An Open Post Disguised as a Gift Guide

by | Dec 16, 2020 | Open Post, Products You Need | 326 comments

In case you haven’t finished your gift-giving adventures for this year, I have a few suggestions from a casual perusal of Amazon.

 

Something Sloopy and Neph will never need

Well, cat people. What are ya gonna do, amirite?

I’m baking, but hopefully my kitchen doesn’t smell like this.

So your favorite furry can always be well-dressed, even while on Zoom.

I’m guessing some of you already have this.

Something to freak out your dog.

I think Yusef needs this.

Now I know what to get for OMWC for his long summer hikes.

 

OK, I guess I’ve had enough fun. Now it’s your turn!

I’m back to baking and candy making. Have a great evening, Glibs.

 

About The Author

SP

SP

I've got an idea! How about we just stick to the Constitution as written and then the government can leave me the fuck alone.

326 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    Would you First me? I’d First me. I’d First me…hard.

    • Chafed

      I’m not sure what the image is on the home page but I’m pretty sure it is for firsting you…hard.

    • Brochettaward

      You botched the link and sent me to a Reason TV video featuring no Remy.

      *hisses*

      • Lachowsky

        Link works for me, its the Remy libertarian holiday gift guide, from years past.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SVT-40

        Thats what I want for Christmas.

      • westernsloper

        Milton Friedman chia pet. Would. Buy.

      • KOVIDKristen

        I’d like the Murray Christmas sweeater

      • Lachowsky

        I like the entitleMINTS. Billed directly to my grandchildren.

      • KOVIDKristen

        (but there’s still no Remy in the video)

      • Brochettaward

        Fucking A right. There’s no Remy. That is not a Remy video. Who does Lachowsky think Remy is?

      • Lachowsky

        Fuck. You are right. For some reason that was Remy in my head. I havent watched it in a while.

        Lo Siento

    • KOVIDKristen

      I’m wearing my Atlas Shrug (which is really a blazer) on the next Zoom.

  2. db

    I wish they had a small version of the “Smell my Nuts” candle. I like getting gag gifts for my gun club buddies. Years ago I bought two cases of Bacon Lube and handed them out at our Christmas party. The wives really loved me for that.

    • blackjack

      In case you wanna make baby candles.

  3. westernsloper

    Something Sloopy and Neph will never need

    Some of us are newbies. Bookmarked.

  4. mrfamous

    Too bad this one is no longer in stock. Perfect for that power hungry Governor in your life.

    • db

      You have to send that along with some sort of Righteous Paladin toy so the Gov can put his own avatar into the play action.

    • Mojeaux

      *shows Mr. Mojeaux*

      Mr Mojeaux: That’s what you get for hanging out with a bunch of dudes.

  5. westernsloper

    I’m baking, but hopefully my kitchen doesn’t smell like this.

    Not if OMWC uses these.

    You’re welcome.

    • SP

      Have you been looking at his browser history?

      • westernsloper

        Nope, nor do I want to smell his balls to confirm his search history.

      • SP

        That’s good because I don’t share. Not even my crayons.

  6. Aloysious

    …bake to baking…

    Smoking hangs? Because I’m jealous. Working.

    • Aloysious

      I fail autocorrect-fu.

      *Shakes Fist*

    • SP

      Hmm?

      • Aloysious

        I know. It came out incoherent. Trying to do two things at once, and ruined my joke. I’ll show myself out.

  7. Ted S.

    For some reason, the last one has this listed as something customers also buy.

  8. Tundra

    Instead of that gay ass golf umbrella thing, the the Old Man this beautiful hat!

    • Brochettaward

      It would be cultural appropriation to wear that hat.

    • SP

      He already has a beautiful hiking hat. He looks super dorky in it, but the umbrella thing would protect more of his nose.

      • Tundra

        So would mine. While looking badass.

      • SP

        Well, he is super secure in his manhood.

      • Tundra

        Lucky.

        *keeps looking for compensators*

      • westernsloper

        Hike while wearing your hockey skates. You could wear a string under the chin bonnet with a foot long brim and pull off bad ass doing that.

      • Tundra

        Ah, yes. Good plan, ‘sloper!

        Have a recipe.

      • westernsloper

        Dood. You are on to something there.

  9. KOVIDKristen

    My company had us choose between a Godiva basket or a Ghirardelli basket. How could one choose? I ultimately went with Ghirardelli – seemed like it had more dark chocolate.

    • Brochettaward

      My work had me choose between nothing and nothing.

      I chose nothing!

    • Tundra

      I have managed to give away all of the shit I got from vendors this year!

      Except the booze, of course.

      • Sensei

        We have a requirement to share our gifts. Since the office is working remote no vendor stuff.

        Which, given the amount of crap I have to go through to gift log it, probably isn’t a bad thing.

