Imagine

by | Mar 11, 2022 | I Am Lame | 169 comments

Imagine

 

Imagine driving 90 minutes to travel 30 miles,

Imagine driving south for 123 miles then going east for another 75 miles, into the snow, in June, in San Diego county.

Imagine a rooftop in August, and your meter reads 123 degrees,

Imagine being on a lift 60 feet in the air knocking Icicles from a tall building.

Imagine an Arizona Dawn, driving to Kingman, Blue, Gold and Green.

Imagine the green tunnels of Michigan, up North is wonderful,

Imagine loving friends you never met,

Imagine love lost.

Imagine green fields for dogs and discs,

Imagine all the things that we have lost,

And all the things we have,

And will together, be friends

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

169 Comments

  1. groat scotum

    All these imaginings lost like tears in rain.

    Time to get drunk.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I have seen things…..
      Starships on fire in the belt of Orion

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        the shoulder of Orion….

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        or those

    • R.J.

      Indeed! Tall cans with Yusef! I have only short cans so I will drink faster.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’m drinking fermented Cherry juice, it’s really good,
        /Yeast!

      • R.J.

        Nice. I am in Biloxi in a Doubletree tonight. They didn’t have bourbon so I had a double Johnny Walker Red and then a Dallas Blonde beer.

      • Shpip

        I am in Biloxi

        If you’d gotten off I-10 one exit earlier, you could’ve been drinking here.

      • R.J.

        If you are talking about IP casino, I realized my mistake earlier. Am sad! Link didn’t work. One can left for Yusef.

      • Ted S.

        The Intellectual Property Casino?

    • rhywun

      Amen.

    • DEG

      Time to get drunk.

      Good. Because I’ve been drinking. I made a little progress at work but not enough.

      • rhywun

        I was so disgusted with work today I punched out at 5 and said fuck it I’ll deal with the rest tomorrow.

        *hic*

      • DEG

        I worked until a little bit after this post became live.

        At about 4 I moved downstairs, built a fire in the fireplace, and continued working in front of the fireplace while drinking.

        Now it is time to read a bit before I go to bed. I think I’ll be working a bit tomorrow after I get done some errands.

      • UnCivilServant

        I was stuck at the office until quarter past my normal stop time, did some grocery shopping, got home, fell asleep, now I’m mopping the bathroom because I told myself I’d get that done.

        Have a full workday tomorrow too.

    • Brochettaward

      This is a First I can approve of.

      Good fucking job. I’d give you a manly pat on the ass if I could.

  2. R.J.

    ‘Imagine driving 90 minutes to travel 30 miles’
    You’ve been through San Francisco?

    • blackjack

      Before the panicdemic, I used to drive up to 120 minutes to go 26 miles every evening after work. It’s been hovering around 65-75 lately.

      Btw, I just filled my tank for 3.44 a gallon…with E85! The regular was 6 bucks. I hope the corn liquor stays cheap. I drive 250 miles a week.

      • DrOtto

        Break even is $4.32 when gas is $6. E-85 only gets 72% of the fuel economy of gasoline, so you are getting it cheaper, but not by as much as it seems.

      • blackjack

        The percentage actually varies by a good amount. 72 seems pretty close. I just figure 75 for ease of quick calculation. Either way, The price only barely went up while guzzoline skyrocketed. It’s hard to keep my foot out of the pedal in my Caprice, but I’m getting better about it, in light of the crazy costs now.

      • DrOtto

        Yeah, because E-85 can vary up to 70% gas. I bet it’s right at 15% gas now though. What year Caprice? Newer cop model or old donk?

      • blackjack

        It’s a ’15 PPV with the L77 6.0 I love it.

      • DrOtto

        Nice. They are absolutely anonymous in traffic as well.

      • blackjack

        I know. Mine is metallic silver, so it’s basically invisible. At least until I nail the throttle. I am looking into getting a bit more rumble out of the pipes. It’s pretty silence

      • blackjack

        *silent

      • DrOtto

        I meant that as a good thing, not a slam. I love under the radar speed/performance.

      • blackjack

        I know. I like the sleeper aspect too. It’s just a bit too much, especially sound wise. I’d kinda like a little rumble when I romp on it.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Also, none of my vehicles are E85 compatible. I accidentally put it in my Murano one time. When I snapped to what I was doing I stopped the pump and topped off with premium.

