Pirate Lessons, part 2

by | Jul 30, 2021 | Books, Fiction, Literature | 129 comments

Per Swissy’s request for me to post excerpts from my books because we are running low on content, here we go.

From Dunham (← buy it there): 1780, middle of the Atlantic, in a doldrums —

Our heroine, Celia Bancroft/Captain Jack/Captain Fury, is an American privateer captain sailing a sixth-rate patrol.

Our hero, Elliott Raxham/Fourteenth Earl Tavendish/Captain Judas, is a British pirate captain and reluctant earl sailing a third-rate man-o-war.

A tertiary character, Maarten Gjaltema, is a Dutch pirate who often sails with Fury. He sails a fourth-rate.

The three of them are grappled together in the middle of the ocean whilst they are becalmed, to have a few days of merriment for however long they are caught without wind.


“Captain, I need to speak with you privately.”

Celia stood in her door looking at her second lieutenant soberly. It had to be dire for Papadakos to rap her door at midnight whilst she and Judas were clearly in the midst of bedsport and the crews were only at the beginnings of the night’s festivities. “Aye, Paulo. Come in.”

She opened the door wide and turned to cover her body with the kimono hanging neatly over the back of a chair. She cast a strained smile at Judas, whose face betrayed his tension. Of course he would know this was no trifle.

“If you would be so kind … ” she murmured, gesturing vaguely toward the door.

His dark eyebrow rose, but he said nothing whilst he pulled on his breeches and complied with her request, closing the door softly behind him.

Papadakos took a deep breath and drew close to speak very low. “Two of the boys were getting into trouble aboard the Silver Shilling and overheard plans for the mutiny of Captain Judas.”

Celia gasped. “Are they sure?”

He nodded.

“What in God’s name for? He told me he would rather kill than flog, but—”

“His hold is full of gold—and that’s the only thing in it.”

Celia’s breath left her in a whoosh and she sat on her bunk, a trembling hand over her open mouth. “God’s blood,” she whispered, horrified.

“Just before the Silver Shilling reached us, she’d taken a fleet of British warships bound for New York.”

“A pay ship!”

Paulo nodded. “A king’s ransom.”

“Bring the boys to me.”

Soon enough she was faced with two terrified ten-year-olds who stuttered and sputtered through their story, sobbing and hiccupping. She wasn’t sure if they were frightened of her punishment for being where they oughtn’t to have been or of the men they’d overheard whilst they explored the Silver Shilling’s orlop.

She suspected the latter.

She speared the German boy with a glance. “Your English is not savvy,” she growled. “Are you certain?

The child gulped. “They were speaking Vlaams, Cap’n.”

Good Lord. ’Twas the mercenary marines, who were mostly some German variant. Damn the man for his inability to deviate from Royal Navy protocols.

Celia sat still, looking at the floor and searching her mind to put together some counter to this. “Thank you, gentlemen,” she said absently. “Leftenant, give these two an extra ration of grog and bread, and bid Captain Judas to join me.”

It was only a few moments until Judas had seated himself beside her on her bed. Celia did not know how best to impart such news but bluntly:

“You are about to be mutinied.”

“I know.”

She gasped. Her head snapped up to see him calm, a bit of a smirk on his face.

“What I do not know,” he continued cautiously, his slight amusement gone, “is by whom.”

“My boys tell me they overheard Flemish.”

He nodded somberly. “Aye, then, now I know who it is.”

“This is what has you so taut?”

“Only since we took our last prize.” Celia said nothing. “I … have put down a few mutinies in my career, but never have I been mutinied nor have I known of one solely over cargo. I assume, then, you also know what I have in my holds.”

She nodded impatiently. “Surely, you must have known before you took the pay fleet—”

“Of course I did,” he scoffed. “You asked me why I carry a full complement. That is why. I needed every sailor and soldier I could get my hands on to take that fleet. One first-rate and two second-rates.”

Celia gaped at him, a feeling of utter awe leaching into her body. “You—” she squeaked. “Alone?

His eyelids lowered and he gave her a smug grin. “Aye,” he drawled. “Three men o’ war down, twenty-three hundred men. Sinking the patrol frigates in Virginia was child’s play by comparison, as we were preparing for much bigger prey, but it was an excellent drill.”

“You knew that fleet was there!”

“I did, and I was actively hunting it.” He wrapped his hand around her head and brought her ear to his mouth. Celia closed her eyes in utter ecstasy. “But I thank you for your lessons in piracy all the same, Madam.”

She jerked away from him then, jumping up from her bunk to stalk across her cabin. “You played me for a fool,” she hissed.