        Related to the topic – you’ve got to admire Lady Godiva…

      • SP

        OMWC brought home a bottle of wine tonight from one of his vendors. Who also took him to lunch at our fave Chinese place today.

      • Tundra

        Nice!

        I love my vendors, but I wish they would just send booze, since I don’t eat candy, etc.

      • Threedoor

        The one time my biggest vender bothered to come by I got ugly hats and he didn’t even offer to buy me lunch.

    • Rebel Scum

      Lindt.

    • rhywun

      Dark chocolate FTW.

      I haven’t touched milk in decades. Blecch.

    • Count Potato

      That’s awesome. Do they make an Elton John model?

      I worked at a club that had a Nuge.

      • Threedoor

        I’ve got four currently. I just started picking them up two years ago. I’ve got one called Magic City which is kind of a dud.
        Aladdin’s Castle shock had great art.
        Elton John.
        AC/DC which is also a stern machine and my newish one.

        My wife wants the unobtainable Medieval Madness.

      • Threedoor

        I swear autocowreck gets me the worst here.
        Turned ‘which has’ into ‘shock had’

      • Count Potato

        That’s great!

      • Threedoor

        They are fun. My old
        Machines need some work so they don’t play really well. There are a couple of Gottlibe machines from the 70s I want. And a modern pachinko machine or two. I’ve got a Japanese slot and it’s a blast.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Wow, that looks almost exactly like the Spirit pinball machine.

  10. Pope Jimbo

    Probably a bit too “adult” for SP, but I’m sure OMWC would love a set of these (SFW).

    • Tundra

      Your browser history must be a hazmat site.

      • SP

        It’s nothing compared to HM’s.

      • Tundra

        Did you see his mask suggestion the other day?!?

      • SP

        Um, no. I never click on anything HM posts. Ever.

      • Tundra

        I meant His Holiness. It was impressively tasteless.

      • SP

        Oh, well, I never click on anything Jimbo posts, either.

      • Count Potato

        You’re missing out.

      • SP

        If you were in the Super Secret Founders Chat Room, you’d know that, unfortunately, there are times I can’t scroll fast enough.

      • Brochettaward

        I bet they get an edit button in their secret chatroom. Because they think they’re better than us.

      • SP

        No, we know we are better than some of you. And yes, it has an edit button.

    • Brochettaward

      Everyone always wants to get at my penis. That’s the last place I’d want to store my valuables to keep them secure.

  11. rhywun

    It’s like virtually wandering around Spencer’s Gifts and I’m 12 years old again.

    • Tundra

      +1 Motion Lotion

    • SP

      Pretty. And Eco-Drive!

      I didn’t know you were an environmentalist.

      • KOVIDKristen

        Muh climate changeeeeeee!

    • Tundra

      You found one!! I dig it.

      I bought myself a set of ceramic and diamond sharpeners from AG Russell.

      Thanks to SP for including them in one of her posts!!

      • KOVIDKristen

        I think rose gold is going out of fashion, thankfully

      • SP

        You are welcome!

        They have some nice stuff.

      • Tundra

        Yeah, I’ve been eyeing a few of their knives.

        I love companies like that.

    • rhywun

      I’d buy that in silver.

      /don’t like gold

      • KOVIDKristen

        I have another Citizen in silver. I needed something to go with my gold earrings & necklaces

    • rhywun

      Xmas prez to myself

      Hm… good idea. I have several candidates.

    • SP

      My Christmas present to myself this year was not as pretty as yours, but it kicks ass. Specifically, Wonder Dog ass (hair from her ass and all her other places).

      Immediately after I finished using it to restore the living room area rug to a like-new condition, she laid down in the center of said rug and went to sleep, after fluffing out her hair to re-christen the rug. *sigh*

  12. Rebel Scum

    Well, cat people. What are ya gonna do, amirite?

    I like cats but that is just weird.

    I mean, everyone knows you lick pussy with your actual tongue.

  13. Rebel Scum

    Smell My Nuts

    Strangely this line has never worked.

  14. Rebel Scum

    Animal Paw Socks Paw Print 3D Socks Novelty Animal Paws Crew Socks for Men Women Kids

    Soon to be a human interest story about Joe Biden.

  15. CPRM

    I put my oldest niece’s (21) gift in this gag box. Inside was a mixed drinks recipe book, a travel size bottle of Jamison, 2 travel size irish cream and some christmas candy.

    • Tundra

      Excellent!

  16. Rebel Scum

    I’m guessing some of you already have this.

    No but I will in a couple of days.

  17. Rebel Scum

    Something to freak out your dog.

    Speaking of freaking out pets, do cats really freak out when surprised by cucumbers?

    • Threedoor

      We tried it about a year ago. They were not impressed, or shocked.

