Driver

by | Aug 2, 2022 | Autos, Fun | 140 comments

Driver
I was hired in mid May to be an auto parts delivery driver and even having nothing but life experience was hired, so far so good.
I only drive the in town runs so my basic territory is 3 miles up, and 3 miles down M31 the main drag. We are unique in that we are mostly B to B and our orders are internet originated. This means we get an order, pull parts, scan and deliver them in 15 minutes or less.
The system is amazingly simple, and its actually a lot of fun, dodging fudgies and the ancient ones, all while keeping to the speed limit. I rarely speak to my customers, in and out like a wraith, and my efforts have gained our shop bonuses,
I get to do counter work on Saturday to learn the system, customer service is a no brainer, but boy the customers up here.
“I need me a brake filter fo a ’49 john deere, you got one”
“Are you open?”
” Is this the only store in town?”
” I need a plug for my boat”
But the cars that come in are classic, one left in the world kind of machines.

1966 Mustang

Convertibles are popular

See? Even a Jaguar

1978 Stingray, all original

 

Chevelle Malibu

 

v

Valued employee

There are many other cars stuck on my hard drive, I wrote this on my phone so I have no access.

I don’t plan on a career in auto parts but its a nice gig even for the low wages, and next time you have work done on your car remember,

I did that.

Drive on

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

140 Comments

  1. MikeS

    So, I start reading and see this Mustang pic below. And for a minute or two I’m thinking Yusef is delivering parts in that bad boy. Haha,

    Cool car pics, Yusef.

  2. Animal

    My brother had a ’69 Malibu, dark blue, with a 4-speed transmission and an L-88 427 motor. Riding in it was a lot like being fired out of a cannon.

    I think I speak for everyone here when I say we’d all love to see more cool old car photos.

    • WTF

      Back in the day I had a ’70 Chevelle SS, 402 V8 and then a ’67 Mustang convertible with a 302 V8. I wish I still had either one of those cars.

      • MikeS

        My dream car has always been a 1970 Chevelle SS with the 454 LS6 engine. Blue with white racing stripes.

        Well, that and a 1988 Lamborghini Countach.

      • WTF

        My ’70 SS was metallic green with black racing stripes. I had also modified the engine for MOAR POWER. But yeah, the 454 is the tits.

      • CatchTheCarp

        My first car was 1968 Chevelle SS 396, 325HP, 4-speed It was a real SS in Grotto blue paint with white pin stripes and had 62,000 miles on it. The asking price was $850 but all I had was $725. The seller would not budge on the price and eventually he agreed to sell it to me for $725 minus the rear Cragar SS wheels. He replaced them with a pair of worn out snow tires mounted on plain, rusty wheels. That was October, 1975. I got quite an education owning that car. I burned the clutch out the first night I owned it…. 🙂 Later on I bought a pair of wheels and tires for the rear, L60’s on slotted rims. Unfortunately the studs were not long enough and I snapped them all off and lost the left rear wheel making a right turn shortly after putting them on. There’s an experience I never want to relive, feeling the back of the car suddenly drop and looking out the window to see my rear wheel go flying by. That sucker must have rolled a 1/4 mile away and luckily didn’t hit anything. Did I feel like a total dumbass? Why yes, yes I did.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I had the rear wheel of my ’67 Ford Galaxie fall off while doing 65 in the fast lane of the 60 Freeway in Pomona (right about the Phillip’s Ranch exit). I fish-tailed across four lanes and into the (luckily) wide run-off. I saw a semi hit the rolling wheel and knock it off the road.

        Cleaned out my britches and recovered the wheel and called my Uncle for recovery assistance. Scary.

      • CatchTheCarp

        Did you see the wheel go by? I remember watching mine go by and thinking look at that – some dumbass lost a wheel. Then boom! Before it happened I was going 40-45 MPH and heard something that sounded like something was dragging under the car. I pulled over and looked under the car. Didn’t see anything hanging down so I hopped in and took off. I later surmised the sound I heard was the wheel wobbling around on the lone stud that hadn’t snapped off. Luckily not much damage, scuffed up the rocker panel. The tire rolled a long way before a tree stopped it. I had to do the walk of shame and fetch it and roll it back. Later I broke crank in the 396 – tried a hole shot on the snow tires – not a good idea on any car, but especially one with a coil spring suspension. The car wheel hopped like a bucking bronco and I thought my head was going thru the roof. That bit of stupidity snapped the crank right behind the harmonic balancer. The engine still ran – just not very well. The mechanics at the shop I took it to were sure puzzled – I didn’t fess up. I transplanted a 390 HP 454 out of 70′ Corvette into the Chevelle…. which only led to more tales of woe. With one 1st to 2nd power shift I snapped the u-joint, dropped the drive shaft, broken the yoke on the differential, snapped the ears off the Muncie transmission and cracked the bell housing.

