The Hat and The Hair Extended Universe: Chuck and Nancy

by | Jun 10, 2020 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 309 comments

“I felsh powaful!” Nancy proclaimed through her lisp and frozen facial muscles and useless mask.

“Like the homeland of all humanity is behind me,” Chuck said. He smoothed the kente cloth scarf over his lapels, lingering over his breasts for a long moment.

“Asifran-Amerikans can sheep safe knowing thtsh we are wearing this scarfs,” Nancy said, preening before a floor-length mirror in her office.

“Black,” Chuck said. “You’re supposed to call them ‘Black,” now. With a capital ‘B.’” He reached into his shirt and pinched his right nipple until it expressed a drop of yellow milk shot through with veins of blood. He licked his finger and moaned.

“Fhulking again?” Nancy asked. She took off the spit-soaked mask she was wearing, shook out the tooth fragments onto the carpet, and threw it away.

“I don’t care what they want to be called as long as they vote for me,” Chuck said. He walked up behind her and began to roughly knead the tumorous meat of her breasts.

“Donts, Huck,” she slurred. “We has too mulch to douche.” She settled a new mask onto her lower face.

“Just a quickie, baby,” he said, his hot garbage breath flowing into her deafest ear.

“Huck,” she said thickly.

“I think about the bandits in your dusty arroyo all day,” he said, rubbing her scabby labia through three layers of Spanx.

“Nos, Huck. We hash to be all bizniss todey!” she said, twisted away from him with a cry of thwarted passion.

“Nancy,” he whined.

“No,” she said, puffing out her mask, enunciating carefully. “Black votes matter!”

“Fine,” Chuck said pouting. “Are you ready? Do you know your lines?”

Nancy tried to glare at him, but those muscles had been stretched back behind her ears during her third to the last facelift and estrogen dunk tank.

Chuck opened the door, let Nancy go out first into the photoshoot. Nancy struck the Superman and Chuck went with I’ll show you my gun, my Uzi weighs a ton because I’m Public Enemy number one Chuck D, but it was really just a Salt n’ Pepa.

“Senator, Senator,” the press wailed. “Speaker, Speaker.” Chuck and Nancy both peed a little from the attention until Chuck held up his arms for silence. An expectant hush fell over the tame news creatures.

“I hear the drums echoing tonight,” Chuck intoned. “But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation.”

“Shesh coming in, twelf-dirty fight,” Nancy took up. “The moonliteh wings reflect the shars that guide me tow-ard salvashun.”

“Senator, Ms. Speaker, would you like to address to police reform bill?” a desperate reporter asked.

“I stopped an old man along the way,” Chuck sang-said gravely. “Hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies. He turned to me as if to say, ‘Hurry boy, it’s waiting there for you.’”

The Congression Old Caucus spread out and dropped to one knee and all sang together:

It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa

“I BLESS THE RAINS!” Kamala squawked in her carefully practiced AAVE.

Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

They all raised their hands, shaking with palsy and drink, panting, sweating, artificial knees crying out.

“Ooh, ooh,” they sang. “Ooh, ooh.”

As the off-key singing finished echoing off the marble, a NPR reporter felt to his knees, stretched out on the floor in supplication, and screamed, “I BLESS THE RAINS!” His cameraman kicked him right in the butthole and wandered away.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

309 Comments

  1. Drake

    “Black votes matter!”

    Pretty well sums it up.

    • kbolino

      Well, white and Asian guilt-votes, anyway, judging by the district she represents.

    • Rebel Scum

      ^

  2. BakedPenguin

    So, business as usual, except more Toto.

    • Rhywun

      Win-win.

    • Rhywun

      Your comment is awaiting moderation.

      Argh.

  3. leon

    This is racist. I can’t believe you people.

    • Rebel Scum

      What do you mean you people?

    • Bobarian LMD

      How can it be racist? It’s not even the right species.

  4. wdalasio

    rubbing her scabby labia through three layers of Spanx.

    Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the SugarFree diet! Just read before each meal.

    • Jarflax

      Pfft, It is just rebranded bulimia! It’s a fraud!

      • Nephilium

        That would be after each meal or snack. This would be the anorexia diet.

    • WTF

      Yeah, I fucked up and read this right after I had lunch. It’s all coming back now.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        Which position though, Sitting or kneeling? Sometimes you’re just not sure which way things are going.

      • Bobarian LMD

        You have to be quick on your feet.

      • TARDIS

        Just hold a bucket. Then you can stay seated. They work well with the Flu too.

  5. commodious spittoon

    One benefit to the riots, we’re not going to hear about covid spikes for at least another month.

    • invisible finger

      And when we do it will be blacks and millennials hardest hit, despite the fact that the deaths will still mostly be old people.

    • Rebel Scum

      Well…

      NPR✔
      @NPR

      President Trump will hit the campaign trail this month — despite the deadly coronavirus pandemic, which continues to impact the lives and livelihoods of households across the country.

      “The rallies will be tremendous,” a campaign manager said.

      • WTF

        The “coronavirus pandemic” is not continuing to “impact the lives and livelihoods of households across the country”.
        The government is doing that.

      • leon

        An often unreported effect of the Coronavirus is for people in positions of power to go mad with tyrannical urges.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Just like they did with South Dakota.

        That was as blatant as blatant can be.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I concede there really is a spike in cases but they seem to be overlooking a few things. Growing up in AZ I’ve noticed a few things that happen here during the summer:

        – It gets really hot outside.
        – People stay indoors when its really hot outside.

        This spreads most easily indoors, where most people here are inevitably going to be. Whooping cough for example happens with a fair degree of frequency here during the summer. Deaths on the other hand, are following a very defined bell curve.

  6. Q Continuum

    Numerous ALOLs.