  18. Rebel Scum

    36” Diameter Elastic Fishing Gardening Folding Umbrella Hat Headwear

    This is what sombreros are for.

    • SP

      That’s pretty funny. The author of the second one is actually a real co-author of a cookbook I own.

    • rhywun

      A cookbook for bachelor Glibs

      That’s so sad.

    • westernsloper

      I don’t own a microwave.

    • Tulip

      I love that an instapot cookbook is part of the you may also like section. Instapot – the new microwave?

      • SP

        I LOVE my multicooker!!!!

    • Rebel Scum

      That would just enable him.

    • DEG

      I saw this line in a Retief book I was reading earlier today. It reminded me of Q.

      “This one” – he indicated another – “represents membership in the Play-Toy Club, an arcane brotherhood devoted to titillating and then frustrating the reproductive urge. Their suite is in Q wing, top level.”

    • SP

      Best.Amazon.Review.Ever.

    • Chafed

      That’s fantastic. Was it for the 55 gallon drum of lube?

      • SP

        Yes.

    • Tulip

      I love that people just use the Amazon reviews section like this.

  19. Pope Jimbo

    What SP and OMWC really need. I know it would look perfect on my old bike.

    • Tulip

      That’s more for Neph

    • Chafed

      “Heart shaped.” Lol.

    • westernsloper

      Currently unavailable.

      I would have bought that.

      • SP

        And you don’t even have a bike!

      • Pope Jimbo

        When did you and OMWC visit WesternSloper?

      • SP

        The best jokes are the running jokes. And you have to run, because clearly you can’t bike.

    • KSuellington

      “It can make your night riding more safety”

      Awesome, I want one.

  20. Rebel Scum

    GF’s dad tested positive for the ‘vid…or something. I have tried to stress that those things have an error rate close to that of Dominion voting machines and cannot distinguish strains of corona/rhino-virus (correct me if I am wrong…) and now she is freaking out. He is a nurse and has amazing insurance. Whatever it is they can pump him full of hydroxychloroquine and zinc since those things are now accepted by the AMA as effective treatments now that Bad Orange Man appears to be defeated.

    • Lachowsky

      My 72 year old father got it for real a few months ago. He got sick and felt like shit and I got worried.

      On day two of him being sick, when I called him, he said he felt like shit, but while I was talking to him he was running his bulldozer pushing shale around. Doing normal I dont give a fuck shit and he turned out fine.

      Corona will kill you if you are already scheduled to die. Tell your girlfriend that.

      • SP

        I’m glad to hear that.

      • Fourscore

        Lah, If the CV bites me I want to borrow your father or his dozer or both

    • SP

      Hope all goes well for him.

    • Count Potato

      I hope he’s OK.

      • Rebel Scum

        Mild cold symptoms right now. Had them for a couple days. He’s older (60s maybe?) but not that old and is relatively healthy.

    • DEG

      Hopefully he gets well soon.

  21. Chafed

    What exactly is that photo on the home page?

    • SP

      You’ll have to figure it out for yourself.

    • Gadfly

      That is the cat tongue brush. You’re welcome, your world is a little worse now.

  22. Pope Jimbo

    For all you Glibs who have just had babies. Get some fun stuff and let your wife know you are dedicated to being a serious parent!

    Nose Frieda and the Windi will bring untold joy to your new bigger family.

  23. zwak

    So, in the last thread, there was a discussion of the film Dark City. If you watch the scene where Jennifer Connoly is singing (lipsynching) in the background you can see a black dude playing bass very breifly. He used to work for me as a driver. Cool guy.

    • Threedoor

      That’s cool.

    • dbleagle

      Fantastic!

    • SP

      Bookmarked for after dinner reading. Perfect while I wait for my artisanal sugar cookies to bake and cool before decorating with edible gold accents. (Actually doing that. Don’t hate me.)

      • Tulip

        I just want pictures

      • R C Dean

        I want a cookie.

    • hayeksplosives

      That is cringe-worthy.

      Bunch of fucking Biden voters.

      • EvilSheldon

        Apparently being an asshole is now a competitive sport.

    • Mojeaux

      This is hilarious.

  24. Pope Jimbo

    You snooze, you lose!

    We are all too late to get the best present ever for 2020

    Gift One with matching accessory

    • Rebel Scum

      Could totally prank the gf with the first one.

      Her: *Grabs TP*

      *Trump soundbite*

      “Oh my God!”

      Me: ‘LOL’

  25. hayeksplosives

    I’m looking for an old school relief map of Southern California, suitable for framing. It would be a surprise for the spouse but I will like it too. A twofer present!

    I’ve barely begun the Google/bing/safari search.

    If anyone happens to know a reputable source, I’d like to hear it.

    • SP

      Do you mean the kind that was made of plastic with actual molded contours?

