Aces and Eights

by | Oct 21, 2020 | Fiction | 206 comments

Jack tapped the cards resting on the table nervously with his fingertips.  He knew he had nothing but he foolishly tried to buy the pot.  There was no easy way out at this point.

“Call.” Were the words that managed to escape his lips.

James glanced at his cards once again.  He did everything methodically, so much that Jack couldn’t figure what was going through his head.  Jack didn’t have the cards, he was certain of it.  The retired lawman all too easily saw Jack’s lie come apart and dig him further in the hole, so he decided to let McCall stew for a minute or two.  Jack saw that in his eyes only because he wanted Jack to see it.  Nobody liked to be played like that, but if Jack wanted a seat at this table, he would have to endure the condescension for a little while longer.

“Three fives.”  James answered.

Sweat beaded around McCall’s eyes.  There wasn’t a lot of shame in losing to this man, he just didn’t want to be the first to leave the table.  There was no way around it now, Jack did not have a winning hand.  He set his cards down slowly to reveal the two of spades, queen of clubs, king of diamonds, ten of hearts and jack of clubs.

“Broken straight. The pot’s mine, McCall.” James said confidently.  He smiled heartily as he pulled the chips toward himself and began the methodical task of stacking the clay discs by color. The dull clacks of the chips tapping together rang between Jack’s ears like hundreds of cicadas in the summer.  Jack lost $88 on the hand alone.  The retired lawman stroked his mustache for a time before looking back at Jack.  “I reckon you were all in on that.”

“Yeah.  I’m out.”  Jack answered meekly.  He slowly pushed out his chair and made way for the bar across the end of the gambling hall.

“McCall. Next time have the cards, you ain’t much of a liar.”  James quipped.  The rest of the players laughed in agreement as Jack left.

The bar wasn’t anything out of there ordinary for the Dakota Territory.  Just a simple wooden structure backed by cloth covered barrels.  A large mirror lined the wall behind it, showing Jack a view of the back room where the others continued the card game.  He watched himself for a minute or two with his hands crossed over the finished wooden surface before resting his head between his hands.

“What’ll it be, mister?”  A high pitched voice from behind the bar asked.  Jack was confused; he couldn’t see anybody behind the bar.

“Who’s talking at me?”  Jack asked hesitantly.

“Down here.”

“Where!?”

A stool scooted across the wooden floor and set down with a fair amount of authority.  The thud echoed softly throughout the room.  A small man climbed awkwardly atop the stool where Jack could just see his head and shoulders over the bar.

“Sorry mister, I didn’t see you back there.”  Jack apologized.

“Nobody does.  What’ll it be?”  The small man smiled.

“Whiskey.”  Jack said.  The bartender dutifully climbed down from the stool and fetched a bottle from behind the bar.  He then pulled out a glass, and set both upon the bar.

– pop –  He pulled the cork from the bottle.

“You have a clean glass?”  Jack asked.

“In Deadwood?”  The bartender questioned.

“You have a point, little man.”  Jack chuckled a bit and shrugged.  “No matter, I just rather have the bottle anyway.”

The bartender smiled and pushed the bottle closer to Jack, and removed the glass.

“No fun losing is it, Jack?”

“How did you know my name?”  Jack asked.

“Overheard your card game.  Sometimes being this small has its advantages.”  The bartender replied.  “They weren’t all that nice were they?”  Jack took a swig from the bottle.

“Woof.  Good stuff you have here.”  Jack answered. The bourbon had a clean, subtly sweet but biting flavor.  Followed by a faint taste of burnt almond.  Odd, but Jack took another.  “Not really, but that’s the name of the game isn’t it?”  Jack answered the bartender’s question after the burning in his sinuses subsided.

Laughter erupted from the back off the room.

“So are you new here?  I haven’t seen you around at all.”  Jack asked.

“Not really. I have a tendency to be overlooked.”  The bartender responded.  “So, I can’t help but notice your iron there.”  Jack took another swig of the odd whiskey.  The bartender began to become a bit faded to Jack’s eyes.

“Oh yeah?  You mean Doris? Or Lucille?”  Jack asked.