      • DrOtto

        Worse case scenario, you set a temporary check engine light for running lean. The octane rating on the E-85 however, surpasses premium. It’s somewhere north of 100. Turbo cars love E-85.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Did not know. Thanks!

  3. Tundra

    Love you, Bob.

    • rhywun

      Niiice.

    • KSuellington

      That’s some serious beautiful country up there in the State of Jefferson. Excellent fly fishing on the McCloud River. Steve Smith country.

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      I was up there last weekend. It’s a beautiful area.

  4. rhywun

    Biden faces bipartisan blowback for rejecting Poland’s offer to transfer 28 Soviet-designed MiG-29s — after Secretary of State Antony Blinken said Sunday that Poland had a “green light.”

    No mention in this steaming pile of horseshit that the US hatched the plot in the first place and had to crawl away with its tail between its legs because Poland made fools out of them.

    Forty Republican senators wrote Biden a letter Thursday urging him to reconsider and several Democrats have been sharply critical of that decision.

    Warmongers, the lot of them.

    • creech

      Any guesses on how long those 28 jets would last once they entered Ukrainian air space? Hell, in WWII, the USAAF had fighters whose job was to trail Nazi fighters back to their “secret” airfields when it was time to refuel, then catch them on the ground during refueling. With nothing resembling air parity, these jets will be flaming funeral pyres in short order.

      • rhywun

        It seems like the whole point of this theater was to grandstand at home. Uncle Joe gets to look like the wise elder in the room for not starting WWIII. Well, until he reluctantly relents due to overwhelming demand from Congress and a propagandized public.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        yep

      • Ted S.

        Well, his handlers at least.

      • Chafed

        Given that Ukraine appears to be holding its own in the air against the Russians, I’d say for awhile.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Warmongers, the lot of them

      Just when I think about cozying up to the ‘pubs they go all warmonger.

      BTW, been donating to a guy (R) who is running to unseat our tyrant in Santa Fe. They called me last night to see if I would meet for their planning committee. I declined but now I’m wondering if I should have taken them up on it. Could have gotten a few libertarian comments into the conversation.

    • Gustave Lytton

      And like Drake said in the last post, historically illiterate from fighting wars against goatherders and third world countries that lacked any ability to strike back and escalate a war beyond our terms. Enforcing a no fly zone makes us a party to the hostilities, providing aircraft makes us a party, even merely providing arms and ammunition to a belligerent can make us a co-belligerent and a valid and lawful target. We’ve been living in a world where we can unilaterally enforce rules when it suits us and ignore them when it suits us. And now we’re finally skirting around war with a party that can dole out consequences for doing so.

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      I’ll give Biden credit for shooting down that idea, unless it’s all just a charade.

      • rhywun

        The only reason he shot it down is because the original plan was to make it look like Poland’s idea and they said “fuck off”.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        Maybe. Or maybe everyone is running around going their own thing.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      They want to drag this war out. They don’t give a shit about actual Ukrainians.

  5. The Bearded Hobbit

    Much better than the John Lennon commie screed.

    • groat scotum

      I need somewhere to park thirty thousand dollars.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Fuck off Tulpa!

      • groat scotum

        Just the old boring, boring

      • rhywun

        Elon?

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        I need somewhere to park thirty thousand dollars.

        I can keep it safe for you.

      • groat scotum

        I SAID SOMEWHERE SAFE

      • Ted S.

        Pistoffnick’s vagina is safe.

      • Ted S.

        Are you a Nigerian prince?

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I need somewhere to park thirty thousand dollars.

        As near as I can figure, the safest, most secure investment that there is, is firearms. Every weapon that I own (well, counting those at the bottom of Navajo Lake) has doubled it’s value (or more) since I bought it.

        Beats stocks. Beats bonds. Beats precious metals. And, more importantly, it beats inflation.

  6. blackjack

    Imagine this being your biggest hit!

    • blackjack

      When you have songs like this!

      • The Hyperbole

        Now do Dr. Hook, great stoner/rock/country songs but known for their disco soft rock AM gold shit.

      • blackjack

        At least they got on the cover of the Rolling Stone.

      • Ted S.

        An, the whole “commercially successful music is automatically shit” shtick.