      • hayeksplosives

        Actual molded contours yes. Plastic—I have no experience with that.

        My parents had a circa 1912 one of The world, centered on Eurasia as was reality at the time. It was made of some sort of molded material with a painted finish.

        They probably don’t make them like that anymore.

        I’d take plastic if it didn’t look too “new”.

      • rhywun

        Wow. I’m crazy about maps but not that crazy.

        I had in mind something like the USGS maps but prolly not what you’re looking for.

      • Threedoor

        My dad bought one of Idaho when o was a kid. The package said DO NOT BEND! Of course the morons at the usps folded it in half. The continental divide was in the wrong place.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah, that is definitely getting there, 3D. Thanks!

        The frames are meh but I can get the unframed version and pick something else.

        I’ll bookmark that one and keep looking around.

    • BakedPenguin

      USGS wouldn’t do?

    • hayeksplosives

      Is this how OB GYNs are trained in COVID-19 remote learning days?

      • db

        I have a pilot friend who traveled around West Africa with a doctor friend (also a pilot) and a birthing simulator as part of a charity mission to do OB/GYN training in remote areas. Apparently the simulator was a big hit with local nurses and doctors.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Doh!

      • KSuellington

        Evidently we are getting the same recommendations on Amazon Jimbo.

  26. Not an Economist

    I’m watching Black Hawk Down. Without further commentating on the stupidity of the intervention much less the greater stupidity of how we fought, I like the movie. I think it does a good job of showing the chaos of combat. The other thing that sticks out to me is the number of recognizable actors, some at the beginning of their career, some in the middle, others at the end. Josh Hartnett, Eric Bana, a young Orlando Bloom, Sam Shepard, Tom Sizemore, Tom Hardy, and Nikolas Coster-Waldu are just some of the people in this movie.

    • db

      I work with a guy who fought in that battle. He’s told me parts of the story but not all of it.

    • rhywun

      Wut? That movie was like five years ago.

      /Right?

      • Brochettaward

        9/11 was like yesterday. In conclusion, we have barely even begun to war in Afghanistan.

    • one true athena

      Ha, I remember when Sizemore was having some legal probs and my husband knew some of the attorneys involved. So he was trying to tell me about it, and he said “you know, the guy in Black Hawk Down”. Um, hon, you’re gonna need to narrow it down. At least to one of the Americans?

    • Pope Jimbo

      Color me surprised. I thought for sure your link would go to this product (NSFW)

      • Rebel Scum

        That would be a gift for the wives/gfs.

      • Threedoor

        How many do you have?

      • Rebel Scum

        Not enough to require a 6 hr erection.

      • R C Dean

        That’s not what she said. 😉

    • Threedoor

      I’m still waiting for the Magpul waffle maker.

  27. hayeksplosives

    Western Sloper made a pithy and spot on comment recently that I thought “oh yeah, I’m totally going to remember that.”

    Now I’m drawing a complete blank. I’m going to have to start using my phone like I used my old Axum pocket PC.

    Ah the pocket PC. A good idea that was eclipsed by something easier(if not better) a couple of years later. Smart phones rendered pocket PCs irrelevant (I was a total addict to mine and still had flip phones until about 2010).. kind of like Zip drives (100MB per disk!) and new houses wired for Ethernet.

  28. KOVIDKristen

    Wait til I show y’all the assortment of (mostly) German Christmas cookies from my semi-pro baker friend (oh gawd, I hope I’m still on her cookie list!)

    • CPRM

      semi-pro

      She better not get too good or she might get drafted by the Cleveland Indians Michael Simons.

      Speaking of, are they just gonna be the CBBT now??

    • DEG

      Yummy

  29. Pope Jimbo

    OK, here are some ideas if you have some serious coin and have a potential doctor or sexual deviant on your shopping list.

    Exhibit A

    Exhibit B

    Both of them are probably not them are probably not the best to open at work, but if you do you can always say I Fucking love Science

      • Brochettaward

        I like their devotion to accuracy what with the sagging tits and all.

      • kinnath

        Why would I need that.

      • Fourscore

        Kind of redundant.

        Widowers or latent lesbians?

  30. l0b0t

    2020 is trying to kill me. This morning, I had to put my beloved Stefano to sleep after 17 years of best friendship. This evening I awoke to a kitchen fire sparked by a cheap, electric, plastic Menorah. Countertops will need to be replaced, everything is covered in soot, I smell of toxic hydrocarbons, and I now have to go to work. Shit…

    • DEG

      Sorry.

    • Gustave Lytton

      But at least you’re ok! Glad you got it out before the whole place went up.

    • Tulip

      I’m so sorry L0B0t. That really sucks.

    • KOVIDKristen

      Oh fuck, man. So sorry. We saw Stefano on Zoom, yes?