“I guess the lady I can see.”  The bartender smiled through the fog in Jack’s eyes. “I’ve been thinking of picking one up myself.”

“Ha!  Now I know you haven’t been out here too long.”  Jack pulled the revolver from its holster.  He spun it vertically in his hand and watched it slip onto the bar.  “Whoops.” He said with a chuckle. “Colt 1851 Navy.  Do your part and it will get the job done five times over.”

The bartender picked up the revolver and inspected it.  Jack thought his small hands looked comical around its full size, rosewood grips.  Small fingerprints were left on the polished brass that Jack took note of for later. He took another swig of the whiskey, and fell further into the fog.

“Must have cost you a pretty penny.”  The bartender said softly.

“Not um, what the, the cost’ll be if ya don’t give it back, friend.”

The bartender slipped a fingernail underneath a cap and slipped it off. He half cocked the hammer and spun it past the empty chamber.  He handed the revolver back to Jack.  Jack looked wide-eyed at the mans quick movements but failed to take note of anything going on through the fog.

“Push the hammer froward next time. Not um, not very polite ya hear?”  Jack stumbled through the etiquette lesson.

“My apologies. What would you need something like this for around here?”  The bartender asked.

“For the self-righteous and the impolite alike.”  Jack answered.  He sighted the revolver at what he assumed was his reflection.  Holstered the gun and then awkwardly pointed it back at his reflection.  He could barely make out the front sight in the dim room.

Laughter erupted from the card game once again.  Jack looked at James’ profile.  Smiling from behind his growing stack of chips. He took another swig of whiskey.  Jack noticed that James had his back to the bar.

“So which was he? Self-righteous, or impolite?”

“Both.”  Jack answered, meekly.

“So what are you to do?  Stand here, stark raving mad?  Leave this iron without purpose?”

“It still has purpose.”  Jack replied.  He slowly returned the revolver back to its leather holster, doing his best not to shoot himself in here process.

Laughter erupted again.

“They were laughing at you aren’t they?  You couldn’t have lost that badly could you?”

“Would you, um, would you think that impolite?”  Jack asked.

“That’s not very polite at all.”

Jack looked down and saw the bartender’s hands holding a brass object that he couldn’t quite make out through the whiskey’s fog.

“May I?”  The bartender asked.  He clipped the brass cuff around Jack’s wrist. “I think you know what you need to do.”

Jack stumbled across to the end of the room.  He paid careful attention to the furniture that presented itself as motionless obstacles in the room. At least nobody else would get in his way.  Three players were in on this hand it appeared, and they were in hit he middle of the draw.  James, not noticing Jack quietly shifting behind him, sat motionless through the hand.

“How many?” The dealer asked.

“One.”

The dealer tossed the card across the table in a slow spin.  James grabbed the card and added it to his hand.  Jack could make out the ace of spades, ace of clubs, eight of clubs and the eight of spades.  He couldn’t make out the fifth card.

“I’ll take two.”  Another player asked.

Barely through the numbness that accompanied whiskey, the brass cuff began to vibrate on Jack’s wrist.  It was not uncomfortable, but Jack wanted it to stop.  Was it prompting him to do something?  He thought about what he talked about with the bartender.  He looked back at the bar, the tiny bartender wasn’t there, or at least hidden once again.  The cuff kept vibrating until his hand rested on the revolver.  It stopped.  He took his hand off and it began to vibrate furiously.  It was prompting him to do something.

“Call.”  The retired lawman demanded.  Jack thought about James’ condescending tone after he  played out.  He thought of the laughter and the sneers from the other players.  He touched his Colt 1851 cap and ball revolver, and balanced its sights as best he could through the fog.  He pulled back the hammer, softly clicking into place.

“Damn you….”  Jack said with cold indignation.  The other players looked wide eyed at the lawman.  James sat looking at his cards methodically before looking up.

“Take that!”  Jack pulled back on there trigger.

-click-

The lawman stood up, confused but not afraid.

“Take what, McCall?”  He asked.  Jack pulled the hammer back again and jerked the trigger.

-click-

The lawman winced and settled himself.  Angered, he reached for his own S&W model 2.  He pulled back its hammer.

“I told you McCall, next time– have the cards.”

