Tuesday Morning Afterbirth Links

by | Sep 8, 2020 | Daily Links | 496 comments

Wait, it was Labor Day? Not Labour Day?

Oh, that’s very different.

Never mind.

But there are birthdays, including my favorite Bohemian; some dead Mormon Pope; the spiritual father of Slim Whitman and Leon Thomas; a perfect argument for term limits; the John Mayall of comedy; proof that the greatest actors are entirely devoid of personality and thought; a woman who should have been a stronger advocate for abortion; the barnacle of the legislative branch; and someone whose little description got constantly interrupted.

After all that, the news will come as a relief.

 

Can you figure out what these guys are on about? I sure can’t. It’s lunar howling.

 

I’m sure this is Trump’s fault. Somehow.

 

I see a bright future under the benevolent guidance of our robot overlords.

 

What kind of fucking moron goes out in this insane sun and heat with insufficient water and insufficient conditioning? 

 

Jew marriages canceled, gays hardest hit.

 

What’s needed here to get the message across is more attractive protesters.

 

Old Guy Music continues in my Young Performer Bluegrass kick, this time with Justin Moses absolutely kicking sixteen varieties of ass. Holy shit, he’s great.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

496 Comments

  1. Chipwooder

    Heh, who knew that the Kennedy wiki link was actually a sop to Pie?

    She has the Romanian flag tattooed on her left ankle</blockquote?

  2. hayeksplosives

    Re: the unprepared hikers.

    How about if we stop rescuing them? If they wandered in there thinking they’d navigate by phone map, they deserve what they get.

    Same with Richard Branson. He’s been fished out of the water along with his balloon too many times. He should be on his own when he blasts off in Virgin Galactic.

    • Tejicano

      They should come up with a flat hourly rate for the search and rescue like they have at the Grand Canyon.

      If you hike the canyon and find you don’t have the physical ability to haul your own butt back up out of there they charge you $750* if the have to bring a mule to carry you and $2,000* for a helicopter. (*these charges were what I heard last time I was there many years ago)

      • Chipwooder

        $750 for the mule? You could buy the mule for that much!

      • TARDIS

        That sounds fair for a first offense. The second time will cost an additional $1000 for the forced sterilisation.

        J/k or am I?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        That’s what they do in the White Mountains here in NH as well. You pay for the rescue.

      • AlexinCT

        Darwin was on to something with his whole awards thing…

      • EvilSheldon

        Worth every penny. The Whites can get seriously rough. Pretty, though.

    • Nephilium

      Personal responsibility?

      You just want people to die!

      • DOOMco

        I bet she doesn’t even believe housing is a right.

      • TARDIS

        … nor free tampons in the Ze restrooms.

    • Tundra

      I suspect many of the adventurers are insured. There are many companies that offer this.

      Like these guys.

      I have actually thought about getting an emergency beacon. A dude I know got chomped by a bear and was really fucking lucky they got him out in time. The beacon would have made a huge time difference.

      • EvilSheldon

        I mean, unprepared hikers are kind of a fact of life.

        I think it’s perfectly reasonable to bill distressed hikers for the cost of the rescue.
        Publicising that policy should hopefully get people to know their limitations a little bit.

        But holy hell, if you need rescue insurance and an EPIRB for a day hike up a small mountain, what you really need to do is stay at home and watch TV.

      • Tundra

        She was talking about Branson. I was talking about multi-day backcountry trips.

        But yes, day hikes shouldn’t require anything more than good shoes and a couple of Nalgene bottles.

      • EvilSheldon

        …and a functioning brain. That always helps.

        You’re right, of course. I actually have a ResQLink EPIRB for exactly that, multi-day solo backpacking trips. Cheap insurance.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        One of my assistant Scoutmasters got lifted off a mountain in Virginia because he didn’t bring a change of clothes on a day hike.

        Temperature dropped forty degrees in a couple of hours and he developed hypothermia.

        Meanwhile, us stupid Scouts had our military surplus wool jackets and extra jeans in our day packs.

      • Fourscore

        My kids will come from TX in their T-shirts and be surprised by the weather, every darn time. I have lost a lot of stuff that went south and never came back.

        That’s what dads are for, I know but fool me once….

      • Gustave Lytton

        But yes, day hikes shouldn’t require anything more than good shoes and a couple of Nalgene bottles.

        And the other 9 essentials, unless your day hike is a city park.

      • EvilSheldon

        I can never remember the ten essentials. Do they include my pipe and a flask of Calvados?

      • Tundra

        I think a one-hitter.

  3. The Late P Brooks

    Biden and Harris participated in Labor Day events, and the president’s White House news conference dominated his holiday schedule. Biden spoke at a roundtable of union workers in Lancaster before appearing at an event alongside AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka at the union’s headquarters in Harrisburg. Harris visited Milwaukee, where she toured an International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers facility and took part in a roundtable with Black business owners.

    Workers of the world, unite!

    • Chipwooder

      Peter Strzok, a decorated counterintelligence agent who was fired by the bureau he loved when his texts emerged

      My eyes cannot possibly roll any further than they are right now.

      • DOOMco

        I was surprised it didn’t say “the honorable and distinguished counterintelligence agent”

      • Rhywun

        austere law-enforcement scholar

    • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

      I believe him wholeheartedly. I mean it isn’t as if the man has a personal grudge and has been caught in the recent past lying to the point of criminality or anything.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Given that he may go to FPMITA prison if Durham comes after him, it makes sense to run a counter-offensive.

    • Rebel Scum

      Man, they just can’t let that narrative go.

      Now Peter Strzok, a decorated counterintelligence agent who was fired by the bureau he loved, is telling his story in a new book, “Compromised: Counterintelligence and the Threat of Donald J. Trump.”

      I can’t wait for the film adaptation to be released, oh let’s say in late October.

  4. Tundra

    Good morning, Old Man!

    And a good morning to all of you, the best, the classiest people on the internet!

    What kind of fucking moron goes out in this insane sun and heat with insufficient water and insufficient conditioning?

    The picture accompanying the article gives a pretty fair answer to your question. People are dummies.

    Speaking of dummies, I present to you Slow Joe in his natural environment!

    Sad, really. Should make the debates even weirder, though.

    Excellent Old Guy Music. All three of those kids can tear it up.

    44 degrees here this morning – I have a very, very happy dog!

    Have a fantastic day, peeps!

  5. The Late P Brooks

    Crazy person manifesto

    “What are you having?” I’d be standing in line at the post office or a movie theater, and I’d realize a stranger was staring at my belly. The kind person thought they were asking me a simple question with a simple answer: Is it a boy or a girl?

    If you want to get technical, my partner Brent and I had found out our child’s sex chromosomes in the early stages of my pregnancy, and we had seen their genitals during the anatomy scan. But we didn’t think that information told us anything about our kid’s gender. The only things we really knew about our baby is that they were human, breech and going to be named Zoomer. We weren’t going to assign a gender or disclose their reproductive anatomy to people who didn’t need to know, and we were going to use the gender-neutral personal pronouns they, them and their. We imagined it could be years before our child would tell us, in their own way, if they were a boy, a girl, nonbinary or if another gender identity fit them best. Until then, we were committed to raising our child without the expectations or restrictions of the gender binary.

    I have a gender-studies degree and a Ph.D. in sociology. In the decade before Zoomer was born, it was literally my job to study and educate others about gender.

    They is special.

    • Tejicano

      OK, …Zoomer…

    • WTF

      assign a gender

      Yeah, that’s how it works. Biology has nothing to do with it.
      I bet they fucking love science.

      • juris imprudent

        Science? No, she said gender studies and sociology – there ain’t no science in that.

      • AlexinCT

        If anything, those quackeries are anti science.

      • WTF

        I would be willing to bet a lot of money that they work on the kid to “decide” to be whatever gender is the opposite of their actual biology.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        It’s gonna be different every day of the week. But you know it’s going to involve hair dye, pasty androgyny, and clothing that screams “look at me” in the most hideous of ways. The ultimate in kid as fashion accessory.

      • Rhywun

        I remember AbFab joking about this stuff a couple decades ago.

        Now it’s real.

      • AlexinCT

        People will do a lot of real fucking and stupid shit for attention as the moron doing this shows. Sadly, in this case, this poor child will be the one doing the brunt of the paying for the consequences of stupidity these woketarians are engaging in.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        My first thought as well.

      • Social Justice is Neither

        Of course the kid has a chance, just gotta plan it better than the Menendez brothers did.

        More seriously the kid is going to need intensive therapy to get out of their parent’s cult.

    • Chipwooder

      I have a gender-studies degree and a Ph.D. in sociology.

      No fuckin’ way!! I’m floored.

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        “I have a gender-studies degree and a Ph.D. in sociology.”

