“I gots the DEMON DNA in me!’ Donald screamed. “I can feel it runnin’ all through my body! Foul succubi!”
The hair closed the door the Presidential Shitter and scuttled back over to the hat. “You were saying?” he asked the hat after he rejoined him on the Resolute desk.
“There’s just too many hats,” the hat said. “They dilute my power.”
The hair nodded thoughtfully and surveyed the hats perched around the Oval Office.
“I mean, I’m the hat,” the hat said. “Not a hat, not one of the hats. I’m not some faceless, nameless hat in a sea of hats.”
“There’s just so many of them,” the hair said, wonder filling his voice.
“Ah wuz the f-hurst!” USA hat said from the umbrella stand.
“No, yo fui el primero,” MMGA hat said. “Sessions me usó antes de las elecciones.”
“Don’t you have a yard to mow? Or a tourist to murder?” the hat asked.
“!Dios mío!” MMGA hat cried.
“Go stuff a burrito in your hatband, beaner,” the hat said, puffing up like a rooster.
“让中国再伟大!” the MCGA hat crowed.
“Don’t even start with that ching-chong bing-bong garbage, Senor Eggroll,” USA hat groused.
“You tell ‘em, honeybear,” the Cowboy Patriot hat said in liquid tones.
“Not in the office,” USA whispered loudly.
“GAY!” the hat yelled.
“Gay hats give you scalp AIDS,” Trump Girl hat said confidently. “I read that on the internet.”
The hat and the hair groaned together.
“I’m not the first hat, but I am obviously the best hat,” the hat and hair hat boasted.
“Abomination!” the hair screeched. “Thou shall not suffer a wig-hat to live!” The hat contented himself with just making retching noises.
“Party on the top, Republican Party on the bottom,” the hat and hair hat said.
“You’re a visor, shitwit!” the hat yelled. “No one can take a visor seriously!”
“And what is that? Polyester?” The hair asked indignantly. “You couldn’t even find proper Bangladeshi beggar hair?!?”
“AJAX!” Donald screamed through the reinforced walls of the Presidential Shitter. “I NEED AJAX FOR MY ALIEN PENIS!”
“All that matters is the re-election,” the KAG hat said.
“Well, of course, you would think that,” the hair said.
“Do you want to be a one-termer?” KAG hat asked the hat, ignoring the hair utterly. “A mere Bush 1.0? A… Carter?”
“Noooo!” the hat moaned. “I don’t want to build Houses for Humanity! I hate humanity!”
In the stinging silence, they all heard grunt grunt grunting and other fuck sounds. The hat and the hair looked under the desk.
“STOP THAT!” the hair ordered.
“GAY!” the hat said again.
“Ah think it’s only gay iffen yore the hat on the bottom,” USA hat opined.
“They aren’t even branded!’ the hat said. “How’d they even get in here?”
“HEY!” Cowboy Flag hat said.
“You’re next, you FM103 giveaway trash!” the hat snapped.
“There’s no call fur that,” USA hat yelled back.
“HATS!” the hair screeched. “Too many hats!”
They all began to hurl invective at the hair, a rising sea of hat babble that soaked the Oval Office.
“REEEEEEEEEE!” the hat began, rocking back and forth. “EEEEEEEEEEE!”
In the fading whine of the hat’s inarticulate coping, they heard a tap on the Oval Office window. And then another and another.
“What is that?” the hair asked.
The unopenable window opened and a hat flew in and fluttered around the room majestically.
“Whut is it?” USA hat asked.
“It’s beautiful,” the hat said.
“SPACE!” the Space Force hat interjected.
Freedom 2020 hat landed gracefully on the Resolute desk and struck a dramatic pose. Light from the window streamed over it and lens flares shot off its golden thread.
“You can fly?” the hat asked, awed and humbled.
“I have wings, don’t I?” Freedom 2020 hat asked, his deep, manly voice rich like fancy coffee.
