Joemala: Episode 63

by | Mar 23, 2022 | Joemala | 258 comments

 

“This feels wrong,” she said to the lump of slack flesh and veins in the bed next to her.

“It’s for your career,” the lump rumbled. Hillary turned over laboriously, like a beach-stranded abomination shat out of the sea.

“I know it is, but I still feel like I’m betraying my boss.”

“Oh, Strawberry,” Hillary said, “Still pretending you are a good little girl.”

“Never call me that!” Jen said, curling into a ball. “He calls me that. Every time I hear it, I want to take shower.”

Hillary pulled herself close to Jen, grunting, and wedged a fat hand into her fetal ball. “This is all that matters,” Hillary gurgled, clutching at Jen’s uterus through her belly meat, “The generative power. This is why they fear and hate us.”

“I didn’t want to have COVID again, but they said I didn’t have any choice,” Jen said sullenly.

“Were all getting it before the mid-terms,” Hillary said, trying to push her hand down and into Jen’s crotch.

“I know, I read the DNC polling. It’s supposed to humanize us,” Jen said. “And prove the vaccines are no longer working if Pfizer wants a fourth round of boosters.”

“40% of the money for it coming back to the DNC,” Hillary said and cackled moistly. She humped up her back and rolled sideways, then around until she was facing Jen’s exposed crotch, the bruised strawberry of her desire.

“How could your husband not want this?” Hillary asked Jen’s vestibule, gently scratching away nodules of dried spit.

“He says it smells since the kids, like something dead is up there,” Jen said, voice muffled by her arm.

“Nonsense, death is a delicious smell, sweet and oily,” Hillary said, snaking out a sore-pocked tongue and licking the gouge between Jen labia minora and majora, rounding along the clitoral hood and back down the other side.

“Please stop,” Jen said weakly.

“I know about you and the press intern,” Hillary whispered into her vagina.

“That was a mistake, it never should have happened.”

Hillary pulled herself closer and draped her fupa over Jen’s neck; it pulsed there, clinging, sticky mucus creating suction.

“Do you want to work in my administration?” Hillary asked, grinding into her neck.

“Yes,” Jen said, her voice hitching with a sob.

“Good girl,” Hillary said. She used both her thumbs on either side of Jen’s anus, pressing, and forced out a fart.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

258 Comments

  1. Swiss Servator

    GAH!

    *claws at eyes*

    Why?! WHY???

    • Ted S.

      Why not?

  2. juris imprudent

    That almost drove up my breakfast burrito and I ate that more than 2 hours ago.

    • juris imprudent

      And I was close, just he didn’t take the viewpoint of the virus – which would’ve been quite sympathetic.

  3. EvilSheldon

    Ooh, quite a dark turn here…

  4. Warty

    Beautiful.

    • R C Dean

      You need help.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Needs moar prehensile pseudo-penis.

        Like an elephant’s trunk.

      • slumbrew

        A guy lost his penis in an accident and there were no suitable donors, so the only available option to the surgeon was to attach a baby elephant’s trunk.

        After the surgery and healing process, the guy is ready to start dating again. He’s out on his 1st date since the accident and while at the dinner table, the trunk comes out of his pants and starts sniffing around on the table and after finding a roll, it disappears back under the table. His date sits there astonished while the guy tries to act like he didn’t see it. Then the trunk does the same thing again, grabbing a roll and dropping under the table.

        His date says “That’s amazing! Can you do it again?” Guy says “Probably, but I don’t want another roll stuffed up my ass.”

      • Not Adahn

        At least he didn’t take her bowling.

      • Ted S.

        He needs to squat more.

  5. The Other Kevin

    Now we know Tonio was just lulling us into a false sense of security last week.

    • Tonio

      “Nonsense, death is a delicious smell, sweet and oily,”

      This is the real horror. The rest is just trappings.

      • Tonio

        This was supposed to be a new comment, not a response to TOK.

        Two weeks ago, and thanks.

      • R C Dean

        I thought the real horror was:

        “Do you want to work in my administration?” Hillary asked

      • Bobarian LMD

        I read that part, but I keep blanking it out. My psyche is trying to limit the damage.

      • db

        In the multiverse, there’s at least one of those…

      • Lackadaisical

        Actually, for every universe like ours there are 99 with a Hillary administration.

  6. Rebel Scum

    Ew.

    • Sean

      +1

  7. Tundra

    Jesus, I knew after the last few that something like this was coming, but still…

    … the bruised strawberry of her desire.

    That’s poetry.

    • R C Dean

      Concur.

    • ron73440

      … the bruised strawberry of her desire.

      Reminded me of this.

  8. DEG

    She used both her thumbs on either side of Jen’s anus, pressing, and forced out a fart.

