The Gwen, Kerry

by | Mar 30, 2021 | Fiction | 248 comments

Kerry

Well you, held my hand,

And took me right back down to Hell,

I’ve got and Angel on my shoulder,

And a Devil in my head,

, Kaskade, 2010

 

Gwendy chose her, I knew she would find me a good Bot, and damn if she didn’t,

A sweet Redhead, 5’8” nice Boobs and a scrappy, determined voice, and very intelligent, She chose well, K we called her, but she never gave her name, it’s in the records, but why look, Brains, Beauty, she was accepted as one of the boys, she was that good. Programmed to be attracted to me, I melted, and fell in Love, like the idiot I am, Bots are that good now. Wendy knew it  would last as long as the journey, so she bought me one, as a going away present.

Her name was Kerry Gold, Science Officer, she did her job very well, and fucked me better,

We spent many a night discussing things political, then she would turn to me to ask ,Why?

“Let’s ask You? Why do you keep calling me Bob on Deck?” Well, it is your name, “NOT ON DECK” “you are still a crewman, try to follow orders on deck, ya little vixen” as she slid her breasts around my willing flesh…

 (Memory access 2552) I was taught by my Father, never have an affair with a Bot, it only leads to sadness and misery, and he was right, it’s bad enough to grieve for someone you have lost, knowing she Sent the Machine for my pleasure and companionship just makes it worse. I’m a sucker for the type of Woman that K is programmed for, so why not have some feelings for her/it? I know she’s not a real Woman, but a Damn fine imitation, and that’s good enough,

(close Memory access)

 She has become a distraction, as if her program has been altered, sending me random Body shots, and hints to leave the Bridge while on duty, and I will confess to breaking my own protocols to be with her, and a guarantee of no sleep that night, leaves me Beat down in the mornings, but I never let it show, until…

 Cap, Cap! Wake up! Or should I call you Bob? “Go Fuck yourself Sensors, I’m CAPTAIN Adama to you Boy, don’t forget it, now what’s up?” The Bitch said my Hidden name enough, the entire crew has power over me now, Fuck! Maybe I should stasis their asses and delete those memories for good, but no, they are a good crew, not worth erasing them.

“Kerry, come over here please” as she comes and sits in my lap, she just wiggles so perfect, it’s hard, to say no, “look, we need to get you to shut up, if you don’t I’ll lose control of the ship and all we are working for” Maybe YOU should shut up, BOB, who is this we you speak of? I didn’t volunteer, I don’t get paid, and I am programmed to obey your every wish, how’s that working out for you? She had a point, “what is it, Money? We will make you rich, freedom? After this trip, you are a freebot, I already signed the docs,” No Bob, I need You, with me all the time, Forever.

 Now this is getting creepy, I’ll live to be 250 or so but Bots? Who knows, with maintenance, 500, a thousand years? Does she even know what forever means? “Sugarpants, lets just have some fun and be friends for now, we’ll see how it goes” Never give up your feelings, you will get hurt. So now I have a dead Wife who gave me a Hot Bot, what to do, what to do…… Then she jumped my Bones, again,

To be Continued

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

248 Comments

  1. Hank

    “I know she’s not a real Woman, but a Damn fine imitation, and that’s good enough,”

    That’s a real Dick move.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      What you did, was seen,

    • Count Potato

      More human than human is our motto.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        “Our Basic Pleasure Model”

      • DrOtto

        That always gets turned up to 11 in my car.

      • slumbrew

        Same, shortly before I flip it.

      • Chafed

        ??

  2. rhywun

    ? That home page image is my current wallpaper.

    That is all…

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Already? thanks, what next, the Fat ass?

    • hayeksplosives

      Nice!

  3. DEG

    The Bot is trouble.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Maybe….

    • Bobarian LMD

      Anyone who says they don’t pick out model #6 is a damn liar.

  4. westernsloper

    Now this is getting creepy,

    That aint no shit right there.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I can’t write more than a song, might as well go there,

      • westernsloper

        You musicians I am envious of. You weren’t on the zoom when I displayed my latest mid life crisis purchase. A surf green cheap ass Squire telecaster. Which reminds me I need to do some amazon shopping.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        DUDE! I want it! I’ll trade you for my Real Tele, Red, Bad ass! Call me!
        /No kidding, Mint Green?

