Thursday Afternoon SuSPect Links

by | Mar 18, 2021 | Daily Links | 354 comments

I’m in a severely cynical mood. Even for me. After reading these links, you might join me over here on the cynics’ bench, where we have cocktails to help offset the stress of life in these times which constantly try one’s patience.

 

  • I suSPect that Fauci is a raging asshole even in private life.
    (Perhaps especially in private life.)
  • I have my suSPicions that this is all going according to plan.
  • I suSPect that nobody I like really gives a fuck what this guy thinks.
  • Perhaps you will join me in being suSPicious of the claims in this article. H/T Playa Manhattan
  • I don’t think I’m being overly cynical to suSPect that there will now be even more COVID deaths, thus propping up the falling numbers. (Also, how is this even remotely close to the purported mission of this agency? Nothing left to cut.)
  • H/T Brett L for being suSPicious of this one.

 

 

And a little music.

 

Have a great rest of your day, kids! Try not to strain your eyes from too much rolling.

About The Author

SP

SP

I've got an idea! How about we just stick to the Constitution as written and then the government can leave me the fuck alone.

354 Comments

  1. Rebel Scum

    U.S. Special Envoy for Iran Robert Malley has indicated that recent attacks by Iranian proxies on U.S. forces in Iraq are making it tougher for the Biden administration to build domestic support for its new diplomatic initiative to resolve U.S.-Iran tensions.

    Iran does not want to resolve tensions.

  2. Count Potato

    XOMG, Jesus may have looked Israeli? That is some groundbreaking shit.

    • Chipwooder

      The noted theologian Don Lemon has been on quite the roll spiritually lately.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      He probably looked like a skinnier version of Topol.

    • Rat on a train

      Blond haired, blue eyed, wore jeans, t-shirts and boots, spoke English with an American accent, drove a large pickup, …

      • Homple

        He was a carpenter so of course he drove a pickup, probably with a crew cab and a diamond-pattern chrome plated toolbox in the back.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      He probably looked more like Arafat than Euro Jesus or black Jesus for that matter but if you’re too mixed up on Jesus’ race you’re missing the whole damn point anyway.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Pretty much every culture that has adopted Christianity has depicted Jesus as looking like themselves, yawn.

      • Lady Z

        Yep, and that fact is well established and documented. Don needs some new material.

      • rhywun

        This. I couldn’t care less what Jesus looked like.

      • Suthenboy

        “if you’re too mixed up on Jesus’ race you’re missing the whole damn point anyway.”

        “A Muslim! That religion was still seven centuries before being established.”

        “Muslim is a religious denomination, not an ethnicity, so the idea that there’s a Muslim look is quite off base.”

        This. Lemon isn’t just a smarmy idiot, he is an ignorant, smarmy idiot.

      • TARDis

        And yet, he is still getting a check. If I argue or protest against the prevailing narrative in public, I will be cancelled immediately.

    • grrizzly

      we know Jesus looked more like a Muslim or someone who was dark rather than someone who was blond, a blond-looking carpenter.

      A Muslim! That religion was still seven centuries before being established. And there are so many Muslims in the world, millions of them must be blond and light-skinned.

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t you slander the Persians as Aryan.

      • Rat on a train

        The largest Aryan Nation group in the world!

      • Not Adahn

        Isn’t indonesia the biggest Muslim country?

        Jesus looked like Obama’s dad!

      • Gustave Lytton

        That or India, surprisingly.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        You can’t fault Don for not realizing Judaism is the oldest of the three Abrahamic religions and Islam is the youngest. That’s like PhD level theology.

      • rhywun

        It takes a special talent to combine that level of pig-ignorance and smug unlikeability. It’s like he was born to work for CNN.

      • Gadfly

        Yeah, I was thinking that statement was rather ignorant. Muslim is a religious denomination, not an ethnicity, so the idea that there’s a Muslim look is quite off base. I would think that in the present culture such thoughts would be classified as bigoted or racist.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Lemon’s black, so he can’t be bigoted or racist.

      • R C Dean

        Jesus looked more like a Muslim

        I’m wondering how believing in Allah changes your appearance.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        You get all round and bumpy around the midsection and you carry around a second cell phone all the time.

        /this joke is da bomb

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        So he looked like a Bosnian. In other words, he was white.

  3. Hyperion

    SP has used her super mega privilege to ruing my chance of being first.

    Broketard hardest hit.

    Anyway,

    I suSPect that Fauci is a raging asshole even in private life.
    (Perhaps especially in private life.)

    He’s a member of the super special media protected class, so he can say anything he wants with zero fear of blowback.

  4. Chipwooder

    Well, I’ve suspected it was coming for some time now, and the day has come. Got this email at work today:

    Dear State Employees,

    The administration has once again had a historical legislative session with many equity accomplishments. One of those accomplishments is the passing of a new law requiring all state agencies to adopt and implement a diversity, equity, and inclusion strategic plan.

    To introduce this and explain the support we are providing, a virtual meeting is scheduled for Wednesday, March 31 at 1PM.

    During this meeting, the Governor and members of the Cabinet will introduce the ONE Virginia Strategic Plan for Inclusive Excellence. This plan was developed by the Office of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (ODEI) in collaboration with the Virginia Department of Human Resource Management (DHRM) and an interdisciplinary volunteer executive steering committee. Please save the date for this informational meeting for state employees to learn about our ONE Virginia mission for building Virginia into an inclusive state where everyone can live, work, visit, learn, and thrive.

    Fuck, man, I hate the job applications process and, especially, the stupid gotcha games of many interviewers.

    • SDF-7

      So.. they’re seriously rolling out ONE Virginia SPIEs?

      Sure… that’s not going to end up going full Stasi…

      And if it makes you feel better, private (ok, publically traded) company — and our Strategy Cascade included “exceed Diversity & Inclusion moonshot targets”…
      1) Aren’t moonshots supposed to be hard to exceed?
      2) Whatever the heck that means… especially with a team that’s rather in the more arcane space of software engineering. Not the sort of thing you can just pull anyone off the street for, and I have to assume “Asian ancestry” doesn’t count towards D&I given the team’s current make up…

      Fun times ahead… he said cynically…

      • Chipwooder

        I’m going to end up a fucking janitor somewhere because I am never, ever participating in some bullshit struggle session.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Governor Klansman photo pushing the diversity. Pretty pathetic…

      • rhywun

        Ditto.

        Finally, a hill to die on.

      • Not Adahn

        If you go further/beyond on a moonshot, you fail to achieve orbit and the craft is lost with everyone on board.

      • PBRstreetgang

        If it means these folks achieve escape velocity and we never see them again, then I’m all for it.

      • SDF-7

        So we need an Ark B initiative?

      • Not Adahn

        But then we’d all die from a dirty telephone.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Worth it.

        Totally.

      • Tonio

        Good call on the SPIEs.

        I would imagine it would depend on *what type* of Asian. A majority of muslims are asian, and a lot of those are in Southeast Asia which is the type of Asians the SJWs are all het up about now (Mr. Andy Ngo need not apply).

      • SDF-7

        As with a lot of US based software companies — a mix of Subcontinent and China. Heavy on the subcontinent. Mix of Hindu and Muslims on that front.

      • R C Dean

        I have to assume “Asian ancestry” doesn’t count towards D&I given the team’s current make up…

        Don’t assume that. Count them as minorities, which they are. “Equity” goal met, moving on . . . .

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        But then the HR flunkies wouldn’t have a job anymore. The trick is to make progress without attaining the final goal.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      so…

      many…

      buzzwords…

    • Rat on a train

      One People, One Virginia, One Leader!

      • Tonio

        [golf clap with tears]

      • rhywun

        LÖL

    • Rebel Scum

      Inclusive Excellence

      Pick one. You won’t get both.

      where everyone can live, work, visit, learn, and thrive.

      Then drop the marxist identity horseshit and leave people the fuck alone.

      • SDF-7

        Pick one. You won’t get both.

        I’ll quibble with you on that one (though I’m sure this isn’t what you meant…) — I think being truly Inclusive can get you Excellence.

        If you don’t give a rats butt about *what* someone is (gender, race, whatnot) but what they can contribute to the team, I think you can build a great team and build Excellence.