    It’s the little things.

    The LaserDisc reference went over my head.

    • ron73440

      The LaserDisc reference went over my head.

      #metoo

    • SugarFree

      The Emmanuelle erotica series was a big release for LaserDisc home theater back in the day.

      • ron73440

        But, that’s something people want to watch.

        Why would anyone put this on LD?

      • Swiss Servator

        Rule 34, man….Rule 34.

      • DEG

        Ah. Thanks!

    • robc

      Key result: “Ivermectin appears to work best when consumed before people ever contract the disease so that its 56% benefit jumps to 90% when given prophylactically.”

      • robc

        And then I read it. What drug will take away that memory?

    • Grummun

      Why does the FDA steer us away from the older drugs in Table 1? A bureaucratic mindset. The FDA doesn’t have processes in place to evaluate older drugs for new uses in a timely
      manner, and so instead of coming clean, it fluctuates between ignoring the older drugs and actively disparaging them while threatening helpful companies that publish promising clinical results.

      This a spectacularly charitable reading of the FDA’s motivations, and the bolded section (my emphasis) gives the lie to the first part. Clinical studies are part of the process for proving efficacy for off-label use of existing drugs. For the FDA to be punishing the publication of these studies suggests that the FDA just doesn’t want people to think about old drugs at all. Why might this be?

      • LCDR_Fish

        Saw this today. May be paywalled (I finally signed for a subscription):

        https://www.nationalreview.com/2022/03/making-prescription-drugs-expensive-again/

        In 2018, prescription-drug prices fell for the first time in 46 years. They dropped even more in 2019 and 2020. Much of this break from the prior upward trend in prices was the result of additional competition unleashed by President Trump’s deregulatory agenda, which President Biden seeks to reverse.

        How does Biden seek to do this? The federal government increases drug prices in two ways: by preventing manufacturers from entering the market and by requiring extant manufacturers to cease production.

        By the time Trump came to office, Congress had long been exasperated that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) had been so slow to approve new drugs and new manufacturers of old drugs; as Scott Gottlieb put it back in 2010, the “FDA [was] evading the law.” Meanwhile, the FDA complained that it did not have enough staff to follow the law as Congress had written it.

        Trump appointed Gottlieb as his FDA commissioner to change that state of affairs. During Gottlieb’s 24-month tenure, the FDA approved hundreds more new drug manufacturers than it had in the prior 24 months. It also approved 16 biosimilars — generic versions of expensive vaccines, tissues, and other “biologic” treatments that are more complicated than a chemically synthesized molecule — after having approved just four in the previous 24 months. Trump’s next FDA commissioner, Stephen Hahn, of course, approved Covid-19 vaccines in record time.

        ….

        A Journal of the American Medical Association article explains what happened next: “On December 15, 2014, FDA instructed all other suppliers of unapproved intravenous vasopressin to stop manufacturing their products by January 30, 2015, leaving only Par with a marketed product. Subsequently, the average wholesale price of intravenous vasopressin increased from $4.27 to $138.40 per vial in November 2016, a 3141% increase.” Simply put, the FDA handed one manufacturer a complete monopoly on the intravenous-vasopressin market, and prices shot through the roof. This government-granted monopoly was not a reward for inventing a new drug, but merely for deferring to bureaucrats on one that was a century old.

        Between 2006 and 2019, the FDA followed the same process for dozens of old drugs, most of which became radically more expensive. Trump sought to end the Unapproved Drugs Initiative (UDI) and allow manufacturers of old drugs to continue their business without FDA interference.

        But when Biden took office, he wasted no time in reinstating the UDI and, thus, the FDA’s power to grant new monopolies on old drugs. Biden’s FDA, in a notice posted to the Federal Register announcing the UDI’s reinstatement, expressed its horror that it had not been consulted before Trump and his secretary of health and human services attempted to end the initiative. Conspicuously absent from the notice was any acknowledgement that physicians and patients might, with enough experience, be quite capable of evaluating a drug without assistance from bureaucrats. The notice did not acknowledge the harm done to consumers by government-granted drug-manufacturing monopolies, let alone quantify a commensurate benefit of such monopolies.

  9. db

    oh…




    oh.

  10. Trigger Hippie

    Stories like this put the notion of a Sugar Free Diet in an entirely different context.

    • Nephilium

      So you’re having a bruised strawberry salad for lunch?

      • Bobarian LMD

        With a sweet and oily dressing of some sort?

  11. Fourscore

    One of the best, SF, a lot of good disgustment in there. I had to look up fupa, now I wish I hadn’t.

    Really repulsive, befitting a Glib. Thanks. I’ll need to wait a little longer before I can eat my lunch though.