      • westernsloper

        Nooooo, it is surf green.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’ll still trade, My Tele is 1 owner, and perfect,

      • westernsloper

        Bro, you can get one for 200 clams from Guitar Center.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Never Guitar Center,

      • Brochettaward

        Calling someone bro who isn’t The Bro? In bad taste.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Pretty, now tell me how it plays
        /The Only thing that counts

      • kinnath

        It’s beautiful.

        There is sample audio at the bottom of the page.

        Very clear, bell-like tone.

      • westernsloper

        NICE! That thing is a beauty! What BP told me is you can learn to play. All the lessons suck but at least they are free! That made me laugh.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Music is Hard, I guess, Guitar is not, go play Old Man!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’ll take that Bad boy and install some better pickups and a rewire the whole thing, and make it a real guitar,

      • westernsloper

        I don’t need a real guitar. I just want to learn. My last mid life crisis 20 years ago I bought and Ibanez acoustic and a squire strat. Had some fun and made up some riffs but I have the musical talent of a shit bucket. I took guitar lessons when I was about 8 or 10 but my instructor ditched my podunk mountain town for a job in Hawaii. Fuck that guy. How does one podunk town have one guitar instructor? It was a musical instruction wasteland. I am now claiming a deprived childhood and demanding reparations.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        My 35 year old Squire Bass, might have word about real guitars, I love you got a Green Tele!
        Always anted one, I own 5,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Wanted one,

      • blackjack

        I got my kid an Epi les Paul and it plays surprisingly nice. Prolly about as good as some of the MIJ copies back in the eighties. I got myself a 2014 Melody maker les Paul. It got p90s and weighs far less than a full sized LP. Usa build quality and plays like a dream. Not crazy more than your tele costs, either. I love it.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I buy nice, broken Teles, and rebuilt them, and then sell em, god money in hand crafted Electronics,

      • blackjack

        I’ve always had a hankerin for a nice Thinline in natural finish. Just never willing to pony up that much for one.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Sorry, that’s Ugly, how does it play?

      • EvilSheldon

        The hell you say, my guitar is gorgeous. The finish even matches the grips on my Shadow 2.

        How does it play? Dude, I’ve been playing guitar for less than a week. Ask me this time next year. All I know is that when I pick it up, I can’t help grinning like an idiot.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Sorry, still Ugly
        /keep it up, good job!

  5. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Robosexuals… ugh

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      26C, you can’t tell,

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Just get your tetanus shot

    • blackjack

      This is the first time that the term, ” gender assigned at birth” makes any fucking sense at all.

  6. Yusef drives a Kia

    At this point in the timeline, the Bots are as much flesh as Automation, a little tuning and Voila1, Sexbot!

  7. hayeksplosives

    Capn Bob is weaving us an intriguing tale, alright.

    His intellect knows the bot is artificial and its behavior is programmed, but it’s such a close imitation of a real human that it can fool the body—and the heart.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Or… a penis has only one eye and that one is blind.

  8. Yusef drives a Kia

    Back when my Heisenberg Compensator was working, I traveled many Timelines, 26C is pretty fucked up, interstellar war, dead Planets, really not where you want to be right now,

  9. pistoffnick

    Kerry Gold?

    Does she do the “Last Tango in Paris”?

    • pistoffnick

      Don’t care if she’s a robot, had read about space sex!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        By demand Sir!

      • pistoffnick

        It was more of a request. I try not to demand.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I do thank you, it needed a twist,

    • blackjack

      I think it’s the brand of butter my wife buys.

      • pistoffnick

        It’s not bad, but kinda spendy.

      • rhywun

        That and I didn’t like the flavor either. Like butter on steroids or something.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Like you would know,,,,,

      • rhywun

        I have no idea what this means.

  10. Yusef drives a Kia

    Oh, did I imagine Teles?

  11. kinnath

    Lockdowns have no consequences.

    https://www.kcrg.com/2021/03/31/iowa-schools-see-first-enrollment-decline-in-a-decade-with-no-way-to-account-for-where-students-went/

    John Speer, the chief administrator for the Grant Wood Area Education Agency, which supports 32 public school districts in the Cedar Rapids and Iowa City area.

