IFLA: The “Not on the Star Chart!” Edition of the Horoscope for the week of April 4

by | Apr 4, 2021 | Advice, IFLA | 125 comments

So, back from the trip, and finally caught up on the Glibstuff I missed.  A question for OMWC or anyone else that’s into anti-Semitic propaganda:  WTF is up with the rack on the backstabber you posted?  Is that supposed to be a really ugly woman, or is it one of Moob’s ancestors?

This is the first time that I’ve raised

  1. A puppy
  2. By myself
  3. In a place I actually care about maintaining.

It’s those last two that make this process unsustainable, particularly since I don’t (yet) have a fenced yard I can hold her while trying to clean something inside.  Still, the 23 hours a day I spent with her on the three days getting home not only sprained my hypothalamus, but convinced me that she’s the prettiest, smartest, fiercest, fluffiest most bestest animal EVAH!  Seriously though, and maybe it is the oxytocin speaking, but she does seem to have a lot of potential to be an excellent companion animal.  I’ve just got to get her housebroken and through her chewing stage and I think she’ll be great.

You THINK? How could you doubt me?

The skies are kind of… meh.  Some vaguely positive signs with lots of generic “love makes you happy!” “Fights are bad!”  kind of stuff.

The Sun, Mercury and Venus are all in Aries which is good for goats, Mars is in Gemini, which is bad for twins.  Water will play an outsized role this week as both Jupiter and Saturn are in Aquarius and also Capricorn has the Moon.

Some really heavy hitters in the cards this week

Aries:  Knight of Coins – Utility, serviceableness, interest, responsibility, rectitude

Taurus:  The Hermit – Prudence, circumspection, treason, dissimulation, roguery, corruption.

Gemini:  3 of Coins reversed – Mediocrity, puerility, pettiness, weakness.

Cancer:  9 of Wands reversed – Obstacles, adversity, calamity.

Leo:  The World – Assured success, recompense, voyage, route, emigration, flight, change of place.

Virgo:  Ace of Wands reversed – Fall, decadence, ruin, perdition, clouded joy, impotence.

Libra:  The Sun – Material happiness, fortunate marriage, contentment.

Scorpio:  Death – End, mortality, destruction, corruption

Sagittarius: The Tower reversed – Misery, distress, indigence, adversity, calamity, disgrace, deception, ruin, unforeseen catastrophe, oppression, imprisonment, tyranny.

Capricorn:  Queen of Swords – Widowhood, female sadness and embarrassment, absence, sterility, mourning, privation, separation

Aquarius:  Five of Coins – Material trouble, love and lovers, ejection by society

Pisces:  3 of Cups – The conclusion of any matter in plenty, perfection and merriment; happy issue, victory, sorority party, fulfilment, solace, healing

Heh. He’ll never see me hiding behind this tree.

 

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

125 Comments

  1. Gender Traitor

    Scorpio: Death – End, mortality, destruction, corruption

    ***SNIFF!!!*** It’s been nice “knowing” all of you! 🙁

    Puppy is a cutie pie, but the whole housebreaking thing is part of why I’m a cat person.

    • Mojeaux

      Cats #FTW!

    • rhywun

      Yeah, dogs are too high-maintenance.

      • Tulip

        They are worth it.

      • Not Adahn

        Yup. I have a good feeling about this one. She was the only one in her litter than learned her name by the time weaning occurred, and watching her meeting new people and other animals indicates high sociability and low aggression.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        ^^THIS.

      • rhywun

        I would consider it only if I didn’t live alone.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        It’s definitely tougher if you live in a condo or apartment, I’ll acknowledge that. When we moved to the Lower Rainland™, we waited until we were out of the condo and into a single-family home before we got our latest ‘pup.

    • Not Adahn

      Shelter dogs are typically already housebroken. The last time I had a puppy was in… 1983? And I had help and a fenced yard for that one. This one is vastly more to my liking than her mother was, personality-wise.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: The Tower reversed – Misery, distress, indigence, adversity, calamity, disgrace, deception, ruin, unforeseen catastrophe, oppression, imprisonment, tyranny.

    That’s more like it.

