How Many Police Departments? The Shitshow of DC Law Enforcement

by | Sep 21, 2021 | Big Government, Cops | 250 comments

 

Steven Sund was Chief of the US Capitol Police on Jan 6, 2021, and resigned the next day. The Capitol Police are the police force of Congress.

 

Due to the unfortunate events of Jan 6, 2021, the previously obscure US Capitol Police has been much in the headlines. The Capitol Police are the police force of Congress and the chief reports to the Capitol Police Board, itself a shitshow within a shitshow. On Sep 13, 2021 the USCP announced an emergency declaration which will go into effect about the time of the Sep 18 demonstration and allow the USCP to deputize outside law enforcement officers as United States Capitol Police Special Officers. In other words, they will actually have a contingency plan in place this time.

 

Capitol Police officers.

 

 

Many people confuse the federal Capitol Police with the Metropolitan Police Department, which is the police force of the government of the District of Columbia. The Capitol Police is a police force of roughly 2,500 employees (including non-LEOs), roughly half the size of the DC police force. For reasons which TMITE seems incurious about, the Capitol Police did not request backup from MPD on Jan 6. There are roughly thirty law enforcement organizations operating in Washington, DC. A staggering number of law enforcement organizations for a city of 690,000 people living on 68 square miles of (mostly) land.

 

 

Chief Robert J. Contee, III, of the DC Metropolitan Police. He reports to the mayor.

 

Act up on the National Mall, Washington Monument, or the big three Memorials? You’ll encounter the United States Park Police, a full-service police department! They possess both state and federal authority. Established by George Washington as the Park Watchmen in 1791 and existing as an independent agency until 1849. The Park Police are not to be confused with that other law enforcement organization that is part of the National Park Service, the National Park Service Law Enforcement Rangers; these are the people who will respond if you report a stolen picnic picnic basket in Yellowstone Park.

 

US Park Police motorcycle officers.

 

Finding the exact number of law enforcement organizations operating in DC is difficult, but the best starting point is the MPD list of cooperative agreements with federal law enforcement agencies. The list contains thirty-two agencies; add one for the Metropolitan Police Department themselves, and another for the Transit Police.

 

MPD bicycle unit.

 

The list itself is quite revealing of the satrapies and mandarinates that exist within the swamp. Congress has its own police force, the abovementioned US Capitol Police. That is perhaps legitimate as an exercise of separation of powers, but it should be noted that most federal judicial security is provided by the executive branch through the US Marshal Service. SCOTUS, being special, has its own little police force. We can’t find a picture of Marshal of the US Supreme Court Gail Curley in her SCOTUS Police uniform, so we can’t snark about how many stars she has on her uniform for supervising roughly two hundred people. Please note that even though she is styled “marshal,” she is not part of the USMS.

 

National Zoo Police – sounds like the title of a bad children’s movie. Note the Segway-style scooter.

 

For a half century the Library of Congress had its own separate police force which is still on the MPD list, but that organization has since been merged into the Capitol Police. The Smithsonian, which includes the National Zoo, at one time had four separate police forces, which have since been merged into the Smithsonian Institution Office of Protection Services.

 

Ronald A Pavlik Jr, Chief of Police, Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority.

 

So, about that Metro Transit Police Department:

MTPD police officers have jurisdiction and arrest powers throughout the 1,500 square mile Transit Zone that includes Maryland, Virginia, and the District of Columbia for crimes that occur in or against Transit Authority facilities. It is the only tri-jurisdictional police agency in the country and serves a population of 3.2 million.

 

WMATA Transit Police.

 

Sounds impressive until you remember that only a fraction of those people are on a bus or train, or in a station, at any given time. What’s scary is how far removed from elected oversight of the citizens of DC, Maryland, and Virginia this police force is. Whenever government, or particularly multiple governments, create a multi-jurisdictional authority or corporation you can be sure that shenanigans will follow.

We created an Internal Oversight and Youth Services Bureau (IOYSB) to oversee the MTPD’s increased role with youth in the region, improve recruiting and screening of police applicants, and the department’s strategic planning. Within the IOYSB, the MTPD created a Youth Services Unit to provide more specialization and consistency when engaging with young people in our system and local schools. Also under the IOYSB is the Office of Strategic Planning, which is updating our Standard Operating Procedures, General Orders, and Procedures Manual. -Chief Pavlik

Schools? WTF are subway guards doing in schools? And they are, of course, a union shop.

 

National Park Service Law Enforcement Rangers. Not to be confused with US Park Police.

 

The number of federal LEOs potentially operating in DC is probably higher. Remember the infamous US Department of Education SWAT Team? They are absent from the list. As is the US Department of Agriculture OSSD Executive Protection Operations Division, which in this time of pants-shitting can probably handcuff you if you fart in the general direction of the Undersecretary of Agriculture for Boll Weevil Eradication:

The mission of the Executive Protection Operations Division (EPOD) is to provide executive-level personal protection to the Secretary, Deputy Secretary, and other designees. With an elevated threat of possible violence faced by Presidential Cabinet-level Secretaries, both within the United States and abroad, as well as the need for Continuity of Operations / Continuity of Government in the event of a national emergency, it was mandated by Congress that all Cabinet-level Secretaries who are in succession to be President of the United States have an executive protection detail.

So be careful out there, Glibs.

