A Glibertarians Exclusive: Mog-ee, Part V

by | Mar 14, 2022 | Fiction | 199 comments

A Glibertarians Exclusive:  Mog-ee, Part V

Late spring

Wolf had just finished sweeping the packed earth floor of the hut with a broom made of rushes tied to a stick when Mog-ee announced, “It’s almost time for the morning song.  Will you sing today?”

Wolf shook his head.  The pass had been open for days; he still wasn’t sure why he hadn’t crossed over, gone back to the People, back to his own life.  Mog-ee’s passion in the bedding, so appealing the year before, was starting to become more burden than adventure, yet he couldn’t countenance giving it up; being pressured into digging in the fields with a digging stick, though, was a greater burden.

Under pressure from Mog-ee’s family, Wolf had been doing what he had claimed he would not – digging in the fields, overturning the soil, and then bending and stooping to place seeds in the dirt, cover them, and pour water over the planted seed.  It was tedious work, but it was work for which he was ‘rewarded,’ nightly, in the bedding.

It made his back hurt.  Wolf knew he was a young man, and he knew his strength was great, but the unaccustomed work, bending at the waist, stooping, was tiring.  A diet lacking in meat didn’t seem to help.  Maybe once or twice in a ten-day, the Diggers had a few small chunks of rabbit mixed in with their thin gruel of stewed seeds and leaves, or occasionally some fish from the stream.  That wasn’t enough for Wolf, having been brought up on reindeer, elk, occasionally even mammoth.

Just thinking of a haunch of roast reindeer made spit flood into Wolf’s mouth.  More visions of roasted meat paraded past his mind’s eye:  Rich, fatty mammoth, elk stewed with pine nuts and juniper berries, even the rich fat from a fall-killed great bear.

His stomach grumbled, as though it had liked the morning meal of gruel no better than Wolf had.

The Diggers were starting to gather for the morning song.  Mog-ee gave Wolf one more questioning look.  Wolf shook his head and went outside to pass the time of the morning “song” as he usually did, sitting in the sunshine in front of Mog-ee’s little hut.

A moment later, Mog-ee came out and headed for the center of the settlement.  A few moments later the ululating “song” began.

They’re convinced it brings rain; Wolf chuckled to himself.  And it’s been a dry spring.  I think their singing has been in vain.

Why do they feel the need to interfere with everything?  They are trying to tell the rain when to come, when if they just wait, it will come in its own time.  They try to change the earth, to tell it what plants may grow in their fields, when there have always been enough good things to eat, if you just look for them.

And they want to change me.  To make a hunter into a Digger.  To make me grub in the earth for my meals.

And, sitting there, Wolf had to admit that they had succeeded.  He got up, went back into the hut, and retrieved his spears, spear points and thrower.  Enough, he told himself.

The morning song stopped.  Wolf looked up; it seemed as though the song had been unusually brief on this day.  He went outside to see if something had happened, just in time to see Yeeteep-ee stomp around the corner of his large hut, with Yeeklep-ee and Ord-ee on either side.  Mog-ee followed a few places behind, looking unhappy.

Wolf calmly tied the carrier for his spear points around his waist and hung the thrower from a loop of leather on the carrier.  He held his two spear shafts in his right hand and stood straight, to look down on the short Diggers; he had found that his height always annoyed Yeeteep-ee.

“What do you want?” he demanded of the Diggers.

“You will sing with us,” Yeeteep-ee demanded.  “You will sing, or you will not eat.”

“I have been grubbing in the dirt alongside you,” Wolf objected.  “I helped you to dig up another field.  I have done more than enough to deserve a share of the food.  I have even brought in game from the fields.  Two of the small ones yesterday told me how happy they were to tasted reindeer; they had never done so before.  So why should I sing with you?”

“It is our way,” Yeeklep-ee snapped.  “It brings the rain.  It makes our fields fertile.”

“It brings rain, does it?”  Wolf laughed out loud.  “Look you at the sky.  The clear, blue sky.  I see no rain.  I have not seen rain for more than a ten-day.  Your song is not working.”

“It is not working because not all are singing,” Ord-ee said.

“It is not working because it is stupid,” Wolf replied.  “A song cannot bring rain.”

Yeeteep-ee looked at Wolf’s belt with the spear-point case and the hanging thrower, then at the two spear shafts in his hand.  “Where are you going?”

“Today I will hunt,” Wolf said.  He angled his head back a little, to emphasize his height and look down his nose at the little Digger.  “I will hunt, reindeer, elk, maybe bear if any are about.  I will hunt, as a man does.  Today you will have to grub in the earth without me.  You want me to change, to take all your ways, but I tell you now, I will not.  I will never be a Digger full-fledged.”

