Turkey Turkey: A Dating in DC Story

by | Mar 10, 2022 | Fun, Musings, Yoots | 150 comments

Early winter 1992. I had been in DC for the better part of two years, and decided finally to take advantage of the genealogical resources available on my doorstep. I needed a non-school project that didn’t involve other people, so I headed to the National Archives to have a dig through their records.

The research room at the time was like a small local library branch, with rows of microfilm and microfiche machines, their motors whirring on and off. Mostly it was older women up there, mainly tourists, some professional researchers, and nerds.

I suppose my being one of the very few (or only, as far as I could see) young ladies frequenting the research room was what caught his eye. At any rate, I found myself being enthusiastically assisted by one of the employees at the Archives. Young, but older than me. Good-looking. Obviously gainfully employed. Hmmm.

I was getting ready to head home when he approached.

“Do you like industrial metal?”, he asked.

In my never-ending quest for irreverence, I probably told him “Man, I love John Denver.” (or whatever came to mind that I liked that was the opposite of industrial).

I guess that didn’t deter him, because I found myself sitting on a bench in the elevator lobby, sharing headphones, listening to “Jesus Built My Hotrod”.

That’s how I met Will.

Will was a local NoVA guy, 24ish, tall, burly. We went on a few fun dates – dinners, movies, the usual. But there was something I had to tell him, and the time was looming when I would have to get it off my chest.

It was tough, but I just came out with it: “I’m leaving for 6 months in Turkey in mid-January.”

I told Will I hoped we could stay in touch and maybe see where things stood when I got back to town sometime in summer of ’93. If not, that’s understandable. Will indicated he would like to continue to see where things went. Cool.

Not long after this discussion, Will stopped taking my calls. I was 100% ghosted, as the millennials say. Meh. I had an adventure of a lifetime coming up. He obviously changed his mind. Time to move on.


A couple months later, I was playing Pictionary with a group of fellow study abroad students in southern Turkey. There were about a dozen of us in total in the program, and about 4 of us playing Pictionary that night. It is important to stress how small a group of random people were brought together that night near Antalya.

This night was a companionable evening, with Efes beer and wide-ranging conversations. One of those conversations? Genealogy. One of the women, Barb, was a genealogy nerd, too. Naturally, we talked about our major finds and how we came about them. Because we were both college kids in DC, we both had been to the Archives many times.

“Haha. I used to date a guy that works there. I met him when I was down there doing research”, I said.

“Hey! Me too!”, Barb replied. “Was his name Will?”

“Holy shit yes. When were you dating him?” I asked.

“Just before I came here!”

“OMG.”

“OMG.”

So, whenever I need a chuckle, I think of that dude Will, getting told by two different women, complete strangers, in the winter of ’92, that they were going to Turkey for 6 months.

About The Author

KK, Plump & Unfiltered

KK, Plump & Unfiltered

In this house, we believe: Bigfoot is real; I am going to kiss him; He will be my lover; I will be the little spoon; Me and Bigfoot will fuck and you can't stop us

150 Comments

  1. rhywun

    LOL good story.

    I’m leaving for X months

    One of the “the ones who got away” pulled this on me, and it was only 3 months. I wasn’t going to wait.

    What an idiot I was.

  2. slumbrew

    Legit LOL. Great story.

    • Sensei

      +1

  3. db

    Will, getting told by two different women, complete strangers, in the winter of ’92, that they were going to Turkey for 6 months.

    Will’s internal monologue: Is there some kind of mailing list that women have to share break-up excuses? Dumb fuckin’ luck!

    • hayeksplosives

      LOL!!

      Both at the original story and at your potential addition!

  4. Ownbestenemy

    Ha! Great story

  5. Sean

    Loved it.

  6. Tundra

    Poor Will.

    You two probably wrecked him!

    Awesome story, KK!

    • Swiss Servator

      Wrecked ‘im?! It damn near killed him!