“All the rest of you are absolute trash,” the hat said.
Before the chorus of hurt objections began, the door to the Presidential Shitter flew open; Donald stumbled out, bald and wet, holding his rubbed-raw genitals in his hands.
“When was the last time I was tested for endometriosis?” Donald demanded. None of the assembled hats answered him.
“Well?” Donald asked.
The hats lay still and quiet–even the humping hats under the desk and the belligerent rube in the umbrella stand. Donald snorted in disgust and went back to rubbing Chapstick on his mushroom cap.
“I gots the DEMON DNA in me!’ Donald screamed. “I can feel it runnin’ all through my body! Foul succubi!”
That’s pretty mild gender-bending.
the trump hat with a trump wig on it is fucking awesome.
Is it a chia pet?
I think chia is only that color when dead or sexually molested.
“AJAX!” Donald screamed through the reinforced walls of the Presidential Shitter. “I NEED AJAX FOR MY ALIEN PENIS!”
I think Bad Dragon recommends other cleaners for their toys.
That was the line that sent me from chuckling to guffaws.
“Do you want to be a one-termer?” KAG hat asked the hat, ignoring the hair utterly. “A mere Bush 1.0? A… Carter?”
Ouch.
I hate humanity, too!
The hats lay still and quiet–even the humping hats under the desk and the belligerent rube in the umbrella stand. Donald snorted in disgust and went back to rubbing Chapstick on his mushroom cap.
I’ll still be able to eat lunch. There are benefits to having no sanity.
Had to wait ’til the last sentence to be repulsed.
Cool stuff, I see marketing in your future, ’til Nov 4 anyway. Set up a table in Jacksonville.
Haberdasher in Chief.
“I’m not the first hat, but I am obviously the best hat,” the hat and hair hat boasted.
“Abomination!” the hair screeched. “Thou shall not suffer a wig-hat to live!” The hat contented himself with just making retching noises.
“Party on the top, Republican Party on the bottom,” the hat and hair hat said.
*rousing applause*
That was the winning part for me too.
“GAY!” the hat said again. “Ah think it’s only gay iffen yore the hat on the bottom,” USA hat opined.
Every week I think: “There is no way SF can top last week!”.
Every week I’m wrong.
Bravo, dude.
“Noooo!” the hat moaned. “I don’t want to build Houses for Humanity! I hate humanity!”
LOL!
I think the only thing that might have made that better would’ve been the hat contemplating the sweat from Donald’s brow, saturating the hair and wicking into his band and brim.
Indian Matchmaking Is Just Telling It Like It Is
In the Netflix series Indian Matchmaking, the importance of skin color arrives quickly in talk of matrimony, as do other facets of packaged appearance, the sorts that indicate a notion of a stratified universe: This level of education matches with this one, this shade of skin with this, this height with this, these family values with these, this caste with this, this region with this, and so on.
White men, black men, Latino men, women, too —members of all tribes have made comments to me about my skin, with the implication that some girls you marry, some you fuck.
I think there’s a third category…
Enough with your Lena Dunham fetish, you sicko!
It might seem strange to invoke an Alice Walker essay in connection with the new Netflix reality series, Indian Matchmaking, but, here we go. In the essay, “If the Present Looks Like the Past, What Does the Future Look Like?”, the Color Purple author and social critic (and, of late, conspiracy theorist)
Pretty mild descriptor for someone who believes that Jews are literally baby-eating alien lizard people.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/21/arts/alice-walker-david-icke-times.html
Many VN are seriously color conscious. Darker is indicative (to them) of peasantry while to us suggests perhaps more leisure time. Many young girls carried umbrellas while dressed in their ao dais.
That’s true of a lot of Asia.
I remember my first exposure to the really long pinky fingernail. I thought it was for snorting coke. Instead it was to signify that the owner didn’t perform manual labor and was of a non-peasant class.