“Oh, ho!” he chortled. “Says Fury Prometheus, bringing the fire of piratical wisdom to hapless, helpless, idiot British Navy commanders. Do not make the mistake of believing you and the Hollander could take me.”

***

It happened not quite one week after the wind had arisen and they set sail, Fury close to larboard and the Hollander close to starboard. Tensions were mounting. Elliott could feel it in his bones and had signaled both ships and his officers to be ready. Even though he knew they were making battle preparations, he had not been able to discern it.

The dozen leaders, a mix of soldiers and sailors, drew their swords and charged the quarterdeck, dozens more men following—

Only to be killed by shots coming from the ships on either side of the Silver Shilling.

Gunports slammed open and cannons popped out. Gunners flocked to the swivels. Archers displayed tar-tipped arrows and the braziers prepared to light them.

“AVAST, MUTINEERS!” Fury bellowed from the platform of her main mast.

The dozens of men stopped cold and looked around. Elliott’s loyal crew had some of them at swordpoint, but there were more than Elliott had anticipated and the rest of his crew had not come abovedecks. That could only mean there were more below.

“One more step,” she roared, “and we will sink your little boat the way we did the British fleet.”

One of the mutineers ordered the Silver Shilling’s gunports opened, but … silence.

“They’re bolted shut, gentlemen,” Elliott said calmly. “You just sold your lives for a measly extra share, which I would have given you as a bonus anyway, had you not been so greedy.”

“And stupid,” the Hollander called, his Dutch accent heavy with disdain.

A soft whiff and thud pierced the relative silence. A soldier looked down at his chest where an arrow stuck out from his heart, then he toppled over. A flurry of steel-tipped arrows sent the rest of the mutineers scrambling and crying for mercy.

“Get the rest of them up here,” Elliott snarled.

Fury merely stood high above, arms crossed over her chest, and watched as man after man was brought forward and shackled to the previous one.

Elliott clipped down the stairs to the main deck and, furious, picked up the chainshot at the first captive’s feet and held it out to him. “Hold that.”

The second he took it, Elliott picked the man up and heaved him over the rail.

The clang of chain and ball as it scraped against the rail as the screaming men went overboard one after another, faster and faster until the last mutineer went over the side with a great splash.

About The Author

Mojeaux

Mojeaux

Aspiring odalisque.

129 Comments

  1. blackjack

    “bedsport” Heh, nice!

  2. R C Dean

    Brutal. I like.

    • Mojeaux

      Elliott is efficient.

      I picked this because one of my fans wrote and said, “I loved the part where he said, ‘Hold this.'”

  3. Hyperion

    Sky Rockets in Flight, Afternoon Deligh…

    I mean afternoon links thread killer 2 in progress…

  4. Jerms

    Great Mojeux. So many impressive people in this gaggle of libertarians on the internet.

  5. Not Adahn

    I like it. I also just watched an episode of Tasting History with a 17thC pirate recipe for guacamole. unfortunately, they did not have tortilla chips.

    • blackjack

      Most pirates preferred PCs over Apple products, too.

    • rhywun

      “Sign in to confirm your age”

      No.

      • blackjack

        You are only allowed to watch Star Trek if you are under the age of 12.

      • rhywun

        😛

        I love DS9 and am curious but I ain’t signing up for Youtube to watch it.

      • blackjack

        I’m just kidding. Geeks have to have entertainment too. It opens right up on mine.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I must have taken the Mark and signed in, sorry,

  6. blackjack

    German variant

    that’s the one that gets you locked down in Davy”s locker.

    • Chafed

      I can’t figure out the euphemism.

      • blackjack

        Variants. Lockdowns. The German variants got thrown overboard. Nevermind.

  7. mikey

    “Odalisque”. My Gliv word-of-the-day.
    Hawt.

    These are fun Mo.
    I can’t help but picture the mutineers going over the side as a scene from one of those wierd 30’s cartoons.

    • blackjack

      Reminded me of the escaping prisoners video where they wrap themselves around the lightpole.

  8. Mojeaux

    Thanks, all! I’m glad I could contribute something to the site.

    • blackjack

      I’m very grateful and it is enjoyable to read. Thanks.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Your presence is a Contribution Mo, really,

  9. blackjack

    Speaking of mutiny. It ain’t looking good for Gruesom. The polls usually have the dem walking clean away, in an effort to kill off morale against the opposition. If they put him at 50/50, he’s probably toast.

    • Chafed

      I hope that slimy turd learns there isn’t enough money on earth to bribe the voters to keep him.

    • rhywun

      It’s helpfully labelled “Hunter” so we don’t confuse it for any number of Glibs.

