Corrector Novus Occidentes – 8

by | Mar 1, 2022 | Fiction | 323 comments

The First Seal is Broken – part V

An Isolated Incident III and III The First Seal is Broken III, III, IV

 

Frank shook Conor’s hand and said “thanks, I’m Frank”.

Conor said “well, you look like you could use it”.  He nodded to the TV (and the news), “helluva thing isn’t it?”

Frank concurred “they won’t get away with it”.

Conor gave him an odd look, “what do you think they’re trying to get away with”?

Frank paused. “Killing people, without trials, for a start.”

Conor asked, “is that all they are doing – just killing people, randomly?”

Frank eyed Conor, “not entirely randomly. But killing people doesn’t solve corruption.”

Conor said “no, no it doesn’t. It is quite the disincentive though.”

Frank asked “you think they’re justified?”

Conor considered that for a minute, sipped his whiskey and said “I don’t think it is a matter of justification. Justification is tied to justice, and if there is an absence of justice, then there isn’t much point to discussing justification.”

Frank puzzled, “There’s no absence of justice. We have courts and lawyers, we have laws and trials; that is how you resolve issues, not by shooting people or burning down buildings.”

Conor smiled, “sure, when the system works as it was meant, not when it has been reduced to a cruel façade teetering on a crumbling foundation. Would you really stake your own life on what it is, right this very moment?”

Frank’s face turned to stone, “you seem to sympathize with them.” He didn’t move for his Sig, but he was comforted that it was an easy reach to the holster.

Conor gulped down the last of his drink. “Perhaps I do. Not that I matter much in the grand scheme of things. The question is, what will you do when you face the choice – of going along with what you know is wrong, or standing up for what you can’t deny is right? It’s a hard choice, always, and you can end up dead no matter what you choose. All of the laws and lawyers, and courts and judges can’t tell you… but your conscience will.”

Conor stood up, “you know the history of Michael Collins? He was a leader in the IRA during the Anglo-Irish War – now that was a bloody bit of business. He rode a damn bicycle around Ireland, through all of their checkpoints, and they never knew who he was. He didn’t act like a guerrilla commander out in the open; he even used their own intelligence against them. When he went to negotiate peace, he knew he was sacrificing his own life – eventually, but he did it. And in the end, it wasn’t his enemies that killed him, it was those who he had fought beside against the Brits. Was he justified in what he did? Were they that killed him?”

He dropped a $20 bill on the bar, “you’ve barely touched your drink Frank. Enjoy. Next time we meet, you can buy.” And he strolled to the door.

Frank asked the bartender for a plastic bag, and when he got it, he carefully lifted Conor’s glass from the inside and deposited it into the bag.  It was almost rote, and even as he did it he felt that it wasn’t going to yield any information.  He then knocked back his shot, and took a couple of swigs of the Guinness, put the bagged glass into his coat pocket and left.  He hadn’t planned on going back to the Hoover building, but then, he hadn’t planned on the strange encounter either.

About The Author

juris imprudent

juris imprudent

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." --Winston Churchill

323 Comments

  1. DEG

    Frank asked the bartender for a plastic bag, and when he got it, he carefully lifted Conor’s glass from the inside and deposited it into the bag. It was almost rote, and even as he did it he felt that it wasn’t going to yield any information.

    Frank knows something is up.

    • rhywun

      So does Conor.

      • kinnath

        Insert “It’s a Trap!” gif here.

      • Plinker762

        Does every story have to be about LGBTQ?

      • kinnath

        By the way, I am really enjoying this story.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Do you think Frank turns?

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        CAN g-men be turnt?

  2. Brochettaward

    Don’t First…don’t First so close to me.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      OK, Number 2

      • Bobarian LMD

        Again… when he says it to himself, the r is silent.

  3. Bobarian LMD

    I just saw this and I can’t stop laughing.

    • juris imprudent

      He wishes he was only 71!

    • rhywun

      classic

    • hayeksplosives

      That is fucking priceless.

      • Tundra

        I can’t stop watching!

        The quick cut to the other anchor is wonderful!

      • db

        Yeah, the look on his face–I think he saw it.

    • DEG

      🙂

    • MikeS

      hahahahaha!!! Whomever is responsible for that got fired…and has a fucking glorious story to tell for the rest of their lives.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Yep. Worth. It.

    • Sean

      ??

  4. Fourscore

    Frank thinks he’s onto something but what we don’t know nor does he. Conor knew that Frank would pick up the glass though.

    Another great episode, JI, I’m in for the long haul.

    • rhywun

      Yeah, this one hooked me in.

      • R C Dean

        Yup. Good stuff.

  5. Brochettaward

    I’m going to take this time to share some Firsting facts with all of you. Wholesome truths that will further your knowledge of the advanced art of Firsting.

    While no one has ever accomplished it, it is believed that if one Firsts fast enough, one can create a polar vortex to another dimension that will reverse all global warming, manmade or otherwise.