– boom –

The brass cuff began to make soft chiming sounds that only Jack seemed to notice.  He looked to see it unhinge itself from his wrist before everything went dark.

The Junction

The 8th of January

 

About The Author

Glib Staff

Glib Staff

206 Comments

  1. C. Anacreon

    So who actually wrote this? Not just the ‘glib staff’?

    • Ted S.

      I think ZARDOZ wrote this.

    • But Enough About My Wild Culinary Fantasies

      Crowd-sourcing’s a thing. Plus it has the advantage of deniability. ”Who, me? I never wrote that!”

    • Old Man With Candy

      Winston’s Mom.

  2. The Bearded Hobbit

    Excellent!

    Author, author!

    • blackjack

      I’m more into this one. I heard it in my mind as I read.

      • blackjack

        Can’t never argue with SRV.

      • DEG

        Seconded.

      • westernsloper

        That was great!

  3. Fourscore

    I’m really enjoying the product and the price is right, as well. Keep on keepin’ on.

    • Tundra

      Seconded. Excellent yarn well told.

  4. KOVIDKristen

    OK WTF. I was just watching a Youtube of a poker player’s rundown of some significant hands he had in a tournament. I thought I would post in the ded thread about how I want to start player poker again, refreshed, and saw this piece. Fucking weird.

    • westernsloper

      I just got off the phone with my poker playing buddy about hunting camp. That is weirder.

  5. westernsloper

    I know who the author is.

    • Sean

      Satan?

      • Tundra

        Ozy and Animal.

      • DEG

        Hmm… knowledge of old guns.

        Some of the other stories had military themes.

        Makes sense.

    • Fourscore

      Don’t tell us, I mean don’t tell THEM

      /Leans towards Westernsloper

    • Swiss Servator

      I suspect you do not…

    • DEG

      I like that song.

      • blackjack

        Me too. Here this one’s still the same.

    • Tundra

      Awesome.

      • Tundra

        Seriously. That might be the best movie I’ve seen in a long time.

      • westernsloper

        I don’t have words for how much that short made me laugh. I have tried to search out more of their work but have failed. That could be entirely due to my incompetence though.

      • Fourscore

        Glad I wasn’t in the bar, would have needed some heat to undue the direction of the conversation

  6. Rhywun

    OT: So today we had an IT department “town hall” and the guest of honor was none other than our new Diversity Czar. I love working from home because I used to time to reorganize my file drawer.

    OK, not really. But I had some items to file and it required a new folder so I used my free time to make a new label and shuffle some other items around. I think my new staple came into play as well.

    Oh, so… yeah. “Affinity groups” are coming and all the IT department VP’s were smiling and nodding along like this is the greatest thing ever. They were kind of disappointed that 0 out of 125 attendees had any questions at the end, though.

    Also… “Please turn on your cameras!” LOL no thanks. First time I’ve ever been asked that at a meeting.

    • Rhywun

      Ugh… I need an editor.

    • db

      WTF is an affinity group?

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        “Gays of company X”
        “Blacks of company X”
        “Gender Confused of company X”

        etc.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        (actually they usually lump the LGBT+++ together)

        Every single identity group represented.

      • Grumbletarian

        “Cynics of Company X”?

      • Fourscore

        An affinity group or employee resource group (ERG) is a collection of individuals who share similar interests and goals. Once assembled, these groups cause significant change within the workplace. Affinity groups are employer-recognized and promote inclusion, diversity and other efforts that benefit employees. They create safe spaces for networking, resources for mentorship and training for professional development

      • db

        Registered machinegun owners of company X

      • DEG

        Since machine guns are triggering, members of that group will be fired.

      • DEG

        On a happier machine gun nore, Rock Island Auction’s December Auction Catalog will post tomorrow. RIA is calling this sale “The Sale of the Century”. I received a preview flyer in the mail. The preview pictures look impressive.

      • db

        Love that Johnson Model 1941.

      • DEG

        Amoskeag Auction has had a few Johnson rifles. They used to have them out in the regular viewing area but the last time their viewing room was open, you had to ask to see the Johnson rifles.