        Question for the more educated amongst us who are forced to spend time with such: What is the ratio of crazy to non-crazy people educated in those studies? Because my very little real life exposure to said people has revealed them to be a swirling tempest of phobias, hate, and mental and emotional instabilities. In short, “I have a gender-studies degree and a Ph.D. in sociology.” is a long winded way of saying “I’m insane.”. Maybe I’m being unfair here…

      • leon

        I don’t know, but when I was at college the ROTC was located above the woman studies department in an old building. Talk about juxtaposition.

      • Spartacus

        Most of our sociology faculty are fairly sane. They are pretty far left in most of their opinions, as you might guess, but they are actually pretty restrained in their teaching and make it a point to allow open debates in class without shutting one side down. I don’t know if any of them have gender studies degrees. We offer a minor in gender studies, but not a major.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Shut the fuck up. I have it on good authority from the commentariat that with the exception of the engineering labs, the buildings on campus are nothing but a modern-day Bedlam filled with the insane gibbering to themselves and slamming their heads against walls.

      • leon

        The engineering lab is actually where I expect people to be banging their head against the wall

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Been there, done that.

        True story, I spent days trying to figure out why I wasn’t getting good test results on an experiment.

        Turns out that the bench had a loose wire in the back and about 50 Volts of household AC was present on the ground, fouling all the test equipment measurements.

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        This is why I asked.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I was yanking chains more generally, but in respect to your query, consider that “a swirling tempest of phobias, hate, and mental and emotional instabilities” is more due to the over-representation of cat ladies in upper middle-class professions than anything else.

        Well, also, scientific racists also seem to be attracted to sociology and criminology like moths to a flame, and if you had to put up with those assholes, you’d go a little nuts as well.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “a swirling tempest of phobias, hate, and mental and emotional instabilities”

        Wait, are you talking about us or HR departments?

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        Thank you all for the responses. Now it’s time to pretend to work. Have a great day, all.

      • WTF

        You forgot the poo-flinging.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Why are you shaming my kink?

      • UnCivilServant

        I thought you liked it when you got kink shamed.

      • juris imprudent

        HM must be the only one who looks forward to faculty meetings.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        @juris

        I run them!

      • Social Justice is Neither

        Just because you are considered one of the sane ones on campus these days, wait is that a point for or against the commentariat position?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Half of one, a dozen of the other.

      • Spartacus

        I think what you’re referring to is the Dean’s office.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Psych PhD or MD are the real weirdos – but its often orthogonal to politics. Its full of people who at age 16 or so decide that they are well and truly fucked in the head and want to study it. Most of these people will be very up front with that answer, too, if you ask them.

        Sociology gives you anything from the “Liquefy the Lower Ranks” technocrats from N.I.C.E. (though they won’t use this language) to “I have to do this so I can make $5.15 an hour working at a half way home” types (who can be either 100% secular progressive do-gooders or 100% religious conservative do-gooders or anything in between).

        I have limited experience with gender studies, having avoided attending schools that offer those classes.

    • PBRstreetgang

      At least these folks would never burn down half of California with a gender reveal party!
      They’ve got that going for them.

      • Apples and Knives

        I wouldn’t put a gender reveal party past them when the kid turns five or so.

        “The cake is green! Zoomer decided they’re a they!”

    • robc

      Why assume the question is about gender?

      • Charlie Suet

        “Gender and sex are different, except when we conflate them deliberately for political purposes”

    • Ted S.

      It’s a boy if you can see the genitals on the ultrasound, but the parents don’t like boys.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        This is probably correct.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Zoomer? That’s a dog’s name. Poor kid…

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Not even a dog, maybe a fish.

      • AlexinCT

        I bet he will be known as “bitchass” in them circles, and treated accordingly…

    • straffinrun

      Should’ve named him “Oedipus” because the story is going to play out the same way.

    • Count Potato

      The “theybe” thing has been going on for a while.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Three years later, I left that track meet in tears after I found out that despite assurances to the contrary, the 2- and 3-year-old girls would run in different heats than the boys. “I not running?” Zoomer asked as we drove away. I felt terrible for leaving. Zoomer just wanted to run. But I also would have felt terrible if I had stayed. It is these moments that plant the seeds that boys and girls are dramatically different, and in the case of track and field, that boys are better. I refused to have our family participate. </em.

      Yeah, you're an asshole parent.

      • WTF

        It is these moments that plant the seeds that boys and girls are dramatically different, and in the case of track and field, that boys are better.

        When it comes to physical ability, there is no comparison. There’s a reason the Olympics are segregated by sex.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        It is these moments that plant the seeds that boys and girls are dramatically different, and in the case of track and field, that boys are better.

        Oh the humanities!

    • Rebel Scum

      I have a gender-studies degree

      Totally useful and a benefit to society.

      In the decade before Zoomer was born

      Mazda is doing the woke thing now? ///ZoomZoom

  6. grrizzly

    Marriage in Israel is only recognized by the state if performed through the established religious institutions, such as the Chief Rabbinate, and those who are classified as “without religion” cannot marry through it.
    The state does however recognize civil marriages performed abroad.
    Since the borders have largely been shut, including to countries where Israelis commonly seek civil marriage, such as Cyprus, Bulgaria and Czechoslovakia, many Israelis couples in which one partner is not Jewish or is “without religion” have been unable to marry.

    Gay Israelis will be able to marry in Kosovo any day now.

    • Cancelled

      And it will be a bird friendly wedding! Instead of throwing rice they throw stones.

    • Trials and Trippelations

      including to countries where Israelis commonly seek civil marriage, such as Cyprus, Bulgaria and *****Czechoslovakia****

      Ah ha!!! Poor editing results in the exposure of one the Joos secret technologies, a time machine!

  7. juris imprudent

    So Old Man, are you implying that Sellers was typecasting himself in Being There?

    • Old Man With Candy

      Reputedly, he wasn’t acting in that, just behaving.

  8. leon

    I know a lot of people are optimistic about Trump winning and I just don’t feel it. I don’t think he’s cleared the gap at all like he should be able to with these riots. It seems clear that the people of America are content with electing the people who have encouraged this.

    And I don’t think they are adequately prepared to go down to the wire with the Dems as they have promised to do.

    • WTF

      You think alot of “independents” are willing to believe the media lies about the riots being Trump’s fault? I know people are generally uninformed idiots, but that’s quite the achievement to pull off.

      • DOOMco

        I really don’t think many in the middle can look at the last 4 years and not see the left throwing one giant tantrum. Now, you can blame that on Trump. I guess. But that just looks like more tantrums and extortion.

      • Suthenboy

        Why just yesterday someone explained to me that: Trump can’t keep his mouth shut (true), stirs shit (true) and so his opponents reacted to him they way they are reacting. In other words – “Look what he made them do!”

        No mention of him getting the Bush/Obama economy to take off like a rocket, his efforts to end ridiculous wars, etc.

        When I pointed out that the democrat platform is identical to that of the USSR it was brushed aside. “They aren’t going to do any of that shit”

        On the up side they did say there was a chance they would vote for Trump…I am not sure how sincere that was but they did say it.

      • leon

        Never go short on a bet if the stupidity of the average American voter

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I know people are generally uninformed idiots, but that’s quite the achievement to pull off.

        There are more people out there who vote based on the candidates’ astrological signs than who would be convinced to change their votes because the media lied to them.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Yeah, I’m similarly unconvinced. Granted, Trump being reelected just delays the inevitable by a few years at most. The social trend is in favor of the left, and they will have total institutional control again by the end of the decade at the latest.

      • DOOMco

        Don’t hurt me like this. Let me finish my coffee at least.

      • Fourscore

        The “Good News” is that the economy won’t last too much longer. What will follow is in uncharted waters. Not the Depression but the reaction to the depression. Who knows?

      • juris imprudent

        Post WWI Germany has some unpleasant advice on the subject.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        No outcome will surprise me. Maybe the Blue Wall Goes Red. I’ve seen approximately 1 Biden sign IRL, but I don’t know how that will correlate to votes here in MN this year. Maybe Trump has an unprecedented level of Black and Brown voters vote for him, like some polls seem to suggest.

        Or maybe all the “undecided” voters vote against the incumbent, which isn’t too uncommon. Maybe there are no Shy Torries hiding under the bed this time like there were last time.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I’m surprised how many Biden and downballot Democrat signs I’ve seen in my neighborhood. This is suburban Dallas… until 5 years ago, it was only a question of whether the Libertarian would outperform the Democrat.

    • straffinrun

      There will be more violence between now and November. Much more and maybe they reach the tipping point.

    • PieInTheSky

      I know a lot of people are optimistic – I would not say I am optimistic I would just find it very entertaining

      • Swiss Servator

        Well, you do get to sit back and point and laugh.

    • robc

      The betting markets did poorly in 2016. I can’t find a good tracking on them in 2016, I figured you might have a link.

    • Charlie Suet

      I’m not American, so I wouldn’t want to bet on anything. It doesn’t look like the polls are closing as much as they should be, but I barely understand how your system works to begin with.