    The First Firster’s name is now lost to us, but it is believed that he was the first human to carve images of his penis into the side of a cave. Regardless of his name, his works, like those of all Firsters, will live on for all of eternity.

    The world’s fastest Firster, not to be confused with its greatest or most prolific Firsters, Firsted so fast that he was able to open up rifts in time and space. He was unfortunately forced to go into hiding during WW2 to keep his powers from falling into the hands of Nazis. He wrote a diary of his time in hiding which the US government keeps locked away from the public. The Firster died in an air raid near the end of the war.

    • MikeS

      *furiously takes notes*

  6. Ownbestenemy

    If you’re bored and don’t mind being streamed (private) and come shit talk about the SOTU

    https://streamyard.com/7jmrdvvwww

    I can accommodate 8 more people

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Nice try, Fedboi!

      Don’t much care what the doddering fool has to say (How do you tell when a politician is lying? His lips are moving.)

  7. db

    OBE and I are doing a live stream via Rumble of the State of the Union.

    Here’s the Rumble stream, and OBE will post the Streamyard link soon, in case any wish to join (up to 10 participants).

    https://rumble.com/vw6sn7-test-5.html

    • Brochettaward

      Biden could take a shit in his pants, stick his hand in and walk out to smear it on the cameras and the talking heads at all the three letter networks would trip over themselves to talk about how stately he was, particularly now that we are on the bring of him starting a war like a real president should.

      • MikeS

        Must see TV.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Nice try, Fedboi! Not falling for your Fedboi trap.

  8. Count Potato

    Is he wearing purple suit?

  9. Yusef drives a Kia

    Well done, bring us more please!

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      ^
      |
      |
      Agree with the Kia driving Cat Stevens dude.

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        Cat Stevens rides a Korean?

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        “Cat Stevens” is now Yusuf Islam after he found Mohammed. He still plays a mean acoustic guitar, but like most musicians who find Jesus/Mohammed/Krishna his songwriting has suffered (see Bob Dylan, Tommy James, Dave Mustaine, Lou Graham…)

  10. Not an Economist

    If you want to increase your blood pressure read this.

    I don’t know how someone tweets something like this.

    • Brochettaward

      The pudgy little Colonel who thought his own policy preferences should take precedence over those of a sitting president…

      The guy should be the subject of scorn and ridicule everywhere he goes.

      • Gustave Lytton

        There’s another fucker that should have been chaptered, just for his jowls.

    • juris imprudent

      “natsechobbyist” Interesting hobby – national security.

    • hayeksplosives

      They have had any native ability to make observations and rational judgments based on those observations completely obliterated by 12-17 (or more) years of the US education system, followed by surrounding themselves only by news sources and “friends” who agree with them.

      I would be willing to bet that the average brain of an American today contains significantly fewer neurons than the brain of an American raised in 1930 with only an 8th grade education.

      • hayeksplosives

        I don’t know how to explain the hatred though.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        As the family archivist I have run into this 8th grade education before.

        You know what? At 8th grade a student 100 years ago was fully prepared. He knew grammar, writing, and could cypher arithmetic and basic algebra. He knew enough history to know that the US is a Republic, more than the modern kids seem to understand.
        “High School” was reserved for college-bound folks or for kids going into a non-traditional career. My grandmother had a high school education which qualified her to teach in any school in the state.

        When Jethro Bodine said, “I made it all the way through the 8th grade” he was bragging that he was a fully-educated man of his time.

      • Fourscore

        Today it takes a college degree and student debt to be able to learn how to make coffee.

      • rhywun

        The problem today is we expect everyone to do 12 years of college prep and call anyone who isn’t “good enough” a “dropout”.

        The system in this country completely fucking broken.

      • hayeksplosives

        Mark Steyn didn’t go to college so his critics frequently call him “uneducated” or “unlettered” but he went to boarding school in England (hence the accent even though he’s Canadian), and learned Latin and Ancient Greek in the equivalent of junior high.

      • rhywun

        I took a year of Latin in HS… I would have taken Greek if they had it. Hell, my senior year was all electives cuz I was mostly done with everything and we didn’t have study hall.

      • hayeksplosives

        I was fortunate enough to be in a town with a well-funded public school system due to the relatively high numbers of engineers, scientists, skilled machinists, etc working for an oil services company even though the population was only 22k.

        So I had options like Advanced Chemistry (Chem 2), Physics 2, Advanced Biology and Human Physiology, AP English, and Calculus.

        Still needed one more so I took French and remember none of it. At all.

      • slumbrew

        Je veux un railgun.

      • rhywun

        My school was a ghetto magnet school well-oiled by all the industrial might that used to exist in Rochester, NY. I took all the STEM AP’s and completely rejected that path when I entered college because I was an idiot.

        I was the Math Club MVP for three years in a row FFS.

      • SandMan

        I’ve watched enough TV to be pretty sure Jethro had a 6th grade education, 8th grade would be crazy talk.

  11. Count Potato

    He’s trying to restart the cold war.