 

About The Author

Tonio

Tonio

Tonio is a Glibs shitposter, linkstar (Thursday PM, yo), author, and editor. He is also a GlibZoom personality and prankster. Tonio is a big fan of pic-a-nic baskets. His hobbies include salmon fishing, territorial displays, dumpster diving, and posing for wildlife photographers.

250 Comments

  1. UnCivilServant

    So what you’re saying is “Defund the Police”?

  2. R C Dean

    A staggering number of law enforcement organizations for a city of 690,000 people

    To be fair, DC does have way more than its fair share of criminals.

    • UnCivilServant

      It would only fair if these police were arresting them instead of protecting them.

    • Ownbestenemy

      They even mingle together in the same building like its a smack house

    • Rebel Scum

      You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

  3. CPRM

    which which in this time of pants-shitting

    Our finest editor, ladies and gentlemen Gilbs.

    • Swiss Servator

      That doesn’t come across as petty and bitchy, not at all!

      • CPRM

        It’s like you don’t know me at all! *runs away crying, slams door*

    • R.J.

      Apparently I am a bad influence.

  4. Yusef drives a Kia

    That’s a lot of Cops, glad I live up here, we have 2 cop cars in town, a few more Sheriffs, and 1 State patrol car, for the entire county.
    Fun read Tonio!

  5. Sensei

    Interesting. Thanks for putting this all in one spot.

  6. Rebel Scum

    they will actually have a contingency plan in place this time.

    To dress like Antifa dressed like a Trumpaloo and stir shit up.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So, just like the previous plan…except this time they forgot to tell each other

    • Plisade

      “I’m a dude playin a dude disguised as another dude.”

    • ron73440

      I had a cousin get busted spotlighting one of those robot deer.

      He’s not very bright.

      • R C Dean

        When I lived in dairy country outside of Madison, the plentiful deer herd drew some poachers. I saw one car spotlighting the fields near our house (which can be a harmless activity, true). As the proud owner of a ridiculously overpowered spotlight myself, I returned the favor and spotlighted them. I should mention that we had some truly astonishing bucks in our area, including several that were easily Boone and Crockett sized, and one that made them look like yearlings – far and away the biggest antlers I’ve ever seen on a live deer, and I’m including mule deer.

        They drove off. No firefight ensued.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I might not be following the science correctly on this, but I think the DNR might have a point about transferring the fawn to another location.

      From what I’ve sort of heard, the problem with chronic wasting disease in Minnesoda is because of the guys running commercial hunting farms moving deer between their operations. The DNR says that is how CWD is spreading here.

      I know Wisconsin has a much bigger problem with CWD and maybe it isn’t a great move to transfer the deer for that reason.

      That said, the DNR still needs to be pilloried for their behavior. The raid was way over the top.

  7. Sean

    How many doughnut shops per capita?

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Is it controversial to say jelly doughnuts are awful? Because they are.

      • WTF

        You’re a monster.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        I’ve seen enough office donut boxes to know powdered and jelly are always left behind.

      • WTF

        Not in any of the offices I’ve worked in as far as jelly is concerned. Powdered does tend to get left behind though.

      • Nephilium

        Because powdered donuts make a mess. Back in the before times, it was always a couple of lonely glazed donuts sitting in the box looking forlorn. With filled ones you sometimes have to gamble on what they’re filled with.

      • CPRM

        This sub thread reminds that last night in one of my dreams, I told the other people around me ,’No I don’t want a doughnut. I’m not a sweets guy.’ (which is something true that I’ve said many times) and was attacked by said people because I wasn’t conforming.

      • Swiss Servator

        Just wear the ribbon eat the donut!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        This guy gets it.

      • Mojeaux

        Bavarians are also of the devil.

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        Didn’t we have a war to prove that?

      • rhywun

        The yellow cream ones?

        For shame!

      • rhywun

        I’ve heard the latter one called Bavarian Cream but also Boston Cream – I never know WTF to call it but they’re my favorite.

      • Suthenboy

        Clearly you dont live in the south.

      • Not Adahn

        Southern Maid buttermilk donuts are best donuts.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Is it controversial to say all doughnuts are not worth it?

        I don’t mean “not all doughnuts are worth it”; I mean IF doughnut THEN fired.

      • Not Adahn

        *blinks*

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        They must be damned good. Would try an eighth or so if you deigned to let me. Sorry, just that donuts around here are meh.

      • Gender Traitor

        Cinnamon & granulated sugar > glazed > powdered sugar > iced, with or without any type of filling > jelly.

        But I’d rather have a croissant or, if croissants are not an option, a bagel with LOTS of plain (not flavored) cream cheese.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        A dusting of Everything seasoning for you, madame?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        “Non, merci.”

      • Gender Traitor

        “Pas d’anchois, s’il vous plaît.”

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m sorry, I don’t speak foreign.

      • Gender Traitor

        Me neither. I just figured out how to make the Internet translate stuff for me.

        A potentially dangerous (read “annoying”) power in the wrong hands.

      • Sensei

        For more hilarity you can use the verbal translation to check your pronunciation.

      • Sean

        I love that stuff.

  8. ron73440

    I saw one cop got busted carrying a weapon and showed his badge, so they just walked him off the grass.

    I guess when you have that many agencies, that can happen.

    • Tonio

      Sloopy covered that incident in the AM links today, so I didn’t include it here.

      The 27-year-old New Jersey man is an officer with U.S. Customs and Border Protection. He was arrested by Capitol Police for illegally possessing a gun on the grounds of the Capitol after people in the crowd reported seeing him with a handgun and notified nearby officers.