    • rhywun

      I had to look up fupa, now I wish I hadn’t.

      LOL me too. It’s like near-future me if I don’t get my act together.

      • db

        Is it pronounced “foo-pah” or “few-pah”?

      • Not Adahn

        It’s pronounced “gunt.”

      • Swiss Servator

        I would imagine “foo-pah”.

        Tres, you around?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Faux pas — a slip or blunder in etiquette, manners, or conduct; an embarrassing social blunder or indiscretion.

    • Nephilium

      I much prefer the descriptive style systems versus the strict exclusionary ones. I can read a label saying double dry hopped imperial stout, and have an idea of what it is, even if it isn’t an accepted style.

      • Sensei

        +1 sparkling wine

    • Ghostpatzer

      Beer? Everclear grain alcohol is the only remedy.

      • slumbrew

        Substance D

      • kinnath

        Whiskey

      • db

        Ouisgey

      • slumbrew

        uisge-beatha

      • Not Adahn

        hooch

      • juris imprudent

        poteen

      • Bobarian LMD

        Hand Sanitizer.

  12. ron73440

    I may never be the same again.

  13. creech

    What’s Bill C. up to while Hillary is clutching Strawberry? Tell us he and Kommiela aren’t locked in a naked embrace at the Naval Observatory while the Second Lady or whatever he is watches greedily.

    • The Other Kevin

      Good question, now that Pedo Island has closed for business.

      • db

        Counter’s still at 0000.0

    • db

      If I ever became President I would discourage my wife from ever accepting that “First Lady” crap. It’s not an official post, should not be funded in any way by the taxpayers’ government, and no such titles shall be issued.

      I understand it’s supposed to be a politeness and honorific, but the President’s spouse deserves no more recognition than any other citizen who is not an elected official.

      I’d also end the use of “The Honorable” when referring to legislators and bureaucrats.

      • rhywun

        Good luck… you don’t marry a go-getter pol in order to hide in the shadows.

      • ron73440

        Remember , DR Jill became a “doctor” because she was upset at getting mail addressed to Senator and Mrs. Biden.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And one up the dead wife.

      • R C Dean

        I would co-opt the society mover and shaker society women in DC to do stuff like decorate the White House, organize social events, etc. The knife fights would be epic, and the winners would be beholden to me. I suspect that’s an underused power structure in DC, anyway.

      • db

        Imagine the brainmelt if a Presidential wife were to have an actual productive career outside of politics and shut down the First Lady stuff herself by saying “I’m too busy doing actually useful things to fuck around with that.”

      • Gustave Lytton

        “Conflict of interest! Not a serious candidate! Hates America!”

      • R C Dean

        Same here, db. I’d just flat close down the whole bureaucratic apparat for the First Lady, reassign all their offices so restarting it would be a food fight. Maybe keep one personal assistant – there is a certain amount of official crap that is going to splash on the President’s wife – events and whatnot – but that would be it.

        Of course, Mrs. Dean would probably rarely even leave the family quarters, except to get out of DC altogether.

      • Animal

        Mrs. Animal would refuse to go to DC at all. “We worked all those years, we saved, we did without stuff, we planned, all to get that house in Alaska, and you want me to spend part of the year in that malarial shithole? No thanks.”

    • Tonio

      During SugarFree’s 2016 campaign fiction it was implied that he was kept locked up at the house in Chappaqua. I recall Hillary telling Chelsea “I’ve got to secure your father,” or something similar.

    • SugarFree

      Bill is currently in COVID quarantine according to Clinton family spokespeople. (This is true, not my fiction.)

      • db

        I hope they were inundated with recommendations for “Lolita” and assorted Polanski films.

      • Nephilium

        Wag the Dog.

      • db

        Good one!

      • The Last American Hero

        To be fair he’s been quarantined from her since the mid 90’s.

  14. Animal

    ***Dry heaves***

    Ugh. Just… ugh.

    It wouldn’t be quite as bad if it wasn’t so… believable.

    • juris imprudent

      Look up top, you see Fiction anywhere up there?

    • Swiss Servator

      “Hillary turned over laboriously, like a beach-stranded abomination shat out of the sea.”

      AHHHH!

    • The Other Kevin

      I can picture the look in her eyes, and the tone of her voice.

    • ron73440

      I would feel bad for the poor schmuck who had to monitor the security cameras, but I’m pretty sure it’s a direct feed to SF’s house.

      • db

        I somehow sense that the CCDs needed to capture the appropriate wavelengths to monitor that are…rather rare.

  15. Mustang

    JFC.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Seconded

    • MikeS

      Exactly

      • Compelled Speechless

        I know. You get dizzy from all your blood relocating away from you brain that quickly.