My people were always about big hats and long-sleeved work shirts for the same reason: class distinction.
Which is hilarious because none of them ever met anyone they didn’t already know and who didn’t already know that hopeless, agrarian poverty dominated their lives. People without plumbing still pose for other share-croppers.
My people tended to pose on their mules while holding pistols in front of their stills.
Lots of grim faces.
Many VN are seriously color conscious. Darker is indicative (to them) of peasantry
Same is true in Mexico.
I figured the comments would find a way to blame a facet of the traditional Indian caste system on whites…
Well the system was implemented by the Aryans when they invaded right?
I am in my early 30s, and I know a fair amount of Indian and Pakistani people. The hidden fracture point in people of my age is that the men have spent the last 10 years grinding away at their careers, working their way up, and are now being pressured by the older women of their community to settle down and marry one of the women their age who have spent the last 10 years happily dating white men.
A guy I know went off to Wall Street after college, has been working there for the last eight years, just got a big promotion to take over a division in Charlotte. The girl that he was semi-sort of “promised to” was so very excited to start their lives together, with both her and his mother happily setting up wedding plans and naming grandchildren, it was just assumed he was on board. They were friendly enough growing up but they have not ever been in a relationship in any way, shape or form. But he’s supposed to just swing by and pick up his Indian bride and set her up in style and start pumping out Indian kids.
“It will be very difficult for blackness to win over whiteness…”
Oops! Did I just admit that I’m trying to help foment a race war?
Also, this person has learned well that if you smash a bunch of words and concepts together haphazardly, it seems psuedo-smart.
Yeah, that’s some impressive college-gibberish.
Funny, because it’s true.
Ajax? Surely the president can afford Dawn.
She’s $20, same as downtown.
I admit I couldn’t come up with a clever hat for Senile Joe and On Your Knees Kamala.
Joe has his MAMA hat. (Make America Moral Again.)
Harris, I assume, has some sort of evil weave.
She sold her soul to Mr. Ray.
“This is not a wig! It won’t come off!”
Here’s Kamala’s hat.
I vote for this one
North side, east side
Little Willy, Willy wears the crown, he’s the king around town
Dancing, glancing
Willy drives them silly with his star shoe shimmy shuffle down
Best one.
Joe ‘n Blow 2020, of course.
HT to whoever wrote that yesterday.
I like the ones that end making you wonder if it is all in Trumps head.
I” “And what is that? Polyester?” The hair asked indignantly. “You couldn’t even find proper Bangladeshi beggar hair?!?””
Brilliance.
We asked for Trump negotiating with Aliens, and we got it.
I knew it was going to be a good day today.
SF makes it a better or best day. Thanks, SF
Space hat is the best hat of all time.
^
“When was the last time I was tested for endometriosis?” Donald demanded. None of the assembled hats answered him.
O happy fate, that suffers me to dwell in this vale of joys, these strawberry fields.
O happy fate, that suffers me to dwell in this vale of joys, these strawberry fields.
Indeed. That’s the motto I’ve got inscribed on my office door. ?
“Don’t even start with that ching-chong bing-bong garbage, Senor Eggroll,” USA hat groused.
He pronounces it exactly as it’s spelled. Sen-or.
SF must have blown a nose clot keeping all the lines of dialogue straight for a change.
I have some very bad news. Some of you might recall that I’ve been very invested in the case of Dr Peter Ridd, formerly of James Cook University who (as I reported):
The University appealed, and the appeal was heard last month. This week, the appeals court overturned the judgement, claiming that the university could rewrite its code of conduct to modify and circumscribe the tenure protections built into the school’s Enterprise Agreement (a sort of charter for the school) and that as defined by the code of conduct, Ridd’s comments about the university’s lack of quality control were personal opinions that were outside the sorts of statements that tenure was supposed to protect.