      Unclear whether he was somehow on-duty, or there on his own and getting professional courtesy from his fellow federal LEOs.

      • ron73440

        I should have known it was in the links. I very rarely read any news not in either the links or comments. Much better for my piece of mind.

      • ron73440

        Someone got it!

      • Suthenboy

        “He was arrested by Capitol Police for illegally possessing a gun”

        Was he a convicted felon? Previously determined by a psychiatrist to a danger to himself or others? The only crime I see here is his arrest.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Don’t go to DC with a firearm.

        Or alternatively, don’t go to DC.

    • Mojeaux

      Narrative from lefty on my FB: “The cops outnumbered [the protestors].”

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        It’s true. All of the people who would’ve attended have been telling one another not to go because they presumed it was an FBI setup. I heard exactly that sentiment from 3 or 4 different sources.

  9. The Other Kevin

    I was going to ask how they would coordinate and avoid chaos in a real emergency, but then this weekend they stopped a guy with a gun at that rally and he turned out to be another cop. So that probably tells us something.

    • Animal

      It always was.

    • The Other Kevin

      Thankfully the adults are now in charge.

    • Rebel Scum

      I had no idea Tulip was a far right extremist that hates colored people people of color.

      • The Other Kevin

        I know right? “Invasion”. How racist can you get?

      • Pope Jimbo

        How could you not know that?

        She posts regularly on here. That makes her a raging, ultra-right wing racist.

    • Suthenboy

      It was always an invasion. This is what invasions look like. The cartoon version you see in history books is bullshit.

      • R C Dean

        I do find it odd that these “refugees” tend to be (very?) disproportionately young men, regardless of source – Central America, Haiti, Afghanistan, etc.

      • PutridMeat

        Could be nefarious, but young male populations in all species tend to be the group of individuals that ‘leave the nest’ and ‘seek their fortune’. Might simply be a natural manifestation of a willingness in that population to assume risk.

      • R C Dean

        “Seeking my fortune” =/= “refugee”.

      • PutridMeat

        True, but getting out of your country, leaving your family, risking travel across borders is, I would argue, a much more likely endeavor for young males than any other cohort. Hence they will tend to be overestimated in these sorts of things. They are the cohort much more willing to assume risk. There certainly could be some nefarious set up to shuttle fighters into an enemies country (and I would guess it happens from time to time?), but the mere over-representation of young males in a refugee population is not per se evidence of that.

        In a place of conflict and poor prospects, everyone might want out; the young male population is the most likely cohort to evaluate the risk of becoming a refugee as less than staying. Hence, they will be over-represented in a ‘refugee’ population.

  10. rhywun

    OT: You guys have some ’splainin’ to do:

    These [vagrants] are unfortunate souls who could be helped by treatment — but who lack the financial means to get private care or a practical publicly supported alternative. In other cases, their disease itself prevents them from realizing they need help, and the autonomy-obsessed, libertarian approach pushed by activists bars governments from offering involuntary inpatient treatment.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      the autonomy-obsessed, libertarian approach pushed by activists bars governments from offering involuntary inpatient treatment

      There is no problem that involuntary inpatient treatment confinement and re-education cannot solve.

      • juris imprudent

        Cues up scene from Clockwork Orange…

      • Not Adahn

        “offering involuntary”

        OFFERING INVOLUNTARY

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        LOL. I didn’t even catch that on the first read through.

    • EvilSheldon

      “Involuntary inpatient treatment.” Now that’s a lovely turn of phrase right there.

      Boy, anyone who would advocate for incarcerating the weakest members of our society and medicating them against their will, must be some kind of evil fascist right-wing Trumpalo…oh wow, this one actually is. I’m legitimately surprised. I thought we were seeing some more compassionate empathic Progressivism here…

      • rhywun

        We’re getting involuntary outpatient treatment. Totes different.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Uffda. I will completely concede that there are some poor folks out there who would be better off if they were involuntarily committed.

      That said, there is no way I would ever support such a policy/program. Where do you draw that line? I’d rather have some crazy homeless roaming the streets than have eccentric people locked up in a funny farm against their will.

      Shit like this happens without mass lockups already, imagine that happening a lot more under this chump’s policies.

      HONOLULU — Hawaii officials wrongly arrested a homeless man for a crime committed by someone else, locked him up in a state hospital for more than two years, forced him to take psychiatric drugs and then tried to cover up the mistake by quietly setting him free with just 50 cents to his name, the Hawaii Innocence Project said in a court document asking a judge to set the record straight.

      “Yet, the more Mr. Spriestersbach vocalized his innocence by asserting that he is not Mr. Castleberry, the more he was declared delusional and psychotic by the H.S.H. staff and doctors and heavily medicated,” the petition said. “It was understandable that Mr. Spriestersbach was in an agitated state when he was being wrongfully incarcerated for Mr. Castleberry’s crime and despite his continual denial of being Mr. Castleberry and providing all of his relevant identification and places where he was located during Mr. Castleberry’s court appearances, no one would believe him or take any meaningful steps to verify his identity and determine that what Mr. Spriestersbach was telling the truth – he was not Mr. Castleberry.”

      • ron73440

        What a nightmare.

      • Gadfly

        Where do you draw that line?