        What the heck that has to do with “Diversity is our Strength” (really? Show me the data…) and all that folderol is beyond me. But I remember when the whole MLK dream speech seemed to be our goal, too.

        Now get off my lawn while I find an onion for my belt… 😛

      • rhywun

        Yeah, but as usual they’re redefined a word to mean its opposite.

        “Inclusive” now means “exclusive” if you’re the wrong sort. What you’re describing has been redefined as “racist”.

      • R C Dean

        I think being truly Inclusive can get you Excellence.

        I think it could happen, theoretically, one of two ways (keeping in mind that “inclusive” means hitting racial quotas):

        (1) Purely by happenstance. You have an excellent team, hired purely for their abilities, that happens to hit the quotas.

        (2) By spending vast sums of money. You have to limit the hell out of your hiring pool, and cherrypicking the best from a limited pool is expensive (if its even possible).

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        It also depends on the job requirements. In some fields, the ability to approach a problem in a new way is an asset. In other fields, it is not.

      • R C Dean

        In some fields, the ability to approach a problem in a new way is an asset.

        Is this ability genetic?

        I will grant that diversity adds value when cultural competency in certain identified cultures is a core competency, so that hiring “diverse” people from those cultures will add value. Outside of that, I am highly skeptical that including appearance or ancestry as a hiring criteria contributes to better performance. On the flip side, hiring people whose cultural competencies are incompatible with the rest of the team can absolutely erode performance.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        You nailed the main disconnect. Just because people are from different cultures doesn’t mean they’re different in valuable ways.

    • Agent Cooper

      ” where everyone can live, work, visit, learn, and thrive.”

      How is this not already happening?

    • Tonio

      JHTFC, Chipwooder. I’m so sorry to hear that. Both for you, all the other state employees, and the poor VA taxpayers who will be forced to pay for this BS coming and going. We’ve already paid for the development, next we’ll have to pay to defend against lawsuits challenging implementation.

  5. SDF-7

    Banjos in the morning, SP in the afternoon — that’s balance for us Glibs. 😉

    And I got nothing to add to the links, sorry… other than I feel I’ve been cynical for months now — and yet, not bloody cynical *enough*.

    • Tonio

      Cynicism is rather a baseline attribute here. And may I interest you in this fine roll of tinfoil?

      • Gadfly

        Is it actual tin? Because if so, I’ll take it, that’s hard to find what with all the aluminum products out there. It’s become ever harder to acquire the materials to make a quality hat.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Tinfoil? Ha!

        If you’re not using grounded copper netting as a sort of mobile faraday cage, your letting lethal levels of brain control rays in.

  6. Count Potato

    “”The reports of the arrest came as a complete surprise.” ”

    Really?

    • Suthenboy

      Yeah, I was laughing about that too.

      I remember when people were asking “Do you think that Freddy Mercury guy might be gay? Naahhhh, surely not…”

      “Oh, you mean that guy that prances around like a fairy, has a porn stash and sings for a band named ‘Queen’? No, I dont think he is gay at all. Not one bit. No Sir.” *eye roll*

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        I ‘member when female friends of mine at Uni found out that George Michael was gay — there was much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. The fetching young lass who later became the Spousal Unit (and who had spent a couple of years in the London bar and gig scene during the mid-80s) was uniquely unsympathetic: “Just how naïve are you? Of course he’s gay — it’s been well-understood in the industry and the scene for years now!”

      • Mojeaux

        A friend who is quite a bit younger than I was devastated when she found out. Me, um, naw.

        However, I was disappointed when Chely Wright came out. She got to talking about how her fan base didn’t stick around because subtext homophobia, but for me, you sing all these great songs about Jezebels and single white females and suchlike, people are going to feel deceived.

        At least with the George Michaels and Freddy Mercurys of the world, your gaydar pings.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        My gaydar with Freddy took about five minutes, and I’m slow.

        On the other hand, the PR machine around GM did a pretty good job of distracting me for several years before I went “*ping* of COURSE!” The Spousal Unit actually witnessed him troll the audience for young ‘uns (“fresh horses”) after every gig, so for her, there was no doubt at all.

  7. Hyperion

    Unlike anyone else here, I work, so not sure if this is already posted round here.

    Israel also restoring democracy

    I thought the US of A was the only country capable of coming up with such shit rules and putting words like ‘liberty’ in the name?

    • Hyperion

      Sorry, different article. Here:

      FREEDOM

      Gee, I can’t wait until the Congress learns about this. I really want muh freedom bracelet, sounds so much like democracy and liberty.

      • Count Potato

        Everyone who gets vaccinated can get a gold star.

      • Hyperion

        LOL.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Why not a handy tattoo?

      • Ted S.

        Or in Biden’s case, a handsy tattoo.

      • The Other Kevin

        Is “freedom bracelet” a euphemism for handcuffs?

      • Hyperion

        No, handcuffs are to escort you to the jail.

        Freedom bracelets are to keep you out of the gulag.

      • DEG
    • Rebel Scum

      Israel does not do irony.

      • Hyperion

        What would you call it then? USA emulation?

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Paul then accused Fauci of “making policy based on conjecture,” adding, “You’ve been vaccinated and you parade around in two masks for show.”

    “Let me just state for the record that masks are not theater, they are protective,” Fauci said before Paul cut him off again.

    Sure they are, you senile quack.

    [JHTFC, I’ve seen my cat throw up better HTML than that. -Bitchy Edit Fairy]

    • kinnath

      Remember, Rand Paul isn’t a real doctor. He’s an o-p-h-t-h-a-l-m-o-l-o-g-i-s-t.

      I saw the phrase “self-proclaimed doctor” in an article recently.

      • Tonio

        The IFLS crowd seems weak on the distinction between optometrist and ophthalmologists. But optometrists have more medical training than people would suspect, they are not mere opticians even though that is also a noble calling.

      • R C Dean

        Ophthalmology is one of the hardest specialties to get boarded in. Far more difficult than internal medicine, which is a primary care specialty.

        Guess which one Fauci is?

      • Rat on a train

        You need an EdD to be a real doctor.

  9. Not Adahn

    The Daily Mail is lying in its URL. It is not bioelectric. I was hoping it was powerd by electric eels or something rad like that. But alas, it’s powered by liquid hydrocarbon fuel.

    • Ted S.

      I was hoping for a bioacoustic airplane myself.

  10. Count Potato

    Today, in our ongoing anti-asian coverage

    “Teen Vogue editor, 27, resigns over anti-Asian tweets she wrote as a teenager after Conde Nast lost a seven-figure ad campaign over her appointment: Anna Wintour KNEW about racist tweets but still hired her 13 days ago”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9377635/Teen-Vogue-editor-27-resigns-racist-tweets-wrote-teenager.html

    “Actor Daniel Dae Kim knocks 164 House Republicans for voting against September resolution that condemned anti-Asian racism as Congress holds hearing on uptick in violence”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9376773/Daniel-Dae-Kim-shames-Republicans-voted-against-resolution-condemning-anti-Asian-racism.html

    I wonder what else was in that bill?

    • Tres Cool

      “New York Democratic Rep. Grace Meng hit back charging Roy and Republicans including former President Donald Trump with ‘putting a bullseye on the back of Asian-Americans’ ”

      They just cant quit him.

    • Agent Cooper

      Sarah Palin is the bullseye expert, not Trump. Jeez.

    • Ed Wuncler

      Congressional resolutions for stuff like this are nothing more than a political bludgeon.

  11. trshmnstr the terrible

    I have my suSPicions that this is all going according to plan.

    I’ll admit, I thought this would be a massage parlor shooting link.

    Awfully fucking convenient.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Strategy Cascade included “exceed Diversity & Inclusion moonshot targets”…

    Eliminate all white male employees.

    • Sean

      I told my boss to plan on firing me in the next two years and replace me with a big, fat, BIPOC tranny with purple hair, by order of the .gov.

      • Not Adahn

        There’s some Fudd group in PA making the news for declaring that 80% lowers should only be sold through FFLs.

      • Sean

        Eagle Arms gun show promotes said they were not going to allow their sale anymore. They’ve reversed that stance. Took them 24 hours to figure out how fucking stupid that was.

        Of course, this was instigated by that prick Shapiro.

      • Not Adahn

        Yeah, this group was coming out in support of that. They’re called something like “gun owners for law and order” or some such thing.

