Post-Thanksgiving Cryptid Fun

by | Nov 27, 2020 | Cryptids, Fun | 241 comments

FRENS

 

STEVE SMITH: STEVE SMITH CAN EAT 50 TURKEY.

SKUNK APE: NOCRYPTID CAN EAT 50 TURKEY.

WENDIGO: YOU JUST SAY HE EAT ANYTHING.

SKUNK APE: YOU EAT 50 TURKEY?

STEVE SMITH: NOCRYPTID EVER EAT 50 TURKEY.

OZARK HOWLER: HEY FRENS. WE GOT BET HERE.

SKUNK APE: STEVE SMITH SAY EAT 50 TURKEY, HIM EAT 50 TURKEY.

CHUPACABRA: HOW LONG EAT?

STEVE SMITH: HOUR.

WENDIGO: I TAKE BET!

 

NEXT TIME TRY FISHES

About The Author

Glib Staff

Glib Staff

241 Comments

  1. Ted S.

    Cool links, bro!

    • juris imprudent

      CRYPTIDS HAVE NICE JUICY LINK FOR YOU!

      • rhywun

        Mmmm… sausage.

    • Swiss Servator

      You see the word “Links” in the categories or title?

  2. westernsloper

    What’s with all the lake monsters in Canuckistan?

    • Ted S.

      The place has a lot of lakes?

      • rhywun

        Seriously. Look at a map sometime.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I wonder how many of those were discovered after The Loch Ness Monster became popularized.

  3. DEG

    Pope lick monster?

    Huh.

  4. westernsloper

    Steve Smith needs to pay this asshole a visit.

    • Bob Boberson

      Yeah they’d have hauled me off to jail after they extracted my thumbs from that dude’s eye sockets.

    • Chafed

      Asshole status confirmed.

  5. juris imprudent

    Funny for all of the fraud talk for public consumption, Trump’s lawyers dared not to offer it up in court. Bonus points for the author of the 3rd circuit opinion being a Trump appointee.

    Seeking to turn those state-law claims into federal ones, the Campaign claims discrimination. But its alchemy cannot transmute lead into gold. The Campaign never alleges that any ballot was fraudulent or cast by an illegal voter. It never alleges that any defendant treated the Trump campaign or its votes worse than it treated the Biden campaign or its votes. Calling something discrimination does not make it so. The Second Amended Complaint still suffers from these core defects, so granting leave to amend would have been futile.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      I’m coming to the conclusion that the whole “release the Kraken” crap was an attempt to get some whistle-blower to come out because others already had, despite that not being true.

      I wish somebody would do a rundown of all of the complaints that have been filed.

      • Chafed

        I’m guessing Slate or Salon has one but no way am I wading into those waters.

  6. Nephilium

    Bessie has a sad. Also known as the Lake Erie Monster… it’s what the hockey team (minor league) was named after.

  7. juris imprudent

    Who says rock is dead? Or that the kids are the ones to rebel against authority?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      You dirty rat with your quick fingers…

    • rhywun

      Dude. Pick another name.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I like that song but yeah…

  8. C. Anacreon

    How did Thomas Jefferson’s head from Mount Rushmore catch a fish?

    • C. Anacreon

      They need to join up with The Brassball Battalion.

      With the guys who jump out of airplanes without parachutes and just land on their feet, ready for action.

    • The Hyperbole

      More proof that Them is better than Thin Lizzy, Is Phil Lynott out there speaking truth to power?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Cancer was his cure, Jeez

      • blackjack

        Dude drank and drugged himself to death at an early age, like a real rock star.

        Van Morrison is kind of cool and Gloria is a great song. Thin Lizzy is still way better. Besides, they also brought us Gary Moore, so there’s that. My only bitch is the lyrical faux paus like ” There’s gonna be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town.” Maybe, just maybe, it’ll be at the fucking jail?

      • Ted S.

        Now that we’re all under lockdown, it could be anywhere.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I won’t slander the guy but odds are he’d be falling in line if he was still around. What I find interesting is the banality of bravery, Van and Clapton have been banal for twenty years at the least and never were the biggest rebels.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        And I shouldn’t have said that about the guy who’s dead: Who knows what he would have thought? The rest of my comment stands though.

    • DrOtto

      I just heard someone on the radio speaking about Clapton as a racist due to something he said back in the ’70s. Now I know why.

      • Gustave Lytton

        He appropriated a Bob Marley song and sang about cocaine instead of crack?

