Assistant Yusef: I really think we should have rented a car, it’s only 450 miles to San Francisco from here.
Office Manager Mohammed: No, we must fly so that I may intimidate the Infidels With my presence.
AY: whatever………
1 hour later, at the airport TSA check in,
OMM: no this isn’t ricin! It’s castor oil for my lumbago, don’t you even Old Man?!
TSA: I’m sorry Sir, please step this way…
Assistant Yusef passes through and waits patiently for OMMs impending release.
OMM: Can you believe it! I have been constipated for 3 days and they harass me? I shit on the TSA!
AY: Well you’re allowed to fly, let’s go…….
OMM: No, I really shit on the the TSA when they inspected my anus for bombs, ALLAH was pleased, and they released me, although the stench was horrible..
On board flight 221 Ontario to Oakland,
OMM: Why are you serving alcohol? Are you trying to bring down the plane?
Panic ensues as two navy SEALS take OMM down and the plane returns to ONT
AY: I told you we should have Driven…
Mohammed doesn’t have a poop knife?
?
See OMWC and his naughty nurse tale from the earlier thread.
How the poop knife became a meme.
Just remember he eats with his hands, so you probably don’t want to share that bowl of hummus with him.
I really shouldn’t have checked to see if the poop knife was a thing.
You were warned.
Wait…you cut them after?
Jebus, five minutes later and I’m still laughing out loud.
Mrs. Hobbit says they need to be two-sided like salad tongs.
We’re both in tears, still.
like this
I keep learning about things that are real here, that should never be real. It’s disturbing.
Plus music some allege to be too cool for an old guy to enjoy and they are sooooo right.
Yusef, you may have some robotic competition soon. https://youtu.be/gnwIiw3Rz3I
Hey Yusef!
OMM sounds like an asshole.
How’s the BK gig goin’?
I guess MI can work you 8 hours with no breaks, This may be a deal breaker, everyone else on my shift got a thirty,I got screwed.
That doesn’t sound right to me. I’ve always gotten a 30 minute lunch for an 8 hour shift at every job I’ve had. Not usually a paid 30 minute lunch mind you.
I have a 30 minute paid lunch, so it’s 7.5 hours a day for a full 37.5 hour week. But I take 2 hours for lunch, gottta get those cocktails in.
I’m looking into it, but if it’s true I’m out, I never did that and never will, my back is fucked up enough.
Probably if you are hourly, that would be illegal even in MI. But that’s not to say that they would not get away with it if they could.
Geez, dude, go work for Amazon, they give you one 5 minute break on your 12 hour shift.
And a bottle to piss in.
Here for the kids they would schedule them for 7:20 shifts…only two 10 min breaks
MI isn’t working you, BK is and they can demand you work 60 hours straight if they so desire, you of course have the right to tell them to pound sand so it all works out in the end.
You sir are correct
However, Michigan does not require employers to provide breaks, including lunch breaks, for workers eighteen (18) years old or older.
This is the correct answer, so they accomodate me or I leave,
/Mahan Khalsa
I actually liked MI, as a kid, the problem with that phat part of the country is that is where employers go to be the worst employers you will ever work for.
Good for Michigan (Don’t tell Sloopy I said that)
The 30 min is a federal thing. And I’ve had to hit a boss over the head with it in the past. I took my 30 over his objections. When my regional supe called, I explained I was taking a lunch after having worked 8 hrs straight. He apologized profusely and said he would remind Larry of what the rules were on mandatory break times. I outlasted Larry at that job.
Looked it up and appears I am wrong. I ot a fed requirement. Either way, I would tell them to pound sand.
Is not…
Least libertarian comment ever, well other than Tres pining for labor unions.
Scratch that, should be other than Tres bitching about labour unions.
Modern American labor unions should be bitched about.
It was more that he wanted to make them illegal not that he simply didn’t like the way they were run. It was early, early, zoom times so I may be a bit foggy on the details, I do know Tres was wrong and I was right, so there is that. Also that may have been the night he fell into his TV, so he may not have been on his best game.
Ha-ha. Gotcha.
I don’t make the rules, I just arbitrarily enforce them when they are to my advantage…
I am sad because I think things have just really went downhill for Yusef. He’s went from hunting Space Milf in the Oort Cloud to hanging out with that dude.
OK, so who’s the guy?
/No googling
The Middle East version of my cousin Darrel in Paintville Kentucky?
Not really, he is famous though,
I’m just taking a wild guess that he blew up some shit?
Nope, just loud
Is he the one who fell on his ass shooting a rifle in that old GIF?
nope, but he was a big meme back int the day,
Professional offended Muslim protestor.
Yusef still plays a mean guitar.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-8dmKO_X7g
and builds a mean Ukulele,
I have others,
https://photos.app.goo.gl/DNmF4NpwsCmBFi4B9
Redhedz 4 Yusef.
https://archive.ph/gUPJG/df08c070189907509e2f8b4d3c99c155746ed398.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.ph/ewMDW/837cf0bfee91b5a5388c71f21bc02805f6831ed4.webp
NSFW.
https://archive.ph/uaHOl/efc017aee5ab3052547b7a5d1b51e890ff9abf07.webp
NSFW.
https://archive.ph/pHkHd/a41348c2a6bd1ea8435113d2988ca0faa6353213.webp
NSFW.