      • Sean

        Firearm owners against crime probably. I saw some people posting (not here) the head guy’s name yesterday and if he lost his mind.

  13. Hank

    There’s a case to be made that Jesus was *ugly* –

    “…he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.”

    Isaiah 53:2

  14. juris imprudent

    I have had COVID, and I’ve been vaccinated, and I wear a mask. I wear a mask to make other people feel safer, even if there weren’t variants

    That, Senator Kaine is THEATRICS.

    • SDF-7

      I always carry my tiger repelling rock to make those who believe in tiger repelling rocks feel *safer*…..

      • PBRstreetgang

        I want to buy your rock.

      • Rat on a train

        Everyone must carry a rock or none of us are safe.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Fauci explained that people who are vaccinated against the wild-type strain, for example, “get a certain level of antibody that’s specific to a particular viral strain.”

    Because the model says so.

    • juris imprudent

      Alternatively, because I will be a non-important bureaucrat once this is all over. I don’t want it to ever be over.

    • Urthona

      I mean they might. Or not.

    • invisible finger

      “Here, take this shot to be double-plus sure you get antibodies because we’re too lazy to bother figuring out if you already have antibodies. And it’s good for a whole SIX months!”

      Fauci is the epitome of government waste.

  16. trshmnstr the terrible

    Logged into my work laptop for the first time in a couple weeks, and the first email was from the CEO, talking about how we need to tackle anti-Asian racism in our company and how we need a listening tour for our Asian employees.

    *deletes*
    *logs back off*

    • Rat on a train

      You can only counteract anti-Asian racism with pro-Asian racism. Be careful of the energy released.

      • LCDR_Fish

        So Harvard is letting qualified folks in again?

      • juris imprudent

        Of course not – Harvard and Yale aren’t anti-Asian, they are against allowing in too many smart people.

    • Agent Cooper

      “anti-Asian racism in our company”

      But you work for Nissan!

    • Hank

      If this means abolishing “affirmative action” then fine, but from your tone I gather that’s not what they had in mind.

      “a listening tour for our Asian employees”

      Would this be what they call active listening, or nodding-your-head-while-wearing-a-serious-expression listening?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Methinks that every single Asian in the entire company could tell them to fuck off, and they’d still do what they’re planning to do. What are they planning? My sixth sense tells me they’re working up to an ideological purge of employees, or at least some level of punishment by another name for straight white males.

    • R C Dean

      how we need to tackle anti-Asian racism in our company

      This is what’s called an “admission against interest”, an d is admissable as evidence that the company is, in fact, racist against Asians.

      Either your CEO or your general counsel needs to be fired. Probably both.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Yeah, i was a bit surprised. Comms probably didn’t run it by GC before sending, but GC is a true believer, so probably would’ve missed the problematic statement even if he reviewed it.

        A more accurate paraphrase is “we have progressed in our steps to address racial inequality in Company X…” Admission against interest indeed.

      • R C Dean

        we have progressed in our steps to address racial inequality in Company X

        Better, but still an admission.

        I would probably advise some pablum like “our company values diversity, inclusion, and equity, even for Asians”.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Yup, or just ignoring the social issues, but that ship has sailed.

        I’ve yet to track down an email that lays out their bounty payment program for hiring minorities into management positions, but it would fit well with this one.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Do they want supervisors to compile a list of their Asian employees and send it to HR so they know who is Asian?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        HR has certainly would never have some best guess methodologies using names.

        /I wish I was kidding

      • Gustave Lytton

        If you choose not to identify your race/ethnicity, they will make a effort to label you based on observation. All due to some parts of the company holding government contracts.

        /wish I was kidding

  17. Rat on a train

    UCS: status update. Are you at 25% yet?

    • UnCivilServant

      It’s done. I have a filesystem. I’m onto copying from backup to the array

      • Rat on a train

        Woot. Time to load all your unapproved media.

      • R C Dean

        Don’t forget to encrypt the good stuff!

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        So, all of it.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Sen. Tim Kaine of Virginia, a Democrat, also responded to Paul’s arguments.

    “I have had COVID, and I’ve been vaccinated, and I wear a mask. I wear a mask to make other people feel safer, even if there weren’t variants,” he said.

    Ja wohl.

    You wouldn’t want people to think you are not of the body. Would you?

    • Chipwooder

      I wear a mask to make other people feel safer

      So he’s admitting that it’s nothing more than a talisman?

      • PBRstreetgang

        The Mark of Kaine

      • Tonio

        Timmeh is an idiot.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Hell, the NEJM made that call on April 1.

        It is also clear that masks serve symbolic roles. Masks are not only tools, they are also talismans that may help increase health care workers’ perceived sense of safety, well-being, and trust in their hospitals. Although such reactions may not be strictly logical, we are all subject to fear and anxiety, especially during times of crisis. One might argue that fear and anxiety are better countered with data and education than with a marginally beneficial mask, particularly in light of the worldwide mask shortage, but it is difficult to get clinicians to hear this message in the heat of the current crisis. Expanded masking protocols’ greatest contribution may be to reduce the transmission of anxiety, over and above whatever role they may play in reducing transmission of Covid-19. The potential value of universal masking in giving health care workers the confidence to absorb and implement the more foundational infection-prevention practices described above may be its greatest contribution.

        And this article was against forcing hospital workers to wear masks all the time. And even after hedging their bet by adding an addendum to the article due to pressure from the left, they STILL only recommended masks for those who are 1) indoors, 2) exposed to individuals who are 3) within 6’, for 4) an extended period of time (>15 minutes).

        https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMp2006372

      • R C Dean

        Expanded masking protocols’ greatest contribution may be to reduce the transmission of anxiety,

        I think they may have the opposite effect, by reinforcing the idea that this virus is uniquely dangerous.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Maybe, but they certainly function as a virtue flag for safety.

        “That person is wearing a mask (while driving alone in his car). I feel safe because I know he’s one of the Good SCIENCE! Believers.”

        These people don’t fear getting Covid. They resent being amongst non-leftists.

        It’s why they’re stressing that even after vaccines, we still must wear masks. We have to have a flag, and a reason to chastise anyone who won’t fly it.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Fuck me, do I hate that weasel.

    • Rebel Scum

      I wear a mask to make other people feel safer

      Virtue. Signaled.

      • juris imprudent

        I feel safer carrying a concealed firearm. You do want me to feel safer, right Senator?

    • EvilSheldon

      It’s nice that you’re so willing to help me feel safe, Timmie.

      You know what you could do that would really help me feel safe?

      I’ll give you a hint – it involves you, and a speeding dump truck…

    • invisible finger

      I’d feel safer if Kaine didn’t wear a mask. The fact that he wears a mask signals that he isn’t healthy and he knows it.

  19. Rebel Scum

    Speaking on ABC’s “The View,” CNN’s Don Lemon offered his perspective on Jesus Christ, pontificating that the only way to properly view Jesus was as “a black Jesus or a brown Jesus, because we know Jesus looked more like a Muslim or someone who was dark.”

    Well, yes. He was middle-eastern. But probably not black.

    • Urthona

      He was Mediterranean. A type of white.

      • Agent Cooper

        I’ve heard he was a jew.

      • Urthona

        That too.

      • invisible finger

        Unless he was Sicilian.

      • Tonio

        The Med has a southern shore too, you know

      • C. Anacreon

        Club Med, Southern Shore, New Jersey?

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Whatever else, He was a carpenter and the son of a carpenter; the images you see of Him throughout history looking wimpish or weak or soft were probably the least accurate. Back in those days, you went and harvested large chunks of wood from the desert and the hills, dragged it back to your workshop and worked your ass off to turn it into a piece of furniture or a structural element for a building. Jesus was built more like Arnold Schwarzenegger than Pee-Wee Herman, that’s for sure. He was a “real man.”

  20. Rebel Scum

    Biofuel engines will take over while cruising and power a turbogenerator. The engines will also help recharge the electric motors, with the assistance of solar panels.

    Pass.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Extremely complicated fuel systems is what I look for in aircraft.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Don’t worry, it says right there that it also has solar panels.

  21. Rebel Scum

    FEMA to reimburse funeral costs for coronavirus victims

    Way to incentivize even more lying about the convid numbers.