  12. Rebel Scum

    Crowder’s drinking game rule about Bidenisms is going to give me alcohol poisoning.

    • Count Potato

      There is a Tim Pool Lauren Southern one if you are interested.

      • Rebel Scum

        Lauren Southern is tempting. Then again she fucked up her face with plastic surgery.

      • Count Potato

        Really, I thought she just got older and had a couple kids. Still looks good though.

    • rhywun

      +1 Scranton

  13. Rebel Scum

    I see the Ukraine virtue signaling is strong tonight.

  14. Count Potato

    A pound of Ukrainian people?

    • Rebel Scum

      A ruskie in the hand is worth two in the borscht.

  15. Rebel Scum

    He keeps talking about freedom. I’m pretty sure the average politician in America does not believe in freedom.

    • Not an Economist

      Politicians believe in Freedom. The freedom to do as your told.

    • juris imprudent

      Oh they want the whole world free – free to do exactly what we think they should do, and not a damn thing else.

    • DrOtto

      Freedom? Sounds like far right talk to me. Maybe even ultra-far right. Oh, for Ukraine, not the US, makes more sense in that context.

  16. Count Potato

    KEEV!

  17. Rebel Scum

    “something something Ukraine…the hearts and souls of the Iranian people.”

    We invaded Iran?

    • Bobarian LMD

      Not yet.

    • rhywun

      I thought I was too drunk to hear that right.

      • Fourscore

        I’m sober and hadn’t realized the war with Iran had started. My TV set is too old and misspeaks to often

      • rhywun

        Kidding. I’m stone cold sober. I don’t get drunk any more, close to it on weekends but not on school nights.

      • Sean

        Lame. ?

  18. Brochettaward

    I like how one day he’s talking about how great the economy is and how people just don’t know how to be happy. They’re too psychologically damaged to realize how great he’s been for them.

    Then the next day he’s talking about how he’s going to fix that rapid inflation done good.

  19. Count Potato

    Now he’s just making shit up.

    • Fourscore

      I like the part where more Americans than ever are working. Uh-huh. Who will be available to
      do all this infrastructure stuff that’s need doing?

    • Bobarian LMD

      He’s going to make everything free, and your taxes won’t go up. Unicorn Farts and Faerie Dust.

  20. Rebel Scum

    Sit down Schmoobs.

    And I got a pretty good tax cut from the previous administration, in the range of hundreds of dollars per month. Asshole.

    The feds had nothing to do with the return in jobs canceled by state governments because of the scamdemic. Asshole.

    I can’t keep up with all the bullshit in each sentence. The dishonesty is bad for my blood pressure.

    • Fourscore

      I had to turn the TV off. Why wasn’t he doing this stuff the first year? Oh, yeah, the covid tied his hands.

  21. Count Potato

    We’re going to do it by buying America?

  22. Rebel Scum

    Buzzword bingo is my favorite game as well.

  23. Rebel Scum

    “C’mon, man. I’m gonna co-opt Buy American just like I whipped Cornpop.”

  24. Gustave Lytton

    $1B sent to Ukraine. Are they going to strap it to a pallet and drop it at night? Don’t forget 10% for the big guy!

  25. hayeksplosives

    How is going to lower “costs”? Is he talking about the government setting prices for goods??!?

  26. rhywun

    The open calls for fascism are so heartwarming.

    “Bring me the bill and I’ll sign it!”

    WTF?

  27. Count Potato

    Uh-oh his drugs are wearing off

  28. dbleagle

    He is driving up energy costs and hawking for coal powered (electric) vehicles that are practical for many millions outside his blue enclaves.

    HTF is any of that going to lower costs?

    • dbleagle

      ARE NOT…..

      • hayeksplosives

        He doesn’t mean any of what he is saying.

        It’s just platitudes to cover for new get-rich schemes for his cronies.

  29. Gustave Lytton

    Is the dipshit dementia patient going to impose price controls now?

    • juris imprudent

      If it was good enough for Nixon, why not for Biden! That’s bound to win over Republicans.

    • hayeksplosives

      I’m pretty sure that is exactly what he means.

      And he wants to get support for it by railing against “obscene profits.”

  30. Count Potato

    OFFS!

  31. Rebel Scum

    I can only assume Nazi P is pre-tearing the speech right now.

  32. Count Potato

    How the fuck is he going to lower all these prices?

    • Rebel Scum

      Price controls have never resulted in disaster, comrade.

      • DrOtto

        True price controls have never been tried!

    • Fourscore

      I hope his cost cutting starts in the White House and extends through all of DC.

  33. dbleagle

    It ain’t my responsibility to pay for your childcare. Get government out of childcare and that will enable prices to come down so you can pay for your own kids.

    • Fourscore

      That ain’t fair!

    • hayeksplosives

      As Governor Ventura famously said to the lady at a Town Hall meeting who said “I’m a single mom of 2 kids. What are you going to do for ME?”:

      “Lady, I didn’t get you pregnant.”