“You will,” Yeeklep-ee said. “The gods demand it.”

“The gods will be disappointed, then.”

“No,” Yeeteep-ee ordered.  “You will not.  You will put your weapons aside.  You will come with us, to sing the morning song of our people, then you will work in the fields.”

Enough, Wolf thought.  He looked at Yeeteep-ee and Yeeklep-ee, standing in front of him, defiant expressions on both their faces.

He tossed his spear shafts up, grabbed them with both hands near the center of the shafts.  Then, he rammed the polished yew spear shafts into the Digger men’s faces.  A sharp crunch came from each as their noses broke.

Yeeteep-ee and Yeeklep-ee fell to their knees.  Blood gushed from their broken noses.  The Digger men let out a howl of pain.

Wolf smiled.  “There,” he told them.  “Now I have taught you the song of my people.”  The other Diggers were gathering.  Wolf looked at them, and shouted: “All of you!  Think well on this!  These… ways of yours, they will never last!  Grubbing in the ground, making the earth grow not what it wants but what you want – it is not a decent way to live!  In a generation, or two, you will be gone, forgotten, and the People will still be living free, moving on the earth as we please, following the herds, gathering the good things the earth provides.  That is how humans should live, and that is how I will live!”

Ignoring Mog-ee’s protests, Wolf strode away, towards the ridge.

Late that afternoon, he walked in as the People were engaged in breaking the winter camp.  Clear Sky looked up from the bison-hide tent cover he was folding and smiled.

“Son,” he said.  “Is this a visit, or have you left the Diggers?”

“I have.”

“I see you did not bring the Digger girl with you,” Clear Sky pointed out.

“I did not.  Father, I…”

“…have been stupid?” Clear Sky completed his son’s statement with a grin.

“Well, yes,” Wolf admitted.

“Of course, you have been.  You are a young man, my son, it is your time to be stupid.  I was not so different.  Young men are what they are, more balls than brains.  But you have learned, I think.”

Wolf nodded, embarrassed.

“Good.  See to your things.  We will move east, I think, this summer.  And son?”

“Father?”

“Welcome back.”

***

I ain’t gonna work on Maggie’s farm no more

I ain’t gonna work on Maggie’s farm no more

I try my best to be just like I am

Everybody wants you to be just like them

They say sing while you slave, I get bored

I ain’t gonna work on Maggie’s farm no more

About The Author

Animal

Animal

Semi-notorious local political gadfly and general pain in the ass. I’m firmly convinced that the Earth and all its inhabitants were placed here for my personal amusement and entertainment, and I comport myself accordingly. Vote Animal/STEVE SMITH 2024!

199 Comments

  1. juris imprudent

    Fathers are always glad for the return of the prodigal.

    • Fourscore

      But not always glad to see what they may have brought with them.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Wolf Jr., the little bastard, is gonna be a digger.

      • Plisade

        If you love something, set it free. But don’t be surprised when it comes back with herpes.

        /stolen from something

  2. Fourscore

    The continuation of a great story, Animal. When I was younger I would try to incorporate digging into hunting. I liked both, Digging Girls were always cute.

    • hayeksplosives

      A little agriculture, a little hunting; the combination would be nice and the diet more balanced.

      But one requires staying in place and the other requires following the game.

  3. Not Adahn

    Either Wolf or Mog-ee are sterile.

    • slumbrew

      The thought occured.

  4. Tundra

    Nice finish.

    I really enjoyed this one, Animal. Thank you!

  5. R C Dean

    These… ways of yours, they will never last! Grubbing in the ground, making the earth grow not what it wants but what you want – it is not a decent way to live! In a generation, or two, you will be gone, forgotten,

    Nobody can be right all the time.

    • Fourscore

      Wait ’til Mogee learns to bake bread and the smell wafts over the Pass. There will be a lot of compromising being done.

      • Necron 99

        That is when the art of negotiations and trade deals begin. It’ll be yugh!

    • juris imprudent

      Good hunter, bad prophet.

      • Not Adahn

        But he was righteous, and really isn’t that more important than being accurate?

      • Bobarian LMD

        ^^Twitter rule #1.

    • robc

      He was off by a generation of a thousand, but he may still be right.

  6. kinnath

    Sitting on the deck. Looking out at the lake. It’s 45 degrees, and it’s going to rain later today.

    But, it’s still better than being at work.

    • Tundra

      I’m sure you and the missus can find some indoor fun!