      • Tejicano

        Yeah, I don’t usually let anybody see my Johnson without asking first.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Some very sexy single action army pistols and some trench shotguns that I like very much, but are very much outside of what my budget can afford.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        ISWYDT…

      • DEG

        😉

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        That one meets purely via text messages and membership is by invitation only.

      • db

        “You stay in the closet, gun nut; you’re kind ain’t welcome here.”

      • Tejicano

        I was wondering that too but I actually don’t think I want to know.

      • Tejicano

        OK, now that I know, do you think they would accept hoplophile?

      • db

        see above

    • westernsloper

      I will send you $100 dollars if you turn on your camera after shaving in a Hitler mustache died black and wearing a yamaka.

      • Rhywun

        I AM growing a ‘stache. I think I could make it work.

      • westernsloper

        If that is the case you do know I was kidding about the hundred bucks right?

      • Rhywun

        Oh. Well, uh… that’s OK. I don’t want to shave off this beard I’m trying to grow anyway.

    • DEG

      Fuck.

    • Sensei

      I got an invitation to one of those along with the camera request.

      It was put in the form of a request and not a requirement to attend.

      I’ll be curious if I’m questioned after I don’t show.

      • Rhywun

        I’ve had two “town halls” already this week. Bring ’em on. It’s like bonus PTO.

      • Sensei

        Yup. Log in and let it drone in the background.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      “Please turn on your cameras!”

      Can’t. Toobin’.

      • DrOtto

        Toobin’ is properly done with the camera on, otherwise, you’re just jerking off.

      • R C Dean

        That’s OG Toobin’.

        Regular, off-the-shelf Toobin’ doesn’t require a camera or or witnesses

    • Urthona

      This would be an excellent time to fap.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, that’s the first thing I think of when I’m hanging out with my co-workers.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        But first declare your “affinity group” to be “guys that beat off during zoom calls.”

      • Brochettaward

        The diversity czar has already beaten him to it.

      • Tejicano

        They said they were looking for people with issues, not tissues!

    • slumbrew

      I’ll provide a small ray of comfort(?);

      We’ve had ERGs and all that nonsense for a couple of years now. We’ve got a (no doubt highly paid) VP of D&I, etc.

      It’s been really quiet on the D&I front ever since they announced their big matching gift program for select woke causes (we rarely do matching gifts) about 2 1/2 months ago.

      As of right now, there have been just 104 donations since the announcement, out of ~ 8,900 employees.

      I’m wondering (hoping, really) that the Powers That Be have decide to throttle back on the D&I stuff, since there’s some good evidence that the vast majority of the employees don’t much care.

      A man can hope.

      • R C Dean

        They can be made to care.

      • slumbrew

        Only around 40% of those 8,900 are domestic – I’m not sure how much they can make the guys in Bangalore care about this.

      • Rhywun

        Seriously. Of the dozen or so people I work with most, maybe two or three are native ‘Mercans who of course have been being buttered up for this stuff for the last couple decades. We have a big staff in England who are probably receptive as well, though I don’t work with any of them.

  7. blackjack

    Well, there’s also this!

    • blackjack

      I have no excuse for why this one took so long to come to mind.

      • blackjack

        This is some seriously cool second wave British blues, right here.

      • Cy

        I hadn’t heard that one before. Very nice.

  8. DEG

    Nice. I like it.

  9. LJW

    Exclusive: Alleged Hunter Biden Emails Circulated in Ukraine as Rudy Giuliani Dug for Dirt There Last Year

    “The two people who said they were approached with Hunter Biden’s alleged emails last year did not know whether any of them were real and they declined to identify who was behind the offers, the first of which came in late May 2019 and the second in mid-September 2019. The two people said they could not confirm whether any of the material presented to them was the same as that which has been recently published in the U.S.”

    Don’t get me wrong I question the emails, but this isn’t proof that they are fake.

    • westernsloper

      Time? Have they said anything true in decades?

    • Fourscore

      Sort of a left handed mullet? Go for it, we promise not to laugh

      • westernsloper

        No we don’t.

      • egould310

        Yeah. Might be cool. Might be laughable.

        That said, I do trust Bob’s weird choices.

