SEA SMITH GIVE MANNERS ADVICE!

by | Nov 9, 2021 | Advice, Cryptids | 209 comments

 

SEA SMITH GLAD SEE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS. HE HAVE LONG WEEK RAPE SHIPS WAIT PORT IN CALIFORNIA. NEED REST. SO HE GIVE GOOD ADVICE ON MANNERS. SEA SMITH HAVE BEST MANNERS. HE SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU EACH TIME RAPE SHIP. AND CREW. AND CARGO. AND NEARBY WHALES.

NOW GET GOODEST ADVICE FROM SEA SMITH!

Q: How do I politely tell my friends and family I do not want to socialize online? I love them, but I don’t have much in common with them since the pandemic started.

I am a public librarian who has been required to work indoors with the public through most of the pandemic. In addition to doing our regular jobs, my colleagues and I have been tasked with asking customers to put on or pull up their masks and, for several months, to limit their stay to 30 minutes, all while worrying about our own exposure in an indoor space full of shared surfaces.

We have often been the targets of frustrated customers who did not want to wear masks or were angry that they couldn’t stay beyond 30 minutes. To top it off, we were not eligible to receive the vaccine until after many people in “work from home” professions were given priority.

I have found myself unable to enjoy online social gatherings because those in my social circle have been working from home for over a year. The jokes about wearing sweatpants all day and statements such as “Now that we’re all venturing out again …” are getting old.

We are not all “venturing out again.” Some of us have been out this entire time, working and hoping not to die.

I have many friends who are now embarking on wonderful vacations, even though they have still not set foot back in their offices. Meanwhile, I have a hard time getting vacation days because the library is open seven days a week, and we are always stretched thin on staff.

How should I politely decline online and other social requests when the truth is I just can’t stand the assumptions that we’ve all been staying at home for a year or more?

 

A: BOO HOO! SEA SMITH CRY FOR BOOK HOOMAN. TRY HAVING NO CRUISE SHIP FOR YEAR! SEA SMITH STUCK RAPING OIL TANKER AND CARGO SHIP. BORING!

SEA SMITH TELL YOU GO AHEAD, TELL “FRIENDS” YOU ANGRY THEM. THEN YOU LOSE FRENS AND CAN BE ALONE, BITTER.

NO BE SUCH A DOWNER!

 

 

 

Q: When female friends and family members come to visit, they almost always put their purses on my kitchen counter. I find this horrifying, given that few things (except maybe the soles of shoes) are filthier than purses — having been on floors and other unclean surfaces everywhere, and having never been cleaned or disinfected.

How can I politely get across the sentiment, “Please don’t put that filthy (or another ‘F’ word) thing on the surface where I prepare food”?

 

A: SEA SMITH HAVE TWO IDEA YOU TRY. FIRST, SCREAM, WAVE ARMS, YELL SWEAR WORD WHEN PURSE PUT ON COUNTER. THAT SCARE OTHERS TO NOT DO SAME. IF THAT NO WORK, JUST FALL BACK ON BEST SOLUTION – RAPE ALL GUEST WHO PUT THING ON COUNTER. YOU WELCOM FOR BEST ADVICE.

 

COME ON IN, WATER IS FINE!

About The Author

SEA SMITH

SEA SMITH

SEA SMITH COUSIN OF STEVE SMITH. COME ON IN, WATER IS FINE!

209 Comments

  1. EvilSheldon

    Hypochondriacs, everywhere. Harden the fuck up!

    • Q Continuum

      People are idiots who fall for cheap parlor tricks.

      Humans = trash.

      • Tundra

        You’ve got a theme going tonight.

      • rhywun

        I’ll repeat my reply from the last post.

        Some humans, not all.
        It’s possible to rise above baseline trash level.

    • Fourscore

      Hydrophodiacs, afraid to clean their pocket books. Sea Smith clean pocket book, by clean…

    • rhywun

      Don’t care. Knock yourself out, buddy.

      • Chafed

        Lady penis for the win.

      • rhywun

        EXCUSE ME MA’AM, IT’S SHENIS.