        Personally, I think that involuntary commitment should be reserved as an alternative to incarceration. I don’t think that people should get lighter sentences for crimes due to mental issues, but that instead they should get the full length of punishment but serve it in a mental institution instead of a prison. Crazy people who aren’t hurting anyone should be encouraged to voluntarily get help but if they don’t want it they should be left alone. Although I do think having designated areas where homeless can congregate without being tempted to trespass would be better for everyone, so the homeless don’t harass regular people.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        The idea is to destroy america from the inside NOT allow families to manage themselves or get mentally ill folks to get some psychiatric help.

  11. Scruffy Nerfherder

    That’s a long list, but I don’t see the Spanish Inquisition on there.

    Of course, nobody expects them.

    • UnCivilServant

      I do.

      Maybe that’s why they don’t come around.

  12. ron73440

    OT-I saw a billboard funded by the Virginia Department of Health:

    NEW VARIANT, SAME PROVEN MEASURES

    When exactly were these measures proven anything but ineffectual?

    The propaganda shows no sign of letting up.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Good. Push harder in the lead up to the election.

      • ron73440

        If McAuliffe wins, might be time to look elsewhere. Not sure if the other guy’s worth a damn either.

        Which sucks, I really like where I live now.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        If the Dems sweep again, I will be seriously considering selling my business and moving away.

        Another win and they will go full steam ahead turning Virginia into California.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        The Rot is spreading most everywhere. I chalk it up to the internet.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        ^^. We expedited our move out of (northern) VA when Northam started swinging his dick around on guns. The writing was on the wall in dark enough paint back in early 2020 that we jumped on the first opportunity to GTFO. Turns out, some areas of suburban Dallas have become much more like DC in our absence. There are still differences; after all, Texas still has further to go before they’ll be emulating the purplish-blue coastal shitholes, but the CRT wars have started here, especially where ex-pat Californians are a plurality.

        We’re looking to escape either to small town East Texas, the Ozarks, or potentially the Smoky Mountains, all depending on what happens in the next year or two. In the fight, submit, withdraw spectrum, we’re solidly planted in Camp Withdraw. We’re not sending our small children to cultural institutions controlled by people who hate us, our faith, and our worldview, with the hope that we can somehow win the battle for their souls in the off hours and over the weekends, assuming we can get them to unplug from mainstream culture long enough to bother to listen. The idea that they’d be lights in the midst of darkness is laughable. They’d be lambs led to the slaughter.

      • R C Dean

        I’m in Camp Withdraw also. I’ve started lazily fishing for rural/small town properties in AZ. Plus, when inflation hits, I suspect we will need to convert home equity to cash by selling the Casa Dean and downsizing.

        And, of course, expatting is back on the table.

      • Mustang

        Same sentiment. Hoping enough people withdraw to the same areas that they reach critical mass to at least withstand the assault.

      • Mojeaux

        We will welcome another Glib to our relative vicinity. Love, me, Trigger Hippie, Glibertesian, LJW, and Ozy.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I’m seriously considering dropping some cash on a few plots of land in northern AR, just in case. You can get 10+ acres for under $100k if you look hard enough. Not desirable land, not attached to a community, but it’d be better than nothing if the roof caves in spectacularly rather than incrementally.

        I have to keep telling myself to just stay the course and not rush the plan. Rash decisions wont win out in the long-term.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        North forty + pied à terre, if you cans afford it.

      • Cowboy

        Took a trip to Mountain Home and Mountain View a while back. Apparently thats where great great grandpa is from. Im thinking of buying some land up there, build a cabin, if I ever want to run off inna woods. Seems like a good deal. Land is still fairly inexpensive, theres good fishing, and the people were generally friendly and seemed to keep to themselves.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Me too. The front runner for the next gov here is worrying me. Our current idiot is just incompetent and over her head. The next one is quite smart and downright evil.

      • Mustang

        What is the most liberty-friendly state, per the Glib hive mind? I’m looking at options for a “final” move. My family is on the southeast coast, so I’m trying to stay near them.

      • Animal

        We’re pretty happy up here in the Great Land, but it’s pretty much the opposite of southeast coast.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        How close do you consider close? I would guess FL, at any rate. Or TN?

      • Plisade

        I’m very happy now in TN, but Florida’s been on my mind.

      • Mustang

        TN is on the list for sure. FL is not due to the climate.

      • Plisade

        I prefer humidity.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Even Northern FL?

        Wherever has kind neighbors.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Didn’t you recently move into L.A. Co?

      • Mustang

        Not by choice. I’m separating from the military because of all this BS and am trying to get closer to family.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Yeah, kinda gathered that.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Or KY? Rand and Massie were re-elected.

      • Mustang

        Never been but willing to look.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Near Cincy, the latter.

      • Drake

        Dem Governor which concerns me.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Suthen might put in a word for LA. Civil law, IDK…

    • rhywun

      Well duh, we whipped the original variant so now we have to handle the new variant. And the one after that. And the one after that….

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I hope they get some better stuff because that’s not going to swing anybody.

      There’s got to be people inside the CDC and FDA who aren’t comfortable with this shit.

      • WTF

        Yeah, definitely not the bombshell I was hoping for.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I’ll give them that they name names but unless they can prove that FedGov is actively ignoring VAERS reporting, it get put aside as laziness or ‘they were overwhelmed’

      • Mustang

        In my immediate work place higher-ups explicitly said that I cannot call adverse reactions adverse reactions, nor report them, because I am not a doctor.

        I have no doubt this is happening in every agency, including the ones that would actually put it into VAERS.

