“You let him ride a bicycle?” Tony asked, incredulous, his voice booming from the speakers of his isolation pod.
“He wanted to,” Dr. Jill Biden said petulantly. She fingered the stethoscope around her neck nervously.
“Nothing can happen to him before midterms,” came Kamala’s adenoidal whine.
“I fucking know that!” Dr. Biden snarled.
“We have gun control, I mean gun safety, I mean commonsense gun legislation to pass,” Kamala said. “I don’t want all those crackers to have guns when I’m trying to run for President.”
“Ladies, if there is nothing else, I have another pandemic to start working on,” Tony said.
“You stay right there,” Dr. Jill Biden, Real Doctor™ said to the condensate fogging the pod’s faceplate.
“I like bicycles,” Joe said, limping into the room, his arm around Karine, her twisting to keep his dangling hand off her breasts.
“Thank you, Kamala,” he said and tried to kiss her before she dropped him in an overstuffed chair.
Karine riffled through the binder she was carrying for a long moment, Kamala and Dr. Jill rolling their eyes forcefully before the press secretary finally said, “You’re welcome, sir.”
“How are you, Mr. President?” Tony asked, the manipulators of the pod snapping open and closed.
“I’m fine, Tony,” Joe said. “I feel like a young man again, like I’m barely over 60.”
“What was in that shot you gave him?” Kamala asked the isopod.
“Yohimbine and a little dab of fentanyl, just to keep everything loose,” the speakers said, crackling with distortion.
“Fentanyl?” Karine asked.
“Do not put that in your binder!” Kamala ordered. “In fact, just get out of here, Sideshow Bob.”
“Don’t be mean to Blackberry,” Joe said, trying to to catch Karine’s hand as she trotted out of the room, her face screwed up in a brewing sob.
“Joe!” Kamala snapped. “Stop calling her that! You are going to do it in public and you will get in trouble!”
“Yes, Carmela,” Joe said, smelling his hand that had come so close to Karine’s breast.
“The yohimbine might be too much,” Tony said. “It can stimulate sexual appetite.”
“That’s the last thing that horny old goat needs,” Dr. Jillden Bidill said. “I’m taking over all his medication needs. I’m a doctor, dammit.”
“I want to go back to the beach,” Joe said. “This is no fun anymore.”
Dr. Jill Biden, Real Doctor™
Heh.
I liked:
You know she would, if she thought she could get away with it.
“I want to go back to the beach,” Joe said. “This is no fun anymore.”
A moment of bathos.
I guess now that my appetite hasn’t been suppressed I’ll have some lunch.
So many great lines today.
Indeed.
Blackberry
LOLOLOLOL
Karine riffled through the binder she was carrying for a long moment, Kamala and Dr. Jill rolling their eyes forcefully before the press secretary finally said, “You’re welcome, sir.”
Brutal.
But fair.
I liked it.
Tee hee.
Related.
Sal is sublime.
Sideshow Bob / Blackberry
I doubt I’ll ever see her and not think those things again.
Same.
“Sideshow Bob” was a legit LOL for me today, but I damn near shit myself laughing at “Blackberry” the first time it appeared.
Yup. Blackberry made me LOfuckingL the first time he dropped that in.
I’m reading this while in a meeting with several political appointees. There goes my security clearance!
You haven’t learned?? At least today you only have to suppress giggles and don’t need a barf bag.
(Agreed with above – too many good lines to single one out.)
I would have thought the internet traffic from you to this site would have cost you that long ago.
“In fact, just get out of here, Sideshow Bob.”
That’s insulting to Sideshow Bob.
“The yohimbine might be too much,” Tony said. “It can stimulate sexual appetite.”
“That’s the last thing that horny old goat needs,”
The horny old goat needs horny goat weed.
She does seem more of a Sideshow Mel.
“Whatever you do, don’t try to get gum out of your hair with a bone!”
Fantastic. TM’s doctor got me. The syllabic dosage of fucked-up-nicknamed names is inspiring.
But I’ll always be Evan from Evansville. I look down…geographically…upon SugarFree…from Northern Kentucky (either Henderson or Owensboro, I think the former). I’m all over you, babe. Let’s make love. With or without your consent. It’s been decided.
*Leans in for forceful groping*
Agile Cyborg, is that you?
Space jizz incoming!!
Insufficient space jizz.
I can only dream of being his successor. I’ll leave that to Sug. For now.
And my international, trans-atmospheric jizz is never insufficient. All needed, none wasted, directed and primed for target(s). Insemination is guaranteed.
I’m very impressive.
Maybe you can have time to write now that you are back in the states. Glibs hungers for content. The gaping maw waits.
I have many things I want to write about. Cambodia has long been on the list. The broken femur and it somehow being worse than my skull-shattering coma comes to light as well. I can twist that into a fun bit of whimsy. (Taking serious things seriously just gives it more power over you. I’m culturally Jewish in this sense.)
I should make a list. The Book of Evan has many chapters. They need to all be put down. You should read some of my in-hospital/just out of coma notes. Some of them are shocking to read. The inability to actually think is shown on the page. It’s quite interesting re-reading what I thought was the mainframe of my mind on page. I purposefully plan on not editing it in any way. Just let it exist on the page as I did on the bed.
