I rarely cook with recipes. I prefer to create my own as I go. I also like to bake without recipes. This surprises people as baking has the reputation that all measurements must be precise, and you mess with a recipe at your own peril. But, once you understand a few guidelines, you can make your own recipes with ease.
Today, I will explain the guidelines as they apply to pound and sponge cakes.
The point of baking is to capture air. Air is what makes cakes, pancakes, biscuits, etc. light and fluffy. You introduce air into your baked goods through mixing methods and by adding chemical leaveners like baking powder and baking soda. To keep the air you introduced to the batter, and get light, fluffy baked goods, you need structural elements like the protein in egg whites and gluten in flour[i]. Sugar and fat tenderize the cake by preventing the formation of gluten. Sugar and fat fight against the structure provided by the protein in eggs and flour. Because of this, a successful cake needs sugar, fat, flour and eggs to be in balance.
Baker’s ratios provide formulas that create the balance[ii].
| Pound Cakes (Lean Ratio) | Sponge Cakes (High Ratio) | |
| Weight of sugar <= weight of flour | Weight of sugar >= weight of flour | |
| Weight of eggs >= weight of fat | Weight of eggs > weight of fat | |
| Weight of liquid (including eggs) = weight of sugar | Weight of liquid (including eggs) >= weight of sugar |
The difference in the ratio of sugar to flour and the mixing method determines whether you are making a pound cake or a sponge cake. The pound cake has less sugar than flour and the sponge cake has more sugar than flour. To make a pound cake, you cream the butter and sugar (adding tiny bubbles of air), add the flavorings (vanilla, spices, citrus) then mix in the eggs and flour. To make a sponge cake, you mix the eggs and sugar until they are foamy and at least doubled in volume (adding slightly larger bubbles of air), add the flavorings, then add the butter and flour[iii]. If you want to capture even more air, you could separate the eggs, separately beat the egg whites until they just reach the stiff peak stage, then gently fold them into the batter. When you bake the cake, the trapped air expands causing the cake to rise, making it fluffy.
Most cakes also use baking powder or baking soda to help them rise. The chemical reaction introduces air into the batter. The heat from the oven causes the bubbles to expand. The guideline here is to use baking powder unless you are using acidic ingredients like buttermilk or citrus. Use ¼ tsp baking soda per cup of flour or 1 tsp of baking powder per cup of flour (baking powder contains baking soda along with the acid needed to activate it). If you read a lot of recipes like I do, you will notice that cakes that call for buttermilk often use baking powder and baking soda, while cakes without acidic ingredients use only baking powder. Regular cocoa powder is not acidic. Dutch process cocoa powder is; so if you substitute regular cocoa powder for Dutch process cocoa powder, reduce or get rid of the baking soda.
The ratios are based on the weight of the ingredients and here’s where it gets a little complicated. Butter isn’t just fat, it is also water, so if you want to calculate if the eggs weigh more than the fat, you have to account for the weight of the water in the butter. You can generally assume that butter is 80% fat, but if you use Irish or European butter you should check the package as they have a higher fat content than regular, American butter. Cream also needs to be adjusted to correctly account for the fat.
These are just guidelines and successful cakes can vary from this. Shirley Corriher in her book Bakewise says you should stay within 25%. That’s why it is generally better to make two recipes rather than just doubling a recipe. Doubling could make a recipe exceed the guidelines or be more out of balance.
Now that I’ve explained how to balance ingredients for a successful cake, the next step is to figure out how to size the cakes. I want to make 6 inch diameter cakes because they are easier to give away than the typical 8 or 9 inch diameter cake. Luckily, Wilton has a nice chart that lists how much batter and frosting you need for variously sized and shaped cake pans. In general, you need about 4 to 6 cups of batter for two 6 inch layers. You can estimate how much batter you have by just looking at the recipe and adding up the volume.
Here is one of my experiments. Below the ingredients I’ll compare the ratios in my cake to the high ratio guidelines.
Orange Rosemary Cake
Ingredients
- 1 ¼ cup all-purpose flour
- ½ teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- ¾ cup orange juice
- ¼ cup extra virgin olive oil
- 1 egg (I use extra large) plus 1 egg yolk
- ¼ teaspoon vanilla extract
- ¼ teaspoon finely chopped fresh rosemary
- Zest of one orange – about 1 Tablespoon
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 350 F.
- Gently warm the olive oil and finely chopped rosemary in a pan or in the microwave; set aside.
- Generously butter and flour (2) 6-inch round cake pans; set aside.
- In a bowl whisk together the flour, salt, baking powder, and orange zest; set aside.
- In a bowl, beat together the sugar and egg until foamy and at least doubled in volume.
- Mix in the rosemary oil and vanilla.
- Add the dry ingredients to the sugar/egg/liquid mixture, alternating with the orange juice, beating well after each addition.
- Pour the batter into the cake pans; evenly dividing it.
- Bake on the middle rack for 25-30 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
- Let cool in the pans until warm (about 10 minutes) and then remove from the pans and allow to cool completely on a cooling rack.
- Frost the cooled cakes with cream cheese frosting.