      • Chafed

        I miss him.

      • hayeksplosives

        Me too.

        He’s living it up in Mexico now. He’s a tad nutty, but doesn’t want to control anyone.

      • hayeksplosives

        Me too.

        He’s living it up in Mexico now. He’s a tad nutty, but doesn’t want to control anyone.

  34. juris imprudent

    Thanks for the kind words. The last couple have been a bit of a struggle, but discipline in writing is part of the experiment for me. I’d like to hit a spell like when I started and the first 3 just kinda rolled out on their own.

    Lord knows, the source material shows no sign of drying up.

    • Fourscore

      Then the light bulb clicks on over your head and away you go.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Embrace the grind. What is coming out the other end of the meat grinder is good. I’m looking forward to the next one.

    • MikeS

      Add me to the MOAR crowd. Good stuff.

    • DrOtto

      I’m not a big fiction reader, but these have got my attention. Keen them coming.

      • DrOtto

        Keep, not keen – dammit. Anywho, good stuff.

    • R.J.

      I am really enjoying this story! Glad you are keeping it going.

  35. Fourscore

    McConnell looks like a hemorrhoid flareup is causing him some discomfort. Cruz is thinking he (Cruz) should be president.

  36. Rebel Scum

    Keep vaccinating….for a virus that mutates constantly to the extent that the current “vaccine” is at least several thousand generations behind the current… Seems legit.

  37. commodious spittoon

    I wondered whether his handlers would deliver up a message of shared sacrifice to stand with Ukraine because Democracy etc, and the inflation we’ve experienced over the last year that Putin inflicted on us since last month is the price we’re happy to pay for the Free World, etc.

    Instead it sounds like he’s promising new catastrophic failures in time for the midterms.

    • juris imprudent

      I would be worried about Democratic prospects in the mid-terms, but the only threat to them is Republicans.

      • Rebel Scum

        And even if Rs win, we still lose.

        But I can at least revel in leftist tears.

      • commodious spittoon

        South Park little leaguers competing with every other Colorado team to lose the next game.

      • Fourscore

        The problem isn’t that the democrats are going to lose the house/senate. It’s that they will be replaced by republicans.

  38. rhywun

    *flips over*

    “We’re going to continue to vaccinate the world!”

    *immediately flips away, sputtering a string of curse words*

  39. Rebel Scum

    Copmala is super-serial.

  40. Count Potato

    Liar

  41. Rebel Scum

    The fuck? Rifle rounds of a hunting caliber go through kevlar, Joe.

  42. Trigger Hippie

    https://youtu.be/8rt67AqrR74

    Just a friendly reminder:The vast majority of “Great Men” were cynical, opportunistic, sadistic, power hungry, foolish, corrupt, unethical counted.

    Part two:

    https://youtu.be/POHNhn3WcCc

    It’s a shame this cat pretty much disappeared. I enjoyed his cynical nature.

    • Trigger Hippie

      …also, time to read/digest the story.

    • Trigger Hippie

      *cuntes*

      Piss off, autocorrect.

      This spelling has been established.

      Okay, fucking off now.

      *smiles and waves like a maniac*

    • Trigger Hippie

      Final link:

      https://youtu.be/JTRqi99vg28

      His biase is obvious at this point but it’s still an interesting, if not kinda shallow take.

  43. MikeS

    Is that old fucker still awake?

  44. Gustave Lytton

    Government childcare is because Biden doesn’t want to have anything to do personally with Hunter’s love child.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Imma guess there are more than one.

  45. Gustave Lytton

    Go get him!

    Hunter is on walkabout?

  46. Gustave Lytton

    How short is Milley? No wonder he’s a fuck up. He’s got Napoleon syndrome.

    • Chipwooder

      Also, he’s a fat fuck. No way is he actually within height/weight standards

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yep. I wonder when the last time he passed a real not pencil whipped pt test.

      • Bobarian LMD

        The new test is in effect, and no one has had to pass a test in two years. They’re still ‘norming’ it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s why I’m wondering how long it’s been. Because he didn’t put on just covid pounds.

  47. Brochettaward

    The cancer research Joe talked about is going to take a lot of dead Beagles, but somehow, we’ll reduce the death rate of cancer by 50%. We’ll get there. Together.

    • Plinker762

      Getting half of the earth nuked won’t help either.

  48. Count Potato

    Well, that speech sucked.

    • hayeksplosives

      As I told the others in the Livestream (OBE, DB, and whahappen), I’m glad it sucked.

      It was so unremarkable, there will be no good clips the MSM or DNC can use to create excitement for the agenda. The content was blah, delivery was blah—nothing to it.

      Neutral at best as far as effect on the midterms.

  49. straffinrun

    Didn’t watch. So, how is the state of the union? United?

    • Brochettaward

      Jake Tapper tells me it’s very united. There were lots of bipartisan applauses, particularly over Ukraine. Then he told me that it’s going to be very hard for anyone to argue against any of the positions Biden took.