      • db

        I’ve heard of hollow legs before, but never a five-liter corpus cavernosa.

      • R C Dean

        Hellooo, ladies!

      • Compelled Speechless

        Thanks! I’ve been featured in both adult films AND medical case studies. In both cases it’s been referred to as having devastating health consequences.

    • Rat on a train

      Is it possible to charge while driving using a generator on a trailer?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Series hybrid is doable, but isn’t particularly efficient.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        (in general, I don’t imagine any plug-in car is able to drive while plugged in)

      • MikeS

        Oooh! I just thought of a way to increase the problem of limited distance with EVs! So, you get a big panel van (electric powered of course!) and fill the back with a huge battery bank. Then you attach multiple cords out the back that can be plugged into multiple electric cars. They all go driving down the road together for many hundreds of miles.

        I won’t forget you all when I’m rich and famous!

        /runs off to patent office

      • Sensei

        Not stock. For safety the vehicle won’t move while charging. The idea being that you’d normally still be plugged in.

      • db

        *takes notes on tiny device that can fool car into thinking it’s plugged in at any time*

        I wonder what happens if that bit gets toggled while the vehicle is under way?

      • Sensei

        It stops. There are lots of safety systems on an EV. However, lots of checks and redundancies.

      • db

        Interesting. I’d actually prefer that it take current vehicle speed into account before just stopping for a “charge signal,” but presumably they have safeguards to prevent against an errant one.

  16. R.J.

    I…

    LOVE IT!

  17. Fourscore

    Please, SF, don’t put out the “Adventures of Joemala” on an audio book. It might be the destruction of a whole porn watching generation, just thinking about that while driving.

    • R.J.

      If you do, I can help with sound effects.

      • Grummun

        :: positions microphone ::
        :: starts “record” ::
        :: drives rubber boot into wet mud ::
        :: sloooooowly extracts boot ::
        :: repeats ::

      • slumbrew

        You missed your calling as a foley artist.

    • ron73440

      Half of Glibs would be wiped out the first day after it was released.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I’d be dead from dehydration within a couple of hours.

    • db

      Damn, I might try doing an audio book version…

    • SugarFree

      There has been some discussion of an audio series, if just me and/or others reading the stories, a computer reading the posts, or a full audio production with voice roles. If some of us were closer geographically, we’d have been doing it for years.

      • Tonio

        I would read. I’m this close to putting in an audio booth at home.

      • db

        Move up here, we’ll build a studio in the non-workshop parts of the barn

    • ron73440

      It is good, but I wish he was right about America’s war hawks:

      The hawkish alliance of jingoist conservatives and self-described muscular liberals had been on shaky ground in the later years of the Obama administration, but was broken entirely with the rise of Trumpism.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Right, Trump came along and told the warmonger neo-cons that they were assholes and they can go pound sand. They ran to the democrats who had the choice to put them out to pasture for once and for all, but instead decided to let them switch sides, consequence free so they could bash Trump and continue their global reign of terror. Somehow the they’re continued relevance is Trump’s fault. Rich.

      • Gustave Lytton

        As if they weren’t already running to the Democrats, like Frum. Or were warmongering Democrats to start with, like Samantha Power.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Yep. Turns out their origins are based in the Frankfurt School. In the movies it always turns out to be the Nazis. In real life, it always turns out to be the Marxists.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      If they have their way, it will die when we all do.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I recommend reading the great whistleblower Daniel Ellsberg’s The Doomsday Machine: Confessions of a Nuclear War Planner. It’s been a few years since I read it, but there’s a bunch of stories about just how crazy the people in control of our nuclear arsenal really are. If I’m remembering correctly, there’s an anecdote in there from when we were actively testing nukes relatively closely to population centers. Some of the tests involved testing the fail safes using live nukes. The contingency plan if the fail safes failed to prevent a bomb going off was to blame the Russians for an attack and counterattack rather than accept responsibility for the destruction they caused. They would literally rather all humanity be wiped out than apologize. That’s our “leadership” in a nutshell.

  18. Rebel Scum

    Fearmonger harder.

    Russian President Vladimir Putin’s massive military offensive in Ukraine has prompted European officials on the edge of the war zone to contemplate the prospect that he might use nuclear weapons to achieve his objectives — or even consider an attack on a NATO-allied state.

    “Nuclear war is impossible to be won. … This is the rule of warfare, that, actually, it’s the last resort,” a senior European official said. “But, unfortunately, Russians actually somehow behave too lightly about it. And that causes the biggest trouble for us.”

