“Who are you texting?” the hair asked.
“Shut up. Nobody,” the hat growled.
“Are Twittering? I told you to stop Twittering!”
The hat ignored him, Blackberry keys clattering furiously.
“Is that Justin? Are you texting Justin? I told you to stop messing with that Canadian hairpile!”
The hat hunched over the phone protectively.
“Oh, fuck,” the hair moaned, “It’s drugs, isn’t it. Fucking drugs. I knew it. They aren’t going to let another courier in here again. Reince made the Secret Service pinky-swear.”
The typing paused long enough for the blorp of an incoming text, and the hat laughed to himself.
“TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE DOING!” the hair screamed. Donald groaned from the couch he was napping on and rolled over ponderously.
“Oh, don’t get your follicles all in a twist,” the hat muttered, “And lower your voice. He needs his beauty rest.”
“Give me that phone,” the hair said, reaching out for it with wispy tendrils.
“Never!” the hat exclaimed, waddling away from the hair with a rocking motion.
The hair leaped and landed on the hat, an uncomfortable reversal for both. The phone skittered across the desk and landed on the deep pile of the carpet with a muffled thud. Still wrestling, the hat and hair tumbled to the floor. The Oval Office phone began to ring and ring.
“Somebody fucking answer that,” Donald grumbled.
On the seventh ring, Donald sat up. “Seriously, what is going on? Do I have to answer on own phone? Really?” He pulled himself to edge of the couch, grunting, and stood up. The phone stopped ringing.
“Of course,” he said, “Of course it stops when I get up. This place is madhouse. You know that? A madhouse,” he asked no one.
“And now I’m up, dammit,” Donald said, looking around. He saw the hat and hair.
“What are you two doing on the floor? Get off the floor. You know how much wig and hat shampoo cost? Obama couldn’t afford it, I tell you that much. I don’t care what his speaking fees are. Not with that giant wife he has to feed.”
He bent over and picked up the hat and hair and his phone and dropped them all on his desk as tentative knocking began on his office door.
“Total sissy knock,” Donald said to the hat, “I’m not answering a sissy knock.”
Donald leaned against his desk and stirred the briefings he was supposed to read for the day with a finger. A couple he slid off the desk into the trashcan unread. “If it was important,” he muttered, “It’ll be on Twitter, not some dumbass paper. Who still uses paper, honestly?”
The knocking grew louder.
“Like, a half-sissy knock, at best,” Donald sniffed.
“Mr. President?” came a reedy, obsequious voice.
“Knock like a fucking man!” Donald yelled.
“Mr. President?”
“Knock like… oh, fuck it.” Donald jammed the MAGA hat on his head and stalked over to the door.
“‘Kim?’ Who the fuck is ‘Kim?’” the hair said distantly, scrolling through the phone.
When he jerked it open, Sean was standing there, a hangdog look on his sallow face. A couple of secretaries beyond him squeaked. Donald was dressed only in stained white underwear.
“Knock. Like. A. Man. Sean,” Donald said, punctuating each word with a solid rap on the outside of the door. Sean nodded numbly.
“Don’t just stand there, come in,” Donald said. He slammed the door after the man had shuffled in, eyes downcast to watch his feet.
“You wanted to see me, Mr. President?” he mumbled.
“What?” Donald said, holding up a hand to his ear.
Sean cleared his throat. “You wanted to see me, Mr. President?”
“Sean, you’re fired.”
“Mr. President…”
“No, not really, I’m just messing with you, Sean. You’re my main guy. I have all the confidence in you in the world. No one is your biggest fan but me, Sean.”
“Oh, thank you, Mr. President,” Sean said, his face brightening.
Donald stepped behind his desk and picked something up, straightening, he said, “No, not really, Sean. You’re fucking disgrace.”
Donald dropped an empty copier paper box at Sean’s feet.
“Get your shit together, but it in that box and get the fuck out of here,” Donald said.
Sean started crying, his whole body shaking.
“Sean! Don’t cry, Sean. I’m fucking with you, Sean. You aren’t fired. Learn to take a joke, will you?” Donald said.
Sean sniffled loudly. “Really, sir? I’m not fired?”
“Of course not, Sean. How can I do this without you?” Donald put an arm around the man and steered him toward the door.
“Kim Jong-un?!?” the hair hissed at the hat. The hat chuckled back at him.
Donald patted Sean on the back. Sean smiled and awkwardly went in for a kiss, but Donald held him off.
“No, Sean,” he said, “ We’ve talked about this.”
Sean nodded miserably.
Donald left him by the door and went back to stand at his desk. He and Sean stared at each other for a full minute.
“Can I leave, sir?” Sean asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Of course, Sean,” Donald said. He drew back a barefoot and kicked the copier box at Sean.
“Don’t forget your fucking box, Sean,” Donald said.
Sean couldn’t hear the hat snigger.
The new logo for the stories was created and provided by CPRM, who I now like more than the rest of you
The hair leaped and landed on the hat, an uncomfortable reversal for both.
Pure. Poetry.
Dudes, who is Sugarfree’s editor?
If you want me to donate, you better step up your game.
Other than that, I like the Kissinger style demeaning of Spicy. And I’m eager to see where the Hat/Kim relationship goes.
