213 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    Are they named after the whale or the techno guy?

    • Bobarian LMD

      Their emblem is a Blue Whale, so … yes?

      • Count Potato

        Wasn’t it a white whale?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It’s actually MoobyGames.

      Chuck Schumer was an angel investor.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Why wouldn’t Moby just buy Atari for $1.50?

      • R.J.

        He has better business sense

      • R.J.

        He has better business sense

  2. Lackadaisical

    “I just really like Ewan McGregor’s face.”

    Ga…

    *Notices author*

    Damn.

    • Count Potato

      Well, that was close. Good thing you don’t live in Florida.

      • Swiss Servator

        Then he could have said it!!!!!!!!!!11oneoneeleventy!!1

    • Tonio

      Brilliant, thanks.

      • TARDis

        Should be from iAsshole.

  3. juris imprudent

    The little fucking gnome has some pull.

    The collection of NIH officials who contacted Lane on a Sunday morning weren’t looking to “correct the record about Fauci’s travel reimbursements,” he said: It was code to Forbes to “do something about” his reporting, and it worked.

    The combative style of NIH news management on display in this episode evokes Fauci’s involvement with then-NIH Director Francis Collins’ plan to enlist their media allies to “take down” the trio of “fringe epidemiologists” who wrote the Great Barrington Declaration, which questioned much of the feds’ COVID-19 response.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Collins is every bit as evil as Fauci. I think he’s just more deluded about it.

    • ron73440

      That’s not creepy at all.

    • Ownbestenemy

      The semantics with the ‘free’ gala tickets that had a face value of $8100 is infuriating considering my government (ha!) ethics training and financial disclosure I have to do. Taking the tickets and attending the gala is as if he received the money in pocket. There are some exceptions, the one that was an award honoring him, might be okay. The others? Clearly gifts to a government employee to garner favor.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Same thing with Hillary and laws concerning top secret information.

        Rules for thee, but not for them.

  4. Count Potato

    I’m OK with amnesty for immigrants already here, especially for those brought here as children, as long as the borders are secure. The biggest problem with the current situation is that it is complete chaos. Having laws and policies that are neither consistent nor enforced causes problems for everyone.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Anarchotyranny

      Lawlessness for the criminals, oppression for the compliant

    • Gustave Lytton

      Amnesty for those here would be they aren’t prosecuted and not barred from future legal immigration if they voluntarily depart at age 18. Sucks that their parents put them in that situation but that doesn’t give them permanent legal residence or entitlement to citizenship, nor does it excuse remaining illegally once they are no longer a minor.

      • Ownbestenemy

        nor does it excuse remaining illegally once they are no longer a minor

        Incentives…how do they work?

      • Rat on a train

        This will be the last amnesty, honest.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I welcome loosening immigration restrictions coupled with a hard ban on those here already illegally and extending to their descendants here illegally. A one time amnesty like with those underage if they voluntarily depart and apply for immigration from their home or another foreign country. No legal residency nor a path to citizenship to those who remain here illegally. Tried that under Reagan. It doesn’t work.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And they sure as fuck aren’t residents, immigrants, or any of the other euphemisms that are used to minimize and sanction their actions.

      • Count Potato

        If their descendants are born here, then they are citizens.

        There is a whole business of flying affluent Chinese pregnant women here to give birth.

      • Lackadaisical

        I don’t get that one.

        I certainly don’t want a permanent class of people relegated to second class, but that’s just illogical. Made sense in the 18th century as planned weren’t invented yet, but come on.

      • R C Dean

        Who is relegated to second class? The kids born here are citizens; their parents’ status is unaffected.

      • Lackadaisical

        I’m saying that someone whose parents don’t reside in the US should not automatically become citizens by being born here.

      • R C Dean

        Got it. There is a good argument that the 14th Amendment doesn’t create blanket birthright citizenship, that the reference to “subject to the jurisdiction of” isn’t a reference to the legal jurisdiction (the laws), but to the political jurisdiction. IOW, if your parents are citizens of another country, they are subject to its political jurisdiction and their kids don’t qualify. There’s enough wiggle room to allow children of legal residents to be citizens, but not illegals. But that battle is unwinnable.