      • blackjack

        No, he got no shit racist, even by back in the day standards. He blamed it on the booze. It was forgotten eventually, because it used to just mean you were a dick at that point and we all still bought the albums.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Maybe so but there’s worser things to be, like a lockdown advocate. Most folks don’t see it that way though but I don’t give a damn unless words bleed into action.

      • blackjack

        I don’t care either way. If a guy plays good music, yet thinks I’m a Martian, I’ll still listen to his music. If I based all my commercial decisions on the political leanings of the seller, I’d do a fuck of a lot of doing without.

  9. rhywun

    More frens.

    • DEG

      So… nothing will happen.

      Like with the resolution to end the state of emergency, Wolf will veto. There will be not enough votes to overturn it. The state courts won’t give a shit. I doubt the Fed courts will want to get involved. I don’t see Congress doing much.

      • Sean

        Trump 2020, dude.

        *shares some optimism with DEG*

        If that doesn’t help, I’ll share some bourbon.

      • DEG

        I’ll take the bourbon.

      • Sean

        ? ?

      • DEG

        I have a Dark n Stormy in hand now. Time to two fist I think.

  10. Sean

    Gun store visit today (suburbs), demographics heavily skewed against the narrative. Packed little store too.

    • DEG

      I won some expensive stuff at the last Amoskeag Auction. I sent the check to them today. They’ll ship my winnings (I have a C&R) to me.

      The winnings include an actual surplus sniper rifle.

      • Sean

        “The winnings include an actual surplus sniper rifle.”

        Go on…

      • DEG
      • Sean

        Nice!

      • DEG

        Thanks!

        Only about 450 were surplused. The rest the Brits converted were destroyed.

      • DEG

        Thanks!

      • UnCivilServant

        $8,800?

        That’s above what I’d be willing to shell out for it.

      • DEG

        So don’t.

      • Gustave Lytton

        You can get a Red Ryder, if you promise not to shoot your eye out.

      • DEG

        Who said I was selling it?

      • DEG

        I think Red Ryder BB guns will be a little more expensive than that given the panic buying going on now.

      • zwak

        OK, I have a Lee Speed, but you have something to make me jealous!

      • DEG

        Go on…

        I have a Lee-Speed too.

      • DEG

        Ah. Found the 1909 BSA catalog. Mine is a BSA-made Territorial Service Rifle probably made in 1910 (no “LEE-SPEED PATENT” markings) and might have been a prize for a shooting competition.

      • Ted S.

        The gun that killed Chris Kyle?

  11. Sean

    Weekend plan:

    Grill prime strip steaks.
    Grill filets.
    Grill choice strip steaks.
    Grill pork chops.

    It’s good to have goals.

    • UnCivilServant

      *Sean’s grill breaks*

      • Sean

        Should I buy a backup grill? Is that what you’re suggesting?

    • DEG

      Nice.

    • blackjack

      Weekend plan:

      Turkey for dinner
      Turkey for lunch
      Turkey sandwiches for other lunch
      Turkey stew at some point
      Potato pankcakes, because we have so much.
      Et cetera

  12. Stinky Wizzleteats

    My YouTube dive into Clapton and Van Morrison brought me across this. Now I realize that most people consider these guys to be jokes but this is alright (Kiss, Black Diamond):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeUosbClag8

    It’s cartoonish but not half bad.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Peter Chriss chewing gum in the background, love it

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        He belts it out too while playing drums. Not an easy thing to do.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It’s easier than you may think, many drummers have Killer Pipes,
        /I’m in love with my Car

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Fucking great for Live, Thanks!

    • MikeS

      most people consider these guys to be jokes

      You mean “most people” who think Van Morrison is something special?

  13. blackjack

    Went to the skatepark today. I wasn’t skating as well I did last time. I just couldn’t really move very good. I’m sore as hell and I didn’t even crash very bad, it’s just from trying to move despite the creaking. Maybe 54 is a bit old for that kind of thing. Oh, well, I’ll keep trying and see if I get any better next time. Going back on Sunday. See if I can get better than barely on the vertical this time. Kid’s doing really well, though.

    • rhywun

      After my recent groinal surgery I’m happy I can walk a mile or two again. It hurts like hell to sit down for an hour and then stand up but hey buddy, stop doing that. I can’t imagine standing on a moving platform that might dump me on my ass at any moment.

      • C. Anacreon

        Alan Thicke and Kirk Cameron used to star in an 80s sitcom called “Groin Pains”.

      • rhywun

        And Kirk’s best pal was named Boner.