Dr Ridd has decided to take his case to the Australian equivalent of the Supreme Court. He has reopened his gofundme page to cover his expenses. I’ve kicked in another $100; it’s in addition to the $200 I had kicked in to help fund his lawsuit and defense at the appelate lever.
I ask you all to kick in some money. It’s not just saving the retirement of one deserving man. If the ngo/governmental/academic complex is able to destroy the wall of academic freedom in Australia, a major impediment to the silencing of speakers-of-truth-to-power in a major western nation will have been smashed flat.
https://twitter.com/i/events/1288479758624292865
US Will pull 11,000 troops out of Germany, with 5000 coming back to US. If the left is really stupid, they will make this a political issue.
https://twitter.com/i/events/1288489489132744715
Sure enough, an hour later
Scott Horton has a good piece on the Russia bounties story. As usual, he’s pretty direct on his take: https://original.antiwar.com/scott/2020/07/01/the-russian-bounties-hoax/
And an interview with Gareth Porter: https://scotthorton.org/interviews/7-10-20-gareth-porter-on-the-pentagons-bountygate-hoax/
Then let the Euros step up.
That’s still 20k+ more than need to be in another sovereign country.
They can defend their own damned country.
The amount of forces we use to save white people in Europe is an example of systemic racism.
“Russian deterrence.”
The constant fearmongering of the Russians as this big giant war machine needs to end. Russia has a GDP less than Canada or South Korea. It’s slightly richer and slightly more populous than Mexico. I think some people forget just how much the Warsaw Pact satellites added in terms of economic power, manpower, industrial power, and strategic geography. Not only did Russia loose those, they swapped sides to the opposition.
“In 1999, Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic joined NATO, amid much debate within the organization and Russian opposition. Another expansion came with the accession of seven Central and Eastern European countries: Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia, and Slovenia. ”
That’s ten countries that would have been Red allies in the Cold War now lined up with NATO. The Russians cannot militarily subdue Europe in a conventional war before the US redeploy’s, and I don’t think the Russian air and naval forces could come close to closing the Atlantic.
What Germany is really mad at is all the lost American tax dollars paid on the local economy for support of the troops.
That and having to foot the bill for their own defense.
This^. During the height of the cold war, Germany had the best military equipment in Europe. I don’t believe they’ve developed, or even maintained, any of their equipment since 1989.
Because they don’t need to, and they know that.
They absorbed the GDR, got a first hand look at front line Russian gear, extensively debriefed the East Germans on the quality of the Russian military, and concluded that the Big Bad Bear was dead.
But hey, if the Yanks want to keep spending millions of dollars a year to feed, house, fuel, and train in Germany because OMG ZE RUSSIANS then they weren’t going to stop them.
No one turns down free money.
If Germany cares so much they’ve had an odd way of showing it. How many Bundeswehr troops are defending Ukraine and Georgia right now?
I expect German troops marching through Ukraine and Georgia might not be the best optics.
I knew it. Having never met HM, and despite any text otherwise, I picture him as George Lam.
Hell yeah!
https://youtu.be/BH4qcYDoXQc
Title translation: “Ten minutes twelve inches”
Gangsta with his pimp saucer.
So I get an odd reading of “snowflakes”, unreadable kanji, “north” and more unreadable kanji.
Checks out!
In the same way, after the supper HM took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you. But the hand of him who is going to betray me is with mine on the table. The Son of Man will go as it has been decreed. But woe to that man who betrays him!”
“Don’t you have a yard to mow? Or a tourist to murder?” the hat asked.
Or a gun to smuggle?
Sweet Chebus… this year just keeps getting worse.
In November, they can release a beer complementary with green bean casserole.
https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2020/07/oregons-governor-announces-phased-withdrawal-of-federal-officers.html
Stupid stupid stupid. The only winners here are the antifa criminals.
Um…about that…
Nope. Fuck ’em. If Portland wants to tear itself apart, let them. They can burn the federal courthouse and any other buildings they want. Burn the whole damn town. Portland’s leaders want this, Oregon wants this, Trump should get the fuck out and let them destroy themselves.