      It kind of seems immaterial in a way anyway. The last few months have made it clear that Wokeism is so deeply entrenched that it’ll need to run its course – however unpleasant – before the penny drops for people.

      • AlexinCT

        Like the climate change or COVID models, these polls are based on some increasingly poor and biased assumptions, often made because they want some predetermined outcome, and should not be trusted. I have now thrice been called for different polls where I giggled and told the asker I was gonna vote for Biden for example. And I am not alone doing this. Couple that with these callers assuming half of this country are rabid/fanatical marxist dnc sheep when they determine their sample, and you can see the polls having some YUGE margin of error.

    • creech

      Other than getting our guns up off the bottom of the lake, how do we prepare for President Harris?

      • Cancelled

        Call Jesse and see if you can borrow a 55 gallon drum of lube?

      • AlexinCT

        Jesse is gonna get rich selling those?

    • Rebel Scum

      I don’t see any Biden boat parades.

    • Apples and Knives

      I would still put money on him winning. I’ve personally seen an increase in people who were never Trumpers or LIbertarian voters admitting they’re voting Trump this time (admittedly anecdotal). At the same time, admitting you’re voting for Trump seems to carry more risk than it did even in 2016, which would lead me to think his support is being under measured. But I could be wrong.

    • Claypoolsreservoir

      Late to the party but here’s what I’ve seen in my own extended family.

      Covid turned the tides against trump. The independent masses saw through the facade that was the impeachment trial and the kavanaugh hearing, but these same people are too stupid to do the same with Covid. The problem is they aren’t smart enough to understand numbers and data and kavanaugh didn’t threaten their actual life. They say they understand the risk of death and dying in infinitesimally small, but then they cap that off with “it’s better to be safe then sorry, though.” And because Biden is the bishop for the Chuch of Maskus Christ of Latter Day Safety, he’s their guy.

      If Trump can oversee an effective vaccine to market by Late October, he has a much better chance of winning. But he will have to shout that shit from the rooftops louder than a jackhammer on a cold day.

      His ace-in-the-hole is the riots. Had these marxist wannabes not showed up and burned everything down, the coof coof would have been Trumps undoing. He would be losing by 20 points in the polls because, again, the majority of people are bootlicking morons.

    • Agent Cooper

      If Don Lemon is suddenly anti-riot, the internal polling must not be too great. Trafalgar has Trump up 3 in Pennsylvania. They were one of the better polls on toss-up states in 2016.

    • Ted S.

      It’s amazing how many people on rightist sites can see this as the police brutality of is, but immediately shut their critical faculties off when the victim is black.

      • Social Justice is Neither

        It is easier to excuse because they don’t want to believe it could be that close to them. Then there is the whole stereotype behavior/attitude of modern urban black youths that makes most “compliance measures” more sympathetic whether necessary or not. China is far away with no counter context so it is harder to justify.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        I would say its depressing, but not surprising.

        Lots of people are ok with a boot on someones neck if they don’t like the someone. When its people they don’t have any connection with, its like a sport and pick your side but it doesn’t really matter.

        We have commentators on this site calling for the fed agents to snipe women holding babies in Portland.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        We have commentators on this site calling for the fed agents to snipe women holding babies in Portland.

        Well that’s not family-friendly.

    • AlexinCT

      Percy guys just wanted to manhandle some spring chicken…

  9. straffinrun

    Trump has promoted his administration’s Operation Warp Speed program

    Operation Warp Speed. The odds of me not being on a prolonged acid trip are plummeting.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Right wing vigilantism is destroying Portland

    After more than 100 days of protests in Portland, there is fatigue and increasing anxiety heading into opposing Labor Day demonstrations as officials urge protesters on opposing sides to stop the violence.

    Among labor organizers and Black Lives Matter supporters, who began convening on the city’s streets to protest police brutality and social injustice following the killing of George Floyd in May, there is a growing sense of dread over a possible confrontation with pro-Trump groups.

    “We’re out here and we need to be, but I’m tired and I’m on edge,” demonstrator Chep Ortega said at a rally on Sunday evening.

    “I’m also terrified,” she added, noting rising tensions between opposing groups since late last month, when a member of a far-right group called Patriot Prayer was killed at an opposing protest.

    The suspected shooter, Michael Reinoehl, was fatally shot by law enforcement in an attempted arrest on Thursday.

    Ortega, 29, said she’s been participating in demonstrations nearly every weekend since they began in May. But now, as demonstrators increasingly face off against each other, she said she feels a fundamental shift has occurred.

    ——-

    Leading into the weekend, Oregon Gov. Kate Brown and several other state and municipal officials, including Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler, condemned all violent protests.

    “The violence must stop,” the officials said the letter. “There is no place for white supremacy or vigilantism in Oregon. All who perpetrate violent crimes must be held equally accountable.”

    ——-

    On Saturday night, police in riot gear unleashed several volleys of tear gas and flash-bang grenades on the crowds after several demonstrators lobbed “multiple fire bombs, mortars, rocks and other items at officers, police said.

    On Sunday night, protesters dragged two full-size mattresses onto NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., a four lane thoroughfare, and set them ablaze across the street from the police department’s North Precinct.

    Police say 15 people were arrested.

    “They’re coming down hard now,” De Vera said.

    Why would the police oppress mostly peaceful racial justice protestors? Why aren’t they rounding up the Proud Boys and Patriot Prayers mob?

    • DOOMco

      They ran a guy over, and executed another.

      But it’s her fault she was in that alley.

      • leon

        Not blaming the victim enough for governor brown she would say that the girl raped the guy in the alley

    • PieInTheSky

      I don’t know much about Patriot Prayer what makes it far right? something objective or just trump bad?

      • leon

        Because Americans have been propogandized into believing any expression of patriotism is white supremacists and evil.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        They have are the most anodine right-leaning message, but anything to the right of (whatever) is Far Right. It’s also run by a mixed-race ethnic monitory and his gigantic Black Bodied BFF. So, obviously white supremacist.

    • Rhywun

      “I’m also terrified,” she added

      “We were supposed to be out here rampaging, rioting, and looting by ourselves.”

      • juris imprudent

        These other people – they aren’t like the cops!

  11. Chipwooder

    TIL: Tom Warrior from Celtic Frost was H.R. Geiger’s personal assistant.

    • Chipwooder

      damn you autocorrect

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      Holy shit, really? That’s pretty cool. No that you need an excuse to put Geiger on your album cover, but explains why To Mega Therion uses it for its album cover.

  12. PieInTheSky

    how this site is still family friendly is beyond me

    • Old Man With Candy

      Charles Manson Family.

      • Chipwooder

        When I was in my early 20s, my favorite T-shirt was one with a big picture of Manson that said FAMILY VALUES. I was very pleased with myself for being so edgy.

      • PieInTheSky

        And here you are

    • juris imprudent

      Addams Family [being much more charitable than OMWC]

  13. Rebel Scum

    We have the best anonymous sources, maybe ever.

    Hayes said, “You said something, I think, over the weekend about you expect there will be more reporting in this day. Obviously, there has been a lot in the aftermath. What do you mean by that?”

    Goldberg said, “I mean just that. I mean, I know that there are a lot of reporters moving around on this story, people with excellent sources, people that are excellent reporters. And, you know, one of the things that you —again, there is this surprising — there is this shocking but not surprising quality to all of this. This discourse that Trump has about soldiers, about the military, it is no secret to anyone who has spent any time with him. It’s no secret to the military at the highest levels. So I just know of reporters who are trying to figure out other aspects of this, and I expect more reporting on this and everything else in the coming couple of months.”

    • WTF

      expect more reporting on this and everything else in the coming couple of months.

      Well, no shit. It’s was pretty easy to predict a series of bullshit, anonymously sourced hit pieces leading up to the election.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Trump sucks up to the rank and file, whether sincerely or not, like no other President I’ve ever seen. Much of the brass seems to hate him though for obvious reasons.

    • Charlie Suet

      “[Looking at the schedule we’ve agreed with the Biden campaign] I expect more reporting on this and everything else in the coming couple of months“

    • Rhywun

      The classiest sources.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    I know a lot of people are optimistic about Trump winning and I just don’t feel it. I don’t think he’s cleared the gap at all like he should be able to with these riots. It seems clear that the people of America are content with electing the people who have encouraged this.

    When I look at all the people wearing masks, I find it very hard to be optimistic. Too many people are desperate to be told what to do and think.

  15. Rhywun

    Shootings, killings and other crimes have increased this summer in cities including New York, Chicago and Detroit, though crime overall remains lower than it has been in years past.

    Oh. OK, then. Nothing to see here.

    • DOOMco

      What year, 92?

    • PieInTheSky

      There should more more indecent exposure due to mask anonymity

      • Nephilium

        Speaking of masks… when I got my Cedar Point season pass. They made me take off my sunglasses and hat for the picture, but wanted me to leave the mask on. So, if there’s any middle aged white guys with a shaved head who want to try to pass as me at Cedar Point…

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        *ears perk up*

      • Nephilium

        Yeah. Their picture of me is with a neck gaiter going up to the bridge of my nose. They’re good for next year as well, but if the COVID panic goes away, I’m guessing they’re going to take new pictures (without a mask) next year.

    • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

      “We’re slightly less violent than we were during a crack epidemic!”

    • leon

      I’ve been boycotting Disney live action bullshit since before it was cool to do so.

      • Tulip

        Hipster!

      • Claypoolsreservoir

        I regret seeing the last Jedi. That’s when my boycott started.

    • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

      Resharing from yesterday. All you need to know about the film:

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j_USHuhOqyk

      And the actress was called out in the comments for her HK police support once or twice, thankfully.

      • WTF

        That’s funny, and barely even satire.

    • Brochettaward

      It’s amazing how “apolitical” these organizations like Disney all try to be when it comes to China.

    • Agent Cooper

      Sucks because I loved the original and wanted to see a live-action version of the story.

  16. Rhywun

    OFFS. I love when a package arrives at a nearby suburb, takes a day to cross a bridge to a slightly closer suburb which I can see on the other side of a second bridge by looking out my window, and I just know it will take another day to cross that bridge to reach my house.

    ?

    • Mad Scientist

      Don’t forget about the day your package will spend re-crossing the first bridge to get back to the station it’s already been to.

      • Rhywun

        *plus three… carry the one…*

      • Fourscore

        Des Moines and Albuquerque USPS’s seem to have a love/hate affair. St Paul is the third leg of the stool. They all need each other.

  17. PieInTheSky

    The #COVID19 pandemic is demonstrating what we all know: millennia of patriarchy have resulted in a male-dominated world with a male-dominated culture which damages everyone – women, men, girls & boys.

    https://twitter.com/UN/status/1302593895029714944

    • leon

      And Yet everyone is still a big pussy about it all.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Are we still paying them?

      • PieInTheSky

        You should redirect that money to help a poor country like Romania.

      • Swiss Servator

        *scribbles check to the Pie Whisky, Beer and Wine Fund*

      • PieInTheSky

        it shall be well received.

    • Charlie Suet

      The trend for establishment figures to mouth extremist left wing dogma as if it was obviously true is quite extraordinarily irritating.

      It’s either very naive (they don’t understand the consequences), or very cynical (they know they won’t personally be affected). I’m not sure which.

      • juris imprudent

        It’s both – that is the source of your confusion.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Damn, that’s really the official account. They are fucking worthless.

  18. Rufus the Monocled

    :a woman who should have been a stronger advocate for abortion;”

    I saw what you did there.

  19. Rufus the Monocled

    Rocco Galati is a fucken hero.

    https://twitter.com/roccogalatilaw?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

    “Tam urges caution as daily cases of COVID-19 rise 25 per cent in last week”. Yes Dr. Tam, we read this in your script back in the late-spring, early summer. Now showing re-runs of your previews. The BS numbers, of bogus, test not just tiring but F— insult to our intelligence.”

    25%. Oooo. We went from 250 to 310! Pop. 37.7 million.

    My anger knows no bounds with these irresponsible clowns.

    Add Italy and Russia opening schools….with no masks.

  20. DOOMco

    Spent the birthday weekend up at my parents.
    King salmon on the grill.

    • Tundra

      Baby Doom’s birthday already?

      • DOOMco

        Mine. 29!

      • Tundra

        Happy birthday!

        Shit, I’ve got scars older than you 😉

        I hope you and the family had a great weekend!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’ve got a hemorrhoid that’s older than Doom.

      • DOOMco

        My parents might say I’ve been theirs for 29.

      • Fourscore

        Grandchildren older than the Doomster

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        I have a tattoo five years his junior.

      • blackjack

        All of my tattoos are about 5 years younger than 29.

      • TARDIS

        Since we are confessing youthful stupidity, my tattoos are also 29.

        Happy birthday, kiddo.

      • blackjack

        Sorry, 5 years OLDER.

      • straffinrun

        Happy 29th, Doom!

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        Happy bday!

      • juris imprudent

        29? Again?

    • Count Potato

      Happy Birthday!

  21. Rufus the Monocled

    The lie of our times needs to be repeated often.

    Asymptomatic spread is rare. But they act like it does. Hence, the mask mandates.

    It’s equal to HIV causes Aids in that it will lead to very bad policies based on pseudo-science.

    I can’t for the love of me how people still haven’t arrived at this conclusion.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Needs more mayonaisse.

    • Suthenboy

      From what I see there I am guessing: 1 gallon to 1-1/2 gallon of water. 6-8 oz of Zataran’s liquid crab/shrimp boil. 1/4 cup Zataran’s powdered shrimp/crab boil. 6 lemons quartered.
      Butter on the corn and potatoes after they are cooked….and not five sticks. Remoulade sauce on the shrimp.
      Good grief I feel queasy after watching that video.

      • l0b0t

        Yeah, the video gave me serious agita. Adding the shrimp before the potatoes?!? Thanks, now I’m eating rubber shrimp and raw spuds.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    Barry Ritholtz is on Bloomberg right now. He just said, “humans are very uncomfortable with the idea of random outcomes.”

    No kidding. Hence, mask theater. Pigeon superstition rules the day.

    • Cancelled

      Yes, hence the importance of stoicism.

  23. leon

    So…. Do they drink blood?

    • PieInTheSky

      Yes. And they try to frame poor Transylvanians for it

      • UnCivilServant

        Look, whether or not one group drinks blood does not prove or disprove another drinking blood.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      They’re not supposed to. That’s what kosher salt is used for, to exsanguinate any last amount of blood from cuts of meat.

      • leon

        What is kind of funny is that it’s actually the Catholics who drink blood and no one gets freaked about that.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Except Jehovah’s Witnesses. Read more “Watchtower”.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I thought the legend was it’s baked into the matzo but I’m not that well versed on the latest Jewish conspiracy stuff.

  24. Count Potato

    Democrats wearing hoods. What could possibly go wrong?

    • AlexinCT

      We will be told to ignore that cause other people they don’t like are really the racists for calling them out on that…

    • TARDIS

      Nice, but scroll down for Doom Pregnancy Test.

    • Tulip

      The beetles will save us!

      • AlexinCT

        I am more of a Stones fan….

  25. Lazer

    Just wanted to say I had a great weekend. Talked the wife into a little hippy adventure out to Colorado! 50 hours in all 26 in the car, but sure was nice to see the mountains and breath mountain air! Also a respite from the craziness. Didn’t think about nothing but driving, looking and enjoying.
    Back to work now

    • littleruttiger

      That’s cool, what area? I’d like to get to Telluride at some point, I’ve heard it’s really pretty around there

      • Lazer

        Cañon City – Victor – Cripple Creek – Divide. All west/southwest of Colorado Springs

  26. PieInTheSky

    Romanian village finds that the affection of Prince Charles is ‘a blessing and a curse’ as tourists flock there

    Viscri in Romania is a Unesco World Heritage site with 12th century architecture and age old traditions, however, its popularity is proving its biggest weakness as tourism numbers swell beyond control

    https://www.tatler.com/article/romanian-tourists-swamp-village-loved-by-prince-charles?SDK

    never been

    • UnCivilServant

      A swamp village?

      /did not read article.

  27. Rebel Scum

    What are “optics”?

    Sen. Kamala Harris campaigned in Milwaukee on Monday, and met with Jacob Blake and his family. Blake, 29, was shot several times last week by police officers after he broke into a woman’s home, after he previously assaulted her multiple times.

    Activists framed Blake’s shooting as racially charged, but Blake had warrants out for his arrest on charges including third-degree sexual assault and criminal trespassing. Sen. Harris told Blake that she is “proud of him.”

    • Drake

      Blake and Biden are both big fans of the casual fingerbang.

      • Sean

        *applause*

    • Heroic Mulatto

      And ‘believe all women’ disappeared, just. like. that.

      • SugarFree

        To be fair, Biden already killed it. This is just Kamala fisting the corpse.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        It was always only white women, you know that.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It’s hard to believe that they’re this tone-deaf.

      • Social Justice is Neither

        Have they ever shown any sign of awareness prior to this? Narrative uber alles even when the narratives conflict.

      • juris imprudent

        Listen, Blake had to really suffer to work his way up the victim stack. The narrative demands you respect that.

      • AlexinCT

        Team politics suck balls. You are forced to sell your soul. Experienced this just this weekend when I saw people complaining about minor or fake shit from the other team, while ignoring the shit their own team was up to.

    • Tulip

      Proud of him for? It’s a weird thing to say

  28. Cancelled

    So let me get this straight? These people are protesting in support of a Prude by means of indecent exposure?

    • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

      Perhaps over the years they’ve grown accustomed to hearing someone muttering about “doing it for America” when they’re nude before having a bag placed over their heads and thought this was just how you showed patriotism.

      • Cancelled

        Just seems an odd way to support Prudery.

