The Gwen pt. 7 The Death of Mars

by | Apr 27, 2021 | Fiction | 154 comments

 

 

I have seen so much, so far, but the Question remains, what happened to Mars? And my Beautiful Wife? So I asked, and It looked askance, I was used to that. They had something to hide, and I needed to find out, “Why did you kill my home world? you know this means War, “

It laughed and replied YOU WILL KNOW, “easy there big Guy” Then I knew, ain’t Telepathy great?

 Let me try this in my best IT voice, paraphrasing, if you could call it  that.

 We did not destroy Mars, in fact we have intervened on behalf of your System, and are willing to offer you a great Gift, if you would only take it, “ I don’t care about gifts, who killed Mars? I want their asses” 

 NOW! Is the time for Us to make our offer, you choose, Life, or Death,

Your Species is in great Peril Yusef, choose wisely. 

 Can’t I just shove off and go make my claim? Hang with the KerryBot and live a free life? Not today I suppose, “ So, what’s the offer? I need something to bring back home beside this Black Ship” 

 We offer you a new life in the Dyson swarm we have created for you, FTL travel, and resources beyond your wildest dreams, irf you choose, you may control the Galaxies, this is what we offer,

“ OK fine, to what end? Who killed my home, and Why are you here, I need an answer, or it’s War, we may lose, but we fight,” If I get back, of course. 

 YOU WILL KNOW NOW, I hate when IT does that…

  It was the Vogons, “what? “

  they are just clearing space for the IH System, Mars was just a bridge pillar, they have a Contract, and Earth is the prize, “Why?”

 Water of course, your System is full of it, those Gas giants don’t fill themselves Boy!

There was a Time traveler, Adams was his name, and he was there, and saw the future, 42, he said,This thing was getting real familiar, I digress, “Back to the Deal please”

You did bring a Towel? “Of course”

Let’s proceed,

 I guess the Vogons were a nasty bunch, I hear their Home world sucks so much, they evolved into a very harsh Race, Like Gangsters of the Olden Times, wrecking everything they could, now it was our Systems time, so much for answers…

To be continued

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

154 Comments

  1. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I suddenly feel the urge to recite some of my poetry.

    • Yusef wears a Red Polo

      a limerick? please do

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        Larf, they are far worse than the show presents, The Adams didn’t want to frighten the 20th c.

  2. pistoffnick

    Some people call Yusef “The Space Cowboy”
    Some call him “The Gangster of Love”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Maurice or GTFO

    • Yusef wears a Red Polo

      some call me the Gangster of Love, that’s for sure, what a weekend,

      • blackjack

        Well, I guess you got your lovin’ on the run.

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        It was very mutual, and I got cab fare!

  3. Yusef wears a Red Polo

    If I post a comment with a link, the post gets eaten, THE WINSTON WILL BE FED!

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        I like it! let’s make it so,

  4. Yusef wears a Red Polo

    Comment eaten, again,
    THE WINSTON WILL BE FED!

  5. Hank

    Testing

    • The Other Kevin

      Testes 1, 2, … 3?

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        Get Your Ass to Mars!

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        huh huh huh! I siad testes. 😉

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        3 shells, 3 Tits, think about it,

  6. Tulip

    My summer drink is mojitos with plenty of club soda

  7. Hank

    On topic, from a certain point of view –

    This essay reminded me of dystopian sci fi even before I saw the author’s comment that it was like dystopian sci fi:

    ‘…what struck me above all was how darkened the whole urban vista appeared. My memory recalled these spaces generally swirling with light and humming with activity: energy, vitality, a “city of ass-kickers,” as one of my old bosses once described the Big Apple. Now: desolation. The lights were off; the activity had ground to a halt.

    ‘The few souls I spotted looked menacing, suspicious—an effect created by the medical hijabs Gothamites wear with a zeal matched in few other places on earth. The only unmasked faces belonged to the homeless and the crazy, who now seem to dominate the city….

    ‘a laptop class…lives in fear of risk, with no transcendent horizon and “the consolations neither of Christ nor of Seneca,” as my friend Rusty Reno likes to say. That class seems prepared to desolate a place like New York City in service of safety-ism, to reorganize our way of life around its own neo-gnostic preferences…’

    https://www.city-journal.org/the-emptying-of-new-york

    • Yusef wears a Red Polo

      It’s part of the history behind The Gwen, as will be revealed, I’m just getting started
      It’s a Comic Book,

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        I shall call the period the Upheavals, thanks for the tip!

