She comes in and I swallow a growl. I want to shit in her shoes. But I have a job to do.
“St-st-strawberry,” He says, “Meet Commander.”
I loll my tongue. I scratch my ear with my back foot. She laughs. But I can smell her tears. After she leaves, I go back to sleeping under His desk.
“You’re a good dog, Champ,” He says. I whine and lick His ankle. His skin is bitter and cold.
*****
“I told her we should have named the new puppy Omicron, really seize on the zeitgeist,” Kaylieburrow says. Zeitgeist is a new word for her. She likes the taste of it and uses it often.
“That’s because you are clinically an idiot,” Seresto says, her elderly side-shave grown out to something resembling ear bangs.
“Technically, you mean?” Astrid asks.
“No, clinically. That clinic told her she was an idiot. They scanned her brain and everything.”
“I’m not an idiot!” Kaylieburrow says.
“You did get stuck in the elevator that time,” Astrid says.
“How was I supposed to know you had to push the floor button myself?” Kaylieburrow says, beginning to cry. She stamps away on her tiny feet. They are so small she often has to buy dress shoes made for obscenely rich little girls.
“Where is she going?” Astrid asks, “We have a meeting.”
“She’ll rub one out in the bathroom and be fine,” Seresto says.
“Whoa. Inappropriate workplace language,” Astrid says.
“I got one of those vibrators that sucks at your clit; it’s giving me a smutty mind,” Seresto says wistfully.
*****
CCTV Footage
Good Earth Market
Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Cashier: Man, you must really like peanut butter! You got like 10 jars.
Hunter Biden: Big weekend coming up. Big.
*****
“Why didn’t any of you think to get me a puppy!” Kamala screams.
“You said you hated dogs, ma’am,” Astrid says.
“That’s a damn lie!”
“Ma’am, you said, and I quote, ‘Dogs are shit-eating sock rapists and I won’t have one in my house,’” Astrid says.
“Never quote me to me!’ Kamala rages. “In fact, forget everything I say!”
“What was that, ma’am?” Astrid asks.
“I said, to forget everything I say! I won’t have my words used against me!”
“OK, ma’am, I’ll try to remember that,” Astrid says. She glances at Seresto who seems about to burst. Seresto’s vibrator sits at home, waiting for her, the red charging light blinking on her nightstand.
“No!” Kaylieburrow interjects, triumphant in her understanding, “She wants you to forget that she told you to forget. Don’t you get it?”
“I do now,” Astrid says kindly.
“See?” Kaylieburrow says, “I told you that clinic was wrong!”
lulz.
Nice job.
I could see her actually saying that.
Superb once again SF.
I could see her actually saying that.
#metoo
Yeah, way too close to reality.
Great stuff, SF.
Recalling that the voters were too racist and misogynistic to award Kamala a single delegate toward the nomination. Registered Democrat voters. In fairness, she had a mouthpiece say it for her.
“Editor’s Note: Some readers may find this story arousing.”
I hope not.
Sorry.
Don’t let a spud kink-shame you. Be proud of your disgusting deviancy!
I would totally do Astrid.
Is that even physically possible?
There’s got to be a hole somewhere.
Why would I let that stop me?
Yeah, that note was more concerning that the content.
“No, clinically. That clinic told her she was an idiot. They scanned her brain and everything.”
That clinic must have a massive backlog of clients.
That was my happy-line.
The warning made me nervous,
I was hoping for something a little more festive and Christmassy.
Doktor Grandma parading around in her sexxxy panty-less Missus Santa getup for the Secret Service elves, maybe.
That’s awfully specific.
Think I’ll skip lunch, suddenly not hungry
I completely understand.
It’s funny cuz it’s true!
I never had a dog rape a sock, but I do have a cat that loves to rape a stuffed polar bear toy.
He brings it into the living room so we can watch.
She stamps away on her tiny feet. They are so small she often has to buy dress shoes made for obscenely rich little girls.
HAWT
“What was that, ma’am?” Astrid asks.
Well played.
After a strong opening, I think that was my favorite exchange.
I assume the peanut butter is for Commander?
Merry Christmas!
Make no assumptions in this universe.
I assume the peanut butter is for Commander?
Eventually…
“How was I supposed you had to push the floor button myself?” Kaylieburrow says
Kaylieburrow is AOC in disguise?
Seresto’s vibrator sits at home, waiting for her, the red charging light blinking on her nightstand.
Skynet? HAL-9000?
Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
“I’m sorry Kaylieburrow, I can’t do that.”
Shouldn’t that be Seresto?
Nah, Kaylieburrow stole the HOE-9000 and tried to use it. But it has anti-theft protocols.
I don’t even want to know what biometrics it uses to identify the owner.
Relevant. (Couldn’t find an english version clip while at work.)
https://www.facebook.com/vuttanarobyrani/videos/top-secret/172626267022274/
HOE-9000 is better than HAL-9000.
Who is the narrator in the second section? If it’s Commander, he would seem to have an awful lot of information for a two month old. Which is kind of hinted at in the first section.
Commander then omni then CCTV evidence then omni again.