A note about the recipe. My cake is an oil cake instead of a butter cake because I think oil cakes are more moist and tender. I chose to use olive oil because I think the flavor will go well with the orange and rosemary. Normally, I would use a neutral oil like canola.
The weights (approximate) of the ingredients are as follows:
- 1 ¼ cup = 3 ounces
- ¼ cup of olive oil = 9 ounces
- 1 extra large egg plus 1 yolk = 3 ounces
- 1 cup of sugar = 7 ounces
- ¾ cup of orange juice = 5 ounces
The total volume of my ingredients is roughly 4 cups (1 extra large egg plus an egg yolk is approximately ⅓ cup). Remember that the eggs increase in volume when beaten.
My cake satisfies the high ratio guidelines since:
- Weight of sugar >= weight of flour ü
- Weight of eggs > weight of fat ü
- Weight of liquid (including eggs) >= weight of sugar ü
I made a cream cheese frosting and added orange zest. I hope you all have fun making your own cake recipes and I hope you post them in the forum.
You may have noticed that these guidelines do not apply to whole categories of cakes like angel food, chiffon, genoise, etc. Angel food cakes after all, don’t have any fat – not even egg yolks. I’ll discuss those types of cakes in another post.
[i] Jeff Potter, Cooking for Geeks – Air as an Ingredient chapter.
[ii] Shirley Corriher, Bakewise – pages 31-35.
[iii] Michael Ruhlman, Ratios – Batters chapter.
This is the perfect article to follow GlibFit. I have forsaken sugar and flour, because it is not keto. I forsook the eggs and the butter, because I subjected myself to restrictions on my diet and lifestyle; the life of the soyboy. Cake is not a part of my life. Jihad on cake.
*ululates animatedly and fires AK-47 into the air from the bed of a Hilux*
This makes me sad.
Cheesecake can be made keto.
Viva la cheesecake!!
Yes.
And in an instant pot , which also makes it a good size for 2 so that the temptation comes to an end quicker!
I can live without cake but holy hell I could not live without eggs or butter.
PS. The cake sounds amazing.
I was thinking the same thing!
“Cake, or death?”
Interesting choice…
First they came for the sugar, but I don’t eat sugar and so didn’t mind.
Then they came for the wheat, but I am gluten free and so didn’t mind.
Then they came for the flour, and there was no one around me who ate flour…
Bless your heart.
Rosemary in cake. Sounds interesting.
Sounds delish.
No final product pics?
I’m going to guess it got eaten first.
Worse… It might have ened up like this.
“Nailed It!”
Fun show.
Oh, the humanity! ?
I used the remaining batter to make cupcakes
?
Those are muffins, cupcakes have icing. ?
They just came out of the oven. They needed to cool.
All that matters is whether they taste good.
Yowza.
⬆️ That is why I don’t bake.
I love to cook but I just don’t have the knack or drive to bake.
Baking has always been easier than cooking.
That’s happened to me a few times.
Sorry.
Just asking. Not trying to be down on the article.
I’d try a piece of that cake.
The elements got to it first.
I knew what that link was before I clicked it.
Should I be concerned?
I’ve put a moratorium on baking until after I’ve lost
moreweight.TO’G posted in the other thread “Symptom Checker, sorry.”
It didn’t seem to find anything that made sense when I looked it up.
That orange rosemary cake looks good.
It sounds good. I wonder if lard would work better than olive oil.
Olive oyl is too thin and stringy, I’d think.
Ted, is Olive Oyl based on Mabel Normand? That was always my suspicion.
I specifically wanted the olive oil flavor because of the rosemary, but you could try lard. You can make it any way you’d like. Experiment away.
I no longer eat pork. I was just thinking out loud. Rosemary and olive oil, and rosemary and lard, are both popular pairings.
Glad you’re well enough to comment anyway.
Thanks, I sincerely appreciate the concern.
Although I’m more concerned about my mom. She feels as fine as she usually does now, but things usually have an incubation period. That’s what worries me.
From what I’ve read, my body could be fighting something that would cause fever, but is managing to let off the heat, so my temperature is still in the normal range.
I no longer eat pork
I think I know what’s wrong with you.
There once was a guy who was a member of a goofy Harley-ran riders club. One day, he got cut off riding his motorcycle. He chased the guy in the car down and kicked his door and basically road raged on the guy. The kid driving freaked out and ran the car into an abutment, killing himself and injuring his passenger (possibly killed her too, I can’t exactly remember.) The D.A. charged him with vehicular manslaughter. Easyrider magazine made a huge stink and published many articles about the story, eventually starting a fund raiser for the guy. They raised a million bucks for him and just handed it over to him. He offered to pay a 500k fine and 500k in restitution to the family. D.A. said no, you’re going to trial.
So the guy hired a good lawyer for about 100k and went to trial, where he was acquitted. He took the rest and started a motorcycle shop. It was a big time shop and it had the blessings of a major magazine. When you start with a million bucks, you have a pretty nice shop. I worked there for a year around 1995-96. The guy was a punk. He stole and cheated everyone that came in the door. Guys would drop their bikes off and tell him to check the brakes. He’d just have us install 2k worth of the bestest and newest brake parts. When the customer would protest, he’d yell at us, “Take all of these parts off of this bike and roll it out in the street!” The customer would say, “No, that’s OK.” and just pay the 2k. Real asshole this guy.