  7. juris imprudent

    A car pulled up near the Little Caesars and someone inside the vehicle “almost immediately” opened fire, Chicago Police Superintendent David Brown said during a press briefing Sunday. It wasn’t immediately known whether there was an argument just before the shooting.

    “Whether it was a targeted shooting or an altercation, it’s unacceptable,” Brown said.

    It was later determined that the word ‘pineapple’ was involved and the investigation was dropped.

  8. Tundra

    A long but interesting article authored by Putin last year.

    Russia is open to dialogue with Ukraine and ready to discuss the most complex issues. But it is important for us to understand that our partner is defending its national interests but not serving someone else’s, and is not a tool in someone else’s hands to fight against us.

    We respect the Ukrainian language and traditions. We respect Ukrainians’ desire to see their country free, safe and prosperous.

    I am confident that true sovereignty of Ukraine is possible only in partnership with Russia. Our spiritual, human and civilizational ties formed for centuries and have their origins in the same sources, they have been hardened by common trials, achievements and victories. Our kinship has been transmitted from generation to generation. It is in the hearts and the memory of people living in modern Russia and Ukraine, in the blood ties that unite millions of our families. Together we have always been and will be many times stronger and more successful. For we are one people.

    Today, these words may be perceived by some people with hostility. They can be interpreted in many possible ways. Yet, many people will hear me. And I will say one thing – Russia has never been and will never be ”anti-Ukraine“. And what Ukraine will be – it is up to its citizens to decide.

    It appears that this war could have been avoided. As usual.

    • R C Dean

      And I will say one thing – Russia has never been and will never be ”anti-Ukraine“.

      Bull. Shit.

      And what Ukraine will be – it is up to its citizens to decide.

      With the guidance of the Russian army, apparently.

      • Tundra

        He’s careful to separate Russia from the USSR.

      • R C Dean

        I’m sure he is. I wonder how many Russians and Ukrainians are so careful. I have a hard time imagining the USSR as anything other than a Russian empire.

      • Plisade

        Word. I’m starting to think that this Russian disaster Ukraine will mark the *real* end of the Soviet Union.

      • Ted S.

        Because there was no suppression of Ukrainians or other non-Russians in Tsarist Russia.

      • juris imprudent

        I was going to quote Dune in the last post about “killing with the point lacks artistry” and when I went to look up the quote (to get it right), I was rabbit-holed into the world of Lesley Blanch, from who Herbert lifted quite a number of story elements – that quote amongst them (from her book The Sabres of Paradise).

      • Ted S.

        Cool link, Gilmore!

      • juris imprudent

        The Sabres of Paradise is about Dagestan contesting the Tsarist regime – you might have learned that clicking on the link.

      • Ted S.

        You expect us to read the links?

      • Ted S.

        For what it’s worth, I did skim the link before posting, and saw a lot about Blanch spending time in the Middle East.

      • juris imprudent

        I included the link because she was one cool woman – the feminine version of toxic masculinity.

      • juris imprudent

        Putin blames a certain Georgian for the Ukraine problem?

    • Fourscore

      “I am confident that true sovereignty of Ukraine is possible only in partnership with Russia.”

      My way is the only way

      • slumbrew

        Nothing says you’re sovereign like needing the approval of another country to be so.

      • juris imprudent

        Says a country recognized by a powerful monarch as a way to poke that monarch’s chief rival in the eye. [whistles innocently]

      • slumbrew

        I missed the part where Louis XVI said that true sovereignty of the United States was possible only in partnership with France.

      • grrizzly

        Actually a quasi-war had to be waged to change the French perception of this issue.

      • slumbrew

        True, but Louis XVI wasn’t calling the shots at that point.

      • grrizzly

        Right, some kind of American inspired coup happened in the meantime.

      • slumbrew

        Man, the CIA really _has_ been meddling for a long time.

      • juris imprudent

        Well, the U.S. may well not have achieved that sovereignty without French assistance, and also ultimately English sufferance (to accept peace).

    • Ted S.

      Yeah, Ukraine c0uld have chosen to be a vassal state of Russia.

      • Not Adahn

        Slavery is the truest freedom, it is known.

    • db

      It appears that this war could have been avoided. As usual.

      Wars can always be prevented by prophylactic capitulation, which is really what Putin was after. That’s not a message of conciliation, but one of extortion.

      • Ted S.

        The left have been so idiotic in their virtue signalling that many on the anti-left have decided to accept Putin’s propaganda unquestioningly.

      • Tundra

        Did you read the article? Of course it’s fucking propaganda.

