IFLA: The “Grand Conjunction” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of December 20

by | Dec 20, 2020 | Advice, IFLA | 109 comments

So you all know about the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn that reaches its maximum tomorrow.  But what does that mean for you?  Well, as you of course remember, anything special in the skies is generally a sign of things being bad.  For those of you that just joined us, that’s because anything abnormal is a violation of heavenly perfection (the ontology of astrology) and also becasue when going through the records to find actual examples of what happened when such-and-such was in the skies generally they discovered Bad Things (the empiricism of astrology).  However, conjunctions are not considered abnormal events since they’re a predictable part of planetary progression.  They can be extremely good signs.  Let’s see what we have here:

Jupiter – ruler of the gods, bringer of lighting, joviality, male fertility, symbolically represented by Thursday, tin, and the color blue.

Saturn – Father time/Chronos, ruler of the titans, father of Jupiter, the Grim Reaper, endings, harvest, slowness, Saturday, lead and indigo. Notably, while all the other planets have some aspect relating to creation or beginnings, Saturn is the only one dealing with endings.

A lot of this is going to be review if you’re a Capricorn since the two of these have been ruling your sign for months now (but this is the week where you shovel all your shit into Aquarius’ yard, see below).

Like I said before conjunctions can be very good signs, but this one isn’t.  Bad things happen whenever Saturn and Jupiter come together, most notably Saturn trying to eat his son (but swallowing a rock instead — he didn’t notice becasue Rhea was a terrible cook) and then later later puking his guts out after some Jupiter fed Saturn some Greek ipecac making him vomit up all the first generation gods (except Venus).  I wonder what they talked about while they were in Saturn’s stomach.  Admittedly they were newborns when consumed so maybe they didn’t age?  Obviously they didn’t pass through so there was some sort of temporal stasis going on.  More on the creation of the universe and fecal matter here.  Anyway Saturn + Jupiter = bad.  Saturn and Jupiter aligned on opposite sides of the skies = good, since that hearkens to the Saturnian golden age and also represents completion/perfection, much like The World in the tarot deck.  The most literal reading of this is the death of a monarch, so Lizzie should be careful getting out of the royal bath.  But… just becasue it’s a bad omen for a particular stellar-important individual doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad for all of us.

The other thing that makes this conjunction important is that it is happening at the same time that both (of course) planets are crossing over into Aquarius.  Yep.  That Aquarius.

And hippie-dippie aside, that really is a good thing.  Aquarius isn’t the water bringer in general, but of fresh water in particular.  Which is one of the ur-dichotomies dating back to, well, Ur.  And this gets back to the whole issue of specific events v. general influences going on in the stars, whic is something I’ve tried to get around (rather successfully, I might add) by casting the cards into the observatory.

So.

For one specific person or a small group of people (probably NOT including anyone reading this), something really awful is going to happen (precipitated by events on the 17th, see last week’s IFLA).

For everyone who was NOT born under the sign of Aquarius, this horrible event is going to actually make life quite a bit better.

For everyone who was born under the sign of Aquarius, while you will get the above benefit, you will also unfortunately have to deal with a surge of strife, wrath, and general toxicity of a rather acute variety for a few weeks, with lingering effects for months.  Sorry about that.  Don’t blame me, I voted for Semi-Bright Border Collie.  Oh, but also don’t schedule anything for May 22 unless you’re ok with it going catastrophically wrong.

Sagittarius finally gets some unmixed blessings as Mercury and Venus join the sun in light up the sign.  There is excellent fishing happening in the first part of the week.  And Mars continues being a dick to goats for another couple of weeks.

Sagittarius:  Queen of Swords reversed – Malice, bigotry, artifice, prudery, bale, deceit.

Capricorn:  7 of Coins – money, business, barter, returns on investment, harvest

Aquarius:  9 of Coins –  Prudence, safety, success, accomplishment, certitude, discernment.

Pisces:  The Lovers – Attraction, love, beauty, trials overcome.

Aries:  Judgement reversed – Weakness, pusillanimity, simplicity, deliberation, decision, sentence.

Taurus:  9 of Cups – Concord, contentment, physical bien-être; victory, success, advantage, satisfaction

Gemini:  Page of Wands reversed – Anecdotes, announcements, evil news, indecision, instability

Cancer:  8 of Coins reversed – Voided ambition, vanity, cupidity, exaction, usury, cunning, intrigue.