      • DrOtto

        It may not be universally true, but he’s not far off.

      • blackjack

        No, I’m just imagining being the artist and how I would feel about that. Personally, I think the most popular songs are rarely the best, but I’m a fuckin weirdo. I would happily produce shitty music for big money. I would also lament the fact that my better stuff has so much less of a draw.

      • blackjack

        I always thought there was a Paul McCartney and wing version of this song.

  7. Yusef drives a Kia

    Too many miles, I like hiding up here
    Imagine, a Cali boy in Michigan,
    Yo SUP!

  8. blackjack

    Look! The dems have figured out how to stop the pain at the pumps! That’ll fix the whole thing right up! Man, they’re smart.

    • DrOtto

      They really are trying to keep us from driving, aren’t they.

    • Suthenboy

      The pensions for firefighters, cops, teachers, mental health workers, various other retired govt workers….where does that money come from?

      The majority of ‘Big Oil’ is owned by those pension funds. ‘Big Oil’ profits are what pays those people’s pensions.

  9. Tundra

    If there are any hockey fans out there, you can watch the MN State HS hockey tourney at 45tv.com.

    Maple Grove, Pope Jimbo’s and my town just punched their ticket to the championship.

    I love the World Juniors, but this is my favorite hockey.

  10. groat scotum

    If SP needs arteries or organs or literally anything off me. I’m game.

    She’s better than I ever was.

    • groat scotum

      Not a great thing to promise. Not a good thing to bring up.

      Back into hiding. Sorry.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Can I have your liver? Mine is gonna be wore out soon.

      Oh wait! *remembers commodious’ previous (hilarious) drunken ramblings*

      NVM

      • groat scotum

        It’s groat scotum, ffs

      • groat scotum

        You of all of us

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Jake: “I’d like to trade my heart for another liver so I could get twice as drunk and not care.”

      • Festus

        Hobbit gets it.

      • groat scotum

        not great things comes of this

    • Festus

      She can have half of my rotted out old liver.

      • groat scotum

        A FUCKEN MEN

  11. Festus

    Remember! Remember being the 14 year-old boy hoisting that girl upon his shoulders at that outdoor concert and feeling the moist on the back of your neck. Peak testosterone.

      • Festus

        That was great! Kinda sums up my mood. “Keep your keys in your fist” was sublime.

  12. Festus

    I’d give the rest of my days away for two years of running like the dickens, fucking like a bunny and just plain old dicking around. I miss what I was.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Those were the days my friend
      I thought they’d never end

      • Festus

        Having been such a physical being it kind of hurts to fade away. It was fun as hell at the time…

      • MikeS

        Love that song

      • Festus

        Yup

      • rhywun
      • Chafed

        Great tune.

      • Mojeaux

        Sounds familiar …

  13. groat scotum

    the rest of tonight I pretend is wondrful

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Hail Spitty, well met

    • groat scotum

      You wondr whether you’re tired

      tired after all that

      You’re awfully tired

      I guarantee youre tired

      • Festus

        Probably shouldn’t comment when I’m maudlin but here we are. Life is short and life is shit and soon it will be over.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        It ain’t over til Tres’ girl sings…

      • Festus

        Tres’ girls in unison. Over the broken bed and body.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Hawt!

  14. Yusef drives a Kia

    whoa, just woke up, sappening peeps?

    • Festus

      Your article sent me into a tail-spin of self loathing and regret. And you?

  15. Festus

    Glad to hear that you are still rolling the boulder, Bob. If you ever give up that’s when they win and then you die. I’m in the same boat.

    • one true athena

      of course. Because Warren got her inner Mussolini going again today (because dontchaknow all those Evil Big Oil Companies need to be TAXED SOME MORE!) , so Biden’s puppeteers have to get in line.

      She’s been slobbering for price controls for a year now, it’s disgusting.

      • Chafed

        Apparently it sells in Massachusetts.

    • Festus

      It’s the Pentavrite!

      • Shpip

        Minus the Colonel since he went tits up.

        “William! Move yer head!”

  16. Brochettaward

    COMMODIUS GOT MY DICK HARD WITH THAT FIRST.

    Are you people taking notes? That’s how you do it. Someone around here didn’t disappoint me for once.

    • MikeS

      And yet you continue to disappoint us -me!- with your lack of firsts.