  13. Zwak, jack off, all trades

    Any universities in DC? They probably have their own (accredited!) cops. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Campus_police

    Does a railroad run through DC? CSX, Burlington Northern, and Norfolk Southern all have their own (accredited!) police forces.

    And by accredited, I mean sworn and badged officers with real powers to arrest, carry a gun, etc. Not rent-a-cops as everyone thinks.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      American, Catholic U, Howard, Georgetown…

      *goes to internet*

      Wikipedia has them with 18, but some of them I wouldn’t count.

    • Nephilium

      Don’t forget hospital police as well.

    • l0b0t

      City of Tallahassee Police Dept., Leon County Sheriffs Dept., Florida Dept. of Law Enforcement (State version of FBI), Florida Highway Patrol, Florida A&M Police Dept., Tallahassee Community College Police Dept., FSU Police Department, Florida Marine Patrol (Grouper Troopers), Florida DFW, Florida DoT Police, Florida Parks Police – 11 agencies with arrest powers (not including the various FedGov apparatchiks) for a city of 192K.

      • Swiss Servator

        “Florida Marine Patrol (Grouper Troopers)”

        In Illinois, the Illinois Department of Natural Resources Conservation Police are the “Tree Police”, the “Rabbit Sheriffs”, or the “Wood Screws”.

    • Tonio

      Good call. I was focused mainly on LEOs the average tourist or protester was likely to encounter.

      Where I live the campus police for government colleges have police powers equivalent to state police (scary), the campus police for the private colleges have very limited authority and only on campus. So, in DC that would be UDC. Georgetown, American, Howard, etc are all private.

      • Tonio

        Yes, lots of RR run through DC, it’s part of the Northeast corridor. I believe CSX owns the tracks on which Amtrak travels. Not sure about freight lines.

  14. Gustave Lytton

    My personal nit to pick with federal law enforcement

    https://ibb.co/L8yLQdV

    FPS, the GSA security guards (well DHS security guards since they no longer fall under GSA). Does the rear of their vehicle identify what agency? Nope, just “Police” as if they were ordinary cops. Largely they shouldn’t have any police powers, just those of private security guards with the “power” to throw you off the property or call the real cops.

  15. Ownbestenemy

    Uh…

    Biden at UN: “I stand here today for the first time in 20 years with the United States not at war. We turned the page”

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      except we are still in Iraq, fighting the ISIS thingy,

      • Rebel Scum

        ISIS-K, the potassium variant.

    • Sean

      Blowing up little kids doesn’t count.

    • R C Dean

      I’d have to check, but I don’t think we have declared war on anyone since WWII. Maybe Korea. So, to be pedantic about it, we haven’t been at war for 60 -70 years. We never even declared war on Iraq, and that was a legit armed conflict between sovereigns (which is what “war” should be limited to). Even civil wars are armed contests between competing sovereigns for rulership of a given nation.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Korea was the OG police action.

        Counterpoint: lots of invasions and military action prior to WWII without congressional declarations.

      • Gadfly

        The AUMFs were de facto declarations of war even if they weren’t official declarations. What else is a declaration of war other than Congress authorizing the use of military force against a specific enemy?

      • R C Dean

        Shame the AUMFs didn’t really specify an enemy. War is properly understood as armed conflict between sovereigns, not a sovereign shooting up misc. residents of another country.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        Declaration of war should include a who, what, when, where, why, and to what end.

        Its not specified on the constitution, but there is a reason that declaration of war was mentioned in addition to letters of marque and reprisal.

        Killing bin laden and al qaeda should have been a letter of marque and reprisal for 9/11. Would have made more sense than AUMF.

    • Urthona

      Fact check: false.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The Villages is sex freak central.

      Seriously, the old people are gettin’ it on.

      • Plisade

        I’ve been down there to visit my dad several times now. It’s an endless party. 3 town squares with daily – yes, daily – live concerts in each at 5PM. Restaurants surround the squares with outside bars and patios that are always happening. The squares themselves have drink stands. The known hookup restaurants/bars are the City Fire chain. It’s wild.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I would think that the Lemon Stand would be the ultimate hookup place for the geezers.

      • Tulip

        Adds the villages to potential list.

      • rhywun

        Right?! Too bad it’s Florida or more specifically, Florida’s weather.

      • Gadfly

        Given how many northerners move south in their old age I can only assume that at some point people turn cold blooded and need to sun themselves like they are lizards. Maybe eventually the weather will no longer be a turn off.

      • Chipwooder

        There are some people who live in cold climes but don’t particularly like them. I don’t get that, but they’re out there.

        I lived in Florida for five years. That was more than enough blistering heat for me. I don’t mind winter.

      • rhywun

        My grandma remarried late and the guy dragged her down to Ft. Meyers. First time she came back north to visit us she bitched about the heat and the bugs. I’m with her. We’re all pale northern ice people so no surprise.

    • UnCivilServant

      Whenever a salesman starts his pitch I run a simple script:

      10 – Is this for work?
      20 – if no, goto 50
      30 – Inform salesperson that I do not have unitary purchase authority.
      40 – sit quietly and only listen for when I have to comment.
      50 – End conversation.
      60 – get rid of salesperson

      • waffles

        I wish all social interactions were coded in BASIC

      • Gustave Lytton

        RIP Edsger Dijkstra

      • UnCivilServant

        I wrote a dice roller program that made expensive use of goto statements, and which returned information by throwing exceptions. I was aiming for a clusterfuck of worst practices while creating a program that still worked flawlessly from the end user’s prospective.

