A Trip

by | Sep 22, 2021 | Travel | 264 comments

One of the most enjoyable things I have ever done was to drive across the country with my son, going from Sacramento to Philadelphia. He was moving as part of his post-college life, and I offered to help drive and to pay for everything. I couldn’t think of a better college graduation present. To a greater of lessor degree, I want to do this again.

We drove over the Sierras during a blizzard in a ’09 Beetle pulling a u-haul. We left Reno for SLC in an icy clear late winter morning, then dropped down to Albuquerque on our longest day, only to eat McD’s for dinner. We usually dined at small roadside cafes and motel steakhouses, while staying at cheapish hotels and were only grossed out once. He played his music (he had been the music director at his college radio station for three years, and had an impressive playlist) while I would go into deep tracks on long-forgotten albums from the ’80s and ’90s. BBQ in Tennessee, back roads in Maryland, we saw the country. We didn’t talk that much, but we didn’t need to. Just spending eight days in each other’s company was pleasant enough. In the end, he didn’t stay in Philly and moved on to Brooklyn, looking to get into the music promotion world. Sadly, with COVIDicy, he is struggling a bit professionally. So, I would love to go and see him, cheer him up a little. Not that he really needs it, but it is a parent’s duty. Plus, I haven’t been in that city in over twenty years, and it would be nice to check it out again.

But there is a catch. I don’t fly very well. I have MS and the physical issues that come with the disease make being tucked into a seat for 6-8 hours while wearing a mask… Fuck that noise. So, while talking to my wife about this, she suggested taking the train in one of the small sleeping compartments, called a roomette. This is a small, two seats facing each other which pull out to a bed, with a second bed that drops from above. The best part, it’s private, screened off from the rest of the passengers. So, no other passengers in my space. And if you are wondering about the aforementioned wife, this trip would be just me. See, she isn’t my son’s mother, and while she loves the boy, she is an only child who grew up in the Northern California countryside. In other words, she loves time to herself. That would be her vacation.

Taking the train across the country would involve two major routes; the Empire Builder and the Lake Shore Limited. This would take me across the top of the country, from Portland, Oregon, and dropping down into Chicago, Illinois for the first one, and from Chicago to New York City on the second route, running alongside lake Eire. Another option would be to drop down to the Bay Area on the Amtrak Coast Starlight and take the route called the California Zephyr out to Chicago. A day longer, it could have better scenery. All told, a journey of about five days, which should be very relaxing. Food, drinks, a club car along with a skyline viewing car, this should be a romantic trip, in the old-fashioned sense, a journey into and through the past. With WiFi.

So, after a week on the train, a week with my son. Along with hitting bars and restaurants, The Strand bookstore, and various other things such as sneaking into Dead Horse Bay, who knows what we will see and do. But one thing we will do is to go to a car dealer so I can buy a new set of wheels to drive home in. As I mentioned earlier in this piece, I have MS, and I currently drive a stick and while I love it, I have what is called drop foot on my left side, and working a clutch is often hard on me physically, and is just getting more difficult in general. So, I will have to give up my beloved shifting and go back to an automatic. That, and I love a good road trip, so I will buy a car in NY or Jersey or somewhere around there, and drive home.

The tentative plan is to head west through Cleavland, then head up through Michigan and go over the Mighty Mac into the land of the Yuppers. Drop down from there somewhere in the Minnesota/Wisconsin area, before heading west again, shooting across the great plains. I plan to make a day-long rest stop in Colorado and then head over the continental divide, the Rockies. At that point, it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump to my home in Oregon. And by this point, the wife and I should have missed each other just enough.

The plan is for either late winter, or early spring, and to stop at every decent used book store and antique mall I can reasonably find. Also, to see anyone across the country who might be interested and live somewhere along that route. But I would ask all of the Glibertariat, what along that route should I look for? I am thinking of things that would be off the beaten path, not real tourist destinations, and fairly free of people.

So, please, throw some ideas at me. Names of places to eat, cheap but funky hotels. Roadside attractions, good used bookstores, and antique shops. Fun roads as I hate the interstates. I want this to be fun, and I think everyone here can help and add to this.

About The Author

ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

264 Comments

  1. The Hyperbole

    cheap but funky hotels

    If you drop an hour south of Cleveland I’ll let you sleep on the outfeed table of my table saw. 30 Bucks a night and I’ll supply a cooler half full of Ice and one can of Strohs, (I know it’s should be 20 (same as downtown) but times are hard)

  2. rhywun

    Fun roads as I hate the interstates

    I wondering about that. I think I would rather put in bullet in my head than drive interstates across the country.

    • Chafed

      When is the last time you drove anywhere?

    • Not Adahn

      When you need to make some miles, the interstates are a godsend. 1300 miles in two days isn’t hard when you can average over 70mph.

  3. Yusef drives a Kia

    “head up through Michigan and go over the Mighty Mac into the land of the Yuppers.”
    since you go up M31 to get there, drop in and say Hit in Manistee!
    Great Adventure Zwak!

  4. Creosote Achilles

    I took the Empire from Chicago to Portland several years ago due to a blizzard screwing up my flight.

    It was an interesting experience. Train people are weird. The food was mediocre. The scenery was beautiful and I don’t regret doing it. I don’t have any recommendations except for Portland if you’re going to be there for any amount of time.

    Driving across country is something I’ve done 3 times and loved it every time. That sounds like a great trip either way, I hope you enjoy it and I’m certain your son will appreciate it.

    • rhywun

      Train people are weird. The food was mediocre. The scenery was beautiful and I donā€™t regret doing it.

