Called to Glibs HQ on a Friday. Gee, I wonder what that could be about…
“Just don’t. I know you’ve got me…is it one or all of them?”
Mex looked a bit deflated, it must have been a really good set-up, but was still wearing a bit of a triumphant grin. OMWC refused to let my surrender deflate his joy one bit.
“We put some raclette in the break room for you, if that helps. Might I add, that was over Mad Scientist’s very strong objections.”
“CHEESE IS EVIL!!” Mad Scientist made a warding sign with both hands.
I heard a *thwack* and looked over to see SP cornering a server squirrel, trying to bash it with a detached broom handle.
Jesse was still recovering from the 55 gallon lube drum falling off the loading dock and bashing in to him. Riven was calling in remote, by video… OK, no help on site, lets just get this rolling.
“Fine, all three it is then. Someone help me into my armor, and open the interview room vault door.”
Good Evening Glibs, it is time, once again, for the Cryptid All Star Advice Round up. We are…fortunate enough to have all 3 of our Cryptid contributors here tonight. So, without further delay, lets hear from them. First up, our Senior CLEANSING Correspondent, ZARDOZ. What advice do you have for us, ZARDOZ?
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. SO MUCH MISINFORMATION! ZARDOZ WILL LEAD THE CHOSEN ONES AWAY FROM IT, AND TO THE CORRECT PATH. THE POOR ADVICE GIVEN BY THE BRUTALS SHALL BE COUNTERED.
Q: About 40 years ago, I did someone an injustice, and I have felt guilty ever since. I worked for a consulting firm in Washington, D.C., that fired an accounting clerk who was in my small office. I didn’t know why she was fired, and I never heard a cross word exchanged between her and her supervisor. She seemed to be capable and friendly.
A prospective employer called me for a reference, and because my company told me that it did not respond to requests for references, I didn’t give her one. Ever since, I have wished I had shared what I knew about her. If I was allowed a do-over, I would have told the employer about my positive experience with her and my belief that she was capable and friendly. Her being Black and not having my reference may have increased her difficulty in finding a job. I am sharing this with your readers so they may avoid making a similar mistake.
A: ZARDOZ IS MILDLY NAUSEATED BY YOUR WEAKNESS. BUT THE TABERNACLE HAS INFORMED ZARDOZ THAT BRUTAL CULTURE HAS A REMEDY FOR SUCH A SITUATION:
THE HONORABLE WAY OUT
YOU PAY FOR YOUR GUILT, ZARDOZ GETS A CLEANSING, WIN-WIN.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
…
Harsh, but not entirely unexpected… thank you ZARDOZ. Next up, our Chief Cascadia Correspondent, STEVE SMITH. Back from hoboing and visiting Mexican Sharpshooter, eh STEVE?
STEVE SMITH LIKE NATIVES!
STEVE SMITH HAPPY BE BACK. HIM ALSO HAVE MOOSE ANTLERS IN POCKET. HAHAHAHAHA! STEVE SMITH MAKE GOOD JOKE. HIM ALSO MAKE GOOD ADVICE. BETTER THAN SILLY SLATE HOOMAN.
Q: I had a wedding planned for the end of July that my fiancé and I decided to cancel. We live near his family and decided we would all quarantine for two weeks and then have a small family celebration when everyone’s in town next month. I’ve always dreamed of a big wedding, so I’ve been going back and forth. That was until my fiancé’s brother, Tom, got here. I’d only met him once over Christmas, but he couldn’t stay for long because he went to spend part of the holiday with his girlfriend (whom he has since broken up with). He lives on the other side of the country, so he hasn’t been back much. When I first met him, he had a lot of qualities that I thought I didn’t like. I finally got to spend some quality time with Tom and realize he is actually an amazing guy. I feel really confused. My fiancé is everything I’ve dreamed of since I was a teenager. I think Tom might be the person I never knew I wanted. I’m really torn about what I should do. I thought I wouldn’t see Tom much after he left in a few weeks, but he told me he’s thinking about moving back. I don’t think it would be hard to get my fiancé to put the wedding on hold until we can have something big, but am I being ridiculous in thinking this will somehow buy me time to figure out what I want? Am I delusional in thinking that leaving my fiancé for Tom would ever work out with the family dynamics? How can I figure this out?