    “You just have X number of students who you no longer have any idea where they are, where they went, or what they’re doing,” Speer said.

    The 32 districts that the Grant Wood AEA serves collectively lost around 1,100 students this year. In a normal year, they’d gain 200-600.

    “I know schools, all of us we’re asking each other the same question, like where did kids go? Ultimately we think that a lot of them just chose not to enroll for whatever reason and you know unfortunately there are ways that families can do that through home school where they don’t have to notify us,” Nathan Wear, associate superintendent of the Linn-Mar Community School District, said.

    Some families may have chosen to home school during the pandemic.

    • pistoffnick

      “unfortunately there are ways that families can do that through home school where they don’t have to notify us”

      It is was a free country!

      Keep on rocking in a semi-free world!

      You can still sort of rock in America!

      Carry on my wayward son!

      • rhywun

        There won’t be peace when we are done!

    • Brochettaward

      People can just go and home school their children without notifying the school district? My god, they’re giving me the vapors!

    • Hank

      I sure hope this crimps the style of Prof. Elizabeth Bartholet and her anti-home-schooling* crusade.

      *Oops, that’s totally a distortion because she would allow parents to homeschool if they get special government permission.

      • hayeksplosives

        I just saw a video (stossel) about colleges eliminating the ACT and SAT tests for college admissions, because it results in whites being over represented in colleges relative to people of color (Except for Asians, of course).

        So if standardized tests are thrown out across the board, how do homeschooled kids show they’ve learned? Standardized tests don’t tell the whole story but they have their place.

      • Urthona

        I don’t believe they really will for long because the only reason schools use those tests is they are the most predicative of college academic success.

        They’re not all that predictive, mind you, but no other tool colleges havre to predict student performance even comes close.

        When the UC system was looking at this, this is what every education big wig there was pointing out;… quite nervously.

        If you want be sure your academic ranking and standards plummet, be my guest. Go ahead an don’t use standardized tests.

  12. The Bearded Hobbit

    G. Gordon Liddy dead

    He was a controversial figure, to say the least.

    • CPRM

      Now where will I buy my gold?!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Dann Florek Of Course, Gold!

    • Brochettaward

      What he did with Watergate was hardly out of the political lines of his day. He just happened to do it on behalf of Nixon.

      • Gustave Lytton

        was hardly out of the political lines of his day

    • CPRM

      Liddy was known as the mastermind of a plot to place wiretaps inside Democratic National Committee’s headquarters at the Watergate building in 1972. The plot was discovered and Liddy was later convicted on charges of conspiracy, burglary and illegal wiretapping.

      He just should have mangled the language, ‘No wires were actually tapped, they aren’t Maple trees!’

    • blackjack

      He had a radio show in L.A. back in the nineties. He was kinda cool, as far as AM radio hosts go.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I thoroughly enjoyed that show… Him and Jerry Doyle were very good when a local station converted to talk back in the day.

      • Chafed

        That’s a good description. Sometimes he was great fun. Other times I had to turn the dial.

    • DrOtto

      He was also one of the best villains on Miami Vice.

      • slumbrew

        Necklace of ears FTW! He was great.

  13. CPRM

    If Rhy is still about, how is that actually pronounced? So I know what kind of joke to make 😉

    • rhywun

      RHEE-oo-ween but you’re free to mangle it any way you wish that brings maximum humor

      • Brochettaward

        It would be cooler if it was rhee-oo-woon.

      • CPRM

        No, I think that pronunciation works in all the jokes I need, If I remember when the time cums.

      • rhywun

        ?

        I’ve never actually said it out loud except maybe once on Zoom. It’s just a word I picked out of a dictionary.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        RY One

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        So it’s pronounced like that Fleetwood Mac song.

    • The Hyperbole

      Throat Warbler Mangrove?

      • rhywun

        Close enough.

    • DEG

      Face diapers. Blech.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Makes me not want to look,

      • Q Continuum

        You’re safe up to 29. Besides you don’t need to go past 4 anyway.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Redheads, stick with the story,

      • pistoffnick

        I like redheads.

      • slumbrew

        Incorrect – you need to get to 12.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I didn’t see any faces.

  14. straffinrun

    Rat in a maze to find this post. Worth it.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thank you!