      • Not Adahn

        How DARE you erase his stunning bravery!111!

  2. juris imprudent

    Today has been a good day – our trailer axle finally has an ETA, which means in another week or so we can drive to Indiana to pick it up. It’s been there since we started out for the Black Rock desert before Labor Day. The repairs have all been made to the property we are buying and now we just need our re-inspection and we open escrow.

    • The Other Kevin

      Don’t forget to pick up some fireworks and guns while you’re here.

      • juris imprudent

        Dude, I live in PA – we provide those to all of OUR neighbors.

      • The Other Kevin

        * fist bump *

    • Fourscore

      So, when’s the move planned? Did you find the place you were hoping for?

    • Ownbestenemy

      It definitely comes off as they thought this was a dopey kid we could manipulate and he goes all rainman on them.

  3. Spudalicious

    The librarian was no fun before the pandemic. Librarian spinsters seems to be in her future.

    Gal two needs to just say, “not on the counter, I need the space”. And if that doesn’t work, “not on the counter, please!”. If they don’t like it, they won’t be around to set their purses on the counter.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      “feel free to set your purses on the bench in the entryway”

      “if you want, you can hang your purse on this hook”

      “keep your fucking grubby fem-bag off my nice clean kitchen counters. I don’t need your cootch-satchel shitting up my food prep space”

      All work, for varying definitions of “work”

      • Spudalicious

        Depends on your friends. Many of mine would be just fine with the last one.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I just say DON’T, please put them over there, /points to table
      I won’t allow it.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Also, keep your feet off my chairs, and I wil give you a Death stare if I see your kid standing in a shopping cart,
        /Resting Bitch face from hell,

      • The Hyperbole

        if I see your kid standing in a shopping cart

        you lost me here, why’s that a big deal?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Kids walk on the same surfaces we do, how disgusting and crude,

      • The Hyperbole

        Sure, and when you load the groceries into your Kia do you put them on the floor where your nasty feet were, or do you put them on the seat where your nasty ass was, or do you put them in the trunk where the dead call girl was?

      • rhywun

        LOL

      • EvilSheldon

        When they’re dead, Hyperbole, they’re just hookers.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I put them on the seat where Angela’s nice ass was!

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Filthy rugrat shoes + food meant to be eaten raw.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It’s just horrid public behaviour, lazy, dirty and I’ll bet they wear masks the whole time, I don’t see it up here at all,

      • The Hyperbole

        You put food you’re going to eat “as is” straight into shopping carts? Don’t they have produce bags where you live?

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Flimsy ones, yeah. But I ain’t bothered by it. I was just tryna womansplain the thought process of those who are.

        I once drank water from a beaver pond, so, you know, I’m not finicky about germs.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It doesn’t excuse bad behaviour on the part of the parent, when I was young that would never have occured,
        /Decline…..

      • l0b0t

        To be fair, I only allow my kids to stand in the cart after we’ve been tearing ass around the store with them seated and it’s time for our victory lap.

    • Chafed

      That librarian is the polar opposite of every good letter to Penthouse forum.

  4. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    TL;DR questions: “How do I talk to humans?”

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      With an undertone of “how do I get my way without conflict?”

    • UnCivilServant

      *shrug*

      Humans make no sense to me.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Humans make no sense to me.

        Me, neither. That’s why I don’t understand why you need to write to an advice columnist to ask how to tell your friends and guests “hey – could you please leave/hang your purse over there?”

        Or “these online meetups are annoying me. Maybe I should just not do them anymore. Or maybe I could get a group of like-minded people together instead.”

      • rhywun

        “hey – could you please leave/hang your purse over there?”

        I’m not as finicky as that person, but if I was, I would find it more congenial to just wipe the counter down after they left rather than tell them what they are doing wrong.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        I don’t see how saying “please put X item here” is anywhere remotely similar to saying “you’re doing it wrong”

      • rhywun

        I guess if you explain it before they put their purse down, sure.

        After? It’s telling them they are doing something wrong. Which can be fine in some situations. I don’t mind close friends doing that but I would find it off-putting in most other situations.