      • Chipwooder

        “He said he’s going to cut costs without raising your taxes – who could be against that???? It’s sheer genius!”

      • slumbrew

        “Dream Into Action” may have been the first album I ever bought.

  50. Fourscore

    I know enough abut Biden’s father I could write a biography

    • straffinrun

      Build a time machine instead. Make a move on his mom.

    • Brochettaward

      The guy with the Heath Ledger Joker avatar assures me we have missile defense systems so there’s nothing to worry about with regards to Russian nukes. What more do you apologists need?

  51. mikey

    I’ll be here next week. Same Glib time, same Glib channel.

  52. Gustave Lytton

    Will Biden hang a gold star in the window of the White House now?

    • Chipwooder

      Along with all those other poor majors who caught the cancers and died from all their trips to the burn pits.

      Because majors pull trash duty all the time.

      • Brochettaward

        YOU DON’T KLNOW WHERE BEAU’S HOOCH WAS LOCATED!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Officer country is always located next to the trash pits and/or latrines.

      • Chipwooder

        Of course. Field grade officers always get the shittiest digs possible while us nonrates live high on the hog

  53. Gustave Lytton

    Pepperidge Farms remembers when the bear rolled over Georgia and world did squat.

    • hayeksplosives

      But that was during Pax Obama; nothing untoward happened in those years!!

      • hayeksplosives

        It was also during Pax Obama (2014), just like Libya. So nothing happened.

        These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

      • Chipwooder

        They did that because of Trump, of course

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        River?

      • hayeksplosives

        Lol

      • LCDR_Fish

        Nope, summer 08 was before the election…

      • hayeksplosives

        Huh. I thought it was 2014.

  54. Mojeaux

    I like this story.

    • Brochettaward

      We’ve been off topic for like the last two hours, Mo. That makes the off-topic posts on-topic. You are officially off-topic.

    • hayeksplosives

      My compliment on the story vaporized between my typing it and hitting “Post Comment.”

      I hate it when that happens. It’s a good story.

  55. Gustave Lytton

    Owww, my ears. The IA gov is killing me.

    Hey dipshit, it doesn’t matter if lockdowns did work or if the costs didn’t outweigh covid, they’re inconsistent with a free country and a free citizenry.

    • kinnath

      She signed a tax cut today. Good enough for me.

      • Brochettaward

        She’s pretty fucking bland. So it doesn’t surprise me that the guys at the RNC think she’s a rising star.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That part I’m jelly about.

  56. MikeS

    Question for homebrewers and frat boys: I am having a shindig the weekend after next and am getting two kegs from my favorite brewery. I will need to taps for said kegs. Is this the way to go? I’d really rather not spend over $100 for two taps I may never use again. Ideas for saving some money on this?

    • dbleagle

      They don’t rent them with the kegs? Mios dios, even in 1970’s AZ each keg came with a tap. When you returned the keg and tap you got your deposit back.

      • MikeS

        The brewery does not, I asked. I guess I haven’t asked the liquor store I have to buy them through. It’s a very small town so I just assumed not, but it is worth asking. I’ll do that tomorrow.

      • slumbrew

        Fancy lads had their own tap, to save the nominal tap rental fee. But it wasn’t that expensive.

        Only an issue when you got some weirdo tap that had the pin style (Bass, maybe) instead of the common ball style.

      • slumbrew

        Speaking of which, I haven’t had a Bass in ages. It was my default order forever.

        I should rectify that. It used to be ubiquitous on tap around here, not sure I’ve seen it as often these days.

      • Bobarian LMD

        This, also, some kegs have different taps. Only buy a tap if your gonna install something permanent.

        Any place that has kegs should rent a tap, or possibly even a cooler.

    • Timeloose

      Ask a few friends that have parties a lot ot social clubs and church groups. See if you can borrow or rent. Here we can rent from beer stores that sell kegs.

      • MikeS

        You apparently have a different class of friends than I do. I will ask the off-sale joint. I don’t have high hopes, but you never know.

      • Timeloose

        My friends would have had taps from years ago or their dad or sibling had one. Is there a party rental place in or near town? They might have a tap or CO2 system to rent.

      • MikeS

        There really isn’t…I don’t think. This is also the first time I’ve thrown a party where I was supplying the refreshments. I’ll do some looking around.

    • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

      What are you, 12? No one pumps a keg once they graduate from junior high! Co2 or GTFO!

      • slumbrew

        Cold plate _would_ be the superior choice.

    • kinnath

      You are buying commercial beer. I will come in a sankey keg. So you will need an sankey tap. The amazon one you linked will work.

      However, . . .

      You are pumping air into a keg to keep up the pressure. This will oxidize the beer. If you drink it all in one sitting, it will be OK.

      Try to rent, if you don’t plan to do it again.

      If it becomes a regular habit, go all in and by a CO2 tank, regulator, and taps. It’s better for the beer.

      • MikeS

        Thanks, kinnath. I’ve been thinking about a kegerator, but for this situation it’s not in play.