  7. Suthenboy

    Yeah…that whole kneeling thing was almost as cringe inducing theater as Adam Schiff marching the impeachment from the house to the senate.

    Seriously, who votes for these phony fucks?

    • leon

      The American Public?

    • invisible finger

      ” who votes for these phony fucks?”

      Serious people who don’t like to have it pointed out that they haven’t put any thought into their positions.

    • WTF

      So, they are kneeling in protest against the systemic racism in cities that have been run exclusively by Democrats for half a century?
      Did I get that right?

    • Ted S.

      Chuck Schumer cheered, not kneeled, when law enforcement slaughtered the Branch Davidians.

      • leon

        I’ve no shit heard people use OKC as an excuse for Waco. I guess the ATF has time travel tech.

    • BakedPenguin

      Wow. It’s a woke Metallica cover.

      • BakedPenguin

        I should have said “woke Diamond Head cover.”

    • dbleagle

      I only feel contempt for him because he seeks to rule over us.

    • Drake

      Like watching a dog chasing it’s tail.

    • Suthenboy

      A quick scan of the comments tells me that most people dont buy this horseshit and Trump is going to be re-elected. This is just more ‘half of the country are what I call the basket of deplorables’.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Gah… He’s quoting the Ibram Kendi bullshit. That SOB cloaks his collective guilt accusations in a veil of niceties. It’s purely to get people to acquiesce to every demand.

      • Chipwooder

        Yep. Fuck Ihbram Kendi.

      • Viking1865

        Is he the “sun people” vs “ice people” guy?

      • Chipwooder

        No, I forget who that was but it’s someone much older – I remember reading that sun/ice horseshit in the ’90s. Kendi is in his 30s.

      • leon

        So…. I need some edjumicating on the collective guilt thing. If our society is racist, isn’t it everyone’s fault then? How are we deciding that only some people are in the guilty collective and others are clean?

      • Viking1865

        White people can cleanse their sins by voting Democrat.

        Progressvism is not an ideology, it’s a religion. It’s got gods, devils, saints, martyrs, dogma, clerics.

      • WTF

        Yeah, vote for the party that has had exclusive control of the cities oppressed by systemic racism for half a century.

      • Francisco d'Anconia

        Excessive virtue signaling cleanses your innate racism.

      • Mad Scientist

        It’s original sin and impossible to cleanse yourself. The purpose of virtue signaling is either to shame someone else into joining your charade or begging someone more virtuous not to harm you.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        This.

        There is no redemption. You must continue to self-criticize forever, even for the sins of your ancestors. It’s a sick religion/cult.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      This is cultist brainwashing in action.

      These people do not believe in individual moral choice or responsibility in any way, shape, or form.

    • DEG

      Like many liberal white Americans — indeed, many Americans period — I’m reconsidering things. Am I racist, do I not get it as a privileged white guy?

      I tapped out here. He can go fuck himself.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Since he seems to see everyone based on the color of their skin, I think I have an answer for him.

  8. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I almost dropped my phone when it got to Nsncy’s labia.

    • Jarflax

      Taking an upskirt were you?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        *drops phone*

        *pukes*

      • Suthenboy

        Hey, everyone has their fetish. Who are we to judge?

      • BakedPenguin

        It’s getting better, SN. You apparently made it through a SugarFree articles without puking, so showing a tolerance.

  9. Sean

    *riotous applause*

  10. DEG

    too mulch to douche

    HAH!

  11. R C Dean

    The Congression Old Caucus spread out and dropped to one knee

    I larfed.

    Here’s hoping Trump goes with a pipe-hitting campaign, because I want the people bending the knee to cultists to be mocked and humiliated in the loudest, most public way possible. And he’s just the guy to do it.

    Its appalling that 50% of the country will vote to put people like that in power.

    • Mad Scientist

      Well, 50% of the voters anyway.

  12. Scruffy Nerfherder

    The NPR bit is classic.

  13. DEG

    It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
    There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
    I bless the rains down in Africa

    Toto? Oh boy.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Not

      Going

      To

      Click

      • Suthenboy

        Nor am I…at least until someone else reports back.

      • Rhywun

        It’s awful, but not what you think.

      • DEG

        Seconded.

      • blackjack

        Whatever gets your goat.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Looks like herpes got Q’s goat.

      • Chipwooder

        Not after seeing what Q thinks is somewhat safe for work, absolutely not.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    “I don’t care what they want to be called as long as they vote for me,” Chuck said.

    HOW DARE YOU?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I will enjoy watching this part.

    • UnCivilServant

      Queen V ascended to the throne After britain had outlawed Slavery and had been warring on the slave trade for decades.

      History eludes these people.

      • Suthenboy

        They are trying to re-write history.

        “In Soviet Union we do not worry about the future. We know what the future is. It is the past that is always changing.” – old soviet joke.

      • Rebel Scum

        “!!!educate”

        They do not know how to nuance, bro. And they know little of history either way.

      • Pine_Tree

        From a practical/functional standpoint, no single organization did more to actually stop the slave trade across the world than the Royal Navy. Not that the wokerati care.

      • Drake

        In the mid-1800’s they fought real land and sea battles to stop the flow of African slaves into the Middle East where their forms of slavery were far worse than anything in the New World (notice no African people there?).

        But they are white, so they must suck.

      • Akira

        Not to mention the American abolitionists who risked and often gave their lives to rescue slaves and spread anti-slavery ideology in the South.

    • Rhywun

      “That ‘annus horribilis’ wasn’t so bad now, was it?”

      • SugarFree

        Hey, I didn’t bring up Nancy’s butthole at all.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Does she actually have one? I figured all the plastic surgery had caused it to collapse like a singularity and that she had to be pumped out every day like a malfunctioning septic system.

      • Jarflax

        Cloaca

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      “rapist”??

    • DEG

      Are you going to let people like Khan and his BLM buddies destroy your family’s heritage?