      • Lord Humungus

        The plight of the hot rodder: “I’ll upgrade / swap my engine to something more powerful.”

        And then things start breaking.

    • JG43

      My favorite was my 68 Olds 442. I even did some autocross in that thing.

    • SDF-7

      My Dad used to do a lot with cars. The one I fell in love with — he took a ’72 Monte Carlo, refurb’d it (lovely metallic green) and dropped a ‘Vette engine in it. That puppy would *fly*. Wonderful car.

  3. Fourscore

    Good show, Yusef, you da man! Great pictures, love the Mustang, had a ’67 convert when I was a younger ‘Score. Keep up the good work, keep on postin’

  4. R.J.

    Dear sir: I need a new engine block for a 1949 Crosley Hot Shot. Do you have one in stock, or should I just Harbor Freight swap it?

    • Bobarian LMD

      Dem Harbor Freight blocks are the bomb… You should go see them right away.

  5. The Other Kevin

    They aren’t making cars collectible any more. I think it would be a cool idea to make electric cars that were styled after old classic cars. Imagine a modern electric version of the RR Silver Ghost.

    • R C Dean

      There are companies converting classic cars to electric.

      But you are right that modern cars aren’t going to collectible in 25 years, with very few exceptions. They’re more appliances now than anything else.

      • UnCivilServant

        There are companies converting classic cars to electric.

        Why?!

        Kill it with fire. Destroy those monsters.

      • Sensei

        Low weight and lack of modern crash requirements plus modern electric motor equals fun times.

        It’s a way to get around the fact that you can’t buy an auto under 2,000 lbs thanks to fedgov.

      • Nephilium

        The same reason that I’ve seen a car with six engines in it. Because they can.

      • Sensei

        Modern cars will be basically unfixable. Old car were mostly mechanical and new cars are a bunch of connected computers.

        Those modules will go bad and be essentially unrepairable.

      • Lord Humungus

        Yep – and with many of the functions only available – in many models – via the touch screen that will be a real problem.

        My VW, for all its faults, it least still has a volume knob, and climate controls that aren’t part of the screen. That’s for the radio, Apple connection, etc

      • Sensei

        True enough.

        Although your physical HVAC controls are nothing but a digital controller hanging out on the can bus that talks to another control module.

        The genius of Tesla was by moving away from physical controls and manipulating everything on a tablet mounted to the dash they convinced people that a lack of physical controls was “premium” and in the process saved money. Musk has PT Barnum levels of showmanship.

      • UnCivilServant

        It doesn’t matter if the physical controls are telling a computer what you said, what matters is the crash-causing forced removal of eyeballs from road to a touchscreen with no tactile feedback. Tesla’s design kills its customers.

      • Sensei

        I’m a firm believer in physical controls.

        The current smartphone generation thinks they are only for old people. But many also view cars as appliances. The more features the better.

      • hayeksplosives

        “Tesla’s design kills its customers”<— uh, I don’t think that’s accurate.

        I use voice controls for nearly everything. There’s also a lot that can be done by manipulating the steering wheel stalks and buttons.

      • Sensei

        Funny HE – I hate the voice controls in my Model 3 and use them as a last resort.

        Musk, Mr. Perpetual Beta, also like to completely redesign the UIX every year or so. So once you finally do figure out where some feature is it will move.

        I’m convinced he honestly believes that self driving really is around the corner so taking your eyes off the road isn’t a problem.

      • UnCivilServant

        The existence of voice commands horrifies me.

        I do not want to talk. Ever.

      • The Other Kevin

        I agree about the touchscreens. I use a hand control to drive, so both hands are busy and if I have to adjust the climate control or audio I like to have a knob or button I can quickly feel without taking my eyes off the road instead of going through a bunch of touch screen menus. It’s much easier for me to drive my Civic (no touch screen) than my wife’s F-150 (touch screen for audio).

      • DEG

        Voice controls suck.

        Though not more than a touchscreen. I can stop the car and fight with the touchscreen to get what I want. Good luck with anything but the simplest of voice controls.

        Give me manual controls.

      • Gender Traitor

        :: shudders at the thought of a Scotsman trying to use voice controls::

      • kinnath

        15 years ago, when voice was being introduced into cars, my coworker complained that his wife and kids you control the voice system but he couldn’t. He was from England.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Unfixable as stock. I can see more and more drop in replacement.