        It should get drank the day of, maybe a bit left over. How long do you think the leftovers will last before the oxidation becoming an issue? A couple days? A week?

        I assumed the small town liquor store wouldn’t have a tap to rent, but I will ask before purchasing one. You never know.

      • kinnath

        The amazon listing has information down below that talks about party taps versus couplers (CO2). They note that you are also pumping bacteria into the keg with the air. On ice, you are good for a day at most. There should be no leftovers or it will go to waste.

        You can buy a tank, regulator, coupler, and party tap now and reuse most of it for a kegerator later. Something to consider if you are interested in setting up a kegerator later.

      • kinnath

        Note that hoppy beers (IPAs) are going to oxidize fastest.

      • MikeS

        It’ll be a hefe.

      • kinnath

        Bring it up again tomorrow. Robc is the Hefe guy.

      • MikeS

        Forgot about Rob being a Hefe guy. Yeah, I’ll bring this up again tomorrow and/or hit you guys up in the forum. When I look at that hand pump for $50, I’d much rather put that $50 into a kegerator setup.

      • robc

        Get the kegerator setup if long term goal, otherwise rent.

        Hefe has nothing to do with it. But they are awesome for parties.

        Mine got nicknamed roofieweizen.

      • MikeS

        It is/was a long term (low priority) goal. It appears that this party is going to be the catalyst to make it a reality. I’m cool with that.

      • kinnath

        Message me on the forum or message Neph. We can help you sort things out if you plan to go with a kegerator later.

    • R C Dean

      “two taps I may never use again”

      Why not? Heck, with two taps on the counter, you’ll practically have to put them to use.

    • Chafed

      Why does your tap look like a penis enlargement pump?

      • MikeS

        Why do you know what a penis enlargement pump looks like?

      • Chafed

        I watched Austin Powets: International Man of Mystery.

    • The Hyperbole

      I am having a shindig the weekend after next

      That’s odd, my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail.

      • MikeS

        Well, you know how unreliable the delivery services are around here.

  57. Chipwooder

    The best parts of the speech were Moobs jumping the gun on applauding and then sitting down with a dumbass grin on his face when he realized no one else was getting up, Commala sitting there with a sucking-on-lemons face, and Pelosi doing whatever that weird shit was with her hands.

    • creech

      What, she didn’t rip the speech up?

      • Chipwooder
      • Brochettaward

        She comes off as the most impotent of Bond villains.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Wrinklepussy.

      • MikeS

        Goldbondfinger

      • rhywun

        LOL at both of youse

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        PussyNomore.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Wait, better one: Octagenarianpussy.

        Drunkfinger. Bonefinger.

      • Plinker762

        Fuck all of you, now I have horrible images in my head.

    • rhywun

      Pelosi kept directing her rictus to the right and I couldn’t figure out WTF was so interesting in that direction.

  58. Brochettaward

    I don’t think there was better evidence of how out of talking points the left currently is than Biden making curing cancer a major talking point of his speech tonight. The guy was looking for anything and everything he could to get some cheap applause. And he still failed.

    • rhywun

      I caught maybe three minutes total and yeah that seemed to be theme.

      • Brochettaward

        IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH BIDEN YOU LITERALLY WANT CANCER AND PUTIN TO KILL PEOPLE.

      • MikeS

        In that order?

  59. Gustave Lytton

    Ukraine is sure ripping the mask off of a lot of people. Mark Levin has gone full on American Greatness Let’s Go Bomb the World into Pax Americana! Get a plane ticket, Mark, and have at it 3-5 second rushes at a time.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Levin is a spittle flecked moron who occasionally says good things.

  60. Yusef drives a Kia

    IMPASSABLE, THE RUSSIANS ARE FUCKED: “Denmark is sending 10 million Lego blocks to Ukraine to be used as infantry obstacles.”

    Well, if they’re barefoot, anyway.

    • one true athena

      “And so the stories tell that the reason Copenhagenland survived the Great Firestorm was they made the madman laugh by sending toys, and so he nuked them last…”

    • Chafed

      Not successfully. They’re idiots.

    • MikeS

      State owned liquor stores. There a much larger problems than carrying costs.

      • Gustave Lytton

        State controlled & licensed stores. They don’t actually own them.

      • MikeS

        Oops. Not state-owned stores, rather state owned distribution. Not sure which is worse.

      • MikeS

        Ugh…maybe not owned distribution, but at least controlled.

        Fuck it. Going to bed.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Ive brought this up before and maybe I am way wrong, but hasn’t the manufacturer and distributor already made their money if it is in inventory or on the shelves and the seller at that point is trying to recoup the cost? I guess if you are on a 90-day account or something then it would just hurt the distributor.

      • Plinker762

        I think your mistake is trying to apply logic.

  61. Ownbestenemy

    I know how we can hurt Russia! We can ban flights that originate in Russia! What a god damn maroon. Also…Boeing will deny maintenance and support for their aircraft…yeah that will hurt em!

