Wednesday Almost Forgot’em Links

by | Aug 19, 2020 | Daily Links | 337 comments

Got busy doing paid work and forgot about my real work. Feeding you guys links to ignore. We mail it in so you don’t have to feel bad about not reading!

This is absolute projection.

Just send me the goddamn ‘Rona bucks. What’s another trillion or two at this point. Its like worrying about the third torpedo strike on a hulled ship.

I mean that’s only one Apple.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

337 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    Being First is the most non-gay thing a man can do. It’s even less gay than having sex with a woman. You are all more gay than me.

    • KibbledKristen

      I have a feelz that if I announced I were gay, that wouldn’t really be a problem for you filthy preverts.

      • SDF-7

        Prevert… is that like some messed up person that always insists on being fir —– ohhhhhhhhh….

      • Rhywun

        Lesbians are eeew.

      • SDF-7

        More of a fan of Crete or Rhodes then?

      • Rhywun

        I’ll take any other Greeks.

      • Brochettaward

        GAY!

      • Ted S.

        Whoops, this was supposed to be at the bottom, not threaded.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Lewandowski is a lesbian?

    • UnCivilServant

      Your obsession with gaydom and being firsted tells us you’re just longing to come out of the closet.

      • Rhywun

        being firsted

        Eeew! Oh, never mind.

    • Agent Cooper

      So many contribute to this wonderful site, and yet here you are, full of firstness and fury, signifying nothing.

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      Gay, as in happy, yes.

  2. KibbledKristen

    Link #1 – punchable face

    • KibbledKristen

      (and punchable hair)

  3. The Late P Brooks

    Trump can’t color inside the lines. Time for the 25th Amendment!

  4. The Other Kevin

    “This is absolute projection.”

    It is well known that politicians lie, but lately the lying from the left seems worse. It’s not just fudging the truth, or shades of the truth, it’s a complete 180 from reality. And there are still so many people who swallow it hook, line, and sinker.

    • Mad Scientist

      People believe what they want to believe.

      • Plisade

        But they don’t ha-ave to live like a refugee.

    • Rhywun

      “This is CNN.” has forty years of cachet behind it.

  5. Count Potato

    “A longtime Republican and political appointee at DHS from 2017 to 2019, Taylor endorsed the former vice president in a video produced by the group Republican Voters Against Trump in which he also made several allegations about Trump’s conduct.”

    That guy is “Republican” like Brochetard is heterosexual.

    https://heavy.com/news/2020/08/miles-taylor/

    • Chafed

      Mic drop

    • Cancelled

      Why do you want to put Rhywun and Tonio and the other gayglibs in that company?

  6. Rebel Scum

    There are people serving very close to the President that have told me verbatim

    Pass. (never mind every action he’s taken suggest other than your hysterical premise.)

    • Count Potato

      Which means it’s hearsay.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    “I think that tells you a lot about the President’s character,” Taylor said. “And that’s why I think this is a character election.”
    Taylor also claimed that the White House is working to “dig up dirt” on him because of his rebuke of Trump.

    He should be proud of his identity as a transgender woman.

  8. Count Potato

    “House Democrats passed the HEROES Act in May, which would extend the CARES Act’s student loan payment and interest suspension for an additional 12 months. The HEROES Act would also expand the CARES Act’s protections to include commercially-issued FFEL-program federal student loans, as well as federal Perkins loans. The bill would also provide $10,000 in federal and private student loan forgiveness to borrowers experiencing economic distress. The HEROES Act would also continue enhanced unemployment benefits of $600 per week, and would provide additional relief to states, cities, and hospitals. House Democrats recently passed a separate bill that would also suspend private student loan payments for 12 months.

    Republicans have so far rejected those proposals. House Democrats agreed to compromise on a new stimulus bill earlier in August, reducing the price tag of the HEROES Act from over $3 trillion to approximately $2 trillion, hoping Republicans could meet them halfway (Republicans had previously offered a new stimulus package costing around $1 trillion). But lawmakers could not reach an agreement.”

    so fiscal much responsibility

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I’m trying that next time I try to sell something.

      “You’re asking $20k for this 2002 Ford Ranger, but it’s only worth $2k.”

      “I’ll tell you what, let’s meet half-way at $10k”

    • C. Anacreon

      And despite all the Dems’ padding due to the pandemic, they have the nerve to point to the increased federal debt as all Trump’s fault.

      As outrageous as Cuomo saying his state’s response to the virus was “beautiful” during his DNC speech Monday night.

      • Count Potato

        That was more than outrageous.

    • Cancelled

      Elephant money printer go brrr. Donkey printer go brrrrrrrrr.

  9. Rebel Scum

    Mystic Marianne / Temptress Tulsi 2020?

    Marianne Williamson — author, self-help guru, and former Democrat presidential candidate who rose to national attention for her quirky style — will speak at the upcoming “People’s Convention,” where attendees will discuss the possibility of forming a third party.

    The People’s Convention, geared toward progressives who feel ignored by the Democrat establishment, is slated for August 30 and will feature speakers including Williamson, former Sanders campaign national co-chair Nina Turner, former Sen. Mike Gravel (D-AK), Amped Up host Ryan Knight, comedian and The Jimmy Dore Show host Jimmy Dore, and Dr. Cornel West.

    Organizers say participants will broach forming a “major new political party in America” — an idea that would seemingly resonate with Williamson, who has voiced her frustrations with the Democrat Party, blasting them for taking money from corporate donors while simultaneously vowing to “take them on.”

    I’m skeptical of things prefaced by “A/The People’s”.

    • Count Potato

      Could they even get on the ballot in time?

      • kinnath

        Probably not on all 50 states.

        Possibly on key states and possibly fucking over Biden.

        Go Team!

      • KibbledKristen

        Wouldn’t it be something to have both Kanye and Marianne siphon votes from Ol’ Poopy Pants?

      • pan fried wylie

        Can their party also run some congrescritters, plsthxbai.

    • leon

      I’m less skeptical and more “fearful”

    • Chipwooder

      Jesus, Mike Gravel is still alive? What is he, 100?

      • juris imprudent

        Gravel is older than dirt.

      • pan fried wylie

        THAT IS NOT HOW EROSION WORKS

        /MORBO

    • Rhywun

      I’m skeptical of things prefaced by “A/The People’s”.

      You should be. It means “commie”.

      As in: a Bern! flack and fucking Cornel West. Geezus.

    • Broswater

      I’ll admit I find the name choice for the People’s Party of Canada really unfortunate and quite confusing.

      And I’m probably not the only one.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Organizers say participants will broach forming a “major new political party in America” — an idea that would seemingly resonate with Williamson, who has voiced her frustrations with the Democrat Party, blasting them for taking money from corporate donors while simultaneously vowing to “take them on.”