        I succeeded.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      That guy has no idea what he’s talking aboot,

    • Pope Jimbo

      At our Center for the Future of Aging at the Milken Institute, we have promoted the benefits of diverse cities and the case for intergenerational living, which are very different from the Villages.

      Don’t worry, once Social Security finally folds, there is going to be a shit ton of intergenerational living arrangements. Of course, my guess is that no one will be happy with this development. Like the “Affordable Housing” people weren’t happy in 2008 when housing became way more affordable.

      • rhywun

        Projects for you, ever-increasing-in-value luxury housing for us. Those people?

    • rhywun

      predominantly white, politically conservative

      Second fucking sentence.

      GFY

    • Chipwooder

      Anyway, now that I’ve read the article……unless you’re of a far left persuasion, why on earth would anyone want to live in a college town? Is there some kind of masochism that embraces young Marxist dolts screaming that you’re a horrible racist and should drop dead?

      • rhywun

        I like the idea of college towns but yeah not that part. I assume they weren’t always like that and there’s no reason they should stay like that forever – assuming the country doesn’t go down the toilet first.

      • Chipwooder

        You’re right that many didn’t used to be that way. My years in Charlottesville, 1995-99, were pleasant. UVA was a fairly apolitical campus back then and Charlottesville was a nice little city (or big town, however you look at it). Liberal Democrat in its politics, but nothing like today. It, and UVA, have evolved into Berkeley on the Blue Ridge.

      • EvilSheldon

        There’s this longstanding weird fantasy, that living in a college town involves a lot of hanging out in trendy cafes discussing politics and philosophy with smart passionate young people.

        Even if it were true, I don’t think that’s much of a point in favor…

      • Sean

        “Where’s the closest rifle range?”

      • Tulip

        I think it’s more access to arts and speakers.

      • B.P.

        From the article…

        “For those committed to sustainable living, Eco Village in Ithaca, N.Y., offers a multigenerational platform for engaged action and education.”

      • rhywun

        Ugh perfect example of a nice little city ruined by today’s over-educated.

  16. trshmnstr the terrible

    Secret service is highly visible in and around government buildings in DC. I saw more secret service than I saw MPD, Capitol cops, and park cops combined in my handful of trips downtown when i lived out there.

    • WTF

      The hurricane will avoid the righteous who display the sign of the vax, much like the angel of death avoided those homes marked with lamb’s blood.
      So let it be written, so let it be done.

    • Gadfly

      Are they expecting another Superdome situation where people are crowded together? Better hurricane preparedness would be to set things up so that doesn’t happen again, not encourage vaccination.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        ALWAYS

        STAY

        ON

        MESSAGE

  17. Certified Public Asshat

    Q: Why did you choose to be vaccinated?

    Because I've done hard drugs off the back of toilets in public restrooms and it would be pretty hilarious to start acting like "my body is a temple" now. I've accepted I'm a guinea pig for science and I'm cool with that. That being said it should be everyone's choice. https://t.co/FedAexUMfr— Bridget Phetasy (@BridgetPhetasy) September 21, 2021

    Bridget’s alright.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Oh some of those are fun

      Captain Hindsight
      @Dekinblus
      ·
      Sep 20
      Replying to
      @JamesDimasWKYZ
      Because I don’t choose to die

      Science! Bitches!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        If by fun, you mean retarded virtue signaling, then yes.

    • Urthona

      I chose to be vaccinated because I’m over 40 and figured I could do more shit freely.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I’m +50, have a Branch Covidian wife and had hoped I could visit Japan this winter.

        That is why I got the jab.

      • Urthona

        Yeah. You can travel and go to shit in blue states. That’s about it.

      • CPRM

        Hahahaha

      • CPRM

        Just stay home so we can be done with this…just wear the mask so we can be done with this…just get the vaccine so we can be done with this…

  18. Pope Jimbo

    I’m assuming that each and everyone of those agencies has their own SWAT team (even the Library of Congress one)?

    How can any self respecting LEO work for an agency that doesn’t have a SWAT team?

    • WTF

      He believes no such thing, he just thinks people are stupid enough to believe his lies because the media will carry his water.

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        I doubt he even thinks that, he just needs to parrot the party line lest he has to look for a new sinecure.

    • Ownbestenemy

      We closed that one gate along the Canadian border, what more do you want!

    • WTF

      It was just about time for another variant to distract from the border debacle and the coming economic meltdown.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It was inevitable and predicted.

      The bad news would be a mutation that causes antibody dependent enhancement.

      • Drake

        Reading between the lines, I think that is the news.

    • Plisade

      “This is a disease of the unvaccinated.”

    • Rebel Scum

      I, for one, am shocked to discover that respiratory illnesses mutate constantly.

      • Rebel Scum

        There are just 19 cases so far of Delta + E484K, the mutation associated with immune escape – suggesting the virus is coming under pressure from highly vaccinated population

        Curious…

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        An innocent mistake by a junior writer that will certainly be corrected shortly.

      • R C Dean

        I guarantee there’s a lot more than 19. Those are the identified cases. Identifying variants requires genetic analysis, which is not part of the diagnostic test.

        the virus is coming under pressure from highly vaccinated population

        something something foreseeable consequences . . . .