A: HAHA! YOU NO FOOL STEVE SMITH. HIM KNOW YOU REALLY TRY GET REALITY SHOW – THIS JUST PITCH. “90 DAY FIANCE BROTHERS”. ON CHANCE THIS NO FAKE, STEVE SMITH UNDERSTAND… HIM GOING SAY HI TO CAMPER (BY SAY HI, MEAN RAPE) THEN HIKER CATCH EYE. WHAT DO? RAPE BOTH. YOU DO SAME. MOVE PLACE THAT OK WITH MARRY BOTH. THEN SEE WHAT HAPPEN. STEVE SMITH PREDICT NO SUCCESS.
FREE CASCADIA!
…
That was…surprisingly on target, STEVE. Thanks for that. That brings us to our Maritime Mayhem Correspondent, SEA SMITH. SEA, what do you have for our audience?
HI LAND HOOMANS!
SEA SMITH GIVE ADVICE, YEA! HE DO BETTER THAN OLD LAND HOOMAN. HE SMART AND KNOW HOW TELL WHAT DO!
Q: I am fortunate to live near numerous public parks. These parks have two parallel lanes: one for bikes/rollerblades and another for foot traffic. The rules for which lane to use are well-known and well-posted.
Sometimes I encounter foot traffic in the bike lane. This is both an annoyance and a safety concern, as I may need to go over a barrier or onto the grass to avoid a collision. It doesn’t really bother me if people walk along the edge or briefly drift onto the bike lane to avoid obstacles, but those that walk down the middle of the bike lane drive me nuts.
I have taken to saying “You’re in the bike lane” as I zip past. This alerts them and allows them to correct their position if it was inadvertently chosen.
But honestly, my comment is intended — and received — as a scold, and sometimes embarrasses them, as others hear it. It’s also strictly true, so there’s that. I never look back after passing, as I don’t want to further escalate nor encourage them to shout a retort.
Will Miss Manners allow this? Or how else can I respond?
A: YOU JUST CAUSE TROUBLE AND NO FIX PROBLEM. NEXT TIME, STOP, WRAP IN TENTACLES AND RAPE PEDESTRIAN. SAY “NOW YOU NO WALK IN LANE!” … THAT WHAT SEA SMITH DO. BUT LAND HOOMANS NO HAVE TENTACLES, SO YOU STUCK WITH BE JERK, OR SLOW DOWN, DUMMY.
COME ON IN, WATER IS FINE.
…
Um, thanks, I think… SEA. Well, that will do for this installment of the Cryptid Allstar Roundup.
GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!
All hail Zardoz!
Swiss is Zardoz???
I think Zardoz is Swiss.
Can a floating stone head eat cheese?
EAT CHEEZE,
POOPPUKE GUNZ.About 40 years ago, I did someone an injustice, and I have felt guilty ever since.
White guilt its purest form. What’s the opposite of a humblebrag? A prideguilt? That’s what this is.
How can I figure this out?
You’re a child and shouldn’t get married until you grow the fuck up. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your undisciplined passions.
That is what really stood out to me: how could such an emotional newb be wanting to get married?!? Must be a small town.
She needs to travel the world to learn about people , and about how to quit being one of the shitty people.
I had a similar situation. A very skilled maintenance technician at the factory I worked at got in an argument with the boss and got fired. When I saw him carrying his last load of stuff to his car, I went out, shook his hand, told him they made a huge mistake, and gave him my cell in case he needed a reference.
I did get called one day and gave him a glowing reference, which was the truth, because none of my projects at work would have succeeded without him.
Later, after some arguments, I got fired. I called him.
Me: Guess who got fired today?
Him: Who?
Me: Me!
Him: [laughs] I guess that’s how that place is.
And then I hung up and got a burrito and a margarita at 11 AM.
That guy was the real deal. He was missing some teeth and talked real rough, but he knew more about how to make machines work than 99% of engineering grads.
I wrote him an email after I got a job at the plastic factory. He was doing OK and told me not to spend my whole life working and sleeping like he did.
I give good references as earned. I give legal references as required.
“Fantastic employee” vs “Never eligible for rehire”
Surprisingly, I give more of the fomer.
“undisciplined passions”
Sounds like a soap opera or a soft-core porn.
What this world clearly needs now is bike path Nazis! You tell that citizen, er, subject that he is NOT SUPPOSED to be there.
I fucking hate bike path Nazis.
All American Cryptids
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fearsome_Creatures_of_the_Lumberwoods,_With_a_Few_Desert_and_Mountain_Beasts
Some are, shall we say, problematic?