  3. Don escaped Cancun

    Scorpio: Death – End, mortality, destruction, corruption

    He is risen! I’m FDR all over again! – JRB46

  4. Sean

    “Obstacles, adversity, calamity.”

    *sigh*

  5. DEG

    The puppy is cute. The stealth bonus is a nice feature.

    Assured success, recompense, voyage, route, emigration, flight, change of place.

    I’m skeptical.

    • Not Adahn

      When she’s not bouncing, she is ninja-silent.

    • Not Adahn

      That’s something I found interesting about Bosch, they showed him carrying in Condition 1.

    • westernsloper

      That. Is. Awesome.

      Doing a reverse sear on that chunko’cow?

      • Sean

        It’s in the oven now. I might grill finish it. I haven’t decided yet.

      • UnCivilServant

        One of these days someone has to do an inverse sear and post an article on how it went.

        If I had space for an induction ‘burner’ I’d try it.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Dad ordered a bison prime rib, but then discovered it wouldn’t be here in time for Easter, so we’ll be having a random prime rib feast here soon.

      • C. Anacreon

        Maybe you can call this random feast date your bison-tennial.

      • westernsloper

        Boooooo!

    • DEG

      Very nice.

    • Suthenboy

      10mm armed roast? Nice

  6. Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

    Gemini: 3 of Coins reversed – Mediocrity, puerility, pettiness, weakness.

    Ah, so you’ve been watching me interact with the denizens of my HOA this last week?
    “We’ve been vaccinated for three weeks now, but we’re still masking and social distancing because we heard on the news that 30 people who’ve had the vaccine came down with COVID anyways.”
    “30 out of 345 million as of April 1st worldwide? Those sound like pretty good odds to me. And I don’t think you understand how vaccines work, or what they do (and do not do) for the vaccinated.”
    “WE DON’T WANT TO DIE!”

    **HEAVY SIGH**

    • Tulip

      Me too, sigh.

    • DEG

      I can’t wait to see the response from a relative of mine that can’t wait to get vaccinated so this relative and the relative’s spouse can travel again.

      Both had Covid.

      My e-mail to this relative basically said, “You’re immune. Go live your life.”

      • Sean

        I’m hearing that the chances of adverse reactions are much higher in people who had covid. At least with the two shot variants.

      • Nephilium

        My dad just got his first ‘vid vaccine yesterday, although he had a positive test a couple months back. Per my mom, so far the only reaction was he was tired and grumpy.

        I asked how she could tell.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Wait, westernsloper is your dad?

      • Nephilium

        Nah. Westernsloper has too much hair to be my dad.

      • DEG

        Interesting.

        Here in NH, when you go for a vaccine, you get whatever the site has. I have no idea if PA is doing the same thing.

        I doubt the relative would listen to me in any event.

  7. westernsloper

    through her chewing stage

    Ahahahaha……ya, you learn to hide stuff that matters. She is adorable!

    Mediocrity, puerility, pettiness, weakness.…………….Nailed it. Except I like to think I am not petty but I am probably wrong.

  8. Sean

    That is an adorable lil pup.

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      Gonna be big as a house when it grows up. Start stocking up on dog food now.  ;-)

  9. Mojeaux

    My publishing partner and I decided to do a second volume of Monsters & Mormons. Release date TBD.

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      Oooooooh, that sounds like fun. You bringing back your fusion-powered heroine from the first one?

      • Mojeaux

        Hadn’t thought about it, no. If I do, it’ll feature Lilith as the Angel of Death.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Cool.

  10. Creosote Achilles

    What a great dog. Congrats and good luck.

  11. TARDis

    Cute puppy. No more for me though.

    Virgo: Ace of Wands reversed – Fall, decadence, ruin, perdition, clouded joy, impotence.

    decadence AND impotence??? WTF, over?

  12. Muzzled Woodchipper

    Virgo: Ace of Wands reversed – Fall, decadence, ruin, perdition, clouded joy, impotence.

    Evergreen.

  13. mikey

    Dogs may be higher maintenance, but they won’t cheat on you.

    https://mobile.twitter.com/generoom/status/1376084811421454337

    We were having dinner at a neighbors and the subject of pets came up.
    Them: That’s your cat?
    Us: Yes.
    Them: We thought she was a stray. She comes by every day and we’ve been giving her smoked salmon

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      She comes by every day and we’ve been giving her smoked salmon.

