The Green Slime

by | Jan 13, 2022 | Film, Fun | 217 comments

The Green Slime 

I am taking a risk here and reviewing a movie which exists on You Tube. The link has been up for 11 months so I take this as a positive sign. I had War of the Gargantuas in my review queue and then all the sudden, there is War of the Gargantuas on flippin’ Comet! So I pivoted to another semi-obscure but amazing film, The Green Slime.
What’s cool about it? Well, the title music is absolutely the best, maybe one of the top ten super cool just for the movie opening credit scene musics ever done. It pops up about one minute into the hot opening.

This was directed by Kinji Fukasaku, who directed mostly gangland (Yakuza) films prior to and after this. It was a co-production with Toei and MGM studios, which meant the film ended up having that Japanese monster film sensibility, bright colors and beautiful cinematography with an all-American cast. Speaking of those bright colors (and clean sets), I blame Star Wars for the whole ‘dirty space world’ look.

This was based on a short story by Ivan Reiner, who also did The Wild, Wild Planet  and War Between the Planets. The screenplay was done by none other than Bill Finger, the co-creator of Batman.  This explains why this movie plays like a comic book. Which is great! It’s all action with sparse dialog meant to serve as character development. Most modern critics this film is considered terrible. Seriously? I can find a five movies worse by throwing a dart. This did spawn a Green Slime award at Bubonicon, and also was the very first movie spoofed by Mystery Science Theater, so there is that. Sadly getting spoofed by Rifftrax or Mystery Science Theater can make it difficult to find the original film again. So here we are, watching the original on YouTube.

Robert Horton is square jawed Commander Jack Rankin. He was in TV westerns, and even did a cover of King of the Road.
His uniform looks like the Dickies outfits I had to wear when I did auto repair. Thick, gritty and uncomfortable. Seriously he just needs a little captain hat and a rake to look like he just finished cleaning up the lawn. But enough about the male actors! Look at Luciana Paluzzi  as Dr. Lisa Benson in this film! Holy Cow! She is still kicking about, no doubt due to her yoga regimen. She was also in the James Bond movie Thunderball. Her hair is perfect even when the Green Slime attacks and the space station is in disarray.

Our monsters tonight are green, but they are not slimey, nor slime like. The monsters did get their own action figure and are legendary in their own right, mostly for being stupid looking monsters.

I hope you enjoy tonight’s movie, I am compiling all the suggestions from last week and building out a plan for the next few months.  Watch this!  Or don’t!  Everything is voluntary!

About The Author

R.J.

R.J.

Hello. My name is R.J. I am a Tulpa with extra cheese and sour cream.

217 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    A few different people have reprehensibly tried to slime The First OF All Firsters. No matter how much I do for humanity and how much I tell them I don’t swing that way, they persist. I have to be ever vigilant. Constantly watching my own six because I can’t really trust anyone to do that for me. The task is to important to be delegated. Do you know what I mean?

    • R.J.

      Yes. I have been firsted. And this is the first first by you on this Thursday movie post after 18 shows. It’s historic.

      • Brochettaward

        It is the lot of a Firster in life to be unappreciated. To be the target of jealousy and all of the worst, base elements of human emotions that humanity has to offer. It is always nice to find the exception. The person who can appreciate that they have encountered someone who is just better than they are. I thank you, seconder, for recognizing my greatness.

    • The Gunslinger

      I think you mean too important

      • Brochettaward

        The laws of grammar do not apply to a Firster.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Your a loon.

      • Zwak, All dressed up in his ridiculous seersucker suit

        Is that an ironic loon?

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I hope so.

      • slumbrew
      • pistoffnick

        There is a radio station in Fourscore’s neck of the woods called the “POWER LOON”. After they say “POWER LOON”, there is a forlorn loon call.
        They still play the same music they played 30-35 years ago.

        https://live.theloon.com/listen/

        It brings back many happy memories. Most of my teenage summers were spent in that area.

  2. Count Potato

    *hits play*

  3. Spudalicious

    Enjoy! This is a great flick.

  4. Count Potato

    So that’s where Colourbox got that sample.

    • R.J.

      It’s been samples and redone a lot. Time was very limited this week or I would have added in a bunch of covers and samples.

      • Count Potato

        Covers of the opening song?

      • R.J.

        Yes, at least one punk band did a version, which I lost in a forest of songs about green slime. It is amazing how many people have songs with ‘green slime’ in it. I blame Nickelodeon for this.

      • rhywun

        OMG that show was great.