    • Lady Z

      Intended consequences are intentional.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    There’s some Fudd group in PA making the news for declaring that 80% lowers should only be sold through FFLs.

    I really ought to get at least one 80% 1911 frame before it’s too late.

  23. The Other Kevin

    Three years ago today, Team USA beat the Canadians to win sled hockey gold in Korea. I don’t care about the rest of the Olympics, as long as I get to see sled hockey next year.

    That year FIVE guys from Team USA played on my team. Of course there was no room for me on our A team, until they left to train and I got moved up. It was hands down my favorite season. I hope to hell we have a season this year.

    • Tundra

      I hope you do, too. It’s been so nice to be back at the rink with dudes who give zero fucks about the ‘vid.

  24. Not Adahn

    Lol.

    I’m pretty sure that the company who runs the cafeteria here (and which has an Italian name) hates the Irish.

    One year on St. Pat’s they had corned beef and cabbage. Red cabbage. With vinegar, apples and caraway seeds.

    Today so that C shift could “celebrate St. Patrick’s day” too they put out Hershey’s kisses in green wrappers.

    • Chipwooder

      I remember going to Disney World on spring break many years ago when I was in high school. We were there on St Patricks Day, and the restaurant we went to had a corned beef and cabbage special. Which looked good…..and then we noticed that they were putting brown gravy on it.

    • Ted S.

      Doesn’t everyone hate the Irish?

      • C. Anacreon

        David Huddleston thought so.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      They should have served something orange.

  25. Rebel Scum

    Now is not the time for rational analysis. We only have 12 8 years left.

    An improving world: floods, draughts, storms, wildfires and extreme temperatures claim 95% fewer lives today than a century ago.

    I have been assured that all of these things are on the rise. Just yesterday I heard experts are considering moving up the start of hurricane season on account of muh global warming climate change.

    • Ted S.

      I didn’t think checkers claimed any lives.

    • The Gunslinger

      Nope. Ample assets and toned thighs.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      This is relevant to what?

      I guess depending on your viewpoint, it either means insects are going to burn in Hell or that humans should be having accidental gay sex.

      • Tonio

        “I was drunk…”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Doc, it was a million to one shot!

      • Bobarian LMD

        More like two to one.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Heh, one of the classics from when The Onion was great.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Agreed. Possibly the apotheosis of The Onion’s influence and brilliance.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Along with this.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Or maybe the scientists are just assuming the gender of billions of insxcts.

      • Not Adahn

        insxcts

        Bra-VO.

    • Rebel Scum

      I thought it was just the frogs and I wonder if Alex Jones is aware of this.

    • juris imprudent

      How do they know this wasn’t rape? Did they ask the insects about consent, hmmm?

      • Not Adahn

        Bzzz means bzzz!

    • Hank

      How can they make such a mistake, with all those eyes?

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of vapid, empty signalling

    President Biden and Vice President Harris plan to travel to Atlanta on Friday, where they will meet with leaders of the city’s Asian American community in the aftermath of a deadly shooting spree there this week that left eight people dead, including six women of Asian descent.

    Meanwhile, Biden issued a proclamation for U.S. flags on federal buildings to be lowered to half-staff through sunset Monday to mark the massacre in Georgia.

    Biden said he was ordering the flags lowered “as a mark of respect for the victims of the senseless acts of violence” on Tuesday, when police say a lone gunman fatally shot the victims at three Atlanta metropolitan spas.

    I say we leave them permanently at half mast, and fly them upside down, too.

    • SP

      They are both going clearly because she needs to be seen as the Most Effective and Serious Vice-President Ever. Since she’ll shortly be President.

      Also, thanks for this. I wondered why the flag at the post office was lowered today.

      • Hyperion

        Despite being someone who no one wants to vote for, including democrats.

    • EvilSheldon

      Sounds like Joe heard something about massage parlors and started drooling.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        Don’t let him near the caskets.

  27. Rebel Scum

    Crazy Rich Armed Asians

    Asian-Americans are buying guns to protect themselves amid a spike in anti-Asian hate crimes fueled by the coronavirus pandemic.

    “There are more Asians being introduced to firearms,” said Jimmy Gong, the owner of Jimmy’s Sport Shop in Mineola, New York. “Before, there was never gun culture in the Asian community. But after the pandemic and all the hate crime going on, there are more Asians buying guns to defend themselves.”

    Gong said that his gun sales have doubled during the pandemic, and about half of his business comes from Asian-Americans, who also buy lots of pepper spray.

    • Chipwooder

      Roof Koreans are back, baby!

    • Gender Traitor

      “That’s not how we wanted them to react to our hype!”/MSM

    • Hyperion

      The democrats are working on relieving them of those guns, for their own good.

    • EvilSheldon

      Jimmy hasn’t been paying attention lately, or else the demographics are different down here in the DMV. There are tons of Asians in the gun culture. My best shooting buddy is Vietnamese. Out of the eight people in my squad at last weekends’ USPSA match, three were Asian.

    • l0b0t

      I call shenanigans! I’ve driven past that Mineola location hundreds, if not thousands, of times over the last 15 years. I’ve wanted to stop in since I first saw the place but I have never once seen it open. Regardless of the day or time, that place is always closed.

      • one true athena

        hmmm. Maybe some of those guns aren’t, shall we say, all that legal?

        Triads need guns too, For Great Equity!

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Around here they’ve been buying guns since this time last year.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      This makes me smile with glee for 2 reasons.

      1) I like an armed population. The more armed people, the better.

      2) This will undercut all the phony concern Dems have concerning Asian Hate™️. I don’t think they’re gonna buy the idea that Democrats care so much about their safety that they’re now going to take all those new guns Asians have bought to protect themselves. Though they may not have traditionally been an armed population, I doubt they’ll take kindly to being de-armed.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    In addition, Biden and Harris will meet with leaders of the Asian American and Pacific Islander community in Atlanta on Friday and speak with state legislators to get their perspectives on the increasing number of hate crimes against people of Asian descent since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic that some critics say was fueled by former President Donald Trump’s disparagement of China as the source of the virus.

    I’m sure they’ll (virtually) group-hug and have a nice cry.

  29. commodious spittoon

    Seems like only six months ago it was starting to look like fall, now suddenly it looks like spring. Weird how nature do that sometime.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    I’ve heard he was a jew.

    perhaps

  31. Tundra

    SP!

    Thanks for serving up the lynx!

    Rand’s smackdown on Fauci was fun. I want Rand to channel his inner Massie and just call out the idiots every single day.

    And no cuddling up with the CIC.

    Back in January I told OfficeProg that we would have two new wars (Syria and Iran) cranked up by the end of the year. He was very defensive.

    Looks like I could have predicted by the end of Q2.

    What the fuck is a Don Lemon? Sounds icky.

    Faradair rhymes with vaporware. Coincidence?

    Wow, you are right – my eyes rolled so far I just looked at the back of my brain. It’s looking a little cluttered back there.

    • limey

      What the fuck is a Don Lemon? Sounds icky.

      He’s the top in a lemon party.

    • The Other Kevin

      Guess what Tundra! The first weekend in June I’m heading your way to play for a team from Alaska. They needed some extra bodies so they asked me and one of my teammates. It’s at Super Rink in Blaine.

      • Tundra

        Okay!

        Email me at minnetundra AT the googs with the details. If I’m in town, I’ll come and watch!

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      The first time I heard Don Lemon pronounce his last name, I wanted to get on a plane and smack him into next Tuesday. No, you dumb shit, pronouncing “Lemon” like “Le Mans” does not make you sound more sophisticated, and anyone who actually knows basic French knows that “Lemon” in French is “citron,” you ignorant, microcephalous wanker.

      It’s funny when people pronounce “Target” (the store) as “Tar-JAY” (to pretend it’s faux-French-sophisticated). You’re just a cringeful twat.

  32. Rebel Scum

    As if they have standing.

    Montana Attorney General Austin Knudsen, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton and 19 other state attorneys general filed suit today in United States District Court for the Southern District of Texas to block President Joe Biden’s unconstitutional and illegitimate attempt to cancel the Keystone XL Pipeline (KXLP).

    Despite several exhaustive studies undertaken by the Obama State Department that concluded the Keystone XL pipeline would boost the U.S economy, create American jobs, and safely transport oil throughout the country without increasing greenhouse gas emissions, Biden revoked the permit via executive order mere hours after reciting his oath of office. However, he did not have the power to do so.