Leo:  4 of Cups – Weariness, disgust, aversion, imaginary vexations

Virgo:  5 of Swords – Crush you enemies, see them driven before you.  Nothing about their women is implied.

Libra:  Ace of Cups – House of the false heart, mutation, instability, revolution.

Scorpio:  King of Coins – Valor, realizing intelligence, business and intellectual aptitude

 

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

109 Comments

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    “Crush you enemies, see them driven before you. ”
    My enemies are in AZ, kind of a long drive

    • hayeksplosives

      You have enemies in Lansing.

      • Surly Knott

        I still think someone should throw a bucket of water on her to see if she melts.

  2. Gender Traitor

    Scorpio: King of Coins – Valor, realizing intelligence, business and intellectual aptitude

    Well, I DO have my work evaluation tomorrow, but I already know how much of a raise I’m getting.

  3. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    Gemini: Page of Wands reversed – Anecdotes, announcements, evil news, indecision, instability

    Who else in my lame duck cabinet can I dismiss to prove what a badass I am; think Ivanka wannafud? – DJT45

  4. Mojeaux

    Taurus: 9 of Cups – Concord, contentment, physical bien-être; victory, success, advantage, satisfaction

    I could use a little more of that, but we’re working on it.

  5. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: Queen of Swords reversed – Malice, bigotry, artifice, prudery, bale, deceit.

    Huh. More of the same.

  6. The Gunslinger

    Capricorn: 7 of Coins – money, business, barter, returns on investment, harvest.

    Well I have been looking at my IRA and doing some rebalancing. I also noticed I’m not as diversified as I thought. My mutual funds have a lot of overlap in their largest holdings. I plan on shifting the money around a little more and adding at least 1 more fund in the IRA.

    • Don escaped Two Corinthians

      diversified

      run a pareto on the S&P or your favorite index fund: they are dominated by six stocks

      diversification is about risk minimization: you must buy several individual stocks to escape the mania

      • The Gunslinger

        The only stocks I own are in retirement accounts. I don’t do individual stocks. But most of the funds in my IRA are dominated by Microsoft, Netflix, Alphabet, Amazon and Broadcom.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I try to barter with my favorite Chinese “masseuse” but she doesn’t accept orphans.

      • zwak

        So, you haven’t been released from that burden?

      • Tres Cool

        what you just did there….etc

    • Tres Cool

      Have you considered consulting Wu-Tang financial ?

      • rhywun

        “You need to diversify your bonds, nigga.”

        lolclassic

      • Gdragon

        Best part of that is still the elderly extras fighting for screen time at the end of it ?

  7. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    Capricorn: 7 of Coins – money, business, barter, returns on investment, harvest

    Think of all the plumbers and truckdrivers and Baptists who will want to hire Trump’s Only Competent Lawyer™ ! – Pompeo

  8. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    Sagittarius: Queen of Swords reversed – Malice, bigotry, artifice, prudery, bale, deceit.

    But masks work, Dieudammit!!!!! – Emmanuel Macron

    • Don escaped Two Corinthians

      Aquarius: 9 of Coins – Prudence, safety, success, accomplishment, certitude, discernment.

      you idiot! le proletariat are crawling with infections! luckily for me, I’ll be safe from the virus in prison soon – Nicolas Sarkozy

  9. zwak

    Aquarius: 9 of Coins – Prudence, safety, success, accomplishment, certitude, discernment.

    Huh, so your saying I might get some this weekend?

    • The Gunslinger

      Are you a Libertarian? If yes then I think you know the answer to that question.

  10. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    Pisces: The Lovers – Attraction, love, beauty, trials overcome.

    Good thing I got rid of those three cabinet departments with good ol’ Donnie b’fore the Dems could win the White House ! – Rick Perry

    • Don escaped Two Corinthians

      Cancer: 8 of Coins reversed – Voided ambition, vanity, cupidity, exaction, usury, cunning, intrigue.

      God yur dummeranme. You’ve got to use trickeration to get shit done in DC, boy. And why doesn’t Waco rhyme with taco? – GWB43

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I laugh every time I use the term “scarify” because I pronounce it like Bush the Lesser.

      • Tres Cool

        + terrorfication

      • blackjack

        + newclear!

  11. DEG

    Leo: 4 of Cups – Weariness, disgust, aversion, imaginary vexations

    Accurate.

  12. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    Aries: Judgement reversed – Weakness, pusillanimity, simplicity, deliberation, decision, sentence.