        It was a more innocent era.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Good luck, remember what I said when you break something, I skated vertical til I was 50, you don’t bounce back like you were even 40, let alone 54,
      Careful my friend

      • blackjack

        Yeah, I felt a bit off before we went. I did a bunch of stretches hoping it’d help. That might explain the soreness now. Only thing different, and I only crashed twice and very lightly. I’m definitely pulling my punches, to minimize the crash damage.

    • UnCivilServant

      I upgraded to a 2060 for a lot less than I paid for my 980, and nothing in the upcoming catalog will even strain the 2060.

      So I’m not worried about a lack of 30-series availability.

      • Sensei

        My 1080 GTX is finally showing its age on my 3440×1440 display.

        I’d like to upgrade, but not for over a grand.

      • UnCivilServant

        3440×1440

        I have 2560×1440 and I already want more vertical pixels, Why do they keep stretching these things sideways and cropping off the top and bottom? I don’t have more horizontal room on my desk.

        Anyway, current gen video cards are always a grand or more. My last gen 2060 was $400. I don’t generally do one gen upgrade hops, since the rest of the box lasts even longer, and I’ve got several “old” video cards just laying around.

        But, that’s all just me.

      • Sensei

        List on a 3080 is supposed to be $700. I get performance and markup, but right now scalpers are getting that plus another $1000.

        I also agree about more vertical pixels.

      • rhywun

        I don’t have more horizontal room on my desk.

        Make room.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Share desktop would make Teams implode.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve found that all you need to make teams implode is to start teams.

      • rhywun

        I don’t hate Teams as much as the lot of ye but for the love of God just give me a zoom that works properly when someone is sharing their desktop and I’ll be mostly happy.

      • UnCivilServant

        Of those I’ve used, I still like webex the best, despite the recent update that made things worse, Zoom is “ugh, okay”, and Teams just doesn’t work, like, at all.

      • rhywun

        I haven’t used Webex in 5 or 6 years. My company was a mix of Goto and Teams until two weeks ago when they dumped Goto. Which is fine by me because it’s a MS shop and I have to run Teams all day anyway so why would I want to keep launching Gotomeeting.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I miss Skype Business. It did the IM, status, and sharing I needed without the unnecessary crap and the seven layers of shit MS hides useful functions underneath.

      • UnCivilServant

        I am still not knocking out that wall.

        Sheesh, you glibs just have a hate-on for my architecture.

    • LJW

      I just upgraded my motherboard and processor, still using my 1080 TI until the RTX 3080 is available. Would be nice if sites would actually try to prevent bots.

  14. The Other Kevin

    I’ve had a fair amount of bourbon and I’m watching one of the Lord of the Rings movies. It’s the part where they shoot a teary eyed Liv Tyler through a gauze filter.

    • UnCivilServant

      I keep forgetting she was even in those movies.

      Mind you, I also keep forgetting she exists, so that might be a contributing factor.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Arwen played a large role in the appendices,
        /Just Say’n

    • rhywun

      They promised LotR marathon and only delivered Parts II and III.

      Maroons.

      • The Other Kevin

        They had all day and they couldn’t pull that off?

      • rhywun

        They showed II, III, and then II.

        I would have considered watching them if they didn’t pull that crap (and various channels do that sort of thing A LOT).

    • Chipping Pioneer

      What brand you on, TOK? I’ve polished off most of a bottle of Woodford Reserve this evening.

      • The Other Kevin

        Jim Beam Black extra aged. It was a nice birthday present.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Nice!

    • Spudalicious

      Return of the King. I’m drinking Uncle Nearest 1856 bourbon.

      • LJW

        Sounds like they need help with their mass graves. I wonder if there is a country nearby that could provide some advice?

      • rhywun

        Don’t mention the war!

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Zombie Covid Mink!!!! 1111!!!!!

    • The Other Kevin

      PETA: See told you so.
      Greta: Also Covid was caused by climate change.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      They’ve already killed about 20 mil of those soft soft weasels in the Scanni countries for that. Let the second mincocaust begin.

  15. hayeksplosives

    I don’t get how Gov Cuomo can just say the Supreme Court decision on hindering religious services is “irrelevant”?

    • UnCivilServant

      “How many Divisions does the Court have?” “They’ve made their decision, let them enforce it.”

      He’s just going to ignore them and keep stomping on the public.

      • hayeksplosives

        And he’ll be re-elected.

        Barf.