    • Brochettaward

      They are basically looking for anything symbolic right now to show that they are against Putin. The stuff that would actually hurt Putin is off the table because it would also hurt the elites and go against their preferred policies. Better to pretend you are sticking with green policies with goals decades down the road than do the things that are actually effective.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        They’ve already screwed themselves and us with the SWIFT ban.

        Russia and China are going to de-dollarize and take a lot of other countries with them. The dollar’s global reserve currency status may be over shortly.

    • dbleagle

      When I lived in NYC there were 2-3 Aeroflot flights into/from JFK a day. Losing that income stream will cripple Putin.

      Here is biden’s foreign policy theme music.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLegSgWi0cI

      • grrizzly

        Lately it was 5 Aeroflot flights a week from Moscow to New York. Delta hasn’t been flying the route for a few years.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If the Russians handle this without it spiraling completely into the ditch the sanctions will quietly be lifted after a year or two as the West finds it profitable and the propaganda value fades.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        But the damage to the dollar will be done. I think we’re underestimating the repercussions of the SWIFT sanctions.

  62. hayeksplosives

    Good opportunity to recommend the true story Operation Odessa. I think it’s off Netflix now but on Amazon Prime.

    Facts stranger (and more hilarious) than fiction.

    • mikey

      On my watch list. Thx

  63. Brochettaward

    I’ve been told I’m non-promotable at work. But good news! If I stick around another half decade, I can make what the bottom tier employees in the position I want make because they lifted the pay cap for me at my current position. Aren’t I loved?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Sounds like your workplace doesn’t appreciate Firsters. Quit maybe?

  64. tripacer

    “you know the history of Michael Collins?”

    Carrying the Firewas in my opinion one of the better Apollo autobiographies.

    Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip
    That started with a rendezvous
    on board a tiny ship
    The mate was a mighty test pilot, the skipper Young and sure
    The 2 crewmen set sail that day on a 43 orbit tour.
    a 43 orbit tour.

    • tripacer

      It’s still unused. The ticket must still be good.

  65. Sean

    Weather bimbo @CBS Philly just admitted she’s too incompetent to pump her own gas.

    🙄

    I’ll be amazed if NJ eliminates the law.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      *looks around confusedly*

      I thought it was a law that everybody hated, but Big Gas Attendant was lobbying to keep for the jobs. There are people who are actually afraid of pumping gas?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        One second you’re pumping your own gas, the next you’re engulfed in flames and the quick shop’s on fire. I’ve personally seen it happen dozens of times.

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, if you don’t keep getting tazed, that wouldn’t keep happening.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Looks like a well dressed highschool pep rally. Good to know they’re in charge.

      • robodruid

        yea, we are so safe now.

  66. Gender Traitor

    Good morning, Stinky, Sean, and trip! [point of order: Are you a “trip” or a “tri”?] And I think I saw Scruffy upthread. I hope not too many Glibs are laid low this morning by their SoTU drinking games.

    • robodruid

      Morning GT.
      I skipped the silliness last night. Did i miss anything?

      • Gender Traitor

        I didn’t watch. Too much to do today to indulge in a drinking game, and too smart to try watching without drinking.

        How are your lambs??

      • robodruid

        They are cute and and perfect.
        I have another sheep with a leg issue, so I have to get a vet down here.

      • UnCivilServant

        Is it Baahd? Or do you think the leg will be okay?

      • robodruid

        I think its a hoof problem, wife says its bleeding, she is limping.
        we will see.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I didn’t dare participate in that. I would have been raging and throwing things at the TV.

      • Tres Cool

        So you saw me the night Obama got elected.
        I broke a TV w/o drunkenly falling into it on a Zoom call for once. I was going to go “Full Elvis” and put a load of 00 buck through it, but that night my girl at the time (OG-1X-OG) had hidden most of the firearms, and all of the ammo.
        While I was out that day she also took away my chainsaw, golf clubs, and any other potential instruments of destruction.

      • Sean

        *sad trombone*

      • Tres Cool

        She was smart. I shouldn’t have let her get away. And the last redhead I was involved with.
        Then again, OG-2X-OG was awesome, too.
        Thankfully Im stopping at the current one, OG-3X-OG. I don’t need 44 women.

  67. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody?

    Ash Wednesday Cans !

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey! Hey, just want to make sure you know – the “bridge” over the Stillwater on Philadelphia/Peters is closed until November. If that’s how you get Jugsy to the airport, plan on an alternate route.

      • Tres Cool

        She likes to go that way. I prefer straight up Main to 70 then over.
        Currently all the properties she’s responsible for are within driving distance, and her stays are only for a few days. Unlike when she was in NYC for a fortnight at a time.
        And with shorter stays Im less prone to getting myself into trouble….

    • Ghostpatzer

      Mornin’, Tres!

      Ash Wednesday Cans

      My youngest turns 21 today. I think he’ll be raising a few tonight.