Grammar cannot survive the whirling Cthulhu-esque darkness vortex soul destruction that is SugarFree’s writing. No editor’s edits would ever see the light. It just is, man.
He bent over and picked up the hair and hair and his phone
WE DESERVE BETTER.
*reminisces on Nazi English teacher*
MAKE SUGARFREE GREAT AGAIN
People actually read SugarFree’s stuff?
It is like watching a bus full of children crashing into a car with the two-girls-one-cup gals, or clicking on suspicious links in the comment section of libertarian websites.
You know you shouldn’t look, but you do it anyway.
It’s not me. I have to be really drunk to make that many type-os, let alone miss them. But good story. Did he really fire Sean or not?
I edit myself, which is why it is always such a mess.
These euphemisms.
We expect banter, SF. Don’t get all obsequious.
““What are you two doing on the floor? Get off the floor. You know how much wig and hat shampoo cost? Obama couldn’t afford it, I tell you that much. I don’t care what his speaking fees are. Not with that giant wife he has to feed.””
Wookie magic..
You win this round.
*sprints away into bushes*
We both win for picking up on this magical passage…
I don’t know why, but the idea of Trump taking a nap on an Oval Office couch is really amusing.
Obama couldn’t afford it, I tell you that much. I don’t care what his speaking fees are. Not with that giant wife he has to feed.”
GOLD!
I think you got the silver.
Hey! If you ain’t first, you’re last!
I WANNA GO FAST! – STEVE SMITH
+1 Tony Soprano
that scene always gives me a tri-state warm-fuzzy.
That’s the only goddamn scene I’ve seen from the series, and now I’ve seen it twice.
I’m disappointed in the lack of fat shaming.
You know who else wore a hat?
Duh…Trump of course.
Wait, that doesn’t work.
OK, Abe Lincoln.
Not… Hitler?
Check it out – some of these pictures are probably genuine.
Yup, he definitely wore a MAGA hat.
I’m so glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I clicked that link.
Freaking weeaboos.
Well, they were allies.
The New Malibu Stacy?
Popeye?
Can I just say I’m willing to pay up to $40 (including shipping, though) for a bobble-Hat as depicted in the banner?
You can say whatever you want, Pan, this is America! Unless your comments can be considered racist, sexist, homophobic, Islamaphobic, mansplaining, othering, problematic, cisgendernormative, microaggressive, or triggering.
I mean, this is America, and we have free speech here.
From the PM Links thread, I started poking around Slate Star Codex, and this article brightened up my day
Those Modern Pathologies
It only gets better from there, climaxing in That modern pathology, Catholicism. My favorite is The Odyssey As Harry Potter, But Even Worse.
I always thought it was highly comical that all these ancient civilizations would put currency in the tombs of their deceased rulers under the belief that they would need in the afterlife. If there’s money, that probably means that physical scarcity of goods still exists in that realm, and that means that there’s probably some system of government that takes a portion of whatever possessions you have. That means you have to have a job.
It sounds like in their version of the afterlife, all the worst things about the living world are still there.
SSC is great. Sometimes a bit excessively verbose, but great. A few of his pieces are among the favorite things I’ve read online in recent years.
Once again, proof that peak derp can never be achieved.
Mom asks babies permission to pick up, cause…
“The new logo for the stories was created and provided by CPRM, who I now like more than the rest of you”
Awww. I thought I was the favorite.
You don’t want to be Sugarfree’s favourite. Things get weird fast.
Needs moar tentacles ?
I read that as “testicles”.
More testicles means more iron.
Either way
Don’t get jelly. You know you still my special girl.
So does SF have a blog with previous episodes? I know the master of literary madness posted them by on the other site but I don’t feel like digging for them.
http://hrsugarfree.blogspot.com
I didn’t start numbering them until I moved here, so chronological is the only ordering system.
Thanks good sir.
I like the graphics. The Hat looks like Crow T Robot, but in hat form.
Seconded. Kinda looks like the title card to the next Adult Swim masterpiece.
“‘Kim?’ Who the fuck is ‘Kim?’” the hair said distantly, scrolling through the phone…”
“Knock. Like. A. Man. Sean,” Donald said, punctuating each word with a solid rap on the outside of the door. Sean nodded numbly.”
Lol.
“Of course,” he said, “Of course it stops when I get up. This place is madhouse. You know that? A madhouse,”
It’s funny because it’s true!
I have now donated the first in the series ‘bacsheesh’ to your puny organization. Soon you shall be ensared in the overly-complex mechanations of Your Future Reptilian Overlords
What’s this? Donated?
Well, it’s about time.
I paid up.
Green Mamba Venom Fights Kidney Disease? Well, I… Well… Uh… I guess I should’ve bought my wife a Green Mamba.
Oh. I actually read the article. Only pertains to very specific disease.
Well, I don’t read your people’s links, why would I read my own?
Because fuck you, that’s why?
STEVE SMITH’S BLACK MAMBA FIGHT COLON CANCER! CALL IT SEXUAL HEALING!
*teenage girl* eeewww
How Glibertarians Date
Not enough clubbing and dragging them back to your cave.
I was scared to watch that and I can’t stop laughing. That dude has serious pimp potential.
How Glibertarian Contributors Date
No need to get personal.
How Vhyrus smokes pot.
With a hot, horny, shotgun toting girl? You bet your molson swilling ass.
your molson swilling ass.