    Putin affirmed that principle last year in a joint statement with President Joe Biden and Russian officials, which maintained that they would use nuclear weapons only if they faced “an existential threat for our country.” Yet many Western officials believe Russia has developed so-called tactical nuclear weapons to win military victories in Europe without provoking a major nuclear response from the United States, and Putin’s confidence that his “low-yield” nuclear arsenal gives him free rein in Ukraine raises the odds that the Kremlin believes that Russia has the ability to defeat NATO in a tactical nuclear war.

    “I think they think they have [tactical nuclear escalation dominance],” a second senior European official said. “So, I guess that’s also why they have at least hinted at the possibility of using [them] when [Putin] declared this war.”

    Putin is insane and will kill us all, obvs.

    • Sensei

      Exactly. He plans to launch a first strike at the US and will be able to wipe out 100% of our return.

      I’m also “enjoying” the discussion on the impeding usage of biological and chemical weapons. That work really well given how well trained and precise Russia’s conscripts are doing in theater.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Or you know, you could try to negotiate an end to this shit before it really gets out of control.

    • db

      Interesting how nuclear deterrence in practice now seems to work better as a shield for aggressive action than as a deterrent to it.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “Forward deterrence”

        Also happens to be the foreign policy that helped instigate this clusterfuck.

      • ron73440

        We just need a good “Roman Peace”.

      • Gustave Lytton

        +1 MacArthur Korea strategy

    • R C Dean

      Putin affirmed that principle last year in a joint statement with President Joe Biden and Russian officials, which maintained that they would use nuclear weapons only if they faced “an existential threat for our country.”

      We all know what “Putin affirmed” is worth, and you could drive a T-62 through that “existential threat” loophole. Hell, that’s his justification for invading Ukraine.

  19. slumbrew

    “The last couple of Joemalas haven’t been that bad – I can read this while I eat…”

    * pushes lunch away, stares out window *

    • Gustave Lytton

      Thinking the same thing. Tonio’s interlude was mildly nauseous like a roller coaster. This…

  20. Creosote Achilles

    Any time I worry about my proclivities being too much, I simply read some Sugar Free. esp. the ones that reach the depths this one did. Bruised Strawberry indeed.

    • slumbrew

      Your pastimes are positively wholesome by comparison.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        Appropriate for an Afterschool Special, even.

  21. Compelled Speechless

    Don’t listen to the haters Sugarfree. This right here is an all-timer. Masterful stuff.

    I rate it a full 5 shameful involuntary erections (paired with 10 exhaustively drained testes.)

    • db

      Good on ya for taking care of the orphans.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I like to think they’re taking care of me.

  22. slumbrew

    Some OT good news, for those who didn’t see it:

    IJ victory in TN

    • db

      I’m glad to see they’re also involved in a similar challenge in PA.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      In 1924, the U.S. Supreme Court held that the Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution does not protect any land beyond the home and its immediately surrounding area. The Court reaffirmed the doctrine in 1984 when it held that property owners have no “reasonable expectation of privacy” on any private lands the Court deems to be an “open field.”

      But the Circuit Court ruled that the law enabling the searches violates the Tennessee Constitution, which Tennessee courts have long held gives landowners more protection than the U.S. Constitution. Additionally, the court found that the law amounted to a “general warrant” that gave officials wide latitude to conduct searches. In striking down the law the court noted that “general warrants are dangerous to liberty and ought not to be granted.”

      “It’s a great relief to have the court recognize that searching my property without permission and without a warrant was unconstitutional,” said Terry Rainwaters. “It’s even better to hear that the court doesn’t believe anyone else in Tennessee should have their rights violated in the same way. I’m going to sleep a little better tonight knowing that state officials have to respect my property rights.”

      I wonder if this will be extended past game wardens and to preventing the ABC stormtroopers from flying planes over private property in Tennessee looking for moonshine stills?

      • slumbrew

        I suspect not – the wardens can no longer trespass, but I can’t see that being extended to restricting airspace.

      • db

        Yeah, no way. Airspace is under Federal jurisdiction by law. Not sure exactly what the legal theory behind that works, but frankly it’s a lot simpler that way.

        And if you have enough money, like Disney, you can get the FAA to issue a permanent “Temporary” Flight Restriction over your property because Public Safety. Totally not because The Mouse Doesn’t Want Anyone Else Advertising to His Guests.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Not so much restricting airspace as not being able to use cameras or thermal imaging in the plane to snoop on private property. Or thrown out as ill gotten gains.

        As an analogy, cops can drive on public streets without restriction, but I’m guessing at least some states have restrictions on them using visual imaging on homes while driving those streets without a warrant.

      • db

        Maybe, but I’d be willing to be parallel construction of evidence is used with extreme frequency these days at all levels of law enforcement.