    When the Democrats aren’t crazy enough for you…

    • The Other Kevin

      I’d like to see 4 parties. The commie party, the union democrats, the neocons, and the libertarians. But something tells me this new party will leave us with Republicans, batshit crazies, and batshit craziers.

      • SDF-7

        Silly Party and Very Silly Party?

    • leon

      I mean… He kinda sounds like a douche.

      So yeah a regular High School Counselor

    • Plisade

      Is bastard a bad word?

      • C. Anacreon

        Perhaps they mistook it for bass turd.

      • pan fried wylie

        *bitchtard

    • limey

      You know who else claimed to be a champion coxswain?

      • Rhywun

        Cardi B?

      • pan fried wylie

        Yeah, but it has a different meaning in UK “English”.

      • Rhywun

        Oh not that boat thing again.

    • Chafed

      Lori Laughlin is a would. Her prison video is a double wood.

  11. TARDIS

    KK, carrying on some more FS:

    If you ever come to ATL, we could ask if we can see if we can recreate the COPA accident here. Because there is no voice recorder, I’m still betting the Captain refused to take input from his junior. I’ve had a commercial pilot say this to me. The Captain is king, do as you’re told.

    Flight simulator instructor: “Your ADIs are now both inop. Good luck.” ?????????

    • KibbledKristen

      I’ve had a commercial pilot say this to me. The Captain is king, do as you’re told.

      So CRM is not a “thing” to this person? I’d probably not want to fly with them…

      • Chipwooder

        Heh, first thing I thought of too. That attitude is EXACTLY what CRM is supposed to prevent.

      • TARDIS

        That was along time ago, career wise. Training is a bit more cohesive these days, I’ll bet. Communication is a factor in a crisis, no?

      • Chipwooder

        No doubt. I don’t know how many episodes of Air Disasters have pilot communication as a primary factor.

      • Chipwooder

        Cut off….didn’t get to add “but it’s a lot of them”.

        I’m no pilot anyway, so I only know what I read about. Was 10 years old when Top Gun and Iron Eagle came out so I spent my youth dying to be a fighter pilot. When I found out in high school that would never happen because of my nearsightness, I lost interest in aviation for a long time, but in my advancing years I’ve found myself fascinated by it again.

      • Sensei

        Including or excluding Korean airlines?

      • KibbledKristen

        Is Asiana a Korean Airline?

  12. pan fried wylie

    Maybe it’s my white male privilege showing, but whenever I had to mail something important I’d drive to the post office.

    Not necessarily the postoffice proper, but the nearest bigbluebox. It was over a decade ago I got tired of mailmen that couldn’t be bothered to pickup my outgoing mail if I didn’t have any junkmail to drop-off that day, or the next. Amazing how I’d seem to get a dryspell of junkmail whenever I’d have some paperwork to mail.

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      I’d take stuff to the mailbox on my way to work. But I guess having a job is white male privilege.

      • TARDIS

        I love my 4:30 AM privilege. I’m just so happy it’s not the pre-Rona 3:30 AM privilege I used to have.

      • pan fried wylie

        You only have that job due to being punctual, so, yeah. Honkey.

      • TARDIS

        You just slapped me in the face. I realized something. I have not seen anything but wypipo in my work area since I went back to work. Of course I don’t wander about much due to mask hysteria, but still.

      • pan fried wylie

        For the record, I was aiming for your ass.

        #SLAPASS!

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Yoots be crazy

    Several UConn students were looking for new digs Wednesday after the dangers of reopening universities during a pandemic were laid bare in a video which showed undergrads living it up at a packed dorm room party where almost nobody was wearing a mask and there was zero social distancing.

    While the worst offenders were slapped with eviction notices, University of Connecticut officials gave no sign that they intend to follow the lead of other universities like Notre Dame and the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill that canceled in-class instruction and sent students home for the semester after coronavirus outbreaks on their campuses.

    “These actions do not represent or speak for the 5,000 residents currently composing our residential community,” UConn Dean of Students Eleanor Daugherty and Residential Life Director Pamela Schipani said of the video in a letter to students late Tuesday. “The vast majority of our students are doing the right thing.”

    But so far five students who live on campus have tested positive and were placed in UConn’s isolation space and 25 others who came in contact with them were in quarantine, the university said. Two other students who live off-campus had also tested positive.

    “There will undoubtedly be more positive cases as more test results are returning in the coming days, and we will address each the same way as we work to protect the health of individual students and our community,” Daugherty said in a statement.

    Public health experts like Dr. Howard Koh, a Harvard professor who served as Assistant Secretary for Health for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services under President Barack Obama, said it shouldn’t surprise anyone that America’s universities are struggling right now.

    “At every step of the pandemic, society has underestimated the tenacity of the virus and overestimated our ability to contain it,” Koh said in an email to NBC News. “The college outbreaks represent yet another example of this theme.”

    You can fuck right off with that “society” claptrap.

    Get it over with and move on.

    • Chipwooder

      Just a reminder that UConn paid Robin DiAngelo $70K for her bullshit white self-loathing seminar.

    • Rhywun

      Send everyone home, close your doors, and return all the tax dollars to the people.

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      My brother is a professor at a small private college. They get a lot of income from the dorms so they can’t really shut them down. They’ve adjusted the schedule for the fall semester so that they will finish by Thanksgiving so students aren’t travelling back and forth. The professors have a pool to see how long they stick to the plan.

      • pan fried wylie

        They’re not SHUT DOWN, they’re “butt buudies”. It’s all how you say it.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      But so far five students who live on campus have tested positive and were placed in UConn’s isolation space and 25 others who came in contact with them were in quarantine, the university said. Two other students who live off-campus had also tested positive.

      …but did they DIE?

      Seriously, you know what else you can get in college? Meningitis. Try surviving that.

      • SDF-7

        Don’t forget Mono

    • DEG

      Let’s see if that lights the Tundra signal.

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      Lucky bike.

      • pan fried wylie

        Except for those platforms, OUCH MA PEDDLES!

    • pan fried wylie

      You’ll have to carry the day’s poop bags with you at all times in the event the Gestapo want to verify compliance.

      • pan fried wylie

        “Poopier Bitten!”

      • KibbledKristen

        LOL

      • Sean

        *applause*

      • Certified Public Asshat

        My inner authoritarian wants to come out when I am reminded of dog owners who don’t pick up their dog’s shit.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I knew this would turn into Scheiße jokes.

      • pan fried wylie

        in Xmen Last Stand there’s a line, paraphrasing, “Mystique broke into, OF ALL PLACES, the FDA…”, the FDA, ya know, just the only govt agency developing an anti-mutant vaccine. OF ALL PLACES. ya know, the number one place she might want to break into. OF ALL PLACES.