    • CPRM

      Despite all your rage…

  15. pistoffnick

    If I can offer some advice to you youngins, take care of your knees.

    Don’t run through the halls of your high-school in wrestling shoes for 4 seasons.

    Don’t parkour through the horse trails at summer camp for 8 seasons.

    Don’t buy cheap-ass shoes.

    Choose your parents and your grandparents wisely.

    Whatever you do, don’t get arthritis in your knees. It sucks.

    • straffinrun

      You left off the activity that really blew out your knees.

      • pistoffnick

        Getting fat?

      • Brochettaward

        Living life on your knees hasn’t done any harm to Hyperion. He may be as gay as the day is long, but he has impeccably healthy knees. The knees of a 20 year old who has sucked a minuscule fraction of the dicks of Hyperion.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Don’t Skateboard, don’t work in the Trades, Live Life as a Pussy, take no risk, Nope,

      • CPRM

        Um, the Hat saying is ‘Grab Life By The Pussy’, I think you misquoted it.

      • pistoffnick

        Dude, I made it walking two miles every day this week. The pain near the end was excruciating*. Walking downhill on bad knees is pure hell.

        *like I couldn’t talk excruciating.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I Avg, 10 miles a day, insane, but good for me,

      • straffinrun

        That sucks, Nick.

      • Bobarian LMD

        My knees got that bad when I was still running.

        Exercise without impact is crucial.

        I did lots of elliptical and some swimming and can walk decently now.

      • slumbrew

        A good rowing machine is well worth the investment if anyone has bad knees.

      • commodious spittoon

        I thought it’s all about groaning audibly when you bend over or straighten back up. Lets off the bad air that causes joint pain.

      • pistoffnick

        No. I’m fairly flexible. I stretch everyday.

        I groan because my fucking knees ache. There is no meniscus left. It is bone on bone. Grind, baby, grind.

    • CPRM

      My shitty knees are the least of my worries lately, even though that’s how it all started…[remainder of the story deleted because it’s fucking boring]

      • Brochettaward

        It’s good because I didn’t want to hear your story.

      • CPRM

        I didn’t know you were disabled, how is the text to speech tech these days?

      • Brochettaward

        I’m not deaf. I’m schizophrenic. Stop assuming my disabilities.

      • CPRM

        Go return some video tapes. That ATM doesn’t really want or need to eat a cat, I don’t like cats so I don’t care.

    • Hank

      I’m sorry to hear about this. 🙁

    • Mojeaux

      It does, indeed, suck. And the steroid shot didn’t do much good.

  16. Hank

    “For decades, many of Eugene Debs’s admirers have claimed that the socialist leader was a good, patriotic American unsullied by a foreign doctrine like Marxism. But the Cold War is over, and there’s no need to be defensive: Debs was a Marxist who rightly opposed American nationalism….

    “The Pullman strike began to undermine Debs’s belief that capital and labor had common interests and that capital’s political power could be overcome by working-class organization within the capitalist state….

    “After his encounter with Marxism, Debs came to view the right to private property not as the basis of liberty, but a title to despotism….

    “When Debs rejected the traditional American ideal of propertied individual independence, he came to think of freedom as rooted in the shared enjoyment of socially produced wealth. In Debs’s mature view, comprehensive security should be provided to all as a matter of right, with everyone’s living standard raised equally in proportion to technological progress. Economic liberty would not be realized in the pursuit of individual advantage but through collective self-government: participating in democratically planned production and distribution according to need….

    “…global interdependence, which has only intensified in the past century, is overladen with social misery even as it produces the possibility of a higher form of life, one that moves beyond myths of race and nation to grasp the collective power of humanity in making our world and controlling our common fate.”

    https://jacobinmag.com/2021/03/eugene-debs-marxism-socialism-nationalism-democracy/

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Debs was a crank,

    • EvilSheldon

      I don’t have a common fate.

      Neither does anyone else.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Bullshit, it’s called Death, Get ready, it can happen to you….

      • EvilSheldon

        Fate is everything that happens before then.

    • rhywun

      lolderp

    • Brochettaward

      She went on Tucker Carlson in February—not long after an actual coup attempt

      I made it this far. What do I win?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        First!

      • Chipwooder

        “actual coup attempt”

        ?????????