      • juris imprudent

        I went and looked it up, Hester is the source of the “open fields” doctrine and just as I suspected, that fucking asshole Holmes wrote it.

  23. Ghostpatzer

    Barf, now I have PSFD.

      • db

        I wish I had neighborhood kids who wanted to pick up the walnuts in my yard. Walnut trees are really stately but what a fucking mess in the autumn.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Plenty of Black Walnut trees here. Supposedly good eating but they are too gross for words, coated with slimy black shit. Also nearly impossible to crack. I’ll stick to the delicious hickories.

      • db

        I have both Black Walnut and Hickory trees here. In the autumn my lawn is filled with thousands of walnuts. The squirrels eat the hickory nuts right away (there’s a continuous stream of hickory nut shell fragments raining down from my trees during that time of year) and then store the walnuts away in every crevice they can find.

        The lawnmower occasionally kicks up heavy walnuts and launches them like missiles at the windows.

      • ron73440

        It’s called SugarFree’ing a link for a reason.

  24. JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

    “Please stop,” Jen said weakly.

    I concur.

    • Drake

      First time I’ve agreed with her.

  25. Brochettaward

    Reason is running a series of articles criticizing the GOP’s questioning of Kentanji Brown, and one where they say that libertarians should take heart because she said that, “Where there is a right, there is a limit to regulation.”

    What a ringing endorsement of freedom!

    • R C Dean

      In her mind, I have no doubt that is limited to abortion.

      What an opening to grill her on the 2A, though.

      • db

        Bingo! That’s a great opportunity. I hope someone takes it.

      • juris imprudent

        Perhaps if there were a Senator or two that belonged to a party that actually respects rights.

        [sigh]

      • Compelled Speechless

        #VotefortheEveryoneGetsaUnicornParty

      • db

        I totally expect Pat Toomey to be all over this ?

      • juris imprudent

        “You’re a funny guy”.

      • Ted S.

        Rand Paul, although I assume he’s not on the Judiciary Committee?

      • juris imprudent

        I guess I should’ve emphasized belong to a party that respect rights.

      • Brochettaward

        Isn’t it basically just a rephrasing of Hillary’s every right is subject to reasonable regulation, with reasonable defined as whatever the state believes is proper at the given time?

      • db

        Almost certainly, yes, but it offers a rhetorical hook to hang a line of questioning on.

    • ron73440

      I can’t open the article, but it sounds like he embezzled money to pay for a prior embezzlement case?

      How did he get hired to handle money?

      • db

        It’s Assouls all the way down

      • kinnath

        Robbing Peter to pay Paul

      • Sensei

        An Upper East Side PTA treasurer with a checkered past funded lavish trips to St. Lucia and Bermuda and a luxe lifestyle with $185,000 he embezzled from the children’s school fund, Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg charged Tuesday…

        Haynes — whose child attends an Upper East Side public school — charged anywhere from $2,289 up to $32,000 for upscale hotels in St. Lucia and Bermuda, and bought goods from Fendi, Restoration Hardware and Pottery Barn with money earmarked for field trips and enrichment programs, according to prosecutors.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Checkered past is a bit sugarcoating.

      • rhywun

        Small potatoes, really.

        If he had made it up the elected or corporate ladder, we’d be talking millions.

      • juris imprudent

        Or, union official.

    • ron73440

      Conspiracy Theorist!!!!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      More than a third of the world is yet to have a vaccine dose. That has left a huge gap between rich and poor countries.

      It is left to the reader to decide who got the short straw in that arrangement.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The takeaway: The world cannot count on mere goodwill and cooperation to propel responsible public health measures in the future.

      Funny, I feel similarly about it, but probably with a different solution.

      • db

        The world can only count on boots in faces.

    • EvilSheldon

      The Hard Rock Hotel bar? Really? Will the next globalist conspiracy be planned at Golden Corral?

      • Sean

        My money is on a Fuddruckers.

      • UnCivilServant

        I was not impressed when we stopped at one for lunch on my last road trip.

        Service was slow.

      • Not Adahn

        They are the largest purveyor of burgers in the thick, heavily seasoned genre. But there are a number of Korean-owned places in central TX that do it better.

      • DEG

        Before or after its evolution?

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Just another day at the orifice.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I thought he was banging Pamela Anderson.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I have not heard that, but I’m just going to imagine it was true at one point. Yet another reason why Assange is a legend.

    • db

      What’s he actually in prison for?

      • ron73440

        ATPWDDIM?

      • Compelled Speechless

        Failure to bend the knee and kiss the ring.

    • db

      Aren’t really high bails intended to protect against perceived risk of flight or re-offense?

      I’m thinking neither of those is a concern here.

      • Sensei

        Correct.

