The Hat and The Hair: Episode 164

by | Aug 5, 2020 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 234 comments

When Donald, tipped back in his office chair, buried under reports he refused to read and a forefinger stiff and sore from tweeting, finally began to snore, the hair dropped from his head to the Oval Office desk and landed in a flurry of white jagged flakes.

“You have dandruff!” the hat said and began laughing.

“I do not!” the hair said angrily.

“That,” the hat replied, jerking his bill toward the white flakes. “That is dandruff.”

“No, it isn’t!” The hair shot out hairs in all directions that gathered the white flakes under him protectively.

“Then what is it?”

The hair mumbled, settling down on the flakes like they were dozens of tiny eggs to keep warm.

“What was that?” the hat asked. “What did you say?”

“They are dried skin flakes–if you must know–from Donald’s scalp.”

“That’s dandruff!”

“No, it isn’t.”

“That’s the literal definition of dandruff! You have dandruff! You’re disgusting!”

“I don’t have dandruff,” the hat said, “Donald has dandruff. I usually take care of it for him, but there has been a lot lately.”

“Take care of it?” he hat asked.

“Yes, that’s what I said,” the hair said primly.

“What does that mean?”

“Just never you mind.”

“No, I want to know. I ride on that head too. If I’m in danger of getting dandruff I have a right to know.”

“You can’t get dandruff.”

“You said you couldn’t get dandruff and just look at yourself! You should be wearing a hairnet! We should mandate hairnets!”

“I don’t need a hairnet. They aren’t very effective anyway.”

“Dandruff,” the hat said. “On me. Dandruff on me!’ a shiver of revulsion ran through his whole cotton body.

The hair sighed heavily. “I take care of it, as I said. With no harm to myself, I metabolize most of it.”

“Metabolize it?” the hat asked.

“Well, in your crude understanding of it, you would say that I eat it.”

“EAT IT? YOU EAT DANDRUFF! THAT’S DISGUSTING!”

“Lower your voice!”

“I will not!” the hat said. “You’re a fucking dandruff eater!”

“I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

“Wait. Where’re all the flakes that were on the table? Are you eating them right now?!?” The hat lashed out with his band, caught the edge of the desk, and pulled himself over to the floor. “DISGUSTING!” he yelled under the desk.

“It’s just skin flakes, and some sebaceous secretions,” the hair said around a mouthful. “And some fungus.”

“FUNGUS?!?” the hat under the desk said. “DOUBLE DISGUSTING!”

“Oh, calm down,” the hair said.

“We’re in the re-election fight of our lives!” the hat said. “And we’ve got China virus attacks on two fronts–COVID and fucking TikTok–and the economy is in the absolute shitter and you are eating goddamn dandruff!”

The hat rolled over on his side and pouted. In the silence, he could hear the quiet munching of the hair on the desk above him.

“You said ‘most,’” the hat said quietly. “You eat ‘most.’ What happens to the rest of it?”

“I store some in his ears for when I get snacky,” the hair said. “It’s… it’s delicious.”

“And the rest?”

“I drop it down the back of his shirt. After it ages on the small of his back, it gets soft…”

“Stop,” the hat said.

“…and takes on a really intense nutty flavor.”

“Stop,” the hat said. “Stop. Please stop.”

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

234 Comments

  1. leon

    I never knew that the Hair could disgust me more than the Hat.

  2. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    Hmm, I’d have thought that the flakes he dropped down the front of his shirt would be the ones with a nutty flavor.

    • SugarFree

      Pubic hair cannot live on McMuffin crumbs alone.

      • CPRM

        PHAKE NEWZ! We all know Donald prefers the McGriddle!

      • leon

        Why would it eat McMuffin crumbs when it can feast on crab every day?

  3. The Late P Brooks

    That military butler will hang, for this.

  4. Jarflax

    You flaked out on this one SF.

    • Sean

      I thought it was head & shoulders above his usual work.

      • Bobarian LMD

        The grossness was a little scaled back.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It still made me itch.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Huh, I thought he had a chance at something great here but selsun blue it.

      • juris imprudent

        Sore eye saw us?

  5. Tundra

    “You said ‘most,’” the hat said quietly. “You eat ‘most.’ What happens to the rest of it?”

    That was ominous for me as well.

    • CPRM

      The hair takes on all the True responsibility.

    • Creosote Achilles

      I /knew/ that was the point to stop reading. I mean, in SugarFree, eating of dandruff by The Hair doesn’t seem so bad. Did I stop reading there though? No, no I didn’t. Wretched.

  6. CPRM

    Donald doesn’t get dandruff! He has the best skin!

  7. egould310

    I read this episode on the toilet while taking a dump. A vast improvement.

    • Don did not Escape Bama

      ^^ a true Glib ^^

    • Bobarian LMD

      So, do you spin on your heels, or do you just vomit between your legs?