        I dunno. I don’t like little dramas like that.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        enacting anothers labor? for Shame Rhy!

      • R C Dean

        What a bunch of nancies. Neither telling someone to move something, or being told to move something, causes me the slightest agita.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I’m just surprised that advice columnists are still a thing.

      • hayeksplosives

        It’s more of a Karen venting column than an actual seeking of advice.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        That makes sense

      • creech

        Writers seeking advice are always asking “Am I being selfish?” Yeah, you are. What’s wrong with that?

  5. J. Frank Parnell

    Wow, sounds like librarians are the real heroes. They should get their own holiday or something.

  6. hayeksplosives

    The lady paranoid about purse germs needs to put out a roll of butcher paper and a tray of crayons to prepare surfaces for her heathen friends to put their filthy objects.

    And if they are rude enough to put stuff on a kitchen surface that is obviously being currently used to prep food, they are beyond hope even if they put a clean object there.

    And if the hostess is too dumb to figure out how to clean the prep surface after the guests leave and before she uses it to prep food again, she is beyond help

    Basically anyone involved who needs to reach out for advice or arbitration here is beyond help.

    • straffinrun

      When I was a kid, the potluck dinners at church were always a bit creepy given how gross some of the families were. I’d ask the lady next to me in line, “That looks good. Do you know who made it?” “That was made by me”. I’d then pass on taking any of it which was followed by a cuff to the head by my mom.

    • Fourscore

      Hand sanitizer before or after shaking hands? Shower after hugging? Your dumb ass dog jumped on me with his filthy feet. If I put my pocket book on the floor your tom cat will come over and sign his name, as only toms can do.

  7. straffinrun

    Women be setting their bags down in dog shit and bum puke?

    • rhywun

      Yeah, I was gonna quibble about that.

    • Sensei

      And not leaving their shoes in the genkan either.

      That said I’ve probably read several advice columns asking how to ask guests in the US to take off shoes in someone’s house.

      • Fourscore

        “Here, slip these plastic slippers on, my floors are filthy”

      • rhywun

        At the door.

        I don’t have any problem with that request.

      • UnCivilServant

        It strikes me as bizarre.

      • straffinrun

        Respecting someone’s tatami isn’t bizarre, you mud tracker!

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I’m surprised as it’s a northern thing. Nobody wants their guests traipsing across the floor with snow melt dripping off their boots.

      • hayeksplosives

        I was taught the shoe removal custom in Sweden right away. Amusingly enough, it persists in the US upper Midwest in very Scandinavian towns.

        As a person whose history of foot injuries and need to wear a foot/ankle prosthetic device that cannot be worn without a shoe, I never asked my guests to remove shoes.

        Most Nordic houses had nice little shoe racks just inside the door as a major “hint”. I never had any problem requesting a chair after being asked to remove my shoes. Then the host/hostess got to watch as I removed my prosthetic device and switched to my crutch to continue my ambulation through their property. Fair is fair.

        (Over the years I’ve weaned off the prosthesis in favor of near constant pain and a pronounced limp. Still glad to live in a place that doesn’t expect me to de-shod myself in deference to their ridiculous choice of white carpet.)

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t want your bare or stocking feet on my floors.

      • straffinrun

        Shoes I get. Who knows what you’ve stepped in that day.

      • UnCivilServant

        I do.

        Who’s traipsing around without watching where they’re stepping?

      • rhywun

        Hard to step around rain.

      • UnCivilServant

        Water and puddles is one thing, but every darn dry day?

      • rhywun

        *shrugs*

        I don’t demand it myself. I generally rely on common sense and it usually works.

      • Sensei

        As do I. Even the toilet slippers I get.

        Of course I can’t figure out why plain soft terry type slippers can’t touch tatami.

      • TARDis

        The answer is piss. It’s always piss, unless you get to work from home. People have complained to me for taking the middle urinal at work. I take it because there is no fucking puddle there.

      • Zwak, sensual panzer

        “Hey, we take our shoes off at home.”