      Sadly, she probably will.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Her kids are beating them to it.

    • Q Continuum

      I know their goal is to draw the various countries into a conflict; is there really anything so wrong with giving them their wish and just extrajudicially killing them?

      /rhetorical, don’t NAP me

      • wdalasio

        I wonder how long it is until a lot of people start wondering precisely that.

        I don’t think this goes the way they think. As bizarre as it’s going to sound, I think Trump and the Republicans are one of the few things keeping them safe. I’ve heard a good many people here saying the reason we don’t descend into a civil war is that too many people have too much to lose. But, these sociopaths really do want to take everything away. And if enough people come to the conclusion that that is a possibility, that “too much to lose” could become a powder keg blowing up in their faces that I don’t think they can imagine.

      • bacon-magic

        ^^^

    • wdalasio

      Here’s the thing I wonder. Do they think for a minute that things like this change a living soul’s heart or mind? I mean I think if I were John Bull. I might be inclined to think black people got a raw deal. But after something like this, do you think I’m really going to care? Or am I going to think “Sod these bastards!”.

    • Chipwooder

      All this shit going on in England is a rather big tell that this is all about Communist agitation rather than police brutality and racism in the US. The fuck does Queen Victoria and Winston Churchill have to do with George Floyd?

      • Rhywun

        this is all about Communist agitation rather than police brutality and racism in the US

        Yeap.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    I saw Goodell’s “mea maxima culpa”, the other day. It was just like watching an American pilot confessing his war crimes live from the Hanoi Hilton, back in 1970. I was waiting for the SOS eyeblink.

    • RAHeinlein

      I’m so tired of emasculated male “leaders” – as my Dad used to say “wouldn’t make a pimple on a good man’s ass”

    • Drake

      Suggest he take a pay cut down to the level of the highest paid black player – he’ll man-up real quick.

      • Ted S.

        That might actually be a pay increase, especially if you include endorsements.

      • Drake

        Nope.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    I can’t believe you people.

    Truth is… malleable.

  17. Tejicano

    For my personal sanity I don’t look at a lot of US media. But reading through this episode – I had to check to find out if the kneeling bit was somehow photoshopped. I mean, come on – how much theater are they going to cram into this news cycle.

    I was somewhat relieved to know that they weren’t actually singing Toto’s “Africa” while doing it – but that wouldn’t have surprised me too much either.

      • SugarFree

        Dammit. I didn’t even see that.

      • R C Dean

        I enjoyed the reply from the guy who actually gave a knee for his country.

      • Tejicano

        Thanks – that was rich.

        I can only imagine what the 780 millions actual Africans think about all this. For the average white liberal (D) voter who this was produced for those “Africans” are like some fictional group of people made up for some TV show they watch.

      • Mad Scientist

        Their culture is a costume.

      • Q Continuum

        “Great commercial for Life Alert”

        LOL

  18. Tundra

    Wow.

    The Toto tie-in, scabby labia, ’90s hip hop and orthopedic distress.

    Damn, son. You really know your stuff.

    • Tejicano

      I really felt like I was right there in real life… as repulsive as that would be.

  19. Gustave Lytton

    oor-length mirror in her office.

    “Black,” Chuck said. “You’re supposed to call them ‘Black,” now. With a capital ‘B.’”

    I was just noticing it the other day. Scary to get that close to the mind of SF.

    • Drake

      The “Person-of-Color” thing is over? Too close to “colored” which was bad for reasons?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Well, it’s too inclusive of other groups that would then need to be cut in to the spoils.

      • R C Dean

        The POC designation erased the lived experience (and imagined experience, as well) of black people.

        There will be only further subdivisions of the collectives until intersectional utopia is reached.

      • SugarFree

        Many have moved to BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) because, you know, fuck those Hispanics and Asians and other Indians and Arabs and Persians.

        BIHAoIAPPOC

      • leon

        Hey now. I’m pretty sure Arabs and Persians are white.

      • Drake

        That just rolls off the tongue.

      • R C Dean

        I would have thought BIPOCs were melanin-advantaged people with very active social lives, IYKWIMAITYD,

      • Ted S.

        Not Unipoc?

      • Suthenboy

        What underlies that is the assumption that being non-white makes one inferior, therefore you are not supposed to acknowledge that someone is non-white.
        They keep swapping out words in an attempt to take the perceived sting out of the last one they used. I guess they have gone full circle now…we are back to black. In a year it will be negro again.

      • R C Dean

        I predict next will be Blackrican-American.

      • Suthenboy

        That made me laugh

      • Sensei

        OT question Mr. Dean. The usual sites this morning were aflutter about AZ and the terrible disease that impacts everyone unless you are at a protest.

        Hype or any kind of real truth?

      • R C Dean

        ICU use and hospitalization is up, but we still have capacity. The new volume from rural areas, to be expected as the disease moves out from the cities to the sticks. A big slug of cases is coming from the Navajo rez, probably because they are shot through with comorbities, and many live in what amount to trailer parks with big families – kinda like what happened in Italy, only fatter and browner.

        The rural hospitals generally don’t have ICUs, so they all get transferred to the city hospitals. The hospitals are all playing a game with each other to try to dump patients.

        But no, there is no crisis, or, as far as I know, any “second wave” in a community that already had a first wave.

      • Sensei

        Thanks!

        From the comments above it looks like a way to beat on states that opened by the media.

        Unsurprising.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Negro is disinclusive of Negras. NegrX, perhaps except the Hispanics got that first.

      • UnCivilServant

        NegrX sounds like a pharmesutical.

      • Gustave Lytton

        If your fist salute lasts more than four hours, see you doctor as you may be experiencing a rare but serious condition.

      • Sensei

        OT – ready to be discouraged?