  10. DEG

    PA House fails to override Gauleiter Wolf’s veto

    Last week’s veto by Pennsylvania’s governor of a bill that would have let restaurants reopen at full capacity in some circumstances remains in effect after a veto override failed in the state House.

    An override required two-thirds approval to be sent to the Senate, but it failed on a vote of 133 to 69.

    • Sensei

      My condolences.

      At least he is getting pushback that doesn’t exist here in NJ.

      • DEG

        Our PA glibs should get your condolences. I’m under the thumb of the Clown Prince of NH. To be fair, he’s not as bad of a dictator as Gauleiter Wolf, but he is no Noem or DeSantis.

      • Raven Nation

        I believe CATO gave the governor of NH an A recently for fiscal responsibility.

      • DEG

        The Clown Prince is good on guns and taxes. That’s it.

        He’s stymieing legal recreational marijuana. He fucked the state over with his Lil Rona Panic measures.

        OK, maybe I should give him some credit for Frank Edulbut (sp?), the education commissioner who has been friendly to charter schools and school reform, and whom teachers’ unions hate.

      • Lackadaisical

        Sounds pretty damn good from here /PRNY

    • R C Dean

      Isn’t that the legislature that passed it by a veto proof majority?

      • DEG

        Yep.

        I called it.

        A bill passed with a similar veto-proof majority about school sports. Gauleiter Wolf vetoes. Enough Democrats in the legislature flip that the veto is not overridden.

        I predicted the same thing would happen here.

        Now… this time fewer Democrats flipped. But, it was just enough that Gauleiter Wolf’s veto stands.

      • Lackadaisical

        What’s the point of that?

        Hoping to say they voted for it, but also could say they voted with the governor, depending on the political winds?

      • creech

        What winds? Most of these people are in safe districts. And no one is going to waste their time telling the voters about all the intricacies of who voted for what. The Libertarians mostly have the guts to tell the truth and hardly a voter listens and continues to throw their vote away on the major party turd from “their team.”

    • J. Frank Parnell

      it failed on a vote of 133 to 69

      nice.

  11. Sensei

    Tonight’s class discussion was a famous comedy bit in Japan, with the story rather well known.

    It’s about a child with an exceptionally long name.

    Jugemu Jugemu (寿限無、寿限無)
    Gokō-no surikire (五劫の擦り切れ)
    Kaijarisuigyo-no (海砂利水魚の)
    Suigyōmatsu Unraimatsu Fūraimatsu (水行末 雲来末 風来末)
    Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro (食う寝る処に住む処)
    Yaburakōji-no burakōji (やぶら小路の藪柑子)
    Paipopaipo Paipo-no-shūringan (パイポパイポ パイポのシューリンガン)
    Shūringan-no Gūrindai (シューリンガンのグーリンダイ)
    Gūrindai-no Ponpokopī-no Ponpokonā-no (グーリンダイのポンポコピーのポンポコナーの)
    Chōkyūmei-no Chōsuke (長久命の長助)

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jugemu

    Needless to say after working all day I’m beat, but the class actually helps break up the lockdown monotony here.

    • Tejicano

      “The recitation from memory of these names is a feature of the NHK children’s TV program Nihongo de Asobo (“Let’s play with Japanese”).”

      I get a little kick out of that program in which the main character who leads the program is a former Sumo wrestler who is teaching the kids Japanese – because most Japanese forget that he is Hawaiian. So they have a foreigner teaching their kids their native language.

      • Sensei

        My teacher can recite the names from memory as well.

  12. The Bearded Hobbit

    A friend emailed me about his local mayor being busted for malfeasance. I replied with this rant.

    So, one of the mistakes that I have made over my life is that I assume competence. That is, the person who is selling me something, or describing something, actually knows what the fuck they are talking about. Time and time again, over my life, I have been slapped in the face to realize that the idiot that I am talking to actually is completely ignorant and, more often than not, I know more about the subject than the “expert”.

    I used to naively expect that our elected idiots to be somewhat competent. 50 years of reality shows that these people are despicable morons that presume to run our lives and are some of the most worthless people on the planet. Exhibit A is the guy who was elected to State Treasurer despite the fact that his accounting business was being sued for incompetence after it went bankrupt. He was elected by a large majority.