        I also remember when todays classic cars were largely old beater POS with outdated ugly similar designs. Todays cars will be classics when they’re rare and unique.

      • Sensei

        Yes, but do you really think somebody is going to make the specialized combination center display + physical controls for some run of the mill mid priced car 20 years from now?

      • UnCivilServant

        Naw, you’re going to have to 3d-print them yourself.

      • R.J.

        Shapeways already has a lot of hard to find plastic pieces they can print on demand. Once the computer file for the part is made, it’s just a touch of a button to get it made in plastic, steel, etc…
        We live in interesting times.

      • DEG

        On my road trip, in central PA, I saw a convoy of 1980s cars with antique plates.

      • R.J.

        Yes! AMC Eagle is now a big deal for collectors. I drove one of those POS to do pool maintenance in the 1980s. I must admit I have some nostalgia for them looking at them now. Probably not if I had to drive it every day again.

      • DEG

        Interestingly, none were AMCs. I remember a Lincoln and a Buick.

    • Mojeaux

      They aren’t making cars collectible any more.

      Aerodynamics and mileage regulations are a helluva drug.

      • Lord Humungus

        That and the pedestrian regulations makes for some really blunt front ends.

        I do still have a weakness for Lotus though. Get one – ha! like I could afford it – while you can.

    • Fourscore

      I have collector plates on my wife’s ’85 Mazda 626. It was her Xmas present, Xmas ’84. Been in the garage covered for 25 years, one day someone will cut the lock and “discover” this old car. I drove it in but now the tires are flat, may need some clean up work. She doesn’t drive anymore and it always was too small for me to be comfortable in. Now I wouldn’t be able to drive it either.

      It ain’t no Mustang but still has some sentimental value, I guess.

    • Lackadaisical

      ‘They aren’t making cars collectible any more. ‘

      You sure? I feel like they are, but I’m not in the target audience(extremely wealthy).

      • R.J.

        There are very interesting cars being made today. Polaris Slingshot, for instance. Usually runs around $25,000 unless you buy a crazy optioned out model.

      • DEG

        #metoo

      • R.J.

        Me too! Always makes me laugh.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        Nah. I’m partial to the Top Gear episode where they strapped a Reliant Robin to a rocket booster and lit ‘er up. Actually flew for a bit, too…

        “How are gonna re-use that?”

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        Ahem. ”…we gonna re-use…”

      • slumbrew

        ISTR the guy they bought that Robin from was super-pissed about what they did with it.

        I know you spent a bunch of time restoring it, but once you sell it…

      • slumbrew

        *insert Clarkson in a Robin clip here*

      • slumbrew

        I really need to refresh before posting.

      • Lackadaisical

        Huh, I always assumed those would be more expensive.

        Then again, it would be the most expensive car I ever bought.

  6. Lord Humungus

    My first car was a red 1968 Firebird with the 350 (non-scoop) hood and a 400 out of a Lemans under the hood. Black vinyl top that would turn gray one day after I spent tons of elbow grease shining it up.

    Being Michigan the rear quarters had uh rust weight reduction.

    • Bobarian LMD

      I had a ’72 Mustang I bought in SW Minnesoda that you could see all the way thru from one fender to the other.

      • whiz

        Air conditioning!

  7. Lord Humungus

    For my dad’s corporate job he drove something like 40k miles a year visiting the multiple locations; he was paid 25 cents a mile (from memory here) on top of his salary. Back in the days that meant he was buying a new car every two years. And then he got his first Japanese sedan – a 1987 Nissan Stanza – and plowed 210k miles on it before it was my car in college. It still ran perfectly until my brother was driving it during a winter storm and got hit head on from someone sliding down a hill.

  8. R C Dean

    Good on ya, Yu. Your gritty, good-natured determination in the face of adversity is truly admirable.

    • Yusef, the Gandalf of disc golf

      Thanks RC

  9. Ownbestenemy

    Great show! Love the car pics and looking good Bob. I’ve been trying with doing grubhub driving in the weekends with the wife. We can’t talk in the house cause damn teens are always listening so we figured why not drive, make money and we can get our marital talks done too

  10. Lackadaisical

    Sounds fun. But what did you mean by ‘B to B’?

    Also, hope some of that bonus trickled down to you.

    • Fourscore

      Business to business

      • Lackadaisical

        Thanks, here I was struggling to figure out what b to b would be relative to a to b. Is he carrying parts to a local subsidiary? Etc

        Now I got it.

  11. hayeksplosives

    Cool pics! Who doesn’t live a good car show, even if they trickle in one at a time?

    My dad used to restore old cars as a hobby. He shared rent of a shop with a few other guys. They got some “guy time” in, with no wives or kids.