  8. leon

    Got a response from the Dem Campaign volunteer:

    Thank you, _____ Here’s what Greg had to say about gun control: “I am a gun owner and have been for almost 50 years. I am also a defender of the protections we enjoy as gun owners under the law. However, I support legislation to expand background checks on firearms to cover more sales than under current law. Currently, federally licensed firearms dealers have to submit a background check on each sale. However, not everyone selling guns legally is a federally licensed dealer, and unlicensed sellers do not have to run background checks on in-state sales. Too many sales, particularly at gun shows and on the internet, are exempt under the current system.”

    I responded that the guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about, FFLs must be used for internet purchases.

    • UnCivilServant

      Ask about repeal of the NFA.

    • Fourscore

      Chicago teenagers are getting them with their cell phones.

      /I’ve heard

      • Bobarian LMD

        In Indiana.

      • Rhywun

        Hoosiers hand them out on Chicago streetcorners, like candy.

    • Viking1865

      Of all the lies of politicians, the “I am a gun owner. I support gun owners. But….*Bloomberg talking points*” is the one that drives me absolutely fucking nuts.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “I’m sorry, but…” means “I’m not sorry.”

      • Nephilium

        As always, you can usually ignore everything before the “but”.

      • Trigger Hippie

        All before but is bullshit.

      • hayeksplosives

        I think of it as a warning that I have limited time to make a tactical move before I hear what comes after “…but”

      • Chipwooder

        God save us from the Fudds.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Only if out of state. If it’s in state, unless under state law, there’s no requirement for a FFL.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Everything before the ‘however’ is a lie.

      Everything after it is also a lie.

    • juris imprudent

      CA has had universal background checks for years now. Ask him how that’s working there.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Quite well. Just need to tighten a few more loopholes (loophole being whatever was left after the last restriction that allows you to acquire, posses, or operate a firearm) and they’ll have paradise.

      • Mad Scientist

        We even have background checks for buying ammo now.

    • R C Dean

      Too many sales, particularly at gun shows and on the internet, are exempt under the current system.

      leon, is there a background check requirement for in-state private sales in your state?

      • leon

        https://le.utah.gov/xcode/Title76/Chapter10/76-10-S526.html

        I’m not sure. I know that it is required at Gun shops, and that there is an exemption for those who have a Concealed Carry permit. Most sellers at Gun Shows won’t sell to anyone who doesn’t have a permit, so i think it might apply to private sales as well.

      • DEG

        It looks to me that the requirement to run a background check only applies to licensed dealers. Does Utah have its own system of licensing firearms dealers? NH has one for sellers of handguns, but none for long arms. I could look it up, but I’m going to be a bit lazy.

        Those guys at gun shows might just be covering themselves. Not only from expansive definitions of “dealers” from the state law you quote but also possibly providing some protection against claims they sold a gun to the next Adam Lanza.

      • R C Dean

        Not sure what number of sales moves you out of private sales and into being a dealer, but I suspect most people with booths at gun shows are probably close to the line, if not over it.

      • DEG

        I have a vague memory that the Feds have never defined it for purposes of FFLs.

        I remember reading some warnings about selling C&R eligible guns once I got my C&R license. You’re allowed to sell, but you’re not allowed to sell “too many” because that would mean you need a FFL01 instead of a FFL03. “Too many” is in the eyes of the ATF, with the Federal courts taking the attitude of “I’ll know when I see it.”

      • Sukkoi19

        I asked the IOI during my interview for an FFL about this. Her answer was basically its less about a number and more about the context and justification. If for whatever reason they find out about a non-licensee selling 20 guns over a 3 month period and you can show say for example financial hardship then they will view it as normal disposition of property. If however you have sold 20 guns and bought 10 guns over that period they will see it as engaging in commercial activity. She stressed this was a very simplified example and wasn’t backed by any hard and fast policy.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    NEVER ENOUGH

    The final weeks of Joe Biden’s search for a running mate have had all the usual trimmings: leaks from unnamed Democratic party officials, last-minute suggestions of outsider names and a trail of vague hints from the candidate himself.

    But this year is different. Biden promised to select a female running mate, setting up a historic nomination process that many prominent Democratic women say is being overshadowed by the increasingly nasty – and unmistakably sexist – debate over who he should choose.

    “Even in this moment of women ascending to heights that we never have in our country’s history, it’s still really being talked about and debated through the lens of a man,” said Jess Morales Rocketto, the executive director at Care in Action, a non-profit group that advocates for domestic workers.

    ——-

    Many Democratic women with extensive experience in party politics say the remarks, while not surprising, are deeply offensive and mar a vetting process that they hoped would be celebrated for its diversity.