      • Don escaped Two Corinthians

        their stupidity and pain are a valuable service by example to the rest of the country

        moderation would reduce the spotlight; it is best for us all if they fly NY into the ground

    • rhywun

      It’s irrelevant because his edict already expired.

      Pray he doesn’t alter the deal further.

      As usual this decision what chickenshittingly tailored to apply only to specific regions of NYC and specific dates, so His Nibs can decree another ban on religion and it’s back to square one.

    • C. Anacreon

      Time for Trump to send in US troops “on behalf of the Supreme Court”.

    • Urthona

      Because the places he locked down were no longer under lockdown.

      But if he tries it again….

  16. UnCivilServant

    It’s annoying how long it took for me to find the simple fact that Enad Global 7 is technically a swedish company, even on their own damn page.

    No idea if any of their stock is owned by China, but the board of directors looks swedish.

    I only cared because they bought Piranha Games, and I wanted to find out more about the company. There’s so little out there that most of what I found was news articles that they bought Piranha Games.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That’s also a good one, no doubt. I prefer the one that sounds like Lucifer is about to sack your neighborhood though.

      • kinnath

        To May Toe

        To Mah Toe

      • rhywun

        ?

      • MikeS

        A Smithereens fan, kinnath. I like you more and more.

      • egould310

        For Smithereens fans, and fans of good music, check out Smithereens’ drummer Dennis Diken’s weekly radio show https://wfmu.org/playlists/DI

      • Chafed

        I saw them live 5 times. What do I win?

      • MikeS

        ?

      • Chafed

        I loved The Smithereens but I love Black Sabbath more.

  17. Stinky Wizzleteats

    A snake handler funeral (according to the comments from a snake bite but who knows) but Lord have mercy is the music a jam:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ERJLgrpJO8

    I’d consider it an honor if those folks would play me out when I croak.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Unless reincarnation’s a thing I don’t think we have to worry.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        Worlds within Worlds.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Maybe, come to think it if reincarnation is a thing we have to worry about it and not worry about.

      • hayeksplosives

        I don’t want another run at this life on Earth.

        I take comfort in Hebrews 9:27

        And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment,

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The thought of judgement doesn’t comfort me to be honest, especially in the biblical sense, a lot of fine people are going to get screwed if that’s the case. Whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen but I’d like another shot.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Or maybe it just goes black.

    • Urthona

      Kif, steer us towards that blackish holish thing.

  18. Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

    Pope Lick Monster?

  19. Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

    Need to snowblow again. Judi did it four hours ago. This is power outage snain. Lousy, stinking snain. It’s like living in God’s slurpee dispenser.

    • hayeksplosives

      Snain is the worst, Bro.

    • DEG

      Yuck.

    • Nephilium

      Lousy Smarch weather.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Not yet, close, but not yet
        /Lake effect is for Cadillac

  20. hayeksplosives

    I put up a Christmas tree with Vince Guaraldi’s Peanuts Christmas album playing.

    Nice ambience. Need some Scented candles to complete the effect.

    • DEG

      Nice.

    • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

      Vince and candles are now banned in the State of California. Colored lights, too. You may hum your favorite Carols so long as you maintain social distancing. A wave is as good as a hug and the chocolate ration has been increased! Wtf happened to us?

      • Spudalicious

        If they don’t have candles, what will they do for light?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Jelly

  21. creech

    Just finished watching “Band of Brothers” on History Channel. Any ten of those guys could take back Portland from the fascists in about ten minutes.

    • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

      Yup. “The Pacific” was very good, too but disjointed story telling kind of hurt the overall plot.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Donald Malarkey lived in Portland for a number of years. And then there’s that German from Oregon in there.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        “yea, see you ’round”
        famous last words
        “got any smokes?”
        ‘yea, take the whole pack”
        Spears and Compton

    • Urthona

      Watching those 18 years jump out of a plane over fucking France while being shot at, and we can’t go to Home Depot without a face mask.

      • MikeS

        I’d certainly rather wear a mask in Home Depot than get shot jumping out of a plane over fucking France.

      • Gustave Lytton

        France twenty five years prior to that and you can do both, wear a mask and get shot at.

  22. Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

    Huh. My Sorels are 31 years old. Still keeping my toes toasty. That’s a hell of a pair of boots! Buy them if they still make them, Yusef!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I have 3 pairs, starting with Muck Brand, they work but your feet get cold, my mains are the Bomb though, and i can Golf in them!

      • Spudalicious

        I have a row of footwear that has to do with weather, not fashion.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        I’m a firm believer in proper footwear for the proper occasion. I own one pair of dress shoes and a couple (maybe three?) dozenish for whatever the task at hand may be. Foot comfort above all else is my motto.