        There are subtitles if you turn them on. I didn’t have them on at first and flipped them on to make sure I understood what she said as I was quite surprised how well she speaks. I thought she had a slightly odd accent, but nothing more than that.

        I can only dream….

      • Gustave Lytton

        She still makes many mistakes with Japanese, so go easy on her. *lol*

        I’ve gone the other way, listening to Japanese speakers in Taiwan with very good (well, to my ears) Mandarin and switching between that and Japanese without apparent effort.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Almost forgot Asuka’s YouTube channel. So bizarre to watch her mannerisms and realize she’s a WWE wrestler.

        https://youtu.be/DmtcMAtZ0NY

      • Sensei

        Well she’s only been there 5 years after all…

        Oddly I’ve have some native Chinese speakers in my classes and found their accent quite pronounced. It took me a minute or so to understand them. After I recognized how the Japanese sounded with their accent I had no issues however. But the accent was quite distinct.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’m not quite there yet. I can sort of hear differences but can’t easily id them.

      • BakedPenguin

        Wow, that girl is pretty. She looks like a real-life anime princess with those big eyes.

  20. Chipwooder

    Michael Tracey
    @mtracey
    ·
    2m
    “Having mental illness” has clearly become some kind of ingroup cultural signifier for teens and 20s — many of whom grew up on social media and are extremely passionate about political causes relating to personal identity. Weird stuff

    I’ve noticed this as well.

    • Suthenboy

      Mike forgot to include 30’s and probably 40’s. I have been pointing out for over ten years that if you look at the personal blogs of lefties…especially the feminists…they all admit to being on psychotropic medication or having some emotional/personality disturbance.

      I am not sure who decided that adds to their credibility.

      • leon

        Everyone needs to feel unique.

      • Suthenboy

        At some point in HS I was reading a Mark Twain essay and came across “Cemeteries are filled with indispensable men”

        That made one hell of an impression on me, especially considering that at that age most humans are preening and profiling like mad and use the word ‘I’ in nearly every sentence.

        Please dont point out that I used both I and me in this two sentence comment….dammit! I did it again.

      • RAHeinlein

        Um…not just lefties.

    • DEG

      It’s not just teens and twenties people.

    • R C Dean

      Also useful for extracting ADA concessions from your employer.

      You get more of what you reward . . . .

    • leon

      We need a trump victory like we need a bullet in the head.

      What we need is for someone to hit the Keyboard Interrupt on the simulation.

      • Brochettaward

        What we need is for someone to hit the Keyboard Interrupt on the simulation.

        Mr. Lizard and his ilk seem content to let this one play out, so I’ll settle for the next best thing.

        If Trump loses, there’s no one with the balls to stand-up to the commie mobs and rat fucks in power who have spent the last 4 years trying to destroy him. They’ll feel vindicated.

      • wdalasio

        If Trump loses, there’s no one with the balls to stand-up to the commie mobs and rat fucks in power who have spent the last 4 years trying to destroy him.

        Maybe. But the commie mobs and rat fucks had better pray to their personal God that there isn’t. Because as freakish, crude and inappropriate as Donald Trump might be, he’s still someone constrained by our underlying social norms. He’s still someone willing to work within the confines of the constitutional system. And his followers are on board with that. You get rid of Trump and start going full-tilt boogie on their agenda, I’m not so sure that Trump’s supporters just turn around and say “Oh, well, nevermind. I fully accept your hatred of me and attempts to make my life miserable.”. I think maybe you wind up with a real sonofabitch.

      • I'm Here To Help

        This is what I fear is in our future. I actually don’t think Trump will win this year (it’ll be close, but one of the key states will flop over, and it will result in Biden) and both houses of Congress will end up Dem. They’ll go full tilt into their remaking of America into their perfect, progressive image. 2022 will see a much less polite Tea Party type uprising, and 2024 will make 2022 look boring.

        I hope I’m wrong on this one…

      • Jarflax

        I hope so too, but I am afraid the odds are no better than 50:50. I hear a constant refrain of Trump is going to win in a landslide and it all seems based on “I really hate the things the libs have been doing therefore everyone else does too” Newsflash, the lockdown was popular, more popular than anything since we declared the war on terror (which we also hated). Dewine had an 80 % approval rating when he shuttered Ohio. There aren’t going to be landslides, there are going to be close elections decided in 5-6 swing States and those are by definition evenly balanced.

      • Sean

        Dewine had an 80 % approval rating when he shuttered Ohio

        I don’t believe any polls. They’re all bullshit.

      • Jarflax

        Sure, polls are bullshit. So are opinions based on projecting your own views onto the electorate. As I said 50:50. Look at it this way. California is not going red anytime soon if ever and Alabama is not going blue. You put those States at the edges and work inward and you end up with around 150 completely safe electoral votes on each side with a slight edge to the blue team. The 238 in the middle are somewhat up for grabs but another 50-75 on each side are strong leans toward that side (somewhere between 60% likely to go that way and 75%) the last 100-125 electoral votes are where we decide the presidency these days, with Florida being the big dog in that group. Florida leans Red, except that it has a deep blue section that sometimes wags the dog, and which is notorious for vote fraud.

        States that used to be in the middle have shifted, mostly toward the blue side (Va. and Co. are the most notorious examples as they have shifted all the way). The Red path to victory runs through the south and the mountan west. With Colorado and Virginia going blue and North Carolina and Nevada going into the pick em category Republicans have lost their advantage in Presidential elections. It used to be that Team D had the edge in congressional elections because of better machines and urban weighting while Team R had an edge in Presidential elections because of the rural weighting created by the EC. That is less true now.

      • Mojeaux

        So are opinions based on projecting your own views onto the electorate.

        I don’t know how making a prediction rises to the level of projection as if I am my opinion means anything or I can influence anybody or even if I WANT to influence anyone.

        I am making a prediction based on what I see and hear in my IRL sphere.