        But right now NY state and especially NYC are dealing with bail reform that put lots of flight risk people back on the street with little or no bail.

        It’s strange, but not surprising, that in this case they somehow found a way to not only bail for her, but such an excessive bail as well.

      • The Other Kevin

        It did say she went to great lengths to hide, including quitting her job and stashing her phone at someone’s house. But she did turn herself in. So toss up on the flight risk.

      • Not Adahn

        IDK, shoving old ladies at random doesn’t seem like the most stable of individuals.

      • Compelled Speechless

        You’ll keep your opinions to yourself if you want to make sure your grandma stays upright the next time she goes on a walk.

      • Not Adahn

        If either of my grandmothers are walking, it’s the End of the World.

      • Brochettaward

        She did go into hiding for two weeks here. But the reality is the bail is what it is because of the publicity. It’s a grandstanding judge.

        The bitch kind of deserves to rot in jail if the facts are true. Just randomly attacks someone. Though, the same could be said of a number of low profile offenders who walk.

      • Sensei

        Those are the two issues.

        If it is the facts alleged she won’t have much sympathy from me.

      • db

        Oh, I was thinking this was a different case. Guess I should read before commenting.

      • MikeS

        How very un-Glibertarian of you.

      • ron73440

        I should read before commenting.

        That’s not how we do things around here.

      • rhywun

        Yah, this has been in the news for weeks.

        The old lady hung on for days before dying.

      • Sensei

        Yeah, it was sad to read.

        If the attacker was well and truly crazy (and homeless) it wouldn’t be the media circus I expect this to be.

      • rhywun

        Exactly. Crazy homeless people killing innocent passersby are barely worth mentioning any more. This chick is not a crazy homeless person and therefore they will throw the book at her.

    • The Other Kevin

      Is this going to be another Anna Sorokin?

      • Raven Nation

        Inventing Anna was an entertaining mini series

      • The Other Kevin

        FINALLY someone else who watched it and liked it. I thought it was good.

  27. Not Adahn

    We all know Biden’s going to be taken out on this trip (I’ve got my money on an accident involving stairs). But what’s really interesting is that A book showing Kamala in a negative light is not only being permitted, but being published by S&S!

    https://www.politico.com/newsletters/playbook/2022/03/22/friction-between-harris-and-biden-camps-revealed-in-new-book-00019145

    So “they” obviously don’t want her taking over. I wonder who’s in the wings waiting to play the role of the savior?

    • Sensei

      Yes all kinds of snippets from the book are all over the news. None of them flattering.

    • db

      Only one person represents the stability and experience we need in office right now.

      Pete Buttigieg/Chelsea Clinton 2024

    • kinnath

      At this point, Pelosi might cause less damage than Harris.

    • Rebel Scum

      Can you impeach both the Pres. and VP at the same time? Then Nancy P. will save us.

      • db

        Nancy, Nancy
        When will you claim your rightful throne?
        Nancy, Nancy
        Please lead us with your pen and your phone

        The bill’s too long to read it now
        But if we pass it, somehow
        Then we’ll all know what it says
        But Nancy, Nancy
        You’ll put all our rights in play

        Nancy
        You’re really old
        But it’s too soon to say goodbye

    • Animal

      Look up.

      • Not Adahn

        *checks star charts*

        Nope, not in the proper alignment for the End of All Things.

      • rhywun

        Right?

    • Mustang

      Or they could do what happened under Nixon. Vice President resigns, new VP is anointed, current President resigns, new VP becomes P.

      • UnCivilServant

        They need to be sure they have their senate votes well in hand before booting the tiebreaker.

      • Ted S.

        They’re going to have to do that before Biden drops dead.

  28. Ghostpatzer

    Nancy P. will save us

    *heaves* Have SugarFree and RebelScum ever been seen together?

  29. Ownbestenemy

    *jots down notes on proper tongue bathing*

    • R.J.

      I saw that. Absolutely pants shitting. That tornado was going really fast so I don’t think the driver had a chance to react to the situation until the truck was back on the wheels.

      • MikeS

        And the drone footage is something else. I’ve never seen aerial drone footage of a tornado before. The one house that has all the pink insulation sucked out was such a crazy visual.

      • R.J.

        That is why the wife got a tornado shelter. Someday it might be used as more than a kid’s playhouse.

      • R C Dean

        I’ve never seen aerial drone footage of a tornado before.

        Me neither. Mrs. Dean and I were mesmerized.

  30. Animal

    Well, this is interesting. Any Glibs who are more savvy than I am on electronic systems like this (so, almost all of you), see any holes in their system?

  31. Rebel Scum

    Can you imagine a political party playing politics in this way?

