Subaru Horror Theater, Vol. 15 – 笑顔の幽霊の女の子

by | Sep 16, 2020 | Subaru Horror Theatre | 230 comments

 

No one told me every Subaru came with its own gaijin ghost girl. I did not even know she was a ghost girl at first. She was not wet. Her uncombed hair did not hang in her face. Her teeth were not black. She smiled and opened her mouth and there was no chorus of horrors from the depths of Hell. I was very confused.

Once my bicycle, basketballs, and guitars had all disappeared from the rear storage space, I was very concerned. But there, across the street, was smiling ghost girl. Once I drove away she was in the seat beside me. She did not smell badly and seemed very clean. I asked my friends if they could see her and they said no. They tried to take my keys from me. They said I had been drinking. Smiling ghost girl frightened them until their hair turned white and they became figurines for sale in a vending machine. I apologized to my friends. I had no change.

I took my new Subaru to the dealer to talk to them about my smiling ghost girl. Maybe there was a recall issued. That is when I found out about the new car ghost girl mandate from the government. Ghosts girls would wander all over Tokyo and in many of the smaller cities and villages. This caused much disruption in local economies and hundreds of gruesome deaths. It was decided to weld the charred bones of a ghost girls in the frame of every new car and mix their ashes into the paint. This made the ghost girl the responsibility of the car owner. The girl would stay with them and not kill them and even be their ghost girlfriend if they wanted. The dealer said the new law was talked about on the television and reported in all the newspapers. I do not remember hearing about it. I cannot return my haunted car.

Except for brief visions of her screaming in my face with a distended mouth, and I have gotten used to my smiling ghost girl. She does not speak and never tries to change the music. She stays in the car all night. I never have to take her to dinner or buy her presents. She cannot text me or call. She is a good girlfriend in these many respects.

More and more cars have their own ghost girls. I see her waving to them and giggling behind her hands. At least four every time we go anywhere. Why do we have so many ghost girls? Why is mine smiling all the time when she isn’t screaming in my face? I cannot even ask her how she died.

I look at her and she looks at me. The sunlight is shining through her. She touches my hand out of doomed attraction. All I feel is cold.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

230 Comments

  1. TARDis

    Sometimes I worry about you.

    • Sean

      She looks underage. Is Glibs pushing pedo stuff now too?

      *Looks around for OMWC*

      • Count Potato

        We were bought out by Netflix.

      • Rhywun

        Hi, Barry and Michelle!

      • Tejicano

        “We were bought out by Netflix.”

        So we now have a wider platform for HM as well as H&H? OUR PLAN IS WORKRING!!

        /Bond villain laughter

      • Cancelled

        Underage and dead, hmm, if I didn’t know better I would say SF wrote this while reading the comments on the evening links tonight.

  2. Count Potato

    October already?

    • Florida Man

      Halloween horror nights was supposed to start last week. To console myself I have been consuming horror movies pre-October.

      • Count Potato

        Unfortunately, with the covid, very little new stuff is being released.

      • Cancelled

        Unfortunately, with the covid over the past decade, very little new stuff is being released.

        Not sure Covid has reduced the amount of new stuff. It may have halted remade stuff.

      • Count Potato

        I haven’t noticed that over the past decade.

      • Cancelled

        You haven’t noticed that Hollywood has been doing remakes? Or you haven’t noticed it increasing over the past decade? They have always done it, but it sure seems to me that a higher percentage of big budget movies have been remakes, either scene for scene, or woke reboots over the past decade.

      • Count Potato

        Remakes are part of the genre. There have also been a ton of new stuff.

      • Count Potato

        You figure there would be way more stuff on the streaming services, but there isn’t.

      • LCDR_Fish

        If you have the Shudder channel (I don’t). You should be able to watch the new Blood Machines short film – definitely some good horror vibes.

        Not sure yet what flicks I’ll [re]watch for Saturday Halloween this year. Maybe something new or maybe some classics.

      • Florida Man

        I’ve been filling in movies I missed when they came out. Insidious and paranormal activity most recently. I need to watch dead silence to get all the Wan works.

  3. Lady Z

    Oh how I’ve missed this place.

    • Sean

      ?