        I can throw a dart as well as anyone else.

      • Jarflax

        All I am saying is either you look at polls flawed as they are or you project your views (or even those of your sphere “Nobody I know voted for Nixon”) out there and guess based on that, and while polls are flawed they do contain information which projecting based on your views does not.

      • R C Dean

        Dewine had an 80 % approval rating when he shuttered Ohio

        The lockdowns were popular when implemented, when we were told it was just for a few weeks, etc.

        I believe they became a whole lot less popular over time. But I also suspect that, in the public mind, they are mostly distant memory, what with the Marxist cultists putting their nuttery on full display.

      • wdalasio

        Yeah, the lockdown was popular. But, honestly, I’m not so sure the racial pandering is. Sure, suburban moms will say all the right things when they’re asked in a poll. But riots and looting have to be in the back of their mind when they’re alone in the voting booth. And I don’t see how the Democrats can now shed the image of the riot and looting apologists.

      • Sean

        You are wrong.

        Feel better?

      • Tulip

        I think this may happen as well

      • leon

        All Biden has to do is win Florida and Michigan, Or Florida and Pen., Or Florida and Arizona, or Florida and Winsconsin. Or Florida and North Carolina.

        Seems to me he has very good chances.

    • leon

      Humphrey was nevertheless named a delegate at large to the state party convention, where he was to serve as keynote speaker. As Humphrey rose to speak, however, he was shouted down as a “fascist” and “warmonger.” In his meticulous 1984 biography of Humphrey, Carl Solberg records: “A beefy sergeant at arms shouted at him, ‘Sit down, you son of a bitch, or I’ll knock you down.’ He was not allowed to finish his speech.” Solberg comments: “It was an outright coup.”

      Is politics always full of such pleasant people?

      • Tundra

        Power attracts the worst people.

        So yes, of course.

      • Gustave Lytton

        *cracks open random Livy or Plutarch*

        Yep.

      • Suthenboy

        Yes, since the beginning of time.

        I asked my father fairly recently if he had ever seen brazen communists in the US before.

        “Yes. Midwest farmers in the ’30s and ’40s”

    • leon

      Now<strong Minneapolis appears to be ground zero of the revolution fomented by the radical left and its shock troops among the Antifa/Black Lives Matter gang. They are idiot Marxists who substitute the categories of race for the categories of class in the service of the revolution.

      Their local supporters are already embedded in our political institutions: Fifth District Rep. Ilhan Omar sits in Congress and comes to town occasionally to rouse the rabble, Keith Ellison burrows from the inside as Minnesota Attorney General, and Ellison’s son Jeremiah sits on the Minneapolis city council as an avowed supporter of Antifa (“I hereby declare, officially, my support for ANTIFA”).

      It’s not really a revolution if you already occupy the halls of power.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        They’re seeking a purge.

    • BakedPenguin

      Matt Christiansen’s take on recent events in Minneapolis.

    • leon

      Peace Janise
      @Peace_Janise
      ·
      Oct 16, 2012
      Replying to
      @realDonaldTrump
      @realDonaldTrump
      Did U know artificial sweeteners also never leave your liver & soda does not hydrate the body?! Please find an alternative.

      Sounds legit.

  21. DEG

    I’m watching Gauleiter Wolf’s press conference about the concurrent resolution ending the emergency declaration. He flat out said the emergency declaration stands.

    • Suthenboy

      *runs to microwave and begins popping corn*

      • Sensei

        My thoughts exactly!

    • leon

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concurrent_resolution

      A concurrent resolution is a resolution (a legislative measure) adopted by both houses of a bicameral legislature that lacks the force of law (is non-binding) and does not require the approval of the chief executive (president). Concurrent resolutions are typically adopted to regulate the internal affairs of the legislature that adopted them, or for other purposes, if authority of law is not necessary (such as in the cases of awards or recognitions).[1]

      Wolf is a shithead, but the GOP is not being genuine here. They are being their normal spineless shitheels. They pretty much called him a poopy head, and are posturing like they did something meaningful.

      • DEG

        The emergency legislation says the legislature can end it any time with a concurrent resolution.

      • leon

        The General Assembly by concurrent resolution may terminate a state of disaster emergency at any time.

        Interesting.

        Then Wolf is even bigger shithead.

      • leon

        I imagine they go the the supreme court and that the Governors argument would be that such a clause would be unconstitutional because it gives the legislature power to do something without the governors assent.

        Which is stupid since the law itself is the legislature giving the governor power, so they can put what rules they want on it.

      • DEG

        I laughed when Wolf said the state constitution prevents one branch of government from imposing its will on the people of Pennsylvania. Wolf goes on and on about the constitution and how the legislature has decided they would suspend the constitution with this meaningless concurrent resolution.

        My gut is telling me, that since the state Supreme Court has already said the legislature can end this with a concurrent resolution, is that Wolf loses.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Do they have enough votes to override a veto? Because if they don’t, they’re stuck. Except perhaps harassing the executive with administravia such as oversight hearings.

      • DEG

        Irrelevant. Concurrent resolution.

        Having said that, the legislature has tried passing bills overriding Wolf’s orders. Wolf vetoed almost all of them. The legislature was not able to override those vetoes.

    • DEG

      HAH! Gauleiter Wolf said that no branch of the government has the power to impose its will on the people of Pennsylvania. He said this in reference to the legislature passing the resolution and not needing anything from the government. The state attorney said the legislature does not have the authority to do what they did, except the legislation says they do. Wolf is going on and on about the constitution.

      • R C Dean

        Remarkably concise and clear for legislation:

        The General Assembly by concurrent resolution may terminate a state of disaster emergency at any time.  Thereupon, the Governor shall issue an executive order or proclamation ending the state of disaster emergency.  