Your posts should be as you say – “The Book of Evan” and then number the posts, or use chapter descriptions like Rabelais.
JATNAS, the sequel?
What should I write about next?!
I even have the art and idea picked out for Cambodia. But it was a while ago and have lost some of the actual memories of what I did.
The current situation is more at finger-tongue tip, but it is still developing. I’ve gotten over it a while ago, I wouldn’t be writing just to get it out. Meh. It is what it is. That will be interesting, but probably needs more gestation.
Return Shock Culture is probably the best bet. Some things have and are weird-ing me out since my return. That’s a good idea. I have decided to focus on that. Not sure of art for it. I probably have a couple pics.
Hrm.
Able to talk and communicate.
Not able to talk out loud when walking for people can understand me
Food
No masks!!!
Family
Doing it all with a new injury (broken femur fun)
That’s a quick list. I can boil that down. I should do that. In a few hours I gotta have a strategem meeting with older bro. Have to look for jobs opportunities and desires, as well as figure out where I can live on my own. I just need a studio apt, hopefully near work. I’m terrified of the car shit. Just expenses. I drove yesterday (without anyone knowing I did such) and it was easy-peasy. I might…not technically be “allowed” to drive legally…not sure. Don’t care to check.
I would say that you should write about what comes easiest to paper first. That way you can get some confidence built up and tackle subjects that aren’t as easy to write about. Don’t try to do it in order, etc… unless that comes easy. Vomit forth onto paper! If it doesn’t come out easy, try a different tale.
@R.J.: I think most of what I’ve written for Glibs came about before you were here (as far as I am aware: I frequently fuck up). You should check ’em out.
I think the Kazakhstan and Sri Lanka two-parters are my best. Could be biased. “Coma comatose copacetic” was written in a hard time, so that makes it special as well.
Check out any Thursday night post. The smart, well-traveled people go for a nap, and RJ runs the night shift. Explanatory video included.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G4ApQrbhQp8
pictured
MECHA-SMITH HUNGER FOR CONTENT.
BY CONTENT MEAN…
Great read while waiting in the airport badge office while they review my security clearance
So, now we’ve cost two security clearances with one article?
It is seeming
If they revoke security clearances, that will prove this is non fiction.
Proof? You mean like Hunter Biden’s laptop or Ashley Biden’s diary. That kind of proof? SF’s stories are just Russian disinformation.
I got my ramp badge renewed last week. The old battle-axe that used to do it has been replaced by a much friendlier and more efficient lady.
Progress…
Since I’m a approving official, they are generally kind. When just an employee it was torturous
HOLY MACKEREL! This was a great episode. I cackled and guffawed through the entire piece. As has been mentioned too many fantastic lines to pick a favorite. Bravo, SugarFree, bravo.
Awesome. And perfect.
“This is no fun anymore.”
You can say that again, Gramps.
Thankfully, we have Sugarfree to make it fun. Don’t know how we can all get through the week without it. Yay Sugarfree!
This is very true.
I really think that this place does good things for my psyche. Things are going to shit so quickly that it’s nice to have this oasis of depravity, dark humor, creativity and tits.
Monstrous
House GOP leaders said Wednesday they will formally whip against the bipartisan legislative package to combat gun violence, and request that their members vote no if it passes the Senate.
Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, R-Calif., and Minority Whip Steve Scalise, R-La., conveyed their opposition to the measure, negotiated in the Senate, during a closed-door meeting with their GOP colleagues on Capitol Hill.
The legislation could pass with only Democratic votes in the House, though it will likely receive support from a number of moderate Republicans. One GOP lawmaker, for example, predicted that 10 to 15 House Republicans will defect and vote in favor of the bill, the Bipartisan Safer Communities Act.
Who could be against safer communities, especially bipartisan ones?
This is just opposition for its own sake. Oh, perfidious treason!
What a bunch of “Feel Good”/”Hopes and Prayers” useless sentiments. The legislation does nothing but make it more likely for someone to Red Flag as retribution for a slight or punishment for a break up or dispute. The 18-21 year old 2-3 day waiting list looks like ageism to me, try making it 10X longer to get a drivers license for those over 65.
No reason to fuck around with my driver’s license.
Well we know who is stronger – AARP vs NRA.
AARP people vote
Try again-
Monstrous
“Shall not be infringed” is so vague.
Tragic personal anecdotes are the best foundation on which to build a government.
Fucking traitors.
Yeah, that whole “Congress shall make no law…” is tricky.
Well, after a long and arduous search, it looks like the Repubs have finally found a way to throw away their massive advantage in the mid-terms.
I really think that this place does good things for my psyche. Things are going to shit so quickly that it’s nice to have this oasis of depravity, dark humor, creativity and tits.
#METOO
*ears perk*
Tits?
I’m in the office today. This kind of shit is going to make me laugh myself into trouble. Should’ve closed the office door first.
https://www.reddit.com/r/oddlyterrifying/comments/vhhltx/huge_rock_slips_during_mountain_climbing_and/
Yikes.