      Yes to all of that. If you’re lucky you’ll run into a situation like I did once overnight across I guess it was Indiana and Ohio and get drunk and play cards with some normal people.

    • Zwak, jack off, all trades

      Thanks, CA, but as I am an hour south of Portland I think I am good on that. But, yeah, I have heard train people are weird. Like me.

      • Creosote Achilles

        I assumed as much from the article. I’m betting we don’t live too far apart at this point.

    • Not Adahn

      When I go to Quebec City, I drive to Montreal and take the train from there. It adds to the whole “Fairytale city” thing that Q.C. has going on. Plus there are craptons of cheap and good AirBnBs walking distance to the Gare du Palais.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      GS, aren’t you in Holland? or is that Surly?

      • The Gunslinger

        That’s me.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        we should do an M31 Glib meet up, I’m close enough, I can drive,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        And New Holland Brewery, mmmmmm.

  5. Zwak, jack off, all trades

    Ah, the joy of reading your post when you could swear to yourself you proofed it… I used to be good at this!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Gotta dot them T’s and cross those I’s! I proof many times for everything I write, and still miss this,

  6. The Bearded Hobbit

    Be sure to take that left turn at Albuquerque.

    • Zwak, jack off, all trades

      Cool, on the list.

  7. Tundra

    Sounds like a blast, Zwak!

    The only possible downside is the shortage of cars right now. OTOH, carjacking seems to be all the rage in big cities across the country, so maybe that’s an option!

    I love road trips. When I was a kid I worked at a car dealership that sent me all over to bring cars back. It was amazing being a 17 year old kid driving high end European cars all over.

    Enjoy, brother!

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      My family did many road trips when I was a yute, often from NM to Maine to visit my grandparents. Some of the best memories of my life are on those trips. When we had kids of our own I wanted to share those memories and we managed to tour about 35 of the 48 lower states.

      Now, in retirement, we are still traveling, although the panicdemic has slowed things down.

      Road trip? Sign me up!

    • straffinrun

      I canā€™t watch his stuff yet. Still too bummed.

  8. straffinrun

    Road trip! Have fun. One tiny nitpick: there is no such thing as an ā€˜09 Beetle. Those things are a mockery of the original Beetles.

    • Brochettaward

      The original Beetle was a mockery of itself.

      • straffinrun

        Itā€™s roof curved like your momā€™s spine.

      • Brochettaward

        You want to know how I know Straf is gay?

        He thinks Beetles are cool cars.

      • Brochettaward

        You know how Straf spends his nights? He dons a wig and puts on lipstick and lets drunken Japanese businessmen bukkaki on him.

      • Brochettaward

        When Straf gets sodomized in the forest, does he make a sound?

        Yes.

      • straffinrun

        I dunno, but your mom does when sheā€™s on stage.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Forest of sodomy sounds worse than Aokigahara.

      • Brochettaward

        Straf dreams of a cacophony of sodomy in the forest every night. A symphony of grunts and moans in a transcendental rhythm that doesn’t stop until the dawn.

        He usually has to settle for a dirty gloryhole in Tokyo’s red light district.

      • Chafed

        *mic drop*

      • Brochettaward

        You want to know how I know that Chafed is gay?

        He thinks Straf’s your Mom jokes are mic drops.

      • MikeS

        I once Mike dropped…a load into your mom. She said she liked it even more than when you do it.

      • Chafed

        Boom goes the dynamite!

      • Brochettaward

        Your mother has called me like a dozen times begging, but I couldn’t be bothered.

      • MikeS

        Couldn’t be bothered to get off your mom and answer the phone?

      • Brochettaward

        I try to avoid catching the herpes. I know you were born with it, but some of us were more fortunate.

  9. commodious spittoon

    I sheared off all my hair this weekend. I went from being ponytailed/man-bunned (a result of the covid year) to being a convict. And frankly, I’m impressed. I look good. I look hard. I look like a good, hard man.

    I’m guessing I’ll look like newly hatched sparrow next week.

    • straffinrun

      *This comment brought to you by Manscape*

      • rhywun

        hawt

    • Akira

      I’m wondering what I’ll look like when I’m bald. My temples and forehead have become noticeably more bare (I’m 34) and I always said I’m not doing silly shit to try and obfuscate my baldness – I’m just going to embrace it and rock the look, like Patrick Stewart or Sean Connery… Maybe grow some facial hair for the first time.

  10. pistoffnick

    “…into the land of the Yuppers. Drop down from there somewhere in the Minnesota/Wisconsin area…”

    Yoopers are…a little bit different.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDaFyCjw5kk

    If you make it to Doloot, MN / Superior, WI let me know. I have a spare bedroom for you. I make a mean smoked salmon omelet for breakfast. And I can give you a private tour of an airplane manufacturing facility

    • Fourscore

      100 miles straight west of PONicks and you’ll be in my front yard. Place to sleep, eat,relax.

      I can vouch for Nick’s salmon, I just finished a hearty serving last night. It is good!

      • Fourscore

        Go on line, check out Half Price Books, over a 100 stores scattered about. I’m very familiar with the company.

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        I will keep that in mind, thank you. And I have been in Half-Price many times, at least the one in the bay area. Good place.

    • Zwak, jack off, all trades

      I will put a pin in that and hope to take you up on it.

  11. UnCivilServant

    Dammit, you guys started a new thread while I was painting.

    • UnCivilServant

      Well, whatever, I finished the basic paint job for Nemo here. Have to do touch-ups and the base.

      Yes, I gloss-coated the black blade and left it that way.

      • R C Dean

        Really nice. Iā€™m impressed. With my bad eyes and shaky hands, I could never do that.