      • R C Dean

        If their descendants are born here, then they their descendants are citizens.

        Having a kid after you cross the border doesn’t make you a citizen.

      • Count Potato

        “They” referred to their descendants born here.

        Having a kid after you cross the border doesn’t make you a citizen, but it makes the kid a citizen. It also means the mother has an immediate family member who is a citizen.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Permanent residency for anybody who requests one. No government services. No path to citizenship. Only need to pass a criminal background check. Conditioned on continued good behavior. It’s literally just a “we won’t deport you” card. If you want citizenship, head back to your point of origin and get in the back of the line.

      • Count Potato

        What’s the problem with letting people become citizens?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Them voting by the millions despite a demonstrated disdain for the laws of their new country.

        Maybe it’s a bit “culture warrior” of me, but importing millions of people from cultures that have struggled to rise above subsistence without self-sabotaging and giving them a say in the governance of this society strikes me as the Californian refugee issue, writ large. I’m all for legal immigrants having a path to citizenship, though.

      • Count Potato

        “Them voting by the millions despite a demonstrated disdain for the laws of their new country.”

        As far as I can tell, the only laws they demonstrated disdain were immigration laws. (Never mind this very website is largely based on people having disdain for the laws of this country.)

        “Maybe it’s a bit “culture warrior” of me, but importing millions of people from cultures that have struggled to rise above subsistence without self-sabotaging and giving them a say in the governance of this society strikes me as the Californian refugee issue, writ large.”

        I don’t think you can necessarily blame them for the poverty of their countries. In many cases, unlike Californians, they had little or no say on how those countries were run.

        Regardless, in my opinion, it’s prejudicial — by definition — to base whether or not someone should be allowed to be citizen on how they might vote in the future.

      • groat scotum

        You seen the citizens of this country? Do we want any more of those assholes?

      • Homple

        That’s our ruling class in a nutshell: I hate the people I rule so I want to bring in millions of others to submerge my subjects.

      • Count Potato

        “Sucks that their parents put them in that situation but that doesn’t give them permanent legal residence or entitlement to citizenship, nor does it excuse remaining illegally once they are no longer a minor.”

        That’s just a matter of law.

    • Tonio

      Where the amnesty for those brought here as children gets tricky is that if they are under eighteen it means you must also give their parents amnesty until the kids turn eighteen, and then you are left with another awful choice about deporting the parents or not.

    • hayeksplosives

      I had a nice chat with a Colombian lady who’s lived here since the 1980s. She’s retired now but worked in the casinos in Vegas for 25 years.

      She came over legally, had to wait her turn, etc. She had a lot to say about illegal immigrants ruining the system by disincentivizing legal immigration and tarnishing the reputation of all central and South American immigrants. She is a die-hard Republican. Very witty lady, and elegantly dressed.

      The Don would call her Classy.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Vegas is replete with old school immigrants that sought a pretty tough life in the desert but where money was flowing and gained their citizenship and now we are being overtaken by those that do not want to because why would you? Housing for them is cheaper, you get subsidized on food and medicine and schools that, for now, you don’t have to worry about the cartel showing up and snatching your kid.

      • Rat on a train

        My wife immigrated legally. She’s still pissed that the US denied her siblings visas to participate in our wedding while illegal aliens are celebrated.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yup. And illegal immigration is part of why they are hesitant to grant visas: too many people get a visitor visa and never leave.

        So how do we reduce illegal immigration?

        Ooh! I know! Make legal immigration HARDER!! / politician-bureaucrat.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      A guest worker permit for those already here. No pathway to citizenship.

    • hayeksplosives

      I draw the line at giving illegals a “path to citizenship”.

      Nope, no way. Residency and legal status, sure, that’s on the table, but the only way to become a voting citizen is to enter legally.