Eventually, he pissed off too many people and had to close. Not before he sold 50-60k worth of gift certificates between October and December and then snuck out of business right after Christmas. This guy used to punch the mechanics constantly. He was a total dick.
Anyway, the story ends with his new gig. He moved to up near Sacramento and opened a custom cake shop. There’s newspaper stories about this great new cake baker in town. I guess his motto was, “let them eat cake!”
Marty Ruthman from Hi-tech cycles, if anyone wants to search it. He’s probably dead by now.
He sounds like an asshole who got lucky.
I’m surprised he didn’t meet a violent end.
You and everyone else who’s known the story.
Btw, I checked and it was two middle aged people in the car, they both died and they hit a tree, not an abutment.
What was Easryrider’s justification for defending the dude?
Biker being hassled by the man. There was a big movement to improve safety by having cars try not to hit us back then. This fit right in with that. I don’t doubt that the car endangered the bikes and because it was two women on the other bikes, Marty played the protector. Guy in the car crashed because he was freaked out by it all. I support the acquittal, mostly.
Here’s the story of the crash.
And here he is baking cakes.
’92, eh? Early adopters!
Not dead, by the sound of DDGing.
Yeah, only the good die young.
Sometimes even assholes are right.
You are wrong on the doubling/halfing thing. If ypu are say, off by 20% in the full recipe, you will off by exactly 20% when you half it.
Multiplication works that way.
There are other issues with halving a recipe, but not that one.
You’re right
Please pardon the OT (It is on the previous topic): One solid hour, bitchezz!!! 😀
For the record, I stand upright on the treadmill and almost never use the handrails – I let my arms swing naturally. At some point, I may hold small hand weights, but today my arms are tired from toting around the weed whacker and squeezing its trigger constantly, then pushing around the carpet cleaner [Note: the two implements were NOT used in the same area.]
This comment is GlibFit approved.
I hold on to the rails, walk at 4 MPH, do the arm exercises with free weights.
4 mph, impressive!
We’ll see what the future beholds, some things may have changed, both in time and distance.
Tulip I am very impressed with your cooking/baking/meal prep knowledge. Most of this is foreign to me. I learn something new every time you write.
Pound
cakethis!…………. J/K sounds good Tulip but I am trying to lay off that stuff.As you well know, when it comes to dealing with the physical world, understanding the science behind whatever you are doing makes all the difference. And you, Tulip, definitely understand that science, at least as far as baking is concerned!
I have very little interest in food, much to my wife’s chagrin. She is happy to go back and forth between European and American baking texts converting all along, while I am left at “tastes good/doesn’t taste good! Smash!”
I love this site.
In other cooking news, I have my chop bones simmering away with some onion, peppers and celery. Said broth will later be used to cook some ramen noodles. I am soup and salading it tonight after two days of pizza. Tomorrow I have to get on the bike because……..well, two days of pizza.
/hides ratio from the Glibs
Check the endnotes. He skips a lot of info though.
Ruhlman?
Yes
Oh, sorry, link partly broken.
My wife still uses his pie crust recipe/ ratios. Wonderful.
Partly?
I damn near Sugarfreed it.
https://smile.amazon.com/Ratio-Simple-Behind-Everyday-Cooking/dp/1416571728/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=ratio&qid=1621213514&sr=8-6
When I’m not getting fancy.
You did mention that above. Reading comprehension for the win.
On topic:
That cake does sound good! I’m the pastry/bread baker of the house, but I’m going to pass it over to my wife (she does the cakes/pies).
On (prior) topic:
Before I finally got around to getting my knee replaced a couple years back, I had been pretty limited in what I could do exercise wise – bad knees, bad ankles, bad back, bad shoulders, all from the stupidity of youth. And as a result of the lack of movement, I put on about 40 pounds, getting up to 275 pounds (I’m 6’1″ and a big guy to begin with, so I could kinda hide it).
Now I’m finally getting back into an exercise routine, been at it for just at 2 weeks now. Do some form of cardio exercise every day – mostly riding a stationary bike, but sometimes substitute out some pretty exhausting yard work (digging up the stumps of a very poorly planned orchard in our new house). Doing kettlebell exercises 3 days a week in addition to the cardio. On the positive side, I’m already seeing a difference in my muscle tone and size. Weight hasn’t dropped too much, but I’m ok with that right now, as I know that will come if I keep up with it. While I’d love to get down to my college weight of 205, I seriously doubt I’ll ever get there. But if I can get down to my Iraq deployment exercise weight of 230, I’ll be very pleased.
My biggest problem is getting too excited about the gains I’m seeing. Over the years, I get excited to start to see the definition come back into my chest and arms and start to push myself a bit too much, which inevitably ends up with an injury that takes months to get over. And then I have to start all over again.
Trying to be smarter this time around and sticking to the exercises that I have now that don’t do my injured joints too much stress.
