The Hat and The Hair Expanded Universe: Kamala’s transition office

by | Dec 16, 2020 | Hat and Hair, Joemala, SugarFree | 271 comments

Astra looked over Kamala’s schedule for the day and sighed. The three sports bras smashing her breasts flat itched and hurt and she kept rubbing against doorframes for some small relief.

“Stop squirming,” Seresto hissed.

“This is silly,” Astra hissed back, like a cat with a lisp. “I have the biggest boobs of all of us.”

“You lost,” Kayleighburrow said, smoothing her hair in the infinity mirror of the elevator. “One of us had to transition for the publicity. You’re going to get to go on so many talk shows! So jealous.”

“It’s not fair,” Astra whined. “And these Spanx are making me fart.”

“We know,” Seresto said.

“It’s not my fault!’ Astra said, stamping her feet, which make another squeaker slither out.

As the elevator opened, Seresto gasped at her phone. “You haven’t changed your status yet?” she asked as they began to sorkin down the hall.

“She hasn’t changed your status yet?” Kayleighburrow dramatically gasped.

“No, I haven’t,” Astra said through clenched teeth.

“You haven’t changed your status yet?” Kayleignburrow dramatically gasped again. Astra reached across Seresto and slapped Kayleighburrow’s small breasts.

“Hey,” she said, cuddling them protectively.

“My boyfriend is not happy with the idea,” Astra said, her jaw rippling with tension.

“What?” Seresto asked. “Is he going to break up with you for coming out as non-binary? Twitter will cancel his ass. I’ll have Jack let the #enbyphobe hashtag go live. It will ruin him.”

“Yeah, it will ruin him,” Kayleighburrow said, stumbling against a wall as she stared down the front of her own shirt.

“And you better get that haircut,” Seresto said. “They always get themselves a haircut, like a Depressed Stock Boy or the I Only Do Hand Stuff and Cry.”

“Nonbinary hair is the worse,” Astra said, on the verge of tears.

“Elliot Page is so hot,” Seresto said, reading off the screen of her phone.

“He is so hot,” Kayleighburrow said automatically. “I bet his penis is large and sexual.”

Astra began to full-on cry, big fat tears running down her face. “I like my boyfriend,” she blubbered.

“You only have to change to (they/them),” Seresto said. “That means you still have all your pussy parts. But you can’t shave anymore.”

“And you have to wear underwear with flaps,” Kayleighburrow said. “You know, those front flaps. That you have to like unfold to get your penis out of. All the folds. You know.”

Astra and Seresto watched her until she stopped talking.

“GODDAMMIT!” they heard President-elect Harris scream from her office and all three began clattering down the hall to her office.

“Ma’am?” all three said, trying to crowd through the door at once.

“Look at this! Look at this! Who painted this? I look hideous!” Kamala screech, thick white spittle building at the left corner of her mouth.

“You’re beautiful,” Kayleighburrow said dreamily.

“I look like I’m trying not to spit out a mouthful of jizz! I am supposed to look strong and feminine and inviting and motherly and Presidential!” she said, throwing a stapler at the corporate office art on the wall.

Astra opened her mouth, but Kamala cut her off.

“And you!” she said pointing. “You still look like a woman! Cut that hair! I want it looking like shit by this afternoon! And change those GODDAMN pronouns, or you’ll be full trans by the end of week! You want to be Astro? That’s a dog name!”

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

271 Comments

  1. DrOtto

    Finally reading one of these from the toilet rather than at lunch.

    • Tres Cool

      Which end is facing the bowl ?

      • DrOtto

        /\ This guy gets it.

      • Bobarian LMD

        You have to be fast on your feet.

        “Pivot!”

  2. KOVIDKristen

    as they began to sorkin down the hall

    ?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Awesome! I missed that.

      Saw your comment at the end of the last post. I’m sorry KK. Awful to go through and glad your puppers has someone who cares for him. You can only do what you can do and just see what vet says on Friday rather than worrying on unknowns.

      • slumbrew

        That sucks, KK. Sorry to hear about your pup.

      • KOVIDKristen

        Thanks…I’ve had him for 17 years. I had my cat for 19 years. Between the cat & dog, I’ve had at least 1 pet for the last 25 years. I love my dog and I hate change. Fuckin-a.

      • kinnath

        I understand your anguish.

        We put our 13 you old sheltie down in July. Before that, we put a 12 yo sheltie down last fall.

        It is a terrible experience. After putting down 5 dogs in the last 15 years, we thought seriously about not getting any more.

        But, the heart wants what the heart wants, and we have two glorious sheltie pups in the house now (4 1/2 months old).

  3. The Late P Brooks

    “I look like I’m trying not to spit out a mouthful of jizz! I am supposed to look strong and feminine and inviting and motherly and Presidential!” she said, throwing a stapler at the corporate office art on the wall.

    She looks more like a cigar store indian.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Well she is Indian……..
      /Dot

      • Lachowsky

        like Dot, not like How

      • Bobarian LMD

        Kamala, you poor old wooden head!

      • db

        Call Center, not Casino?

    • DEG

      I’d prefer a cigar store Indian.

      • SugarFree

        At least they don’t speak. Not even those magical ones that come alive at night and scalp racists.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        CHIEF SHARP FLINT SMITH SCALP ALL PEOPLE, AND BY SCALP MEAN RAPE

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        George Kennedy’s best role.