      • Gender Traitor

        Ah, yes! I remember my 21st birthday….

        No, I don’t.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I remember mine. I was laid up with a broken leg.

      • Tres Cool

        When I turned 21, Id already done nearly 4 years and had been married for 1. Ex-wife is older, so getting alcohol was never an issue.
        Kind of a ‘meh’ moment for me.
        I was actually more excited to hit 26 since my car insurance went down.

      • Tres Cool

        *done nearly 4 years in the Army

      • Gender Traitor

        When I turned 21, Id already done nearly 4 years

        ::counts on fingers:: You enlisted at 17?? I didn’t think you could do that.

      • UnCivilServant

        There are some conditions under which you can join the army at 17.

      • tripacer

        You could actually enlist at 16 years old with 2 weeks to your 17th birthday under certain circumstances back in 2004…

      • Tres Cool

        Yup.
        My mom had to sign for me, as my “guardian”. I was a precocious teen….I used to joke to her that when the recruiter was at our house she couldnt find a pen fast enough to sign that form.
        I had my 18th birthday in basic training.

      • Ghostpatzer

        That was not my first thought ?

      • Ghostpatzer

        I was 9 months into my two year probation for possession and consumption of unapproved substances. Unemployed, broke, semi-homeless, basically a complete mess. Probation wasn’t bad, I would meet with my probation officer in a bar where he would buy the beers (drinking age was 18 back then).

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U! In the office today?

      • UnCivilServant

        I woke up way too late, so I’ve connected remotely

    • Tres Cool

      suh’ cuh

      • UnCivilServant

        Not me apparently, because I marely had time to log in before I had to start work.

      • Gender Traitor

        Ear better, I hope?

      • UnCivilServant

        Not entirely, and there’s what’s probably a wax clog making it harder to verify.

      • Tres Cool

        Try a plunger?

  68. Festus

    To JI – “Cool story Bro!” Also applies to the SoTU. My appointments got set back for a day so I wasted skipping a night’s drinking for nothing. Here’s hoping my lipids aren’t too fucked up today. Chest X-ray shouldn’t be affected. Ct scan and neurologist await although one is a week out and the other, who knows? Knew that I should have stayed home and kept my gorram mouth shut. This is going to follow me forever like a one-eyed stray kitten. I’ve crossed the event horizon. The place where even taut bungholes can not escape! Pray for Festus, he has entered the maelstrom…

    • Ghostpatzer

      Mornin’, Festy. The maelstrom doesn’t stand a chance, you are strong!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Fes! Hope you get to the bottom of whatever’s making you fall on your bottom.

  69. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’, all.

    Last night was so inspiring! A bright future awaits, thanks to our exalted leaders! Peace on earth, prosperity for all. The lion shall lie with the sheep (might be on PornHub). The sun is just a little brighter today, the birds are happier than I’ve ever heard. O blessed day!

    Damn, those were some good drugs.

    • Festus

      I miss good drugs.

    • Tres Cool

      What time was that shit-show?
      Either I was (over) sleeping or at work.
      I was kinda late last night, and likely still a bit tipsy after yesterday afternoon’s shenanigans.

      • Festus

        All of the time.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’m just glad we’re sticking up for the rights of the Iranian people.

      • UnCivilServant

        So we’re going to be doing another regime change operation to free them from the Ayatollah?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That would be a horrible decision, so probably.

      • Festus

        He is precisely what I don’t want to become. The clenched hands, the stiff walk. The outre statements (that’s too late!). That’s why I’ve been forced into the tender mercies of the Canadian healthcare system. Losing that contract last week will be either a boon or more probably the end of me.

      • Festus

        I’ve decided to keep doing what I do for the next month at the best of my abilities until termination. I have my pride. Gonna be a long March, though.

      • Festus

        I can walk. I just can’t climb or even run. I walk ten miles per night on a light one. That’s why I AM ASKEERED.

      • Sean

        I was trying to lighten the mood a bit. Be well, Festus!

  70. Sean

    I passed a column of bitches on the right hand side this morning.

    None of them were firsters.

    None.

  71. Sean

    Full size pick up trucks don’t belong in the left hand lane.

    • Tres Cool

      Not the way YOU people over there drive.

      • Sean

        Who are these assholes doing the speed limit or under on the expressway?

        JFC. #BringBackCovid

      • UnCivilServant

        In jurisdictions unknown to me, I tend to drive close to the speed limit, to avoid having to contest a ticket several states away from home.

      • Sean

        PA law still restricts radar guns to only the State police.

      • UnCivilServant

        As a nonresident, I didn’t know that.

    • Festus

      Wilt’s tale is as tall as he is.

    • Tres Cool

      Her face symmetry is off-putting.
      The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it!” -R Dangerfield

      • Sean

        Some of her photos are more flattering than others.

        A war time 6 – at best. She amuses me though.

      • Festus

        I’m a cynical old man. I don’t believe much of anything, anymore.

  72. Festus

    Whelp. Good Day, Free folk!