    I no longer assume any competence or morality from any elected official. If you are good at your job then you are working for the private sector. If you are an incompetent, corrupt individual then you run for state office in NM and, if you have a D after your name, you win.

    “They” keep trying to tell me that we are at continual war in the Mid East to “preserve freedom”. The biggest threat to freedom in this country is the Federal Government of the United States. We are war with the wrong people.

    Buy more guns and ammo and stock up on food and water.

    Peace, love, and superior firepower.

    • Tundra

      Fuck yeah.

      Newsletter?

    • R C Dean

      *copies, pastes to email*

      *selects “All Staff”*

      *clicks “Send”*

      “Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?”

    • westernsloper

      50 years of reality shows that these people are despicable morons that presume to run our lives and are some of the most worthless people on the planet.

      Yep.

  13. Gustave Lytton

    Continued adventures with elderly parent. Detective talked to my mom for close to an hour over the phone regarding her relationship with a now deceased home care client, over potential theft or other possible crimes. ?‍♂️

    • db

      Oh boy…is it ever a good idea to talk to the police without representation?

      • R C Dean

        “Ima need a written immunity deal before I say shit, copper.”

      • Gustave Lytton

        That was my thought. I told her to talk to a lawyer tomorrow first and not to talk to anyone, including me, about it in the meantime.

      • Sensei

        Good luck!

    • DEG

      Sorry

  14. mikey

    Nice soryStaff – whomever you are.

    • westernsloper

      I know who it is.

      • westernsloper

        I know.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        It was YOU!?

      • Brochettaward

        I think the story has a feminine voice to it. It was either a gay or a female Glib.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        So..Winston’s Mom? Got it.

  15. kinnath

    Great story. Looking forward to more.

  16. egould310

    The key to winning at poker is; when you sit down at the table, take the pistol out of your pants pocket, quietly cock it, and under the table point it at the asshole you’re going to rob. Pretend to play poker for 45 minutes. Win, lose? Who gives a fuck!?

    Finish your bourbon in a big gulp and stick your pistol n that motherfuckers face “Gimme’ all your money, motherfuckers!!”

    Collect all the cash at the table. Grab the nearest ho. Walk out of that room like a gangsta.

    Bang that ho later.

    Word.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      In cowboy movies, especially the old ones, the fight in the saloon was pretty much required. Inevitably someone would crash over the table where there was a poker game going on. No one ever complained about all of their money being scattered across the floor or makes any move to pick it up. Always seemed strange to me.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        Westerns are full of contrivance, and I must credit them with helping me develop a keen BS sniffer early on. I remember all the gunfights and the improbably motivated combatants: you don’t put your life on a coin flip over a spilt drink, a clipped shoulder, or a perceived slight unless you don’t plan on making it past 23 or so.

        NewWife watches a lot of drama-for-drama’s sake, and I overhear/oversee some of it. Directoral malpractice aside, I will give the reality TV their due: people really are that dumb when hot lead’s not in play.

      • egould310

        ?This guy gets it.

      • egould310

        Although, my little scenario above should be titled “Death or Glory”.

        https://youtu.be/zdIdv2ReeDY

        A nice fan video using a bunch of old footage.

      • egould310

        Or maybe Four Horsemen. Here’s a video of some jabroni pretty much playing the shit out of Simonon’s bass line. Posted it because

        https://youtu.be/CYSPHjQktSk

  17. db

    BTW great story!

  18. egould310

    Welp. I killed another thread. So random power pop videos. Big Star first because Big Star was first. Memphis, TN. The birthplace of rock n roll, soul, and rnb.

    O My Soul live in Memphis in 1973 Alex is feeling groovy on luudes and red wine. Good tune.

    https://youtu.be/Ndgebla9clE

    • egould310

      Time changes, weirdness. Jangly guitars, though. Sneakers https://youtu.be/ocNTzQmhAe0

      Deal with it.

    • slumbrew

      The beginning reminds me of The Meters, a bit.

    • slumbrew

      Does this count as power pop?

      • egould310

        Yes. Great band; many awesome jangly songs.