      • hayeksplosives

        Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

  4. Not Adahn

    It’s going to be fun reading these. Trump changed so much from his initial appearance as a (frankly unoriginal) caricature as Putin’s butt boy into what he became. I’d be willing to bet that KH won’t change as much because a) xe doesn’t have much personality of xer own, and b) SF’s been actively in H&H mode when writing these, so the character is probably more stable.

  5. Agent Cooper

    “began to sorkin down the hall.”

    God bless you.

  6. Agent Cooper

    Needs MOAR BUTTIGEUG!

      • Bobarian LMD

        You’re gonna get what you wish for, good and hard?

  7. Sean

    Poor Astra.

    • zwak

      Astra was the Thin Mans’s dog.

      Contemplate that on the tree of woe.

  8. Kwihn T. Senshel

    The whole “Person of the Year” being, well, two people, is a little borg-ish, isn’t it?

    Although if intentional, they’re not wrong.

    • Lachowsky

      Time has a knack for picking the best people for person of the year.

      • Bobarian LMD

        You know who else they picked for man person of the year?

      • KOVIDKristen

        Me?

    • Raven Nation

      I’m a little surprised Time didn’t go with Fauci or “health care providers.”

      • SugarFree

        Should have been the COVID-19 virus. Isn’t it the true hero here, who defeated Trump and ushered in a new golden age of geriatric rule?

      • Raven Nation

        Great idea.

      • juris imprudent

        All of them just wanted to save our lives, BidenHarris are going to save our national soul!

    • rhywun

      Did anyone have the stomach to read their reasoning? I mean, they have to have coughed up some excuse more substantial than “OMB”, right…?

    • Trigger Hippie

      Non-Entity and Associate

  9. The Late P Brooks

    The whole “Person of the Year” being, well, two people, is a little borg-ish, isn’t it?

    Although if intentional, they’re not wrong.

    They should have just dropped all pretense and named “The Biden Voter” person of the year.

    Huzzah! We’re saved!

    • creech

      Illustrated with a Dominion ballot counting machine?

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Or headstones

    • Rebel Scum

      “The Biden Voter”

      Dominion Voting Systems ftw!

  10. The Late P Brooks

    You want to be Astro? That’s a dog name!

    Well then…

    • ron73440

      That has been declared false by the fact checkers.

      NOTHING TO SEE HERE!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Awesome!

    • Rebel Scum

      This claim about the election is disputed. The AP has called the presidential race for Joe Biden. States certify results after ensuring ballots are properly counted and correcting irregularities and errors. The electoral college has confirmed Joe Biden as the president-elect. We are the Borg. Lower your skepticism and surrender your critical thinking. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.

      • Sensei

        Yes, we know
        It’s nothing new
        It’s just a waste of time
        We have no need for ancient ways
        Our world is doing fine
        Another toy
        That helped destroy
        The elder race of man
        Forget about your silly whim
        It doesn’t fit the plan

  11. Tundra

    …the I Only Do Hand Stuff and Cry.”

    I’m dying.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Yeah that got a big laugh from me too.

  12. ron73440

    They can join such fine luminaries as Hitler, Stalin, Krushchev, LBJ, Nixon, Khomeini, and a whole lot of other piles of excrement.

    • kinnath

      Hey now, Nixon wasn’t totally bad.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Yeah! After all, he… he… he…

        OK, he was all bad.

      • Not Adahn

        Was he nice to Checkers?

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        He really wasn’t that much worse than his 2+ predecessors, still bad, but on par his contemporaries.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        *with his contemporaries

      • Old Man With Candy

        Well, let’s see:

        Escalating the Vietnam war.
        Taking the dollar off the metals standard, ushering in insane inflation
        Affirmative Action
        EPA
        Stepped up domestic spying
        War on Drugs

        Yeah, he was worse than the admittedly horrible Johnson and Kennedy.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Oh, and Wage and Price control plus the 55 mph highway limit.

        There’s no end to that dick.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Yeah. Point taken. I will say that the War on Poverty is just as destructive as the WoD IMO.

      • Not Adahn

        Disagree about being worse than LBJ, if for no other reason than Vietnam.

      • Not Adahn

        And also on their relative dog-treatment.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Remember, Nixon not only escalated, but extended the war to Laos and Cambodia.

        Worse than Johnson.

      • Chipwooder

        He did extend the war beyond the borders of Vietnam, absolutely.

        Not sure how he escalated compared to Johnson when troop numbers rose every year of LBJ’s administration and declined every year of Nixon’s. Please don’t take this to be an actual defense of Nixon, who is indefensible. Just don’t think he was quite as bad as LBJ in this department.

      • Sensei

        But he opened up China!

        (And doesn’t make up in any way for what you pointed out. Agreed – worse than Johnson and Kennedy,)

      • KOVIDKristen

        And that’s coming to bite us in the ass.

      • Not Adahn

        But it gave us this!

      • Lachowsky

        not only taking the dollar the rest of the way off the metals standard, but simultaneously signing deals with Saudi Arabia to buy up U.S. treasuries and to price its oil in U.S. dollars. This has kept The U.S. in Saudi Arabia’s pocket for the past 50 years.

        And having a cozy relationship with Saudi Arabia has not led to any bad consequences since.

      • EvilSheldon

        Nixon apparently drank Jackie Gleason under the table once. He deserves the credit for that, if nothing else.

      • ron73440

        we probably think he was bad for different reasons than the corporate press or the politians.

  13. Rebel Scum

    feminine and inviting and motherly

    Kameltoe Harris motherly? Lol.