      • robc

        My idea I call the “Purple Card”, because I don’t think that color is taken.

        You apply at border, very simple background check (no felons, basically) you get a visa that lasts for 330 days. You can leave at any point during that 330 days and turn it in, you can get another 30 days later. Illegals can go back to the border and wait in line to apply for their purple card. Purple card has no path to citizenship.

    • R C Dean

      Ordinarily, I like FEE, but this sentence set off the warning bells:

      Amnesty for illegal immigrants would solve numerous contemporary political issues for native-born Americans and undocumented residents alike.

      Props for using the only semi-euphemistic “illegal immigrants” once, but the shift to the “undocumented” gaslighting euphemism grinds my gears. And why “native-born Americans” instead of “legal residents” or similar?

      On a quick read, I didn’t really see amnesty solving any issues at all for “native-born” Americans. I know my history, though, which is that amnesty precedes waves of further illegal immigration.

      And under no circumstances should we give rewards, like a path to citizenship.

      As far as kids go, their parents brought them here, they can take them back when they are deported. If the kids were born here, there’s a simple choice – if they can find a guardian who is here legally, they can stay with the guardian. If not, they go home with their parents (and a US passport), and can visit here any time, move back when they are adults, etc. I fail to see the inhumanity in this approach.

      • robc

        I still think we should have granted Elian Gonzalez citizenship on his way out. If he wanted to come back at 18, his choice.

      • Lackadaisical

        What right to citizenship did he have?

      • robc

        The same as every other Cuban who made it to Florida? I liked the PJ O’Rourke bit, we should meet them on the beach with a martini and a passport.

        If you are willing to cross shark infested waters on some sort of jerry-rigged pseudo-boat, you deserve it.

      • Compelled Speechless

        How in the ever-loving fuck is this not already a game show that I’m watching right this instant? I should already have 20 season I could go back and binge. Open the floor for ideas for the name so I can pitch it to Netflix. I’m thinking:
        – Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Landfall.
        – Raft of Fortune
        – Real, Actual Jeopardy
        – Uncle Fidel’s Maritime Fun Hour
        – Anchors, baby!

      • R C Dean

        If he wanted to come back at 18, his choice.

        In Cuba, I wonder about that.

      • Enough About Palin

        I was just watching a documentary about how Cubans keep their cars running. One of the people interviewed said that the biggest problem in Cuba is that there is no way to make a living honestly.

      • robc

        How much are they willing to do to a US citiizen? Isn’t that risking an international incident?

      • ron73440

        North Korea had no compunction about beating one almost to death, if I remember correctly.

      • Count Potato

        “I fail to see the inhumanity in this approach.”

        Well, I certainly do.

      • R C Dean

        Please expand.

        My approach is that childen of illegals can either (a) stay with their parents (when their parents are deported if they didn’t have a kid who was a citizen) or (b) stay in the US with a legal guardian. I don’t regard staying with your parents as inhumane. And the choice to be separated and so the kid can stay in the US is just that – their choice.

        When the parents came here illegally, they assumed the risk of being deported. If that means they have a hard choice to make about their kid, well, that was part of the package all along. If they take the kid with them, the kid will be no worse off than if he had been born in their home country. If they decide their kid is better off staying here with a guardian, then their kid is better off, and they have made a sacrifice for their kid’s well-being.

      • Count Potato

        “If they take the kid with them, the kid will be no worse off than if he had been born in their home country. If they decide their kid is better off staying here with a guardian, then their kid is better off, and they have made a sacrifice for their kid’s well-being.”

        Neither of those things are true. If the kid is sent back, he has to learn how to live in a foreign country. If he stays here with a guardian, he is separated from his family.

        “When the parents came here illegally, they assumed the risk of being deported. If that means they have a hard choice to make about their kid, well, that was part of the package all along.”

        Who knows what risk they assumed or what was part of the package? You seem to want to ignore that immigration law and policy in practice is vague, confusing, arbitrary, and wildly inconsistent. Whereas families are very real and important.