      • blackjack

        Reinforcing my decision to avoid zooming.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Good God my man, apply some sunscreen before you burn to a cinder.

  10. Yusef drives a Kia

    Pirate Lessons,
    Don’t yell at Sea lions on a small sailboat,
    Don’t sail an Aluminum mast in a Thunderstorm,
    Always bring a towel
    Lucky Jack is not your friend,

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Duck when you see the boom coming. Try not to get teabagged when on the trapeze.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        You have the Cat Wisdom!
        cheers1

    • Not Adahn

      Oddly enough, the times I did sail in a thunderstorm, the aluminum mast never got struck.

  11. rhywun

    In the interest of fair play after some pretty gross weather so far this summer, I’d like to raise a glass to a wonderful evening of low humidity, no sign of rain, strong breezes, and temps going down to the sixties. Perfect sleeping weather.

    • Chafed

      Look at Rhywun flaunting his privilege.

      • rhywun

        Don’t harsh my buzz, dude.

  12. blackjack

    It seems like the unions are the best hope against these vax mandates. Unless it’s my fucking union.

    In Los Angeles, one union leader welcomed the new requirement.

    The Tuesday announcement “is a practical first step toward ensuring city employees can remain safe on the job and continue delivering the critical services Angelenos depend on,” said SEIU Local 721 president David Green, whose union represents a range of city employees, including custodians, sanitation workers and mechanics.

    Yup. The one douchebag who supports this is the one who “represents” my shop. They literally never fail to do the wrongest thing they can.

    • Chafed

      Start a campaign to decertify them.

      • blackjack

        My thought exactly.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Ah, SEIU…don’t forget to pay your dues.

    • rhywun

      Jesus, you’re in SEIU?

      *makes sign of the cross, hisses*

      To be fair, I suspect the teacher’s unions are all in on this shit, too.

      • Chafed

        “All in on this shit” = leading the charge

      • blackjack

        I’m new to unions. I was self employed for most of my life. I just assumed they were all evil/stupid. I guess the others are not as bad?

      • Chafed

        SEIU is particularly bad. When I was member 20+ years ago, all they did was collect dues.

      • blackjack

        You were lucky. So far, they’ve scammed a bunch of people into using VC time to astroturf for Kamala’s failed pres campaign, somehow negotiated a lower than expected cola for us and volunteered us to take a substantial pay cut to cover the covid costs that never actually materialized. Further, I had a huge harassment issue when I first transferred to the airport and they refused to lift a finger. I had to file a complaint myself (which worked.)

      • blackjack

        Now they support management’s desire to force feed us vaccines.

      • blackjack

        That’s unclear. The pay cuts materialized, the covid costs didn’t. They raise they negotiated was 2/3rds the size of the federal COLA increase. SSI beneficiaries got more than we did.

      • Gustave Lytton

        My favorite was reading a union’s newsletter and the SEIU bargaining unit (that is employees employed directly by SEIU who were represented themselves by this other union) was just like any other workplace with “management” being meanies

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        When I was in the CWA it wasn’t too bad. The local business agent actually supported you, the stewards were good, the first president I had sucked green donkey dick, but one out of three isn’t too bad.

        When I was bossing teamsters, they would constantly fuck over the members and lie to them. Watched them certify to de-certify in two years.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Doesn’t matter, should but doesn’t. This shit is driven by hysteria.

      • Chafed

        Hysteria is the right word.

      • one true athena

        Omg did not know that. I read it was a ‘festival’ or something like that, but BEAR WEEK. ?

        It sounds like, if you designed an experiment to spread a respiratory virus as quickly and widely as possible this is what you would come up with. So, accidentally, this event has told us what the worst-case scenario is, with the basically the highest spread possible, in a circumstance unlikely to be repeated very often in the general population.

        Which, of course, is exactly the news we are NOT getting out of this report.

      • Chafed

        Completely agree. Also, where are Tonio and Jesse?

    • rhywun

      Then there was that story that was flooding the media about a children’s hospital overflowing with patients which was a lie: the hospital itself refuted it.

      You can smell the desperation.

      • Chafed

        I hope that’s right. I dream of some lefty reporter having the scales fall from his/her eyes and then asking pertinent questions Walensky and company.

    • grrizzly

      The vaccines are not effective. Either after a few months or against the Delta variant. Face masks have no effect on the spread of coronavirus of any kind. Never had.

      Beyond that, I don’t care about methodological problems in the latest study used by the CDC. My freedom doesn’t depend on the vaccines’ success. If someone believed that vaccines would bring them freedom, well, they were very naïve.