  7. ron73440

    That’s funny, I wonder if he ghosted you because he thought it was the new “cool” way to break up with someone.

    Instead of “It’s not you, it’s me” now girls were saying “I’m going to Turkey”.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      To this day, I don’t know two things that I would love to know:

      1) Which one of us told him first
      2) What his reaction was when the 2nd one told him

      • Mojeaux

        He may not have thought you were strangers and you were both punking him.

    • Mojeaux

      I wonder if he ghosted you because he thought it was the new “cool” way to break up with someone.

      I dunno. I thought ghosting was a time-honored way to avoid the situation altogether.

      • ron73440

        I meant that as “going to Turkey” was the new way to break up with someone, so he assumed she was trying to nicely break up with him.

      • Bobarian LMD

        “Going to Turkey” is less painful than telling someone “I’m dating a turkey”.

      • Swiss Servator

        “I’m reporting to serve my sentence in a Turkish prison.”

    • DEG

      Instead of “It’s not you, it’s me” now girls were saying “I’m going to Turkey”.

      I’ve had some women do similar things to me. “I’m going on vacation, let’s talk when I get back!” and then they never reply to me again.

      • robc

        I had that happen, but it really was a vacation. I knew things were over when she ghosted me just before and just after the vacation (she was going to be unreachable during the trip). Didnt answer phone, didnt reply online. I clued in, okay this is over. Then about two months later, out of the blue, I get a message online “officially” dumping me.

        Yeah, whatever, I am not THAT clueless.

      • Fourscore

        “I’m going overseas, maybe we should say goodbye”

        “Oh, maybe we can still be friends”

      • Animal

        That line is rightly a cliche, but through my senior year of high school I had a girlfriend; we started dating the summer between our junior and senior years and broke up right about at graduation. And yes, we used the “we can still be friends” line.

        Funny thing is, we proceeded to do just that. We both lost a high school sweetie but gained a lifelong friendship that we both treasure. She and Mrs. Animal have also become great friends. Our youngest daughter is named after her. She’s coming to stay with us in Alaska for a week or two this summer.

        Sometimes these things really do happen.

      • Gustave Lytton

        She’s coming to stay with us in Alaska for a week or two this summer.

        To be serialized Monday’s this fall only on Glibs!

      • Bobarian LMD

        Woo-Hoo!!

        Menage-a-bear!

      • juris imprudent

        Just guessing that Mrs. Animal has her own collection of rusty tin can lids.

      • Animal

        Can confirm.

      • R C Dean

        True story:

        My wedding present for Mrs. Dean was a Sig Sauer P226. Since I was armed, it seemed only fair.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Sometimes these things really do happen.

        Dear Penthouse: I never thought this would happen to me…

      • Grumbletarian

        I love the “you’re a great guy, but” line. I always mentally append it with “but I’m in the market for something mediocre.”

  8. DEG

    So, whenever I need a chuckle, I think of that dude Will, getting told by two different women, complete strangers, in the winter of ’92, that they were going to Turkey for 6 months.

    That is amusing.

  9. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    I wish I could remember Barb’s last name so I could maybe find her on the Facebooks and reminisce

    • db

      Wire?

      • Ownbestenemy

        I was figuring she is dead and left a wallowing washed up hockey coach in Canada.

      • Ownbestenemy

        At least he didn’t try DeHook

      • Swiss Servator

        *maintains narrowed gaze*

  10. Yusef drives a Kia

    Funny story KK, good job!

  11. creech

    So tell us about Turkish prisons.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack
  12. Fourscore

    Great story, there are so many coincidences in life. In 1957 I was bound for Germany, on a boat headed to Bremerhaven. We’re on the ship and meeting a lot of new temporary friends and I’m talking to 2 young guys and we’re headed to the same unit. As the conversation goes around the other 2 learn that they had been at the same post in their previous assignment. One mentioned he recently married a local girl, the other mentioned dating a local girl. Turns out it had been the same young lady.