    • rhywun

      What happens when all those “hardest-hit renters of color” find out they have to pay back all that “rental assistance”…?

    • Akira

      large-landlords-profits-rose

      Isn’t that what happened in just about every industry? The big fish had a bonanza while the little guys got ground into the dirt?

      If I were caricature of evil 19th Century robber barons, and I wanted to think of a way to fuck over the lower and middle classes while transferring wealth to myself and my rich cronyist buddies, I could hardly come up with a better plan than the US COVID response.

  17. CPRM

    You know, statisticians and philosophers will go on about how ‘luck’ doesn’t exist. On the broad note about ‘good luck’ for a civilization, I’d agree; but after being at my current job for a year, I can say, some people are luckier than others.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      It’s not luck, it’s being better than your peers, success!

      • Gustave Lytton

        The bear and a hiking buddy problem.

    • commodious spittoon

      We need a birthright lottery to be sure.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Starship Troopers, the Book,

      • CPRM

        birthRIGHT? Are you some kind of alt-RIGHT freak?!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Works for me, Peasant….
        /Want to know more?

  18. Gustave Lytton

    So Cisco”Live” was today and tomorrow. Forgot about day one and registering and looked at the agenda tonight for the first time. The free track is almost completely worthless with little technical content (as I might have guessed). The paid track wasn’t much better and I’d never pay for an online conference after wasting my time on previous ones. Apparently they think the crappy entertainment for conferences is the biggest draw and needs to be included this year as well.

    Oh… and then there’s this lunchtime session (that they dare not call a brown bag) on both tracks:
    Equality, Resilience and Giving Back: Billie Jean King and Serena Williams

    Thank god they offered up something that no one else is doing!

    • rhywun

      Equality, Resilience and Giving Back: Billie Jean King and Serena Williams

      Take my money!

      • Gustave Lytton

        How about a premium subscription?

        “Cocktails & Conversations: Stacking your bench – Creating a positive team environment with a focus on diversity, equality and inclusion”

        It’s laughable that all of the Women of Cisco sessions are under the Cocktails & Conversations banner. Way to live up to stereotypes.

      • rhywun

        “equality” ?

        It’s “equity” now – do keep up, Cisco.

    • CPRM

      Some Girls, Am I Right?!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        some Girls take, all my money,

      • The Hyperbole

        Do you have enough jam?

      • Gustave Lytton

        It beats “Sweet Dreams, my WebEx”!

      • CPRM

        If Rachel Stevens was selling shares in Pets.com I’d hand over my money.

      • Chafed

        If she was selling poison you would buy it.

    • commodious spittoon

      Eugh.

      I’m betting they kept track of who showed up and who didn’t… that kind of data is going to be valuable in the coming Reign of Terror.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Hide, and wait for it to go away, it worked for the Germans,
        Jews, not so much,

      • commodious spittoon

        Even while they’re being led to Madame la Guillotine they’ll be cursing the fact that they didn’t sell out enough of their compatriots, let alone the hundreds of thousands of peasants caught up in their political machinations, to get themselves spared the fate.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        As the Crocodile eats them last….

      • CPRM

        Come on, be serious, it’ll be the Rain of Terror, no one is literate enough to use the word ‘reign’ anymore.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I like it, the cut of your jib,

    • slumbrew

      Nothing says, “we represent technical excellence” like throwing thousands of dollars at multi-millionaire professional athletes to talk about how they were oppressed.

      • Hank

        It may not say “technical excellence,” it may say “insurance against boycotts and ‘hostile environment’ lawsuits.”

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’m that guy, th insurance
        agent,

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        “insurance against boycotts and ‘hostile environment’ lawsuits.”

        If only they were that cynical. No, they’re true believers, both in the C-Suite, and in the comms and marketing departments putting these things together. They think they’re doing the right thing and being good community members. They’ve literally been convinced that bigotry, sexism, and racism is a good thing if you slap an anti- in front of it and target straight white men. If they were just doing it to check the box, the chief diversity officer would be sitting at a booth in a corner selling indulgences to gullible dolts.

      • slumbrew

        the C-Suite, and in the comms and marketing department

        C-suite doesn’t really care, marketing might, but HR very much does and they drive the other two. It’s amazing how much of the HR tail has ended up wagging the dog.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I really think that, at least for the big tech companies, the rot has seeped into the boardroom. I’ve heard c-suiters in informal conversations talking like they majored in gender studies. Whether or not each and every one of them cares personally, enough of them do to chill any dissent, and they’re all measured on I&D goals these days, so they’re forced to tow the lion.