    • DEG

      Welcome back.

    • Chafed

      Where have you been?

      • Lady Z

        Mostly avoiding anything remotely related to politics.

      • Tejicano

        The Aleutians?

  4. Count Potato

    So allusions to both The Ring and Mechagodzilla, without an anime avatar? Impressive.

  5. Aloysious

    Do I have to buy a dratted Subaru to get a ghost girlfriend?

    She sounds like a challenge.

    • SugarFree

      She doesn’t love you at all or she loves you way, way, way too much.

      • Aloysious

        I’m familiar with the first, not so much the second. Except for that one Mexican chik… but I’m pretty sure she was an outlier.

    • blackjack

      Nope, just kill a couple. I have some I didn’t even kill that still haunt me!

  6. Tulip

    Yay! Subaru Horror theatre!

    Sugarfree, if you need new inspiration, check out the old General Foods International Coffee commercials.

    • Count Potato

      Was that the thing on Howard Stern?

      • Tulip

        Incest is gross

      • Ted S.

        I don’t remember that commercial.

        I can only imagine what Sugarfree would do with Peter.

      • SugarFree

        Peter is the only one that can see the girl.

      • I'm Here To Help

        I had an idea for a SNL skit based on Peter. Went something along the lines of Peter coming home, starting to rummage around in the kitchen to make coffee. Scene switches to the parents bedroom, with the wife waking up hearing the noise downstairs, waking up the husband, and the husband going down to investigate with a shotgun/golf club. Hear gunshots/crashing off screen, then the husband coming back in bloody saying that it was taken care of. Wife asks who it was, and the husband responding that he wasn’t sure, but whoever it was made a great tasting cup of coffee!

      • Tulip

        Oops, not the one I was thinking of. Yep, that would also work.

      • SugarFree

        Oh, yeah, that sister/brother commercial is some straight-up Netflix Originals sex-creepy.

      • Fourscore

        We were so naive…The guy scammed her out of the coffee but apparently it was worth it to her to get rid of him.

      • blackjack

        I don’t get it. Does that one girl have two cups, or is it two girl and one cup?

      • The Last American Hero

        Giles you sly devil.

    • Not Adahn

      Shitty coffee with flavorings and sweetener marketed as “sophisticated? Holy crap, they were the original Starbucks!

  7. Tulip

    I have to say, as much as I love Subaru Horror Theatre, I can no longer watch commercials without imagining something horrible happening. For example, this one https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mcMpJlYynBw, makes me imagine these two meeting some guy and murdering him in Paris.

    • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

      Holy shit–she’s right!

      International Coffee’s Murder Most Disturbing

      “It’s not just about the ‘coffee’ anymore”

      • Tulip

        I know, right. Once you’ve read Sugarfree, they’re ALL creepy.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        While it hasn’t crossed my mind in awhile, I’ve had the same thoughts during commercials, too.

    • Sean

      If a ghost swallows, do you need a towel?

      • westernsloper

        The way I see it that is the ghosts problem.

      • Sean

        It’s the non-corporeal thing. Is it still capable of holding fluids?

      • SugarFree

        Ectoplasm is ectoplasm–it’s all sticky in the dark, baby.

    • SugarFree

      This is the Babylon Bee all over again.

      • SugarFree

        I screened They Live for one of the younger Glibs. It was a rousing success.

        This seems like the artist I have been looking for the Hat & Hair comic.

      • Tulip

        Eep!

      • Festus' Mustache

        Oh Dear….

      • LCDR_Fish

        He’s done a lot of Biden comics along this vein too. Highly recommended.

      • Count Potato

        This week 15 minutes after the Bee posted a story about the lack of social distancing at the Middle East peace agreement, there was a chyron about the lack of social distancing at the Middle East peace agreement. As the time between Bee stories and reality becomes smaller, it will eventually reach zero, and the Bee will become an omniscient deity.

      • one true athena

        I think Zucker just reads the Bee to know what he should do next on CNN.

      • R C Dean

        I was thinking more “tear in the space-time continuum”.

  8. mikey

    I love these.
    Always read the story first. Makes the ad creepy AF.

    • Tundra

      Same.

      Great work, SF!