        For all practical purposes the U.S. government not only let these people into the country, but encouraged them. The solution is securing the border, not punishing the people who already here.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        immigration law and policy in practice is vague, confusing, arbitrary, and wildly inconsistent

        This is like focusing on the rape and incest part of abortion. The vast majority of illegals are intentional visa overstays and hopping the border. Both clearly illegal.

      • Count Potato

        Both are largely ignored by the U.S. government.

      • R C Dean

        Fair points. I guess the question is whether that’s better or worse than allowing someone who is here illegally to stay indefinitely if they have a kid here.

    • R C Dean

      I’m a little peevish about this, because I hear pretty directly what a disaster the current tsunami of illegals is, because they are being stored in some of the small towns where we have hospitals.

      Consider that more illegals have entered, and remain in, this country in the past year alone than the population of Tucson.

  5. UnCivilServant

    Mario Kart: Koopa’s Challenge ends in a gift shop.

    I would be more surprised if it didn’t.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Agreed. The Legoland near me also exits through a gift shop.
      Did you know they have candybars at the checkout in grocery stores too?

      • rhywun

        “It’s not a ban, it’s a nudge,”

        Fuuuuuuuuck yoooooouuuuu.

      • Rat on a train

        As long as you are given a choice it is voluntary. Will you do what we suggest or do you want a bullet to your head? Your choice.

      • R.J.

        Hey, but let’s make all drugs legal. But not give kids the choice to have candy. EAT KALE YOU LITTLE MOPPETS!

    • R.J.

      I am excited it is coming! But damn, California? Should’ve done the Florida one first.

  6. Lackadaisical

    Re: immigration

    I usually like fee articles, but this seems inane.

    Why should it be a good thing to have more ‘taxpayers?’ if their status is legalized, they probably won’t pay much tax, maybe a negative rate.

    I agreed with their long term view of wage growth for immigrants.

    Then they kept conflating legal and illegal immigrants regarding corporations and contributions to science. They realize we snipe the cream of the crop from every country in the world, right?

    Note that about 15% of the US populace is foreign born.
    That makes their percent of the economy quite bad for only being 11%.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Elon can sure pick them.

      • hayeksplosives

        He should get her to a shrink.

      • Lackadaisical

        He might need help too, given his track record.

    • Drake

      What the hell?

    • grrizzly

      First gay man, then transgender, now lesbian. Is Manning going thru every letter?

      • Lackadaisical

        Whatever it takes to get attention.

      • Ownbestenemy

        If so it has a long way to go to get there at the pace they keep adding letters to their acronym salad.

      • Tulip

        Figured out how women are treated in the dating world?

      • hayeksplosives

        She can just tap out by saying she’s going to study in Turkey for 6 months.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I processed that as Chelsea Handler and wondered when she started dating Musk.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        I’m not sure which one I’d rather date. I suppose Handler, but it’s a close call.

  7. Endless Mike

    I’m going to go ahead and assume that whatever changes Kathleen Kennedy suggested made it worse.

    • ron73440

      That is a safe bet.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I always thought her putting a rabid feminist role in that one Star Wars was to just piss off the GenXers and generate hate online.

    • Gustave Lytton

      how the U.S. would react to Russia using nuclear weapons

      Make a YouTube video “US reacts to Russian nuke strike”?

      • Ownbestenemy

        “Gen Z tries banned Vodka for first time!” Make sure the thumbnail is a scantly clad chick that you are questioning her age and deciding its okay.

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      Here’s how I envision the conversation between the experts at the White House.

      “The Russkies are marking their tanks with the letter Z.”

      “They are spreading disinformation to the Sesame Street crowd! These tanks brought to you by the letter Z. We must protect our precious children from Putin. Can we lock them down some more?”

      “No, it’s worse than that! They’re trying to influence Gen Z! If we don’t do something, they won’t want to go fight Putin when we escalate this thing. Putiiiiinnnn!”