Them there’s fightin words Sled Ted, meet me at the border.
How I Date
I expected many more waifu pillows.
JB is the anime pervert, HM is thiccness and some percentage of yellow.
Well, I wasn’t going to really share my home videos.
I thought she was gonna whip out a dick.
Still would.
How Glibertarians *really* date
Its pornhub isn’t it?
Now that I clicked it. I’m not sure if I should be disappointed.
Would.
Pentagon may have wasted $30 million on buying the wrong pattern of Afghan army uniforms
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2017/06/21/watchdog-pentagon-may-have-wasted-30-million-on-buying-wrong-pattern-afghan-army-uniforms.html
***
The U.S. government may have overpaid nearly $30 million for uniforms for the Afghan National Army because it used a private contractor who offered a camouflage pattern that is unsuited to the country’s terrain, the Pentagon’s Special Inspector General for Afghanistan has found.
The report blames the high cost, and the selection of a forest pattern, on the decision to select a “proprietary” pattern that would make it harder for enemy forces to obtain the same camouflage pattern as the Afghan National Army.
“Our analysis found that DOD’s decision to procure ANA uniforms using a proprietary camouflage pattern was not based on an evaluation of its appropriateness for the Afghan environment,” the report said. “We also found that the procurement costs to the U.S. government were 40–43 percent higher.”
The report said former Afghan Defense Minister Abdul Rahim Wardak “ran across” the pattern on a website in 2007, and “liked what he saw.”
***
[head desk]
How many desks have you gone through this year so far?
You can almost buy a seat in Congress for that kind of money.
Almost.
My mom could probably knit a few afghans for them for a lot less than $30M.
Freaking uniforms. Seriously, the only thing miitary uniforms help soldiers blend into anymore is each other.
I attended a retirement ceremony for a CMsgt once and he had an Airman with an example of a uniform for all nine elisted ranks. All of them utilities.
*in a counterinsurgency
I don’t get Navy camouflage. Is there somewhere blue they are trying to hide?
They want to ensure that anyone who falls overboard is impossible to locate. it saves on fuel and keeps emergency rescue missions short
Supposedly they turn orange in seawater.
Let’s hope no one ever sweats while wearing it.
Nope, but frankly on a ship underway you’re wearing coveralls all day (still blue, but you can remove them for flotation.
(and shore duties are getting new green/tan camo uniforms again – some like seabees, riverrine already have them. My new reserve unit – cargo handling/Expeditionary planning is ordering me a couple sets before I show up).
At least you don’t have to change into and out of khakis for bridge watch any more.
Complaining about 30m misspent in Afghanistan is like complaining about a clogged-toilet on the Titanic
Right after it hit the iceberg too..
Bernie Sanders Tells Progressives to Stop Suppressing Free Speech on College Campuses
https://heatst.com/politics/bernie-sanders-tells-progressives-to-stop-suppressing-free-speech-on-college-campuses/
***
The senator stated that “people have a right to speak” on campus, even if their speech is considered disagreeable or problematic. In February, leftist activists at UC Berkeley shut down a speech by conservative provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos using violence.
“And you have a right, if you are on a college campus, not to attend. You have a right to ask hard questions about the speaker if you disagree with him or her,” Sanders said. “But what — why should we be afraid of somebody coming on a campus or anyplace else and speaking? You have a right to protest. But I don’t quite understand why anybody thinks it is a good idea to deny somebody else the right to express his or her point of view.”
***
Kinda sad that a decrepit socialist is now Team Blue’s voice of reason.
Sanders got shit on pretty hard by the progressives during the start of his run in the election when he rejected open borders and said that low income immigrants were harmful to the American lower class. They basically treated him like the racist, out-of-touch grandpa for awhile after that, so I think he’s been on the receiving end of their nonsense before.
Between this and his refusing to praise Castro he’s actually coming off rather well for what he is.
i think part of sanders appeal to millenials is that he’s a harmless old man rather than an adult authority figure who seems like a “Boss”
he’s more like “gramps who gave me candy” rather than “my dad who ordered me to mow the lawn or else i’d be in trouble”
basically, they like the good things he says, and feel free to ignore the stuff he says which they don’t like, because they’re not concerned that he’d ever force anyone to do shit either way. He can be pushed around…. at least *mentally*;
I think a large part of his appeal, and Trump’s appeal, is that he wasn’t Hillary Clinton.
yes, of course.
something the press has really, really, really avoided confronting in the election post-mortems is the fact that Hillary didn’t even win white women.
its one of many things (*sort of like how many black people don’t really like gays) that progs have swept under the rug and pretended doesn’t matter
i think the most difficult thing isn’t that hillary was so unlikeable that she even estranged her own demographic (although it think that’s true)… i think the most difficult thing for them is confronting the fact that …
…maybe, just maybe, many women don’t actually trust other women all that much. and many women don’t really want other women to run the country. Or, at least none of the women who’ve applied for the job so far.
I saw The Hildebeast being interviewed the other day. She trashed everyone. The DNC, the media, her own campaign people, ….everyone. She is very angry because everyone is incompetent but herself. Whoever the stooge interviewing her was they were kind of speechless.
Between her delusion and her drink I am confident that she will be drooling on herself in short order between bouts of throwing things around and screaming. She probably demands that the house staff refer to her as ‘Madame President’.
This gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.
yes.
everything you say is basically part of my response to this piece where someone had the temerity to suggest she’s just gleefully waiting for her comeback run in 2020
she’s never running for anything ever again. she’s bust. you think any donors are going to throw good money on her for a 3rd run? where are her political allies? they’re all old and washed up too. frankly she was done before 2016 and everyone was too stupid to realize it. but they sure as hell realize it now. if she has any friends, they’re other people who are just as fucked as she is. but i think anyone with a viable career in politics sees her a leper and won’t come near her.
I think demographics do matter. I’d find it hard to believe that blacks weren’t more likely to vote for Obama, or Mormons for Romney. But demographics only matter if there is a shared sense of identity among that demographic. The thing is, being a successful white woman in 2016 isn’t much of thing. And white women are far from a minority or homogeneous group. The majority of married white woman are pro-life. The majority of single-white woman are pro-choice. Age and economic status are also huge factors. So the demographic “white women” is this this externally applied category. Yes, women think of themselves as women first, but I doubt white or not would be the second way they would sort themselves.
HRC didn’t appeal to young white Starbucks women because she didn’t seem like she was authentically progressive and feminist. She didn’t appeal to older white women because she wasn’t conservative enough. And then factor in young women who are for a lack of better term “culturally conservative” — women in swing states who don’t read National Review, but date guys who hunt deer and drive trucks…
The other thing is that she actually was untrustworthy. So I don’t think was so much a matter of women not trusting her. It was a matter of anyone who had half the sense god gave a lemon not trusting her. Which only left those who were blind-drunk on progressive kool-aid.
“She didn’t appeal to older white women because she wasn’t conservative enough.”
Have you met any elderly white woman who supported Bernie? They exist.
“something the press has really, really, really avoided confronting in the election post-mortems is the fact that Hillary didn’t even win white women.”
I seem to remember some progs writing articles about “Dear White Women: You’re racist Trump voters and you betrayed womanhood, you may as well be men.”
example
That isn’t confronting an issue, that is deflection.
“Have you met any elderly white woman who supported Bernie? They exist.”
But married women (and older women generally) are more conservative than their younger, single counterparts. My mother has been getting more and more conservative lately. Not sure if that is to shut up Dad who can only listen to Fox or if she really feels that way- but she was never going to vote for Killary.
Sanders is an idiot Socialist buffoon. He does have ethics.
“What did we ever see in this guy?”
“I dunno…. BOO! HISS!”
Wouldn’t it be great if the Dems nominated Bernie in ’20? Then the Dem party could die, and the Republicans would fracture without a common enemy. Hell, we might see a new major party. So, big state war boner Republicans vs libertarians?
Hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahaha
Or, equally improbable, the Bern Tour could visit every college campus and convince today’s youth to come back to reality.
If you could bring Sasha Shulgin, Albert Hoffman, Sigmund Freud, and Harvey Cushing, back from the dead, they couldn’t come up with a such a cure.
Bernie Sanders is an honest, crazy old man.
You know what Hillary Clinton was thinking about these anti-free speech nut jobs on college campuses?
“These people can help me win!”
Class action lawsuit against Home Depot over lumber dimensions.
1) These standards have been around since before my grandfather was born. Lumber descriptions are nominal, not actual dimensions.
2) Any plaintiffs in this lawsuit should have their penises surgically removed. If you didn’t know that 2x4s aren’t 2 inches by 4 inches, you don’t deserve to have a dick.
Wasn’t that a scene in Fire Walk With Me? (Thank you RLM.)
Does the label say 2×4 or 2″x4″?
Label?
*blank stare*
2×4.
Further, the dimensions are provided on the label for somebody who has never seen wood before.
At the home depot here (and lowes) they give both the nominal and actual dimensions. I can only imagine that these people didn’t have dads, so I feel sorry for them.
One day, I was sent out to buy 3/4” plywood. I was worried when I brought back 23/32” instead.
And then the house fell down?
And all the orphans were crushed!
*sobs*
And then I learned what 3/4″ means.
Next up, idiots confused over board feet not matching normal feet. If you don’t know the actual sizes of the boards you’re buying, someone else should be doing the construction. Morons.
Exactly.
I disagree.
their penises should be pulverized between a pair of 2x4s swung by lumberjacks
What, and then they end up like this?
If you want actual 2×4’s etc you have to go to a sawmill and have them cut. A person that doesnt know lumber dimensions has no business buying lumber.
you would be amazed at how many people ask about that.
No, they don’t ask. they inform me I’m incorrect.
Uh-huh
EU Greens: “send whole Syrian villages” to Eastern Europe for better integration
https://www.jihadwatch.org/2017/06/eu-greens-send-whole-syrian-villages-to-eastern-europe-for-better-integration
***
The Vice President of the Greens-European Free Alliance group, Ska Keller, wants to see “whole Syrian villages” relocated to Eastern Europe. She thinks that “moving migrants in huge numbers would improve integration” because “people like to go where they can be among their own countrymen.”
***
I have run out of desks to head desk.
I’m sure the Poles and Czechs will be totally on board with that.
Before this horseshit is over there will be blood. It will not end well.
I see at the very least the EU breaking up.
*happy dance*
If the EU tries to force this on Eastern Europe, I won’t be surprised to see a bunch of them pull a Brexit.