^ This. During the day, arrive with a few semis, clear everything of value out of the building, and let them have it. Then refuse to rebuild citing lack of safety. When people complain they have to go out of their way to go to another federal court building, oh well.
It’s more bullshit. The governor is lying. See my link above.
Move the federal courthouse to Bend. Make the good liberal bourgeoisie lawyers commute 6 hours a day.
Hah hah. They’ll just stay at their second home/cabin in Black Butte or Sunriver.
Black Butte is where the porter comes from, right?
yep, that’s where Deschutes Brewing is.
This porter?
Which is delicious by the way.
I’m really split on that. I’m pretty sensitive to people being screwed by their state gov and having the Feds blow them off and say “Get rekt”. It comes down to them standing in place and defending themselves against the mob, or fleeing, and seeking refuge elsewhere in the country. Can you apply for refugee status from Portland?
Note however that the feds aren’t even helping in that way now as they are very adamant that they are only defending the federal courthouse.
Who knows what’s going on behind the scenes, if anything. But I’d like to see them arrest Wheeler, Hardesty, Eudaly, and Brown on criminal conspiracy and civil rights charges. And impeach and remove Michael Simon who has a clear conflict of interest in his judging but refuses to recuse himself.
I like it. It doesn’t give antifa anything it wants (either a pile of dead bodies killed by feds, or a federal courthouse in flames). The state police are taking over, and that means its the state’s responsibility.
I mean, if it were happening. Which it doesn’t sound like it is. I wonder why the Governor announced something that seems to be completely false?
I’m not sure our readers understand the import of this H&H episode. This is the Crisis on Infinite Earths of the Hat and the Hairverse. Next episode, the Hat and the Anti-Hat are going to duke it out.
Mind blown.
No spoilers, dammit!
how does Popehat fit into all of this?
He’s like Trump, but twit-calls people racists all day long.
So who are the Paragons? And will we collapse down to a single universe, and immediately spin out at least three new ones?
We will do whatever gets us the most variant covers.
So blank cover with local artists to do one off art covers?
Will the spin offs be better universes then the main ones going forward as well? Stargirl has been surprisingly good so far.
Will the anti-Hat wear a goatee like evil Spock from the parallel universe ?
NEEEEEEEEERDS
https://twitter.com/TrumpWarRoom/status/1288514679984271361
Nicely done.
I’m looking forward to further development of the Cowboy Patriot hat. You can see they have a thing going.
And if this was covered before, well I’m sorry this is the first one I’ve read. So, there.
Too funny
https://twitter.com/animegorilla/status/1288233974742028293?s=20
Wait. We don’t want Federal courthouses to burn?
Well, there will be a lot of law books to get rid of once Libertopia happens and every unconstitutional law is repealed.
I feel like they could be repurposed.
Wholesale drug and tax free liquor outlets with a whorehouse in the back. They’ve got the room for it. Maybe some gun sales too.
See. This is the kind of thinking we need in libertopia. Instead of “Burn it all down” we should be chanting “Make it all a Brothel!”
omg from the comments
‘local deli removes Norwegian flag after customers confuse it with the confederate flag”
?
Them Norwegians are pretty damn white.
Commodius Spittoon stole my tilde joke.
But truly Grade A #1 Prime meta-entertainment!
https://twitter.com/LouisvilleGun/status/1288467783576096771
For my fellow gun nuts.
Wow. It’s called a bullpup because it kicks like a bull! And if you release the bolt, the gun fires.
I assume he’s filming in a mirror and doesn’t have some kind of lefty AR.
Only bar open in Orange County CA is at the airport….freedom!
From Gustave’s link:
Starting Thursday, all Customs and Border Protection and Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers will leave downtown Portland, Brown said.