***
In American folklore, the snallygaster is a dragon-like beast said to inhabit Central Maryland, the Washington, DC, metro area, and particularly the Middletown area of Frederick County, Maryland.
…
18th century
The area was settled by German immigrants beginning in the 1730s.[5] Early accounts describe the community being terrorized by a monster called a Schneller Geist, meaning “quick ghost” in German. The earliest incarnations mixed the half-bird features of a siren with the nightmarish features of demons and ghouls. The snallygaster was described as half-reptile, half-bird with a metallic beak lined with razor-sharp teeth, occasionally with octopus-like tentacles. It swoops silently from the sky to pick up and carry off its victims. The earliest stories claim that this monster sucked the blood of its victims. Seven-pointed stars, which reputedly kept the snallygaster at bay, can still be seen painted on local barns.[2]
19th century
It has been suggested the legend was resurrected in the 19th century to frighten freed slaves.[2][4]
***
Stupid yokels painting stars on barns to scare away monsters!
[puts on mask to ward off Invisible Chinaman Terror Plague]
You said it about the silly symbols on the barn, and using tales of imaginary evils to frighten freedmen.
[returns to pulling down statues to break their magical hold on society]
New Rule: People who own Che shirts don’t get to complain about the Stars and Bars.
Corollary: if you set Bibles on fire, I don’t care anymore about what offends you. And I’m not even religious. In fact, I don’t care about the opinions of *anyone* who burns books. Anybody who does that has made it clear they have nothing worth saying.
https://memes.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/0a479a74-e887-4ab7-8af6-d863f6c55c16
My favorite incarnation of Sean Connery.
“I thought of Charlemagne – let my armies be the rocks and the trees and the birds in the sky!”
“I wrote it down so I wouldn’t have to remember it.”
Professor Henry Jones: You dolt! Do you think my son would be that stupid? That he would bring my diary all the way back here?
[pause]
Professor Henry Jones: You didn’t, did you?
[another pause]
Professor Henry Jones: You didn’t bring it, did you?
Indiana Jones: Well, uh…
Professor Henry Jones: You *did*!
Indiana Jones: Look, can we discuss this later?
Professor Henry Jones: I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers!
Indiana Jones: Will you take it easy?
Professor Henry Jones: Take it easy? Why do you think I sent it home in the first place? So it wouldn’t fall into their hands!
That’s one of the first movies I remember watching and understanding the plot and the dialog.
Other gems:
“His name is Junior. We called the dog Indiana.”
[After shooting off the tail of their own plane]
“I’m sorry son – they got us.”
– Thomas Jefferson
You left off “Fly? Yes. Land? No.”
Hell, you could burn a stack of “Johnathan Livingston Seagull” and I’d still hate you.
But if you blow up a stack of the JLS album you should be eligible for an immediate Medal of Freedom.
New Rule: People who own Che shirts don’t get to
complain about the Stars and Bars.breatheIt’s not illegal to be a Communist, for the same reason it’s not illegal to be a Nazi. However, people who choose to join those groups should not be surprised if they are less than popular.
***
Dennis v. United States, 341 U.S. 494 (1951), was a United States Supreme Court case relating to Eugene Dennis, General Secretary of the Communist Party USA. The Court ruled that Dennis did not have the right under the First Amendment to the United States Constitution to exercise free speech, publication and assembly, if the exercise involved the creation of a plot to overthrow the government.[1] In 1969, Brandenburg v. Ohio de facto overruled Dennis.
***
There was another Supreme Court case where a communist sympathizer being deported sued to get the money he paid into Social Security. The court ruled against him.
***
A 1954 amendment to the Social Security Act stripped old-age benefits from contributors who were deported under the Immigration and Nationality Act. The following year Ephram Nestor, an alien from Bulgaria who had paid into Social Security for 19 years, began drawing benefits. Nestor was subsequently deported for involvement in the Communist Party, and his benefits were terminated. He sued the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare on the basis that the amendment had deprived him of a property interest in Social Security without due process and was therefore invalid.
***
I didn’t say deprived of breath by operation of law. I agree we should not have laws against communism. When you kill a communist you should recognize that you are doing wrong, agonize over that wrong, and accept the burden on your soul as they tumble from the helicopter. Never let yourself descend into the glee that you will be drawn toward. Throw them out in a spirit of willing sacrifice.