    • Winston

      Interesting that the cosmopolitan internationalist urbanites are the ones most devoted to destroying urban life. How many agrarians felt even close to this attitude toward urban living?

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        As a new agrarian, in a small town, and a former cosmopolitan urbanite, I hope they rot in the Cesspool they created, I left for a reason, or 20,
        Go Shrooms!

    • rhywun

      Had just read that.

      Good stuff, especially the contempt he seems to have for the cringing maskers, but Sohrab needs to get out to the outer reaches of Brooklyn where somehow the streets are as busy with activity as ever despite similar carnage being perpetrated on the business community. Manhattan is full of pussies.

    • Winston

      Isn’t Ahmari a Catholic Integralist? Funny he is more of an actual cosmopolitan internationalist urbanite then the actual ones.

      Then again this sort of conservatuve Catholicism was always very cosmopolitan and internationalist.

      And cosmopolitan internationalism was always in practice very parochial and conformist. You know be Rich Manhattanites who want every one to act like them in every single way.

  8. DEG

    This twist is unexpected.

    • Yusef wears a Red Polo

      It is, but I have Time, it will be fun,
      /euphemism

  9. Hank

    ‘…true and widespread hatred of real women, manifested as an effort to rob them of their happiness and dignity through transgenderism, pornography, surrogacy, and careerism, is a defining issue of the times. Does it surprise anyone that a world order that hates men also hates their natural counterpart? It would be too simple to view the culture’s exuberant celebration of female narcissism as an overabundance of respect for women. Upon further investigation, often by way of “lived experience,” the real, implicit misogyny of clown world has revealed itself over time….

    ‘No matter what it is called, a new women’s movement grounded in bodily integrity, in the immutable material and spiritual reality of womanhood, one which honestly appraises the pitfalls of the progressive matrix, is not only politically necessary, it is well on its way to fruition.’

    https://bit.ly/3aKefEs

    (american mind dot substack dot com)

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Yes, men hated women for most of history. It was only when women started burning their bras did men say, “Hey! Maybe we should stop hating the people we love and trust to raise our offspring!”

      Sigh. Society, as we know it, exists largely because men wished to make life as comfortable as possible for women.

      • commodious spittoon

        Contempt, sure, but hatred for women? That’s a womanly emotion.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I think that the contempt was on a case-by-case basis and based on behavior.

      • commodious spittoon

        We’re all contemptuous of everyone else, aren’t we? I don’t hate anyone else, or not many people, certainly nobody I know personally, but I don’t want to know them any better and I’d rather they don’t try to ingratiate themselves with me. It’s contempt, but contempt isn’t hatred, it’s just stolid toleration. At least that’s how I try explaining it to my wife, she doesn’t appreciate how contemptuously I tolerate her.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I think we may have a bit of a definitional issue. When I hear the term contempt. I think of believing that someone is beneath you for one reason or another.

        When it comes to knowledge of how machines work and the reality of the darkness of humanity, I know that I am far more competent and have a far greater understanding of both of those topics than that of my wife and kids. While I do my best to shield them from the latter and do my best to make sure that they are not surprised when the car that they failed to do basic preventive maintenance on, failed.

    • Tulip

      That the left hates straight, white women has been true for a very long time. Ms. Magazine decided to focus on LGBTQ and minority issues about 30 years ago. It became something I couldn’t relate to at all. I would have been happy had they added a few features every month, but women like me disappeared from the magazine. So I dropped it.

      Then there was Jessica Valenti proclaiming that feminism wasn’t just about women. Why not? Why aren’t we enough? I’m frequently pissed off by articles that discuss something that’s good for women and then goes on to explain that it’s also good for families and children, because being good for women just isn’t good enough.

      Fuck that, and fuck the left. At least here, despite the rampant misogyny, I know where I stand.

      • Mojeaux

        That, what Tulip said.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Generally, the “G” is marginalized when it comes to the alphabet people. Feminists can’t abide people that do not make them (them being bourgeois feminists) the center of the universe. Moreover, the current iteration of feminists are entirely concerned with the advancement of upper-class women. You know the types that write for and run ‘Ms.’, NOW, etc. You might notice that you will never, ever, ever hear calls for gender equality in the fields that are dirty and difficult but necessary to the basic operation of modern society. I will take feminists seriously when they call for gender representation in garbagemen, plumbers etc.

      • Tulip

        Fuck off. No feminists are not currently concerned with the advancement of upper class women.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I tend to agree, they are mostly concerned with the advancement of themselves, regardless of the downstream consequences.