  5. Count Potato

    *gets groovy*

    • R.J.

      Holy crap. Typos in the article and my comments. Gaaaaahh…

  6. DEG

    Green Slime is a critter in D&D. Though, I think that critter was different from what is in this movie.

    Robert Horton is square jawed Commander Jack Rankin. He was in TV westerns, and even did a cover of King of the Road.

    “King of the Road” is a good song. I think also good for Swing dancing.

    Look at Luciana Paluzzi as Dr. Lisa Benson in this film!

    Yum.

    Time to start the movie. I’m still working, so I might not be all that active.

    • R.J.

      You enjoy. Tonight is a great one.

  7. Count Potato

    They spared no expense here.

    • R.J.

      Try not to look too close. It does have that Doctor Who feel for the monsters.

      • Count Potato

        Why wouldn’t a super-genius cyborg have a toilet plunger for an arm?

      • DEG

        It looks a little more polished than Blake’s Seven or old-timey Doctor Who.

      • R.J.

        Definitely the sets look incredible. The monsters, not so much.

      • rhywun

        I love the chunky workstations. Calls to mind that secret Chilean bunker for some reason.

      • rhywun

        Also Space: 1999 – some of the best TV sci-fi sets ever.

      • Penguin

        I used to have the model ship as a toy. Mom tossed it sometime in my 30’s. While I wasn’t going to play with it, I don’t even want to look on eBay to see how much they’re going for.

      • R.J.

        I had some of the Captain Scarlet vehicles. I got them from a toy store called ‘Toys by Roy.’ He had the Space 1999 ships too. Mine met the same fate. Dinky or Corgi toys, I think.

      • rhywun

        My (much) older brother had that too.

        I was never interested in that sort of toy, but he was a model nerd so he had all kinds of them.

  8. The Bearded Hobbit

    Fiona Volpe!

    • rhywun

      Guessing that’s the bombshell with her arms all over the dorky blond guy?

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Yup! James Bond villain from Thunderball. Companion to many fantasies to a young Hobbit. IYKWIMAITYD.

  9. LCDR_Fish

    Been meaning to look this one up sometime – I think there was a nice DVD release or blu-ray remaster. I’ll need to relook. The problem is that some of these period flicks are absolutely legit and then they get shitty US dubs or hack job cuts for domestic release which is how they get remembered locally.

    The one that sticks in my head even though I only have the nicer DVD release is “Attack of the Mushroom People” aka “Matango” – which is bizarrely a Toei adaptation of a William Hope Hodgson short horror story….would love to hear the story behind that pitch.

    • R.J.

      Attack of The Mushroom People is a freaky film.
      The Green Slime is worth a good DVD copy. I will say this is a nice clean copy for YouTube.

      • Count Potato

        It also came out on bluray

  10. rhywun

    Might fire this up during commercials… the freeze-pic on Youtube, this guy looks like George Hamilton. Righteous tan.

  11. The Bearded Hobbit

    Is there a way to force the buffering on YouTube? I am cursed with a slow internet connection. I stopped the vid for about 20 mins to fix supper. When I came back the video was as exactly the same spot and about 3 minutes later I got the pause to re-buffer.

    • R.J.

      Kind of. This is why I don’t like You Tube as a means to introduce people to new movies. If you have the settings “gear” in your web browser, lower your streaming resolution. This film is in 360p and it looks fine. Your version of YouTube may be trying to download a much higher resolution than is available. If you are using the YouTube App, I think by default it always tries to download the highest resolution possible, even if it is ridiculous. Sounds silly to manually adjust your streaming resolution but it seems to work for some people.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Thanks!

    • Sensei

      Been ages since I’ve done this. Use a web based downloader.

      First hit…. https://yt1s.com/

      I’m sure there are now others.

      After that play the mp4 with VLC.

    • R.J.

      That ‘Ben Shapiro Thanksgiving’ is awesome.

  12. Count Potato

    *gets groovy again*

  13. DEG

    The green slime attacking the equipment reminds me of the last episode of season three of Blake’s Seven.

  14. Penguin

    Hey! Return to Blood Fart Lake was a classic!

    • R.J.

      Somebody clicked on the links! Impressive! What are your thoughts on ‘Thankskilling 3?’

      • Penguin

        *mumbles* Yeah, you could be right about that one.

  15. DEG

    Let me guess, she ditches her fiancee?

  16. DEG

    Gotta join a Zoom. I’ll finish this tomorrow. Thanks RJ!

    • R.J.