      • egould310

        1. Safety first
        2. Stay hydrated
        3. Foot comfort

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        The first two are carved in stone but the the third one is in bas relief. If you can’t walk you are useless.

  23. Yusef drives a Kia

    I golfed in my t shirt today, it was 35 degrees, only 75 degrees cooler than where I left, one does acclimate….

  24. Gustave Lytton

    Apple pie with a slice of cheddar. Thanksgiving is complete.

    • Brochettaward

      That’s not right. That’s just not right. This combination does not work for me. What is wrong with?

      • Brochettaward

        *you. That should read what is wrong with YOU.

      • pistoffnick

        Apples and cheddar are just fine.

        What it wring with thee?

      • Brochettaward

        Gooey apple pie and crust with cheese is a fucking gross combination. That’s the sort of shit the goober paste eating moron eats in the first grade.

      • MikeS

        I hate to say it, but this cousin/sister/brother/mother/father fucker is right. Cheese on apple pie is some weird shit.

      • pistoffnick

        I thought I liked you.

      • pistoffnick

        Recalculating….

      • MikeS

        Awww…come on, guy!

      • pistoffnick

        wrong

      • pistoffnick

        Maybe learn to cook yer pie before yee fuck it?

      • Brochettaward

        Any other paste eaters want to identify themselves?

      • pistoffnick

        You probably failed first grade.

        Fuck off , punter.

      • Brochettaward

        I was First to graduate first grade. FIRST.

      • pistoffnick

        You’re last in my estimation.

      • Brochettaward

        Well it’s good to know that all of your opinions can be safely ignored. No one has ever been as wrong as you are.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Pie without the cheese is like a kiss without the squeeze.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        That used to be printed on the napkins at Marie Callender’s.

    • KSuellington

      I gotta go with the Bro on this one, cheddar cheese and apple pie is a weird combo. Decent apple pie stands on its own, served with coffee or strong black tea. Dress it up with vanilla ice cream, or even better freshly whipped cream and you are good to go.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I thought so too until I tried it. The sweet savory works, like a monte cristo.

      • Brochettaward

        Stop trying to convert people to your deviancy.

      • MikeS

        There ought to be a law!

      • MikeS

        It’s criminaaaaal!

      • Chafed

        This guy get it.

      • MikeS

        That looks delicious.

        As an aside, I very much enjoy peanut butter and jalapeño jelly on burgers.

      • KSuellington

        I could see a good cheese with a port after an apple pie, but that is a bridge too far to combine them. I can enjoy a good Hawaiian pizza as much as the next guy, but there are bounds to savory and sweet. And for the record I do not consider you a paste eating first grader just because you enjoy strange food combos.

    • MikeS

      Hickory, dickory, dock…

    • KSuellington

      I think freedom may have peaked sometime in the 80’s or 90’s. Hopefully I’m wrong about that, but it doesn’t look good. That would be nice if this is the point of the movie where hope looks lost and the plot turns and it starts to turn around. The past year has been the biggest loss of liberty in a few generations in this country.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        Freedom peaked when they actually stopped the draft and ended with the AIDS. The first real scare since the Red one. It’s been snowballing since 1985.

    • Chafed

      I remember 1989. The ACLU fought for civil liberties back then. Now excuse me while I adjust the onion on my belt.

      • MikeS

        …and now they have local officials advocating for hate-speech laws. My, how the mighty have fallen.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        I hate that opinion! I’m calling someone, anyone to come make you stop doing that!

      • Chafed

        And they think the recent SC ruling granting the temporary injunction against Cuomo’s limits on attendance at religious services was wrong. They have become a parody of what they once were.

      • leon

        Religious freedom is just the freedom to be a bigot!! / Leftist talking point.

  25. Gustave Lytton

    Play for Today anthology series is available on Britbox. Most excellent so far.

  26. Chafed

    Eddie Trunk wasn’t on tonight. I’m not happy.

    • MikeS

      Back when I was listening to Hair Nation on the way home, it seemed like he was off more than on. Not a bitch; good for him.

      • Chafed

        I was surprised tonight because he occasionally prerecords Eddie Trunk Rocks. I figured Black Friday would be one of those times.

        My consolation prize is discovering Samsung TVs come with TV+. I had no idea what it was. It’s basically a lot channels you wouldn’t normally watch. But… one of them is Baywatch. Just Baywatch. Can a man die from masturbating too much?