Can I get an adult please!
Wow
Tonight’s winner
MMMMMM…Mia Sollis. The GOAT.
Who?
Her name is Mia Solis. Or, at least that’s the nom de plume she most often uses.
Well shit
https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-60777622
RIP
That was a memorable Britcom.
The Irish R.M. too.
Hospital sent my nephew home, which is a kind of good news. My sister is pissed, which I get.
He has PT, OT, and speech therapy ahead of him. He has his first speech session today, got out some words but couldnt put sentences together.
Any idea as to what led to the attack? Or idea of what sort of charges they are going to stick the guy with?
I wish him a full recovery.
Wow. That seems kind of quick for such a serious injury (I’m not a doctor).
That is why my sister was upset. Seems too quick to me. But he passed evert test they gave him today.
Seems quick to me too, given the circumstances, but in my book the only good hospital stay is a short one. Too much potential for infection there.
I am not as First as I once was but I first more than I used to be.
But I am the First here! All Hail Yusef!!!!
I wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire. Calling yourself a Firster is an afront to everything that I hold sacred. I’d dare you to throw hands with me, to show you what a real Firster can do, but I don’t beat on the feeble.
HAIL YUSEF!!!11!!
You were so close to a first tonight. Maybe tomorrow. I’m pulling for you!
Woo hoo. Old Granddad tonight. Was changing out water heater elements and (unsuccessfully) trying to to pull out the anode yesterday and dismounted the ladder from the second step. No real harm, other than some bruising but was loud enough to get my wife to come out so figured it was best to lay off on the harder refreshment just to be safe. Did smash my watch and broke a mirror that was laying against the wall.
Old Granddad 114 is one of my favorite sipping whiskies. Same mash bill as Blanton’s, but not aged as long and (more importantly) not backed down to 80 proof.
I tried that one but didn’t like it as much as the bonded.
Mine too, when I can find it. I go BIB when I can’t.
Meant as a response to Shpip.
…I once successfully smuggled drugs up my ass after a cursory patdown by the TSA before boarding a flight…
I also successfully smuggled all my possessions to my new residence via AA on an entirely different flight from my own…this was less than two years after 9/11 via Logan.
Point being: Shut your trap, OMM. You wanna stir shit? Do so on the sly. 😉
Also: Even at the height of the War on Terror, the TSA was bullshit.
*whistling past my own jail-cell*
I want to hear the stories. I may hate myself later but I want to hear them.
Lets just say when you work for an airline, befriend a Scotsman, a couple of Micks from Southie and Revere, a plump Spanish woman from the Castile area, and have a still have a valid security badge the day you officially leave the company/fly home you can pull off all sorts of mischief.
Saved myself nearly a grand in shipping fees.
Ka-ching!
Ministry fans rejoice.
https://dailycaller.com/2022/03/21/joe-biden-new-world-order/
Where the First bitches at?
I ponder that question every night as I go to sleep. It is unclear to me if I am able to reproduce while carrying The First That Will Change Everything to term, but the biological clock is ticking.
My favorite Queen song, and they never play it on the radio.
Hi, insomniacs.
I’m feeling sorry for myself because First World Problems. Ok, that just cured me.
Here is a reprint of Trashy’s charm offensive:
I can only assume Trashy is trying to atone for a deep wrong he did to Santa SP back in the day.
Be well, everyone. Kiss and hug your beloveds.
I emailed and am waiting for the shipping address.
Morning, Glibs.
Morning. Thanks for pointing out I started posting in a dead thread.
Gonna be one of those days…
I’m still waking up too.
Cofeve
Good morning.
(I’m back to bed after a bladder wake up call)
You should try that as an older male. Ladies always complain about peeing when they giggle. Try getting up every two hours…
Good morning, U, Sean, and (briefly) HE!
Yesterday was warm and beautiful weather-wise, and our magnolia tree is preparing to bloom. The only trouble is that the local forecast (so far) for the coming weekend is calling for overnight temps below freezing and snow showers for Saturday morning. ? I don’t suppose there’s any chance the tree will get “smart” and hold off for a while, so I hope it at least gets a chance to bloom for a day or two before the blossoms get wrecked by the cold.
(In case I don’t get a chance this year, here’s a past pic of the magnificent magnolia at the height of its powers.)
Tucker and Kid Rock:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5_dQ5lfyXLw
“Let’s go Brandon Rolls Royce”
??
It was funny. He’s obnoxious and obviously gives Zero fucks.
Follow up on the big accident in PA yesterday:
https://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2022/03/22/martin-f-mack-branden-t-sisca-i-95-south-philadelphia-serious-crash-shut-down-pennsylvania-state-trooper/
Oh, man. That sucks.
Not as bad as the Texas/NewMexico accident with the golf team, but it still sucks.