    • Fourscore

      Insurance cover the fire? Call that clean up company that’s on TV, like it never really happened.

    • hayeksplosives

      Oh my. Sorry you have to deal with this and glad you are physically safe. If you have USAA they will take care of everything and get it all restored wonderfully, no stress. (—> survivor of flooded house on Christmas Eve)

      Lean on your buddies. Man is meant to be a social creature and not bear all hardships alone.

    • Crusty Juggler

      What are the odds of posting a lame self-fellatio soon after a beloved dead pet post?

      I just want to suck my own dick, man. Leave me alone!

      • Brochettaward

        How classless can you be?

      • Crusty Juggler

        Like school on Sunday, playa.

    • db

      So sorry to hear all this.

    • Threedoor

      I had an idiot neighbor inadvertently poison my cat. How can you make it to almost fourty and not know to dump rat poison outside? Moron. Didnt even get an apology.

      • Brochettaward

        If someone harmed one of my animals, I’d do serious bodily injury to that individual.

      • Threedoor

        Fun fact, vermin can travel up to 1000 feet away from the source of poison before they expire.

      • Threedoor

        Well She is dumb enough to have a teamsters sign in her yard.

    • rhywun

      Sorry 🙁

      Lost two of my own this shit year.

    • Sensei

      Sorry all the way around. At least the whole kitchen didn’t go.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Uffda. So sorry to hear about your troubles.

      Hopefully we are all getting this bull shit out of the way before 2021.

    • mrfamous

      Jeez. Sorry about the pet and the countertop.

    • Mojeaux

      Oh, man, I’m so sorry, l0b0t.

    • one true athena

      Oh no! So sorry about your fluffy pal.

      God did not approve of that menorah I guess. wow. Glad you’re okay.

    • straffinrun

      Bummer. That’s why I have Goldfish: hard to morn too long when you’re eating sushi three times a week.

    • BakedPenguin

      Shit. Sorry, L0b0t.

  31. Crusty Juggler

    Is there a gift giving guide out there for a man obsessively into performing self-fellatio?

    • KOVIDKristen

      I’m sure Ron Jeremy could give you some…tips

      • Rebel Scum

        I heard he was good at cleanliness and organization.

    • db

      Try Paul Krugman’s columns.

    • hayeksplosives

      A craftmatic adjustable bed with the safety features overridden?

    • LJW

      DIY rib removal kit?

    • straffinrun

      Dunno, but the female contortionist can fit in a box.

  32. Pope Jimbo

    SP, don’t forget Wonder Dog

    • Rebel Scum

      Ambitious women are so scary. In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they’re not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.

      To who? Men can think that powerful women are sexy. That said, you don’t want to seem bossy. . .

      • Brochettaward

        I know there’s nothing that I look for more in a boss than incompetence.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I want one, Ambitious Women ae sexy,

      • Master JaimeRoberto (not/retarded)

        I want a girl in a short skirt and a long jacket.

      • Urthona

        To me it’s all about the beauty of her soul, or some bullshit like that.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        female leaders need to make sure they’re not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.

        It’s usually more of an issue when they’re catty, territorial, self-serving, and incompetent. The aggressive, competent ones are usually really good coworkers.

    • Tulip

      Ffs, you understand this humor?

    • straffinrun

      Do anger, pleased and indifferent count as feelings? That’s the extent of my feelings palate.

    • Brochettaward

      She said the volume of calls was affecting the day-to-day duties of the state attorney general office.

      That’s a shame…

    • straffinrun

      Fine. Let’s make some incredible ones.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (not/retarded)

      I think you just got in the list.

  33. Mojeaux

    So my (sickly, in pain) mom finally got a clue and called off the annual Christmas Eve celebration. Praise be. I have to work that night anyway.

    • Threedoor

      My mom wasent scared of the Wuh flu when my wife, self, and son had it this spring but has become a radical covidiot since one of her old lady friends caught it, she’s got much less severe symptoms than my wife and I had.

      First year my mom has not demanded we come over for Christmas.

      Granted my wife slayed her with a multi course thanksgiving she made everything for.

      Thank god I dont have to deal
      With my neurotic mother over Christmas.

      • Mojeaux

        My mom’s just in pain all the time with her back and hip. She just got out of the hospital after having had a diaphragm plication. She’s just tired and sore and can’t breathe very well plus other shit that isn’t going to kill you but is a nuisance.

        We’ve been trying to get her to lay off the holiday doings for a while now. We went over and put her Christmas stuff up for the first time ever (that she’d let us). So we’re perfectly happy with her decision.

        We are rather bah-humbuggy this year anyway, so I wasn’t looking forward to it.