      “You get more of what you reward and less of what you punish.”

    • Tulip

      Hahaha. Wouldn’t you prefer smoked salmon?

      • rhywun

        “Do better, human.”

    • westernsloper

      HA!

    • Chafed

      That’s not entirely true. Our neighbor, from a few doors down, has a lab. He likes to escape from his yard to come swimming in my pool. He really enjoys fetching a tennis ball by swimming for it.

  14. Ted S.

    Gemini: 3 of Coins reversed – Mediocrity, puerility, pettiness, weakness.

    I may be puerile most of the time, but I’m never mediocre.

  15. Hyperion

    FAKE NEWS!

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Curating the narrative is Job One

    “Why are we still listening to these woke corporate hypocrites on taxes, regulations & anti-trust?” Sen. Marco Rubio, R-Fla., tweeted.

    Such public dust-ups between businesses and members of the GOP are becoming more frequent, though the divide — possibly one of the most consequential in U.S. politics and society — is years in the making. The shift is the product of a Republican Party increasingly driven by “culture war” issues that animate a base invigorated by Trump and corporate powerhouses that are under more pressure than ever to align themselves with the left on voting rights, LGBTQ rights and anti-racist efforts.

    The result is a fraying in relations between a GOP that has for years advocated for the kinds of libertarian economic policies that have widely benefited these businesses and companies that are using their might to help advance racial and social justice causes.

    a Republican Party increasingly driven by “culture war” issues

    That obsession with “culture war” issues came out of nowhere. We were just minding our own business, and wham! the Republicans went nuts.

    Are those companies motivated by anything other than fear of the wokemob when they work to “advance” those social justice causes? Judging by the posturing theatricality, I’d say no.

    • rhywun

      companies that are using their might to help advance racial and social justice causes.

      LOL horseshit.

    • zwak

      I would say it is a combination of the fear, on one hand, and the skinsuiting on the other.

      Too many of the c-suite are afraid of the little shits that they hired, and desperately want to seem “hip” and “with it”

  17. zwak

    Ejection by Society.

    We are all Aquarians now…

    (And by the way, I have been off in my post reading timing, so I just want to say best wishes to MR ‘splosives and FourSquare. Everything needs to turn out right.)

    • Old Man With Candy

      I’M NOT GAY!!!

      nttawwt

  18. TARDis

    But… but… but we are just being good corporate citizens. GTFO with that BS.

    • TARDis

      ^#17^

  19. commodious spittoon

    Libra: The Sun – Material happiness, fortunate marriage, contentment.

    I’m not married, is that a free pass for me? Do I get to pick another horoscope?

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      No. You are now required to get married

      . . .

      Hurry up, citizen. We haven’t got all day.

      • commodious spittoon

        I, um.

        Who are my options?

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Options?

        You’re so cute.

      • commodious spittoon

        Can I at least insist she doesn’t nor didn’t ever have a penis?

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        A bridge too far, citizen. Report to your nearest correctional facility for educational fortification.
        Oh, and things would go better for you if you were married by the time you get there. No pressure.

      • Mojeaux

        Bigot. Transphobe.

        Cancel him!

      • Nephilium

        Transphobe!

        You’ve been assigned a lovely woman. Truly lovely. Great personality.

      • commodious spittoon

        I’m gay. I didn’t think to come out before now but I obviously couldn’t be attracted to a woman with a penis because I’m only attracted to men with penises.

      • westernsloper

        With an attitude like that you will never get married.

    • rhywun

      I’m not married

      Yet. The week is young.

      • zwak

        I read that as “the WEAK is young”

      • commodious spittoon

        I’ve lots of things I want to buy, I’m not interested in sharing my fortunes with anyone else. Forgive me for being selfish.

      • commodious spittoon

        There’s 3080s going for fucking three grand, you madman! Three fucking grand! And that’s the baseline fucking GPU for this generation! A 3090 is encroaching on the fours of grands, my God, do you follow any of this shit??

      • commodious spittoon

        Remember when 2080s were going for $1200?? Do you remember those simple times?