  14. Master JaimeRoberto

    At my group all-hands they are now showing presenters’ pronouns on the slides. Time to start looking for another job. If forced to declare my pronouns, they will be either fuck/off or not/retarded.

    • Lachowsky

      Thank god I work in place where none of that shit would ever fly. I work with a mexican guy named
      Albro. We all have our names printed on our hardhats, and his says Taco. I don’t thinks pronouns are coming here.

    • Raven Nation

      I’ll probably go with “it.”

    • ron73440

      not/retarded

      I like that one.

      I’m sure the R-word will offend somebody.

    • Not Adahn

      Emojis.

    • Gustave Lytton

      It’s now an optional field in the mandatory signature block here.

      hee/haw?

      • Tundra

        in/out?

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I should get with HM and learn how to write my pronouns in cuneiform and pronounce everyone that did not pronounce them correctly as Mesopotamia-phobes. The clay tablets might be a tad heavy, but proper trolling requires sacrifice.

    • Sensei

      I think “your majesty” is the perfect pronoun choice.

    • Master JaimeRoberto

      The whole meeting started out with a spiel about how important it is to apologize when you screw up and that someone said something that they thought was a joke in an online chat that hurt someone else. I bet it was someone joking about this pronoun crap.

      • UnCivilServant

        If they allow feedback go with “I didn’t know this company provided stand-up comics at mandatory meetings.”

      • Master JaimeRoberto (not/retarded)

        When I saw it I blurted out, “Oh fucking a. You’ve got to be shitting me.” For better or worse I was muted by default. It was one of the weirdest meetings I’ve ever been in.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      Sir

    • Chipwooder

      We just got an email from HR yesterday:

      developed a new eLearning that reviews the details of recent legislation regarding individuals who identify as non-binary and identifies how this impacts various customer service practices. The best practices shared in the eLearning will help everyone make a few changes in how we address our customers and coworkers, both verbally and in writing.

      This eLearning is a requirement for all full-time, part-time, classified, wage, and contractual employees. The deadline for completion is Friday, Jan. 15.

      So yeah, the clock is ticking. I am not going to be able to stay too much longer at this rate.

      • Nephilium

        I had to do my inclusion training. I found it was pretty easy to just click “Completed video”.

      • Chipwooder

        It’s only the beginning, though. I can see where this will inevitably lead.

    • zwak

      Dude/God

    • Kwihn T. Senshel

      I/we

    • db

      You can call me by my full name until I deign to allow you to use a pronoun.

    • Tres Cool

      tell them you identify as Michael Jackson, and your preferred pronouns are He/Hee

  15. ron73440

    Just got an email from Amazon recommending this.

    I don’t even know what to say, the worship of these people never ends.

    • Ownbestenemy

      They can’t fool me. Thats the bartender from Shrek voiced by Larry King

    • RBS

      carrie madigan
      5.0 out of 5 stars Great calendar
      Reviewed in the United States on December 1, 2020
      Verified Purchase
      I haven’t opened it yet, but it’s a wonderful addition to my altar ? it’s a good size for a wall calendar, and the font is really nice. The colors are very bright too.
      Rest in Power Ruth!

      • ron73440

        I didn’t even look at the reviews.

        That can’t be real can it?

        Can it?

        It probably is, isn’t it?

        *Loses a little bit of hope he didn’t know he had*

    • rhywun

      She looks like a drag queen on the way to her next burlesque show.

      • SugarFree

        RUTH BADER FABULOUS!

  16. DEG

    “And you better get that haircut,” Seresto said. “They always get themselves a haircut, like a Depressed Stock Boy or the I Only Do Hand Stuff and Cry.”

    Heh.

    • ron73440

      So in Virginia, can we kick DC to Maryland?

      • Chipwooder

        Everything north of Fredericksburg goes, yep

      • Lachowsky

        Unfortunantly, DC was destroyed in a fire and is not salvagable.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Detroit Autonomous Zone,
      at least I’m in Trumpistan

      • Mojeaux

        This was a cute book.

        The concept of Detroit Free Zone, where it is unfettered capitalism portrayed lovingly was more intriguing than the concept of everyone having magic. The world was pretty well built, but I cannot state enough how much I loved the concept.

      • robodruid

        Added to kindle, thank you

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, you’re welcome! 🙂

    • Gustave Lytton

      About 20 years out of date. Eugene has next to zero anarchists anymore. There will be no UO university-state.

      • zwak

        Yeah, and I think you could put Oregon east of the Cascades into Dessert.

      • Gustave Lytton

        With Bendia as an enclave of PRC.

  17. Certified Public Asshat

    "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." -Ben Franklin @RepThomasMassie & I intro'd 'Protect Our Civil Liberties Act' (HR8970) to repeal the so-called Patriot Act & end illegal government surveillance pic.twitter.com/QEB8gKxFKu— Tulsi Gabbard ? (@TulsiGabbard) December 16, 2020

    Sigh.

    • Raven Nation

      Sad sigh, happy sigh, erotic sigh?

      • Mojeaux

        Melancholy and unhopeful.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        This.

      • Rebel Scum

        Yes.

  18. Mojeaux

    You probably need a new graphic for the extended universe. Queen Hillary has been displaced.

    • SugarFree

      Hillary can never be displaced, she squats in the dark center of our minds, where nightmares are born.

      • Mojeaux

        *shivers in terror*

    • Trigger Hippie

      No, the darkness only grows around her, making her more obscure yet that much more foreboding.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Well, fuck me.