    LaTosha Brown, the co-founder of Black Voters Matter, said she has been “appalled” by the “racist, sexist tropes” used by party leaders and elected officials to undermine female candidates for vice-president, particularly women of color.

    “Being a Black woman with ambition is not a problem when it’s in the service of others,” Brown said, adding: “Black women have always been on the vanguard of fighting for our democracy, and we will continue to do so. But we will also hold accountable anyone who seeks to marginalize our contributions, our intellect or our electability. This is not going to be tolerated.”

    The best way for Biden to show he condemns these remarks, she said, would be to put a Black woman on the ticket.

    The comments have also exposed a generational divide between an old guard of white, mostly male leaders and a new cohort of diverse, trailblazing women who are increasingly ascendant in the party.

    I guess Joe should let them fight it out in the cage, Grand Melee style. To the DEATH.

    • leon

      But this year is different. Biden promised to select a female running mate, setting up a historic nomination process that many prominent Democratic women say is being overshadowed by the increasingly nasty – and unmistakably sexist – debate over who he should choose.

      So historic, he’s doing it over 10 years after he trounced the last Female VP candidate in an election.

      • Nephilium

        Wasn’t there some woman who ran for President a couple years back… name’s right on the tip of my tongue.

      • hayeksplosives

        Shh! You’re not supposed to remind people of Sarah Palin. The GOP would never be so forward thinking.

    • l0b0t

      “Even in this moment of women ascending to heights that we never have in our country’s history…” said Jess Morales Rocketto

      Geraldine Ferraro is coming back from the grave to tell Jess Morales Rocketto to go fuck herself.

      • Creosote Achilles

        I’d want to forget Ferraro too, given the historic pounding they took. Hmmm. Ozy and Don Escaped…how does that fit into your theorizing about this election?

      • Swiss Servator

        Guess Sarah Palin never ran either…

      • Viking1865

        All Republicans are straight white males, especially the women.

      • Not Adahn

        Honest to God, back during the 2016 primary one of the NPR panelists declared the republican candidates were all white men. When challenged on it, she doubled down saying the Cruz and Rubio would be offended if you called them Hispanic.

      • invisible finger

        She was just a whack job that had sexual relations with at least one black man.

      • Not Adahn

        I thought it was her daughter that was banging black dudes and Sara was just pretending to be the mom?

        /Andrew Sullivan

    • Sean

      At the end of the day, racist Democratic primary voters put an old white guy at the top of their ticket.

      Nothing else matters.

      • hayeksplosives

        That’s because lefties believe so strongly in identity politics that they believe that white males are superior, which is why their beneficent patronage is needed to help prop up the inferiors in society.

      • Rhywun

        It’s funny because it’s true.

    • leon

      The comments have also exposed a generational divide between an old guard of white, mostly male leaders and a new cohort of diverse, trailblazing women who are increasingly ascendant in the party.

      Nancy Pelosi, for all i hate about her politics, is an incredibly strong willed and tight fisted leader of her party in the House. This kind of talk seems to be more about whats young and new than genetalia or good ideas.

      • Rhywun

        The Dems are every other -ist out there, might as well add ageist.

    • Fourscore

      Please, no Jello wrestling…

    • Rhywun

      “Women are constantly walking this tightrope of being the most qualified but also likable or tough

      Yeah, nobody ever accused Trump of being unlikeable.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Stop nominating feminist hags and we won’t complain about their likeability any more.

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      “unmistakably sexist”

      Yeah, saying you will only pick a woman is pretty sexist.

      • juris imprudent

        Remarkable for a party full of misogynists.

    • R C Dean

      Even in this moment of women ascending to heights that we never have in our country’s history

      Like what? We’ve had major party female VP candidates, Cabinet Secretaries, Supreme Court Justices, and major company CEOs, etc. before. What is she referring to?

      • hayeksplosives

        Art critique via statue “editing”?

  10. l0b0t

    The more I think about it, the more I realize I would take Geraldine Ferraro as POTUS over any other person the Democrat Party has promulgated for the job this century.

    • hayeksplosives

      She would not be recognizable as a Democrat today. Back before we had solid Red and Blue states—everything was in play.

  11. Bobarian LMD

    a shiver of revision ran through his whole cotton body.

    Does this mean the story is going to be edited for some reason?

    • SugarFree

      Damn autocorrect. Fuck.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “a shiver of revision”

        Always go with your first version. Editing is for pussies.

    • Not Adahn

      It’s the feeling you get every time a Flash dies.

  12. kinnath

    It’s all about the Virus!

    Joe Biden will no longer travel to Milwaukee to accept Democratic nomination

    Keep the man hidden. It’s the only way.

    • Sean

      There goes my hopes of an Antifa crowd rioting on the Dems.

      • Fourscore

        Maybe that’ll be the cause, more room to riot

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s probably a third of the reasons why he’s not going.