      • commodious spittoon

        I’ve got a 970, ask me how many frames I’m pushing per second. Ask me. I’ll tell you. IT’S NOT FUCKING MANY.

      • commodious spittoon

        tHE OUT OF STOCK THING, DID YOU MISS THAT

        MY GOD

        IT
        SLA

        ASDKGJA;LKSAA
        ]SDG
        ASDG
        A

        ALL i’VE BEEN SAYING

        I CAN’T BUY A 1050 GPU SINCE FUCKING OCTOBER

        I’m sorry, I’m not angry with you.

        I’m angry in general.

      • Cy Esquire

        WTF do you do with 10500 Cuda cores?

      • commodious spittoon

        WHATEVER I FUCKING WANT, PRICK

      • commodious spittoon

        It’s infuriating

  20. Shpip

    Pisces: 3 of Cups – The conclusion of any matter in plenty, perfection and merriment; happy issue, victory, sorority party, fulfilment, solace, healing

    (Gazes wistfully into distance)
    Those are phrases I’ve not seen strung together in a long, long time.

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      sorority party

      Wut? That seems, um, unusually specific for a horoscope.

      • Q Continuum

        When the stars give you such a gift, you do not question it.

      • Shpip

        sorority party
        When the stars give you such a gift, you do not question it.

        Reminds me of a story:
        A friend of mine had supposedly committed some minor infraction (being seen in the campus pub while wearing her sorority’s letters, IIRC), and the gaggle of Karens who policed such things decided that she wouldn’t be allowed to attend the sorority formal later that month.

        She had related this to me, and I was telling this to a couple of my fraternity brothers over some a few too many beers, when one brother (who was an ag major) got a fiendish glint in his eye. Turn out he had access to the uni’s large animal research facilities.

        Long story short, about an hour later four of us showed up at the sorority house with a six-month-old Holstein in tow. We ring the doorbell, my friend (who, I swear, had no prior knowledge of this) answers, and we barge in, leading the thoroughly confused bovine up the stairs to the sorority’s residential floor.

        Thing is, cows will go up stairs easily enough, but they will not descend them. Their weight and anatomy precludes them going down. I have no idea how long it took for the astonished and no doubt screaming sorority girls to get the beast out of their house, but the Pan-Hellenic Council and the school administration took a very, very stern view of the proceedings.

        “The Night that the (REDACTED) House Got an Extra Cow” has been a source of quiet mirth among me and my buddies for several decades hence.

        Getting away with it was probably the best part. Okay, imagining the looks of the faces of some haughty 20- year-old chicks seeing a thousand pounds of heifer wandering around their living quarters and shitting on their carpet was the best part, too. It’s close.

      • hayeksplosives

        Outstanding animal husbandry!

  21. Q Continuum

    “Libra: The Sun – Material happiness, fortunate marriage, contentment.”

    Does that mean Mrs. Q is finally going to feel up to some mattress dancing?

    • Ted S.

      Not tonight; she has a headache.

      • Q Continuum

        …and a third degree tear that’s still healing.

      • Ted S.

        You can fuck her in a different orifice, right?

      • Q Continuum

        The third degree tear kills two birds with one stone and the only other available port in the storm has been done to death at this point; unless we can create a new one…

        You might be on to something there Ted.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        cleavage?

        /nvm

      • DEG

        I like the way you think.

      • Not Adahn

        On Q’s other monitor he’s googling “best way to attach a fleshlight to living skin”

  22. Tulip

    That puppy looks a lot like my neighbor’s dog. You’ll be shocked at how fast she’ll grow.

    • Not Adahn

      I haven’t been weighing her daily, but her brother put on four pounds in ten days.

      I can tell that she’s growing because she can reach further up onto the couch.

      • Cy Esquire

        There was a moment of horror for me the other day when my toddler was in the kitchen and I realized the countertop is right at her eye level. She shot me a devilish grin just to emphasize my plight. Meanwhile my infant is trying so hard to walk and he has this nasty habit of grabbing either nipples or hair as if they were hand holds in his never ending quest for balance.

  23. Tulip

    Oh, and I suggest you make a habit of holding her as much as possible. You want to be sure she knows she’s a lap dog.

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      That’s just evil advice. I like it.

