“I can feel it! I CAN FEEL THE POWER!” Kamala screamed, as the skies darkened and the wind picked up.
“You are only going to be President for a few hours!” Seresto reminded her.
“NO! I AM THE FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT!” Kamala said, her voice dipping in the sub-sonic, the words coming through like a deep uterine cramp. A crack of thunder shook the room.
“You have to finish the oath, ma’am!” Astrid screamed over the howl of the wind. “Before the eclipse is over!”
“THE OLD MAN MUST BUTT-DIE!” Kamala said, floating a foot off the floor. “THIS FEELING CAN NEVER END!”
“THE OATH!” Astrid yelled.
*****
“Kyle Goddamn Rittenhouse,” Kamala said bitterly, spitting out the words. “He took the news cycle that was supposed to be mine!”
“Yes, ma’am,” Kaylieghburrow said. She opened a Coconut LeCroix and slid it across the desk to Kalama, slumped in her office chair, folded into herself like a cooked crab.
“First female President, first Black president, first Jamaican President, first Indian President, first Asian President and all they want to talk about it that little chubby bastard,” Kamala said. She picked up the can of sparkling water and sniffed it.
“Yes, ma’am, Astrid said.
“What do I have to do, personally shoot a bunch of child molesters?” Kamala asked.
“It might be great for your approval rating,” Seresto said. “Child molesters are pretty unpopular in most demographics.”
“I told you not to open my food,” Kamala said, staring at Kayleighburrow. The girl took the can back and drank out of it and set it back down.
“Get out,” Kamala said. “I have to think.” She picked up the can and drank from it.
“And this tastes like watery jizz!” she screamed, throwing the seltzer can at Kaylieghburrow’s retreating back.
*****
“And no other ill effects?” Kamala asked Joe.
“From what?” Joe asked, smiling reflexively.
“From the colonoscopy?” Kamala prompted.
“Do you want to take a shower with me?” Joe asked Kamala.
“No, Joe, I do not,” Kamala said.
“He’s just sundowning,” Finnegan said, “You don’t actually have to take a shower with him.”
“Sundowning?” Kamala asked. “It’s 9:30 in the morning!”
*****
“I don’t know,” Kayleighburrow said. “I think he’s kind of sexy.”
“Eww, what the fuck?” Seresto asked.
“Pudgy, eager, hairless… He pushes a lot of my buttons.”
“Kyle? Kyle Rittenhouse? The Kenosha Killer?” Astrid asked.
“At least I know he would fight for me,” Kaylieghburrow said, pouting. “That’s more than you can say for most of the guys on Tinder.”
“You should be using Bumble,” Seresto said. “You get a higher class of guys.”
“I’ve never hooked up with a guy on Bumble that could ejaculate,” Astrid said. “They pound and pound, sure, but Mama likes her cream, you know?”
Seresto made gagging noises. “I never let them ejaculate in me. I’m not some cum dumpster. Two condoms, rubber gloves, and an N95 mask.”
“Sexy,” Astrid said drily.
“Look at him,” Kaylieburrow said, holding up a picture of Rittenhouse, “You really telling me you don’t want that squish?”
“At least I know he would fight for me,” Kaylieghburrow said, pouting. “That’s more than you can say for most of the guys on Tinder.”
These days, that’s more than you can say for most guys anywhere in the leftosphere.
“Sexy,” Astrid said drily.
[chef’s kiss]
Oh, yes! Now I have plenty to be thankful for tomorrow!
I give thanks for the guy with the defective pancreas. And all the other glibs that regularly produce high-quality work.
And thank you for your weekly column. It is much beloved.
Seconded. Particularly the addition of Lily!
Thanks to both of you. And I believe it was Tulip who made the suggestion that the pup should be a part of it. It’s getting difficult to get pics though. There’s no light at the park in the evenings.
LED camp lantern, jobsite light, or similar. Also justifiable for disaster preparedness if you’re on a tight toy budget.
Seconded. This place, this community is one of the few reasons I still have any faith in mankind.
#metoo
I have no faith in mankind, but I have faith in the Glibertariat.
First LOL.
Fantastic.
Chicks dig bad boys.
Also, what’s Astrid’s Bumble handle? Asking for a friend.
Is Bumble actually a thing?
It’s Tindr for older people.
I’m so damn glad I’m not single.
I have a GILFy friend that’s been using it to find an actual husband. So far she’s been unsuccessful. I don’t know how many flings she’s accepted from the guys there. She did date a guy from there for most of a year.