      • Hyperion

        That won’t stop them from rioting, they’ll just burn and loot what’s left of Milwaukee anyway.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Will anyone notice?

      • commodious spittoon

        Shame about the burgeoning VCR repair industry.

      • littleruttiger

        On the other hand, a recent survey showed that 100% of the VCR repair industry consists of hack frauds

    • leon

      The Hillary Gambit of never campaigning in Winsconsin? / I think he already had, but let me make a joke.

      Seriously though they are working hard to prep the idea of not doing the debates.

    • leon

      “The fear of community spread in Milwaukee, with media, production teams and party officials was just getting to be too much,” a senior Democratic official told CNN. “We don’t want to risk anyone’s health for this.”

      Then you’re not willing to win! / Visigoth

      • R C Dean

        Wisconsin only peaked 8 or 9 days ago. So it is still pretty much infested with disease.

      • invisible finger

        Wisconsin’s average daily C19 deaths peaked two months ago.

    • Hyperion

      Has anyone posted this?

      Where am I?

      SF, you should do an episode with Biden. All you have to do is forget where you are and mumble incoherently. Are they really going to run this guy as a Trojan horse? I’m not sure the republic is so far gone that they will elect a guy who is clearly gone mentally. If they will, we are done, toast.

      • Fatty Bolger

        I bet those super funny people at SNL have been all over this.

      • SugarFree

        I’ve done a couple now. There is more coming.

    • Fatty Bolger

      They were going to send his double instead, but they’re still vetting candidates.

    • Rebel Scum

      And just earlier today I saw that his wife was ensuring that Joe would debate. Let’s just say I am skeptical.

      • Hyperion

        How? I mean really, he refuses to do even a shot interview and he can no longer stay focused for 5 minutes without just standing there staring blankly out into space. I mean there were questions about Hillary’s health in 2016 and I think they were legitimate, but at least she was mentally functional, Biden is completely fucking gone, how’s he going to get through 3 one and a half hour debates without even true bleevers knowing the guy has a worse case than just early onset dementia?

        And I don’t think Sky News is a far right organization. This can’t be ignored for much longer. They know that Biden is the only candidate they have that can come close to beating Trump, I find it sort of amusing they are in a real dilemma. They put all their eggs into that basket hoping that Biden could hang on until after the election. He can’t, so now I’m not sure what they plan to do, but I have some popcorn ready.

        The party is already lost to the far left. There’s only a few of the so called moderates left, Biden, Fenistein, Pelosi, Schumer, all of them past 75 and the radicals can’t wait to bash them over the head and push them down some stairs first chance they get. It’s truly going to be outright Marxism vs what’s left of a constitutional republic no later than 2024.

      • Fourscore

        “What Joe means is…”

        /Jill Biden

      • B.P.

        If he does debate, the grade inflation by the media will be off the charts, no matter what he says. He will uncork with prattling, Chauncey Gardiner-esque non sequiturs that have no mooring whatsoever to 2020 reality, and press outlets will declare him to be insightful, bold, a real leader, etc. This is pretty much what they did with his VP debate with Paul Ryan in 2012. Everyone expected Ryan to mop the floor with Biden (yeah, he was a known dolt back then, too). Biden showed up and muddled through a so-so performance and the press treated him like the Oracle of Delphi.

      • juris imprudent

        Just what 2020 has been missing, Being There in real life.

      • Chipwooder

        Known in 2012? It’s been common knowledge since the ’80s when he first started being called “Slow Joe”.

      • R C Dean

        No debates. The DemOp complex will put up rules and requirements until Trump refuses. They’ve already floated real-time fact checkers and releasing tax returns. They’ll keep piling on totally reasonable yet also completely unprecedented bullshit until Trump says no.

        Trump has an easy out, if he’ll stick to it. Say he’ll debate under exactly the same ground rules as the debates with Hillary, only with less pre-debate leaking by moderators to the Dem campaign. Take the initiative now, make them refuse.

      • Viking1865

        The simple plain truth is that if Joe Biden can’t do what Hillary Clinton did four years ago, then he has no business being President.

        PANDEMIC THOUGH!!!!

        The NBA has a sealed bubble to play basketball, I’m sure we can get one to debate. Hell, make a day of it. 2 hours, followed by a 30 minute break, then repeat twice more. Surely Biden will be up to the challenge.

  13. juris imprudent

    [Sprinkles more parmesan cheese on lunch.]

    Looks around – what?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *hurk….*

  14. creech

    Why no Kayleigh? Pie used to be featured frequently.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Kayleigh’s too smart to let Donald trap her in the Oval Office.

      • leon

        She doesn’t let her hair associate with Donalds?

  15. Grosspatzer

    Hmm, my annual performance review starts in 15 min. At an appropiate time I may point out my manager’s dandruff. I get all kinds of useful information from this site.