      • Lazer

        LOL

    • Claypoolsreservoir

      This is not surprising. They reached heard immunity. This will be temporary however because it appears likely that antibodies only last for 4 months and the other eurobloc countries that locked down will continue to see bouncing numbers for months to come and will inevitably reinfect many in Sweden. States like Virginia, North Carolina, and others with draconian policies will see the same thing in the coming months. It’s an airborne virus that mask have proven to do little to curb. So rather than shut down, open up and isolate the at risk. It’s becoming so tiresome as I feel I’m the only one screaming this into the ethos. Deaths are plummeting even as cases reach near all time highs because we know so much more about the virus and how to treat it: Z-pack, Qercetin, Zinc, and Vitamin D. If you take away the case/hospitalization/death data from March and April, this plandemic is about as harmful as the norovirus.

    • Fourscore

      Soon the Q/A will be like the kid’s game where every question is answered with one of 4 canned answers.

      The one I remember was “Yes, no, in a barrel or pig’s tail” or something like that. YMMV

      • AlexinCT

        TRUMP-PUTIN is literally HITLER!!!1!

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Abandon hope

    Almost unmatched in the annals of emerging human contagions, it has parlayed a few chance infections into a pandemic of around 27 million confirmed cases so far.

    Doctors long expected the advent of such a virus, but even so, the shrewdness of the coronavirus caught many by surprise, and goes a long way to explaining how the world has struggled to contain it ever since.

    “We underestimated it,” said Peter Piot, the head of the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine and a co-discoverer of Ebola, who fell victim to the coronavirus himself in March.

    Long article about how terrifying and inscrutable the plague is.

    No way out. We’re all gonna die.

    • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

      ‘No way out. We’re all gonna die.’

      Promises, promises…

      • Rhywun
    • Chipwooder

      You’re all gonna die, and you voted for that guy!

    • Plinker762

      “Victim” So he is dead now?

      • mrfamous

        I had no idea Sublime covered that (though lots of bands have):

        https://youtu.be/iaeoUhxJJ-s

        Shame about what happened to Bad Religion

    • Suthenboy

      Me: “If the masks are rated at 0.3 microns and the cooties are 0.1 microns, what is the point of wearing them?”

      Doc: “They offer psychological protection”

      Me: *face turns red, pisses pants, has fantasies of tossing doc out of the 4th story window*

      • KibbledKristen

        My colleague recently went to the doc and she was telling him about how the ‘Vid wasn’t that bad and masks are a sham and Trump gets a bad rap. I asked the doc’s name, and it turns out I went to her years ago! She had a very…German…bedside manner

    • SugarFree

      Cardi B calling someone else an embarrassment to black people should have ripped the fabric of space/time to create an irony singularity.

      • leon

        No I think Candace Owens called her the embarrassment, cardi b just said Candace was a ho with a cracker pimp.

      • SugarFree

        Hurm. Read it all wrong.

      • SugarFree

        I read the entire article. Brain hurt think bad.

      • Chipwooder

        Wasn’t Cardi an actual no-shit whore?

      • EvilSheldon

        No. She was a petty robber. Whores don’t drug and steal from their clients.

      • Chipwooder

        Some of them do! The girl who set up me and my wife, for example, after her descent into addiction and prostitution ended up going to prison for being an accomplice to her pimp robbing her clients. That was simple armed robbery, no drugging involved, but still….true story.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        You are thinking of ENB

      • juris imprudent

        Are you saying Cardi B is a black hole?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Candace Owens @RealCandaceO
        Since most black people didn’t have the spine to admit that @benshapiro was 100% correct about @iamcardib and how her music and platform contributes to the disintegration of black culture and values…here you go.

        Get fucked, Candace. If black culture and values are so weak that they are disintegrated by a song, then they deserve to be disintegrated.

      • leon

        here’s the thing about WAP. It’s a recepie for a yeast infection, and I don’t think Cardi B does enough to warn her fans about that.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Cardi B gives women advice on how to maintain a #WAP via Instagram. pic.twitter.com/dJTmgZdtqK— Cardi B Fan Team (@CardiBTeam) August 16, 2020

        leon did not watch this video.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Cardi B gives women advice on how to maintain a #WAP via Instagram. pic.twitter.com/dJTmgZdtqK— Cardi B Fan Team (@CardiBTeam) August 16, 2020

        leon did not watch this video.

      • blackjack

        I thought it was the sound spaghetti makes when it hits the wall?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Hey HM! Don’t think I’ve seen you since your procedure to increase your heroicness. How’s the recovery?

      • SugarFree

        His teeth are now strong enough to eat other people’s teeth. Beware.

      • PieInTheSky

        I think you may be wap biased

    • Idle Hands

      God like so many of these food fights both sides are fucking retarded.

    • Gdragon

      It cracks me up every time because this is what I think of every time I hear this woman talking about her “art”.

      Also a very funny and very underrated film that pays proper respect to Spinal Tap.

  30. Rebel Scum

    Didn’t we try this in Liberia?

    Two women hope to create an all-black community in central Georgia as a way to deal with “400 years of racial oppression.”

    Microsoft News used a “good news” tag for the report, which said that as the United States “continues to confront the toxic legacy of slavery and Jim Crow,” the women want to create “a tight-knit community for our people to just come and breathe”:

    They are calling it Freedom, Georgia, and draw their inspiration from Wakanda, the fictional comic-book country that was the setting for the movie “Black Panther.”

    Ashley Scott, a realtor from Stonecrest, Georgia, who was driven to seek therapy by her reaction to the shooting death of Ahmaud Arbery, a young Black man jogging in a white neighborhood, said that after several sessions she realized that her problem was 400 years of racial oppression and trauma dating back to the establishment of slavery in North America.

    With her friend Renee Walters, an entrepreneur and investor, she founded the Freedom Georgia Initiative, a group of 19 Black families who collectively purchased 96.71 acres of rural land in Toomsboro, a town of a few hundred people in central Georgia, with the intention of developing a self-contained Black community. The space will have small homes for vacation use and will host weddings, retreats and recreational functions, and may eventually evolve into an incorporated, self-sustaining community.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s going to run afoul of only about a bazillion real estate and equal access laws.

      Should be interesting.

      • Nephilium

        It’s not racist when we do it!

        /regressives who want to go back to segregation

      • blackjack

        Well, we’re living here in allensworth town

        And, they’re closing all the factories down…

        It’s hard to keep a good man down.

    • SugarFree

      TPTB are discussing setting up a Glibtopia, we just can’t decide what part of the country.

      • DOOMco

        Taos?

      • robc

        Wyoming. I think south of Cheyenne near the Colorado border, for easy commuting into Ft Collins.

        Wyoming was the right answer for the Free State Project too.

      • Chipwooder

        I’ve been daydreaming of moving to Wyoming recently but no way would my wife ever agree to move somewhere that cold.

      • robc

        Option #2: Owsley County, KY.

        Population is under 5k and it is the poorest county in the nation. We could literally* own the entire freakin thing.

        *maybe not literally, but not too far off.

      • robc

        The population has declined every census since 1940, peaking at 8957 people then.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The marijuana growers are going to have something to say about that.

      • robc

        They could join us.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve been thinking about Wyoming, but I need advice on deterring mountain lions and whatever snake varieties live there.

      • leon

        The key with mountain lions is to have enough small children around that they are the target not you.

      • EvilSheldon

        You deter snakes by not being a small rodent.

      • Fourscore

        I still have mountain lion and snake repelling rocks available. Limited time though as the demand is far exceeding my expectations.

      • Tundra

        Mine is warming to western SD.

        Wyoming may be step 2.

      • Mad Scientist

        Wyoming is right out. It’s freezing and the wind blows at about 100 MPH all the damn time.

      • robc

        We will build a wall and get the wind to pay for it.

      • Tejicano

        Make it somewhere that rarely snows and I’ll be able to bring my wife. I’ll also be bringing a fairly good sized U-Haul truck just for the noisemakers.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Sorry, but we MN Glibs have already enacted that labor for you. Its a magical land in upper MN where the only rules are “Take some of these damn tomatoes home with you!”

        PS – Thanks for the tomatoes 4score. My wife is simmering them down into pasta sauce as we speak, but we still have a five gallon bucket of tomatoes to process.

      • KibbledKristen

        Must have real winter

    • Drake

      What, you’re going to give up after one try?

    • Tulip

      They’re using their own money, and trying to create something positive. I wish them luck.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I do too but basing their ideal on a comic book movie isn’t a sound basis for success.

      • juris imprudent

        No worse than religious fanatics.

      • Tulip

        Definitely silly, but as long as it’s their money, I don’t care.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      Snow Crash seems more prescient each passing day.

    • Rhywun

      after several sessions she realized that her problem was 400 years of racial oppression and trauma

      I think she needs a second opinion.

      • Tejicano

        Especially if she’s well over 400 years old.

    • WTF

      Two women hope to re-create an all-black communityJim Crow in central Georgia as a way to deal with “400 years of racial oppression.”