    I got replaced by little Petey from South Bend? – Elaine Chao

  13. Tres Cool

    Virgo: 5 of Swords – Crush you enemies, see them driven before you. Nothing ABOUT THEIR WOMEN is implied.

    Am I gonna get laid or not ?

    • Not Adahn

      Why do you assume I speak for Jugsy?

    • westernsloper

      Not. Watching.

    • Tres Cool

      Wow. Today on Glibertarians.com, I learned….

    • blackjack

      Reminds me of the California lottery commercial. The winner is at the supermarket, looking at the specialty cheese section and says, ” Wow, I can afford all this cheese!”

    • DEG

      I’ve heard of that cheese.

      I am not interested in trying it.

    • blackjack

      Excuse, me, but you have some cheese running down your chin.

      • Ted S.

        Enough with the euphemisms!

  14. westernsloper

    And Mars continues being a dick to goats for another couple of weeks.

    This makes me rethink my Zoom cold open idea.

  15. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    Taurus: 9 of Cups – Concord, contentment, physical bien-être; victory, success, advantage, satisfaction

    I could do something. I mean: something. Pretty sure. There are more important has-beens than Corey Booker who are needed at HUD or something. I’m pretty sure it was the 2020 decade that was meant to be the decade of me, Al Franken . . . pretty sure. Mother, do you have Joe’s cell number? I mean, I did go to Harvard. Franni? Franni!? – Al Franken

  16. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    Leo: 4 of Cups – Weariness, disgust, aversion, imaginary vexations

    There’s no reason why I shouldn’t fill out Kamala’s term. Who’s more experienced, more in touch, more loved! It’s my turn, my time!!!!!!!11!- Maxine Waters

  17. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    Scorpio: King of Coins – Valor, realizing intelligence, business and intellectual aptitude

    Now where did I put that truckload of mailin ballots? Dadnabbit: I’ve got another election to rig! Now, remind me, whose side am I on? – Brian Kemp

    • Ted S.

      Gemini: Page of Wands reversed – Anecdotes, announcements, evil news, indecision, instability

      Now how can I extra-tediously run a joke into the ground? — Don Escaped Another Unfunny Handle Change

      • Don escaped Two Corinthians

        fuck you, Don!

        We just come here to make fun of the wrong people! Making fun of libs is totes okay, but you, Don, you, why you ruined the horoscopes! Don’t you know that horoscopes are valid and sacred and just aren’t fun if you’re going to trash them by making fun of daughter fuckers. And, well, I mean: the very Secretary of Transportation. Have you, sir, at long last, not decency left! So again, sir, I say to you:

        fuck you, Don

      • Gustave Lytton

        Gentlemen! You can’t insult in here! This is the Glib room!

      • Ted S.

        As my grandpa used to say, “The first time is funny; the second time is silly; the third time you get a spanking.”

  18. Ownbestenemy

    Sagittarius: Queen of Swords reversed – Malice, bigotry, artifice, prudery, bale, deceit.

    The person makin yhe promotion selectuon is a lady, I am not gonna get it huh?

    Actually I am sure I have it in the bag but she is known to do stupid shit in the past.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Stupid phone.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Also,

      https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/FR-2020-11-16/pdf/2020-25244.pdf

      Fuck the ATF and their jack booted thugs. Equal protection includes resident and citizens of AZ, TX, CA, and NM.

      WLP’s biggest mistake, aside from using the NRA as his piggy bank, was backing down from rightfully calling out the ATF for what they are. I’d like to think now with social media and alternative outlets, that the MSM couldn’t lyingly present that it was horribly unpopular and out of touch. Not that they wouldn’t try, but their dominance back then was far greater and they were able to get the NRA to accept their narrative as well.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Tl;dr: Make your comments to the ATF by Jan 4 before they ban braces.

      • l0b0t

        I’ve started and erased a good half dozen comments so far as I don’t want a visit. I think I’ll formulate one tomorrow.

  19. CPRM

    So, Angleland was among the first in the west to start vaccinations, and all of a sudden there is a new ‘strain’ of the virus? We’re fucked. They won’t let this end. *sad face emoji*

    • kbolino

      I grew up after the Berlin Wall fell. It was nothing remarkable to me; the end of communism was a fait accompli for the world and my generation. As I grow older, and especially watching this hell-of-our-own-making unfold, I realize what an incredible turn of events it was. People do not willingly give up power very often. For every Cincinnatus, there’s a thousand little wannabe Machiavellian princes.

      • Ted S.