        My reason for linking was, once again, the bad guy was very clear about why, what and how things were gonna go down. Like OBL, Klaus Schwab and every other fucking nutcase we choose to ignore.

      • juris imprudent

        So far, unlike the other armed nutcases, Klaus is just talk.

      • Tundra

        Right. The last couple years were just talk.

        Frankly, WEF is scarier to me than the armed nutcases.

      • DEG

        Yep. Schwab has bragged about politicians being his acolytes. I think he specifically used Canadian politicians like Trudeau, but I think there’s more.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        It’s the one-sided nature of the coverage and the non-stop demonization of Putin over the last several years that makes me suspicious of everything we hear, and makes me at least want to understand the arguments from the other side, which is always a good idea in its own right. Rejecting the propaganda we hear isn’t the same as accepting Putin’s propaganda. Putin has a legitimate concern about not wanting NATO on his doorstep in Ukraine. I bet a large majority of Russians share that concern. It was wrong to dangle membership in front of Ukraine. It needlessly antagonized Russia and set up unrealistic expectations for Ukraine. Would Putin still have invaded Ukraine in the absence of potential NATO membership? Maybe. Or maybe they would have succeeded in subverting Ukraine in other ways. But that doesn’t mean we needed to add fuel to the fire. Combine that with the fact that our politicians seem to have been benefitting from the corruption in Ukraine just makes me disgusted with all sides.

      • db

        Rejecting the propaganda we hear isn’t the same as accepting Putin’s propaganda.

        This needs to be shouted from the rooftops.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Exactly. Political principle #1: All politicians everywhere are lying liars. When it comes to politics, there isn’t a good guy and a bad guy, a truth-teller & a deceiver, it’s evil lying psychopath #1 vs evil lying psychopath #2.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Putin has a legitimate concern about not wanting NATO on his doorstep in Ukraine.

        Likewise, Russia’s repeated invasions and breaking of previously signed but not reputed treaties shows that Ukraine has a legitimate interest in joining a military alliance that would offer protection or at least deterrence from Russian aggression.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        Agreed. I can understand why Ukraine wants to be in NATO. But that doesn’t mean the NATO has to let them in.

      • juris imprudent

        Putin has a legitimate concern

        No country is allowed to have legitimate concerns that do not align with U.S. policy. That is what they really believe.

      • db

        Can’t we all just agree that no government can have a legitimate concern that involves forcefully taking territory, population, or treasure from another?

        This entire argument about who’s right–Russia, or the West– about Ukraine completely avoids the idea that governments are instituted among men to serve them, not to rule them.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Fair enough, but can regions secede and/or join another country?

        I would argue that eight years of Ukraine bombarding the Donbas region because they seceded after what they considered to be an illegitimate coup is an unjustified act of war as well.

        Or are we pretending that hostilities weren’t occurring already and that 15,000 people weren’t dead because of it? And during this time period, the US was arming the aggressors without any concern for the welfare of the residents of eastern Ukraine.

      • juris imprudent

        You see, that all sounds good, and I fully support it as the basis of our OWN governance.

        But no one appointed as arbiter of all disputes in the world.

        And you’re a fool if you think we’d just let Mexico enter into alliance of any type with a country we viewed as a hostile power. International relations are a pure power game. There is no law, no rules except what you can enforce at the point of a muzzle. It’s a lot like what true anarchy would look like in the real world.

      • Ted S.

        As if there’s been no shelling from the self-styled independent parts of Donetsk and Luhansk into those parts still controlled by Ukraine.

      • R C Dean

        can regions secede and/or join another country

        In theory, sure. Its the in practice part where things get sticky. Especially when doing so means the other country gains territory either directly via annexation or indirectly via “influence”. One of the things Western Westphalian style notions of sovereignty arguably does is cut down on those kind of shenanigans, which are, as we are seeing, an excellent entry point into a larger war.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        As if there’s been no shelling from the self-styled independent parts of Donetsk and Luhansk into those parts still controlled by Ukraine.

        Absolutely. But even if you don’t accept the results of the referendums that were held in Donbas why are we picking sides here? Of what importance is the Donbas region to the US that we should be arming one side of the conflict and seeking reunification through force?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        an excellent entry point into a larger war

        One might think that was our goal given the way we have conducted our foreign policy in the area.

      • db

        There is no law, no rules except what you can enforce at the point of a muzzle.

        I’m having a hard time distinguishing what we see in the world today from that.