  12. mikey

    Concur with staying off the interstates. US 50 across Nevada instead of I 80 is great. In the West and Mid West the numbered US highways arenā€™t really any slower than the interstates and you feel like youā€™re seeing the country. Iā€™ve taken 50 most of the way from CO to Chicago and it was great. Especially the local meal stops – way better than the homogeneous interstate off ramps.
    Four-year-old Mikey took the train with his Mom from Oakland to Chicago. I still remember how cool the little stateroom was – it was like having our own little traveling fort with the world passing by.

    • mikey

      DDG ā€˜road-trip not on. Interstatesā€. Lots of good stuff. Iā€™m envious.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        US-50 through Nevada is my hands-down favorite road in the USA.

        “Loneliest Road In America”. Sign me up.

  13. The Gunslinger

    I’m not much of a judge of how good a bookstore is but there’s one in downtown Chicago I’ve been to a couple times. It’s decent sized and I think carries new and used.

    http://after-wordschicago.com/

    It’s just north of the river on Illinois, near State Street.

    • Zwak, jack off, all trades

      Awesome. Thanks.

  14. commodious spittoon

    lol Survivor this season is all oppression olympics.

    • The Gunslinger

      Ha I was thinking the exact same thing. My favorite is the gay guy with the baby at home with the transgender pregnant husband.

      • Chafed

        You’re making that up, aren’t you?

      • The Gunslinger

        Nope.

    • rhywun

      Season 41.

      JFC. I watched here and there the first several seasons but I can’t imagine sitting though another 35 or so of that.

      • commodious spittoon

        Dad’s a big fan, I never watched. Frankly, I never understood his interest, either. But I’m surprised it’s taken this long before they went all-in on the oppression horseshit. Now I’m interested, do they award extra points or whatever so the most particularized victim doesn’t lose?

      • rhywun

        At the rate they churn out seasons, it’s probably been all-oppression for the last 7 or 8 seasons.

  15. Loveconstitution1789

    Winter is coming! Remember to factor in weather when driving. It usually is not much of a factor but nothing worse than getting stuck in snowpocolypse.

    Check out mt rushmore. Might not be there for much longer since the party of slavery loves to tear down historical markers and statutes.

    • commodious spittoon

      Guessing within our lifetime there’ll be a peace embassy tour group of Taliban rocketeers to deface Rushmore on the federal dime.

      Grandad has a poster from the Soviet-American nuclear arms treaty mutual test whatever that I should post. It has a bunch of little cartoons depicting the shared experience of nuclear scientists doing the cultural exchange thing. I’m thinking we’ll be doing the same with Chinese communists but, you know, it’ll be American cultural ambassadors cowtowing to the neo-Maoists.

      Speaking of, I watched The Courier with Benedict Cumberbatch last weekend. Would recommend.

      • commodious spittoon

        Don’t be turned off by the idea of a Limey hero, it turns out a couple slipped through the cracks and weren’t Soviet spies.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        I will check that out.

  16. pistoffnick

    I don’t know about AmTrak trains, but the swing down bunks in the sleeper cars of the train from Paris to Rome can easily support “The Wild Beast With Two Backs”…

    IYKWIMAITYD

    • straffinrun

      In Japanese, a mean way to say someone is crossed eyed is to say they are ā€œRomupariā€ which means ā€œRome-Parisā€. They can see both at the same time.

  17. Brochettaward

    So has anyone asked all these lefty journalists and talking heads crying racism over the coverage of Gabby Petito why they don’t, you know, start covering the cases of missing black women?

    • The Hyperbole

      They are waiting for you to be first.

      • Brochettaward

        It must pain you when you can’t even contrive a counterpoint.

      • The Hyperbole

        Fuck’s sake that’s gold and you know it.

      • straffinrun

        He never gives props for a good zinger at him. Itā€™s a flaw.

      • MikeS

        That actually was gold.

        *polite applause*

    • DrOtto

      It was amusing when they blew off the double murder in Moab (newlywed lesbian couple) because neither Laundrie or Petito were involved. They didn’t even state that they had a suspect, just that the cases weren’t related.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        the double murder in Moab (newlywed lesbian couple)

        Subaru Horror Theater?

      • slumbrew

        double murder in Moab (newlywed lesbian couple)

        Oh?

        *searches*

        That’s some cradle-robbing right there.

      • Chafed

        Whoa. They were only 12 years apart. The older one looks much older and the younger one looks like a teenager.

    • Chafed

      Sex toy? Athletic equipment? Massager?

      • slumbrew

        Floor polish _and_ dessert topping!

  18. Nephilium

    /points at last night’s evening post.

    • Chafed

      I feel your pain.

    • MikeS

      Yep. You have 50 of the 3000 miles covered.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      HAHA!
      /Munson laugh!
      Fucking Pigs,

    • straffinrun

      Good. Dance with the devil.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It sounds like they did, oops!

  19. trshmnstr the terrible

    OT: Brain is swimming with COVID stuff right now. The religious exemption/position paper is coming along nicely. I have 17.5 sections left to write, which will be around 25 pages. I’m sitting at 58 pages right now, so that’ll round the whole thing out at 80-85 pages (sans appendix), highly footnoted of course. I dunno if this will be useful for its “intended purpose” (overwhelming HR into either granting the exemption or making it obvious that they didn’t take due care in reviewing the request), but it sure has solidified my belief that the vaccine isn’t a good risk and that the mandate is unadulterated evil.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      You’re a good Man, that’s a lot of work,

      • Sean

        This.