    One of my favorites was a 1969 Stingray, British Racing Green. He drove it in a parade or two and sold it, moving on to the next project.

    • Not an Economist

      For some people, the work is the real product, not the thing that comes out as a result of the work.

  12. Fourscore

    Yusef, is the parking lot used for Friday evening ad hoc car shows? Brainerd has a summertime Friday evening show in strip mall parking lot, mostly the owners, probably. Each small town seems to have a summer week-end celebration, parade and car show.

    • Yusef, the Gandalf of disc golf

      Same here, every small town has a weekend thing in the summer, including a car show.

  13. kinnath

    My first car was a 69 Camaro, orange with a white vinyl roof. I was a blast to drive. And the engine stopped running at about 95,000 miles. Ah, the good old days when odometers had 5 digits cause nothing ran long enough to hit 100,000 miles.

    • Fourscore

      How are your apple trees doing this year? Hope you have a bonus crop. No frost this spring.

      My nursery trees really took off this year, some of those I planted last year from seeds are ready to transplant and the seed started trees this year are also doing well, more rain this year and I’m able to water them as well.

      • kinnath

        I have fruit on 4 or 5 trees. The trees are healthy.

        I will be out pruning them next week when I am on vacation.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      1992 Chevy Cavalier coupe. Was mostly flaky teal, front unpainted gray side panel. Passenger side door handle was broken, water would pool on the floor in the back.

      It was a stick though.

  14. Lord Humungus

    Rules for working out:

    When you are on the bench, bar extended, and you are about to do your heaviest set is when your nose will start to itch.

    • DEG

      Heh. Today I coughed in the middle of a set of deadlifts.

      • juris imprudent

        Did you turn your head?

      • DEG

        Heh. I actually stopped deadlifting to finish coughing.

  15. DEG

    Those are some nice cars.

    Just double check you got the right parts. I was waiting for some work on my car on my FreedomFest road trip. The wait took longer because the parts shop sent the wrong brake rotors.

    • Yusef, the Gandalf of disc golf

      I never bring the wrong part unless you ordered the wrong part. Our system won’t allow it

      • DEG

        Good.

        The shop I was at claimed they ordered the right part. I have no idea if that is true.

  16. Certified Public Asshat

    What about boring cars/trucks that you wish were still around?

    I have always liked the look of the second generation Rams and Dakotas/first generation Durangos. Too bad they were manufactured by Dodge and have all rusted away.

    • Lord Humungus

      Every once in a blue moon I’ll see a Dodge Intrepid – flabbergasted it is still on the road.

      GM cars – cockroaches – seem to last longer in a bad state of repair.

      The other day I saw a 1997-2001ish Mercury Mountaineer. I had one with the 5.0L and what a gas guzzler it was. Still nice for those AWD torquey launches though.

    • R.J.

      Not here. I see them all the time. Granted, no rust in the South.

    • Yusef, the Gandalf of disc golf

      Everything rusts away up here unless you take good care of the underbody. I have seen some that just fell apart once lifted up.

      • Nephilium

        What? You don’t like riding around in a beater where you can see the road below your feet?

      • UnCivilServant

        You’re going to have to, that’ll be how you power the car soon.

      • R.J.

        We call that a Flintstone mobile down here.

      • slumbrew

        That’s why you steal old street signs, so you have something to patch the holes with.

      • UnCivilServant

        Did they change the material so that new street signs aren’t any good?

      • slumbrew

        old as in signs that have been replaced. I suppose you could steal them straight off the poles.

      • UnCivilServant

        Where am I supposed to find them if the DoT people already took them?

      • slumbrew

        Sitting on the side at the DoT yards.

    • DEG

      I saw a Studebaker pick-up in Clearfield County, PA last weekend.

  17. Yusef, the Gandalf of disc golf

    Howdy folks! Late to the party but thanks for the props!

  18. Yusef, the Gandalf of disc golf

    The club from Mason county wants the Manistee club to play in their league today at 5
    Goliath at the big park 24 holes and 80006 feet.
    So I’m practicing at our home course, yippee!🕳🤙

    • kinnath

      Russia cuts off natural gas to Europe

      China cuts off electronics to the US

      US dumps another billion in funny money into the economy

      .
      .
      .

      Profit!

      • DEG

        What could possibly go wrong?

      • whiz

        A billion is nothing, try trillion.

      • kinnath

        That’s what I meant, but apparently my fingers refused to type that word.

      • whiz

        It is mind-boggling.

    • grrizzly

      I stayed at the same hotel in Taipei where Pelosi is staying now. Though I didn’t book an entire floor.