        That’s what I get for not refreshing.

      • SugarFree

        The more people that understand what she is, the better for all humanity.

    • UnCivilServant

      No repeal of the low-flow toilet rules?

      Sad!

    • Gustave Lytton

      executive director of the Appliance Standards Awareness Project

      Collapsitarianism gives me hope…

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      “Thousands of showerhead models on the market today meet the standards that Congress set way back in 1992 and provide a great shower.”

      This is true. However they all require you to pull the low flow cartridge out.

      It was particularly bad on well water. Lower, more variable pressure, plus low flow cartridge, plus mineral deposits made for a sad (SAD!) flow.

      • R C Dean

        provide a great shower

        Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

        I seem to recall reading that low-flow showerheads actually increase water consumption because people take longer showers. If so, this would be typical of many green policies which do more damage to the environment than before.

      • Akira

        A few years ago at work, they installed this “Earth-friendly” restroom that supposedly saves water by automating everything.

        The toilets usually flush when you open the stall door, once while you’re going, another time when you stand up, then once more while you’re washing your hands just for good measure.

        The faucets give you about 90% of the water you need to wash all the soap off your hands, so you have to wave your hands under there again in order to get them completely clean. Sometimes, I enter the restroom and the faucet is just running all by itself. Who knows how long it’s been doing that?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Our faucets often decide that they aren’t going to come on, no matter how much you wave, clap, or swear.

    • rhywun

      “You just stand there longer, or you take a shower longer? Because my hair — I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect.”

      LOL – this is exactly how he drives the Left batshit insane.

      • Nephilium

        King of the Hill had an entire episode about low flow toilets.

    • Rebel Scum

      The move comes after Trump has repeatedly complained about weak water pressure from showers, faucets, and dishwashers.

      “You take a shower. The water doesn’t come out. You want to wash your hands. The water doesn’t come out,” Trump said during an event at the White House in July on his administration’s deregulatory efforts. “You just stand there longer, or you take a shower longer? Because my hair — I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect.”

      The White House is a dump, apparently.

  19. UnCivilServant

    *sigh*

    I got a notice to “Finish up your manditory training”. The only “training” I have left is on the handling of child support data (which I don’t handle) because of a federal regulation that requires the whole agency to be trained if any part of the agency does handle it. This “training” includes such instructions for the “learners” as “use the scroll bar to view all of the text”. If they don’t know what a scroll bar does, how can you expect them to know what it is?

    • Not Adahn

      Not everybody learns in the same way! You seem to need to take some interpersonal sensitivity training.

      • UnCivilServant

        *goes into eLearning database*

        *marks course as completed*

        Done.

        And why yes, I can do that. I don’t, but I can.

      • Not Adahn

        When I worked for Elf Atochem, I was at a conference with some senior exec who decided that we should keep the party going at a strip club. When I mentioned that all alcohol tabs and strip clubs were not reimbursable, he said “I’m the VP of finance. I have the final say in expense approvals.”

        I then proceeded to get into a bar fight, bribed the cabbie to take me to my hotel instead of the police, and gave my talk the next day about “Developing a Safety Culture” with an eye that matched my navy-blue coroporate polo.

        I have a great deal of faith in corporate ethics policies.

      • Mojeaux

        I couldn’t write that and make it believable.

      • Not Adahn

        I told people that the shiner was from me bending over to pet a dog who jumped up and bonked me with his skull.

        I have no idea if they bought it or not.

      • Mojeaux

        Well, at least you didn’t pull out ye olde “I ran into a door.”

      • UnCivilServant

        “A Door” was the dog’s name.

        Abel was the dog’s last name.

      • Sean

        <—

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        *chuckle*

        I’ve been designated driver a couple of times for executive management of a mid-tier public company in a Central American country.

        One of the stupid assholes got rolled and then blamed workers at the plant for stealing his wallet so his wife wouldn’t figure it out.

        Then there was the time they took an entire bus of employees from the soccer game straight to the San Jose strip club…

        And the time they kept a tab at a Shanghai KTV club where Kung Fu fights had a tendency to break out…

        And the Nokia supply chain inspectors who forewent the inspection and passed us based on whether we covered their strip club tab…

        Tech can be interesting.

  20. DEG

    Wolf fighting back

    After two undercover visits, state and Pittsburgh police on Friday raided a Strip District restaurant they said was serving alcohol without a liquor license.

    Troopers from the state Bureau of Liquor Control Enforcement seized 116 gallons of malt or brewed alcohol and about 1,035 liters of liquor and wine from Savoy on Penn Avenue, according to state police.

    The establishment had its liquor license suspended Oct. 29 after violations of a conditional license with the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board. Police said numerous complaints that Savoy remained open were confirmed by the two undercover visits.

    • Not Adahn

      Pittsburgh has an entire district dedicated to strip clubs?

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Yeah, but they all have strippers from Pittsburgh.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Now I’m imagining them all dancing to Maniac.

      • Chipwooder

        With a bunch of Steelers-related tattoos.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      When is the tar and feather party?

    • Raven Nation

      ” numerous complaints that Savoy remained open”

      If true, this is one sign of why we’re probably fucked. People ratting out other people for doing things that have no effect whatsoever on the people doing the ratting out.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Fucking snitches, I hate them.

      • mrfamous

        This has been building on social media for long before the COVID stuff. It’s part and parcel of the “cancel culture” shit. Find some borderline offensive Tweet or Facebook post or You Tube video and congregate the mob to ‘cancel’ the person.