I’m getting a knee replaced in 4 weeks. I’d be interested in hearing how yours went. And if you have any advice.
Good luck, PO. Both my late brothers had knee replacements, both were heavy. The oldest one was running 1/2 marathons, against his dr’s advice. The younger kept eating, against his dr’s advice.
The older was 5 years older than his brother when both left . Wasn’t related to the knees though.
You’ll be showing off your knee by Honey Harvest and waltzing with some of younger ladies. Keep the goatee though so we recognize you.
The Amish goatee is getting long. Pretty soon I’ll be able to wrap it around my….and enthusiastically nod…
“Look, ma, no hands!”
Momentous!
Good luck with that Nick. Knees are a hard recovery from what I hear. No doubt you will be fine but don’t skip the PT. They will get you up and moving in no time.
Don’t know so much about knees, but there’s been some hips in the family. You banking your blood?
This was my 4th knee operation, first three were at age 14, 17, and 20. Thankfully I only had to get a partial, but it is the same recovery for either. The actual operation really wasn’t that bad – I had a lot of pain, but most of this was due to the fact that opioids do absolutely nothing for me and I was basically limited to Tylenol for pain management. But getting the operation has made a world of difference – it used to be painful to just walk a couple blocks from the parking garage to my office, and I’m now operating basically pain free. A couple of tips:
1. GET A CRYO CUFF! I cannot stress this enough. This is basically a cooler you fill with ice and water, and it has a pump that pushes the water to a cuff you wear around your knee. It made a world of difference for me.
2. If you do not have an adjustable bed, get some pillow wedges to prop your leg up. We have the adjustable bed, and it really did help finding a position that was comfortable for me. If you have a recliner, that will work as well.
3. The physical therapy will absolutely suck, but do it. I had a therapist come to the house several times a week for the first few weeks after surgery, and those sessions were murder, but it really did help get the range of motion back. But that said, don’t ever, ever let them force the range of motion. Yeah, you’ll be doing bike exercises to help increase the range of motion, and you will be moving the pedals closer to you each time, but don’t ever force it.
4. It is a VERY slow process. I was lucky that I have a huge amount of sick leave, and I work in a job where I could do a lot from home. But it was about 2 months before I went back into the office regularly. I probably could have gone back to work after about a month, but it would not have been fun.
5. Get your doctor to give you a letter to take to the DMV and get a handicapped parking permit. You will need it.
6. Your knee will click. It feels weird – not painful, but just odd. I heard of it going away for some people in 6-8 months. Mine took about 15. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it is disconcerting.
There is a good forum for people who are having the operation. It can be found at
https://bonesmart.org/forum/categories/knee-area.7/
If you want to see my thread on that forum, it can be found here:
https://bonesmart.org/forum/threads/shedends-road-to-recovery.50370/
Finally, if you have any questions at any point, email me at shedendblue(at)gmail(dot)com
Many Thanks!
I have fallen in love with baker’s ratios. And metric baking.
Baked chicken in the oven tonight. Fresh mango and crepes to go with it.
Metric?!
Use real units Mister!
It won’t get you to the moon, but it does make a consistent baked good.
Oh, and for Blackjack; I am equating boring pretentious rock, with boring pretentious rock. Rush had one good album (exit stage left) and was really boring other than that. REM had one good album (life’s rich pageant) and was really boring other than that.
And I think I saw Rush at that same show.
Then again, I saw Janes’s Addiction, Mary’s Danish, The Smithereens, Mudhoney, The Creatures, and the Pixies in 1989. So, I am clear on what good music is.
Yeah, at least you caught The Smithereens.
/ducks
A girl like you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LwjD8z2mOg
Marys Danish, Tracy in the Bathroom Killing Thrills
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3YD-fgkkQ4
(I was at that show, Ventura Theater for the win.)
Swan swan hummingbird, hoorah. (Never saw them live.)
In the late eighties, the Bay area was a zero for music* while socal was hoping with the whole punk/funk coming out of the east side/surfers. Chili Peppers and Fishbone and Thelonious Monk and Marys Danish and (eary) NoDoubt were all part of a great thing that Nirvana and the “Seattle Sound” killed around ’89/90.
*There was 925 Gilman in Berkeley, where Green Day was starting to come alive, but straight punk was dead and we were just kicking the corpse at that point. But good bands did come through there.
I kinda like the Smithereens and all, but all of these bands, Including the one with the female tattoo judge are minor bit players. Rush is a multi generational world stopping band. Imma just say no. And, REM is a shit pop band who lucked out and sold records despite being incredibly whiny and un talented. There, I said it.
Disagree about some of that but at least you stumbled on the best REM album.
I think I saw the Smithereens live in 89 as well. They were a great band and put on a helluva show. They might have done better if the lead vocals guy was better looking, but then again, Steely Dan was successful with the two ugliest front men in rock history.
I blame them for the early 90’s goatee boom.
I thought he was good looking but I’m weird like that.
Hey Doc, I’d appreciate it if you took a look at my past comments, and had any thoughts.
tl;dr Had sore throat earlier in week, OK Friday, Saturday felt very sick, like I had a fever but temp read normal, couldn’t eat, today I ate a little, feel a bit better.