    She turned the floor over to co-host Sunny Hostin then, who said that she had watched hours of the hearings the day before.

    “I recognized the look that she was giving them. It’s sort of the black woman look when you are dealing with this mess all the time and you’re, like – right? I noticed that. I think when your qualifications are so unassailable, I think you – they’re subjecting her to the histrionics and political theater because they have nothing else,” Hostin claimed.

    • Rebel Scum

      “All I have to say is Ketanji reminded me of Obama a little bit because he was also perfect,” Behar interjected then. “He had nothing wrong going on. … What you have here are 50 senators who are going to vote against this woman who is above reproach, the first black woman in that position. That is going to be on their record, and that’s why they’re asking these dumb questions. So that they can have something to bring back to their constituency when they go home and say, well, look at, she doesn’t believe babies are racist and whatever they’re talking about. Who even knows what they’re talking about? But they need something because it’s an embarrassment to the country to vote against a woman of this caliber.”

      *Swoon*

      • Ted S.

        Amy Coney Barrett is of a higher caliber.

      • MikeS

        Who even knows what they’re talking about?

        Not that any of your viewers care, but thanks, Joy, for admitting that you spout pure bullshit.

      • Lackadaisical

        I caught that too.

  32. Fourscore

    Finally some good news. Madeline Albright is history

    • Not Adahn

      Her heart was required for the ritual.

  33. Rebel Scum

    If there is anything that the US gov’t can take the moral high ground on…

    Secretary of State Antony Blinken said Wednesday that the U.S. assesses that Russian forces have committed war crimes in Ukraine and will work to hold them accountable.

    “Today, I can announce that, based on information currently available, the U.S. government assesses that members of Russia’s forces have committed war crimes in Ukraine,” he said in a statement Wednesday.

    “We’ve seen numerous credible reports of indiscriminate attacks and attacks deliberately targeting civilians, as well as other atrocities,” Blinken said. “Russia’s forces have destroyed apartment buildings, schools, hospitals, critical infrastructure, civilian vehicles, shopping centers, and ambulances, leaving thousands of innocent civilians killed or wounded. Many of the sites Russia’s forces have hit have been clearly identifiable as in-use by civilians.”

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      If you’re not prepared to wage total war, then it’s not a war worth waging. America’s perception of war has been warped through decades of continuous “kinetic actions” where we’re an 800lb gorilla fighting a human toddler (and still manage to drone wedding parties).

    • R C Dean

      Russia’s forces have destroyed apartment buildings, schools, hospitals, critical infrastructure, civilian vehicles, shopping centers, and ambulances,

      Meaning comes from context.

      Since when is critical infrastructure not a legitimate target?

      How many of those buildings were being used by, or were near (enough) to legitimate targets?

      I have no doubt the Russians are playing rough (and will play rougher). But “war crimes” is being diluted and dumbed down.

  34. Animal

    OK, I left a comment about something interesting, included one link, and it seems to have been lost in the aether. But look up Redo Voting.

    • UnCivilServant

      It relies on a computer system. I don’t trust it.

    • Swiss Servator

      It was caught in Spam….third comment in the past 24 hours… 🙁

      Now Comment #41.

  35. Sensei

    Never change NYT. It has to be 2000 words. Fifth paragraph from the bottom.

    “And new variants of Covid pose the greatest risk in places with older populations and high levels of comorbidities such as obesity, he said.”

    Trying to Solve a Covid Mystery: Africa’s Low Death Rates
    https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/23/health/covid-africa-deaths.html

    • UnCivilServant

      There’s no mystery about africa. They’re on average younger, thinner, and dosed up on anti-malarials and anti-parasiticals shown to be effective against the weakassed wuhan coronavirus. Plus they meet three diseases an hour more dangerous than the commie cough.

      • robc

        The last point is why they are younger and thinner. Anyone with any weaknesses has already been killed off.

  36. Tres Cool

    No doubt its springtime in SW Ohio.
    I was awoken by tornado sirens. I made need to shelter in GT’s basement lest my Palatial 2X-Wide™ gets hit directly.

    • juris imprudent

      Cues up Martin Mull’s Trailer Park Waltz.

  37. Tres Cool

    Since Im awake, I read it.

    “She used both her thumbs on either side of Jen’s anus, pressing, and forced out a fart.”

    God help us all.

  38. R C Dean

    I was dry practicing with The Last Argument of Dean on Sunday when Mrs. Dean came into the garage and decided if I could run a shotgun, anyone could. She likes the way my shotgun handles, and now wants one of her own (it would be a timely anniversary gift, which is nice*).

    I think I just need to have her run a box of 00 shells through it, to see what she thinks of the recoil.

    *Her wedding present was a Sig handgun, so why not?