        People liked to argue that such non-governmental behavior is just an old-fashioned way to enforce cultural standards of behavior. They were, of course, wrong:

        1. The standards were applied unevenly. Joy Reid for example appears to have gotten off scot-free on her past Tweets (her claim was she was hacked). Another good example were the two reporters who tried to get Pewdiepie canceled for Nazi jokes, making tweets with holocaust jokes. Nothing happened to them. As far as I know, the Mayor of Austin, TX is still the Mayor of Austin, TX despite his colossal lockdown hypocrisy.

        2. This behavior has prepped the ground for what we’re seeing now: the transition from snitching on other people to other people, to snithing on other people to the government.

        This is why the argument about the ‘culture’ of free speech needing to be protected is so valid. Once a behavior is acceptable to do on a private basis, it’s far more easy to do when you get the government involved.

      • Chipwooder

        Somewhere, in the burning pits of hell, Walter Ulbricht and Erich Honecker are smiling.

      • Tundra

        We’ll see.

        ReOpen MN is active

        More supposed to follow on Friday. The tall poppies have been clipped, but they can’t get everyone. I love the people who are willing to fight.

      • Lachowsky

        The Karen meme went away because everybody turned into Karens. SAD.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Boo fucking hoo

    As politics grow increasingly acrimonious, threats against and harassment of public officials also seem to be on the rise, according to Rachel Kleinfeld, a senior fellow at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace.

    “We are facing a pretty unusual uptick in violence and threats and intimidation against public officials across the range, from the really hyper-local people who are either running for their state assemblies or public health officials, who are working on basic public health in the COVID pandemic, all the way to AOC and members of Congress and so on,” she said, referring to New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

    ——-

    That trend followed the 2017 shooting at a congressional baseball practice, where a gunman who had shown animosity towards Republicans injured six, including GOP Rep. Steve Scalise.

    And while there have been instances of violence across the political spectrum in recent years, Kleinfeld says that right now there seems to be more violent rhetoric and behavior on the conservative end of the spectrum.

    “We’re at a moment of polarization right now that’s much higher than the last moment of militia activity,” she said. “The level of polarization [is] quite a bit higher even than the 1970s, when we had a lot of political violence in this country, mostly from the left then. Now it’s mostly from the right.”

    ——-

    It may not be new, but President Trump has at times fanned the flames of partisan animosity and even violence, rather than trying to quell it, as when he tweeted, “when the looting starts, the shooting starts,” during summer racial justice protests.

    More than 2,000 miles from Washington, D.C., Lachiondo says she sees Trump’s effects on local politics.

    “Trump didn’t come here and tell people to do this,” Lachiondo said. “But this starts at the top and the way that people have been fomented over the last eight months, it has consequences, and I feel that it’s had consequences for my family.”

    Some voters already voiced their displeasure with Lachiondo through peaceful democratic means before these recent protests, voting her out in November. She will leave office in January.

    Nice independent journalisming, NPR. Those noble selfless government employees are just trying to keep you racist nutjobs alive. Whycome you mean to them?

    Trump’s fault!

    • Not Adahn

      Threats agaist dems are verbal assault. Assault on repbus is “speaking truth to power.”

      • Gustave Lytton

        +1 Steve Scalise workplace accident

    • Gustave Lytton

      Yeah, those public “servants” threatening to use the full power of the state, including lethal force, against their supposed masters? Sure sounds like death threats to me. Zero accountability, zero noblese oblige/avoidance of hypocrisy, zero shared suffering, with draconian action after draconian action with no redress? I’d say those whiners should be counting their lucky stars they aren’t decorating lampposts right now.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I wouldn’t trust AOC with a pair of scissors or a fork and a electrical outlet, let alone anything to do with my health.

      As an aside, I wonder they have those toddler doorknob covers on the doors out of her office, lest she wander the halls with her sticker adorned helmet.

    • Master JaimeRoberto

      I’m surprised that they at least mentioned the Scalise shooting.

      • Not Adahn

        but even though

        right now there seems to be more violent rhetoric and behavior on the conservative end of the spectrum.

        they somehow chose not to put up tow examples of same to back up that claim.

    • Rebel Scum

      right now there seems to be more violent rhetoric and behavior on the conservative end of the spectrum.

      Ignore the Antifa/BLM violent marxists behind the curtain.

      this starts at the top

      But not when Maxine Waters is telling people to run Trump and friends out of restaurants.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        This is why I’ve stopped engaging with this shit. It’s just battlespace prep and rhetorical gameplaying. There’s no good faith here, only point scoring in furtherance of the Great Reset.

    • Chipwooder

      And while there have been instances of violence across the political spectrum in recent years, Kleinfeld says that right now there seems to be more violent rhetoric and behavior on the conservative end of the spectrum.

      You’d have to go to an actual fertilizer plant to find a bigger pile of shit than that statement.

      • Chipwooder

        To wit:

        Most of DC boarded up the windows before the election. The board have all come down now because no one thinks Trump voters are going to riot, burn, and loot the way the usual suspects would have had Trump won.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        If your cow is shitting ammonia and potash, you may want to call the vet. (Dad worked in fertilizer)

        😉

    • R C Dean

      As politics grow increasingly acrimonious government overreach grows increasingly intolerable, threats against and harassment of public officials also seem to be on the rise,

      Feature, not bug. You bootlicker.