    • Sean

      https://www.nj.com/coronavirus/2020/08/nyc-to-set-up-covid-19-checkpoints-to-remind-visitors-of-quarantine-requirement-mayor-bill-deblasio-says.html

      Murder rates skyrocketing and this is what that fuckstick is focused on.

      Authorities in New York City plan to set up random COVID-19 checkpoints throughout the five boroughs to pull over vehicles and remind the occupants of a mandatory 14-day quarantine.

      Deputies from the New York City Sheriff’s Office and other law enforcement agencies expect to stop one of every six to eight cars, New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio announced at a morning press conference.

      • Sean

        Hrm. Meant as a new thread.

      • Raven Nation

        Also in NY, apparently Cuomo is ordering an enquiry into the power companies wanting to know why so many people are without power in the wake of the current storm.

      • Rhywun

        Of course when the rolling blackouts start due to his policies, he will be nowhere to be found.

      • Mad Scientist

        Deputies from the New York City Sheriff’s Office and other law enforcement agencies expect to stop one of every six to eight cars, New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio announced at a morning press conference.

        It’s a good thing there’s just no way to get into NYC without a car, or this plan wouldn’t work.

      • Rhywun

        The article I read said they’ll be harassing people at bus and train stations too. I assume they already have the airports covered.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I was gonna do a “you know who else” here, but it’s just too obvious

    • R C Dean

      “Dude, is it true that if you let dandruff fall down to your lower back, it gets a really intense nutty flavor?”

    • Grosspatzer

      Not to mention financial gain. I don’t think this can be scrubbed from future history books.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Zinc is the most important. It stops the virus from growing, but it cannot get into the cell. HCQ opens the cell. Zinc is the bullet, HCQ is the gun. Z-pac stops secondary bacterial infections.

      He says zinc is a key part of the treatment. Yet every trial I’ve seen failed to include it.

      • PieInTheSky

        that is what I keep saying. It may or may not work but include it in a trial. It is cheap known to have immune system effects and does no harm

      • Drake

        Intentionally failed to include it.

      • robc

        And intentionally uses too high of a dose of HCQ.

      • invisible finger

        Why would anyone be surprised that something that keeps the doctor away is not recommended by doctors.

        An apple a day keeps the doctor away. OH NOES! ALAR!!!

        A Gin & Tonic a day keeps the doctor away. OH NOES! DOSE FAR TOO SMALL IF YOU ARE IN ICU!!!

      • PieInTheSky

        other doctors also mentioned zinc

    • kinnath

      “Zinc is the most important. It stops the virus from growing, but it cannot get into the cell. HCQ opens the cell. Zinc is the bullet, HCQ is the gun. Z-pac stops secondary bacterial infections.

      I guess that creating a trial program that is firing blanks proves that firing bullets doesn’t work.

      • kinnath

        “150,000 Americans are dead because of Dr. Fauci, who violated his oath. Financial profits, special interests, are not the reason to sacrifice the most vulnerable of our population.”

        I hope the show trials are broadcast in prime time.

      • Drake

        And the executions.

      • invisible finger

        Now now. Fauci only has to be executed once.

      • R C Dean

        I think the show trial is more likely to be for the dissident doctor.

      • commodious spittoon

        I’ll happily trade Trump’s for Michelle Lujan Grisham’s.

  16. Ownbestenemy

    Playing RF spy for FAA and FCC is fun but makes me feel dirty. Turning a gigantic parabolic antenna used for weather into a 50db gain listening device in the 5ghz range is facinating.

    • leon

      Field Artillery Association?

    • juris imprudent

      FCC I get, but I didn’t know there was aviation use up in that range.

    • l0b0t

      UAV finding?

  17. Swiss Servator

    “Stop,” the hat said. “Stop. Please stop.”

    I have never agreed with the Hat more.

    • Chipwooder

      Yeah, I think I’ve finally reached the breaking point after three years of escalating revulsion

  18. Nephilium

    In Ohio news… no preliminary injunction for DeWine’s changing of last call from 02:00 to 22:00 Friday morning. So far, I think the only wins against DeWine’s orders have been from Lake county.

    The annual Oktoberfest over Labor Day has also been cancelled for the year up here in Cleveland.

    • Rhywun

      attorneys did not prove they are being unjustly targeted by the Governor’s order

      So they’re being fairly targeted? Ain’t dictatorships fun?

      • Nephilium

        My favorite lawsuit was from the video game, pinball, and bar games group. The specifically pointed out that the touchscreen Ohio Lottery games and kiosks were permitted to be opened, but not their entertainment options. Somewhat related since several of the bars that signed on to the last call suit run arcades (play for free as long as you’re drinking).

    • DEG

      Fuck.

      I guess the August 15th St. Patrick’s Day/July 4th/Cinco De Mayo event is done?