      • blackjack

        I’m pretty sure feminists are not for the advancement of anyone. They seem to be focused on tearing other’s down. Women have very few frontiers to break down. If you’re gonna keep fighting for what you already have, you’re just attacking for no good reason anymore. I only put 77% of the thought that I would have put into this, had it been about men, so I might be wrong, but not more than 77% wrong. I dunno.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Most of what they attack is in regards to the fact that many women, given the option, do not make choices they like. The fact that women do not choose engineering or physics and choose education and the humanities instead is something that they find infuriating. Don’t get me wrong, I am 100% sure that there are any number of women that can take me to task on any or all of these subjects. That does not mean that the overall trend does not exist.

      • zwak

        One of the more… fucked up things about feminism, for lack of a better word, is the inability to recognize women as women, and not as leftist functionaries. Take Margaret Thatcher, for instance. There is a woman, who by her own volition rose to the absolute highest levels of western politics. But she was unapologetically a conservative. So she cannot ever be seen as a role model in any way. And that is just pathetic.

        It really isn’t any different than how someone like Clarence Thomas is treated, or Log Cabin Republicans. It is absolutely OK in leftist circles to use every epithet known when referring to them, and you are not a racist, sexist, homophobe.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Ideology über alles.

  10. Yusef wears a Red Polo

    I’m finally back home in Manistee, that means sleep, see you kids early, like always, I feel alive again, like I haven’t felt in a long time,

  11. egould310

    Columbo fucked up Dick Van Dyke.

    • Yusef wears a Red Polo

      I read that as, Fucked Dick Van Dyke,

      • Tejicano

        That would probably accomplish both.

  12. zwak

    One thing about owning an older home, everything takes three times as long and costs twice as much. Why? Because you cannot get anything off the shelf that works instantly. I spent the last few days wrestling with what should have been a simple shower fixture trim change, but Moen doesn’t make any that works with a slightly older mixing valve, so the only thing that works is an off-brand “universal” which is cheap plastic and is engineered so poorly that it barely works.

    But, to change out the damn valve would require me to remove the drywall on the wall behind it, as I wouldn’t have enough room to go in through the hole in the tile with a torch to unsolder the old one and resolder the new one in, just for a fucking style change. A pro plumber might be able to do it, but I don’t want to spend a grand on this.

    But I really hate the cheap-looking brass crap that was in that bathroom. So eighties, what with the weird blue sink I still need to yank out.

    • Yusef wears a Red Polo

      So cut the drywll, do your work and install a nice access cover, like it should have been done, it’s not hard to do,

    • Mojeaux

      How emotionally invested are you in this house? “Staying here forever” or “May need to bail in the nebulous future for an unforeseen reason”?

      • zwak

        It’s a staying here forever house, and normally I would be down to cut a hole as Yusef says. At some point in the future, I am going to rip out the fiberglass stall and have it tiled, which would be more in line with the age of the place, and at that time I will take care of it, but for now I am just doing a quick makeover, to get rid of the ’80s BS.

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, gotcha. See if Sharkbites makes anything that would suit your purposes.

      • Tejicano

        I’ll second the Sharkbites if they work for the application.

        I had a couple cut-off valves that were a) leaking and b) ended up being superfluous. But I would have had to tear apart and re-solder a half dozen connections to get them out. I was able to just saw out the valves and slide in a couple Sharkbites with a few inches of straight pipe in their place.

      • Mojeaux

        Yeah, they have a bunch of couplers in various sizes and other things. They work great with Pex, too.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I love Pex but for that, I’d just use crimp rings. I know Sharkbites are used a lot, I’m just not convinced they aren’t the backstab connectors of the plumbing world.

      • zwak

        Now, that is a thought. I have never worked with them, and generally am quick to reach for the silphos and do it up solid. But I am willing to learn new tricks.

      • Tejicano

        Yeah, I was girding my loins, preparing to pull out a bunch of trade tricks to take a few soldered joints out in place, then re-solder in place. The Sharkbites made it a fast, clean job anybody could do.

        I did all the plumbing in my place – threaded galvanized iron, brass fixtures, copper pipe, PVC, PEX for the bathroom, two toilets, kitchen, and a heated floor which I designed. I’ve got the skills and experience although I wouldn’t pretend to be a pro. Sharkbtes were a revelation.

    • slumbrew

      I just had my 130 year old foundation repointed.