        You linked something about walking dogs. OF ALL TOPICS, who would’ve expected dog shit. OF ALL THINGS.

      • pan fried wylie

        *Gestapoo

      • juris imprudent

        ScheißeStaffel

      • pan fried wylie

        these are all too accurate a description of the historic orgs. disqualified.

    • Chipwooder

      a)There is absolutely no way to actually enforce that, short of a totalitarian surveillance apparatus that would make East Germany look lax
      b)There are plenty of dogs who are lazy as hell and have no interest in hour long walks. I have a 13 year old dachshund with arthritis. Her legs are about six inches long. She looks forward to her walks, but generally she goes to the corner, takes a couple of shits, and then turns around on her own to head home. That’s as much exercise as she’ll do.

    • Rhywun

      Wissenschaft!

    • Broswater

      That’s gonna be easy to enforce. And there will definitively be no abuse of those laws.

      Next step : humans.

      • Rhywun

        Fortunately, this is not a law, but a proposal. And she’s being ridiculed for it. File under the “news” genre of “look over there!”

      • Broswater

        Still, the fact that an official proposed it sounds a bit scary to me. Heck if someone proposed us to wear mask outside a year ago we would have all laugh at that person.

      • pan fried wylie

        They’re not actually getting rid of the police, they just said they want to, JEEZ YOU GUYS.

      • pan fried wylie

        There will also never be anyone shot for refusing to BWAHAHAHAHA I couldn’t finish.

  14. pan fried wylie

    PieInTheSky on August 19, 2020 at 8:51 am
    Any American should need to travel to Washington DC to vote. To see who is really dedicated about it.
    Log in to Reply

    WTF on August 19, 2020 at 9:09 am
    More evidence Europeans don’t understand how big the US is.

    Pie would tell Americans to eat cake, then bitch about all the sugar we eat.

    • pan fried wylie

      “I wish I’d wished he’d get cancer before he got cancer.”

    • whiz

      Dead thread now, but I’ll answer anyway. I teach at Iowa State and we recently got a notice from the prez on First Amendment rights in the classroom, which said that unless a student was being disruptive in class, or saying something that was not relevant to the curriculum, they should be allowed to speak. Future lawsuits avoided.

  15. Count Potato

    “White House claims Trump ‘hasn’t done a deep dive’ on Laura Loomer after congratulating her for Republican primary win despite critics branding her a Sandy Hook and Parkland hoaxer

    Loomer will face Democratic Rep. Lois Frankel in the fall. The four-time congresswoman is expected to win easily in the deep blue district. She ran unopposed in 2018 and beat her Republican rival in 2016 by 27.6 points.

    McEnany said Trump’s support for Loomer was standard protocol.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8644339/White-House-claims-Donald-Trump-deep-dive-Republican-primary-winner-Laura-Loomer.html

    So she is going to fall flat after making inflated claims.

    • SDF-7

      I would think we’d need Q back to know if her claims are inflated or falling flat. And Melania would probably have a problem with Trump making a deep dive on Loomer….

      • Chipwooder

        Where’s Q been, anyway?

      • Nephilium

        Sabbatical. Trying to stay away from the news and the like, per a post he made in the past week or so.

      • DEG

        He said something about taking a break for a while. I don’t remember the reason, though I do remember he said his wife is pregnant.

      • SDF-7

        Taking a sabbatical. Claims we didn’t drive him away, but that he needed a break from politics/the world, iirc. Understandable.

      • juris imprudent

        Understandable? Hell, commendable! I follow the news to keep my job from driving me nuts. Now you know why I’m so looking forward to retirement – I can get away from two horrid things.

    • Count Potato

      “The controversial conspiracy theorist has been accused of hate speech on more than one occasion. In November 2018 she was accused of hate speech when she called Representative Ilhan Omar (left) ‘anti-Jewish’. She slammed Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey (right) for suspending her account over the incident”

      That’s like getting banned for saying David Duke isn’t particularly fond of black people.

    • DEG

      ‘It’s obvious these kids are reading a screen or notes someone else wrote for them. Notice how media is only talking to the same group of students. They aren’t talking to the pro gun ROTC students who actually saved lives, unlike these students,’ she tweeted.

      I need a little more than that and her talking with Alex Jones to think she’s a Sandy Hook Hoaxer.

      In the Alex Jones interview with Joe Rogan, Jones said he was wrong about Sandy Hook and it being a hoax.

    • Rhywun

      the deep blue district

      I didn’t know that.

      In such districts the GOP can nominate a garbage truck for all it matters. And usually it doesn’t make international news.

      • Not Adahn

        I would totally vote for a garbage truck if it were on the ballot. Seeing it at its desk at the SOTU would be epic.

      • grrizzly

        In the real deep blue districts the GOP doesn’t nominate anyone.

      • KibbledKristen

        VA 8th, where I live. Moran, and now Beyer, often run unopposed.

      • Count Potato

        KK for Kongress!

      • pan fried wylie

        KKK 2020!

        errr, wait…

      • pan fried wylie

        FUCK, I SIGNED OFF ON THE PROOFS ALREADY

      • Nephilium

        So… there’s a campground chain called KOA. They rebrand lots of C’s into K’s. I was at one once, where they had a sign up directing you to the cabins. The sign said this way to the:

        KOA
        Kamping
        Cabins

        You could almost see the person carving the sign into the wood (or programming the machine to do it), looking at it, and then flagging the boss down.

      • pan fried wylie

        “I tried to put it into the CNC and it says error 88…”

  16. The Late P Brooks

    At Iowa State University, where 175 students are starting off the semester in quarantine after testing positive for COVID-19, school officials warned that if undergrads continue flouting the school’s rules by partying they could wind up going home.

    “Disregarding these health and safety policies jeopardizes the university’s ability to provide in-person experiences and increases the chance that all classes will move online,” Toyia Younger, senior vice president for student affairs, and Sharron Evans, dean of students, said in a statement. “If students want to complete the fall semester on campus, this disregard must stop.”

    We teach OBEDIENCE.

    • mrfamous

      The spirit of Dean Wormer lives on.

      I’m not sure colleges really want to pursue the strategy of de-emphasizing partying while in college. They have to know this is a massive amount of the appeal of college. Don’t kill the goose that lays the golden eggs.

      • Spartacus

        I had to go over to our student housing for a while yesterday. We currently have a policy of “must wear masks while on campus” which is going to be pretty tough for those who live on campus. Anyway, everyone I saw indoors was wearing a mask, and almost everyone just walking around outside. Students who were (a) at the rec fields playing softball, or (b) by the pool, were not wearing masks, which to me is understandable.

        I think we all know that students are going to party. Our public messaging has tried to emphasize personal responsibility, and reminding students that they are the ones who will ultimately determine whether they get to stay on campus or not. The negative punitive attitude is not going to be helpful.