      • Ozymandias

        Thirded. This is the first time I read one and then watched the commercial right after. That’s the proper way.

  9. Ted S.

    No one told me every Subaru came with its own gaijin ghost girl.

    Only if you drive them through Gettysburg.

    • Swiss Servator

      Now that is a good tie together!

  10. egould310

    On my own for the night. Got my very special tomato/meat sauce braising. Just poured the first of four vodka martinis. Some pinot noir on deck. Fresh spaghetti noodles. I’m carb loading tonight. And then wailing away on my guitar.

  11. westernsloper

    Can the ghost girl fix the car since she is part of it? I might be interested in this.

    • SugarFree

      Only spooky fixes, like making the headlights a Medusa stare or filling the glovebox with blood-drenched circus peanuts.

      • Tundra

        …blood-drenched circus peanuts.

        Whoa.

      • westernsloper

        Ya, that aint going to help. I need new valve covers. Plus it is a Nissan. Although at the end of every relationship in my life the, All I feel is cold is familiar so I am down with that.

      • SugarFree

        Which do you find more frightening? Because it’s that one.

      • Sean

        Real ones.

      • Florida Man

        I vote the disgusting marshmallow things. Blood would improve the flavor.

      • egould310

        I ate a bunch of the marshmallow circus peanuts when I was four. I barfed them all back up. It was gross.

      • blackjack

        Once, when I was twelve, there was a chunk of hash floating around the house. It didn’t seem to get anyone high, so it just sat around for about a month. One day, just on a lark, I ate the whole thing. Turned out, that was the key. I got really fucked up. I ate an entire box of life cereal, start to finish. Of course, I then threw it up and had to clean it all up.

      • egould310

        That’s pretty gross, too.

      • Hyperion

        Lol, I love stories like that, because it reminds me of something me or my friends would have done back in the day.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Fix? no. Fill up the windshield washer fluid reservoir by channeling the deadlights? yes.

      • SugarFree

        “We all hydroplane down here, Georgie.”

  12. Tundra

    I love these, but the Halloween one last year still creeps me out.

    That poor puppy.

    • LJW

      Halloween one? How did I miss that?

      • Old Man With Candy

        It was absolutely brilliant.

      • LJW

        Ahhh ya thanks I remember it now.

      • westernsloper

        I was wondering how I missed that. Oh ya, surgery. That is awesome!

      • Fourscore

        I had forgotten that totally, then as I read it I remembered but still had forgotten the ending, until I got to the end. Uff da!. Now I remember.

    • hayeksplosives

      The doggo one sticks with me too. Using the dog’s point of view as narrator was perfect.

      I’m quite fond of the big sister on her phone too much being “punished” by her parents.

      • blackjack

        The dog one was my favorite, also.

  13. blackjack

    From the dead thread. In case anyone want’s to read a free book by a cop who lied and went to prison.

    • SugarFree

      It’s perfect!

      • Sensei

        Glad I was able to help!

  14. Count Potato

    I’m still wondering how the Biden campaign picked sexy a song that goes “I want to breathe your neck slowly”, when there all these pictures of his nose buried in underage necks.

    • Tejicano

      It’s because the DNC thinks that saying it in Spanish means it isn’t creepy.

      And who understands Spanish anyway?

      • blackjack

        These guys!

      • blackjack

        NTTAWWT! how about this one?

      • Sensei

        私じゃない!

    • The Hyperbole

      all these pictures of his nose buried in underage necks

      The memes or actual pictures? because I can only find one actual picture that might qualify and it seems in that one that he’s whispering in her ear not hair sniffing.

      • hayeksplosives

        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yl4UtpahWjM

        You asked for it. The giveaway is the expressions in the girls’ faces and their body language of leaning away or walking away.

        He looks entirely too comfortable with touching these girls, like it’s his right.

        Imagine the girl is your daughter and the guy is the mayor of your town. You don’t think his behavior is concerning?

      • hayeksplosives

        Hell, the girl in the red skirt at around the 0:34 mark briskly walks away from him after his fingers graze her nipple.

      • westernsloper

        I made it halfway through. Ya, normal people do not do that.