“After discussions with the Vice President and administration officials this week, the federal government has agreed to my demand and will withdraw these officers from Portland. They will also clean up the Courthouse, removing the graffiti,” Brown said in a statement.
While state police and the Federal Protective Service will be responsible for the exterior of the courthouse, a limited number of federal officials, who act as building security year-round, will remain focused on the interior of the building, she said.
“I have grown increasingly concerned at the nightly confrontation between local community members and federal officers,” Brown said. “We need to recognize that the protests in Portland are not solely about the federal presence. They started before federal agents descended on our city and they will likely continue after they leave.”
Uh huh. Something something more of what you reward.
I am reminded of a visit to the Seattle zoo, a million years ago. In the gorilla enclosure, the big silverback was snoozing (or trying to) while one of the younger males was swaggering around being an obnoxious nuisance to the rest of the tribe. Apparently emboldened by the boss man’s apparent indifference to his antics, he made an error in judgement. He became a little too swaggery.
There was no waking. No look around. No rise. No go over there. One moment the big male was slumped in the shade, and then, as if by instantaneous teleportation, he was half-way across the enclosure standing on top of the young male, choking him with one of his giant prehensile feet.
That’s kind of what I think might happen if this shit continues unabated. Big Daddy needs his peaceful repose. And the rest of the monkeys will appreciate it.
Dang Federal officers, why did they dirty up the courthouse!?
My gut is telling me there will be no “We won! Time to take a victory lap!” moment. The rioters are intent on burning down that building, and the are against ALL cops. My question is, are the local cops as well trained and disciplined as the feds, or will things get worse?
You must be new around here.
They’re more hamstrung than the feds and about to be even more so.
I was reading on another site that they’re just pulling out cops from certain agencies and replacing them with federal marshals. Sounds like a compromise that I don’t think will placate the mob.
President Trump Warns Portland on Antifa-BLM Attacks on Federal Courthouse: Clean Out Your City or Feds Will
Nothing changed. Nothing will change soon.
Looking around at the players, none of them really have an incentive to end this.
Antifa, of course, exists for precisely this kind of violent confrontation.
The Mayor and the Governor believe this is part of the new Master Plan to defeat OrangeManBad.
Trump sees this as an endless source of video clips to beat the Dems over the head with, to suck undecideds and uncommitteds away from the Dems.
I didn’t catch on first reading that they are just rotating some out, undoubtedly to be replaced by rotating others in. This is probably a standard rotation, given the degree of hazard, being dressed up.
I still think the ROE should be that anyone shining a laser at the courthouse gets a bullet. I’m torn, though, as that gives antifa what they desperately want: martyrs.
It’s asymmetrical warfare. Try the Rambo method: id the criminals and pick them up later, and it’s right wing death squads doing kidnap operations. Arrest the most blatant criminals, and the commie NLG bails them out after a judge grants bail and they go right back the next night. Even in the riots, fake press and “legal observers” aid and abet the criminal actions of their fellow rioters. There is no winning as long as a large chunk of the establishment provides cover for them.
If they are brought up on Federal Charges, the local commie DA and Judge can’t wave it away. Some of the guys the already grabbed are going to be locked up in club fed for a serious stretch.
The federal magistrates do the same thing.
And get fired.
People are smart enough to see through that nonsense unless they’re predisposed not to. The only ones the rioters are convincing at this point we’re convinced a long time ago.
Hence why these violent ones need to be white supremacists.
id the criminals and pick them up later
IDing masked people in a mob is not easy. A few have been picked up for distinctive clothes or tattoos, but you better believe antifa has put the word out to knock that shit off.
Picking off a handful of useful street idiots isn’t going to do a thing. The feds need to go after the leadership and the networks. Or do it old school, with large numbers of military.
I wouldn’t have believed it before, but the networks probably include some politicians who are giving approval thru back channels.
Back channels?
https://twitter.com/repblumenauer/status/1286036173882884098?s=21
Go Old Testament – Put a Forward Air Control team on the roof with a laser designator and start blinding the laser guys?