        I was visiting my relatives in Bavaria in the summer of 1989. Extremely interesting times. A bunch of East Germans who had been trying to escape west by going through Hungary into Austria (since it was not quite so difficult to get visas to other East Bloc countries and Hungary had opened the border with Austria somewhat) were stymied by the DDR government and, being stranded in Prague, decided to set up a tent city on the grounds of the West German embassy in Prague.

      • CPRM

        I grew up after the Berlin Wall fell. It was nothing remarkable to me; the end of communism The Soviet Union (they didn’t do Communism Right!) was a fait accompli for the world and my generation.

      • kbolino

        True. We still have Cuba, North Korea, China, Vietnam, …

      • Homple

        I was in my 40s when the Iron Curtain disappeared and, having grown up in the cold war era, was absolutely astounded at the events starting in 1989. A bit later I went to work in the former DDR and worked there for 14+ years. I watched the former East Germany finally recover from the same kind of government we’re going to get here.

        Makes me sick to think about it.

    • Not Adahn

      They had too many acute cases.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Numbers game

    Eleven new COVID-19 deaths were reported in Sunday’s update from the South Dakota Department of Health.

    The death toll is now at 1,361. There have been 415 deaths reported in December. The new deaths were 5 men and 6 women in the following age ranges: 70-79 (3) and 80+ (8).

    On Sunday, 391 new total coronavirus cases were reported bringing the state’s total case count to 94,727, up from Saturday (94,336). Total recovered cases are now at 85,096, up from Saturday. (84,490).

    Active cases are now at 8,270, down from Saturday (8,496).

    At this point, the only number I pay any attention to is Deaths / Population: 1361 / ~ 900k.

    There are still a few SoDakistanis left.

    • rhywun

      70-79 (3) and 80+ (8)

      Unprecedented carnage.

    • C. Anacreon

      And the key point that so often gets minimized, the average age of covid deaths is higher than the average life expectancy in every state and country.

      • westernsloper

        Sssshhhhhh. We don’t talk about that.

    • C. Anacreon

      Watching that clip, a cool bit of trivia emerged — Patrick Fabian, the actor who plays the smarmy head of the law firm in Better Call Saul where both Jimmy and Kim once worked, and where Jimmy’s brother was also a lead partner, played James Taggart in the second Atlas Shrugged movie. Perfect casting, he probably played it the same way he does his Saul character.

      Mmmm… Kim on Better Call Saul. If she’d go for Jimmy, she’d have to go for me.

  21. Not Adahn

    The snow is coming down heavy enough that’s it’s interfering with the dove’s ability to fly.

    • Not Adahn

      The juncos are unaffected. Must be a power:surface area thing.

      • The Hyperbole

        It’s not a question of where he grips it! It’s a simple question of weight ratios!

      • The Hyperbole

        Shoot, I meant to strike out ‘where he grips it’ and add “power:surface thing”

    • Trigger Hippie

      Unseasonably warm in KC…had a rather large fox come up to the slider door a few hours ago. I’ve seen a handful or so in my life but never that closer in the middle of town, usually in fields or wind breaks. It was just peeking in, checking out the place before it noticed me, barked a couple times then scramed off to the tree line. Kinda sounded like a purse dog. Must have been nearly four feet long from tip to tail. That was cool.

      • Mojeaux

        I’ve never seen a fox! And I live on the edge of a forest.

      • Trigger Hippie

        This is the second one I’ve seen in less than a calendar year. Last January or so I was working on a house in Leavenworth and a fox came to the yard of the neighbors and teased the dogs tied up in the back for awhile before it got bored and walked off. It was funny.

      • R C Dean

        That’s a huge fox. More coyote size.

  22. l0b0t

    Three open questions for y’all smartypants folk.

    1 – Is TSP (trisodium phosphate?) what I want to clean the soot off of my kitchen walls (slumlord-cheap interior paint, eggshell finish)?

    2 – Can the TSP also be added to the washing machine to remove soot from curtains, dish towels, etc.?

    3 – I’ve seen quite a few mentions of the difference in wines based upon soil composition. Would that difference transfer over to cooked products? I’m making a Béarnaise for tonight’s prime rib, out of wine, looking to experiment.

    • Mojeaux

      1-Yes.

      2-Don’t know but I wouldn’t. Try a clear water wash with distilled white vinegar instead of detergent.

      3-Heh.

      • Mojeaux

        2-If it were me and alternative forms of cleaning (e.g., baking soda) weren’t working, I’d try to afford replacing them.