    • Chafed

      I didn’t realize you are hot for CS.

      • Brochettaward

        Tonight, I celebrate his First.

        Tomorrow, I will focus on destroying him. For the rule of Firsting is that there can be only one.

      • Chafed

        Highlander did it first. (drink!)

      • Ted S.

        I didn’t realize Bro has a dick and can get hard.

    • groat scotum

      Yet who’s there at last?

      Is there anybody out there?

      • groat scotum

        Hotblack Desiato? He’s dead for tax reasons.

      • groat scotum

        Douglas Adams died yesterday twenty-one years ago.

      • groat scotum

        EVERY YEAR IS THE ANNIVERSARY

        I bet Douglas Adams would have loved World’s End

      • Ted S.

        Yes, but we’re not posting stoned rantings.

      • groat scotum

        Angling for drunk but whatever

  17. Festus

    Megyn Kelly must have made the same deal at the cross roads as Salma and Elizabeth did.

    • Festus

      She’s 52. Let that seep down for a bit.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Portraits in attics?

  18. hayeksplosives

    ?

    • Chafed

      Right back at ya HS.

    • hayeksplosives

      As a female beginner, I’m embarrassed on behalf of my gender.

      I’d like to see how this “ship” would turn out using women designers and engineers only, and subsequently launched and “manned” by women. Oh wait; the women who think this is a good idea all majored in women’s studies, sociology, and psychology, so that they could have a louder megaphone through which to complain about the lack of women in STEM….

      Pssst, crazy ladies: it’s not “phallus” shaped to oppress your tiny mind, it’s aerodynamically shaped for efficiency. You can launch “tab A” but you can’t launch “slot B”

      SMDH

      • hayeksplosives

        Female “engineer” not “beginner”

        I should probably not try to type on a phone at 3:45 AM

    • rhywun

      I see it’s still white.

  19. groat scotum

    Ehhhhh it’s one A.M.

    Can you imagine reimagining your enemies to a particular time zone? Well here you are, the greatest night of your lift

  20. Fourscore

    Can you imagine the ire of a woman when her plane is grounded and she can’t contact her wonderful husband to come pick her up? I don’t have have to imagine that, it’s a lived experience. All was well after a Chinese dinner warmed her cold heart. We’ll try again.

    Airport is 30 miles away, another trip today, another 4 gals of Biden gas into the ozone.

    Life is good, I’m happy to be able to do that. It’s a -16 and we leave in an hour. Glad someone invented heaters for cars/trucks.

    Good morning to one and all, I’ll be back later.

    • Ted S.

      Can you imagine the ire of a woman

      They’re always angry, aren’t they?

      /ducking

  21. groat scotum

    Samuel Clemens went to Egypt. Even visited Azores. Something about a goat there? Toured around Italy. Snuck into Greece.

    The fuck have we ever done?

    • groat scotum

      I propose a glibs visit to the Mediterranean via steam ship. The first ever steam ship since 1890.

  22. Don escaped Texas

    an alarm that uses the same tone for door/window open and dead battery is very, very stupid

    * reholsters *

    • hayeksplosives

      Oh man.

      I hope your body processes the adrenaline rush in time for you to get some more sleep.

      • Don escaped Texas

        I’m up, no worries

        snow: no golf; chess and covfefe

  23. Not Adahn

    The best part of mid-March:. Corned beef, eggs and latkes for breakfast at the diner.

    • UnCivilServant

      The grocery store only had corned beef briskets, and no rounds.

      This matters, because the fattier brisket cut is more likely to… cause issues after losing the gall bladder.

      /First world problems.

  24. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody yo

    • UnCivilServant

      Well, work today starts at 8 instead of 7.

    • Gender Traitor

      It’s snowy and cold outside, and later today we have to load up a bunch of our music gear and go play a benefit. ?

      • Tres Cool

        Yeah, its not very nice out there compared to the weather we’ve been having. It was 15º or so when I left work.
        But I think FriedEggs has promised a warm-up this week.

      • Gender Traitor

        Can’t happen soon enough for me. I’m jonesin’ for Tranquility Base.

      • Tres Cool

        You still havent opened it for the season ?

      • Gender Traitor

        No – I knew this was coming, so last week I made do with a folding chaise on the patio instead of the futon.