*phone buzzes on the nightstand.*
”0142. No, I don’t care. I am not answering.” I mumbled. I waited for the telltale tone the call went to voicemail. No tone.
*phone buzzes on the nightstand*
”0148. No.” Still no tone.
*phone buzzes on the nightstand*
“Screw it. What?”
”Dis Natalia mit UkrTelecom. I give collect call from….”
The long pause is never a good sign. “STEVE SMITH”.
“Do you accept charge?”
“No.”
Heh. That wasn’t so hard, I thought as I drifted off to sleep.
_____
…Later that morning
*phone buzzes on desk*
Hmm same number. “Hello?” I answered.
“Hullo, dis Natalia mit UkrTelecom. I give collect call from…” Very little pause this time.
”STEVE SMITH TASTE DEATH. EXHILARATING DEATH. BY TASTE DEATH, MEAN RAPE. T-90 TANK RUN OUT OF FUEL ON WAY TO ODESA, TRY TO SHELL STEVE SM—”
”Accept charge, dah?”
”No.”
It is so much easier to ignore these calls when you refuse to pay for them.
_____
An hour later…
“So this beer is unusual in a number of ways.” I began typing into my iPad later that morning. “It is a Barleywine—from Trader Joe’s? The concept is hardly foreign as Trader Joe’s does indeed sell beer, but it is certainly a rarity when they find a contract brewer willing to part ways with a project as expensive and cumbersome as a Barleywine and put someone else’s name on it. This one doesn’t disappoint in more ways than one. It is thick, nicely balanced but as a twist it uses hops typically found in grapefruit IPA, or at least I should say it had a bit of grapefruit on the backend. Which isn’t bad. The best part is the bomber cost $5. Crackling Clapper Barleywine Ale: 4.3/5”
Another successful Saturday was in the pipeline.
*phones buzzes on desk, again*
”C’mon, really?”
“Hullo, dis Natalia with UkrTelecom. I give collect call from…”
“—ITH RAPE TANK, RAPE COMMANDER, LEAVE CREW FOR DEAD WITHOUT PANTS IN RUSSIAN WINTER. WHAT RUSSIAN FOR COME GET SO—“
”Do you accept charge?”
”Hell no. STEVE has gone full Col. Kilgore.”
_____
…later that afternoon
*phone continues to buzz randomly on desk*
”Scam Likely. Nope.” I set the phone back down and picked up a slice of melon I made myself as a healthy afternoon snack. Then I heard the telltale tone the call went to voicemail. “Goddamnit.”
”
Mex. This is Swiss. I called in a favor with a business partner with StarLink so DO NOT HANG UP. Lets just say that picture of Musk having his way with two skinned cantaloupes squished together continues to pay dividends…”
”Eeeeew. Fucking weirdo.” I said aloud. I set my slice of melon back on the plate with the intent to throw it away.
”…STEVE SMITH attempted to set up a Cascadian Consulate in the wooded region northwest of Odesa. He is hunkered down about 60 klicks outside the city. He called me collect to send reinforcements. A Soviet brigade identified him and engaged. STEVE can pretty well take care of himself, but at some point the Soviet losses are going to tally up past the point where they can hide it. He’s already raped 7000 Soviet soldiers and the locals are collecting the tanks…”
”Swiss you really got to get with the times, man.” I said aloud.
“…I am presently in an undisclosed location in the Catalonian countryside. A group of separatists agreed to assist in extracting STEVE from Ukraine in exchange for combat arms and experience. As you well know, they’re Europeans and have never worked a rifle. I worked with a French arms dealer to acquire 300 Sig SG 550 Rifles but screwed me on magazines. Prathiba will send you a CAD file to forward to Mad Scientist at his shop in Mexico to build 2400 magazines. DO NOT PAY THAT CHEESE HATING HOOLIGAN. We sent his typical payment of 30 cases of Mountain Dew and a carton of Unfiltered Camels. Turkish Gold…”
”Good, I had no plans to pay him anything.”
“…We need you to acquire 150,000 rounds of 5.56 NATO from various local merchants…”
”What?”