      • Nephilium

        It’s looking that way. It’s still showing active on Facebook (I think, I’ll need to check with the girlfriend when she gets home).

      • DEG

        I had a feeling that would happen.

        Oh well.

        There will be an anti-mask ordinance rally in Keene, NH on the 15th. I’ll go to that instead.

      • grrizzly

        Maybe I should go there too and wear my KEEP YOUR MUZZLE ON T-shirt.

      • DEG

        The more the merrier.

      • Nephilium

        Just confirmed with the girlfriend, it’s still going on, but as an online only event.

        Fuck. That. Noise.

      • DEG

        Yeah, fuck that.

        I attended Sly Fox’s virtual beer fest. It was sad.

  19. Timeloose

    SJW Wednesday: Lets ban Kindergarten Cop.

    “It’s true Kindergarten Cop is only a movie. So are Birth of a Nation and Gone With the Wind, but we recognize films like those are not ‘good family fun.’”

    https://www.wweek.com/arts/movies/2020/08/03/nw-film-center-has-cancelled-an-outdoor-screening-of-kindergarten-cop-following-complaints-from-local-author/

    People really need to stop changing their lives and others due to one crazy person. Sorry crazy is derogatory, I meant dingbat.

    • Chipwooder

      Here’s yet another person who really, really needs someone to scream “FUCK OFF!” at her.

    • Rhywun

      it would be wiser instead to add a second screening of Good Trouble, the new documentary on civil rights icon John Lewis

      Because there just isn’t enough politics in people’s lives in 2020.

      • leon

        Comrade, you must always be thinking about the good of the party.

      • Ted S.

        Hotter in her prime: Penelope Ann Miller, or Ann Miller?

      • Fatty Bolger

        Ann Miller hands down.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Penelope. But nice try Ted’S.

      • Chipwooder

        Penelope Ann Miller was a dish in her younger days. I think her character in Other People’s Money was the start of my predilection for hot women in business suits with shortish skirts.

      • R C Dean

        Still looking good. I’m pretty sure she’s had work done, but if so it was excellent work and not the freak show so many actresses go for.

    • Rhywun

      Keep Portland Weird Bored

  20. DEG

    Huh. I thought the Hair was the sane one of the two.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Heroine

    Whitmer is among the Democratic governors who early in the pandemic criticized the White House for forcing states to manage on their own. In interviews, Whitmer suggested the Trump administration was blocking Michigan’s requests for help and creating a bidding war among states for personal protective equipment. President Donald Trump pushed back, saying states that don’t show appreciation for the federal government should be ignored.

    “Don’t call the woman in Michigan,” Trump said during one White House briefing. The phrase stuck, propelling Whitmer to national attention.

    She now faces the challenge of balancing a state budget deeply affected by the revenue losses caused by the pandemic. Last week, she said cuts in education and public safety would be “unavoidable” without financial aid from Washington.

    ——-

    A global pandemic was not on the radar when I ran for governor. I am most grateful for the people I serve, the incredible experts I’m surrounded by and my fellow governors. We are all building the plane as we fly it with a vacuum of leadership in Washington, D.C. It’s been some of my fellow governors who I have found to be most helpful in talking things through. We’ve shared our strategies.

    We’ve benefited from each other’s experiences and knowledge. Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker is one of the first ones I’m on the phone with when we’re grappling with a big decision, along with Mike DeWine (Ohio), Larry Hogan (Maryland), Tony Evers (Wisconsin) and Tim Walz (Minnesota). I’m talking to Democrats and Republican governors because every single one of us is confronting the same issues and we’re all trying to get our states in a place where our people are safe and we can get our economies on track.

    Uh huh. This hurts her more than it hurts you.

    • DEG

      This hurts her more than it hurts you.

      She took a 10% pay cut so she could feel the pain of Michiganders.

      • hayeksplosives

        Is she helping defend that Nordic themed B&B in Michigan from threats of violence over their “hateful” flag?

        Protestors are demanding they take the flag down because the confederate flag is hateful.

        Only problem is, the flag at the B&B is the Norwegian flag.

      • DEG

        A quick search says no, which doesn’t surprise me. She’s too busy grinding businesses under her feet and imposing mask mandates to give a shit.

    • leon

      Whitmer is among the Democratic governors who early in the pandemic criticized the White House for forcing states to manage on their own.

      Gib me dat Money! But you have no right policing us!

    • R C Dean

      Offer a bailout on the condition that the governor resign from office and be permanently barred from holding any government position in the future.

    • Viking1865

      “Last week, she said cuts in education and public safety would be “unavoidable” without financial aid from Washington.”

      This is the real reason that all the Democrats in power, and huge swathes of the Republicans, want Biden to win.

      Massive federal bailouts so they can leave office without the pension time bomb blowing up in their faces.