      Thanks for coming!

    • Chafed

      ?

  17. Count Potato

    Well, that went by fast.

  18. Drake

    War of the Gargantuas gave me nightmares when I was about 6.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Konga did that for me at the same age.

    • R.J.

      Me too. It was an extra weird giant monster movie. And rather hard to come by until the streaming era. I will eventually review it. Damn near all the older Godzilla movies popped up (I think) because of Shout! Video. And that’s a great thing.

  19. Sean

    I ? this series.

    I’d like to recommend Highway to Hell for a future article. Available on Tubi. Featuring a young Kristy Swanson.

    • R.J.

      Noted. I got a ton of requests last week which will keep me going, I am adding this to the group.

      • straffinrun

        Thx, RJ. These are a fun break from the nonsense going on.

  20. straffinrun

    The slime is symbolic of which bodily fluid?

    • R.J.

      Eye boogers

    • Tres Cool

      Cerumen

    • Sensei

      OT today I learned a new word, 交配.

      Was not the kouhai, I expected. I’m sure there is a dad gag here somewhere.

      • straffinrun

        交尾 ブライエンド

      • straffinrun

        Dang it. 交尾 ブライエント

      • Sensei

        That took me 5 minutes to puzzle out. I hate western names in katakana.

        But good one!

      • straffinrun

        “Mix tails” is great euphemism.

    • Sensei

      Wow. LA is telling NYC, “hold my beer”.

    • straffinrun

      “On the way”

      Lol.

    • rhywun

      Holy shit. I had no idea this was going on.

      Another sign of our country swirling down the drain.

      • straffinrun

        Bring back the Pinkertons.

      • creech

        Or armed guards on every rail car like in “Von Ryan’s Express.”

      • Zwak, All dressed up in his ridiculous seersucker suit

        Yeah, solving this is real easy. It just takes balls.

        Lead Balls

      • Drake

        That is kind of ominous. Vigilante justice is better than none at all.

      • Penguin

        That never solved anything.

        Except, sometimes, the problem at hand.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Saying that LAPD doesn’t have jurisdiction is bullshit. Yes, railroad police have police powers under state/federal law, but that isn’t sovereign jurisdiction. It’s just like any other private/privately controlled property.

  21. Drake

    I watched the new War of Worlds movie on Tubi the other day. So incredibly bad, I couldn’t turn it off.

  22. slumbrew

    I blame Star Wars for the whole ‘dirty space world’ look.

    I think that was pushback against downer-dreck like ‘Silent Running’ – very clean, very depressing..

  23. Gustave Lytton

    Richard Jaekel.. might have to save this one for the wife.

  24. Hyperion

    Damnit the hell. This is just a shit night. So, i was gaming and I hear this ‘pop’ sound, and I’m thinking what the fuck was that? I really did not hear that and a couple of seconds later, my computer just goes off.

    So, I waited just a couple of moments and I get up and push the power switch to turn it back on. And I see fire fly out of my power supply. WTF? So I take the cover off my puter and I detect a lot of heat and then I put my hand on my GPU and it is REALLY freaking hot. So I unplug my PC an wait for about 20 minutes and then come back in here and plug it back in and turn it back in and I see a bigger fire fly out of my power supply. FUCK!

    Now I’m on my laptop and I don’t know the extent of the damage yet.But the GPU is a $2500 3080ti, and if the board is fried too, I’m sure I’m looking at, at least 4k in damage here, damn this sucks!

    • Count Potato

      Sorry 🙁

    • Urthona

      Did you put in a large psu? Those new video cards need tons of power.

      • Hyperion

        It’s a 1000 watt Thermaltake.

      • Hyperion

        And it is toast now, that much I am sure of.

    • Tres Cool

      Want one of my surplus desktops? I have Lenovo E73 and M73 both in i5 flavor. 16 GB and 8GB, respectively.
      My workhorse is a K410 ThinkCentre, but I need to get rid of some of the junk Ive acquired.
      Also, 2 iPads, 2 Microsoft Surface Pro, and an ASUS D550-MA. And an i3 Sony VAOI (VPC46EAFM, 8GB).
      This place looks like a paki beer/wine/cigarette pagoda, with DVD rental and cell phone repair/sales.

      • rhywun

        I’m forming a graveyard of dead computers in my spare bedroom/home office, because I’m too lazy to get rid of them. One of my New Year’s resolutions is to do something about that.

      • Tres Cool

        You hate to toss them cause despite being older, they’re good for “something”?
        Like minds.