      Possibly the first time since it was laid. I started out thinking “ouch, that’s expensive” and finished up thinking “man, they’re undercharging”.

      Four days of dirty, backbreaking work and they were magicians, filling every half-assed patch and removing every sealed-off pipe that accumulated over the years.

      Expensive, yes, but I love to see good work done. Plus we should be good for another 50 to 100 years, so I shall be beyond caring when it comes up again.

      • zwak

        Yeah, I had my fireplace restored a couple of years ago. When we bought it, there was an insert gas unit. Ugly as fuck and didn’t work, it wasn’t worth fixing, which is in my ballpark workwise. But to install it, back a couple of decades ago, they had to remove half the bricks in the back. Watching the guys do the work was fascinating and impressive. And worth every penny.

      • Gustave Lytton

        In current area and would recommend? We have some chimney work to be done at some point.

      • zwak

        In current area, and yes, would recommend. http://achimneypro.com/index.html

        I am not sure if he gets down your way, but worth a shot.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Thanks! If not, might offer up someone who is.

    • egould310
      • Gender Traitor

        We have the ’50s peach tile with burgundy trim [disclaimer: NOT our actual bathroom] – even the peach toilet and tub (which really need to be replaced, but good luck finding that color.) Not the tiled vanity, though, thank goodness. It could be worse – it could be Ultra Mamie Pepto pink. (Oh – and the floor is yellow linoleum. 😛

      • Mojeaux

        Ultra Mamie Pepto pink

        “It’s original to the house and is in mint condition. It has value. Embrace the pink.”

      • egould310

        For four years, my wife and I lived in a house her Grandpa built by hand. It was her mother’s childhood home. Except Grandpa Chavez didn’t want to pay for anything when he built the house. So all the fixtures, finishes, wall treatments, doors, windows, etc were all scrap/salvage/closeout/cheapest available.

        Nothing in the house matched. 4 different tiles in the bathroom. 1950’s sink with an 1890’s bathtub. Plywood cabinetry in the kitchen, obviously installed by drunks. Every light switch and electrical outlet was installed upside down. The weirdest ugliest linoleum pattern on the kitchen floor. It was like living in a carnival ride. Good times.

      • Mojeaux

        Man, I think everything major should be white/black/gray, and then accessorized with color. Paint and wallpaper are cheap and easy to change with trends and eras and tastes. Even the most modern sleek white kitchen (tile/counter/cabinets) can be made into something unique and spectacular with a little paint, wallpaper, and fabric, the bolder the better.

      • zwak

        Nah, this is that really cheap and crapy looking junk.

  13. Yusef wears a Red Polo

    I shall wear a Red Polo for work Tomorrow,
    /Ron Swanson

    • commodious spittoon

      I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
      /some white guy

    • Hyperion

      I don’t know why I keep reading that as ‘red potato’.

      • BakedPenguin

        Too much mescaline.

    • straffinrun

      Fixx > Sixx

    • Mojeaux

      LOL I missed it too.

      • Chafed

        Nikki still loves you.

  14. egould310

    Columbo just fucked up Patrick McGoohan.

    • Chafed

      He took him prisoner? Too soon?

    • rhywun

      Which one? I think he played the murderer three times.

    • Mojeaux

      “Fuck the next guy.”

      • Tejicano

        I don’t know who that was but I’ve worked on his “victims” before.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Good vid, one of the best analysts out there.

  15. Ownbestenemy

    The night crew contingent no longer here makes this place dull.

  16. Yusef wears a Red Polo

    Howdy from the north! A great time in Socal, now we grow the ‘Shrooms,
    Sup People?

    • topnotchtoledo

      I’d like 1 lb of your classic blue stainers and 1 lb of liberty caps

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        “Sorry Pal, just what you see”

      • topnotchtoledo

        Nods knowingly, walks around to the side door. I meant 2 lbs of “enoki” mushrooms

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        /slips topnotch a Lb. of Michigan’s finest…….

      • topnotchtoledo

        I do need to head to Big Gretchville to get some vape cartridges. My uh scurvy is flaring up again

    • Sean

      Gonna be a warm one today.

      *breaks out the cargo shorts*

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        Ghey!

      • rhywun

        *looks at forecast, blinks*

        Yikes.

      • UnCivilServant

        I juse see rain for days.

      • Gender Traitor

        Almost 70 here already, but thunderstorms this afternoon.

        If it’s storming when I get home, I may indulge myself by enjoying it out on the back porch. I have an odd affinity for thunderstorms, although the “light show” is better after dark.