      • Hyperion

        And they want to make this guy president and he’s also suffering from dementia. Oh joy.

      • Ozymandias

        I didn’t get past 1:34 before I had to turn it off. I can feel the urge to put a bullet in his head starting to rise.
        I prosecuted a guy who did very, very similar things as Creepy Joe; it eventually culminated in digitally penetrating a 12 year-old girl.
        I don’t care what anyone says, Joe’s behavior is classic pedophile/sexual assaulter stuff. And he does it in public to see what he can get away with – he’s pushing the limits to see if anyone will react.
        I’ve done a LOT of those cases over the years, from both sides of the aisle, and I wouldn’t let Joe Biden near my kids for a fucking second.

      • slumbrew

        It’s hard to watch and think “oh, that’s just normal political dirty tricks / casting aspersions” – the body language of is just _wrong_.

        It’s hard to watch.

        Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence…

      • Tejicano

        Reminds me of this skit – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDXYzUlv0S8

        If you are standing for a group photo and for some reason (not finding one easy here) you must put your hands on somebody’s child maybe put them on the shoulders, maybe on the outside of the upper arms. But to go under the arms to the chest/ribs? This freak is giving Chester competition.

      • Hyperion

        I counted more than a couple there. I mean he’s sniffin little girl hair like a puppy dog! Holy shit!

      • Tulip

        Nope, not just memes. You know who first pointed this out and called him Creepy Joe? Amanda Marcotte. Now, of course, she thinks he’s just wonderful.

  15. Animal

    I find Subarus frequently illustrate a fundamental law of nature I discovered some time ago. I call it Animal’s Law of Bumper Sticker Inverse Intelligence, which states: The odds of a driver being a drooling moron rise in direct proportion to the number of bumper stickers on his car.

    • Florida Man

      What about number of stickers on their gun safe? I can’t help it Gun manufactures give me stickers with every gun. Where else am I supposed to put them?!?

      • Francisco d'Anconia

        Lol! That’s where I put them too

    • DenverJ

      Subaru’s have long offered smallish, 4×4 cars, and now they are all wheel drive. They appeal to people who wish to experience the outdoors without owning a large truck. I am thinking of purchasing one, although I really do need a large truck/van. I promise no bumper stickers, whatever I decide.

      • Count Potato

        They seem way bigger now than they used to be.

      • slumbrew

        There must be some sort of Iron Law about how car models get bigger every year until a new, smaller model needs to get introduced.

      • The Last American Hero

        I did so love my WRX. The awd was off the charts fantastic.

  16. Timeloose

    “Ain’t nutthin like the smell of a brand new car… sept maybe for ghost pu**y.”

  17. DEG

    That is when I found out about the new car ghost girl mandate from the government.

    Is there anything the government can’t fuck up?

    • Tejicano

      Maybe, and they’re gonna keep trying until they find it.

    • mikey

      NZ is screwed. They can keep the closet door closed and decay or open it and watch the people start dieing. The virus will have its way.

      • Chafed

        Virus gonna virus.

  18. DenverJ

    Hi everybody!

    • Count Potato

      Hi!

    • Chafed

      Hi Dr. Nick!

    • Tejicano

      Same with my dad.

    • creech

      On the other hand, remember in 2016 when Hillary was close to death, and for four years RBG was about to croak? Wishful thinking.
      Oh, and the article was completely disrespectful: it didn’t refer to Joe’s spouse as “DOCTOR Jill Biden.”

      • Count Potato

        Well, it’s not like she’s married to Ben Shapiro.

    • Caput Lupinum

      Depends on the type of dementia. Alzheimers, probably two years at most. Vascular dementia, depends on if they can control the strokes, could be a matter of weeks or it could stop progressing entirely. Sundowning isn’t limited to dementia, either. Many elderly people just have general memory and cognitive problems, and they tend to get worse as you get tired; keep any person up long enough and they stop functioning correctly, and the elderly get tired much more easily.

      I doubt we’ll ever get an actually honest assessment of Biden’s, or any other politician’s, health until after they are dead or no longer politically useful, and probably not even then.