        Emphasis mine. The Gov. is required to issue the order. A poor piece of drafting; the resolution itself should terminate all orders relating to the state of emergency. Should be a quick and easy mandamus lawsuit by the legislature to get a court to order the Gov. to issue the required executive order.

        And if he doesn’t, he should be [REDACTED].

      • leon

        Impeached and prosecuted for civil rights violations?

      • R C Dean

        Also an option.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        *grabs popcorn*

    • DEG

      Wow. Wolf and his attorney (general council) said the concurrent resolution is meaningless. HAH!

  22. Mojeaux

    OBE, good luck to your dad.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Thanks Mo! Hopefully just asymptomatic. He is rightfully pissed

  23. The Late P Brooks

    It’s SCIENCE, he explained

    “Whatever proportion of disease is transmitting from asymptomatic individuals, as Maria said, that is unknown,” Ryan said.

    “I’m absolutely convinced that that is occurring. The question is how much,” he said. “There’s much to be answered on this. There’s much that is unknown.”

    Don’t dilute the narrative. This is the most lethally contagious disease ever.

    • leon

      I’m absolutely convinced that that is occurring.

      That’s fine, but until you present evidence, then you really can’t be saying you’re opinion is scientifically founded.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Another scalp for the collection

      • Mojeaux

        I don’t blame him. You get to the top, you’re cruising along, you’ve got money, and suddenly you get hit with this bullshit. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

        Retire to the Bahamas and leave the world to burn.

    • Brochettaward

      I was kind of amused that there were people here saying that as the public face of Crossfit, he probably shouldn’t have Tweeted what he did. His sin wasn’t getting political, obviously, but for thinking that he could express an opinion held by a large if not a majority of Americans at this present point in time. If he had just fallen in line like damn near every other corporate leader in the country, all would be swell.

      I don’t understand that sentiment. We need people in positions of power to speak-up, even if they’re uncouth. And we need to stop letting them take scalps for it.

      • Tundra

        Elon says hi.

      • bacon-magic

        I no longer dislike him now.

    • wdalasio

      I wonder, does the company own the rights to the term CrossFit or does he own it personally. It’d be funny as hell if he retired to Mojeaux’s hypothetical Bahamas retreat and told them they couldn’t use the title.

      • leon

        If he ever had funding of any sort, investors would have been bonafide fools to let him retain any rights to anything.

    • R C Dean

      I believe around 10% of the affiliates have terminated their agreement with CrossFit.

      So far, Mrs. Dean’s gym has not. The owner talks to her about this stuff. I’ve been advising her to tell him “This is a business decision. No need to rush into it; there are no prizes for being in the first group to quit. If its good for the business, quit. If not, stay in.”

  24. blackjack

    I miss the early nineties. I used to ride my motorcycle to the newsstand and buy paper copies of Reason mag. I used to listen to Leonard Piekoff on the radio back then. We used to bitch about political correctness and the obvious lies used to promote global warming and the dangers of second hand smoke. There was a billboard on Sunset blvd that had a continuous scroll of the death counter for second hand smoke. It looked like the national debt clock. It was at around 100 million when they finally took it down. It would go up by about ten thousand a day. It was funny at the time, but it’s just a scary red flag, now. Truth was the first casualty, as always.

    • leon

      10K a day? damn that’s worse than the Rona. Glad they put an end to that.

      • blackjack

        They didn’t put an end to it, they universalized it.

    • Viking1865

      As far as I can tell, the only people who ever died of secondhand smoke were people who were married to insanely heavy smokers for decades.

      Now they’re talking about third hand smoke.

      • leon

        When you drain a well dry, you have to find a new place to dig.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Because as freakish, crude and inappropriate as Donald Trump might be, he’s still someone constrained by our underlying social norms. He’s still someone willing to work within the confines of the constitutional system.

    And Trump is a deal-maker. If those boneheads had not spent the past three and a half years tormenting him and accusing him of every crime and depravity under the sun, there’s no telling what horrible “compromises” they could have hammered through.

  26. robc

    6 hours in, pork has about 35 degrees to go.

    • The Other Kevin

      Right on schedule. About now is when I wrap it in foil.

      • robc

        I did that last time, I am trying without this time. I get the reasoning, but it didnt work well for me.

    • Trigger Hippie

      I’ve only smoked about half a dozen pork shoulders so far and have yet to get a consistent smoke flavor into the center of the cut. I do injections a few hours before smoking but that really only hides the lack of flavor. Any suggestions?

      • The Other Kevin

        I don’t know that you could get smoke flavor to the center. I usually make pulled pork out of it, so mixing it up will distribute the flavor.

      • robc

        ^^^This is the key. Pull and mix to get the smoky goodness distributed everywhere.

      • Incentives Matter

        . . . into the centre?

        I don’t think there’s enough smoke in the Universe to get it all the way into the centre during a normal slow-cook BBQ. It’s called a smoke “ring” for a reason. Your use of injections (small amounts of liquid smoke?) sounds reasonable based on what you’re trying to achieve.

        Mind you, I only ever pull and mix the pork after cooking’s finished, so any smoke ring flavour ends up being distributed throughout the meat anyways.

        And I also like crock-pot shoulder and oven shoulder (I use one of Raichlen’s recipes for the oven cooked shoulder).

    • Incentives Matter

      6 hours in, pork has about 35 degrees to go.

      Now that’s what I call a lovemaking session.

    • commodious spittoon

      That’s not a lot of Kevin Bacon.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    I don’t understand that sentiment. We need people in positions of power to speak-up, even if they’re uncouth. And we need to stop letting them take scalps for it.

    Once upon a time, entrepreneurs were celebrated for their ability to color outside the lines.