Dammit Derpy! Today’s Army has gone soft. Kill a commie for mommy.
Oh, don’t be so sure – they did kick out that West Point guy who posed in a Che shirt:
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-44538404
He saw combat. Perhaps he had a change of heart. Even so, wearing a Che shirt to protest violence is like wearing an Artie Lange shirt to protest cocaine.
This Dennis guy sounds like a menace to society.
*laughs in Gnasher*
I’m a little disappointed ZARDOZ didn’t reply to contestant number 2. She needs a cleansing. Also the penis is evil. She hasn’t learned anything.
She should fuck Tom after marrying his brother. Worked for Marty Brodeur, more or less.
While would be funnier than after.
There’s a simple fix to bike lane infractions – abolish bike lanes and make it a rule that if you are unable to reach the speed limit, your mode of transport is not permitted on that particular roadway.
*glares at slow tractors on rural highways*
Bikes annoy me. Tractors don’t. This is because I don’t like smug hipsters, but I do like food
But why do they always seem to be on the road when I am?
You drive during harrowing, planting, and reaping peak hours?
In the spirit of the SMITHS, I read that as, “… and raping peak hours.”
Commute by bike. Cars annoy me. (Not really. Most drivers here are unbelievably polite.)
Walk or subway. Cars and bikes annoy me.
The subway is a public health hazard, so we’re filling in the tunnels.
When did I become a smug hipster?
Lets see…
Longhair to longbeard.
Homebrewing beer snob.
Bicyclist.
I think you were doomed from the word go.
When you put on shorts and got on a bike… Dude, half your comments are about cooking fancy food, making/drinking craft beer and trendy cocktails and riding a bike. 🙂 love you man, (Cleveland and all) but all you need is a Trilby and you are the poster child for Hipster.
Neph is not a smug hipster though. He is 1/4 smug tops.
Fair point. He lacks 3/4 smug. 100% hipster, 25% smug.
Does this mean I need to take up vaping, try to grow a man bun, and switch over to a fixie bike?
NO MAN BUNS!!!
The hair kind, I mean.
No just you can’t listen to any music after the band sells more than 100,000
albumsrecordsdownloads?however you measure music sales now.Damn. I think the Dropkick’s, Flogging Molly, Rancid, NOFX, and others break that.
I do generally wear a flatcap though (aka a Scally).
*ahem*
I was just going through the standard hipster trends.
To be fair– mine is just a Juul, not some gigantic hipster rig with billowing clouds.
WTF is wrong with a trilby? Ian Richardson wore a trilby in the only adaptation of Michael Dobbs’ work.
The rim is too small.
?♂️
What’s that picture supposed to be?
Smack my head/face palm
I did not say anything was wrong with the hat. But if you wear it now, you are a hipster.
[insert glaring F U pic]
🙂 If you put on an SS uniform you can’t complain when people think you are a NAZI. If you put on tie dye and patchouli you can’t complain when people think you are a hippie. If you put on the trilby you can’t complain that people think you are a hipster.
I was wearing my Fedora before hipsters stole the style.
I’m not going to change because they suck.
I was XXXXing my YYYY before hipsters stole the style. I’m not going to change because they suck.
UCS can be correct about everything forever now
Feisty public defiance of convention. check
Fedora. check
Unusual food and drink choices. check
You and Neph should get together to complain about bands that have made enough money to buy lunch.
Who cares about bands?
Ok, Don’s comment was so much better than mine I retire from the field defeated.
https://youtu.be/UL9iyYIb_e8?t=228s
Q: What’s today?
A: Friday Funbags!
http://archive.li/w6Tzt
#23 – She’s been in other galleries. Her iChive gallery is excellent.
#30 also has a good iChive gallery.
Same with #32.
I seen #40 before in other galleries. WOW! I can run Google image searches on archive images again. Hmm… lots of hits for this picture but no information about who she is. Moving on…
Dragging this over from the last post – Thanks to all of you for your “affirmations” of administrative assistants. It’s a really nice way to end my work week. (Well, that and the wine in my new “sippy cup” and the cat asleep on my lap.)
And let me just say that all jokes about lawyers and IT geeks aside, when you need their services, they are lifesavers. If I’m ever in trouble, I want the most ruthless pitbull of a lawyer in my corner. (I’ve had a not-very-good lawyer, so I appreciate a good one.)