Really thought that was going to be a Sodom and Gomorrah reference.
More go all Hammurabi on them but I get your point.
It doesn’t need to be an air control team. Just some guys with really powerful lasers.
Interesting. Taking a page from the Palis, though, the media would play them as innocent victims. They would do the same with anybody perforated for trying to blind people, though.
At the very least, arrest those pointing the lasers. It’s only a misdemeanor under state law but it’s still a crime. I believe federal courthouses are exclusive jurisdictions, so under the assimilative crimes act, if there isn’t a applicable federal crime, they can still be charged for the state crime in federal court and sent to federal prison.
The LEO presence it would take to wade into teh mobs and start arresting targeted individuals, if they could even be located once it became clear what was going on, makes this approach unrealistic, I believe. it would set off a full-on pitched battle between thousands of protestors and whatever LEO presence is there.
To tackle a mob of thousands head-on will require the National Guard, and there won’t be targeted arrests. There will be mass detentions.
If you intentionally blind someone with a laser it’s malicious wounding. Not a misdemeanor.
Pointing it at someone is a misdemeanor. Sure charge those who have caused injury, but they don’t have to limit it to those who have caused injury.
And teeth. Long sharp terrifying teeth.
there will be no “We won! Time to take a victory lap!” moment.
There would have to be some sort of coherent notion of what they actually want. You know, like a clearly defined goal.
If there is such a thing, I have not heard what it might be.
I don’t think there are any real goals at this point for the vast majority of protesters. They just want what they want, and they want it now! It’s turned into a big temper tantrum.
They’re getting their riot on.
A lot of people get off on that shit. It’s a rush.
Let the protestors burn the federal courthouse, and then present the city of Portland with a bill. A really big bill.
and garnish their “wages” until it’s paid off
Some judge would just stop it if they tried.
Theoretical question:
If someone gets killed in one of these riots, could you charge every single person at the riot with felony murder? Under Oregon law, felony murder is
The first two predicate felonies are definitely in play. I think someone other than a rioter would have to be killed. But at that point, all the rioters are “in a group . . that commits or attempts to commit a predicate felony”, arent they?
I don’t know. IANAL and whatnot, but Riot is itself a felony, and that is what the people are contributing to, but that doesn’t mean that they are all doing arson, explosives. If that makes sense. They are contributing to the Riot, but that is separable from the other crimes of Arson and Criminal mischief (…) with an explosive.
The rule applies to all members of a group that is committing arson or lobbing explosives. If someone not a rioter dies, then all members of the group can be charged with felony murder, is my reading.
Riot is not a listed predicate felony, so it doesn’t matter. Being a member of a group, if any member of the group commits a predicate felony, is what matters.
If you had 10 people working together to burn down a building, and one succeeded, and somebody died, you could probably charge them all with murder. But you’re not going to have much luck trying to pin it on everybody else who happened to be there.
Does the getaway man get charged with felony murder when the bank robbers shoot the security guard?
/Law School Exam questions
It has happened.
They’ve even convicted them by getting the actual killer to turn state’s evidence.
That’s pretty much textbook felony murder.
If someone dies in a car accident, or is shot by the cops, during the getaway, that’s also been charged as felony murder.
That’s the weak link.
But I think there’s argument that everybody participating in these riots (which are recurrent and organized) is a member of the “group” of rioters. Especially if their computer or phone traffic showed communication about the riots, including following social media, etc.
Of interest, the statute doesn’t explicitly require that you be present when the predicate felony is committed. You could use this against the networks, instead of the actual useful street idiots. That might be an interesting approach.
Somebody dies. You arrest all of Rose City Antifa, put up the evidence of their organized support for the riots, and charge them all with murder.
Didn’t I hear something about Antifa being designated a terrorist organization? Not that I’m recommending this, but couldn’t they round up the entire crowd and take them to Gitmo?