    I have other coincidental meetings like that as well.

  13. Bones

    I wish I was about 4 IPAs deep reading that. That is a definitive “Small World” story.

  14. db

    For those of you who may be interested in aviation/DIY/building stuff, you may or may not have heard of Mike Patey. He has an infectious enthusiasm for aviation and builds some of the coolest experimental airplanes out there. Here’s a playlist of all the videos from his build of “Scrappy,” his extreme back country/search and rescue airplane. Based on a Cubcrafters Carbon Cub, it boasts a 780 cubic inch 8 cylinder engine, a completely custom shape-changing wing he designed, and a gross weight of I think over 4,000 lb. It can carry and power/charge two electric dirt bikes, and has something over 10 hrs of endurance for loitering for search and rescue missions.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6lncBfGtu8&list=PLOuA3UZZRYR6087Zc_s5ejcyKLV2lEB9l&index=2

    The guy sleeps maybe 3-4 hours a night and has more energy than just about anyone I’ve ever seen.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Did you see my poorly written explanation of a pilot from last night that landed on a taxiway that was perpendicular to his assigned runway after being issued a go around?

      • Bobarian LMD

        I remember watching a Bush Pilot competition on Youtube where a guy did that as part of it.

      • db

        uh, no? I searched in yesterday’s threads and didn’t see anything?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Ah I meant from this AM the incident was last night.

  15. Bones

    I used to work with a guy who made stuff up in casual conversations to see what would stick (I did too, so maybe that’s why we got along so well). We worked in a huge distribution facility as supervisors in Danville, IL around the turn of the century and got to talking about family. My parents and younger brother had moved to El Paso while I was “attending” SIU and stayed in the shithole commonly referred to as Illinois, so an occasional visit was all I knew of El Paso.

    My brother is 6 years my junior and graduated from Coronado HS in El Paso, and this dude says “I graduated from there, too!”

    Nice try. I’m not an idiot dude, you’re from here. He was from around here, but…… lived with his older brother for two years….. in El Paso…… and graduated from Coronado HS two years before my brother. I didn’t believe him for two days until my brother confirmed it via yearbook from his sophomore year.

    Small world.

    • Gustave Lytton

      One of my now coworkers is a guy I worked with 26 years ago in a different city/company. He was the very first person I met when I started there.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      I have so many of those kinds of stories, it’s kind of unreal to me.

      This one in particular was the most fun. The rest wouldn’t make a whole article. Except for the one about my late mom’s friend. I may could make a couple paragraphs on that one.

      • Bones

        I certainly need more of these stories and less of the BP spiking ones!

  16. Tulip

    I laughed. Poor Will.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      I wish I had run into him somehow over the years, but sadly I have not. I would have 100% explained it wasn’t a trick, and then asked what his reaction was.

      Poor guy!

      • R C Dean

        Well, he’s a pubsec, so he’s probably still at the Archives.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Negative (of course I Googled him when I wrote this up!)

        He’s in the private sector, but still in NoVA.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Stalker confirmed

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        LinkedIn is a font of info

      • Ownbestenemy

        FAA tried to get me to sign up as part of management training….

      • Ted S.

        I’m not on Linkedin.

  17. Fatty Bolger

    Poor Will! lmao, great story.

  18. PieInTheSky

    to answer something in the past thread

    pistoffnick the refusnik on March 10, 2022 at 10:48 am

    …vanlife chick on the yutubz and even she got a cabin in the woods to stay

    Hannah? https://www.youtube.com/c/hannahleeduggan/videos

    Her cabin is not far from where I live.

    That is a fantastic guess. You must be psychic

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      My daughter is infatuated with her and “van life”. I watch so I can be prepared for the projects I’m going to be roped into next.

      Hannah’s old boyfriend has a similar schtick: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL_BZpt0J9Kqwy6YPWr30ow/videos

      I wonder how they can afford that lifestyle. They must really be raking in the sponsorship dollars.