Sorry, just catching this now, I’ve been working all weekend.
Your symptoms don’t ring a bell as anything unusual at this point, you may just be fighting off an unusual virus in your own way. Do you notice any swollen glands between your jaw and neck? Headache, nausea? Dizziness?
It may sound like a cliche, but plenty of fluids and lots of rest are always your best bet in situations like this. Take the day off from work tomorrow. Check your temperature occasionally as it sounds like you have been, but don’t get concerned unless you go over 100.
If your neck feels really stiff and painful, which gets worse if you bend your knees, or if your eyes get very sensitive to light, head to the ER.
Keep me posted. And get well soon!
Pixies, sweet.
?
One thing I forgot to mention, when you do little cakes, cake strips help. Cake strips are fabric wraps you soak in ice water and put around the outside of the pan. They help the cake bake more evenly, so it doesn’t fall.
I think the cocoa and Dutch cocoa might be backwards. Dutch cocoa is processed with an alkaline and should be less acidic than regular cocoa.
I went and checked, you’re right, my mistake.
Tulip, maybe you should do a chicken article next.
*shocked face* Agent Sloper!
? That video got a legit LOL from me.
Would.
Woodchipped Wednesday will be featured on Morning Edition on NPR tomorrow morning, announcing the winners of the Student Podcast Challenge.
Here’s a link to it here.
https://www.npr.org/2021/05/09/994612055/this-years-favorites-our-2021-spc-finalists?fbclid=IwAR2D69aYjAaFyPaL8zFh28qfBZSJRttPrt0yB159CP8Xmub2TJMP3hCH0cs
??
Is that Jr woodchippers podcast? Link is fucked but I will listen tomorrow.
Yep.
Very cool
That is quite the exhaustive take on cake. Useful for next time!
We talked you through a pound cake (butter and sugar creamed first).
Next time I’ll prep better ingredients. Thx again.
You did that even though he said those things about your dog. Isn’t that a betrayal?
I’m watching a facebook live stream of an Irish wake of an acquaintance from L.A.
The future turned out both weird and cool.
It has. It became totalitarianish with some nice side effects like that. Kind of like the weekend happy hours Neph started. The future of two classes of people has me a bit freaked out but I think I can drink past it.
I didn’t mean to start anything. I thought it would be a month (at most) to flatten the curve!
Pull the other one: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/textbased/news/text-9585021/Fauci-says-pandemic-exposed-undeniable-effects-racism.html
I’m picturing a covid molecule screeching to a stop in front of my face and careening off to go find a minority instead.
Race as proxy for wealth used to browbeat America, volume 234,352,664
“This time it’s not tedious. JK”
Tay-Sachs vs Sickle cell anemia. Who wins besides the white man?
The fucker finally pulled his mask off.
After that disappointing pizza frittata foray into carbless crusts, I tried a proper dough recipe using almond flour. It’s pretty mealy, but at least it hangs together. You can actually eat it by the slice without a fork, and it doesn’t taste like breakfast. But of course almond flour is pricey as hell, it still doesn’t taste like pizza. You may as well dump all the pizza toppings into a bowl of lettuce with an Italian tomato vinaigrette and call it carbless pizza. Actually, that sounds pretty good. I think I’ll try that next
I know fuck all about baseball but this is entertaining.
Very. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vaEpe73Q5iY
RIGHT IN THE LOLLIPOP
the other problem is I don’t own a rolling pin, so I had to use a coffee thermos. If I rolled this thin enough to be a cracker crust, I don’t know if it’d hang together as well, but it wouldn’t taste as mealy.
How about a ground chicken crust. Par bake it, the. Top it cook again and eat it.
I want cake.
Don’t we all.
They all do.
Don’t lock eyes with ’em, don’t do it. Puts ’em on edge.
There was a drunk lady at the party last night, trying to get someone to dance with her.
She had various people oblige her, but most men just froze.
I thought of Jurassic Park “Her vision is based on movement! Be perfectly still!”
It worked for most dudes.
I would’ve slow danced with her, and to be a gentleman, squeezed her butt cheeks the entire time.
I can’t dance.
You just are a few degrees separated from Kevin Bacon.
And what are those?
The village elders. You just need to meet a gritty kid from the city who can teach you.
That was a challenge to actually step through the six degrees connection.
Can’t all be gems.
Should I enact Teds’ labor here?
You can dance if you want to… there was a song.
Hippies with hats…
A time or two I’ve been at a bar with an overly friendly lady giving off super cray-cray vibes – not making eye contact goes a long way in that circumstance.
(never stick it in crazy)
It’s like talking to a crack head. No matter what happens next, it’s your fault.
That’s a little harsh without knowing how hot she is.
Of the two times I recall clearly, one ended up being a semi-regular at the bar (I was a full-time regular, at that point in my life). A quite attractive Asian lady, crazier than a bag of cats.
For background, she got banned from the Bertucci’s down the street for yanking a guy off under the table.