      • pan fried wylie

        COVID killed the golden goose, not politicians or administrators.

  17. DEG

    A former senior Trump administration official who is endorsing Joe Biden’s presidential campaign said Tuesday that if President Donald Trump wins a second term he will “align with dictators around the world.”

    I’m curious, what dictators? Why do I get the feeling this is all FUD?

    The draft proposal includes reduced unemployment benefits of $300 per week (a reduction from the $600 per week in the CARES Act), and no direct stimulus payments to Americans. The proposal also includes no student loan relief.

    Just cut the FedBux off.

    • Not Adahn

      Hmmm. Would it be worth compromising my principles to support Trump using the Defense Production act to ramp up ammunition production?

  18. ttyrant

    trshmnstr – not sure if you read the PM links, but I wanted to say your personal finance series has been great, and I appreciate how open you’ve been with the specifics you and your family went through. I am somewhat fortunate in that for some reason or another, I had a pretty strict anti-debt mindset coming right out of college, such that (a) I paid off my student loan in about 18 months when the loan-term was something like 10 or 15 years, and (b) I don’t think I’ve actually paid any credit card interest. I am also going through some of the things you seem to have encountered — being the main breadwinner, trying to balance HSA/401k contributions, figuring out when to switch from renting to home ownership and everything that goes along with it (how much can we afford, 15- or 30-year mortage, etc), and even just the conversations about spending and financial goals I have and still need to have with my girlfriend/hopefully-future-wife.

    I’ll also say that I can completely sympathize with your comments from the am links as far as doing a job with no personal meaning attached to it. At the same time, even though a lot of the accounting work I do is dull, I try to keep in mind Jordan Peterson’s comments that doing even a dull/boring job damn well absolutely has meaning, both in terms of providing for your own family and in making your co-workers’ lives easier.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      It’s tough, I work in corporate tax. It’s hard to feel good about securing some state credits for my company when on the other hand, I don’t think the state should be offering credits in the first place. Even then, those moments are few and far between the routine bullshit of compliance.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      uch appreciated! I thought twice about my level of transparency in this series, because anybody who knows me personally would be well able to identify me based on some of the info, and it really does throw open some tumultuous times in our marriage. On the other hand, transparency is compelling, especially on a personal level like this. The hard part going forward is going to be finding a narrative thread to use to drive the story, because it gets quite boring from here on. The marriage heals, we don’t do anything fun, and we pay down the debt.

      Regarding job meaning, I’ve come to terms with it on some levels, but I genuinely see my wife’s direct day to day work as more impactful on our life priorities. I don’t think this is a bad thing, but (getting back to the discussion this morning) I have to force myself to recognize the tradeoff. I’ve traded meaning and impact (and, frankly, enjoyment) for money. I’d be more willing to take risks on a “better” job if my 2 (soon 3) girls weren’t depending on me to earn a steady income. Framed that way, I can live with myself, even when I can feel the stress taking hold, even when I have a hard time forcing myself out of bed in the morning. It’s just a matter of tweaking life around the edges, not the poisonous sentiment of “having to get out of this damn job before it eats my soul” that has visited me in the past.

      • Ted S.

        we don’t do anything fun

        I’m sorry it’s been so long since you’ve had sex.

      • TARDIS

        Perhaps some advice from Sleepy Joe’s favorite slag, Cardi B. is in order.

    • KibbledKristen

      HAHAHA!

      • TARDIS

        Slewing all over the place, aren’t you?

    • kinnath

      I get nothing when I follow that link.

  19. Apples and Knives

    So my state hospital’s public health department just put out a model of the predicted rise in Covid cases through October, depending on whether schools are virtual only, mix of virtual and in-person, and in-person only. The results are predictably dire, with much sharing on Facebook. My favorite part of this model: the line for online only, the best case scenario, somehow manages to stop it’s weeklong downward trend and completely flatten all the way to end of the graph.

    “If we do nothing, we predict the downward trend will stop. Lockdown harder!”

    • Sean

      I want the virus to win.

      • Rhywun

        We’ll find out on November 3.

      • Apples and Knives

        I pretty sure it already has. I mean, if we’re using the old “if we do x, the terrorists win” metric, these little Covid-19 shits have kicked our asses harder than a thousand Al-Qeadas ever could.

    • LJW

      If schools open .00001% of the kids will die from Coronavirus!

      • TARDIS

        And .000002% will get an actual education.

    • SDF-7

      Brochettaward now has a new “most non-gay thing a man can do”…

      • Brochettaward

        IT’S A TRAP!

    • Not Adahn

      That is a HELL of a tuck job.

      • TARDIS

        Are you kidding me? That has to be ‘shopped. He still has his junk, right?

      • LCDR_Fish

        Pretty sure she had surgery.

      • Count Potato

        She’s had plenty of surgery, but not that one, because I’m sure she would have announced it.

      • TARDIS

        Umm, the hands? Look.at.the.hands.

      • pan fried wylie

        It’s the hairy palms, right?

  20. Apples and Knives

    So it’s Paris vs Munich in the Champions League Final. This clip perfectly sums up my hopes for the game.

    https://youtu.be/HM-E2H1ChJM

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I don’t want Ted to be happy, but I also don’t want to see PSG win (or Neymar).

      • Apples and Knives

        I’m no Neymar fan but I do like Mbappe and I think it’s cool in this era for one of the big stars of a team to be a hometown boy.

        But more to the point, my wife is half German and I love to smack talk about all things German in front of her. It’s my way of living on the edge.

      • Ted S.

        Hateful.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Well, since you give Sloopy a hard time with Liverpool, I’ll take Bayern (but also because PSG is more loathsome).

      • Rhywun

        This is no-brainer for me. München all the way.

      • Apples and Knives

        You know who else thought München over Paris was a no-brainer?

      • juris imprudent

        Black September Organization?

      • Rhywun

        Milli Vanilli?

      • Apples and Knives

        Verdammt! That’s some good scheisse. ?

      • Ted S.

        My relatives actually are from Bavaria, and I’ve rooted for BM for 30 years now.

        They were surprised when they came over for my sister’s wedding back in 1988 and I knew who Franz Beckenbauer was.

      • Rhywun

        I lived in Würzburg for a year. I claim Bayern privilege even though real Bayer scoff at the idea because Würzburg has only been part of Bavaria for a couple centuries.

      • juris imprudent

        Ted, he cares about how you feel.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    CNN POUNCES

    President Donald Trump is calling on his followers to not buy Goodyear tires, despite previously railing against “cancel culture,” after an employee posted a viral photo of a company policy banning “Make America Great Again” and other political attire in the workplace.
    “Don’t buy GOODYEAR TIRES – They announced a BAN ON MAGA HATS. Get better tires for far less! (This is what the Radical Left Democrats do. Two can play the same game, and we have to start playing it now!),” he tweeted Wednesday morning.