”…preferably, don’t use the ones the Obama Administration payed off for Fast and Furious. They’re on the grid. Take the cargo to the municipal airfield in north Phoenix where Murdock will be waiting with the Swiss Corps private jet. Its a Gulf Stream, its real nice. He’ll take it to the Swiss Corps satellite office on the Turkish side of Cyprus, where we will launch the operation…”
“You would have an office on that side of Cyprus.”
”…$1/2 Million was sent to your Dogecoin wallet to pay for the ammunition, fuel, and um…Murdock requested tacos and flan from Barrio Queen for lunch. I need this handled before Sunday...”
It then occurred to me I don’t have a Dogecoin wallet. Even if I did I would have to pay capital gains to convert it to Dollars in order to pay for the ammunition. Then my phone buzzed again with the tone for an email:
Damnit.
The Ukraine-Catalan Affair is going to be BIG! What’s Fawn Hall doing these days?
Oliver North?
I had no idea she was banging Rob Lowe.
How I miss the big crunchy hair of the 80s and 90s.
Great hair, bad teeth.
62 YO
Very nice.
Looks like it was the vax.
https://www.alternativenation.net/taylor-hawkins-suffered-chest-pains-before-dying/
Because nothing else such as a life of heroin use could possibly have caused chest pains.
I doubt that past heroin use has any detrimental effect on one’s heart, in fact it probably preserves it some by allowing it to rest. I strongly doubt that any heart attack, ever has been attributed to past heroin use. Liver problems, maybe, but that is usually a dirty needle thing.
The vaxxers have lied and cheated so much that I have zero concerns about jumping the gun to blame them for anything. They cried wolf repeatedly. No one should believe anything they ever say again. If a vax Nazi dies an untimely death and has chest pains, it’s not remotely out of bounds to suspect it may have been caused by the “safe and effective” witch’s brew vaccine. Tangled web effect in action.
Cocaine?
It’s a hell of a drug.
Coke is different. It speeds up your heart. Supercharging is harmful, relaxing is much less so. Even still, most all cocaine deaths are from present use or recently resumed use. I could see how extensive past use would possibly weaken one’s heart, though.
At the risk of jumping to confusion I’m guessing cocaine. He was in Bogota after all.
So jumping to conclusions about people we don’t like is OK?
Exactly.
Every last little aspect of this “vaccine” has involved jumping to conclusions. At least I used the term “suspect” in my leap. The other side has literally advocated forcibly injecting babies with a totally unknown substance and following up with lifetime “boosters” when it turns out the first shot didn’t work. Chasing the dragon, if you will.
Not sure what any of that has to do with my point.
You want to be better than those people or just sink down to their level and call it even?
I merely stated that it is acceptable to suspect the vax caused his death. They leave no room whatsoever for any dissent at all. Everything they assert is an absolute fact, even if it is at complete odds with what they forced us to accept previously. I made no absolute determination. Just said it was fair to consider, which I fail to see how it sinks to anywhere near their level.
Hey, I used a question mark.
I thought it was an offer.
Nah, law-abiding.
Beer? Scotch?
Boxers or briefs?
Depends.
I think what bugs me is how much of it comes across with the tone of “I want people to die so I can blame the vaccine”.
I know I’ve been perfectly willing to suggest that people deserve to have their noses rubbed in it when coronapanic measures are ineffective (such as the cancellation of the World Junior Ice Hockey Championships), or there being no correlation between things like mask mandates and case numbers. But actively rooting for people to die seems rather icky to me.
Anyone willingly involved in forcing others to take the vaccine deserves to dangle on the end of a noose. What has happened in this country is evil on a mass scale. The only reason it didn’t get to law enforcement rounding children up and holding them down here, like in Australia, is because a significant proportion of this country is armed would have rebelled.
So instead of brute force, the government is working hand in hand with schools and businesses to force people by way of being able to buy food, pay their mortgage, receive healthcare, or go to school (which is compulsory so jailtime for noncompliance). No tears shed here when those bite the dust who have already raised their hammer against countless of their countrymen.
There are a lot of people I wish death upon. I have many enemies.
Even my enemies are all dead. Just wait them out…
Ate you Red Mantle or Dragoon?
*are*
Guys been clean for a while, my money is on the vaccine.
Yep. After all, it has to be either drugs or vax. No other possibility, really.
Look at Mr. Science examining all the possibilities without jumping to a conclusion on scanty evidence.