  34. Yusef drives a Kia

    I missed my podcast, til Friday, but got a chance to talk to the guy, we wil have a good convo,

  35. Gadfly

    So, this is a couple weeks old so it might have already been brought up here, but I just read it and found it interesting. Mexico’s president called virus lockdowns “dictatorship”:

    Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador suggested Wednesday that politicians who impose lockdowns or curfews to limit COVID-19 are acting like dictators.

    The comments came as López Obrador once again fended off questions about why he almost never wears a face mask, saying it was a question of liberty.

    The Mexican leader said pandemic measures that limit people’s movements are “fashionable among authorities … who want to show they are heavy handed, dictatorship.”

    So apparently Mexico has a better class of left-wing than America does. AFAIK, AMLO is basically the Bernie Sanders of Mexico (populist left-wing outsider), and I can’t imagine Sanders or any other leftist in America taking a stand like that. Props to him.

    • Urthona

      well the left is actually poor there instead of communists with liberal arts degrees.

    • KSuellington

      Right on, that’s good to hear. I’ll be going back down to Baja with the family in June. We have gone down there every year for the last ten with the exception of 2020. Mexico is one of the few countries open to US travelers at the moment I believe.

    • straffinrun

      2020 update: Remember the AMLO!

    • Akira

      Sometimes I think back to the excellent conversations that I had with Leftists in the 9/11 aftermath about how the government can’t just shred our rights because something bad happened.

      When I listen to those same Leftists now, I can hardly believe it’s the same people. The same individuals who sported anti-Bush bumper stickers (“those who choose safety over liberty deserve neither” etc) are now begging for more restrictions and lambasting Trump for not shutting down the entire country by force.

  36. straffinrun

    There’s no reason YouTube should be recommending GnR this heavily.

    • Urthona

      Clearly the result of Chinese Democracy interference.

      • straffinrun

        Axel’s voice would sound perfect in Cantonese.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        The idea is insanely funny,

      • BakedPenguin

        What? Not Mandarin? 操 !

  37. Yusef drives a Kia

    Things to laugh at,
    People talking about the Twitterverse as if every one uses it….

    • mrfamous

      The problem is there’s a “perception is reality” aspect to this. If businesses and politicians believe that Twiteer is a reasonable cross-section of at least a large chunk of the American populace, it will react accordingly.

      Whether that’s actually true or not is inconsequential. It likely _was_ true at one time before dissenting voices started getting canceled and/or purged. It is now mostly a left wing echo chamber

    • R C Dean

      I see a bunch of people on the clock, not doing their jobs.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      bow Down to your Master!
      /um, wrongthink?

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      “Why is this making me cry?”

      Because you’re a 12 year old in adult’s body.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I like cake,

    • Gustave Lytton

      “We’ve got our N100 masks on, so no need to avoid getting close to a dozen of closest friends! Besides, the virus knows we’re being equitable and will pass us over.”

  38. straffinrun

    Just gonna tell y’all, you think you’re getting away with it, but you’re not.

    • BakedPenguin

      Hah! Wait until you open that last bottle of Kirin Ichiban, Gaijin.

    • CPRM

      But I am! *tears tag off mattress*

    • rhywun
  39. creech

    What “gifts” this year? The Festivus Airing of Grievances for 2020 will last so long that no one will even remember to exchange gifts.

    • one true athena

      ooh, I hadn’t thought of that. Rand Paul is gonna be ON FIRE this year!

      • hayeksplosives

        Can anything ever beat his announcement of the federal grant to look into the effects of cocaine on the mating habits of Japanese Quail?

  40. CPRM

    Just watched Fatman. Meh. The trailer is better than the movie actually is. But, who woulda ever thought there would be a year where both Kurt Russel and Mel Gibson play Santa?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Too bad. The trailer looked halfway decent.

      • CPRM

        The whole military sublot isn’t as portrayed in the trailer. And the in-story reason for how Santa affords his work shop just made me root against him. Then story-wise, the plot resolves without ever resolving the problem Santa faced.

        It was still maybe the best movie of 2020…because what else has there been?

      • limey

        I expect that Black Widow would have been pretty good, if you like that sort of thing. Too bad.

    • BakedPenguin

      That’s a shame. Looked like a pretty good idea.

    • Brochettaward

      I don’t know why anyone would watch that trailer and expect a good movie.

      • CPRM

        I didn’t expect a ‘good’ movie, I expected Action Schlock. This wasn’t it.

    • Plinker762

      Does it end with a big bang?

  41. CPRM

    I shared this a while back waay early in the morning. Powerman 5000’s current sound has been described as Dark Wave (dark new wave) You can really hear that in Strange People Doing Strange Things.

  42. hayeksplosives

    I just got my Tuesday COVID-19 test results on my medical “my health” online page.

    It was negative for Covid-19 (no surprise).

    But here’s the interesting explanation of the possible outcomes of the test, in a disclaimer at the bottom.