        The “rules” have been made up by the very organizations that bend and break them at will, with impunity. Between governments, there is nothing other than “might makes right,” no matter how you try to dress it up in your League of Nations frippery.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And the post WWII war crimes trials look more and more like victors’ justice rather than universal principles.

      • Ted S.

        Ukrainians have a legitimate concern about not wanting to be subjugated by Putin.

      • Not Adahn

        t’s the one-sided nature of the coverage and the non-stop demonization of Putin over the last several years

        The local NPR has a weekly show where journalismists on various stages of the career path that starts as a local propagandist and ends with a SUNY sinecure discuss the media and how great it (except for Faux News, ‘natch).

        They all agreed that coverage of the Russo-Ukrainian war was excessive and that the reason for this was “racism.”

        The idea that they’ve had a religious hate boner for Putin ever since it as revealed that he conspired with Cheeto Hitler to steal the 2016 election from The Most Qualified Candidate in History was never considered. And none of the listener questions so much as suggested that they thought of that possibility either.

      • Not Adahn

        How does capitalization (or any other stylistic feature) prevent war? Or are you trolling Ted s.?

    • wdalasio

      That’s been my impression for a while. The Russians have been trying to arrive at a diplomatic solution on this for some time. I think the Ukrainians basically responded with “The only acceptable answer is we get our 2014 borders back and you mind your own business while we join the West”. I think that’s mostly because the U.S. government was blowing smoke up their collective asses that that was going to be a viable outcome with U.S. support. They didn’t think they had to reach some sort of accord with their more powerful neighbor because “we” gave them the illusion that we’d make sue their more powerful neighbor couldn’t do anything about it. And, to be fair, our government may well have told them we wouldn’t tolerate them “reaching a separate peace”.

      • R C Dean

        I think the Ukrainians basically responded with “The only acceptable answer is we get our 2014 borders back and you mind your own business while we join the West”.

        That’s my impression, too. Which, as a sovereign nation, is entirely within their rights. Not to mention consistent with their treaty with Russia. But then there’s the reality, of Russia’s historic expansionism and (justifiable?) paranoia. And large army.

        Its apparent that Putin’s non-negotiables include not only “No NATO”, but also “We keep the Ukrainian territory we have seized”. The first should be doable. The second is probably non-negotiable by the Ukrainians. Russia and Ukraine have been fighting a more-or-less desultory semi-proxy war for years. Those have a way of heating up. I’m not sure a broader war could be avoided.

        And, yeah, nearly everything we are hearing is propaganda.

      • Sean

        And large army.

        It’s a little smaller these days.

      • wdalasio

        But, like I said, the Russians have had a track record since 2014 of having made a bunch of diplomatic proposals to resolve the issue. And the provinces of the Donbas voted to join Russia some years ago and the Russians said no thanks. And the Russian proposals entailed the Donbas remaining part of the Ukraine in a federal arrangement. That isn’t Russian propaganda. It’s stuff you can look up on Western news sources and confirm.

        I hate to sound like I’m cheerleading Vladimir Putin. But, the facts I’ve seen suggest the Russians have tried to resolve this since our sponsored coup in Kiev and their reaction in Crimea and the Donbas back in 2014. The intransigent players in this appear to be the West & the Ukraine.

      • juris imprudent

        Listen, when we engineer a coup, we do so for the most noble of reasons – not like those other nasty imperial powers.

      • Ted S.

        Yeah, all those protestors in the Maidan were plants incapable of independent thought who were just doing the bidding of the CIA, while Russia has never ever fomented coups.

        All those refugees are CIA plants, too.

      • wdalasio

        So, you’re telling me that you believe that the Ukrainians spontaneously and organically rose up in righteous fury at the failure of an elected leader….to sign an exclusive trade deal with the EU.

        And the fact that there was a spike in US deep state figures shuttling between Washington and Kiev and the Deputy Secretary of State being on tape with the ambassador to the Ukraine actually planning the Ukrainians’ post-“revolution” government before the protests was just happenstance and coincidence.

      • Swiss Servator

        So the Russians are fully justified in going in, blasting the cities and enslaving the populace?

        How about the whole thing sucks, but Russia started the actual war?

        NAP?

      • juris imprudent

        Remind me of the international legal stance of our operations in Iraq and Syria?

      • wdalasio

        Yes, Swissy, because we all know the one true libertarian policy is to have your diplomats and intelligence services spreading around money to street fighters and extra-legal opposition groups to have them violently remove an uncooperative government.