    • LCDR_Fish

      Maybe homeowners insurance covers some of that? High dollar items?

    • robodruid

      Holy crud Hyp.
      I am glad that it did not burn down your dwelling.

  25. pistoffnick

    I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
    Oh, Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood.

    • rhywun

      OK Boomer

      • Hyperion

        Shut up, Millennial

      • Hyperion

        Shush, Millennial!

      • rhywun

        I’m early Gen X, biatch.

        Also, I love that song.

  26. Tres Cool

    Colbert just came on after the news…..counting down until the 1st Trump reference.

    • slumbrew

      can’t take more than 3 minutes…

      • Chafed

        That’s 3 minutes too long. He was very funny before taking over for Letterman. Now he is poison.

    • Tres Cool

      What is it? 90 seconds? 2 minutes?
      He went on about Jan 6 and hinted at Trump. Time to move to Pluto.

    • rhywun

      I remember his Captain America schitck or whatever the fuck that was a couple decades ago, and that’s about it. Late nite turned into garbage shortly thereafter.

      • Tres Cool

        MST3K is for me. Specially since Im about 8 beers in.

      • Chafed

        Good call.

  27. Gender Traitor

    I almost don’t care whether it’s good or bad law – I just love the name that Sen. “Moron” Marshall hung on this bill.

    • Tres Cool

      Why are you still awake on a schoolnight, little girl ?

      • Gender Traitor

        I’m just now getting ready for bed. We went out to an open mic downtown. TT and a good friend of ours – a ridiculously talented young man we’ve known since he was a pint-sized prodigy who’s now all growed up and sporting a full beard – were the class of the night, but we had to suffer through two other acts in between. Longest half-hours of my life.

    • rhywun

      I like it. More ridicule, please.

    • Tres Cool

      Tonight, me & Jugsy got Donato’s AND Fricker’s since Donato’s wings are C+ at best.
      You need to come over to the rich side of the Township.

      • Gender Traitor

        You know we have a Wing Stop now, right? Haven’t tried ’em yet, but they’re open.

      • Tres Cool

        And Ben-GIRLS saturday when Jugsy is having another fat girl party.
        Sext me their location.

      • Gender Traitor

        Done. I’m going to bed now. Night night! ?

      • Chafed

        You’re having an irgy, aren’t you?

      • UnCivilServant

        Never heard of them before.

      • Gender Traitor

        This chain. I’ve seen their commercials but have never tried them. Our new location is tucked into a narrow storefront in a pretty depressed shopping center. I wish them luck.

      • UnCivilServant

        Putting together the oblique hints, I realize that they were replacing the floor of one of that chain’s locations in one of the new Dirty Jobs episodes, but it was a case of “Someone forgot to get clearance to mention their name on camera” so the name got bleeped out. The hints went right over my head at the time since the name meant nothing as of yesterday.

      • Gender Traitor

        A fast food chain location that pops up on Dirty Jobs does not inspire confidence.

        I’ll let Tres try them first and check with him about 48 hours later.

    • Chafed

      Now you can enjoy the show.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yes, yes I am. Unfortunately it screwed up the channels. Uh… it was like it when I checked in..

    • CPRM

      60FPS orDIE! BOOMER!

      I hate the world. Yes, this should not even be a thing that exists.

    • CPRM

      A federal grand jury has indicted Baltimore state’s attorney Marilyn Mosby, alleging Mosby lied on mortgage applications and on two requests for withdrawals from her retirement savings in connection with the purchase of two Florida properties.

      I hate filling out paper work, their choices are always so binary. Do you rent or own your home? My answer is neither, but that is never an option.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Huh. App I saw recently had an other field.

      • CPRM

        That option never appears on anything I fill out. I have some paper work I have to file for work, when I filled it out 2 years ago an HR person told me how to file that part, but I can’t remember now. Oh well. Que sera sera.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      This is why we need bigger government – David Simon.

      • CPRM

        In 1976, was excomunicated by the church for marrying.

        So, he was a protestant?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Well…

        Groppi attended the Virginia Theological Seminary (Episcopal) in Alexandria, Virginia, during the fall of 1978. In January 1979, he continued preparations for the Episcopal priesthood by working for St. Andrews Church, an inner-city parish in Detroit, Michigan. However, his lifelong commitment to Roman Catholicism caused him to question whether it was spiritually possible for him to continue conversion to the Episcopal priesthood, and he aborted that pursuit later that year.