    • straffinrun

      Corruption in govt, big tech, big pharma and the media all putting pressure on independent scientists to hold the narrative or get punished. Add the moral panic brought by a weak, mentally broken public to the equation and it becomes a dystopian nightmare. The mandate is an abomination regardless of the vaxā€™s efficacy. Forcing people to abandon assessing their own personal risk Is immoral.

      • Drake

        Every bit of socialized medicine – including Medicare payments and fraud investigations is being used against doctors who try to treat patients with covid.

      • Akira

        Speaking of socialized medicine, the push to deny healthcare to unvaccinated people should be a stark reminder that the Left doesn’t believe that healthcare is a human right – they just say that because it makes for good soundbites and scores them points.

        I used to just rail against the bad economic effects of nationalizing healthcare, but this adds a whole new dimension. It will turn healthcare into a privilege that will only be given sparingly to the plebians who think in line with the government’s wishes. I’m sure the Pelosis and Cuomos will get state-of-the-art care though since they’re so much more important than us (as we saw with them violating all their own COVID rules).

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        The mandate is an abomination regardless of the vaxā€™s efficacy.

        Yep. The vaccine, IMO, is a bad risk for most people below 65, but I can respect people who draw their line differently. The mandate is the kind of barbarous horseshit that gets remembered for generations as a cautionary tale about letting people’s emotions take over a society.

    • Chafed

      Did something happen to him fairly recently? I feel like I had read his obituary.

  20. rhywun

    O Weh… Germany has an election coming up and a crooked Marxist seems to be in the lead.

    What the hell, the world?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Oh this pisses me off! Grrr..

      • Drake

        They hate you and want you dead.

    • Brochettaward

      The only irrational actors in the system are us.

      There is nothing irrational about what the Democrats are doing. They are slowly but surely importing what they view as their future electoral majority.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It’s not Dem/Rep, it’s pervasive, our nation is done, we just await the Collapse,

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Someone orchestrated this.

      Who? To what end?

      Biden administration, because they want to fundamentally transform the American culture away from its Western civilization roots.

      My wife got to talking to a border patrol agent who works out at her gym. Turns out they had a goal of one million illegal immigrants this year. They needed to make contact with 1,000,000 illegals crossing the border. They hit that number in late August. What do they do with those illegals they contact? They give ’em some paperwork to make them legal-ish and a bus ticket to any city in the US.

      Our system is profoundly broken in ways that aren’t really talked about in the political sphere. I’m more and more convinced that we need a guest worker program with no path to citizenship.

      • Chafed

        +1 Bracero program. – 1 stealing their money.

  21. Fourscore

    I was never a fun traveler. I always wanted to get to my destination as fast as possible, even when there was no reason. We drove around the Great Lakes one fall, north from MN to Thunder Bay, followed along the lakes, crossed back at Quebec, stayed south until Michigan, crossed the Mackinac into Yooper Country and back west to Duluth and home. That’s about my road trip vacations, always in a hurry to get somewhere and go home.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      That’ my expereince as well, i see the scenery, but I want to get where I’m going so I can enjoy as much time as possible there,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        /Tall Cans!

      • R C Dean

        #metoo

  22. dbleagle

    Watch out that in late winter your Zephyr isn’t diverted from SLC-Denver via the Rockies to SLC-Denver via Wyoming. The trip is not nearly as spectacular. Also winter is better than spring for the Empire Builder many years. I took it one April west bound and we were 9 hours late arriving in Portland. The reason? Frost heaves in MN, ND, and MT slowed operating speeds. I took the east bound EB in January Seattle to CHI and we arrived early. I spent a night at the Palmer House because of the history associated with it and then took the Capital LTD to DC.

    The Coast Starlight is nice, The Lakeshore LTD, like the Capital LTD are just okay. The routes west of Chicago get the newer cars including roomettes.

    Pro tips- With the roomettes you get all your meals in the ticket price. Dinner comes with a free wine or beer if you wish. Bring your own booze for in your roomette. As long as you don’t get drunk and loud nobody cares. They do a decent job cleaning the showers but shower shoes are a good idea. WIFI is often spotty so bring some good books or movies. With a roomette you can use the lounges for free in Chicago, New York and a couple other spots. Free booze and Chicago has nice shower facilities.

  23. dbleagle

    There are some great routes off the Interstate in MT and WY. But “early spring” is still clearly winter there. To be safe you need to be ready to survive being benighted.

    The north entrance to Yellowstone is open in winter and takes you to easily accessible places like Mammoth Hot Springs and the Lamar Valley. Between the Roosevelt Arch and the hot springs you will almost always see mega-fauna that time of year. Right around the 45th Parallel sign (and WY border) look to the left for a parking area. It is a short stroll to get in a hot spring next to the river.

    Be in Lamar around sunrise or sunset and you will probably hear wolves and with luck see some. Your reptilian core in the brain instantly understands what you heard was no coyote.

    If hot springs are your thing then check out Chico Hot Spring between Livingston and the Park. When I lived in the area it had a respectable restaurant. Bozeman Hot Springs is good for an indoor soak. Norris Hot Springs is more rustic and outdoors. This link mentions some more: https://www.visitmt.com/things-to-do/hot-spring-resorts-and-pools.html

    Just across the border from Lolo in ID are a number of wild hot springs that are not a bad walk from a car.

    If you are interested in Lewis and Clark you can follow much of their path with only rare Interstate miles. The time of the year you are thinking about will mean the dirt road to Lemhi Pass will be closed. But if it is open it is quite humbling to see basically the same view L&C saw from the Continental Divide.