    Result Comment:
    NAA (Nucleic Acid Amplification) assays are the primary molecular diagnostic method for SARS-CoV-2 viral RNA detection (also known as PCR or TMA).
    The test has been validated and the Food and Drug Administration’s independent review of this validation is pending.

    Test results are for the identification of SARS-CoV-2 RNA, which may be detectable in samples submitted during the acute phase of infection.

    Positive / Detected. SAR- CoV-2 RNA present.

    Negative / Not Detected results for SAR- CoV-2 RNA do not rule out COVID-19 infection and should not be used as the sole basis for patient management. Negative / Not Detected results must be combined with other information such
    as patient history, clinical observations and epidemiology. Resubmit if clinically indicated.

    Presumptive Positive. Not all COVID-19 targets detected. Consider the test POSITIVE if there was a high pre-test probability of COVID-19 infection. Consider repeat testing if clinically indicated
    .

    Inconclusive. Not all COVID-19 targets detected. Consider repeat testing if clinically indicated.

    For “Invalid” results a new specimen needs to be obtained for retesting.

    This test is only authorized for the duration of the declaration that circumstances exist justifying the authorization of the emergency use of in vitro diagnostic tests for the detection of SAR- CoV-2 RNA and/or diagnosis of COVID-19 infection.

    “Presumptive positive” and “inconclusive” are pretty much permission or even encouragement to ignore what the tests actually say.

    No wonder the numbers make no sense.

    • limey

      You just don’t understand how to ScIeNce!!111 or something.

      #greatreset #buildbackbetter

      How about those testing “positive” at any point in the six months (?) prior to death? This opens that up to basically anyone who died of anything short of a skydiving accident (hello, Bee) being swept into the death totals. It also explains why the overall death figures for the US are actually in line with, or even down on previous years. Sure people are dying, but if we say they are covid deaths we can put out big scary numbers on the news shows.

      • mrfamous

        The death numbers were up considerably in April and May but are no longer. The CDC is playing games with it’s “excess deaths” statistics, of course. The way they are counting them is week by week. If deaths are 100 above what is normal (which is set too low given recent trends), it counts as 100 excess deaths. If the next week deaths are 100 below normal, that counts as 0 excess deaths. For a total of 100 excess deaths over the two weeks. I’m not kidding.

  43. UnCivilServant

    Morning, Glibs.

    I really don’t want to shovel the sidewalk.

    • limey

      Are there no kids in your neighborhood on “snow day” from Zoom classes? Don’t they want to earn a shiny nickel from nice Mr. UCS?

      • limey

        Ps – good morning!

      • UnCivilServant

        The kids around here are not going to go outside, and won’t do manual labor, especially not for a pittance.

      • rhywun

        He means Mexicans or Guatemalans but you probably have to drive to a Home Depot in your area to find them. Here they hang out on the corner until someone picks ’em up for the day.

      • UnCivilServant

        They’re too expensive.

        You think I can outbid surge pricing? screw that.

    • Gender Traitor

      Morning, UCS. How many inches have landed on you so far? Is it still coming down?

      • UnCivilServant

        I can’t tell, it’s in the “I can’t see anything” amount of snow range. And still coming down.

      • Tres Cool

        Isnt it generally the poor slobs in Buffalo that have to deal with weather like this ?

      • UnCivilServant

        Lake Effect Snow is commonly seen downwind of the great lakes.

        This was regular snow.

      • UnCivilServant

        Oh, make it past Chapter 4 yet?

      • Gender Traitor

        Just at the start of Chapter 5.

        As I feared, after the Board passed next year’s budget Tuesday evening, the big bosses want me to update the Big Spreadsheet – actually an Excel file with a worksheet for each of our eighty-some employees, outlining their total compensation: this year’s pay rate, the percentage of raise they’re getting, next year’s estimated pay, and the amounts the org puts toward their benefits (401(k), med, dental, HSA.) And it calculates how much vacation they’ll earn each pay period based on their years of service. So far I’ve updated 49 out of 84 with everything but their raises, which the CEO hasn’t given to me yet. So…no sneak reading until that’s all done.

        Oh – and my boss updated the “working from home agreement,” so I have to send that out to each WFHer and his/her supervisor for them to sign electronically.

        December and January are my busiest months at work.

      • UnCivilServant

        Fun.

        All we had was a datacenter outage that knocked half our applications offline. But that’s a one day crisis.

      • Gender Traitor

        Finished Chapter 5. Time to go get ready for work.

      • UnCivilServant

        Almost done with what’s been written.

    • Sean

      Me neither, or clean off my deck.

      Deck. You pervs.

      Mornin.

  44. Tres Cool

    mornin’ ya’all

    • Gender Traitor

      Mornin’, homey.