The other one was a girl who rolled in one Sunday afternoon with knee high boots, a tiny skirt, shirt open almost to her navel and just waves of crazy rolling off of her. Not unattractive, she just triggered “Danger, Will Robinson!”. Somebody ended up heading out to the parking lot with her and she then headed on down the road afterwards. One of the weirder bar stories.
The cake is a lie!
I was waiting for this.
Figured I’d try to do it from a real glass of ?. Filled it up. Overkill with the jelly pen.
https://ibb.co/gzBJfys
Really impressive capturing the light through the stem!
Beautiful!
https://archive.li/QhyyJ/57d66a2e7f159aa005f7c1ea4120df478818a2da.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.li/pUic2/bd305cda09f54efded3a1362276b4b8d238ba8d6.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.li/oToFr/d896bba21304fe994d5b37e9b77133da5bc6a530.jpg
NSFW.
Glib fit ?
https://archive.li/GVmVA/10e64cbea8adac29e0f55296cb2c6a8e8a5adbc1.jpg
NSFW.
You totally delivered Q. You are the hero we need. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my bunk.
That’s art.
JFC.
https://mobile.twitter.com/disclosetv/status/1393983483203129347
Good evening glibs! Give me all of the links! I can actually read them now!~!!!!
There are links a scant 4 comments above yours…
I hardly noticed them. But my interests are rising.
Your have more than one?
*wiggles eyebrows while twirling cigar*
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! Tomorrow’s 9:30 meeting has been cancelled.
Those lunchtime meetings are annoying.
Those are “first thing” meetings for me. I’m not a morning person.
To be fair, I’m not a “meeting” person. Tomorrow is now blessedly clear, which means I might get some work done.
I’m also exaggerating. I have 10am listed for lunch. Though it’s often breakfast because I’m not hungry when I get up.
I have a 12PM every Tuesday. Solution, eat at 11AM.
weekly? you don’t have daily meetings?
/sad management life
I have a 12AM on Tuesday.
No, I don’t have daily meetings. You know why? I have work to do and someone has to do real work. Daily meetings are for people who don’t have any real work to do.
lol, 12PM.
I’m straddling the gulf between management and execution. This past week was all managerial stuff. This next week appears to be needing my tech knowledge for the single sign-on migration, and potentially covering for the consultant who’s in between contracts.
I’ve been there and don’t miss it. I hate management, I’d rather just code all day, pays well, not rear the bullshit. I mean I do a lot more than code, but still…
I don’t mind a daily stand-up except I have three in a row every morning followed by code review and assorted shit before I have a chance to do any actual work after my daily siesta.
Some project manager put a daily 12PM on my calendar from now until the end of eternity.
“Well, everyone’s time was free.”
I don’t even care anymore. I had a client who used to call me at 12PM every fucking day. Or any time between then and 12:30. I fixed it by taking my lunch from 11-12. I still do it.
Not mine. My 9:30am is still on. I hate Mondays.
I have tomorrow off and I’m already crashing and ready to pack it in.
Middle age sucks.
“Middle age sucks.”
Not really. You’re still somewhat able bodied and a lot smarter.
I swear if I start waking up any earlier I’m going to lose it. I hate mornings.
That’s why I love WFH and plan to keep dong it, forever. I prefer the bathrobe commute. Alarm goes off at 8:30am, I hit snooze once, get up at 8:45, don bath robe, walk to kitchen and put on coffee, walk to desk and log in…
Nice. I remember being able to do that.
I remember a friend of mine, I actually met him at work and on his first day of work, I noted he was really nervous. So I started talking to the guy and learned that he was 34 years old, same age as me, and this was his first real private sector job. He had enlisted in the military when he turned 18 and had just gotten out. He was all sorts of fucked in the head, lol. I mean the guy was so terrified of everything on the outside of the only thing he has ever known as an adult.
Some of the craziest perceptions he had was about how things worked in civilian life. He told me ‘One of the reasons I’m so scared is that I’m 34! Man, we’re competing against 20 year olds!’. I said ‘Dude, relax, that’s our advantage. Have you met any of the 20 somethings here? They’re fucking idiots!’. LOL.
Yes. Yes they are. I think back about some of the opinions I’d had and the things I’d said… I was a god damn annoying pretentious asshole.
I mean… I still am. But more so then.
I mean… I still am. But more so then.
Hear, hear!
It’s better being a pretentious asshole when you have some real life experience and gained wisdom to back it up with.
I started my career kind of late and used to think that way until I came to understand exactly that.
But I can kind of see where he got that idea – I mean, Google and the like are basically run by 20 years old now.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N4e_IZFwTfM
Relevant.
Toxteth… I was unable to locate the forum post that mentioned me.
Hier
Thank you.
Is your friend in the same state as you?
Oh, and lovely cake, Tulip!
Hyperion, you inspired me with your Costco ribeye talk – actually went to the store snagged some prime rib eyes. Spendy, but I never see prime, just choice.
Still significantly cheaper than what I’m seeing online for prime.
I grilled one of them yesterday and one today. Freaking excellent.
I mean one, wife and I split, they’re like 1lb or more each, very thick. Good stuff.