        I mean, it’s weird, but some people do this.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Being a basic bitch, I love handbags, and mine ain’t going anywhere near bum piss. Although my cat (RIP) did piss on my first real leather expensive purse. I got on the Metro to go to work and was wondering who on the train smelled like cat piss. It was me.

      (I think “bum piss” would be a fine euphemism for diarrhea)

      • Fourscore

        My wife won’t take her pocket book into the ladies room so if you see a geezer standing around trying to appear nonchalant with a handbag, that’s me.

      • straffinrun

        Work it, FS!

      • rhywun
      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Adding another item to “List of reasons to have a boyfriend”. List is getting long – I think it has 3 items on it now

      • Sensei

        Opening jars, reaching things in high places?

        I’ll have to ask my wife if there is much else.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Mine are (not including holding purses) are: sex, rodent disposal, taking out trash

        I’m tallish and a champion jar opener.

      • Sensei

        I’ve got a winner as my wife generally does trash duty.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        I just hate it. I don’t know why. I’ll clean a poopy toilet before I’ll take out the trash

      • Gender Traitor

        Ah-HAH! You’re not KK, you’re SCSS!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Dealing with medicare/annual healthcare enrollment/paperwork

      • Tulip

        That might be a winner.

      • rhywun

        Opening jars

        This one has a fix. I love it.

      • UnCivilServant

        *tries to open jar*

        *Cabinet rips off wall*

      • rhywun

        Interesting. I’d give that a try.

        The cabinet thing has a bit of a flaw in that the bottom of my cabinets is kind of thin and the screws wound up sticking up so I put some electrical tape over those spots so they wouldn’t tear open my food.

        Also, I wonder if I’m getting arthitis. I feel some joint pain in my fingers and especially elbows. Yay.

      • The coolest vaccine-free BEAM in the world™

        Jar openers.

        I have the second and third ones, and can attest to their usefulness.

        Also, Rhy? For your arthritis, try boron, 3mg/day. I’ve talked about it before here. Worked wonders for me.

      • rhywun

        try boron, 3mg/day

        I have no idea where I would, or if I should, acquire such a thing.

        Is that in the vitamin aisle at Rite-Aid?

      • Chafed

        Any health food store that sells supplements will carry Boron.

      • Tulip

        I have a step stool and a jar opener. Don’t need a purse holder. Hmmm. Not sure I need a man.

      • Tulip

        Heh! You’re not on zoom any more Nick. What happened?

      • pistoffnick

        Moved out on Halloween. Still moving out (every damn night this week). Filed for a divorce today.
        Just got my computer hooked up at the new place.
        The eldest kid doesn’t care for it much.
        The cat doesn’t care for it much, either.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Damn, I’m sorry. Tough row to hoe, even under the best of circumstances.

      • Tulip

        I either hang my purse, set it on top of the tp dispenser, or hold it. I’m not putting it on the floor.

    • Not Adahn

      I’ve never seen a purse set down on the ground, and I don’t think I’ve seen one set down on the floor either. Always end tables and chairs/sofas/beds

  8. straffinrun

    This lady acts like she has never unknowingly eaten fast food prepared by a horny and disgruntled worker.

  9. Trigger Hippie

    ‘How do I politely tell my friends and family I do not want to socialize online? I love them, but I don’t have much in common with them’

    Stop. I completely get this. However, if the burden of carrying on any semblance of a normal relationship with your kin and friends rests upon your engagement with them online you might want to consider culling your immediate herd. Politely tell them that you believe social media has poisoned the well and any interaction with them via social media outside the obligatory “Look at my kids grow up ” or “I baked some bullshit” in am attempt to get a thumbs up is too much of an attempt to socialize.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Stealing P Brooks’ schtick?
      Fuck it, why not?

      ;P

    • Sensei

      I read that as those pandemic zoom calls.

      I’d say just politely decline.

    • Ownbestenemy

      My sister bitches that I am not on Sunday Zoom dinners. We never had Sunday dinners outside when we can make it into the area so she can just deal with my not dedicating all my Sunday dinner time to her wants.

    • Q Continuum

      Baked bullshit is my favorite dessert.