      “This Tik Tok gap will not stand! Get that guy with the fingernails on the phone! We need him again! Don’t forget the Kardashians either! The one with the ass. No the other one with the ass. No, no, the other one.”

    • Count Potato

      Missed it by this much.

    • Hyperion

      That’s what billions buys? I’m just not that into being a billionaire anymore…

      • Ownbestenemy

        I mean…she looks 12 so it makes sense why she would go after Manning.

      • Lackadaisical

        At least they can help keep Austin weird.

      • Compelled Speechless

        That’s my thinking. Call me a cliche, but if I were a billionaire, I’d be perfectly content with having 12 “traditionally hot” bikini model girlfriends to hang out with on my yacht. I’m not sure I have the time or the patience to have Grimes explained to me in a way that I would “get it.” All I see is a 6 (being generous) who is really really convinced that she’s interesting and talented.

    • Enough About Palin

      LA’s finest.

  8. Nephilium

    It’s another weekend, and I’m here at home, so here’s the link for the Zoom/Happy Hour/Moderator interviews. Once we get a moderator selected, they can put together an agenda.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Why are you catering to her?

      • Tonio

        Wait, what did I miss?

      • db

        I thought he was fucking with *me*

    • Lackadaisical

      Haha, I’ll be moderator, but only if that lets me mute participants.

      • Ownbestenemy

        For funsies, to see if Zoom listens in on the calls, have some Russians on

      • Lackadaisical

        Hope we don’t get all our accounts frozen.

      • Nephilium

        Any host or co-host has mute privileges.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      I would say he who suggests moderators and agendas should be the moderator and agenda-maker, but I’d be slightly apprehensive of you-know-who’s docket.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Modern-day Grumpy Old Men in the making if we get the right two to make up the agenda

    • Animal

      Wait, we’re going to have an agenda?

      It’s my date night with Mrs. Animal, so I’ll have to see how that works tomorrow.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Heh…its a dig at hyperbole and how he overtakes the zoom with his non stop talking.

    • Hyperion

      I’m all zoomed out by 4pm on Fridays.

  9. Tonio

    Folks, if you’ve submitted things to Glibs, please check your inboxes and spam folders for emails from glibs dot com.

    I think I replied to everyone to whom I owe a reply, but it’s been a busy week and the squirrels’ cage still needs changing out…

    • Animal

      By Sunday PM I will have dumped another whole series on you guys, this one a four-parter, it having sprung from my frontal lobes full-fledged like Minerva from Jupiter’s brain.

      • Count Potato

        So you are saying you were drunk?

    • robc

      I have a draft in the queue, but won’t be submitting until probably Monday, but thought you should know.

  10. Hyperion

    Well, y’all, just put in my last minute code fix of the day and got me some hipster juice.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Huzzah! I’m just about to start my 5-hour night shift

      • Hyperion

        I typically do a 2-3 hour night shift about once a week, but outside of that, I’m not that into night shifts that have anythign to do with work.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        I do a week of split workdays one week a month. I hate it. It’s really disruptive and boring.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Does the NPC update come OTA or do you have to plug in at a hipster bar?

      • UnCivilServant

        It depends on the make.

        Newer NPCs can be done OTA, older have to go back to the base station to get the inload.

      • Hyperion

        I think it comes over land because I didn’t see any drones anywhere, but somehow it showed up at my door.

  11. Claypoolsreservoir

    More of a PSA than a link. But for you Virginians out there… or those who want to help out us Virginians… Join this virtual meeting monday at 10am and tell the Virginia Department of Labor and Industry where to stick their Covid protocols. I’ve had to wear a stupid mask in public areas of the office since August. And when omicron hit, half the office started wearing n95s because they drink that Covid Kool-Aid Btw, that same half of the office is practically snorting vaccines at this point, and none are over the age of 35.

    But I digress.