      • PieInTheSky

        projects I’m going to be roped into next. – see this is why it pays to be worthless at DIY

      • R C Dean

        see this is why it pays to be worthless at DIY

        You sure you’re not married, Pie?

      • Fourscore

        “My dad will help, he knows all about those things”

        PO Nicks daughter to her friends

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Yep.

  19. Timeloose

    I met a Polish MBA student in Philadelphia sometime in 2000 or 2001. She was just my type and we hit it off really well. We went on a date dinner and drinks. I was looking to take it slow and get to know her, so after a great good night kiss I was off. We were trying to make plans for another date, then she invited me to a party a week or so later. It was a Christmas party at her Italian ex-boyfriends place of business, where she used to work. I decided that it was uncomfortable and weird, so i made up an excuse to not go.

    I tried to make plans afterwards with her and she informed me she was moving to Brussels after the New Year to work for the EU. She found out that she got the job just before Christmas and invited me to the party to tell me. Her old boyfriend/boss were “still friends”, and he threw her a going away party / Christmas party. I confirmed this story with others that we both knew.

    I either missed out on a few weeks of happy fun time with a 5’11” knockout or being part of some strange European love triangle. Either way I think I fuxxed up.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    “We can still be friends.”

    “If I wanted a friend I’d buy a dog.”

    • Ed Wuncler

      Ah yes, we can still be friends line. I was casually seeing this girl one summer, and by the end of summer, she decided that she wanted to date this other guy. She told me this while I was on the Red Line train taking her home to Rodgers Park. I was hurt by it but understood because we weren’t officially dating but she wanted to remain friends (we’ve known each other since third grade).

      It was much more difficult than I thought and what made it worse was that the guy she dated was a typical rich spoiled kid from the North Shore and she would rub it in my face that his family came from money. Fast forward to a couple of months later, I was courting this girl who she also went to school with and she mentioned that we hung out and that we were seeing each other the previous summer. I was so pissed and finally told her that I want nothing to do with her and that I had no desire to be friends with her anymore.

      The dating world is fucking terrible and I never want to go back into it again.

      • Ted S.

        She told me this while I was on the Red Line train taking her home to Rodgers Park.

        Since you’re in Chicago, that would be Soldier Field, right?

      • Ed Wuncler

        Soldier Field is south of Rodgers Park by the Field Museum and Shedd Aquarium. Rodgers Park the northern border of Chicago.

      • Swiss Servator

        I think he was making an Aaron Rodgers joke, from this past season’s game at Soldier Field… “I own you!”

      • Ed Wuncler

        Damn, that was a good one.

  21. Sensei

    My BS detector went to the roof

    Smart Guns Have Been Under Development for Decades. With U.S. Launch in Sight, the Public Appears Relatively On Board

    55% of gun owners, 45% of adults overall and 39% of gun nonowners said they would be comfortable using a smart gun.

    You’ll note lots of Team Blue quotes. I was surprised they include a rather extensive tabulation.

    Methodology:
    This poll was conducted between February 12-February 13, 2022 among a sample of 2210 Adults.
    The interviews were conducted online and the data were weighted to approximate a target sample of
    Adults based on gender, educational attainment, age, race, and region. Results from the full survey
    have a margin of error of plus or minus 2 percentage points.

    I did a relatively thorough read through and I can’t find any idea how they sampled. Based on the above it seem to be self selected. I’d lay dollars to donuts that an anti group directed people. After that they weighted the non-random sample. OK – now I can see how we came of with 55%. This is how you science!

    • Bobarian LMD

      Nobody I know voted for Nixon Biden.

    • R.J.

      The public test of it was a total failure. I am short time or I would find a link to the story.

      • slumbrew

        Where is my shocked face?

    • slumbrew

      We live in the stupidest timeline.

    • Not Adahn

      It’s a “The Media are Gullible Idiots and Believe Whatever They’re Told” sign.