    ——-

    Trump, who railed against political correctness during his 2016 campaign, is campaigning this year as a warrior against what he says is a left-wing “cancel culture” that seeks to get people punished or banished for supposedly objectionable words or acts.
    “One of their political weapons is ‘cancel culture’ — driving people from their jobs, shaming dissenters and demanding total submission from anyone who disagrees. This is the very definition of totalitarianism, and it is completely alien to our culture and our values, and it has absolutely no place in the United States of America,” Trump said in a July 3 speech at Mount Rushmore.

    Trump’s Goodyear tweet is far from the first time he’s called for boycotts, cancellations and firings of people and a wide variety of products and entities.

    Get back to me when President Cartoon Villain sics the IRS and SEC on them.

    • Rhywun

      despite previously railing against “cancel culture,”

      ????

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      This is why I have mixed feelings on cancel-culture. People should be held accountable for their speech. Discretion is not a bad thing, both in our own speech and in selecting those we choose to associate with (whether as friends or employers/employees).

      This can sway too far where people are fired over ridiculously trivial things. This can also swing back to an equally absurd extreme that free speech means no one should ever face any consequences for their speech.

      It looks like Goodyear tried to cancel-culture their employees who are conservative. Is it cancel-culture to then boycott Goodyear in response? I won’t give Dick’s a dime ever again for their anti-firearm agenda. Would it be unreasonable for Dick’s to only want employees who support their anti-freedom mission? Seems a little hypocritical for the first to be morally clear but the second not.

      • Rhywun

        Is it cancel-culture to then boycott Goodyear in response?

        No. Boycotts have existed since that guy named Boycott. This is CNN being disingenuous again.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Boycotts are not cancel culture. A boycott means you refuse to do business with somebody. Cancel culture is a demand that *nobody* be allowed to do business with somebody.

      • Viking1865

        Boycotting a company for an official company policy is not cancel culture. A policy is not a person.

        Cancel culture would be going to Goodyear, having a bad experience with the guy at the counter, and then digging through the employees 8 year old tweets till you found that he retweeted this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Crw9OuoDMnY and then go on social media and whip up a mob to spam the complaint box on goodyear.com until they fire Joe in Peoria for HOMOPHOBIC HATE SPEECH.

        Cancel culture is whipping up the social media mob against powerless individuals.

      • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

        I’m a cancel culture slacktivist. There’s stuff that will make me marginally less likely to buy from a company, but not much that will make me boycott. I watch less basketball these days, partially out of distaste, partially because the Warriors sucked this year. I’m not going to boycott it, and I’m not going to demand the TNT stop showing the games.

    • juris imprudent

      Trump’s Goodyear tweet is far from the first time he’s called for boycotts, cancellations and firings of people and a wide variety of products and entities.

      IT’S WRONG WHEN THEY DO IT, NOT US!

  22. Rebel Scum

    “We have to come together and do whatever Democrats want. That’s what democracy means.” – Nazi Pelosi

    Anchor Nicolle Wallace, said, “It’s interesting you mentioned John Kasich. He’s generated some debate. It was my sense he’s there to represent the broad coalition that Joe Biden has and plans to build on ahead of November. Some people didn’t like seeing him there, but you think it was a good idea to showcase those four Republicans?”

    Pelosi said, “Oh, yes, yes, I do. By the way, I say to my Republican friends, and I do have some, Nicolle, you know that.”

    Wallace said, “I know that.”

    Pelosi continued, “I say to them, take back your party. This isn’t who you are. You’re the Grand Old Party. You’ve done so much for our country. You’ve been hijacked by a cult-like group of people and others who are afraid of defying the cult leader. This isn’t what the Republican Party has been about in our country. Let’s go back to our normal debate of the role of government in the lives of the American people as our founders intended in a way that respects disagreement as we find our common ground but understand that we must come together.”

    Some mighty fine progjection, there.

    • The Other Kevin

      We should follow the lead of the Democrats, who of course are all about respecting disagreement and finding common ground, you deplorable white supremacist Nazi.

    • Not Adahn

      So Madame Speaker, how is you good friend the reverend Jim Jones doing these days anyway?

    • Fatty Bolger

      Well, I’d love to tell my Democrat friends to take back their party from racists and commies, but…

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      What a hard hitting question. What a fine example of a journalist.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    And the puppets dance

    “This was brought up a week ago, and I was so surprised that it was never done before,” he mused, announcing he would take the step later in the day. “What took so long?”

    The answer, it turns out, is that Anthony may not have wanted presidential clemency in the first place — even though historians say it was likely available to her during her own lifetime — both because it would have admitted guilt and because she wore her conviction with pride.

    “She absolutely would not have wanted the pardon,” said Deborah Hughes, the president and CEO of the National Susan B. Anthony Museum and House in Rochester, New York, where on Tuesday the news of Trump’s pardon was met with surprise.

    “Absolutely not,” said Ann Gordon, a former Rutgers University professor who edited an extensive collection, “The Selected Papers of Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony.” “When you’re asking for a pardon, you’re saying, I did something wrong.”

    Issued on the centennial of the 19th Amendment, which gave women the right to vote, Trump’s pardon appeared designed to commemorate an American icon whose work helped transform American society. He first teased the pardon to reporters aboard Air Force One on Monday, saying it would be directed at someone “very, very important.” In a morning event marking the 19th Amendment anniversary, Trump revealed the pick and noted Anthony’s history.
    “She was guilty for voting,” he said. “And we are going to be signing a full and complete pardon.”

    Play a tune on the dog whistle, and see who heads for the dance floor.

    How dare he?

    • Not Adahn

      He should EO putting Harriet Tubman on the $20

      • juris imprudent

        Only with her rifle in hand.

      • pan fried wylie

        No, the rifle features on the other side.

      • Cancelled

        If you really want their heads to explode do Booker T.

    • Rhywun

      Maybe we could talk about how disgusted she would be to see what became of the neighborhood around her house.

    • creech

      Isn’t it just as likely that a pardon means “the person convicted did nothing wrong?”

    • pan fried wylie

      Can anyone explain to me why an org needs both the president and CEO roles when they’re filled by the same person?

      Then do why the SBAMH needs all that executivity.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s a non-profit, you have to maximize your salary because there is no profit sharing.

        In other words, it’s a racket.

      • pan fried wylie

        “Compensation Scheme”, SUSPICION CONFIRMED.

        JFTDC.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    The morning event, which like most of Trump’s official events took on a highly political tone, appeared designed to appeal to female voters. In the same speech, Trump repeated false claims about mail-in voting and criticized former first lady Michelle Obama for her convention speech the evening before.