      • Gustave Lytton

        1. But test in inconspicuous area first and watch the dilution. Unless the intent is to repaint after. Then make sure it’s fully rinsed off first.

        2. I haven’t, but many including Playa, swear by it as a washing machine additive after the watermelons got phosphates out of detergents.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Where is the soot coming from? that’s a sign of a dirty burn, as in Carbon Monoxide

      • l0b0t

        We had a bit of an incident the other night. A plastic Menorah ignited and filled the kitchen with a greasy black soot while melting/burning a hole through our slumlord-cheap laminate countertop.

      • Mojeaux

        I call melamine.

    • The Hyperbole

      Isn’t TSP what ‘they’ took out of detergent and made everyone think their new washers weren’t washing as well as the old ones?

      • Mojeaux

        Seriously? I never knew that!

      • EvilSheldon

        Yup.

        I have a big carton of TSP under the sink. It’s the miracle cure for any kind of organic stain.

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘I want to clean the soot off of my kitchen walls (slumlord-cheap interior paint, eggshell finish)?’

      Hit it with some Simple Green to remove the grease then lightly soak a rag in lacquer thinner and quickly buff out any discoloration on the paint. Don’t get too much of the lacquer thinner on the wall or it will change the color and sheen of the paint, just get it damp enough to remove the spot. Once it’s gone, wipe any dampness left on the wall with a dry rag. It should evaporate quickly anyway.

      • The Hyperbole

        TH, you shat on Mother Teresa in a dead thread and I’ve heard it before but I’ve forgotten, what was it she did/didn’t do? As a contrarian I like to keep up with these things.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Oh, despite the shady charity dealings that took in hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars that went no where near a dying person, the completely untrained staff that administered the almost non-existent medicine, the filthy conditions the people there suffered under, and the denial of any sort of care from many unless they made a religious conversion, the thing I found most distasteful about her was that all of that was intentional. Because in her twisted mind, the increased suffering brought one closer to Christ. She essentially tortured people to save their souls, she’s a monster.

      • Mojeaux

        Quite a few people believe that poverty and suffering is a virtue. That damned Sermon on the Mount.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Judging by the Mormon communities I’ve seen, I’m guessing your denomination doesn’t focus on that part of the speech. $$$ 😉

      • Mojeaux

        We interpret it a different way.

        But we also don’t preach prosperity gospel a la Joel Osteen. Having more money means you can help more people.

      • Mojeaux

        And don’t forget the parable of the talents, which is as much a financial screed as a spiritual one.

      • The Hyperbole

        Thanks, I figured it was something like that, the graft at least not the intentional suffering bit.

      • Mojeaux

        I will defer to the pro painter, but I thought TSP was a de-greaser?

      • Trigger Hippie

        It works with soot as well. Soot definitely has a greasy vibe.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes, that was what I was referring to, but soot is worse than normal grease, IMO?

        On my countertops, I use Simple Green and Barkeeper’s Friend. BF is my BFF.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Yes, much worse. To be honest, he should probably take sloper’s advice and just repaint.

      • Mojeaux

        Oil-based though. The water-based stuff is no better than normal paint for covering Sharpie.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Kilz is oil-based. Lay it on heavy, a little sanding, and use whatever paint you prefer…just don’t buy Behr paint, it’s garbage. Or it was the last several times I was forced to use it. Maybe they changed the formula since then, not sure.

      • Mojeaux

        Kilz has a water-based formula they tout as being as good as oil-based.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Wait, when did that happen? I hope it doesn’t become the only brand available because if so, I’m not using it on the job anymore. Haven’t had the need to do more than use a few rattle cans of oil based primer on my jobs lately(been doing mostly touch-up work for months now for a new contractor who’s old paint crew apparently messed up dozens of houses in the Northland). I haven’t been reading up on the new products lately because I’m a lazy stoner.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Huh, it’s funny what the mind just glazes over when you know exactly what you’re looking for on the shelf. I’ve never noticed or used it.

      • l0b0t

        Thank you very much, TH. I already have some Simple Green so no schlepp to Ace for me.

    • westernsloper

      Prime with Kilz, repaint.

      • Trigger Hippie

        That would be the proper way, yes. But I thought he was trying to do it on the cheap.

      • l0b0t

        Boy, oh boy is gonna get repainted, but not very soon. I do love the Kilz though; particularly the spray version.

  23. Old Man With Candy

    Come here for the Sasquatch Rape, stay for the Household Cleaning Tips.

    • Trigger Hippie

      I come here for the Anti-Semitic comic strips.