She hates the following tropes:
Mirrored Aviators (sunglasses in general)
Holding a fish
Trucks in background
I hope she likes soy.
Yes she does actually.
The boyfriend was a professional yogi.
Huh…
“Child molesters are pretty unpopular in most demographics.”
Excepting perhaps the Kenosha BLM protesting demographic.
Can’t shoot an AR without hitting one there.
And college professors (and coaches).
She opened a Coconut LeCroix and slid it across the desk to Kalama, slumped in her office chair, folded into herself like a cooked crab.
I love this!
The little details are like a quick jab in a storm of haymakers. Well done!
“He took the news cycle that was supposed to be mine!”
We all know she really said that. Bravo.
The girl took the can back and drank out of it and set it back down.
Kaylieghburrow’s other job is royal food-taster?
She knows, or is supposed to know, how Kamala likes her semen.
Potent and a little bit chewy?
Thick and rich and chocolit?
Seresto made gagging noises. “I never let them ejaculate in me. I’m not some cum dumpster. Two condoms, rubber gloves, and an N95 mask.”
So… she likes punishment.
Last week, he linked to Fauci BDSM porn.
I was thinking of a bit about “wearing two condoms to deny supermodels their pleasure”. Not only can I not find the bit, I think the reference doesn’t work as well as I thought it did.
To answer your question from the deadthread, I’m mid 40s. I worked in a grocery store when I was a kid. I remember per-unit pricing on the tags, and also in even tinier print on the label the number of items per case. The latter was helpful for those ordering and whenever we were making lists of what to bring out from the backroom.
Well, maybe OK was a backwater in supermarket technology. I remember prices first being directly on the products, then scanners came out, then the prices were moved to the shelf, and the the per-unit prices last.
Moving to shelf tags for pricing was a real pain in the beginning. They weren’t very good at making sure the labels were updated back then (I guess because it was a new concept) and many things were mislabeled or had the wrong pricing, a real PITA if you were on a budget and needed to know how much things cost. Still happens of course, but it’s much more rare.
Legally, they have to honor the shelf tag price even if it’s “wrong.”
I briefly had a position in the 90s maintaining the prices in the computer. It was a big step up from cashier. Possibly the first time I made more than minimum wage.
I remember when I was really young, the grocery store I ended up working during my high school years at had prices on the product and no scanners. I think they did have price tags on the shelf back then, with per-unit cost. Though, that far back, maybe I’m wrong.
I remember per-unit cost problems in math class in grade school with the teacher explaining buying in bulk was a way to save money over time.
By the time I started working at that grocery store, they had scanners and no more price tags on items except items reduced because of damage/too close to sell-by date. There was definitely both item price and per-unit price on the tag at that point.
Actually, they did have the price on the shelf back in the day of per-item tags.
The folks stocking had label guns. When they’d stock a shelf, they’d check the shelf for the price tag, adjust the gun, then label everything in the case as they put the items on the shelf.
There was definitely a gap between shelf tags and per unit pricing at the chains I shopped, because I remember doing the math in my head all the time.
I despise when they use different price per unit for the same product, different company.
I’ve seen some marked as per ounce, per can and per X ounce. Just give me one reference.
Wonder if the vendor dictates that? I have to swing by store anyway so maybe I’ll snap a photo of it.
Yup. My local wholesale club does that with TP — one brand is per roll, the other per sheet.
I tried to have my daughter do “toilet paper math” once.
“What is the better bargain? This here bigger package for a lower price than this here triple-roll smaller package?”
I wanted her to tell me how to figure it out, not actually do the math. That didn’t turn out well. My expectations were unreasonable.
Probably not the fun kind of gloves and mask…
N95s should work well for dripping ether onto.
I was thinking more along the lines of amyl nitrate, but you do you…
All a matter of whose fun we’re talking about.
I don’t have a favorite part, it’s all gold.
+1 can that tastes like watery jizz
(…or so I’ve been told!!)
I *like* coconut LeCroix. I’m not sure I’ll be able to drink one again sans gag.
ACK-CHEW-UH-LEE…
The coconut lecroix isn’t bad; the vitacoco and other “real” coconut waters are the ones that have the slimy texture. I can’t drink that stuff.
The lecroix is just fizzy water with flavoring.
Somewhere out there is a meme about how Lecroix is the equivalent taste of one’s foot falling asleep.
Yeah, coconut water is pretty nasty stuff, but tops for rehydration/prehydration. The VitaCoco with pineapple is easier to drink than straight coconut water.
Why can’t I find the JCVJ “I plumbed the house with coconut water” clip?