EU money and free migration are big things that might keep them in for a while.
Yes, countries that don’t want refugees are pretty into having their people work in UK or Germany and shipping money back home. Not judging, just saying…
This is the only time you’ll ever hear Pan Zagloba say something even close to negative about his dear Polish overlords.
Well, there was the less-than-stellar behaviour in early 1939, though arguably no more shameless than that of UK or France.
Oh, and Sobietski’s failure to crush Brandenburg. Talk about a what-if…
So, by that logic wouldn’t they prefer to stay put?
They like being among their countrymen so much they’re been constantly trying to murder each other for years.
“people like to go where they can be among their own countrymen.”
Isn’t that what the people who are opposed to immigration want for themselves? I mean really, this is the dumbest thing anyone can possibly say in the context of immigration.
… in the context of being pro-immigration.
No, it is exactly correct. The Syrians get to be far away from any interactions with Europeans who might influence their culture or prevent sharia law and thus
causeforce them to get explodey, and the based Poles can have their ethnostate they deserve. See, perfect integration and harmony! /simprove integration.
people like to go where they can be among their own countrymen.
You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.
Oh god, there’s pictures now.
Students launch libertarian club at small Oregon college and get harassed, investigated, condemned
https://www.thecollegefix.com/post/33727/
***
The liberty-loving students say they faced repeated and intense backlash from some professors and students after launching their club this past spring — mostly notably their event with controversial Professor Jordan Peterson was canceled by campus leaders. Peterson is the University of Toronto psychologist recently famous for his opposition to the requirement of made-up gender pronouns.
The student group was also investigated for circulating a “free speech ball” on which someone drew Pepe the Frog, the unofficial alt-right mascot. After an investigation, during which YAL leaders were called in and interrogated, the student who drew the image was forced to write a conciliatory essay.
Another of their events, a screening of “The Red Pill,” a documentary on men’s rights activists and critical of the contemporary feminist movement, drew even more ire from campus leaders, with one even likening the libertarian students’ events to terrorism recruitment.
The associate dean of faculty wrote in the Linfield Review: “Just as becoming a terrorist is a gradual, step by step process, people do not become part of the alt right overnight. These events represent a kind of soft recruitment into more extremist ideas.”
Another professor accused YAL of threatening the school’s “safe spaces.”
***
[Kiff sigh]
So, in their minds, there’s the left, and the alt-right, and no middle ground?
Wonder what happened to the regular right.
either you are a fully-committed prog, or you’re just a Nazi White-Supremacist Waiting To Happen.
They’re the ones who just sat there and took it from the left for 40 years, which is why leftists always pine for “responsible” conservatives.
Um… or else what?
Considering it’s a Baptist college, I’m guessing decapitation?
From a source (Relative’s friend who went to one in California,) The dean/pastor/headman yells at you, says they should kick you out, and you’re a terrible Christian and going to hell.
Or something close to that.
Moby releases cartoon music video featuring you-know-who as a dollar sign/swastika transformer. Shitty music, cool animation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmi-MtP969M
Holy virtue signals, batman!
So I assume he’s giving away all of his music for free, right?
Yes, Moby, you’re a vegan, we get it.
Now shut the fuck up about it.
I remember him not shutting up about that when he was sort-of relevant a couple decades ago.
The time Moby got jumped in Boston.
What’s the frequency, Kenneth?
Students say term “Radical Islam” is too offensive to use; unable to name terrorist group of any other religion
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLKTwYVWnb0
[head desk]
Do any of those boys have fathers? No one ever told them to stand up straight, look people in the eye and call things what they are? Who is teaching honesty, courage, respect anymore? Does anyone?
I taught my son those things. He hit the ground running and has left his generation behind. He smoked them.
“Who is teaching honesty, courage, respect anymore?”
Plato and the Boy Scouts- both dead.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardinal_virtues
Yokels and rural Americana.
What To Do (And Not Do) When Someone Asks for Different Gender Pronouns
http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/11/pronoun-etiquette/
***
Don’t:
Ooooh….I’ll tryyyyy but I’m warning you I’m going to mess that up so much.
Why:
We know you will. Everyone does, at least at first. But it’s boring to be reminded right up front about how difficult and inconvenient our genders are to you.
Do:
I don’t believe in this whole ‘gender theory’ transgender thing.
Why?
So I can decide immediately not to waste my time with an ignorant asshole like you.
***
Charming author. What’s not to like?
I don’t want to fuck anybody in that cartoon.
Eichenwald’s got you covered.
Boring! I could get more tentacles ordering an appetizer at Applebee’s.
Sounds like you need a visit from STEVE SMITH’s faithful steed.
(SUPER NSFW)
Whatever. I’ll pair him with the favorite for the exacta in the fifth.
“Thanks, I was thinking the same thing!”
“Dude, I burned out on crazy a long time ago. I dont have patience for that shit.”
That seems like the appropriate response to me.
Ever notice how much SJW’s love to say “it’s not about you?”
“This is about MY need for attention, not yours!”
So I can decide immediately not to waste my time with an ignorant asshole like you.
This sound like a fair and equitable approach – let’s both settle on it!
Tell you what, cupcake, I’ve got a better solution. How about I hear your bullshit, stare at you incredulously for a couple of seconds, point at you, laugh and shake my head, and walk away.