  10. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    I am going to do a Bob Ross-style painting at some point this winter. Being a nerd (in addition to basic bitch), I am researching how I can use his techniques to make scientifically- and geographically-accurate pictures. I think I am going to start with an aurora painting, then, if I like it, I want to paint Machapuchare

    https://pasteboard.co/WLdsTTs3z6Yq.jpg

    • Ownbestenemy

      Just change everything into a tree or a bird when you fuck up.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        “happy mistakes”

      • UnCivilServant

        “Why is there a tree up among the clouds?”

        “I couldn’t turn it into a bird.”

      • rhywun

        Or fluffy little clouds.

    • UnCivilServant

      How does a real mountain look fake?

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Also, I’m-a write it up for Glibs to satisfy STEVE SMITH’S demands. And by demands, mean…

    • straffinrun

      That’ll be cool. Getting the illusion of the mountain at the correct distance will be tough.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Exactly. The Himalaya have those type of crazy perspectives. A mountain can be dozens or hundreds of miles away and still loom over the landscape.

      • straffinrun

        Maybe you saw it, but I ran into the same dilemma when I sketched Fuji san.
        https://ibb.co/ryP8y1F

  11. Ownbestenemy

    Hockey Night in America and its pretty on my computer.

  12. Ownbestenemy

    Sitting here watching the hockey game. A memory just flashed. It wasn’t my ice hockey team, but our high school roller hockey team playing and it was a skills competition. Now, I learned from a figure skater on how to skate and I was damn fast. On the speed race I was flying but you can’t grab an edge on crossovers as well as you can on ice and hit the corners on coming out of the second turn behind the net. Still won.

    Also enjoyable was I was in the locker room and getting ready for the game and I hear ‘Goal scored by #89 ‘ I stepped out to the little girl that was announcing the game and asked her out on the spot cause I must have impressed her. She turned me down but said “I call your name so much and he has your number”.

    Just fun memories.

  13. straffinrun

    Eating lunch at the park. Ginko trees in fall smell like doggie do.

    • Gender Traitor

      To circle back® to last night’s discussion of esoteric knowledge, is it commonly known that ginkgo trees have gender? It’s the female ones that bear fruit of sorts, and that’s what stinks.

      • straffinrun

        No kidding I just got plunked on the head from one of those things falling from the tree. Not the first time a female has hopped me on the head.

      • Q Continuum

        Pointless trivia: only mammals have receptors that make capsaicin feel hot as a defense mechanism to their molars smashing up the seeds. Birds, OTOH, swallow the seeds whole and don’t have any sensation of heat.

      • Chafed

        I had no idea

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        That’s why adding some chili flakes to the bird feeder makes the squirrels think twice.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Don’t set your purse on the leaves!

  14. nw

    Put your purse where you like. Choose wisely. Stay out of my kitchen entirely.

    • straffinrun

      Alright, Dahmer.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    *takes purse off counter, hits librarian with it*

  16. straffinrun

    Some lady in the park is practicing “Silent Night” on the recorder. She’s not gonna be ready in time.

    • Chafed

      Is there a significant Christian population in Japan?

  17. The Late P Brooks

    Desperation

    )US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy stressed Tuesday that parents need to recognize that “Covid is not harmless in our children” after actor Matthew McConaughey said his kids aren’t vaccinated and that he’s against mandating vaccines for children.

    “Many kids have died. Sadly, hundreds of children — thousands — have been hospitalized, and as a dad of a child who has been hospitalized several years ago for another illness, I would never wish upon any parent they have a child that ends up in the hospital,” Murthy told CNN’s Erin Burnett on “OutFront.”
    “And the vaccines have shown in these trials for children 5 through 11 they are more at 90% effective in protecting our kids from symptomatic infection, and they are remarkably safe as well.”
    Murthy’s message comes after McConaughey, a potential Texas gubernatorial candidate, said at The New York Times’ DealBook summit earlier Tuesday, “I couldn’t mandate having to vaccinate the younger kids. I still want to find out more information.” The “Dallas Buyers Club” actor added that, as of “right now,” he’s not vaccinating his own children.