      • CPRM

        Ah, the old ‘I’m Catholic, I just don’t want to follow the rules. Just like the current pope.

      • CPRM

        On September 29, 1969, Groppi organized and led the “Welfare Mothers’ March on Madison,” during which over 1,000 welfare mothers marched into Wisconsin’s State Assembly chamber, seizing it in protest against planned welfare cuts.[7] Groppi and his supporters held the State Assembly chamber in a sitdown strike for 11 hours before police recovered the chamber.

        Muh Insurectionz!

  28. CPRM

    The cameo business option, despite saying so, did not let me send any kind of script. So we’ll see how this goes.

    • hayeksplosives

      ?

      Can you elaborate, or at least post a link to wherever you might have posted details previously?

      Also, good luck ? regardless.

  29. hayeksplosives

    For no good reason whatsoever, at around 11:30 pm (PST) I got a wild hair to make pretzels.

    It’s a skill (not really a recipe) I learned in 7th grade “Home Economics”.

    Put about a teaspoon of yeast in roughly 1 & 1/3 cups warm water (tap water is great; just not TOO hot) along with a tablespoon-ish of sugar to feed the yeast.

    Meanwhile, put 3 and 1/2 cups of flour and 1 tsp salt in a mixing bowl.

    After the yeast/water cup is foamy, stir it into the flour bowl.

    Turn the mixture out onto a floured counter. Knead 8 times, adding flour as needed.

    Separate dough into two balls, then those into three, then those into two. 12 Balls total.

    Roll each ball into ropes and then shape into pretzels. This is a GREAT opportunity to get kids into baking!!!

    Place on greased baking sheet. Whisk 1 TBSP water with a beaten egg and then brush over each pretzel.

    Bake at 425 for as long as it takes to look lovely, 12 minutes, plus or minus depending on elevation.

    Serve with hot Velveeta melted with some milk.

    • Sean

      Carbs. ?

    • UnCivilServant

      You skip the baking soda bath?

      And are these hard pretzels or soft pretzels?

      • hayeksplosives

        Soft.

        And no baking soda bath.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Australia, parts of it anyway, is pathetic. I used to think of them as sort of Americans with a funny accent but their attitude about all of this makes California look like Florida.

      • UnCivilServant

        Hell, the original inmaes shipped there were more freedom minded than the sad sacks still there today.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The descendants of their jailers live there too and that attitude shows.

      • Festus

        Canada, too. My forebears were indentured servants.

    • rhywun

      It seems to boil down to “the people cheer this on out of spite.”

      • Certified Public Asshat

        It would be nice if players refused to play over this.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Not gonna happen, he and a few others are free thinkers in a sea of compliant morons.

      • Festus

        The three of them are chasing that record. The other two are overjoyed at this development.

    • Gender Traitor

      So far I’ve mainly been exposed to “Baby Shark” at the local minor league ballpark between innings. I intend to keep it that way if at all possible.

      • Ghostpatzer

        OMWC posted it as Old Man Music a week or two ago. Worst earworm ever.

      • Gender Traitor

        Worse than the Hamster Dance?

    • Festus

      Is it the one with the milf with assets? That I can believe. Bored Dads having to watch that need something.

      • Festus

        It is not. Faith in humanity irretrievably broken.

  30. UnCivilServant

    Morning, Glibs.

    The lack of good governance on how users are created and authenticate made switching authentication services a royal mess this week. We’ve cleaned that up and should have the last random problem cleared up today.

    What a waste of a week. We should burn down the system and fire everyone who let the agencies run wild. I don’t care what tax thinks, make them follow the rules.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U, Sean, & Stinky!

      I’m sorry you’ve had such a frustrating work week, U. My week quieted down, even having to cover a few gotta-do’s for Reliable Co-worker, who took yesterday and today off for his birthday.

      Tuesday will probably be my day from Hell.

      • UnCivilServant

        I can provide moral support tuesday, for what it’s worth. That day doesn’t appear to be filled up yet.

      • Gender Traitor

        Can you pencil me in some time mid-afternoon? I should be tearing my hair out by then.

        It actually may be worse Wednesday, when I have to review the tentative payroll for final approval, making sure all the new pay rates are correct, the incentive amounts are right, and all the “special circumstances” accounted for.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Sorry for your troubles, UCS, I feel your pain. I spent most of this week cleaning up a mess caused by failure of a process which performs an update followed by an insert. Not wrapped in a transaction, failed after updates were committed. About 100MM records affected. Blecch.