  24. Chipwooder

    I’ve made a few cross-country drives, and enjoyed them both. The first two were solo – from Richmond to LA when I moved out there after college, and then back a couple of years later, then out to Yuma from Pensacola with the wife when I PCSed out there, and back to Florida when I left active duty. Unfortunately, I’ve never been in the territory you’re covering so I can give no advice, but your story made me think of those long-ago trips and smile.

    Especially the first one. I was 22 years old, just out of college, driving across the great American expanse by myself. I had been up and down the east coast many times, and been to California several times, but never seen anything in between previously. I remember almost running out of gas on I-40 in Oklahoma – even in rural stretches of the east coast, you rarely go more than 10 miles or so without an exit, and most of those will have a gas station. Not so in Oklahoma. I remember being amazed by the endless, treeless fields. I drove a ways off the path to visit the Billy the Kid museum in New Mexico. Saw the desert for the first time in person, driving down a black ribbon of highway that you could see stretching for many miles to the horizon, with virtually no other cars on it.

    It was one of those experiences that always stays with you and seems almost magical in retrospect, because once you’ve gone through it once, you’ll never experience it the same way again.

    • Chipwooder

      Oh, and I think there was something more interesting about crossing the continent with just a road atlas, not GPS, having to plan out the next day’s leg the night before.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        When I left AZ to come here, Google maps was a great help, no gPS, just Maps, very helpful, I didn’t really know where Manistee was when i left,

    • Brochettaward

      It was one of those experiences that always stays with you and seems almost magical in retrospect, because once youā€™ve gone through it once, youā€™ll never experience it the same way again.

      It sounds like my first First. Though I don’t believe anything besides the First That Will Change Everything will ever top that.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I grew up driving through Southwest, and it’s an awesome place. Then I landed in Michigan last year in September, as soon as I hit M31, it was just a green tunnel, amazing place!

  25. slumbrew

    OT, but some bitch just pissed in my driveway – I spotted her from the end of the street as I was coming back from walking the dog. Just double-timed it away as I was yelling at her.

    Sorely tempting my “don’t call the cops” stance.

    Also, I need to adjust the coverage of the security lights.

    Ah, city living.

    • Tundra

      City?

      • slumbrew

        Somerville, MA

        City-ish.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        There’s a reason it’s called “Scummerville”.

      • slumbrew

        That’s Slummerville, yo (thus, my handle).

        And it’s been gentrified beyond belief. This was most assuredly some Tufts undergrad.

      • slumbrew

        (and pleased to have an HM sighting)

      • Tundra

        Indeed.

        Nice to see you, HM.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I’ve always been here. Right beside you. When you only saw one set of footprints? That’s when I stopped to take a break and crank the hog.

      • Chafed

        I was lead to believe you were watching me sleep.

      • slumbrew

        He _was_ watching you sleep.

        Also, he had no pants on.

      • Chafed

        That’s a given. Fortunately I’m not Asian, female, or thicc.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Ok. You left out the context of ‘was she hot’.

      • slumbrew

        She was wearing a mask outside (stupid college kids) but, maybe? Looked to be a tallish Indian chick, not certain about the grill due to the mask.

      • Brochettaward

        She was Indian? I mean, pissing in the street is just her culture.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Hmmm…looks encouraging so far. A tall brown college-aged girl who might pee on me?

        You need to look on the bright side of things.

      • slumbrew

        That sort of wisdom is why we need you around more often, HM.

      • grrizzly

        Smart to wear a mask when you intend to do something gross or illegal.

      • slumbrew

        I suspect that mask conveniently came up as soon as I started yelling at her from down the street.

      • R C Dean

        Huh. I lived in Somerville one year in law school. 1985 – 6.

      • slumbrew

        You and Ozzy, I believe. Although he was a few years later, I think.

        You likely wouldn’t recognize it. Neighbor’s place just sold after around 4 days on the market. Asking $1.1M, multiple offers over, went for $1.2M.

        Whereabout were you? I managed to literally link to the house Ozzy rented when I was picking out a random “here’s how expensive things have become” on Zillow.

      • Chafed

        I lived in Somerville 1986-1987. Small world.

      • slumbrew

        Huh – am I confusing you w/ Ozzy? Did you live on Herbert St. or was that Ozzy?

      • Chafed

        Must have been Ozzy.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Et Tu?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Leaving work, there was some girl doing the same at the end of the driveway. High as a kite, she started walking towards me and explained she hadn’t been to restroom all day so she had to piss her pants. Then asked if I could see her. Find some bushes for that, jeezus.

      • slumbrew

        That’s the infuriating part – I’m right next to a park. Go pee in those bushes.

      • Brochettaward

        There’s rapists in the park. What, you don’t want her to piss in a safe, nicely lit driveway? Is your driveway being piss-free worth more than a human life? Why do you want women to die, slumbrew?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        That was funny..

      • slumbrew

        Local bartender used to refer to the footpath next to my house as “Rape Alley”.

        To be fair, the lighting is much better these days.

    • pistoffnick

      I usually have to pay extra for that! You guys don’t know how good you have it!

      • slumbrew

        $20, same as downtown

    • straffinrun

      Don’t call the cops. She has to make Brochetta’s lunch box tomorrow.

      • MikeS

        *snicker*

      • Brochettaward

        Fun fact – The Bro does not eat lunch.

      • grrizzly

        Metoo!

      • MikeS

        But he does eat the leftover pizza his mom’s last trick bought.

      • Brochettaward

        No trick would tip your mother in pizza or any other form of currency. It’s $10 in a back alley for a gum job and then on with the rest of their night.

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        So, you’re saying Brocettaward will finally get some box.

    • Akira

      Blech.

      I’m a jogger, and I’ve had to poop in some unconventional places before, but most of them were pretty far from someone’s residential property.