    • juris imprudent

      Guess they never heard of Rosewood?

    • leon

      Honeyhouse? Like honey pots?

      • AlexinCT

        WTF was that about?

      • leon

        Looks like an FBI/CIA setup to get people entrapped!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Is this the new, improved phone sex?

    • Drake

      Why does this make me think of Soap?

      • AlexinCT

        That show rocks….

        Especially when space Burt started banging everything that moves….

    • Chipwooder

      I will never understand the relentless urge to televise your life that seems to be endemic to everyone under the age of 25 or so. My son asked me to create his own YouTube channel. When I asked him why, he had no actual answer other than “Um, because I want one”

  31. Count Potato

    “I’ve been blocked by both James Woods and Travis Tritt. Had anyone asked me about Travis Tritt before today I would have said he was a nice guy based off meeting him at the Kentucky Derby a few years ago. Now I’m going to re-tell that story and make him seem like a huge asshole.”

    https://twitter.com/jemelehill/status/1302761728602550272

    CWAA

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Who pays attention to Jemele Hill?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Her 1.3 million quasi nutcase followers maybe?

      • juris imprudent

        Of which at least half are bots, amirite?

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Ashley Scott, a realtor from Stonecrest, Georgia, who was driven to seek therapy by her reaction to the shooting death of Ahmaud Arbery, a young Black man jogging in a white neighborhood, said that after several sessions she realized that her problem was 400 years of racial oppression and trauma dating back to the establishment of slavery in North America.

    Past life regression? Sounds legit. I bet she was Cleopatra, too.

    • Count Potato

      Cleopatra was white though.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      And she was a black slave in all of them? That’s some shit luck.

      • Tejicano

        L-O-L!! Thanks!

    • blackjack

      One of my big problems is the way my Irish ancestors were treated in the 19th century. Well, that and the multiple conquering of my Sicilian ancestors’ island in the centuries prior to that.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    Brrrrrr. The snow line is about 150 (vertical) feet up the hill. It won’t last, but still…

  34. SugarFree

    I need to drink the juices of many caffeines.

    • Tejicano

      I just cracked open a tall can of Radeberger. Then bourbon when that’s empty.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      Interesting that Trump’s numbers are the most durable.

  35. Nephilium

    Bad news everyone. Venture Brothers has been officially cancelled.

    • l0b0t

      I’m VERY upset about this. The last 2 seasons were so strong and laid out such a great foundation for future episodes. I hope it returns on a streamy thing.

      • Rhywun

        I hope it returns on a streamy thing.

        Like I need another show moving to a fucking subscription model.

        ?

      • Nephilium

        From the rumblings I’ve been reading, they had multiple deadlines to have the 8th season ready, and they watched them all go zooming by. There’s some talk about a short wrap-up series/movie to finish the stories off (on top of them trying to shop it to streaming services, which considering it’s already on Hulu…).

      • Rhywun

        This trend of moving TV shows I like to a format I can’t hold in my hand does not please me.

        I’m still waiting for Amazon to not release S04 of The Expanse. At least I have found some Netflix stuff on real media – but Amazon… fuck those guys.

      • Nephilium

        External hard drives are pretty cheap right now…

      • Rhywun

        ???

      • Rhywun

        ?‍❤️‍?‍?

    • Mad Scientist

      Noooooooooooooooo!

      • SugarFree

        “Leslie, I masturbate furiously to your picture every night. Please notice me. Love, Mike.”

  36. The Late P Brooks

    Wyoming. I think south of Cheyenne near the Colorado border, for easy commuting into Ft Collins.

    Fuck that.

    • robc

      Which part? And do you dislike beer or something?

  37. The Late P Brooks

    Which part? And do you dislike beer or something?

    The Denver Front Range Megalopolis part. And southeastern Wyoming.

    I like beer.

    • robc

      Wyoming, Megalopolis. Lol, those don’t go together.

      I know Denver is spreading out, but it is still a long way from Cheyenne.

      And I like the idea of a short commute to Ft Collins for beer related needs.

      • PieInTheSky

        Ft Collins – sounds violent to the Native Americans. a) you are racist b) it should be renamed to an authentic Feather Indian name.

  38. grrizzly

    It’s come to this.
    Allegiant Air Removes Man For ‘Disrupting’ Flight After He Allegedly Asked Flight Attendant To Wear Face Mask
    According to what we know, the flight attendant lowered her mask during the safety demonstration to speak into the PA, and the man repeatedly interrupted the safety demonstration to tell the flight attendant to put it back on.

    At that point the flight attendant told the man he had to leave the aircraft, and warned that law enforcement would be called if he didn’t get off voluntarily.

    In unrelated mask news, a new TV set was delivered to me this morning. Fifteen minutes later I got a phone call from the delivery company customer service double-checking on how the delivery went. The first question after I confirmed that the TV has been delivered: was the crew wearing masks?

    • UnCivilServant

      “I didn’t notice.”

      • Gustave Lytton

        *supervisor marks down survey as “probably not” and schedules delivery crew for compliance action*

    • blackjack

      I’m trying to write up a story about two bad acid trips I had shortly before my last story ( and only) took place. They’re interesting, but no real moral or anything and no tie in to libertarianism. I suck at writing. Maybe I’m too noncommittal or a perfectionist or something. Anway, covid reminds me of a paranoid bad acid trip.

      • Florida Man

        Do it. We need escapism more now than ever.

  39. The Late P Brooks

    I like beer. Not hipster swill.

    • Tejicano

      #metoo – as mentioned upthread I’m drinking a Radeberger tall can as I type this. I prefer a proper Bier but a good non-German Pilsner will do.

    • PieInTheSky

      I like beer, especially hipster swill

  40. The Late P Brooks

    Those women from Georgia could always move to Nicodemus, Kansas.

  41. The Late P Brooks

    Is this the new, improved phone sex?

    That reminds me. I saw an ad for Match.com the other day. It was people with their laptops, “zoom dating” or whatever you want to call it.

    Pathetic.

    • Mojeaux

      It’s what we oldsters called internet dating without the video.

  42. Mojeaux

    some dead Mormon Pope

    Yeah, so my grandfather was the Kansas City Stake President when McKay was in office and hosted him several times since, you know, we live in Zion, the new Jerusalem, and McKay wanted to tour often.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    A question for Mojeaux:

    In my Zillow real estate perusals of eastern Idaho (heavily Mormon), I occasionally run across a (for example) five bedroom five bathroom house. Is this some sort of Mormon thing?

    • PieInTheSky

      which part? the bedrooms or the bathrooms?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Home builder that personally experienced norovirus.

    • Mojeaux

      A lot of Mormon couples have a lot of kids. If they can’t have them, they adopt them.

      There are two families in my ward (parish) who’ve adopted a whole bunch of kids. One is a newlywed couple who adopted three infants of different races straight out of the gate. There’s another couple that are at 14 adoptions and still going. Their house is MASSIVE.

      It is ALSO possible that was a mission home the church built/bought and is now selling. The mission president oversees a region of missionaries. Sometimes he has a family. Sometimes the missionaries need lodging, for example, when they don’t have a companion yet.

      The mission home that sat beside the church building I went to as a child was a beautiful midcentury modern. Think Brady Bunch authentic. They tore it down. The mission home of my adolescence was a gorgeous McMansion before McMansions were called McMansions. That mission president had 5 kids. I think the house had 8 bedrooms or something ridiculous like that.

      • PieInTheSky

        If they can’t have them, they adopt them. – are the children generally treated well?

      • Mojeaux

        So far as I can tell, the infants are doted on.

        Also so far as I can tell, the bigger family’s kids are a bunch of entitled brats.

      • PieInTheSky

        in Romania if I heard 14 adoptions especially in a Rural area I would think “cheap farm labor” and not much food/clothes/education

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, no. These kids are spoiled beyond belief. I also forgot to mention they are also of different races.

        There was another family that moved out of my ward who adopted two black cocaine-addled infants, so they had special needs.

        Online I know of one family that adopted 3 black children (I’m noticing a trend now that I’m thinking about it) and she asked on FB one day about how to care for the girls’ hair. She was advised immediately and vociferously to take them to a black hairdresser and have her teach them.

        And another family had a couple of kids and also adopted several more, two from China, and they all have health problems and/or mental health problems. The wife was/is a stay-at-home mom and they were doing okay. Then they adopted and now they are poor, but the husband’s job has good health insurance.

        In my totally scientifically informed opinion, it’s a thing.

      • Brochettaward

        Mormons are all Mitt Romney levels of rich. It’s like Jew gold.

      • Mojeaux

        I had someone tell me once (in reference to his wife’s scrapbooking habit [an expensive one]) that Mormons can spin gold out of straw.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Romania probably doesn’t provide financial incentives. The new parents are set with cash payments and often free health care for the next 18 years of each kid’s life. There are families in my rural area who live well on the State’s largesse by fostering children and then adopting certain ones.

      • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

        See the comment upthread about how to deal with mountain lions.

      • Ownbestenemy

        When we go up to Zion we play “guess the mom” when we see a Mormon family disembark from their GMC Tahoe. 9/10 I get it wrong when we keep seeing younger and younger girls get out of the car.

      • Mojeaux

        They’re not getting younger. You’re getting older.

      • Ownbestenemy

        LOL…okay, you’re right.

      • Chipwooder

        So what you’re saying is that there are a lot of rich Mormons.

      • Mojeaux

        I think a larger percentage than a normal religious population, maybe, but there are a lot of have-nots that the church takes care of in some way. You don’t make headway getting members in the ghettos and barrios without some financial incentive.

        In the 60s, my dad was a missionary in Holland. They had a minor scandal because in exchange for membership, the missions handed out baseball gear, which was highly coveted there and then.

      • Apples and Knives

        Not spending money on booze and cigarettes can fatten anyone’s wallet.

    • R C Dean

      In Tucson (and Phoenix), those would probably be assisted living homes.

  44. PieInTheSky

    In 1882, Judge Cox was impeached by the State of Minnesota on 17 charges of being drunk in court, 18 of habitual drunkenness & 20 charges of lewd conduct. The State could not allow ‘an ermine clad dignitary hauled out of the gutter or dragged from brothel to adorn the bench’

    https://twitter.com/WhoresofYore/status/1303295454751461376

    • leon

      all I’m learning is that if you want to be left alone without being sent to jail, you need to start open carrying

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It;s South Africa. If nobody is wearing Winnie Mandela necklaces, there’s no reason to be alarmed.

      • Rebel Scum

        *narrows gaze*

    • Brochettaward

      So, apparently they tried to charge her, but everyone involved refuses to press charges. ,At least according to this poorly written local story that also doesn’t allow you to copy and paste.

      The article is also another example of the different realities we currently inhabit. The video clearly shows one of the ‘protesters’ putting their hands on the woman which leads her to drawing her weapon. The story claims she just suddenly stopped and pulled her gun.

      I had never heard of EFF before. I don’t know what it stands for at this point in time, but they apparently like to “irritate” white people and were shouting, “Go back to Europe,” at the white elderly. But they did refuse to press charges apparently so…

  45. PieInTheSky

    Nigerian traders are accusing local authorities in Ghana of discrimination after many had their shops closed in the thick of the Covid-19 pandemic that sees a year-long trade war being waged between Ghanaian natives and foreign business owners over the control of the local retail trade in the capital city, Accra.

    Chizoba Okechukwu, the owner of a shop closed by Ghanaian authorities, expressed his frustrations, “We have family here, we pay our taxes here, we pay house rent, we take care of our family. Ok, now the shops are closed, how do you expect us to take care of our responsibilities? I don’t know what is the problem, what have we done to them? The problem we have is that we are Nigerians, other foreigners are here doing their business success.”

    https://www.msn.com/en-xl/africa/other/ghana-vs-nigeria-pandemic-intensifies-year-long-trade-war/ar-BB18NAxX

  46. Count Potato

    “Trump Fired A ‘Faux-Bama,’ Michael Cohen Says In Tell-All Memoir”

    https://www.npr.org/2020/09/07/910550523/trump-fired-a-faux-bama-michael-cohen-alleges-in-tell-all-memoir

    “So ⁦@NPRinskeep and ⁦@anastasiat
    ⁩ accuse Trump of “cosplaying” political power with a video telling a fake Obama “You’re fired” but a half seconds of googling shows it was an unaired bit for the 2012 GOP convention. Why leave that out?”

    https://twitter.com/MattHennessey/status/1303326334274416641

    Because they’re partisan hacks?

    • Ownbestenemy

      It almost seems that the Dems and political hacks in the media have not seen that the Repubs have ‘modernized’ and don’t just rely upon the Old Media (watching Fox News or local news). They push out these stories that take half a typing in a Google search bar to refute.

    • Count Potato

      Needs coffee and a gun.

    • KibbledKristen

      Those sausages need some color

      My eggs benedict will make you orgasm just looking at the plate

      • Ownbestenemy

        Agreed…were those sausages just boiled and then given a little kiss on the pan?

    • PieInTheSky

      apparently she meant to make scrambled eggs but did not know how, and boiled was the only way

      • Ownbestenemy

        How…I mean…scrambled is easier than hard boiled….

    • Mojeaux

      Not impressed.

      A proper breakfast is:

      English muffin
      Canadian bacon
      Poached egg
      Hollandaise sauce

      • Ownbestenemy

        Fresh sliced bacon, diced potatoes mixed with homemade chorizo, eggs over easy, and a tortilla is the proper breakfast.

      • PieInTheSky

        eggs over easy – stop turning eggs in the pan it is silly and you will inevitably break the yolk

      • UnCivilServant

        Cook the damn yolks. There are few things more disgusting than the taste and texture of a runny yolk.

      • Ownbestenemy

        You sir are broken.

      • UnCivilServant

        You can’t refute the truth so you sling insults. I see how it is.

      • Chipwooder

        You have some interesting pet peeves.

        When my daughter wants eggs, she generally sops up the yolk with her toast and leaves most of the egg white uneaten.

      • KibbledKristen

        WTF am I supposed to do with my toast & hash browns? Eat them plain with just salt & pepper? That’s truly uncivil(ized)

      • UnCivilServant

        Salt and pepper on properly cooked potatos is more than enough.

        But have you thought about cheese? Or cooking them in herb butter?

        As for the toast, there’s a myriad of options.

      • EvilSheldon

        You probably also cook your steaks well-done.

      • UnCivilServant

        You mean ‘done’.

      • Mojeaux

        You mean ‘done’.

        Wait, WHAT?!

        I am disappoint.

      • Mojeaux

        You put the egg on well-buttered toast and let the yolk soak into the bread.

        Salt well.

      • UnCivilServant

        Why ruin the toast when you could just cook the egg properly?

      • PieInTheSky

        runny yolk is the best part… I try to avoid bread so I don’t have it as often as I like

      • Mojeaux

        If I’m low-carbing, I eat scrambled eggs. I almost always put cheese on them. Sometimes I also put sour cream OR cream cheese on them.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Just mix with any other starch; potatoes work well and/or pancakes.

      • Mojeaux

        You are objectively wrong, sir.

        (Disclaimer: My gma made eggs “over easy” and they were a greasy mess. They didn’t even rise to the level of a hot mess. Just a mess. So over easy is so not my style.)

      • Ownbestenemy

        To each their own 😉 My eggs aren’t greasy though; cooking in the bacon fat of the past is gone.

      • R C Dean

        Add a couple of spoonfuls of New Mex red sauce.

      • KibbledKristen

        See my reply LOL

      • Mojeaux

        Well, fuck. I coulda just said, “What KK said.”

        At least we know that Hollandaise sauce is a beverage.

      • KibbledKristen

        Damn right

      • Chipwooder

        Corned beef hash, eggs over easy, buttermilk biscuits.

      • Tundra

        Coffee.

        Just coffee.

      • EvilSheldon

        Eggs Benedict are good, but we will also settle for a nice fluffy three-egg omelet with bacon, brie, and sliced apples.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Valid. Honestly, other than Unciv’s desire to eat chalky yolk with breakfast, there is not a suggestion above I wouldn’t put down.

      • UnCivilServant

        If you don’t add chalk you don’t get chalky eggs.

      • Count Potato

        Why is there food on the left side?

      • Ownbestenemy

        As one of the comments stated, its not the food that the left side eats, its the paper the photograph is printed on that they are served.

    • creech

      Notice that the egg chick (would) flashes the white supremacist o.k. sign. I’m surprised she hasn’t been doxxed, cancelled and/or flayed alive for that, not for her breakfast presentation.

    • Mojeaux

      Meanwhile, over my breakfast of cheese and crackers…

      ?

    • ruodberht

      Where’s the scrappe?

    • Suthenboy

      What am I supposed to get out of that? She doesn’t even speak English.

  47. KibbledKristen

    A long, harsh winter will dampen the spirits of the rioters I’m thinking. Hopefully Seattle, Portland, Shitcago, Minneapolis, Kenosha, Rochester, NYC, & DC get hit hard.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I learned from Chaz that apparently it does not rain often enough in Seattle.

    • Drake

      Not going to help outdoor dining either.

  48. Count Potato

    “But the Transition Integrity Project noted that there would be immense pressure on Biden to fight it out if, for the third time in 20 years, the Democratic candidate won the popular vote but didn’t take office. In a simulation they ran, Team Biden “encouraged Western states, particularly California but also Oregon and Washington, and collectively known as ‘Cascadia,’ to secede from the Union” unless structural reforms were made. In exchange for Trump getting the presidency, for instance, Republicans would need to agree to abolish the Electoral College, give Puerto Rico and D.C. statehood, and divide California into five states for better Senate representation. ”

    https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-left-secretly-preps-for-violence-after-election-day

    what?