  22. Gustave Lytton

    Email from HR

    “Vaccine will not be mandatory, at this time”

    Gee, why am I not getting a warm fuzzy?

    • Master JaimeRoberto

      At this time. Because we’re just getting started.

    • Rebel Scum

      at this time

      Polish up that resume’.

      I, for one, will not be getting this questionable, hyper-politicized vaccination.

      • Akira

        I, for one, will not be getting this questionable, hyper-politicized vaccination.

        I’ve said for years that healthcare costs could be reduced if people were permitted to try drugs that hadn’t been through 10 years of clinical trials if they want, and Leftists have always told me that this is unacceptable because if not for government regulations, pharmaceutical companies would crank out horrible concoctions that make you sick and cause freakish birth defects (because profits, ya know).

        Now, when I say that I personally don’t want to try a rushed-through vaccine when there’s zero knowledge about the long-term effects, I’m told that this is a crazy and irresponsible belief and that the vaccine is obviously completely safe.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Mandatory/prohibited. Nothing between those two.

    • Lachowsky

      Real Question-

      Under current law in America, Can my employer require me to be vaccinated to work for them?

      I really don’t know. I don’t recall ever giving my shot records or anything other than a physical to an employer before.

      • Chipwooder

        Probably. In college I worked for the local public school system in the afterschool care program, and I had to take a TB tine test to work there.

  23. KOVIDKristen

    I just realized there was a character (a bit part that only appeared in a couple episodes) in Parks & Rec called “China Joe”. Hmmmm….

    • RBS

      The first few seasons of that show were great.

      • KOVIDKristen

        I loved seasons 1-6. That last-minute, slapped-together 7th season made no sense.

      • Chipwooder

        I watched the first few episodes the first season and thought the show was terrible. Never bothered to watch more of it although I’m sure it found its footing later.

      • KOVIDKristen

        It’s the best sitcom ever made, including the first season. I will die on Ron Swanson’s hill.

      • Ted S.

        Better than Yes, Minister?

      • KOVIDKristen

        One of the lines from the pilot episode was “Where the rubber of government meets the road of actual human beings”, and it wasn’t even Ron Swanson that said it. I mean, really. Superb.

      • Rebel Scum

        I quickly got tired of Nazi Knope.

      • KOVIDKristen

        I loved the episode where she wanted to use government funds to save an arthouse video store, and the store owner used the $ to turn it into a pr0n video store. Her harebrained schemes ended in her comeuppance many times.

        It’s almost as if you people haven’t watched this show!

      • Nephilium

        The first season isn’t the strongest. At that point they were just going for a clone of the Office. It was the later seasons that truly embraced the insanity of Pawnee.

        But Ron Swanson was always the best.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    In ur head, haunting ur dreams

    The example highlights a little-known facet of QAnon, experts at the NCRI said.
    Rather than being a nebulous group that amplifies messages organically at the grassroots level, QAnon appears to also be an occasional architect of messages that, through coordinated behavior, make their way to the most powerful factions of the Republican Party.
    “QAnon is a disinformation network (that) has grown like a virus to attack the pillars of our democracy — systematically with specific forms of disinformation that are strategic,” said Joel Finkelstein, cofounder of the NCRI, which has produced a newly released report — which it provided to CNN — about QAnon that includes the finding about the #SubpoenaObama hashtag.
    “Working with the highest levels of power in our country, they’ve found ways to hijack our national conversation,” Finkelstein added.

    Something something LOOM LARGE.

    • Rebel Scum

      QAnon CNN is a disinformation network (that) has grown like a virus to attack the pillars of our democracy republic — systematically with specific forms of disinformation that are strategic

    • Akira

      QAnon appears to also be an occasional architect of messages that, through coordinated behavior, make their way to the most powerful factions of the Republican Party.

      Can they give any examples (with evidence) of this process actually playing out? Or is it – as usual with CNN – just an “experts say” assertion?

    • Chipwooder

      I’d love to hear a conversation as to how exactly anyone “hijacks the national conversation”? Who the hell appointed this Finkelstein fella the arbiter of what constitutes acceptable discourse?

    • R C Dean

      an occasional architect of messages

      What does that even mean?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        “people actually listen to my ideological opponents. That means they’re a shadowy cabal”

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Goes right along with the:

        “They are taking a political and/or social position that will result in being doxed and harassed by twitter mobs and the potential to be unemployed and un-hirable, it must be a grift, they are in it for the money.”

  25. The Late P Brooks

    I’m surprised that they at least mentioned the Scalise shooting.

    The exception that proves the rule:

    All political violence is inherently right wing violence. A truly committed leftist, by definition, would never harm a public servant.

    • Kwihn T. Senshel

      A truly committed leftist, by definition, would never harm a public servant

      If they did have to harm someone, then also by definition, that person wasn’t a real public servant!

  26. The Late P Brooks

    this is one sign of why we’re probably fucked. People ratting out other people for doing things that have no effect whatsoever on the people doing the ratting out.

    The nagging fear that someone, somewhere, is having a good time.

  27. hayeksplosives

    For listeners of Tom Woods show (brief Libertarian podcast) he had a good one last night in which he interviewed an owner in Kentucky about defying illegal Covid closures.

    Guy runs a place called Brewedco.com making coffee and beer.

    I can’t do it justice. As he describes the process chronologically, you can imagine learning thus piece by piece along the “process”.