As for IT geeks, my boss and I were just reminiscing today about an IT incident we had many years ago: I used to process payroll entirely internally – no PayChex, ADP, or outside vendor of any kind, just a creaky old DOS-based payroll accounting software from the same company that made the credit union’s core data system. Once, after upgrading to a newer version of Windows, I entered all the data in that payroll program and hit the “Go” button for it to process. It slowed to a crawl, and I immediately knew something was very, very wrong. In a panic, I called one of our outside IT techs, a guy named Les. (We joked that it was for “Les Personality,” because he really was the quintessential computer nerd straight from Central Casting.) He somehow managed to copy the program – even as it was slowly processing that week’s payroll data – from my PC to the PC at the empty desk right behind mine, the one PC in the building that had NOT gotten the Windows upgrade. It worked, and we got paid on time. (And I didn’t have to re-enter everything!) We posted a warning on that machine to NEVER EVER UPGRADE WINDOWS ON THIS PC. Les was my hero ever after.
I’ve already got a few mental hypotheses on what was actually done behind the scenes in that incident.
It really is magic, isn’t it?
Not really, but my hypothesis is based upon educated guesses about how the software works.
It doesn’t.
It ran just fine in the environment it was designed for.
Thanks to all of you for your “affirmations” of administrative assistants.
I’ve known some excellent ones. I’ve also known some not-so-good ones. I judge based on what they get done, and boy do I like the excellent ones.
I did a little lab system maintenance at previous jobs. No one said thank you when things went well, but boy, they were right there when anything bad happened. “THE SYSTEM IS DOWN! FIX IT!”
I’ve long appreciated how people “hate” lawyers until they need one.
Bless me glibs, for I have sinned.
I made it 4 days and 20 hours without booze, during which time I killed 5 6 packs of non-alcoholic beer. My willpower collapsed about 2 hours ago, so I am on my 3rd mini bottle of liquor and have most of a tall can left.
Oh well. I tried.
I was going to save this for the GlibFit post, but what the hell. I did a feat of strength yesterday – I carried 107 pounds on my back up and down 3 flights of stairs for 12 minutes. I was very sweaty afterward.
complaint dept
I went to the library the other day and was annoyed to see the shelves were blocked off with caution tape. Can’t risk someone catching Wu Ping cough from touching the Teach Yourself Hieroglyphics book that I’m *sure* so many people besides me have touched. Also the keyboards on the computers were covered in plastic wrap, because science or something.
In the old sci fi movies, it was the germs that killed off the aliens and saved humanity. And now people are so scared of germs the aliens could conquer earth without a ray gun fired.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHnf7qU4wek
107 pounds? That’s tough. Was it rolled up in a carpet?
40 pound weight vest and the rest in an Assault Pack, because the Army likes giving HOO-AH! names to everyday items.
Was it a high capacity assault pack with the shoulder thing that goes up?
High capacity, yes. Although I managed to put a rip in it with a mere 67 pounds. I blame the medicine ball for that. It has a strap which buckles across the chest, so I think that counts as a shoulder-thing-that-goes-up (Sheesh, sounds like an Indian name like Sitting Bull or Dances With Wolves).
The contents of the US ARMY ASSAULT PACK DEFENSE SYSTEM were: 2 25 pound dumbbells, 2 2.5 pound ankle weights, 2 1.5 pound wrist weights, and a 9 pound medicine ball.
Just dead weight? Not useful items?
Fella, I never got more than 200 ft from my room. I wasn’t trying out for the Selous Scouts.
I walked in the corridors and stairwells because it was hot and humid that day.
Obviously, you need a prettier uniform for the Scouts. I knew a guy, actually took my CCW qualification course from him, and shot with him for years who was in the Selous Scouts, and lost his legs and about 30% of the muscle in his left arm from a mine with them. He told stories (actually wrote a sort of Mary Sue autobiographical novel) about his experiences. Listening to him describe interogation with a field telephone, or a jeep and commo wire was interesting…
One of my brother’s friends from helicopter school got hit in the arm in Afghanistan. He lost most of the use of the arm and the wound caused him great pain. The doctors recommended amputation which they guy agonized over.
My brother told me he was always scared of what he called The Golden BB, that dreaded shot that was sure to hit him. He got a couple bullet holes in his helicopter but was never hit himself.
My brother lost more friends from training accidents than combat.
Assault pack? Not a personal equipment portation device?
Naw, that’s probably a fanny pack.