The VitaCoco with pineapple is easier to drink than straight coconut water.
That is not helping break the coconut water-jizz connection.
For that pineapple thing to work, do you eat the pineapple or just put the rings around your junk?
Both. It doesn’t work when you do only one.
I’ll drink coconut water straight from the coconut (euphemism?), but I’ve never grabbed a can. I think I looked at one once and it other juice in and loads of sugar, so I just avoid em. I drink a LOT of fizzy water though.
Me too. By the way, the Good & Gather brand from Target has some really good flavors.
A bit of lime juice, couple shots of To-kill-Ya, can of LaCroix Key Lime, perfect quick margarita. Couple of drips of liquid stevia ifn’ you want some sweetness.
To clarify, the stuff I use is 100% juice, but it’s a mixture of coconut and pineapple juices.
Yeah, that was my garbled “once and it other juice in”; they often seem to have other fruits juices added. I try to avoid fruit juice, so it’s just easiest to stay away from the canned coconut waters. Now with SF FORCING me to think about watery semen when I drink LaCroix coconut fizzy water, my beverage choices are becoming extremely limited.
I am thankful for the Glib site and all the work everyone put into it. I consider myself to be very lucky, in so many ways.
Lucky in that SF doesn’t have a video to share of Joemala. Thanks to y’all and Happy Thanksgiving
“They pound and pound, sure, but Mama likes her cream, you know?”
That one got me.
I am thankful for my oldest. Kid has a great heart. When I was picking him up from the bus he was lingering about and was waiting to thank the bus driver.
Apple doesn’t fall, etc.
Good job!
Apparently not all branches of the LP are terrible.
https://twitter.com/LPTexas/status/1463513808417218563
If only they’d left off that pretentious “I don’t know who needs to hear this,” opening.
…the right of self-defense can change circumstantially, particularly if someone grabs the gun you had been carrying that was pointed at the ground. (that case has a lot more nuance than anyone wants to give it credit for. That said I have not had time to catch up on anything that may have been revealed in the trial.)
Not to metagame real life (he says as he does it anyway) but the fact that this trial is being covered so much less than the KR one means that this case isn’t as effective of a wedge. Which means that both copsuckers and criminal coddlers are more likely to agree, which implies that the verdict should be pretty straightforward.
The state LP twitter accounts for KY, TX, CT, and NH all seem to be pretty much spot on.
Paging Sug, Neph, RJ and anyone else who loves old-school horror: Hammer Films Inks New Deal to Restore & Remake Library of Classic Horror Movies.
I was summoned? How did that work?
Anyway now that I am here, that sounds awesome. So many good films need to be saved.
“…the words coming through like a deep uterine cramp” I larfed, solid gold.
Made me look up sundowning- I guessed correctly but never heard the term.
Sundowning is no joke. When my FiL was starting to decline, the early evenings were ‘interesting’.
He’d start saying crazy shit or be convinced the red power light on the phone meant something ominous.
My mom went through something like ER psychoses. She came out of surgery and went bat shit crazy, thinking the Vietcong were over-running our position or some shit. She didn’t sleep for 4 days, I begged the doctor to knock her out, give her something to sleep, anything, and a nurse appeared with a syringe. Mom was in the MHMR field so she knew the drugs, she asked the nurse what was that, the nurse looked at me nervously and said, “I’m just flushing your PIC line,” best nurse ever, mom slept for 10 hours and woke up back to her old self. She later said she always wondered what is was like to be insane, and now she knew and it was horrible. She had a stroke several years later that killed her, but I was glad she didn’t go down the dementia path.
“The old man must butt-die!”
My imagination is running away with that one.
This really needs to be its own animated series on Saturday mornings…
(Okay, okay, to keep our family friendly rating, it goes on Adult Swim. Fine.)
I would love to see it done in the same style as the Smigel “Ace and Gary” cartoons.
but Mama likes her cream, you know?
That’s why I never pull out. ///ThugLife
I like coconut LeCroix.
I feel shame.
I fell shame
Hey, hey, hey! Go to box before you do shit like that!
Liquor company BRCC’s itself.
Whiskey Raiders, a trade publication for the spirits industry, first reported the news on Monday, saying, “A quick search reveals a great number of tweets regarding celebrating the verdict with Heaven Hill’s rye. ‘Bartender, give me a Rittenhouse Rye on the rocks and make it a double! Justice has been served,’ wrote one user.”
Heaven Hill evidently wasn’t happy about the free advertising, tweeting, “We have been disheartened to learn that some individuals and businesses have been using our Rittenhouse Straight Rye Whiskey brand to celebrate the Kyle Rittenhouse case verdict, despite the profound loss of life from those events.”