        Because over in England they had the Soft Boys which are the British Big Star.

        Queen of Eyes https://youtu.be/SUEvCOh4dpI

      • slumbrew

        Ah, early Robyn Hitchcock. Thanks!

    • slumbrew

      And everyone should watch this, just for this comment:

      “Hello, Kurt It’s your cousin Marvin, Marvin Cobain. Remember that new sound you were looking for? Well listen to this”

      • Chafed

        Mmmm. I don’t think that’s the link you think it is.

  19. OBJ FRANKELSON

    Digging this.

    I am interested in seeing where this goes. Don’t pull a ‘Walking Dead’ and tease something interesting (e.g. the whole CDC plotline that was inexplicably dropped for no reason) and not give us at least a hint of the bigger scheme of things.

  20. KSuellington

    Good job Glib staff, like the western theme and look forward to the next.

  21. PieInTheSky

    All these stories have the default I am Lame tag is it on purpose?

    I am not going to guess who wrote this if it is such a big damn secret. It could be Tulpa for all I know.

    Old timey poker scenes remind me of how much better holdem is as a game to five card draw.

  22. PieInTheSky

    Very quiet here this morning

    • PieInTheSky

      houseguest – uninvited?

    • PieInTheSky

      catchy song though

    • Sean

      Great song.

    • Gender Traitor

      Mouseguest?

      • Tres Cool

        No, one of her Kountry friends from Adams Co. I should send you the pic of her teeth on the floor- bitch passed out on the sofa and her denture(s) fell out.

      • Sean

        Nice.

    • Not an Economist

      “Tweet is Unavailable”

      That was quick.

      • Sean

        Huh. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

        Twas Obama speaking to like 8-10 people with a megaphone in Philly.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Makes me wonder whether it’s lack of enthusiasm or fear of the coof that’s spooking the lefties off. It seems like Obama’d be able to draw a decent crowd if it was the former.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That’s strange, if Biden wins it’s going to be because of Trump hatred, not love for the candidate.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Maybe people are just sick of his shit. Especially in Philadelphia.

    • PieInTheSky

      better than doing crossfit I suppose

    • robc

      When I did the Wild Cave Tour at Mammoth, the section I remember most was the hour long crawl where we were basically single file on our belly with about an inch of clearance above our head, near the end, we had to turn our head sideways, as the helmet wouldnt fit vertically through the space.

      The employee who originally mapped out that crawl, discovered where it connected to and all, was 8 months pregnant at the time.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m not normally claustrophobic, but I’m having an attack of claustrophobia just reading the description.

    • Cy

      That seems like a really stupid thing to do while 9 months pregnant. But, to each their own.

  23. limey

    OFFS I thought Mel Brooks was dead and his brilliance preserved forever. Apparently he’s still alive, and has lived long enough to jump on the Biden handcar.

    • PieInTheSky

      do not judge the old and senile.

      • limey

        Well, I know you’re like 400+ years old and you’re still compos mentis, so I don’t necessarily want to assume he’s senile because of the age thing, what with being hesitant to suggest that someone I greatly admired could ever succumb to the tragedy of mental decline.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good day, Euroglibs.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’ll cut Mel some slack as long as his reasons aren’t too stupid and, if they are, I’ll just chalk it up to age.

    • Cy

      Ah, the old “These people would never allow me to make my movies but I support them” trick.

  24. UnCivilServant

    Morning people and glibs.

    • Gender Traitor

      Morning, UCS.

      ::idly wonders which category she’s in::

      • UnCivilServant

        The vernacular and often operates as a logical or, so it could be both.

    • Rhywun

      Mornin’.

    • UnCivilServant

      *connects to webex*

      *hits ‘call me’*

      *is confused when phone rings*

      *sigh* I am not awake.

      • PieInTheSky

        Try some crack. Hunter made it fashionable again.

    • Cy

      Top o da’ morning to ye!

  25. Festus' Mustache

    Mornin’ Glibs! Whelp the maskerade has come to one of my sites as of yesterday. Some new hire had sniffles so everyone working close to him was acting the part. Sigh… Happier news is that semi-thicc lady is still around and I’ve been killing it at work for about a week. The chore not the other thing, get your minds out of the gutter! A Man needs a reason to get out there to earn his crust. Yes, I am a sad old pervert.