I’m no expert on the campaign hat, but isn’t that strap meant to go the back? It’s a back of the head strap, not a chin strap. Is that Trooper photo some sort of hazing? The strap under the nose looks silly.
https://6abc.com/shooting-near-temple-university-north-philadelphia-police-investigation-gun-violence/11663211/
Your pick up game needs work…
https://www.nj.com/politics/2022/03/njs-new-pump-your-own-gas-bill-could-be-dead-senate-president-scutari-says-he-opposes-it.html
This pump-your-own-gas thing is so oddball to the rest of us.
It seems like an arbitrary work of fiction, like “you can’t wear a green scarf on Tuesday without a permit.”
So very weird, especially to people out west where labor is more scarce and people are required to be more self-reliant
Even in Deep Purple flyover country we are ‘forced’ to DIY. When it’s a -25 I really wouldn’t mind paying someone to pump for me but who am I kidding? I’m not out and about in that kind of weather any .
Gotta be a union to pander to behind this. It makes no sense otherwise.
“you can’t wear a green scarf on Tuesday without a permit.”
Come to Bergen County in the northeast corner of NJ where not only can you not pump your own gas, but cannot purchase anything but food and a few other exempted items on Sundays. Have some derp from a local nanny:
https://ihaaccents.com/2017/05/10/new-jersey-blue-laws/
I got about two paragraphs in and already want to keelhaul the author. Blue laws are great because they give us time to rest and reflect? Fuck all the way off with that; they’re nothing but a Baptists’ and bootleggers’ wet dream unleashed upon the commonweal.
“I got about two paragraphs in and already want to keelhaul the author.”
#metoo. Fortunately I am only 2 Mike’s from neighboring Rockland County NY. Their merchants love our blue laws.
2 miles. WTF, autocorrect?
Good morning Sean, UCS and Hayeksplosives. Definitely going to be one of those days.
How so?
Good morning, Tulip! One of those good days, I hope?
I rather like Tuesdays at my office because after being buried by a mountain of mail on Monday, there’s usually just a handful on Tuesday.
Don’t y’all ever sleep?
If I could sleep, I’d be less cantankerous.
🙁 I’m convinced HR is intentionally slow-walking my paperwork so that my start date is after April 1st – which screws me out of $3k in delayed performance advances.
?
And let me guess – you already have all the new work responsibilities. Just not the new pay rate.
Of course.
Welcome to the old Army. Had several assignments like that. Then one day it’s over.
/Shoulder shrug
Disinformation
FAKE NEWS!
Mornin’ Glibbies! Still working through the stages of grief about the end of gainful employment and then learned yesterday that the actual Socialist party up here has just signed an agreement with the Globalist party. The Commies agreed to back Trudeau at every turn for certain concessions. This means that every non-confidence vote will likely fail. At least 3 more years of the drama teacher. We’re fucked. “Sunny ways!”
This is the parliamentary system working against itself. We are ruled by a King by divine right once again.
Mornin’, Festy, and all you other reprobates. Turdeau needs a look that goes with his policies. Perhaps he should grow a small moustache, and dress in cool military threads.
To what end? What does the Socialist Party think they are gonna get out of the deal?
Moar poar. Moar free shit.
Good Morning Four, GT, UCS ets al.
Sunday grass fires
Yesterday 2 inches of rain.
This morning wife tells me we are going to start milking the one sheep this weekend.
If i disappear, this is how i die. Sheep Milking.
Its not a Baaaaaad death.
Mornin’!
“Sheep Milking.
Its not a Baaaaaad death.”
Cheese, please.
Depends upon which one is giving the milk.
Shouldn’t take long
https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/in+two+shakes+of+a+lamb%27s+tail
Like this? https://youtu.be/WsnmY8iWMVs
LOL, that went bizarre real quickly.
WTF, Festy? This is a family friendly site!
Awesome.
That guy in the photo should really groom the testicle chin thing he’s got going on there.
There is a new show on Fox called Welcome To Flatch and it is pretty good. It is, however, a remake of the BBC show, This Country, which is better, grittier, darker, and very much British. Both shows should be given a look. I’ve been alternating episodes and the casting in the US version is funny; all of the actors are too pretty.
I can’t sit still long enough to watch TV. The internet has ruined my viewing. Books are done, too and I used to always have 4-5 going at the same time. Brave new world.
Not sure if I want to watch “Welcome To Feltch”.
Tall cup of French roast, and breaking in my latest acquisition, courtesy of unexpected largesse from $employer:
https://www.iwanries.com/LAnatra-2-Egg-P18393C2106.cfm
Love the little silver duck on the stem.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10635957/VPs-National-Security-Adviser-Nancy-McEldowney-stepping-10th-staffer-June.html
Paging SF…
Yup, if I ever lost that many of my high level staff, I’d start wondering if the problem was me. No! It’s the staffers that are out of touch!
They’re not worthy of her.
A few years back my son was pondering why his romantic interests seem to come and go with some regularity. He said something like, “What’s the common thread?” and grinned.
Good for his newly acquired self-awareness. It may have taken some time but either you or the hard, rocky road of life has taught him a valuable lesson. Probably both.
It’s is a lot more than 450 miles from Ontario to San Fran.
Only a few miles east of LA, too far to walk, maybe
Not if you fly with East China Airlines.