Why isn’t Derpetologist posting any links? Is my internet broken?
I don’t have to get up at 4 AM tomorrow and I’m procrastinating on my Klingon homework.
Hence the flurry of posts.
2 months til graduation.
Qapla’!
today in projection
“Psychological research shows people are too tribal and afraid to admit they were wrong…”
-Amanda Marcotte
http://www.salon.com/2017/06/21/no-regrets-for-trump-voters-the-media-needs-to-stop-looking-for-buyers-remorse/
***
“People, when they’re motivated to form a certain position, then they’re just going to dismiss [the] facts,” explained Dan Kahan, a professor of law and psychology, in a phone interview. “They’re going to dismiss the evidence behind them. They’re also going to tune into the kinds of communications that reinforce what they already believe.”
Kahan runs the Cultural Cognition Project at Yale Law School and has extensively researched the issue of political persuasion and whether it’s even possible to persuade people to change their mind about tightly held political beliefs. The answer, he and his colleagues have found, is largely no. When people are confronted with evidence that their beliefs are wrong, instead of changing their mind, they tend to dismiss the facts or make rationalizations rather than admit that they have held an unfounded belief.
***
Huh, sounds familiar.
***
Part of the reason, Kahan explained, is that people have strong, emotional reasons for their political beliefs, and challenging their beliefs can be experienced as a threat to their very identity.
***
ding ding ding
***
Barack Obama, for instance, spoke directly to a lot of liberals who saw themselves in his urbane erudition and modern sensibility, and felt their vote for him was as much a vote for membership in the liberal tribe.
***
[head desk]
Let me guess; evidence that they are wrong amounts to proggie talking points?
evidence that their beliefs are wrong
Yeah, with that little phrase, I’m going to bet we can say with 95% certainty that the paper this study was printed on would have found much more productive use in a men’s room.
Canada’s finest
That was not Sakura Sena.
She’s Japanese. I’m not even sure we have Canadian porn stars, if we did I’m sure CANCON laws would have made me aware of them by now.
You maniacs! You blew it up!
Battle for Mosul: IS ‘blows up’ al-Nuri mosque
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-40361857
***
So-called Islamic State (IS) has blown up the Great Mosque of al-Nuri in Mosul, Iraqi forces say.
The ancient landmark with its famous leaning minaret was where IS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi proclaimed a “caliphate” in 2014.
However, IS claims that US aircraft destroyed the complex, in a statement issued by its news outlet Amaq.
Iraqi Prime Minister Haider al-Abadi said blowing up the mosque was “an official declaration of defeat” by IS.
Aerial photos show that the mosque and minaret has been largely destroyed.
The Iraqi commander in charge of the offensive to retake Mosul said troops were within 50 metres of the mosque when IS “committed another historical crime”.
A senior US commander in Iraq said IS had destroyed “one of Mosul and Iraq’s great treasures”.
***
Everything over there is built on the ruins of something else. This shit has been going on since the beginning of time. I have no idea what we think we are going to accomplish there and neither does anyone else.
“Archaeologists have discovered a new site in the middle east that is at least 20,000 years old. They say the evidence they have found so far indicate that life there was very violent and brutal. My how things have changed in only 20,000 years!”
-Old Jay Leno joke I remember.
Didn’t they blow up the Ctesiphon arch or another similar one?
It’s still intact, I do know that they blew up a couple ruins of old ruins around Palmyra.
Here’s what you might have been thinking of.
ISIS also, charmingly, used the Roman theatre there as a venue for executions.
Might have been, though I thought I remembered them blowing up some kind of freestanding arch.
Don’t know what it is about this site, but it takes forever sometimes to load when I’m using my IPhone. Other sites load quickly and I have no problem with the home PC. Anybody else have this problem?
*Insert smartass comment about Apple here*
My phone is terrible. It doesn’t work to begin with, so I can’t blame any slow load times on the site.
About as slow as all the rest on it, though.
No, because I don’t use a fucking iPhone.
It’s a family plan, guys. Wife gets points, so I don’t have a choice. The IPhone sucks, but it’s like it truly hates this site.
Family of four, here. 3 motherfucking iPhones and mine. No plan, but they had to have the goddamn things.
*tests*
Loads immediately on my iPhone.
I’m sure it’s a problem on my end, just wondering if anyone else had a similar problem.
OH SHIT ITS THE RUSSIANS
Junior high students rip elementary English as ‘useless’: survey
Mommy giving you a handjob to break up the monotony isn’t “useless”, Toru.
Jr. HS students are experts on everything.
They’re actually right in this case. The ALTs (assistant language teachers) they’ve been hiring recently come from places like the Philippines, Indonesia etc. My daughter’s school’s ALT is from Burkina Faso. I can’t understand anything he says. To the adults, anyone not Japanese is fluent in English. The kids know better.
I didn’t know if they meant ‘my engrish no good’ or if they meant they thought english was useless. Maybe my engrish no good.
I thought English teachers had to have a degree and either be a native English speaker from an English speaking country or have 12 years of verified English classes? Things have changed?
They must have loosened up the requirements or they’ve broadened what it means to be from an “English speaking country”. Not my field so I’m not up on what’s happening. I just see the results. Seems to be fewer and fewer American, Canadian and Aussie expats around.