      • straffinrun

        Let’s say he passes soon after getting elected: “We knew he had dementia the whole time, but Trump is evil, so we had to do it!” Giving the power to nuke cities to a person in that condition is nihilistic and/or sadistic.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        What does it say about them that they would knowingly have it pass to Miss Piccolo Player?

      • Brochettaward

        What does it say about the average Democratic voter that they are fine with the notion of the actual power passing to a candidate they roundly rejected in the primaries?

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        Eh–that, I ‘get’, since people don’t typically refuse to vote if their preferred candidate doesn’t make it in. That they suddenly consider her redeemed, for lack of a better word, simply because Joe sniffed her out is another matter.

        But, Kamala is a special case, AFAIAC, since she was epically shot down by Tulsi on points very near ad dear to that sides heart (and to ours, too, for the most part).

    • Rhywun

      he tires easily and, by afternoon, is running on empty

      Huh. Apparently, I have dementia.

      • slumbrew

        Apropos of nothing, your Return of the Hat quip in the Hat And The Hair post was underappreciated.

        Bravo.

      • Rhywun

        I just know the Revenge of the Hat poster is going to be a collector’s item some day.

    • Chafed

      I… uh… nevermind.

      • straffinrun

        I call dibs on the van.

    • Brochettaward

      “Obviously, it’s the provenance of campaigns and political parties, opposition research, the media to carry out political endeavors, to learn about or dust up one’s opponent, but it’s not the legitimate role of government for Congress or for taxpayer expense to be used in an effort to damage political opponents,” Romney said.

      Unless it involves dossiers with rumors about pee tapes. Then it’s a national security matter, right, Mitt?

    • straffinrun

      Twitchy time.

    • Brochettaward

      That link took me to one about John Kerry giving his…expert opinion on Israel reaching peace agreements with individual Arab nations.

      https://twitter.com/neontaster/status/1306377971863871489

      Yea…it’s amazing that John Kerry didn’t accomplish shit besides that steaming pile of shit Iran deal.

      • Brochettaward

        Of course, the above assumes that he and the Obama administration would have accepted a peace that would have been on Israelis terms. If you are committed to making Israel make concessions to the Palestinians, you don’t want to encourage negotiations with individual Arab states.

      • Chafed

        He is one of the most arrogant politicians.

      • Chafed

        That explains a lot.

      • Brochettaward

        I still think he’s gay.

      • Brochettaward

        *whispers*

        All of them. They’re all gay.

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      Gay men have morals?

  19. straffinrun

    Shining girl and Sadako hot mashup. Good stuff, SF.

  20. straffinrun

    But

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        “Look–she fell down the stairs, and onto my knife collection. What–so what if it’s just one knife?? I have to start somewhere.”

      • Chafed

        “Police say his intoxication and mental state have placed his criminal responsibility into question.” Being drunk is a defense to murder in Japan?

      • Brochettaward

        If being intoxicated means you can’t legally consent to sex, can you legally consent to murdering someone?

    • straffinrun

      “The bullet entered Johnson’s hip and exited out of his buttocks, police said”

      The ol’ Taco Bell shot.

    • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

      The bullet entered Johnson’s hip and exited out of his buttocks

      DOUBLE CORN-HOLE!!!

      Oh, the times he’ll have in prison…

      • straffinrun

        Our asshole fetishes have aligned.

      • slumbrew

        Jennifer Connelly’s greatest role scene

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        I….well…a hard difficult decision. Not something she looks like she enjoyed.

      • KSuellington

        They didn’t mention what else they caught him with. He was trespassing and appears suspicious with a false story. Wonder if he has been released?

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        Just give it some time–I’m sure he’ll be back to “fire-protesting” any day now.

      • KSuellington

        Mostly peaceful fires.

        I was texting back and forth earlier with a buddy who is at this point about half way to understanding some libertarian arguments. I am talking about seeing media manipulation and Marxist tendencies in government. He is almost there, but then goes off the rails on the green movement and the belief that somehow the government can save us from climate disaster.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        Gotta have that force for their particular idea that’s so good, others won’t get behind it.

      • Akira

        He is almost there, but then goes off the rails on the green movement and the belief that somehow the government can save us from climate disaster.

        Yea, the environment is always the tough one. It was a good strategy move for the Left to convince everyone that you either vote for them or the world will end.