    “The power to regulate foreign and interstate commerce belongs to Congress – not the President. This is another example of Joe Biden overstepping his constitutional role to the detriment of Montanans,” Attorney General Knudsen said. “There is not even a perceived environmental benefit to his actions – his attempt to cancel the Keystone XL Pipeline is an empty virtue signal to his wealthy coastal elite donors. It shows Biden’s contempt for rural communities in Montana and other states along the pipeline’s path that would benefit from and support the project.”

  33. B.P.

    I guess I’d better stick with the theme, violence against those of Asian heritage. The Atlantic had an interview on the subject with a poet in the chamber, ready to go…

    https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/03/cathy-park-hong-anti-asian-racism/618310/?utm_source=pocket-newtab

    When a black person attacks an Asian person, it’s the fault of white people…

    “What I fear is that these crimes are sowing deeper divisions between Black and Asian Americans, and that white people will not hold themselves accountable. Whenever I say on social media, “These attacks are symptomatic of white supremacy,” white people say, “How is it white supremacy when it’s not white people committing the crimes?” Claire Jean Kim has this really great racial-triangulation theory that talks about the relationship between Black, Asian, and white people.”

    Also…

    “This is typical of this country, to not really focus on racism unless it’s sensationalized in some way, unless there’s a viral video, or someone gets murdered.”

    Yep. There’s hardly any focus on racism in the U.S.

    • Count Potato

      “racial-triangulation theory”

      In other words, complete bullshit.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Yep. There’s hardly any focus on racism in the U.S.

      Come on! It’s only the single point on which everything we do is focused right now. There is nothing left untainted by the “focus on racism.”

      Fucking pillows are viewed through the lens of racism.

  34. Muzzled Woodchipper

    The Atlantic, exposing frauds:

    The notion of needing “to be associated with the victims rather than the perpetrators” is what sent me down the rabbit hole of identity hoaxers. You would be surprised at how many there are: the “pretendians,” who claim Native American ancestry, including the former Klansman who reinvented himself as a best-selling “Cherokee” author; the Syrian blogger “Gay Girl in Damascus,” who turned out to be a straight American man named Tom MacMaster; Scott Peake, who presented himself as a fluent Gaelic speaker from a remote Scottish island when he took over the Saltire Society, which promotes Scottish culture. (He was really from South London, and couldn’t speak Gaelic.)

    Within this galaxy of hoaxers, the academics and activists who attempt “reverse passing” are a distinct group. “Passing” has historically referred to the practice of nonwhite people adopting white identities or being read as white, allowing them to bypass the racial segregation of housing, jobs, and services. But the racial reckoning in the United States in recent years has asked white Americans to see themselves as perpetrators of centuries of injustice, and Black Americans as victims of that injustice. “Reverse passing,” also called “blackfishing” or “race-shifting,” seems intriguingly common in university humanities departments and leftist activist spaces, where many subscribe to the worldview outlined by Robin DiAngelo in her best-selling book White Fragility: “White people do need to feel grief about the brutality of white supremacy and our role in it.” Perhaps the subconscious reasoning runs like this: White people are oppressors, but I’m a good person, not an oppressor, so I can’t be white. (The right-wing version of this argument is different: I’m white, but don’t feel like an oppressor, so I reject this ideology.)

    In individual instances, there can be financial or professional benefits to “reverse passing.” Ayendy Bonifacio, an assistant professor of U.S. ethnic literary studies at the University of Toledo, told me that for an academic such as Krug, “embodying that same identity that she writes about, and teaches, could lend her more cultural credit, to a certain extent, but also more trust from her readers, from her students, from other scholars in the field.” Watching a video of “Jessica La Bombalera” made him wonder whether Krug’s performance, in one sense, reflected a failure of solidarity, an inability to generate empathy without identification. Yet, he noted, discussing issues such as racism, gentrification, and police violence while posing as a person of color was “not just a performance of identity, but also a performance of other people’s traumas.”

    When being a victim is incentivized, you’ll have more people claiming victimhood. I’m not sure why this is so hard to comprehend. When you’re a “victim” in modern America, you’re absolved of being an oppressor. You can relinquish your guilt and attain special, untouchable status. Even if it means living an utter lie.

    And, in an extra bit noxiousness, being a victim also then allows one to again become the oppressor by attacking white Americans. Being “black” allows one to be racist, because according to the narrative, minorities can’t be racist. It allows victims to demand that others be silenced, because free speech is now a tool of White supremacists. It allows victims to burn down cities without repercussion. It allows victims to legally force the rest of us to maintain their delusions.

    The incentives created dictate all of this. What are we going to do about the incentives?

    https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2021/03/krug-carrillo-dolezal-social-munchausen-syndrome/618289/

    • Hyperion

      “The Atlantic, exposing frauds:”

      What? The Atlantic are finally exposing themselves?

      • Tonio

        That started back when Andrew Sullivan worked there.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        One would think.

        They stumbled on to this. Although they briefly discuss the reasons why “reverse-passing” is a thing, it doesn’t really go in to depth concerning the incentives that drive people to be full-time frauds. It does, however, tsk tsk these frauds for the crime of appropriation.

        That they do this isn’t a sign of whacked out cultural incentives produced by an increasingly sick culture, but that each individual who does this is “sick.”

      • juris imprudent

        So Toobin is working there now?

      • Hyperion

        Zoomin with Toobin!

      • C. Anacreon

        juris, is your new avatar the beard of Bob Weir? Looks just like it.

      • juris imprudent

        them’s my own silver whiskers

      • westernsloper

        Can confirm from the Happy Hours that is Juris. Impressive mustache.

    • B.P.

      “Perhaps the subconscious reasoning runs like this: White people are oppressors, but I’m a good person, not an oppressor, so I can’t be white.”

      Gee, it’s almost as if all manner of media outlets have been hammering this idea into peoples’ heads for years.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        While all those who would dare espouse the alternative opinion “I’m white, but don’t feel like an oppressor, so I reject this ideology” are held up as not just racists, but White Supremacists.

      • Hank

        It’s not very promising to see the term “right wing” deployed to describe what used to be considered obvious, non-insane stuff.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Concur.

        It’s an extreme belief to reject collective punishment.

    • B.P.

      Also, any mention of Elizabeth Warren in this article?

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        No.

        I was waiting for it, but no.

        I’m sure it’s no coincidence she’s not in there, being The Atlantic and all. This is almost certainly a “broken clock” scenario.

  35. Ted S.

    I’d have guessed this for the music.

  36. Rebel Scum

    Virtue. Signaled.

    Virginia officials are letting their voices be heard in condemnation of the recent spike in violence toward Asian Americans across the country.

    The latest comes after a Georgia man is accused of killing eight people at massage parlors in Atlanta. Six of the victims were Asian and seven were women.

    “This is the latest in a series of heinous attacks against Asian Americans across this nation, but sadly these are not isolated events,” said Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam in a release Wednesday morning.

    “Hate and bigotry have no place in our Commonwealth or country. We all have a responsibility to condemn these racist acts and make clear that this is not who we are as Virginians, or as Americans.”

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      It’s so yawn inducing. Derivative, fill-in-the-blank claptrap to disguise their fear that their firm grasp of the Asian demographic is going soft.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Northam is the annoying weenie of the Dem authoritarian governors.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The racial identities of the two others don’t even merit a mention apparently. White folks I presume?

    • wdalasio

      Is there even any evidence that the attacks were racially motivated at this point? The culprit himself says it was because he was a sex addict and did it to get rid of the temptation. That suggests to me pretty much the opposite of any racial hatred. My guess is that he was almost certainly a patron at these massage parlors.

      He’s a sick f**k and should fry. But, trying to make this out to be racial is just stupid.

      • Urthona

        They were not.

      • Hank

        “He’s a sick f**k and should fry.”

        If Georgia still does that sort of thing.

        “Welcome to Death Row, your home for the next thirty years.”

    • Ted S.

      Do drugs fall out of drag queens’ asses?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Probably so on occasion, usually ecstasy would be my guess.

      • rhywun

        Poppers.

      • l0b0t

        Did you ever encounter the poppers cause A.I.D.S./HIV does not theory?