    This is a public hearing to discuss possibly ending the PERMANENT standard for covid-19. Which basically says if 10 people in a county of 100,000 get the coof within a week period (thanks CDC for your beyond stupid moderate transmission rate calculation), we must wear a mask…

    https://townhall.virginia.gov/L/ViewMeeting.cfm?MeetingID=34938

    • Hyperion

      I’m suprised that they’re not so busy going on about Ukraine and Russia that you can’t even feel your mask anymore.

      • Claypoolsreservoir

        ugh… “Did you see don’t look up!? I didn’t like it at first… then I REALIZED whatsherface was ACTUALLY TRUMP?! AND THEN IT ALL MADE SENSE!!! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT TRUMP WOULD DO!”

        And my wife wonders why I drink.

    • Tonio

      Thank you. Please repost this in the comments to the Monday AM links.

      • Claypoolsreservoir

        Aye.

    • Rat on a train

      Like security theater, health theater must never end.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Why would you want it to end? Are you not entertained?

    • ron73440

      Did you ever get your vehicle running?

  12. UnCivilServant

    Woohoo! I won the lotto.

    What should I do with my $20?

    • Animal

      Something something same as downtown?

      • Enough About Palin

        I was dating a woman who had a 9-year-old daughter who asked, “Mom, what’s a blow job?” It took every ounce of strength I possessed not to throw out that punchline.

      • Ted S.

        It’s something Enough About Palin is very adept at giving?

      • Enough About Palin

        I piss you off or something?

    • Ownbestenemy

      You’re a 1/3rd of the way to gaining favor with Tulsi…

    • Rat on a train

      Buy lotto tickets?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yep, let it ride.

      • ron73440

        Buy lotto tickets?

        Who are you, so wise in the ways of finance?

    • R.J.

      She reminds me of the Skeksis from ‘The Dark Crystal.’ Mmmm! Yes! Yes! I wants to be president! Yes! meee! Meeeeee!

  13. Hyperion

    Putin and Xi have pajama party sleepover with tons of bubbly

    “This is what you get when you take more than 200 years of hard fought history, fearless progress and unrivaled leadership in the world to build the greatest global power ever devised by humans on earth — and hand it to an imbecile.”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      On the bright side, she’s singlehandedly destroying any confidence in the US by the Europeans, thus making it less likely they’ll take military risks with Russia.

      • Compelled Speechless

        No one is reconsidering anything. The end point of this conflict seems to have already been determined by our overlords. We’re just watching the Kabuki theater play out until they get to the bloody third act the way they originally wrote it.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        This ends with a new Russian oblast called the Ukraine and a lot of garment rending by the west.

      • Compelled Speechless

        This ends with nothing but a bunch of massive craters, some cockroaches and a sky that doesn’t let any sunshine through for the next several hundred years. At least the people running the cold war understood the possible endgame. Our current leadership is acting like a coked up Tony Montana who thinks he’s slapping around a hooker who talked back to him. They may be much bigger and much stronger, but they’re forgetting that the stripper has thousands of nukes.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Get that senile fuckwit away from the microphones

    • rhywun

      the U.S. nixed Poland’s plans to send fighter jets to help Ukraine

      No, that was a US plan to cajole the Poles into doing it, and they refused. Instead the Poles said “here, you do it”.

      /quibble

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        ?

        And had the Poles said yes, the DOD was not on board. State is either putting it all on for show or they’re certifiably insane.

      • Sean

        A lil from column a and a lil from column b.

      • rhywun

        The US seriously thought they would convince Poland to commit an act that would likely result in missiles raining down on them.

        There is no question they are insane.

      • Drake

        Everyone saying “no fly zone” is insane.

        We’ve been blowing up third world countries for so long, these idiots think we can do it to anyone. They have no idea what real war would look like.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “ Eventually, they were released and Jason joined hundreds of thousands on trains to Lviv. He then fled to the Polish border before getting a train to Warsaw.”

        He’s very fortunate he wasn’t just executed as an irregular combatant.

      • Ted S.

        KK can probably tell us that yes, State actually *is* insane.

    • ron73440

      That rule only applies if you’re outside the regime.