Wile E. Coyote could not be reached for comment
According to the comments, it was intentional. Still, quite a sight.
Strange. I didn’t retch.
I keep expecting Dr. Wife Dr Jill Dr. Biden to unleash some kind of slimey aquatic horror on the world. From her face.
That I believe is on SF’s OnlyFans
SF’s OnlyFans? *Shudders*
Gives me a reason to remember to wax my asshole.
Also remember to bleach it.
racist
Huzzah! I finally got some of this computer craziness leveled down, so I started working on my own next installment. Luckily I already got a cartoon out this month before all this shit, so even if the next cartoon is late I have done my monthly mandate.
USA HAT 1: Huzzah! I was done et by a gator, but now I did done come back. I done did the doin.
CNBC and various other outlets reporting Sleepy Joe’s “gas holiday” is DOA in the Senate.
I could use a gas holiday. Wait, what are we talking about?
Suspension of federal tax on motor fuel.
Oh. *belch*
They saved him from his own stupidity. Once they pause it, good luck turning it back on.
Well, let’s see. Gas prices are up around $2.50/gallon since Biden took office. The federal gas tax is $0.18/gallon. That’s about 7% of the increase, and about 3.5% of the price of gas. I guess I should be glad the federal gas tax isn’t higher, but man, talk about your pointless gestures.
I had no idea it was that low. That is pointless, and another increase will make that disappear in a weekend.
Diesel is $0.24, That could possibly help for cost of goods, but it would be temporary and quickly absorbed.
Death by a thousand cuntes – er, cuts
This is nasty.
It is, but the Farm Bureau needs to better articulate the issue. What is the actual issue as opposed to “could create” issue. Any time FedGov creates some wonderful law for the benefit of humanity it can create “unintended issues”.
https://www.fb.org/market-intel/overreach-of-sec-proposed-climate-rule-could-hurt-agriculture
What agricultural products are being purchased by these companies to the degree that sourcing their CO2 is relevant. My guess and guess only as a completely non agricultural analyst, but as a former equity analyst is that pertains to corn and ethanol production…
That’s purely to “encourage” the small farmers to sell out.
It’s corrupt and it’s evil.
The major equity firms are using ESG as a weapon. And it’s worse than straight up regulation because it’s controlling access to capital and in a debt driven economy, that’s everything.
Tear it all down and burn it.
That’ll probably also have the potential to impact breweries as well.
/thinks back to when the fed tried to ban breweries giving spent grain to local farms as feed
So the question is if the CO2 used for carbonation counts as sequestration and can be used as an offset!
s/ not really serious
Ahh… but the brewing process also creates CO2 as well!
The litigation will end up a benchslap of the SEC.
And speaking of nasty, what the fuck is this all about?
Dirt bike confiscation?
Bulldozer ran over the wrong thing. Should have crushed Adams.
Didn’t they do that last year also?
https://www.thecity.nyc/2021/10/3/22707180/nypd-confiscates-destroys-dirt-bikes-atv-in-new-york
It’s like an annual ritual there
That doesn’t seem very environmentally friendly.
Eric works for big dirt bike.
Good to see he’s keeping dangerous entities off the streets.
Awful lot of scooters in that “dirt bike” pile.
I’ll turn in my card on the way out, but I am not shedding a single tear here. These things are a fucking menace lately. I’m sure there is a better solution but as of now these assholes – and their friends driving their “modified” vehicles up and down the street all day – are making everyday life hell around here.
Just the price you pay for living in a ‘Civilized’ place like New York.
At least part of that is a side effect of making automobiles unaffordable
Looks like we both feel the same here. Funny that we responded one after the other.
There is no hero here.
These ********* run these things on city streets and sidewalks unlicensed hitting cars and people. They have no money or insurance for the people and cars they damage.
Destroying them is theater, but giving them back to them means they are going right back on the street.
My solution is allowing open season with a baseball bat for any two wheeled vehicle on the sidewalk with no questions asked. But I’m happy to entertain something that is more likely to be allowed and effective.
I entertained the idea of clotheslines when I was in Philly a couple of years ago.
I bet they could work some kind of profitable deal to re-title them and sell them out of state. Plenty of places where they are not only allowed but very useful – hell, here they’re damn near indispensable. We have a big 6-seat UTV already and a rougher little 2-seat ATV on the way.
Talk to Polaris, Yamaha, Ski-Doo or one of the other manufacturers. What I’m hearing is that their dealers are desperate for used inventory.
Easy for you to say, Joe.
Unreal.
Inspiring. Leadership. That’s Joe Biden.
From the replies: https://twitter.com/FerriganKelly/status/1539583297084424198
Wow – the comments are brutal.
At least covfefe was a fumble of the thumbs – that there was brain just refusing to allow the mouth to work.
It’s a stutter!
Did Joe have another speako?
He pooped his microphone.
The left can’t meme covfefe because the right turned it into something affectionate and relatable.
When being made fun of, seize it, turn it and then make it your own. Always taught my kids that