      • Tres Cool

        mornin’ sunshine!

    • Sean

      ☕?

  45. Tres Cool

    “Now I know what to get for OMWC for his long summer hikes.”

    LifeAlert® ?

  46. Sean

    Looks like we got about 12″ last night.

    ” Thats not a !ot. ”
    -Winston’s mom

    • Tejicano

      “12 inches of something white? Bullshyte!”
      – Winston’s mom

  47. Not Adahn

    Is it bad when the show is deeper than the inlet on your snowblower?

    • Not Adahn

      *snow. duh. Going to call into my morning meeting before attempting to clear out.

    • UnCivilServant

      Yes.

      On the current weather conditions I’m seeing “Freezing Fog”. Are they just making shit up now?

      • Not Adahn

        Nah, we used to get that all the time in Tulsa.

      • Gender Traitor

        Apparently we’re getting the same thing here, but with much less snow. Plus freezing drizzle.

        Zippy wow.

      • Tres Cool

        They use it here too, from time to time as a ‘terror enhancer’ when some TV meteorologist calls for a couple inches of snow. Guess its a real thing:

        What is freezing fog?

      • Tres Cool

        For my money, its tough to beat the dreaded THUNDERSNOW !

      • Not Adahn

        We rarely got snow (and even more rarely enough to play in) but NE OK got every variant of ice precipitation that has ever been documented. My favorite was New Years day 1993 where we had three inches of 1/8″ sleet fall. Ice ball bearings. Fun to drive on.

      • Tres Cool

        During my brief time @ Ft. Sill, Ok, we got what I recall was a record-smashing 12″ or snow. It was something that absolutely paralyzed the region. This would have been around 1987 or so.

      • rhywun

        Never heard of it. My bet is it used to be called something else.

      • Not Adahn

        I never heard the term “snow showers” until I moved up here. OTOH, the local meteros don’t ever call for “wintry mix” which was the most common thing back in OK.

      • UnCivilServant

        Wintery mix was common as a descriptor in Syracuse. Maybe it fell out of fashion with tv weatherpeople because it sounded cozy.

  48. Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

    Holy Shit! After weeks of gloom and doom we get a cornucopia of laughter! Thanks SP and everyone else! That made my morning. Glibs are the best and not in a maudlin, Xmasy way. You really are outstanding people and I’m so happy to be one of you.

    • Tres Cool

      You should be wary of any club that would accept you as a member.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        STEVE SMITH HAVE CLUB FOR MEMBER! WHEN HE JOIN, ACCEPT NOT OPTION!

    • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

      Of course I posted that before going back through the comments. Sorry lolb0t.

  49. Not Adahn

    Flock of juncos arrived, unfortunately it’s too dark to take a video of the little puffballs bouncing around on the snow.

    • Not Adahn

      And now a single blue jay has decided he REALLY doesn’t want puffballs encroaching on his territory.

      • Tres Cool

        Around here, Jays are 2nd biggest asshole of the avian community. I’d grant the top spot to red-winged black birds.

      • Gender Traitor

        Blue jays are asshoe.

      • Tres Cool

        One spring I got to see a Jay and local ghetto-squirrel throwin’ hands in the back yard. Entertaining for a bit.

    • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

      We have them here too. Pretty much fearless around humans. Chickadees are basically tame.

  50. Sean

    Time to go shovel some snow.

    ?

    • Tres Cool

      Why not call Mr. Plow?

    • UnCivilServant

      Still coming down heavy. I just did my first foray to gauge the amount of accumulation.

      Thanks to the geometry and wind on my block, my sidewalk has eighteen inches on the low parts, and drifts that hide the cars. All I can see of my car is one wing mirror that keeps getting cleared by the wind

      The snow falling is wetter, but a lot of the accumulation is powdery. It’s an unfun combination to clear by hand.

      • UnCivilServant

        The real nightmare will be when I have to move my car. Mayor Dipshit has proclaimed even-odd parking despite the fact that places like where I live don’t have enough curbside even when both sides are available to park on. So I have to unentomb my car, then fins someplace by this evening that hasn’t already been claimed to move it to. Then hike back from wherever that is.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        That’s the nice part of living where I do. When the big dump of snow hits you clear at least the front of the neighbors’ drives even if you don’t much care for them, personally. “Me today, You tomorrow” writ large.

      • UnCivilServant

        My neighbors are prone to trying to steal my trash can. If it weren’t so much effort, I wouldn’t be surprised if they dumped their snow on my sidewalk.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        Where I’m at it’s just passive-aggressive bullshit and judging. It was better when the Bikers lived across the way. Zero crime.

    • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

      You need a snowblower just to keep up appearances even if you use it only once a year. It’s a fun toy to have and you’ll gain insane Brownie points with the snow-bound milfs.