  26. MikeS

    On topic: Zwak, I grew up on the Empire Builder line, but have yet to ride it. I’m told it’s a wonderful ride. Just one of the high-points being it stops at Glacier National Park’s front door. Also, you’ll get to go flying through my hometown at 60 mph!

    While traveling through the UP, I’d encourage you to take a mini-sidetrip into the Keweena Peninsula. The farther up the peninsula you go, the better it gets, IMO. Former copper mining country and on the south shore of Superior. Just stunning views everywhere you go. And cool history. While there, you must have a pasty. There are great places to get them all over up there, but so far, Syl’s Cafe in Ontanogan is the best we’ve had. As bonus, they also have delicious baked goods.

    If your return route brings you through North Dakota/Minnesota, let me know. I can give you some ideas for good attractions and drives. Including antique stores and book stores if you end up taking he more northern route. And also some good breweries, if you’re so inclined. I’ve lived here nigh on 50 years and I’m a proud NoDaker. Would love to show you why I like it here. (just make sure it’s spring…late spring)

    • Gender Traitor

      While traveling through the UP, Iā€™d encourage you to take a mini-sidetrip into the Keweena Peninsula. The farther up the peninsula you go, the better it gets, IMO.

      Can confirm! While touring the UP, we were staying in Marquette and took a side trip up to the UP’s UP. Had a picnic right on the lake shore near Copper Harbor.

      Someday I’d love to visit Isle Royale National Park… ::reads mask rules on website:: …maybe someday when all this COVID crap is behind us…

      • MikeS

        Did you have pasties?

        *eyes suspiciously*

      • Gender Traitor

        No, I’ve never worn those.

        Srsly, though, I’m sure I had one at some point – I knew it was de rigueur while there. And I know it’s pronounced “PAST-eez,” NOT “PASTE-eez!”

      • MikeS

        For the uninitiated, they are awesome…but not really fancy or anything. Meat and potatoes (and rutabaga and carrots, and…) in a pastry crust.

        And yes…follow GT’s Yooper language lesson if you want to try and fit in.

      • Chafed

        I seriously thought you were asking GT if she had been a stripper.

      • MikeS

        Maybe I was.

        *waggles eyebrows*

      • Gender Traitor

        I haven’t, but I did model for art classes when I was an undergrad. Paid 50 cents an hour better than working in the dining hall.

      • Chafed

        Please tell me about the time your shy friend came in at the end of class and lingered.

      • MikeS

        *makes popcorn*

      • PudPaisley

        All 4 of my Grandparents are Yoopers, and my Mom grew up there. Parents retired up there. I’ve had pasties as far back as I can remember. The best I ever had were Mrs. Maki’s, my friend’s Grandma from Ironwood.

        My Grandparent’s (and Mom whenever we visited as a kid) had heavy Yooper accents. Lots of “ya, hey’s” and “youse guys, hey” and ending sentences with there. For example, “Ya, we had a good time last night there”. My Grandma would send me letters occasionally and write out the letters the same way she talked. It was funny. One of my favorite words is panking, which is using a shovel to knock down the snow banks. “We had a lot of snow this past week, so we had to go out and pank down the snowbanks today.” I still love visiting up there as much as possible.

      • PudPaisley

        Cool site! I hope to do both a ski trip to Bohemia and snowmobile trip up there this winter. Lake of the Clouds is another cool place fairly close by. A cousin went to Mich Tech and another used to live in Houghton. I have other relatives in Iron Mountain, Marquette, Negauni, Iron River, and Menomonee areas. Even from west central Wisconsin, that’s still almost a 7 hour drive to the Keewenaw.

    • Zwak, jack off, all trades

      Well, I feel like I should make a joke about all the pasties I had back in college, IYKWIMAITYD. But all the piss talk above kinda ruined my college reminiscences.

      I will absolutely take you up on the NoDak tour if my trail swings that way, as I love a good brewery.

  27. dbleagle

    Take almost any way you want across WY except I-80. That is a windy, drifty, and mainly boring route in winter. Cross through the middle of the state and you can parallel the Oregon Trail, drive through the heart of the fur trade country, see magnificent scenery and great small towns.

    I can’t speak too much about eastern MT, except definitely check out the Little Bighorn Battlefield if you are in the area. Central and western MT have some great roads, as long as you are ready for REAL winter conditions.

    • slumbrew

      you can parallel the Oregon Trail

      You’ll need to stock up on metronidazole because, otherwise, you know you might die…

      • MikeS

        I’ll trade you one oxen for 12 pills.

      • slumbrew

        I’ll confess now – I never played that game.

      • MikeS

        Wait…we’re talking about a game?

      • MikeS

        Wow. Looks like a great article! I’m saving that for work tomorrow when I should be…not getting dysentery.

      • slumbrew

        Agreed, too long for tonight but looks awesome.

    • Zwak, jack off, all trades

      Yeah, I80 is the devil. Also, I5. I tend to stick to the 99 out here and through California.

  28. straffinrun

    These charts are basically compiled by one guy using the official govt numbers. The govt has tried repeatedly to get this site shut down, but believe it or not the parchment barrier is protecting him. It’s interesting to see how the numbers have plummeted over the past month with only deaths have a slight increase or holding steady. My guess is that it’s lagging the infection rate as people finally kick the bucket.

    https://toyokeizai.net/sp/visual/tko/covid19/en.html

    • slumbrew

      parchment barrier

      Āæque?

      • Brochettaward

        I’m guessing the Japanese constitution is actually offering some protections here.

      • straffinrun

        The Constitution.

      • slumbrew

        Duh, thx.