      • Nephilium

        /looks over at people who have poorly trained their wolfhounds

        What’s evil about that advice?

      • Suthenboy

        Come for a visit and my 120lb catahoula will sit in your lap. He loves to crush testicles. It won’t take you long to figure it out.

    • westernsloper

      Yes, and let her sleep on your bed. That way when she is 150 lbs she can push you onto the floor in the morning ensuring you don’t sleep in.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Pffffft. My 15 pound Shih-Tzu/Bichon cross can do that.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        (Like this morning, ferinstance . . . {grumble} )

      • Not Adahn

        …not until she’s housebroken.

        Although, on the way up I stayed “pet friendly” rooms (no carpeting). I was told that letting her sleep in the bed would help with the housetraining. It turns out this was correct. She’d wake me up when she needed to go outside. The first night she really wanted to make sure I wouldn’t abandon her, so she wanted to sleep next to me. But I turn over, so the place she figured out was on top of my pillow, nestled against my bald spot.

      • Tulip

        Uh oh. You’re in trouble. We were all kidding about this, we didn’t expect you to actually do those things. It is now her bed, her couch, and basically, her house. Ask me how I know.

      • Not Adahn

        She hasn’t been upstairs yet, so no worries about that. Yet.

      • Tulip

        Yeah, well, it took two weeks for my dog to go upstairs (retired racer, had to be taught stairs), so…..

  24. Raven Nation

    Ahh, never change Jose:

    “Same coach, different players,” was Mourinho’s response when BBC Radio 5 Live reporter Juliette Ferrington pointed out his teams are usually good at defending leads.

  25. Grummun

    PUPPY! puppypuppypuppy

    Maybe we’ve just been lucky, but we’ve managed to avoid masticated woodwork with the dogs we’ve raised from pups. We provide them a steady supply of both plush and hard toys, and periodically rotate the toys currently in service, so they get something “new”. If they old toys aren’t wrecked, we wash them and put them on the shelf to be rotated back in later. This has worked for a basset, two dachshunds and a lab.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Aw, the hound group. ❤️

  26. hayeksplosives

    Hayeksplosives: Aries: Knight of Coins – Utility, serviceableness, interest, responsibility, rectitude

    Mr Splosives: Capricorn: Queen of Swords – Widowhood, female sadness and embarrassment, absence, sterility, mourning, privation, separation.

    Could be worse. Mr Splosives is now awake and breathing on his own. I will visit in an hour.

    I could see my horoscope being suitable for the responsibilities I’m taking on in his recovery. Not sure about his; there is no widowhood (PTL) but there’s definitely separation and privation. He might even mourn the loss of some strength on his left side.

    ….Or astrology is a bunch of BS we make fit on a weekly basis.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      I’m glad he’s awake and alive. PTL indeed! Hopefully this is the turning point and it’s all up from here.

    • UnCivilServant

      Astrology is a bunch of BS. This whole series is done for the fun of it.

      Glad to hear he’s awake and in control of his own respiration.

    • KromulentKristen

      Glad to hear he’s awake & breathing. Many loves to you.

    • Hyperion

      Hey Hayek, not much time to post recently. But good to hear your hubby is doing OK and sending wishes for a quick recovery. Prayers to y’all.

    • Mojeaux

      awake and breathing on his own

      Good news!

    • DEG

      It’s good that he is awake and breathing on his own.

    • TARDis

      Yay! Wonderful news!

  27. Hyperion

    This one, having finally been realized, makes me think that H.L. Mencken should be doing our Horoscope. Because he was truly a prophet.

    Jan 20, 2021:

    “As democracy is perfected, the office of the president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

  28. UnCivilServant

    Am I the only one annoyed by the documentary format where they go out, do interviews, exclude the interviewer, skip bridging narration, and just show a patchwork of interview responses. I keep waiting for the damn documentary to start by the time the end credits roll.

    • Hyperion

      I thought you stopped watching the MSM? Oh, for the lulz I suppose…

      • UnCivilServant

        It doesn’t just pop up in that fetid domain these days.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Somewhat the anti-GlibFit…

    Demi Rose?

  30. Grumbletarian

    “Scorpio: Death – End, mortality, destruction, corruption”

    Sweet, I could use a vacation.