    • Tundra

      Maple Grove/Edina up next!

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Edina

        *spits*
        Feckin’ Cake Eaters

      • Tundra

        Dude, I grew up in Bloomington. I still hate them!

        Maple Grove up early! Fun to see kids I’ve known since they were toddlers playing in the tourney!

  22. The Late P Brooks

    55% of gun owners, 45% of adults overall and 39% of gun nonowners said they would be comfortable using a smart gun.

    Smart guns: proven 100% safe and effective. Get yours today.

    • Timeloose

      I still need to look for a use for all of the barrel locks I I have left unused. Maybe create some cheap motorcycle or bike locks.

      • R C Dean

        I have a pile of those also. All unused, most still in the packaging.

  23. Sensei

    Hope this guy is planning on at least leaving the state if not the country.

    In dozens of tragically similar accounts spread across Facebook, Reddit and other forums, victims in Colorado say the debacle began when Leonard stopped returning their calls in late February, leading to someone investigating the shop’s premises last week. There, they found the doors locked and dozens of cars parked on the street out front with tow warnings on their windows. Clients raced to recover their Subarus, only for many to find their cars wouldn’t start because their engines had been removed.

    Subaru Speed Shop Owner Disappears With Customers’ Engines and Cash: Report

    • juris imprudent

      Yeah, but he knew his customer base – idiot refi’ing his house to pay for a dream car?

      • Sensei

        Never understood it. They are all late model and the modifications mostly valueless or value detractors.

        If you bought a classic Ferrari with it you’d at least have a volatile, but hopefully appreciating asset.

        Not that I’d suggest going into debt to speculate on autos.

      • R C Dean

        They aren’t doing it for the resale value. They are doing it for the fun value.

        When I look at the “mods” on my guns – mostly furniture/ergonomics and optics – I don’t think there’s any way I could get my money back if I sold them.

        Weirdly, I’m pretty sure we’d get our money back on the mods if we sold Mrs. Dean’s FJ Cruiser. Compared to Blue Book, I think we’d get enough of a premium to cover the chip, supercharger, etc.

      • Sensei

        I meant the borrowing part, not the modification part.

        I’ve modified plenty of things knowing that it was either a net zero or net negative to value.

        Some automotive mods make sense others not so much. The Toyota V6 supercharger mod is one I think you’d get back.

      • R C Dean

        Ah. Got it.

    • The Other Kevin

      Just waiting for the next scam, which is converting your gas car to run on water or something.

    • PieInTheSky

      in two years of wfh my camera has always been off.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I can’t remember the last time I removed the opaque strip covering the camera on my work laptop.

    • Sensei

      That’s great. And accurate for my tom cat.

    • Tundra

      The last one is my favorite.

    • slumbrew

      Party of science.

      • Fourscore

        If it saves just one person from covid it’ll be worth it.

    • R C Dean

      *makes note to take “I did that” stickers with me on my business trip in a couple of weeks*

      • Ownbestenemy

        At the gas station this morning there were about half dozen that were partially torn off but obviously replaced every time someone got huffy and tried to remove them. Today’s venture was 6 gallons for $30.

      • Sensei

        I’m torn on this. You are making work for the station and its employees.

        OTH, I understand the necessity for the vandalism.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Agreed.

      • R C Dean

        I got reflective ones from Amazon that aren’t paper. I tested them before I started using them, and they come off pretty easy. I have never seen one of the ones I leave partially removed on a later stop, so I think they’re coming off OK.

        I suspect, but have no way of knowing, that its not station employees who try to remove most of them. Its pissed off leftists.

      • R.J.

        Agreed. And that thought makes me happy

      • Ownbestenemy

        Partially both. I am guessing that no other stickers other than approved by State and Federal regulators are to be posted on the pumps…

    • ron73440

      Has anybody died from COVID while on a plane? No.

      What about trains? Also no.

      See, the masks are working.

      Stop denying science.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Would you be interested in buying this tiger repelling rock?