    • Chafed

      It’s almost as if Farr’s Law is real.

  29. PieInTheSky

    I did not know the US had sleeper trains. Maybe you are closer to civilization than I thought*.

    Sounds like a nice trip although I would expect much more expensive than flying.

    * Not Romania our trains suck

    • slumbrew

      I am supremely confident that it will be more expensive than flying.

    • Zwak, jack off, all trades

      It will be more expensive, but the wife suggested it, so…

      • MikeS

        It’s a great way to see some beautiful country if one has the time. I commend your choice and am more than a bit jealous.

  30. Trigger Hippie

    Deep Thoughts by Jackoff Handy:

    An existential crisis is a luxury.

    Count yourself lucky imminent death affords you the opportunity to have one…

    We’re all some soft motherfuckers.

    • slumbrew

      Agreed on all counts.

      My neighbor went to the hospital on Monday, feeling confusion and pain. Massive brain bleed – she’s gone. 81 is a good run but so unbelievably unexpected. My buddy died from the same thing at 16.

      Treasure your days. This is not a rehearsal.

      • Chafed

        Tell that to the chick peeing in your bushes.

      • slumbrew

        If only she had used the bushes…

      • Chafed

        What? Time to buy a slingshot and some small ball bearings.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I live everyday like it’s my past. The future holds no guarantees. What, me worry?

        /fatalist

        What will be will be.

      • Akira

        My neighbor went to the hospital on Monday, feeling confusion and pain. Massive brain bleed ā€“ sheā€™s gone. 81 is a good run but so unbelievably unexpected. My buddy died from the same thing at 16.

        Tragic.

        My friend and next door neighbor had something like that happen… I chatted with him by the fence line one day about yardwork, then found out 3 weeks later that he died. He had been feeling slightly unusual (mentally) and got some tests done. Turns out he had a very rare form of prion disease and died two weeks later. I couldn’t believe it.

        But yes, treasure your own days, and treasure the time you have with the people you love, because they’re not permanent fixtures of the universe either.

      • Chafed

        You are all bumming me out. Here is a happier tale. My 12 year old lab injured his eye probably by sticking his head in a bush. I have been giving him eye drops for 2 weeks. I think his eye is much better. Vet will tell me tomorrow. The end.

      • Akira

        Great news! Glad the ol’ pup is doing better.

        Sometimes people tell me that I’m a bit of a downer. I guess my outlook is 1) life will present you with terrible, depressing shit that you can’t avoid/prevent, so 2) that’s a damn good reason to aggressively pursue all opportunities for joy (within the limits of morality and good sense). Maybe I talk too much about #1 and not enough about #2.

      • Chafed

        My comment was directed at you Akira. It was about the thread.

      • Akira

        Oh i know šŸ™‚ I was just ruminating out loud.

      • MikeS

        A neighbor of mine just died of a brain aneurysm. 51 years old. Healthy and vibrant woman. Kind of hard to fathom.

    • Brochettaward

      Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals (BSHU) of the UKā€™s National Health Service (NHS) announced in February that it was prohibiting nurses and midwives from using terms such as ā€œbreastfeedingā€ and ā€œbreast milk.ā€ Instead, the health practitioners had to opt for ā€œchestfeedingā€ and ā€œchest milk.ā€

      Breast is not a gender specific term. The constant attempt to change what is considered appropriate language is more about control than it is anything related to the stated intention of being “inclusive.”

      • Plinker762

        I love how people of science (POS) deny basic biology. But yes, it is a part of their demoralization program.

      • Akira

        I love how people of science (POS) deny basic biology.

        It starts to make a lot more sense when you consider that their definition of “science” is “a politically useful proposition that is espoused by a few credentialed governmental or government-funded scientists“.

      • Plinker762

        The conversation of science to scientism is interesting to watch. I assume it is similar to how the church was corrupted by the European monarchies to increase their power.

  31. Plinker762

    Will KFC have to change their menu to chicken chests?

    • Plinker762

      Oops, ment to be a reply.

  32. Plinker762

    I’ve driven the Eastern Wa / NH road trip four times. Vehicles were a ’72 Landrover 88, ’68 Dodge Coronet and ’79 Chevy K10. The Chevy had a dragging front brake caliper and a completely warm out ball joint.

    I did these trips in the 90s and there was a stark difference between the traffic east and west of Chicago. To the west it was “I hope don’t break down because there is no one around” and to the east it was “I hope I don’t break down because there is too much traffic”.

  33. Sean

    I once had a idea of a train vacation. I got over it.

    I do enjoy scenic train rides, however. We’ve done a bunch of those.

    The last one was around the Hawley, PA area – during fall foliage times.

    I’m pretty sure I posted pics. This was pre covid and it seems like a lifetime ago.

    • TARDis

      ^^^Thisāæįµ—Ź°

      When the kids were enamored with trains, I made the mistake of taking them on a “day trip” on a train… to Alabama… on AMTRAK. If were made king, I’d shut that racket down right after abolishing the fed.

      Me trapped in a small cabin with an autistic 4 year old, not moving for over 90 minutes in Bremen. * shudders*

      • Ghostpatzer

        “not moving for over 90 minutes in Bremen”

        Huh. I did not know Amtrak had trackage in Germany.

        Amtrak does suck. Once took the Auto Train to FL for a wedding, plan was to drive to the church in St. Augustine after arriving in Sanford. Unfortunately we were stuck in SC for 4 hours while they cleared the tracks of what had once been a truck. Missed the wedding, barely made it to the reception.

      • TARDis

        Funny.

        Missed the wedding, barely made it to the reception.