The statement went on:
“There is no link between our Rittenhouse Rye brand, which was started post-Prohibition to commemorate Rittenhouse Square, and this case.
It is our strongly held belief that in serious matters such as this, where lives were lost and people deeply affected, there is no cause for celebration, but instead deep reflection on how we can make the world a more peaceful and respectful place for all.”
It’s obviously unrelated to anyone that already knew the product and people are just trying to have a little fun.
Well. fuck that company.
Maybe because I like their product so much, but I’m not seeing the direct insult to/purging of undesirable clientele that BRCC, Gillette, Dell et al did.
instead deep reflection on how we can make the world a more peaceful and respectful place for all.
But they cucked out with proggie buzzword horseshit all the same.
That ‘having a little fun’ honestly comes across as tacky as fuck.
Man, you really don’t like KR do you?
Never met or interacted with him, so who knows? I do like Rittenhouse barrel proof rye…
But I think we might be talking about two different things here. What I find tacky is this: “‘Bartender, give me a Rittenhouse Rye on the rocks and make it a double! Justice has been served,’ wrote one user.”
It sounds like something Donald Trump would tweet.
I personally was happy that he wasn’t railroaded by a lying prosecutor and a lying media. I don’t know that ordering a synonymous beverage is particularly declassee. I mean, I personally wasn’t so emotionally invested in the outcome that I needed to go out hand have a drink afterwards, but people get wound up about their favorite sports teams too.
Idiots.
Take your sales bump and move on.
Besides, I believe 25 people died in the fucking riots. That’s a ‘profound loss of life’.
This.
There was no need to rush to Twitter to defend your brand. People aren’t stupid (in this case).
You don’t get out much, do you?
“odd marketing move”
Just quietly enjoying the blip in sales wasn’t an option?
Marketing folk gonna market.
BRCC/Dell were particularly egregious since company management was involved.
Honestly, I can see them attempting to head off a cancellation campaign.
I’m grateful for this meme.
Lol. And this one.
On topic, even.
Very Well Done.
“And this tastes like watery jizz!” she screamed, throwing the seltzer can at Kaylieghburrow’s retreating back.
It’s like being a fly on the wall.
Are we to infer that she missed? And at WH office-sized distances, wouldn’t that imply that she throws like a girl?
Like a president.
We can also infer that Harris had been with a guy with hyperspermia.
lol
Huh. I just usually have to go to sleep.
Not want to, mind you. Have to.
I thought bears slept for several months, not just a week.
I said I slept. I didn’t say how long.
That should help the budget.
In her first act in office, recently sworn-in Democratic Boston Mayor Michelle Wu signed an ordinance ordering the city to divest from the fossil fuel industry as well as the tobacco and private prison industries by 2025, according to the announcement. The action was unanimously approved by the Boston City Council on Nov. 17.
The move calls for the city to withdraw $65 million from its portfolio immediately, the Associated Press reported. Roughly 15% of Boston’s revenue comes from fossil fuel investments.
“In this closing window of time to act, Boston must lead by taking every possible step for climate justice,” Wu said in a statement. “Divesting from harmful industries to invest in sustainable and healthy jobs is not only the pathway to a green and resilient future; it’s also the most responsible stewardship of taxpayer dollars.”
But She Guevera said we have less than a decade now so what’s the point?
Ban IC engines in city vehicles, including police and fire! Ban the sale of new natural gas water heaters, stoves or furnaces!
Turn off the electric in the schools.
When did “Climate Justice” become a thing? I’ve heard it before, but it really, really, REALLY sounds so fucking cheesy.
Do these people not really think about what the words coming out of their mouths sound like?
Years ago
Actively destroying your economic well-being is rather new though.
Here you go.
And the answer is no, they don’t.
Guy sounds like he’s just trying to get through until Dr. Jill can put him down for his nap.
It is a thing because it sounds nice and people like things that sound nice (and by a curious coincidence help keep radical progressive authoritarians in power).
It sounds stupid and smarmy. I don’t like stupid, nor smarmy, things.
Next stop, nirvana! They’re so lucky. They probably don’t even deserve her.
^lookie the white cishet* male here.
*if you ain’t progressive, you ain’t really gay.
Christ, she’s only 36.
And a lawyer protege of Elizabeth Warren. Boston is soooo lucky.
Imagine with that much time on your hands how much damage you can do.
I wonder if they have term limits.
I’d disagree. They deserve exactly what they’re going to get by electing her.