    The horror.

    The HORROR.

    • pan fried wylie

      She’s not THAT wookie.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    You’re all gonna die!

    A person who visited a bar during the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally has tested positive for the coronavirus, health officials in South Dakota said.

    The person visited One-Eyed Jack’s Saloon in Sturgis between noon and 5:30 p.m. on Tuesday, Aug. 11 “while able to transmit the virus to others,” according to a news release by the state’s Department of Health.

    “Due to the risk of exposure, individuals that visited the business during the specified dates and times should monitor for symptoms for 14 days after they visited,” the health department said.

    The health department said the person who tested positive is a resident of South Dakota but did not give any other details.

    ——-

    Rallygoers were encouraged, but not required, to wear masks. The governor of South Dakota never issued a stay-at-home order or mask mandate for the state. Many of those who traveled to the rally didn’t appear to take significant precautions against the virus.

    Some people were seen wearing masks and said they were going to avoid large crowds, but others packed close together in bars and at concerts.

    Just click your heels together and say “Black lives matter” three times, and you’ll be rendered immune.

    • Rhywun

      Wait for it. The piles of dead bodies will come next week given the incubation period.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Well the pirate rodeo that went on in northern Minnesota led to two new cases of Rona, so I’m sure there will be so many dead bodies along I-90 that you won’t even be able to see the Wall Drug billboards.

      I should note, that I don’t know where he found out about the second case. I couldn’t find it in any searches when I looked a few days ago. Every story I saw only included a lot of heavy breathing about the single confirmed case that was found from the 3 day rodeo.

  26. Pope Jimbo

    Seeing all these GOP never Trumpers get speaking slots at the Dem Convention makes me think Trump should do something similar, but have slot after slot with gays, women, blacks and other minorities all talking about how they are going to vote for Trump.

    The ad with Grenell would be a template. Talk about how Trump was pro-gay marriage long before Clinton or Obama and that there ain’t no shame in voting for Trump.

    • Rhywun

      “Now do Planned Parenthood”

      lol

  27. LCDR_Fish

    I seem to recall reading something in the last year – not sure if it was on this site or a link from here (don’t recall the writer though) – saying that “empathy” was a fake/made-up emotion or concept (strictly post-modern 20th century stuff). I remember reading about “The Empath” ep from the original Star Trek series, but it was more in reference to the recent resurgence of the term popping up across social media, etc.

    Anyone know what I’m talking about?

    • Mason

      Kevin Williamson has written an article or two at National Review mentioning that very thing.

      • LCDR_Fish

        That’s probably where I read it (I’ll look again).

      • LCDR_Fish

        Think it was this one…

        https://www.nationalreview.com/corner/undiagnosed-sociopath-comment-thomas-friendman-sterile-language-psychiatry/

        There is no such thing as an “undiagnosed sociopath” because there is no such thing as a “diagnosed sociopath”—“sociopath” is not a clinical diagnosis. It is, like much of the psychological jargon that infests our journalism and our public discourse, less a medical term than a pop-culture trope, something that people pick up from watching too many police procedurals and reading too much self-help literature. (Any self-help literature is too much.) Like “empathy,” “sociopath” is really a literary conceit. The same holds broadly true for “psychopath.” Some terms, such as “narcissist,” straddle the line between medicine and pop culture. We love to engage in amateur diagnosis and to pathologize our rivals, family members, romantic disappointments, etc.

    • Surly Knott

      I remember it being raised some years back. Basically the argument was that it merely rebranded ‘sympathy’. I have yet to hear a compelling distinction between the two.
      OTOH, it’s not like English doesn’t have lots of synonyms.

      • Cancelled

        Empathy is understanding what another person is feeling. Sympathy is concern about what another person is feeling. Empathy is an ability; sympathy is an emotion. Empathy does not imply sympathy, nor does sympathy imply empathy. I know a number of people who are very ‘caring’ and sympathetic, but who are also clueless about the actual emotions of those they bother with their ‘caring.’ Likewise an effective sadist or negotiator/manipulator/salesman depends on empathy to inflict his pain, or get his way, but may well not give a damn about the other person.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “Emotional Intelligence” is big in the business self help section these days.

      It’s basically “How not to be a dick.” Which matters in times of over employment, but not so much in times of under employment.

      • TARDIS

        Well that’s one good thing about this mess. No one cares that my EI score is 60.

  28. Pope Jimbo

    Not sure if anyone has linked to this Trump ad yet, but it is brutal. It really does force you to see how much Joe has slid in the last 4 years.

    • TARDIS

      The commies know this. They don’t freakin’ care. Civil war odds are better than 50-50.

      • Nikkodemus

        Bullshit.

      • TARDIS

        I made three comments. Which? One, two, three, or all?

    • Rhywun

      Ugh. That has “backfire” written all over it. Then again, what do I know.

      • Fourscore

        Doc Gupta keeps wincing, wishing he wasn’t there. I felt sorry for Gupta, he is seeing Joe’s decline first hand.

        OTOH, I may still have a chance to run for Prez.

      • UnCivilServant

        You meet the minimum qualifications, but remember, the office ages you.

      • TARDIS

        Slogan: Fourscore, better than FDR and Reagan combined.

      • pan fried wylie

        VP Sven Yhearsago

  29. Pope Jimbo

    So from the Too Local news department, it turns out that the BLM protest in front of Bob Kroll’s house was even worse than initially reported. Pics have surfaced of the protesters destroying pinata/effigies of Kroll and his wife (a local reporter)

    Normally the press would get the vapors if any deplorable spoke badly about a reporter and would tell anyone who listened about how dangerous it is to be a journalo in these dark times. But BLM yahoos smash an effigy of a female reporter and it is cricket time.

    • Pope Jimbo

      And to make me actually feel sort of bad for Bob Kroll, the slimiest police union spokesman in the nation, is really something.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The mob incitement tactic really gets under my skin. I think I have more sympathy for a professional hitman than someone who riles up the mob to foment violence.

      • Rhywun

        In my less cynical moments, I really do suspect that the Dems’ support of this shit is going to backfire big time.

      • Hyperion

        If you think their behavior is bad now, wait until they lose in November. Then they’re really going to start winning hearts and minds. The only thing standing in their way is that half the country doesn’t agree with them and they’re making that worse.

        Does anyone even believe this out of nowhere ”we’re moderates!’ bullshit? I know they have some dumb voters, but those on the fence have to be more than a little nervous about these crazies.

      • Mojeaux

        Listening to Jordan Peterson with Ben Shapiro. Shapiro says, “It’s easier to destroy than to create.” I say that all the time.

        You know what? It’s fucking hard to create.

      • KibbledKristen

        Damn right

      • Mojeaux

        So fucking sick and tired of people blindly destroying shit.