    • Tundra

      ‘Secretly’? I think they’ve been more than a little overt.

      • Count Potato

        True.

        “NEW: Planned Parenthood, Indivisible, MoveOn, SEIU, American Federation of Teachers, Color of Change, and other progressive groups are bracing for—and trying to make plans to counter—MAGA violence after election day.”

        https://twitter.com/NoahShachtman/status/1303139099516325889

      • R C Dean

        Isn’t the real question whether the Trumpalos are preparing for violence after election day? I don’t suppose anyone is checking into tht.

        Apropos of nothing, the new shotgun continues to inch toward the finish line. Still waiting on a couple of backordered parts, but the new stock and fore-end are finally on, after two trips to the hardware store to find screws to mount the vertical fore-grip that won’t foul the action. Couldn’t find anything that would let me mount the sling to the fore-end without a fit problem, but I have another option.

        Also backordered. Of. Course.

    • Ownbestenemy

      If the Biden campaign ‘encouraged’ any State to secede from the Union for gaining the presidency wouldn’t that be seen as insurrection and most surely “high crimes”….not that they care or anyone else for that matter.

    • leon

      STEVE SMITH CONTROL DNC, AND BY CONTROL MEAN….

      • juris imprudent

        I’d be there to weld the doors shut if STEVE SMITH was inside the DNC.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That whole project was non-Trump affiliated politickers attempting to show that Trump would cheat/refuse to concede by proving that they would be the ones to cheat/refuse to concede.

      • Count Potato

        Exactly.

      • Chipwooder

        Yes. Playing the role of the Trump team was Bill Kristol and Michael Steele…hahahaha

    • Rebel Scum

      what?

      They want to destroy the republic and ensure total control of Democrats.

      to secede from the Union

      Well…bye.

    • R C Dean

      But the Transition Integrity Project noted that there would be immense pressure on Biden to fight it out if, for the third time in 20 years, the Democratic candidate won the popular vote but didn’t take office.

      This is like a baseball team refusing to concede the World Series because they had more total runs than the team that won more games.

      • Rebel Scum

        won the popular vote

        I can’t believe we have to keep explaining this but the popular vote ain’t a thing. The States elect the president of the States.

      • Rhywun

        Someone needs to poll the American people on their understanding of this.

        I probably don’t want to see the results, though.

      • grrizzly

        Hillary got less than 50% of votes.

      • leon

        This is what gets me. They constantly whine about this, when at least Trump won a Majority of the Electoral Votes. They want a system where the plurality rules majority who didn’t vote for it.

    • Chipwooder

      Team Biden “encouraged Western states, particularly California but also Oregon and Washington, and collectively known as ‘Cascadia,’ to secede from the Union”

      Works for me!

      • whiz

        The State of Jefferson has a sad — “Please, leave us with the U.S.!”

    • creech

      While we are at windmill tilting, agree to install Jo Jorgensen as a compromise POTUS.

    • leon

      If we just call their bluff and let them leave, we won’t have to count their electoral votes right?, and i’m prett sure that would throw the house to the GOP.

      • R C Dean

        Secession would still be the urban radicals overriding what the rest of the state wants.

        Perhaps a county by county vote, but that raises the issue of what do with counties that are isolated from other counties that vote the same way?

    • Rebel Scum

      Rachel Maddow’s kid sister is objectively not objective.

  49. zwak

    It is 8:30 am, and the air is so smoke ridden here in the Willamette valley that it is the color of a dying orange outside. Ash falls from the sky in a cheap imitation of snow, like something bought at a Soviet roadside market.

    • Mad Scientist

      California Uber Alles!

    • EvilSheldon

      Oh gosh, dangerous things!!! *clutches pearls*

      • Ownbestenemy

        It was probably more dangerous to drive there than be there.

      • EvilSheldon

        No question.

    • Drake

      Meanwhile in a professional sport I used to watch – a GM ejected for not wearing a mask – hundreds of feet away from another living soul.

    • Nephilium

      We are?

      I’m getting more irritated that there’s been no dates to remove all of the fucking bullshit orders we’re under here in Ohio. I did see a shirt I’m wishing I picked up now:

      “The Grinch who Stole Summer 2020”, with a picture of DeWine as the Grinch.

      • Ownbestenemy

        All of them (governors) have moved into quiet mode and are just extending without any press corp caring. Sisolak here in Nevada actually just said in not so many words we are perpetually going to be in this stance until he decides we are not.

  50. Count Potato

    “Actor and comedian John Leguizamo on legacy of ‘To Wong Foo’ 25 years after cult film’s debut: “It was a powerful thing. I get lots of fan mail from LGBTQ teens telling me how my character helped them come out to their parents.””

    https://twitter.com/NBCNews/status/1303353678158606341

    They couldn’t make it today though.

    • Count Potato

      LOLOLOLOL

    • Rhywun

      LOL!

  51. The Late P Brooks

    That was bizarre. i found a little tiny snake downstairs. Eight or nine inches long, and maybe as big around as a sixteen penny nail. i took him outside and killed him.

    now I’m fretting about whether there are more.

    • R C Dean

      I only kill poisonous snakes. What kind was it?

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Same here. I’ve put down several copperheads that the dogs have penned in the yard. I like having kingsnakes, ratsnakes, and racers around though to keep the rodent population down.

        Interestingly, the dogs have never penned and alerted me to a non-venomous snake although I’ve often found them in the yard (nearly stepped on a 6′ foot racer twice now). Seems like the dogs may sense the difference- threat vs. non-threat- and act accordingly, but I wonder what drives that instinct… maybe they smell the venom glands.

      • R C Dean

        Illustrated. For scale, the grabber is 5 feet long.

      • UnCivilServant

        Did imgur make a change to their site? it stopped working.

      • Mojeaux

        Worked for me.

      • R C Dean

        Works for me. Anyone else having trouble?

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t expect you to have trouble I want to know if something changed so I can narrow down the issue on my end.

      • Rhywun

        Nope.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Worked fine for me behind a government firewall

      • UnCivilServant

        My government firewall just blocks the site, so I have to try from home where I get a blank gray screen, even with scripts allowed.

      • UnCivilServant

        The pedant in me wants to point out that very few snakes are poisonous, though venomous snakes are common enough.

    • Mad Scientist

      The best way to find out is to get Barry White to come over and sing.

    • EvilSheldon

      Why the hell did you kill it? It’s not going to hurt you.

  52. juris imprudent

    Here’s a fat hanging curveball for Not The Bee.

    • Rhywun

      “Transparency, consistency, honesty” and admitting mistakes where necessary are a far better blueprint, he added, according to The Associated Press.

      ?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Jesus… A properly handled situation. Officer was retreating; death by cop.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That’s the most justified police shooting I’ve ever seen where the other guy didn’t have a gun.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Also, it looks like it’s time to put the nine back in the safe and take the 40 back out. What the hell?

      • Tundra

        I couldn’t tell how many hits there were. It’s a cop after all.

      • R C Dean

        That was my question.

        Dude needs range time. Holding your gun at an angle like that is bad for accuracy. Makes me wonder if he even had a sight picture.

      • EvilSheldon

        Nah, it’s time for Occifer Donut to put in some remedial range time.

        Lesson – peripheral hits don’t get the job done, and misses don’t get it done at all.

    • Tejicano

      Or… why I don’t carry a 9mm.

      • R C Dean

        Eh, they’ve really improved terminal ballistics on the 9mm.

        Still a .45 guy at heart, but my carry gun is a 9.

  53. The Late P Brooks

    What kind was it?

    Too small to tell, but looked like a rattlesnakey pattern. Not taking chances.

    • R C Dean

      Fair enough. I came within a few ounces of pressure on the trigger of killing a big bull snake (Up to 2 feet long or so, they get the shovel, any bigger, they get the shotgun). They do a remarkable rattlesnake impression. Saw his tail before I had a sight picture on his head.

      • EvilSheldon

        A lot of harmless snakes will shake their tails when they feel threatened. Racers, Bull and Gopher snakes, some rat snakes. It’s not a good identifier.

      • R C Dean

        Around here, I only worry about rattlesnakes. He had no rattles or the markings I expect to see on the tail of a rattler with his coloring (the species he looked like has white and black bands next to the rattles).

        The ensuing attempt to toss him over the wall was Yakety Sax worthy. Shortly after, I got the grabber.

  54. Ownbestenemy

    LOL

      • AlexinCT

        Seriously, I actually have had people tell me that the mayor Marion Barry defense Is valid. They want desperately to give her (and themselves) an out to the hypocrisy this whole thing showed they were about. Things like this make all the panicked woke fucks demanding we become serfs look like the dumbass tools they are.

      • Tulip

        I mostly see “really, this is what people care about!?”

  55. The Late P Brooks

    If that snake had been outside, I probably would have left him alone. I more likely than not would never even have seen him.

    Inside… that pissed me off.