Now I don’t know who to trust. I could use the 1/2 mil, hide in the Canadian woods ’til… Oh, damn, I forgot about Steve S.
Count me out,
You could have verified this with STEVE SMITH in last night’s Zoom.
That son of a bitch already left Ukraine?
He does get around.
I’m not linking that stupid Beach Boys song. Low-hanging fruit and such.
You sure? This could be your last chance!
You fuckin’ monster.
I clicked on that auditory miscarriage thinking “there’s no way he would….”
Damn, now I know how Teds feels.
What the fuck, Tres?!?
That’s a GREAT song!
There is cheaper 62 grain 5.56 NATO out there.
I just got some 855. Still sitting in the foyer.
Oh, shit. Yes there is,
Barleywine?
Nein.
Alright, I just dumped a new post into the queue. Some professional attention before it goes live is always appreciated.
I’ll have a squint at it Monday.
Seen at the grocery store today – “Round up for Ukraine.”
I pay my taxes, therefore I already sent them money.
They need weed killer?
*golf clap*
?
“Round up for Ukraine.”
/signed V. Putin
@rhywun
I opened a USPS claim (took 5 attempts). They found my shit and delivered it.
No explanation why it took a two week holiday in OH.
*sigh* I suppose I could try again.
“There was a problem submitting your Service Request. Please try again later.”
Getting sick of this.
Finally got someone at Amazon. Just going to refund it. Sucks because one item was a used book I probably won’t be able to find again.
Tried these guys: https://www.abebooks.com/
Or Alibris, if you don’t want support the Amazon empire.
I thought ABE was still independent. Did Amazon get them?
Or Thriftbooks.com.
Also don’t forget Powell’s bookstore online.
And finally, if’n you just dish, mebbe one of us might run across it in our travels.
Books a Million has used connections too. Finally signed up for a membership with them since I almost always pick up a book or two from them when I go into Fredericksburg and 10% + coupons each trip saves me well over $50/yr not counting online purchases.
Since 2008.
*sigh* I forgot what time it was and posted shit on dedthred.
Firstly, happy birthday to KK! I’d say 50 is just a number, but it’s a significant number. I don’t know what’s significant about it, but there you are. Here.
Secondly, I took the last test in the first part of my course. It is supposed to take 3-5 months to complete. Right now I have to wait for answers to questions before I can do my final, and I won’t get those until probably Tuesday. Once I get that and turn in my final, I will have completed it in 1 month with a 96%. You could say I’m motivated. Or you could say I have nothing better to do at the moment than study and read loads of stuff I don’t understand yet.
❤❤
KK is 50 today?! Happy birthday!!!
Q: If a woman was born March 26, 1972, how old is she today?
A: 29.
You’re only 50 ? Damn kids.
I was always into older women, but at my age there aren’t any.
Happy Birthday.
Younger whiskey?
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tomthall/fasterhorses.html
Happy, happy birthday KK
Jugsy is only 37 (I think).
Praises be to Jesus H. Koresh for young women with daddy-issues.
Happy Birthday!
????
Happy birthday, KK!
Happy Birthday!
Cat – based birthday video included.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maxMwVReg9A
Happy birthday! you six months younger than me, baby! XD
Happy Birthday, KK!
Happy birthday, one year younger than I!
Happy birthday KK!
Firstly, happy birthday to KK! I’d say 50 is just a number, but it’s a significant number. I don’t know what’s significant about it, but there you are.
It’s neither prime nor a perfect square, so I don’t know how significant it is. 😉
Every birthday is a good one. Go for it KK, it’s your day and no one can take it away from you.
Hey! Happy Birthday!
Happy B-day!
I’m actually going to a 1st birthday party for a family friend’s baby up in Oxnard this afternoon. It’s all birthdays, down the line.
¡Feliz cumpleaños!
Oof, Bruins taking the Islanders to the woodshed.
https://www.pennlive.com/marijuana/2022/03/georgia-police-who-raided-a-store-and-took-30000-in-thc-products-ordered-to-give-it-back-report.html
4.3/5 is an unusually high score for Sharpie! This one is worth noting; I do love barleywine.
I appreciate Sharpie’s somewhat stingy scoring. If everything fell in the 4.0-5.0 range, it would be far less useful.
?
If everything fell in a 4.0 to 5.0 range, it would effectively be a ten point range.