    • R C Dean

      I find it remarkable that a governor is openly admitting she is incapable of doing her job, and asking a man to come in and save her state.

    • Chipwooder

      How stupid do you have to be to mistake the Norwegian flag for the Confederate battle flag? It’s a cross, not a saltire, and there are no stars.

      • R C Dean

        How stupid do you have to be to mistake the Norwegian flag for the Confederate battle flag?

        Woke stupid, that’s how stupid.

      • Nephilium

        Think of how dumb the average person is. Then think how dumb the average Antifa useful idiot is.

        Besides… the Norwegians are all white, and they’re from the North, so…

      • Mad Scientist

        Norway is predominantly white, which means predominantly racist, which means the Norwegian flag is no different from the Confederate flag.

      • Chipwooder

        It’s kind of funny – I know people from everywhere ended up in NY but you don’t think of NYC as having enough Scandis to merit a parade.

      • Rhywun

        It was very specific to my neighborhood. We even have a Leif Erickson Park. The nearby hospital I recently checked out of used to be known as Lutheran Medical Center. There’s still a Lutheran elementary school up the street. Etc.

    • leon

      The Norwegian flag has the same colors as the Confederate flag, but the patterns and symbols are different. The Confederate flag is red with a blue “X” containing white stars.

      …..

      You know what other flag has the same colors as the Confederate flag…

      • R C Dean

        The French flag?

      • B.P.

        Nah, that one’s all white.

      • leon

        No, that’s a common mistake, but that flag is actually just the French Battle Flag.

      • R C Dean

        Oh, bravo.

      • Sean

        Heh.

      • B.P.

        I think you’ve reached perfect commenting symmetry with this one.

      • egould310

        ?

      • Ted S.

        Iceland?

      • Nephilium

        /waves a state of Ohio flag

      • leon

        Yeah, but sweeden has the correct ratio.

    • Rhywun

      owners of The Nordic Pineapple, hung the flag opposite of the American flag after they moved into the Civil War-era mansion in 2018

      Never change, uh… wxyz.com.

  22. R C Dean

    I was checking the Fenix ammo site for updates on availability and saw this in their FAQ section:

    Q: Can you make subsonic .223 Remington / 5.56 NATO ammunition?

    A: Sure, we could, but it’s a stupid idea. Rifle ammunition derives its muzzle energy by driving a light projectile at high speed. Reducing that to less than a third of original design (subsonic ammo must be under 1,050 feet per second) leaves you with a very expensive .22LR cartridge that won’t cycle the bolt on an AR-15. We can think of literally no application where this would be useful or desired. We suggest you choose a different caliber for your purpose or review your intended application.

    Q: Can you make subsonic .50 BMG ammunition?

    A: Stop it. Just, stop. Please. We’re begging you.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I LOL’d

      • R C Dean

        I imagine the subsonic .50 round teetering on the edge of the muzzle, and then plopping onto the ground.

      • Don did not Escape Bama

        Warner Brothers funny

        the way I’m wired, I can’t help imagining its flying 500 feet before burying in the ground, same as the rest at that velocity

        did Suthen ever discuss sectional density ?

    • Nephilium

      Reminds me of a FAQ for a company that sold brewing equipment (from the before times). They had an entire page begging people not to pick up a small system for your primary brewing equipment, because you’d be talking to them again in a couple months figuring out how to expand it.

    • EvilSheldon

      Fenix makes good stuff. I shot their 77grn. Match 556 for years in 3-gun competition.

      • R C Dean

        I got a thousand rounds each of their 9mm and 45 ACP bulk ammo a few months ago. I was hoping to pick up a few boxes of their self-defense ammo. I like that they load their practice and defense ammo the same.

  23. Drake

    CPK files for Chapter 11.

    We used to eat at one of the original spots in Marina del Rey and loved it back in the early 90’s. Then we moved back east and ate at one in NJ – it sure tasted like reheated frozen pizza. Haven’t gone back in over a decade.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      I’ve only been 3 or 4 times. my overall impression is that it was okay pizza at good pizza prices.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Similar experience for me. Had it once at a mall. Very average and overpriced.

    • R C Dean

      I thought they made one of the better frozen pizzas.

  24. leon

    So i was looking at it, not that i think an electoral tie would happen, but i didn’t realize that when a tie happens, each state gets only 1 vote for president, rather than each rep getting a vote.

    • juris imprudent

      That would be the final straw for California to secede. If only it wasn’t so damned unlikely.

    • DEG

      Yes. Each state’s delegation casts one vote. Which could be interesting for some states.

      • leon

        ^^ I imagine lots of fighting. Maybe some people getting caned.

      • R C Dean

        I imagine envelopes of incriminating material being pushed across desks by Deep State operatives.