      • slumbrew

        they’re all measured on I&D goals these days, so they’re forced to tow the lion.

        That is certainly true, so it may be a distinction without difference. Whether they believe it not, they’re going to push it.

        So far, D&I objectives are optional for people below the VP level. So far.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      It’s every single conference and webinar now. Not that these trade shows were ever technical deep dives, but you used to be able to sit through a handful of sessions and get an idea of the company’s portfolio and generally how each product worked.

      These days, not so much. Yet another glaring example showing how the SV tech companies have lost their way.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I still use presentation decks from past Cisco Lives. Used to be some nuggets in the chaff.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I’ve been to our company’s equivalent in the past (never got a chance to do Cisco live when I worked there, though), and this last year’s iteration was noticeably worse. I half wrote it off as covid related, but the number of presentations from HR was offputting. Our customers have zero reason to be interfacing with HR.

        Not that these trade events are the end all, be all, but there’s a huge opportunity for some up and coming company to do it the “old way” and actually have potential customers walk away with with rich amount of information on their product offerings.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yeah, there’s a much smaller equipment vendor that used to put on stellar trade show and conference. Multiple technical tracks, tutorials, and so on. The last couple years have had a slide even without introducing DIE topics, but the company has also been struggling I think (based on staff departures and new hires).

  19. Yusef drives a Kia

    I’m out on my 5 hours of sleep routine, see you at the end of the thread, Thanks!

  20. slumbrew

    ’Just getting to the KDW article in NR re: Elizabeth Warren. I often disagree with him but, dammit, can the man write:

    Elizabeth Warren — the ridiculous hustling flatbilly grifter from Massachusetts from Oklahoma who snookered the academic establishment by pretending to be a Native American while writing dopey self-help books that are so sloppy and intellectually dishonest that it’s a surprise skeezy old Joe Biden hasn’t plagiarized them yet, a political grotesque who prides herself on being in the first generation of her family to attend college but rage-tweets as though she were in the first generation in her family with opposable thumbs, as ghastly and deceitful and god-awful a sniveling and self-serving a creature as the United States Congress has to offer — is, in spite of the genuine facts of her sorry case, getting a little full of herself, and believes that as a senator, she should be above the petty “heckling” of the little people.

    That is a sentence for the ages.

    • Urthona

      I rarely disagree with him and that article was awesome.

      • slumbrew

        He loses me on things like this – “but China!”. The DOE has fuck-all to do with doing the equivalent of China’s throwing money at foreign research in order to get a toehold in various institutions.

        We could, properly, devolve education to local governments while still pursuing that sort of foreign-policy-by-other-means, if that were important to us as a nation.

      • Chafed

        Charles Cooke got the better of him on their podcast IMO. KDW did not have a good defense. Still, he is thoughtful and that’s about all I ask for.

    • mikey

      He was overcome with TDS for a bit, but he’s come back to his former form (and then some). The article is a rea good read.

    • slumbrew

      “a snitch for cops”

      Is that a fair characterization? I read:

      “talked to authorities about Antifa” (nice that it’s just ‘antifa’ in the headline – “It’s just an idea”)

      and

      “These talks were intended both to inform law enforcement about Proud Boy activities in Portland on a courtesy basis but also to ask for advice on planned marches or demonstrations, i.e., what march routes to take on Portland streets, where to go, where not to go. Similar conversations were held regularly with local police and FBI personnel for less major events in other cities.”

      Is that snitching? That doesn’t read like snitching.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Snitch is perhaps too much of a pejorative. FBI informant? Seems to be more than just liaising for events.

      • slumbrew

        Proud Boys were never anti-cop, AFIAIK, unlike Antifia – talking to the cops before a march seems totally in line with (what I believe to be ) their sensibilities.

        They’d have to be grassing out Proud Boys members _to_ the Feds to earn the sobriquet of ‘snitch’.

    • Don escaped Cancun

      our Zoom chat last Friday was excellent

      seems like there were only four of us, but the only part that mattered was good-faith engagement and proper manners

      that’s utterly missing in the rest of my life

      • straffinrun

        Ditto. Thx, Don.