      • ron73440

        Depends, can you guarantee it will work as well as my mask?

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        About the same efficacy

        *remembers when pistoffnick got Covid while wearing the mask at work*

      • ron73440

        You must have taken it off.

        My government would not make people do things that don’t work for no reason.

      • Sensei

        Exactly. Were you masked 100% of the time at work?

        I’m willing to bet you consumed at least something to drink unmasked.

        Science!

      • R.J.

        A new Dr.Seuss rhyme!

        Could you die of COVID there?
        Would you in your underwear?
        Would you, could you on a plane?
        Would you, could you on a train?

    • grrizzly

      Hundred days, not forever.

      • The Other Kevin

        30 days to flatten the curve.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Two fortnights to flatten the curve!

      • The Other Kevin

        Missed it by that much!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Two days, to be precise. ?

    • Nephilium

      I am not happy about this. I was really hoping to be able to ditch the masks for the Vegas trip in April. At least as it stands, I won’t need the mask in Vegas.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Remember if you wear a mask on a plane it can have ANY saying on it except “Let’s Go Brandon”

    • rhywun

      Another month of wearing a mask on my train to work and the subway.

      Sorry.

      I won’t do it. I haven’t ridden since last summer but I’m sure more people are BREAKING THE RULES now than there were then, when it was only sketchy dudes you don’t want to look at who were doing it. So maybe I would just pull the fucking thing off.

      Fortunately work hasn’t been demanding a return.

  24. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Let me just say that I hate Verizon with a passion.

  25. Shpip

    The Bosslady and I were planning a vacation in May, either Santa Fe or San Antonio. When she started pestering me about hotel reservations and plane tickets, I told her that I was waiting for the mask mandate on air travel to expire, since I wasn’t about to wear a useless face muzzle for three hours, nor did I want to be excluded from flying for the rest of my life because I told a sky waitress to bugger off.

    She just texted me saying “Looks like we’re driving somewhere for spring vacation.”

    • Shpip

      …and I knew I should’ve refreshed.

    • rhywun

      Entirely expected but I will call them motherfuckers anyway.

      Well, that’s at least another month I will refuse to commute to the office so there’s that.

  26. Ownbestenemy

    I did not have this on my 2022 Bingo Card
    https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/immigration-to-canada-is-trending-on-twitter-in-south-korea-as-k-trump-candidate-is-elected-new-president/ar-AAURIC7?ocid=entnewsntp

    ‘Immigration to Canada’ is trending on Twitter in South Korea as ‘K-Trump’ candidate is elected new president

    I am told he has promised “to abolish the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family.” Also, I guess some newspaper wrote, quite slyly “(Both Yoon and Trump) have made remarks that would be offensive to other countries, praised heavily controversial political figures, gone after foreigners and shown a poor understanding of feminism.”

    I am game for this dude.

    • Compelled Speechless

      Are they waiting until after he is inaugurated to give him the orange tan and obvious hairpiece?

    • rhywun

      ‘Immigration to Canada’ is trending on Twitter in South Korea

      A year or two ago I would have bet this was the Bee but now I’m not so sure.

  27. Ghostpatzer

    Thanks, KK! That is hilarious, made my day. ?

    • Tundra

      LOL!

    • rhywun

      LOL I was like that the first few times.

    • Ted S.

      Now if it were surströmming….

  28. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Got to love it when your health insurance company automatically renews your annual policy without your permission or consent.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Turns out the government renewed it for me.

      Fucking Obamacare

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I wouldn’t have even known except the insurance company sent me a past due bill in March for premiums due in January.

      WTF

      • hayeksplosives

        WTF indeed!

        What if you have a new employer? Is that what the goofy new “proof of health coverage” Tax form is for?

  29. Tres Cool

    So I guess “Im leaving for Turkey” was the 90s equivalent of something suddenly came up.

  30. Ted S.

    I assume you started dating Barb?