        So… win win? šŸ™‚

        I was told that Amtrak does not “own” any tracks in the south, so they have no priority when stuff breaks.
        After that, my plans for a family trip to DC went right out the window.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      But if they donā€™t get tested theyā€™ll spread the virusā€¦just like the vaccinated people do.
      From predatory pedophile assistant football coach to Ministry of Truth snitch bullshit: way to go Penn State.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Those 117 students are the only ones getting a real education. They have had a crash course in the consequences of fascism. Maybe they’ve learned something.

    • Ghostpatzer

      “The district also said it could provide monthly NJ Transit bus tickets for students to take public transportation with someone 18 years or older.”

      WTF? I rode NYC subways and buses unsupervised at 5 years old. What’s with kids today?

      Oh, Camden. Never mind.

  34. TARDis

    I’ve been on several “moving” road trips with my parents and brother since we were a service family. My American grandmother lived in PA any we would visit her prior to relocating to a new AFB. I’ve previously mentioned my mother “flying low” across the plains on the way to Cali in my dad’s 1970 Ford Torino GT w/ 351 Cleveland and laser stripes.

    As a married couple I’ve only had one real road trip with the spousal unit. As newly(ish)weds we did Cali>AZ>NOLA(via TX) to introduce my newish bride to my mom and dad in Tampa. My mother approved of my choice and gave my wife (not me) a $500 check as a wedding gift. Then we visited family friends from Germany living in the ATL metro. From there it was off to KY to meet her parents. The most notable part of the return trip to Cali was the emergency stop at Ft. Riley as the missus had developed a 104 degree fever. I showed her the house my parents used to own in Cheyenne, pissed away $50 in Reno, and that was it. Man, I’ve always been boring. There was a one-way moving trip from Cali to the ATL, but I can’t really count that. The most interesting part of that trip was filling up the U-Haul with the wrong kind of diesel. We smoked halfway across AZ in the middle of the night. It freaked the truckers out.

    • TARDis

      Morning, UnC. How you doing? I’m calling this my Friday. Yay.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t know.

        I just want to get some more sleep.

      • Sean

        Are you calling a lid?

      • UnCivilServant

        No. One of my direct reports is out sick and my supervisor is having computer troubles.

        So I have to cover.

  35. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’ all.

    Zwak, that sounds like a great itinerary. As for recommendations, if you like Middle Eastern food there is a little place in Manhattan on MacDougal St. Just south of Houston called 12 Chairs. Run by Israelis, best Hummus I have ever had, it was a regular lunch destination in the before times. It’s still open somehow (checked last week) and has outdoor setup so no vax worries if that is an issue (Fuck DiBlasio).

  36. Festus

    Mornin’ Friends! I’m in such a rut right now. Go to work, kick ass, come home and drink, eat some dinner then rinse and repeat. Oy, I really need to find a hobby that doesn’t bore me anymore. Furry, maybe? Magnets?

    • TARDis

      Furry, maybe? Magnets?

      Why not both?

      Morning, Fes!

      My routine is the same, minus the kick ass. I’m suffering from self induced inertia. I need someone to kick my ass.

      • Festus

        College courses or Yoga. You won’t learn anything but you’ll get to scan some bums.

      • TARDis

        For some reason ogling college girls just makes me feel old and skeevy.

      • Festus

        Photons are free.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Mornin’ Festus. When I get bored I like to take things into my own hands. Never gets old.

      • Festus

        Thank Gore for the internet!

  37. Festus

    We did the great circle tour of the lower half of our Province. People don’t understand just how huge the land-mass is. A two-day trip turned into five.

    • Festus

      In a Chevette. The clutch died about a month after we got back. We had summer tires on in October. We used to do very silly things.

      • Ghostpatzer

        “In a Chevette”

        Could have been worse. Corvairs had a little problem with gas tanks.

      • Festus

        I replaced the clutch in that thing. I was able to man-handle the transmission out bare-handed. It was a matchbox car.

    • Festus

      We need to crowdfund about two million Guy Fawkes masks to the land down under.

  38. Gender Traitor

    Good morning, Sean, Fes, ‘patzie, TARDy, U, and Stinky! (Did I miss anyone!)

    Apropos of nothing, yesterday I paid off my beloved Subaru early! And slightly on-topic, I’m thinking of using what would have been next month’s car payment for a little three-day excursion down to one of the Ohio state park lodges we haven’t visited before. It’s in the middle of a state forest, so I’m hoping we catch a bit of Fall Color.

    Still gray and blowsy here at TB, but I shall persevere!

    • Festus

      Dang! I read that as “three-way excursion”.

    • UnCivilServant

      I don’t know anything.

      You might say I know nothing.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Mornin’ GT.

      “I paid off my beloved Subaru early”

      Yay! *Lights SF signal*

    • Sean

      *waves*

    • TARDis

      Still gray and blowsy here at TB, but I shall persevere!

      Attagirl. Mornin’ Glibred.

      I got out my car this morning at work, and was shocked to find that Fall had arrived. 50 degrees! Brrr!

      I know you won’t understand this part, but I got in my car in my garage, so I had no idea the temp had dropped.

      • Gender Traitor

        I got in my car in my garage

        ::looks behind her at two-car garage so full of stuff there’s no room even for one car::

        ?

  39. Sean

    How to make a pistol ugly.

    Step 1 – add a rail
    Step 2 – add a red dot
    Step 3 – Profit?

    • UnCivilServant

      You messed up. It’s simpler –

      How to make a Pistol ugly:

      Step 1 – Start with a Baretta.

    • Festus

      What you guys do is cool. I haven’t shot for nearly forty years.