      • Chafed

        Those are two separate but related issues. You are correct your freedom doesn’t/shouldn’t depend on how the CDC reads a report. Since we pay their salaries and depend in it for public health advice, their ability to to evaluate a report matters.

      • grrizzly

        The CDC won’t be shut down. No government body will–not until the end of the bloody CW2. The key issue is that every single NPI has failed spectacularly over the last 17 months. Now we’re seeing that their pharmaceutical intervention is failing as well.

        Masking is ineffective.
        Social distancing is ineffective.
        Lockdowns are ineffective.

        The only interpretation of the Provincetown reports that makes sense is that the vaccines are ineffective as well. Stop any vaccine propaganda. There’s no point demanding vaccination if the vaccines don’t do anything useful.

        Most Americans don’t care about “freedom” but they still hate to be forced to get vaccinated with horrible side effects for no good reason whatsoever.

    • Zwak, jack off, all trades

      Jesus H tiddy fucking christ.

      Our government is run completely by morons. They would look better if they just made shit up, but to be this sloppy is just pathetic.

      • Chafed

        If you like made up shit then follow Fauci.

  13. Yusef drives a Kia

    Is it bad to Binge eat your Chocolate cake frosting? i have more for the Cake but it’s so yummy,

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Just eat sugar out of the bag whydoncha?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Chocolate flavor?

  14. Chipping Pioneer

    Pirate lesson:

    Take your parrot out for a #2 before placing him on your shoulder.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Not gonna Happen,
      /Former Mexican Redhead Parrot owner

    • blackjack

      Pirate lesson: Do NOT scratch your eye with your hook/hand.

      • Chafed

        Good advice.

  15. Gustave Lytton

    Finally sprinkling today. Despite the reputation, it gets very dry here in the summertime. This year’s streak was about 45 days since it last rained (trace amounts). Record, set three years ago, is 84 days.

    • rhywun

      I hate when it rains here because that means high wind and I have to close my windows and I like fresh air to relieve the humidity.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        it got down to 75 in my house, i turned the heater on, I run at 78, all year long, it’s a Lizard thing,

      • rhywun

        Last night it was 72 and I needed the AC to get comfortable.

      • Gustave Lytton

        We got a dehumidifier last winter. It puts out a fair amount of heat, but it’s been a godsend to lower the humidity. Running it occasionally in conjunction with the AC has made it so much more comfortable this year.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Ooh, what a good idea.

  16. Yusef drives a Kia

    “Bob, you’re too skinny” I eat whatever I want, as much as I want
    “Bob, al that sugar will rot your teeth and give you the Diabeetus”
    Nope, Dentures and see #1,
    I got this, HA!

    • rhywun

      What a charmer.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      God, if Larry Elder ends up the gov of Cali I actually might be able to revive some political hope. A long shot I suppose but he’s alright.

      • Chafed

        Sorry to harsh your buzz but don’t get your hopes up. If Elder wins he still has to deal with a Team Blue legislature. We may get a stalemate but that’s as good as it gets.

      • one true athena

        Yeah, sadly my theory is that a GOP Gov post-recall is actually a bad thing because it allows the Democrats to pin whatever fails on him. Right now it’s Dem gov and Dem supermajority in Sacramento – it’s all on them baby (except whatever they can vainly try to put on Reagan or Arnold, or whoever, lol). But maybe this can jolt people into more GOP pickup for sacramento so at least a veto would have some teeth, then maybe something can be done. But right now, I’m not sure what the governor can actually do vs a completely opposing state bureaucracy and legislature.

    • one true athena

      Ugh, he’s such a toad.

      But it does point out my favorite thing right now, and I hope Elder or whoever uses it to his advantage: Newsom is quoted about how the GOP is “weaponizing the process against Democrats”

      Oh, you mean DIRECT DEMOCRACY? You mean, voting? That thing you all talk so much about being sacred and all that?

      Enjoy DEMOCRACY, motherfkers.

      • blackjack

        The irony is, the dems have made numerous moves to make it more difficult to recall and to run in a special election. Weaponized their legislative power, I’d say.

      • rhywun

        They like elections which are decided by the machine. Special elections mess with that.

      • Akira

        Oh, you mean DIRECT DEMOCRACY? You mean, voting? That thing you all talk so much about being sacred and all that?

        “Democracy” is just a word they say when public opinion happens to line up with what they want. Ask them if states should hold public referendums (referenda?) to settle vaccine mandates, gay marriage, abortion, backpack school funding, or any other issue. Watch them pitch a fit because some of those icky deplorable states won’t vote in agreement with them.

      • Brochettaward

        They couldn’t even get gay marriage to pass in fucking California.