I’m surprised no wokester has commented on how insensitive it is for Biden to have a German shepherd given that they were used on protesters during the civil rights movement. As a black woman Kamala must be so triggered.
She sees the dog and reflexively yells “fweedom!!”
Well, in fairness German Shepherds were also used to round up and guard Jews, and the left is all about anti-Semitism these days.
The fact that he only has GSDs is a problematic sign of fetishization. The White House Kennel needs more diversity.
Poor Major, replaced already…
Never bite the hand that neglects you.
This is hilarious:
https://www.smbc-comics.com/
HM?
On international women’s day they switch shirts?
I will admit getting a half-chub. At my age, that’s an accomplishment.
It was this part wasn’t it?
Thanks edit fairy!
Seresto’s vibrator sits at home, waiting for her, the red charging light blinking on her nightstand.
Nice.
My late, great doge raped TF out of one of these
https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/product/petco-original-loofa-terry-dog-toy
There’s a reason I got a fuzzy little bitch.
Gah! Now I want to leave work early and play with the dog.
Do. It.
I’d love to have a dog to tussle with right now
Got a super-dooper TOP SEKRIT analysis running running right now. And this shift’s technicians are whiny little goldbrickers who will complain to my manager if I leave anything even slightly out of place.
Ha! I TOLD YOU SO you ancient hidebound unoriginal IBM motherfuckers!
*does victory dance with additional copper dendrite crotch thrusts*
Is that an organo-metallic copper epitaxial dendrite growth crotch thrust?
Dammit, I forgot the “vapor-phase”
We are in talks to take in a one year old, deaf, heeler/lab doge. He is a handsome feller, but we need a meet and great with our other dogs to make sure all is good.
I remember those figuring in the TV ads some time ago.
Cashier: Man, you must really like peanut butter! You got like 10 jars.
Hunter Biden: Big weekend coming up. Big.
Heh…gross…
For Tundra (and all the anti-Kamala dog lovers):
Yoyo meets the 5 little pittie puppies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWP4rwmdFV0
The only pups cuter than pit pups are Newfie pups. Which are the cutest pups possible according to the laws of physics.
I’m dead.
Yoyo is amazing. How far he’s come in such a short time.
That’s the Christmas spirit!: Fauci: Americans Should Ask Unvaccinated Americans To Not Show Up For Christmas
Get more of the same serum for the new strain, seems legit: Fauci: Definition Of Fully Vaccinated “Very Well Might” Change To Include Boosters
That second one…will be a huge issue with people I work with. For the past few months on our townhalls the question of “will the definition change” and they always answered that the policy is either one J&J or the two shotter and nothing else. Get ready people for believing that bullshit.
Company I work for was upfront that boosters would most likely be required in the future (or at least is was in the FAQ they released).
We have close friends that just got over Covid about a week ago. Both sides of their families have asked them not to come to any holiday gatherings because they’re not vaccinated. It’s sad and infuriating at the same time.
C’mon man. That’s just Science.
I guarantee that my in-laws would not interact with us if we were in Philly. They’re completely on the vax train. My wife’s niece in particular is completely batshit.
And now I hear that one of the extended family parties on my wife’s side was cancelled due to “not enough people being vaccinated.”
Bet that would have been a barn burner of a party… or not.
Natural immunity is a vast, right-wing conspiracy.
Invite the close friends over for Christmas.
We’re planning on doing more with them over the break.
Pics or it didn’t happen
No no no, DeSantis said this would happen a while back and all the professional fact-checkers assured me it was absolutely not true.
If so, that will bring my legal career to a somewhat earlier end.
I assume, from a legal perspective, that having taken the original vaccine would preclude any sort of exemption requests at the booster stage – or at lease significantly weaken it. Of course, in your situation in the health care industry, maybe one never got the option of exemption requests. I’m not sure how far the definition of ‘health care’ worker got extended in those mandates that had no exemption options. But in the general case, I’m guessing there’s no ‘backsies’ once you taken the vaccine.
I think you’d have an argument that you are allowed to change your mind based on new information.
In a normal world, yes.
In crazy world? It depends.
Right, but for an e.g. religious exemption, one would have to show somehow that your religious convictions allowed for one or two doses of a vaccine, but not three. Think that might be easy to dismiss out of hand on the part of an employer and make the request less amenable to legal challenge.
Hey, at the time I didn’t know the extent of fetal tissue that was involved in the construction of these vaccines…
“Boosters” were never a reasonable assumption is how I’d approach it.
“Commander”? I heard differently.
Will the cat be named Chairman Miao?
https://www.bitchute.com/video/sqTd8LtViqI0/
“I got one of those vibrators that sucks at your clit”
Thought about getting Mrs. Q one of these for Christmukkah.
You not up to the job?!
*runs from room*
My tongue can’t be here 24/7!
We have close friends that just got over Covid about a week ago. Both sides of their families have asked them not to come to any holiday gatherings because they’re not vaccinated.
Don’t be bringing your all natural antibodies around here, hippy!
Your leaky closing tags are more dangerous.
*EDIT FERRY RESCUED HIM*