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        I love thunderstorms, but I still brought my discs, ya never no when the rain breaks,
        Howdy GT!

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, Yu! I’m glad you enjoyed your trip and are back home safe!

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        I feel very alive, and worthy again,

      • Gender Traitor

        ::fistbump::

      • rhywun

        52 here but the forecast says 84 ?

      • Tres Cool

        Jugsy is in Astoria, Queens. I told her to let me know if she gets in over her head since we have friendly glibs not too far away.

      • rhywun

        ^Look at this guy

      • UnCivilServant

        I mean it all in the funniest way possible.

        😛

      • rhywun

        I lived in Astoria for 7 years. She’ll be fine. It’s quiet there.

      • Tres Cool

        For a HUD property, it looks serene.
        At least she didnt get sentenced to Yonkers (this time).

  17. Tres Cool

    whaddup doh’ ?

    Whats goody fam ?

    • Yusef wears a Red Polo

      Lots of fun, ohh yes, what a woman

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m not sure what you just said.

      Then again, I didn’t sleep all that well since I apparently left the lights on..

      • Yusef wears a Red Polo

        I think it means hi! How are you?

      • Gender Traitor

        My sympathies. Light definitely bothers me when I’m trying to sleep – more than sound, I believe (other than sudden, loud noise, of course.)

        Good morning!

      • UnCivilServant

        Noise might keep me awake, but light degrades the amount of rest I get from sleep.

      • Tres Cool

        Glad I got my grass cut yesterday, even tho I was likely eligible for mowing-while-intoxicated.
        I call one of the employees @ work “Ollie” cause he looks and sounds like that cartoon.

  18. Festus

    Mornin’ Friends! More Derp from the Janitor’s Closet, Episode#2 Woke cow-worker talking last night about the Oscars, “I watched the Academy Awards and when they showed the In Memoriam” part, Chadwick Bozeman was the last one. It was so powerful that I nearly lost it!” :Stunned silence from me: I’m not making this up, People. I have it happening live every night. Maybe I should start doing a daily derp update.

    • Tres Cool

      “Days of Our Custodial Lives”

      Id prolly watch that

      • Sean

        The role of Festus will be played by Pat Harrington Jr.

      • Tres Cool

        I was thinking Dick Van Patten. Or Red Green.

      • Festus

        I wanna be that “Vincent” dude.

      • Festus

        Fuck it! I’m played by Sam Elliot.

      • rhywun

        You’ll probably get Brad Pitt.

      • UnCivilServant

        Moustache doesn’t fit, and he can’t rock the evil lighting.

      • Festus

        Or the accent…

      • Festus

        Dude, it’s quite something. As mentioned yesterday, I have never really had a friendship with a “Prog In The Mist” before so it’s all very Sir David Attenborough to me. Two nights in a row of everything that we snark at. If the hits keep coming, I’ll be your fearless reporter.

    • rhywun

      My first reaction was “who?”

      • Festus

        Chadwick? #metoo but I don’t watch comic book movies. I heard he died but didn’t really care except to think that it was sad that it happened to him so young. This is the emotional investment that the Wokesters bring to the table every time. That’s a huge stack of chips when you play head-to-head. We must never forget that.

  19. Gender Traitor

    A fair number of folks are blowing off their second jab. Given the aftereffects I’ve heard about from co-workers who have gone through with it, is anyone really surprised?

    Of course, our staff may be taking full advantage of the paid time off provided to them in order to get – and recover from – the shots. This past pay period, 15 out of 87 employees used COVID-related time off – which isn’t counted against their regular annual allotment of sick time.

    • Festus

      If only they had got that second one with the embedded chip then you would know which ones are on the golf course or just messing around in boats…

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “but just one shot brings about 80 percent protection from COVID-19”

      Something I did not know, considering this only ten percent doesn’t seem that high to me.

    • UnCivilServant

      Oh, the animal smuggling stories are back.

      It may be like the robins of spring – a sign of normalcy returning.

    • Festus

      So he was pandering even before he became wealthy? And then he suddenly became wealthy? And then he bought a school to live in? The push-pins and strings are all making sense now!

    • UnCivilServant

      Even if it doesn’t get overturned the state will still go “But to buy or transport from the store to the house requires an FOID”

  20. Gender Traitor

    So far, no accidents reported along my commute route, so….here goes!

      • Festus

        :Blinks in unison: “Agreed!”

    • Tres Cool

      You’ll have to sext me what that route is.