Interesting. I finished school (2002) right when JET was tightening up restrictions – actual English degree – vs. any college degree – teaching experience preferred, etc. I was really hoping to get in on the official JET program after the great stories I’d been hearing – almost went over with a program sponsored by a US university (some private school in TN/KY). Most of the private companies who were still hiring native english speakers had extremely mixed reviews based on location, etc.
I woulda thought they’d have no problem with the current set of millenials with their useless degrees, etc to fill those spots and at least get a fluent, marginally competent English speaker…but ymmv.
Sadly looks like the site for my favorite JET teacher stories – gaijinsmash.net is no longer up….been a few years since I last checked it though.
No shit.
I ate that shit up. But I’m a language nerd.
You and I are cut from a different cloth, yes.
It’s like looking in a mirror.
Think tank. Also, Bennesse.
In general, if given a choice between what is easy and what is effective, most people go for what is easy. Same for language teaching. Teaching grammar is easy: here are the rules, learn them.
However, many people get so focused on grammar that they forget the purpose of language: to speak and express your thoughts
Speaking ungrammatically is better than worrying so much on getting the grammar right that you get flustered and can’t speak.
I say to hell with the rules. Nobody learns to speak their first language with an explicit understanding of grammar. You just imitate what you hear and try to remember and incorporate the corrections as you go.
Random thoughts on language learning
-Most courses are organized by topic rather than frequency, which is stupid. When I took French in high school, I learned the word for lobster before I learned the word for enough.
-The best way to practice is to speak, which is hard when the only fluent speaker is the teacher. The next best thing is to do a lot of passive listening, which at least trains your ears to the sound and rhythm of the language
-Another good method is to listen to a clip while reading its transcript.
-Memorizing phrases is easier and more useful than learning words one by one and trying to put them together correctly.
-I doubt whether anyone learns to think in a foreign language. I think they just get faster and faster at translating what they want to say mentally.
-If a language can be learned, it can be translated. If it can be translated, there is no need to learn it.
-You can get most of the benefit of another language by learning the 300 most common words, which account for about 65% of what is said.
-Every language course should begin with drill-and-kill on the 100 most common words.
-While there are many conjunctions and transitions, they fall into a few basic categories:
contrast (but, on the other hand)
emphasis (also, in addition, furthermore)
explanation ( so that, in order to)
topic change (anyway, regardless)
conclusion (so, therefore)
When I took French 101 in college, it was entirely in French. Which was quite useful but for some reason I switched to 4 semesters of Italian instead, taught by one prof almost entirely in English and I never got comfortable with *speaking* it.
I think I got pretty close when I lived in Germany. If correct sentences rattle off in your head without going thru English first, isn’t that “thinking in the foreign language”?
“If correct sentences rattle off in your head without going thru English first, isn’t that “thinking in the foreign language”?”
Yes. If your responding thoughts while listening to another language are also in that language, you’ve arrived.
Japanese was like that at UNC (started spring Junior year). Teacher just came in and started talking and we had to roll with it (lots of repetition, but it worked great). So disappointed I didn’t start with that my freshman year instead of wasting 3 semesters on latin.
I’ve got bits and pieces of a half dozen different languages bouncing around in my head so when I’m trying to go for a phrase or number, I will sometimes say the same word (mentally or verbally) in 3 or 4 different languages before I can get to the right one.
No need to learn it? I’d heartily disagree with that. Speaking the language of, say, a potential business partner is a huge advantage.
True. I meant it more in the way some people say the Qur’an can only be properly understood in Arabic.
Interesting. Google says about half of animal species are omnivorous.
Also interesting: death by old age usually means pneumonia or organ failure (usually heart, liver, or kidney)
I’ve seen squirrels eating fried chicken. Pretty fucking disturbing.
I remember that some nutritionists were puzzled as to how many Indians are able to survive on a diet with so little protein and vitamins. Then they counted the bugs in the grain they were eating. Turns out they get plenty of protein and vitamins.
I would guess that far more than half of animal species are omnivorous even if unintentionally.
lolbarf
One of the staple foods in Tanzania is ugali, which is a stiff porridge made from corn flour. It tastes like wet saw dust, but it fills you up and is OK with sauce and some meat and vegetables.
Anyway, I was eating some that was made from flour from the school’s mill and found a bee in it. Probably not the first time given all the bees around the mill. I wonder how many bees I ate over there without knowing it.
Another fun fact- you have to check rice for little pebbles over there.
That’s strange, John the Baptist lived on locusts and wild honey (Matthew 3:4), yet he died an early death.
He should have focused on the three major food groups: Locusts, ants and beetles.
Too much iron.
I was going to say sword poisoning but you did it better.
I still remember camping with my family as a kid and watching wasps/yellowjackets/whatever-they-were perforate bits of the ham slice we’d left on the other end of the picnic table and carry away the pieces.
Don’t kid yourself Derpetolpgist, if a Deer ever got the chance, he would eat you, and everyone you ever cared about.
I’m down with the Boz
Why Obama Voters Defected
New findings explain how Trump won them over—and why he probably wouldn’t next time.
By Jamelle Bouie
“The most common Obama-to-Trump voter is a white American who wants government intervention in the economy but holds negative views toward minorities.”
http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2017/06/voter_study_group_and_why_obama_voters_defected_to_trump.html
Minorities like Obama?