      • MikeS

        *keeps an eye on southern California obits*

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        “Run, Yasmine! Run like the wind!”

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        Gah! Mein eyes!

  27. Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

    Off to finish the driveway. Be back in a half-hour or so. I don’t know how we used to do this pre-snowblower. Judi has a photo of me chucking a shovel-full over the bank and the end of it is still below the bank. Neighbor has a skid-steer. Neighbor is a cunte.

  28. MikeS

    Someone needs to make 6-8 ounce nightcap-sized beers.

    • PieInTheSky

      A store that no longer exist here had some french beer at 250 ml

      • MikeS

        huh…I don’t believe I’ve ever had French beer.

      • MikeS

        Hahaha! A good chuckle for a nightcap instead. Thanks buddy. See you all on the flip side.

    • hayeksplosives

      Just pop open the regular sized can or bottle, drink a little nightcap, and the next day use the rest of the bottle to make these:

      4 cups Bisquick mix
      2 tablespoon sugar
      12 ounces beer
      Optional garlic and cheese

      Mix together and spoon into greased muffin tins. (Ot roll out and cut, or just make drop biscuits on greased tin. Bake at 350 for 15-20 min til golden brown.

      If you only have 6oz beer, then halve the other ingredients. Very tolerant recipe.

  29. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    Trail of Tears on C-SPAN

    I’m so bored. History and science have few surprises left for me. What am I supposed to learn in the next 30 years?

    • Chafed

      Whether asteroid mining can be done? If Horizontal Harris proves you can sleep your way to the top? How teledildonics affects relationships?

    • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

      Look deeper or skate. That’s my advice. Think ya got it all worked out? Foolish man of my own heart. Here, add a little joy to that nihilism –

  30. Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

    Don. You are obviously smarter than the average bear. Don’t get bored, get enervated! Try to measure this https://youtu.be/Tf1d65OHYXo and get back to us with your results. I’ll expect a full breifing in ten million years. So many mysteries yet to be solved, Friend.

  31. Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

    Last one left, sitting at the end of the bar, spouting nonsense and tipping generously.

    • limey

      He looks too well-dressed to be a glib.

  32. limey

    I’ve worked out that there’s no possible way I could ever be anything but a net drain on the economy. Someone as mediocre, unremarkable, and unskilled as me must surely not be able to produce wealth at a level anywhere near what would be sufficient to offset the costs of resources invested (wasted) in both developing me to where I am, and in facilitating my existence and ability to shuffle along creating nothing like the amount of value required to be a net gain. I’m the anti-Randian man, a mosquito on the sickly beast of Western civilization, sapping at its anemic exsanguination, as it slowly stumbles into its grave.

    Mornin’, glibs.

    • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

      Weeeelcoooome to the Machine. Mornin’ Limey

    • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

      I’ve realized that I never I never left a mark upon this world. All of my thrashing about was for naught. When I go everyone will say “Oh yeah, he was a nice fellow! What a shame.” and then have a cup of coffee or take a dump or whatever.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        And that’s perfectly alright.

      • limey

        Amen, Fes.

      • hayeksplosives

        >>holds up Zippo lighter<<

      • limey

        I would be honored if someone afforded me just the briefest of fond memories before taking a dump or otherwise. Life goes on, and we take the good where we can get it. A cup of shitty but warm coffee on a frostbitten, overcast morning. A brief moment of peace on the terlet, and the fleeting realization of relief following the evacuation of one’s bowels. The good comes where it may. Keep calm and carpe diem.

      • Ted S.

        I’m sure there are people out there who would pay to take a dump on you and then post it on your onlyfans.

        (NB: I am not one of those people.)

      • hayeksplosives

        I’ve been thinking about what “legacy” I have left, and I realize what I care about most is being able to mentor junior engineers and help them develop to their fullest.

        I care about my underlings as professionals but also as individual human beings.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        I’d like to be remembered as a “Gentle” man. Kind to kids and critters. Somewhat quick to anger but always disposed to hug it out.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        Now you’re getting it! The past is done. Move forward with whatever regiments you have left and fight to the bitter end. It really is the only strategy at hand.

      • The Hyperbole

        You’ll always be on The Big Board Festus.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        *Big sloppy smooch on the cheek*

      • Ted S.

        You two get a room together! Or, OMWC’s van.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        Cozy!

      • The Hyperbole

        Someone’s upset that they didn’t make the Big Board.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        I was surprised and honored. Like Sally Field, even .

    • mrfamous

      You have a bright future in politics then