No joke, there is an item called a Butt Pack. It’s fanny pack turned 180 degrees and attached to the ASSAULT PACK!
We want to think the military is manly dudes killing people with cool toys, but then we built the pentagon, and since then it is all bureaucrat speak all the time. Matrices and kinetic action, because tactical doctrine and blowing shit up was too masculine and confrontational for the Bureaucrats in green.
The truth is, only a small percent of men are bold enough to routinely engage in violence/danger, and most of them end up dead or in jail unless they are in the military.
The skills that make someone a good fighter are almost the exact opposite of what it takes to move up the ranks. Patton and Grant are notable exceptions.
Addendum: During WW2, all the top scoring US fighter pilots were interviewed by psychologists to see what made them so aggressive. The main conclusion was they all got in a lot of fights in school when they were young.
https://soldiersystems.net/2015/07/25/the-baldwin-articles-buttpacks/
I had the two in the lower right. First one was aftermarket private purchase. Second was issued. Pack, training field. As the article says, they could be horrendously overloaded. Almost look like a turtle if you laid backwards and struggled to get up.
Which is why whenever a war starts, you typically see the guys in the top spots get shit canned and shuffled. Peace time does not select for leadership that wins wars unless by luck.
Chopped up in a contractor’s garbage bag.
QUIET, YOU!
Just sayin’ — it’s less ungainly that way.
Training for: Hooker=100lbs + Shovel=7lbs + desired last rights ravine=3 flights of stairs.
QUIET, YOU!
Hmmm, I thought of an unwilling girl, 300 lbs, that’s why it took 3 trips. Boy, was I wrong.
5’2″, perfect ass. The mouth on her though….
Obscure Jackasses in History
***
After the repeal of the Eighteenth Amendment, Pinchot helped establish the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board; his philosophy was to “discourage the purchase of alcoholic beverages by making it as inconvenient and expensive as possible.” He retired from public life after his defeat in the 1938 Pennsylvania gubernatorial election, but remained active in the conservation movement until his death in 1946.
***
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gifford_Pinchot
“I will bankrupt the coal industry” sounds familiar, too.
Obscure?!? He was the first Forest Service chief and widely known, like John Muir. He’s got a forest named after himself.
Local TV just did a special report on how the only masks that are effective are the N-95 no vent masks, and less so surgical masks, if clean and new and worn properly. Everything else is worthless. Then they ended the 10 minute segment reminding everyone to wear masks anyways and not to hoard medical supplies as the brave heroes at the hospital need them.
Umm. Ok.
We are living Idiocracy. Or some really nefarious top down experiment to see how far they can push people. I am honestly perplexed about all this.
Puh-LEEZE tell me that’s shown up on YouTube.
“About 40 years ago, I did someone an injustice, and I have felt guilty ever since”.
I did that this afternoon but I didn’t feel guilty. Isn’t that what friends are for?
/sarc
.
This is what friends are for.
I like this version better: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTrB45tfFDQ
That’s what psychic friends are for
Cops in Orange county don’t wear face masks. Shocking. Haven’t seen this kind of behavior in months elsewhere.
CA or FL?
CA.
NY.
So close to NYC!
Not surprising. Cops of all agencies around here, despite their own agency orders, don’t wear masks.
Me rn
That looks exactly like the kitchen in my old apartment in Venice Beach, CA. Weird.
And the poor bastard stuck living there only has High Life and Olive Loaf.
I’d kill myself. Kill. Myself.
Great diet plan. You have nothing but olive loaf, you don’t eat until it is eat or die.
its the Champagne of Beers!
I thought that was malt liquor’s gig.
Gee, many bicyclists yell at cars for taking up their space and they yell at pedestrians for taking up their space. Survey says…asshole.
/hangs head
I only yell at the cars who don’t use their turn signals and turn directly in front of me. And the people who walk their dogs on 15 feet leashes that stretch across the path.
#metoo
Which leaves me yelling at a lot of cars.
The right hook and passing too close are the only things that I’ll tell about. And with a little practice I’ve gotten pretty good at seeing the right hook coming.
Not to pile on but… I run on the Burke-Gilman Trail just about every morning. Bikes have to share with joggers, walkers, hobos, Canada geese, etc.
Most runners and pedestrians have decent etiquette. The hobos and geese are assholes.
The fucking bikers are always brushing people back, often traveling way too fast, with no situational awareness. They really act like assholes here in Seattle, compared to bikers in SoCal, which were able to share the paths with pedestrians.