    Really a good listen. https://tomwoods.com/ep-1796-business-owner-refuses-to-close-confronts-enforcers/

    Glib lawyers might find it especially interesting.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Tom has been very very strong on the anti-lockdown train. His daily newsletters are a breath of fresh air.

      • Lachowsky

        He has been spot on. His Covid Cult video was excellent.

    • Brochettaward

      I’m not a lawyer, but if I were I’d be the First lawyer.

      • Brochettaward

        They’d have to reinvent lawyering to deal with my dominance. And unlike these lawyers we currently have, I’d specialize in all fields of law. First.

    • Tundra

      Thanks. Downloaded but haven’t listened yet.

  28. Hyperion

    Hah, I’m looking forward to reading this. I just got out of a meeting.

    We had our yearly Christmas party via Zoom. We were all talking and I look at the patio doors and it’s freaking snowing like crazy. An hour later, we’re going on 4 inches and it’s snowing hard, biggest freaking snow flakes ever, lol. They gave us rest of the day off so I just cracked a 19.2oz Stella can.

      • Lachowsky

        It was 38 degrees and raining all weekend here. Lovely.

    • KOVIDKristen

      Raining down here. I. Want. SNER.

      • Hyperion

        One of my co-workers in the meeting who lives north of Manassas is getting snow, not as much as we have. We’re over 4″ now easy.

    • Mojeaux

      Alas, all we’ve got is cold. No snow to go with it as is proper.

      • Ted S.

        Oh, we’re supposed to get something close to 20 inches tonight and into tomorrow afternoon.

  29. The Other Kevin

    Nixon opened up China to the US, Biden will open the US to China.

    • Brochettaward

      The Clintons already beat him to that by a few decades ago now.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Charlie Tree, Buddhist Monks, Loral aero space, and AlGore, good days…

    • Hyperion

      Gross ass commies.

    • SugarFree

      At least he’s an equal opportunity groper.

    • Kwihn T. Senshel

      When I watch him talk, it’s exactly like it was speaking with my grandmother before she really declined: Kind of awkward, a little cringey, and you had to really allow for the fact that she wasn’t all there anymore.

    • Tundra

      He’s really good. But getting less funny every day.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Crimes against humanity!

    A top Trump appointee repeatedly urged top health officials to adopt a “herd immunity” approach to Covid-19 and allow millions of Americans to be infected by the virus, according to internal emails obtained by a House watchdog and shared with POLITICO.

    “There is no other way, we need to establish herd, and it only comes about allowing the non-high risk groups expose themselves to the virus. PERIOD,” then-science adviser Paul Alexander wrote on July 4 to his boss, Health and Human Services assistant secretary for public affairs Michael Caputo, and six other senior officials.

    “Infants, kids, teens, young people, young adults, middle aged with no conditions etc. have zero to little risk….so we use them to develop herd…we want them infected…” Alexander added.

    “[I]t may be that it will be best if we open up and flood the zone and let the kids and young folk get infected” in order to get “natural immunity…natural exposure,” Alexander wrote on July 24 to Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Stephen Hahn, Caputo and eight other senior officials. Caputo subsequently asked Alexander to research the idea, according to emails obtained by the House Oversight Committee’s select subcommittee on coronavirus.

    Alexander also argued that colleges should stay open to allow Covid-19 infections to spread, lamenting in a July 27 email to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Robert Redfield that “we essentially took off the battlefield the most potent weapon we had…younger healthy people, children, teens, young people who we needed to fastly [sic] infect themselves, spread it around, develop immunity, and help stop the spread.”

    ——-

    The email cache provided a real-time look at the administration’s deliberations as the Covid-19 crisis first began to rebound during the summer.

    “So the bottom line is if it is more infectiouness [sic] now, the issue is who cares?” Alexander wrote in a July 3 email to the health department’s top communications officials. “If it is causing more cases in young, my word is who cares…as long as we make sensible decisions, and protect the elderely [sic] and nursing homes, we must go on with life….who cares if we test more and get more positive tests.”

    What a monster. And doing that in spring and summer might actually have mitigated the intensity of what we are seeing now.

    But we sure flattened the heck out of the curve!

    • Kwihn T. Senshel

      If by “the curve” you mean the economy or freedom, then yup!

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Plus, I assume that anything these asshats say or write is a lie, be it by omission or otherwise.

    • grrizzly

      There was one sane person in the entire public health bureaucracy. Wow.

      • Tundra

        I like how we’ve tossed out 100+ years of pandemic/epidemic experience and decided to start over for this one bug.

      • kinnath

        I remember a high-level engineering manager at a Russian firm explaining “If we don’t have crises to solve, how will we get medals?”

      • Lachowsky

        Very Sad

    • Chipwooder

      The fools – they should have deliberately exposed elderly, infirm people. Then Trump could have won lots of awards like Granny-Killer Cuomo.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Not bad.

      protect the elderely [sic] and nursing homes

      But this delusional fantasy that it’s possible needs to end.

      • kinnath

        The answer is to transfer confirmed Covid patients to nursing homes and kill 10,000 elderly. This will get you an Emmy.

      • Gustave Lytton

        As fun as it is smear Cuomo into the ground, his mandates had very little to do with those deaths. High rates of spread in the general community, lax infection controls, usual laziness and resistance to changing established work practices, and a general “they’re old/sick, they die” acceptance had far more to do with it.

      • kinnath

        Don’t ruin it for me.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Carry on! I do enjoy Cuomo getting hit with it just to watch him squirm.