    • robc

      AND NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Give it time. My guess is eventually there will be some vigilante justice. The governments aren’t going to do anything, but a lot of people have lost loved ones. The hatred is stewing.

    • Compelled Speechless

      I don’t know if you’ve played a lot of video games, but basically all scientists do is create vlog entries over-explaining how their research went from promising and hopeful, to catastrophic. They leave them on tens of audio players (never with more than one entry) strewn about their labs, roughly in the exact same order that you happen to walk around it. They can’t help themselves.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        LOL

        This is true

      • R.J.

        So true.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Needs more ketchup

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        and pork

    • rhywun

      I have faith that the kiwis know their way around a grill.

    • Sean

      Needs less talking and more meat action.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        Needs less talking rules and more meat action inventive ways of cooking a steak to a perfection worthy of culinary Valhalla.

    • Shpip

      Steak Cookoff Association World Championships

      Explicitly not BBQ. Says so right in the name.

  14. Mojeaux

    Watching the news and how rents are rocketing.

    I had some hope, but now … I don’t see either child moving out for a few years. XX is only part-time while she waits for a full-time position at FedEx. XY just barely turned 16 and has a job, but he can’t seem to gather his seed money in preparation for his 18th birthday. But now I’m wondering if either of them will be able to live on their own even with full-time employment and seed money.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Don’t worry, they’ll own nothing and they’ll love it.

      • Compelled Speechless

        They’ll also receive a digital allowance from Uncle Sam that has every penny allotted on how it can be spent. You know what, just to help you out and take some of the stress of decision making off of you, they’ll do the same thing with your bank account. There…isn’t that better***?

        ***Rhetorical question. Having an opinion on this question can result in deduction in funding allotments regardless of where they came from.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Start talking up the van life maybe. Certainly they’ll be able to afford a 2003 GMC Safari.

    • Tundra

      Both mine found decent ones, even in this insane market.

      Don’t worry – they’ll figure it out. And if things really go to shit, I’d rather have my kids with me, anyway.

    • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

      It’ll happen, Moje. I remember being eighteen (in 1976) and watching the prices of cars (plus their forecasted prices over the next ten years) and being thoroughly convinced that I’d never be able to afford such a luxury. Fast forward 45 years and I’ve owned multiple vehicles and a whole bunch of other stuff, too, including houses, and I mean completely (no bank yanking my chain).

      If they really want it, they will figure it out. People are predictable that way.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Roommates isn’t a thing for the yoots anymore?

      • TARDis

        My daughter has four. One of them is her boyfriend of course.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        I left home at 18, but didn’t live on my own til ~28. I did have one apartment on my own, but decided to save money and move back inn with roommates after a year.

      • TARDis

        If you have roommates you can trust, seems like a good move. If they carry their weight.
        Sometimes being married for a long time feels like being roommates.

      • rhywun

        Same, except I didn’t get to be on my own for good until around 35.

        I had one apartment on my own in Buffalo in the mid 90s but then I moved around to places where that is not affordable for mortals.

    • R.J.

      My kid will inherit the house when I snuff it and probably stay there. I can sense it. And that’s fine! I didn’t get that chance with my parents. They have nothing.

  15. Enough About Palin

    Just heard on the Chicago news that the judge sentenced Smollet to five months in prison, a fine of $25k and ordered him to pay $125k in restitution. And the idiot was still screaming his innocence as they dragged him out of the courtroom. What a funny, funny guy!

    • Compelled Speechless

      That guy should be the new poster child for narcissistic personality disorder. I have no doubt that he absolutely believes he’s a victim here.

      • Enough About Palin

        It is really strange. I mean the guys who killed Aubrey were the real thing and got what they deserved. This Jussie just feeds the narrative that every claim of racism is a hoax. I’d be very interested in hearing Michelle Obama’s take given that she had a hand in all of this.