  28. Rebel Scum

    Anderson Stelter

    He continued, “The Floyd family lifted up that spiritual-moral banner in the midst of a moment in which we got all of the lies and crimes and be it — the Wall Street or White House or even Congress itself, we know they don’t represent the best of this country. It is just that the best of this country right now seems to be so powerless, but in the streets of our nation we see this multi-racial, multi-cultural, multi-gender, different sexual orientations, and different religions, Jewish brothers and sisters holding up Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, the Catholics holding up Dorothy Day, the Protestants holding up William Kaufman and Lydia Maria Child, and the agnostics and the others holding up the Norman Thomases and the Edward Zaids and others. That is my mixed wrestling with what I saw today, my brother. And I think we’ve got hope in the form of motion, but we have to get ready for the backlash. We have to get ready for the neo-fascist clampdown because it is coming. It is coming.

    Cooper said, “I have to say, you’re — I never had the honor of taking one of your classes. But I feel like I’m a student of yours, and I learn lessons every time you speak.”

    As Cooper began to cry, West said, “No, we’re in it together, brother. The beautiful thing about tears, Socrates never cries, but Jeremiah does, and so does Jesus. We cry because we care, we’re concerned. It is not about political correctness or self-righteousness. We cry because we are not numb on the inside, and we don’t have a chilliness of soul and a coldness of mind and heart.”

    Are you warning or threatening?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “As Cooper began to cry”

      Spare me the performative bullshit Anderson.

      • Rhywun

        After the cameras stopped rolling, they went out for beers and laughed their asses off.

    • Surly Knott

      Odd. I prefer Socrates to Jeremiah or Jesus.
      Give me the man with questions, not the man with answers.

      • Suthenboy

        Two short lines and Surly Knott gets comment of the day.

        “…we don’t have a chilliness of soul and a coldness of mind and heart.”

        You motherfuckers have no idea.

      • robc

        If you hadn’t linked it, I would have.

      • leon

        One of my favorite things he’s done. That and the Buck Swartzmore bits.

      • Drake

        He believed in Democracy and accepted the verdict of the 51%. That’s why he was a jackass.

      • Surly Knott

        I’ll still take him over J or J.

  29. Mojeaux

    Hey Brooksie, how are you doing?

  30. blackjack

    I hope they don’t close the one in my spare bedroom, it’s really convenient.

    • The Other Kevin

      “… including 200 in Canada”

      Tim Hortons not available for comment.

      • BakedPenguin

        ‘Starbucks doesn’t have Timbits, Canadians not sad’

        sub-headline.

      • The Other Kevin

        Someone at The Bee is working on a story right now.

    • Gender Traitor

      Would not miss them at all. I don’t even care for their bottled frappuccinos (and I usually go for that sort of thing) because they have Starbucks coffee in them.

      • Rhywun

        Good god, those are gross. I wonder what kind of sorcery they use to cram so much sugar into it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s a PepsiCo product. Starbucks just licenses it.

      • l0b0t

        HOLY MACKEREL! The viscosity/mouthfeel of the product I tried, some vanilla flavored thing, was off-putting to the point of throwing it away. It was oily and slightly thicker than water, like drinking Astroglide.

    • AlmightyJB

      I saw that. Just what until all the cops go on strike.

    • PieInTheSky

      All were killed by cops i assume? Otherwise it is just a blip

    • blackjack

      They don’t really give any facts as to how they arrived at this number. I don’t buy any of this shit. What? there were 5 this week and 1 last week? Besides, there a giant riot going on. There’s only 250 or so per year, now. This is volley one on getting the funding back.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        No, and I’m sorry I didn’t mention this. These figures are from the LAPD mediated though Yahoo News. Take this with a grain of salt and by grain I mean salt lick.
        It could be 2 murders last week and 5 this week but the police are trying to scare people so their funding doesn’t get cut. That doesn’t mean the headline is wrong. Just not the full story.

      • blackjack

        Yeah, and I forgot that of the 250 a year, 50 of them are killed by cops. So really, it’s 200 a year.

    • leon

      Geeze. All the people admiting to be racist. No wonder the left thinks everyone is racist.

    • TARDIS

      What will her penance be, I wonder?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        What’s the progressive version of a Hail Mary and an Our Father?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Money

  31. bacon-magic

    This has inspired me to start a grass-roots campaign. “Kick them in the butthole” – watch out media and lefties(same thing).

  32. Chipwooder

    Can we finally declare a Peak Derp moment?

    @Independent
    News, comment and features from The Independent.

    Try an ad-free experience with access to premium articles with our app: http://independent.onelink.me/wgiA/cfc
    1,128 Following
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    The Independent
    @Independent
    Opinion: What the white supremacist roots of biological sex reveal about transphobic feminism
    Opinion: What the white supremacist roots of biological sex reveal a…
    In the most significant anti-racism demonstrations in generations, the chickens are finally coming home to roost after centuries of unbridled white supremacy. That it’s all happening against the
    independent.co.uk

    • Chipwooder

      Print that article in a noted white supremacist haven such as, say, Tehran, and see how that goes.

    • PieInTheSky

      Burn all harry potter books.

    • Mad Scientist

      Peak derp implies that nothing anyone says will ever be derpier than that. We’re nowhere near peak.

      • Chipwooder

        I dunno – it’s pretty damn difficult to come up with something dumber than “biological sex is a tool of white supremacy”.

      • leon

        I mean…. Sierra Club yesterday put out that we won’t be able to stop global warming without stopping White Supremacy.

        This is the exact same play book they had 3 years ago after trump was elected.

    • Jarflax

      I think I may start browsing twitter and compiling lists of invitees for helicopter rides. Do any of you reprobates have the skills to create and a scraper to autofill a 120,000,000 entry database? i don’t think I can do it manually.

    • Rebel Scum

      That premise is so retarded that I am not even sure how to criticize it.

      • Suthenboy

        To parse something you have to make some sense of it to start. Every single bit of that is nonsense. You are only going to bog down to the frame and spin your wheels. Dont even go there.