This was a 4 pack that weight out ~ 20 oz each – they’re gigantic. I portioned out all 4 w/ the rarely-used Food Saver and popped them in the freezer. They won’t stay in there for too long.
Come to think of it, I think there were 5 and it was 6lbs. So they were probably, like you said, like close to 20 oz. Thick and juicy!
Irish wake livestream update – someone just serious jacked herself up dancing to a sweet “I Will Survive” acoustic jam. Like, they’re talking about the ER.
And the livestream just abruptly ended…
Oh dear… Hope she recovers.
Back in Black?
That’s for her funeral.
I played “you know I’m no good” while I was cooking tonight.
RIP Amy W.
Did you see that documentary? It’s been on Showtime recently.
Did they actually play “I Will Survive” at a wake? That’s like gloating.
I’ll never die as long as I live and everyone else keeps dying. This sucks.
Eh, it’s a breakup song, not a gloating song.
He was 26 years older than my friend & had a stroke last year – she has known for a long time he’d go first. They both did theater and had a ton of talented friends, so they were just putting on a hell of a show in the back yard.
I hope whoever went down is OK (don’t think it was my friend).
What are talking about here? Did it look like she had a stroke or a heart attack?
Nah, nothing like that – she caught a heel in a paver in the back yard and went down hard. She may have jacked up her knee.
And an update:
Well, someone has to do it.
What if everything is total bullshit?
It is. What then?
We can be frens.
Sure nuff.
Friend: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088794/mediaviewer/rm3805635584/
Not everything. Dogs exist.
Heh.
The newscaster looks overjoyed at her co-worker’s woe.
Man, I swear I took a very high quality D3 vitamin this afternoon and it was like shot of adrenaline. WTF? I know I don’t get enough sun, I live in a fucking old growth forest. Trees are totes overrated and they make a fucking mess of your roof and desk and lawn if you have any.
Public service announcements are driving up the suicide rate.
The vid didn’t do that job well enough?
Almost got hit while staring at the poster warning about the dangers of being distracted?
I always worry if I left the irony on.
Good night gents! Always a pleasure.
So… anyone have recommendations for Bluetooth in ear headsets? I like my Plantronics M165 but the call quality is variablely shit and it’s been discontinued. Seems like wireless earphones have killed off single ear headsets but I don’t want noise canceling, I don’t want ones in both ear, must have standard charging port (dq’s the new Jabra), and external call control buttons (answer/hangup, volume, on/off), and decent battery life.
I gave up fighting with blue tooths and they always eem to cut out at the worse time or pick up too much back ground. I literally put this on when I get into my car after work and start making phone calls:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07BB3PYD8/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
It plugs in. No noise issues. No charging. No mic issues. IDGAF how i look doing it either.
https://www.jabra.com/bluetooth-headsets/jabra-elite-75t
I bought a pair at the beginning of the lockdowns since my wife was going to be home too – they’re pretty great. You can use just the right ear, battery life is great.
Not sure which Jabra you’re ruling out, but the case charges via USB-C.
Talk 45.
I might go with that 75t
Ah, it will connect to two phones at the same time. That’s another requirement.
I am loath to crack my wallet for “things” in general but I’ve been really pleased with these.
I have them paired to my (Mac) desktop as well as my phone and they’re great for music and do a solid job in meetings.
If it’s a meeting I’m going to be doing a lot of talking in (e.g., presenting) I’ll break out these:
https://www.jabra.com/business/office-headsets/jabra-evolve/jabra-evolve-65
which work provided – the Elites are great but the boom mike of the Evolve ensures I sound good when presenting.
Nice. Work cheaped out on the conversion to Teams and work from home. Wired cheapo headsets. Completely tone deaf.
Bleagh. MD Teams is bad enough without cheaping out on headsets.
What bugs me a lot is that all the Teams video chat, even within the same company, even if you’re chatting with 5 dudes in your same building—ALL of it goes through Microsoft.
I see it flask up when connecting: teams.Microsoft.gov or similar.
Like the gov part should reassure us about security. It’s more accurate to say MS put a giant target on our communications by saying they are government!!!
MD should read MS
Any experience using either one with Dragon Naturally Speaking?
Thank you!
Cream of tartar is one of those ingredients you just can’t substitute for function. It is the key to any whipped egg white concoction such as 7-Minute Frosting, meringue etc.
If you attempt those types of confectionery without cream of tartar, you have to make sure there is NO oil, including from your hands, in the bowl or on the beaters. It’s a magic substance.
It’s a white powder made from leftover wine debris I believe.
Buy a bottle in the spice aisle; you will only need one per decade since you usually add 1/8 or 1/4 per recipe!
Other spices that can’t really be substituted but that are not chemically needed to create a certain reaction are:
Saffron. No substitute.
Asafoetida powder. No substitute. If you want a pungent smell, perhaps add a bit of garlic but it’s not the same.
Fenugreek leaves. No substitute.
Curry leaves. No substitute. Note that “curry” is a rather generic term, but a curry leaf plant is a very specific type of laurel. Wonderfully yummy. I have only found them fresh at Indian markets.