        FFS, this is silly. No, you don’t have to believe that Putin was justified launching an attack on the Ukraine to think the U.S. grossly overstepped in 2014. You don’t have to support Russia blasting cities to think the Russians’ 2014 response was a tit for our tat. And you don’t have to support Russia’s war in the Ukraine to think that the right answer to the 2014 tit-for-tat would have been to either but out or find a viable diplomatic solution.

      • juris imprudent

        And when I ask that I’m not justifying what the Russians are doing – just pointing out that we can’t assert the need for them to follow “rules” that we flat out ignore when we want to.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        They certainly were capable of independent thought. But Nuland probably shouldn’t have been out on the square handing out cupcakes as a show of support. She shouldn’t have been plotting behind the scenes about which person should take which role in the new government in her “Fuck the EU” call. There shouldn’t have been a long line of US Senators travelling over there stirring up shit. The guy the protestors got rid of won an election. Was it a clean election? Probably not. Was the elected leader a real swell guy? Probably not. It’s Ukraine. But all the talk about Ukraine being a beacon of democracy is BS when we helped overthrow a democratically elected president. Would have been overthrown without our help? Maybe, maybe not. But we should have stayed out of it.

      • Tundra

        But we should have stayed out of it.

        This could be the slogan for the last 100+ years of foreign policy.

      • juris imprudent

        ISOLATIONIST TALK!11! Shirking God’s duty as given to us by President Wilson!

      • Fourscore

        That list is long

      • R C Dean

        the Russians have tried to resolve this since our sponsored coup in Kiev and their reaction in Crimea and the Donbas back in 2014

        That’s the part that doesn’t fit with “Putin trying to resolve this diplomatically”. His insistence on keeping that territory makes his diplomacy read like “Let me keep what I took just a few years after signing a treaty saying I would do no such thing.” If the only issue on the table was NATO or even EU membership, I think a diplomatic solution would be very doable. Since the issues on the table include actual control of territory which neither side will surrender, I’m just not seeing much chance of a diplomatic solution that didn’t involve a lot of shooting first.

      • wdalasio

        I think it’s helpful to distinguish the Crimea and the Donbas. Yes, Russia wasn’t going to cede the Crimea after 2014. And, I don’t think anyone in their right mind would expect them to. The Donbas? Like I said, Putin already had signaled a willingness to cede it. They voted to be annexed by Russia and the Russians rejected it.

      • Ted S.

        Russia wants the countries bordering it to have problems with territorial integrity so they’ll be less stable. Absobring Donsetk and Luhansk into Russia wouldn’t help that goal.

      • R C Dean

        Like I said, Putin already had signaled a willingness to cede it.

        His demands so far include the Ukraine giving them up. And surely nobody believes they will be “autonomous” of Russia.

      • Not Adahn

        If the CIA were smart, they’d stir up hatred between the Donetsovites and the Luhanskians.

      • Not Adahn

        their reaction in Crimea

        We neeeeeed that port! Why won’t you understand this?

  9. DEG

    This is a good ending. Not what I was expecting, but in a way better.

    “It is not working because not all are singing,” Ord-ee said.

    Ahhh… a cult.

    • R C Dean

      So, Wolf leaves, and everyone is singing. And lo! It rains (eventually, as it always does).

      • Bobarian LMD

        Or it doesn’t and Wolf was right in this one instance.

      • juris imprudent

        Then the Digger people must make war on all of Wolf’s people to appease the gods!

      • Not Adahn

        Not off to an auspicious start with that one.

      • juris imprudent

        If the gods are appeased by blood they may not be particular as to who’s.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Downloaded for tonight’s date with the rowing machine

  10. hayeksplosives

    Good story, Animal.

    But I thought all the tribes lived in harmony with nature and permanent peace with their fellow man before Civilization and concentration of material wealth wrecked everything!

    • slumbrew

      They did! I mean, after they killed off those people who got there before them. But after that, harmony reigned.

    • Plisade

      I’m starting to read the book, 1491, from a recommendation. So far, it appears that your /sarc worldview is what the book may be trying to convey, SCIENCE!tifically. Not sure. I’m open to anything, but the endless strawmanning throughout the first couple chapters is getting old. Only the facts, ma’am.

      • juris imprudent

        The author is an American journalist and author, specializing in scientific topics. In 2006 his book 1491: New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus won the National Academies Communication Award for best book of the year. He is the coauthor of four books, and contributing editor for Science, The Atlantic Monthly, and Wired. [wiki]

        I suspect you are in for a lot of flogging.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        I suspect you are in for a lot of flogging.

        Go on!

      • juris imprudent

        First, chain yourself to the rowing machine.

      • Plisade

        Bummer. I was hoping for more of an addendum to Guns, Germs and Steel.