    • Rhywun

      I don’t even know what most of my coworkers look like LOL

    • Gender Traitor

      Mornin’, Fes. Whatever motivates you to keep showing up, as long as you don’t act out urges in harmful ways.

      • Festus' Mustache

        You know me better than that, Red! I’m cut! Cut to the bone!

    • PieInTheSky

      The issue is not that you are a a sad old pervert it is that you are not a billionaire sad old pervert

      • Festus' Mustache

        Also found my first grey eyebrow hair while shaving yesterday. The last redoubt of youth is about to fall.

      • Tres Cool

        Boo-hoo. its only a matter of time till they infect your public thatch.

      • PieInTheSky

        public thatch – zoom or live ?

      • Cy

        It’s not an infection, it’s just proof that you’re done putting up with peoples shit.

      • Festus' Mustache

        You missed “last redoubt”? Dude. My eyebrows were Custer’s Last Stand.

  26. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Restaurant owner in NY issued summons for having his door open (it was hot inside so he had the door open, seems to make sense):

    https://youtu.be/paqGbcVtYIk

    It’s good to know the powers that be in NYC so we’ll understand the current plight of the small business owners.

    • PieInTheSky

      If you open the disease causing miasma can get in.

      • Festus' Mustache

        I think it’s nice that “special people” like that are able to find gainful employment.

      • Festus' Mustache

        The Overlords did rescind the summons later.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Why not just walk in and tell the guy to shut the door? They shouldn’t even be able to do that but a ticket was completely unnecessary.

      • Festus' Mustache

        The inspectors employment was totally unnecessary.

    • Rhywun

      Shops – and I assume that includes restaurants – are technically not allowed to keep their doors open, ever. This has been the case as long as I can remember. Probably to keep critters out.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Ah, OK, I figured that was some silly covid rule (still seems silly to me but that makes sense at least).

      • Festus' Mustache

        I’d say get a cat but what do I know about Brooklyn? I can’t imagine living that way. *Voiceover* “He CAN imagine living that way”.

      • Rhywun

        Store cats are illegal. Everyone has one anyway.

    • PieInTheSky

      Armenia and Azerbaijan are to developed economically they need a good war… this is what happens when every single other problem is solved

  27. Sean

    https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2020/10/21/bombshell-statement-biden-insider-claims-he-was-recipient-of-the-email-says-he-witnessed-joe-hunter-discussing-deals/

    Bobulinski’s statement also seemingly authenticates at least one of the bombshell emails obtained by the New York Post, purportedly from Hunter Biden’s laptop retrieved from a computer repair store in Delaware. The statement also contradicts claims from some Democrats that a Russian disinformation campaign is at the center of the burgeoning scandal currently engulfing the Biden campaign in the final days of the election.

    Bobulinski said in a press statement he released Wednesday night:

    My name is Tony Bobulinski. The facts set forth below are true and accurate; they are not any form of domestic or foreign disinformation. Any suggestion to the contrary is false and offensive. I am the recipient of the email published seven days ago by the New York Post which showed a copy to Hunter Biden and Rob Walker. That email is genuine.

    • Cy

      I bet Hillary is so excited right now. All of these ‘favors’ she’s going to have her hand in. Those poor canaries will never know what hit them.

  28. robc

    Probably dead threading this, but anyone want to explain the call at the beginning? He either has to raise or fold, you can’t call with a bluff.

    • PieInTheSky

      At first read I though the other character said call but yes this does not make sense unless very drunk….

      • PieInTheSky

        Off course if you committed a lot to the pot compared to the last bet you might hero call hoping the other guy has a smaller nothing.,,

      • robc

        It was King high, so I guess that is possible. Still should be an easy lay down instead. That was the easy way out.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Well there were a couple of typos so this being the Glibs, I just shut down for a few minutes and never finished the story.

      • robc

        I didnt much past that part, my suspension of disbelief was destroyed.

      • Festus' Mustache

        It was a good tale, irregardless.

      • PieInTheSky

        *regardless

      • Festus' Mustache

        That’s the joke.