      • Compelled Speechless

        You will never hear Michelle’s take or anyone else’s associated with it. They are politicians. Rule #1 of politics is never ever ever ever ever ever admit you were wrong. Ever. Actually, rule #1 may have something to do with minimum size of your strap on, but I know not admitting a mistake is really high up there.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        If I never hear another word from that loathsome narcissistic halfwit, it will be too soon.

      • TARDis

        Well, at least lynching will become a federal crime. That’s good, right?

      • Compelled Speechless

        Right? At least our politicians can get one priority straight. If I have to replace one more windshield because another body swinging from a tree punted my rear-view mirror on my commute, I’ll go broke. Finally we’ll at least have one law on the books that will dissuade people from doing that willy nilly. I still can’t figure out why that never fell under the category of first degree murder. Ooops, there I go thinking again. Just remember to trust the experts that they have their good reasons.

      • TARDis

        Ackshuall conversation:

        “We did something, right?”
        “Yes, we are bold and forthright.”
        “Cocktail?”
        “Yes, please.”

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        So, even though he’s not suicidal, we’ll soon be uttering the catchphrase “Jussie Smollett didn’t kill himself”?

  16. DrOtto

    Does anyone know what recourse I have for a car that was damaged but no on will repair it? A little back story – the car is a 1991 Chevy Corvette. It was hit in a parking lot and has roughly $3,000.00 worth of cosmetic damage. I got the other party’s insurance information. The body shops around here can’t/won’t touch it due to age and because it’s fiberglass.
    This includes the local Chevy dealership. The car was in perfect condition up until this person hit it. It still runs and drives, I would just like it repaired.

    • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

      Really? You don’t have any shade-tree body workers around for that sort of thing?

      Shit, if I lived near you, I’d take that on just for the Hell of it.

      I s’pose you could go outside the usual channels and ask anyone who works with fiberglass all the time (boat builders et cetera come to mind) whether they’d be interested.

    • Sean

      Can you get a judge to make them your butler?

      • Count Potato

        He already has a monkey.

    • Count Potato

      I’m sure if you look you can find someone who does bodywork on Corvettes.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Depending on where you live, you may just have to take it somewhere far from you. I haven’t filled up in the last couple of weeks, but I assume that you’ll still be able to get a tank of gas without a second mortgage, right?

      • DrOtto

        Everyone who is capable is booked and unwilling to commit. I’m so sick and tired of inattentive assholes on their gotdam phones roaming around running into shit.

    • Sensei

      I suppose you could tell their insurance it is unrepairable and ask them to fix it or total it.

      The carrier will find somebody to do a shit job repair and you will be worse off.

      That said it is possible you could squeeze them some and have them pay shipping to some place non local willing to fix it.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      I know several excellent fiberglass wizards (airplane builders) here in Doloot.

  17. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    I just completed two insanely boring and repetitive tasks. I think I’ll slack off the rest of the night.

  18. Mustang

    Why did I agree to hang out with anyone tonight? Fridays aren’t good nights to hang out with people after dealing with them all week. Saturdays aren’t good either, that’s like the one day I have to do things I want to do. Sundays are right out because I have to mentally prepare myself for the week. Don’t even ask about the other weekdays. Fridays are pizza and quiet night. Instead it’ll be people and food other than pizza. I do this too often.

    • R.J.

      I have no friends, so this isn’t a problem. Only the Tall Thin Spaniard who Lurks, who is always busy, and Bethannica, who lives 60 miles away.

  19. Aloysious

    Rectangulated meat and cheese casserole.

    Wouldn’t call it pizza.
    Am suspicious of the mustard, kraut, and corned beef(?) casserole, but would try it, just for fun.

    • groat scotum

      Feels like we need a representative from the casserole lobby to put this thing to bed. You wouldn’t bake a pizza for folks who’d just lost a loved one, that’s much too festive and inappropriate. But you’d bake them a casserole. Ergo deep-dish isn’t casserole, it’s a pizza.

      • R.J.

        Weeping and asking for a supreme pizza seems appropriate.

      • groat scotum

        I mean drunk weeping and ordering pizza ain’t wholly unrelated occasions, but