malice (IIRC), “A racist is anyone winning an argument with a Progressive.”

    • salted earth

      I hope he gets to keep his job.

  56. Trials and Trippelations

    Awww hell no I am not living in the DC district.

  57. robc

    Is the Aluvius capitol inside the Hofbrauhaus?