        It’s not as if I think all of them are destroying things because it’s easy. No, for many of them, it’s almost as if it doesn’t OCCUR to them that they have the power to build something instead of tearing it down.

      • Hyperion

        “So fucking sick and tired of people blindly destroying shit.”

        Envy. It’s always been with us, it’s just that it’s state supported now.

      • Mojeaux

        I envy people too but I don’t want to destroy what they have. I just want to figure out how to get my own.

      • KibbledKristen

        I always found creation aspirational. The raging envy is a mystery to me.

      • Hyperion

        Good gawd, what has gotten into you? Peterson and Shapiro are white supremacists whose only goal in life is to further oppress the BIPOC.

      • Mojeaux

        Internalized misogyny, entrenched patriarchy, and white guilt.

        Otherwise, Peterson reminds me that it’s good to know I have a dark side and what it is, so I can control it. Also, I can listen to him for hours.

      • DEG

        Yes.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Well that’s fucking creepy.

      • Hyperion

        When they’re way too young for Epstein, Netflix has got you.

    • mrfamous

      #netflixdidntkillthemselves

    • TARDIS

      Coming soon, Lena Dunham does Bukkake. Episode One: Bring the Drugs. There was a brief production delay. The fluffers demanded more money.

    • TARDIS

      *Adds to list*

      Howmanyisthatnow?

      • Hyperion

        I lost count after Patrick Kennedy and that dough face at CNN.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I think that is parody itself. How meta.

    • pan fried wylie

      I didn’t know punch-name was a thing.

    • Rhywun

      I’ve seen a story about the “TikTok star”. This is “I hate everyone” territory.

      • Rhywun

        Something on Page Six.

      • mrfamous

        Yeah. But it’s not really hard for me to sort between “random douchebag” and “petty tyrant” on the “who do I hate more?” scale.

      • Rhywun

        Oh, absolutely.

      • juris imprudent

        Really? As annoying as a social media personality can be, they got nothing on someone with even a little real power.

      • mrfamous

        Agreed, I figured I was implying that.

    • Hyperion

      That’s old news, but it seems illegal to me. If it’s not, it should be as long as the people are paying the bill. Is it a public utility or not? That shit is Orwellian if anything is. What’s next, we’ll replace money with a chip implant and turn your’s off if you don’t do what we say? Where do these people get these ideas from?

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        I agree that has to be illegal. This isn’t fucking New Zealand after all.

      • mrfamous

        Actually it’s not old news. The threat was old news. Today is the first time he actually did it.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      This was a couple weeks ago, now its “rolling blackouts“.

      Coincidence?

    • Don did not Escape Bama

      the utility has no obligation to enforce any restrictions or respond to police direction even if they are a publicly sanctioned monopoly

    • KibbledKristen

      She doesn’t seemed too enthused about it, either.

      • Count Potato

        Because she’s dead inside?

  30. UnCivilServant

    The 100,000th word of “Prince of the North Tower” has been written.

    It is “steps”.

    • Mad Scientist

      I’ll bet your fan is excited.

      • UnCivilServant

        If I get “Prince of the North Tower” completed, I’ll get motivated to work on “On Unknown Shores”, and a lot of people have been asking for that one. Passing 100K words means I’m in the home stretch for one of my books.

      • Mojeaux

        Meow.

      • UnCivilServant

        I am still selling books, so someone must be reading them. I’m not bothered by random ribbing.

      • Mojeaux

        I was ribbing Mad Scientist. 🙂

    • Gender Traitor

      Congrats! That’s a great milestone. Looking forward to reading (more of) it.

      Also, fourth part of “Prince Errant” due up at noon EDT tomorrow?

      • UnCivilServant

        “Prince Errant Chapter 4, Rite of Manhood Part 1” is slated for the lunch slot tomorrow, yes.

        I’m trying to avoid the trap of getting sick of the part of the story I’m working on now, as that would make either for a rushed resolution, or wandering off to a different story.

        I’m almost done (with this section), then there’s a change of scenery in-universe. Just two more major sequences, then I’ve got it.

    • pan fried wylie

      Yeah, the game still wont let me proceed. What now?

      • UnCivilServant

        Did you buy the “Get to finish” DLC?

      • pan fried wylie

        the joke I was making predates DLC. by a few decades.

      • UnCivilServant

        In that case…

        I don’t get it.

      • pan fried wylie

        old school copy protection where it’d interrupt the game and demand “word 3 on line 4 paragraph 2 page 14” or the game would quit etc.

      • pan fried wylie

        *from the manual or accompanying lore book whatever

      • UnCivilServant

        I never got interrupted, it only asked for the word at the start.

    • UnCivilServant

      The characters are crawling along a dwarven aqueduct, and This song came up. 😛

    • DEG

      Excellent

    • Rhywun

      Didn’t get past the byline.

      • Hyperion

        It’s stupid on steroids. I can sum it up.

        ‘Get out of here tax payers and job creators, Give us that bailout money, so that we can have utopia!’.

        That dude is smoking the bad crack.

      • Rhywun

        The “I miss the seventies” crowd must be on cloud nine.

      • Hyperion

        I miss the 70s, but I didn’t live in NYC.

      • UnCivilServant

        I missed the 70s

        /born after the decade.

    • Mad Scientist

      From New York to Los Ange­les, San Fran­cis­co and ­Seat­tle, a rapid influx of wealth into such cities has raised the cost of liv­ing in gen­er­al, and the cost of hous­ing in par­tic­u­lar.

      And here I thought it was zoning laws and open space laws and myriad building codes and crooked building inspectors and crookeder city council members artificially restricting the housing supply that made the costs go up. Silly me. It was just rich people all along.

      • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

        To be fair, it’s often those rich people who are the biggest proponents of those zoning laws, open space laws and all that other stuff.

    • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

      CWAM

      • Hyperion

        Dude, didn’t your name used to be Lemon Pie, or something like that? I don’t even know who anyone is anymore around here.

        And then ‘Cold War Air Museum’? WUT? You Canadians…

  31. LCDR_Fish

    Since Mojeaux was talking about catching the next Bill and Ted in theaters….frankly after 6 months of this BS…I’ll go watch almost anything in the theater.

    And this one looks like a good start. (Who knows when Tenet or WW84 are coming out).

    • KibbledKristen

      I posted that the other day and hat tipped you!

      I don’t think very many of these assholes actually watched the video, though, because they all went off about the trailer.

      • LCDR_Fish

        may not have shown up in my feed….I saw it via @sonnybunch I think…..weird stuff.