        I’ve gotten my brother (some blend of progressive technocratic Leftist) to admit that the Democrat Party is going too far with gun control and that excessive regulations on healthcare drive the price up… But he always pulls the blue lever because he’s concerned that the planet will be destroyed and that every other issue is fixable later.

        And just as an aside, I think it’s a bit foolhardy to think that “every other issue can be fixed later”. There are not many incentives to remove restrictions on liberty because the first time a death occurs that can tangentially be blamed on that deregulation, whoever voted for it will get absolutely pilloried with ads. Rand Paul could introduce a bill to deregulate SBRs, and crime could plummet over the next 10 years, but the first time someone gets shot with an SBR, all you’re going to see is “… And little Timmy would still be alive if not for stupid Rand Paul letting these short-barrelled death machines flood our streets!!”

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        I’ve never understood this fucking fascination in the news with the method of death for anyone/everyone, beyond people whose job it is to investigate death. If someone was killed by another person, do you care what the other person was wearing? What they ate just before?

        It’s lurid for the sake of trying to scare people and get them to give up their rights (property & self-defense). It’s rarely about the person, or, the human condition. No–it has to be about this inanimate object.

      • Akira

        @ Digby:

        That’s what happens when we have a media class that is overwhelmingly from rich families in coastal metro areas, where they probably never touched a gun besides maybe a high dollar double-barrel shotgun at a cocktail party.

        They’re firearms-illiterate and are very susceptible to propaganda about AR-15s being uniquely deadly and hollow-point bullets disintegrating an entire human body on contact.

      • Not Adahn

        Is she single?

  21. Gender Traitor

    ::looks askance at two Subarus on driveway…including her Impreza:: It was probably a mistake to read this right before bedtime.

    Maybe it’s just as well there’s no room for any cars in our two-car attached garage.

  22. KSuellington

    Wow, so much out of so little. Imagine if that commercial had been 60 seconds.

  23. hayeksplosives

    Yet another young woman trying to “pass” as Black:

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8741099/University-Wisconsin-Madison-graduate-resigns-teaching-job-lying-black.html

    That’s Rachel Dolezal,, Krug (a tenured professor), and now this grad student.

    There’s a profile starting to emerge. Young woman of above average intelligence, educated at leftie college, becomes active in pro-black causes. I’d like to see professional psychiatrists and psychologists work up a profile, including childhood, of what makes these people tick.

    As much as I’d like to call it Ain’t Jemima Syndrome, I think we gotta name this one for Dolezal. After all , she “wanted to make a difference.”

    • Akira

      The fact that people benefit by pretending to be black kind of throws a wrench into this idea that America is a horribly racist country.

      • hayeksplosives

        I think it’s more like faking an injury for these ladies. They want sympathy and unquestioning support as a minority.

        But yeah, generally speaking, it can’t be so bad to be black if people fake it for YEARS.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        There is something so narcissistic and self-serving about them. They dare not say anything about the inherent unfairness of these reparation-type quota schemes, but will be kicked to the curb for having the “wrong skin color”.

        Can’t do without, even though it would be more consistent with their professed belief in their guilt–nosiree! Gotta get in on a grifting scheme so they can work in their dream field.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Counter example: John Howard Griffin

  24. Sir Digby Classic

    Testing the new classic stuff…

    • Gender Traitor

      Can’t argue with that assessment. Thanks for posting it.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I hated that song back when it came out but it’s grown on me as I’ve gotten older. A bit depressing though.

    • Gender Traitor

      Just yesterday, the big local news outlet posted various communities’ (tentatively) scheduled “Beggars’ Night” days & times and solicited info from other communities. No word yet about our township. We usually go out to eat during that time to avoid it (Tom T OD’d on Halloween as a kid, thanks to his mom,) but maybe this year we’ll stay home with a little candy just in case.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Mornin’ GT! I’ve been doing the tried and true honor system for twenty years. Just set the punkins and candy bowl out at the end of the driveway. We’ve only been burned once in all of that time but this season seems iffy. It looks like we’re overrun with Sixth Graders in our neighborhood – https://youtu.be/VXW24T4QyuM

      • Gender Traitor

        Mornin’, Fes. Few kids in our neighborhood, but maybe our next door neighbors’ grandkids will come around.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Our area is lower middle class strivers and oldsters. We get a fresh crop of younglings every few years. This season appears to be a bumper crop.