Hey, I bet I could grow one here! New goal!!!
I can’t find savory anywhere. Middle Eastern market, maybe.
I got a malware redirect at roughly 1058 pm0516 when logging in
Here at Glibs, the Forum, or the Zoom?
(Is there a Zoom tonight?)
Same. The on multiple devices even so I know it’s not phone….guess could be router…
Yeah, I got that the other day and I don’t think it was my device that had it on it as it hasn’t happened on any other site. It on,y happened that once.
Man the entrenched COVID believers are absolutely refusing that numbers across the board are way down and that this will just pile up the bodies. They have not liked that I have pointed out they want to stand proudly upon those bodies in glee.
At the beginning of the shutdowns I made a few predictions and they have mostly been right. One of them was that we would see a massive increase in overdose deaths, and indeed we did, the largest year increase since the 80’s at least. More than 87000 in the last year died from self administering opioids, benzos, and meth largely. A very large percentage were from their teens to their forties. I haven’t looked up the alcohol stats for last year, but the stores that I know have reported record booze sales.
Thus is why I posted the opinion piece by Tsl Bachman in which he expounds on Erich Fromme’s premise that some people don’t know what to do with freedom and tolerance.
If they tear down their entire culture and place in history, they are rudderless and get anxiety and a lack of belonging.
So they make a new framework in which to fit, but their roots therein are shallow so that the “new” framework is precarious. Therefore they can’t tolerate outside ideas and individualism. So they not only need to escape from freedom themselves; they also can’t be having you and me be free anywhere near them.
They can’t tolerate the tolerance that allowed them to exist.
Kind of crazy but the hypothesis fits the observations.
https://www.steynonline.com/11294/tal-bachman-we-have-met-the-enemy-part-iii
Tal Bachman the singer?
Howdy all you Glibs out there, a fine day ahead it seems, let’s see how it plays out,
*raises cup of coffee*
I admire your optimism.
“Covfefe!”
Tall Cups!
Good morning, Yu, Sean, & TARDy! With any luck, a fairly quiet week at work ahead.
Main project: compile documentation from staff who’ve been jabbed. Most have been turned in to go with the request for the special COVIDian paid time off. It’s not required that you turn in a copy otherwise, unless you wish to be able to “float” to work at somewhere other than you usual location. However, the percentage of staff who’ve been jabbed may determine when we can ditch the masks. 🙁
Mornin’ Glibred, is the decision government or company controlled on the masks? We’re under goberment authoritah here. 🙁
OH is due to drop its mask mandate 6/2, though in the meantime the state is going along with the CDC’s rule du jour that the jabbed can ditch the masks. After 6/2, per our senior management, we won’t make members mask up, but staff still need to be masked for the time being. I forget the percentage of staff jabbed listed as the magic number for freeing our faces, but I’m sure it’ll be my job to track it, and we’ll see if I have to get pricked so as not to be the holdout who keeps up in face diapers. 🙁
the magic number
You mean the Sc13nc3! number, right? Our betters don’t use no magic. They use woke math and logic.
Hmmm…I found that “Sc” stuff on the periodic table, but what’s the “nc” of which you speak? 😉
Clearly Tardy means N-C, nitrocarbon.
Mornin’
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CsxaoXHe9Xc
?
? Brings back memories.
https://nationaldaycalendar.com/days-2/national-pack-rat-day-may-17/
Happy national park rat day.
Throw something out in celebration.
*pack
I think what I really need to do to celebrate my special day is to bring more stuff home! 😀
Special delivery for GT!
A place to store more stuff! 😀
LOL in case you were wondering what it takes to get snubbed by CNN.
Was he praising OMB? I was informed that OMB is Hitler. Was I lied to?
I would be happy with a grown up in the white house, CNN is on their own
and a hearty Good Mawnin’ to y’all
How do? A bright and sunny day ahead,
Alive again, huzzah!
Mornin’, 4×20. Quiet round here.
Should be an interesting day at work. The natives are restless.
Morning
Good morning, rhy, 4(20), and U! (Have I overlooked anyone? Hate to leave anybody out!)
Someone wake up Fes!
:Stumbles into the room, knocks over about twenty empties and flops into his chair: “Present!”
Good God I hate Sundays. Some wag wrote in the dust on the floor under the the conveyor belts “I’m dirty”. Of course it is dusty and dirty because I’ve been away since Thursday and I clean that area on Sunday. I just hang my head when shit like that happens. People are mean.
People are mean.
Yep, and stupid too! Don’t forget stupid.
I’d wager ignorant of the situation but yeah, stupid works!
whaddup fam ?
yo whats goody yo
Still vertical. That’s something.
I don’t want to fill out my time card. Those time tracking codes are a royal pain.
I have to call mine in to the payroll company. Lots of the time their system is down so I either get shorted or like my last check, 20 hours of unearned overtime.
I’m “Overtime exempt” which means if I work more than my alloted hours, I don’t get any extra, but if I work less, they dock my pay.
This is probably why I am also “Overtime exempt” moving forward. Don’t they pay you time off in lieu?
Only in the same pay period.