      • KibbledKristen

        I posted it here (and retweetered it)

        I even transcribed it for Mojeaux

      • LCDR_Fish

        I tend to get on these threads pretty late most of the time 🙁

    • KibbledKristen

      (I’ve watched it about 5000 times)

    • Nephilium

      The theaters here in CLE that are re-opening are playing vintage movies at reduced prices. Such as $5 tickets for Indiana Jones – Raiders of the Lost Ark, Empire Strikes Back, Ghostbusters, etc. Just to try to get people back into the theaters.

      • pan fried wylie

        I own a TV, subwoofer, and all of those movies.

        Why would I put on a mask and haul my ass down there to be bothered by other masked assholes … no, i’m not even, fuck it. BIG SCREEN HURRRRR

      • pan fried wylie

        WE’RE STRUGGLING FOR BUSINESS BUT WE’LL MAKE IT UP IN VOLUME WITH DISCOUNTS

        #hasntbeentoatheaterthiscentury

      • pan fried wylie

        not a Myrntini?

        -5pts for uffort.

      • Ted S.

        You must not have watched the clip.

        The next morning, Nora wakes up with the mother of all hangovers, asking Nick, “What hit me?”

        To which Nick responds, “The sixth martini.”

      • pan fried wylie

        *confused*

        *watches clip*

        *even more confused*

      • Nephilium

        They did have Jaws as one of the options.

        One of them was pricing the movies at the price they were when they were first released, and had some 15 cent movies.

      • UnCivilServant

        Would that even cover the cost of running the projector (with or without the projectionist’s pay)

      • UnCivilServant

        I know, I know, a theater’s profit center is concessions.

  32. LCDR_Fish

    More heavy Charlie Cooke-ery in the last couple Editors podcasts. Definitely more libertarian (if not quite KDW) than some of the other folks.

    • commodious spittoon

      They were borderline pro-Trump (meaning about twelve miles behind enemy lines rather than forty) in their most recent MD&E.

  33. Nephilium

    So… who wants to buy a $100 raffle ticket (to support Ronald McDonald House) for a chance to get five expressions of Pappy Van Winkle? There’s only 1,500 tickets being sold, so the odds aren’t terrible.

    • blighted_non_millenial

      -insert – Stone Cold Steve Austin “OH Hell Yeah!” gif here –

    • pan fried wylie

      expressions? like, jizz? wtf.

      • Nephilium

        Different blends of whiskeys:

        The flight includes Pappy Van Winkle 23 Year, 20 Year, 15 Year, Special Reserve 12 Year, and Old Rip Van Winkle 10 year. All proceeds benefit Ronald McDonald House Charities of Kentuckiana.

        /waits for the Glib riots peaceful protests at Ronald McDonald House now

      • blighted_non_millenial

        According to therarewhiskeyshop.com that’s about $11,000 worth of whiskey.

      • pan fried wylie

        I never knew you had to squeeze the liquor out of a still, learn something new every day.

        (Y’all take your alcohol too serious for me. Also, I just assumed Pappy Van Winkle was, you know, like, a real, currently living person, for some reason.)

  34. The Late P Brooks

    Set blamethrower to full power!

    As University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill students scrambled on Tuesday to move out of their dorm rooms, make decisions about their academic futures and demand tuition refunds, they had one message for administrators.

    We told you so.

    “Everybody told the university not to reopen, and it was only a matter of time,” said Nikhil Rao, a student government senior adviser who has participated in online meetings with provost Bob Blouin every month since April along with other student leaders. “I would be shocked if I didn’t know this was going to happen.”

    The university, which disregarded concerns from faculty members, staff workers, Black student leaders, student campus leaders and local county health officials to become one of the largest campuses in the country to reopen for students amid the coronavirus pandemic, announced Monday that it was shifting to fully remote learning after reporting 135 new COVID-19 cases and four clusters.

    All of this after one week of classes.

    Now faced with both a literal and figurative “clusterf—” — which is how the college newspaper, The Daily Tar Heel, described the situation in an editorial headline — many students told NBC News that the university’s attempt to scramble together an “off-ramp” plan have left them feeling outraged and disrespected.

    “Why did we wait until everybody’s lives were in jeopardy?” Rao said. “They put us all in danger.”

    OMG lives in jeopardy!

    Take your meds, drama queen.

    • Hyperion

      Dude, raging all around us, were you not paying attention to all this raging? They told you it’s going to start killing healthy 20 year olds… well, not exactly killing, just… well I mean they might almost feel like they have a cold, and that’s scary shit, and you wouldn’t listen!

      • Nephilium

        The 20 year olds will get permanent organ damage from the COVID though!

      • TARDIS

        Good. Then they can’t reproduce. Humanity survives.

      • Hyperion

        From walking around a few campuses over the past decade, I have to say that the guy’s testosterone levels are already too low to reproduce, not that such androgynous critters would ever get the chance anyway. But throw in some testicular damage for the win.

      • Hyperion

        They already got permanent organ damage from the schoolz. The brain is still considered an organ, isn’t it?

      • juris imprudent

        What self respecting university isn’t also going to do some liver damage?

      • Hyperion

        The fun days are over, that’s why no one wants to go back to school.

    • pan fried wylie

      You knew the Uni was gonna fuck you, and you bent over anyway and handed them your money, anus akimbo.

      Here I was thinking these kids would never receive any sort of education. It didn’t work.

  35. DEG

    MA to mandate flu vaccine for all students

    All students in Massachusetts will be required to get the flu vaccine before the end of the year. State public health officials made the announcement Wednesday, citing the importance of reducing flu-related illnesses amid the coronavirus pandemic.

    “Influenza immunization will be required for all children 6 months of age or older who are attending Massachusetts child care, pre-school, kindergarten, K-12, and colleges and universities,” the Massachusetts Department of Public Health said in a statement.

    • pan fried wylie

      All students in Massachusetts will be required to get circumcisions before the end of the year. State public health officials made the announcement Wednesday, citing the importance of reducing pedophilia-related illnesses amid the coronavirus pandemic.

    • Hyperion

      Why do the parents need day care? They’re at home. The kids aren’t in school, they’re all shut down. Public education is destroying itself right before our very eyes. The greatest pro-liberty event in the history of the republic, since the beginning. *pops another beer*

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      My Body! My Choice!
      Isn’t that how it works?

      • Hyperion

        Someone didn’t get the memo.

    • Sean

      And so it starts. ?

      • Rhywun

        The lawsuits will be epic.

  36. The Late P Brooks

    The “I miss the seventies” crowd must be on cloud nine.

    Where have you gone, Joe Dimaggio David Dinkins?

    • Rhywun

      Dinkins was late 80s.

      • juris imprudent

        Well the guy in between Lindsay and Koch was pretty forgettable.

      • Rhywun

        I can’t name that person but mister, we could use a man like Ed Koch again.

  37. The Late P Brooks

    Dinkins was late 80s.

    I thought Dinkins was late ’70s. Oh. well.