      • db

        “Guns, Germs and Steel”

        Sounds like a pretty good weekend in Pittsburgh.

    • Not Adahn

      I halfway hope that I’m encouraged to include a land acknowledgement in a publication or presentation.

      I will do the research and find out the names of the tribes that were here before the ones that the wypipo encountered and name them.

      • slumbrew

        It will be lost on your audience, sadly.

    • db

      My Dad, a former submariner, subscribed to USNI. I used to devour Proceedings when it showed up in the mail. If I had had a bit more ambition, I would have tried for the Naval Academy. But my extreme apathy toward sports of any kind kind of did me in. At the time (not sure about now), it was pretty much considered a requirement to compete in a team sport at the high school level to be considered for admission. There was no goal, in my mind, that was worth that.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Yeah, Proceedings is great reading. May subscribe at some point in the future. I like to flip through their stuff at work.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Every cadet/midshipman an athlete…

        But it didn’t have to be a team sport… And some other extra-curriculars could overcome that ‘shortfall’, such as being active in school politics (e.g. HS President) or being an Eagle Scout.

        I’ve done some analysis in the past for/of the USMA admissions program.

  11. db

    My employer just officially removed all requirements for masking regardless of vaccination status.

    I was afraid, last fall, this had the potential to go very differently, as we do supply some products to the government. Overall, I’m satisfied that our company leaders played it the way they did, in general taking no firm stand on anything other than saying we were following CDC guidelines, but not enforcing vaccination or even status disclosure. They did send out a survey regarding vaccinations, but indications were that the response rates were so low that it was interpreted as a statement by the employee base: “None of your fucking business.”

    • rhywun

      Mine followed the same path. They said last week it’s now “up to us” to “follow CDC guidelines” in the many various offices. I took that to mean they can’t be bothered with looking it up any more. I just rolled my eyes and went back to work (at home). I ain’t budging until at least mid-April now, thanks to Uncle Joe. Maybe never, if I can play my cards right.

  12. pistoffnick the refusnik

    I stubled across Laws of the Internet

    https://rogersbacon.substack.com/p/eponymous-laws-part-i-laws-of-the?s=r

    A sampling:

    Godwin’s Law – “As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Hitler approaches 1”

    Poe’s Law – “Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humour, it is impossible to create a parody of fundamentalism that someone won’t mistake for the real thing.”

    Badger’s Law – “any website with the word “Truth” in the URL has none in the posted content.”

    Haig’s Law – “The worse a website looks, the more likely it was made by a crazy person.”

    Shank’s Law – “There is no idea so batshit insane that you can’t find at least one PhD scientist to support it.”

    John Gabriel’s Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory – Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Fuckwad

    Someone (someone smarter than me) should do something similar: Laws of the Glibs.

    SugarFree’s Law – any link you post will not be an actual link.

    What else?

    • db

      db’s Law: Any typo, missed negation, or error of any kind will become immediately noticeable to the author after, and never before, clicking the “Reply” buttn.

      • db

        FUCK!

      • Tundra

        Very meta.

      • slumbrew

        Hey, that’s my thing!

        We can share, I guess.

      • robc

        joez law (from TOS): Anyone correcting someone’s grammar or spelling will make a similar type mistake in their own post.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Warty’s Law – Squat moar!

      • Tundra

        Alternatively:

        “Don’t want to be a fat fuck? Stop eating fat fuck foods!”

      • Tundra

        LOL!

        Meal Team Six!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        tactichunk

      • Gustave Lytton

        2nd, don’t eat fat fuck food

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Bobarian’s Twitter rule #1 – Being righteous is more important than being accurate.

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      STEVE SMITH LAY DOWN LAW!

      • Swiss Servator

        BY LAW DOWN LAW, MEAN…

      • Ownbestenemy

        It is safer to lay down with STEVE SMITH than a crazy date in Vegas apparently

      • Swiss Servator

        LESS STABBY. WELL, KNIFE STABBY.

  13. wdalasio

    So, at the end Wolf decided the best future was to go a-gamboling!

  14. R.J.

    Great story with a happy ending! Seriously Wolf would be better off joining the Republic of Fapistan than hanging around with the Diggers. Yay for good choices!

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Republic of Fapistan

      I don’t think they had 275 gallon totes of lube back then

      • Animal

        Well, I did mention mammoth fat.

      • db

        I thought that was fan service for Tres Cool.

      • juris imprudent

        Bear grease. Also works as a bug repellent.

      • rhywun

        And a floor wax.

  15. Timeloose

    Great story telling as usual Animal.