“A separate analysis made late last year by political scientist Michael Tesler (and unrelated to the Voter Study Group) finds that 20 to 25 percent of white Obama voters opposed interracial dating, a decent enough proxy for racial prejudice.”
Prejudice like this (autoplay)?
“…Jill Scott once wrote a piece for Essence called Called the wince, where she admitted that she cringes when she sees black men dating interracially, but not black women. Why do you think that that double standard exists? I don’t even know if it’s so much of a double standard. Rather, black women are Highlighting that they’re hurt sometimes by how we’re treated in addition to seeing people who look like us not loving us especially people who look like us in positions of power. They’re was a photo that came out of like All the super star black men at the Met Gala and people notice how a lot of their wives don’t look like dark skinned women or look like themselves.”
I blame the lack of sexualization of Black women.
We really need more porn featuring Black women. No more of those hot black chicks getting segregated to Rap videos. Black men are fetishized by some white women. with their big swinging dicks and the forbidden fruit angle,
Let’s face it, most white guys don’t have the same desire to have sex with black women, as some white women have to have to sex with Black Men. It doesn’t help that a lot of black male celebrities are millionaire musicians or sports stars that melt panties, regardless of race.
Then consider trying to be an WNBA groupie, trying to bang an WNBA star. The Washington Generals would probably have a better W/L ratio.
I looked at the comments on the Amanduh Marcott article earlier. They are disturbing.
There is almost zero discussion of policy or principle, it’s all about how Trump voters are bad people. This kind of dehumanizing of political opponents leads to bad, bad shit. Why bother trying to convince someone who is a bad person and cant be convinced anyway? It’s no wonder they show up in the street with weapons. Somewhere deep down they must know what they are doing is wrong or they wouldn’t be putting on masks.
The truth is that their basic premises and outlook are very different. They dont understand non-progs because they simply think differently and see the world very differently. They are just not the same kind of people.
It reminds of about 20 years ago, I used work with two college students. One was a dyed in the wool communist, the other was a Southern good old army boy veteran going through School on the GI Bill who liked to spend his weekends out hunting. They lived in the same apartment complex, and regularly carpooled to work together. (They also smoked a lot of weed together.)
It was funny watching the Commie try to explain how The People were going to Rise Up any day now overthrow the government, to which the Redneck replied, “Yeah, great plan, but people like me own all the guns. How many guns do you own?”
Nope.
I would guess the majority of Obama to Trump voters are because ‘Not Hillary’. They really seem blind to just how awful that candidate was.
I did see one comment earlier that claimed they could get stupid Trump voters to see the light if only they could shut down FOX news. Yeah, if only you could silence every message but your own you could get people to see things your way. I’m telling you, these people are scary. One of the basic premises they do not share with me is the notion that people have inalienable rights. Building from that their view of the world is going to be radically different than my own.
Statue-tory rape
“A 13-foot-tall bronze statue in Edgewater [Chicago] depicting a muscly, chest-baring young Lincoln has some passersby swooning over the image of America’s 16th president….
“”Resident Kim Dale said at some point she and her friends dubbed the bronze work “Hot Lincoln” after noticing the “strangely racy depiction” of a person who she “never previously thought of in that way.”
“”You don’t normally see arms like that on presidential statues or so much bare chest,” she said. “His hair is rather like a teen heartthrob, too.”
“”He’s definitely the hottest Lincoln I’ve ever seen.”
“On Foursquare, the only visitor of the statue to leave a review described the site as: “Young Abe Lincoln = TOTAL FOX.””
Theresa May riding Nelson’s column?
Dismantling an old Confederate statue uncovers a large metal box sealed with mysterious sigils and containing the revenant spirit of Stonewall Jackson
No, not really. I mean, the sigil and revenant part isn’t 100% established, but it would make the story more fun.
“”I think personally, because we put it there, that it should be given to us and then we can decide what we want to do with it,” said Patricia Schnurr from the Daughters of the Confederacy, Florida Chapter….
“Even though the small, metal time capsule hasn’t been opened, Schnurr said she knows what’s inside.
“There was a Confederate flag, battle flag, the square one that the soldiers used. And there was some Confederate money. I don’t know if they were bonds or if they were just money. Of course, you know they were no gold coins or anything like that, just money, Confederate money. And then there was a picture, a framed picture of General Lee, and then there was sort of an endorsement or certificate that was wrapped up in there that said something to the words that they placed in there in their memory for eternity or something like that, like some of the others,” Schnurr said.”
Well, she didn’t say Jackson’s revenant spirit *wasn’t* in there.
Wait, that was linked before, but without my special comments.
How To Make Delicious Deep Dish Cauliflower Pizza
You are just trolling now. Trolling the darkness.
“Who is more trollish – the troll, or the one who replies to him?”
/Obi Wan Kenobi
Stop trying to be my dad!
/Angstakin
The one who commits the horrible sin of putting cauliflower on pizza. Chuck that shit over in the pig’s pen…no wait, dont do that. Asparagine makes pork taste like something from the bowels of hell. Put that sulfurous abomination in the compost. Replace it with anything made of meat.
I never understood why people eat asparagine infused plants when there are delicious things available. Except asparagus of course. Asparagus is acceptable. Ok, mustard greens. Those are pretty good too.