    • Suthenboy

      Oh geez. Check out Amrou’s photo.

      • Rhywun

        ALOL

      • Chipwooder

        Yup.

        Again, I would suggest that xe try gamboling around in public in a non-Western, non-white supremacist place. Sudan seems like a good candidate.

      • AlmightyJB

        “educational”. I’m sure that it is.

      • Trolleric the Goth

        wow, in record time they have a strongman running things!

    • TARDIS

      Michel Thomas
      @jmichelt
      ·
      3h
      Replying to
      @redsteeze
      and
      @bdomenech
      someone should take them 100 pounds of bacon
      Albert Abraham
      @philippe_r77
      ·
      2h
      Whoa whoa let’s not waste bacon now
      ?

      *Chuckle*

      • bacon-magic

        Fuck that. Unless you want to air drop hot bacon grease.

  33. PieInTheSky

    If the new autonomous zones spread. You should really take advantage of the distraction get all lubertarians togheter take over a big empty staye that no one is really using like idaho and declare independent libertopia. I will come visit.

    • leon

      You should really take advantage of the distraction get all lubertarians togheter take over a big empty staye that no one is really using like idaho

      Oh and i’m sure you think French Fires are not worthwhile!

      • leon

        FRIES****

        DAMNIT

      • PieInTheSky

        Damn phone big empty state

      • PieInTheSky

        Also this is a sort of reference to an old sitcom which would probably be in poor taste these days. Though granted it was in poor taste back then.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Heil Honey I’m Home?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Was supposed to be italics not bold.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        French Fires are absolutely worthwhile

      • Mojeaux

        -1 Notre Dame

      • Rhywun

        lubertarians

        ?

      • PieInTheSky

        It is obviously a typo. I is next to u

      • leon

        I am next to u

      • Rhywun

        Nothing compares 2 u

    • Gustave Lytton

      Something tells me that one would be first up to be squashed.

    • R C Dean

      lubertarians

      I think we’ve got a few of those around here.

      • Incentives Matter

        Lubertarians — political ideology or avant-garde porno? You decide!

      • Surly Knott

        Why not both?

      • blackjack

        We just wanna be free! Free to grease our machines without getting hassled by them!

      • blackjack

        *the man, fucking auto correct.

  34. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I don’t know why this didn’t occur to me sooner. Antifa is the Red Army Faction reincarnated.

    The Red Army Faction had significant upper class support since it was “Radical Chic” to do so. They had leftist politicians supporting them and providing cover.

    The Stasi supported them to destabilize West Germany. I would not be surprised at all to find out China or Russia has provided Antifa support.

    The major difference seems to be that Antifa intends to inspire the mob to do their dirty work for them while the RAF was a little too greedy for fame and money to do that.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Scott W. Hunter
      @SWHesq
      ·
      Jun 9
      Replying to
      @hale_razor
      and
      @SaintRPh
      I’m beginning to wonder if some folks don’t eff’ing love science as much as they claim.

  35. wdalasio

    They’ll go full tilt into their remaking of America into their perfect, progressive image. 2022 will see a much less polite Tea Party type uprising, and 2024 will make 2022 look boring.

    I hope it goes that smoothly. The Democrats have shown what can happen when politicians allow a significant constituency to believe the government is at war with them. God help them (and maybe all of us) if a Republican figures out how he can return the favor.

  36. blackjack

    Welp, apparently the LA Pride people have pissed off the Black Lives Matter folks. They’re gonna need to hire some cops to be a new style of riot squad, lol!

    • R C Dean

      [LA Pride] also said permits had been withdrawn and there would be no involvement from police.

      I wouldn’t be so sure about that.

    • leon

      More evidence that we are loosing the culture war.

    • Mojeaux

      So for once the black activists aren’t going to let the LGBABCDEFG activists hijack their cause. *Mr. Burns fingers* Excellent.

      • R C Dean

        What black activists? BLM is a Marxist front organization.

      • Mojeaux

        Does the “black” in “Black Lives Matter” not refer to the concept a black activist organization?

      • Suthenboy

        BLM is Marxism in blackface. One swipe with a Kleenex and. you will see red.

      • DEG

        Yes.

      • Chipwooder

        It’s why the “official” BLM propaganda spouts shit like “capitalism is always racist”

      • Rhywun

        And “we will destroy the family”.

    • grrizzly

      The BLM activists have been protesting Pride marches for several years. This is not new. I believe the LA Pride tried to camouflage their Pride (not allowed) as a BLM protest this year. Not surprising that it didn’t work out.

      • Mojeaux

        I didn’t know that. Thanks.

      • Surly Knott

        Yeah, there’s serious tension between the gay (GLB) community(ies) and black communities. If nothing else, there’s a strong religious element to it. This goes back at least 5 decades, and hasn’t changed much.

    • Q Continuum

      Like I said in Morning Lynx, they’re in full eat-their-own mode.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes and it’s hilarious to watch.

    • Drake

      Will the People’s Front of Judea still be participating?

    • Rhywun

      L.A. Pride organizers faced backlash for seeking a police permit to hold the event and for not collaborating with Black Lives Matter leadership before announcing it.

      I am shocked.

  37. slumbrew

    Good news, everyone! The city has deigned to start processing firearms licensing again. So my 2nd Amendment rights are back to being, kinda, sort-of honored.

    In unrelated news, the picture on this made me laugh: State Moves Into Unannounced Goth Phase of Reopening

    • Rhywun

      heh

    • R C Dean

      If you have to ask permission, your rights are in no way being honored.

      • slumbrew

        I’m well aware.

  38. LemonGrenade

    I miss the days when we taught sing songy shit like “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me” or “I’m rubber, you’re glue, anything you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”
    Those were good rules of thumb.