    Thousands of children! Dead, dying, queasy or completely unaffected. No difference. They must be protected.

    • Ownbestenemy

      We have just resorted to counting daily ills and deaths…covid is just the pretext. We are now a society of death.

      • hayeksplosives

        In Jan 2018–a bad year for flu—i was sick and felt severely short of breath enough to see my GP, a CNP I’d had for years. Figured I’d get some prednisone, a Zpack, and be on my way.

        She got a rapid flu test that was positive for Flu A, a bad strain that year. She pointed out how my skin was sinking deep next to my clavicle with every breath and wanted to put me in an ambulance to the hospital. I got her to agree to let my husband drive me, but yeah, right to the hospital we went.

        Once there though, it was like I was just one of those bad Influenza A cases that wasn’t going to make it. I had to chart my own numbers on my laptop PC and plead my case to the doc that something was wrong because I’d never NOT responded to steroids before. Sure enough, X-ray and sputum culture proved pneumonia. An hour of IV antibiotics later I was back from the brink.

        I have no doubt that many “covid” patients were similarly written off and ignored by ghouls who just make assumptions and like to pad statistics.

    • Chafed

      His numbers are bullshit if he is talking about 5-11 years old.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Beyond his platform as an actor, McConaughey’s comments are sure to draw attention given his interest in a gubernatorial run in Texas. “I’m measuring it,” he said of running for office on a podcast in September. “Look, it’s going to be in some capacity. … I just — I’m more of a folksy and philosopher poet statesman than I am a, per se, definitive politician.”

    He continued, “So I go, well, that’s a reason not to, but then I go, no, that’s exactly why you should, because politics needs redefinition, but I’m measuring, you know, what is my category? What’s my embassy?”

    He’s at least as articulate as Biden.

    • rhywun

      Well it seems that he not a flaming leftist so I say go for it.

      • DrOtto

        He was all in on Covid theater and questioning “mask hesitancy” early on. I guess it’s a good sign if he’s actually paying attention and changing his stance somewhat now, but I still don’t trust him.

    • TARDis

      And at least a bit more intelligent and sane than everyone in Biden’s Cabinet.

  19. Ownbestenemy

    Quite noticeable that the term “follow/trust the science” has dropped off the media’s lips.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Local ads added “very” to the “safe” when talking about pediatric covid shots.

    • Chafed

      It has?

      • Ownbestenemy

        I haven’t heard it recently. Or maybeci disconnected or ignore it now.

    • Gustave Lytton

      “They will serve us the steaks we use to…”

      uhh…. needs some polishing..

      • Chafed

        Gold polish?

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie!

      Hmmm… I have an amethyst ring. I wonder if that one neat trick really works…?

      • Ghostpatzer

        Mornin’ GT. I bought an 18K/amethyst ring on the Ponte Vecchio in 1995, and have not had a hangover since. Might be the ring, or maybe not drinking.

      • Gender Traitor

        Why not both?? ?

    • TARDis

      Good Mornin’ Glibs. Another fine day above ground.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, TARDy!

      • Ghostpatzer

        Mornin’!

    • TARDis

      Republicans are the new Democrats anyway.

  20. Not Adahn

    A manly variant of the purse-putting:

    I was brought on board during the base build of the fab.

    My first day at lunch, I got barked at by a pipefitter for putting my hardhat on the table, because hardhats are disgusting, picking up all sort of hazardous crap during the construction process. I’ll never pass as a tradesman since my PPE is (or was at that time) too pristine and not covered with a hundred different jobsite stickers, but at least I can try and fit in.

    • TARDis

      I never was much of hat wearer, not even ball caps, but I remember when putting your hat on the table or bar top would cost you a round.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Giving engineers and other non-construction labor a hard time is part of a contractor’s job description.

  21. l0b0t

    Random complaint – My fave file sharing site is full of recent uploads of No Time To Die and Shang-Chi. I loved James Bond (books and films), I loved Marvel (particularly Shang-Chi: Master Of Kung Fu, Power Man & Iron Fist, Ghost Rider, and Dr. Strange), I loved Tolkien’s works, I loved Ghostbusters… All of these franchises (and more) have been shit upon by Hollywood to the point where I’ve completely lost interest in them. Sad.