      • Chipwooder

        If he didn’t insist on lauding himself for his marvelous job of presiding over the state with the highest death total, I might care more about accuracy.

      • Not Adahn

        Yeah, OMWC’s unimodal distribution makes me unable to assign unique blame to that asshole.

  31. rhywun

    WTF even Liverpool is allowing a handful of fans to spectate but in the US most stadiums are locked up tight still. Is it possible that American authoritarians are even more authoritarianey than theirs are…?

    • grrizzly

      Trump still has not conceded his defeat. They don’t have this problem in England.

    • limey

      “Soccer is distinctly un-American, and many of the players have silly haircuts.” – Spiro Agnew

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Eh, the London teams had fans last weekend for the first time, but now they are not allowed back in again.

  32. Tres Cool

    “Ma’am?” all three said, trying to crowd through the door at once.”

    very Stooge-esque

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      “Why I oughtta…”
      Woo wowowoo!

      • Tres Cool

        “spread out you chowder-heads!” is what I hear in my head

  33. The Late P Brooks

    As fun as it is smear Cuomo into the ground, his mandates had very little to do with those deaths. High rates of spread in the general community, lax infection controls, usual laziness and resistance to changing established work practices, and a general “they’re old/sick, they die” acceptance had far more to do with it.

    I think I get what you’re driving at-

    “Absent total isolation, including locking staff in on-site as well as patients, and excluding visitors, the facility is too leaky to successfully prevent infections. Yes? It makes sense.

    And-having experienced first hand the lock-out of family visitation, I’m not sure the additional “security” is truly worth it.

  34. Hyperion

    My wife was on the phone earlier when I got out of my meeting, so I decided to play with the new Sony Bravia and check some 4K content out. Wow, impressive. Then she took the TV away from me and so I’m back to muh puter to read some SF.

  35. Chipwooder

    This is definitely a normal adult would say. Your Attorney General of Pennsylvania, folks!

    Josh Shapiro
    @JoshShapiroPA
    ·
    19h
    That awful My Pillow guy just came on while our family is watching the Sixers game together. Lori and I yelled at the TV and told the kids to avert their eyes because there was inappropriate content on the screen.

    • Hyperion

      That’s The Bee, right? You forgot the link.

      • Chipwooder

        Newp. That is a actual statement by the #3 man in PA’s state government. He really wanted the public to know that he yells at the television because a guy whose politics he dislikes is in a commercial. Because that’s a totally sane thing for an allegedly grown man to do.

      • Hyperion

        What a cuck. He should be laughed not only out of PA, but off the planet.

      • limey

        Funnily enough he’s on their interview podcast this week but I didn’t make it too far in because the audio quality is terrible. Shame.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      This is how Civil War begins, not with a bang, but a whisper….

    • db

      what a fucking asshole

    • EvilSheldon

      Oh no! The children might be exposed to an unapproved opinion!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      What a fucking ass.

  36. wdalasio

    “Working with the highest levels of power in our country, they’ve found ways to hijack our national conversation,” Finkelstein added.

    You know, it’s like a total mystery how groups like QAnon gain currency with the public. It’s not like CNN’s major source for their article wasn’t the head of the Network Contagion Research Institute (NCRI), a think tank funded by George Soros’ Open Society Foundations. And it’s not like their other major source was a former Democratic staffer operating as Advance Democracy Inc. And it’s not like CNN didn’t mention any of this in their story. Nope. It just must be random conspiracy theorists who refuse to accept reality.

    • limey

      I found out recently that my friend’s new(ish) girlfriend is a former Open Society Foundations fellow and lefty political apparatchik with connections all the way up to the highest levels of the Labour Party, and is now an executive at her own NGO that of course has gone full retard for BLM. I’ve never met her because I haven’t seen him in a long time given the panic-demic. That’s probably enough to dox her and me right there. Ugh. Anyway I worry about him. He’s an old-school lefty you could genuinely have an honest disagreement with. Rare these days?

      • EvilSheldon

        Rare as rocking horse shit. There’s Glenn Greenwald, and that’s about it.

      • Lachowsky

        Matt Taibi

        Danny Sjursen

        Aaron Matte.

        Jimmy Dore

        They exist if you look for them.

    • Lachowsky

      QANON folk are at least as credible as the Russia Conspiricy Truthers.

  37. Hyperion

    LOL, good, SF, really good. I’m sure it’s going to get better, while everything else gets worse.

  38. The Late P Brooks

    told the kids to avert their eyes because there was inappropriate content on the screen.

    Kkkapitalism? Noooooooo!

  39. Fourscore

    “It’s not my fault!’ Astra said, stamping her feet, which make another squeaker slither out”

    You didn’t let us down, SF. Administrations come and go but you are always prepared. “Once a boy scout, always a boy scout”

  40. limey

    This really is spectacular, SF, and probably somewhat closer to the truth than we know.

    • Hyperion

      It’s actually probably less stupid than the truth.

  41. Hyperion

    You know, if Trump wouldn’t have been so busy surrounding himself with the wrong people, he probably could have did something to offset the toxic effect of social media. Peter Thiel practically threw himself at Trump and Trump ignored him. Musk is probably the easiest 2nd wealthiest guy on the planet that could be easily red pilled. But Trump was too busy hugging up to Jeff Sessions and Bill Barr and tweeting. He should have hired himself a real AG and then created a TMITE and SMITE Czar and let them go on attack. Now we are here, we’re all sorts of fucked up by radical leftists taking over everything. Fuck.