Neph is cool, though.
*sigh*
Yes, a vast majority of cyclists are assholes. I mock them as well, especially when I’m in the saddle next to them wearing my kit.
Around me most cyclists are ok, but there are a handful of assholes who totally disregard all traffic laws. Occasionally I’ve been that asshole too, but I usually attribute that to a bad decision.
Like any group of people, a select few assholes put the entire group in a bad light. Except for Eagles fans, they really are all assholes.
What’s wrong with Eagles fans? Don’t you think “Hotel California” is a good song?
satire idea
New Hampshire Changes Motto ‘From Live Free Or Die’ to ‘Shut Up and Obey’
So, where’s the satire?
QUIET, YOU!
Heh
“Obey Or Die” is a bit more on the nose.
NeueFrau just made me watch JoJo Rabbbit; it is worthy and brimming with brilliant bits.
Eh, the Produces did it all already and better. I did like Hunt for the Wilderpeople, which the Hitler guy in Jojo Rabbit wrote and directed.
Let me know when someone makes a movie with a young pioneer whose imaginary best friend is Stalin.
Wild Swans is a close equivalent to that with Chairman Mao instead.
The Producers, is what I meant. Featuring LSD as Hitler!
It’s Springtime for Hitler in Germany…
That’s on my Wunschzettel.
Who, me? Set YOU up?
Never.
Oh, how I laughed: Do you wanna build a meth lab?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uty2zd7qizA
Was flipping through this site earlier today: https://www.freedominthe50states.org/
(trying to re-locate some summaries I’ve read before on best states for taxes, etc).
Seems a little weird to see Alaska, MT, WY so low here (compared to the rankings they have on the Tax tracker sites, etc). And to see states like VA so high.
Granted it’s a couple years old, but has it changed that much? It’s supposed to be an all-encompassing ranking – but for the average person, it seems like the rankings are weighted unevenly. Maybe I’m missing something.
Rankings are always subjective based on the biases of the person doing the ranking.
2 years ago VA was very high. Then the Proggening happened.
Like, seriously, when Trump was elected VA had a GOP state legislature for 20 years. Taxes low, gun laws good, liquor laws were not too terribly bad. Oh, and no pubsec unions.
VA has fallen. Now we have gun control and public sector unions. Game over man. Game over.
http://archive.li/fSMJM/c2027b7412ba0eb01e6140258677ed768d684269.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/mm7zZ/a3d6a4a12b29e0c6f85c9ff8f2261f5141822d27.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/PCdsn/b14e9a9a44dfe50b4da4878f0515558352fd5d3c.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/D8WkK/1f5d4aa55202fe09a72c7d8a6223675a26d68a19.jpg
NSFW.
All of them.
Went to neighborhood baby shower tonight. About 15 adults and 5 kids. No masks. If we have a covid outbreak, I will know why.
This is for other Glib Founders you big fat white nasty smelling fat bitches why don’t you let me do the motherfuckin links with your trifflin dirty white racist asses you big fat bitches oompa loompa body ass bitches I’m coming up there and I’m gonna beat the fuck out of you bitches and don’t even call the police today cause I’m gonna come up there unexpected and wait on your motherfuckin ass bitches im coming to beat the fuck out of you bitches.
Cause you do that on purpose with your aundry racist white asses thin haired bitches watch i’m coming up there to fuck you up bitches i’m telling you watch I know what kind of casr you drive I’m gonna wait on you and i’m going to beat your ass bitches cause ima show u not to play with Heroic Mulatto’s money bitches that’s the first thing you did and you got me fucked up cause bitches cause I told you what the fuck was going on you white mother fuckers hate to see half-black Glibs doing good or doing good doing anything for them mother fucking selves ugly fat white bitches watch i’m telling you i’m coming there to beat your mother fucking asses thin hair smelling white dog smelling ass bitches watch i’m coming to fuck you up cause you got me fucked up gonna sit up there and try to do that little aundry was shit bitches you aundry since the first day I came up talking about a bitches that had on pajamas but you walking around here in some ten dollar ass jeans on dirty dusty white bitches sit up there behind the counter smelling like cheese bitches stinky fat white asses bitches and you gonna try to not answer this comment i’m coming to fuck you up i’m telling you you better remember who I am cause bitches you gonna run when you see me cause i’m coming to fuck you up bitches wanna sit up and play me about my motherfucking money bitches you gonna sit up there and try to do that bitches little do you know little do you know I know enough people watch i’m coming to fuck you up i’m promise you that i’m promise you that i’m coming to fuck you up bitches you fat stinky white bitches thin haired yellow yuck mouth nasty mouth ass bitches you stink you smell like fucking cheese and you got that trifflin ass attitude ima beat that attitude up out of you bitches watch you treat everybody like that all these old black people like you do like that you in the wrong position you trifflin ass racist ass white bitches that’s why nobody fuck with you cause you trifflin and you racist bitches sit up there and did all this shit I told you what the fuck I was going on gonna tell me that I posted that motherfucking meme when i’m telling you the fuck I didn’t bitches why would I lie about some shit like that watch I finna come there and beat your motherfucking asses you better not get out of those car bitches i’m telling you fucking-
Agile Cyborg be doing drugs…yo.