If only her policies applied to just the people who voted for her. Most people in places like that have made the rational decision to stop voting, because they know it’s a waste of time. I don’t think it’s fair to say those people deserve it.
I don’t know. I bet they will Wu the day they hired her.
?
Isn’t this the chick that gave NPR the sads because she took a job that should have gone to a real minority?
Wu grew up in the town were I live. Her high school teachers were interviewed about her and they were riding her dick hard.
Was there a lot of gushing?
There were indeed a lot of gushing.
Bow-chicka-wow
Guilty.
Didn’t follow the trial.
Me neither. Seemed sketchy when it happened.
Idiots filmed themselves shooting a black guy. Whether he was a thief ( he was) or it was justified (what the defense argued), didn’t matter.
Not a comment on the verdict, but TMITE fuckers just can’t help themselves. From Sean’s link: “The disproportionately white jury…”
Right? Great sleuthing, Nancy!
Pretty good week for justice, good job America.
Yeah, from what I read, it seemed pretty straightforward. Maybe the one guy who did the filming wasn’t technically guilty of murder but I have no idea what Georgia law says about that.
Did whomever it was who sat on the video for two weeks ever get charged with anything?
Fair, IANAL and don’t know what all the different degrees and charges mean so it’s possible he (and maybe even the others) got over charged, we’ll see at sentencing I guess.
The obvious differences between this one and the KR one is that
1) KR literally ran away from the mob. Twice.
2) KR was one against many who were overtly, violently hostile (see also, mob.)
Though prosecutors didn’t argue that racism motivated the killing, federal authorities have charged all three men with hate crimes, alleging they chased and killed Arbery because he was Black. All three defendants are white. They are scheduled to go on trial in February.
This seems unnecessary. And I am glad thought crime is a thing…
Their neighbor William “Roddie” Bryan joined the pursuit in his own pickup and recorded cellphone video of Travis McMichael fatally shooting Arbery.
Does this have any more context that would, you know, show this persons contribution to the “murder”.
$3.25 at the pump today, down from $3.39 last time I filled up the car.
CNN Reports On ‘Deadly Boat Accident’ At Pearl Harbor
Mark Ruffalo Donates $50 Million To Found Joseph Rosenbaum Elementary School
That feeling when you’re WFH and it’s still “dead” in the office. Do any of those people work?!
I deliberately didn’t cancel a 3pm call today to see who actually shows up.
I have a 3 PM status meeting today.
Huh. Maybe I’ll cancel and we’ll see if the stars align.
That would be amusing, but I suspect the stars won’t align.
I normally have a 4PM but I don’t work with crazy people so it was canceled. ?
The one bad thing about a multinational work force is a lack of automatically knowing about when you should cancel meetings.
And according to MS’s Outlook calendar, Only Thursday is a Thanksgiving holiday. Friday is Native American Heritage Day holiday.
Boxing day for Indians?
Guy Fawkes Day for
IndiansGuardians.I’m sure that’s racist… somehow…
Well, George “Comanche Boy” Tahdooahnippah was a pretty good fighter…
I like to celebrate Native American Heritage Day by buying lots of consumer electronics.
I’d worry about buying anything expensive on Native American Heritage Day.
You think you got quite the deal, then the next day the seller shows up and says he still owns it and wants it back. Sure you can keep it, but the seller will never let you hear the end of it.
My thoughts.
I kept the meeting because 3 of the bozos on the call cost me 3 hours of work this morning so I’m making sure they stay the entire day 😀
At least I managed to break my Development environment – yay!
Got it fixed, though.
And now I want to murder the idiot at Microsoft who came up with the idea of hard-coding the previous user name when you’re trying to log into a remote server in such a way that it’s easy to lock yourself out and break the system.
Wednesdays. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I’ll start with “…folded into herself like a cooked crab.”
Another of those I hate everyone involved in this story stories.
Never forget that Irsay moved the Colts in the middle of the night because the state of Maryland had threatened to take the team by eminent domain.
“While we understand the disappointment of the St. Louis fans and the community, we worked diligently with local and state officials in a process that was honest and fair at all times.”
So…
The club moved the time for my Winter Steel match without telling me. Now we’re starting at 1:00. Which is fine, but sundown will put a hard limit on things for the next two months.
But, this mean that those of you driving in don’t have to wake up as early on a Saturday!
If you don’t feel comfortable bringing a gun in from out of state, I have a few long arms I can lend, just provide your own ammo in these troubling times.
What are the requirements for bringing a gun into NY state for a match?
Be friends with the governor?