    • R C Dean

      THere are two possible reactions to the emergence of vax-resistant variants:

      (1) Well, I guess we were right when we said its pointless to try to vaccinate against a coronavirus. You know, the Settled Science of the Before Times.

      (2) VAX HARDER!!!

      Guess which will be the dominant reaction.

      • Mustang

        Please be 1, please be 1, please be…

        DAMMIT.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Joe, or rather his masters, will pull the trigger on making it a condition of citizenship and all that comes with it.. I’m calling it here.

        Drivers license? Vax
        Passport? Vax
        Want your SS? Vax
        Medicare? Vax
        Your state needs federal funds? Vax

      • Sean

        We ain’t there yet.

      • Urthona

        Except not for voting. Because blacks and hispanics are mostly likely to be unvaccinated.

      • CPRM

        Not when they offer Colt 45 and a burrito to get the vax! /’not racist’ idea they’ll probably come up with.

      • rhywun

        They’re already paying people a hundred bucks to play guinea pig here.

      • Not Adahn

        That’s simple. Just write an “equity exemption” into the mandate. The BLM riots protests already proved it couldn’t be spread by oppressed groups.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Carmine’s resto in Manhattan evidently is not a vector. “C’mon, everybody, crowd around!”

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        #2 aka the Israeli model will win the day. Booster for the failed shots and boosters for the failed boosters.
        wash, rinse, repeat

      • Sean

        “It’lll work this time! We promise!”

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        OK then, where’s the “Here’s something that we hope you’ll really like!” ?

      • Sean

        🙂

      • Urthona

        I dunno. Here’s the thing.

        I read that FDA booster panel discussion.

        The government is way off here.

        How are they gonna shots approved for kids? They aren’t. How are they gonna get boosters when even the largely left “experts” don’t buy the need?

        They’re not.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        We’ll see I suppose. To be honest I don’t have much insight into the future of all this other than assuming that the powers that be will choose the most boneheaded and authoritarian path forward possible. I hope they prove me wrong but they’ve consistently disappointed me.

      • Akira

        the powers that be will choose the most boneheaded and authoritarian path forward possible.

        This is a given. The only way to stop the creep full-throttle barreling ahead of authoritarianism is to remove them from office.

      • Sean

        At some point, Ivermectin will be accepted as a viable treatment in the US mainstream. Maybe after the pricks kill off some kids, they’ll “evolve” on it.

        Maybe the virus will have to mutate into an actual scary virus for it to happen. *shrug*

        Given India’s luck with it, it’s pretty hard to ignore, imo.

      • Nephilium

        Didn’t the Pfizer shot just get approved for younger kids?

      • Tulip

        They are pushing a study, but as others have already noted, it has problems.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        A study supposedly proving safety for kids (it did no such thing really) was just released. Approval will come as soon as they can manage and is a foregone conclusion.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Results of a recent study showing no statistic significance behind the curtain were published yesterday. Unnamed sources said… “–

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Why all the “free covid testing” signs? ?

      • The Other Kevin

        Everybody gets an app on their phone to track their weekly boosters.

    • Gadfly

      Hopefully since the vaccines have been terrible about stopping the spread but have been successful in reducing symptoms more people will catch COVID, survive, and get natural immunity (which I’ve heard is much better, broader than vaccine immunity) to prepare them to withstand any mutations that sneak around the vax.

  19. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Oops… the market rally after the drop is fading quickly.

  20. Brochettaward

    Brian Laundry did nothing wrong.

    • CPRM

      Ironically, he did the laundry wrong.

      • Not Adahn

        Someone too stupid to spell their own last name correctly couldn’t possibly commit a crime and get away with it.

      • WTF

        It had to do with the spelling.

  21. trshmnstr the terrible

    My, my how a year changes things.

    From September 2020:

    Many (62%) are worried that the political pressure from the Trump administration will lead the FDA to rush to approve a coronavirus vaccine without making sure that it is safe and effective – including 85% of Democrats and 61% of independents. Fewer Republicans (35%) express this level of concern. About four in ten adults overall say both the FDA (39%) and the CDC (42%) are paying “too much attention” to politics when it comes to reviewing and approving treatments for coronavirus or issuing guidelines and recommendations.

    Link

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      In fairness, I thought Trump putting all his eggs in the vaccine basket was incredibly stupid.

      • rhywun

        True. At least he didn’t attempt to ban treatments.

    • rhywun

      guidelines and recommendations

      how quaint LOL

  22. Tundra

    Thanks, Tonio, but that’s just too many cops in one place.

    Gives me the willies.

    • Swiss Servator

      Probably missed some odds and ends like the Amtrak cops (yes, really).

      • Gustave Lytton

        Theyre one of the 32 federal entities in Tonio’s links specifically authorized/directed to enter into cooperative agreements with MPD.

  23. Mustang

    This is a very well done article, Tonio. Thanks for taking the time. It is interesting because, as the first comment indicates, we probably could talk about defunding the police in some cases. I’m sure there’s an obscene amount of money being spent on these departments with very little return on investment. In fact, there’s probably a negative investment because if a large incident there to occur the agencies would be tripping over each other to respond.

    What, that’s already happened? Huh. Who could have seen that coming?

    • Gadfly

      It is interesting because, as the first comment indicates, we probably could talk about defunding the police in some cases.

      The problem is “defunding” sounds like abolition, not reform, which won’t fly with most people and IMO is not a good idea anyway. But just because police serve a useful purpose doesn’t mean we need as many police departments or police officers as we have, and we certainly don’t need as many laws as they are tasked with enforcing. Tonio’s article is a useful illustration that things are way out of hand, but the way the “defund” movement is handling things is counterproductive at best, which taints the whole conversation.