      • rhywun

        No, thank goodness.

      • l0b0t

        It’s weird. IIRC, it posits that repeated nitrate use destroys the white blood cells or something. It was pretty out there.

  37. KSuellington

    And we can’t build our dreams…

  38. wdalasio

    Rand Paul isn’t a real doctor. He’s an o-p-h-t-h-a-l-m-o-l-o-g-i-s-t.

    Which means he’s an eye surgeon. I wonder if the idiots pushing all this nonsense to discredit Paul understand that. To get where he is, first you actually have to be a doctor. Then you have to go another three to eight years of training on top of that in one of the harder fields to even get into a program to specialize in.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Compared to the average twat with a public health degree, he’s Bobby Fischer to their Lindsey Lohan.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      ¡But he wasn’t accredited by the established board!1!!

    • C. Anacreon

      Exactly. Ophthalmology is about the hardest residency program to get into out of medical school. Don’t get them confused with optometrists, who mostly work on exams for vision correction/glasses/contacts, or opticians, who create eyeglasses. It’s the same thing with people confusing psychiatrists, who are physicians who do four years of residency after medical school, and psychologists, who have no medical training.

      It’s one thing not to be aware of differences. But it’s another to insult people using your ignorance.

    • Hank

      He’s officially trusted to put sharp objects in people’s eyeballs for pay. Without knowing all the details, I’d certainly I hope that involves some skill beyond what his critics learned in critical-theory classes.

  39. DEG

    After reading these links, you might join me over here on the cynics’ bench, where we have cocktails to help offset the stress of life in these times which constantly try one’s patience.

    I consumed a lot of alcohol yesterday and had some boozy coffee earlier today. It’s St. Patrick’s Day week. I probably should have some more booze.

    Afterwards, Democratic Sen. Chris Murphy made a point of praising Fauci for “setting an example … that has not been followed by other leaders in this country” by wearing a mask.

    Sen. Tim Kaine of Virginia, a Democrat, also responded to Paul’s arguments.

    “I have had COVID, and I’ve been vaccinated, and I wear a mask. I wear a mask to make other people feel safer, even if there weren’t variants,” he said.

    Go fuck yourselves.

    U.S. Special Envoy for Iran Robert Malley has indicated that recent attacks by Iranian proxies on U.S. forces in Iraq are making it tougher for the Biden administration to build domestic support for its new diplomatic initiative to resolve U.S.-Iran tensions.

    That will stop a shipment of pallets of money? Sure.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    Callous disregard

    Twelve Republican members of the House voted against a resolution on Wednesday to honor police for their actions during the deadly riot at the Capitol on January 6.

    ——-

    Officer Brian Sicknick died from injuries sustained during the violence on January 6, while Officers Howard Liebengood and Jeffrey Smith took their own lives in the days after the riot.

    Gohmert explained his decision in a statement issued before the vote, according to The Texas Tribune.

    “HR 1085 does not honor anyone, but rather seeks to drive a narrative that isn’t substantiated by known facts,” he said. “We absolutely do want to show our gratitude and respect for the U.S. Capitol Police, so I removed the Speaker’s false and politicized narrative in order to arrive at legislation that truly honors those who selflessly serve us in Congress.”

    Cloud said in a statement: “I have always stood by and supported our brave law enforcement and still do, but this bill was not truly about that despite its name.

    “Instead of simply being about honoring the Capitol Police who bravely protected the Capitol on January 6th, Speaker Pelosi included damaging language that unnecessarily weighs down the bill. The text refers to the Capitol as the temple of democracy—simply put, it’s not a temple and Congress should not refer to it as one. The federal government is not a god.”

    Gotta toss the obligatory Scknick lie in there. It’s part of the catechism.

    Whaddaya mean, the government is not a god? That’s crazy talk.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Sicknick died of a stroke that evening and a link hasn’t been established and cops cap themselves pretty often, it’s an epidemic of sorts. I’m not buying it unless they show a suicide note to that effect.

      • rhywun

        a link hasn’t been established

        Moreover, they’re burying the autopsy report – which means exactly what you think it does. There is no link.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Furthermore, what’s the supposed link between the riot and the suicides? “I’m gonna off myself because I had to subdue a riot” is a really stupid reason for an otherwise non-suicidal person to off themselves.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Obviously being a first-hand witness to Nazis storming the sacred halls of our democracy cast them into an unbearable pit of despair.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        Was there a spate of police suicides during the summer riots? If so, I didn’t hear about it. Why would the riot at the Capitol cause cops to commit suicide?

      • The Hyperbole

        They must have been true believers…the cops who waved people in. They killed themselves because the insurrection failed and “The country as they knew it is over”™

  41. Shpip

    They weren’t kidding about the weather in the southeastern US today. Squall lines coming through pretty much on the hour.

    I bought my house twenty-four years ago, and this is the first time I’ve spotted a fennel cloud in the skies above the place.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Did you say a prayer using your rosemary beads?

      • Count Potato

        It was a different thyme.

      • Hank

        I was hoping I could offer some sage advice.

      • B.P.

        Eh, it really only looks parsley cloudy in the picture.

    • juris imprudent

      You should probably check your roof for leeks.

      • C. Anacreon

        What do you basil that on?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Y’all are just rubbing salt into Switzy’s eyes.

  42. Hank

    “Whiteness Is a Pandemic…

    “Whiteness is a public health crisis. It shortens life expectancies, it pollutes air, it constricts equilibrium, it devastates forests, it melts ice caps, it sparks (and funds) wars, it flattens dialects, it infests consciousnesses, and it kills people—white people and people who are not white, my mom included. There will be people who die, in 2050, because of white supremacy-induced decisions from 1850….

    “White supremacy is a virus that, like other viruses, will not die until there are no bodies left for it to infect. Which means the only way to stop it is to locate it, isolate it, extract it, and kill it. I guess a vaccine could work, too. But we’ve had 400 years to develop one, so I won’t hold my breath.”

    https://verysmartbrothas.theroot.com/whiteness-is-a-pandemic-1846494770

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If I didn’t expect idiocy from The Root I’d find their blatantly elimationist rhetoric upsetting.

      • rhywun

        I choose to believe they are satire.

    • B.P.

      Oh cool. Calls for a genocide.

    • Rebel Scum

      Substitute black for white and tell me that this ignorant, ahistorical screed is not insanely racist.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    Today, in “You get more of what you reward”

    “I think we’re going to see homelessness increase,” said Sean Read, chief program officer at Friendship Place, a nonprofit that serves homeless individuals in Washington, D.C. Homelessness is “generally a delayed response” to economic setbacks, Read noted. Families that have been able to hold on to housing during the pandemic, with the help of government aid and eviction moratoriums, could find themselves out of luck in the coming year.

    Read and other providers are hopeful that billions of dollars in housing aid included in a recent $1.9 trillion COVID relief package will go a long way toward alleviating the crisis.

    The amount of aid is unprecedented. The bill provides $5 billion in homelessness assistance, more than $20 billion in emergency rental aid and $5 billion in new housing vouchers.

    Roman, of the National Alliance to End Homelessness, noted that the measure also includes direct payments for families, which could keep many in their homes. She said some communities are also planning to use the funds to buy empty hotels that can be used to house more individuals, both temporarily and permanently.

    “It’s such a huge opportunity at the moment,” Roman said. “The question is are we going to be able to seize it.”

    They will do everything they can to seize this opportunity to siphon as much money as possible out of the slush fund, that’s for certain.

    • rhywun

      I think we’re going to see homelessness increase

      Try to contain your excitement.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        And that chubby you’re sporting.

        I heard the same kind of breathless woo-hoo! from the homeless industry back in the Lower Rainland™.

    • l0b0t

      The caption on the group photo was like a little dollop of cream with a cherry on top. Top notch snark.

  44. Q Continuum

    “The Federal Emergency Management Agency announced Wednesday it will reimburse the families of COVID-19 victims for funeral expenses incurred after Jan. 20, 2020”

    The scamming opportunities available in this are YUGE.

    • rhywun

      OFFS!