      • leon

        Your imagination is less fun, and too gritty and realistic

    • Fatty Bolger

      What if it’s 25-25?

      • Nephilium

        Doesn’t it go to the Speaker of the House in that case?

      • robc

        No, they keep voting. Election of 1800 want many, many ballots.

      • robc

        On the 36th ballot, Hamilton convinced some Federalists to vote for Jefferson, which is what led to the Burr-Hamilton feud and eventual duel.

      • Nephilium

        /stands corrected

      • robc

        Fun scenario, from the 12th Amendment:

        if the House of Representatives shall not choose a President whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them, before the fourth day of March next following, then the Vice-President shall act as President, as in the case of the death or other constitutional disability of the President

      • robc

        The 20th Amendment moves March 4 back to Jan 20.

      • Don did not Escape Bama

        Isn’t that legacy language from before the President and VP ran together. Today, once the VP’s term expires, there simply is no VP on March 4.

      • robc

        No, the 12th is the start of them running together.

        It was created after the election of 1800 when they realized the previous method was broken.

        The point is that is the Senate votes in a VP, even if the House is deadlocked on President. The old VP I think gets to break a Senate tie, although maybe not. So there will never be a tie in the Senate.

    • robc

      Yep. Each Senator gets 1 vote for veep, but reps vote by state. And a 269-269 tie creates some other interesting scenarios…obviously a faithless elector can push someone over the top. But also, the house votes from top 3 candidates, so a coaltion of faithless electors could try to get enough support behind another candidate that would be more acceptable.

      And we end up with a President Romney or some such nonsense.

      • robc

        By current makeup, party line voting leads to 26-23-1 GOP win. The tie is Michigan, which includes Amash as GOP. But the Presidential vote would be after the new congress is seated, right?

      • Don did not Escape Bama

        new congress

        which makes ratifying their election, including mail-in ballots, vital; expect lawsuits at this level

      • robc

        In that scenario, I could see some brutal fights over ratification. Majority refusing to ratify a member to flip a close majority to a tie or a tie to a close majority.

      • robc

        One scenario is that Biden* accepts that he will lose to Trump in a house vote, encourages Dem electors to vote for squish republican that both the Dems and never-trumpers can accept, in exchange for some quid pro quo. Get three states to flip from Trump to Squish along with D support wins the election.

        *And by Biden, I meant Dem party operatives

      • R C Dean

        Unless the squish is one of the top three candidates, I don’t think it can go that way. Not sure, though.

        Presumably, the third candidate will be either Green or Libertarian.

      • robc

        Third in ELECTORAL COLLEGE VOTES. Neither the Green of the LP will get one. Third would be the result of faithless electors. In 2016, it would have been Colin Powell, with 3 EC votes.

  25. Rhywun

    We want our cut of the action, too.

    “Because the words ‘Black and brown’ were used in the press conference, the press office thought the programs [were] meant only for Black and Latinx businesses,” she explained.

    Stupid press office.

    • R C Dean

      Latinx businesses

      How many businesses owned by gender-confused “brown” people are there in NY, anyway?

      • Don did not Escape Bama

        you’re on fire today, dude

      • Rhywun

        Fewer every day, thanks to Cuomo.

    • leon

      Whatever one thinks of such initiatives, the explicit focus on blacks and Latinos, to the exclusion of other groups, was striking—and Asian New Yorkers noticed. Asians, as council member Peter Koo said in a tweet after the city’s announcement, are “sick and tired of constantly having to remind this administration that we exist.” De Blasio, Council Member Koo told me, “always talks about the ‘black and brown’ communities. He knows where his ballots come from. But this reference itself excludes Asians. The mayor has neglected us from the beginning.”

      Gee, i wonder what that feels like. To be left out all the time, it must really hurt. Thankfully it was just a mistake, and there isn’t a group that was purposely being excluded.

    • R C Dean

      Yup. He bumped the bike that cut him off, and some asshole took a hammer to his windshield before he took off.

      He could have left a trail of bodies a quarter mile long, and I’d vote to acquit.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Before he bumped the bike, it looks like there was already a group of Antifa moving to converge on the truck. Seems like a planned ambush.

      • Sean

        Yes. They stopped him to assault him.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Of course. But they were going to do it peacefully. A mostly peaceful assault by mostly peaceful protesters.

      • Mad Scientist

        Not only did they break his windshield, but a guy on the driver’s side knifed his rear tire.

    • R C Dean

      Didn’t see it there, but I’m reading that antifa is now trying to blind drivers with lasers at their roadblocks.

      No matter what else, antifa with lasers need to be shot. Blinding somebody is maiming them, and attempting to do so justifies a lethal response.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        People have been more than patient with these bloodlusters. However, there is always a reaction, and the reaction tends to be more violent than the original action.

      • R C Dean

        *checks app for delivery of new mags*