      • Mustang

        The entire summer of love 2020 effectively crushed any hope for actual police reform I think. Maybe that was the point. I suppose I should have been more specific. We could talk about defunding 31 of the 32 agencies listed here and do the same for other places.

        Then of course we’d lower taxes because we wouldn’t need to fund so many agencies and deregulate so people could more easily hire private security.

        *Stares wistfully into space*

  24. Rebel Scum

    A platitude here, a platitude there.

    “In my view, how we answer these questions in this moment, whether we choose to fight for our shared future or not, will reverberate for generations to come,” the president added. “Simply put, we stand in my view at an inflection point in history, and I’m here today to share with you how the United States intends to work with partners and allies to answer these questions, and the commitment of my new administration helped lead the world toward a more peaceful, prosperous future for all people.”

    Biden then stated that “instead of continuing to fight the wars of the past,” the U.S. is “devoting our resources” to the “challenges that hold the keys to our collective future.” These included ending the COVID-19 pandemic, addressing the “climate crisis,” managing the shifts in “global power dynamics,” shaping the roles of the world on vital issues like trade, cyber, and emerging technologies, as well as the “threat of terrorism.”

    “Citizens of the civilized galaxy, on this day we mark a transition. For a thousand years, the Republic stood as the crowning achievement of civilized beings. But there were those who would set us against one another, and we took up arms to defend our way of life against the Separatists. In so doing, we never suspected that the greatest threat came from within. …

    The war is over. The Separatists have been defeated, and the Jedi rebellion has been foiled. We stand on the threshold of a new beginning. In order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire, for a safe and secure society, which I assure you will last for ten thousand years. An Empire that will continue to be ruled by this august body and a sovereign rule chosen for life. An Empire ruled by the majority, ruled by a new constitution!

    Under the Empire’s New Order, our most cherished beliefs will be safeguarded. We will defend our ideals by force of arms. We will give no ground to our enemies and will stand together against attacks from within or without. Let the enemies of the Empire take heed: those who challenge Imperial resolve will be crushed. …

    We have been tested, but we have emerged stronger. We move forward as one people: the Imperial citizens of the first Galactic Empire. We will prevail. Ten thousand years of peace begins today.”

    • Akira

      Biden is just about as old and decrepit as Palpatine but with none of the intelligence or cunning.

    • Mustang

      “Managing the shifts in global power dynamics” is a nice way of saying “we’re kowtowing to the CCP without trying to upset the apple cart too much.”

  25. Rebel Scum

    Do the cartels use bombs?

    Unknown terrorists used a bomb to kill two men outside a restaurant in the central Mexican state of Guanajuato. The device injured four more individuals.

    The attack took place on Sunday evening in the city of Salamanca when two men riding on a motorcycle delivered a package to Barra 1604, information released by the Guanajuato Attorney General’s Office revealed.

    The restaurant manager and one of the owners went to collect the package–which looked like a gift. The box exploded when they tried to open it. Inside the restaurant, a large group were celebrating the manager’s birthday.

    The two men died at the scene, while one of the delivery men and three others are listed in critical condition.

    Or is this ISIS-Latinxplosive variant?

  26. Brochettaward

    The First of all Firsts is gestating. It is growing. Soon it will explode and bloom like a rare and beautiful wild flower from which everything will change. Winston will no longer have to ponder where the libertarians went wrong. Puns will be eliminated from all discourse. There will be Firsters in every thread even when The First of All Firsters rests. The time is coming.

    • Sean

      *readies the pepper spray*

    • Tundra

      Bravo!

    • Rebel Scum
  27. Aloysious

    Thank you for doing the hard work putting this together, Tonio.

    I think this insight gave me an aneurism.

  28. Ownbestenemy

    Seeing about 5 solicitations for positions per week ‘open’ up.

    In response to one of them, a legend was born

    “Greetings!
    How do I get off this list? I really have no interest in changing jobs within this agency. I would however like to go back to building microchips in the private sector if anyone hears of any openings. Thank you for your help, Cheerfully, STARS Automation Systems Specialist

    • Sean

      Seeing about 5 solicitations for positions per week ‘open’ up.

      Due to the “mandate”?

      Or is that a fairly normal occurrence?

      • Ownbestenemy

        I’ve seen them in waves before so it could just be me thinking it. It’s hard to tell really. I would say partly mandate, some that were in temp positions going back under union and others that are done with it all

    • EvilSheldon

      If the Australian government was trying to see how far they could push people? They may have just found out.

    • Annoyed Nomad

      One cop in the video apparently thinks he’s Captain America, but he seems a bit short.

      • Annoyed Nomad

        Kind of a cross between Dark Helmet and Captain America

    • rhywun

      all those identified will be fined for breaching the Chief Health Officer’s directions

      Thus proving their point. I’m guessing nobody elected the “Chief Health Officer” or granted them dictatorial powers.

  29. Ghostpatzer

    Reading and responding to dead thread, because that’s how I roll. Also, don’t any of you people work?

    Thanks Tonio, looks like a 25% chance that any random person you meet in DC is wearing a badge. Not that it matters since the Unclean will be banned shortly, if they haven’t already been.

    Now that I’ve made it through this thread, it’s time for Evening links. *shudders*.