  25. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Just watched the Biden’s a molester compilation posted upthread. How in the hell is he even halfway viable the dementia notwithstanding?

    • Gender Traitor

      Roman Polanski Syndrome? “It’s OK when one of our guys does it.” Haven’t figured out how Harvey Weinstein figures into this phenomenon.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        How many people have actually seen it I wonder? I pay attention to politics and I’ve only seen the various memes. Hyperbole was asking for the proof which is evidence in and of itself that it’s not really out there in a big way. The Trump campaign should be playing that on a loop.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Dim-wit repubs still try to play by the old rules. Either that or there are enough bones rattling in everyone’s closet that they dare not shine a light on the obvious.

  26. Sean

    https://dailycaller.com/2020/09/16/kamala-harris-minnesota-bail-fund-accused-sexual-assault-child/

    Daily reminder: Democrat leaders are at war with Americans.

    MINNEAPOLIS — A bail fund promoted by Sen. Kamala Harris helped a man accused of sexually assaulting an eight-year-old girl get out of jail in July, according to court documents obtained by the Daily Caller News Foundation.

    The Minnesota Freedom Fund (MFF) also helped post bail in August for a man accused of assaulting a 71-year-old woman as he burglarized her home, court documents show. One week after his release the man was found to be in violation of his bail. The Hennepin County Sheriff’s Office told the DCNF on Wednesday there is still an active felony warrant out for that man’s arrest.

    Court documents reviewed by the DCNF reveal that the bail fund also provided support in June to a man who allegedly stomped on and robbed a victim on the streets of Minneapolis on May 25, the same day George Floyd died while in police custody.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Supporting a fund that bails out a bunch people without due consideration given to the nature of the accusations against them is causing blowback. Who could have seen that coming?

  27. Tulip

    Hey Straff, if you’re still here, let’s do another art challenge.

    • Festus' Mustache

      You say this on an SF story link? Oh My…

  28. Gender Traitor

    Uggh. Just found a message from my oldest sister on FB. (I KNEW it was a mistake to log in there!) She says she just signed up for this Alzheimer’s DNA study service and “thought [I] might be interested.” Call me paranoid, but I don’t like the idea of handing my DNA out to anyone who’s not actually administering medical care to me. It’s probably already in some big database, but I’m not going to make it easier for them. “What could possibly go wrong?”

    I know many here have signed up & given DNA samples to one or another genealogy database, and that’s fine for you if you’re that interested in your genetic heritage. I know enough about mine to satisfy my relatively low curiosity about the topic. Definitely have mixed feelings when it’s couched in terms of medical research on a disease that’s appeared on both sides of my family.

    • Sean

      I know many here have signed up & given DNA samples to one or another genealogy database,

      Not me.

      GF did hers though. Strangely enough, she was telling me last night that they “revised” her profile percentages. Something about how they do the testing. That seemed strange to me.

      • Festus' Mustache

        It’s akin to all the “modelling” going on at present. “The Scientific Method” without Science or a Method. With this Covid nonsense, Health Officials are merely cracking eggs and dumping them down the sink as if that would save a failed souffle.

      • Chipwooder

        Yeah, they do that periodically. In my case, at least, it just rearranges stuff on the margins, doesn’t really change anything significant. The biggest change this time was they split out Scottish from English.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Yeah, I’m sorta torn over that, too. Alzheimer’s took Grandma and Diabetes runs pretty rampant in the paternal line but I have a sneaking suspicion that much long-buried family mythology would be laid bare. Not that it matters at this point but still. Having your idea of where you came from and who you are potentially thrown into the wood chipper gives one pause. Fuck it. If the opportunity presents itself I’ll do it.

    • Festus' Mustache

      It is funny. On the other hand, I’ve never been a fan of Perp Walks or the idea of the Court Docket being published in the local Penny Saver. But on the gripping hand, Fuck these assholes because this is probably going to be the only repercussions that they’ll ever see.