    • TARDis

      And they will continue to be shat upon because women and soy bois keep watching them. The spousal unit asked me if I wanted watch Black Widow. Nope.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Sad indeed. Watched Magnum Force last night. I shudder to think what woke Hollywood might do with the Dirty Harry franchise.

    • nw

      Do what I do, just ignore the garbage and pretend it doesn’t
      exist.

      Watchmen movie: never been made.
      Boondock Saints sequel: good idea, they should try that sometime.
      “Doctor Who”: just because you give something the same name doesn’t mean it’s related.

      • Sean

        “Doctor Who”: just because you give something the same name doesn’t mean it’s related.

        Yup.

      • rhywun

        I watched some new lady-Who last week and somehow they managed to dial the “frantic” up even higher from previous years. And apparently they’re still going with the “throw everything at the wall” school of storytelling.

      • Sean

        🙁

    • rhywun

      Yeah, I never thought I’d see the day when new Star Trek material is multiplying like rabbits and I have no interest in watching it.

    • Festus

      I really wonder when exactly that “butt-plug” entered the lexicon. For us it was one of the most snickering insults that could be thrown at another person. Something that we discovered in an elder brother’s smut mag circa 1981. Now butt-plugs are everywhere! Aging population?

      • Sean

        Now butt-plugs are everywhere!

        That’s a bit of a stretch.

      • Festus

        Butt-plug = the loss of bush. Crab lives matter!

    • Festus

      Judi bought one for mountaineering. She swears by it.

      • Festus

        She also has me on a vitamin regime that I don’t really approve of. I was fine before. I take them just to allay her fears. At least she’s not like her Ex whom is full-on conspiracy. Yet. That second shot gives me pause, though.

      • Sean

        Festus, my man, you need to find some joy. It’s out there, just waiting for you, but you gotta go look for it.

      • Festus

        I know that, Sean. I really do but “Life is short and life is shit and soon it vill be over”! I’ll abide and thanks for your concern. I have you Glibs for better or worse. This is a really bad time of year for me and I’ve got about five projects backed up right now. Bulldozer.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Avoid grinding over steaming pots

      Sound advice.

      • Festus

        Sounds fun!

  22. The Hyperbole

    Seriously people, KK left that fastball hanging right over the plate over eight hours ago and no one took a swing yet, I am disappoint.

    • Gender Traitor

      Yeah, I see which one you mean. ?

      • TARDis

        *snickers*

    • Festus

      He’s a charming, funny and attractive fellow but he’s no Burt Reynolds. He does seem to have caught the “Selma” bug. Does this dude ever age?

      • rhywun

        He’s more attractive than most of the other guys mentioned in that article. John Legend?! GTFO.

  23. Festus

    Whoo-Hoo! Today will be my last day until Sunday. Short weeks are the best weeks. Thanks Grandpas!

    • robodruid

      terminator/sexbot/ light mech-flea class?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Walking Wicker Man to be sacrificed to Gaia maybe? Shit’s bizarre…

  24. robodruid

    Morning Everyone.
    Festus, just want to say i like seeing your posts, and I appreciate your wisdom.

    • Sean

      *waves*

    • Festus

      Awww. *digs toe into the ground a bit*

    • Festus

      “wisdom”

    • robodruid

      Indeed, but not watching the news is not a bad idea.

    • Festus

      ” I promise not to snap Suzie’s bra strap so long as you place me in the desk in front of her. Becky? Talk to my lawyer…”

  25. Crusty Juggler

    Female Indiana elementary school principal, 34, is arrested after ‘sexually assaulting a boy, 15,’ and faces 36 years in prison

    She was caught on camera hugging the teenager in the school hallway and kissing the boy’s neck on a school bus, according to the Randolph County Sheriff’s Department.

    The unidentified minor told police in an interview that he and Breedlove had a sexual encounter inside her office at the elementary school, according to the Star Press.

    Innocent??????????