  21. OBJ FRANKELSON

    Testes, testes, one, two.. huhuhuh three.

    • Hank

      “He doesn’t have to run, he has four balls!”

    • Chafed

      Beavis is that you?

    • Plinker762
  22. Hank

    American bald eagle versus poisonous algae. It’s hard to tell whom to root for, isn’t it?

    “Susan Wilde, an associate professor of aquatic science at the Warner School, first identified the cyanobacteria that was named Aetokthonos hydrillicola, Latin for “eagle killer that grows on hydrilla,” according to UGA Today.”

    Gangsta-style name or not, this is not a sympathetic algae.

    But the eagles are winning:

    “The news of this discovery came the same week the U.S. Department of the Interior announced the number of American bald eagles has quadrupled since 2009. Once on the brink of extinction, bald eagles now number over 300,000.”

    https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/mystery-solved-heres-how-eagles-are-being-killed-in-lakes-in-the-southeast-us/ar-BB1f7QKX

  23. straffinrun

    The breadth and depth of retardation isn’t an oxymoron, but the result of decades of naval gazing. Fantasies of forcing other humans into creating a world ideated by minds incapable of grasping even the tiniest fraction of objective reality are indulged by lawmakers, the media and academics. Brute force is pixelated because the ass fucking involved with every decree from every mini tyrant would be considered vulgar if presented in HD. Fear manufactures iron fists faster than Fauci felching a falsehood.

    Grumblings of discontent are greeted with the spotlight from the gulag tower and inmates rush out to pummel the perpetrator. In return the inmates get dopamine main lined to ease their pain. Contradictions obvious to all, yet only recognized by some, are hand waved away in the name of evolving science. Yesterday’s truth only matters if it justifies tomorrow’s beatings.

    There is no danger more dangerous than the danger the mini tyrants train their gaze upon. The solution they propose won’t be a cure to that danger, but rather the danger they fear most; loss of power.

    /silly rant off

    • BakedPenguin

      It should be a given that for every bureaucratic position out there, there’s a great deal of money and job security to be had in prolonging the problem. At this point, I find it hard to believe that anyone proposing government solutions to anything is not acting out of naivete, ignorance (and/or stupidity), or simple bad faith.

      • commodious spittoon

        Pharmaceutical scientists and doctors aren’t interested in curing cancer because there’s too much money to be made in treating it*

        but

        Social workers and welfare bureaucrats and big gov legislators are selfless heroes whose sole interest is eradicating poverty.

        *which doesn’t explain why the NHS etc are holding out on curing cancer, but whatever

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Don’t worry Straff, reality will bring it all crashing down one day. My advice to you is to make sure you stay in Japan.

  24. Yusef drives a Kia

    Mornin’ Glibs, I hope the Sexbot Segment wasn’t racy, who am I kidding, around here, my stuff is 5th grader quality,
    Still, hope Y’all liked it,

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Too Racy,
      /Too early

    • Sean

      Morning.

      ??☕

      STEVE SMITH SHOW YOU TOO RACY!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Accept the Mark, get a Discount!
      Sell your Soul Today!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I’m not a religious guy but the parallels are there aren’t they? The oppression of those who don’t get it and even the risks of serious consequences down the road for those that do. Revelations was always my favorite Bible book growing up because it was so metal but I’m not really interested in seeing something like that happening.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      MEOOOOOOW!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Putting a dog that’s obviously skittish in a public situation like the White House is inhumane. It doesn’t work out too well for the humans either and I’d imagine they don’t appreciate having to be giving the side eye to the President’s bitey pet.

  25. Tres Cool

    whaddup doh’ ?
    whats goody, fam ?

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m not sure what you just said.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Gee whiz, UCS. Don’t be so white.

        /The Coca-Cola Company

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Howdy Tres, back at the farm, up nya!
      Got yer Tall Cans out?

      • Tres Cool

        SMALL CANS!

        But I got 30 of em!

    • commodious spittoon

      Me. I’m up.

      D’oh!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey, and you, too, Yu & UCS (Sean & Stinky, too!)

  26. UnCivilServant

    … Snow is in the forecast for tomorrow.