      • rhywun

        My week was just one of those “sure, pull me in 14 different directions, I don’t mind” things.

        Thank G-d for (((early release))) today.

  31. robodruid

    Morning Guys.
    Typical same BS here.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘bodru!

      At least it’s not new & different BS?

      • robodruid

        I have been doing this job since ’14. Definitely same BS.

  32. l0b0t

    Ugh… Thursday is the only night I can get to sleep early, so I always miss these articles when they drop.

    R.J., are you a member of the snahp.eu forum? I ask because someone just recently shared (and I greedily downloaded) Blood Car, and the 2 Blood Fart Lake films. Then your article links to those films in a most serendipitous manner.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, l0! You’ve been sick, have you not? If I’m recalling that correctly, are you recovered now (I hope?)

      • l0b0t

        Thanks for asking. Yes, mostly better, but its still lingering in my chest. It was weird. Severe symptoms for about a week, then I felt fine for a day or two. Then it came back stronger and coupled with wisdom teeth action, put me in bed for another week. Also, kids were exposed to ChiComPox at their schools and ex was exposed at her school so everyone is stuck in the house until Tuesday. Ex tested positive, kids both test negative, I refuse to get tested. Good times…

      • Ghostpatzer

        Yuck. Better times are right around the corner, I hope.

  33. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’, all. In addition to typical BS I now have yet another medication added to my daily regimen. Something to address my… um… memory issues, that’s it! Not sure that’s a great idea, I’d like to forget a lot.of the last two years.

    • Festus

      Will this fabulous new pill make your dreams come true?

      • Ghostpatzer

        According to the doc, vivid dreams are a common side effect. Maybe I’ll have some AC worthy poetry to contribute.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! I hope your new med is effective with no worrisome side effects!

      (Remember – avoid all drugs that have their own TV commercials!)

      • Ghostpatzer

        Especially commercials featuring crooked root vegetables!

  34. Festus

    WooT! OT issues resolved! If I lived in a freer country I’d be logging into Gunbroker right about now.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Don’t waste all that good money, Festus. Hookers and blow, stat.

    • Gender Traitor

      O Frabjous Day! ?

    • Festus

      Double Woot! I spend the entire weekend without interacting with anyone IRL until Sunday (delivery xersons excluded)!

  35. UnCivilServant

    I hate when I spill my breakfast.

    I doubly hate when I spill it on myself.

    I had only been wearing that outfit for maybe a half hour.

    • robodruid

      Proposal:
      Lets all stay home and do nothing today. Its to dangerous to go out.

      • Festus

        I second the motion!

    • Gender Traitor

      ? Some days it doesn’t pay to get out of your pajamas.

      • Festus

        Some nights it pays well to never don said pajamas in the first place. Mornings, too!

    • Festus

      My Dad used to wear a long shirt, almost a painter’s smock over his work garb to guard against such eventualities. He called it his “Spaghetti Shirt”. He was a suit and tie guy.

      • Festus

        He was remarkably intelligent. He was also the King of bad choices. The acorn falleth not far from the mighty oak.

      • l0b0t

        I’m excited you got your payroll sorted.

      • Festus

        Thanks, Friend! It wasn’t the money, it was the idea. I’m still pissed at Kronos for putting me through the shit-show. I’ll just spendthrift it away.

    • UnCivilServant

      Everything helps except for the mRNA injections.

    • Festus

      I just smoke tobacco now but I’ve yet to get the Koof. There were rumblings early about the tar impeding the spike proteins.

      • Ghostpatzer

        I remember that. Didn’t help me, though.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        It was nicotine, I ordered a bunch of nicotine lozenges back when this thing started. Don’t know if effectiveness was further investigated or not.

    • Festus

      Those Gulfstreams were already exempt. What’s a few Trillion in grift between friends?

    • Ghostpatzer

      I’ll be fine, my 15 mpg minivan identifies as a yacht.

      • robodruid

        does the phrase “Tran-axle” work here?

      • Festus

        I was gonna make a joke about a “Lady-Yacht” and the man in the boat but the explanation seemed funnier.

    • rhywun

      Also private jets LOL

      ??

    • Festus

      What the hell happens when all of that eventually settles down to her ankles? Gumby?

    • Festus

      Bright shiny clean Christian girls have their own allure,

  36. Festus

    Hoo-whee! This weekend is fixin’ to be a fine old hootenanny if the first few hours are any indication! I’m already sort of buzzed.

  37. Fourscore

    Doesn’t anyone sleep?

    /Yawns/stretches