???
You know, if you wanted to play your persona you should really alternate this angry black man screed with a yiddish complaint fest.
My tooth hurts and what hurts more is the bill for the upcoming surgery. When I said I needed something like a kopvaitik, I didn’t mean it literally! Azoy gait es!
Perfect.
I for one welcome motherfuckin links
Personally, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE MOTHERFUCKIN SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKIN PLANE!
If you like run on sentences, I highly suggest Arabic.
Arabic punctuation rules, in the form of song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0c0I2jlF2B8
What function does the vampire punctuation mark have?
Ask PieInTheSky
https://th.bing.com/th/id/OIP.APfQrLoRmcdkO5rn2U_5eAHaGt?pid=Api&rs=1
*yawn*
3/10
I’m going with the French judge and upping this to a 4 for level of difficulty, particularly working in “cheese”
Thin haired yellow yuck mouth nasty mouth ass bitch.
slip out the back, jack
The saboteurs you can hire to end (a) relationship
That is weird.
If you’ve got a lady and you want her gone, but ain’t got the guts…
Get your hands (literally) on one of these quick before they’re disappeared.
Omg. I want to try it.
https://i.redd.it/fbktv264qhf51.jpg
Dogs love it, especially with tennis balls.
WTF is that? It looks like Nibbler’s pooper-scooper.
⬆ ?
https://twitter.com/jorgensen4potus/status/1291889336422719488?s=21
?
Oh man
https://twitter.com/michaelmalice/status/1291907174726279169?s=21
Malice is unsparing.
My lord, the Libertarian Party attracts a special sort of nut to run. The type that seems more high than the dude taking two footer bong rips before breakfast, and yet has smoked weed only eight times in their life. They don’t need it cause they are already naturally stoned. It must be something.
Don’t talk about me when I’m not here!
You can save some coin that way. You got that going for you. I can appreciate.
He took in a 4am show at the Clark…
Sounds like a supervillain’s crazy plot to bump off our Libertarian damsel in distress.
https://www.wfmz.com/news/eye-candy-more-than-50-000-pink-flamingos-mass-in-france/article_80fe5fd7-0c65-5046-820f-6a33fa430b70.html
Despite the headline, the pictures were meh. Do better, 69.
Nunchucks are always cool.
https://mobile.twitter.com/stillgray/status/1291987756608962561
Good morning, Sean!
Kid has some guns, too.
Mornin
Well there’s some vintage internets doing the rounds again. Worth it. Pretty freakin’ cool.
ps – how rude of me. Good morning, Sean.
?
Vote
In
Person
https://www.pennlive.com/news/2020/08/pa-sued-over-rejection-of-mail-in-ballots-due-to-problems-with-signatures.html
Mornin.
Mornin ☕
I should probably have some breakfast.
Mahn, as we say round here.
Super lazy this morning. We had https://ketokrisp.com bars and a handful of cashews for breakfast. Of course, plus coffee and almond milk variants.
I dislike almonds.
Huh. No marzipan for you?
I so rarely encounter the stuff.
If your avatar had both thumbs stained blue it would be a perfect comment.
I still hold the belief that only “net” taxpayers should have the right to vote.
As long as that excludes the military too.
All government employees.
The welfare fisherman manages to “net” an overall gain, or something. Or maybe the seagulls follow the trawler, or some other flavor of vague metaphor. Well I imagine the morning links are out so I’m firing this post out into the bleak void. Good afternoon, nobody, and good morning, Festus.
Mornin’ Limey!