    Is this some sort of April Fool’s joke by the weather?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Nope, typical Michigan Spring, T shirts yesterday, winter gear tomorrow,

    • Gender Traitor

      Flurries here (I hope that’s all) and a high only in the upper 30s. I’m still worried about our magnolia, which is just getting ready to bloom. 🙁

      • Festus

        Tell me about it. I have to work Good Friday and Easter Sunday because scheduling at one of my sites. Ah well, Ka-Ching! The other site will lie fallow for four days. Thursday and Saturday off but it just ain’t the same.

      • Gender Traitor

        #metoo. The state park lodges keep trying to lure me back with promos, but I know they’ll be the last places to unmask, which would spoil the whole experience.

  27. Festus

    Mornin’ Glibbies! So the wordpress shit-storm has passed? Good to know.

    • Trigger Hippie

      While the shit-storm called Western Civilization continues unabated.

      Praise Folly!

      • Festus

        It’s gotten uglier. They have a new term here for lock-downs. They call it a “Circuit Breaker”. Three more weeks of restaurants, gyms and churches being verboten. These public health officials can die in a fire.

      • Sean

        Oh shit! That sucks.

      • Festus

        Sucks for everyone that does those things and sucks for Freedom in general. The lockdowns have barely moved my personal, misanthropic gauge but I’m about done with masking. I’m hoping that there is some pushback once Spring has sprung and the the grass is riz!

      • Trigger Hippie

        Just three more weeks to flatten your soul.

      • Festus

        ^ That was quite inspired, TH!

    • Gender Traitor

      Shhhhhh! Don’t jinx it!

      Mornin’ Fes!

      • Festus

        Hiya Red! Someone at the main site seems to have a hair across xer ass about me. Two more work orders yesterday from the Compliance Officer. That makes five since Monday. Somebody has too much time on xer hands and a clipboard. I know who it is and xe hates me.

    • R C Dean

      So the wordpress shit-storm has passed?

      Commenting is better. Front page is still stalled.

  28. Tres Cool

    Had a brisket rubbed down that I tossed into the crockpot before I left last night. The crib smells awesome.

    Beer, brisket, and AIGS for supper-breakfast !

    • Festus

      I take it Jugsy is away? You’ll be floating up to ceiling if your sheets are tucked tight…

      • Tres Cool

        Yup. I think this is almost month #2 of her being gone Monday-Friday.

      • Festus

        Awwww

  29. Cy Esquire

    “It’s gotten uglier. They have a new term here for lock-downs. They call it a “Circuit Breaker”. Three more weeks of restaurants, gyms and churches being verboten. These public health officials can die in a fire.”

    We should go back to simpler times, when the politicians didn’t address the media, they addressed the mob.

  30. Sean

    Oh, FFS.

    A pioneering new formula that protects animals against coronavirus has been registered in Russia days after one of the country’s top scientists warned that the deadly pathogen could soon begin spreading through homes and farms.

    Rosselkhoznadzor, the state agency responsible for veterinary medicine, announced on Wednesday that the formula, developed by its researchers, had been officially registered for use. Named Carnivac-Cov, the officials claim it is “the first, and to date, the only Covid-19 product in the world for animals.”

    • Sean

      Why is that dude on the street? WTF?

      • R C Dean

        Elliot was released from prison in 2019.

        No mention of time served or when he killed his mother (journalisming!). He’s 38, so it could have been quite awhile and he was paroled per usual.

        a sharp rise in hate crimes against Asians there and nationwide

        Asserted without evidence. Could be true, but I have zero basis for deciding one way or another.

    • rhywun

      But it’s still imperative they push the AsIaN hAtE angle because of course it is.

      • Cy Esquire

        It has nothing to do with a psychopathic killer let loose on the streets by our government. The same government mandating that we pay to support said psychopathic killer by putting him up in a hotel in one of the most expensive cities in the world. Also, you’re all racist!

      • Festus

        *Looks at hands typing* Can confirm!

      • Akira

        I have two big questions whenever I see shit like that in the media:

        1. Is there actually an uptick in violent attacks against Asians that is out of proportion to the general increase in crime?

        2. Is there any actual evidence (confessions, statements of motive, etc) that these attacks are motivated by race and not by something else (personal dispute, robbery, mental illness, etc)?