    • EvilSheldon

      I’m assuming not at terminal velocity?

    • Gender Traitor

      There’s still a chance she won’t come back.

      I choose to cling to that hope.

    • The Other Kevin

      There are “Tensions Running High!” headlines all over the place. Do we need another thing? I feel like we don’t need another thing.

      • Sensei

        Those clicks to generate themselves. Unless you pay for a clickfarm…

  19. Ozymandias

    Nice on ya, Yusef! Hope you’re doing well and glad to see you dropping an article here.
    I hate new cars precisely because the govt’s regulations have flensed individual style from them.
    They’re just uni-blobs of composite carrying their uni-blobs of citizens along desolate, uninteresting interstates to soulless megalopolises.
    Give me Route 66 in a ragtop, wind and rain welcome… (and I’m not even old enough to be pining for days I didn’t see.)
    It’s the soullessness of it all… it’s like the American equivalent of Russian architecture during the Cold War. Brutal, uninspiring, and meant to be so.
    And on that happy note! I’m off to the store to pick up some drugs – and not the good kind.

    • Yusef, the Gandalf of disc golf

      I had one up last night as well, you would be familiar with it.

  20. Tres Cool

    Even tho I may have Ohio tags…..IM NOT A DAMN FUDGIE!

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Dan’s Minocqua Fudge in Wisconsin is the best anyway.

    • whiz

      The 80-year-old store owner, meanwhile, is recovering at a hospital after suffering a heart attack shortly after the attempted robbery, according to Fox11 LA.

      Bummer. Hope he will be OK.

      • Sensei

        Read another source that said his wife said he was doing well.

      • whiz

        Good to hear.

    • MikeS

      ‘Tis but a scratch!

      • Ted S.

        Ha! (My first thought was, “It’s just a flesh wound!”)

    • EvilSheldon

      Don’t fuck with shotguns, old people, or old people with shotguns.

      Also, man, those assholes were rolling hot for a liquor store holdup.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I always bring my semi-automatic rifle to pick up booze.

      • Rat on a train

        Not a Colt 45?

      • Sensei

        + 1 Billy Dee Williams

      • Rat on a train

        Don’t fuck with shotguns, old people, or old people with shotguns.
        Especially not a hobo with a shotgun.

      • R C Dean

        Don’t fuck with shotguns, old people, or old people with shotguns.

        As an old fart with a shotgun, I endorse this message.

    • UnCivilServant

      It’s impressive that we can now so reliably hit a single human-sized target with a missile that we’ve taken the explosives out of one of the Hellfire variants.

    • R C Dean

      The Israelis have been doing that for years. Not the silly “flying knives” thing – they just replace the warheard with concrete. If you’re in a car hit by one of those, you’re done.

    • Timeloose

      Can’t they just use Acme branded safes and pianos

    • Rat on a train

      Finally we have real kinetic-military action!

    • Ozymandias

      Wow. I’ve fired AGM-114s and watched them until impact on a target – the ka-boom and overpressure wave of the explosive variants – is visible and devastating.
      This knifey-version is probably worse as a psychological weapon. After the explosion, and fire, there’s really nothing left to see. This variant is turning people and their vehicles into human, open-air, tomato-cans.
      Yikes. It really is like the Wile E. Coyote safe dropping out of the sky on someone. Drone warfare is a terroristic tactic – I don’t care what anyone tries to tell themselves. It is massive psychological warfare on a population and the folks in the FATA areas of Pakistan have been living under that cloud for decades now.

    • R C Dean

      I would nominate the knife missiles from the Culture universe as the last word in fictional flying knives. Generally deployed by AIs with bad attitudes.

  21. SandMan

    My first car was a 66 Mustang, sort of bronze colored, my sisters had driven it about 5 years before I inherited it. I do remember the day we got it, my Dad was a world class cheapskate so buying that car brand new for his kids to drive was very uncharacteristic of him, almost unbelievable.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Chilean mines seem to have some safety issues.

  22. R C Dean

    I started driving in ’78. My first car was a hand-me-down Chevy Nova, probably around a ’72? Originally bought by my grandmother (what was she thinking?), who passed it along to my father, then my older brother, then me. In-line six engine, if memory serves. Across the four of us, it probably had at least 6 or 7 fender benders.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    I’d love to know what story they told when he showed up at the hospital.

    “I dropped my ice cream sammich in the woodchipper.”

    • Rat on a train

      Met Dick Cheney.

    • Sensei

      “It was a million to one shot, Doc.”

      • Rat on a train

        You are the assman.

  24. kinnath

    Daily Quordle 190
    5️⃣4️⃣
    6️⃣8️⃣