    I hate to do this, but did anyone else read the farmer’s daughter’s name as Ferengi for mother?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnxZkShvu80

    • The Other Kevin

      This could work out perfectly. Hear me out. The White House, not to be outdone by Elon Musk because they hate him, issue the same challenge, Biden vs. Putin. We would miss the Ukraine, though.

      • db

        That’s a push-up contest I’d buy on PPV.

      • The Other Kevin

        You’re right, I don’t think Biden would even survive a push up contest.

    • db

      If you told me that Elon Musk was the first individual to become a nuclear armed sovereign, I wouldn’t even blink.

      • Timeloose

        He has to make sure to keep it in a volcano or moonraker like ship in orbit.

      • Ownbestenemy

        *rethinks his true goal of Starship…

      • Ted S.

        Isn’t this the true goal?

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Knew it!
        You are becoming predictable, AI bot TedS.

      • db

        He *does* say that Starship is intended to help get humanity off Earth to protect it from catastrophe…he just doesn’t say specifically what that catastrophe will be, nor why he’s so certain it will happen…

      • EvilSheldon

        Or possibly in the sidecar of his Harley…

      • Swiss Servator

        Nukes are so messy. Why not orbital death lasers?

      • Swiss Servator

        I’d prefer an X-Ray laser. Nobody sees nuthin’.

      • juris imprudent

        If he decides to buy Boston Dynamics, you know the sexbots will be the next product out the door.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        TAKE MY MONEY!

      • Sensei

        Haven’t you seen Ex Machina?

        It doesn’t end well.

        (A surprisingly good relatively low cost SciFi film.)

      • Not Adahn

        As long as he programs them not to leave their vaginas in the sink.

      • Not Adahn

        Apple will never be able to make a sexbot because of the racism of making them all white.

      • The Other Kevin

        I’m sure rose gold would also be an option.

      • Animal

        I’ll only buy it if he shaves his head, starts wearing a gray Nehru jacket, and sets up two lunar bases named Moon Unit Alpha and Moon Unit Zappa.

      • The Other Kevin

        I feel like Klaus Schwab is a better fit here.

      • Animal

        Hmm. You may be right.

  16. db

    Question for Hayeksplosives, if she’s around:

    What do you think the prospects are for civil engineering uses of nuclear explosives on say, Mars? Is there a use case?

    • Swiss Servator

      If you want hideous radioactive contamination….sure!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Marvin Martian approves.

    • R C Dean

      “We propose that the initial excavations for the base on Mars be done with nuclear explosives.”

      “And your analysis of why we should take this . . . unorthodox approach.”

      “Dude, nukes.”

      “I find your analysis compelling. So let it be written.”

      • kinnath

        Hey RC. Did you ever finish Arcane?

      • R C Dean

        Not quite. Planning to this week.

      • kinnath

        ok. I’d like to hear your opinion.

        I will only be online occasionally this week while on vacation.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Project Plowshare… in space!

    • EvilSheldon

      I seem to recall something about this in The Curve of Binding Energy.

  17. Ownbestenemy

    Noticed that this administration likes to do all their press briefings at the same time. Pentagon, State, Biden and then Psaki as cleanup. Maybe I never paid attention to how other administrations did it.

    • juris imprudent

      …then Psaki as cleanup.

      That seems like that should be real close to the punchline of The Aristocrats!

  18. Not Adahn

    World Wildlife Fund sez…

    January 6th? Bad.

    Russia Invades Ukraine? Less bad.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Uh…why would there statement have any impact? Attention seekers and trying to find their true believers?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Either I db’d it or I slumbrewed it…time will tell who wins the battle for the GlibLaw

      • slumbrew

        slumDBrewed it? I dunno. I’m willing to graciously concede if he wants the title.

      • db

        I’m OK with joint custody.

      • Ownbestenemy

        You’ve never been to family court have you…tsk tsk

    • Ted S.

      They know Ukraine deserved it for letting the CIA foment a coup.

  19. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Bah. Gotta go deal with a vehicle accident. Looks like somebody switched lanes into one of our delivery trucks.

    Enjoy the rest of your afternoon.

    • db

      I hope the hub spikes on your truck fended off the worst of the attack.

    • slumbrew

      That dude looks like a super-fan.

      Warty would have thoughts.

  20. slumbrew

    Heh, seen on Insty:

    “Inflation is so bad Tom Brady had to go back to work.”

    • db

      I saw something like…”Biden pushed gas prices so high, even Tom Brady had to come out of retirement to pay them”

    • rhywun

      LOL

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