Apparently Biden – in his speech in Poland – has said that Putin “cannot remain in power.”
Way to de-escalate you moron.
Are our troops going to march into Russia after they’re done in Ukraine…?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Expeditionary_Force,_North_Russia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Expeditionary_Force,_Siberia
I guess we’re in the farce cycle.
+1 18 Brumaire
Imagine the response from Democrats if a foreign leader like Putin said one of their anointed ones couldn’t stay in power.
The White House walked it back within an hour. At least Trump would’ve contradicted himself in the next tweet or two.
Ah, thanks for the update.
MS, cigs are stale, causing a production delay. Send replacements.
No they’re not. You just smoked them already!
Mine perished in a series of small fires.
I need those mags and ammo! These clowns shoot through everything, with little to show for it.
Like Swiss cheese?
I’ve got five takers so far for Lids for SP. I’m sending them to trashy on Monday, so if anyone else would like me to inscribe a lid in their name, let me know ASAP!
athenaofprogtown at the gmail
He didn’t respond to my email…
Can you do me?
(Phrasing…)
I’m totally in too. I’ll send a formal request to your email.
https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2022/03/scientists-currently-developing-controversial-contagious-vaccines-can-spread-vaccinated-unvaccinated/
These fuckers are gonna start the zombie apocalypse with this shit.
This is the type of thing that makes you ponder violence.
Fuck you, asshole. That’s the mantra of every scientist ghoul in history.
“Let’s just not do this research because it’s too dangerous“
See, also, Wuhan.
*orders ammo and rope*
There willl be blood before I am injected with a weaponized herpes virus.
AS opposed to you injecting someone with a herpes virus?
/Heeey-Ohhhh
Supposedly, CMV is virtually harmless if you have a healthy immune system.
https://www.webmd.com/hiv-aids/guide/aids-hiv-opportunistic-infections-cytomegalovirus
Its very common but one of the reasons the blood bank harasses me every six months is not only am I type O- I test negative for CMV. So they use it for premature infants.
Yeah, I test negative for it too, so they like my blood
I can’t even.
We are definitely in Greek tragedy territory with the level of hubris on display across the board.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Bellingham
Nothing new under the sun.
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss ?
Something tree of liberty, something something tyrants.
Mick Schumacher hits the wall hard in F1 qualifying: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3kxpG9Pb-E
Apparently he’s OK.
Yikes.
Those dudes have balls of steel.
Damn. The rear end of the car just fell off while they were lifting the car off the track.
Spendy crash.
Announcers we’re taking about that – under the new car rules, it’s supposed to do that. Something about reducing the mass attached the safety capsule in the event of a bad crash.
This is a good one today, MS.
I especially like the nasty email and I will try the beer.
Mick Schumacher hits the wall hard in F1 qualifying
Stay off the curbs, dummy.
Everyone was hitting that particularl curb. That track is nuts.
Damn. The rear end of the car just fell off while they were lifting the car off the track.
Good thing they’re not in Monaco.
This should amuse at least a few of you.
A couple swings over the head, find a homeless person, take a tax deduction
Definitely the goose deserved it
Weird weather all day – messy and just not great for working outside (need to get under the house all day tomorrow to finish draining water…even if it’s colder). Mostly cloudy earlier with sun and clouds off and on… and now 1/4″ hail.
14 damn degrees here, today. The winter that just won’t end.
*rethinks telling Mike the temp here*
Temp dropped at least 20 deg in an hour. just nuts.
Jeez! It’s 84 and sunny in TX. Grilling out and having a party with the Tall Thin Spaniard what Lurks. Cigars and bourbon after 5:00.
Temp went from 60ish to 38 and now it’s back up to 58 (and “sunny”).
VA I tells ya.
(need to get under the house all day tomorrow to finish draining water…even if it’s colder)
If it’s cold enough, you can haul it out in chunks.
8️⃣5️⃣
6️⃣4️⃣
Leftist Media may finallly want to worry now
You have to go!
A real man would challenge him to a caged death match. I’ll pay some pretty big bucks to watch, just consider it ‘revenue’, maybe it will help pay for people’s gas and food.
When Hyperion encounters a real man he gets on his knees and starts making strange guttural choking sounds and pawing at their pants.
Take your meds bro.