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘Vice President Kamala Harris, herself a native Californian, also pledged to campaign for Newsom, who will be up for reelection in 2022 if he prevails.’.

      If he has even a modicum of political acuem he may want to decline her support. I can’t imagine any but the most diehard progressives have a favorable view of her, even in California.

      • Trigger Hippie

        *acumen

        *burp*

      • rhywun

        The only silver lining to the GOP being so stupid is that the Dems might be even more stupid.

      • Chafed

        I can’t tell if he doesn’t or his arrogance overrides his instincts. Harris is widely reviled. I hope she comes to campaign for him.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’m a Native Californian, she’s a Fucking interloper, like me in MI but with a cocksucking attitude,

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’m coming to believe that there should be a native born requirement for every political office. Native born of that particular jurisdiction. Maybe. Maybe of the same city or school district rather than the specific ward or seat.

        There’s far too politicos that flit from state to state like opportunistic vultures (fuck you Mittens, and Utah voters for putting that scumbag back into office. At least his dad was brainwashed first). The top three state offices here are held by carpetbaggers including the frontrunner for the next governor, a mentally ill dyke.

      • Raven Nation

        Maybe after a certain age? If you’re born in, say, Michigan and move to Oklahoma when you’re 5, you’re more likely to reflect ok values.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I agree mostly, but i think it needs to be a hardline. Native born only.

        No Pelosi. No McConnell. No Cruz. No Mittens. No Sanders. No Warren. No Sen Biden either.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Another- own your own residence. Half of Portland’s city council was/is renters including the mayor (who is wealthy by inheritance, owns vacation home(s), but rents his apartment residence). And SFH ownership, no glorified apartment owners.

      • rhywun

        Renters pay property taxes too, you know.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Respectfully disagree. As much as I find the idea of being a carpetbagger distasteful, I still believe that if you are directly paying taxes to a state/county/municipality/township due to residency you should be allowed to take part in the election process including running for office.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’d extend it to general voting too. A minimum of 10 years continuous residency to cast a ballot.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’ll be happy to see that loathsome toad’s political career and.

  17. hayeksplosives

    Hey dummies! Any of you still awake?

    • Brochettaward

      I’m asleep.

      • Gustave Lytton

        But the first clause is correct?

    • Brochettaward

      Zoom is still going.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Yo!

      *taps out*

    • Festus

      Had a nap. My legs are working again so I got that going for me…

  18. Festus

    It’s florid prose but that’s what romance novels seek to be. Not my cuppa but I love the way you pervert things, Mojo!

    • Festus

      (that)

  19. Festus

    My MD won’t see me. My legs gave out yesterday, again. If I go to urgent care they’ll treat me like a drunk (not well). Fuck it. Soldier on and bitch on Glibs.

    • Sean

      Sorry dude. That’s terrible.

    • Tres Cool

      “I dont tan well. I know aleady.”

  20. l0b0t

    HOLY MACKEREL! What a beautiful night/day. Windows open, eating a bagel on the porch, sippin’ a Bourbon, and enjoying the breezy 67° weather.

    • rhywun

      Right? What month is it?!

      • Gender Traitor

        It’s August Eve!

        Mostly cloudy and 69 degrees here at Tranquility Base. Lots of birdies singing – including that one who likes to come up under the metal roof over the patio and let loose nice and LOUD!

      • Tres Cool

        Tal Cans for me!

        And likely some Frisch’s for a deconstructed Big Boy and a salad.

        (I may eat an onion ring or two. It was a rough night.)

    • Gender Traitor

      I had three bagels this week: one for lunch because I was out of Atkins frozen meals and the Tim Horton’s near my office was out of anything else appropriate for lunch. (“Grilled cheese panini, please.” “I’m sorry, but our bread’s all frozen.”) Then two – the cheesy ones! – when some manager brought in a bunch of Panera goodies for their staff meeting.

      I also had chocolate chip cookies and Killer Brownies. It was not a very GlibFit week for me. #NotSorryUntilIStepOnTheScale.

      • Tres Cool

        Someone visited DLM for brownies ?

      • Gender Traitor

        Exactly. Leftovers from a going-off-to-work-remotely-from-out-of-state party for one of our managers.

      • Tres Cool

        Just call it a cheat-day.

  21. Sean

    Morning or afternoon or whatever.

    *waves*

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean!

      Please don’t read what I said above about what I’ve been eating. (Keto’s a lottery game, right?)

      • Sean

        Heh. I don’t judge…much. ?

  22. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam

    yo whats goody

  23. Cy Esquire

    That was nice!

    • Sean

      I guess its gonna be. Now part of the late AM links.