GITMO? I think it would be a lot more entertaining to send a dozen or so to some federal pound-me-in-the ass medium or max security prison, and see how well they fit it.
Chino or Folsom would be fun for them, Im sure.
I heard an announcement that they would be designated a terrorist organization, but I have not seen that they actually have been designated a terrorist organization.
Of course you can charge anybody with anything, but it would be a hard sell and wouldn’t get far IMO.
I don’t believe for a minute the Portland prosecutor is going to try to put anyone in jail for this, even if bodies start hitting the ground.
I just think, based on that statute, that you could charge any rioter with murder if they are present when somebody other than a rioter gets killed. The only interesting argument I can see is what counts as the “group” – is it everyone rioting that night, or a subgroup of some kind.
I wonder if the feds have considered (or tried) giving the rioters the Noriega treatment, with extra strobe lights. I would.
Operation Nifty Package was a United States Delta and Navy SEAL-operated plan conducted in 1989 designed to capture Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega. When Noriega took refuge in the Apostolic Nunciature of the Holy See (diplomatic quarter), deafening music and other psychological warfare tactics were used to convince him to exit and surrender himself.
The United States claimed that after ten days of psychological harassment, the Papal Nuncio (ambassador) Monsignor Laboa had threatened to revoke Noriega’s sanctuary if he didn’t surrender to the United States, although Laboa insisted that he had made no threats of revoking the right of asylum under the Church, but had used his own “precisely calibrated psychological campaign” to force Noriega’s departure.[1]
Although the operation was successful, National Security Advisor Brent Scowcroft would later point to the psychological harassment of the Papal Nuncio as “a low moment in US Army history,” noting that their approach had been silly, reproachable and undignified.[2]
You forgot “effective”, Brent.
They could play some Copland, really loud. That’d be enough to drive anybody away.
“The federal occupation of our community has brought a new kind of fear to our streets,” Wheeler said in a statement. “Federal agents nearly killed a demonstrator, and their presence has led to increased violence and vandalism in our downtown core. The daily coverage of their actions has distracted our community from the Black voices at the center of this movement, and the urgent work of reform.”
That guy is like a five star general in the war on objective reality.
five star general in the war on objective reality
LOL! I love that.
I heard an announcement that they would be designated a terrorist organization, but I have not seen that they actually have been designated a terrorist organization.
There is no such thing as antifa. Therefor…
Got to love my company. I have to sit through a meeting (for the third time) to present a change that our company’s not involved in. A customer we support and a partner are doing work. So I want to turn off monitoring for the servers that are getting worked on. If the CAB says no, the work is still going to happen, but for some reason they’re making me present the change again…
Oh well. PTO starts tomorrow, vacation starts Friday.
have fun.
I’m planning on it. The only things that are scheduled are what day we get there, and what day we leave to come home (and that can be extended if we want). Other then that, drinking, seeing what rental places are open, bike riding, walking, drinking, potentially going to Cedar Point, drinking, eating too much walleye, hopefully seeing some live music, and drinking.
You forgot drinking.
I’ll pencil some in.
Poor Joe. Can’t catch any breaks.
https://twitter.com/portlanddsa/status/1288278965954592769?s=21
The only interesting argument I can see is what counts as the “group” – is it everyone rioting that night, or a subgroup of some kind.
Haven’t there been cases in which a bank robber is charged with murder after the cops kill his accomplice?
Yes, though i don’t know if those ever stuck.
The question i guess is “Can you convince 12 average (maybe slightly below average)” Americans that he is responsible.
https://www.salon.com/2020/07/29/bill-barr-on-capitol-hill-lies-evasions-and-a-promise-to-follow-the-law-be-very-afraid/
I hate humanity!”
The hat is my favorite hat.
…..rubbing Chapstick on his mushroom cap.
Cerebraly filed for future reference. Just in case.