  45. Count Potato

    Imagine being this asshole

    “My tinder date tried to badmouth the COVID relief bill. This was real shit. I had to mobilize the Krugman babysitting co-op analogy. When he tried to change the subject I said “shhh…I’m trying to teach you something.””

    https://twitter.com/AngelicaOung/status/1371868871246802947

    • Pope Jimbo

      Yeah, I’m sure she could totes educate me on why Minnesoda state officials are just stupid for not knowing how to spend the billions and billions of dollars the Feds dropped on them. Because I’m sure Biden, Schumer and Pelosi had all the details in their exquisitely crafted bill.

    • TARDis

      It’s a lie. She didn’t have a date.

    • Rebel Scum

      Apparently she didn’t even hear out is position before acting like a cunte.

    • one true athena

      As a couple of folks said on twitter, if anyone tried that on me, I’d have gotten up to use the restroom and just not come back. What an insufferable twat.

      And I still have no idea what the “Krugman babysitting co-op” is, except it’s Krugman so I”m sure it’s stupid.

      • Count Potato

        It’s this bullshit story about people using paper vouchers for baby sitting each other’s kids. When parents babysat other people’s kids, they would be paid a voucher they could use to pay another parent to babysit their kids. Krugman then used it to justify printing money, because he’s a disingenuous asshole:

        https://slate.com/business/1998/08/baby-sitting-the-economy.html

      • The Hyperbole

        “bullshit” as in it never happened or that the lessons that Krugman posit are bullshit? I seem to recall it was a real thing and have read people using it as an example of how fiat currency is fucked.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      I’m sure she won’t be in a piss-filled apartment surrounded by cats in 20 years, decrying the cruelty of Republicans who object to paying her feed bill.

    • Gender Traitor

      Can we just call that “chicksplaining”? Sauce for the goose…

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I thought the complement to mansplaining was femplaining.

      • Gender Traitor

        Without the “s,” it sounds like “chicks complaining.” Which would also work. 😉

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Yep, that’s it. “A femplainer is a person, usually female and upper middle class, who shits up normal conversation with their petty complaints about their charmed little lives.”

  46. Pope Jimbo

    Uffda. Another article from alt-proggie news source in Minnesoda on how the Feds are throwing so much money at us that we don’t know how to spend it. Last time it was childcare money. This time it is construction money.

    Yet Pappas said lawmakers aren’t sure what they can spend it on, when the state will receive it, whether it can reimburse the state for projects funded in the October bonding bill, such as the new $30 million Emergency Operations Center.

    Would projects have to be related to the pandemic — or could they simply be shovel-ready projects that could quickly create construction jobs and boost the economy of the state?

    Committee staff members are waiting for detailed guidance from the U.S. Treasury.

    The bill itself doesn’t provide much guidance. The money, it states, is “to carry out critical capital projects directly enabling work, education, and health monitoring, including remote options, in response to the public health emergency with respect to the Coronavirus Disease (COVID–19).”

    How many economic PhD’s will be awarded after 2050 for research into the amount of grift that resulted from this bill and the damage it did?

    • Rebel Scum

      You could spend it on the debt you likely have and work on not incurring new debt. ///StopLaughing

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      ++AWESOME.

  47. Pope Jimbo

    Our hero!

    Gov. Tim Walz is postponing his State of the State address and submitting to quarantine through March 25 following a positive COVID-19 test of a staff member.

    The quarantine is a conservative precaution after Walz, Lt. Gov. Peggy Flanagan and Health Commissioner Jan Malcolm were in the same location as the infected individual during a news conference on Monday.

    All agreed to quarantine, even though none had been within 6 feet of the infected person for 15 minutes — which is the threshold for a moderate viral exposure risk. The staffer was tested Tuesday and received results Wednesday.

    “We do this to make sure we not only protect ourselves and our families but to protect everyone else,” Walz said in a social media message on Wednesday afternoon. “This is how you beat COVID.”

    Walz, 56, has yet to be vaccinated.

    “He’s wanted to role model the value and the importance of being patient as we’ve asked Minnesotans to do,” Malcolm said.

    • Ted S.

      He can quarantine himself permanently as far as I’m concerned.

    • rhywun

      A two-week vacation at taxpayer expense. Goodness, I hope he comes through.

    • Tundra

      LOL!

      He’s hiding. Pussy.

  48. Suthenboy

    I am sure most people have forgotten, but I have not. That little toad Fauci was trying to stir up panics back in the ’80s and he has tried repeatedly since then. His dream finally came true and every time you see him now it is obvious that he is ecstatic over this cootie bug panic. What a creepy little quack.

    I think it is important to make a distinction between the Iranian regime and the Iranian people. Mostly what I hear is ‘the Iranians’. It isn’t quite that simple.

    Look up Dunning-Krueger syndrome and you will see a photo of Don Lemon.

    Why would we want short range aircraft that take multiple times the energy and carbon output of long range hydrocarbon fueled jets? There is a bit of a difference in load capacity as well. I suspect the R&D involves…subsidies? Funny that.

    Destroy the economy, put millions out of work and then offer them a pittance to win them back over. Sounds legit. Sadly it will probably work with most of the herd animals.

    Drag queen story hour with children involves pedos. Whodathunkit? Myself, I am shocked. Shocked I tell you.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Osterholm is the same. They’ve been dreaming of a pandemic for decades.

      They’ve finally gotten their chance and they aren’t going to miss any chance to bask in their glory. I’m sure their only regret is that the pandemic isn’t deadlier. That would make them even more important.

    • TARDis

      China is first and foremost, outsourced slavery. Change my mind.

  49. Count Potato

    ““you put a man in a room full of women and he is excited. you put a women in a room full of men and she is terrified””

    https://twitter.com/moIIls/status/1371489573881184262

    This is so stupid. Never mind the whole “men in my menchies” thing. Even if that room full of men had a bunch of straight up rapists, the other men would stop them.

    • Gdragon

      Bro, do you even rape culture? 😉

      • Plinker762

        According to one of the responses, 97% of women have been molested.

      • Hank

        In college it’s 5 out of every 4.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        If that were actually the case, it would expose something about human nature and sexuality that would be very uncomfortable for feminists.

      • Suthenboy

        I thought it was 125%…that is five out of four, right?

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        “Those are rookie numbers. You gotta get those numbers up.”

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      She’s clearly never been to a prog metal concert.

      None of the dozens of dudes are excited. At least not because of the ones of chicks, who are not terrified by any of the men there.

      Put me in a room full of women, and I’m just meh. A little pissed even. Because I’d be bored as fuck unless one of them wanted to talk prog metal or baseball until I decided I’d rather be home with my wife.

      • Ted S.

        Yeah, the groups of women I’ve been around in the workplace have been utter gossips, constantly bitching about how everybody is trying to screw them over.

        During the last year of coronavirus, one of them is pretty much in “when do I get my free shit” mode.

    • Urthona

      Also I am really not all that comfortable in a room full of women.

    • Mojeaux

      I suspect women suffer from the need to be The Only Girl In The Room(TM). That is to say, to be the only girl in the boys’ club.

      • Mojeaux

        some* of these women, is what I mean to say.

      • TARDis

        So, she’s a drama queen, lying sack of shit, lonely, desperate, attention whore? That got zero attention, of course.

      • TARDis

        Considering 97% of women have been sexually harassed/assaulted i don’t think they’d be cherishing the moment at all

        “I like your dress.” or “That dress looks good on you.”

        1./Harassment -dude is not attractive.
        2./Flirty -dude is attractive.

      • l0b0t

        I’ve worked at both Michael’s and Pier One. Many times I was the only male on shift. It wasn’t exciting at all. It just meant that I was going to be paged every time a heavy thing needed lifting, or an item needed to be pulled from the top shelf, or the shopping carts needed corralling, or a recalcitrant customer needed seeing to.

    • B.P.

      I like the response where someone posts a picture of a woman in ” a room full of men” that is obviously a gangbang movie promo picture, and then in the replies he’s shamed into feeling bad about it.

      • Plinker762

        Or the standard replay of “Only a _____ would say they are not a ______.”

  50. Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

    The Dems are working hard to get the Asians onto the plantation, er, the internment camp.

  51. The Late P Brooks

    SCIENCE!

    Extrasensory dogs are being trained to sniff out COVID-19 in human sweat with accuracy that compares closely to traditional tests.

    International researchers have claimed that well-trained dogs have the ability to correctly identify coronavirus patients at reported rates of 94% to 98%, according to some studies. If proven effective, they say these dogs could be an asset to public health officials, who could place the skilled sniffers in high-traffic hubs including airports, train terminals and public events.

    Among the first to launch their canine-based coronavirus testing program: NASCAR. Race officials said Wednesday that they had hired the 360 K9 Group, based in Alabama and Florida, to monitor for infected guests during their most recent event — last Sunday’s Cup Series race at Atlanta Motor Speedway — and will continue the effort on a “trial basis” for Sunday’s Folds of Honor QuikTrip 500.

    “We think that these dogs and this capability is going to allow us to rapidly confirm that all of those people entering the essential footprint on Sunday — that’s race teams, that’s NASCAR officials, that’s the vendors that work inside the garage — all those folks are COVID-free or not,” said Tom Bryant, NASCAR managing director of racing operations, in a statement on Nascar.com. “The ability to do that has kind of been the math problem that we have continuously tried to solve since March of last year.”

    Extrasensory, indeed.

    Mumbo-jumbo rules the world.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      They sniff you with a remote reading and then they tell your fortune to boot…good boy.

    • rhywun

      Bullshit.

      And I already don’t like dogs. Now this?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Was just about to post that. Putin’s brilliant and devious, Biden’s an idiot and demented. The White House should just turn out the lights and pretend nobody’s home until this blows over.

    • Hyperion

      #MeToo

      And I’d like for it to go to a live cage match if there’ no agreement.

      • one true athena

        One Wrestles Bears!

        One Sniffs Hair!

        WHO WILL WIN??

      • Hyperion

        Putin will beat him like a red headed stepchild. It would almost make it possible for me to feel sorry for the old man, if that were possible. It’s not.

    • Tundra

      Biden has refused to speak with foreign leaders in the first few months of his presidency, delegating said tasks to Vice President Kamala Harris.

      “Refused”.

      Putin is an evil, repellent butcher, but I have to admit that I like it when world leaders troll.

      • C. Anacreon

        Well, have Kamala debate Putin instead then.

        After she accuses Putin of being a white supremacist, will she be able to score any other points? Or will she just go back to that line every time?

      • rhywun

        America is becoming the laughingstock of the world Pt. XXXII

        “How the hell did they ever elect this guy?!”

      • TARDis

        The fact that our bureaucracy openly enables this tells me all is lost. Shit stains running amok. These really are dangerous times. It’s like the shittiest asshole you were in high school with being made the principal and bringing his thug buddies with him to manage the school.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I’d pay double if it was a push-up contest. My money is on the Russian.

    • one true athena

      I enjoy the notion of Putin drinking in his lair watching CNN and every so often he just laughs, because the Democrats have made him into a supervillain and America is tearing itself apart, and he only spent like a buck-fifty.

      • Mojeaux

        he only spent like a buck-fifty.

        Legit LOL

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Oh, I don’t think it was that much.

    • wdalasio

      The Russian ambassador was called back to Moscow to discuss the matter.

      What I wouldn’t give to be a fly in that room. The comments mocking him must have been hilarious. I’d think it was funny if it weren’t potentially so dangerous.

    • B.P.

      Spoiler: George Stephanopoulos is moderator. “President Biden, what’s your favorite ice cream?”

    • Hank

      As a United Statesian, I’d be rooting for Biden against Putin, because it’s my country and, anyway, Putin *is* evil. Maybe send Harris to have another kitchen debate.*

      *Not a sexist reference, it has to do with Nixon and Khruschev.

      • l0b0t

        At the time, Pepsi was the only American soft drink available in the Soviet Union. President Nixon was a former lawyer for Pepsi. Pepsi spared no expense in getting a bottle of Pepsi into Mr. Kruschev’s hand for a photo op; they had a Moscow made Pepsi and one bottled in NYC and challenged him to a taste test. Kruschev, of course proclaimed that the Moscow offering was far superior. It didn’t matter to Pepsi. Their slogan at the time was “Drink Pepsi, Be Social”. All around the world, newspapers ran photographs of Premier Kruschev drinking from the upturned bottle with the caption “Premier Kruschev Learns To Be Social!

      • Hank

        That’s quite remarkable. Anything to do with Nixon seems to have wheels within wheels.

        I was of course thinking of Nixon’s debate with K in the model kitchen.

  52. l0b0t

    For the record, Bourbon, orange bitters, and San Pellegrino Blood Orange soda pop is a yummy combination.

    • rhywun

      San Pellegrino Blood Orange soda pop

      Drinking that with vodka tonight. I like their orange/pomegranate one better but the store was out of it.

    • kinnath

      I’d rather do a blood orange mead.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I’d rather do a blood orange mead.

        That was *wonderful*

        I still have a bottle or two left.

    • westernsloper

      I like the cocktail adventurism.?

  53. westernsloper

    Sen. Rand Paul accused Dr. Fauci of ‘theater’ and wearing masks ‘for show’ after being vaccinated

    I listened to this exchange and was cornfused. From what I read the vaccine'(s) don’t give you immunity, they lessen the severity of the disease. Or am I wrong? Or do I not understand the meaning of the word immunity? Finding the truth in all this is fricken impossible from where I sit. Other than probably the sleeve from my old pullover fleece is not going to stop a virus. I am pretty on board with that one. And I am not cutting off the sleeve of my new fleece to double up.

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      No, I think you’ve just about got it.

      • westernsloper

        So Rand was full of shit. That is what I was hearing. And the Fauc was too chickenshit to state the vaccines don’t give you immunity as they have been sold? Because that is where my head went.

    • Urthona

      I mean immunity isn’t really immunity anyway. It always pretty much means that. Your body handles it so easily you usually don’t even notice. It doesn’t mean all virus particles are instantly repelled from your body.

      It does look like the spread rate among those that have been vaccinated is astronomically low though. The excuses being made to keep people in masks are getting hysterical

      • westernsloper

        I get the virus isn’t repelled it is destroyed by your immune system is my simplistic understanding. Have they ever published the results of the placebo group in these studies? Because I hear the serious condition infection rate for the vaccine groups are around 10% which sounds a whole lot like the wild population in general with no vaccine. (outside of people over 80 in assisted living homes)

    • kinnath

      This vaccine, like all others, trains your immune system so that it will prevent the virus from taking hold and turning you in to a virus manufacturing facility after an infection.

      You get exposed; some viral growth happens; the immune system shuts it down.

      You could:

      a) Have no noticeable effect from the viral infection because the immune system shuts it down very fast (immunity)

      b) Have mild to moderate effects because the immunes system shuts it down but much slower (partial immunity)

      c) Have full blown infection because the immune system does recognize the variant of virus that you got infected with (no immunity)

      The question goes back to asymptomatic spread of the virus. If you believe that is vanishingly rare (as fauci has admitted), then you can’t spread the disease under option (a).

      The argument for continuing to wear a mask after vaccination is because you might spread the disease even if you are asymptomatic.

      So fauci is talking out of both sides of his mouth when he tells you to get vaccinated but keep wearing a mask.

      • Gustave Lytton

        also e) different parts the body (upper respiratory track, lower respiratory track, so on) can potentially
        respond differently to the infection, with or without a vaccine

    • Gustave Lytton

      That is what is proven so far with the vaccinations. Until there are challenge studies or better understanding, there probably won’t be a claim of sterilizing immunity (which is I think what most think of by “immunity”).

      The oral polio vaccine, for instance while largely effective, can lead to polio outbreaks from the vaccination. Conversely, IPV which won’t lead to vaccine induced polio, creates lower levels of immunity in the intestine and if exposed sufficiently to polio, can lead to transmissible infection if your neighborhood has sanitation issues.

      • westernsloper

        Aaah, ya, and thanks for your late re the other day I did read it. I have never been forced to think of these things because the fucks never intruded into our lives this much. I have a pretty high risk tolerance as it were, so ya, I am getting a bit enraged at this all some months ago.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Me neither. My rage meter is redlining too.

  54. cavalier973

    Re: Jesus’s appearance.

    We get a description of what Jesus looks like from the Apostle John, in Revelation 1:13-16.

    “And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle. His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire; and his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters. And he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp twoedged sword: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength.”

    So, if the Lord resembles a modern Muslim, it is only at the point that the Muslim has detonated his suicide vest.

    • limey

      ?